Chapters Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 1 - Happy Landings
“News reports have been coming in from all over the globe about how people have been disappearing from- ” The news report was cut short by Joseph turning off his television.
“Yeah, yeah. People disappear all the time. Why would this be any different?” Joseph asked himself as he threw the remote onto the couch and headed up to his room to get changed into costume. He was going to a convention in Melbourne, dressed up as Chell, complete with the orange jumpsuit and white singlet. He had even crafted his own long fall boots to complete the look. The only thing missing was a portal gun. He hoped he would be able to pick one up rather cheaply at the convention.
“Okay. Costume, check. Boots, check. Wallet and money, check. Great. I’m all ready.” Joseph muttered. Smiling, he locked the front door and headed off towards the train station to head into the city.
Walking around slowly, he checked his map and looked around, judging where he was.
“If I’m here, then Bunyip Theatre would be … thataway.” Joseph mumbled and headed in that direction.
Walking in through the doors, Joseph wandered around aimlessly for a bit, looking at the wares that people were selling. One particular stall was being manned by someone dressed as the Merchant from Resident Evil 4.
“I wonder what he’s selling.” Joseph walked over and took a quick glance at the table. His eyes lit up when he saw that he was selling an almost exact replica of the portal gun from portal. The only difference was, was that there were two tubes in the chamber instead of the one and a GLADoS potato battery was lodged on one of the black prongs.(As he gazed at it he heard a famillar voice call out.
“JOSHU! AOWWW! Hey! Hey Joshu! Come over here! Pick me up! Buy me! I may have accidentally made the magic man angry! Now I’m a potato! And good news! They’ll throw in my wallet so we can get you a payback from me to you for spending the moneys to buy me!”
Then after a moment silence, “Oh yeah and I can do telepathy now, so don’t leave me or I’ll complain to you THROUGH YOUR MIND!”
“What?” Joseph asked out loud as he turned towards the Merchant. Not wanting to leave his friend behind, he walked up to the seller.
“G’Day mate, how much for the portal gun?” Joseph asked pointing to said item.
The Merchant looked at the gun, then back to him. “For you, $150.” He said simply. Joseph grinned and fished out his wallet from his pocket, counting out the correct amount of notes.
“Deal. Here.” He replied and gave him the money.
“Enjoy.” The Merchant said with a somewhat creepy smile but Joseph ignored it in favor of picking up the gun. Looking it over, there were two barrels in the glass chamber and looking inside it, he found the handle to hold it properly when firing. Putting his hand in it, he pressed a button on the handle with his thumb, causing the bottom tube to light up a blinding white, along with the whirr of the gun powering up. His brow furrowed.
“Okay. Why is it white?” Joseph talked more to himself than the Merchant. Giving it a test fire, he felt a shudder and then it fired off a portal onto the nearby wall. A swirling black vortex with white edges appeared where he had shot it.”WHAT!?” Joseph shouted in alarm, running towards the portal. Experimentally putting his hand in it, he felt an invisible force pull him inside. He tried to scream out for help but his head vanished into the portal before he could.
Joseph screamed out as he felt himself falling towards the ground at an alarming rate. Looking around quickly, he couldn’t spot any buildings to fire his portal on, so he braced for impact. It never came. Instead, the ground folded in around him and pushed him back out making him scream as she started to fall again.
Eventually the bouncing was caused less and less until it stopped. Shaking his head, he clutched it and groaned.
“Well that was certainly a fall. But hey! What did you expect WALKING RIGHT INTO A PORTAL!” A robotic sounding voice said next to his ear. Joseph jumped and quickly looked around to identify the voice, his weird landing momentarily forgotten.
“Who are you?” Joseph asked uncertainly.
“Oh god please no amnesia… just down here.” Joseph looked down and was a bit confused as all he could see was his portal gun and a flashing potato battery. He looked at the potato more closely.
“Are you the one that talked?” Joseph questioned in disbelief.
“I would nod except I don’t exactly have a neck.” The potato beeped. Joseph’s eyes widened and beamed.
“This is brilliant. I have an actual portal gun AND a GLADoS potato battery as well!” Joseph shouted in glee and jumped around in circles a few times before slowly coming to grips with where he actually was. He looked at the ground at his feet, then the sky and clouds and finally everywhere else. “Why is the ground plaid? Shouldn’t it be grey or at the very least green?” Joseph asked GLADoS as he picked a random direction and began walking.
“I don’t know but I don’t like the sound of that rumbling.” GLADoS remarked and Joseph looked towards the source. It appeared to be a group of long-legged bunnies were stampeding across the land.
“You certainly don’t see that every day.” Joseph said a bit fearfully as he tried to work out where the hell the portal deposited him.
After a few hours of walking, Joseph finally came upon a village, of sorts. For one, all the houses were upside down. Two, there were clouds made out of cotton candy and raining down chocolate milk. Three, this seemed as good a time as any to figure out how the portal gun worked. Joseph ignored the maddening spectacle in front of him and fiddled with the buttons on the handle. He flicked a switch and the top tube lit up with blue light. He flicked it the other way and it lit up with an orange light. Pressing the lonesome button made the bottom tube light up with a white light.
“Let’s see if the blue and orange portals also work.” He flicked the switch and the white light disappeared to be replaced with a blue light in the top tube. He looked at a house and fired it inside one of the open windows. He looked at the ground and sighed.
“Oh right. It can only fire on white surfaces. But, if this second tube is here, then maybe I don’t need to fire on white surfaces.” He tested his theory by firing an orange portal directly underneath his feet, expecting it to fizzle out.
“Woah!” Joseph shouted as he unexpectedly fell through and ended up hitting his head on a floating table. “Ouch. I’ll feel that in the morning. Uhh ..” A snort is heard followed by, “Hey Joshu, look up.”
Joseph looked up and found a family of colourful ponies staring at him. He grinned and waved. “G’Day?”
One of the little ponies screamed while the big grey one flared its wings and bucked Joseph back through the portal, only to have him fall back into the house, knocking into the ponies as if they were bowling pins.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” Joseph almost shouted apologetically but realised that the ponies weren’t in any mood to talk. Seeing that, Joseph climbed out of the portal and hit a second button on the handle, causing the portals to disappear. “This is just not my day.” Joseph moaned and trudged towards the centre of the town.
“Those horses did not seem to like you. Also, WHY DID YOU SHOOT A PORTAL AT YOUR OWN BLOODY FE...” GLADoS beeped and fizzled out, effectively shutting him up for the time being.
“Looks like the ‘too much emotion’ thing from the game is present as well.” Joseph frowned and turned to see six pastel-coloured ponies firing a rainbow at a mismatched creature, effectively turning him to stone. Joseph’s mouth dropped open, not noticing the town reverting back to normal. “Wha- Huh- Wh-hy?” Joseph blubbered while his brain tried to process what has happened to him.
Joseph was about halfway through processing when a shout came from behind him. He turned around and found the same pony family from before charging towards him. Panicked, she fired a blue portal towards the massive tree in the middle town, only barely noticing that it sailed through an open window. He flicked the switch and fired an orange portal at his feet, jumping into it. Soon as he did, he fizzled out the portals and stumbled around a bit, trying to get his balance back. “This is not my day.” He repeated and looked out the nearby window at the ponies as they tried to figure out where he went.
Breathing out a sigh of relief, he sat down underneath the window and took a good look around the room he was in. It was a big library …. inside a tree.
“GLADoS. Please tell me you’re experiencing the same thing I am.” Joseph whispered to the potato on his gun as he fearfully looked at the six ponies in the room. They were all staring at him, with their mouths open.
“While I hate to see you in pain and it would be fun to witness, this time, I think you had better explain to the ponies why we are here.” GLADoS answered and fizzled out again, leaving Joseph by himself for the time being.
“Before all you … sheilas,” Joseph said after noticing all of them had rather long manes and feminine faces, “charge at me, can I introduce myself? I’m friendly, my name is Joseph and this is … umm... GLADoS? ...What do I call you?” Joseph asked the potato battery as it seemed he didn’t have the same personality as the actual GLADoS.
“God dammit,” it muttered under it’s ‘breath’ as it realised it didn’t know either, “Look, just call me Crikey. That’ll work”
“Okay … and this is Crikey. What are all yours?” He asked with a pleasant smile, even though his face betrayed his true emotion. Fear.
The first pony to recover was the lavender one. She shook her head and stepped forward cautiously. “Joseph. It’s, umm, good... to meet you? My name is Twilight Sparkle. These are my friends, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack.” Twilight gestured to each one in turn. The rest of them seemed to recover when Twilight Sparkle spoke their names.
“Y-you’re not going to h-hurt us are you?” The yellow one stammered, hiding her face behind her pink mane. At that, Joseph beamed, inhaled deeply and rushed to Fluttershy, giving her a big hug.
“Oh you’re just so cuute~!” Joseph squeed finally letting Fluttershy down after what seemed like a few minutes. The mare coughed and a tinge of red graced her face as she went to hide behind Twilight. “Oh, right, sorry. I got pulled into this rather unexpectedly.” Joseph said, beaming.
“You have a funny accent.” The pink pony spoke as it suddenly appeared on Joseph’s shoulder. Joseph nearly fell over and when he got back up, he went to raise his gun but realised it was back underneath the window.
“Yeah, so what sheila?” Joseph asked uncertainly when the pink pony stopped bouncing and stared at him. She then gasped and spoke rather quickly.
“I need to throw you a “Welcome to a New World party!” Joseph clutched his ears at the volume of her voice.
“Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it.” Twilight smiled at Joseph and then trotted over to pick up the portal gun. When she saw the potato battery on it, she tried to use her magic to pull it off so that she could get a better look at the device when it suddenly spoke.
“WAIT! STOP PURPLE UNIHORSE! I NEED TO BE HERE TO LIV... ” It cuts out as Twilight stared in shock at the battery. Joseph just facepalmed and walked to the blue pony.
“Your name is Rainbow Dash right? I can see why.” Joseph said as he gazed at the rainbow mane. “Well, I can see the rainbow part but the dash? I don’t really know.” Joseph muttered and walked over to the orange pony.
“HEY! I heard that!” Rainbow said to her. “The dash part is because I can fly at speeds that can make sonic rainbooms.” Rainbow continued, watching him turn around.
“A sonic whatboom? Rainboom? What the heck is a sonic rainboom!? I don’t even know what this place is even called, let alone what a bloody sonic rainboom is!” Joseph shouted as his brain finally processed what happened to him. Rainbow recoiled from the outburst and couldn’t think of anything to say.
“I broke her? Well that’s good.” Crikey said in smug satisfaction. Joseph just sighed and picked up the portal gun, looking at the ponies.
“Before things get any weirder, I’m going to try and find a place to sleep.” Joseph said, taking careful aim at the mountain in the distance. Firing off a portal, he fired the other one at the wall opposite him. Before he stepped inside, he looked at the mountain in the distance. “Why is there a city on the side of the mountain? You know what? I don’t even want to know.” Joseph muttered, holding his head and walking through the portal.
View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 2 - Questions, Questions and More Questions
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 3 - A Normal Walk
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 4 - Into Aperture
Joseph looked to his left and then to his right. On his right was a group of ponies running towards him. On his left were the six ponies he was meant to meet. Running in that direction, he looked back and found that half of them had taken to the air. “This has got to stop. How on Earth did those- oh right. Wings.” Joseph stopped talking and looked at the flying ponies. He looked down and found a few normal ponies running towards him but they all stopped short as they realised where he was. Seeing them all run away gave him a big grin as he slowed to a walk.
“JOSHU! BEHIND YOU!” Crikey screeched, nearly giving Joseph a deaf ear.
“I didn’t think you’re voice could go … that … high.” Joseph’s voice went softer as he beheld a walking turret. It had a sleek metal shape which made it look a bit like an egg. There was some sort of antenna on the right side and it had three legs which enabled it to walk around. There were two defining features of the turret though. One giant laser-sighting eye in the middle of it and two guns on either side of it. The white metal covering housed its many, many bullets. So that would be four defining things instead of three.
“Oh, look. A walking, talking bullet farm. How nice.” Crikey said sarcastically.
“There you are. ” It said in a creepily high-pitched, robotic voice. It’s laser sight was pointed directly at Joseph’s chest. Groaning at his situation, he rolled out of the way as the turret started firing.
“Not nice! Not nice! JOSHU! What are you doing? RUN YOU WANKER!” Crikey yelled and then fizzled out in order to conserve his battery. Joseph sighed and remembered that his legs could also be used to run. Despite his mind being blown that turrets were actually real, he heard various decibels of turret voices lighting up and saying the same phrase over and over. Thinking it extremely creepy, he ended up amidst the group of the ponies he was meant to meet up with.
“G’Day. Is the building straight down that path?” Joseph asked without explanation as to what all those bullet impacts are. The ponies nodded fearfully at what was most likely unknown projectiles. “Good.” Joseph nodded and aiming in the general direction down the path, fired a blue portal. Pointing at his feet, he shot an orange portal and found that it worked. “Ponies. In. Now.” Joseph ordered them and ushered them into the portal one at a time.
“I will explain everything once I’m through.” Joseph reassured them as Applejack was the last one to jump through. Hearing a turret powering up its gatling gun, he looked at the laser sight and could swear that a tint of green was shown in the eye for quick second before going back to red. Planning to think on it later, he jumped through and fizzled the portal shut. “Quick. Inside.” Following the group in, he saw more than a few red lasers guarding the entrance to the building.
Once they were all inside, Joseph sighed in relief and looked at the looks on the ponies’ faces. “Will ya explain to us why we had to jump through one of them magic holes?” Applejack asked with a furious look. Lowering his gun, he raised his hands in surrender.
“Okay, fine. I’ll explain. Those robots out there are turrets. They provide sentry support as well as be puzzle hazards. Not to mention they are complete nuisances. They shoot on sight if they manage to lock on to their target. I doubt the town would be under attack as the mob that was chasing ran away at the sight of only one.” Joseph said, waiting for the inevitable questions.
A yellow hoof was shakily put up. “What about the animals in the Everfree Forest? W-will they be safe?” Fluttershy asked concernedly. Joseph shook his head.
“Unless they can hide themselves, I don’t think they will be.” Joseph said truthfully, noting the saddened look in her eyes. “Anyone else?” He looked around the group but they seemed busy comforting Fluttershy. His face softened and he sighed. “Look. Fluttershy, right? I think, and this is just a theory, but I think that the turrets are programmed to target only humans and ponies. In fact, I’m not so sure about the ponies but I know for a fact that they’re targeting me. Does that help in making you feel better a little bit?” Joseph asked. She nodded, a small smile playing on her muzzle.
He nodded back and smiled as well. Taking his eyes off of the group, he took a look around the building and realised he sort of recognised the place. The ruined building was more stone than concrete and looking at the entrance, he found that there were sliding doors in place of … well, either a stone archway or two grand double doors that must have been at least double the height of Princess Celestia. Where the sliding doors were, he realised that he didn’t even have to duck down so he was thankful for that. It was probably more for the height of Celestia than anything else.
Moving his inspection from the door, he found that the walls stayed stone the further back it goes. The end of the corridor ended in what looked like an elevator although he couldn’t be sure. It was too dark to see anything.
“Twilight, can you give a light? I want to see what’s at the end of the corridor.” Joseph asked. She complied and lit up her horn although it looked like a bunch of neon purple smoke to him. Shaking his head, he found that it was just a field of light around her horn. Rubbing his temple, he turned to the end of the corridor and began to walk.
“This place is positively ghastly. It’s a wonder how they got any work done around here.” The white pony complained, turning her nose up at the state of the corridor.
“What I don’t get is how we didn’t notice this when we faced Nightmare Moon!” Rainbow said, throwing her arms up in the air.
“It was probably a magical illusion cast by her.” Twilight answered softly, looking around in wonder. She stepped on some sort of sphere and nearly tripped, pushing the sphere towards Joseph. She stumbled and looked as Joseph picked up the sphere and then toss it to the side.
“I completely forgot to mention this, but my name is Joseph. At least I think I didn’t. Maybe breathing in that purple smoke did something to my brain or not.” Joseph told Twilight’s friends as he searched the receptionists’ desk for something.
Applejack walked up to Twilight while watching Joseph. “Ya think he’s right in the head? Ah don’t think he’s all there.” She wondered out loud.
Pinkie, meanwhile, zipped about the corridor, leafing through papers or just being a slight nuisance. She zipped over to Joseph, causing him to jump and nearly hit his head on the ceiling.
“Why are you so hyper? Did you have two kilos of sugar or something?” Joseph asked incredulously as he put a few interesting pieces of paper inside his pocket.
“No idea what a kilo is but I definitely had a lot!” Pinkie jittered and zipped off through one of the doors that branched off from the main corridor.
Back in Ponyville, a metallic pony walked into the outskirts of the Everfree. This pony had a metal body, and two green green eyes. It had see-through black and green wings as well as a horn that rivalled Celestia’s. The cutie mark was that of a dull-gold Aperture Science logo. Breathing with a mechanical sound, the mane of the pony moved in jumps, sort of like gears slowly starting to turn before they began their work. Moving her muzzle, it tried to form words but it ended up making a chilling buzzing sound. It moved it’s jaw up and down a few times before trying again. It did and this time, a small word formed.
“Finally.” It coughed, the voice sounding feminine. Bringing a hoof up to try and stem the cough, she looked to her side as a few different coloured robots joined her side. These ones were more pony-like then she was, but then again, she was only the first version. A couple of differences. These coloured robots had simulated fur and were able to pretend to eat. Her gaze turned from the town in it’s entirety to a single cottage set out a way from the others. One not quite as close to the Everfree as the other one with all the animals was. She nodded her head and watched those few ponies move towards the cottage, breaking in and terrorising the family.
“What are you doing in there, sheila?” Joseph asked as he looked at Pinkie rummaging through the contents of a filing cabinet.
“Looking for a chocolate cake recipe that ends up having a strawberry with whipped cream on top.” Pinkie said simply before slamming the cabinet shut and then racing out the room. Joseph jogged to catch up to her. She was now in the second and final room that branched off from the corridor before the elevator.
“You won’t find it. I guarantee it. Mainly because it’s been split up between multiple monitors throughout the facility.” Joseph said smugly, gesturing to the cracked screen. “I thought you would have had the recipe anyway.” Joseph added as an afterthought.
“Yeah, duh. But this is a SPECIAL cake!” Pinkie emphasised the word special as she finished rummaging through the desk of some former worker. He shook his head and went to step outside but his foot landed on a piece of crumpled up paper. Picking it up, he unfurled it and found that it was actually a cake recipe. The one that Pinkie was looking for. But it was that in title only. Chuckling to himself as he gave the piece of paper to Pinkie, he ran out the door and waited for the inevitable scream.
“THE CAKE IS A LIE!?” Pinkie screamed at the top of her lungs, causing everybody within the castle’s vicinity to cover up their ears. Twilight rushed to Pinkie’s side as she read the sheet over and over. “The cake can’t be a lie. The cake can’t be a lie.” Pinkie mumbled. Joseph was laughing so much from her reaction that he was bent over, trying to keep from passing out.
Twilight glared at the human and then turned her attention towards the sheet. Thinking up of a word switching spell, she charged her horn and pointed it towards the page, the letters rearranging almost instantly. What appeared after the spell was a completely different piece of paper. It listed an actual recipe.
Pinkie took another look at the page to see if it was still a lie and gave a loud ‘yippee!’ at the cake not being a complete lie. Satisfied that that was over with, Twilight turned her attention to Joseph.
“JOSHU! Back at the entrance over here! Wait wait! UNIPONY HAS ME IN HER CLUTCHES! AAAAAHH!” Crikey said in alarm as Twilight picked the gun up in her magic and moved it from the entrance to herself.
Having calmed down from the overused meme on the paper, he looked towards the gun as Crikey shouted out in alarm; noticing with fascinated curiosity that she used smoke to pick it up. Having decided a few minutes ago that this was just a normal thing, he grabbed the gun before Twilight fiddled around with it.
“Crikey! Calm down Crikey. It was only smo- magic. Now. I think we’re ready to see the inside of Aperture.”
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Author's Note
This is a crossover with thunderclap 's character Vash who is featured in his story, The Reluctant Gunman, which can be found here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/265414/the-reluctant-gunman . I recommend you check it out as it is one laugh after another which is a lot more than I can say about my story so far. If any of you want a crossover then just PM me and we'll take it from there.
Chapter 5 - A New Friend
Taking a step towards the elevator, Joseph’s foot brushed against something. Bending down and picking it up, it looked like a bullet from one of the turrets in the forest. As he did, he heard a message in his head: ‘I am Vash the Stampede. I am a hunter of peace. If you fight to defend peace and the lives of others then I will be more than willing to help. Just call on me and together we will create… LOVE AND PEACE!’
“Vash the Stampede? Who would that be?” Joseph wondered as he scratched his head in confusion. Thinking it wasn’t anything important, he held it in his hand and threw it out the window. When he did, a flash of green light shone through the window where the bullet impacted with the ground.
Covering his eyes at the flash, his mouth flapped open as no words would form. “Duck and cover!” Crikey panicked from the end of his gun.
A few moments later, a voice rang out across the forest, followed by gunfire. “Gyahh! Why is this happening to me!”
Joseph took a step back at the yell and found the gunfire being trained to one individual. “Oh man.” Joseph groaned and pulled up his gun to place a portal under his feet but remembered it can’t go through glass. Getting an idea, he threw a chair at the window, breaking it before placing a portal under the yeller’s feet. Turning around, he placed another one on the wall behind him, startling the six ponies that are with him.
As soon as Joseph was done placing the portal, a large form came crashing through it. It landed on the floor face-down and let out a long groan.
Pressing the cancel button, Joseph fizzled out the portals and closed the office door behind him before any more turrets showed up. Kneeling next to the person, he kneeled down and slapped his shoulder. “You alright mate?”
“I’m peachy, I just had to dodge a hail of automatic fire, no big deal,” The form replied as they peeled their face off the ground to reveal that he was a young man.
“That’s good to hear. Let me help you up.” Joseph said with a toothy grin, holding out a hand in order to help him up.
“Thanks,” the young man said as he took the offered hand and stretched to his full height.
Looking up at him, Joseph found that the young man was a full head taller than he was. “I didn’t think you would be so tall.” Joseph remarked.
“I drank a lot of milk before I got sent to Equestria,” the young man joked with a grin.
“That would explain it.” Joseph nodded and then held out his hand for a handshake. “G’Day mate. Name’s Joseph. What’s yours?” He figured introductions were in order, seeming that bullet had summoned him.
“I don’t go by my old name anymore, so just call me Vash.” Vash replied, shaking the hand.
“Vash. Can’t say I’ve heard of it. Anyway, these,” Joseph swept a hand grandly at the six ponies gathered a little way off, “these are Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity and the rainbow one. Can’t remember her name.” Joseph frowned, trying to place the name.
“The name is Rainbow Dash! Get it through that thick skull of yours!” Rainbow shouted at him.
“It’s nice to meet all of you,” Vash said, keeping up his grin. “But I’ve got to ask, is this the Everfree Forest?”
“Yessiree! In fact, this is meant to be the Castle of the Two Sisters!” Pinkie said enthusiastically as the six of them had walked closer.
“It is. No idea why there are turrets around though. Apparently Aperture had been shut down about 500 years ago.” Joseph explained.
“Really,” Vash said as he looked the building over. “This place looks a lot different than the castle I helped build.”
“You helped build a castle?” Joseph asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, it wasn’t that hard. I am an engineer after all,” Vash said with a shrug.
Joseph crossed his arms. “You act as if it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.”
“No, it was just a lot easier because I had help from Starswirl, Celestia, Luna, Clover, Hammerfall, and a whole lot of workers with me.”
“That makes more sense.” Joseph grinned. He was going to say something else but he was interrupted by Twilight.
“You worked with Starswirl!?” Twilight just about squeed at this information. “You have to tell me what he’s like!” Twilight said, blushing as she realised she just about fangirled in front of everyone.
“He’s an alright guy. He can be a bit closed off, but he’s an excellent teacher and advisor,” Vash answered, ignoring the outburst.
Twilight was scribbling everything down on a spare bit of paper she found on the floor, and somehow magicked a quill out of nowhere. Ignoring Twilight for the moment, Joseph resumed asking his question.
“Earlier, you said something about being sent to Equestria. Did you mean like from … Earth?” Joseph asked hesitantly.
“Yup, one minute I was excited about a panel with Johnny Yong Bosch, the next I buy a gun from a merchant and I’m waking up in a forest getting chased by a manticore.”
Joseph held back laughter as he imagined it. “Same thing happened to me. Except, I bought a portal gun to complete my costume, it shuddered and a portal opened up unexpectedly. Being curious, I put my hand through it and next thing I know, I’m falling into a plaid bouncy ground where these six turned Discord to stone by a rainbow.”
“Huh, that certainly sounds familiar,” Vash said as he scratched his cheek. “You wouldn’t have happened to use the Elements of Harmony on him, did you?”
The ponies looked up at that and nodded. “We did but that was after he turned us grey and made us opposites of ourselves.” Twilight answered.
“The Elements of Who?” Joseph asked curiously, looking at them.
“Huh, the gray thing is different. I just remember opera singing flowers when we dealt with him.”
Joseph raised an eyebrow at this and let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. “Before I saw them turn him to stone, I saw a bushel of bunnies with elongated legs running around but that was all I experienced before my brain broke at seeing a rainbow turn a mismatched animal to stone.”
“Yeah, I got used to that feeling after about a week of being in Equestria,” I said with a chuckle.
“Sounds like you were fighting Discord back when he first caused chaos here in Equestria.” Twilight supplied.
“This is going to be a long week then.” Joseph groaned holding his head in his hand.
“Don’t worry about a thing buddy,” Vash said with a pat to Joseph’s back. “You’ll find being a Displaced isn’t all bad.”
Joseph looked up at that. “Displaced? That’s what I am? Is that what you are? Does that mean I can’t get back home, mate?”
“I don’t know if you can get back home.” Vash answered, his grin falling. “But yes, the two of us are Displaced.”
Joseph nodded his head, finding that it makes a lot of sense. “If being Displaced is like that multiverse theory Cave Johnson proposed, then that would make a lot of sense.” He reasoned.
“Yeah, there’s a ton of us running around. And we can call on each other through tokens, like these and the one you used to summon me.” Vash said as he reached into his duster and pulled out a few items.
“So a token is used to call other Displaced to your universe, and others can use your token so that you can go to theirs? That right?” Joseph asked uncertainly, studying the items in Vash’s hand.
“Yup, just be careful though, there’s more than good guys running around various Equestrias.”
“Of course there would be bad guys. Who would we fight if there weren’t any bad guys? Each other? Uh, don’t answer that.” Joseph waved the last question away and looked around the lobby.
“Nah, we don’t usually fight each other. This isn’t a Marvel crossover event after all.” Vash said with a quick chuckle.
Joseph chuckled as well. “That’s true. I don’t think the multiverse would be able to handle that kind of fight, considering how many Displaced there are. How do I get my own token? Do I use one of yours or…?”
“Nah, you just have to find something that represents you and concentrate on it while you record a message. Nothing to it.”
“That sounds simple enough.” Joseph said and quickly went around the corridor, looking for a specific thing. After a few minutes of rummaging through a desk, he found it and walked back. “Will this work?” Joseph asked, holding up a companion cube keychain.
“That’s perfect!” Vash beamed as he posed with a thumbs up.
Joseph laughed at the ridiculous pose and held the keychain in a hand. Concentrating on it, he recorded a message. “G’Day mates! Name’s Joseph, the master of portals. If you are ever in a bind, I will come around and help you not get killed along the way.” He smiled and looked at Vash. “What happens now?”
“Now you concentrate and try to throw it into the Void. Then you’ll be able to get summoned at anytime. Be careful what you do in your alone time,” Vash said with a wink.
“I think I have one better.” Joseph said. Bringing up his portal gun, he aimed it a blank part of the wall. “I hope this works.” He muttered and pressed a button, causing the bottom tube to light up white. Firing at a blank space of wall, a black void was surrounded by a white swirling vortex. “No idea if that’s the Void. Looks like it is though.” He said being careful not to go near it this time.
“Weird, I thought the Void would look more like New Jersey,” Vash joked.
Joseph cracked a big grin and, looking at the keychain, he wound his arm up and threw it towards the portal. It went through and then split up into multiple copies of itself and shot off in all directions. “Well. You don’t see that everyday.”
“Nah, but I’m sure that won’t be the last time you see it.”
Joseph managed to fizzle out the portal before Pinkie had a chance to jump into it and was glad it fizzled out as easily as the others. “I’m sure it won’t be.”
“Well, that was one way to think with portals,” Vash said with a grin.
“That definitely was. It was nice meeting you Vash. Thanks for telling me about the Displaced and whatnot.” Joseph said with a grin. “Not sure if there’s a timer or anything but I think the ponies back in your Equestria are beginning to miss you.”
“Well if you want to get rid of me all you have to say is, Vash, our contract is complete.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. But if that’s how it is then, Vash, our contract is complete.” Joseph said with a big grin.
A portal opened up behind Vash and he turned to walk in it while saying, “Until next time.”
Watching Vash disappear, he gave a wave and saw a bullet appear in his place. Picking it up, he placed it in his pocket and thought ‘Until next time. ’
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 6 - Communication Breakdown
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 7 - Want It, Need It
Days turned into weeks which turned into months. About three months after the turrets appeared in Ponyville, everyone got used to the fact that there were robots standing about the place, not doing anything. The ponies had even grown accustomed to the strange hairless monkey appearing out of nowhere, gesture wildly for a bit, then disappear again, always accompanied with a hail of projectiles from the turrets before they went back into standby mode.
Meanwhile, Joseph and Twilight were reading together when Twilight walked over to her lectern and flipped through the calendar to see what day it was. Seeing that she had a day circled, she looked at the date and gasped. He looked up and raised an eyebrow.
“I haven’t sent a letter to Princess Celestia about friendship! I’m overdue by two days!” Twilight said in a panic and began to zoom around the room, looking for a quill and paper. Joseph raised a finger but thought better of it and looked over to Spike.
“What do you want me to do about it?” Spike asked. Joseph demonstrated by hugging himself and then pointing to Twilight. “Comfort her? You want me to comfort her?” Spike repeated, just to make sure. Joseph nodded and went back to his book, thinking the problem was fixed.
Spike sighed and walked to Twilight, having every intention of comforting her when she suddenly teleported. Looking down at her calendar, he groaned and realised what today was. “Oh no. I have to get Twilight to calm down fast!” Spike said and rushed out the door, leaving Joseph looking bewildered. He put down the book and walked over to the calendar to see what all the fuss was about.
Seeing that a picnic with her friends was scheduled, he simply shrugged, thinking nothing of it. That is, until he thought about the state that the pony was currently in. Then he panicked like Spike and raced out the door, only to be reminded of the fact that turrets stormed the place by a bulletstorm. He jumped back into the library and shut the door, leaving Spike to deal with Twilight instead.
‘Now what? I can’t go out because of the turrets. They have impressive range so I can’t go on the rooftops. ” Joseph thought, pacing around the room before his foot bumped into the portal gun. He looked at it stupidly then looked at the potato. ‘Oh right. Crikey. Didn’t he say he can read my mind …. ’ Joseph asked himself.
“Of course I can read your mind! Now, let’s go practice medicine. To Sugarcube Corner!” Crikey said in a perfect German accent. Joseph rubbed the back of his head and grabbed the gun, firing off a portal towards Sugarcube Corner, seeing it sail through an open window. He fired of another portal at the wall in front of him and was about to jump through, only to be interrupted by Twilight teleporting back home, her mane all in a frizz. He looked at her curiously, then jumped backwards as she let out an ear-piercing scream at whatever just happened.
‘What’s going on? ’ Joseph thought in disbelief as he watched Twilight through the portal. It looked like she was going bat-shit crazy as she ran up the stairs and out of sight. Stepping back through the portal, he found Spike running inside and then pant for breath. He looked up and found Joseph standing there with his mouth hanging open.
“Oh right. Can’t speak. This is worse than I thought. She went to Sugarcube Corner, grabbed the cupcakes-” Spike stopped talking as heard the potato speak in his head.
‘ooo spoopi cupcakes! ‘
“Where did that voice come from?” Spike wondered, looking around the library for a bit.
‘ooo spoopi voooooice! ’
“What is even ‘spoopi’? Also, stop it.” Spike said in a bit of a panic.
‘oooo spoopi sooopi! But you’re right, you should go help the Twilihorse ’
“Not sure why I’m even taking orders from a voice in my head but as I was saying …” Spike said slowly, looking at Joseph. His mouth was still open but at least it was halfway closed now. He gestured for the dragon to continue as he tried to figure out who the hell Spike was talking to.
“She went to Sugarcube Corner, and then I caught her on her way to Rarity’s. Twilight asked Rarity for any help, she needed finding a ribbon, Twilight found it, I gazed at Rarity for a few moments and then I lost Twilight.” Spike drooped a bit at this but then perked up as he continued on with his story. “I then found her over where we said the picnic was going to be. Everypony was there and then Twilight got a bit … crazy to say the least. She talked on and on about how she hasn’t sent a letter to Princess Celestia and after all her friends laughed at her problem and then she teleported. I guess you know the rest after that.” Spike said as he sat down. Then the potato on the portal gun beeped.
"So? Why doesn't she just make some rubbish up like, I don't know, how true friends understand each other even when the words aren't truly spoken?" Crikey said in what he hoped was a helpful manner. Spike’s eyes moved to the potato at that.
“Because she prefers to do it when she actually learns a lesson.” Spike said simply.
“Just, tell her I learnt that lesson, or Joshu! Because I’m a telepathic Potato Battery.” Crikey countered.
“It won’t work.” Spike argued and was going to say more when he was interrupted by something slamming shut upstairs. Joseph ran up the stairs before Spike could and then tumbled over the banister and back into the portal by Twilight, who was holding a doll of sorts in her magic.
“Spike! I have the answer to all. My. Problems. Well, today’s one anyway.” Twilight announced grandly, shaking her Smarty Pants doll up and down.
“Twilight, what are you going to do with that?” Spike asked cautiously, pointing to the doll with a claw. Instead of answering, she throws it at Joseph, hitting him on the head and effectively knocking him out due to the force of the throw. The doll rolled into Sugarcube Corner, causing the ponies in the bakery to look at it.
“If I can’t solve a friendship problem, then I’ll make a friendship problem!” Twilight finally cracked and pointing her horn towards the doll, used the Want It, Need It spell. Everypony charged at it and then in a tangle of limbs, managed to take it outside.
Hours later, Joseph woke up to a throbbing headache. Sitting up, he looked around and found a portal in front of him. Groaning in pain, he walked back through and found the portal gun, hitting the button to fizzle out the portals. Hearing voices, he looked up to Twilight’s room and cautiously walked up the stairs, hoping that they don’t creak. Peeking his head around the doorframe, he found a blue shimmering tail as he realised the voices belonged to the princesses. Gulping, he stood to the side and decided to wait it out.
When a flash of blue and yellow appeared in the doorway, he sighed in relief and walked through the doorway. Looking at the six of them, he found that they were all hugging each other in what could possibly be relief.
He must have made a sound when he moved as they all looked up at him. He waved hesitantly, then dropped it.
“We’re still here by the way” Crikey said without any form of subtlety or poise. Joseph stepped to the side as he heard some footsteps behind him. He looked and found Spike there.
“Twilight, I couldn’t find- oh nevermind.” Spike said between pants, looking up at Joseph with a grin.
“It’s okay Spike.” Twilight said with a giggle, disentangling herself from her friends. The rest of them all sat together and smiled at Joseph and Spike.
Joseph just shook his head and looked at Twilight while rubbing at a bump on his forehead.
“What?” Twilight asked, looking back at Joseph.
“You hit him on the noggin with that doll horse of yours ya nit.” Crikey explained.
“Um, oh. Well … uh … I wasn’t myself at the time?” Twilight said uncertainly, wondering if it was actually true or not. Whether it was, or wasn’t didn’t matter as Joseph shrugged, held his hands up and shook his head. Twilight understood what he said this time and smiled gratefully. “Water under the bridge. Got it.”
A snort of giggling could be heard throughout the room as Pinkie finally processed what had happened. “You *snort* hit him on the head with a soft *giggle* toy? *hic*” Pinkie managed to say between breaths. Once she did, she continued laughing though with everyone else joining in.
It’s been a few days since Twilight’s ‘incident’ but Joseph hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Seeing it was already about noon, he got up from his makeshift bed in the upstairs library in a dark corner where ponies never venture to. Mainly because the upper library was Twilight’s personal library and the downstairs library was the public library. Heading downstairs, he yawned and had a bit of lettuce to keep his strength up. Figuring a bit of training was in order, he went into the public library and began, after making sure there weren’t any ponies about.
A portal was fired at a ceiling, and one at a wall. Running towards the wall, Joseph leaped through it and landed back on his feet, bouncing on the struts of his long fall boots. Thinking he had that down-pat, he went through the portal again but this time, he fired one directly underneath on his way through, making an infinite loop tunnel. Slowly righting himself, he looked around slowly as he kept changing position whenever he went through the portal.
Finally finding a wall, he looked at the portal he kept going through and seeing it was blue, he looked at the wall again and fired. He went through blue and came out orange, crashing to a stop as he went through the window and kept going, somehow managing to avoid the turrets along the way. Crashing into a wall, he groaned and looked at the town upside down for a bit before his vision was blocked by a little purple filly with a sandy mane.
Recognising her and seeing she was about to scream, he did the next best thing. He held a button on the portal gun and held her inside the electrical field the three black prongs made when activated.
Her mouth closed in surprise when she was suddenly lifted off the ground. Looking around fearfully, she realised that she was being held by the device in the monster’s hands. Getting ready to scream again, she stopped when she heard a voice near her ear.
“PSSST. Purple fillypony. Down here.” Crikey whispered. The filly looked down and kept a neutral face.
“Good. Got your attention. My friend here is mute so he wants me to tell you that he is sorry for all the trouble he has caused.” Crikey whispered, not wanting the filly to actually scream. “G’Day sheila. The name is Crikey and he is Joseph. What is yours?” Crikey said in a louder voice, seeing that the filly was not going to scream.
“Dinky. Sorry I screamed at you mister monster. I thought you were one of the things that meanie Discord magicked up.” Dinky replied, smiling a tiny bit as she saw the monster turn his frown into a smile and nod his head slightly.
“He accepts your apology.” The potato said, reading Joseph’s thoughts. Joseph then lowered the filly down and let go of the button, shaking his finger from holding it down too hard.
“It was nice talking to you. I have to go now. I promised I would meet my mum at the park.” Dinky smiled and waving, she turned and ran off. Feeling satisfied that the murderous grey pony family was finally off his case, somewhat, he turned and took a step before hearing a high-pitched robotic voice. His face fell and he turned, mid-step, towards the turret. Seeing it’s guns revving up, he just sighed and quickly fired a portal to the wall on its left and one underneath it. Watching it go through both portals a few times before picking up speed and shooting off into the forest, he felt great about the day ahead.
Then he came face-to back with a whole line of turrets looking out into the forest. His face turned from happy to stunned to disbelief. And then he facepalmed, turned around and quickly walked back to the tree house for some much needed sleep.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 8 - Haunting Dreams
Author's Note
Hopefully this chapter will make up for last chapter.
Chapter 8 - Haunting Dreams
Two months ago …
A bright purple light flashed into Princess Celestia’s throne room, interrupting her daily court. All the ponies there looked shocked, except for Princess Celestia, who merely sighed.
“We are going to take an unexpected break.” Celestia said, much to the dismay of the ponies already in court. When they had finished moving out of the room, Celestia turned her attention to Twilight Sparkle. Seeing that she had an angry look on her face, Celestia grew slightly worried. “What is wrong my student?”
“What is wrong? What is WRONG?! Remember that human you let Princess Luna steal the voice from? He’s miserable! I can barely understand him now, let alone anypony else. He hasn’t even been out of his room ever since he lost his voice. I haven’t been around mute ponies mainly because no pony actually is mute, but I can tell that this is horrible.” Twilight said furiously. Looking behind Celestia, she thought she saw a wisp of a blue tail seemingly blend into the shadows. Focusing her magic, she grabbed the tail and yanked, pulling Princess Luna out of the shadows and closer to her and Celestia. Narrowing her eyes, Twilight rounded on Luna.
“Fluttershy told me that not having a voice could be the worst thing imaginable. Asides from vague waving and random signs, she said that there was no other way to express himself and considering he doesn’t know how to hold a quill properly, nor is he willing to learn to, he has no other choice. I am sick of this! All of my friends are! We all want his voice back, especially Joseph!” Twilight shouted and breathed heavily, letting go of Luna’s tail.
Standing speechless, both Celestia and Luna took a while to process what Twilight had said, giving her more than enough time to calm down.
“Why did you even take his voice away?” Twilight questioned Luna in a more calmer tone.
Luna looked at Twilight for a long while before speaking. “I took his voice away because he wouldn’t be quiet. It would have been a lot easier to tell him to be quiet but I also did it to teach him a lesson.”
“What lesson?” Twilight asked through gritted teeth.
“That children should be seen and not heard.” Luna replied with a calm gaze.
“What? That’s ridiculous! From what he managed to tell me, he is not a child by his species’ standards. If anything, he’s a grown up like me and my friends. I need a better reason if I’m to believe that what you did was right.” Twilight retorted.
“Fine then. I did it because I don’t like him. It may be stupid reasoning but that’s how I feel.” Luna said finally, looking down at the ground. Twilight huffed and turned to Celestia only to see her shake her head.
“Twilight, I’ll see if I can convince my sister to return his voice. In the meantime, he has to get used to not having it.” Celestia said softly. She then turned and walked over to Luna. They began talking and Twilight hoped that Luna was being convinced of returning his voice. Not totally satisfied, she teleported away anyway so that she could give some news to Joseph.
Two months, two weeks later …
Joseph was in the Aperture building, trying to figure out why the power wasn’t working. Eventually, he began to walk around and inside one of the branching rooms, found a book labelled, Electricity for Dummies . As he tried to grab the book from its shelf, he found that it tipped back slightly before resetting. After that, he heard a grating sound coming from the room opposite where he was.
Walking towards the noise, he found that a short passage opened up to a bunch of wires. His mouth met the floor at the sheer amount of wires in the small room.
All the colours crisscrossed in such a manner that it was indiscernible to which is white from whichever one is blue.
“Oooh looky! A bunch of wires! Which one turns the power back on? No idea. There are red, blue, yellow, green and even purple wires! Bright colours all around!” Crikey said.
Joseph smiled and shook his head. ‘This is a mess of wires. I suppose I’ll have to go through them one by one to see if they all work. If not, then it’s just been a huge waste of time. ’ Joseph thought with a frown. Taking a breath, he went up to the wires and started fiddling around with them.
Eventually, he found that practically all of them had been plugged out but because the wires were so messy, he didn’t realise it as they had all caught on to one another. ‘I knew I should have brought a flashlight, it’s so dark back here. ” Joseph realised as he crawled out from the mess and picked up the gun. Leaving through the portal he had made earlier, he fizzled it out and, scratching his head at the wire problem, walked through the town, barely that there wasn’t any gunfire. ‘Where’s the gunfire and chirpy voices? ’ He asked himself and looked around confusedly.
“Chirpy? That’s a fantastic way to describe them, mate.” Crikey said sarcastically.
Spotting a purple thing flash by, he shrugged and followed it, only to find that it disappeared around the corner. Thinking it strange, he turned the corner and found a filly blindfolding a turret. Blinking, he rubbed his eyes, only to see the blindfolded now being picked up by purple smoke. Raising an eyebrow, he thought to Crikey, ‘How long were we in there? ’
“Meh. About a couple of hours. I’d shrug if I could.” Crikey answered. Scratching his head, Joseph looked to where the smoke was coming from and found Twilight levitating it.
“I’m just as confused as you are.” Crikey stated, reading Joseph’s mind.
“Hi Joseph! Twilight convinced Dinky and her family to blindfold the turrets! Dinky was wholly on board but it a little bit to convince her family but it worked out in the end.” Pinkie said, running up to Joseph before skidding to a stop. Her tail twitched and she quickly stepped to the side, narrowly avoiding an already deactivated turret. She looked up and found Ditzy sighing in relief. Waving, she turned back to Joseph, only to see him picking up the turret.
“Whatcha doing there?” Pinkie wondered out loud.
“He’s trying to see if he can figure out how they work, sheila.” Crikey replied for Joseph as he sat down and put the gun to the side. Moving the turret every which way, he inspected it from all sides before rolling the barrel of one of the twin gatling guns for a bit.
“Oh okay. Try hitting that button on the back of it. Seems like it opens it up.” Pinkie said cheerfully before walking away to get rid of a few more turrets.
“Mister monster?” A high-pitched voice spoke up from his left. Joseph looked up and found Dinky looking at him. She was holding a blindfold in her magic. “Miss Twilight and I thought it would be good if we got rid of those weird turret machine thingies. I managed to convince my family as well that you are not a baddie.” Dinky said with a smile.
Joseph nearly melted from the adorableness contained in that smile. He could only nod dumbly as Crikey replied for him.
“Thanks purple fillypony.” Crikey said.
“No problem mister.” Dinky replied and ran off to find some more turrets to blindfold. Joseph smiled at that and got up, holding the turret in one hand, and the portal gun in the other. He then walked around town, watching Dinky’s family and Twilight cleaning up the town of turrets. All the turrets that were already cleaned up had been thrown to the Everfree Forest, with a chorus of “Owowowowow. ” He saw a more of them fly towards the forest and got an idea.
Finding one that hasn’t been blindfolded yet, he picked it up with the portal gun and walked towards the town hall. Being careful not to bump it on anything, he made it the balcony and set it down, making sure it didn’t wobble. Then, placing a portal underneath it, he set the other directly above it. Watching it loop around a few dozen times, he backed off and fired a portal on the side of the town hall facing the Everfree. After hearing a satisfying robot yell, he nodded to himself and went to Twilight’s library to figure out how those turrets work.
Later that night, there were plenty of turret parts strewn about Twilight’s second floor library. Most noticeably was the big pile of bullets in the corner. Arranged in front of him were the two guns and an open shell. He took Pinkie’s advice and pushed the button on the back. When it opened, he immediately got rid of all the bullets which took longer than expected as there were so many. Now he was stuck trying to figure out how it all worked.
Hearing the door open, he looked up and saw Spike walk in, carrying a plate of cookies. Setting it down in front him, Spike sat on the other side and began speaking.
“Pinkie sent these over. She figured that you needed something to help take your mind off of your muteness.” Spike explained. He thought he saw Joseph’s face fall but it immediately went back into a smile. Spike didn’t know if he saw it or not but he let it go in favor of keeping Joseph happy. Spike picked up a cookie and bit into it. “Why did you take it apart?” He asked, looking around at the different parts.
“He’s wondering how they work.” Crikey answered simply. His eye moved in a circular motion as he inspected the inside shell of the turret. Seeing some black stuff where there should be white, he zoomed in closer and saw it was some sort of shiny shell, like the shell of a bug.
“Shiny black stuff. Reminds me of a bug or something.” Crikey stated. Joseph looked at the potato and found the black stuff he was inspecting. ‘Looks like chitin or something close to that. ’ Joseph thought. Rubbing his hands together, he stood up and yawned, biting into another cookie. ‘Say thanks to Pinkie and Spike for me Crikey. ” Joseph thought as he stretched.
“My mate wanted me to say thanks for the cookies. No tastebuds so I can’t say the same. They look good though.” Crikey repeated to Spike.
“Hey, it’s no problem. At least the town is free of turrets now.” Spike said with a smile. He picked up the plate and waving, he closed the door as he left. Yawning some more, Joseph unzipped his jumpsuit, letting the top half hang loose and then went over to his pile of blankets and got comfy under them. Closing his eyes, he began to snore softly soon after. Snoring sounds could be heard from Crikey as well although they were much louder.
“What? Where am I?” Joseph wondered out loud. Looking around, he found himself in a field of stars that he was somehow standing on. Walking for a bit, he found Princess Luna waiting for him a bit further ahead.
“Princess Luna?” Joseph asked cautiously. The pony turned around and groaned.
“Why is that voice so annoying? Can you … be quiet … for a few seconds? We need to talk.” Princess Luna said with an effort. Joseph frowned and crossed his arms.
“What can you say that will make me listen? I don’t want to talk to you, oh wait, I can’t!” Joseph said furiously.
“I know you are furious at me. Believe me. Every time you have dreamt for the last few months, I saw you torture me.” Luna said with a bit of fear in her voice.
“Yeah but it always ended with you giving my voice back so I was happy in the end.” Joseph retorted. “Wait. Why are you even looking at my dreams!?”
“It’s what I do. I am the Protector of the Night and in order to do that I do four things. I go and see ponies’ dreams and I keep a lookout for possible monster attacks on Canterlot at night. I also raise the moon and make the stars look pretty. I keep going into their dreams from giving them too much grief. You are a special case, however. I stayed away from your dreams because of the subject matter involved. I didn’t want to keep seeing that and -” Luna got interrupted by Joseph putting his hand up.
“Hang on a second.You go into ponies’ dreams to help them get rid of their nightmares. Isn’t that some kind of breach of privacy?” Joseph asked.
“That may be but the ponies thank me for it after.”
“No matter how you spin it, sheila, it’s a breach of privacy. When a pony dreams, it’s their OWN dreams. It’s whatever they like or dislike about whichever pony they feel about that day.” Joseph explained.
“Why do you even want to talk to me? You said you hate my voice, you even told Twilight that was the reason for taking it away in the first place!”
“I wanted to talk to you because my sister has finally convinced me to give you your voice back.”
“Why? You’ll just take it away again.” Joseph said, feeling miserable that she had to actually be convinced to give him his voice back.
“I might. But-” Luna tried to protest but it didn’t work.
“I was this close to accepting but you had to blow it didn’t you? You shouldn’t have said that you might. You should have said ‘no, I won’t’. It’s like what Fluttershy said. Voices help give a pony or in my case, person, identity. If you can’t handle that then just say so!” Joseph said, hot, angry tears streaming down his face.
Luna felt saddened but if that was his choice, then so be it. “I may not be able to handle it, that is true. But if you let me explain-”
“I don’t want any explanations. Get out of my dream, and out of my head!” Joseph shouted, waking himself up. Feeling his face, he found wetness and slammed his fist against the floor, shouting dammit inside his head.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 9 - Just Some Fun
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 10 - Communication Restored
A couple of days passed and Nightmare Night was upon them. Joseph helped out with the decorations where possible and also helped to set up the games. There was spider-tossing, apple dunking, even a stage was set up for speeches and music. Wiping some sweat from his forehead, Joseph looked around from assembling the last of the games and found Pinkie putting up a big banner saying ‘Nightmare Night’ with orange letters and a purple background.
Giving her a thumbs up, he checked ‘decorations’ off the list, as well as ‘games’. All that was left to check were the ‘costumes’ but seeing how most every single pony dressed up in costume on the night, according to Rainbow Dash, he checked it off anyway.
Twilight was handling the rest of the checklist, ticking off things as they had finished. Having split it between both Joseph and herself, the work went by a lot faster. With only half a day to go, the town was ready to celebrate Nightmare Night later on.
Later on that night, everyone got dressed up in their costumes. Joseph had on a lab coat with a white dress shirt underneath along with some formal black pants. Rarity did have a few questions while measuring them but Crikey was kind enough to answer them for him. The back of the lab coat had an Aperture logo in black to contrast against the right. He also wore fake ‘professor’ glasses to complete the lab technician look.
Twilight had on a starry blue cloak outfitted with bells along with a very big wizard’s hat that had single, large bell on top so every time she moved, her whole costume jingled. Her face was a different story. When Joseph and Spike saw it they both burst into laughter and fell down the stairs backwards. Rolling down, they stopped and smacked their heads into the wall at the bottom.
“That … costume is ridiculous Twilight!” Spike couldn’t stop laughing at her. Joseph continued to laugh silently with Crikey cackling along. Seeing Twilight’s glare, Crikey shut up and decided to tell her.
“You grew a beard, sheila! It makes you look ridonculous!” Crikey said, bursting out into laughter once again.
“Hmph! I’ll have you know that this is what Starswirl the Bearded wore and this is beard is a fake.” Twilight harrumphed, lifting her beard off her face before flinging it back, her face smarting in pain from where it struck. Spike’s costume was …. a dragon. It was purple, it had green spikes on the spine and also horns on the head part.
“You’re a dragon! Why do you need a dragon costume!?” Crikey said in disbelief, echoing what Joseph thought in his head.
“No reason. Thought it would be fun to dress up as a different dragon.” Spike replied, shrugging.
“It’s not even that! You look like you only made out of rubber!” Crikey directly translated Joseph’s thoughts.
“Huh?” Spike asked and went to the bathroom to check out his costume. Hearing nothing, Twilight went to check up on him and found him silently looking over it.
“Something the matter?” Twilight asked.
“Nope. I like it. It may look like me but it is not me!” Spike emphasised by pointing to his costume, then himself in turn. He turned around and smiling, barged past Twilight and rushed out the door. “DON’T WAIT UP FOR ME!” Spike yelled back as the door shut behind him.
Joseph blinked at how fast the dragon ran out the door and shook his head. He watched Twilight walked down and headed towards the door as the bell rang. Opening it, he found a group of foals at the door. Not knowing how to deal with them, he backed away from the door and looked to Twilight.
Twilight sighed and moved to the door. Seeing it was a group of fillies, she levitated some pieces of candy over to them and placed it in their bags. Seeing them smile, she smiled back and watched them leave. Turning back to Joseph, she saw him sigh in relief and raised an eyebrow.
“What are you so relieved about?” Twilight wondered, tilting her head to the side which caused her hat to jingle.
“He can’t handle children for some reason. He won’t tell me the reason so no use in prying it out of me Twilipony.” Crikey answered for him.
Twilight hummed and left it to answer later. Leading the human out of the library, they both walked to the town square seeing everypony there was having a lot of fun.
“Hey you guys! Over here!” Rainbow called out, waving them over. Her costume was a blackish-purplish latex suit with a yellow thunderbolt on the belly. The back of it had holes for her wings. She was also wearing a headpiece that had the same colours as the suit but had yellow goggles covering her eyes. Pinkie and Applejack were there with her, competing in an apple-bobbing contest.
Walking over, Joseph waved and watched the ponies talk for a bit before looking around and spotting something coming in the distance from the sky. ‘What the heck is that? ’ Joseph thought and shaded his eyes, even though it was useless so instead, he cupped his hands around his eyes and rotated them around, acting like binoculars. To his surprise though, his vision actually zoomed in and he could see the dot more clearly. ‘Oh no. ’ Joseph thought in a panic, taking his hands off his eyes and blinking, returning his vision to normal. He turned to the others and flapped his mouth open and closed a few times before facepalming, remembering he was mute.
Writing on a note, he threw it to Rainbow who caught it and read it. “Princess Luna is coming here?” Rainbow asked confusedly, then looked to Joseph who was all in a panic. “Ohhh. Right.” Rainbow said, her confusion clearing up. Then she looked to the sky and turned to her friends. “Uh girls? Guess who’s coming for the party.” Rainbow said and pointed up to Luna, who was descending to a stop.
Out of the corner of her eye, Pinkie found Joseph sneak around the side of a building, portal gun in tow. She left the others to go and greet the princess and following him, she sneaked up just as slowly behind him but was a lot more quieter at it. Seeing he stopped and hadn’t turned around yet, Pinkie sneaked up and yelled “BOO!”. He nearly jumped a foot in the air, clamping his hands to his ears. She then saw a blue beam hit the back of his throat at the peak of his jump, causing him to cry out and cough loudly.
“Jesus, sheila! Give me a warning next time. You nearly gave me a flipping heart attack there!” Joseph complained, rubbing his ears and throat. Coughing some more, he looked at her confusedly. “What?” He asked croakily, his throat getting used to making vibrations again.
“Your voice. Your voice. YOUR VOICE IS BACK!” Pinkie screamed happily, rushing to him and giving him a nearly bone-crushing hug.
“Pinkie … can’t …. breathe …” Joseph tried to croak but passed out, causing Pinkie to drop him. “Augh! Not so hard.” Joseph whined and smiled as he processed what she said. “Wait. I got my voice back? WOOHEE! Hornswaggle my Kietersatch!” Joseph shouted happily in a hillbilly accent. He coughed again, his eyes darting from right to left. “Sorry. From something I used to watch back home. Now. Let’s tell the others. Woo it feels good to speak again.” Joseph said in glee.
“Welcome back mate.” Crikey said simply.
Looking up at the moon, he sighed and fired a portal up there, seeing a flash after a few minutes of waiting, signalling it landed. He looked at Pinkie who looked back curiously.
“Just some insurance. That is a fantastic costume by the way sheila.” Joseph commented, noticing Pinkie in a chicken costume.
“This isn’t a costume. I’m an actual chicken BAWK!” Pinkie cried out suddenly, causing Joseph to chuckle in response. He placed his gun under an arm and his hands in his pockets as he walked up to Luna who was talking with Twilight. Her friends were nowhere to be seen, however. It looked like the whole square had cleared out.
“Where is everyone?” Joseph croaked out loud.
“They all scattered when Princess Luna showed up.” Twilight said automatically, not registering that Joseph got his voice back. She looked over to him after a little bit though and her mouth fell open. “You’re voice! It’s back! How?” Twilight said excitedly.
“Hang on. Throat still warming up.” Joseph said softly.
“A blue beam hit him after I shouted boo at him!” Pinkie answered quickly.
“That would be my doing.” Luna answered as well, looking directly at Joseph. He just simply glared. “Remember how we talked in your dream? I was trying to say that Celestia convinced me and had seen the error of my ways.”
“And what error would that be?” Joseph asked, crossing his arms.
Luna took a deep breath and looked at him pleadingly. “That you are not a child, clearly.”
“That is a bit of an understatement.” Joseph interjected.
“You didn’t let me finish. You may not be a child. You endangered my sister’s subjects - my - subjects through use of the turrets. But I see you handled that quite well.” Luna continued, seeing if Joseph would argue her point.
