Just Another Birthday by: FallenWish
How can one enjoy their birthday...when it blends into any other day, seemingly insignificant? So many days...they all just go by in a blur. A year to another seems a single heartbeat to me. I cannot feel it anymore...I cannot feel the excitement or joy I once felt on my birthday. I do not age. So how can one whom is immortal...have a birthday? I have lived, years, upon years, upon years. Too many to count. Many more than anypony who walks this Earth today. Even my sister. She has not lived half the life I have. And I would not wish her to. For it is a long, lonely existence. One cannot simply live so long as I have. And not feel a weight inside. A part that feels empty...hollow of emotions. Only the dull ache of sadness. Of loss. I have watched friend after friend grow old, and join the stars. I have seen many times of war. And many times of peace. I have known love. But have felt loss. And for so very long...I have been alone. Birthdays mean nothing to me. But a reminder as to what I have lost.
I wear a smile these days. And walk with happiness and confidence. To make others happy. To not worry my subjects. And my friends...So that they may never know the suffering I have endured to lead them and to protect them. The mental fortitude one must possess to bear the burden of immortality is immense. Sometimes I feel like I will not be able to endure it anymore. But when all seems at it's darkest. When I feel the need to just give up. I remember my friends. The friends I've made through my faithful student. They drive away the darkness and ignite inspiration and motivation within me, keeping me strong. Giving me a reason to continue serving these ponies. To continue leading them, protecting them and teaching them.
I am expected to be a certain kind of pony. The kind that others can turn to whenever they need help...I am the kind of pony expected to stay strong. To stand fast when all others around me may crumble or bend to another's will. Yet...it is not me, but my pupil who has stood far more strong then I ever could...Many times I have fallen. To many foes. Including my own sister. Twilight was undefeated by Tirek...and I could not stand against him. Often times I wonder what that says about me as a ruler and protector. And a teacher? That I have failed at even more times. With Sunset Shimmer, with Sunburst...Why is it that my pupils more often then not turn away. I often wonder...I succeeded with Twilight Sparkle...but does that make me good teacher? I cannot even begin to understand the things that my students know. I will never know friendship like Twilight. I will never understand magic like Twilight or Sunburst. I will never have the power of Twilight or Starlight Glimmer. Is somepony, who's only attribute as a ruler is wisdom...and barely that...fit to lead at all?And I am hypocritical. I teach friendship, and do my best to encourage others to find it. But it is one of my greatest fears...Yes...Of all things...I fear friendship. It's...something I grasp for...yet it is so far out of my reach it is seemingly impossible to acquire. At least without the deep heartache it brings me. It it is terribly hard to make or keep friends...
Friends...The concept seems so foreign in my own ears. How can an immortal have friends? How can an immortal bear to stand by, watch them live their lives, become close to them...Staying young and watching them grow old. And then watching them die in the end? And yet...I can't seem to distance myself from others. I can't seem to deny friends. So many friends I have made. And so many more I have lost. The cycle seems endless, and at times unbearable. Yet. I still have friends. I still make friends. I still watch them die around me.
So many times, I have watched them. I have watched them grow. I have watched their acts of kindness, selflessness, and courage. And I have broken inside. Such ponies...Do not deserve death. But it is part of life. These birthdays make it hurt all that much more...knowing that they are one year closer to death. And I will have aged not a heartbeat by the next birthday. I could stand it no more. Watching others perish around me. And yet...I am selfish. My little ponies are far better than I ever was. I made Twilight Sparkle a Princess. I made her an immortal too...Out of the selfish hope...the selfish desire that one day she will take my place. And I can finally live. And then find my rest...The rest I have desired for so long. I love Twilight. As I would my own daughter. And she has been like a daughter to me...I had to give her this burden...The weight of my kingdom...And the even heavier weight...Of watching those she loves die around her. Watching the friends I encouraged her to make...Grow old...and fade away...into nothing but memory. I hate myself for this...But I have waited oh so long….For so terribly long for someone who I can trust to lead and protect this kingdom and these ponies. And I finally found that pony in Twilight Sparkle...I only hope she can understand…
The door burst open, breaking Celestia from her thoughts. She lifted her proud white head, and smiled warmly as Twilight raced to her.
“Happy birthday Princess Celestia!” Twilight cried, throwing her arms, informally around her mentors neck. Celestia was surprised but quickly relaxed into the hug. Her thoughts raced in her mind again.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered brokenly under her breath.
“What was that Princess?” Twilight asked, stepping back and meeting her mentor's gaze with a warm, oblivious stare.
“Oh nothing.” Celestia replied cheerfully. She must stay strong for her kingdom and for the mare who still had much to learn. Twilight seemed so excited for her mentor and Celestia smiled softly, the grief tugging more strongly at her heart.
One day you will understand my faithful student...One day you will understand that it is just another birthday...
Author's Note
Hello everypony! FallenWish here. I hope you enjoyed my first MLP fanfic. I'd love to hear your thoughts! And if you'd like to do a dramatic reading please ask me first.