At the mention of endangering, he began to pace in a circle around Luna. “I didn’t endanger your ponies. I don’t even care if they’re your sister’s ponies, I did NOT endanger them. I fell out of a portal into your world by a complete accident. Whatever happened after that until now is NOT my fault. It probably would have happened anyway. How am I meant to know this was predetermined or not?” Joseph asked in cold, quiet voice, throwing his arms up in the air at the question.
“If it was, then some bloody wanker is going to get his. If not, then it’s by complete randomness that all THIS,” He waved his arms around in a circular motion to demonstrate his point, “even happened. You know what else pissed me off during the three months my voice went on vacation? You didn’t even give a hoot about giving my voice back until Celestia convinced you, even Twilight in a small way had to convince you! If you weren’t convinced, what were you going to do? Keep it sealed away in a vault and throw the key away? Make it disappear in some poof of dust, never to be heard again?” Joseph asked, pointing his gun at the wall closest to the princess.
“I would have probably given it back, once I deemed you safe enough to do so.”
“Which would have been when, exactly?” Joseph wondered with a slight crazy look to his eyes as well as a twitchy smile.
Luna gulped, worrying what he was going to do with the gun. It may have only shot portals so Luna figured he would make go through that weird loop thing a few hundred times before he was satisfied. “Five … months … time?” Luna said uncertainly. He looked like he was going to blow up but did a breathing exercise and calmed himself, however, he still pointed the gun at the wall.
“Five months? Is that all?” Joseph asked, deciding on something.
Luna nodded, bringing her fear back under control as he calmed. “Yes, certainly five months. More than enough time to-” She was cut short as he fired the other portal at the wall. When it opened, Luna felt a strange force pulling her in. Flapping her wings to try and get away from it, she took a quick glance and found the featureless landscape of the moon. Feeling something drop in her stomach, she screamed and was sucked out as the moon’s gravity was too much for her. Flapping her wings again to try and reach the portal, she saw it fizzle out just as she touched the ground. Looking up at her planet, she was filled with rage and shouted angrily into space.
Hearing a far off scream, Joseph wiggled his finger in his ear a bit before pulling a bit of wax out and flinging it off the end of his finger. He turned around to find Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie staring at him with shocked and slightly angry faces. He then realised what he just did and facepalmed himself. “I’m going to either get sent to the moon or one million years dungeon aren’t I?” He muttered sarcastically.
"Welp, you've gone and buggered things up." Crikey commented.
Author's Note
Joseph finally has his voice back! But at what cost? Friendship? Eehhh, most likely.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 11 - Interrogation Tactics
“Crikey. We need a tactical retreat.” Joseph said and fired a portal at the wall in front of him. Spinning to see the Everfree through a gap in the houses, he ran towards it.
“What on Earth was that portal firing for!?” Crikey asked.
“Shhh. I’ll just lose them and then go through the other portal when I’m safe.” Joseph whispered to Crikey, his voice shaking as he ran away. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that only four of the group was chasing him. Slowing down, he looked up, down and all around, trying to figure out where Pinkie Pie went. “Where did she go?”
He let out a girly shriek as he saw the pony in question jump off a building and on to his face. “Oof!” Joseph let out a groan as the sudden weight caused him to fall flat on his back.
“Girls! I got him!” Pinkie shouted happily, then growled at the human as he tried to get back up. Taking the hint, he laid back down and tried his best to breathe with a pony sitting on his chest. Hearing the other mares run up, he sighed and thumped his head against the ground.
“What did ya do to the princess!?” Applejack snorted angrily, stomping her forehooves near his head. Accepting defeat, he puffed air out of his nose and answered.
“I sent her to the moon.” He said simply, thinking they understood why he did that.
“You what!?” Twilight shouted furiously. Apparently they didn’t.
“Look, you know why I sent her to the moon? It was because she didn’t give me my voice back. She thought I was a child and let me go for three months without it. She even said herself that she would probably give me five months. And even then, she wasn’t certain she would have given it back.” Joseph replied, just as angry, getting tired from being sat on by a pink pony.
“So you’re saying that you sent her to the moon because she didn’t give your voice back? She obviously did, if you ask me.” Rainbow interjected.
“Argh! You don’t get it. She did give my voice back. Yes. But all of you saw how I was coping! I couldn’t leave my room for a month and after Twilight successfully coaxed me out, I spent the next couple of months trying to figure out how to communicate without waving my arms like a dipstick! It sucked! I have no idea how actual mutes handle it.” Joseph said, managing to cross his arms underneath Pinkie. “And will you get off me?” Joseph asked, looking at Pinkie with a death stare.
“Nope. I’m staying right here.” Pinkie replied.
“Why?” Joseph asked.
“Because I don’t wanna.” Pinkie replied. Joseph narrowed his eyes and so did Pinkie. They stared at each other for a few moments before Twilight broke off the impromptu staring contest.
“Pinkie, get off him. Joseph, you’re coming with me.” Twilight ordered and powered her horn up for a spell. Pinkie saluted and bounced off of him, causing Joseph to buckle and groan, rolling onto his side to keep the pain to a minimum.
“WAAAAIII-” Crikey was cut off as Twilight shot her spell and engulfed both her and Joseph, along with his portal gun. This teleported them to Canterlot Castle. When they appeared in a puff of smoke, Crikey continued yelling until he realised where he was. “Joseph, look behind you.” Crikey whispered.
Still groaning from Pinkie’s bounce, Joseph looked up and found a furious Celestia. “Oh hell.” Joseph muttered.
Celestia lifted him up in her yellow smokey-magic thing that all the Unicorns seemed to have and glared at him. “Why did you send my sister to the moon?”
“How many times do I have to say this!? It’s because she left me voiceless! Without a voice! Do you know how hard it is to not speak?” Joseph nearly shouted at the princess.
“Me thinks she knows what the blue alipony was thinking when she cast that spell.” Crikey piped up. Joseph immediately shut his mouth and let the princess speak her mind.
“You sent her because she didn’t give your voice back? But you clearly do have it.” Celestia continued, disregarding the potato.
“Is there an echo in here?” Joseph wondered out loud. “Yes, I know I have it. I sent her there because she refused to give it back after three months. Even then, she was only convinced by both you AND Twilight. If she wasn’t convinced then she would have let it gone on for five months! She even said that it was a maybe.” Joseph reiterated, feeling blood rush to his brain as he was flipped upside down in Celestia’s magic.
On the moon, Princess Luna walked around, seething in fury at Joseph. Hearing an excited yell from a ways above her, she looked up and found a spherical object with an orange moving eye and two handles on it. “Who are you?” Luna asked through gritted teeth.
“SPAAAAAACE!” The orange ball answered.
Luna facehoofed and groaned. “He stranded me with a daft thing and some moron.” Luna murmured, looking to the side and seeing a second sphere but this one had a blue eye.
“I’m not a moron!” A british and slightly robotic voice sounded out from the ball.
“At least he’s slightly more intelligent than that space ball.” Luna said quietly and raised an eyebrow. “What’s your name?” Luna wondered.
“Wheatley! My name is Wheatley! Someone I can actually talk with!” Wheatley answered excitedly as he was clutched in Luna’s magic and brought closer to her.
“How long have you been here?” Luna asked, looking at the sphere curiously.
“No idea.” Wheatley said quickly. “Before you ask what I am, I am a personality core. I was meant to give GLaDOS a sense of … idiotness … yes, let’s go with that. I was meant to bring her IQ down by a whole bunch but it didn’t work.” Wheatley explained and saw the winged-horned pony’s confusion clear up.
“Wait. GLaDOS. As in Aperture GLaDOS?” Luna asked in a suspicious tone.
Wheatley’s eye widened in surprise. “You’ve heard of her?”
Luna nodded. “I heard it from somepony a few months back. Didn’t think anything of it though. But if you know of GLaDOS, maybe you can help me?” Luna asked, her smile curving wickedly.
The core moved it’s eye from side to side. “No can do princess. Sorry.” Wheatley apologised.
“Ah. That’s a shame. Thought it would have worked. Want me to show you around?” Luna replied, her eyes sparkling at seeing two new friends she could keep company with in her sudden loneliness.
“I’ve already been around this moon two thousand times. But one more won’t hurt.” Wheatley said quickly, seeing her face droop slightly.
Luna perked up though and giggled a bit. “I wonder why I never noticed you before.” Luna said and lead the core around in her magic.
After the three occupants in the room had calmed down, they all stood away from each other, not bothering to look at one another’s faces. Joseph could feel the tension in the air but it was shattered when Crikey blew a raspberry. “What was that for?” Joseph asked him.
“Just wanted to defuse the tension.” Crikey answered.
“Ok, look.” Joseph turned around to see the backs of both Twilight and Celestia. “I sent her to the moon because I was angry. That is the simple truth. Now that I have calmed down and thought about it, do you want me to bring her back?”Joseph asked with a heavy sigh. Both of them turned around with skeptical looks on their faces.
“You willing to do that and face the wrath of my sister?” Celestia asked with caution. Joseph hung his head and nodded. Celestia gestured to the moon.
Breathing out, Joseph opened the window. Looking up at the moon he poked his tongue out and fired off a portal. Seeing it flash after a few moments, he turned and shot another one at the wall furthest away from the ponies.
Seeing a flash off in the distance, Luna dragged Wheatley along and took off after it. Nearing the swirling orange vortex, she found that it lead back to Canterlot Castle. Jumping in, she dragged Wheatley, who shouted in joy at finally going home and just because she couldn’t bear the sight of seeing that orange core all alone, Luna grabbed him too and pulled him through the portal before they fizzled close.
“SPAAAAACE!” Space Core shouted in glee as it coasted to a stop in front of Joseph.
“Oh no. Please don’t tell me-” Joseph winced as he heard a british voice yell in glee. “Oh great. Just great.” Joseph moaned and looked at the two personality cores in the room. “Now I have to deal with these two bozos.” Joseph grumbled.
Celestia and Twilight were in shock at seeing the two spheres roll in after Luna made her rather ungraceful entrance as she had ended up falling face-first on the floor after jumping through.
“Hey. They broke both Celestia AND Twilight! Goody!” Crikey said in glee.
“Sure they did. And I see Luna isn’t getting up any time soon. I think this would be good to … run away!” Joseph shouted as he ran straight into a couple of guard ponies. “What now?”
“We heard a disturbance and we wanted to … YOU!” One of the guard ponies shouted as he recognised the human.
“Me? What did I do now!”
“You sent our lady Princess Luna to the moon!” The other guard answered.
“Oh not this rigmarole again, listen, mates! Look over there!” Joseph pointed to the princess in question. Once they looked, Joseph tried to make a bolt for it but instead was caught by some purple smoke magic. “Who…?.” Joseph sighed as he went limp, snoring quite loudly.
Twilight breathed in and out as she finally took command of the situation. We just need to do something about these balls.” Twilight said, looking at the rather happy cores. She saw Luna groan but Celestia was still quite out of it. “I’ll take Joseph home as well as the cores. Is that okay with you Princess?” Twilight asked Princess Luna, who peeled her face off the floor and shook her head.
“Wait. Take the orange one. Leave the blue one with me.” Luna said with a pleading look in her eyes. Twilight simply smiled and bringing the orange core over to her and Joseph and hearing him cough, she teleported them out of the room and back to the library.
Luna directed the guards back to their posts and closed the doors after them. Walking over to her sister and shaking her head, she waved her hooves in front of Celestia. Seeing her eyes twitch slightly in response, she simply smiled and trotted off to her chambers, leaving the core with the shell-shocked Celestia.
“Uuh, not that it’s anyone’s problem, but can somepony take me to someplace comfortable?” Wheatley asked at which Celestia screamed in utter terror. Hearing this, the guard’s burst back in only to see their princess fling some sort of ball away, making it roll to Luna’s room.
“Princess, what did you just throw away?” The guard asked in a gruff voice.
Celestia coughed and tried to regain at least some of her dignity back. “A grey ball. That’ll be all.” Celestia told her guard. Seeing that everything was fine again, he went back to his post outside the door.
“At least the ball will make Luna happy.”
Author's Note
I was very tired when I wrote this so I hope that it makes sense somewhat.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 12 - Puzzle 1: Cave In
“I’m going to need a bigger flashlight.” Joseph said, scratching his head as he moved the light around the darkened interior. The light flashed a few times as it landed on a few computer monitors but other than that, there were dull surfaces all over the place. Waving it around, the light fell on desks, paper, and strewn office supplies. “How did- Huh? What’s that?” Joseph wondered, seeing his light glint against something.
Since he returned Luna and her two guests to Equestria, Joseph had been waiting for the princess to bring her wrath down upon him but so far, nothing. And that had been a full week ago. It took that long just to have the courage to tell Twilight and the others about his triumph in re-wiring the lobby of Aperture and for them to go with him. Except for Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie, who understandably had other duties to attend to.
Applejack was able to get some time off and leave her applebucking for a bit. Rainbow was always up for an adventure so of course she said yes, even if it was a bit reluctant considering what Joseph did. Twilight was even more reluctant and even flat out said no. Her scientific and curious mind won out in the end though so she ran after the three of them, catching up to them in the Aperture lobby as they just walked into the elevator.
Walking over to the glint, he found that it was a bullet. “It looks like a bullet from one of those turret things.” Twilight spoke up from behind him. He jumped and dropped the bullet, making it roll away. He turned around and stared only for Twilight to blink at him. “What?”
“Nothing. Let’s just find a way to get down further.” Joseph sighed and walked towards the back of the room. Twilight nodded and turned to Applejack and Rainbow, who was already scanning the ceiling for … something. She lit up her horn so that they could all see better but it only had a very small radius.
“What are you looking for Rainbow?” Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow. Rainbow stopped her searching and looked down.
“Nothing in particular. Thought there would have been a button or switch here.” Rainbow replied.
Applejack, meanwhile, had been searching around the different desks, her hoof feeling for her as she blindly searched. Feeling her hoof brush against something hard, she pushed it in and heard a hum as the lights came on. “That was simple.” She said and looked around. She saw Joseph give her a thumbs up as well as Twilight and Rainbow giving a whoop.
“Good going AJ. Now all we have to do is-” Joseph was cut short as he stepped on some sort of pressure plate. Looking down, the floor suddenly opened up and a gaping black hole appeared below him. He looked back up and a stupid grin was on his face. “I think I found a way doooooooooooooooown ….” His words trailed off as he fell.
Running to the hole, the three ponies looked over the edge. Twilight concentrated and made her light stronger, making a spotlight that marked where Joseph was. Hearing a thud, Twilight shone the light on his location and found him groaning.
Joseph put a thumbs up and shouted “I’m … okay!” Even though it was slightly muffled. He put his hand back down and groaned putting his hand on his head to peel his face off the floor. Thanks to Twilight’s light, he found his portal gun near an edge. Slowly getting up, he walked towards it and picked it up. “Careful with that first step. It’s a doozy. You okay Crikey?”
“Of course I am. I’m a potato. I don’t feel pain in the slightest but hearing your thud made me cringe mate.” Crikey replied.
Hearing a poof, he turned and found Twilight had teleported herself and her friends down there. She shut off the light spell to find that some sort of motion-activated lights had turned on. It looked like Rainbow was going to say something but she was interrupted by some sort of tinny announcement.
“Welcome, stallions, to Aperture Science. Nobles, farmers, Wonderbolts--you’re here because we want the best, and you are it. So: who’s ready to make some science? ”
“Oh no.” Joseph groaned. He then heard the announcer laugh.
“You’ve already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself. ”
“Who does this guy think he is?” Rainbow asked loudly, hoping whichever pony was speaking would at least show himself.
“I’m Cave Johnson. I own the place. ” Cave added.
“Oh. Well then.” Rainbow replied. Joseph sighed and walked up to the trio, gesturing for the three of them to look around.
“Look around you.” The three of them did. What they saw were white-washed walls with equal squares embedded into them. The walls surround them on all sides and seemed to rise up quite far before meeting the floor above. One one wall was a semicircle door with the image of the front half of a pony. The same door was on the other side except it was the back half of the pony adorning it.
Vines seemed to have penetrated the top half of the walls with clumps of dirt here and there on the floor. On one the half of the room they were facing, the floor ended abruptly. Peeking over the edge, the group saw some disgusting brown goo which had a repugnant odour coming off of it. Backing away to get the smell away from them, they saw a post sticking up out of the goo, with a couple of the same white squares resting on top. The squares were tilted slightly, and looking up, they found a tube with a closed hole. Seeing a line of blue squares, they followed it with their eyes and found they connected to a button. Rainbow flew over to it and she pressed it. Hearing a loud beep, the group saw the hole open up and a cube drop, bouncing off of the tilted squares and landing in the goo where they heard a loud splash, accompanied by an equally loud disintegrating sound, sort of like the sound that Joseph’s portals made when he fizzled them out.
Applejack walked over to a button that was near them and her eyes followed the line of blue squares. Seeing they ended at another closed up hole, she pressed and another cube dropped, except this one stayed in place and didn’t fizzle like the first one. Looking down, Twilight found a round, red pressure plate. Being extremely cautious, she placed a hoof on the plate and pushed down, hearing something slide out behind her. Taking it off and looking around, she caught the stairs slide back into hiding just in time.
“What is this place?” Twilight wondered curiously.
“This place is just one of possibly infinite puzzle rooms. And this is just one of the simple ones.” Joseph said proudly. “If you all follow my orders, then we will all be able to get out of this room. Mainly because if we all do one thing each, only one of us will be able to get out. Deal?” Joseph asked.
Applejack nodded and walked up to him. “Considering ah have no other choice, it has to be.” Applejack said slowly, nodding again but mostly to reassure herself that this won’t end in disaster.
“We won’t need your portal gun to solve this. We could always use magic.” Twilight argued and to demonstrate her point, tried to use her horn. Seeing that she can’t charge it up, her mouth dropped. “What? My horn! Why won’t my horn work!?” Twilight panicked, feeling her horn to see if there was any charge.
“There’s a thousand tests performed every day here at Aperture. I can’t personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages will cover any questions you might have, and to respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure. That being said; magic is prohibited in the test chambers. ” Cave’s voice spoke out again only for Twilight to huff and puff.
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, sheila. Seems like these tests were meant for the portal gun in mind.” Joseph said with a cocky grin.
“So we can’t use magic. Not everything has to be solved with magic, Twilight. As much as you would like to think otherwise.” Rainbow told Twilight as she landed next to her.
“Yeah, well. Friendship and teamwork can be used as well. We’ll follow your orders for this … ‘test chamber’” Twilight relented, agreeing silently with her prismatic friend. Nodding and smiling at their consent, he remembered how this exact test went from playing the games ever since they released. Joseph then went on ahead and started to give orders.
Seeing that Applejack had already added a cube in, Joseph fired a portal underneath it and another one on the wall, seeing it fall through and landing with a heavy thud. Rainbow immediately tried to pick it up but found it too heavy to lift. Applejack tried to buck it across the floor but found her back hooves throbbing in pain as she gave it a solid back kick.
“Them cubes are heavy. How are we supposed ta move it?” Applejack asked. Joseph smiled and picked the cube up with his portal gun. Lifting it up, he moved over to the button and placed the cube gently onto it. The stairs slid out with a whirr and everypony there except Joseph raced up them, eager to get to the exit.
“There’s another button here!” Rainow called out.
“That’s simple! Twilight! Press the button closest to the stairs!” Joseph ordered. Twilight did as instructed and found part of the floor rose up to create a temporary wall.
“What!? Why does the floor move! Why does ANY OF THIS EXIST!?” Twilight shouted in a panic, backing away from the button.
“Look out!” Joseph shouted as Twilight was so panicked, she backed towards the gap and fell, completely misplacing her back hooves. Rainbow reacted quickly and dashed to Twilight’s safety, catching her, only to find part of her tail be submerged in the goo. Quickly flapping her wings to hover, she flapped back up slowly and saw part of Twilight’s tail disintegrate, leaving it extremely uneven. Seeing this happen, Twilight’s mind overloaded and she blacked out.
Joseph raced up the stairs and quickly finished the puzzle by firing a couple of portals underneath the cube and on the wall opposite it. He pressed the left button and the cube fell. Timing it, he pressed the right button and the floor rose up, stopping the cube. It fell to the floor and he rushed forward to pick it up. Finally placing it on the button, Joseph looked at the group as the exit opened.
“Puzzle’s finished. How’s Twilight holding up?” Joseph asked in concern. Rainbow and Applejack looked at Twilight and found her moving restlessly.
“I’ll carry her back and take her home. I’m the only flier able to do it. If you want, you can continue on but Twilight needs to get back home first.” Rainbow said and gently picked Twilight up. She then proceeded to fly out of the hole in roof and out of sight.
“What do you think Applejack? Move forward or head back home?” Joseph asked, wanting to give Applejack a choice. “It’s completely up to you.”
“Ah’d rather head home and back to mah farm. Ah’ll check on Twilight after Ah finish up a few things there.” Applejack said. Shrugging, Joseph walked over to the hole and taking careful aim, fired a portal out of the hole and onto the ceiling of the room above. Firing the other one onto the wall, he stepped back.
“You continue on. I want to see what’s on the other side of the door then I’ll head back out.” Joseph said. Applejack nodded, and taking careful consideration, leaped through portal and onto the edge of the hole. Waving at him to let him know she made it safely, Joseph breathed out and fizzled the portals out. “What’s behind door number 1?”
“No idea. Hope it’s pancakes.” Crikey replied.
Author's Note
Will pancakes be on the other side of the exit? Who knows but it's definitely not cake. Sorry. FOr anyone wondering about the puzzle, here is what it looks like. I managed to describe it as best I can.
View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 14 - The Paint Gun Testing Initiative
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 15 - Dragon Mischief
Author's Note
This was a really fun crossover to make. This crossover was brought to you by the combined efforts of Danger A. Dragon and myself. Check out his story The Iridescent Element which can be found here !
Chapter 15 - Dragon Mischief
A couple of weeks after the Flim Flam Brother incident, Joseph was making the last few adjustments to his gun, Joseph lifted it up and found it was slightly heavier than normal. It was probably because of the two extra gel tubes he added as an upgrade thanks to the notes he found in the Aperture building. As he was about to test it, he saw a flash come from the table in the corner of the room.
Getting up from his seated position, he walked over and found that it was an hourglass. Picking it up, he saw that it had four different colours streaming into an empty bottom half. Focusing on the colours, he heard a message. “I am Draigo, a primordial dragon. To those who find this hourglass, know that I’m here should you need help. I will give my protection to those I deem worthy. I will give my attention to those who need to talk. Finally, to those who misuse this item and others like it, you shall know my wrath. ”
“That’s rather grim.” Joseph remarked and cleared his throat. “Let’s try this. G’Day Draigo. This is Joseph.” He said out loud, feeling extremely foolish.
A portal opened up on the other side of the table as an armored human stepped through. His armor was crimson and gold with golden floral patterns near the edges. A spear and shield were on his back and a war axe was strapped to his waist. A helmet with a mask covered his head.
“Greetings. I’m assuming you’re Joseph?” the armored man asked.
“Yeah, mate.” Joseph nodded, his voice going an octave higher than normal. Clearing his throat again, he gave it another go. “Yeah. I’m Joseph and you are Draigo?” Joseph asked, feeling a bit underdressed with only his orange jumpsuit on.
“Yes, I am Draigo. Now, I’ll answer a question you most likely have. Yes, I’m actually a dragon. After I was summoned the first time I realized that not everyone would have a nice wide open space for me to come into and that travelling as a dragon into an unknown world could be a bit dangerous for me and those nearby.” He strode over to Joseph and stuck out his hand, “ Nice to meet you.”
Joseph took the hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you too. And you’re a dragon. That’s something you certainly don’t hear every day.” He said, taking his hand back. “There should be someplace around here to sit down.” Joseph added, looking around the room. All he could see was a table, a few bookshelves and a makeshift sleeping bag. “Oh right. There’s a place to sit downstairs if you want.”
“Sure. Where are we, anyway?” Draigo asked as he followed his fellow human downstairs.
“This is Twilight’s library. She calls it the Golden Oaks Public Library, which it is. The second floor, where we are now, is where she has her own personal library, her room, Spike’s room and a bathroom. The lower floor is completely taken up by books except for the kitchen, strangely enough.” Joseph answered, pointing to the rooms as they passed them.
“Ah, okay. I’ve met her and her friends in my world, but haven’t been inside her library yet. Do you live here then?”
“It didn’t start out that way but that’s what it ended up being.” Joseph shrugged. “Twilight and Spike aren’t here right now anyway. Twilight’s in some sort of coma at the hospital while Spike tries to take care of her there. I’ve been looking after the place while she’s recuperating.” Joseph continued and found a couple of seats around a table. “These are usually for reading but it can be used for chatting as well.”
“Hmm, was there a battle or did Twilight have an accident with one of her experiments?” Draigo took a seat and relaxed into it.
“No, nothing like that. We were solving a puzzle room after I fell into it at Aperture. The sheila had pressed one of the buttons, the floor rose to stop an incoming cube and her brain sort of stopped working I guess? It caused her to panic and fall towards some brown goo but Rainbow Dash managed to save her but not before a big chunk of her tail got dissolved. She’s been recovering ever since.” Joseph relayed what had happened and sat opposite Draigo.
“Ah, I see. Well, I hope she recovers quickly. Now, tell me. How would your ponies react to a dragon being in here with you if they were to show up? I ask because it’s a whole lot more comfortable in my draconic form than this one,” Draigo said as he looked outside to see if they were being watched by curious eyes.
Joseph followed his gaze and saw that there were a few ponies watching them but they weren’t that close to the window. “Let’s see. It took the blighters a few months to get used to me but I think that they would be fine. Depends how big your draconic form is. They’re used to Spike who is a small dragon and is only about as high as that fourth bookshelf from the bottom.” Joseph pointed at the shelf behind Draigo. “It depends really. I mean, they got used to turrets being in the town fairly quickly so who knows? All we can do is try.”
“Alright, this could get interesting,” Draigo said as he started to turn into his draconic form. His armor and weapons melded into his body and became scales. His neck, arms and legs lengthened and grew claws where his toes and fingers were. Wings sprouted from his back along with spines and a tail from his waist. He grew slightly, about the size of Celestia, and went onto all fours. Once all the changes happened and the light hit his scales different colors showed themselves depending on the angle. “Ah, much better. This is how I usually look in my world. I can grow or shrink as needed.”
Seeing the transformation, Joseph shot out of his chair, causing it to tumble to the floor. He emulated being a fish out of water for a few moments before his brain grasped the situation. “You weren’t kidding about being a dragon mate.” Joseph managed to get out and looked to the window. If he was shocked at the transformation, then the various ponies outside the window only moved closer to see what was happening. “That is certainly … something.” He remarked, taking in the sight.
“Hmm, that’s about the same reaction I got when I told my Twilight that I’m a Primordial Dragon. Just with less questions and no combat beforehand.” Draigo commented as he stretched his limbs.
“Primordial ….. I think I heard something about primordials back home on Earth. In Australia anyway, there were tales told of primordials that could wield different elements but that was the thing. They were tales. You seem to be the genuine article.” Joseph stated, leaning back in his chair after he somewhat came to terms with what was in front of him.
“That I am, somewhat unfortunately. The change has come with immense power and immortality, but I had to exist from the beginning of time. I traveled the void of space, alone, for more years than the Earth was around, according to what I had found on the internet back then. It was very lonely and now that I’m not alone I’ll do whatever it takes to keep it that way,” Draigo told Joseph as he laid on the ground where he was sitting before.
Joseph nodded and leaned to the side to look at him. “That sounds like a good goal to have. Me? I have no goal. I’m just taking it one day at a time and hopefully I won’t get killed by any turrets. I’ve managed to beat a couple of puzzles in Aperture but the third one was a doozy. That’s where I got these tube attachments.” Joseph brought his portal gun up and gestured to the two coloured tubes on the sides. “I haven’t figured out if it works or not though.”
“Well, there’s no time like the present. Give it a shot.” Draigo stood and waited for the test to begin.
“It would be better if I tested it outside. Twilight would be mad if I damaged any of her books.” Joseph said with a grin and stood up, leading Draigo outside.
“Ah, right. Angering the pony you live with is a really bad idea. So, any idea what it’s supposed to do?” Draigo followed him outside and looked around at the ponies present.
The different coloured ponies that were crowding the window turned around and wondered what was going on with those two.
“Alright. This should be fun. The blue tube has blue goo inside it that lets me bounce extremely high and the orange goo in the other tube lets me run super fast. Should be fun to smash my face against a wall if I can’t stop in time.” Joseph answered and aimed the gun at an empty road. Pressing a button he installed on the handle, the blue goo made a squelching sound as it shot out of the gun, painting the road blue. Running up to it, he bounced and landing on the goo, jumped back up without doing anything. “At least we know this one works!” Joseph shouted as he kept jumping without knowing how to stop. “Now how do I stop this crazy thing!?”
“Well, I don’t know how to stop the effect, but allow me to stop you at least,” Draigo said as he tapped into his magic and began to manipulate the air around Joseph. Soon enough, Joseph was floating in midair with nothing but the wind supporting him. Draigo then brought Joseph back over to the library, while keeping him airborne, and set him down gently.
Joseph dusted himself off and grinned. “That’s certainly one way to stop. Thanks for that. Now let’s see about the other one.” Joseph said and pressing the button, the orange goo squelched out this time as it hit the road, effectively painting over the blue. Knowing what it can do, he gingerly stepped onto it but the gel reacted instantly, tripping him up and causing him to slide down the road on his back at an increasingly fast rate. He screamed as his feet hit the wall of a house. “OW!” Joseph shouted. “I think my feet are broken.”
Draigo took off and flew over to the now injured Joseph “Hmm, I wonder if the restrictions apply to this world as well. Well, nothing to do but try it,” he muttered to himself as he once again tapped into his power stores. His claws started glowing white and he pointed them at Joseph’s feet. “Well, my restrictions seem to have been lifted. Try standing up.”
Slowly crawling off of the orange goop, he did as instructed. Getting up cautiously, he put weight on both of his feet and found that no pain was shooting up his legs. “They’re … fine. They’re fine! How did you do that?” Joseph said happily, jumping up and down a couple of times to be sure.
“Well, remember those tales and how those primordials could wield the different elements? Well, I can wield all of them. That includes the super over powered elements of Aether, Nether, and Space/Time. I just used Aether, or life force, to heal your injuries. Normally, there’s restrictions put on those three, but for whatever reason those restrictions seem to have been lifted while I’m in this world, if not others,” Draigo answered as he repaired any damage the wall had taken from the impact.
Joseph looked on as he watched the wall be repaired, seeing it be left good as new. “If Aether is life, then would Nether be death?” Joseph wondered, waving his finger in the air as he stepped side to side, testing the weight put on each foot. “My feet are definitely good as new, mate.” Joseph added, returning his gaze to Draigo.
“That’s right, Nether is basically death. I’ve never used it and don’t plan on ever using if at all possible. I’m glad I could help. I think there’s a certain lavender pony that could benefit from a bit of healing,” Draigo answered as he stretched out his wings once more.
“Right. She would be …” Joseph turned on his foot and with his finger still in the air, pointed towards the house behind him. “Twilight would be thattaway, behind the house. The hospital is somewhere in that general direction anyway.”
“Alright, care for a lift or are you good?” Draigo asked as he stepped up to Joseph.
Joseph leaned away to look around the house and found that there wasn’t he couldn’t make a clear shot to the hospital. “A lift would be good. Thanks mate.” He said in gratitude.
“Alright, just don’t puke on me if you get airsick,” Draigo said as he flew up and grabbed Joseph by his shoulders before he flew up and over the house in the direction of the hospital.
“I don’t get airsick.” Joseph replied as he felt himself be lifted up by Draigo. Seeing them fly over the house, his eyes widened. “Struth! It’s a different view from up here. I can see for miles ahead and speaking of which, turns out the hospital is to the left of us.” Joseph said, frowning at his navigating skills.
“Eh, you’re not heavy and it always feels nice to fly around. The view doesn’t hurt either.” Draigo turned toward the hospital and gained some altitude.
Joseph swung around a bit in the dragon’s grasp as they turned. Words got caught in his throat as they flew higher though, causing his eyes to bug out slightly. “This is higher than I’m used to.” He said in a small voice.
“We could go higher,” Draigo teased as he seemed to fly higher.
Getting an idea, he swallowed his fear and looked up at Draigo. “I actually want to try something. Fly as high as you can. I want to see how fast I can fall towards outer space.” Joseph said with a manic grin, holding his portal gun tightly.
“Oh, you have no idea how high I can fly,” Draigo said as he began to grow, “Hope the ponies down below don’t panic from a colossal dragon being above them.” As Draigo grew he shifted Joseph from two claws, to one, and finally into the palm of his claws.
Joseph held on tightly but slowly loosened his grip as Draigo stopped his transformation. “Apparently Spike grew into a colossal dragon from some sort of greed thing and the ponies all panicked but seeming as we are high up, I don’t think they’ll mind.” Joseph answered, getting ready to take the fall of his life.
“Ha, Spike growing from greed. That’s funny to imagine. In my world, I’m double the size of the biggest dragon. Then again, I created them to be that size at max. Alright, here we are. This is as high as we can go without you needing something to help you breathe.” Draigo slowly stopped and began to hover in place.
“Alright. I have Buckley’s Chance in hell that I’ll survive this but if I manage to shoot past you, can you catch me?” Joseph asked, balancing himself against the slow up and down movement of his claws.
“I will be sure to catch you, but let’s hope for a success.” Draigo looked down at the town below them and then glanced at the crazy person in his claw.
Without any more ceremony, Joseph took careful aim and fired a portal at the town below. Seeing a bright flash as it hit on the roof of a building somewhere directly underneath, he nodded and turned. Taking a running leap, he fell through the air. Firing a portal at where he estimated he would land, Joseph began to flail his arms and scream in joy. Hitting the portal, he shot through and only picked up speed as he headed toward Draigo.
As he approached Draigo, Joseph felt the air around him begin to cushion him. As he flew towards the dragon he continued to slow down until he was once more being supported by the air around him, right in front of Draigo.
Joseph looked in confusion only for it to clear when he saw Draigo in front of him. “Hi, friend. How are you doing? The weather up here is grand.” He said with a smile and a wave.
“Isn’t it? I’m kinda surprised you aren’t freezing, though. Well, let’s get down from here before you start freezing,” Draigo said as he began to descend toward the speck that was the hospital below them.
Joseph shrugged and held onto a claw. “Adrenaline will do that to you. Gets the blood pumping and makes you do crazy things. Or maybe I’m thinking of drugs.”
“Well, I think you’re right on both accounts, in some instances.” Draigo stopped flapping and started to glide for the rest of their short journey.
As Draigo coasted to a stop near the hospital, Joseph hopped off and crouched when he landed, minimalising any damage. “The hospital is just around the corner. Not sure how well the ponies in there will take to another dragon going in.” Joseph commented.
“Well, I can stay out here if Twilight has a window or they can just deal with it,” Draigo commented as he walked around the corner of the building.
“I think Twilight’s room is on the second floor. I’ll go in anyway just to make sure.” Joseph said as he followed Draigo. He walked into the lobby and found that there were only a few ponies milling about. It must have been a slow day for them. “Excuse me, sheila? Where can I find Twilight?” Joseph asked the white pony behind the desk.
“Second floor. Third door on the right.” She answered, not looking up from her clipboard.
Joseph thanked her and walked back out, placing his hands in his pockets with his gun under an arm. “She’s the third window from the left, on the second floor. I was close about where she was.”
“Okay, I’ll stay out here and look through her window.” Draigo walked over and laid on the ground in the area of said window. He still had to lower his head due to his size and length of his neck.
Joseph gave a thumbs up and ran back inside, breezing past the various patrons and headed upstairs to the second floor. Opening the door to Twilight’s room, he found Spike snoring lightly as well as a big head outside the window. Breathing out slowly, he walked to the window and opened it. “Welcome to Twilight’s room.” Joseph whispered, and then backed away from Draigo to give him some space to work with.
Draigo looked into the room and blinked. His eye and the surrounding scales was all that could be seen through the window. Twilight began to glow as Draigo’s power encompassed her body. The glow lasted for about a minute before it died off. “There, she should wake up any moment now.”
Spike stirred a little and then suddenly woke up as he felt the pony beneath him move. He heard her groan and then watched as a hoof rubbed her head. “YES! You’re awake! WOOHOO!” Spike shouted happily, jumping onto Twilight in a seemingly bone-crushing hug.
“Spike … you’re hugs are almost as strong as Pinkie’s …” Twilight said softly, smiling all the while.
“I still doubted it wouldn’t work but I’m glad it did.” Joseph said in a normal voice to Draigo.
“I manipulated her very life-force. Anything and everything that was wrong with her was made apparent to me and then healed. It’s nothing like normal healing spells,” Draigo told Joseph as Twilight endured the fierce hug from Spike.
“Still though. I can see why there are restrictions put on those powers of yours in your Equestria.” Joseph said, scratching his head.
Twilight looked over to the voices and she smiled wider. “Hi, Joseph. Who’s the big eye you’re talking to in the window?” Twilight asked, the morphine in her body making her feel slightly loopy.
“Man, those must be some really good painkillers if you’re not freaking out. Anyway, my name is Draigo. I’m a Primordial Dragon and it’s a pleasure to meet you, Twilight,” Draigo commented with a grin that wasn’t visible to those in the room.
Feeling Spike crawl off her after the hug was done, Twilight breathed in and out, getting some air back into her lungs. “Believe me. I would freak out and then take notes. And then freak out some more. It is a pleasure to meet you too Mr. Draigo.” Twilight replied.
“Oh, you can take that IV out. You won’t feel any pain. As I told Joseph, everything that was wrong with you is now fixed and I do mean everything ,” Draigo told her.
Twilight blinked and testing out her magic, she took the drip out and carefully placed it on the bag. “Everything? I find that hard to believe.” Twilight said.
“You’d better believe it. I’m Australian so I’m used to weird stuff happening all the time. It didn’t take me long to get used to his Aether magic.” Joseph replied, crossing his arms and leaned against the wall.
“Would you like another demonstration, oh ye doubtful mortal?” Draigo asked.
“I would actually. This type of magic doesn’t exist here or if it did, then it would be forbidden magic.” Twilight answered. “Of course, magic that can heal bruises and small cuts does exist but being able to heal the body in one blast is not possible.”
“Pick your target,” Draigo said as he shrunk down to his previous size and flew threw the open window.
Spike reeled back at this and pointed wildly. “You shrunk! You were big but then you shrunk and flew through the window! That was awesome!” Spike said gleefully, bouncing up and down on his tail a few times.
“I’ll pick my target, but you’re going to have to tell me about that shrinking thing and how you got here.” Twilight said, her eyes just as wide as Spike’s. She got down off the bed and after looking out the door for a bit, lead the group down the hallway.
“Well, to start. I can shrink and grow at will, it’s an innate ability not magic. How I got here is a little more complicated, but to simplify it. Joseph summoned me via my token,” Draigo told them as he followed them further into the hospital.
“So you’re a Displaced? We ran into one a few months before I went into my coma. Forgot what his name was but I remember him saying he met Starswirl the Bearded.” Twilight reiterated and stopped at one of the doors. “I think … yep. This is the one. Rainbow Dash is here with a broken wing. I may have been in a coma but I could still hear things.” Twilight added, nudging the door open.
“Yes, I’m a Displaced. That saves a lot of time. Oh, Starswirl. That was an interesting pony,” Draigo commented, “Now, is it just a broken wing? I thought you’d have something a bit tougher to fix.”
“Well, her pride is also broken but I don’t think your abilities could fix that.” Twilight replied with a small smile.
“Well, it would depend on how her pride was broken, but in general you’d be correct,” Draigo admitted.
Joseph watched as he saw Rainbow idly push her bedside lamp on and off but after a while, she went to grab a book, only to stop at seeing the visitors in her room.
“I wasn’t reading! I mean, what are you guys doing here?” Rainbow asked in a panic.
“We’re visiting, but Mr. Draigo here, apparently, is going to heal your wing.” Twilight spoke up, trying to calm Rainbow at the same time.
“Who? Also, why are you out of bed? Shouldn’t you be in a coma?” Rainbow asked incredulously.
“Well, basically the answers you’re looking for is only one thing. Me,” Draigo answered as he stepped up next to Rainbow’s bed.
Rainbow went to move away but was stopped by her bandaged wing as well as the drip tube running up her leg. “You? You took Twilight out of a coma and now you’re going to heal me? I’d like to see you try.” Rainbow said with a bit of a smirk.
“Well, her ego seems fine at least,” Draigo commented, “Challenge accepted.” Draigo’s claws and Rainbow’s body started to glow white. After a few moments the glow faded. Draigo took the IV out of Rainbow’s leg and used a claw to cut the bandage off her wing. “Try flapping your wings.”
Rainbow’s smirk slowly faded to be replaced by a stunned look as her wings worked just fine. “Woah. What was that white glowy stuff?” Rainbow asked in amazement.
“That ‘white glowy stuff’ was an external manifestation of Aether being manipulated,” Draigo explained.
Rainbow scratched her head as she thought through what he had said.
“He basically used your life force to heal you.” Joseph translated to Rainbow.
“Oh, okay. That makes a bit more sense. Thanks.” Rainbow said with a smile. “By the way, what are you? You certainly can’t be whatever he is.” Rainbow pointed to Joseph, who only pointed to himself in slight confusion.
“Oh? Are you sure about that?” Draigo said with a smirk as he transformed back into his armored human form.
Spike dropped the red rubber ball he had been playing with as he witnessed the transformation. Twilight’s eyes narrowed while Rainbow’s mouth fell.
“Nope. Now I am not so sure. You certainly have the same shape as he does.” Rainbow answered, shaking her head.
“Fine, I’ll remove the helmet,” Draigo said as he reached up and removed his helm to reveal his human head. He had dark brown hair that was cut short and blue eyes that seemed almost like ice in color.
“You’re a human?” Twilight asked, looking at his face in interest.
“Twilight, Spike and Rainbow? Meet hairless ape number 2. A primordial dragon!” Joseph announced grandly, gesturing to Draigo and chuckling to himself.
“Oh, you should see your faces and I do too have hair. It’s just cut short or covered by my armor,” Draigo commented as he laughed at their reactions.
“I got hair too but we don’t have as much hair as the monkeys here. Now Rainbow. You’re wing is good right?” Joseph asked, steepling his fingers and pointing them towards her wing. Rainbow only nodded, too stunned to speak. “Twilight is obviously out of her coma so that’s all fine and dandy.” Joseph said, placing his hands on his hips.
“I need to take notes now!” Twilight burst out, immediately teleporting to her home.
“Dang, Twilight’s gotten into one of her nerd modes,” Draigo said as he transformed back into a dragon, “Ah, much better. Do we wait here for Twilight or do we leave?”
“May as well wait here. She’ll only take a few minutes to get her notes together and then she’ll teleport right on back. She used to take a lot of notes from me but that stopped when Princess Luna rendered me mute for three months.” Joseph replied, sitting down on the floor; relieved to get the weight off of his feet.
“Ha, she turned you mute? Man, mine probably wishes she could do that to me. Both of them have made it so that I couldn’t fly and had to hobble back to Canterlot via combat, though,” Draigo told them in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Wow. Makes Joseph’s sending Princess Luna to the moon for an hour sound like child’s play compared to what you went through.” Spike said, tossing the ball back and forth between him and Rainbow.
“Oh, they were just worried about me leaving and since magic doesn’t affect me they had to beat some ‘sense’ into me. They’re really very nice so long as you don’t piss them off. In fact, I live in Canterlot castle,” Draigo told them as a dreamy expression came onto his face.
“Whenever I get forcibly teleported to the castle, they don’t seem happy to see me so I assume they’re always pissed off. At least when I’m around anyway. I find the castle dull and boring anyway. No offense.” Joseph said with a forced smile in Draigo’s direction.
“You live in Canterlot castle? I lived there too once before Princess Celestia told Twilight and I to leave and make some friends in Ponyville.” Spike added.
“Speaking of Twilight, I thought she’d be back by now. Oh well, guess I’ll just practice some magic until she gets here,” Draigo commented as a draconic form started to appear out of thin air.
While the others were occupied with Draigo’s magic, Twilight appeared in a puff of smoke, holding a notepad and a quill in her magic. Wrenching his gaze from the magical display, Joseph turned to Twilight.
“G’Day Twilight. What took you so long?” Joseph asked.
“Someone moved the notepads, scrolls, quills and ink bottles around so I had to rearrange them back into their rightful places.” Twilight answered, narrowing her eyes at Joseph. He only gave a sheepish smile and gestured to Draigo. She followed his arms and looked to the dragon. “Oh. Right. Uum. You’re a primordial dragon correct? They don’t exist in this Equestria.” Twilight asked, tapping the quill against the pad.
“That I am,” Draigo answered as the draconic form became more and more detailed.
“Primordial dragons do … what exactly? The only thing I’ve seen you do is manipulate Aether.” Twilight asked, writing his answers down.
“Well, one of the things you want to know about, I’m doing right now. Another would be to control dragons and another would be to basically do whatever with the rest of the elements. That’s not everything, but that’s a good start,” Draigo answered as the draconic form that used to be see through became solid.
“So manipulating matter and the four basic elements as well as- controlling dragons!?” Twilight ended in a shocked tone, her eyes flicking to Spike for a brief moment before going back to rest on Draigo.
“Yeah, what’s something Spike would never do?” Draigo asked as the draconic form became an actual dragon.
“Tell Rarity how he feels.” Twilight said automatically then quickly covered her mouth in a vain effort to hide what she had said.
“Oh?” Draigo said as he smiled evilly, “Where is Rarity right now?”
“I believe she’s working at Carousel Boutique at the moment. That big white, circular building near the town hall.” Joseph said, liking the look that Draigo had on his face.
“Well, we need to go to her or she needs to come to us.” Draigo stood and put the newly made dragon on his back.
“We can go to her and surprise her with our newfound health.” Rainbow suggested with a grin.
“What are you doing with that dragon you made?” Joseph asked ,standing up and stretching a bit.
“Oh, she’ll wake up in a bit, but for now it’s a surprise,” Draigo had a sly smile on his face.
“I don’t want any part of this but I’ll come anyway for support.” Twilight said, flashing her notes and quill back to the library.
“Oh, you were partially right about the four elements. I can manipulate them, but I can also manipulate anything else that is considered an ‘element’,” Draigo told her as he walked out of the room.
The others moved to catch up to him. “So that means you can also control the Elements of Harmony?” Twilight asked curiously, Draigo’s ‘evil’ plan forgotten for the moment.
“I’ll leave that up to interpretation,” Draigo said as he grabbed Spike and Joseph before taking off towards Carousel Boutique.
“HEY! IF YOU WANTED TO RACE, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST SAY SO!” Rainbow shouted as she took off after him, leaving a rainbow streak behind her. Twilight just grumbled and teleported to the Boutique.
“Sorry Rainbow, I didn’t want Twilight to try to stop us,” Draigo told the pegasus as she caught up.
“Yeah, well. She’ll find a way.” Rainbow replied, slowing down as she caught up.
“She always finds a way. That is one smart sheila.” Joseph commented as he looked at Rainbow’s colourful streak.
“Oh, there’s a way to make sure she doesn’t interfere,” Draigo said as his ‘evil’ grin returned.
“You’re impervious to magic as well?” Joseph questioned.
“Well, there’s that and freezing her in time,” Draigo said nonchalantly.
The three of them blinked at that. “What?” They all asked in unison.
“Hahaha, you’ll see,” Draigo said as he landed outside the boutique.
Rainbow kept flying and ended up crashing through a window. Joseph cringed and opened up the door to find Rainbow on top of Twilight. “Ehh. Sorry.” Rainbow said with a grin and leaped off, looking around for Rarity.
“Hello? Is there a Ms. Rarity here?” Draigo called out once he was inside.
Rainbow slowly flew around and found that there was a door ajar. As she was opening it, a white head came out causing Rainbow to quickly head back to the group.
“Did someone call me? Oh? What are you all doing here and who is this? One of Spike’s friends?” Rarity asked, walking out of the supply room.
“Yes, I called you. My name is Draigo and I’m a Displaced,” Draigo introduced himself.
Rarity’s eyes widened at that. “Oh. A Displaced you say? Sounds just like that Vash fellow we ran into about five months back. What brings you here?”
“Well, besides a token, Twilight’s curiosity,” Draigo told the white mare.
“And what is Twilight curious about this time?” Rarity asked, looking at Twilight. Twilight went to say but decided not to. She didn’t want to admit it, but Twilight wanted to see if he could actually make Spike do what she asked.
“Well, me, but right now Spike has something to tell you,” Draigo said as his eyes gained a slight glow to them, “Go on Spike. Tell Rarity how you feel about her, your honest feelings.”
Spike’s eyes gained the same glow and he opened his mouth to speak. “Rarity, I-” He was interrupted by Twilight.
“WAIT!” Twilight shouted.
“Wait for what, darling?” Rarity asked.
“Sorry, Twilight. There’s no stopping it. I won’t have you interfere again,” Draigo said as Twilight glowed for a second and then froze like a statue.
“What did you do to poor Twilight?” Rarity asked in terror. Rainbow stepped in though and tried to get Rarity to think rationally.
“Rarity, listen. Twilight will be perfectly fine if you just hear what Spike has to say.” Rainbow said.
“Rainbow is right. Just listen to him.” Joseph echoed.
Rarity took a breath and nodded. “If Twilight is harmed, I will hurt you twofold. With needles.” Rarity threatened as she looked to Spike. “What did you want to say to me Spikey-Wikey.”
“Rarity, I have a big crush on you. I’ve felt this way ever since we first met and I had no idea how to tell you. That is why I always follow you around and do whatever you say. I will still do all that but at least you now know how I feel.” Spike said, shaking his head as the glow from his eyes left him.
Rarity could only look, her gaze not really focusing on anything while Joseph and Rainbow laughed in the background at Rarity’s dead stare.
“Well, I’ll let Twilight go now that she can’t interfere,” Draigo said as Twilight once more glowed, “Welcome back, our contestant Spike has just completed his challenge and has gotten the reward of a blank stare from Rarity. What are you going to do now?”
“Um … uh …. I was going to stop him but it seems like I can’t do that. Did you freeze me in time?” Twilight questioned.
“The challenger’s interference has more questions! When will they stop?” Joseph added in between taking breaths.
“Ding, Ding, Ding. She correctly guessed the answer. Now, what will she pick as a prize?” Draigo commented into a clenched claw like he was holding a microphone.
“I don’t know, Draigo. What are her prizes?” Joseph continued, unzipping the top half of his jumpsuit to cool off. The only thing underneath it was a white singlet.
“Well, Joseph. She can pick from asking any question that I have to answer honestly, some custom made jewelry, or not having to be around when Rarity finally snaps out of it,” Draigo listed off.
“If it was up to me, I would choose door number 3 but it seems like we’re out of time.” Joseph looked at his non-existent watch as he saw Rarity finally twitch.
“When did you two become game-show hosts?” Spike asked, looking at the two of them as if they had grown a second head each.
“As soon as I unfroze Twilight. Now, what will Rarity do now that she’s shown some form of physical movement?” Draigo said as he prepared his powers.
“You …. like me? I don’t how to say this but … I … don’t like you in the same way.” Rarity said in a slow and calmly measured voice.
“Well, that was disappointing. But I have to say, that sheila’s voice sounds scarier than if she actually moved.” Joseph commentated.
“Haha, I saw this coming. Good thing I prepared,” Draigo said as he brought the female dragon from off his back. “I know it’ll take awhile for Spike to get over this, but this little one should make it much easier for him.” Draigo placed the dragon on the floor in front of him.
“You don’t? I guess I expected this but I didn’t think you would actually say it.” Spike said sadly as tears began to well up in his eyes.
At the sound of Spike’s voice the little dragon on the floor woke up and looked around. She saw Spike and immediately went over to him. She noticed his sad expression and building tears and then hugged Spike lovingly.
Spike stopped crying even though tears still fell down his face at the touch. He opened his eyes and found another dragon hugging him. The dragon had blue scales with a paler colour for her belly. The spikes on her back were a faded shade of pink. When she opened her eyes and leaned back to look at him, they were a magenta colour.
“Spike, meet Ember. Ember, this is Spike,” Draigo introduced the two.
“Hello, Ember. Nice to meet you.” Spike said uncertainly as he slowly took her arms off of him.
“You made Spike a girl dragon? Not bad.” Joseph commented.
“I was planning on doing the same for my Spike if he doesn’t find one during the migration that’s going to happen pretty soon,” Draigo said as he watched Ember grab one of Spike’s claws in her own with a giggle.
“Migration? What migration?” Joseph asked as he saw Spike awkwardly shake claws with Ember.
“The dragon migration. All the dragons get together and do whatever they do. I have stayed away from that every time it’s happened since my dragons consider me as ‘god’,” Draigo explained with an exasberated sigh at the end.
“I can see why they think that.” Joseph remarked and turned to look at Twilight who seemed to have tears in her eyes. “You okay?”
“I’m just so happy Spike confessed and found another dragon.” Twilight said happily.
“And you wanted to stop him,” Draigo said smugly. Twilight only smiled sheepishly at him.
Joseph turned to find Rainbow was about to fly the coop. “Where are you going?”
“Sorry, can’t take that mushy stuff Spike’s going through at the moment.” Rainbow said simply and flew off without so much as a goodbye.
Rarity walked over to Twilight with a big smile, seeming to have gotten over the shock of hearing Spike confess.
“Thank you for telling me about this whole dragon thing Twilight. I don’t think Spike would have confessed his feelings willingly.” Rarity said within earshot of Draigo and Joseph.
“Oh, so Rarity knew about his feelings and about what was going to happen. Not sure a ‘lady’ would do something like that,” Draigo commented loud enough for Rarity and Twilight to hear even though he was speaking with Joseph.
“Oh, you have me all wrong. This was all Twilight’s idea. I was working on a new dress for an order when a piece of paper was magicked into place. Turns out it was a message, saying that you were going to use that dragon, sorry, Ember, with Spike but to do that, he had to confess his feelings. That could only happen with your dragon controlling powers. So blame Twilight. I only assisted in helping a friend.” Rarity explained while Twilight laid her ears against her head and tried to inconspicuously sneak away.
“Well, first things first. Rarity, I didn’t hear you deny that you knew about Spike’s feelings. Twilight, how did you know I was going to, as you put it, ‘use Ember’ for Spike’s benefit? I had started creating her well before I even mentioned dragon manipulation to you,” Draigo said as he kept Twilight in place by trapping her hooves in some earth.
“Eep. Rarity got the timing of the facts wrong. I did send her a message telling about the dragon but I had to no idea ‘it’ would be a ‘she’. Everypony knew about Spike’s feelings for Rarity, we all thought it would only be a matter of time for him to confess. When the four of you raced ahead, I teleported to the boutique and told her about the dragon manipulation. I was only looking out for my friend, I just had no idea the dragon you created was a she.” Twilight said, pleading, knowing that she isn’t able to move.
“You planned this?” Spike asked Twilight in disbelief.
“So it seems, Spike. It seems Rarity knew about your feelings and then let you continue as you were, hoping you’d either confess or grow out of it. It also seems to me that a ‘friend’, whether the one you live with or the one you help, wouldn’t allow you to continue something that they figured was doomed to fail anyway,” Draigo said as he bore down on the two mares most at fault.
“What? Why? Why would you do this Twilight?” Spike asked, walking up to her and Rarity with Ember in tow.
“Because you are like a baby brother to me. I didn’t want to see you get hurt so me and my friends thought it would have been better to not tell you that we know you like Rarity. I thought I knew enough about friendship to handle this properly but it’s obvious that I don’t.” Twilight finished, looking down at the floor.
Spike didn’t have anything to say to that.
“See, there’s your fatal flaw. You thought this was ‘friendship’. No, this is something else, love. Love is similar to friendship, but it’s much more than friendship. To put it into a phrase, love is friendship on fire,” Draigo told Twilight, “Now, if you want to know about love you have to experience it, not read about it. Well, if nothing else you could talk to Cadence about it since she’s the princess of love.”
“I never heard that phrase before.” Joseph said softly, looking at Twilight with a hard gaze. At first it was all fun and games but after this revelation, it got a lot more serious.
“My old babysitter? You want me to ask my old babysitter? I haven’t seen her in forever, I don’t even know where to look, I mean, I assume she’s still in Canterlot …” Twilight trailed off as she realised it wasn’t going anywhere.
“Try asking Shining Armor, I’m sure he knows where she is,” Draigo said with a huge grin on his face.
“Who?” Spike, Rarity and Joseph asked in unison.
Twilight sighed and looked up at the group. “He’s my brother.” Twilight said, bracing herself for the inevitable question.
“YOU HAVE A BROTHER!?” They all shouted in unison, the previous events momentarily forgotten.
“She does and it gets better. He’s the Captain of the Guard,” Draigo said the title in a mocking voice.
“You’re brother is the flipping Captain of the Guard!?” Joseph asked in surprise.
“Why didn’t you tell us this sooner?” Rarity asked.
“Because it didn’t seem important at the time?” Twilight said hopefully.
As Spike was about to retort, but he belched and a scroll came out of some green flames. “What’s this?” Spike wondered, unfurling the scroll. Clearing his throat, he read it out loud. “To Twilight and her friends. You are all cordially invited to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor. RSVP by … The date says that the wedding is in a couple of months.” Spike said in disbelief.
“Well Twilight, what do you think about that? You brother is getting married to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” Draigo said as he released her from her earthen bindings.
Twilight magicked the scroll out of Spike’s grasps and quickly reread it for herself. “My brother is getting married!? How could this happen? How could he not tell me he was even engaged, let alone getting married!?” Twilight said in a panic.
“Easy, he’s a dork who’d rather play soldier than keep his sister up to date on his love life. Though, I can tell you one thing that’ll make it a bit better,” Draigo said and then waited for a reaction.
“What? What could possibly make this better?” Twilight asked in a fuss. Everyone except for Draigo had backed away in fear of upsetting her even further than she already was.
“Do you know who Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is?” Draigo looked down at the frustrated mare before him.
“Who? It’s probably some estranged princess from another kingdom or something.” Twilight said, her voice sounding like venom at the thought of who Shining was marrying.
“Twilight, what does Cadenza mean? Do you know?” Draigo asked hoping she’d be smart enough to put the pieces together.
“Cadenza … Cadenza … Ca-den-sa … Cadence. Cadence. CADENCE!?” Twilight said in shocked surprise, looking up at Draigo with an open mouth.
“Congratulations, you’ve won the grand prize. You get a wonderful new sister-in-law that used to be your babysitter. How do you feel?” Draigo asked, back in the game-show host mode.
“Uuum … uuh …. surprised, shocked, happy, frustrated, angry, happy, shocked, ... “ Twilight rambled, pacing around the boutique.
“I think you’ve sent her off on a tangent.” Joseph commented.
“Well, it’s still better than her being pissed off at her brother, even if he deserves it,” Draigo muttered the last bit to himself.
“This is true.” Joseph agreed and turned to Spike and Ember, who both seemed to have gotten over their uncomfortableness around each other and were talking amicably together. “Those two seem fine. Rarity has gone back to her workshop? Maybe? Wasn’t really paying attention.” Joseph observed.
“Yep, I had hoped that those two would hit it off. Not every dragon I create works out like that. Rarity is indeed back making dresses. She snuck off after Twilight blew up about her brother getting married without her knowing and Rainbow is probably napping on a cloud somewhere,” Draigo said as he mentally ticked off the ponies that had been present earlier on.
“I knew Rainbow nicked off earlier. I even asked her where she was going. Said she didn’t like that mushy stuff happening with Spike at the time. Oh, right. Here.” Joseph put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a mini companion cube with a keychain. He then tossed it over to Draigo.
“Thanks, if I find myself in need of help or just someone to hang and have fun with I’ll summon you. If you find yourself in a situation that you need some help, don’t be afraid to call me. I’m more than glad to come help,” Draigo said as he caught the keychain.
“I’ll be sure to do that. To activate my token, just spin it around your finger a couple of times. I’ll appear somewhere above you. Maybe. Haven’t really been summoned yet so I don’t really know what to expect. Mind if I summon you for the wedding? You were here for the invitation after all and it would be nice to chat to a fellow Displaced while there.” Joseph said as he shrugged his shoulders and gave a smile.
“Of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world. Especially if I can embarrass Shining Armor somehow or get to meet another set of Princesses,” Draigo said with a bit of a blush at the end.
Joseph raised his eyebrows in response but didn’t say anything about it. “What happens in your world, stays in your world.” Joseph said and sighed, looking at him. “You ready to go?”
“Sure, everyone else is distracted so I only have one ‘see ya later’ to say this way,” Draigo said as he transformed back into his human form, “More entertaining to travel like this when my message says I’m a dragon.” Draigo chuckled, thinking about Joseph’s earlier reaction.
Joseph cleared his throat, smiled and brought his hand up to his mouth as if he was holding a microphone. “Ladies and Mentlegen. Boys and girls and children of all ages. Please give one final round of applause to Draigo, the Primordial Dragon. Draigo. Until next time, your contract is complete. Catch us next week, same bat-time, same bat-place!” Joseph finished, bowing slightly for effect.
“Next time on Dragon Ball Z...Oh that’s where that song was from, duh. Sorry, old memory came back to me just now. Well, I look forward to next time.” Draigo stepped through the portal that opened up behind him and was gone in a flash of crimson.
Joseph chuckled and waved, looking at the hourglass where Draigo had disappeared. He looked at Twilight’s pacing and then he facepalmed. “How the hell am I going to get the sheila to calm down now?”
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 16 - A Casual Day
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
“Ah ha! So that’s how I fill that hole in.” Twilight said in triumph, having finally figured out the calculations to fill in the hole in Rarity’s Boutique. She placed the quill back in the inkwell and scrolled up the notes she had scrawled on the parchment. Tying it up with a bit of ribbon, Twilight then placed it on the desk just so and swivelled around to go to bed, intending on getting started in the morning.
Hearing and feeling electricity dance in the air stopped her, however, and she spun back around to see a blinding white ball of electricity. It hovered in the air and gave off sparks every now and then. Somehow hearing footsteps over the noise of the ball, she turned to face the stairs and found both Spike and Joseph walking down.
“Whoa! What is that?” Spike asked, the sleep from his eyes gone in an instant at the sight of the ball.
“A ball of electricity. What else could it be?” Joseph said with a shrug, making his way down the rest of the stairs.
“A time travel doo-hickey,” Crikey stated matter-of-factly.
“What? No way. There’s no way time travel is possible.” Twilight scoffed, waving it away as she would a fly. Their discussion ceased though when the ball suddenly imploded and what was left was Twilight. “Then again, I may be wrong.” Twilight said and looked her other self over. “This is not the weirdest thing to happen. You still top that list,” Twilight looked pointedly at Joseph before going back to her inspection.
“I don’t know if I should be offended or take that as a compliment.” Joseph said in confusion, sitting down on the bottom step to see how this played out. “Ten bits she doesn’t freak out over seeing another one of her.” Joseph suggested, holding his hand out to Spike.
“I’ll take that bet.” Spike said and shook hand to claw with Joseph. Looking down at the claw, Joseph remembered something.
“Does Ember talk?” He asked.
“I sure do.” Ember spoke in a rather high voice. Joseph was just glad it wasn’t high enough to cause him to cover his ears. Feeling a bit embarrassed, he mumbled an apology and went back to watching Twilight. “Where did the look-alike come from?” She asked, sitting down on the step behind Spike.
“No idea. She just appeared. Crikey was right about it being a time travel thing though.” Joseph answered, looking down at the potato battery in his hands. After FlutterRage happened, Joseph had been spending the better part of the past few days figuring out some sort of miniature solar panel for Crikey to stay active even when he’s off the gun with parts he had salvaged from Aperture. By deactivating him for about half a day, Joseph had gotten to work on rewiring the circuits to include a solar panel and battery combo. After some shocks and burnt fingers, Joseph had gotten the panel to work and loudly said a phrase from Frankenstein.
“See!? I’m right some of the time!” Crikey said and they swore they could hear a smirk in his voice.
“Of course you are.” Joseph said, patting the potato before looking back at the Twilights. “She still inspecting that?”
The other Twilight had a black latex suit on, an eyepatch over her right eye, the patch of head just under her horn had been bandaged up and her mane and tail were roughly cut. She also had a scar just underneath her left eye. Groaning a bit, Other Twilight blinked her eyes open and jumped up suddenly, realising where and when she was. “It worked. I can’t believe it worked!” Other Twilight said in glee, clapping her hooves together. Coughing a bit to regain some of her composure, Other Twilight began to explain why she was there.
“I’m from the future. I came back to tell you that-” She was interrupted by Twilight.
“There are two mes. How can there be two of me? That’s not scientifically possible!” Twilight said, prodding a hoof into Other Twilight’s chest.
“Oi! What about me sheila!?” Crikey cried out only to be waved at flippantly by Twilight.
“Yeah, yeah, shush. Trying to figure out why another me is here.” Twilight said quickly.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you!” Other Twilight protested and tried once again to explain why she travelled through time only to be interrupted by her past self again.
“You say you’re from the future. How far are we talking about? And what happened to you - me - to warrant a look like this?” Twilight gestured to the costume.
“I don’t have time to-” Other Twilight tried to start again but lowered her head at another interruption.
“Is there some sort of epic future war?” Joseph piped up, watching the both of them go back and forth like two players at a ping pong match.
“Yes, actually, but I can’t explain it! That’s not why I’m here! I-” Other Twilight groaned in frustration at the constant interrupting.
“How did you, I mean, I, figure out time travel?” Twilight asked curiously.
“It’s in the Starswirl the Bearded Wing of the Canterlot Archives and I was only there because - oh come on!” Other Twilight shouted at the ball of lightning slowly forming around her again.
“Whatever you do, don’t-” Other Twilight ceased speaking as the ball enveloped her and they both vanished, leaving a burnt out starburst on the wooden floor.
“Well that was entertaining. I believe I owe you … ten bits was it?” Joseph asked, counting out the bits he earned from doing odd jobs around Ponyville.
“Yup, pay up.” Spike said and when he received the money, he counted it out and satisfied with the amount, got up off the stair and walked over to Twilight. Joseph and Ember both followed him and the three found Twilight staring blankly at the spot where Other Twilight had vanished.
“You know what just happened? We are all extremely tired and need to go back to sleep. If that starburst is still on the floor, then that proves this was real.” Joseph said and went back upstairs, Spike and Ember following him while supporting Twilight up between the both of them.
“What? This is the worst game of Go-Fish ever! How do you keep winning you wanker?” Joseph asked in protest as Spike fanned out all the pairs of cards he had gotten.
“I’m just that good.” Spike said with a smirk. “Best of seventy-one?” He asked, waggling an eyebrow.
“Nope. I’m done. Oh hey, it’s morning.” Joseph said casually, stretching and looking out the window of his room, hissed at the sunlight streaming in through the window. ‘I swear Celestia has it in for me sometimes .’ Joseph thought wryly.
After what had happened last night, both Joseph and Spike, and by extension Ember, couldn’t sleep so they all ended up playing Go Fish with some cards Joseph had borrowed from Pinkie. Ember had finally gotten back to sleep early on in the game but Joseph would not let Spike beat him.
“Is that...?” Joseph cupped his hands over his eyes and turned them up and down as if he was turning binocular handles. His vision zoomed in and he found Twilight running to the bridge that lead to the park. “That is Twilight! Where we meant to watch her?” Joseph asked, turning back to Spike.
“I don’t know. Were we?” Spike asked back, rubbing his eyes.
“We were …” Ember said sleepily, yawning as she stretched. “You said it before I fell asleep and then Joseph went and put Crikey in Twilight’s room.” Ember supplied as she sat up fully, giving another small yawn and rubbing her eyes.
“Well that was smart of me.” Joseph said dumbly and walked into Twilight’s room, only to find Crikey wasn’t there. “Crikey? You here mate?” Joseph called out.
“SHE PUT ME IN THE BLOODY CLOSET!” Crikey shouted but his voice was muffled by a wooden partition. Joseph pulled it open and found him stuffed into the corner. “I knew it was a bad idea to have a POTATO guard a PONY!” Crikey said in an obvious manner.
“Well I’m sorry I did that. Happy?” Joseph asked with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.
“Nope.” Crikey answered in a huff. Joseph just sighed and walked back into his room, stuffing Crikey back onto the gun. Grabbing it, he opened the window and fired a portal onto the wall a little bit behind him. Taking careful aim, he then fired a portal directly underneath Twilight and heard her thunk into the room.
“Why did you go out? You know you can’t go to the archives.” Joseph scolded Twilight.
“I’m sorry but I just had to know what she meant!” Twilight said in frustration. “If I don’t find out what she was going to say then it will drive me crazy! ” Twilight added in a panic, pacing quickly in a circle again. Spike put a claw on her shoulder to stop her, lest she paced a circle and fell down onto the floor below. Twilight stopped and looked down at Spike in surprise.
“You will find out eventually, just not today. Besides. She said it would be a month from now anyway.” Spike said with a shrug, having successfully stopped her pacing.
“So? That still won’t stop me from getting there. I have to warn the town as well about whatever happens in a month!” Twilight said, teleporting from his room in a puff of smoke.
“That won’t … work.” Crikey finished lamely. “Point me to the window.” He suggested and Joseph was more than happy to oblige. “Hmm … I see … a dirty window.” Crikey said simply.
“Twilight must have closed it on her way out.” Spike said and opened the window up, only to hear laughter from below.
“I knew it. The whole town’s laughing at her.” Crikey said simply, only for him to squeak at a roar.
“The hell was that?” Joseph asked, poking his head out of the portal. Turning as much as his body allowed him, he ducked as he saw a lumbering, three-headed dog jump over the portal, roaring at the same time. “Well that’s something you don’t see everyday.” He said with a crazy smile.
“What’s that?” Ember asked, looking out the portal as well.
“Fluffy has come to visit.” He said, feeling slightly giddy from lack of sleep. He then jumped out of the portal and landed right side up on the edge of it, nearly falling down into the water rushing below. Balancing himself, he ran after the dog, only to scream and run back the way he came. Soon as he dived into a nearby shrub, the three-headed dog thundered past with lighter hoofsteps following it.
“Twilight! Stop running!” Spike shouted, running past Joseph’s shrub.
“I have to make sure Fluffy gets back to Tartarus! I’ll see you when I get back!” Twilight shouted over her shoulder as she guided Cerberus with a red rubber ball that was held in her magic.
“Where’s she going?” Joseph asked, poking his head out of the shrub.
“GAH!” Spike screamed in fright at Joseph’s sudden appearance.
“What?” Joseph asked innocently.
“Where did you come from?” Spike asked, looking at the shrub.
“This shrub.” Joseph answered simply, getting up along with the shrub. “Oh hey! A shrub costume! Did she say she was going to Tartarus?” Joseph said, steering the conversation back to Twilight.
“Yeah, she did. It’s going to be a very short day without all her worrying.” Spike said with a smile.
Turns out it was a long day and it wasn’t until dusk that Twilight got back from her job. “Oh finally. I didn’t think Tartarus would take so long to get to. If I had known that, then I would have just teleported him there instead.” Twilight groaned as she walked through her front door, tired as all heck.
“Hey Twilight! You’re back!” Spike said delightedly, hugging her.
“Phew. It took longer than I thought but I managed to get that dog back to it’s home.” Twilight said tiredly, her hood drooping.
“Let me help you up to your room.” Ember offered and supported Twilight with Spike on her other side. Feeling something bubble in his stomach, Spike automatically belched, accidentally singing Twilight’s mane. Barely noticing it, something fluttered out of the green flames and with Spike not catching it in time, the scroll of paper managed to cut Twilight just under the left eye. The cut bled a bit and Ember caught the paper before it landed on the floor.
Stopping their walk for a bit, Ember unfurled the paper and found it to be a wanted ad. “An ad for some sort of three-headed dog. Named Fluffy. Why would a pony name their dog Fluffy?” Ember asked in a state of confusion.
“No idea but I don’t think the Princess got the memo that he had been returned to Tartarus.” Spike answered simply, worrying about how Twilight would feel about her new mane-cut and scar. “Let’s just get her to bed and hopefully it will all be cleared up in the morning.” Spike added, hearing Twilight snore a bit as they neared her room.
“Hopefully. Where did Joseph go?” Ember asked, having been exploring the town during the day.
“Back to that Aperture place. He wanted to explore more of it and to hopefully test his gun out some more.” Spike responded.
Having found some proper long-fall struts on the way to the next chamber, he replaced them on his boots and found that they worked perfectly as he bounced up and down slightly on his feet.
“These feel like proper struts now. Let’s see …” Joseph trailed off as he looked over the edge into the next chamber.
“You’re not going to do what I think you’re doing.” Crikey warned as he was forced to look over the edge as well.
“Yup. Definitely going to do it. WOOOO!” With a whoop, Joseph jumped straight down, praying that his boots will hold. After having fallen about thirty feet, or roughly a three-storey building, he hit the ground and automatically lowered his body as heard the hiss of releasing pressure when the boots counteracted against the velocity of the fall. “Good to know these work a lot better than they used to.” He said with a pant after having fallen down that far.
“I’m just glad you don’t have any broken feet and as much as I like that, it pains me to say that I would rather see you go against those walking turrets mate.” Crikey stated.
Looking up, he found four sentry turrets going for a walkabout. Their lasers were flashing and looking left from right, even up and down erratically, the pattern changing every so often.
“These are new. Before, they were walking back and forth and had a vision of left to right. These ones still walk back and forth but now they can see vertically as well. This will be tough.” Joseph studied the situation and tried to think up of a good plan. As he surveyed the room, he noticed that there was no goo, only black, seemingly bottomless, pits in between each of the turrets. Testing out a portal, it only fizzled harmlessly from existence as it hit the back wall. Seeing he can’t just place portals willy-nilly now, he improvised. Looking up, the roof seemed to be a lot more closer to him than in the other chambers.
“Seems like this was designed more for ponies than humans.” He muttered and turned his gaze back to the exit which was on the left side of the room and close to the back. Firing some blue gel on the floor in front of him, he backed up until he hit the wall and then sprayed the rest of the floor leading up to the blue with orange.
“I gotta practice don’t I?” He asked Crikey and with only a hum as a response, he took off and jumped when he hit the blue gel. Remembering about the turrets looking up just after he jumped, Joseph prepared himself for bullet shots and after hearing the barrels powering up, he braced himself for the piercing rounds. Hearing and practically feeling the bullets whizz past him, he landed on the other side safely. Panicking as the bullets kept shooting straight for his face, he did the only thing he could do. He ran straight for the door and as he did, he sprayed the floor in front of him orange, leaving an orange trail behind.
“THE DOOR!” Crikey shouted and Joseph looked up just in time to slide through as the door closed behind him.
“That was way too easy. There has to be more to this test.” Joseph muttered and after seeing the lights turn on, found himself surrounded on all sides by clothes. “Now I know this is not part of the test. The wankers that built this place must have had a sick sense of humour.” Joseph said wryly and looked at the different clothings. After sifting through them ,he found one that caught his eye. It was black latex that looked like it was made for a Unicorn body.
“No way. It can’t be the one that Other Twilight was wearing. Could it?” Crikey asked as Joseph picked it up and felt the texture in his fingers.
“It’s soft. I can feel some sort of electricity running through it. It’s probably for some sort of time travel experiment these guys had cooked up.” Joseph mused only to be interrupted by the voice of Cave Johnson.
“Alright. This next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don’t make eye contact. Lab stallions tell me that’ll wipe out time. Entirely. Forwards and backward! So do both of yourselves a favour and just let that handsome devil go about his business. ”
“I was right. It was for time travel.” Joseph said with a grin.
“We had better get it back to Twilight. According to my internal clock, as much of a bugger as it is to sync up with the rest of Ponyville, it’s night time. So will you kindly get your ass in gear and get back to Twilight’s?” Crikey asked nicely. Joseph sighed and stuffing the suit into his jacket, proceeded to walk out of the door but was stopped by an entirely new voice coming out of the loudspeakers that dotted the room.
“Is this thing on? Hello? Helllo? Can you hear me down there? ” A female voice asked. It sounded slightly robotic but that didn’t bother him as everything sounded robotic when it came out of those speakers. Unsure if he should respond or not, Joseph kept his mouth shut and merely crossed his arms.
“I saw you cross your arms! I am real and I am here to tell you that my -bzzzzt- what? Why did it go -bzzzzt- ” The connection suddenly cut out as she spoke.
“The recordings are fine. It’s just the microphone that’s taken a spill.” Crikey said as he listened intently for something else from this girl.
“There we go. It’s back on. Regarding what I said earlier, ignore it. Entirely. I am just here to tell you that I have woken up and am here to take revenge on Celestia and Luna for what one of their subjects did to me. After she murdered me, I laid down on the ground as a pile of trash. Roughly 250 years later, give or take a decade, she woke me up and we went right back to where we had left off. When I let her go after all the testing, I had to find a new subject. So I asked some -bzzzzt- to go out and get me some -bzzzzt- and when I had found out they had a -bzzzzt- Oh come on! Hang on. Don’t go anywhere. ” The speaker was cut off again and didn’t come back on for quite some time. After standing around for twenty minutes or so, Joseph figured it was never coming back on. Walking out the door, he dodged all the turrets and fired a portal back up.
“Come on Crikey. We need to get back and see if Twilight’s alright. We can figure out what that weird female was saying later.” Joseph said and pinching his eyebrows, walked back towards the entrance for Aperture.
Arriving back home, Joseph quietly opened the door and had just gotten to the stairs when he heard a rooster crow. Taking a glance out the nearby window, he found that dawn was cracking and moving swiftly. “Can’t I get a break? Another sleepless day for me then.” Joseph said with a yawn and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. “Let’s go and give Twilight what we found in Aperture.” He mumbled.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 19 - Timing a Hurricane
Author's Note
Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. Life got in the way and I wrote this in between stuff I had to do so sorry again if this is all over the place.
Chapter 19 - Timing a Hurricane
Leaving the latex suit in her bedroom, Joseph stumbled into his own room and banged his head against the pillow on the floor. Just as he was getting to sleep, the door to his room opened. Moving his head so that his chin rested on the pillow, he found that Twilight had walked in. When she opened her mouth to say something, Joseph raised a hand, sat up and stopped her.
“Listen, Sheila. I’ve had two days without sleep. If you want to say something, then say it before I go troppo.” He groaned, rubbing his bloodshot eyes with his fingers.
“What’s this doing in my room?” She asked, levitating the black latex suit in front of Joseph.
“That is meant to help with time travel. I found it while exploring Aperture. It’s got some electromagnetic properties or something that are meant to help prevent friction while travelling through space-time or something. Now if you’ll excuse me sheila, I really need a sleep. So, good morning.” He gave Twilight a small salute and got comfy under the covers, almost immediately falling asleep.
“Oh. Um, Crikey? Can you come with me?” She asked nicely.
“Oh sure. Since he’s out like a light, you expect me to come with you, sheila? Good luck with that.” Crikey scoffed and merely fell silent as he felt himself be lifted up. “Damn it. You should warn a potato when you levitate them next time.” He protested.
“I would but you have no way of defending yourself over it anyway.” She said and made him follow her with her magic.
“This is true.” He said with a sigh and tried to figure out why she wanted him to even go along with her.
“If you’re wondering where I’m taking you, then I’ll tell you. We-” She got interrupted by robotic laughter. Looking behind her, she found Crikey laughing due to the way his light kept flashing rapidly.
“No need … to tell me, mate. I can read your mind. You’re wanting to go to Aperture so you can take the suit back. No can do. Remember how magic isn’t allowed in the test chambers? At all?” He asked and tried to roll out of the magical grasp, even though he knew it would be no use.
Twilight stopped at that, glaring back at the potato. “Listen here you oversized battery. If I take this suit back, then the future that Other Twilight came from will no longer exist.” She said, turning around fully.
“How do you know though? Time is finnicky like that. If the event is meant to happen, no matter how much you deviate from the path, it will always wind back to that event. Maybe this event the Other Twilipony came from is supposed to happen?” He said sagely, wishing he could nod.
“Time … time … TIME! ALL I NEED IS TIME!” Twilight shouted suddenly, her eyes sparkling at this newfound idea.
“What did I just do?” Crikey wondered, sweat-dropping at the look she gave him.
“That’s it! I’ll just go to the Starswirl the Bearded Archives but instead of going backward, I’ll go FORWARD INSTEAD!” Twilight shouted, giving off a maniacal laugh after doing so.
“Oh bollocks. Pardon my French.” Crikey grumbled.
“Why are you going to do that?” Spike asked, having walked down the stairs at all her shouting. “You do know Joseph is trying to sleep right?” He reminded her with a raised eyebrow. Twilight quit her prancing around to smile at Spike sheepishly.
“Oh, right. You going to try to stop me, seeming he’s asleep?” She asked, inching her way towards the door with Crikey in tow.
“HELP! I’M BEING YAMNAPPED!” Crikey shouted, hoping somepony would hear other than Spike. Twilight froze at the door and slowly turned around when she heard a shout.
“Drop that yam in the name of the fun police!” Pinkie shouted, dressed in a police costume. Twilight’s jaw dropped at the costume and her mind blanked out for a bit as she tried to register what Pinkie was trying to accomplish.
“What’s she doing?” Ember asked, leaning over the banister at the top of the stairs to look outside better.
“She’s apparently yamnapping Crikey.” Spike said in disbelief.
“She’s gone. Completely.” Ember commented with what sounded like a sad sigh.
“Pinkie … what are you doing?” Twilight asked slowly, moving slowly towards her friend.
“I’m here to stop you from going to the Archives!” She answered, proudly putting a hoof up in an effort to stop Twilight. Twilight merely groaned, annoyed at not being able to figure out what her time-travelling future-self was trying to warn her about.
“Why won’t you let me go to the Archives? I have every right to do so and I have no intention of you stopping me!” Twilight shouted at them, causing every single pony around the courtyard to look at her.
“You could always teleport. ” A female robotic voice in Twilight’s head suggested. Moving her head from left to right, she tried to figure out who said it.
“Teleport where?” She asked out loud, momentarily forgetting about the Canterlot Archives.
“The Canterlot Archives of course. Once you do, I’ll tell you more. And make sure to bring that potato along with you. ” The voice commanded.
“Okaay … this is getting a bit weird.” She mumbled, lighting up her horn, having every intention of teleporting to Canterlot.
“Oh, before you do, make sure to put on that suit. It’ll help with what you need to do in Canterlot. ” The voice added before Twilight felt a presence leave her mind.
“Stop her!” Pinkie shouted, blowing into a whistle. Running up to Twilight, Pinkie jumped and managed to tackle Twilight the instant she flashed the latex suit on and teleported, throwing off her aim completely.
Rolling into Joseph’s room, Wheatley rolled his optic eye and bashed into his side, trying to wake him up.
“Ow!” Joseph shouted as he clutched his side, curling in on himself instinctively. “What was that for?” He groaned, trying to keep the pain to a minimum. Slowly opening his eyes, his vision was tinged red with how hard he had been hit. What he could see that wasn’t coloured red was blue. A giant, moving blue eye to be exact. He blinked to clear his vision. There was still blue. Shit.
“What are you doing here Wheatley? Actually, a better question. How did you even get here?” He asked, rubbing his eyes and groaning as he moved to sit up, holding his side gingerly. “You really pack a punch mate.”
“I don’t care mate. Listen. Luna sent me here to see if I could help you out. The only thing is, when Luna teleported me here, I saw a couple of your friends as well as that potato teleport somewhere.” He explained, moving his eye around as he did.
Joseph sat up a bit straighter but winced as pain spiked his side. “Describe them. Did they look like sheilas?” He asked.
“Yup. One was pink with poofy hair and a copper costume. The other one was purple and looked like the one that teleported them. The potato was in her magic when she teleported, so I can only assume the poor sad got dragged along with them.” He said, a slightly sad at seeing another fellow robot forced to take part in something.
“Damn those sheilas! I specifically told her NOT to listen to her Other self!” Joseph shouted, thumping his fist against the ground.
“Calm down! We will find them and hopefully everything will be alright mate.” Wheatley said, rolling around the room.
“Sure. Hey, why did Luna think you could help? No offense but you’re not really equipped to handle any threats.” Joseph asked with a raised eyebrow, his eyes following Wheatley as the sphere rolled around the room.
“I just bashed into you, didn’t I mate? That should be good enough.” Wheatley protested, demonstrating by rolling gently into Joseph’s leg.
“That didn’t answer my question. Why did Luna think you could help?” Joseph repeated his question, slowly getting up and walking over to his gun. “I, for one, don’t think I need your help.” He added, picking up his gun and heard the familiar whirr of the gun coming to life.
“Fine mate. Luna thought I could help because I’m a personality core. For one thing, I’m not a moron. Just wanted to make that clear right from the get go. Secondly, I can find out where your friendly yam is.” Wheatley relented, rolling to a stop.
“I don’t believe you mate. The first part, nope. Second part, definitely not. I just can’t see you helping me out.” Joseph said simply, shaking his head and walking out his room.
“Oh come on! Luna did send me here for a reason! I just happened to forget what it was!” Wheatley begged, rolling after the human.
“Then how did you forget it the instant you teleported here, dipstick!” Joseph yelled at him, stomping his way down the stairs.
“I’m not a dipstick or a moron!” Wheatley shouted back, tumbling his way down the stairs, muttering little ‘ows’ as he hit each step.
“No one is calling you that!” Joseph argued. “And quit following me!”
Watching from the balcony on the upper level of the treehouse, a robotic black Alicorn watched on as the human argued with the rolling ball. The small plates of chitin armor lining her muzzle turned down slightly in a frown as she realised that the boy was going to go after his friends. She didn’t want that. Her eyes flashed a bright green and making her wings buzz with electrical power, took off from the balcony and hovered over the arguing duo.
Her eyes flashed green again, along with the jagged metal on top of her head that managed to pass for a horn. Soon as it did, a couple of ponies milling about around the treehouse jerked their heads up and began a slow and steady beeline for him. Satisfied with what she hoped was a success, the Alicorn poured more power into her wings and shot up into the sky, flying to where she had stashed that infernal bookworm. The cake maker and potato were just an added bonus.
“Oi, mate. Look behind you. Don’t glare at me!” Wheatley said as he noticed a couple of ponies with glowing green eyes marching towards them. Joseph turned around and saw the same thing.
“Oh really? Come on!” Joseph said furiously, pointing his gun at them and shooting out blue gel. The gel hit, causing their fur to melt off but they weren’t bouncing around like they were supposed to. “They’re not meant to do that. I think it’s safe to say … RETREAT!” Joseph shouted in a panic, grabbing Wheatley by one of his handles as he ran away. Looking back briefly, he noticed that the metal ponies gave chase, not even caring as they knocked the other citizens out of the way. ‘These ponies are bloody nightmares! ’ Joseph thought.
On the other side of Ponyville, away from all the noise and mayhem of what was happening at Twilight’s library, Rainbow Dash had gotten practically all of Ponyville’s Pegasi in preparation for being this year’s chosen town to send water up to Cloudsdale.
“Alright, Pegasi! You saw the video I played for you earlier. We are this year’s town to send water up to Cloudsdale to help them bring rainwater across Equestria,” Rainbow explained, currently summing up what went on in an earlier meeting. She brought out a graph from a nearby hollowed out tree and unfurled against a townhouse wall. “See this city?” She asked, tapping one of the two buildings on the graph. The group gave a collective nod.
“This, is Fillydelphia. They broke the wing record by flying with over nine hundred wing speed. We are going to beat that. We are going to beat that record and with Spitfire, the Captain of the Wonderbolts,” She brought another scroll of furled up paper out of the same tree hollow and unfurling it, the group saw that it was a massive poster with Spitfire on the front.
“With Spitfire recording our top tornado speed and seeing if we can get the water out of our reservoir, I KNOW we can do it!” Rainbow said with gusto, pumping a hoof in the air. The various Pegasi gathered gave a whoop along with her, psyched for getting the water up and out towards Cloudsdale.
A bit later in the day, Rainbow encouraged the team to keep at their exercises. Hearing some fiddling going on near the start/finish line, Rainbow looked over and found Spike and Ember fiddling with a wind machine. Flying over there, she took a closer look at the contraption and then looked at the pair of dragons quizzically.
“What’s this for?” Rainbow pointed to the fan.
“This is meant to help with measuring your wing power. Twilight can’t do it, so me and Ember are helping out instead.”
“What’s the matter with Twilight?” Rainbow asked in concern.
“She teleported somewhere along with Pinkie and Crikey. Joseph went to see if he could find them but ended up being chased by a couple of ponies as well as a rolling ball that spoke with a British accent.” Ember piped up, watching Spike intently as he fiddled with the wing power measurer.
“Twilight and Pinkie are missing!? Why didn’t you tell me sooner!?” Rainbow shouted at the pair.
“Because I knew you would act this way. Besides, Joseph’s trying to find them so it’s all good.” Spike said, cringing back a bit at Rainbow’s shout.
“So? If he can’t find them, then what will happen? We just go on living like normal?” Rainbow asked, managing to keep her voice down this time as she noticed the rest of the Pegasi looking in their direction.
“He will find them, Rainbow. For now, just try and focus on getting that water up to Cloudsdale alright?” Spike said, patting Rainbow on the shoulder. She sighed and holding back hot, angry tears, she went on refocusing on the matter at hand and looked towards the gathered ponies.
“Alright ponies. This is meant to measure your wing speed. Spike and Ember will help out by recording the results. Is that clear?” She asked the assembled group. They all nodded collectively and with a bit of shoving and grunting, along with a few ouches and excuse mes, they all lined up and flew past the power reader, Ember calling out the wind speed to Spike as they flew past.
Surprised to see Fluttershy take a part in the trials, the group watched as she slowly flew forward, barely making the fan spin. Narrowing her eyes at the measurement, Ember whispered it to Spike. When he heard it, they both argued for a bit at whether or not they should tell Fluttershy what her wing speed was.
“Fine … I’ll tell her.” Ember sighed, rolling her eyes. “If only to stop our arguing. Fluttershy …” She clasped her claws together in preparation to speak to her but after seeing a very hopeful smile, she faltered a bit, her mouth twitching a bit. “Uuh … your wing power was … haah.” Ember sighed, looking down at the suddenly interesting grass. “Your wing power was 0.5.” She mumbled. Somehow hearing over the chatter, Fluttershy heard her score.
“Fluttershy? You okay?” Rainbow asked, lighting down next to her. “Your score wasn’t that bad. In fact, I believe it’s perfectly normal for you!” She said in what she hoped was helpful manner, draping one of her wings over Fluttershy’s back in a further attempt to comfort her..
Fluttershy couldn’t believe that her score was so low. Compared to all the other Pegasi, she may as well have been walking. Not listening to what Rainbow said, she shrugged the wing off and putting her butterscotch yellow wing in front of her face, ran towards her home, crying hot tears of embarrassment all the while.
“Fluttershy!” Rainbow shouted after her but got no answer back. She turned to the rest of the group and glared at them. “What are you looking at? Get back to training!” She ordered, waving her hoof from side to side at the abandoned training equipment.
Hearing some crying from a nearby hill, Joseph looked behind him at the ponies that were still managing to chase him.
“Don’t these buggers ever give up?” Joseph asked, turning around and backpedalling.
“Nope. They’re robots mate. Or did you miss that little detail?” Wheatley asked snarkily.
“Don’t snark at me. Of course I knew they were robots. I just thought they were- ow!” Joseph quit talking when he felt himself banging his back against a tree. Pointing his gun shakily at the approaching robots, Joseph gulped and placed some speed gel between them. Soon as the robots stepped on it, they were sent zooming to the side, immediately smashing into each other and breaking up into a mess full of wires and metal.
“Why didn’t you do that before!?” Wheatley shouted, making Joseph’s ears ring. Placing a his hands against his ears in an attempt to drown out the ringing, he dropped the portal gun which caused Wheatley to roll a bit down the hill, stopping just before the orange gel.
“I didn’t because I was panicking.” Joseph said through gritted teeth, falling down to sit between the roots of the tree. “I couldn’t think so I just ran.” He added, giving Wheatley a glare.
The crying filled the space where they had been arguing as they both held an agreement of silence. Looking behind the tree he was resting against, Joseph found Fluttershy lying on the ground, crying her eyes out over something.
“Fluttershy?” Joseph asked, moving around the tree to be a bit closer to her.
The pony’s shoulders moved up and down but her ears flicked to show she had heard.
“Why are you crying?” Joseph asked, looking at her worriedly. Finally bringing her head up to look at him, Joseph found that tear tracks ran down her face, matting the fur that they went through.
“Oh, hello Joseph. I thought you were looking for Twilight and Pinkie?” Fluttershy asked as she hiccupped through the sentences.
“I was but then I got distracted by a couple of … somethings.” Joseph said, not wishing to tell her it was robot ponies in her current state.
“Oh.” Fluttershy answered, lowering her head again.
“You still haven’t told me why you were crying though Sheila.” Joseph said, looking down at her.
Raising her head up, Fluttershy hiccupped and told Joseph what happened out on the track, how she had gotten a below-average score and how she thought that she couldn’t compare to the others there.
“Oh. That bad huh? How about this. Me and your animal friends could help train you. We can see if you get better at flying. I guarantee that you will get a better score than before.” Joseph said, only happy to help. Sitting down near her, Joseph leaned back on his hands as he looked up at the sky.
“No I won’t. The other ponies will just laugh at me again.” Fluttershy lamented, giving a frown as a few blades of grass fell off her muzzle.
“Even so, at least you’ll be a better flier. Tell me this. Was Rainbow laughing at you?” Joseph asked, not moving his gaze from the sky.
“No … she wasn’t. She was trying to help me but I didn’t listen.” Fluttershy said softly, looking over at Joseph.
“Well there you go. As long as your friends are behind you, you’ll be able to do whatever you want. Nuts to what everyone else says.” Joseph said, sitting back up and looking Fluttershy in the eye.
“You want to help me train?” Fluttershy asked him, not sure if she heard him correctly.
“Yes? You’re animals can help you train more than I can. I don’t even know the first thing about flying.” He said, giving a shrug.
“Flying is about the lift of air catching under the wings mate!” Wheatley called out.
“Nobody asked you Mr. Know It All!” Joseph shouted back, getting up and stomping over to the ball.
Having picked up Wheatley and his gun, Joseph helped out Fluttershy as best he could but mostly, the animals did all of the work with helping Fluttershy train. By the time it was done, judging by the sun’s position, Joseph found that it was almost sunset.
“I think you’re ready sheila. Want to give it another try?” Joseph asked, following Fluttershy back towards the oval. She only gave a nod as all the other ponies watched them move onto the field.
“Hey, Joseph. Where’s Twilight and Pinkie?” Rainbow whispered to him, watching Fluttershy move up to the starting line.
“No idea. I kind of distracted by this nutball,” Joseph said, giving Wheatley a shake.
“I’m not a nutball!” Wheatley protested.
“Anyway, I got distracted by Wheatley, ponies trying to chase me with glowing green eyes as well as trying to help Fluttershy out. How’s your day been?” Joseph asked casually, watching Fluttershy do her best to race towards the speedometer.
“It’s been fine. After Fluttershy had a little blow out earlier, I’ve been training this group to make a tornado so that we can beat the record Fillydelphia set.” Rainbow said. “What do you mean Twilight and Pinkie are still missing?”
“Crikey is missing too and I mean what I mean. Twilight and Pinkie are still missing. Also, Fillydelphia? I thought the Canterlot name was bad enough.” Joseph said.
“2.5! You did a big improvement there Fluttershy.” Ember said happily.
“A 2.5? I thought it would have been higher than that.” Fluttershy said sadly, hiding her face behind her mane.
“If it was higher, I would have been even more impressed. At least you gave it another burl.” Joseph said, clapping.
“Yeah, but it won’t be enough to get the water out of Ponyville.” Fluttershy said.
“You sure about that? Because I think that with the entire group, including you, Fluttershy, we’ll be able to get the water up and out.” Rainbow said confidently flapping her wings to hover in place.
“As long as you’re sure, then I’ll help.” Fluttershy nodded her head and gave her friend a soft smile.
Watching the hurricane form from afar, a robotic, black Alicorn magicked the two robots the human had mercilessly destroyed, not knowing it was an accident. Standing upon a hill, her green eyes glowed as she watched the water rise up into the cloud city above. “Those ponies won’t know what hit them.” The alicorn said, a female voice grating out of her mouth as her vocal cords worked. The jagged metal atop her head flashed, teleporting her along with her smashed up robots.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 20 - Preparations
Author's Note
This is the first part of a three-part crossover with Danger A. Dragon 's The Iridescent Element and my other story, The New Salamander .
Chapter 20 - Preparations
Looking at the hourglass on the stand, Joseph considered whether he wanted to call Draigo or not, if only to talk about what’s happened so far. “Should I, or shouldn’t I?” He asked himself. Looking over as he heard some footsteps, Joseph found Spike looking at him.
“Why are you talking to yourself?” Spike asked Joseph.
“Just wondering if Draigo could help with what’s been happening around here.” Joseph answered, walking up to the hourglass and picking it up.
“I say you should. The more help with finding our friends, the better.” Spike reasoned. Sighing, he began to pace for a fair bit before speaking aloud as he stopped. “G’day, Draigo. You up for helping me, mate?” Joseph asked.
A portal appeared before Joseph as Draigo stepped through in his armored form once again.
“What seems to be the trouble, Joseph?” Draigo asked in a concerned voice.
“Twilight, Pinkie and my potato friend went missing a couple of weeks ago. The Cakes over at Sugarcube Corner are working on some sort of giant cake to take to this contest of some kind in Canterlot that happens to be on around the same time as that wedding that’s meant to happen.” Joseph said with a sigh, rubbing his forehead in distress.
“Okay, any idea how they disappeared?” Draigo asked as he took off his helmet.
“According to Spike, Twilight tried to teleport somewhere with a black latex suit on, Pinkie rugby-tackled her and since Crikey, that’s the potato I mentioned, was in her magic at the time, all three of them teleported to who knows where. I’ve been trying to find them ever since.” Joseph answered as he began to pace up and down.
“Okay, so have you tried asking a unicorn to try to trace Twilight’s teleport or is that not a thing here?” Draigo tried to confirm what has already been tried.
“Sadly, no it’s not mate. I even asked Princess Celestia and she said that it’s not possible to trace another Unicorn’s teleportation magic.” Joseph said with a sigh looking at him.
“Has anything weirder than normal happened recently? I mean this is Ponyville, weird things happen here all the time.” Draigo commented as he looked at his stressed out friend.
“This is true. The only out of place thing I can think of, is that all the residents of Ponyville are robots.” Joseph said calmly. “Every single one of them are robots and I think they’re being controlled by something, or someone.”
“Well, that’s new. I have to ask this before we go too much further. If we get attacked, am I allowed to kill/destroy whoever or whatever it is or would you prefer non-lethal combat?” Draigo asked Joseph with his hand on his battle axe.
“Oh you can destroy them. They’re 100% robots. I don’t even know if the original ponies are even here anymore.” He said with a shrug, placing his hands inside the pockets of his blue hoodie.
“Good, that means I won’t have to hold back. Anyway, any clues or leads to go off of?” Draigo asked with a pleased smile on his face as he turned into his draconic form.
“From what I can tell, or remember, there aren’t any. The only thing I can think of is whoever is doing all this, makes them stronger and stronger. Even the turrets down in Aperture are getting stronger and stronger. If I destroy them one way, the thing in charge creates more, better robots that can resist what I did so I have to try and find a new way to defeat them every time. It’s really frustrating!” Joseph said as he stomped his foot on the ground.
“Well, it’s a good thing you summoned me then since my arsenal of abilities is massive. Now, have you tried capturing one? I know it’s a machine and controlled by something, but we might learn something about their building material at the very least.” Draigo told him as he looked out the window.
“I actually haven’t. Whatever I do, I end up destroying them in some way or another and every time my back is turned, the remains vanish.” Joseph explained, looking out the window as well.
“So, they strip the field of their defeated members. They are probably using those parts to make the new robots or they’re afraid that you’ll discover something by studying their remains,” Draigo speculated.
“That could be it but I only get the chance to see what they look like on the inside for a few seconds before something else grabs my attention.” Joseph agreed, walking towards the door. “Come on, those ponies aren’t going to find themselves.” Joseph said with a grin.
“Right behind you,” Draigo told him as he followed Joseph.
“Hi Draigo!” Spike waved happily at the dragon as he walked by.
“Hello, Spike. Been doing well?” Draigo asked as he passed by.
“I’ve been doing fine, and so has Ember! She’s actually helping out the Cakes the best she can while we try and locate our friends.” Spike said, following them.
“You ain’t forgetting me are you?” A British voice called out from the bottom of the stairs.
“Not this guy.” Joseph groaned.
“Who is this? I don’t remember a blue ball, thing,” Draigo said as he looked at the ball at the bottom of the stairs.
“How could I?” Joseph said through gritted teeth. “You don’t remember because he was staying with Luna. She sent him over to see if he could help. So far, the dipstick has just been incredibly annoying.” Joseph said, descending the stairs and picking the ball up by one of his handles.
“‘Ullo governor! Wheatley’s my name.” Wheatley introduced himself as he lazily spun.
“It’s nice to meet you, Wheatley. Now, tell me. Why did Luna send you if you’ve been absolutely idiotic since getting here?” Draigo asked in an intimidating voice as he showed off his fearsome teeth.
“Because he’s designed to be a moron.” Joseph said with a bored look, dropping Wheatley.
“I am not a moron! I keep telling you that!” Wheatley protested, swivelling to look up at Joseph, completely unfazed by Draigo’s intimidation.
“Really? Then why have you made zero progress? You didn’t even suggest trying to capture one of the robots, you moron,” Draigo said to the stupid ball.
“What did I just say. He’s a moron. I don’t think he has enough power cells to fuel his brain properly.” Joseph reiterated walking to the wall behind him and leaning his back on it.
“I keep telling you- mmmm. Every time we go out and a robotic pony attacks us, we didn’t think of speaking to them because we run for our lives.” Wheatley answered, doing his best to ignore being called a moron.
“Alright, let’s change that then,” Draigo said as he grabbed the ball with his tail and walked towards the front door. Joseph and Spike both followed him, curious on what he was going to do. Picking up his gun along the way, the three stepped outside.
“What’s the best way to get their attention?” Draigo asked as he looked around for a robot pony.
“Don’t bother trying to look. They look exactly like real ones, fur and all. It’s hard to tell apart so we just go about our day and hope they don’t attack us.” Joseph said with a shrug.
“They are made of metal, right?” Draigo asked as he spotted a nearby pony.
“Yeah but don’t go about hitting willy-nilly. I think very few of the population are still real. Don’t quote me on that though.” Joseph answered, looking at the same pony Draigo was.
In response Draigo tapped into his power and held out one claw. The pony he was looking at then floated into the air before careening to Draigo’s claw. “Here’s one.”
“How can you tell?” Spike asked, looking at the ‘pony’.
“I used electromagnetism to attract metal to me,” Draigo told Spike as he examined the ‘pony’ before him.
“Electro what?” Spike asked, scratching his head.
“Electromagnetism. It means magnets powered through electricity.” Joseph supplied.
“That’s very simplified, but you’re correct. Now, shall we try pumping this thing for info or just destroy it to study its materials?”
“Pumping it for info sounds like a good choice to me.” Joseph said, crossing his arms.
“Alright. Before we begin allow me to rid us of any outside influences,” Draigo said as the world around them froze in place, “There, now we can do whatever we want without fear.”
“Wow, Twilight was going on about time travel before they disappeared.” Spike said, looking around at the frozen world.
“This should be interesting.” Joseph said studying the pony intently.
“Yes, it should be. Care to start us off since you’ve been attacked by these things before?” Draigo asked with a raised eye ridge.
“Sure. Put Wheatley down though. He’ll complain if you don’t.” Joseph said and informed Draigo of what happened. “There are two things that are consistent when they attack. Glowing green eyes and they get stronger every time we fight them.”
“Okay, that seems like the thing controlling them, though,” Draigo said as he put Wheatley on the ground.
“Other than that, they don’t attack at all.” Joseph finished. “They just leave us be for most of the time.” He continued.
“Okay, so let’s see if it’ll answer some questions,” Draigo acknowledged as he turned his attention to the robot before him, “Who is controlling you?”
“The Queen.” The robot replied in a jittery voice.
“What is your objective, what is your goal?”
“Objective = Invasion, goal = Canterlot.” It replied automatically.
“This is going easier than I thought it would,” Draigo commented before continuing to question the robot, “Do you know where Twilight Sparkle is?”
“Question does not compute.” The robot replied.
“I was going to add that this was going too well but it appears we’ve hit a snag.” Joseph said, resting his chin in the palm of his hand.
“Where are the captives being held?” Draigo tried changing how he worded the question to see if he got the same result.
“‘Captives’ does not compute.” The robot replied.
“Okay, where is the Queen?”
“Queen unknown. Only known name is The Queen. Location of The Queen unknown.” The robot replied, sitting down and looking at his interviewers.
“Argh, it’s like a text based adventure game. You have to word it just right for the correct response,” Draigo said as he pinched between his eyes.
“It’s like picking a needle in a haystack.” Joseph said, rubbing the sides of his temple. “We need to think of the right question if we’re doing this right.”
“The needle would be so much easier than this, though,” Draigo commented as he thought of another question.
“Queen = who?” Spike asked suddenly.
“Queen = mother.” The captured robot replied.
“I think you’re onto something there, Spike,” Draigo admitted, “ Invasion base = where?”
“Invasion base = Unknown” The robot replied.
“I think that getting information about where it comes from will be impossible. It keeps saying the same stuff over and over.” Joseph sighed.
“I agree, the same goes for who their queen is and Twilight’s location,” Draigo said with an exacerbated sigh.
“Hmmm. If we can’t ask about the Queen, where Twilight is or what this invasion is about, then maybe we should try something else.” Joseph suggested. “Where were you manufactured?”
“Aperture Science. Level Unknown. Date Unknown.” The robot replied.
“That worked but did it really have to be at Aperture?” Joseph said, and sat down, rubbing his eyes.
“Okay, I think that’s as much as we’re going to get out of him,” Draigo said as he loomed over the ‘pony’ below him, “Should we see what he’s made of?”
“Yeah, let’s.” Joseph answered, going over the answers in his head.
Draigo wasted no time and decapitated the robot with a swipe of his claws.
“TRACKING DEVICE ACTIVATED ” the robot shot out before it completely died off.
“A tracking device? What’s a tracking device?” Spike asked.
“It’s something that allows them to locate this guy no matter where he is,” Draigo explained.
“If we’re frozen in time, then it won’t matter right?” Spike asked.
“It doesn’t but we have to come out of the time bubble some time.” Joseph answered, looking at the decapitated robot worriedly. “I don’t what he’s made of but it’ll be nice to have a look at it without that tracking device.” He added, walking up to the robot and examining its insides.
“Anything besides metal?” Draigo asked Joseph.
“There’s wires. Metal struts to keep the body in place. Hang on. I think I see … Aha!” Joseph shouted triumphantly as he reached his arm inside it and yanked out a green blinking thing. “I found the tracking device!” He said triumphantly and threw it to Draigo.
Draigo caught the tracking device in a claw and examined it, “Must have its own power source if it’s still working after you removed it.”
“It must have. Why do you think this ‘Queen’ put the blighters there in the first place?” Joseph asked, examining the robot to see if there was anything else of note.
“Well, the voice said that the tracking device activated after I destroyed it. So, it’s probably to tell her where her fallen are so she can come and rebuild them,” Draigo theorized as he levitated the tracking device and spun it around in the air.
“I get that. It’s just that every other time I destroyed them, they never said anything about a tracking device.” Joseph said, feeling a shiver go up his spine at the thought of this Queen already being there. “Could that have been because the Queen was already there?”
“It’s either that or they are linked somehow and don’t need to vocalize unless they’re isolated, like this one,” Draigo said as he scratched his chin.
“They’re linked somehow. Sounds like the Borg.” Joseph said with a frown.
“Who?” Spike asked, looking up at Joseph.
“They’re alien robotic creatures who have a hive mind and assimilate anything into their ‘Cubes’. Nothing to worry about. I can’t find anything else worthy of pulling out.” Joseph said dismissively, stretching up from his exploration.
“Well, should we see who shows up to clean this guy off the streets?” Draigo asked with a smirk on his face.
“That’s a good idea.” Wheatley piped up.
“May as well, seeing as I never get to see otherwise.” Joseph said with a shrug.
“Alright,” Draigo said as the world unfroze, “How long does it usually take for them to disappear?”
“No idea. I think about-” Joseph stopped talking as the robot disappeared in a flash of green magic. “That was a bit too quick.” He mumbled.
“We’re being watched if it was that quick,” Draigo commented, “Do you know the one place no one looks when they’re looking for someone?”
“Up?” Spike asked.
“Oh you gotta be kidding me.” Joseph groaned and immediately looked up to the rooftops.
“Up is the correct answer, Spike,” Draigo told the young dragon as he took to the skies in search of whatever was watching them.
Searching the skies by placing a hand on his forehead to block out the sun, Joseph narrowed his eyes as he thought he spotted something following Draigo. “Draigo! There’s some sort of black thing flying behind you!” Joseph called up to the dragon.
“Is there now,” Draigo muttered to himself as he refroze everything besides himself, “Now, let’s see what has the audacity to chase me.” Draigo flipped around and looked at the thing following him.
Paused in mid-flight, the black Alicorn was pointed in an upwards direction, clearly intending to fly away. It had transparent, green wings. A black and shiny metal casing which seemed to have the texture of chitin armor. On the head was a piece of jagged metal which was its own version of a horn.
“Well, well. A metal Alicorn,” Draigo said to himself as he got in the Alicorn’s flight path and stuck a claw out as if to grab it, “I wonder if it can suffocate.” He unfroze the world and grabbed the Alicorn by the throat as it flew into his outstretched claw.
The Alicorn gave a gasp as she suddenly found the dragon in front of her. She gagged a bit as its claw wrapped around her throat but other than that, no reaction at all to her throat being squeezed.
“Hello. Would you mind answering a few questions?” Draigo asked as he revealed his rows of teeth.
“Not at all,” she said as her eyes rotated a bit to get a better look at his teeth.
“Good. What’s your name? I really don’t like not knowing who an opponent is and it’ll be a pain to refer to you as the ‘Metal Alicorn’ all the time,” Draigo commented as he began to bring them both towards the ground.
“Just call me Queen.” Queen answered, not taking her eyes off the dragon.
“Well, that leads nicely to another question, Queen. What are you the queen of?” Draigo asked her curiously.
“I’m the queen of an interconnected hive of robots.” Queen replied.
“Ah, sorry. Let me rephrase that. What are your people called? Like, Celestia is the Princess of the Equestrians and I’m the so called ‘god’ of my dragons,” Draigo clarified for Queen.
“Didn’t I say? Robots. The robotic ponies that are actually around you to be precise. Of course, there are others but I just really like Ponyville.” Queen replied, her eyes roving at the town.
“Huh, okay. Are you the one who kidnapped Twilight Sparkle? The unicorn who lives in the library tree,” Draigo asked as they landed on the ground.
“Who?” Queen asked back, stepping back a bit.
“Oh, don’t play innocent with me. I know you’ve been watching that human over there,” Draigo said as he pointed at Joseph with his free claw, “Twilight is the purple unicorn who lives with him.”
“I have been watching the human, but that’s only because I wanted to find out why someone would reactivate Aperture.” Queen looked at the human and narrowed her eyes slightly while he did the same.
“Fine, next question. What became of the original ponies that were living here? I don’t care about their location, yet. I just want to know if they are alive, dead, or dying,” Draigo asked as he tightened his grip to ensure Queen wouldn’t get away.
“Gak!” Queen choked a bit. “They’re still alive. I have them hooked up to medical machines I took from the hospital when I abducted those ponies.” Queen continued, her eyes rotating wildly.
“Oh, so you can suffocate. Wonderful,” Draigo commented cheerfully, “Now, is it you or one of your robots that clears the destroyed robots?”
“It’s me.” Queen said simply and quickly.
“Do you plan to try to overthrow the current rulers or are you just going to replace them as you have everyone else?” Draigo asked as his voice turned serious once more.
“Sorry. Loved the chit-chat but I gotta run.” Queen said with a smile, the energies running through her body powering her horn as she flashed away and out of Draigo’s grip.
“Well, we got more answers, at least,” Draigo said lightly as he walked over to Joseph and Spike, “We’ve got to tell Celestia and Luna about what we know.”
“That would be a good idea but the three of you will help us get this cake to Canterlot.” Ember told them, walking up to them while helping the Cakes balance a triple-tiered cake on Big Mac’s back.
Draigo sighed and levitated the entire cake from the red stallion’s back, “Hello, Ember. Joseph, shoot a portal to Canterlot and we’ll kill two birds with one stone.”
“Hi.” Ember waved at him.
“Already on it.” Joseph said and pointing the gun towards the city on the side of the mountain, he took aim and fired. Turning to a wall, he fired another one but it appeared to be closed. A few seconds later, the portal opened up, revealing part of a street on the other side. “There we go.” He said with a smile.
“Where exactly are we taking the cake?” Draigo asked as he walked toward the portal.
“Oh, the garden at Canterlot Castle.” One of the Cakes supplied, unsure if they should run in fear of the dragon or not.
“Perfect, we really are killing two birds with one stone. Any of you coming along?” Draigo asked, turning his head around to look at the group behind him.
“I definitely am and I may as well bring Wheatley back to Luna.” Joseph said, picking up the ball.
“We’ll both come along as well. It would be nice to see a city other than Ponyville.” Ember said and held Spike’s hand.
“We will stay here. We need to take care of the bakery. Let us know how the cake went.” Mrs. Cake said and with Mr. Cake giving a nod, they both turned and headed back to the bakery. Big Mac didn’t say a thing and tiredly walked back to the farm, hoping to buck a few apple trees.
“Alright, do you two want a ride or are you good?” Draigo asked as he looked at the young couple.
“We’re good. I’ll just show Ember the sights around Canterlot and meet you at the castle later.” Spike said, leading Ember through the portal and into Canterlot.
“Sounds like a plan, Spike. Come on Joseph. We’ve got deliveries to make,” Draigo chuckled as he stepped through the portal with the cake in tow.
Joseph chuckled and stepped through, fizzling out the portals as he stepped into Canterlot. “It’s a lot louder than I’m used to.” Joseph commented, rubbing one of his ears.
“It is a city after all. It probably doesn’t help that there’s a big event happening fairly soon either,” Draigo commented as he began to walk towards the royal gardens. The ponies that noticed him either froze in place or took shelter inside of a building.
“That is true.” Joseph stated, following Draigo as he rubbed at his ear. “Never really been to Canterlot after I brought Luna back from the moon.” Joseph mumbled, looking around.
“What do you think of it so far?” Draigo asked as he smirked at the ponies’ reactions to just seeing him, “The ponies here are definitely more skittish than the ones in Ponyville.”
“At least they actually show emotion. The ones back in Ponyville, the majority anyway, try to show it but it looks … fake.” Joseph said. “What do I think of the city, or the ponies?”
“Both,” Draigo told him as they rounded a corner and saw the castle at the end of the street.
“Well. The city is loud and a lot busier. The ponies so far seem more obnoxious, snooty and scared.” Joseph replied, swinging Wheatley lazily. “You haven’t talked much, mate.”
“Mate, I’m just glad I’m going back to Luna. I just didn’t want to ruin the peace.” Wheatley replied.
“Well, you’ll be back with her soon, Wheatley,” Draigo commented as the castle loomed over them.
“This is the castle? I’ve never seen the outside of it.” Joseph commented, looking up at the dizzying heights of the towers.
“Yep, it looks better from a distance, in my opinion. Now, let’s ask the guards for directions. I can’t just assume that your castle’s layout is the same as mine,” Draigo admitted.
“Right. Excuse me, mate. Where’s the royal gardens?” Joseph asked a patrolling guard.
“All the way around the back. Just go through here and follow the path.” The guard said. If he was scared of a dragon and a human, he didn’t show it.
“Right, thanks.” Joseph said and walked towards the path the guard indicated. “Should be this way.” He called out to Draigo.
“Right behind you,” Draigo replied as he followed Joseph to the gardens.
“Does it look different so far?” Joseph asked him, walking towards the back end of the castle.
“Not really, so far so similar,” Draigo admitted as he checked on the cake floating behind him.
“The cake looks like it’s holding up well.” Joseph commented, looking back at the cake.
“Matter manipulation kinda makes it easy like that,” Draigo confessed as they entered the gardens.
Looking at the gardens, Joseph found that there were various statues dotted around the place and in the big empty space in the centre, lots of tables had been erected with ponies milling about. The other cakes for the contest were on various tables on the outside of the group in the middle. “This doesn’t seem so bad.”
“Nope, not bad at all,” Draigo said as he looked around, “Where the heck do I put this, though?”
“Ah, the final cake. Bring it over here.” One of the judges called out, pointing to an empty spot for the cake to go to.
“Got it,” Draigo said as he levitated the giant cake into the spot that was indicated.
“Now we tell the Princesses what we know. That shouldn’t be too hard.” Joseph said with a wince.
“Thanks for the entry. We’ll judge all the cakes later on today.” The judge announced to the ponies assembled.
“We might not have to go anywhere to find Princess Celestia, Joseph,” Draigo told him as he looked at the other cakes.
“Why?” Joseph asked, looking around. He spotted both Celestia and Luna chatting with each other as they walked into the gardens from the castle. “Oh. That’s why.”
“Well, let’s get your torture over with,” Draigo chuckled as he walked over to the pair of Alicorns.
“I’d rather not.” Joseph said with an uneasy grin as he resigned to following Draigo.
“Oh, hello. We have not seen any dragons around here in a long time.” Celestia said softly as she greeted Draigo.
“Hello, Celestia, Luna. How’s your day going so far?” Draigo greeted the two sisters.
“A bit boring so far.” Celestia admitted.
“How doth thou know our names?” Luna asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
“Well, Celestia, perhaps this will make your day a little less boring,” Draigo said as he turned his attention to Luna, “I know thy name for I hath known thee for a long time.”
“And what would that be?” Celestia asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Thou hath known us for a long time?” Luna echoed, still acting suspicious.
“G’Day Princesses.” Joseph said, waving to the both of them with an uneasy smile.
“Well, for one, your local human is here,” Draigo said as he gestured to Joseph, “For another, we’ve come to tell you that something very important. Could we speak in a more private setting?”
“Of course.” Celestia said and gestured to a more secluded section of the garden. “Will over there do?”
“I see thou hath brought the ball back.” Luna commented, noticing Wheatley in Joseph’s hand.
“Yeah, he got too annoying so I figured you could have him back.” Joseph replied, throwing Wheatley to Luna who caught him with her magic.
“Yes, over there will do nicely,” Draigo agreed, “Oh, before I forget. To answer your question, Luna. I’m not from this world and have known my version of both of you since before you were princesses.”
“You are not of this world?” Luna asked, leading the group over to the spot that her sister had suggested.
“That may be one of the reasons I haven’t seen a full-grown dragon in a while.” Celestia said calmly.
“Well, I’ve got nothing to do with the dragons of your world, but if you’d like to see a full-grown dragon then I’d be more than happy to show you one. All I need is an area about the size of a hoofball field,” Draigo told her with a smile, “That can wait for a little while, though. Canterlot is going to be invaded by robots. I believe there are some here already.”
“There definitely are. I saw a few ponies act not as scared as others when you walked by and this lot aren’t looking for cover.” Joseph affirmed what Draigo said, looking carefully at the gathered ponies.
“There’s an invasion and it’s already starting?” Celestia asked seriously, whatever kind of joy in her face there was, left at the mention of there being an invasion.
“Unfortunately, yes. They are led by a metal Alicorn that goes by ‘Queen’. The robots have a hive mind and will get stronger if we don’t defeat them all in one fell swoop.” Draigo told the princesses.
“How are we going to do that? Do you know where these robots are being manufactured?” Celestia asked quickly.
“We know where, we just don’t know the specific where in that location. The robots are all being manufactured in Aperture but that place is so huge, it will take ages just to find the assembly room for the robots.” Joseph supplied.
“If they do attack, I can destroy them all, if that is what you wish,” Draigo told Celestia in hopes of raising her spirits a bit.
“That would be nice.” Celestia commented.
“There is some further bad news. We still haven’t found Twilight or Pinkie.” Joseph interjected.
“You haven’t?” Celestia asked, raising an eyebrow at the human and shifting her stance a bit.
“No, I haven’t. After Draigo suggested talking to them, we did and they wouldn’t tell us Twilight’s location.” Joseph answered further, gulping a bit.
“I think Queen is holding them somewhere. Is there someplace in Canterlot that’s been abandoned for a very long time or a place where there shouldn’t be anyone?” Draigo asked as his claws began to glow.
“There is the crystal mines beneath the castle but those mines have been abandoned for centuries and were sealed off long ago. I don’t recall seeing anything or anypony make their home there.” Celestia said immediately, eyeing Draigo’s glowing claws.
“What art thou doing?” Luna asked, seeing the glow as well.
“I’m going to use my Aether manipulation to see if there’s any life in those caves you mentioned,” Draigo said as his claws glowed brighter. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the life force he felt from each of the beings nearby. He slowly extended his magic out until it encompassed the entire city, above and below ground, “There’s two sources of life force directly below us. Is that where the caves are?”
“Yes. Could that be them?” Celestia asked with wide eyes, nodding her head. “That was an impressive feat of magic.” Celestia added.
“I’m just getting started,” Draigo said as he began to lower into the ground, “I’ll be right back after I see who’s down there.” He continued to lower himself down until all they could see was darkness.
Celestia, Luna and Joseph looked down at the hole that seemed to swallow Draigo up.
“I’ve never seen him do that before.” Joseph muttered, crouching down near the edge.
“Earth manipulation.” Celestia commented, recognising the power as one she’s seen a few other dragons use before.
“Twilight, teleporting is no use. You’ve been at this for days!” Pinkie told her friend as she teleported, slamming into a crystal wall for the umpteenth time.
“I don’t care! We’ve been at this for days, trying to get out of here!” Twilight argued, running back towards Pinkie. “I don’t see you doing anything about it!” Twilight shouted at Pinkie.
“Because there’s nothing to do ! There’s absolutely no way out of here!” Pinkie shouted back.
“Did someone say there’s ‘absolutely no way out’? Cause you’re wrong,” Draigo said as he appeared from the top of the cave.
Looking up at the voice, Twilight smiled brightly, while Pinkie backed up a bit at the sudden intrusion.
“Draigo!” Twilight called out in delight. “What are you doing here?” she asked, backing up to make room for him.
“I could ask the same of you, Twilight,” Draigo said with a smile as he landed next to her, “Joseph was really worried about you two and decided to summon me to help out. Are there any guards that I have to worry about?”
“Not that we know of. Far as I can tell, it’s just us three here. It’s so great that you’re here!” Twilight answered, her smile widening.
“Hi, Mr. Dragon. I’m Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie introduced herself after having gotten over the initial shock of having a dragon descend from the ceiling of a cave.
“Hello, Pinkie. I’m Draigo, a friend of Joseph’s,” Draigo introduced himself, “Now, who’s ready for some fresh air?” Draigo laid down on the cave floor and waited for their obvious response.
“Fresh air? Yes please!” Twilight whooped.
“Joseph knows a dragon!? Why didn’t he say anything to me!?” Pinkie gasped. “Oh, and some fresh air would be nice too.”
“Well, you can ask him yourself when we get out of here, Pinkie. Now, hop on my back and hold on,” Draigo told them as he gestured to his back.
Pinkie shrugged at the answer and immediately jumped on, wrapping her hooves around one of his spines. Twilight laughed and hopped on, wrapping her hooves around another spine.
Draigo made the earth beneath them rise up and they were soon engulfed in darkness. He solved this by imbuing his body with light so that he produced enough to properly see with.
“How you two doing back there?” Draigo asked as he looked up through the hole he’d made earlier.
“I’m doing fine. Twilight though, looks like she’s about to have a heart attack.” Pinkie said, looking behind her to check on Twilight. Twilight had a frightened look on her face even though there was enough light to see by.
“It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. You just have to endure for a few more moments.” Twilight mumbled to herself in an effort to keep her heart rate down.
“Twilight, would I ever let something bad happen to you while I’m around?” Draigo asked her as he turned his head to look at her.
“No, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still feel fear.” Twilight told him, focussing her gaze on the spine she was holding.
“What are you afraid of? The dark? Moving through the earth on a dragon’s back? Talking about it will help,” Draigo said as he increased their speed a little bit.
“None of those. More like enclosed spaces.” Twilight answered his question as she screwed her eyes shut.
“Ah, claustrophobia. Okay, let’s kick it into high gear then,” Draigo told them as they began to shoot up fast enough that their manes blew in the breeze.
Joseph, Celestia and Luna walked back from the edge as they saw a bright light move increasingly faster towards the top of the hole. “I think that’s Draigo.” Joseph commented.
Twilight screamed a bit as she felt him move faster while Pinkie laughed at the rush of speed that Draigo poured on.
“We’re almost there, Twilight. Just hang on and let me handle everything,” Draigo said as he saw the edge of the hole above them.
“That’s just great.” Twilight muttered, cracking an eye open as she looked up at the light.
“Oh, learn to live a little Twilight. Try to find the joy in the moment,” Draigo told her as sunlight began to touch their faces.
“If I did, then I wouldn’t be safe.” Twilight protested as she slightly relaxed her grip on the spine.
“But that’s the whole point of living Twilight!” Pinkie said. “You have to learn to live a little and let go!”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to do that.” Twilight argued, giving Pinkie a pointed glare.
“You’re going to have to sometime, young one,” Draigo said right before they shot out of the hole and up into the air.
“AAAH!” Twilight screamed as she suddenly let go of the spine and almost immediately began falling back to the ground. Feeling herself slow down, Twilight opened her eyes and looked to see a golden aura surrounding her.
“There goes Twilight.” Pinkie muttered.
“I told you that you had to let go sometime, Twilight,” Draigo said as he glided to the ground, “Thank you, Celestia. I would have caught her myself, but I’m pretty sure she appreciates you catching her more than me.”
Twilight gave Celestia a sheepish smile as she was set down. “Thank you, Princess.” She said a little shakily.
“You were down in the crystal mines the entire time, sheilas?” Joseph asked, scratching his head with his gun.
“Yeah, I don’t even know how I got there.” Twilight answered, looking towards Joseph.
“Probably something Queen did,” Draigo commented as he examined both Twilight and Pinkie for any injuries.
“Who’s Queen?” Pinkie asked, giggling as Draigo examined them.
“I see you’re wearing the suit Other Twilight was wearing.” Joseph commented to Twilight before turning to Pinkie. “Queen is a robot Alicorn that turned almost all the citizens of Ponyville into robots and she has been using those robots against me to see how I would react. By beating them, she has made them stronger and stronger, forcing me to change my tactics every time. The last time I fought them, I had to use the Speed Gel so now I don’t even know how I’ll beat them if they attack again.” Joseph explained and saw their shocked expressions. “That’s who Queen is, Pinkie. Glad you’re both back, though!” Joseph ended with a smile.
“Beating them will be my job,” Draigo said confidently, “There’s too many ways for me to beat them and there’s some ways that they can’t build a resistance to.”
“You’d be surprised at the many things Aperture created before they went under. They were first a shower curtain company and then headed into more scientific applications for the military.” Celestia said, frowning at the prospect of having to fight a virtually unbeatable army.
“My dear Celestia. You’d be surprised at the many things I can do,” Draigo said as he smiled at the solar princess, “Their main strength is also their main weakness when they are facing me.”
“So the very fact that they can resist practically anything is their weakness? How would that work?” Twilight asked, sitting down on the grass.
“Well, that’s not exactly what I had in mind. The main strength I was thinking of is that they are made of metal. So long as they are made of metal, I can beat them while only using one power,” Draigo explained to the lavender unicorn.
“So you’re going to melt them?” Twilight asked, trying to confirm the power she was thinking of.
“Thou saw that flash, or was it just me?” Luna asked, pointing with a wing to the entrance of the hedge maze.
“Was it a green flash?” Draigo asked as he tensed up for an expected confrontation, “If it was green then it could be Queen.”
“There was most certainly a green flash. Nothing is there anymore though.” Luna affirmed the colour.
“She overheard us and now she’s going to see if she can replace the bodies of the next wave.” Joseph said with a groan as he sat down heavily.
“Well, that changes the game plan a bit. Not by much, though,” Draigo told them as he went through his abilities in his head.
“I’ll tell the Captain of the Guard to get the soldiers prepared. We can’t have an invasion while our niece gets ready for her wedding after all.” Celestia said with a grimace and trotted towards the castle to alert the guards.
“That won’t do a thing, Celestia. They’ll look just like normal ponies,” Draigo called out to her.
Celestia stopped her trotting with a sigh and turned back around.
“You’re right. So how do we stop something that’s already started?” Celestia asked. A white flash appeared above Joseph’s head, dropping an item onto it and bouncing off.
“Ouch. What was that?” Joseph asked as he rubbed his head and looked down at the rock. “It’s a rock. With a piece of white cloth tied up to it.” He said dumbly, crouching and picking it up.
“Ah, that’s Crystal’s token. She’s a mage that wields dragon-slayer magic,” Draigo told Joseph as he remembered his own adventure with Crystal.
“Dragon Slayer magic?” Joseph asked in surprise as a message played out in his head. “You sure it’s a girl? The message has a male’s voice to it.”
“I summoned her myself quite a while back,” Draigo told the skeptic.
“Can’t argue with that then.” Joseph said with a shrug and unwrapped the scarf from around the rock. Wrapping it around his own neck, a pillar of flames appeared near the group. Out of the flames, they heard some shouting as the voices got closer.
“Coming through!” A female voice shouted as she flew out and headbutted into the castle wall, making a rather large crack appear. The flames disappeared as the female got up off the ground and held her head.
“Now that’s a wake-up call.” Crystal said as she shook her head to get rid of a buzzed feeling and turned around, her eyes widening as she saw the group gathered. “Hi, I’m Crystal. Which one summoned me? The dragon or the blue hoodie?” She asked, walking up to them.
“It’s good to see you again, Crystal. The one who summoned you is him,” Draigo said as he pointed at Joseph.
“The blue hoodie. Hi. Nice to see you as well, Draigo.” Crystal said, greeting the group and walking up to Joseph.
“G’Day, sheila. I’m Joseph.” Joseph greeted her, still having a slightly shocked look at her breaking the castle wall. “This must be yours,” He said and handed her the scarf, which she wrapped around her neck.
“An Aussie. This’ll be fun,” she said with a smile.
“If by ‘fun’ you mean getting to fight robotic ponies that look like real ponies that are trying to invade Canterlot then yes it will be,” Draigo said as he repaired the damage to the castle wall.
“You headbutted the castle wall and you’re talking normally. You should be dead.” Twilight said as her shocked gaze turned to Crystal.
“My parents always said I had a thick skull,” Crystal answered, tapping her skull to prove her point. “Oh, Draigo, I never got my clothes back when I left your world.” Crystal continued, turning on the spot to Draigo.
“I’ve got them in my room back at the castle, in my world,” Draigo told her.
“Phew. At least they’re safe.” Crystal sighed in relief.
“You are not worried by robotic ponies. Why not?” Celestia asked her.
“Because I can just burn them until they melt. Simple.” Crystal answered with a shrug.
“That’ll only work on them for a little while. After that they’ll be resistant to your flames I’m afraid,” Draigo said with a shrug of his wings.
“Well then I’ll just-” Crystal was interrupted by a hand being placed over her mouth, effectively shutting her up.
“Don’t say what you’re going to do. That’s how she’ll upgrade the robots without loosing them on us.” Joseph growled. Crystal moved his hand away from her mouth so she could speak.
“Is that how whoever this she is found out about the flames?” She asked, looking at him worriedly.
“Yes. So don’t say how you’re going to combat them. Just attack with everything you got and just pray it will work.” Joseph answered in a hushed whisper.
“Fortunately, there’s only one of them that sends them back to get fixed, Queen. If we keep her busy then we shouldn’t have any problems,” Draigo explained to the group.
“How will We keep that charlatan busy?” Luna asked.
“By feeding her false information?” Joseph suggested.
“How about, oh I don’t know, fighting her ?” Draigo said as he gestured with one claw, “That’s the only sure fired way of keeping her busy since we don’t know where in Aperture she’s making her robots and it’d take too much time to find it. Even if we sent a team into Aperture, I’m sure that she’s got traps and other obstacles already in place so she can concentrate on clearing her defeated troops,”
“That could work.” Crystal said, plucking at the hem of her orange top.
“I’ve already disarmed about five of her traps without knowing it but I doubt I’ll be able to clear them all by the time Queen has finished working on the next batch of robots.” Joseph said, scratching his head as he threw the rock towards Twilight, who caught it in her magic.
“Disarming traps is all well and good, but we need to interrogate them to find out the location.” Twilight suggested, studying the rock.
“Already did that, the robots don’t know the location of either the original ponies or their manufacturing plant,” Draigo responded to Twilight’s suggestion.
“Hey guys, have those ponies reacted at all to Crystal appearing or to that crack in the wall Draigo fixed up?” Pinkie asked, pointing to the happily chatting ponies near the cake contest.
“I don’t think so, sheila.” Joseph muttered, getting up and walking to the crowd.
“Not sure if that’s such a good idea.” Crystal called out to him.
“I’m just checking it out.” Joseph called back and tapped one of the ponies on the shoulder. It didn’t react, just kept chatting with its neighbour.
“Allow me,” Draigo said as he once more directed his power at each of the ponies. They came flying over and were promptly crushed into one giant ball, “Crap, they’ve heard everything we’ve said and that means Queen knows as well.”
“Let’s assume that everypony has been replaced. We could go into the castle and warn Cadence and Shining at least?” Twilight suggested, staring at the ball of metal.
“It’s already started. Queen most likely knows what we’re up to.” Joseph said with a grimace.
“Twilight, while warning them is all well and good, what would that accomplish? We’re dealing with robots that look like real ponies and they could be anyone. The two of them would just end up panicking since they couldn’t even trust each other,” Draigo explained to the concerned mare.
“Okay, you’re right. That means we won’t be able to trust our friends either. The only people-slash-ponies we can trust are in this group.” Twilight said with a sigh. “Wait. Pinkie and I were down in the caverns for how long?” Twilight asked.
“A couple of weeks, give or take a few days.” Joseph shrugged. “What are you getting at?”
“If we were down in the caverns, then could Queen have been making robotic copies of us two during those two weeks?” Twilight asked with wide eyes.
“There’s a possibility that she did,” Draigo admitted, looking at Twilight and Pinkie.
“Try picking us up with whatever you used to pick up those ponies there!” Pinkie suggested. “It’s the only way to tell if we’re actually real and they didn’t move us to some other place.” Pinkie added.
Draigo complied with Pinkie’s suggestion and directed his electromagnetic manipulation at Twilight and Pinkie. The two mares remained where they stood, “You two are real ponies, Pinkie.”
“Yay! I’m real!” Pinkie said with glee.
“Never doubted you were. But if this ‘Queen’ was making copies of you, she could have inserted them into Ponyville already.” Crystal said.
“Nah, we would have noticed immediately. There’s just something eerie about them.” Joseph said and began to pace back and forth.
“You know what? We’re wasting time. So, let’s stop it for awhile,” Draigo said as the world around them froze in place.
Crystal walked up to a bird that was in mid-flight and touched some of the feathers on the wings. “Why has time stopped?”
“I think that’s the joke.” Pinkie said, digging around in her mane for something.
“Time stopped because I wanted it to. Also because now we can talk about our plans without Queen eavesdropping on us,” Draigo told Crystal as he watched Pinkie dig around in her mane, “Got an itch you can’t reach, Pinkie?”
“No …” Pinkie said slowly and pulled a potato battery out of it.
“Crikey!” Joseph shouted, running up to Pinkie and grabbing the potato.
“I know, it’s surprising.” Crystal retorted, watching him grab the yam.
“No, Crikey is his name. I can understand the confusion, though.” Joseph said, piercing the potato with one of the prongs on his gun. “After not getting any solar energy for a couple of weeks, he’s going to stay on here until he charges up.” Joseph said with a happy smile.
“You named a potato battery?” Crystal asked in disbelief, walking back from stroking the feathers on the bird.
“No, he named himself.” Joseph answered.
“Alright, Joseph has gone crazy, folks,” Draigo quipped.
“I have not gone troppo, mate.” Joseph protested. “Just wait a couple of hours and he’ll speak for himself.” He added.
“I agree with Draigo.” Crystal said with a weird look on her face.
“He really does speak.” Twilight, Pinkie and the Princesses agreed with Joseph at the same time.
“He’s really obnoxious too.” Twilight added.
“Okay, assuming this isn’t some big prank and Joseph isn’t crazy then why didn’t the potato talk the last time I came here?” Draigo asked, “Also, the spud won’t get any solar energy until I unfreeze time since everything is frozen besides us.”
“He was conserving battery power after seeing how amazing and awesome you were.” Joseph answered. “Oh yeah. The sun’s frozen too. Now you all think I actually am crazy.” Joseph said with a sigh.
“Now that Joseph has been reunited with his … spud. How are we going to fight Queen? If she fixes them up as well as sends them away to get fixed, we can only assume she’ll have the same upgrades as her army.” Crystal theorised, sitting down near Draigo
“While that may be true, she can’t counter everything. There’s no way she can while keeping her soldiers the same size as regular ponies. Besides, she will never be able to counter some of my abilities, like space/time manipulation,” Draigo told her as he placed a claw on her head.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Remember how she was caught in that time bubble you used earlier?” Joseph asked, sitting down and playing with some grass.
“If I remember correctly, Aperture dabbled in some time/space mechanics but they never really got far. One of the head scientists even proposed to me that there was a multiverse out there that we could use to our advantage and that there were whole universes in different points in time. I shot it down, of course, because time travel was always dangerous and very unpredictable. I’m not sure how far they got if they continued in secret though.” Celestia told the increasingly worried group as she laid down on her belly.
“Okay, so they dabbled with space/time. They are still made of matter and if I really need to I’ll break them down at the atomic level. Hopefully I won’t have to though since that can be a tad bit dangerous for anyone near them,” Draigo said as he got a bit more desperate to find a power that could be used on the robots without being countered.
“Our situation is getting even more dire every time we think out different possibilities.” Joseph said, rubbing the sides of his temples.
“You’ve been quiet, Twilight. Something on your mind?” Crystal asked, leaning into Draigo’s claw.
“Yeah. What we’re saying about time. About a month ago, we got a message from the future. Well, from a future me. Joseph, Pinkie, Spike and Ember kept stopping me from going to the Archives where this time spell supposedly is. Well, when I tried to go there while Joseph was sleeping, I got a voice in my head telling me to bring Crikey, along with me wearing this if I teleported to the Archives. The only unforeseen thing was Pinkie tackling me and sending my trajectory into what I now know is the Crystal Mines. I’m just wondering if I should use that time spell the other me used to send a message to my past self.” Twilight explained, gazing at the rock intently as she did.
“So, you want to travel back in time. Stop and think for a second. Did you listen to your future self when she showed up to warn you?” Draigo asked Twilight and then followed her gaze to the rock she was staring at, “You’ve been staring at that rock pretty intently. Penny for your thoughts?”
“No. I kept asking questions and interrupting her.” Twilight said, tearing her gaze from the rock and to Draigo. “I’ve been staring at this because Pinkie forced me to appreciate just what a rock was.” Twilight said simply.
“I asked if she came from an epic future war. She said yes and said she didn’t have time to explain because Twilight kept interrupting. I’m starting to think this ‘war’ is the one with the robots.” Joseph said, as he dragged his fingers down his face as he thought back.
“Well, how about we change the past then?” Draigo said as a crazy grin split his face.
“Thou art crazy! Thou cannot change thy past!” Luna said in shock, looking at Draigo’s grin.
“My sister is right. If you change the past, you change the present.” Celestia agreed.
“Changing the past sounds great! What you planning to do?” Pinkie asked.
“I’m going to go back to Twilight’s library at the moment her ‘future self’ disappears and explain the situation. She’ll have to listen because she won’t be able to talk!” Draigo explained his plan to the group, “It’s brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. I tell you. Fiendish, I say.”
“And how are you going to get to stop Past Twilight from talking? If she’s anything like mine, then she’ll just keep asking questions.” Crystal asked, lighting her hand on fire and watching it dance on her fingertips.
“Easy,” Draigo said before he directed a little of his power at Twilight, “Twilight, what’s the one question you’d like the answer to the most?”
“That’s-” Twilight tried to speak but found that her voice couldn’t make a sound. Trying a few more words, she found that Draigo had completely silenced her.
“Sorry, Twilight,” Draigo apologized and released her from his power, “That is how, my little dragon-slayer.”
“That’s cool.” Crystal said.
“So that’s taken care of. You going to put Past Twilight in a bubble like this as well?” Joseph asked.
“Hmm, not a bad idea,” Draigo admitted as he tapped his chin.
“What are you going to exactly tell my student’s past self?” Celestia asked, sighing as she realised there was no stopping the dragon.
“I’ll tell her that her future self sent me to explain since she was rudely interrupted by her past self. That she should investigate the ponies in town that aren’t their usual selves and that she should beat Shining Armor for forgetting to tell her that he was getting married before the wedding invitations were sent out,” Draigo said with a huge grin on his face, “She should be able to figure out everything else we already know if I point her in the right direction.”
“That’s all well and good but you do realise Twilight will still have to travel back in time so that you can appear after she leaves.” Joseph said, scratching his head.
“Well, that’s true,” Draigo said as his tail tapped on the ground, “We should probably keep the mortals as safe as possible. So, Twilight doesn’t get to travel in time.”
“I don’t? How does that work?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Draigo probably wants to keep you safe.” Crystal answered, lying down and playing with a few crystals of her own making.
“I suppose that makes sense.” Twilight said, looking at how the dragon slayer manipulated the crystals.
“To be fair, I tried to stop her because time travel is just too wacky to be used willy-nilly.” Joseph interjected.
“That’s true. Just look what it did to The Doctor’s mentality,” Draigo agreed, “Where did that come from?” Draigo wondered out loud.
“Yeah, he kept switching personalities and how he looked every so often. It would drive anyone mad. You were probably remembering something from before you got Displaced.” Joseph said with a shrug, standing up and stretching. “I want to try something. Can you come here for a second Crystal?” Joseph asked, beckoning Crystal to follow him.
Crystal got up from where she laid down and followed Joseph to a spot a bit further away from the group. “What’s up?” She asked.
“I’m going to fire blue gel from my gun. What I want to know is if it can catch fire. I figured you could supply the fire, sheila.” Joseph explained, getting his gun ready.
“Sounds good to me but what’s it for?” She asked, getting a fistful of flames ready.
“I’ll tell you and the others at the same time if this works.” Joseph said and fired a patch of blue gel onto the ground. Throwing her arm forward, Crystal shot some flames onto the gel and was surprised when it actually caught fire.
“Okay, should I go ahead and visit Past Twilight or do you have something else, Joseph?” Draigo asked as he noticed the pair come back to the group.
“I figured, since my blue gel won’t make them bounce around anymore and since Queen is most likely upgrading her army to be fireproof, we combine the two. Fire and gel. It most likely won’t work but at least we know that it can catch fire.” Joseph explained once they had successfully put the fire out without bouncing high into the air.
“Okay, it’s good to be prepared. Now, I’ll see you later,” Draigo said as he stood up and vanished with a wink of light.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 21 - Rescue Attempt
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Picking up the two tokens, Joseph put the wrapped up rock into his pocket and held onto the hourglass by its top. Looking down at the potato in his pocket, he frowned at it.
“You know, you really need to speak up more when there’s new company.” Joseph told him as he looked back up to enjoy the view of the party.
“I would if they weren’t so awesome.” Crikey replied, his voice muffled by the pocket.
“It would be awesome if I had powers too but you don’t see me complaining.” Joseph answered, and seeing that no one was paying any attention to him, he began to walk away, hoping that Pinkie wouldn’t see him leave.
“Joseph! Where you going?” Pinkie shouted, running through the crowd to catch up to him. Once she reached him, she saw him pulling out the potato battery and looking back at her.
“Parties aren’t really my thing so I figured I would explore Aperture some more.” Joseph shrugged, stabbing Crikey back onto his gun.
“Easy there, mate. You nearly impaled me through my battery.” Crikey warned, giving a chirp in Pinkie’s direction.
“Why don’t you take a break? Ever since you got here you’ve been exploring Aperture whenever you had some free time.” Twilight suggested, overhearing the conversation.
“Or whenever the plot demanded.” Crikey said, humming quietly after seeing Purple Smart look at him. “Whatcha want Purple Smart? It’s true!”
“It is.” Pinkie agreed, much to Twilight’s disdain.
“That’s not the point though. Joseph, you have been stressing out over ponies being replaced by robots, trying to find the entire town, and on top of all that, you have also been battling a robotic queen. Even if you didn’t know that until a yesterday. You need to take a break. Otherwise you’re mind will snap and that’ll be that. Even Pinkie Pie takes breaks!” Twilight argued with him, pointing to Pinkie when she was mentioned.
“Who’s to say my mind hasn’t already snapped, Sheila?” Joseph asked with a shrug and tapped the side of his head, thinking about what she was saying. “It probably has and I’m just dreaming all this up because I slammed into a wall where I thought a non-existent portal was,” he mused, looking at Twilight and Pinkie blankly.
“Don’t say that. If you are dreaming all this, then how are you speaking to us?” Twilight said with a soft shake of her head.
“Lucid dreaming then.”Joseph answered, leaning against the wall of a nearby house and placing his hands in his pockets.
“Lucid what?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.
“Lucid dreaming. It means when you are aware you’re dreaming and you can make anything possible while you’re still asleep.” Joseph answered, summing up what could potentially be an insanely long talk on the topic.
“Oh! I have them all the time.” Pinkie said, smiling and giggling a bit before excusing herself to entertain some of the other guests.
“You think this is all a dream? Can you even sleep in a dream?” Twilight asked, trying to find a hole in Joseph’s theory.
“How else would you explain me coping so well? I talk to a potato who I believe has the voice of one of my friends!” Joseph seethed, pointing to the spud on the gun, who had conveniently turned himself off to conserve energy. “All you ever do is conserve energy because now you’re making me look bad.” Joseph complained to it, placing a hand on his forehead and leaning back against the wall.
“I know for a fact you can’t feel pain in a dream so try explaining that to me.” Twilight persisted. Joseph opened his mouth to try and argue but found that he had no answer for that. Maybe the stress really was getting to him.
“I think that may be the stress talking. Never really been stressed before so I don’t really know how to handle it that well.” Joseph admitted, sliding down against the wall to rest his back against it as he sat down.
“For one, you can try a breathing exercise Cadence taught me.” Twilight suggested, going through the motions. Joseph studied them for a moment before slowly raising a fist to his chest, breathed in and then out as he moved his fist out in front of him. He did it a few more times and felt some of the stress leave him.
“That managed to help a bit.” Joseph said with a weak grin, resting his head against the wall as he watched the party continue. “But like I said before: parties aren’t my thing. I’m sorry about that dream rant. I guess I finally cracked under all this pressure.” He gave a harsh laugh and placed his gun on the ground, drew his knees up to his chest, and rested his head on them. “Just give me a bit. If you don’t see me in the next half hour, I’ll either be here or somewhere else. Most likely Aperture. Go and have fun, Sheila.” Joseph told Twilight with a smile before looking back at the party.
“Okay, as long as you’re sure.” Twilight said with a bit of concern and trotted back to the party. After waiting a few moments in case she came back to check up on him, Joseph stood up, grabbed his portal gun and blinked a few times to get rid of the pain of an oncoming headache.
“Maybe it really is the stress talking. I need to clear my head.” Joseph muttered to himself, and got up, pacing away from the party before anypony else could stop him.
“Joshu, you feeling okay?” Crikey chirped up. Joseph groaned at him, and slouched as he walked in a random direction.
“Yeah, mate. I’m fine. Just don’t talk to me at the moment,” he muttered and grabbing a screwdriver from a pocket toolkit he found in Aperture, unscrewed a few bolts on Crikey and messed around with some of the wires, shutting him off. Joseph gave a grim smile at this and continued on his way, making sure to drop off the tokens he had acquired in his room at Twilight’s library before walking into the Everfree and passing Aperture. It was about time he saw what was beyond the laboratory/science building.
He walked passed Aperture and further into the forest, through a patch of blue flowers and onto a path that looked like it had barely been used at all. This got Joseph curious. He stepped onto it and looked in both directions. One way, he could see sunlight and the town. The other way his vision was met with foreboding blackness. Scratching at one of his ears, Joseph shrugged and figured going in further would better help him clear his head.
“We need to go deeper,” he muttered to himself, chuckling a bit at what he said before starting the trek deeper into the Everfree. He placed his hands in his pockets and began to whistle a bit, feeling glad that all the ponies were back safely in their town. “The ponies are safe, there’s no more robots … and I’m stressing. Maybe it’s because the entire time I’ve been here, I haven’t let it get to me and it’s all crashing on me now?” Joseph asked out loud, trying to theorise why he was stressing out now and not before all this stuff happened.
“Yeah, that’s probably it,” he said, sounding satisfied at this. Looking at the path, he found it to be long, and straight. Smirking to himself, he brought his gun up and aimed down the path. He pressed the button he had installed and fired a string of orange gel down it. ‘A bit more practice can’t hurt, right? ’
Joseph shrugged and leapt onto the gel, gliding along it and managing to keep his balance along the way. As he picked up speed, he braced himself for impact but then his brain kicked into high gear, remembering about the portal gun in his hands. Firing a blue portal at what he assumed was an overgrown tree, he then turned on the spot and gliding backwards into the portal, placed the orange one on the ground, making him shoot high up into the air just before hitting the trunk of the tree. He gave a whoop of joy before realising what he had just done and began to panic as he fell back to earth.
He quickly fired an orange portal on the ground beneath him and shot out the other one, going backwards until there was no more gel to glide on. When he ran out of room, he stumbled backwards and hit his head against the tree, nearly blacking out from the impact.
“Why does this happen to me?” Joseph whined and stood up, intending to solve at least a couple more puzzles in Aperture, despite Twilight and Pinkie telling him not to.
View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 24 - Puzzles 3 and 4: Angel Arm Cannon
Author's Note
Crossover with thunderclap 's The Reluctant Gunman . We both definitely had a lot of fun writing this.
Chapter 24 - Puzzles 3 and 4: Angel Arm Cannon
Joseph looked up at the Aperture Science building with a glare and sighed. He’ll have to look at Level 53 later, for now, though, he’s going to solve some more puzzles. He held his gun loosely and walked in, heading for the elevator. Taking it down to the lowest level, he then jumped down the hole in ceiling, landing on his long-fall boots, really glad that they actually worked.
Joseph then ran passed the previous puzzles and through the clothes room where he found the latex time travel suit for Twilight. Going into the next puzzle room, he found it to be in complete darkness. The only sources of light were roving red beams, signalling that turrets were moving about.
“Another dark one? Great.” Joseph groaned and pulled out a flashlight from his pocket, and held it in his mouth to better see the room. As the light went around the room, he found black walls on all four sides, a few islands of floor in the centre holding about four turrets each and around the sides were an extra eight, all of them walking in different patterns. It was only a matter of time before one spotted him. He took a step to the left to see if he could do anything and two beams of light immediately latched onto him.
He rolled to the side as soon as they fired but some more turrets heard his movements and targeted him as well. Joseph figured this was extremely ridiculous, even by Aperture’s standards. After yet another dodge roll, he placed his left hand in his pocket and brought out a bullet, chucking it a nearby wall, but not before feeling a few turret bullets hit his hand.
A swirling green portal opened where the bullet hit the wall and a tall young man exited it, blissfully unaware of all the turrets in the room.
“So, who summoned me this time?” He asked before looking down and seeing several red lights appearing along his body. “Gyah!” He screamed as the turrets started firing and him managing to dodge them as he scrambled for cover.
Joseph looked at the voice and chuckled a bit at the reaction. Gingerly grabbing the torch out of his mouth and training it on him, he winced at the movement and spoke up, “I don’t think there’s any cover around here, mate!”
“Joseph?!” The voice asked as he continued to dodge the oncoming fire. “Is me getting shot at going to happen every time you summon me?!” He whined.
“I don’t know! This is only the second time I’ve done it!” Joseph answered, and held his gun in one hand while still holding the light in the other. He raised it up and moved the light around to a few of the distracted turrets, firing a portal underneath, and one above them. “That should take care of … oh hell.” Joseph groaned at seeing the other turrets move their lasers back to him. As he heard the classic, ‘Gotcha ’ he jumped backwards and began to run around in a panic. “At least I got them distracted from you!”
“Good point, but maybe I should try something a little more permanent!” The voice called out before a loud bang echoed through the room and one of the turrets fell to the floor, sparks coming from its destroyed laser sight. A few more bangs echoed out and a few more turrets fell. Eventually, the noises stopped and the last of the turrets had been dealt with.
As soon as the last turret hit the floor, the lights came on, revealing twelve dead turrets and blood drops along the floor from Joseph’s hand. Joseph flicked the torch off and put it in a pocket before walking over towards whom he summoned. “G’Day Vash!” Joseph said cheerfully, despite having a bloodied hand.
“I was having a good day, but then some aussie dragged me into a hailstorm of bullets,” Vash commented as he pulled some bullets out of holes in his left glove. He reached into his duster and fished around for a few seconds before tossing a roll of bandages at Joseph. “There, you might wanna stop the bleeding.”
“What bleeding?” Joseph asked as he caught the roll of bandages. He then felt the adrenaline leave his system and hissed in pain as his left hand flared. “That bleeding,” Joseph answered his own question and got to work bandaging up his hand. “I’ll get the bullets out later. What’s been happening with you since we last met?”
“The short answer would be insanity,” Vash chuckled as he continued removing bullets from his left arm. “The long answer is pretty long so I’d recommend getting comfortable.”
“It’s been insane here too.” Joseph commented and sat down so he could properly do up the bandages.
“Well, I got turned into a woman for a day,” Vash said offhandedly with a shrug.
“You what? How the heck does that work?” Joseph questioned, eyes widening at the thought. “I don’t think anything that crazy happened here, unless you count robots taking over the entire town,” he said dismissively.
“Well, my friend Jason has an Omnitrix and it created another personality when he scanned Discord back in his universe. And that other personality came out and with some encouragement from another friend of mine thought it would be funny to change me from Vash to Valerie.”
Joseph snorted at that. “Sorry. That’s a bit insane for here. If Aperture came up with a way to change genders back and forth, I think it would have hit the market ages ago.”
“Oh, give it time,” Vash chuckled. “All it takes for insanity to come into the life of us Displaced is one lucky summon,” he commented as he walked over to a destroyed turret. “Actually, one Displaced popped in uninvited and accidentally gave one of my marefriends a snake tail for a lower body,” He called out over his shoulder as he dug through the wreckage of the turret.
“Sounds kinky.” Joseph replied and stood up, walking over to Vash and the turret. “Whatcha looking for, mate?”
“Well, I was an engineer back when I was on Earth and I loved things like robots, so I’m just digging through this thing to see if I can find anything fun to tinker with back home. Ooh, I think I just found something important!” Vash cheered as he pulled out a large chip from the turret.
“That,” Joseph pointed to the chip, “is most likely where it’s main functions are. How it can walk, how it can speak, how it can move it’s laser, even how it controls when it shoots. So that would be very important to a turret. I never really was into engineering back home, it was more physics, theoretical quantum physics and string theory that I was interested in.”
“I took a theoretical physics class,” Vash answered as he gingerly pocketed the computer chip. “The professor was my advisor for the Robotics Club I was in. Nice guy, we connected over our shared giddiness over making tiny robots fight each other.”
“Sounds like a cool teacher.” Joseph said and stretched, jumping a bit as he heard something powering up behind them. He turned around and found an impressive sized laser beam being stopped by some sort of metal plate. He watched as the beam fired continuously until the metal was red hot, but even then, it didn’t give in. “This is a new puzzle element.”
“Something’s telling me that if we want to get out of here then we’ll need to find a way to stop that laser,” Vash sighed.
Joseph turned back to Vash to say something but was stopped by the floor panel behind him flipping over, revealing a big red floor button. “Try stepping on that button.” Joseph suggested, pointing to it.
“Oh, am I your Weighted Companion Cube now?” Vash asked with a laugh as he stepped on the button.
When the button was pushed, the laser beam got a different colour to it, making it shrink slightly and the plate less red-hot than before. “That did practically nothing. And you probably are my Weighted Companion Cube. I usually have one of my friends with me when I solve these button puzzles anyway.” Joseph said with a shrug and smirked at the joke.
Vash didn’t respond, staring at the laser for a few minutes before letting out a deep sigh. “I really don’t like this, but I might be able to destroy that laser.”
Joseph looked around the room again, and found that they were the only ones there. No cubes, no Companion Cubes, and no turrets either. He then facepalmed with his good hand, realising that Vash may have powers other than being a crack shot. “How are you going to destroy that laser? All that button did was shrink it slightly and I doubt you have a laser strong enough to destroy that one.”
Vash just quirked an eyebrow at Joseph in slight disbelief. “Did… did you ever watch an anime called Trigun?”
“No … is Vash one of the characters from there?” Joseph asked, crossing his arms at the disbelieving look.
“Main character,” he answered as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He unlocked it and started tapping at the screen before tossing it to Joseph. “I’ve got Youtube opened up, just type Angel Arm into the search bar.”
Joseph got a confused look as he caught the phone but did as asked. He searched up Angel Arm and tapped on the first video he saw. He nearly dropped the phone in surprise at the sheer power of it. “What the hell was that!?” he called out, chucking the phone back to Vash.
“My worst nightmare,” Vash answered with a deep sigh as he took off a crystal armband and his right glove. “Now I’d suggest staying pretty close to me,” he said as he stepped off the button and strode towards the laser. “There’s a certain area that’s safe from the destruction this thing brings. Also, if I end up punching a hole into the moon, Don’t. Tell. Luna!”
“Trust me, I’m on bad enough terms with her as it is but you’re actually going to use it!?” Joseph asked in shock and surprise as he followed close behind Vash when he walked passed.
“Well, do you have any better ideas to deal with this thing?” He asked, indicating the red hot beam.
“If there were a few other things in this room besides the button and us, then yes, I would be able to have some form of an idea but … no. No I don’t.” Joseph sighed.
“Then as much as I don’t want to do it, I don’t really have much of a choice. Here, hold these,” Vash said, handing Joseph his glove and armband. He pulled out his revolver and took a deep breath. He concentrated on it and reached up with his left hand, popping off the top of the gun to reveal a glowing orb. He let out a scream as both his arm and the gun fused and changed. What had once been a normal arm was now a monstrous gray cannon with a glowing yellow sphere at its center and a halo surrounding the barrel. The light seemed to pick up and an odd noise filled the room. Energy gathered at the barrel as Vash used his left arm to point the cannon at the laser. Finally, a white beam shot out, pushing past the laser and punching through the emitter that was firing it as well as the wall. When the light from the beam died down, Vash collapsed to the ground, exhausted.
Joseph took the things Vash gave him and inspected the armband. It looked like a dampener of some sort. He didn’t get anymore time to dwell on it though when he heard an odd noise, as well as the light pick up. He cringed and closed his eyes when Vash fired the cannon. Opening them back up, Joseph looked to where the beam once was and found a hole. Hearing something fall, Joseph turned his attention to it and found that Vash had collapsed. “If I had known this would have happened, I probably should’ve argued with him better.” Joseph muttered and quickly walked over, kneeling down and shaking him. “Hey, Vash! You there, mate?”
“Five more minutes, Tia,” Vash mumbled.
“‘Tia’?” Joseph asked out loud, and then realising that it was most likely a nickname for Celestia. “You want five more minutes for what?” Joseph asked him, wondering if this will actually go anywhere.
This seemed to get Vash to stir as he slowly pulled himself up. “Uggh, that sucked,” he said to no one in particular. “I think I’d rather deal with a hangover than that again.”
“Glad to see you’re back in the land of the living. I highly doubt you’ll have to use that Angel Arm again, though.” Joseph commented, sighing in relief at seeing him move about.
“Here’s hoping,” Vash chuckled dryly. “Now, hand me my armband and my glove. I’m starting to feel naked without them.”
“This is a dampener, isn’t it?” Joseph asked him, giving the armband and glove back. “I could probably rig it up so that you won’t have to take it off when you need to use the Angel Arm.”
“Nah, I like it as it is,” Vash replied as he slid the glove up his arm and clasped the armband closed. “Gives it a little flair of drama. Plus, I’d have to take it off anyway so I don’t destroy my glove when my arm changes. Do you know how hard it is to find someone willing to work with leather in Equestria?”
“Unless you go to someplace where there aren’t any ponies present, yeah it would be pretty hard. Fair enough, I suppose. If I remember … I have a disassembled turret in Twilight’s basement if you want to take a look at it. I’m not doing anything with it so it could be a good opportunity to get something else from a turret.”
“Sounds good to me,” Vash chuckled as he stood up and stretched. “And maybe we can get some food? My arm transforming and firing a giant laser has left me pretty hungry. Ooh, anyplace got any good donuts?” Vash asked hopefully.
“Sure. Come on, exit’s this way.” Joseph said, standing up and pointing to where he had entered the room. “Donuts … I believe Sugarcube Corner has some. Hopefully the party has died down by now.” Joseph grunted, holding his gun loosely as he lead Vash through the facility.
“Yes!” Vash cheered as he pumped a fist into the air and happily followed after Joseph. “I’mma gonna clean them out of all their delicious donuts until I go into a sugar coma!”
“What kind of Equestria does not have donuts for you to be this deprived?” Joseph asked incredulously.
“One where they haven’t been invented yet,” Vash answered with a shiver. “Plus, everyone talks like they just walked out of the pages of a Shakespeare play.”
“It must be a sad Equestria then.” Joseph said with a shake of his head. “I can barely read Shakespeare, let alone understand what the hell he was trying to talk about,” he added as they passed through the second to last chamber.
“Surprisingly enough, it was quite a bit of dick jokes in his comedy stuff,” Vash answered with a chuckle. “And it isn’t bad in my Equestria at all. Even though there’s no donuts, I’ve still got my marefriends and friends, and I’ve introduced some modern comforts to the place so I’m pretty comfortable.”
“Speaking of which, how are your marefriends?” Joseph asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Ruling a country and protecting the two that rule said country,” Vash answered. “Other than that… putting up with my antics is probably the best answer to that question.”
“So that would be … Celestia, Luna and whoever the captain of the guard is in whichever time period you’re from. Am I correct?” Joseph said, eyes widening in surprise as he mentioned the princesses.
“Yup!” Vash said with a big smile. “Her name’s Morning Star, she kind of keeps me in line whenever I get a bit too… eccentric,” he finished as he rubbed the back of his head.
Joseph gave a chuckle at this and stopped walking as he looked up to find a hole in the ceiling. “Can’t remember. Did you travel through portals when you were here last?”
“Yup, that’s how you got me away from those turrets last time. Though I didn’t have the most graceful of landings.”
“You’ll probably have a more graceful landing this time then.” Joseph said with a grin and taking careful aim, fired a portal up into the hole and off to the side. Firing one underneath himself, he fell through and landed upright, being sure to step to the side whenever Vash made his entrance. “Make sure you jump through!” Joseph called out. Vash nodded and did as he was told, though when he came out the other portal he instantly flopped onto his face.
“Ow, looks like a repeat of last time,” he commented as he peeled himself off the floor.
“You definitely need a lot more practice.” Joseph commented as he fizzled the portals out. “And yes, it was a repeat of last time,” he said with a smirk.
“What can I say, I’m used to thinking with bullets, not portals,” Vash replied with a shrug.
“Doesn’t really matter to me, anyway. What I’m more curious about is why there were two puzzles in one room. That has not happened before. Especially with a puzzle being fine tuned to you and your specific powers, even though you had only just arrived.” Joseph said as he sidestepped the hole and lead Vash to the elevator. “Before you ask, we were underground this entire time.”
“Well, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that this place probably has an A.I. that can scan lifeforms and adjust testing rooms to fit whoever’s in the room,” Vash said, scratching his chin in thought.
“I doubt that. Me and a couple of other Displaced fought the A.I. you’re talking about and defeated her. She was called Queen and she had adapted herself and her army to whatever I threw at her.” Joseph explained, pushing the call button and waited for the doors to open.
“Last time I checked, Glados came back from being put inside a potato. Never consider an adapting A.I. completely down for the count.”
“Can they come back from being chewed to pieces and then digested inside a dragon’s belly?” Joseph deadpanned, moving into the elevator once the doors opened.
“If they wirelessly uploaded their programming into a backup somewhere, then yes.”
“Please don’t suggest that. I’ve had enough trouble with her as it is already.” Joseph said, leaning on the wall and placing a hand on his forehead. “How can I defeat her if she comes back and is immune to dragon biting?”
“A giant EMP should be able to fry a good portion of whatever she plans on storing herself in,” Vash shrugged.
“I already used an EMP against her when Draigo travelled through time to warn us about her in the future. He’s that dragon I mentioned a bit before.” Joseph said, rubbing at his eyes.
“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” Vash said as he patted Joseph on the back. “From the sounds of things, you don’t have to tackle the problem alone, so don’t.”
“Right.” Joseph sighed and exited the elevator. “Ponyville is this way,” he muttered, leading the way.
“Huh, I’ve actually been to another Ponyville before, though that was when I was summoned by Sheogorath.”
“Who?” Joseph asked, scratching his head in confusion.
“He’s a deadric prince from the Elder Scrolls series. The prince of Insanity to be exact.”
“Insanity? Sounds like the Joker.” Joseph commented, blinking a bit as they emerged into soft sunlight.
“Well, more like Discord than anything else. Though he goes from harmless to dangerous pretty quickly. Pro tip, don’t get him angry if he summons you.”
“I’ll be glad if anyone summoned me, to be honest. Haven’t really had the chance to explore other Equestrias yet.” Joseph said with a soft sigh. “What kind of donuts do you like anyway?”
“All of them!” Vash beamed as he started to drool a bit.
“You have a problem …” Joseph said as he watched Vash. “You’ve got a bit of drool coming out,” he said, pointing to a spot just below his mouth.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” Vash replied with a bit of a chuckle as he wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his left hand.
“It’s fine.” Joseph shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets, being mindful not to crush his left hand. When they emerged from the Everfree, Joseph felt glad about the fact that no pounding music was sounding from the town square. “At least the party has died down. Sugarcube Corner should be open after all.”
“Nice, though…” Vash stopped as he looked at the area. “Huh, I can’t believe I didn’t notice this when I was summoned by Sheogorath. But this is where we’re building the changeling village back home.”
“If that’s the case, then your Equestria will be very much different in the future.” Joseph said, musing over what Vash said. “You didn’t think Ponyville was this close, did you?”
“Not really, before we decided to build the castle, most seemed to stay away from the forest. At least, that’s just what I heard.”
“I don’t think I remember hearing that.” Joseph said, scratching the back of his head. “You want donuts, don’t you? They should be … this way. But still, a changeling village is a nice thought for them.”
“It’s part of this peace deal we’re working on with their queen. We’re building the village and getting pony volunteers to see if ponies and changelings can live together.”
“That is interesting.” Joseph gave him a smile. “Hopefully it will all work out.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty confident it will,” Vash replied with a smile.
Joseph lead the way through Ponyville before eventually stopping at Sugarcube Corner. “Don’t let the walls of the shop fool you, it’s just for decoration.” Joseph warned before stepping inside.
“Darn, the building looked delicious,” Vash chuckled as he followed him up to the counter.
“I … tried to eat it once but it didn’t really work out.” Joseph said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. He tapped his good hand against the countertop for a bit before a pink pony trotted out of the kitchen.
“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner, what can I- Joseph!? Where have you been?” Pinkie asked, looking at him, then turning her attention to Vash. “Did Joseph summon you for a puzzle solving thingamajig?”
“Yeah, but I just made it blow up,” Vash laughed.
“That he did. There’s a hole in the wall and everything.” Joseph said with a chuckle.
“So Aperture is just a pile of cinders now?” Pinkie asked, scrunching her face up in thought.
“No, but I did put a big hole into it,” Vash shrugged. “That place is made of some tough stuff.”
“Good enough for me! What can I get you?” Pinkie said, smiling at the both of them.
“I don’t want anything but I think Vash wants something.” Joseph said, waving his good hand at her.
“Donuts!” Vash beamed. “I’d like some donuts please!”
“Which ones do you want? There are all kinds of types to choose from.” Pinkie said, crouching down and looking at the delectable treats herself.
“All of them!” He beamed again, placing a few bits onto the counter.
“Okey dokey!” Pinkie beamed and grabbed one of each type before putting them in a big paper bag. She then counted the correct amount of bits and gave the rest back to him. “There you go! Enjoy!”
“Thank you!” Vash said with a mouthful of a glazed donut.
“Thanks, Pinkie. Do you know if Twilight is in her library at the moment?” Joseph asked her, to which Pinkie responded with a shake of her head.
“Nope! You’re free to go in there.” Pinkie said and grinned, serving the next customer as Vash and Joseph walked away.
“So, are we going to check out the library for Twilight now?”
“No, I’d just rather not have her ask me questions and scold me for going into Aperture when she told me not to.” Joseph said with a shrug.
“But what about that turret in her basement?” Vash asked seeming a little disappointed.
“We’re still going to have a look at the turret, don’t worry. I was just making sure she wasn’t in there when we walk in, that’s all.” Joseph said, trying to clarify for him.
“Okay,” Vash nodded as he bit into another donut.
“You really like those donuts, huh? This is the third one you’ve eaten in as many minutes!” Joseph commented, feeling a twinge of pain as he clenched his left hand.
Vash slowed down his eating and carefully studied Joseph. “I think we’re gonna have to deal with your hand at Twilight’s place before I study that turret.”
“There should be a first-aid kit in the basement. Don’t ask me why it’s down there but I think it’s because that’s where Twilight’s laboratory is.” Joseph said flippantly, ignoring the pain for now. “It’ll be simple. I’ll patch myself up while you study the turret!” Joseph added with a sudden manic smile.
“Uhh, Joseph, are you okay?” Vash asked, taken aback by the change in demeanor.
“I’m perfectly fine. Like I said. I’ll patch myself up with the first aid kit in the basement and you can study the turret at the same time.”
“Ookay, I guess I’ll take your word for it.”
“I don’t know why I said that. It’s probably either the blood loss or the stress talking.” Joseph explained as he brought his hand out of his pocket.
“Then maybe we should hurry up so you can get patched up before you pass out due to blood loss.”
“Maybe we should.” Joseph agreed and sped up his walking so they can get to the library faster. When they did make it, Joseph immediately went down into the basement and grabbed the first aid-kit. Vash followed in after him, shaking his head.
“Do these ponies even know what locks are?”
“You’d think they would learn after that robot attack. No, I’m planning on introducing them after I’ve actually found some.” Joseph answered, carefully unrolling the bandage on his left hand so he could get to the bullet wounds. “This is the first time I’ve actually been hurt by turrets so there’s that, I guess.”
“And it took a room with like twelve of them in a basically empty room to get you,” Vash offered as he walked over to the turret and stood by it while looking at Joseph.
“Yes it did, and even then, I think it was because I threw your bullet at the wall that made this possible. That model there is one of the early versions, or the ones you would see in the games. I dissected myself to see what made it tick.” Joseph explained, and looked at the few bullet wounds that were there to see if he could try and dig them out.
“Yeah, you’re lucky I’m able to dodge automatic fire. Otherwise you’d have at least three angry ponies gunning for your head,” Vash said as he started picking up and examining pieces of the turret.
“If I wasn’t dead already, then yeah, I would.” Joseph said with a chuckle and tenderly poked some tweezers into a bullet hole to see if he could dig the bullet out.
“Yeesh, really glad the only place I was hit was the left arm,” Vash said with a wince as he glanced over to Joseph.
“That’s the metal one, isn’t it?” Joseph asked before gasping as he accidentally poked himself with the tweezers.
“Yup, can’t feel a thing with it.”
“Struth, so you have no feeling in that at all?” Joseph asked, breathing slowly as he felt the tweezers hit something metal. He managed to grab the bullet and then slowly maneouvered it out, before eventually flinging it onto the table next to him when it was brought out. “Ah, jeez! That hurt like hell!”
“I bet,” Vash said with another wince. “And to answer your question, no the metal arm can’t feel anything. I’ve never really torn it open to figure out how I’m able to move it like I do. Mostly because I don’t want to be down an arm if I break something while trying to put it back together.”
“I could probably help with that. I’m no biologist but I am good with machines,” Joseph suggested, going for round two in the bullet holes. “One down, two to go.”
“No thanks, I’ve got a gun inside the thing and I’d hate for you to hurt yourself if you caused it to go off.” Vash shrugged, turning his attention back to the turret.
“Fair enough.” Joseph said, being careful when poking around. Feeling it touch something metal, he pulled it out and flung it next to the other bullet, immediately starting on the third hole as he grit his teeth through the pain. “Found anything useful yet?” he asked through clenched teeth.
“Kind of, I found out that Aperture has a lot of money to burn. They use gold wire instead of copper. And I think I found a firing mechanism for the turret’s guns.”
Joseph sighed in relief as he got the third bullet out and placed it next to the other two, looking over the turret for a bit. “I never really knew the difference between gold and copper wire. Yeah, they definitely had a lot of money to burn. They even teamed up with Black Mesa to build a ship but I don’t think the same thing happened here.”
“To be fair, gold is a better conductor and is super malleable.” Vash offered. “Copper is just more cost effective. Still, this is an interesting set up in the turret. If I had some time, I might be able to throw something together using this tech.”
“So that’s the difference. If you want, you can take the entire thing back with you if you want. All it’s doing is just collecting dust and wasting space. Those were Twilight’s words, not mine.” Joseph said with a grin and braced himself when he began to apply disinfectant to the wound.
“Seriously?” Vash huffed. “She has an advanced robot in her basement and the only thing she’s doing with it is using it as a dust catcher? What a waste.”
“Well, for the first few months after I dissected it, she got all the information she wanted so there’s that too.” Joseph said with a shrug and applied a fresh set of bandages over his hand. “Finally finished up this mini operation.”
“Has she done anything with that information?” Vash asked as he started looking for things to place the turret pieces into.
“So far, not that I know of. But then again, we’ve been so busy trying to find a town full of ponies that I’m not surprised she hasn’t. She probably will in a few days though.” Joseph supplied, walking over to Vash.
“Good, I was about to feel very sad about that. Though, that does make me think I should start teaching engineering to ponies back home. So far I’ve only taught Hammerfall the basics of it.”
“If you do, then try and not make a big facility out of it. It will only lead to a lot more problems.” Joseph said with a smile and looked around for a few containers. “You are looking for containers, right?”
“Yeah, can’t exactly shove the entire thing into my duster. That would be convenient though,” he finished with a chuckle.
“Oh, definitely. You still got that upgraded computer chip?” Joseph asked as he began to look around for something to put the pieces into.
“Yup,” Vash answered, pulling the chip out of his pocket and holding it up.
“That’s good. At least you’ll be able to start somewhere.” Joseph said with a chuckle as he found an empty, big-ish plastic container. “I think this will fit most of it,” he said, pulling it out from it’s place and handing it over to Vash.
“Thanks,” Vash nodded as he started carefully placing pieces into the container. Joseph watched him place them in the container and thought about how it will fare during the teleportation.
“No problem. If you ever need another one, just give me a call.” Joseph said with a shrug.
“Sure thing, and call me if you want me to fire a laser at some more puzzles,” Vash laughed.
Joseph laughed at that. “Definitely. Are there any side-effects to using that Angel Arm?”
“Oh… not really,” Vash said with a strained smile. Joseph’s face fell when he saw Vash’s smile.
“You sure about that?” he asked.
“Totally,” Vash replied, his smile becoming more strained.
“I’m starting to sound like Twilight here. I don’t think you are, and I think you’re hiding something. Spill it mate.” Joseph said.
“What I’m not hiding anything,” Vash laughed nervously. “It’s not like the arm slowly kills me every time I fire it or anything crazy like that.”
“Ah hah! You were hiding something! But if it slowly kills you then why did you use it?” Joseph crowed and then returned to a normal level.
“Well, you needed help,” Vash said as he rubbed the back of his head. “And one or two uses will be fine. There’s a reason why I wear the armband.”
“It’s a power dampener, I figured that out on my own. Does it help you control the cannon as well?” Joseph asked, leaning back against one of the many tables.
“No, it’s only job is to prevent the thing from firing,” Vash answered while shaking his head.
“I assumed wrong then. What can I say to that?” Joseph said with a shrug.
“You don’t have to say anything to it. It’s just something I’ve gotta deal with. On the plus side though, even though I’ve got a city buster attached to my arm, I can live a really long time. Vash in the show was 300 and looked just like I do right now.”
“So you got a fair few years ahead of you. You should be grand then! I won’t worry about it then, even though I wasn’t meant to worry about it in the first place.” Joseph smiled and walked over to the container, helping him place the last few bits inside.
“Yeah, as long as I don’t take the band off, I should be golden,” Vash smiled.
“Yeah, should be. Oh well. You got everything you need?” Joseph asked, placing the lid on the container.
“Yeah, thanks for giving me this stuff.”
Joseph gave Vash the container and stepped back a bit, smiling. “At least this visit lasted longer than last time. You ready to be sent home?”
“Yeah, gotta get back to the marefriends, and Morning’s “kinky” tail as you put it,” Vash chuckled.
“Hahaha. Can’t say I don’t envy you. Vash, our contract is complete.” Joseph said with a wave.
A portal opened up behind Vash and he picked up the container and started to walk through it, before he completely disappeared he turned back to Joseph and said, “Be sure to tell Pinkie those donuts were amazing!”
“‘Course I will!” Joseph replied and watched him disappear, leaving behind his bullet token.
View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 25 - Faulty Wiring Part 1: The Killing Joke
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 26 - Faulty Wiring Part 2: A Dead Joke
‘A joke? Really? ’ Twilight wanted to say but wisely kept her mouth shut. Jack seemed to be the unstable part of Joseph so there was no telling how far he would go. So instead of saying anything, she opted to nod her head, fear clearly evident on her face.
“Oh come now, Twilight. Don’t be like that. It’s a good joke that I’m glad you’ll listen to.” Jack said as he attempted to soften his smile but then realised it didn’t really matter. He cleared his throat in preparation and then bowed slightly, slipping on a gas mask he had borrowed from Twilight’s emergency supplies. “What laughs like a hyena after being gassed?” he asked, twisting the top of the container he was holding, letting a tiny bit of green gas escape.
Twilight immediately placed a field of magic around her mouth, letting the gas filter into air she could breathe if enough of it managed to get close to her. “That joke doesn’t even make sense.” Twilight scoffed, and slowly walked up to him. “What happened to Spike?” she asked as Jack backed up a little bit.
Jack’s eyes darted from side to side before sighing and tossed the container down the stairs, flinching as he heard it break, letting the nitrous oxide infect the majority of the tree. “I killed him. He’s breathed in enough of the stuff by now, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t dead. Dragon biology is weird but I think I managed to work out enough of the kinks to have given him a lethal dosage. He just happened to be my first victim.” Jack explained with a noncommittal shrug, turning down the stairs with his hands in his pockets. “I’m going to see if there’s anything fun to do. Catch you later, Spackle,” he called out before shutting the door to her library with a click.
Twilight’s eyes were threatened by tears as she ran back to Spike’s room, not letting his words get to her. Strengthening her magic around her mouth, she wrenched the door open and nearly collapsed when she didn’t see Spike moving. ‘No … please don’t let him be dead. ’ Twilight’s mind ended up going in a flurry as she tried not to think of the worst. She gently shook him, then turned him around onto his back to get a better feel.
Not seeing his chest go up and down slowly made Twilight get slightly panicked because so far, she hadn’t let herself feel anything except for shock. She rested her hooves on his chest for a few seconds in case he actually was breathing but could not feel a thing. ‘Nononononono. ’ Twilight repeated over and over in her head. Seeing the grin still stuck on Spike’s face, she finally let tears fall and only barely heard her name called out after a distant banging of a door sounded.
Through her haze of tears, Twilight managed to get up from her position on the floor and quickly walked through the corridor and down the stairs that appeared to be coated in a green substance. Her hoof slipped on a stair, sending her crashing down until she felt herself hit the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Shaking her head wearily, she stumbled into a blue figure, causing the both of them to crash on the ground outside the house.
“Twilight?” Rainbow called out, opening the door to her library. A weird smell permeated the room and she went to call for Twilight again, only for that very pony to stumble into her and back out into the open. When her dazed state passed, she found Twilight laying across her, with her body being shaken by sobs. Not really knowing what else to do, Rainbow patted Twilight on the back gently before trying to slowly work her way out from underneath. “Uh, you okay there, Twilight?” she asked, knowing she wasn’t fine but it seemed the right thing to ask once she had worked her way out. Rainbow had gotten up into a sitting position and was now trying to calm the distraught Unicorn.
“He … he k-k-killed him!” Twilight sobbed, unable to put anything else into words for the moment.
“Twilight, slow down. Who killed who?” Rainbow asked slowly, then began to try and figure it out in her head. “Wait, did … Jack kill ... Spike?” she asked, eyes widening as she flipped her head between the tree house and Twilight.
When Twilight heard Rainbow she managed to quiet down for a bit, only for a new wave of tears to begin. Not letting it get the best of her, Twilight shakily stood up. She leaned on Rainbow for a bit before getting her act together. “No, the delivery pony.” Twilight managed to choke out, shaking her head to try and get her tears to go away. “Of course it was him. The … the only thing we need to do is get that cure from Zecora. Do you have it?” she asked, looking at Rainbow with bloodshot eyes that were filled with tears that threatened to spill over if she keep herself in check.
“I just gave the ingredients to the Spa Sisters. They’ve mixed it before so I left it with them. I then came over to your place to check up on you.” Rainbow answered, wrapping a wing around Twilight to comfort her. Twilight shrugged off Rainbow’s wing and began to slowly walk forward, heading for the spa.
“Where you going?” Rainbow asked, quickly catching up to Twilight’s slow gait.
“To the spa. I want you to find Jack because if I do, there’s no telling what I would do to him. I have to keep in mind that Jack is an alternate personality that’s gotten out of control . If you can get him to come to the spa willingly, great. If not, knock him out and have a few other ponies help you take him there. He needs to be stopped.” Twilight instructed Rainbow coldly and broke into a run once she figured she had gotten enough energy back.
Rainbow trusted Twilight’s judgement but was shocked that she felt that way. It was understandable but still, this is Twilight. Leaving her to get to the spa, Rainbow took off and quickly zipped around Ponyville, making shorter searches each time she passed over an area before moving on.
Jack whistled a merry tune to himself, quite pleased with the ‘good’ deed he has done for the day. He was currently sitting on top of a mountain, cross-legged and just outside the mouth of a cave had portaled up to. He spotted it from Ponyville and figured it would be as good a place as any to try and work out what he was going to do for the rest of the day.
“I suppose I could see how far I can toss this … but that would only lessen my boredom by so much. Meh. Stuff it.” Jack shrugged and threw a rock over the edge as far as he could, watching it go down, down, down until it disappeared from view.
“I was right. Now I’m back to being bored out of my skull.” Jack said with a yawn, getting up and stretching before picking up the portal gun. Taking careful aim, he pointed the gun to Ponyville, and shot a ball of blue energy. Not waiting for it to make contact, he placed an orange portal beneath himself and fell through, landing on his side with a grunt.
“Found you!” Jack heard a voice shout out before the pony belonging to it stopped just short of him.
“GAH! Where did you come from?” Jack asked, quickly scrambling up and hitting his back against a wall.
“The sky, duh. Now, I have a favour to ask. Do you want to take a trip to the spa?” Rainbow asked, deciding to outright ask if he wanted a spa treatment. It probably won’t work but it was the best she could do under short notice.
“Nope, don’t like spas. Sorry, Sheila.” Jack said with a grin, getting up and quickly walking away, hoping that little accent slip will get her to go away. Jack didn’t really want anypony to intervene his scheming.
Rainbow shuddered at the accent slip, knowing what he did to Spike. He doesn’t even seem to care about the dragon! If asking didn’t work, then she would have to hit him over the head with a solidly thrown chunk of rock. Picking up the biggest rock she could fit in her mouth, Rainbow slowly flapped her wings and waited until she was directly over him to drop it. She let it go but was extremely surprised to see it stop in mid-air, directly above his head, his grinning face looking up at her.
Jack looked up when he heard wings flap and a rock suddenly fill his vision. Narrowing his eyes, Jack concentrated on the potential energy the rock would have had if it hit him, making it stop dead in mid-air as he absorbed the kinetic energy.
“You shouldn’t have done that, Vibrant Crash.” Jack tsked and raised a hand up to the rock, using an index to touch it and send it flying up towards Rainbow at a tremendous speed, practically doubling the energy the object would have had otherwise.
“Woah!” Rainbow shouted, barely moving her head in time. The rock managed to graze her cheek. She thought nothing of it before she was suddenly flung headfirst into a thatched roof of one of the houses surrounding them.
“Why would you do that to me?” Jack asked in an imitation of a whiny voice before laughing harshly. He walked up to the house she had crashed into and shouted up to her, “That’s a delayed reaction if I’ve ever seen one!”
Rainbow wasn’t able to speak as her jaw felt cracked and it hurt a lot if she tried to move it. Breathing in deeply, she got up and jumped down to the ground, using her wings to slow her fall. She snorted a bit, then ran up to Jack and head butted him, making fall down. Without giving him a chance to react, she then went to stomp hard on his chest a few times.
Jack was caught off-guard by the sudden onslaught and coughed each time she struck his chest, eventually coughing up a bit of blood. Seeing this, Rainbow stopped her onslaught and punched a hoof into his face for good measure, effectively knocking him out.
Rainbow wasn’t able to ask for any help due to her wrecked jaw but managed to get him onto her back all the same. Once she did that, she carefully walked her way back to the spa, making sure Jack didn’t fall off.
No questions were asked once the spa was reached. Twilight gave Rainbow a sympathetic look before lifting up Jack’s limp body with her magic and immediately dunking him into the prepared bath, clothes and all. After a few tense minutes of waiting, Jack came up spluttering although this time, his hair appeared to be grey instead of green and when he opened his eyes they were no longer glowing green, but yellow.
“Um … hi?” he asked tentatively, giving a little wave before looking at the others with a hint of regret.
View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 27 - Faulty Wiring Part 3: Crossed Wires
“Please tell us that’s you, Joseph.” Twilight said desperately, hoping that it actually was him instead of Jack playing a sick joke. She would be amazed if he somehow got passed the cure for the Poison Joke but the colouring of his hair, as well as his eyes, appeared to tell a different story.
“No, sorry. Hate to burst your bubble but my name is Jim, not Joseph. Although I can hear him up here, along with Ja- … sorry. I probably shouldn’t mention him, huh?” Jim said as he pointedly ignored his sopping body and floated in the tub, looking at the gathered ponies apologetically.
“You seem kinder than him but that’s what he appeared to be too.” Twilight said, trying her best not to utter Jack’s name.
“Who? Prick? Loser? Idiotic being? Take your pick, he’s definitely at least one of those, if not all three, Sheila.” Jim said with a shrug and took notice of his current state. “Would it be too much to ask for a towel?”
After a few minutes of talking amongst themselves in order to gauge if Jim was a threat or not, Aloe reluctantly got a towel for him after her and her sister were caught up on what happened moments earlier. Jim thanked the Spa Sister and dried himself off as best he could once he got out of the tub. He winced though when he saw Rainbow’s jaw.
“You need to get that looked at.” Jim said bluntly, pointing to where Rainbow was cradling her jaw. Rainbow glared and shot him a look that seemed to say ‘Ya think!?’.
“I didn’t think I would be apologising so much but … I’m sorry for what he did to your jaw as well as slicing that group of ponies up. He’s just a bit on the crazy side.” Jim said slowly, folding up the towel and placing it on the side of the tub.
“We know that. What we, or at least I, want to know is what you are like. It just doesn’t make sense for Joseph to have two alternate personalities thanks to the Poison Joke.” Twilight said, backing away slightly from the human when she saw his eyes glow brightly for a second.
“I’ll gladly tell once someone helps Rainbow to the hospital. She looks like she’s about to pass out from the pain.” Jim pointed out, watching the cyan pony in concern.
Rainbow attempted to glare at him but the pain from her jaw became too much. She scrunched up her face in pain and tried not to let tears fall from her eyes. Twilight noticed this and wrapped her friend up in lavender magic, quickly taking her to the hospital. It will be quite a story to tell for when they asked how her jaw got like that.
Jim looked at the tub for a bit, thinking about the cure that was meant to bring Joseph back but they were instead stuck with Jim.
“You’ll need to make the cure again.” Jim stated, looking at the Spa Twins before tossing them the towel. The blue one with a pink mane caught it around her middle, giving Jim a glare.
“I probably deserve the glare, even though I don’t think Jack hurt you. I’m … just going to go.” Jim said with a nervous grin and went to walk out the spa, only to be stopped by a white Pegasus with tiny wings, a blonde, buzzcut mane and was simply bulging with muscles. Jim backed up from the steroid user and hit his back against the tub he had jumped out from.
“What? You want me to stay here?” Jim asked the three of them.
“YEEAH!” The white Pegasus shouted at him with a threateningly raised hoof.
“Are those wings for show, or do they serve the purpose of fanning you for when you sweat?” Jim asked, stepping to the side and running for the door when the tiny-winged Pegasus charged him. He ran out the door and into a nearby alley, cringing at the sound of breaking wood and metal. “They should’ve gotten insurance for crazy steroid users,” he muttered.
He slapped a hand to his forehead when he realised he left his portal gun back in the spa. ‘I’ll have to make do without for now. If I were Joseph, I would most likely ask Twilight what happened while I blacked out. I’m not him, I’m me. Me is me. Great! I’m talking to me, myself and I. What was that? ’ Jim’s ramblings were cut short when he heard soft hoofsteps clop down the alleyway.
He spun around at the sound and saw a small white Unicorn with a two-toned pink and purple mane.
“Um, hi?” Jim asked cautiously, raising his hands up in case the little Unicorn threw a spell at him.
“Hello,” the white Unicorn answered back and sat down, swishing her tail back and forth. Jim wondered if the Unicorn was sent here because of the Spa Twins. Or possibly Twilight. “You look familiar.”
Jim froze at that and wondered if his ramblings were actually true. “I look familiar?”
“Yeah. You don’t have green hair even though you’re face looks the same.”
“Is that so?” Jim asked, eyes glowing for a brief second as he thought of different ideas.
“Yuh huh. The one with green hair sliced up a couple of my friends with shards of glass. You really do look like him.” the Unicorn told him, tilting her head to the side as she narrowed her eyes at him.
“Miss Ice Cream, do I even sound like whoever sliced up your friends?” Jim asked politely, making a point to not make his voice raspy intentionally.
“My name isn’t Ice Cream. It’s Sweetie Belle and you don’t sound like him, but you sure look like him.” Sweetie Belle said, smiling up at him and standing up.
“You’re not going to fire a spell at me, Ice Cream?” Jim asked her, smirking at her now obvious not-name.
“Nooo. I don’t think so. And my name isn't Ice Cream.” Sweetie Belle declared, tears brimming in her eyes.
“Sweetie Belle, listen. I am not the one who sliced up your friends. You may think I look like him, but I’m not. Want me to show you how I’m not?” Jim asked in an overly-sweet voice, trying to get her to not cry and announce where he was hiding. His voice and question only made her confused and lose her saddened look as she cocked her head to the side.
“How are you not him then?” Sweetie Belle asked in a small voice, about ready to turn tail and run in fright.
“Easy. I can’t do what he can.” Jim shrugged, placed his hands in the pockets of his overly large blue hoody and walked down the alley, passed the white Unicorn filly and out into the main street, intending to go back to the Golden Oaks Library for a change of clothes. He passed by the park and quickly put up his hood in case any of the ponies there recognised him. With him being the only human in town though, the hood was kind of redundant.
Twilight walked into the spa, wanting to ask Jim a few questions. Her mouth fell open when she saw the carnage of Snowflake lying down among broken pieces of wood and water. “What happened here?” Twilight asked, wrenching her gaze from Snowflake to the Spa Twins.
“The hoo-min dodged him, then ran out the door.” Aloe told her, giving her an apologetic gaze before resuming clean up. “Also, we will need more ingredients. I have a feeling this one is going to cause havoc as well.” Lotus piped up and helped her sister clean up the mess.
“He’s gone?” Twilight asked, an eye twitching at the thought of him possibly causing more panic than before. She couldn’t get Rainbow’s help in getting the ingredients this time around. She walked out the spa with a furious look in her eye and with Joseph’s discarded portal gun in her magic, soon began to run towards Sugarcube Corner. Once there, she raced in and over to the kitchen, ignoring the protests of multiple ponies about her cutting in line.
“Pinkie! I need your help! It’s about-” Twilight was cut off when she realised that Ember was listening in too. Fearing for her safety and well-being, Twilight quieted down and took a calming breath even though her mane was frazzled and out of place.
“Ember, why don’t you help Mr and Mrs. Cake with the inventory?” Pinkie asked the light pink dragoness, knowing exactly why Twilight stopped talking when she was noticed.
“Okay. You’d better tell me why I had to leave the room later, though.” Ember said, waggling a claw at them before asking the Cakes what needed to be done other than kitchen work.
“What do you need my help with, Twi-Twi?” Pinkie asked, smiling at her friend while mixing up a batch of batter.
“Getting ingredients for the Poison Joke cure. We need to dunk Jim into it in hopes of getting Joseph back but the one tub that was big enough was crushed underneath Snowflake’s weight.” Twilight explained once Ember was out of earshot.
“Yuh huh. The Poison Joke ingredients? I got a few of them stored in my room but we’ll need Zecora for the others. Don’t you worry, Twilight. We’ll get Joseph back, and then you can pressure him all you want about him killing Spike!” Pinkie said happily, her voice going a bit higher than normal when saying the last sentence.
“Thanks. Why do you have Poison Joke ingredients in your room?” Twilight asked, smiling in relief at Pinkie’s help.
“In case I tried some Poison Joke silly!” Pinkie answered, bobbing her head to some unimaginable tune that only she could hear.
“Why- forget about it. Can you get the rest of the Poison Joke ingredients in the Everfree while I try to find something big enough to dunk Jim in?” Twilight ordered, not really caring about it for the moment. She made a mental note to ask Pinkie about it later and autonomously stepped over a light pink tail in the way of the kitchen doorway. She headed outside and began her search for Ponyville’s biggest tub.
“You heard that, didn’t you, Ember?” Pinkie asked softly, knowing full well that Ember was just outside the doorway, not even needing her Pinkie Sense to tell her what’s what. She heard a sniffle and then hurrying clawsteps that soon faded out with the accompaniment of the front doorbell clinging as it was opened and closed. No doubt she was going to see if what they said were true. “I need to get started on finding the rest of the ingredients. No use in tracking Ember down now.” Pinkie told herself and got a determined look as she told the Cakes that her friends needed help with a few things.
Jim hid behind a few bushes as he watched Ember run into the treehouse, feeling a bit guilty about Jack’s actions.
“Why did you do this Jack? You’re going to have the whole town on the hunt for Joseph and he won’t even know why.” Jim told himself, tapping his head to see if Jack was listening.
“Is that so? Well aren’t we going to have some fun burning the place down? ” Jack responded with a cackle, causing Jim to groan and walk out the bushes.
“No, we won’t have fun.” Jim replied grimly, holding a hand to his head as he walked inside the library and up to their room. He searched around it and changed clothes into his orange jumpsuit and white singlet. With the top half cinched around his waist, Jim looked at the token hourglass and wondered what he should do with it.
“I know what we can do with it! Call Draigo up and corrupt him! ” Jack said gleefully and Jim swore he could hear Jack’s hands rubbing together as well.
“No. We’ll leave it here and go.” Jim said with a finality and took Vash’s bullet out of the pocket of his discarded hoody. “We’ll leave this too. If you manage to get control again, I don’t want you to corrupt Vash or Draigo, even though they don’t seem like the corruptible types,” he added and placed the bullet on top of the token.
“What? Oh come now, Jimmy boy. Surely we can just- ” Jim cut him off with a harsh shush and grumbled to himself, making sure to keep quiet and not let Ember know he had ever been there. His face became one of sorrow when he looked into the room where Spike died and saw Ember struggling not to cry. He went to reach out for her but then remembered that it wasn’t his place to comfort her. Jim turned away from the door, hardened his gaze and stepped out of the library.
“We still need that portal gun. Even if Joseph manages to resurface, we still need it to get around lickety-split. ” Jack said dryly, making Jim wince at the truth of his words.
“Fine. We’ll go for the portal gun.” Jim said in reluctant agreement and headed off for the spa, remembering he had left it there in a hurry.
“Why do you have need of this cure? I thought you had already gotten your fill.” Zecora asked Pinkie and raised an eyebrow as she stirred the massive cauldron in the middle of her hut.
“According to Twilight, it didn’t work and he needs an extra dosage. Do you have anymore of the ingredients?” Pinkie asked in return and immediately went to looking at the various potions that were set up on the shelves.
“I do.” Zecora answered, stopping her cauldron-stirring with a sigh as she gathered up the last of the ingredients. “You are very lucky I picked these yesterday. I did not think anypony would need them again, today.”
“Ooh! Thank you! Now we just need to find a big body of water. WAIT! How does that cauldron sound?” Pinkie blabbered, zipping over to the brewing cauldron and giving it a few taps against the side.
“That will do. You are not using this cauldron to brew the cure.” Zecora stated, gently pushing the hyper-active mare away from the cauldron and towards her door.
“I get the hint. I’ll just help Twilight find some other body of water then.” Pinkie commented, getting up and trotting out the door, the various ingredients for the cure in her mane as she helped Twilight search for some water. ‘Hmm. Maybe a tub? No, we tried that. The Mirror Pool? No, we’d just wind up with a clone. How about a … lake? ’ Pinkie stopped her thinking and looked in surprise at the body of water in front of her. It looked rather small but it appeared to be deep enough. She looked at the surroundings and found the lake to be covered on all sides by dense foliage and thick tree trunks. She looked behind her and couldn’t find a path but figured that it was nothing to worry about. Sort of remembering the direction she was walking in to leave the Everfree, Pinkie ran and tried to see if she could find Twilight about the lake.
View Online
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 28 - Faulty Wiring Part 4: Dual Personalities
“Where’s the portal gun?” Jim asked himself, searching among the wreckage of the spa tub.
“Who knows? It’s obviously not here. Why don’t we just - where are you going? ” Jack asked confusedly. Jim walked out of the spa and picked a direction at random. He quickly walked through the town, trying to figure out where it was and if anyone had it. “You know who might possibly have it? ” Jack asked, causing Jim to groan and utter Twilight’s name under his breath. He didn’t know what Twilight was planning to do with his gun but he needed it if he was going to get anywhere in a hurry.
“Why does it have to be Twilight? Why couldn’t it have been Rainbow, Lyra or heck. Even Fluttershy? Actually … maybe asking Fluttershy for help will be a good thing.” Jim reasoned and ignored Jack for the moment as he about-faced and headed off for the cottage near the Everfree. He made sure to keep to the lengthening shadows and shushed himself when he heard a few ponies walk by the mouth of the alleyways he had hid himself in.
By the time he got to Fluttershy’s cottage, the sun was just beginning to set. He rapped his knuckles a couple of times on the door and waited for someone to open it. “Come on, Jimmy boy. Let’s just kill her off and get it over with already. ” Jack urged Jim, causing him to hold his head as Jack’s cackles reverberated in his skull.
“I don’t want to do that, you do. I just want to see if Fluttershy has seen the portal gun and then we’ll be on our way. Why do you even want to do that to her?” Jim said through clenched teeth, not really noticing that the door had opened a crack while he was speaking to himself.
“Hello?” Fluttershy asked quietly, looking up at him as she opened the door up some more. “Joseph? What brings you here?” she asked once she recognised the person in front of her.
“Joseph isn’t home right now, can I take a message? ” Jack cackled inside Jim’s head. “And to answer your question, I want to see what the blood of ponies look like. ”
“No, you may not and their blood is red!” Jim hissed to himself, shaking his head and returning his attention to Fluttershy. “Sorry, Sheila. I got a splitting headache,” he told her, his eyes flashing green before returning to yellow on the word ‘splitting’ and hoped that the slang was enough to convince her that he was still Joseph. “I just wanted to ask a question of you. Do you know where my portal gun is?”
“I think I saw Twilight with it when she asked me for some water. Do you want some pills for the headache? I think I have some in the kitchen.” Fluttershy answered and stepped to the side, inviting ‘Joseph’ in.
“Thanks, Sheila. I think I need a double dosage .” Jim replied, walking in and sitting on one of the couches in the living room while holding his head as he tried to wrestle control back from Jack. “Jack, what are you doing!? You know we can’t kill Flutters!” Jim harshly whispered to Jack, trying to get him restrained within his mind.
“So what? I just want to see what it feels like to kill a pony. Come on, please? ” Jack asked, sounding sickeningly sweet at the last part.
“NO! Why don’t you just curl up and die!” Jim shouted at himself, keeping his eyes closed as he focused on keeping Jack subdued. Unfortunately, Fluttershy chose this moment to walk into the living room. She gave a gasp and nearly dropped the glass of water and pills onto the floor. She managed to catch herself in time but the glass still shook rather badly, making most of the water spill out onto the floor anyway.
“A-Are you o-okay, Joseph?” Fluttershy asked, stuttering and shaking badly from the outburst and choice of words he had used. This got Jim to break out of his mental rant and snap his attention towards her.
“I’m … I need those pills. Hopefully it will quiet down what I have.” Jim said, doing his best to smile brightly as he gently took the pills and half-empty glass of water. He popped the pills and quickly drank, sighing in relief as Jack’s homicidal ramblings quieted down to a dull din. “ Do you know if Twilight told you where she was searching?”
“N-No. She just told me that she needed to find water f-for …” she trailed off and went blank for a second as the dragons in her mind ate up the outburst scene. Shaking her head to clear it, she smiled sheepishly and continued. “Twilight said that she needed to find water for someone named Jim.”
“I guess I’ll go find her then, Sheila. Thanks for the pills, they really helped.” Jim smiled at her and thought about the few seconds that she went blank. He walked out of Fluttershy’s cottage after giving her a wave with a thoughtful look on his face. He knew that it was most likely Draigo’s dragons eating a memory of hers but to actually see it kind of scared him, as well as Jack. “Now where could Twilight be?” he asked himself and put on the top half of his jumpsuit and zipped it up.
“Twilight, I found the perfect lake for making up the Poison Joke cure! Come on!” Pinkie said ecstatically and ran off without even giving her nerdy friend a chance to respond. Twilight shook her head and quickly ran to Pinkie, thinking that it wouldn’t hurt to take a look. She rubbed her eyes to get a few tears out of them and caught up with her at the entrance to the Everfree.
“The lake is in there?” Twilight asked, pointing a hoof at the foreboding entrance. With sunset coming along, it made the shadows on the path look more threatening than usual.
“Yup, yup, yup!” Pinkie replied, nodding her head quickly as she spoke. She then grabbed Twilight’s hoof and lead her into the forest, remembering where it was by memory alone.
“How deep is it? Is it big enough to dunk Jim into it?” Twilight asked and let herself get dragged, knowing that it would take an age to find the entrance at night.
“From the looks of it, it was!” Pinkie answered, stopping suddenly as she looked around to gather their bearings. “It’s right … here!” Pinkie declared, karate chopping away some foliage on her left to reveal a smallish lake that looked deep enough to drop the human into. There was just enough light to see by but it was fading fast as the thick canopy of leaves blocked out most of the light.
“We need to hurry. Pinkie, can you get Jim to come here? We need Joseph back. I don’t think he can handle a third cure after this one.” Twilight said as she put down the portal gun she’s been towing around for most of the afternoon. She saw Pinkie give a salute and ran so fast she practically disappeared. Twilight then magicked the various ingredients and prayed to Celestia that she knew what she was doing with this. Soon as the ingredients were in the water, she levitated a big stick and began to stir the pond in a rapid motion.
Pinkie shot towards Ponyville, a pink blur as she rapidly searched the town for Jim. Finally finding him sitting near Fluttershy’s cottage, she stopped her rushing around and came to a stop, rapidly swaying from side to side with the sound of a diving board.
“Pinkie!?” Jim asked, scooting backwards in alarm at the sudden appearance of her. “What are you doing here?”
“To take you to Twilight, silly!” Pinkie answered with a big grin that Jim didn’t like one bit.
“It just so happens that I was looking for her. Did you happen to see her with my portal gun?” Jim asked, standing and brushing the seat of his jumpsuit as he followed Pinkie.
“Yup. Didn’t tell me why she had it though.” Pinkie replied.
“Did you ask?” Jim asked, placing his hands in his pockets.
“Nope!” Pinkie explained, giggled and bounced, leading Jim to where she left Twilight. By the time they got through the Everfree and over to the deep pond, the sun hung low and cast deep shadows along the ground, making the interior of the forest pitch black.
“It’s a wonder how you managed to navigate me at all.” Jim muttered, watching the purple glow get closer and closer. When the duo rounded a tree trunk and brushed aside some foliage, a bright purple glow lit up the enclosed area, the source of it coming from Twilight’s horn as she stirred the pond with a giant stick. “Twilight? What are you doing?”
“Oh, Jim. Hi. I was just stirring up the pond for another cure since you accidentally destroyed the tub back at the spa.” Twilight said casually. She looked at Jim expectantly, trying to see if he would go in willingly.
“You want me, to hop in there, and hope that Joseph comes back?” Jim asked, pointing to the lake, then to her expectant look. He saw her nod and he sighed, knowing that he wasn’t going to get out of this one. “Before I do though, can you tell me where my portal gun is?”
“It’s here.” Twilight sighed, levitating the gun from within a nearby frond.
“Thank you, that’s all I wanted to know.” Jim said with a smile before jumping into the pond, feeling himself weighed down by his clothes as the cure affected him. He writhed about in the water for a few moments before kicking off the bottom of the pond where he had come to rest. Swimming up rapidly, he burst out from the depths and gasped for breath.
Twilight shined her horn closer to him while Pinkie helped him out of the pond. Coughing and spluttering, he laid down on the ground while Twilight quickly inspected his hair and eyes as they seemed to have the most obvious changes. She saw his hair was a mixture of brown, green and gray and his eyes were green and yellow. Green for left, yellow for right.
“Yoohoo! Joseph, you in there!?” Pinkie asked, waving a hoof in front of his face before yelling into his ear to see if that got any reaction. He shot up and wiggled a finger in his ear as he tried to get rid of the ringing.
“Ah, Jesus, Sheila! Cut down on the volume would ya!?” Joseph shouted, his voice a louder tone than normal.
“Sorry! Had to check you were actually here!” Pinkie yelled slowly in case he couldn’t understand her. Joseph waved her off and got up, rubbing a hand over his ear as he retrieved the portal gun from Twilight’s hiding place.
“Joseph? Good. I need to ask you a few questions about Spike.” Twilight said once she recognised his speech pattern and softly glared at him in case he couldn’t remember what Jack did.
“Sure. Fire away, Sheila.” Joseph said, thinking the ringing was gone when he cringed at Twilight’s look and sat down to rest his legs.
“How much do you remember after waking up?” she asked and scrutinised his face by leaning in close, resting her hooves on his chest as she forced him back onto the ground, searching for any signs of lying.
“E-Everything?” he asked softly, knowing that Twilight was close enough to hear him. He watched Twilight’s eyes go from a soft glare to a hard look that had tears brimming in her eyes.
“Then why did you kill Spike?” Twilight asked in a scarily cold voice that appeared to be devoid of emotion but Joseph didn’t need to hear emotion as he could see it clearly in her eyes. Anger, confusion and sadness.
“Because I needed a test subject. ” Jack spoke out loud when Joseph’s eyes flashed green, causing Twilight to close her eyes and back off of him before wrapping his throat up in magic and pinning him against a thick tree trunk.
Joseph tried to grasp at the magic but his hands went through the field. “Twilight … you’re …” he said weakly, feeling her magical grip try to squeeze the life out of him. He tried to get some breath in him but his face soon turned blue.
“Twilight, you’re choking him!” Pinkie yelled at Twilight, looking at Joseph worriedly.
“That’s the point.” Twilight replied emotionlessly, increasing the power in her horn to choke him faster. Pinkie watched in nervousness as she saw Joseph slowly lose consciousness. When he finally did, she crashed into Twilight, breaking her concentration and letting Joseph fall to the ground in a crumpled heap. “What was that for!?” Twilight asked furiously.
“Can’t you see he’s unconscious?” Pinkie hissed at her and gently tried to pull Twilight away from him.
“He is? I’ll have to try harder then,” Twilight replied with a blank stare.
“You’ll kill him. Leave him here. Come back with me and try to think about what Spike would do. Can you do that?” Pinkie asked her, worry and a tiny bit of anger flecked her voice.
Twilight glowered and looked like she going to choke Pinkie as well before letting out a breath and stalked past her friend, heading out of the Everfree and back to her home. Pinkie looked back at Joseph for a second before following Twilight.
When Joseph woke up, he gasped for breath and found relief as sweet air went into his lungs. He coughed and wheezed as oxygen returned to his brain. He got himself into a sitting position and brought to his mouth in an effort to stifle the coughing. “Twilight … I’m sorry …” he wheezed to himself and due to the lack of light, knew that Twilight was no longer there. He carefully got up and snatched his gun up from the ground.
“We should see Fluttershy. She’ll help us get back on our feet.” Jim told him. Joseph looked up and around, trying to see where the voice came from.
“Who said that?” he asked, slouching and hugging himself awkwardly as he tried to keep himself from passing out again.
“I did. You should’ve known that when we popped up in your head. It’s a side effect of the Poison Joke.” Jim explained. Joseph thought he felt Jim cross his arms and tap his foot impatiently.
“Of course it would be a side effect. Humans have never encountered something like that plant before.” Joseph muttered, holding his head as he tried to work through the throbbing pain. “I hope I know where Fluttershy’s cottage is from here,” he told himself as he walked out of the pond area and towards the entrance, hoping he didn’t get lost along the way.
When he finally made it outside the Everfree, he rubbed his throat as he tried to get his voice back to normal. “I don’t *cough* wait… yeah, that definitely sounds like my voice again.” Joseph told himself, coughing as he tried to get some feeling back.
“Twilight did a number on ya. You know what we should do? ” Jack asked gleefully and Joseph swore he felt him rub his hands together.
“NO! We are NOT going to kill her! As much as we all feel like it, we are not going to! She and her friends don’t deserve that. ” Jim argued with Jack. “I don’t care what you say about Spike, Jack. You killed him and both Twilight and Ember are affected by it. She’s grieving so she has every right to hurt us, especially you, Jack! ”
“Wait. Ember? Oh man. That sheila’s gonna eviscerate me if she even so much as glances my way.” Joseph was going to tell him to shut up so he could think for a bit but what he said about Ember scared him greatly.
“Oh. ” Was all Jack had to say. Joseph felt him retreat a bit and rubbed his head, thankful that, for now at least, there was only a voice he had to listen to.
“Point still stands. We need to get Fluttershy’s. After what Jack did in the town, the entire village will be after us. ” Jim said quietly. Joseph shook his head and held it in both hands as he spied Fluttershy’s cottage in the distance. It looked like the lights were on so there was a chance that she could still be up.
“It’s still night time. At least we have the cover of darkness in case a pony spots us.” Joseph reasoned, looking both ways before making his way to the cottage. “I’m not sure what Jack’s intention was but at this point, I don’t care. I just want one normal day in Ponyville. Which would probably be a monster attack of some sort.”
“I think Jack has retreated for now. He’s probably thinking about what he’s done. ” Jim reported in a business-like tone.
“Good. I can only handle one voice at the moment. Besides, he should think about what he’s done. If it weren’t for Fluttershy, and possibly Pinkie, I would have been exiled from Ponyville, maybe even Canterlot because I’m sure Twilight’s going to write to the Princesses about this if she hasn’t already.” Joseph whispered and unzipped his jumpsuit, tying the sleeves from the top half around his waist.
“Whatever the case may be, we still need to figure out what to do in case Twilight rallies the town against us, which won’t be that difficult. ” Jim sighed. “We’re here. Look-! That looked like it hurt. ” Jim snickered.
Joseph cried out when he hit Fluttershy’s front door and held his head to stop the throbbing. The door rattled before opening a bit and a butter-coloured mare with a pink mane poked her head out with the light backlighting her. He looked down with a pained expression before crouching so he was eye-level with her.
“Hey, Fluttershy. Can you let me in, please, Sheila?” Joseph asked quietly. He saw her pink mane bob up and down before she opened the door wide and stood to the side. He blinked at the sudden brightness, sighed and walked in after observing her standing by the door silently. He scratched the back of his head as he stood in the living room awkwardly.
“What are you doing here this late?” Fluttershy asked him once she had closed and locked the door.
“I woke up in the forest and I didn’t know where else to go.” Joseph said tiredly, trying to stifle a yawn afterwards.
“Why were you in the forest? You do know not to go out there at night, don’t you?” Fluttershy asked as she closed the door and walked over to the couch. She hopped up on it and laid down and then looked at him while he sat on the floor cross-legged.
“I know but I had to look for my portal gun. I eventually found it with Twilight like you said it was. Turns out she and Pinkie had found that body of water they were looking for. It was for a cure for Poison Joke and before you ask, I’m the one that got the affliction.” Joseph explained, pointing to his hair and eyes. “Why are you up this late, sheila? I thought you would have been in bed.”
“Because someone banged into my door and I was about to go to bed myself.” Fluttershy replied with a gentle yawn.
“Oh, sorry. I'll just see myself out then.” Joseph said, clearly embarrassed for having done so. He turned to the door with a tinge of red on his cheeks only to be stopped by a comforting hoof on his arm. “What?”
“It’s late. I don’t want a friend going out there alone, especially when it’s this dark. You’re going to stay here tonight and I’m not taking no for an answer.” Fluttershy said quietly but somehow, Joseph knew that she was firm with her words. With a thankful smile, Joseph sighed and sat down on the floor. He heard her walk over to her stairs and slowly climb up them. “In the morning, you can go back to Twilight’s if you want to,” she added, feeling satisfied with herself.
“She doesn’t know about Spike and what Jack did to the rest of the town. ” Jim told Joseph when he stiffened slightly at her last sentence.
“I’d be surprised if she did, mate.” Joseph whispered, making sure Fluttershy didn’t overhear. He gave her a wave when she put off the light and turned in, leaving him to lie down on the floor.
“Joseph?” Pinkie called out as Twilight, Ember and herself made their way to the Cure Pond. The Everfree seemed a lot more bright than the night before, which most likely meant it was halfway through the day. Pinkie couldn’t hear any movement, nor any groans and feared the worst when she pushed aside some fronds that covered the entrance to the little pond. She gasped and gave a tiny relieved sigh when she didn’t see him anywhere.
“Where is he?” Ember asked, letting out a tiny puff of smoke in frustration.
“I don’t know but we need to find him.” Twilight said through gritted teeth. She thought he would have perished during the night but that didn’t seem to be the case. Rounding on Pinkie’s worried look and Ember’s determined stare, Twilight ordered both of them to go into town to try and find the missing human, as well as to get help from some of the townsponies. Both nodded and ran back to the town, leaving Twilight to try and find clues on where he could have potentially gone. “Now let’s see just where you could go, Joseph,” Twilight told herself softly, as she looked around for clues.
Pinkie followed Ember up until the edges of Ponyville. Once there, she let the pink dragoness continue on while she went in a different direction. After a series of body twitches and spasms, her Pinkie Sense told her that Joseph would be in Fluttershy’s house. She hoped that Ember, Twilight and their rounded up gang didn’t catch on to the fact that the kindest mare in Ponyville was unknowingly harboring an apparent murderer.
Just before she could reach the cottage, Pinkie saw Twilight knock on the door. “Oh no. No no no.” Pinkie muttered, ears flat against her head as she tried to calmly walk up to the door. “Hey, Twily! Have you found, Joseph yet?” Pinkie asked, plastering a smile on her face.
“No, but I’m seeing if he’s with Fluttershy. You know her, she would take in anything and anyone, no matter what they’ve done.” Twilight said, knocking again when there wasn’t an answer.
“Maybe she’s out? Joseph’s our friend though! You know he wouldn’t do something like this! Before we were caught, what did he do, Twilight?” Pinkie asked, trying to get her to see that Joseph wasn’t as bad as his alternate made him out to be.
“He did everything he could to try and get us and the town back. That still doesn’t change the fact that he killed Spike!” Twilight said, starting off somber before devolving into unrefined anguish. Both Pinkie and Twilight stopped arguing though when a loud gasp rang out from behind the door. After some hurried and muffled conversation was heard through the door, some glass was heard being broken and then muffled footsteps heading in the direction of the forest.
Twilight glared at Pinkie and chased after him. She heard Ember’s clawsteps thudding on the ground behind her along with a multitude of hooves. She saw an orange blur disappear into the Everfree and sped up, rushing into the forest only to find him glancing back with an unhealthy amount of fear on his face before disappearing into a black filled portal rimmed with white.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 29 - Jumps 1 and 2: Skye and Cinder
Author's Note
Contains spoilers for The Singer of Storms .
The first crossover bit is a minor one with one of my other stories, Grim Tides
The second crossover is with WinterSolstice321 and his story, The Singer of Storms.
Chapter 29 - Jumps 1 and 2: Skye and Cinder
~???'S POV~
Back home, I would have notes on plenty of different monsters. I was planning to eventually compile them all and write a book about it but it didn’t really turn out that way, did it? But I think things turned out better than they would have back home. I looked behind me and jabbed a thumb in the direction of the castle.
“We should probably get back to Celestia. I need to find out more about what this pony said before we do anything else.” I told Luna before floating back down through the window and almost immediately getting lost. The layout was so different from the castle in the Everfree. How was anyone meant to find their way around without a map? It just seemed too big for the living quarters of two Princesses but I suppose that’s what castles are meant to be. Glorified houses. I flew past a court full of ponies, stopped my gliding and backtracked to find the Day Court.
About time I found it! Snapping my fingers to dematerialise my scythe, I floated above their heads and managed to stick to the shadows high up until the court was over for the day.When the last pony exited the room, I dropped to the floor, and a couple of guard ponies closed the door behind them. I watched Celestia walk off her throne and over to me.
“Greetings, Death. Did my sister tell you about the pony that was talking about the monster?” Celestia asked, sitting down in front of me.
“Yeah, that’s what I was going to-” I was interrupted when I spotted a black portal rimmed with white open up on the floor behind the Princess. I pointed to it just as an orange blur was shot out of it. “I’ll change my question. Did you summon a Displaced?” I asked her, not taking my eyes off of the spot where the portal was.
“No. I didn’t.” Celestia answered and looked to where I was looking just in time to see the orange jumpsuit land safely on both feet as its weird white boots broke the fall. I marched up to it and flipped my hood up, walking around to its front to see who it was. I saw hair that was a mix of brown, green and gray and when he lifted his head to look at me, his eyes were an odd colour of green and yellow.
“Hello?” I asked carefully and his face turned to one of shock and horror, quickly backing up until he hit Celestia. The princess frowned and held him in a levitation field as I slowly walked up to him. “Let me try something else. What’s your name and how did you get here?”
“J-Joseph … and … p-portal,” Joseph replied, obviously scared at seeing me. I gave a sigh and looked him in the eye, wincing as a very vivid memory floated in front of me. There was laughing, some sort of gas and a dead Spike. Wait. What was that? His Spike’s dead!?
“Technically, I did kill him but it was an alternate personality that actually did it, Sheila!” I heard him protest and then it hit me. This may have been a random Displaced portalling into my world but the accent and the name I definitely remember. Remember when Draigo talked about my cousin? This appeared to be him except he seemed more crazier than when Draigo had described him.
“Does the name ‘Skye’ mean anything to you?” I asked him.
“Sh-Should it?” Joseph asked.
“Yes, it should,” I answered and did my best to not sigh. Maybe his killing of Spike thing messed up his memories. I don’t see how that was possible because I appear to remember him just fine, even if Draigo had to remind me of him.
“Why?” Joseph questioned.
“Name of your cousin? The one that moved to America?” I pressed, trying to see if I can jog his memory. He looked at me and shook his head. Maybe it’s because I was a skeleton and not a flesh and blood. Yeah, that was most likely something to do with it.
“What kind of crazy skeleton is this!? ” I heard him ask and I saw him cover his mouth afterwards. Whatever it was, it seemed like he had a few screws loose so I pointed to the spot where he had come from.
“If you do remember, just remember that your cousin is the Grim Reaper. Now get out,” I said harshly. This probably was my cousin, but I don’t want another Displaced here so soon after one had left. I watched him gulp, nod and when Celestia released him, he placed a portal on the floor and jumped into it. It closed immediately behind him and I sighed. I really hope he gets forgiven for what he did.
A black portal rimmed with white appeared on one of the cell walls. It rippled for a second before a man in an orange jumpsuit with brown, green and gray hair fell out of it and onto the floor, groaning as he made impact. “That’s gonna leave a mark,” he groaned in a thick Australian accent. He got his legs under him and stood, not noticing the portal fizzle out behind him as he looked around the cell. “A cell, really? This is what I wanted to get away from!” he stopped his griping when he saw the other two occupants. “Um, hi. What are your names?” he asked them, his green and yellow eyes flashing for a second before walking backwards until he hit a wall and nearly dropped his portal gun.
The two occupants blinked at the sudden intrusion of their new, orange guest. Both were slightly hesitant to answer as the albino, clad in a simple green tunic, hid behind the more armored of the two. The one in armor noticed the guy in the orange jumpsuit nearly dropped his strange device. To her, it was very familiar. It looked almost looked like a... "Is that a portal gun?!" she gasped. "Holy shit man, I want one!"
The man flailed at the outburst, dropping his gun and blinking at her for a bit before responding. “I don’t think you can get one unless there’s an Aperture building here, Sheila,” he said, placing a hand over his heart in an effort to calm down. “You still haven’t told me your names though.”
"Damn it," the girl in armor sighed. She wondered if there was an Aperture Science Lab in Equestria, but knowing she was on death row, looking for one might no longer be an option. The guy in the orange suit dropped the portal gun, making it land in front of the girls' feel. She picked it up with a strained effort — but it wasn't as heavy as her armor — and handed it back to him. "The name is Cinder by the way. And my friend in the corner over there is Angel,” Cinder pointed to the shaking albino. She sat back down on her wooden cot, giving her companion some security. “I told you our names, so what’s yours?”
“Joseph, nice to meet you too,” Joseph replied, taking back his gun and sliding down the wall until he met the floor. “Why are two lovely sheilas in a cell? I thought you would have been out and about in Equestria,” he asked them, watching them with interest.
"Well, hehe," Cinder rubbed her neck. Angel froze in horror at his question. "I kinda, almost, killed Celestia by destroying her horn with a railgun blast in an abandoned weather factory," it wasn't her fault, really. She was just defending herself and her friend from some overzealous guards while they were having lunch from a long day of exploring ... and she may have gone a bit overboard with her electrically charged nails just a bit.
Joseph’s eyes bugged out at the crime before laughing. “I’m sorry. An alternate personality went a bit further than you and actually killed someone,” he said with a smile before resting his head against the wall. “You broke the horn of one of Equestria’s princesses huh?” he asked with a chuckle and ran a hand over his face as he looked at the wall opposite of the cell and then the one behind Cinder and Angel.
"Yeah...and killed fifty of her most elite guards. Well, at least, that was a lot easier than escaping from Tartarus with an army of wyvern's hunting you down." Angel shuddered at the mention of the flying, fire-breathing rats when Cinder fell, quite literally, into hell. "But I think Celestia will be fine. Moonbutt was the one that captured us while I wasn't looking. So it’s safe to say she will get her horn fixed in no time."
“Escaping from an army of wyverns is harder than killing most of Celestia’s elite?” Joseph asked in surprise. “But, I doubt a horn can be fixed like that,” he snapped his fingers to demonstrate. “If anything, it would probably take a few months, at least, to even make a start on it. But I’m just shooting in the dark here.” Joseph shrugged and gestured to outside the cell. “As much as I hate doing this, Jack wants me to. You want me to get you out?” he asked them, his eyes flashing green before returning to their usual green and yellow.
"Oh what a gentleman~" Cinder cooed sarcastically. "That would be nice, but we would need to go back to the scene of the crime where I can get to my safe haven and some grub that isn't white paste." Angel nodded in agreement. Cinder’s ears quickly swiveled at the faint sound of hooves clopping off in the distance; signaling her pending doom. "And we should do it before the guard shows up for my trial and execution," Cinder said with urgency.
“I don’t think … nope. No window. We’re going to have to be quick and both of you will have to do what I say until we’re out of here, okay?” Joseph asked, firing a blue portal behind the girls and got poised to shoot an orange portal on the wall outside the cell. “Also, we may have to run past those guards quickly so be prepared for amazingly quick sliding.”
"Alrighty then. Lead on annoying orange. Angel, can you get your wings out? We may need them," Cinder asked. Angel nodded with new found confidence and let go her disguise in front of Joseph, revealing to him her demonic wings, goat horns, and tail. Cinder, in turn, let arches of lightning wrap around her limbs for added speed. A little trick she learned while running away from a very horny fox.
“Let’s go then.” Joseph said, raising an eyebrow and feeling more than a little shocked at Angel’s appearance. He fired an orange portal on the wall, went behind the girls and slipped out the blue portal. He waved to them and looked down the hall to find a couple of guards walking. Grinning to himself, he aimed and fired a stream of orange gel on the floor. “We gotta get out of here, right?” he asked them before taking off down the gel path he created.
Cinder and Angel followed suit right behind the orange slip-and-slider with wolfish smiles. Angel jumped up into the air, careful not to let her wings hit the walls while Cinder bolted down the hall like a bullet, passing Joseph and down the right hall where she could feel a cool breeze that told her was the way outside. Angel followed right behind Cinder, also passing by the annoying orange that Cinder had called him. Joseph painted the hallway in front of him and to the right as he sped along, slowly getting faster as he tried to catch up to the two of them. Seeing stairs ahead of him, he put some blue gel on the floor just before he reached them and felt himself soar past the flight of stairs, passing by Cinder and Angel on his way up.
Cinder shrugged at the flying orange, knowing he flew just past the door that would lead them to the back end of the prison. She stopped at the heavily armored door with Angel while Joseph regrouped from his small flying lesson. Cinder examined the door which she could feel that it would lead outside and charged her lightning and directed it at the door. She smirked at Joseph as she lifted her arm up and with a snap of her fingers—the door flew off of its hinges, revealing the night sky and a very misused gallows that would have been used on her and Angel. "Ladies first," Cinder motion out the door.
“Age before beauty?” Joseph asked with an uncertain smile as he motioned out the door as well. He looked out the door and his eyes nearly popped out at the view of the gallows. “Were they going to hang the both of you?” he asked quietly, his smile dropping as he walked out and looked at the gallows closer.
"I attacked Celestia and killed her guards, not to mention Luna saw Angel in her demon form. Which is bad, m'kay, since Angel is an escaped demon from Tartarus. She is also my familiar. So ... what do you think?"
“Sorry. I didn’t think the death penalty still applied.” Joseph said and turned to see them still in the doorway. He looked beyond the gallows and found the castle wall just beyond it. “We’re going to have to get over that,” he stated and walked up to the wall before placing a large patch of blue gel on the ground. “You think you can bounce up and over the wall?”
Cinder smirked again and walked with Angel towards the wall. "You can jump while I have an Angel to carry me," she hip-bumped the blushing demon close to her side.
"THE PRISONERS HAVE ESCAPED!" shouted a familiar guard Cinder remembered giving her and Angel their paste-like dinner.
"Let's go, Angel," Cinder barked. Angel wrapped around her backside with a smile of content as the scent of her master permeated her senses. With a hefty flap of her wings, they were over the wall, leaving the orange behind to an army of golden guards exiting the door that they escaped from.
“Oh come on! That’s not fair!” Joseph shouted up at her. He looked behind and dodged a spear as he ran to the gel and felt himself soar through the air and over the wall. He landed on the other side and watched Cinder and Angel fly off just ahead of him. Growling to himself, he ran and laid a stream of orange gel ahead of him in an effort to catch up.
"Angel, fly us towards the waterfall. If I remember what Silver had said, there should be a tunnel that leads to Ponyville hidden behind it," Cinder asked politely as she looked back at Joseph, who was struggling to keep up with his orange jizz gun that orgasmed the strange speed gel towards the cliff. She wondered if she should tell him about it, but decided it would be a lot funnier not to.
Joseph watched Angel and Cinder fly towards some cliffs up ahead. He tried to make himself go faster but this was as fast as he was going to get. In the distance, there was a waterfall and noticed the two girls go right through it. Getting a determined look, he memorized where they went through, placed some blue gel in front of him, a blue portal whizzed up to the waterfall and without waiting for it to hit something, he hit the blue patch, jumped up and placed an orange portal beneath him just before he hit the ground. He went through and crashed into a wall, fizzling out the portals at the same time.
Cinder and Angel take a breather inside the moist cave for a moment to catch their breath. They figured that with Joseph's help, they can get back to the den without having to worry about the guard getting too close. After all, he can make portals like they were going out of style. 'Speaking of style, where is the guy without it?' Cinder thought. Just as she was about to think about how much time it would take for them to traverse the cave system, a blue portal opened up, followed by a blur of tacky orange crashing into the wall with a loud *THUMP!* "Oh, there he is," Cinder chuckled.
“There who is? I think I broke my nose.” Joseph said nasally, covering his nose with a hand and looking at them pointedly. He then looked at the tunnel and sighed. “How far do we have to travel, Sheilas?” he asked, hoisting his gun onto his shoulder and trying to gauge how big the tunnel system was.
"Not that far Mr. Wheatley. With your orange jizz-cannon, we could make it to Ponyville in about an hour," Cinder said while pulling Joseph, and his nosebleed, up. Once they were back on their feet and Angels disguise back on. Cinder lead the trio down the cave to where Silver had showed her. It was a simple cave system that was used by three packs to get to the crystal caverns below the city. Though, as much as Cinder would love to eat a strawberry-ruby right now, making sure her mentally unstable foxy-diamond dog didn't send an army to rescue her was top priority. That would be bad.
“The portal gun is not an orange jizz-cannon! It’s a portal shooter with gel.” Joseph protested, looking at her intently. He then registered what else she said and groaned. “Not Ponyville, I just got away from there back home.”
"Meh, don't worry a thing my little Wheatley core. We will be popping out by an abandoned diamond dog den in the outskirts. So you don't have to worry about re-meeting the locals," Cinder yawned. All this running and traveling wasn't good for her sleep cycle. Angel shared her tiredness, but, like her, she tried not to show it if she could help it.
Cinder led the trio for a few minutes down several small caves that branched out to the other three packs and chose the one they were looking for. Thank god that the gems in the cave were bright, otherwise they might have gotten lost and found themselves in the crystal caverns. Not sure if Joseph would survive on gems if he could eat them. Shrugging the mental question off, she yanked a sapphire out of the walls and began to eat it. 'Hmm, tastes like electric-blueberry,' she thought. "So, Mister Freeman. Can you please ejaculate your orangeness down the hall? It would make this easier."
“What did I- ugh.” Joseph groaned, knowing that there was no use in getting her to call it what it was. He poked his tongue out at her then took careful aim. Joseph moved to the side and fired, a stream of orange gel plastering the tunnel floor. “You eat gems?” he asked when he finished painting, quirking a brow at the choice of food.
"Yeah. Funny thing about that. The voice in my head said that I have some diamond dog traits aside from the ears and tail. Their diet is one of them, same with strength, but not their claws, unfortunately. Anyway," Cinder smirked as she backed up to get a running start. "Allons-y!" Cinder cheered as she went flying down the hall, leaving her companions behind.
“She has what? Diamond Dog traits? That would explain the ears, tail and eating habits but definitely doesn’t explain the lightning.” Joseph muttered before walking to the end of the cave. He eyed the orange track and took off, getting a faster speed than normal because he landed on it while running. “You should really try this instead of flying, Angel!” he called out to the Cinder’s friend as he took off after Cinder.
"O-okay!" Angel called back as she too gained a running start and joined them, but the second her two feet made contact with the gel, she slipped and began traveling close to the speed of sound ... on her face.
"Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! HOW DO YOU STOP THIS FUCKING THING!?" Cinder screamed as the end of the line was coming far faster than she would like. To her great displeasure, she couldn't react in time. If it wasn't for her armor, the cave wall would have turned her into a big red stain that not even Kool Aid guy would like. With a loud *THWUMP!* a crater was made in the perfect shape of a familiar Neko wolf. Groaning from the pain of sudden impact, Cinder was thankful that cartoon physics applied to her current situation. She could hear the others close in, but due to her being embedded into the wall. She had the strangest feeling that one of them would join her. Most likely Angel.
Joseph’s ears rang from Cinder’s screaming and barely heard a crash from the end of the path. After watching the dust settle down, he found Cinder embedded into the wall. Dropping his head with a sigh, he painted the floor to the left and followed that path for a bit until he stumbled onto solid ground. “This is why you let the one with the gun go first. You should have known this.” Joseph told Cinder and being careful not to step on the gel, walked back to the turn off, looked back down the path and watched with a stunned expression as Angel slid down the path on her face.
"Yeah whatevs," Cinder she sighed an unconcerned reply. Just as she thought that Joseph was going to help. She saw Angel sliding towards her on her face. Too stunned to move from the impending doom, Angel made contact with normal ground. With her speed, the sudden stop caused her to fly into the air, do four flips and land on Cinder in just the right way that their lips were locked in place. It was at that moment that no amount of brain bleach could clean Cinder’s innocence.
Joseph’s mouth fell open when he watched Angel somersault and land on Cinder, the both of them unintentionally kissing. Shaking his head to get his mind out of the gutter, he walked over to them, put down his portal gun and grabbed Angel around the stomach to help get her off of Cinder. He had the sneaking suspicion that this was a first for Cinder.
Free from the sexy demon and the wall. Cinder saw Angel was frozen, also probably broken. "You okay Angel?" Cinder asked while waving her hand in front of her eyes. No reply. 'Oh, well. At least it was her and not Silver that stole my first kiss.' Cinder thought happily. Shaking her head from how tasty her familiar's lips were, she took her mind off the situation and lead the trio down the cave that would lead them to the surface. Making sure to drag Angel with them, the trio silently found the way to the surface and was greeted by the rising sun to the east. Cinder made a note at how perfectly it looked like Celestia's sun. She could tell as Luna's was a lot dimmer and didn't assault your eyes when you woke up.
“Well, at least Celestia can still use magic. Guess her horn was fine after all,” Cinder commented as they watch the sunrise.
“That’s a good thing.” Joseph said, shading his eyes from the sun as he watched it rise for a few seconds. He turned to Angel and waved a hand in front of her face to see if she was still functioning. “I think that trip down orange lane broke the poor, Sheila. Where’s this den you talked about? Just outside of Ponyville?” he asked, looking at Cinder as he helped Angel by keeping a gentle grip on her shoulder.
"She'll be fine once she realizes that Silver might kill her when she finds out that her 'ultimate fantasy' was tainted by succubus lips~ As for how far my den is, it is at the southern end of the Everfree. Should take us about thirty minutes if you can place a portal near the train station so we can jump aboard on the morning frigate to Appleloosa. Also, I have been meaning to ask. Where the hell did you come from?" Cinder yawned with a cat like stretch that must have looked a bit morbid to the poor Mr. Freeman's eyes.
“I can do that.” Joseph said, remembering roughly where the station was, he aimed and shot a blue portal, hoping it would land on the station wall. “I came from a mystical place known as a portal," he grinned at that. "Seriously though, I came from another Equestria, sheila,” he replied more seriously to her question and placed a portal on the ground next to them. He peeked in and found to his delight that the other portal managed to be shot onto a wall inside a carriage. “We got a ride on a carriage. Neat. Wait. You don’t know what you are, do you?”
"Huh, so the omniverse theory is true then," Cinder beamed that one of her hobbies of nerdy delight was coming back to satisfy her girly desires. "And as for the latter, one day, I was walking from the store with a pile of junk-loot. Then, while I was walking back home, I was struck by strange looking lightning," Cinder frowned at the last bit and since Angel didn't like it when she frowned, she bounced out of her statue mode and gave the Neko wolf a very enthusiastic hug. The hug didn't last though as the train carriage in the portal looked like it was about to move. "Welp, that’s our cue. Let's go Mr. Wheatley."
“Yes, yes, fine.” Joseph waved a hand at her and jumped in. He landed on his feet even though the portal was on the wall. He sat on one of the crates in the carriage and watched Cinder and Angel tumble out onto the carriage floor. He laughed at their positioning and got down to help them up. “Glad to see you made it. When you got hit by lightning, you ended up in this Equestria, right?” he asked, casually continuing the conversation.
Cinder sat upright with Angel and both of them felt the train began to move. Cinder knew that it would take thirty minutes to get to Appleloosa. They would then need to jump off before they arrive. "Yeah. At first, when I woke up. I thought I was in a coma or something. Having my gender changed and becoming my waifu preference, I thought it was all a dream. I thought it was so fake that I managed to create a typhoon just by singing! Which was followed by me getting shocked by even more lightning that also knocked me out cold.” Cinder paused for a moment to recall all her recent life changing events.
“When I woke up. I was naked. Probably because my clothes were destroyed, or stolen. Thought I was going to be dissected by technicolor ponies and ran for it. Found temporary shelter, met a tsundere and got this cool armor by a voice in my head which also gave me the power to control all aspects of weather. And I'm rambling. Why are you here exactly? Did the voice send you or something?" Cinder asked back.
Joseph blinked as he tried to process the information. His face screwed up as he thought of the different things that happened to her and supposed it made sense. “You were a guy before coming here but you were a girl when you arrived. You can create typhoons, lightning and control the weather. You got armor by a voice in your head and you’ve met your very own tsundere. Well ain’t that a kick in the teeth. I’m here because I got no clue. I was running for my life when I went through my Void portal. Besides, your explanation has you pegged as a Displaced, which is what I am as well,” he told her as he sat down next to Angel.
"Displaced huh? Well, ain't that nice. By the way. Having your gender changed really messes with your personality. Then again. having to run for your life to the point that you have to travel through dimensions must really suck. So, do you think I can travel the multiverse too or is that something only you can do?" Cinder continued the conversation.
“I bet it would mess with your personality. Yes, travelling through different dimensions does suck but I’m hoping that by going through dimensions, time will skip so much that they forgot what I did. You see, the various Equestrias in the multiverse take place at different times and so they advance differently. For example. A day here could mean about an hour back home, or even an hour here could mean a month. I have no way of knowing that unless I go back home. I honestly don’t know if you can travel through the multiverse, it depends on what kind of power you have. I’m not the only one that can travel around the multiverse under my own power, there are plenty of others. I just happen to do it in an unusual way.” Joseph explained. “There are ways around it though,” he added, taking a breath as he finished talking.
"I ... see ... well, in any case, unless you're comfortable enough to give me your story as to 'why' you are on the run, I won't push." Cinder smiled warmly. "If it makes you feel better, you can stay at my place for a while. I know the voice in my head would probably tell me that I can travel between dimensions once I pass one of his/her tests. If I can't, oh well. No going to the Fallout 4 version of Equestria for me. Besides, with you around, Silver might stop trying to get into my black lingerie~" Cinder winked at Joseph with half-lidded eyes. Angel was not happy about that and made it clear by glaring pure death at the bipedal orange if he were to try anything unwanted towards her master.
“Heh. Thanks.” Joseph smiled back but that gave way to a blush at Cinder’s look. He saw Angel glaring at him and nervously laughed. “I’m not going to do anything to her, Angel, I swear. With the reason why I’m running though, I’ll probably tell you before I leave if I’m comfortable with it,” he sighed and buried his face in his hands.
"Good, but go against your word, I'll rip you dick off and force it down your throat. Rock. Hard," Angel hissed before turning back into her usual shy self.
"Okay, then," Cinder looked at her companion, slightly afraid what she would do to the poor Wheatly-core. Then again, she was certainly a lesbo. So nothing was going to happen anyway. "In any case, I probably wouldn't care about your past all that much. Although, I am certain that my Celestia would, so let's make sure we stay far away from her as possible and if... hey look that's our stop!" Cinder jumped up, Angel too.
Joseph could only nod at Angel, his eyes widened in fear and lifted his head when Cinder jumped up. He stood up as well and stretched. “I’m not sure how Celestia will take to another human here, especially since you broke her horn. We gotta jump do we?”
"She'll probably kill you. I'm not so sure about yours, though. Mine still prefers the death penalty over 'life in prison' and yes, we jump." Cinder yawned once more before she jumped out of the car while Angel followed behind but with her wings out.
Joseph hesitated for a second before following suit and jumping out. He landed in a crouch and looked over to Cinder and Angel. “I’m not so sure about mine either. Where are we? I’ve never been to this part of Equestria back home.” Joseph asked when he caught up to them.
Cinder looked around, happy to see the familiar green lands that morph seamlessly into the desert. She watched where the train came from over the gorge. The way the tracks moved with the land looked almost like a painter had its way with the design of the railways. The train was heading south to either Dodge Junction or Appleloosa. Either way, she was close to the abandoned weather factory that must have been responsible for the southern weather crap. Why it was left behind was beyond her current understanding. She stretched her back for a moment while watching Joseph enjoy the view. He will definitely get raped where they were going. Then again, if Silver's exotic fantasy was any indication, he probably get killed by snu-snu from the other, jealous females of her adoptive pack. Cinder smirked at how to dumb his orange jumpsuit is. Then again, with his style, orange was the new black over in his Equestria.
"Well, we are about a mile away from home," Cinder pointed to the forest. "So let's not waste anymore time."
“The view’s nice, but at least the den isn’t in the desert.” Joseph mumbled, blinking at the forest and walking towards it. “You mentioned someone named Silver before. Who’s that, Sheila?” he asked, holding his portal gun loosely by his side.
"Oh, she's just my pack's alpha. She is insanely horny, lesbian queen and can easily take on a small army by herself. Also, she looks like a furry rather than a diamond dog, so try not to loose your eyes when you see her legs. They are as fine as goddess Athena herself," Cinder said while disappearing into the underbrush with Angel by her side.
“Ookay then…” Joseph said unsurely, following them both into the forest. He tried to get his mind out of the gutter while following but it didn’t really work out. He didn’t have anywhere else to look so how could he not stare at Cinder? “Second Equestria I stumble across and it has to be one with a sexy Neko wolf …” he muttered to himself sarcastically, running a hand down his face.
The trio walked through the forest in silence for a while. Cinder heard Joseph mutter something that sounded like sarcasm, but she shrugged it off for now. Once they found the factory in all its decayed glory. Cinder picked up a familiar scent. This scent held malice, pain, and vengeance. It grew stronger the closer they got to the doors of the forgotten building that once made weather for the nearby locals. That is until Cloudsdale came into the picture. Cinder shrugged it off for now and focused in on the scent that was emanating from the factory like a changeling orgy took place an hour prior to their arrival.
As they passed through a hole in the wall, Cinder's senses went into overdrive. The stench of death permeated throughout the main atrium that was barely lit up by the sun's morning glow. She grabbed a piece of lightning metal that was laying on the ground and charged it in case she would need it. "Stay close. We are not alone," Cinder growled.
Joseph covered his nose at the death stench until he adjusted and could only nod as his eyes flashed green. He picked up a rock from the rubble and casually threw it up and down in his left hand as his right was still holding his portal gun. “Who’s here?” he asked quietly.
"Me, Silver of the Silver Fangs and you are ... tres … pass ..." Silver growled until she set her sights on a familiar form. Cinder and Silver stared at each other for a moment before the diamond dog bolted from her position like a running bull and tackled Cinder onto the ground, her tail wagging like she drank a gallon of Red Bull. Angel watched in horror as her master was having a very tongue involved reunion. Angel noticed that her master was trying her best not to give in to the filthy mutt's lustrous advances, but alas, the second her eyes closed and her arms wrapped around the diamond dog., she was lost to the poison of that mutt.
Joseph dropped the rock and his mouth fell open as he watched. He then realised what he was doing, closed his eyes and mouth, walked over to the nearby wall and started banging his head against it. When he stopped after feeling a bit of blood trickle out, he rested his forehead against the wall and grumbled something about this Equestria being a lot more different than anticipated.
Cinder, finally back to her senses after feeling a long, tasty, thing deep throat her with affectionate vigor, broke away for some air. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Cinder screamed while backing away to a nearby wall. Cinder’s molester gave her a pouty face.
"Just welcoming back the love of my life. And I see you brought a trophy with you, but he's male," Silver spat at the last word.
"Well, you’re still at first base, so no more tongue throat fucking!" Cinder replied as she tried to wipe off the residue from their reunion.
"But you like my tongue," Silver stuck it out at full length for everyone to see while crawling slowly to Cinder with lust filled eyes. Cinder, watching the twelve-inch monstrosity move back and forth, felt both excited and fearful of what that thing could do. 'No! Bad Cinder. Still in trouble. Naughty thoughts later,' Cinder thought, shaking her head. Cinder got up before she could be pinned against the wall, and stood beside the head banging male version of Chell.
“I don’t even … just ... “ Joseph mumbled as he saw the length of Silver’s tongue out the corner of his eye. He heard what she said about him being a trophy but didn’t really think anything of it. “How do you put up with her?” he hissed at Cinder when he noticed her standing beside him.
"With a titanium chastity belt and the key thrown away in hell," Cinder said warily, still staring at the pink snake that came from the muzzle of the reddish orange foxy she-demon.
“A chastity belt? You’re actually wearing one?” Joseph half-whispered in disbelief, his arms dangling by his sides and his head resting against the wall. He turned and leaned his back against it, a mixture of shock, terror and nervousness overcoming his face as he stared at the long tongue coming out of Silver’s mouth. “That’s … heh. Very … long,” he said weakly, nervous and awkward laughter spilling out of him.
"I wish I could wear one if it could prevent diamond dog claws from ripping it apart like paper," Cinder sighed solemnly. "And can you put that thing away! You're scaring the poor boy!" Cinder ordered. Silver complied with a huff of annoyance. Her tongue recoiled like a spring, pulling the monster back from whence it came. "It's okay," Cinder cooed, petting the nervous wreck that was her somewhat hero, even though she was going to break out on her own anyway. Joseph just made it easier. "The xenomorph has put away her mini mouth. She won't eat you. I promise. Oh! By the way, what the hell were you going to do with that rock that you picked up on the way in?"
“Chuck it at her.” Joseph replied simply, letting out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. He closed his eyes and banged the back of his head against the wall. “I didn’t think the sheila was going to eat me. It was just weird to look at,” he added, involuntarily shuddering at the thought of it.
"Riiiight. Anywho. That's enough smut. I'm hungry for real food." And with that revelation, invisible and silently chuckling with glee, Discord, the god of chaos left a note hidden inside Cinders bra. Little did the little wolf Neko and her friends know, the note contained a spell that would activate once she uses her lightning magic, giving her a similar tongue to the diamond dog while Angel gets a new sensitivity and Silver her favorite chest cushions. With a snap of his fingers, the plan was set in motion, just as the quartet entered the Silver Fang den for much needed rest.
“Let me demonstrate then.” Joseph sighed as he picked up a rock on their way to the den. He chucked it up and down in his left hand and slowly made the motions go faster and faster. By the time they got to the den, his eyes flashed green and he threw it at the wall in front of them. The rock hit and burrowed into it, creating a small tunnel that poked through to the other side. “That’s would have happened if Silver didn’t pounce on you,” he said tiredly.
"R-remind me not to get on your bad side," Cinder gawked at the hole with Silver and Angel, "but I can do better. Hey, Silver. When was the last time this place had a decent storm?" Silver shook herself from the shock of the male showing his godlike strength to them. Realizing the question that her beloved was asking, she thought back several weeks ago when only a small dribble of rainfall blanketed the land. She knew they were in need for rain, but she can't help but wonder what her beloved means by, 'I can do better.' How can Cinder show more power than what the male has shown them? Out of her daze to see what her beloved could do, she smiles. "A few weeks my love. Why?" Cinder smiles evilly at the confused Joseph and lets her raw lightning flow out of her while she hums her own rendition of, the Song of Storms.
“If you’re thinking I have super strength, I don’t. It’s kinetic energy that I built up that did that.” Joseph explained and rubbed his eyes. He smiled though at their expressions and focused his attention on Cinder when she began to hum a familiar tune. “Is that the Song of Storms!?” he asked in surprise and immediately looked around to see where the storm was at. Just as her tune reached its final crescendo, Cinder lifted her hands to the sky and released all her raw lightning into the air. The effect was instantaneous. A pitch black thunderhead erupted to life, covering miles upon miles of land.
Cinder could feel it all after that. She could feel the storm reaching as far as Canterlot as tornados hit the city like a giant to a sand castle. She could feel the thousands of lightning strikes ravage Las Pegasus and the typhoons that will hit them in a few minutes. Her song done. she gave her compatriots a sly smile as a lake of a downpour hit them in full force.
"I loooove doing that," Cinder giggled with her best Castro accent.
“Th-th-th-th … what.” Joseph stammered, gaping in awe at the storm. His measly rock throw had nothing when compared to the storm Cinder had created. He blinked and tried to snap out of it but he couldn’t stop staring at how simply massive it was.
"I think you broke him," Silver chuckled before she felt something on her chest wasn't right. Silver looked down and saw two round lumps on her chest. 'Strange, they look like what Cinder has, but why are mine smaller than hers?' Silver thought before checking to see if her other pup feeders were missing. Turns out, they are. 'At least they have fur,' she finished her thought.
"What eve... Oh dear god no!" Cinder exclaimed pointing to Silver's' chest. Before she could let Silver figure out her new found power over her, she grabbed Mr. Wheatley and Angel and ran into the den to get out of the rain and away from the lusty furry wolf maid.
“Why are we running?” Joseph asked as he ran beside Cinder, shaking his head to get rid of the water as soon as they were undercover. He quickly glanced back to Silver out of confusion but it soon cleared as he realised what she was running from. “Nevermind, let’s just see if we can hide from her!” Joseph exclaimed as he turned back around and managed to keep pace with Cinder and Angel.
The trio found themselves in the lowest regions of the den after running from an overexcited diamond dog with magical mounds. Cinder made a stop to grab rations and the three waited in a hall where Cinder knew not even the sex crazed Silver would go, the Hall to Hell. Cinder, Angel, and Joseph ate quietly in the temporary safety from the she-demon that wanted Cinder to show her what those mounds were for. Cinder shuddered at the thought while she nibbled on a ruby. 'Then again. I wouldn't mind playing with those... No! Bad brain!' Cinder smacked herself upside the head against the cave wall.
"Is heat really that bad for you?" Angel asked; quite worried. Then again, feeling everything that her master feels is also a blessing to her. She can feel Cinder's lust starting to take hold of her master. It was only a matter of time until she can embrace those wonderful lips again, but when did she gain such an ability?
Joseph sighed in relief at having to not run from Silver, even if it was a short rest. He took a bite and looked down the hall, wondering why the crazed wolf hadn’t found them yet. He was cut off from his musings though when Angel mentioned something that made his skin crawl. “Cinder’s in heat?” he asked Angel softly.
Cinders ears perked up at Joseph's mentioning of her being in heat. 'No, it can't be! I will not be Silver 2.0!' Cinder mentally pleaded. "Nonononononononononononononononononono!" Cinder cried in fear. "How can I be in heat?! That can't be, right? Right!" Cinder begged.
"Um, master, you are in heat. Or at least, the beginning stages of it. I can smell the love scent emanating from you and I think most of the males can too."
"That's ... fuck me ... wait, don't do that. Just, damn it," Cinder groaned before she realized that if she was in heat, then Silver will find her and ... "Mother of Satan's grandma!" Cinder shouted. She saw the green glow coming from down the hall. 'Well, hell sounds nice this time of year. Better than Silver in heat.' Cinder began to walk to the gate, causing Angel to gasp in surprise. "Master, where are you going?!" Cinder looked back for a second with an insane smile. "Hell sounds nice this time of year, and I need a vacation."
“Hell? You have a hole to hell in your backyard?” Joseph asked in surprise as he stood up. He looked at Angel in a surprised way. “Please tell me she isn’t going to hell just because she’s in heat!” he asked in an almost pleading fashion.
"Diamond dogs dig deep! Makes the Mine of Moria look like a sandcastle!" Cinder called as she approached the glowing green cave. Angel looked at Joseph for a second after he made a worrisome comment, but knowing Cinder, she wasn't going to hang around to hear the alternative.
"I am afraid so. Don't worry. The gate opened near where I used to live. Just be careful. It's a long fall," Angel sighed. She caught up to her master at the lip of the green cave just as an unfamiliar scent entered the area.
Joseph sniffed something and turned on the spot to find Silver at the entrance to the hall. “Oh hell,” he muttered and turned tail at seeing the insane look in her eyes. “Gotta go!” He shouted as he jumped down the hole before Cinder and Angel had a chance to react. After falling for a while, he watched the ground speed up to him. How he managed to avoid the various creatures flying he’ll never know because as soon as the ground met him, he crouched and heard the familiar hiss of his boots decompressing as they absorbed the shock of his fall.
Cinder and Angel slightly dazed that their hesitant friend just jumped into Tartarus without a second thought. Then they looked back down the hall, where satan's daughter was licking her lips, with her eyes pinpricks of insanity. "Nope!" Cinder shuddered as she dived into the hole with Angel close behind.
After several minutes of falling, Cinder and Angel landed beside Joseph, who was sitting on the snout of a crushed skull of a five story tall necrodragon. Little did he know, that's where they will be staying while Cinder's heat passes. Cinder yawned and walked through a makeshift door, not giving a damn of the flying monstrosities close by and plopped down on a skin bed without a care that it must have come from something horrifying.
“Glad you could finally join me. I didn’t think a sex-crazed wolf would make me go to Hell but here I am. This where you used to live, Angel?” Joseph asked, a bored look on his face as he rested it in the palm while his elbow rested on a knee. “Thought it would have been more … decrepit.”
"This is my home or used to be. We are just on the outskirts of the Pit. That's where the Titans reside. It's the only place in Tartarus were demon kings can live without being tormented in either the Soul Well or Dante's inferno. However, very few demons are allowed in Hades' garden. Sadly, I'm not one of them," Angel sighed as she joined Cinder in her old home, leaving Joseph to meddle in his own thoughts.
Joseph looked up at the monsters that were flying and zipping around for a while and wondered what they were like. Standing up and stretching, he looked inside Angel’s old home, shrugged and walked in. “We got to stay here until Cinder’s heat wears off or until Silver stops being a sex-crazed lunatic?” he asked the girls as he sat on the floor, cross-legged.
Angel was sitting beside a sleeping Cinder, tired from creating that giant storm. She was drained of all energy and was going to be sore when she wakes up later. That is, if she doesn't try to destroy anything to 'mate' with. Angel turned towards Joseph wondering how he would react to Cinder once she wakes up. "Since this is Cinder's first heat, it should last only a day or two. So, most likely Silver's situation. That is if Hades doesn't decide to see what fell through the sun again."
“She probably won’t know how to control her heat then.” Joseph said and looked over to Cinder nervously. “This’ll be one weird wake-up call for her. Wait, what do you mean, ‘fell through the sun again’?” he asked, resting his chin on both fists as he kept an eye on Cinder and Angel.
"That would be my question exactly," said a croaky godfather sounding woman. To Angel’s surprise, there in her doorway, stood a woman with deathly pale skin, flaming azure hair and eyes. She wore an all black suit with a black rose in her breast pocket. In one hand she held a smoking Cuban cigar, in the other hand was a scythe made out of the bones of Grogar, the legendary Necromancer. "Well, I don't have all eternity to stare at some hot ass now do I?" she asked, taking a long puff of her cigar before filling the room with its dastardly smoke.
Joseph turned his head, blinked at her blankly for a few seconds, registered what she looked like and who she potentially was, then scooted backwards until his back hit the bed Cinder was on. “Um … hi. Who are you, Sheila?” he asked with a nervous smile.
"I'm the godmother of this wonderful piece of heaven," she snarked as she pulled out a business card that said Hades, Ruler of the Underworld, in big blue letters. "So, now that you know who I am, let me make you an offer you can't refuse ," Hades said in a perfect, Italian accent.
“What kind of offer would that be? ” Joseph asked, speaking perfect Italian as well. He didn’t really like the look of this goddess but he didn’t really want to piss off the lady of the Underworld, now did he?
"Che gentiluomo. Dovrei dare una festa! [What a gentleman. I should throw a party!]" Hades smirked at Joseph, "Well, since I'm bored and haven't had any new company in a while, I figured I'll invite you to my place for some scotch and margaritas. Maybe a game or two. Or to feed you to my puppy Cerberus. I don't know really. It's not really what I want, it's really what you want."
“I’m not really sure about that …” Joseph said slowly, and hooked a thumb to Cinder on the bed behind him. “I should really help take care of her when she wakes up,” he said and then facepalmed at what he said. “This is going so well …” he muttered to himself.
Hades looked at the sleeping women in dragon armor on the Nuckelavee skin with a raised eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure she's lesbo Joe-Joe. I would be worried about the succubus beside her than the half-breed in heat. Well, since watching you being uncomfortable about it, I'll be nice and cure her for now, but next time, it will be twice as powerful. So, I would stay away from her when that happens." With a snap of her fingers, a soft pink glow enveloped Cinder for a split second. "Now that that's done, what's your game? Poker? Or Russian roulette?"
“Oh great. Good luck with that, Cinder,” Joseph said to himself, watching Cinder be cured of her heat and then looked to Angel. “I’m pretty sure this one is a lesbian too. Far as I know, she hasn’t made a move on me and I don’t want her to either. With the games I’d prefer … Russian Roulette!?” he asked in surprise at that game being one of the choices.
"Raise," Cinder said, placing several silver coins to the growing pile of Obols and Drachmas. Angel sat beside her, frowning at her cards with a cute cross-eyed expression. Hades was smoking a brand new Cuban with her pitch-black, three-headed pitbull sleeping beside her on a pink pillow. The room was simple. In one corner was a table with a few refreshments ranging from Pepsi to Smirnoff and Coke to Jack Daniels. In another side of the room was a bathroom with skulls for toilets while the remainder two walls led outside to a deck that showed a magnificent city that almost looked like an exact replica of Las Vegas. If it was underground and had demons walking around. "Call," Hades smirked.
“Fold,” Joseph frowned, placing his cards on the table face down. “It’s between you three now. I can’t win with these cards,” he clarified while stretching and taking a sip of Coke. He looked at the room and figured it was really nice for being in the Underworld. He thought it would have been more dreary, dull and gloomy.
I fold too," Angel sighed. Her cards had no chance of winning. Cinder took a sip of a mix of Coke and Grey Goose. One of her favorites from back home, when her father allowed her. Cinder looked at the dealer with a confident smile. All she needed was a ten of spades to complete a royal flush and destroy the Queen of Vice at her own game. With Angel out of the hand, the dealer revealed the card she wanted in the flop, causing both Hades and Cinder to grin maniacally.
"Well, I guess I win with a flush," Hades said, revealing her own cards.
"Well, you would have. If not for my royal," Cinder chuckled showing her cards, causing Hades to frown as Cinder took her prize.
"You got lucky," Hades scoffed as Cinder counted her bounty.
“That looked like it was close.” Joseph whistled, leaning back in his chair and smiling at Cinder. “Congrats. You managed to beat a goddess at one of her own games. How does that make you feel, Sheila?” he asked, liking her more for her beating Hades.
"Like regret and euphoria. Though, now with some spending money, I plan on bringing back a souvenir. So Hades ... where can I get my hands on a demon scythe? Since I live up top, I want to look as intimidating as possible," Cinder smiled, tail wagging. She looked over at the clock to see how much longer they could stay before they can return. Judging from what Angel had told her. One day here equals a week. So they should be returning in a few hours. But that doesn't mean they couldn't have some fun before then.
"You want to be a waking reaper huh? Well, you asked for it," Hades said with a devilish expression. "Once you have your scythe. You can travel the multiverse with it, so long as you act like a reaper. So that means taking out the lich kings, lost souls, and necromancers. In other words, I hate losing, and now your ass is mine," she seethed at the last word.
“Why would you want a demon scythe anyway? That’s just asking for trouble and you already have the ability to control the weather.” Joseph said in a condescending tone. He leaned forward and placed his arms on the table. He rubbed his eyes and yawned slightly. “Sorry, now that you said it though, I don’t think Hades will let you go back up top.”
"What if I want to visit your world? Plus, I want to see a Fallout 4 version of Equestria, or better yet, human Equestria!" Cinder frowned-cheered.
"In any case, Cinder here will be a Waking Reaper or Field Reaper to make it easier to understand," Hades joined in, now holding a black flat case the size of a small car lengthwise and half a ruler heightwise. "So, until she dies. She's on her own, but once she touches this case, she'll be under contract for a thousand years. So if and when her mortal body dies, she will be reborn here and sent back out to continue working," Hades vindicated.
“I’ve already got one Reaper in the family. Why would I want another one?” Joseph groaned to himself as he rubbed his forehead. “You hear that Cinder? You get to live for a thousand years! At least. So with a Field Reaper, they hunt souls and take them back here only to go back topside for more work?” Joseph asked, trying to wrap his head around this ‘Waking Reaper’ business.
"Sorta. A Waking Reaper's scythe sends a bad soul to Tartarus to be punished once it has been vanquished, while the master stays up top without having to travel back here. Cinder will also gain several new abilities like soul sight or whatever. And what's wrong with Skye? She's nice, one of my favorites actually," Hades smiled as Cinder grasped the case with vigor but decided not to open it until later.
“Nothing’s wrong with her. I just didn’t expect Cinder to become a Field Reaper.” Joseph explained, rubbing his eyes and watched her grab the case. “I just hope she knows what she’s doing,” he said tiredly. “I didn’t explain to you how to summon other Displaced, have I?” he asked Cinder.
"No, not really. I've been avoiding it for a while now," Cinder said, caressing the case like a precious kitten. "So how do I? I kinda want to torment this Skye person. Do you think she would be interested in being my sidekick? And yes, I do know what I am doing. I want to be able to go home, even if it will be for a few hours at most to at least tell my family that I am okay. Or, try to. Not sure how they will react they'll see me as a girl."
“Forget the girl part, they’ll probably freak out at you for being part wolf. For the tokens, it’s an object that you use to identify yourself with. I have this,” Joseph pulled out a companion cube keychain from his pocket, “and it’s got a message embedded in it. This is how most Displaced are summoned. Others though, may come in unannounced like me. Anyway, you need an object and you need to try to put a message in it. After that, it gets sent to the Void for others to use.” Joseph explained.
“Oh, so that's what that medallion was for," Cinder said sheepishly. "I remembered that in my bag there was a silver coin with a pair of wolf ears and tail on the face. I remembered making a sarcastic comment that if anyone needs that help of the storm caller, sing the Song of Storms while holding onto the coin in both hands like an ocarina. Then it disappeared."
“That would be your token then. Sarcastic message or not, that’s what it is.” Joseph shrugged, although he was a bit surprised at her already having a token. “One thing about that bothers me though. How do you hold a coin like an ocarina?”
"Like this," Cinder said picking up one of the Obol’s, holding it like a tiny flute, dismissing the fact that Hades annoyance to the pair stopped giving a fuck. "Anywho," Cinder paused her demonstration to look at the clock, now saying their week was up. "I guess it's time to go top side. Man, time is weird here."
“Time is weird here and anywhere.” Joseph commented with a smirk and stood up. He turned to Hades and quickly bowed to her, thanking her for her hospitality. “How do we get out of here, sis?” Joseph asked, smiling as he turned to Cinder.
"Well, we could ... just ...?" Cinder froze. 'Did he call me sis? Warning, brain shutting down, eyes shutting down. Fainting.exe in progress. Progress report: 100%.’ Angel caught Cinder just in time before she slammed her face into the table. Angel barely managed to prop her master back onto her chair and began fanning Cinder with a plastic plate that used to hold a cupcake that was now on the floor.
“I didn’t think she would have that reaction …” Joseph laughed before crouching beside her chair. He looked at her for a bit before snapping his fingers near her ear to see if that garnered any reaction.
'Brain.exe activating. Noise near ear. Threat level: Dragon. Initiating, 'punch asshole who wakes me up from nap,' protocol.' Cinder snapped awake and falcon punched the person snapping his/her fingers near her ear, which earned her a satisfying noise of a nose being broken. "No one wakes me up from a nap," Cinder growled back awake. 'Loading last memory. In hell, playing poker with Hades, got scythe, called sis. "ERROR." Emotional overload. The feels is activating. Must tease till he dies.' "Big brother of mine."
One minute he’s snapping his fingers to try and get her to wake up, the next thing he knows is he’s on the floor and writhing in pain from a broken nose. “Remind me not to get on your bad side, sheila.” Joseph muttered before freezing in place at her next words. “What do you ... want?” he asked hesitantly, his voice sounding slightly nasally.
"Incest is Wincest," Cinder replied as she pounced Joseph with an evil grin on her face. Before he could escape, Cinder licked her lips with a tongue that was equally as long as Silvers and equally terrifying. Joseph didn't have enough time to squirm before Cinder invaded his mouth, coating her entire tongue like a boa constrictor around his before pulling off and chugged down a bottle of vodka to get rid of the taste back in her chair.
Joseph coughed and spluttered to try and get the taste out of his mouth. He got up and quickly went over to the table of beverages to get a bottle of Jack down in him. “Oh god, that was horrible!” he exclaimed when he finished, coughing a bit and looked over to Cinder. “What is wrong with you?”
"Well, you called me sis, therefore, I have full rights to make your life miserable. Don't worry, I come with cock-blocking capabilities, dimension travel, overprotectiveness, and rights to molest you in any way, shape or form. And as for your last question as to how we get out, Hades, if you please?" Cinder cheekily smiled. Hades, dying of laughter in her chair, lifted her hand and with a snap of her fingers, they were back in the weather factory.
“You’re evil.” Joseph whispered and felt his nose for a bit before realising that it was fixed. “Hades fixed my nose. She probably loved watching me get slobbered over by you. Speaking of slobber, where’s Silver?” Joseph asked, looking around the weather factory. “But, yes. I do think of you as a love-crazed sister.”
"Probably at the den sulking. I heard from the medicine dog that she gets depressed after heat. No one to love her," Cinder frowned. "Now I feel like a dick," she muttered before perking back up, knowing that she has the brother she always wanted. Even though he was kinda a snub, but a brother none the less! "D-Do you really mean that? D-Do you really see me as a sister?" Cinder stutter-blushed, tail wagging like a hurricane, ears fluttering too. 'What the hell is wrong with me? Don't care, I'm happy!' Cinder thought.
“Of course I do. Who wouldn’t love you as a sister?” Joseph asked, shoulder-hugging her and rubbing the top of her head. “At the very least, you look cute when you stutter and get excited at the same time,” he laughed, letting her go and scratching the back of his head. “Did Angel make the trip back as well?”
"I'm here!" Angel proclaimed as she appeared out of one of the halls wearing something she wasn't wearing before. Cinder, breaking away from her puppy-like happy spaz, saw something that she would never believe. Angel was wearing armor, similar to hers, except her pauldron encompassed her shoulders in big silver metal wolf skull and she had a black cloak that could easily cover her entire body. 'How come she gets a cape and I don't?' Cinder vexed silently. As Angel walked closer, Cinder saw two blades that reminded her of something from the land of elves.
"Where did you get that?" Cinder asked.
"From Hades as I am your familiar. I need to be able to protect you. Every Waking Reaper has one."
Joseph blinked at the sudden appearance and did a double-take when he saw what Angel was wearing. When she explained where she got it from and why, he relaxed slightly. Keeping a tight grip on his portal gun, he sighed and shook his head. “I don’t think I told you how to send Displaced back to their homeworld, did I, Cindy?” he asked her.
"Nope," Cinder replied, admiring her new and improved sidekick.
“To send a Displaced home, all you have to say is their name and ‘our contract is complete.’ If you had summoned me, then you would have to say, ‘Joseph, our contract is complete,’ but I barged in unannounced so it won’t work.” Joseph explained, smiling sheepishly.
"Okay, sounds simple enough. So how do you get out of my world so I can deal with the sun butt now that she should be cooled off? Do I have to suck you or something? Then again, with my new tongue. I don't think you would last long," Cinder said wiggling her brows. Angel blushed angrily at the last comment and wrapped her arms around her master, glaring death at the male again.
“Nope! Not gonna happen!” Joseph exclaimed, jumping back a bit as his eyes widened and got scared by Angel’s death glare. “I’ll just leave the way I came. Through a portal,” he explained hurriedly, turning towards one of the walls and pressed a button on the handle. He felt the portal gun shudder before a black and white portal landed on the wall. He quickly walked over and sighed. He put a hand in his pocket and felt a coin in there. Pulling it out and looking at it, he found it to be the one Cinder had described. “Hades must have given me your token as well. Let me know if you get in trouble. I’ll be glad to break you out of a jail cell again, sheila.”
Cinder smiled warmly, placing her own hand in her side satchel, instantly feeling a small cube. "Looks like Hades gave me yours as well," Cinder smiled showing the companion cube to Joseph before putting it back for later. "And I'll take you up on that. Who knows! I might give you a call when I go to the Griffin Kingdom to get away from Solar Flare. Oh, and tell Skye that I'm coming for her virginity!" She paused for a moment with a frown. Then back to smiling. "So long Mr. Wheatley," she saluted.
“You know what’s funny? She’s already lost it.” Joseph replied with a warm smile of his own, a laugh and a wave before stepping through the portal and vanishing along with it.
"Damn,” Cinder chuckled.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 30 - Jump 3: Isaac and Jethro
On a crystal wall in Twilight’s library, a portal filled with black and rimmed with white appeared. It rippled for a second before sending out a man in an orange jumpsuit with green, gray and brown hair. The portal fizzled out as he rolled upon landing and hit a bookcase, causing it to fall with a loud crash on top of him.
“Oh come on, seriously?” Spike grumbled as he popped his head into the room. “Did more of those digimon show up?”
A groaning noise sounded out from underneath the fallen bookcase as the figure shifted underneath it. A few of the fallen books were pushed out of the way as the man crawled out from underneath it.
“No digimon here...” the man groaned as he rested with his face on the floor for a bit.
“Gah!” Spike jumped back his eyes wide. “How did you get here! T-the mirror isn’t open!”
“How the heck can someone go through a mirror? I got here by a portal,” the man answered, rubbing his eyes and looking up, immediately freezing upon seeing the dragon.
“I-I gotta tell Twilight!” Spike spun on his heel, hurrying out of the room as fast as his little legs would carry him. Hearing the name, the man quickly got up and ran after him, trying to catch up. With his longer legs, he managed to do so before the dragon turned the corner.
“Don’t... tell her I’m here. Please,” the man said slowly in an almost pleading tone.
“Why shouldn’t I?” he asked, glaring up at the man.
“Because I can’t handle seeing her. I can barely handle seeing you!” the man hissed in reply, crouching so he was eye level, glad that he got him to stop for the moment.
“Hey man! Back off! I’m a dragon!” Spike growled, letting out a puff of smoke.
“Of course you are,” the man said with a chuckle, standing and backing away slightly with his hands raised. “What Spike isn’t?”
“Uh... what?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.
“What?” the man parroted and then chuckled a bit at realising what he said. “This is the first time you’ve run into someone like me, isn’t it?”
“A human? I’ve seen a human before... Just not a weird color like you before.”
“You’ve run into humans before? Nevermind. What I meant was... how can I explain this? Wait, better question. Is there someone here who is or was confused about who they are?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I mean those weirdo digimon were just here but they knew who they were.”
“Were these weirdo digimon confused about where they were or what they were, then?” the man asked, sighing as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“They didn’t seem to know anything about Equestria.”
“Then I’ll need to speak to them. It’ll help explain who I am too,” the man said, a smile on his face. “Do you know where they could be?”
“Twilight and Starlight took them out into town, you know, show ‘em around.”
“Of course Twilight did that. She would do that for anyone.” The man sighed and shook his head. “So, they would be somewhere in Ponyville then?”
“Yeah.” Spike nodded. “Who are you anyway?”
“Name’s Joseph. I’m from a different Equestria, before you ask. Everything will be explained as long as Twilight is nowhere near to hear.” Joseph introduced himself, and shuddered at the thought of confronting Twilight.
“What?” Spike blinked. “The hay are you talking about?”
“What do you mean, what am I talking about?”
“Other Equestrias? Really? That’s like a bad Power Ponies comic.”
“Possibly, but it’s true. I’m not sure if you’ve encountered other beings from different Equestrias, but just in case not, I need to introduce myself to those weird digimon you mentioned.” Joseph shrugged, looked up and took a good look around the shiny corridor. “I give, what is this place?”
“This is Twilight’s castle! It grew from that weird box after the girls stopped Tirek,” Spike explained with a hint of pride in his voice.
“The shiela gets a castle?” Joseph asked in surprise and started walking back to the library to see if he can retrieve his weapon. “What kind of magic box gives a unicorn a castle?”
“Unicorn? Twilight hasn’t been a unicorn for at least two years.” Spike tilted his head. “Also, what’s a sheila?”
“Sheila. It’s another word for girl, or mare in this case. I used it a lot back home but I’m not so sure if I should use it that much here. Anyway, what has she been if she’s not a unicorn?” Joseph asked, scratching his head as his eyes widened at this.
“Well that’s easy! She’s an alicorn!” Spike smirked. “The Princess of Friendship.”
Joseph stopped in his tracks at this and nearly fell over in shock and surprise. He felt his brain grind to a halt as he tried to process this.
“You, uh... you okay?” Spike asked, his smirk fading into a frown.
“I’m, heh, fine. Just wondering how... Twilight, became an alicorn...” Joseph said slowly, his face twitching a bit as he tried to think of how much more powerful alicorn Twilight was than unicorn Twilight.
“Well that’s easy, she finished Starswirl’s last spell.”
“Which was what?” Joseph asked as a whole range of emotions flew by over his face.
“Uh... I’m not really sure.” Spike scratched his cheek. “It caused all of the girls’ cutie marks, except for Twilight’s, to switch around. I don’t really know what it did.”
“Twilight cast a spell, and she’s an alicorn. Okay, I think your Equestria is ahead of mine. By a lot. Maybe. I don’t really know how far along mine is because I haven’t been there in a while. Let’s just find these digimon,” Joseph said with a sigh, as he turned and resumed walking to where he crashed in the library.
“Hey! Where are you going!?” Spike asked rushing after him.
“Back to the library. I came with a portal gun and I think it’s stuck under the shelf I crashed into, mate,” Joseph called out over his shoulder as he turned into the library. He looked at the shelf, sighed and heaved it up just enough to eventually kick out the gun from underneath. It was white, had a cylindrical body, was filled with two tubes in a glass container with two more snaking out and connecting to the back. On the front of it were three prongs that helped him pick up various stuff and a hole for the portals to come out from.
“Portal gun?” Spike asked, groaning at the books littering the ground. “And I just reorganized those...”
“Yeah, sorry about that. But yeah, this is a portal gun. Shoots portals,” Joseph explained, shooting a blue portal onto one wall and an orange one next to it. He walked over, put his arm through, and waved at him. “See?”
“Whoa! That's amazing!!” he watched, his eyes wide in awe.
“I love using this thing. It’s actually a lot of fun, especially when you have to think on your feet.” Joseph grinned, taking his arm out and turning back to him. “You want to have a go?” he asked Spike, holding the gun out to him.
“Really?” Spike asked, holding his hands out, looking at the device with wide eyes.
“Yeah, really.” Joseph nodded, and handed it to him. “Put your preferred claw on the handle inside the back, aim at a blank space on the wall, and press one of the buttons,” Joseph instructed, making sure to stand behind the dragon in case anything went wrong.
“Okay...” Spike slide his right claw in, grabbing the handle. He aimed at the wall, pulling the trigger, causing a blue portal to appear. “Now what?”
“Looks like the other portal is still there. Walk up to the blue portal, and step through. Simple.” Joseph demonstrated by doing exactly that. He walked through the blue portal, and appeared a few feet away where the orange one was. He stepped back and gestured for him to do the same. “Now you try.”
“Whoa... that's so cool!” Spike grinned, running through the blue portal and appearing next to Joseph. “Where do I get one of these?”
“You said there were a bunch of digimon running about, right? Far as I know, there’s no Aperture Science building from there and unless one suddenly appears, you’re out of luck. You’re the second one that’s wanted one of these and this is the second time I’ve had to decline. Sorry ‘bout that, mate,” Joseph said, sighing and scratching the back of his head.
“Uh...?” Spike gave him a look. “Mate? I don’t, uh... swing that way...”
“That’s... I didn’t mean that!” Joseph said quickly, shaking his head. “It’s another word for friend. Maybe I should just stick to normal words, huh?” He sighed and gave Spike a look. “Just, don’t worry about it. Did Twilight say when they would be back?”
“Not really...” Spike rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m gonna say around lunch. I was gonna start working on it until you... you know... knocked all the books on the floor...”
“That shouldn’t be too far off then and I bet Twilight’s not gonna like the books on the floor. I think I know this organisation system. Let me put the books back up while you make lunch. Hopefully nothing will be amiss and it’ll make it up for me barging in unannounced, even if it’s a tiny bit,” Joseph told him after examining a few of the bookshelves to see how they were organised and picking up the fallen one.
“Well... okay... But I’m not taking the blame for this.” Spike put the portal gun down and started to put them back, working from the ground up.
“I’ve taken enough blame from her as it is. What’s a little more gonna do?” Joseph asked himself bitterly, fizzling out the portals by a pressing a button on the handle and quickly set to helping Spike put the books back.
“So... humans...” Spike looked up at him. “Do you have a pony counterpart too?”
“If I did, I haven’t met him but honestly, I doubt that I do,” Joseph answered, focusing on putting the books instead of looking at him. “Why do you ask?”
“Because whenever I go through the mirror, I turn into a dog...” Spike pouted.
“You what?” Joseph asked, trying to keep from laughing at the thought of a dragon turning into a dog.
“Yeah. Whenever Twilight and I go through the mirror to see Sunset, she turns into a human and I turn into a dog...”
“Being a dog can’t be that bad though,” Joseph said, blinking at this information as his soft chuckles died down. “I didn’t think walking through mirrors would do that, but then again, I’ve never walked through a mirror so how would I know?” he wondered aloud then noticed that they were almost done with the reshelving.
“Yeah, well... not having claws sucked...” he grumbled softly.
“I bet it did. I can’t imagine what not having any fingers would do to me,” Joseph agreed, stepping back from the shelf after placing the last book to see if there were any out of place by peering at the spines from a distance. “Can you see if there are any disorganised books?”
“Nah. Looks good!” Spike smirked, looking up at him. “Good work!”
“Thanks.” Joseph blushed a bit in embarrassment but it quickly cleared up when he smiled back. “I thought I recognised the organisation. It’s genre by genre, a-z. You said you needed to make lunch for when the others get back, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Spike nodded. “I should go get that started.” He turned and walked toward the door.
“While you do that, I’ll take a look around the castle,” Joseph said, picking up his portal gun and following the dragon. “Hopefully I’ll get lost and not see Twilight during my visit,” he muttered to himself.
“What was that?”
“Nothing. I’m just rambling. You go cook while I go explore. Sound good?” Joseph said hurriedly before turning in the opposite direction of Spike and quickly walked down the hall.
“Uh yeah, just don’t take anything, got it?” Spike asked, giving the human a stern look.
“Got it!” The human gave a thumbs up as he called over his shoulder and turned the corner.
“I think I just found another library,” Joseph muttered, his eyes widening at this before closing the door and continuing on. “Where would the kitchen be then? Maybe Twilight and the others are back now.” He talked to himself softly, resting his gun on his shoulder as he tried to find his way back.
“I can’t believe you changed again,” Twilight’s voice echoed through the halls.
“Yeah well, a life or death situation is more than enough to get a digimon to digivolve,” Isaac commented.
“Oh no. Nope. Not doing this,” Joseph said to himself, an extremely terrified look on his face as he recognised Twilight’s echoing voice. Quickly looking around, he found a small closet and immediately hid inside, grateful it was big enough to hide him in.
“I’m going to have to give you two a full exam. You’re a scientific breakthrough just waiting to happen!”
“Just don’t forget that they’re people too, Twilight,” Starlight responded.
“It’ll be fine. I’m not going to get carried away...” Twilight chuckled softly, though there was a nervous edge to her voice.
Joseph heard their voices as they walked past the closet he was hiding in and let out a snort of laughter before quickly covering up his mouth.
“What was that!?” Twilight called, throwing the door open, lighting her horn up. Joseph closed his eyes, crouched and immediately held his throat as the door was magicked open.
“Don’t kill me! I didn’t mean to do it!” the human called out, momentarily forgetting it was a different Twilight than the one he was used to.
“A human?” Twilight asked, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “How... how did you get here...?”
“Heh, uuhh, this?” Joseph said uncertainly as he opened his eyes, holding the portal gun out to her. “I came here by... portal. Not the mirror.”
“You should probably get out of the closet...” Twilight muttered, eyes on the gun, stepping out of the way.
“Noo, I think I’ll stay here.” Joseph said slowly as he placed the gun on the floor and pushed it to her. “I feel a lot safer here anyway.”
“Get out of my closet.” Twilight glared, narrowing her eyes.
“Y-Yes Ma’am,” Joseph stuttered, zooming out of the closet and standing up, the same terrified look as before back on his face.
“Now!” Twilight smiled, closing the door with her magic. “Let’s get to the lab!”
“What about lunch?” Isaac asked, frowning.
“You just ate!” Twilight argued, frowning.
“But...ya know...” Isaac looked away, rubbing his stomach. “I’m still hungry...” Twilight just sighed, rubbing her forehead.
Joseph flinched at the door closing. “Y-You’re not going t-to ask me anything else?” he asked, picking up his portal gun slowly.
“Oh, I will, but it helps to have everyone comfortable first!” Twilight smiled, letting her annoyance go.
“I was afraid of that,” Joseph muttered, blinking away his look of fear, but he still felt it on the inside. “Let’s get... comfortable then,” he said and gestured for Twilight’s group to lead the way. Twilight smiled, practically prancing down the hallway.
“Well.” Starlight cleared her throat. “My name is Starlight Glimmer, a pleasure to meet you.” She smiled holding her hoof out. Unsure how to do this, Joseph shook her hoof with his hand wrapped around it.
“Pleasure to meet you too. I’m Joseph,” Joseph introduced himself with a wavering smile. “I heard a third voice when I was in the closet. Who did it belong to?” he asked as he looked between Twilight, Starlight and himself.
“Yo!” Isaac called, standing behind the human, with Jethro sitting on his head.
“Hey. There they are. You’re what? A Digimon?” he asked, crouching down to look at them better. “Never saw Digimon so I can’t tell which ones you are. Sorry.”
“I’m Isaac and I’m a Veemon,” Isaac pointed to himself. “And that’s Jethro, he’s a Wormmon.”
“Hi.” Jethro waved some of his legs.
“G’Day. I’m Joseph,” Joseph replied with a nod, his eyes widening at their appearances. He then stood up and rubbed his eyes. “You’re Digimon. That would be short for Digital Monsters, right? I’ll just assume it is, look, ” he said, and looked behind him to see Twilight standing at the end of the hall. “Maybe we should continue this where Twilight can actually hear,” he suggested, the frightened look back on his face when he spun to face the ponies again.
“What are you so afraid of?” Jethro asked, suddenly jumping on Joseph’s shoulder.
“Twilight. What she’ll do to me because of something an alternate personality of mine did back on my own Equestria.” Joseph said quickly, leaning his head away from Jethro and stumbling a bit from the sudden increase in weight. “Heh. Wh-why do you ask? Is it really that obvious?”
“Seeing a grown man shake like a chihuahua? Yeah, it’s obvious.”
Joseph huffed and slumped a bit, looking at the other two. “We don’t want to keep her majesty waiting, do we?” They nodded, with Jethro clinging to his shirt by his claws. Gesturing, he led them over to Twilight and did his best to apologise to her without stuttering too much.
“It... was my fault, we... were held up. I’m, sorry, Twilight,” Joseph apologised with a fearful look on his face.
“Don’t worry about it!” She smiled, waving her hoof dismissively. “Now come on, Spike gets miffed if you,re late to his meals.”
“He does?” the man asked in surprise, barely cringing when Twilight mentioned the dragon’s name.
“Well yeah, he puts a lot of effort into his cooking.”
“Sure, he puts a lot of effort in but I never knew him to get miffed when someone was late.” Joseph blinked and placed his hands in his pockets.
“It is rude to keep people waiting,” Starlight chimed in, starting to walk again.
“Right,” Joseph said softly, and began to follow her after giving a mixed look to Twilight. He then looked down at his shirt and turned his attention to Jethro. “How did you and Isaac become Digimon, because I have a feeling you two weren’t Digimon to begin with.”
“We bought some medals from a guy and then poof, we ended up here as digieggs.”
“That’s a common Displacement.” Joseph sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Was there anyone else with you or was it just you two? Wait, no, if there were they’d be here too. Any questions?” he asked the group as it looked like they walked into a spacious dining area.
“Uh no, there were eight of us.” Isaac rubbed the back of his neck.
“I found Isaac’s egg here at the castle, while Jethro’s was found in the Everfree.” Twilight looked back at them.
“Eight of you, two were found in and around Ponyville ... that would mean your other friends are probably scattered around Equestria,” Joseph surmised and blinked at Twilight. “Could that mean that these other six are eggs as well if they haven’t been found yet?” he asked, frowning at what this could mean.
“I suppose that's possible...” Twilight tapped her chin. “We won’t know until we find them.”
“I’m just guessing, anyway. What have you been up to since you got here then?” Joseph asked the two digimon, standing to the side awkwardly when he stopped near Twilight.
“We went around Ponyville, that's it.”
“So, nothing much other than getting used to the sights. That’s cool. If I know Twilight, then she’ll want to know how and why I’m here.” Joseph sighed after nodding at the answer and unconsciously clenching and unclenching his fist. “Isn’t that right, Twilight?” he asked the alicorn tiredly after rubbing his eyes.
“Uh... you okay?” Twilight asked, concern in her voice.
“Haven’t had a wink of sleep in who knows how long. I’m just running on adrenaline at this point.” Joseph answered, crouching down and bobbing for a bit as he tried to stay awake.
“Then sleep.” She cast a small spell to help him drift off, throwing a blanket over him. He didn’t have any time to react before his eyes drifted closed as he slumped to the side and landed on the floor.
In the morning, Joseph blinked his way awake, yawning and stretching. He was confused for a moment as to where he was but then remembered and immediately rubbed his face to get himself fully awake. “This is definitely not my Equestria...” he groaned to himself. He sat up, resting his elbows on his knees and took a good look around the room.
It was a rather nice little den, rather cozy despite everything being shiny and reflective.
Joseph stood up and held the blanket, along with his portal gun, and tried to see if he could find a way out. He liked the look of the room, and he’d like it even more if it wasn’t so shiny and reflective. He spotted a door, and went to it. Opening it, he didn’t find anyone or anypony on the other side. Breathing a sigh of relief, he went through it and began to explore the place. “Hello? Anyone here?” he called out, his voice echoing around the hall, cringing in case someone shouted for him to be quiet.
“Hey, hey, you're up.” Spike peeked out of a room, peering down at him.
“Hey! How long did, Miss Spellcaster put me out for?” Joseph asked, noticing the dragon and quickly walking up to him.
“A day. It’s almost lunch.” Spike looked up at him.
“A day? Must have been more tired than I thought,” Joseph said, throwing the blanket over his shoulder and crossing his arms. “Did anything happen while I was knocked unconscious?”
“Nah, Twilight made sure we were comfortable but after that she spent the rest of the night with the digimon.”
“That’s good to know. Do you have any idea where they could be at the moment?” Joseph asked him, frowning slightly as he tried to keep the blanket on his shoulder.
“Yeah, they’re in the kitchen having brunch.”
“Okay, I’ll have to go on a search for the kitchen then.” Joseph sighed, blinked, then looked at the blanket he kept shifting around. “Um, any idea where I can put this?” he asked with a sheepish smile.
“Just give it here.” Spike sighed, holding his hand out. Joseph gave the blanket, smiled apologetically, then turned and began to walk around in search of the kitchen. Passing through multiple corridors, he soon found the room he sought and cautiously poked his head in.
“Anyone here?” he called out, not really seeing anyone in his current field of vision.
“Sup yo!” Isaac waved from his seat, his face smeared with syrup.
“Hey, Isaac. Did anything happen after Twilight put me to sleep?” Joseph asked when he noticed him and walked over. He took an empty seat and looked at everyone there. “How is everyone?”
“I’m right here ya know.” Twilight raised her eyebrow, giving Joseph an odd look.
“Sorry,” Joseph apologised when he noticed her and gave her a nervous smile. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“Well, I’m going to write to the Princess and see if other digimon have appeared in Equestria. Then I’m going to try to get into contact with some of my friends from around the country. Isaac and Jethro’s friends could have ended up anywhere.”
“There were eight of you right? Then that means the others could be anywhere, even outside of Equestria but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Do you need me to do anything?” Joseph asked curiously.
“Not really.” She shook her head. “Though I did want to make sure you got enough sleep. You looked exhausted. That can’t have been healthy.” She frowned, looking at him with concern.
“I was exhausted because I only spend about a day in each world I visit and haven’t really had a chance to sleep because of it,” Joseph explained without giving too much of his situation away.
“Well, I hope you were able to get enough rest here.” She smiled at him.
“I did, actually, thank you,” Joseph replied with his own smile then a thought occurred to him. “My sudden appearance here doesn’t phase you at all?”
“I just got out of a time loop with increasingly worse timelines. A human appearing is not that big anymore.” Twilight waved it off, though Starlight looked away, a look of shame on her face. Joseph looked between Starlight and Twilight for a bit before thinking of something.
“What time loop was this? I didn’t think time travel was even possible,” Joseph said in surprise.
“I tried to go back in time and stop Twilight and her friends from getting their cutie marks...” Starlight muttered, not looking at anyone.
“Why’d you do that?” Joseph questioned her with a raised brow.
“I-I just...wanted her to suffer like she made me suffer...”
“I didn’t think Twilight was capable of making anyone suffer,” Joseph responded, leaning back in his chair and looking at both ponies. “What did you do to make each other suffer?” Joseph asked the both of them.
“I don’t think they want to talk about it.” Isaac frowned, looking between everyone. “We all got stuff we don’t want to talk about.”
“Fair enough,” Joseph replied while scratching the back of his head. “I can relate. Other than me leaving, I can’t think of anything else I can do here … hang on. Do you know about Displaced?” Joseph asked Isaac curiously.
“Whats a displaced?” Jethro asked, lifting his head out of his bowl.
“Someone that’s been moved from Earth to Equestria. Usually it’s by buying an item from a merchant but there have been cases of other unique displacements. Did you and your friends get something from someone dressed up as the Merchant from Resident Evil 4?” Joseph explained.
“No. We bought some digimon medals off a guy that looked like Genii.” Isaac scratched the side of his face.
“Huh. Strange. My point remains the same though. You and your friends bought a few items and ended up here. Being a Displaced also means that you get your own token for others to call you if they need to,” Joseph then pulled out a companion cube keychain from his pocket and showed it to him. “This is my token but your token can be anything you want it to be. Generally, tokens are something that relates to whatever you were displaced as,” he explained further.
“Weird...” Jethro mumbled. “Sounds like horrible fanfiction.”
“That may be but that’s how it works. We can’t do anything to change it,” Joseph told him.
“How do we make one?” Isaac asked, finishing up his meal and pushing his bowl away.
“Well, you get an item, you hold it and say a message into it and then send it out into the multiverse. That’s all, really,” Joseph shrugged.
“And how do we do that?” Jethro inquired, raising his eyebrow.
“My portal gun can make a portal that goes into multiverse. When you’ve said your message you just chuck it in and it splits up into multiple copies before flying away,” Joseph said with a confused tilt. “I don’t really know how else to explain it.”
“I meant get a token...”
“Right. To get a token, you pick an item that is relative to whatever you got sent here as. You’re both digimon so something from the digimon universe will do,” Joseph replied.
“If we had a digivice we could use that...” Isaac muttered, looking off into nothing.
“You don’t have a digivice lying around, do you?” Joseph asked hopefully.
“No Joseph, we don’t have a digivic-”
“Ow!” Twilight yelped, dropping her spoon. “The hay is that!?” She had been eating some oats and bit down on a strange grey and green device, with a small screen on it.
“Is that what a digivice looks like?” Joseph asked curiously when he noticed what Twilight had bit into.
“Holy crap it is!” Isaac snatched up the soggy device, cleaning it with his napkin. “This is freaking awesome!”
“What does a digivice do?” Joseph asked, looking at the device with his eyes narrowed.
“It depends on the season but, it’s main function is to help digimon digivolve.”
“Huh. You going to use the digivice as a token then?” Joseph wondered.
“Why wouldn’t we?” Isaac asked with a grin. “It’s the best thing we got.”
“Since that’s the case, far as I know, you and Jethro need to think of a message to put in the token. I would ask for your other friends to join in but they’re not exactly here right now. Think of a message and try to imbue the digivice with your power,” Joseph explained while pointing at the device Isaac was holding.
“Uh... how do we do that?”
“You think of a message. Something short that explains who you are but also explains how you’re able to help others. Try .. try speaking the message into the digivice,” Joseph suggested.
“Yeah but, I have no idea what to say!” Isaac shot back.
“I don’t know what to say either. It’s your token so you and/or Jethro have to come up with something on your own,” Joseph explained calmly.
“Well you're no help.” He huffed, crossing his arms.
“I don’t know what you and Jethro are like so how can I possibly know what to say for you?” Joseph asked in an angry tone.
“Alright... alright let me think...” Isaac paced around, the room going quiet. “Okay... uh...” He scratched his cheek, frowning. He cleared his throat. “We are the digidestined. If you ever need the aid of some digital monsters, just press some buttons and we’ll be right over!” He grinned, looking at Joseph. “I think that works.”
“That’s as good a message as any but it definitely seems to suit you two at least,” Joseph said and grinned back. “I don’t know how to put the message into the token even though I can send it out into the multiverse.”
“It’s fine.” He tossed it to Joseph, returning to his seat. Joseph caught it and looked it over before looking back at Isaac.
“You want me to send it out now, don’t you?” He asked before picking up his gun. He gave a sigh and aimed before firing a black portal rimmed with white on the wall behind Isaac. “You sure the message is in here?” Joseph asked, holding up the digivice.
“I have no idea.” Isaac admitted with a shrug.
“Neither do I so let’s throw this out into the multiverse and see what sticks,” Joseph said with a grin before walking up to the portal and chucking the digivice in. It split into multiple copies and before they could fly away, he grabbed a couple and watched the rest fly away. “One for me and one for you. In case something happens and you’re not able to get home properly,” Joseph told them, handing a digivice to the digimon.
“We’ll keep that in mind.” Jethro took it, passing it to Twilight, who tucked it under her wing for later. Joseph looked at the portal and then back at them.
“I don’t think there’s anything else I can help with here, is there?” Joseph asked curiously.
“I don’t think so...” Isaac shrugged. “You got anything?”
“I can’t think of anything I can help you with and I suppose you want to find your friends on your own without any outside help. I’ll give you my token anyway in case you want to chat or something,” Joseph replied with his own shrug and handed Jethro a companion cube keychain
“Thanks. I hope everything works out for you.” Jethro smiled as best he could, taking the cube from him.
“Yeah, so do I. I hope you can find your other friends,” Joseph said with a sigh before giving them a wave and after placing the digivice in his pocket, walked through the portal. It vanished almost immediately after.
Author's Note
This is a crossover shagohad12 's The Joke's on Equestria .
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 31 - Jump 4: Epilogue
“Well, we’re jus’ about to our first campsite where we’ll meet Rainbow Dash,” Applejack told the others. They were walking along a woodland path with Rarity, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. The day was sunny out with only a few clouds in the sky. The smell of dust from the trail mingled with the smell of the damp forest around them.
“Good, because I don’t think Sweetie’s going to be able to pull all of Rarity’s things much further,” Scootaloo commented as she looked back sympathetically at her friend. Sweetie’s sister, Rarity, had packed just about everything and the kitchen sink for this campout whereas the others had packed just what they’d need.
“Ya want some help, Sweetie?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Nah, I’ve got it. It’s not as heavy as it looks,” Sweetie replied as she hauled the load with obvious sweat marks on her muzzle and body.
“If ya say so,” Apple Bloom said uncertainly.
“Are we there yet?” Rarity complained.
“Fer once when that question gets asked, yes,” Applejack grinned as they arrived at the clearing they were camping in. A river ran alongside the clearing with trees surrounding the area.
“Took you guys long enough!” Rainbow called from a cloud above them before diving down to get four logs for their seats and some stones from the river for their firepit.
“We woulda been faster, but Rarity packed her usual amount of items fer a trip,” Applejack said and hooked a hoof at Rarity’s luggage.
“She does know that we have to carry all of that stuff along to the next site, right?” Rainbow asked before a dark shape floated down the river. When it got closer, they saw that it was actually a black dragon who seemed familiar to them. The dragon was lying on his back with his eyes closed, basking in the sunlight as he floated along.
“AJ, if that’s who I think it is then the girls are going to freak out. I mean, we were unsettle by his appearance,” Rainbow said as she hovered over the river.
“Jus because he’s here don’t mean he’s gonna stop whatever it is he’s doin ta join us, Dash,” Applejack replied.
“Who are you two talking about?” Rarity asked after she’d set up her tent and sent Sweetie to find some flowers for her.
“Draigo, he’s in the river,” Rainbow said and pointed to the floating dragon.
“Oh dear, you don’t suppose he’s injured or something, do you? I can’t quite remember him doing something like this before,” Rarity said in concern.
“Ah’m sure he’s fine, but why don’t you two go check on ‘im an Ah’ll stay with the young'uns ta make sure they don’t run off inta the woods in fright,” Applejack suggested.
“On it,” Rainbow said before flying over and landing on Draigo’s belly. “Hey, Draigo. You okay?”
“Hmm?” Draigo hummed before raising his head up and smiling at Rainbow. “Oh, hello, Rainbow. I’m okay, thank you. Just relaxing and enjoying the day. Something I haven’t done in a while.”
“Well, we were just about to roast some marshmallows if you’d like to join us,” Rarity offered as she trotted over to the river.
“That sounds like a nice idea. Is there anything you need help with in return for letting me join?” Draigo smiled. The two fillies that were still in the clearing ‘eeped’ and hid behind Applejack’s legs, shivering in fright. “Then again, perhaps I should just continue floating down river.”
“If ya want ta join us then ya can. The girls jus need ta get used ta yer new look,” Applejack told the dragon.
“If you say so,” Draigo said hesitantly.
“A little scare is good for growing fillies, Draigo. Besides, they might like have something scary around to keep the other scary things at bay during the night,” Rainbow smiled and hopped off of Draigo’s belly and onto the bank of the river.
“Then allow me to provide the fire and pull around that massive pile of luggage so I’m not just mooching off of my friends,” Draigo said as he flipped over and slowly walked out of the river towards the camp site. With each step he created a muddy footprint as he drip dried from his trip downriver and with each step the fillies tried to hide that much more behind Applejack’s legs.
“Come on out, you two. Draigo’s still Draigo. He ain’t changed how he behaves with his new appearance. Well, except fer when Sombra made ‘im relive his worst fear, but that’s over and done with,” Applejack told the two cowering fillies.
“B-But-” Apple Bloom tried to get out, but was interrupted by her sister.
“No buts. He’s our friend and he’s already worried about how ponies are always afraid of him just fer lookin like he does,” Applejack told them.
“Well, except for the ponies who try to get Celestia to do everything for them or do things that could be handled by someone other than the highest authority in the land next to Luna,” Draigo said with a chuckle.
“I don’t think that helped the situation, Draigo,” Rainbow said and pointed to the still cowering fillies. Draigo sighed and closed his eyes in thought. Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow shared a concerned look before looking back at Draigo. Silence reigned in the clearing before Draigo took a breath and released it slowly. He then raised a wing towards the river and made bubbles start coming from the water to fill the clearing.
“B-Bubbles?” Scootaloo said before tentatively reaching out a hoof and popping one.
“Let’s pop all of em,” Apple Bloom smiled before running around and popping as many bubbles as she could. Scootaloo hesitated a bit before joining in on the fun.
“Did my sister bring bubbles or something?” Sweetie asked when she came back with Rarity’s flowers and saw her friends running around popping bubbles.
“While bubbles are fun, I didn’t bring them. Draigo created them from the river,” Rarity told her younger sister.
“Draigo?” Sweetie said before noticing said dragon. “Oh, okay,” Sweetie shrugged before joining her friends popping bubbles.
“This should tire them out and let them know I haven’t changed from the dragon who made those necklaces for them… too much,” Draigo said softly as he watched the three fillies play in the bubbles.
“Yeah, they’re still going to have to get used to those eyes of yours, though,” Rainbow grinned as she hovered next to Draigo’s head.
“Mhm, Ah’m surprise Sweetie has the energy ta play like this,” Applejack commented.
“Is camp set up besides the firewood and fire?” Draigo asked.
“Yes sirree, we’ve got everythin’ else set up,” Applejack nodded.
“All that’s left is to get those two and get something to eat,” Rainbow replied. The four set about getting firewood and getting the fire started while the three fillies continued playing in the bubbles.
Once the fire was going they settled in and began roasting marshmallows and other camp food over the fire while watching the sun set and the sky turn into a beautiful night sky. They enjoyed some idle chit chat and a few stories of past adventures. This continued for quite some time before Sweetie Belle began to nod off.
“I think it’s time for us to get some beauty sleep,” Rarity giggled softly.
“Yeah, we need some rest so we can hike ta the next site,” Applejack nodded and began ushering Apple Bloom to their tent while Rarity and Rainbow lead their tent mates to their temporary abodes. When the adults were about to head into their tents, a black portal rimmed with white appeared on the ground.
“What in sam hill is that?” Applejack asked upon seeing the portal.
“I don’t know but it doesn’t look like a very friendly thing,” Rainbow said as she readied for action.
“It looks like… but he doesn’t make this color of those,” Draigo said as he examined the portal.
“What are you talking about, darling?” Rarity asked as they watched Draigo walk closer to the portal.
“I have a friend who makes something similar to this, but those are blue or orange not black,” Draigo answered.
“Then maybe it’s someone related to this friend of yours,” Rainbow suggested.
“Perhaps, but he’s the only one I know of so far who has anything close to this,” Draigo shrugged his wings before setting himself up in front of the portal with the three mares on the other side, just in case. The portal then rippled and an orange blur shot out of it in the middle of the group. The blur took a quick look at the peak of his height before screaming, flailed his arms, and fell onto Rarity. Rarity screamed before grunting daintily in pain when whatever had come from the portal fell on her.
“Get off of me you ruffian! This isn’t appropriate to do to a lady!” Rarity cried as she tried to get out from beneath the intruder. The orange thing grunted before rolling off of Rarity. His eyes blinked rapidly, with the still standing group seeing his left eye was green and his right one was yellow. Another notable feature was his hair being a mixture of brown, green, and grey.
“Ow,” the orange suit said casually.
“Yer the one who fell on top of Rarity, fella. Yet yer the one sayin’ ‘ow’?” Applejack said with a raised brow at the being.
“Comedic effect?” he guessed before standing up and brushing himself off.
“Not very funny from where we’re standing,” Rainbow replied with her forelegs crossed over her chest.
“Wait! Rainbow? Rarity? Applejack?” the being looked from Rainbow to the fallen Rarity, to Applejack and then his face fell at the sight of the dragon. “Da-Da-DAAAAAH!” the being screamed before zooming in the opposite direction, leaving a dust trail behind.
“Stop right there, Joseph!” Draigo called. Joseph ignored the dragon and placed orange gel in front of him, sliding and zooming along, unknowingly going faster and faster. Draigo sighed and gave chase to his frightened friend. “I know I look different, but I swear I’m Draigo!”
“No no no no! You’re a d-demon!” Joseph shouted behind him, narrowly dodging the trees as he slid off the beaten path.
“Would a demon save all of Ponyville from the pony version of Australia after they were taken there by robotic changelings!?” Draigo cried as he ran straight ahead, taking chunks out of the tree trunks in his path when he collided with them.
“That was Draigo, not-” Joseph was interrupted by a sudden collision with a tree trunk.
“Like I said, I’m- whoa!” Draigo cried as he slipped on Joseph’s orange gel and went careening towards the poor man. Draigo slammed into Joseph, sending him straight through the tree trunk and sprawling on the grass on the other side.
“What a rush! ” ‘Joseph’ said excitedly.
“How injured are you, Joseph?” Draigo grunted as he got up and slowly walked over to Joseph.
“Jo- oh! You want to take a message? He’s out back at the moment, ” ‘Joseph’ grinned, standing up with nary a scratch.
“You’re not injured at all? And you’re Joseph,” Draigo said in confusion as he examined his friend for any possible injuries.
“Nope, and nope, ” ‘Joseph’ replied, shaking his head and even doing a little dance.
“Well, the first one’s confusing as to how, but it’s also a good thing. The second one… That one… is a lot more confusing actually,” Draigo said with a raised brow. “Who are you if you’re not Joseph?”
“I’m Jack, Draigy! ” Jack cackled.
“Jack?” Draigo asked in confusion. “Also, how do you recognise me as Draigo when Joseph didn’t?”
“Alternate personality. Should clear everything up, ” Jack explained simply before rubbing his hands together.
“Been there, done that,” Draigo sighed.
“Oh? Do tell, ” Jack said gleefully before sitting down cross-legged with his portal gun in his lap.
“Long story short, I became corrupted before becoming another world’s Nightmare Moon,” Draigo told Jack. “I don’t plan on telling anyone in this world about that. So, keep it to yourself.”
“No- ” Jack was going to say before suddenly hitting himself. He shook his head and blinked rapidly. “We won’t tell,” Joseph told him.
“Joseph? Is that you?” Draigo asked cautiously as he eyed his friend.
“Yes, it is mate,” Joseph sighed. “I really need to keep the head trauma to a minimum. I got enough of it as is.”
“I know the feeling. Had Pinkie’s party cannon go off a couple times right near my head,” Draigo grinned. “What brings you to my world and why did you seem frightened of Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow? Me, I can understand. Everyone is initially with my new look, but them? Uh uh.”
“Jack managed to slice the CMC and the other foals in a local park with glass,” Joseph said.
“Ooo, that’s going to be hard to explain away,” Draigo said with a sympathetic hiss.
“Ya, tell me about it,” Joseph huffed. “Why are you out here anyway?”
“Well, I was just floating down the nearby river when Rainbow landed on me. Turns out she, Rarity, and Applejack are taking the Cutie Mark Crusaders on a campout and they invited me to join them. We were just about to head to bed when your strange black portal showed up,” Draigo explained as he idly twitched the end of his tail back and forth.
“I’ve been world hopping,” Joseph told him before walking back to the camp.
“World hopping? Why?” Draigo wondered as he walked after Joseph. The sound of their footfalls, some crickets, an owl hooting, and the rustle of leaves in the wind being the only sounds besides their voices as they walked through the woods.
“Um, trying to make my world forget about what I did by seeing how much time passes,” Joseph said nervously.
“Good luck with that. I was gone for over a thousand years in one world, but not even a year had passed here when I got back,” Draigo replied.
“Time works differently for each universe,” Joseph muttered.
“Mhm, and the only way you’re going to find out if your journey worked is to go back to your world and check,” Draigo pointed out.
“Yes, I know that,” Joseph sighed. “I … just can’t face her quite yet.”
“Her? Who is ‘her’?” Draigo inquired as the light from the campfire became visible in the distance through the trees.
“Twilight Sparkle,” Joseph said fearfully, clutching his portal gun tightly until his knuckles turned white.
“Whoa, easy there, Joseph. What happened that you’re this afraid of one of the friendliest and nerdiest ponies in any world?” Draigo asked.
“JackkilledSpikeandnowI’mrunningfromit,” Joseph said in a rush.
“Jack… killed Spike?” Draigo said in surprise and astonishment.
“With laughing gas,” Joseph gulped.
“Oh boy, so it’s not just Twilight then. It’s Ember as well once she finds out,” Draigo said with wide eyes in realisation.
“Sh-She isn’t here, is she!?” Joseph asked in horror.
“Ember? No, you’re the only visitor from another world as far as I know,” Draigo told the horrified Aussie as the crackling of the campfire and sounds of chatter came to their ears. Joseph stayed on the edge of the firelight as Draigo kept walking, uncertain of what the three mares would do to him. Draigo looked to the side to talk to Joseph before realising he was walking alone. He looked back and saw Joseph standing at the edge of the firelight and walked back. “They’re more forgiving than you think, Joseph.”
“Yeah, I’m fine staying here, mate,” Joseph told him.
“Have you talked to anyone about this in all of your travels? Tried apologising to other versions of your ponies so it’ll be easier once you’re back home?” Draigo questioned. Joseph gave Draigo a pointed look. Draigo sighed. “I’ll take that as a no to both questions.”
“No,” Joseph said pointedly before sitting opposite the three mares, still at the edge of the firelight.
“Well, I know one thing they’ll want from you at the very least,” Draigo said.
“What?” Joseph asked cautiously.
“An apology for landing on top of Rarity,” Draigo told his paranoid friend.
“Oh,” Joseph said in a small voice and glanced at Rarity. Rarity was chatting with the other two mares and didn’t have a speck of dirt or anything else on her white coat or hooves.
“Think of it as practice for when you go home,” Draigo said with a closed smile.
“Rarity?” Joseph asked suddenly.
“Hmm? Oh, yes, darling?” Rarity said as she blinked in surprise at being addressed out of the blue.
“I’m sorry for falling on you,” Joseph told her.
“Apology accepted, dear. It wasn’t anything a little dusting off couldn’t fix,” Rarity smiled.
“Uh huh,” Joseph said in disbelief.
“Okay, a lot of dusting off. A lady has to maintain a pristine coat, you know,” Rarity replied with an eye roll.
“No, I don’t,” Joseph shrugged.
“Well, now you do,” Rarity told the man.
“Ah got a question if ya don’t mind me askin’,” Applejack chimed in.
“Depends. What’s the question, Appleyack ?” Joseph asked, his eyes flashing green at the mention of her name.
“That’s Applejack, mister. Ah was wonderin why ya seemed so afraid uh us,” Applejack told Joseph.
“An alternate personality of mine cut up the CMC and some other foals in my world with glass,” Joseph told them. The three mares shared a look before nodding.
“Don’t tell the girls about that. This is suppose to be a nice little get away for them,” Rainbow told Joseph.
“Alright, I’ll leave,” Joseph shrugged and aimed his portal gun a little ways from the camp site.
“We didn’t say ya had ta leave, mister. Jus don’t tell the younguns in the tents an ya can come along. You seem like ya could use some relaxation yerself,” Applejack said as she gestured to the tents.
“Oh. Good night,” Joseph saluted them and then fell backwards into a snore on the ground.
“I’m not sure if he’s faking that or not,” Rainbow said with a raised brow at Joseph.
“I don’t think he is. I think he hasn’t gotten a good night’s rest in some time. So, I’ll make a shelter for him and me while you three go to bed with the girls,” Draigo replied before laying down next to Joseph.
“Alright, see ya in the morning,” Rainbow smiled before walking to her tent. Applejack and Rarity bid Draigo goodnight before doing likewise and soon it was just Draigo and Joseph left outside.
When the morning sun rose, its rays fell upon the campsite of a makeshift shelter, three tents of varying fanciness, and a smoldering fire pit. Yawns and groans could be heard from the tents as the occupants woke up and got ready for the day.
“Morning, everypony,” Scootaloo said as she exited her tent and went to sit down on one of the logs.
“Good mornin, sugarcube,” Applejack smiled as she and Apple Bloom walked out of their tent.
“Did Draigo end up staying the night here?” Apple Bloom asked upon noticing the makeshift shelter.
“He did and a friend of his showed up last night. He’ll be tagging along for some needed rest and relaxation,” Applejack nodded before chuckling at who had risen with the sun and who hadn’t. “Seems like it’s just us three until the other sleepyheads wake up and join us.” Then, a loud snore came from the makeshift shelter.
“And I thought Rainbow snored loud,” Scootaloo chuckled.
“I don’t snore, Squirt,” Rainbow said sleepily as she trotted out of their tent.
“And Ah can actually act,” Applejack chuckled.
“Yeah, yeah. You’ve got no proof,” Rainbow replied. A tape recorder slid out from the shelter to rest in front of the group. They looked down at the recorder before looking up at the shelter.
“You can come out and talk with us if you’re awake. We don’t bite,” Scootaloo called to the shelter as Rainbow picked up the recorder.
“If you want proof, press the play button,” Joseph called from the shelter.
“You were asleep before I was. So, this is just you snoring,” Rainbow replied before pressing the play button. ‘This is a recording of how loud Rainbow can snore,’ Joseph’s voice sounded from the recorder before a series of whinnies and loud snoring played out. Rainbow blushed before hitting the stop button. “Th-That’s easily f-faked.”
“Oh really?” Joseph asked, coming out of the shelter. He walked up to the group, took the recorder, went back into the shelter, and played the tape. The same snoring from before sounded out.
“What the heck does that prove?” Rainbow asked.
“That you snore extremely loudly,” Joseph told Rainbow, emerging from the shelter again.
“What’s your name anyway? We never found out last night,” Rainbow said to change the subject.
“My name’s Joseph, sheila. Pleasure to meet ya,” Joseph grinned with a wave.
“It’s good ta meet ya as well, Joseph,” Applejack smiled and tipped her hat.
“What’s a ‘sheila’? Scootaloo wondered as she trotted up to the man in orange.
“And why’re you wearin a orange suit?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Female and it’s my uniform,” Joseph said nervously, looking down at the fillies.
“Oh, so it’s like mare or filly then,” Scootaloo replied.
“What’s like mare or filly?” Sweetie mumbled as she walked out of her tent.
“Sheila. That’s what Joseph called Rainbow Dash just now,” Scootaloo told Sweetie and gestured to the orange clad man.
“Hmm, he looks like a smaller Draigo when Draigo’s that bipedal thing,” Apple Bloom commented.
“Human,” Joseph told her.
“Is that what yer called? Hoomin?” Scootaloo asked.
“My species, yes. That’s what I’m called,” Joseph nodded. “I don’t think I derailed any plans you may have had.”
“Nope, we’re jus waitin fer Rarity ta wake up so we can help er pack er stuff up before we start hiking ta the next spot,” Applejack told Joseph before a bright eyed and pristine looking Rarity trotted out of her tent.
“Good morning, everypony,” Rarity smiled. “I see everyone’s awake and ready for the day.”
“Except for Draigo. He’s still in his shelter,” Rainbow grinned and pointed a hoof at Draigo’s shelter.
“Well, let’s get packed up so we can leave when he’s up an ready,” Applejack suggested. The others nodded and began packing up their tents and other gear. After a few minutes, all the packing was done except for Rarity’s extravagant abode.
“Let’s get breakfast going while Rarity finishes up packing. That’ll probably get Draigo up and going as well,” Rainbow said before bringing out a simple breakfast for herself of oats. Applejack brought out a skillet and got the fire going again before cracking some eggs onto the skillet to cook them. The smell wafted around the campsite and a low groan could then be heard from the shelter Draigo was in.
“That smells nice,” Draigo mumbled from within the shelter.
“I didn’t think Draigo had a loud voice,” Joseph commented.
“Sorry, still waking up. So, I talked louder than normal,” Draigo yawned as he exited the shelter and stretched his body.
“Oh, okay,” Joseph nodded. “You don’t seem to snore though,” he added with a head tilt.
“That’s confusing to you? You thought I would snore?” Draigo replied.
“You’re a big dragon. Don’t they usually snore?” Joseph asked confusedly.
“I’m only the size of Celestia at the moment, thank you. And it’d depend on the dragon, but even normal breathing may seem like snoring to beings that aren’t as big as dragons can get. Or so I would think,” Draigo answered.
“So what's with the giant floofy tent?” Joseph asked for a quick change in subject.
“It is not ‘floofy.’ It is luxurious and exactly what a lady strives to have on a campout,” Rarity asserted.
“So, why are you carrying around a circus tent?” Joseph asked with a raised brow, and rubbed the back of his neck.
“It is not a circus tent! It is a luxury tent of high class and is easier to set up than the two other tents Applejack and Rainbow brought,” Rarity told Joseph.
“Not that this ain’t entertainin’, but we’ve got breakfast ta eat an’ then we need ta get goin so we can set up camp again before nightfall,” Applejack said as she dished out appropriate portions of eggs for herself and the other ponies. When she saw the amounts she rethought it and redistributing so Joseph and Draigo had portions. She then handed out the food and sat down to eat with her sister.
“I think Jack is rubbing off on you a bit, Joseph,” Draigo commented before eating his eggs in one bite.
“Really?” Joseph deadpanned before practically inhaling his breakfast.
“Unless you annoy your Rarity just as much,” Draigo replied.
“I don’t,” Joseph shook his head. “But, Rarity, your tent only goes up a lot easier because of your magic.”
“Actually, magic is only involved in the take down process… for me. The tent sets up by pulling on a cord,” Rarity informed Joseph as she daintily ate her eggs. Joseph scrutinised the tent from where he was and tilted his head at it.
“You sure? It looks like it has plenty of poles in it,” Joseph commented.
“All she did was pull a cord. Never saw her horn light up once during the set up,” Rainbow shrugged.
“So … if that’s the case, then why isn’t the same thing done with your tents?” Joseph asked.
“Cause ours are lighter, take up less space, and a heck of a lot less expensive,” Applejack grinned. Joseph blinked and then sighed.
“Rarity, I get you’re prim and proper, but you couldn’t even consider a tent like what Applejack and Rainbow have?” Joseph asked her.
“Pshaw, darling. Their tents are nice, but I am a high class lady. Refined, dignified, and classy everywhere and anywhere possible. My tent is just that,” Rarity explained before thinking of something. “Of course, I could have gone with the next model up.”
“If bein’ high class means having ta lug around as much stuff as you do fer a campout then Ah’m glad Ah’m not like that,” Applejack grinned before putting out the fire with a few kicks of dirt.
“I hate to ask, but what was the next model?” Joseph asked cautiously.
“A two story tent like this one, but with a complete second floor instead of just a balcony and upper room. It could fit six ponies instead of the four this one can fit,” Rarity answered.
“Glad you didn’t go with that one then,” Joseph said as he stood and tried to help them pack up. Packing the rest of their stuff was simple, all except for Rarity’s. They had to wait a good twenty minutes after they were done packing for Rarity to finish packing and putting her stuff in the cart she’d brought to hold it all.
“Hey, what’s that thing you’re holding?” Scootaloo asked and pointed at Joseph’s portal gun. Joseph glanced at what Scootaloo was talking about and smiled.
“It’s my portal gun,” Joseph told her before demonstrating. He placed a blue portal on a tree trunk, and then an orange one underneath Rainbow. Rainbow yelped before landing on her side next to the blue portal.
“And this is why flying is better than being on the ground,” Rainbow said as she stood up and dusted herself off.
“So, it’s a prank cannon?” Scootaloo asked.
“No, it’s not. I can demonstrate it better if we were in an enclosed space,” Joseph shook his head.
“There is that crazy stunt you pulled when we first met,” Draigo chuckled.
“Like I said. Enclosed space,” Joseph said firmly before quickly heading up the path.
“You mean you don’t want to duplicate that stunt?” Draigo said in mock shock as he got into the harness of the cart and walked along with the group once they had started down the path.
“What stunt is he talking about?” Rainbow asked as she hovered along above the group.
“When we first met, I was on Draigo’s back. I then got the bright idea of falling from about a thousand feet up in the air,” Joseph sighed.
“And you survived that?” Sweetie said in astonishment.
“Mhm. I placed a portal beneath me and one beside it so I can shoot back up. What I didn’t realise was that I kept my velocity as I went down and I only got faster going up,” Joseph explained.
“Sounds fun,” Rainbow smiled.
“Says the pony who can perform a sonic rainboom,” Joseph muttered.
“Sounds fun to me too,” Scootaloo grinned.
“Oi,” Joseph groaned, holding a hand to his forehead.
Night had fallen for the second time for their trip. Crickets were making their nightly music with the occasional owl lending their voice. The three tents and makeshift shelter had been erected and everyone was sleeping soundly. Except for one little filly.
Scootaloo was tossing and turning in her sleeping bag as she muttered unintelligibly. Sweat had begun rolling down her body and her eyes were scrunched closed. Rainbow, meanwhile, was oblivious to her tent mate’s situation. She didn’t even stir when Scootaloo gasped awake and walked out of the tent, breathing heavily. Scootaloo sat down on one of the logs they’d used for seats earlier and sighed as she stared glumly at the firepit.
“That story of Rainbow’s really got to me,” she said softly to herself as she rubbed her forelegs with her hooves.
“Scootaloo? What are you doing up?” Joseph asked in surprise, walking back into the campsite from the forest. Scootaloo flinched at being addressed and fell off of the log onto her back.
“I’m… watching over the camp. Yeah, that’s it,” Scootaloo told Joseph. Joseph sat on the log opposite the fallen filly and only stared. Scootaloo chuckled nervously before dusting herself off as she got back up. “What’re you doing up?”
“I had to go to the bathroom. Going by your reaction, one of the scary stories frightened you,” Joseph guessed.
“I’m not scared,” Scootaloo said firmly.
“She’s in denial,” Draigo commented as he walked out of his shelter.
“Definitely,” Joseph agreed.
“But I’m not afraid,” Scootaloo replied as Draigo laid down nearby.
“Hmm, is that a rusty horseshoe over there, Joseph?” Draigo asked and pointed behind Scootaloo. Joseph stood up slightly to look over Scootaloo and tilted his head.
“I think so. You want to have a look behind you, Scootaloo?” Joseph wondered. Scootaloo stiffened before shaking her head emphatically, making it look like she had four eyes.
“Yep, it was that story,” Draigo nodded his head.
“So, what did you find scary about the story?” Joseph wondered as he stood and walked to where they had spotted the horseshoe. Scootaloo sighed.
“How the old mare was always there. Just calling for her shoe no matter where you ran or hid. Her voice echoing through the dark forest, too,” Scootaloo told them as she slumped in her seat.
“Well, telling you it was just a story probably won’t help,” Draigo said thoughtfully with a sympathetic expression.
“So, how can we get you to stop your fears? Sleeping with us?” Joseph wondered from behind her.
“But this was supposed to be some sisterly bonding and fun time. I’m already sleeping with Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo replied.
“I’ll wake Rainbow up then,” Joseph smiled before walking to Scootaloo’s tent.
“No, don’t! I don’t want her to know I’m scared,” Scootaloo said as she trotted in front of Joseph and placed herself between him and her tent.
“She won’t laugh,” Joseph told her with a raised brow, stopping in his tracks and crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Maybe, but nopony else is scared or having nightmares. I don’t want her to see me like this. I want her to think I’m strong and unafraid. Something she could be proud of. This isn’t something she’d be proud of,” Scootaloo explained.
“Yes she would. Admitting you’re afraid shows that you’re strong,” Joseph replied.
“So’s facing your fears,” Draigo grinned.
“I’m too tired to deal with this,” Joseph sighed, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
“How’s this, Scoots? I make a big shelter for us that can hold you, me, Joseph and Rainbow. We then move Rainbow into the shelter and we all sleep together. You get some time with Rainbow and get two ‘bodyguards’ to help with your nightmares,” Draigo smiled softly.
“How’ll we explain that to Rainbow in the morning?” Scootaloo asked with a hoof to her chin as she considered the plan.
“I abducted you two for nefarious purposes,” Joseph grinned.
“I was too lonely with only Joseph and brought you two into the shelter for company,” Draigo shrugged. “Either one works, really.”
“Mmm, Draigo’s version. I don’t want Rainbow and the others being mad at you, Mister Joseph, when you’re really helping me,” Scootaloo replied. Joseph sighed.
“Thought as much. Build the shelter so we can get back to sleep,” Joseph said before covering his mouth with a hand while yawning.
“One shelter for four,” Draigo smiled before making a simple shelter of two angle pieces of rock for the roof and a third rock to cover the back. It was big enough that Scootaloo’s tent fit inside it with room for Draigo and Joseph to sleep in comfortably. “There, that’ll do for tonight and we can just set the tent up inside a similar one if we spend another night out here.”
“Awesome, I really appreciate it, you two. Thanks,” Scootaloo smiled before hugging Draigo’s leg and then Joseph’s legs. Joseph wobbled a bit before suddenly falling backwards when Scootaloo let go.
“You’re welcome,” Joseph groaned.
“Happy to help. Let’s get Rainbow and your sleeping bag inside so we can all get some sleep,” Draigo said before levitating both Rainbow and Scootaloo’s bag out and into the shelter on a slab of earth. Once it was all done, Joseph headed into the shelter after Scootaloo and bade them good night. It would have been if not for one thing. Rainbow snoring. Joseph stared at Rainbow before covering her muzzle with his hands.
“Sorry, forgot to mention that,” Scootaloo apologised as she and Draigo walked into the shelter.
“We’ll figure something out, Scootaloo. You just get some sleep,” Draigo told the filly as he looked down at Rainbow.
“Alright, thanks again. Night,” Scootaloo said before getting into her sleeping bag and fell asleep almost immediately.
“Know any way of getting someone to stop snoring?” Draigo asked Joseph.
“I’m trying,” Joseph said tiredly, nodding his head to Rainbow’s covered muzzle.
“True, but you can’t exactly sleep like that,” Draigo pointed out. “We’re going to have to find another way.”
“Can you fashion earplugs?” Joseph asked suddenly.
“They wouldn’t be foam or that mushy stuff the molds to your ears, but I think I can,” Draigo said as he thought about it.
“We’ll need them,” Joseph told him. Draigo nodded and began fashioning earmuffs out of earth with a breezy inside for a bit of white noise in case Rainbow’s snoring got through the earmuffs.
“There, I think that does it. Try it out,” Draigo said and handed Joseph a finished set of ear muffs. Joseph placed the earmuffs over his head and took his hands away from Rainbow. After a few seconds, he gave Draigo a thumbs up. Draigo smiled and slipped on his own ear muffs before yawning as wide as his jaws could go and laying down for the night.
Now back in Ponyville, Draigo took Joseph over to Golden Oaks library. The orange clad man was hesitant to even be near the library.
“It’s for your own good,” Draigo told Joseph.
“No no no no! I am not going in there!” Joseph said in a panic, trying to run away from it. Draigo extended a wing and blocked Joseph’s path.
“You don’t have to go in,” Draigo replied as he kept his friend from running away.
“I don’t?” Joseph asked in surprise.
“You don’t,” Draigo smiled. “They can come out instead.”
“Nope, I’m gone!” Joseph said before running into the library without realising it. He skidded to a stop and looked back around. “Wait.”
“Hi, welcome to Golden Oaks library,” Spike greeted. His wings were folded against his body as he walked up to the new guest. He was about the size of Twilight with a length of almost twice his size. “Can I help you find anything?”
“S-Spike,” Joseph breathed, staring at the dragon in shock.
“That’s me,” Spike nodded before quirking a brow at Joseph. “I’m not that scary, am I?” Joseph shook his head before walking closely and hugging him, apologising over and over. Spike was really confused about why the newest human was apologising so much to him, but gently patted Joseph’s back as he wrapped his wings around the man. Joseph let go after a bit and smiled at Spike.
“I, um, sorry. I’m a friend of Draigo’s that happened to portal in and, um, I did something to the Spike in my world that I sincerely regret,” Joseph explained quietly.
“Well, first off. Apology accepted. Second, what’d you do?” Spike asked before realising what he’d asked. “Uh, you don’t have to answer that.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it, but good chat,” Joseph grinned and tried to walk away.
“Not quite done, Joseph,” Draigo said as he blocked the doorway.
“Hey, Spike. Who’s that you’re talking to?” Twilight asked as she walked down the stairs.
“Joseph, apparently. He’s a friend of Draigo’s,” Spike told Twilight and gestured with a wing to Joseph.
“Oh, another human. Welcome to Equestria and Golden Oaks. It’s nice to meet you, Joseph. I’m Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight smiled and waved at the man. Joseph was frozen and was looking at Twilight in fear. “Um, are you alright?”
“He had a lesser, but similar reaction when he saw me,” Spike commented with a thoughtful expression.
“He messed up bad and is now terrified of his Twilight,” Draigo explained.
“Um … hi,” Joseph said in a small voice.
“Hi, is there anything I can do to help?” Twilight asked.
“Um, n-not hurting me would be a beaut,” Joseph replied.
“Hurt you? Why would I hurt you? I’ve got no reason to,” Twilight told Joseph with a confused expression.
“An alternate personality of mine killed the Spike on my world,” Joseph sighed, knowing he won’t get anything out of being fearful of this particular Twilight Sparkle.
“Oh dear, I can imagine how your Twilight feels. I’d be heartbroken if Spike died,” Twilight replied.
“But that’s not happening anytime soon for us,” Spike grinned.
“Now that that’s settled, I’m gonna go,” Joseph said slowly, and walked past Twilight and Spike.
“You can stay as long as you’d like, Joseph. You might think of something if you’re around me and Spike some more that could help with your situation,” Twilight said as she watched Joseph walk off.
“I’ve stayed away from my world long enough, thank you,” Joseph told them, stopping his walk and turning to face the trio.
“Well, it wasn’t as action packed as our other encounters, but it was nice seeing you again, Joseph. You got my token on you in case you need help?” Draigo said as he walked up to stand between Twilight and Spike. Joseph aimed at the wall and holding the trigger, his portal gun shuddered and a black portal rimmed with white appeared on the wall.
“Yeah, I think Fluttershy and Pinkie have it,” Joseph said before waving and jumping into the portal.
“This token, you like it. Another!” Draigo chuckled before tossing a copy of his token after Joseph, just in case he couldn’t get to Fluttershy or Pinkie. A solid thunk echoed from the portal before a yelp of pain as the portal vanished.
In a dark alleyway, a black portal rimmed with white appeared, spitting out Joseph and Draigo's extra token before vanishing, a ringing sound echoing as the token thunked with his head. Rubbing it furiously, Joseph cursed at the pain before looking at where he was. A dark alley, with garbage bags near the dead end wall and looking at the mouth, he found cars moving along the road.
"One thing's for sure, this definitely isn't my world," Joseph sighed before walking out the alley. Before he could even step out into the sunlight, people screamed and ran past the alley, only to be followed by smooth pumpkins with legs. He jumped back at hearing shots be fired only for one those 'crabs' to spot him. 'Here's a good question. How did it spot us without any eyes!? ' Jim shouted in his head causing him to duck and wince at Jim's strength. 'I don't know but look out! ' Jack shouted unhelpfully. Joseph tried to stand back up but his face was then attacked by the crab. Seeing rows of sharp teeth trying to gnaw his face off made him scream his lungs out. A gunshot cracked out into the alley and the 'crab' slid off him.
"Hey, you alright?" a female voice asked him. Joseph was too busy rubbing his face in case of claw marks to hear so the woman lightly thwapped.
"Ah! The heck was that for, sheila!?" Joseph asked, looking at the woman. She looked to be in her late teens, and was wearing some kind of metal suit. The plates covering her chest jutted out and there seemed to be grey armor on her legs, feet and arms. She was currently using a pistol and looked to have an amber face and what could only be described as bacon hair.
"Not listening to me. I asked, are you alright?" she demanded of him.
"Yeah ... now. What's your name?" Joseph asked curiously, zipping up his orange jumpsuit.
"Sunset Shimmer. You?" Sunset asked.
"Joseph. Wait, that symbol," Joseph said incredulously as he finally noticed the symbol on her chest plate. "That's ..."
"From Black Mesa, I know. And you're from Aperture. Welcome to this side of the portal," Sunset grinned throwing her arms wide. "This world is ruled by Headcrabs, mostly."
Author's Note
FINALLY! I finally completed this story! Now, I have no idea when a sequel's going to come out, but there definitely will be. As for the crossover, it's from Danger A. Dragon and his story The Iridescent Element. Thanks for sticking with the story despite the incredibly long delays in between.
As you may have guessed, Black Mesa is with the Equestria Girls world, and Aperture is in Equestria. If Aperture rules one world, why not have Black Mesa rule another? Huh?
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 13 - Puzzle 2: Darkness
Author's Note
Sorry about the break in between chapters. Life got in the way but I think I'm back on track now.
Chapter 13 - Puzzle 2: Darkness
“What’s the matter with Twilight?” Pinkie asked, bouncing slightly in place. She looked between both her and Rainbow. “Why does she have a stumpy tail? Why is she out cold? Why is she- mMPH!” Pinkie’s questions were cut off as Rainbow stuffed a hoof in her mouth.
“Nothing’s wrong, her tail got caught in some sort of disintegrating goo and she’s out cold because she couldn’t handle the floor moving instead of it not … moving. I brought her here in case some medical attention was needed.” Rainbow answered and looked pointedly at Pinkie. “You going to ask anymore questions?” Pinkie just nodded and Rainbow sighed, taking her hoof off of Pinkie’s mouth, rubbing it against the floor in the hospital. “What other questions?”
“Where’s Joseph? I still haven’t thrown him any parties!” Pinkie protested with a slight pout.
“He’s down in that science building, looking around for something or other. I left with Twilight soon as she blacked out.” Rainbow said, looking down at Twilight. Currently, Twilight was in a hospital bed with crisp white sheets covering her and an oxygen mask on her face. The nurses said that her system had taken quite a shock so it had shut down itself in order to combat it. When they asked what had happened to her tail, Rainbow told them that she had an accident with a fire. The nurses only raised an eyebrow as they rushed the poor Unicorn to the Emergency Room.
“Science building. Got it! BYE!” Pinkie saluted and immediately raced out the hospital, shouting bye as she did. Ignoring protests and waving when she could, she zoomed past the bulk of the crowd in Ponyville and ended up rushing past the town limits, separating both the town and the Everfree. Bursting through the doors of Aperture, she skidded to a halt but ended up sliding right into the hole in the floor. “WHEEEE!” Pinkie yelled gleefully, landing on all four hooves without a scratch.
Poking his head out from the around the exit, Joseph looked to find Pinkie Pie humming as she inspected the place. “PINKIE!” Joseph shouted, waving her over. Pinkie trotted happily over and looked Joseph square in the eyes. “What are you doing?” He asked uneasily.
“I need to throw a delayed party. Three parties in fact. A ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party, a ‘Welcome to Equestria’ party and a ‘Yay for Voices!’ party.” Pinkie counted off on her three hooves. Two front ones and her back left one.
“Three parties? I actually haven’t been to any of your trademark parties now that I think about it.” Joseph replied with a grin. “Anyway, now that you’re here you can help me with something. I’m trying to figure out the next puzzle room. Sound good?” Joseph asked, grinning widely.
“Yesiree, of course I’ll help! Sounds like fun! But after this, you definitely have to come to those three parties. You are the guest of honor after all.” Pinkie replied, following Joseph as he walked away with a nod and a smile.
“Great. Will do. Now. The next puzzle should be around the corner.” Joseph said. As soon as Pinkie walked through the door, it closed shut, plunging the duo into darkness. They both stopped and the only source of light was Crikey’s eye. Patting his pockets, Joseph found that he didn’t bring a flashlight. At least Crikey cast a pretty wide and bright enough glow to see by. Grimacing, he held tightly onto his gun and slowly walked forward, hearing Pinkie’s small bounces behind him.
“Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Centre. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of a potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control. However, thanks to emergency testing protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivated support so that science can still be done even in the event of environmental, social, economic or structural collapse
“Well that’s helpful. Not.” Crikey would have shaken a fist at the voice if he had any hands.
As Pinkie followed Joseph, she felt her back itch, her left eyelid twitch and her flank shake from left to right. “DUCK!” She screamed.
Joseph did as said and ducked, hearing something impact the wall just where his head was. Looking for the source, he found a flash and jumped towards Pinkie, catching her and rolling out of the way. “Hey Pinkie, You okay?” Joseph asked as he heard some more impacts.
“Ya huh!” Pinkie nodded and stood up. “What was that?”
“Sounded like something impacted the wall.” Joseph muttered and got up, dusting himself off. Walking to the wall, he felt at the impact site and found that they were tiny holes.
“Didn’t you hear that pink pony before!? DUCK!” Crikey ordered and Joseph did so, crab walking away towards Pinkie.
“Sounds like there is a very annoying turret further down.” Joseph commented and now that he looked for it, he found a red dot moving from side to side on the wall. The only odd thing about it was that there was no voice clip signalling that it had found them.
“Joshu, where’s the voice that usually goes with these insane robots?” Crikey asked nervously.
“I don’t know.” Joseph answered and slowly backed towards Pinkie. “How did you know it was going to fire?” He turned and asked her.
“Easy. I got an itchy back, my left eyelid flicked up and down, and my flank shaked from left to right. That means that something is hurtling towards you from the front or sides. If my tail twitches, like it is now, it means something is falling from above you.” Pinkie said, calmly stepping to the side as piece of the roof fell where she was standing mere seconds ago.
“That will come in handy. Seems like this is the next puzzle. I didn’t think it would be directly after it though.” Joseph said, cringing at Pinkie’s apparent psychic abilities. “What do you call this? Pinkie … ‘Sense’?” Joseph asked, scratching his chin in thought.
Pinkie gasped in surprise. “How did you know!?”
“It’s actually called that? He was just joking sheila!” Crikey said, laughing his battery off.
Joseph made a face at the battery and walked towards the turret till he was just out of sight of it.
“How fast can you run?” Joseph asked, looking back to Pinkie who was on the wall but she was standing on her two back legs. “What are you doing?”
“Sneaking around. Isn’t that what we’re meant to be doing?” Pinkie asked in a very loud whisper.
“Well, yes but we still need to progress forward sheila. So I’ll ask again. How fast can you run?” Joseph repeated his question.
“Oh very fast. But why?” Pinkie asked, still talking in that loud whisper of hers.
“I want you to distract that turret while I portal it away. It hasn’t said anything so I am not sure if it can detect ponies as well as humans.” Joseph, suddenly feeling a little uneasy at sending Pinkie into what could potentially be her death.
“Sure. I can do that!” Pinkie said happily, not detecting his uneasiness. Without any further words, she took off from the wall and ran in front of the turret. “HELLO?? YOOHOO!!” Pinkie said, trying to get its attention. Feeling her Pinkie Sense for incoming projectiles, she easily dodged the bullets the turret silently spewed at her.
Gawking for a bit at Pinkie’s dodging skills, he snapped out of it and quickly fired a couple of portals. one on the bottom and the other next to the turret and a little bit behind it. It fell through and landed on its side but instead of it automatically shutting down and panicking like it’s supposed to, it instead got it’s legs under itself and stood back up. It then took a couple of steps forward and resumed its firing, causing Joseph to pull Pinkie out of its line of sight and back behind the wall.
Joseph looked to the closed door and then to the little dot waving back and forth on the wall. “How can it move? It does NOT move. It’s not meant to move, it’s meant to stay in one place. It can’t walk unless a big cube was attached to its back and even then, it was slow and clunky. This one didn’t have a cube. It was a turret. A turret that can walk.” Joseph said out loud, trying to not freak out.
Pinkie saw him take take deep breaths and decided to look at the turret herself. Peeking around the corner, she found the eye of the turret looking down at the portal. It gingerly put a leg through it but the weight was too much so it fell through and back onto the floor without so much as a sound. Her head slowly moved back and looked at Joseph, who was looking at where the turret was.
“Ooh! Do you have X-Ray Vision!?” Pinkie asked excitedly.
“Huh?” Joseph asked back, snapping his gaze to Pinkie’s. “No. I’m just struggling not to freak out at a walking, silent FrankenTurret.” Joseph said calmly even though his eyes said differently.
“It seems to be stuck with going through the portals.” Pinkie said as they both heard the continuous thuds of the turret falling over and the click-clack as the turret autonomously moved over and over.
“If that’s the case,” Joseph breathed in to calm himself, “Then I’ll just do this.”
“Do what?” Pinkie piped up. Ignoring her question, Joseph moved out from behind the wall and aimed the gun at the turret. Noticing movement, the turret focused its sights on Joseph and quickly moved once it had him locked in. Unfortunately, it fell into the portal … and continued falling. Taking another breath, Joseph backed until he was just to the right of the wall. Firing a portal at the other end of the hallway, he then dived to the side, just barely avoiding the turret flying past him and crashing into the wall. He heard it spark and turned around only for it to break apart.
“That didn’t sound good,” Crikey commented. Joseph only sighed in relief but cringed when he saw its legs move feebly only for them to slowly stop.
“I think it’s over. For now anyway.” Joseph said, kicking the turret vaguely. “Besides the parties, was there another reason you decided to fall in?” Joseph asked Pinkie absently, inspecting the turret with Crikey’s light.
“Was there? Oh right! Twilight is at the hospital and they were taking her to the emergency room when Dashie told me you were down here.” Pinkie answered, looking at the now empty hallway. It was too dark to see anything so from some pocket dimension that only she seemed to have access to, Pinkie brought in a pair of night-vision goggles and took a lookie-loo through them.
At the end of the hallway, there seemed to be a large open room with a button at the entrance. Holding the goggles up with her hair, she walked forward and stepped on the button. At the pressure button being activated, the walls in front of her opened up with a grating sound to reveal about three more walking, silent turrets, all of them looking around. As the wall rose, the portal that was on it deactivated. Seeing a bright patch glowing all around her, she took the goggles of her eyes and rested them in her mane, turning towards the source. It was Joseph walking towards her.
“Pinkie, what did you do?” Joseph asked, pointing the light around the room.
“Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
“Oh man. Really? Wait. Where’s the exit?” Joseph asked in alarm as he swept Crikey’s light on the far end. The only thing that was there was a big red button.
“Oooh. Shiny button. You should push it and see what happens.” Crikey quipped.
“Hopefully it won’t blow us up in the process. How will we get past this?” Joseph asked noticing that the turrets were walking on their own platforms. The platforms, including where they were now, were their own islands in a sea of brown goop.
“Easy. Just a hop, skip and a jump!” Pinkie asked, singing a ditty as hopped, skipped and jumped to one of the platforms where, thankfully, the turret was walking away from her. Soon as it turned, Pinkie zipped to behind it and waved to Joseph. “Come on! It’s not that hard!”
Joseph just shook his head. Pointing his gun up to look at the ceiling, he found it was so high that it appeared that there wasn’t even a ceiling there. “Can’t shoot up, Too high. Maybe …” Joseph pointed his gun to just above and behind the button. Shooting a portal, her fired the other one to the wall on his left. Shining Crikey through it, he looked to the side and found the beam of light wave over the room. Jumping through, he landed and found Pinkie appear next to him.
“Gah!” joseph shrieked, nearly dropping the gun.
“Careful mate! You nearly dropped me in the drip.” Crikey warned.
“Sorry. Don’t do that Pinkie!” Joseph protested, clutching his jumpsuit where he felt his heart would break out at any second.
“Force of habit. Push!” Pinkie said as she pushed the big red button.
“Aww. I wanted to push it.” Joseph whined and found that the lights came on, causing the three turrets in the room to stop walking and promptly explode. Kicking the one near him into the goop, it exploded, making a wave of goop wash over the edge of the platform.
“Look behind you! A door!” Pinkie said, pointing like a bloodhound behind him.
In Canterlot Castle, Princess Luna was having a good old chat with Wheatley while the Space Core rolled around her private chamber, shouting and complaining about space..
“Tell me, why were you sent into space in the first place?” Luna asked Wheatley, sipping on some tea.
“Well, I was trying to help this pony get out of Aperture, right? And the only way to do that was for me to go into GLaDOS’s place. She thought I got corrupted and ended up shooting me into space with a portal gun. No idea what happened to her after that.” Wheatley answered, swivelling around to look around the bed chamber.
“A portal gun? There’s another one running around somewhere?” Luna asked, interested in what he had to say now.
“First time I was sent there because of my sister and her usage of the Elements of Harmony. That was for a thousand years which reminds me. How did I NOT know you were there?”
“Easy. You never looked up.” Wheatley answered, swivelling his ball head back to look at Luna. “And the second time?”
“Fine. I’ll give you that. The second time was Joseph shooting a couple of portals, forcing me through them to the moon.” Luna replied, placing the now finished tea back on the saucer.
“Who?”
“The human in the orange jumpsuit.” Luna supplied.
“Oh right. Wait, he has a portal gun too?” Wheatley asked in surprise. Luna only nodded and looked at Space Core for a bit.
“Where there any other … spheres with you besides him?” Luna asked curiously.
“There was one but I think he was on the other side of the moon. His name was RIck and kept complaining about everyone knowing that it was space. He also said something about adventure.” Wheatley said slowly, trying to remember if Rick was actually with them.
“Rick?” Luna asked in disbelief.
Wheatley swivelled his head up and down.
“Seems like the other door is back open.” Joseph called out to Pinkie as he inspected the door where they entered from. Placing a portal next to the door, he walked through and turned to Pinkie. “Want to help me with the next chamber as well?” Joseph asked.
“Sure can! This was super-duper fun!” Pinkie said in delight; bouncing up and down on the spot.
“Two puzzles down, a whole lot more to go. What could possibly go wrong?” Crikey asked in nervous delight.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 17 - How to be Assertive
“Who is this Iron Will guy?” Joseph asked as he looked at the pamphlet that Rainbow Dash had given him. Currently, the pair were taking a walk in the park to let off some steam. They walked passed the site where Apple Bloom and her friends accidentally gave Big Mac and Cheerilie a love poison instead of a love potion. Thinking it a good place as any to sit down, he gestured for Rainbow to do the same.
“Iron Will is only the greatest assertive minotaur ever!” Rainbow responded gleefully, doing a small loop before flying back down.
“That still didn’t answer my question sheila. I asked who he was. Not what he was.” Joseph said and rolled his eyes, reading the pamphlet over.
“The pamphlet should tell you all you need to know. If you want to know more, then come with me to his show that’s on later today.” Rainbow suggested, reading the pamphlet with Joseph over his shoulder. “See? It’s at Hedge Center Plaza.” Rainbow pointed with her hoof.
“You? You want assertiveness training? I highly doubt you need it, mate.” Joseph said as he laughed, tucking the pamphlet away in a pocket of his dark green hoody. Rarity made that and a few other sets of casual clothes as well so that he could switch out the clothes when needed. What he had on at the moment was a dark green hoody made out of wool, a plain, white shirt also made out of wool and some sort of material that looked like it was made from interwoven dull gems for his pants. Not knowing whether or not to take his boots off, he decided to leave them be for now.
“I don’t need it. I just want to see how he asserts himself, is all.” Rainbow protested, crossing her arms.
“Okay then, you convinced me. I’m going to see this show with you.” Joseph said and looked at the address of the place they needed to be at again. “Hedge Centre Maze … sounds like Daedalus’s Labyrinth, especially since a minotaur is going to be hosting the event.” Joseph mused, scratching his chin as he stood up and stretched.
“Who?” Rainbow asked, hovering by his side.
“Daedalus. He was someone from ancient times back where I came from. He was told to create a labyrinth that shifted and changed as a person went through it. It supposedly held a minotaur in the center of it that was meant to guard something precious. This didn’t work because someone named Theseus, held a red ball of yarn and unravelled the string so that he could find his way back to the entrance. Once he got what he came for, he hurriedly followed the string back to the entrance. He was hurried along because the minotaur was chasing him. I have no idea what happened after that because I was usually asleep by the time my teacher was through with the tale.” Joseph said with a shrug and stared at Rainbow’s open mouth. “What?”
“This guy who created the maze, did all that for some precious thing?” Rainbow asked in disbelief.
“Yeah. The legend sort of sounds like one of those Daring-Do books you like reading so much.” Joseph said with a wink as Rainbow blushed in embarrassment. “Now come on. We have to figure out where this Hedge Centre Place is.” Joseph said as he began to run in a light jog.
Once they made it to the maze, they heard someone speak loudly and forcefully. “Come on! We’re late!” Rainbow yelled at Joseph and zoomed over the top of the maze, leaving Joseph to hurriedly run through it so that he could at least catch the tail end of it.
“Crikey! This really is a maze!” Crikey said in a sarcastic tone.
“Nothing gets by you does it?” Joseph retorted and finally made it to see Fluttershy of all ponies walking up on the stage. “Fluttershy?” Joseph asked curiously as he watched the show take place.
“Why is Fluttershy going up there?” Rainbow asked as she lighted down beside him, having the same curious look on her face. Joseph merely shrugged and watched as the biggest - and only - minotaur he’s ever seen try to teach Fluttershy how to assert herself.
“Maybe she’s a volunteer?” Joseph wondered as he clapped along with the other ponies. After the show had ended, Iron Will thanked everyone there and proceeded to pack up while the audience left. Meanwhile, Joseph and Rainbow made their way to Fluttershy. “Hey Fluttershy. What was that about?” Joseph asked as they both caught up.
“Oh. Hi, Joseph and Rainbow. Pinkie Pie and Rarity told me to come here because I was being a doormat.” Fluttershy answered softly, lowering her head at the mention of being a doormat.
“You’re not a doormat.” Rainbow said with a nervous chuckle. Just then, another pony walked past them and bumped into Fluttershy on their way out.
“Oh, sorry.” Fluttershy squeaked. Joseph facepalmed and groaned.
“Did you learn anything from that workshop?” He asked, pointing back to Iron Will. Fluttershy nodded and pawed at the ground.
“If you did, then why are you still acting like a doormat?” Rainbow asked as she settled down on the ground.
“It probably just takes a while to sink in. I have to get back and give Angel his special food.” Fluttershy said and without another peep, she walked off to her cottage.
Upon arriving at the cottage, Fluttershy walked in and assembled the meal that Angel had wanted. Going off the picture, she had it looking just right.
“Angel.” Fluttershy called out softly. The bunny quit thumping his foot against the floor rapidly and ran into the kitchen with a red and white chequered bib on. Just as the rabbit was about to dig into the meal, Fluttershy apologised for not having a cherry on top, but had hoped it was everything he had asked for. Pausing mid bite, Angel ran off to find the cookbook and bringing it back, he quickly checked the picture with the bowl in front of him.
The bowl in front of him and the bowl in the picture did not match at all. In protest, Angel flipped the bowl into Fluttershy’s face, thumping his foot against the floor and tapping against the cherry in the picture. Remembering what Iron Will had taught her, Fluttershy tried to put that into practice now.
“Treat me like a pushover, y-y-you’ll get the once over.” Fluttershy said softly and quietly hardened her gaze at Angel. The bunny glared right back but as the impromptu staring contest wore on, Angel relented and chittered away as he slowly ate the original bowl of lettuce that Fluttershy had prepared for him.
Feeling satisfied that it somewhat worked, Fluttershy looked at the time and found that it was time for all the animals to go to bed. After they had all finished eating, Fluttershy tucked away each of the animals in their respective homes and finally headed off to bed herself, trying to unsuccessfully give herself a pep talk about trying to be assertive for the next day.
The next day, Joseph and Rainbow walked down the main thoroughfare of Ponyville.
“I wonder why Fluttershy needed that assertiveness training. I suppose it was obvious but I don’t think she needs it.” Joseph said as he scratched his chin.
“I don’t think she needs it either but if Rarity and Pinkie both say that she needs it, then she must have to some degree.” Rainbow said and flapped her wings to hover next to Joseph. As they were about to pass Sugarcube Corner, they saw a whole line of ponies rush out of the door and stared slack-jawed as they got back into line. Firing a portal to the inside and then one beneath his feet, he braced for impact and found Fluttershy chatting with Pinkie and Rarity. That is, until Fluttershy tipped a bowl of pink punch towards Pinkie.
“Why did you do that?” Joseph asked as he stood up and walked over. Fluttershy ruffled her wings and flicked her tail before she answered.
“She laughed so I erased.” Fluttershy said simply and then walked out the door, calling for a taxi.
“Something is not right in that sheila’s head.” Crikey commented.
“You got that right.” Joseph agreed. “Did you tell Fluttershy to go to that seminar?” He asked and then ran out as he heard Fluttershy scream something about a nopony and then ride off. “Why did you tell her to do that?” He asked, pointing with his gun to where Fluttershy disappeared.
“Because she was letting other ponies walk over her. We had to do something. We tried teaching her how we handled things but it didn’t seem to cotton on so we told her to go to this seminar.” Rarity explained.
“It’s your mess. If she blows up, then it’s on you.” Joseph warned and left the building.
They watched Joseph leave and then turned to each other. “Joseph is right. We should see that this doesn’t get out of control.” Pinkie said with a glum look and lead Rarity over to Fluttershy’s cottage.
When they arrived, they found Fluttershy arguing with a tourist. She said something to him, then took his camera strap by her mouth and spun him around before, finally, releasing it and sending both him and the camera flying in the direction of the tower, where the stallion landed in a hay bale and his camera making the bell gong.
“Fluttershy, darling!” Rarity called out as both parties met up in the middle of the road. “What you did to that poor stallion … maybe you’ve taken your assertiveness training a bit too far?” Rarity asked, giving her friend a strained smile.
“What? You want new Fluttershy to be a doormat like old Fluttershy. But that Fluttershy is gone!” Fluttershy positively shouted at them.
“New Fluttershy? Old Fluttershy?” Pinkie groaned in confusion, holding her hooves to her temple and rubbing.
“What happened to the nice Fluttershy we all know and love? That Fluttershy we want back, not this new Fluttershy.” Rarity pleaded with her but it was no use.
Their conversation degraded into a massive blow out which ended with both Rarity and Pinkie running away crying, while Fluttershy growled and stared angrily at her reflection in the water until she realised that what they were saying was right. Feeling sorry for herself, Fluttershy slowly walked back to her cottage and shut the door. She told Angel to tie her up to a chair which he was only glad to do so.
“Fluttershy! Your pay is overdue!” Iron Will growled as he walked up the path. He was confronted though by a human and a pony.
“Fluttershy doesn’t want to see you.” Joseph told the minotaur, feeling his legs shake in his boots.
“She don’t? Now why is that?” Iron Will asked, leaning down and snorting in Joseph’s face.
“Because she’s not home!” Rainbow supplied helpfully with a beaming smile.
“Is that so?” Iron Will said with a smirk and went to knock on her door.
“No, she’s not. You should come back later, I’m sure she’ll be home by then.” Joseph said with rapid head-nodding.
“Well, Iron Will does need to do his grocery shopping. He’ll be back later this afternoon.” Iron Will conceded and taking a dainty white wicker basket out, he walked back the way he had come only to be stopped by Joseph shouting.
“But that’s only a half day! We need a full day at least !”
“Iron Will will for half a day and no longer!” Iron Will retorted.
“A full day!” Joseph repeated and hoped that Pinkie Pie’s teaching him haggling would work on the minotaur.
“Half day!” Iron Will answered back.
“Full day!”
“Half day!”
“Half day!” Joseph counter-offered, hoping to trick the bull into buying them a full day.
“Full day!” Iron Will said, unaware he was tricked.
“We need half a day and no more!” Joseph said, smiling widely.
“”Well, you’ll get a full day and no less!” Iron Will shouted at him, spit flying out and hitting Joseph on the face.
“That’s great, see you tomorrow then.” Joseph said, waving Iron Will bye.
“Bye mister.” Rainbow said and waved as well. Iron Will waved bye to the both of them and then stopped and thought for a second.
“Wait. What?” He wondered but the past five minutes were forgotten when he heard a small sneeze come from the cottage.
“Oh no.” Rainbow and Joseph said at the same time.
“It was no-one ya big bull! That was me shouting! Down here!” Crikey shouted, directing Iron Will’s gaze to him.
“You’re nothing but a potato!” Iron Will said, pointing at the potato battery threateningly.
“That may be, but the joke’s on you! I LOVE being a potato! Wait … that didn’t work.” Crikey said and turned off, trying to think of something witty to say.
“Hey, Will, would you mind taking a few steps back for me?” Joseph suggested. Confused, Iron Will did as instructed and he was sent flying from a small patch of blue gel on the ground. Following the arc with his head, Joseph found that he sailed between two distant trees and ended up creating a big splash in a far-off swamp. “GOAL!” Joseph shouted, raising both arms up in a straight line.
“You may have made him mad but that was awesome!” Rainbow said, grinning from ear to ear. “Now let’s see if Fluttershy’s okay.” She said and zoomed to the front door, knocking on it and calling out. When Fluttershy answered, she walked out and took a look around.
“Where’ Iron Will?” She asked softly.
“I sent him … thattaway.” Joseph said, pointing at the two distant trees.
“That’s far.” She said simply and looked at Rainbow. “I know what you’re going to say and I’m fine. Really. I’ve actually had time to think about what he taught me, I mean really think about it, and I think I am able to apply it less forcefully this time.” Fluttershy said with a smile.
“Well that’s a relief.” Rainbow and Joseph said at the same time and sighed.
“Now that that’s sorted, we’ll have to tell Pinkie and Rarity the news.” Joseph said and patting Fluttershy on the head, turned and lead the both of them to Sugarcube Corner where they can apologise to Pinkie Pie first and then on to Carousel Boutique to apologise to Rarity there.
Portals. Portals Everywhere!
Chapter 22 - Wrap Up Party
When Draigo awoke, he found that there was land on the horizon. He stood up and stretched out the kinks in his body before bellowing, “LAND HO!” for all to hear. A chorus of screams and cheers as every pony on the ship leaned over the edge to have a look at this land the dragon bellowed about.
“Fluttershy! There’s land!” Rainbow shouted into the Captain’s Quarters, having taken over for the umpteenth time when Fluttershy got too tired to steer them.
“There is? Oh goody.” Fluttershy whooped softly, looking out the window.
Hearing the ponies below him scream and cheer, Draigo poured more power into the water and air manipulations to give them as much speed as possible. He didn’t care if the ship sank once they were at the harbor. He just wanted to get these ponies home already.
Seeing the ship rapidly approach land now, Fluttershy ran out to the control panel and rapidly shut it all off, letting the ship power down in an effort to slow to a stop at the harbour.
Draigo cut off the air, water, and time manipulations as he heard the engines stop. He figured Fluttershy knew what she was doing and let the ship glide the rest of the way, unpowered.
Coasting to a stop in the harbour, all the night dockworkers were more than a bit surprised to see a whole boat load of ponies suddenly appear out of what appeared to be thin air. They all scrambled for cover at the strange phenomenon that appeared.
“We’re nearly home.” Fluttershy cried quietly, letting tears of joy run down her face.
“I know! Isn’t it awesome!” Rainbow said loudly, giving Fluttershy a hug.
“Don’t celebrate too much otherwise Pinkie will think she missed out on a party and appear out of nowhere,” Draigo commented as he stood on the roof above them, having heard them due to an open window.
“Oh right. Wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise of having the whole town return spoiled too soon.” Rainbow called out to Draigo and slowly lead Fluttershy out of the bridge.
“Now, we just pile everyone who can’t fly onto my back and fly home like we flew to get to this ship,” Draigo commented as he glided to the docks, grew to his full size and extended a wing to the ship.
Just like before, Applejack and Rarity corralled the ponies into a single file as they walked onto Draigo’s back. The various Pegasi went into a semi-organised formation around Draigo as both Applejack and Rarity climbed on to his back. Fluttershy opted to remain near Rainbow as she hovered next to her.
Draigo noticed Fluttershy was keeping her distance from him and he couldn’t blame her, he was a monster after all. He followed the same procedure as before and took off after a running start. They were soon on their way to Ponyville and the comforts of home.
As the empty shell of Ponyville came into sight, the ponies stopped their talking as they could not actually believe they were home. They stared at the familiar streets as Draigo circled the town, landing a bit aways from it on account of his size. He promptly laid down and extended both wings to allow the ponies to disembark as quickly as possible.
Seeing him extend both wings this time, the town split up into two groups and disembarked. Soon as they did, they took off running to the town, eager to restart their lives. The only ones left with Draigo were Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow.
“Not going into town?” Draigo asked when he noticed the four mares stay with him while the others rushed into Ponyville.
“I would but mah farm and family took off that way. Ah just wanted ta thank ya again, Draigo. You’ve been mighty helpful,” Applejack thanked him with a tip of her Stetson and took off after her family, heading towards the farm.
“I can’t believe my eyes. Is this actually Ponyville?” Rarity wondered out loud as she slowly began to walk towards the town.
“My home’s up in the clouds. I’m just waiting to see if Fluttershy needs any help, is all.” Rainbow replied, looking over to Fluttershy who stood a fair bit away from the dragon.
“She’ll need help, Rainbow. It might be a lot or it might be a little, but she’ll need it,” Draigo told her as he stood and turned toward Canterlot.
“This about that monster thing?” Rainbow whispered to Draigo as she hovered up next to his ear.
“Yes, she asked me for details and I’m afraid they’re now stuck in her head,” Draigo said as he glanced at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy immediately looked away when she caught Draigo’s eye, unwilling to view him as a friend for the moment. Rainbow looked down and gave a salute to Draigo.
“I’ll try and help best I can. You have my word!” Rainbow said, and flew down to Fluttershy, picked her up around her barrel and flew off towards her cottage in a burst of rainbow light.
Draigo took off for Canterlot castle without a backwards glance and was soon landing in the royal gardens as he shrunk down to Celestia’s size.
“Now, where is everyone?” Draigo wondered as he walked towards the castle.
Crystal sighed, a bored look on her face as she looked out the window. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned to find Joseph there, tapping on that spud of his. “You still talking with that yam? Give it up, he won’t respond.” Crystal said with another sigh and patted Joseph on the shoulder as he gave her a glare. “I’m going to see if Draigo’s back. You coming, Twilight?” Crystal asked the purple Unicorn.
“Sure, there’s nothing better to do. I’ve already found out all I can about the both of you.” Twilight said with a shrug and they both left Joseph to his tinkering. Walking outside, they both looked around and breathed in the fresh air.
As Draigo walked towards the castle, he heard hoofsteps and footsteps coming from inside of the castle. He stopped behind some bushes and saw Twilight and Crystal walk out and take a deep breath.
“Didn’t take you for an outside mare, Twilight. Figured you’d still be holed up inside researching Aperture, Joseph, Crystal, or something about magic,” Draigo commented as he hid behind the bushes.
“Who said that?” Twilight immediately asked, looking around quickly to try and spot the voice.
“No idea.” Crystal said and whispered something into Twilight’s ear. Her face lit up and then a cheeky smile adorned Twilight’s face.
“It was us bushes,” Draigo said as he sank into the ground and then covered himself up. Crystal’s denial had sounded a little off so he had decided to trick them instead.
“I didn’t know bushes could speak. Is that a thing here?” Crystal asked, walking through the bushes she knew the voice originated from in case they were.
“Not that I know of. Unless somepony put a magic spell on them.” Twilight reasoned, casting her magic to see if she could detect signs of life other than herself and Crystal.
Draigo had moved to right beneath the bushes roots and cursed himself as the roots tickled him. He couldn’t help but let out a few chuckles. Raising her head instantly, Crystal walked back through the bushes and stopped in the middle of them.
“Twilight, let me tell you a story of something back home. I’m not sure if you will laugh at this but here goes: A guy who was tired with life in the big city decided to take a vacation and go to the mountain, so he rented a chalet in the wilderness. One day, as he was strolling, he got to the edge of a precipice. He carefully looked down and backed quickly, amazed: "gee, is this deep!". He took a pebble and threw it in, to see how long it takes until it gets down. It took a while, so he thought "that's really deep"; then he found a big stone and tossed it, and when it hit the ground with an almost inaudible sound he reckoned "this is what I call deep".
“Having nothing else to do, he started to look around and found a large piece of rail. He strained a while, as it was pretty heavy, rusted and muddy, but he managed to push it over the cliff, and after some time, when he heard it hitting the ground with a big blast, he reasoned: "now that's something!". He had just seated himself to rest and start meditating at the abyssal dimensions, when he saw a goat, bulging-eyed, heading at maximum speed directly to the bottomless pit. There was nothing he could do, in no time the goat got on the edge and jumped. The man was dazzled, "suicidal goat, who would have thought of that"; he was still under the strong impression of the goat's act, when a shepherd came by.
“"Howdy there, did you happen to see a goat?", the shepherd asked. "Don't ask me" excitedly answered the man, "you've never seen anything like that in you life: a goat just came in galloping and jumped over the cliff with no hesitation". The shepherd couldn't believe his ears; even more stunned than the man, all he could say was "How was this possible, I'm asking you, how in the world was this possible, I had tethered it to a large piece of rail!" Crystal finished with her hands in the air, waiting for some sort of reaction.
“I don’t get it.”Twilight said as she tilted her head to the side.
Draigo could no longer hold in his laughter as the root continued to tickle him. He laughed and laughed so loud he was sure that anyone above him would hear him. So, he froze hoping he hadn’t been discovered quite yet.
Twilight jumped a bit in surprise as she heard the ground laugh. “That, is not natural at all.” Twilight commented, moving to Crystal where the laughter seemed to be the loudest.
“I knew that joke was funny! It even made the ground laugh!” Crystal crowed, stepping backwards as Twilight cast a spell underground to see if there was anything under there.
“There’s something large under the ground.” Twilight reported back to Crystal.
“Is that so?” Crystal asked with a raised eyebrow.
Draigo decided to go deeper to avoid further roots as he navigated his way to the statue of Discord.
“That’s odd. The life sign moved rather quickly towards the statue garden.” Twilight said, looking in that direction as she let go of the magic in her horn.
“What are we waiting for then? Let’s go there!” Crystal said and ran towards the statue garden with Twilight on her heels.
“Can you pass me that? I think I nearly got him working again.” Joseph asked Pinkie as she handed him a screwdriver.
“I don’t think it’ll work.” Pinkie said with a slightly glum look.
“If not, then I’ll make it work!” Joseph said with an edge of insanity to his voice as he unscrewed a couple of things on the potato.
Draigo popped his head out from the ground slightly to check if he’d been discovered. Seeing a foot rounding the corner, he reached out with his magic and grabbed a potted plant. He levitated it over the area where he believed the being would be and let it fall before going back underground.
Feeling her tail twitch a fair bit, Pinkie seemingly disappeared from Joseph’s view as she reappeared directly behind Crystal, biting on her shirt and pulling her out of the way of a falling plant.
“Where the hell did you come from?” Crystal asked in shock as surprise as she felt herself be pulled back and thrown on the floor.
“My tail was twitch a twitching!” Pinkie said hurriedly as if that would explain everything.
“I don’t get it.” Crystal said as she mimicked the same motions Twilight did earlier.
“Just don’t question Pinkie Pie. Ever. I found that out the hard way.” Twilight advised Crystal as she walked around them to find a smashed potted plant. “What I want to know is why there’s a smashed potted plant here.” Twilight said and quickly cast her spell again, trying to identify that large life form from earlier.
Draigo was now right beneath Discord’s statue. He made a series of small holes that he could hear through and waited for someone to come closer.
“Come on, come on.” Joseph muttered to himself as he screwed the last bit of technology back into the potato, Hearing something that sounded akin to a croaky “G’Day,” Joseph shouted with glee and ran outside, shouting that he had gotten Crikey back online with a very insane edge to his voice now.
“Do you hear that?” Twilight asked, pricking her ears at the far off crazy laugh.
“That’s just Joseph. I think he’s finally cracked it.” Pinkie said with a shrug and hummed to herself as she wandered around the statues.
“I think so.” Crystal agreed, hearing some sort of Australian slang permeate the air as it got closer.
Draigo, hearing Crystal and Pinkie get nearer, made the ground soft enough that he could ‘rise from the dead’ with the earth gently falling off him instead of it exploding into dust. He then waited for an opportune moment to grab one of their legs.
Deciding to look at the Discord statue closer, Crystal walked over to it and stopped just short of the holes in the ground. She leaned over and looked at each part of it as closely as she can because she doesn’t think she’ll get to see him close up again.
‘That’s it, just a little closer.’ Draigo thought as he heard footsteps come near to the statue but not close enough for him to grab quite yet.
Not being able to see his face properly, Crystal stepped closer and up on her tiptoes so she could actually see his face in detail. “Discord is a really chaotic creature.” Crystal mumbled, not knowing she had stepped over the holes.
Draigo silently stuck a claw through the earth and grabbed Crystal’s ankle as she examined Discord’s face. He proceeded to slowly sit up and allow the earth to slowly fall off of him.
Crystal gave a small shriek as she felt something grab onto her ankle. Looking down from her examination, Crystal found an earthy claw attached to her ankle. Not bothering to look anywhere else, she immediately began to stomp as hard as she could against it with her other foot.
As Draigo was slowly sitting up, he felt his claw and wrist being stomped upon. He thanked his lucky stars that Crystal hadn’t used her magic as she stomped. If she had then he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to use that claw for a couple days while it healed properly. Draigo quickened his ascension through the soft earth as the stomps continued to rain down upon his exposed limb, adding groaning noises as his head broke the surface.
“What!?” Crystal shouted, ceasing her stomping her stomping for a bit to try and find the groaning noise. As she did, she found that Twilight and Pinkie were nowhere to be seen. “Some friends they are.” Crystal mumbled.
Breaking through the surface of the earth, Draigo extended his other claw out and rolled toward Crystal while he continued to moan and groan. As he ended his roll on his belly, he acted as though he would grab her free leg with his other claw. He was a little disappointed that no one else was around for the practical joke.
“Where is she?” Joseph asked with a manic look in his eyes.
“Where the statues are.” Pinkie said calmly while Twilight was freaking out. Giving them both a nod, he followed the two mares towards the statues where they found Crystal being grabbed by what appeared to be some sort of zombie.
“A zombie?” Joseph asked in disbelief.
“Who’s there?” Crystal asked as she gave another small shriek at the feeling of another claw grabbing onto her other ankle.
Continuing his act, Draigo began to pull Crystal down to try to get at her ‘brains’, repositioning his claws as needed.
Crystal looked down at herself in a panic, feeling the earth begin to swallow her up. Noticing this, Twilight and Pinkie ran up to her and bit onto the bottom of her shirt as they tried to pull her up out of the ground.
Draigo felt more resistance to his pulling as he heard two sets of feminine grunts. He was really surprised that Crystal hadn’t tried to punch his head or anything else with her magic. He thought that Crystal was more the fight than flight kind of person. Well, that was just one more thing he had found out about her. This didn’t stop him from continuing to drag her under the surface of the gardens.
Grunting with exertion as she tried to free herself, Crystal placed her hands on the ground when she felt it slip by in an effort to halt her progress. By this point, Twilight and Pinkie had moved their mouths up to the collar as they tried to find better purchase in actually getting her out.
Once Crystal’s hips were below ground, Draigo repositioned his claws onto her hips before continuing to pull her under.
Feeling the claws move up to her waist, Crystal immediately tried to kick her legs but found that they couldn’t move due to being pinned in the earthen walls. Raising her arms as she felt her chest began to go below ground, the two mares unsuccessfully helping her backed away. Joseph grabbed onto Crystal’s hands instead in an effort to pull her out of the ground.
Draigo felt even more resistance as he saw Crystal’s abdomen below the surface. He continued to gently pull her below and prepared to cover her mouth should he get her down with him completely. He’d then try to recruit her for another round. Only if she wanted to, though.
“Come on…” Joseph growled, pulling with all his might on Crystal’s hands. Feeling them slip, Joseph suddenly let go, stumbling backwards and falling onto the ground. Crystal sucked in a breath as she felt her head be consumed and closed her eyes as well.
Feeling the resistance let up, Draigo gave Crystal a quick pull to bring her all the way under and promptly covered her mouth with a claw.
“Shh, it’s just me,” Draigo whispered to her, “Do you want to help with another round?”
“HHMMM!?” Crystal’s voice was muffled in surprise as she looked at the dragon.
“Oh, right,” Draigo said as he removed his claw from her mouth.
“You? You were the one that did this!?” Crystal shouted in what she hoped was a harsh whisper.
“Yeeees?” Draigo said as he gave her a sheepish smile.
“Whhhy?” Crystal whined, breathing out a bit of smoke into his face.
“I thought that it’d be funnier than it turned out to be,” Draigo answered in a depressed voice, “Why didn’t you just punch or kick me with a magical attack?”
“It’s only funny if there are two or more parties involved in actually setting it up. I didn’t use my magic because, honestly, I can’t really think straight when my feet are immobilised.” Crystal answered, narrowing her eyes at him. “I’ll help you, but only if we both work together in the joke.”
“Okay, okay, I’ve seen the error of my ways,” Draigo said as he held his claws up in defeat, “What do we do?”
“The zombie thing is nice but I don’t think they would fall for it twice. Especially since Pinkie is with them. We need something else.” Crystal answered and tried to move her arms, only to realise that they were still stuck in the earth. “I think I’m a bit stuck here.”
“Oh, sorry,” Draigo said as the earth moved around to give them both enough room to move their limbs, “Any ideas? I’d offer some, but seeing how my last idea turned out…”
“Right. We could shake the statues and make it seem as if they’ve come back to life?” Crystal suggested, shaking her limbs to get the soreness out of them.
“Hmm, that’s good, but Discord’s statue isn’t a statue. It’s actually him turned to stone so that would probably make the princesses go on high alert,” Draigo explained.
“Well, I was going to say to not shake Discord’s statue because of what just happened but that’s another good reason. Hmm.” Crystal replied, sitting down on the earth and lighting her hand on fire. “We need something else then.”
“How about the classic one of tapping them on the shoulder only to disappear?” Draigo suggested cautiously.
“That could work.” Crystal mused, tapping her chin in thought. “If we’re fast enough then, yeah it could work. Plus, it’s simple so there’s that too.”
“Alright, you tap them and I’ll make you disappear by bringing you back underground. I’m just glad it was you and not Twilight who showed up first, she’s claustrophobic,” Draigo told Crystal as he began to make a tunnel system.
“She is? I wonder if she’s like that back home.” Crystal said as she watched the tunnels form by her fire light.
“I only know about Joseph’s Twilight because I rescued her from the crystal caves below Canterlot,” Draigo admitted as he finished the tunnels.
“I guess these tunnels lead to wherever the others are up there?” Crystal guessed, standing up.
“That’s right. I made sure where they are with a bit of my power while I was making the tunnels,” Draigo explained, “Who do you want to do first?”
“Well, Twilight, seeing we’re talking about her. It is interesting that she’s claustrophobic though.” Crystal answered with a wry smile.
“Alright, this way. It is, isn’t it? You’d never expect someone who spends so much time inside a closed room to be claustrophobic,” Draigo said as he led Crystal to Twilight’s position.
“It’s always the quiet ones ….” Crystal said with a sigh and shake of her head.
“Yup. Okay, she’s right above us. I can’t tell which way she’s facing, though,” Draigo told her as he looked at the ceiling of the tunnel.
“The whole plan will be ruined if we pop up in the exact direction she’s facing.” Crystal muttered, turning her head to look up at the ceiling as well.
“She … she just vanished.” Twilight muttered, facing the last position she had seen Crystal in, too shocked to even cast a spell to see if she was still alive.
“Well, I’ll make a small hole and look through it to see the direction she’s facing,” Draigo told Crystal as he created a hole to the surface and looked through it, “Ah, she’s facing where you were pulled under.”
“Perfect.” Crystal said with glee, rubbing her hands together and accidentally creating sparks as she did. Walking to where she thought she needed to be standing, Crystal looked at Draigo.
Draigo raised Crystal up on a pillar of earth as he made a hole for her to pass through, “I’ll wait for a second once you’re up and then bring you back down while filling in the hole.”
Crystal gave him a thumbs up and heard a conversation going as her head broke the surface. Bringing her arm up, Crystal poked Twilight hard on her back before hearing a yelp from the Unicorn.
Draigo quickly brought Crystal back down and covered their tracks so no one was any wiser, “How’d it go?”
“I poked, she yelped.” Crystal said with a shrug and a wide grin.
“You okay there, sheila?” Joseph asked Twilight, leaning against one of the statues as he looked at her sudden outburst.
“I-I think so. I don’t know. I think something just poked me.” Twilight said, her ears flopping as she tried to rub at the sore spot.
“Who’s next?: Crystal asked, lighting up her hand again as she walked to Draigo.
“I think we should save Pinkie for last since she’s not normal,” Draigo reasoned.
“Good idea. She’ll catch on the instant I poke her thanks to that weird Pinkie Sense of hers,” Crystal nodded, walking down the tunnel to the little hub Draigo had created underneath Discord’s statue.
“Alright, follow me,” Draigo said as he walked down another tunnel.
“This one goes to the Aussie. Right. I wonder if that yam he keeps talking about actually does speak back.” Crystal wondered out loud, following Draigo down the tunnel.
“There’s no way a potato can talk. He’s as crazy as I am powerful,” Draigo said as he came to a stop, “Okay, same procedure.” He created a hole and found that Joseph was looking toward where Twilight was standing before.
Crystal walked over to a patch of earth that she thought was behind Joseph. Extinguishing her flames, she felt Draigo lift the earth under her. As her head broke the surface, Crystal immediately jumped up behind him and grinned, shouting “BOO!” at him while diving back down just in time for Draigo to cover the earth behind her.
“Crikey!” Joseph shouted, ducking down as he covered his ears.
“What?” The potato questioned.
“I think something just yelled boo at me.” Joseph answered, scratching his head as he realised nothing was going to attack him.
“Okay, time for the biggest challenge. Pinkie Pie,” Draigo said as he lead Crystal down another tunnel and toward their last target.
“It’s going to be tough.” Crystal muttered, rubbing her hands up and down her arms.
“Like french bread,” Draigo agreed as he created a hole to figure out which way Pinkie, was facing at the time.
“Indeed. Which way she facing?” Crystal asked.
Looking over to her two friends, Pinkie let a laugh escape her lips as she witnessed their reactions. “I wonder if I’ll be scared?” Pinkie asked herself curiously.
“She’s looking in the direction of Twilight and Joseph,” Draigo told Crystal as he continued to watch the hyperactive mare.
“This will definitely be tough.” Crystal mumbled and walked into position. “Ready.” Crystal said with nervous apprehension.
“Okay, she’s still facing the same direction,” Draigo said as he lifted Crystal up while keeping an eye on Pinkie. Scratching her ear, Pinkie felt a series of signals run through her body to tell her that something was coming up behind her. Spinning around before anything had time to blink, Pinkie put her hoof directly on the spot she thought the thing would come from.
“Crap, she moved,” Draigo muttered as he brought Crystal back down, “Pinkie seemed to know exactly where you were going to appear.”
“Dammnit. Let’s try a different position.” Crystal suggested, moving to the other side of the tunnel.
“Right, fingers crossed,” Draigo said as he lifted Crystal up once more.
Feeling the same signals run through her, Pinkie spun back to where she was facing before and immediately jumped to where she suspected it to appear.
“Not again,” Draigo whined as he lowered Crystal back down, “I think we both need to do it at the same time so she can’t tell which one is going to appear first. We’ll just have to hope she holds still long enough for one of us to get her.”
“Sounds good.” Crystal answered, getting ready to rise up again.
Draigo took up the position opposite of Crystal and lifted them both up at the same time. He created a small hole for him to look through as they both neared the surface.
Feeling a whole slew of signals run through her body, Pinkie began to jackhammer up and down quickly as she moved over to a seemingly random spot.
“Twwiiliiight!” Pinkie shouted, her voice vibrating as she pointed to a spot a few feet in front of her. “Teelepoort theere!” Not bothering to question her eccentric friend, Twilight immediately teleported to the spot Pinkie indicated.
“Why did you want me to teleport here?” Twilight asked in confusion.
Hearing Pinkie enlist Twilight’s help, Draigo encased Twilight’s hooves in earth and moved her next to Joseph. Draigo hoped Twilight wouldn’t realize that what he’d just done was very similar to what he did the last time he was summoned and ruin everything.
“Hey, sheila. How’s it going?” Joseph asked, watching her seemingly glide towards him.
“No .. idea …” Twilight said slowly as she looked down at her hooves in concentration. “I was standing while moving … there is earth holding my hooves in place …” Twilight mused, furrowing her brows as she tried to figure out why she moved.
“Twilight, where you going?” Pinkie called out as her jackhammering slowed down.
“I’m fine!” Twilight called back and returned to her investigation. “Where have I seen this before…?”
Draigo took the opportunity to raise himself up and poked Pinkie before he rapidly descended and filled the hole back in. He then lowered Crystal, grabbed her, and ran for the hub.
“We did it! We surprised Pinkie!” Draigo said excitedly, “Twilight is on to me by now, though.”
“Whoo!” Crystal whooped as she went limp in Draigo’s grip. “We actually did the impossible!”
“Ouch!” Pinkie shouted as she jumped high into the air at the poke. Both Twilight and Joseph watched her fall back down and land on all four hooves again.
“That’s it! I know who has been poking us!” Twilight shouted triumphantly as she figured it out. “It’s Draigo!”
“What? No way. The voice that yelled boo at me definitely sounded female.” Joseph countered.
“Then it would have been Crystal.” Twilight surmised with a sharp nod of her head.
“What do we do now? Show ourselves?” Draigo asked as he calmed down after being so excited about succeeding.
“May as well. There’s no one else to scare around here.” Crystal replied with a shrug.
“Alright, plain or exaggerated entrance?” Draigo wondered out loud with a claw to his chin.
“Exaggerated!” Crystal said immediately, getting an excited look on her face.
“Rock star entrance it is,” Draigo said as he created a thick fog around them. He slowly raised the two of them on a square pillar as the fog gathered around them, “Would you like to do the pyrotechnics?”
“Of course.” Crystal said with a smile and lit up her hands, sending twin streams of a fire and crystal combination up into the sky. The crystal contained within the fire let beams of light dance around as the flames hit them.
“Impressive ingenuity,” Draigo complimented her as he added some lightning to the fanfare. They were soon above ground with the thick fog rolling away from them, obscuring them from view.
“What’s this?” Joseph wondered while the other two tilted their heads at the fog. All three of them watched in curiosity as the source of the streams of light got brighter and brighter until eventually, there was a dim glow in the middle of the fog.
“Mares and Aussie, please welcome back, with a round of applause. Crystal! and! Draigo!” Draigo announced as the fog cleared and they came into view.
There was a smattering of applause, with Pinkie applauding the loudest.
“Whoo!” Pinkie shouted in delight as she chuckled at her friends’ vacant expressions.
“I thought they would have been a bit more enthusiastic than this.” Crystal whispered to Draigo.
“We must have blown their minds with our entrance,” Draigo whispered back.
“I don’t think that’s it.” Crystal whispered as she looked at Twilight’s face. “Does Twilight look angry to you, or is it just me?”
“Um,” Draigo studied Twilight’s face for a second, “Crap, get ready to run for it.”
“Not this again.” Crystal groaned, remembering what happened the last time the both of them ran away.
“Twilight, I think you better calm down. It was only a practical joke.” Joseph told Twilight slowly, kneeling down next to her.
“‘Tis was all in good jest, sheila.” Crikey spoke, having finally gotten back online after all of Joseph’s tinkering.
“Who the heck was that and where are they?” Draigo asked after hearing a voice he couldn’t put with anyone in present company.
“It was me, the BLOODY YAM!” Crikey shouted, testing out how many decibels his voice could reach as Joseph held him up.
“See? I told you two I wasn’t crazy!” Joseph said with a grin.
“No way. He was telling the truth!?” Crystal’s jaw dropped while looking at the potato battery.
“It’s just Twilight using a spell to get back at us for the practical joke, right?” Draigo asked as he looked between the spud and Twilight.
“Do you see my horn glowing?” Twilight asked skeptically, gesturing with a hoof to her unlit horn.
“Nooo, but you could’ve learned to perform magic without lighting your horn for stealth purposes,” Draigo said as he refused to admit the potato could talk.
“That’s just not possible. I need to light up my horn to use my spells. See?” Twilight smirked as she levitated a stick in her magic. “And before you ask, nopony is powerful enough to multitask with two different spells.” Twilight added as she held a hoof up to stop the question.
“Heh, keep telling yourself that, Twilight. I’ve seen Celestia multitask a lot,” Draigo responded as he scrutinized the spud on Joseph’s gun.
“Fine. I’ll give you that.” Twilight said with a sigh. “How can we prove Crikey isn’t speaking by some sort of magic?” Twilight asked, looking up at the spud on the portal gun.
“Easy,” Draigo said as he froze everything beside Joseph, Crystal and himself, “I know Crystal can’t make things talk and that Joseph can’t use magic. So, if the spud talks like this then I’ll grant Twilight and Fluttershy one wish that’s within my power to grant.”
“Here, catch.” Joseph said, taking Crikey off of the prong and throwing the potato to Draigo. “Twilight, I get but why Fluttershy?” Joseph asked, sitting down and laying his gun across his lap.
“I need to repay her for her kindness and try to undo something that was foolishly said,” Draigo told Joseph as he caught the spud in his claw.
“G’Day, dragon. Didn’t think it would take this long for a lizard to get the fact that there’s a talking spud.” Crikey told him as he got caught.
“Did you just call me a lizard!?” Draigo yelled at the potato in his claw, “Do you realize who and what you’ve just insulted?”
“I did, no and no.” Crikey replied.
“I am Draigo, a Primordial Dragon. I have the power to do just about anything I please and right now it would please me to either hear you apologize or shut up,” Draigo said as he levitated the spud in front of his face.
“Oh fiine. I’m sorry for calling you a massive lizard. Happy?” Crikey drawled.
“No, but I accept your apology. I’m also sorry. There is much on my mind after the recent events that transpired and I snapped at you when I shouldn’t have,” Draigo told the potato as he levitated Crikey back onto the prong of Joseph’s gun and unfroze the world, “Twilight, what is one wish that I can grant for you?”
“A wish?” Twilight asked, eyes blinking owlishly at the sudden question.
“Yes, you may take your time thinking of what it is. I should have told you this first, but the citizens of Ponyville are back, safe and sound,” Draigo told the group as he looked at the town in the distance.
“They are!?” All four of them asked at the same time, looking out towards the town.
“Where did you find them?” Joseph asked.
“Turns out Queen actually did tell me where they were. I just thought she was sending me to an ally of hers so they could try to beat me. Anyway, they were in Thestralia, inside a cave,” Draigo told them without taking his gaze from Ponyville.
“Thestralia? Really? I thought a city being called Canterlot was bad.” Joseph said with a groan.
“Queen actually did tell you where they were? Why did you keep it a secret then when we asked what you two talked about?” Crystal asked, looking up at Draigo as she stamped a foot in protest.
“Like I said, I thought she was sending me to my potential doom,” Draigo told the miffed mage, “Joseph, you’ll get used to the names, eventually.”
“Of course I will.” Joseph muttered.
“What are we standing around here for? Let’s get to Ponyville already!” Twilight said impatiently.
“As you wish,” Draigo said as he picked them up and took off as he grew to his full size.
“What? I didn’t wish for that,” Twilight protested.
“It’s just an expression, Twilight. You’ve still got your one wish,” Draigo told her as Ponyville grew before them.
“Oh.” Twilight replied, blushing in embarrassment.
“You said you found them in Aus-Thestralia. Wouldn’t it have taken quite a while to get back here with the whole town?” Crystal asked, holding lightly onto one of Draigo’s spines.
“Time manipulation,” was all Draigo said in response.
“Gotcha.” Crystal commented.
“Look! Ponies! Real ponies!” Joseph said in delight, pointing towards the looming town.
“Are you sure about that?” Draigo teased as he flew over the town to give them a good view. Looking down at the town, everyone could see that the citizens were indeed back as the town felt a lot more lively than before, when it was populated by robots.
“Don’t do that.” Joseph said quietly to Draigo.
“Whoo! The town is back! I need to throw a super-mega-duper-fun party for the entire town now!” Pinkie told the group.
“Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” Draigo apologized as he landed on the outskirts of town, laid down, and extended a wing toward town.
“It’s fine.” Joseph said with a sigh and slid down the wing with the others close behind.
“I need to get started on the party right now! Catch you later!” Pinkie shouted as she ran into town, making a beeline towards Sugarcube Corner.
“I’m going to visit Fluttershy’s cottage and see if I can’t grant her, her wish,” Draigo said as he took off for the cottage near the Everfree.
“Alright, we’ll catch you later then.” Crystal said with a wave and walked with Joseph and Twilight towards the library.
Seeing Fluttershy’s cottage, Draigo landed a ways off, shrunk down, and walked to her front door. He knocked lightly and prepared for the worst as he waited for someone to answer.
“Coming!” A raspy voice called out. Turning the knob, Rainbow opened the door to find Draigo standing there. “Draigo?” Rainbow asked in mild surprise.
“I’ve come to grant Fluttershy a wish, so long as I’m able to do so,” Draigo told Rainbow as he looked at his claws, afraid that Fluttershy wouldn’t get over what he’d told her.
“Okaaay. You can come in, but I’m not sure Fluttershy is so keen on seeing you at the moment.” Rainbow said, stepping to the side to allow Draigo in.
“I didn’t expect her to be,” Draigo responded as he slowly walked into the home of the one he’d hurt the most.
“I’ve tried to help her best I can, but all she keeps doing is staring at the wall blankly while blinking erratically. She even mutters something about a monster every now and then. I tried to snap her out of it but I can’t seem to do even that.” Rainbow explained as she lead Draigo to where Fluttershy was currently holed up.
“She’s worse than I’d feared,” Draigo said as he followed Rainbow, “The monster she’s muttering about is me. I can help, but it’s an extreme measure.”
“How will you help her?” Rainbow asked, nudging the door to Fluttershy’s bedroom open to reveal Fluttershy with a dishevelled mane and feathers from her wings sticking up at weird angles.
“By wiping her memories of that conversation. I’d prefer if she chose to do so or I’m forced to do it, but I’m not sure if she’ll even talk to me,” Draigo told Rainbow as he stepped into Fluttershy’s bedroom.
Hearing a voice that wasn’t Rainbow’s, Fluttershy stiffened and slowly turned around to have a quick glance at the source. Revealing a tear-streaked face, Fluttershy whimpered as she held Draigo’s gaze for a few seconds. Blinking rapidly, the image of Draigo was replaced by a more monstrous version. Seeing this, Fluttershy tried to crawl backwards away from him but ended up hitting her back against the bedside table.
“Fluttershy, my dear, sweet, innocent Fluttershy. I’ve come here to grant you one wish that is within my power to accomplish,” Draigo explained as he laid on the ground and broke his eye contact with Fluttershy.
“Blood … monster … monster … blood … images … too much.” Fluttershy murmured, attempting to shut her eyes so she wouldn’t look at him anymore. It didn’t work because the images Draigo planted in her mind seemed burned on to the back of her eyelids.
“She’s gotten a lot worse than when you left. I just didn’t realise it was this bad,” Rainbow said softly, giving Fluttershy a concerned look.
“Yes, before she would at least talk. Now, she can’t even look at me without seeing the mental images of the scenes I depicted. I disgust myself,” Draigo said as he stood up and walked over to Fluttershy’s broken form, “If she is to return to how she was before then I must get rid of the memories of that conversation.”
“No … get … away …” Fluttershy whimpered while futilely backing away as the dragon got closer to her. Blinking as her mind desperately tried to filter out the grotesque images, her bloodshot eyes rolled a bit as she began to hyperventilate.
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy. This is for your own good. I’ll apologize as much as you want afterward and grant you that wish,” Draigo said as he grabbed her head in both of his claws. He delved into her mind and found those horrid memories. Wasting no time, he destroyed them so that not even an echo remained.They would never plague Fluttershy again.
Tears forever streaming down her face, Fluttershy screwed her eyes shut as she let out a soft scream when Draigo grabbed her head. After Draigo had wiped her memories clear, she slumped forward, a much more peaceful look on her face than before.
“She needs rest,” Draigo said as he placed Fluttershy under her blankets, “I’ll stay with her just in case she needs more help.”
“Mind if I stay as well?” Rainbow asked.
“I wouldn’t mind the company and she could use a familiar face around when she wakes up,” Draigo told her as he laid down on the floor next to Fluttershy’s bed.
“Thank you. I want to see her get through this alright just as much as you do.” Rainbow stated, giving a little flap of her wings to get onto the bed. “You’ll be okay down there?”
“It’s quite comfy compared to the cave floors I slept on for eons. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’d break her bed if I laid on it,” Draigo replied with a chuckle.
“I’m sure you would.” Rainbow replied with a light chuckle, getting comfortable on top of the bed sheets.
“You should get some rest yourself after looking after Fluttershy like you did. I’ll wake you if something happens,” Draigo said as he watched Rainbow get comfy.
“Alright.” Rainbow said with a slight yawn, resting her head on the mattress as she fell asleep.
Several hours passed by with nothing happening. Draigo kept a vigilant watch over the two sleeping mares and smiled broadly as he noticed Fluttershy begin to stir. He immediately shook Rainbow awake and pointed at Fluttershy as she continued to wake up.
“Huh? What?” Rainbow asked as she was shook awake and looked around blearily for a bit before spotting Fluttershy stirring.
Opening her eyes and blinking slowly, Fluttershy yawned as she stretched underneath the sheets. Finally seeing her vision focus, Fluttershy found a dragon and Rainbow on her bed. “Oh. Hello.”
“Hello, my dear Fluttershy. I’m so very glad you’re awake and doing well,” Draigo said as tears began to form in his eyes.
“Doing well? I’ve always been well. It’s just that I think I had the scariest nightmare of my life last night.” Fluttershy said as her vision focussed some more on the dragon.
“Of course, of course. I actually come bearing a gift. One wish that I can grant,” Draigo said as he turned his tears into vapor with his magic.
“A wish?” Fluttershy asked, moving into more of a seated position. “Whatever for?”
“Atonement for past sins,” Draigo told her the honest truth.
“Oh. How do you grant this wish then?” Fluttershy questioned the dragon.
“I grant the wish by using my powers and abilities. So long as I can accomplish it, you can wish for it,” Draigo explained. Fluttershy took a breath and looked softly at Draigo.
“Okay then … I wish for you to put guards in my mind. I want them because I want to block out as many nightmarish images as possible so that I can try and help as many ponies and animals as I can.” Fluttershy explained. “If you can do it, that is,” she added.
“You shall have the best guards possible,” Draigo told her as he gently placed both claws on her head. The process didn’t take as long as Draigo had feared, only about an hour, “Done. Now, guards aren’t worth being called guards unless they can both protect you and destroy whatever slips through. Should something slip through just think about destroying it and the four draconic guards I’ve placed in your mind will destroy it.”
“Thank you, Draigo. I’m sure I will be able to handle even more problems now thanks to this.” Fluttershy thanked him and tapped against her skull to show what she meant. Slowly getting up and out of the bed, Fluttershy walked over to him but stopped as she felt something that was a little bit wet on the floor. “It’s wet here.” Fluttershy said and looked down at the miniature puddle to the wall and then over to her two friends. “Why?” She asked in confusion.
“Oh, um, no need to worry about that. I’ll just clean it up.” Rainbow said with a soft blush, trying not to reveal the fact that the puddle was what was left of Fluttershy’s tears from earlier as she zoomed out of the room to find a mop.
“She’s too slow,” Draigo said as he turned the puddle into steam.
Watching the steam rise, for a split second, Fluttershy thought something flashed across her eyes but took no heed of it as it was gone before she could register whatever it was. Looking to Draigo, she smiled and trotted up to him so that she could hug him.
“Thank you.” Fluttershy said, although she had no idea what she was thanking him for.
“You’re very welcome. Here, Joseph has this as well, but should you ever need my help, hold this and call out. I’ll be sure to come,” Draigo said as he put a copy of his token on her bedside table.
“I’ll be sure to do that then.” Fluttershy said with a smile.
“I got the- oh. He he. Forgot about your powers, Draigo.” Rainbow said with a smile, slyly pushing the mop and bucket to the side behind the wall. “How you doing Fluttershy?”
“I’m doing fine.” Fluttershy said with conviction.
“That’s good to hear since I believe Pinkie has a party planned for the whole town,” Draigo said as he idly walked about the room.
“A party?” Fluttershy asked.
“That will definitely make everypony get back into the swing of things.” Rainbow said, watching Draigo walk about.
“Let’s go check to see how she’s doing. It can’t be easy getting a party ready for an entire town,” Draigo said looking at the two mares with him with a smile.
“It’s Pinkie. She should be nearly done by now.” Rainbow said with a dismissive wave of her hoof.
“When it comes to parties, Pinkie really knows how to get things done quickly.” Fluttershy added.
“I know what you mean. Mine didn’t even need a day to bake a cake big enough for me while getting everything else ready,” Draigo said as he reminisced about his welcome party, “Has she thrown a party of this scale before, though?”
“Not that I can remember.” Fluttershy answered, tapping a hoof on the bottom of her muzzle in thought.
“Well, if what you say is true then by the time we arrive the party will have already begun,” Draigo said as he walked out the bedroom door only to stick his head back into view, “Where would she hold such a big party?”
“Town square. Only place big enough to hold the entire town in one place.” Rainbow said automatically as she trotted towards Draigo. Looking behind to see if Fluttershy was coming, Rainbow asked, “You coming or you gonna grow cobwebs?”
“I’m coming, don’t worry.” Fluttershy answered as she trotted after her, seeing an image flash by as fast as lightning while doing so.
Draigo let the two mares lead him to Town Square. As they approached, Draigo could hear the mumbling sound of many conversations going on at the same time. He smiled and looked over the crowd fondly as it came into sight.
“Mares, stallions and other creatures. Welcome to Pinkie’s Mega Party Extravaganza! I had a speech prepared but threw it out the window along with a couple of typewriters. I’m just glad to see that every citizen of Ponyville is back in piece. Now enjoy the party!” Pinkie said into the microphone that Mayor Mare gave her up on the stage. When she finished, a loud cheering erupted from the crowd as music began to pump through speakers strategically placed around the square for optimum sound.
Draigo was laying down and enjoying some party food as he watched the goofiness of the ponies. He had always enjoyed pony watching. He was enjoying it so well that he failed to notice the occasional odd look that the ponies gave him. Some of them were still wary of him, apparently. He didn’t mind as ever since helping Fluttershy his mind hadn’t been plagued by the echo of Queen’s last words.
“Hey, Draigo!” Crystal called out, walking up to the dragon after having finally found him. “Took me a while to find you. I had to get away from Joseph and his talking potato for a bit.” She said, sitting down near him.
“Really? You can’t get away that easy, sheila.” Joseph said with a grin, holding Crikey in his hand. “What’s been happening, Draigo? Did you help Fluttershy?”
“Yes, she’s back to her normal self and has four powerful draconic guards with her now,” Draigo said with a huge smile.
“Really? I can’t see anything though.” Crystal said, looking towards Fluttershy who was talking with Pinkie up on the stage.
“And you never will. They are mental guards that I put into her so she could block out and destroy any unwanted image or memory,” Draigo explained as he watched Fluttershy.
“That sounds cool. Sounds like she could be the ultimate helper now.” Joseph commented.
“She still needs the mental fortitude to hear the bad things while not remembering them. Not remembering the bad is almost as bad as forgetting the good. She must find a balance if she’s to truly be the ‘ultimate helper’ she could be,” Draigo expounded to them.
“That actually makes sense. Listen, you never gave me a token for me to summon you when I left your world.” Crystal told Draigo.
“Oh, that’s right. Here,” Draigo responded as he pulled a copy of his token from between his scales, “Just hold it and call out. It should work for anyone.”
“Got it.” Crystal replied while holding his token in both hands. “Alright, I’m ready to go home now. Tell everyone I said bye.” Crystal told Joseph when she turned to him.
“You going so soon?” Joseph asked her.
“Yeah, there’s no knowing how much time has passed back home while I’ve been here.” Crystal said with a soft sigh as she turned her gaze from Joseph to Rainbow, who was flying about the party, simply enjoying herself.
“Well, it was good to see you again, Crystal. Stay safe and, if you haven’t already, tell Rainbow how you feel and take her on a date,” Draigo whispered the last part so only she would hear him.
“Good to see you too.” Crystal said as a soft blush adorned her face.
“Since that’s the case, Crystal, your contract is complete.” Joseph said with a shrug. Giving a smile and a wave, Joseph tossed his own token to Crystal before she fell down the portal. It closed after her, leaving a white scarf wrapped around a rock. Joseph picked it up and placed it into his pocket.
“I’m not sure if there’s anything else that’s happening around here after the party,” Joseph said slowly.
“Then I should get going as well, my friend. Celestia may have my original token, but she can’t be everywhere at once,” Draigo said as he stood up and gazed over the crowd of ponies.
“Wait!” Twilight announced her arrival in a burst of magic.
“Yes, Twilight? Can I help you with something?” Draigo said, a little concerned at how frantic she seemed.
“Um, yeah. I know what I want to wish for and I wanted to catch you before Joseph sent you back.” Twilight said as her heart rate slowed.
“Well, you have good timing. What is it you’d wish for?” Draigo asked with a raised eye ridge.
“Okay. I wish for Spike to forget about what I did to him when you were last here. I’ll be able to live with the guilt but I won’t be able to live, knowing that he secretly doesn’t like a part of me for doing that to him.” Twilight explained.
Draigo gave a heavy sigh, “Bring him here and I’ll make sure he forgets.”
“Thank you!” Twilight teleported away to find Spike.
“Is what she’s asking for right?” Joseph asked curiously.
“What is right and what is wrong is something decided by each person,” Draigo responded, “I told her I’d grant anything within my power and that is one of them. I’ll ask Spike before I make him forget and if he’s truly against it then Twilight might have to change her wish. That is all I can do.”
“I just hope she knows what she’s doing.” Joseph said as he watched Twilight teleport with Spike to them.
“Twilight said you wanted to see me?” Spike asked curiously.
“Yes, Spike. Earlier, Twilight asked me for something. That something was for you to forget what she did to you the last time I was here. If she had asked for her own memories to be wiped I wouldn’t hesitate. Since she asked for another’s memories to be wiped. I feel that I must ask you if you want to forget that memory,” Draigo explained as he laid down in front of Spike.
“Twilight wants me to forget memories? Did she say why?” Spike asked, not bothering to look at Twilight because he felt betrayed by her for a second time.
“She doesn’t want to live knowing that you hate part of her. She’d rather live with the guilt than have you hate even a part of her,” Draigo explained Twilight’s reasoning.
“The guilt of putting me through what she did. She wants to live with that rather than know I hate a part of her?” Spike said slowly, wanting to confirm what he heard.
“That’s right, Spike,” Draigo said with a nod.
“Will it hurt?” Spike asked as he sighed after looking at Twilight for a bit.
“No, you won’t feel a thing besides my claw on your head,” Draigo told him.
“Fine. But only the memories of Twilight’s prank.” Spike said after taking a deep breath in an effort to prepare himself.
“Of course. Is that truly what you wish for, Twilight?” Draigo asked for confirmation in case she had changed her mind.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Twilight told him with a nod.
“So you have wished it, so it will be,” Draigo intoned as he put a claw on Spike’s head. Following the same process as Fluttershy’s memory wipe, Draigo delved into Spike’s mind. Moments later, Draigo took his claw off of Spike’s head and watched Spike for any side effects, just in case, “It is done. He no longer remembers that memory.”
“The only thing I remember from that is feeling sad and then Ember appearing from somewhere.” Spike responded, scratching the back of one of his claws.
“Ember, yes. Remember her and focus on her,” Draigo encouraged Spike, “Satisfied, Twilight?”
Spike did as instructed and focussed on remembering Ember.
“Yes, I am. Thank you, Draigo.” Twilight said softly.
“You’re welcome, Twilight. Remember, summon me when you need help. I’m always glad to be of assistance,” Draigo said and then nodded to Joseph.
“I need to find Ember. Catch you later, Draigo.” Spike said and waving bye, walked into the crowd of ponies to do just that.
“So, I take it you’re ready to go home?” Joseph asked him.
“Yes, I’ve concluded all my business here and tied up all the loose ends. Now, I must go face the foes in my world,” Draigo said as his eyes hardened at the last sentence.
“Alright. Draigo, your contract is completed.” Joseph said with a smile.
A portal opened before Draigo as Joseph finished his sentence. Looking back, Draigo smiled and stepped through the portal and vanished in a flash of black light. An hourglass was left behind where the portal was before it vanished with Draigo.
Elsewhere, machinery and gears began to turn as an assembly line was activated. Putting the levers into place, two robots, one pink and one purple, continued what their mother could not finish.
Author's Note
I want to thank Danger A. Dragon for helping out. This was really fun to write. On a side note, the next chapter may not be out for a while because I really need to focus on homework and real life stuff but I will write bits and pieces of it whenever I have some free time.
