New Batteries for Celestia

by Thunder Song

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2442

Celestia's mane has, as Luna says, 'Ran out of batteries!"

Celestia wakes up and expects a day full of boring paper-work and other dull things...

But then she realises her mane is no longer flowing in an ethereal wind, or as Luna says:
"You're mane's ran out of batteries!"

Cover art by SpinnyHat

Published 2015-10-04 18:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-04 18:00:02 UTC

The Plan

Author's Note

This is my first story, and I hope you enjoy it.

Faintly based on Dubs Rewatcher's 'The Mane Makes the Mare'.

The Plan

Ring ring! Ring ring! “EEEEAAAUUUUURRRRGGGGHHH!” Celestia slapped the ‘Sleep’ button on her noisy alarm clock, and it shattered into a million tiny pieces. She yawned and rolled out of bed, onto the diamond floor. She may have been a princess, but elegance was never her strong point. Slowly, she picked herself up and-

“EEEEAAAUUUUURRRRGGGGHHH!” yawned Luna, next door.

Celestia ignored her sister and dragged herself towards her dressing table. Wiping sleepy eye from her tired eyes, she plonked down onto the stool and gazed in the mirror. Picking up a mane brush, Celestia placed it on her head and pulled down. The brush wouldn’t budge.

‘There must be a knot!’ thought Celestia, inspecting her hair in the mirror.

“Huh?” gasped Celestia. Her long, flowing mane was no longer a long flowing mane. It was a long, still mane.

“My ethereal wind!” gasped Celestia. Celestia gasped again: she was doing a lot of gasping today.

Luna, who was, just like her sister, a hater of mornings, slowly walked into Celestia’s room.

“Morning,” she yawned. She gazed absent-mindedly at Celestia’s hair, then her eyes focused. “Your hair’s run out of batteries, Celly!” Luna laughed.

Celestia, however, shot her sister a withering look. Luna didn’t catch it.

“If you go through Twilight’s human world portal thingy then I bet there’s an electrics shop there!” she laughed. Celestia picked up the closest thing to her, her newspaper, to throw at Luna. As it sailed through the air, Luna picked up the closest thing to her, the wobbly doorknob. She threw it at the newspaper just in time, and the newspaper plummeted through the air like a rock. Celestia looked down at the newspaper’s heading, and then began to read:

FAUST (THE CREATOR) LEAVES EQUESTRIA TO GO TO HUMAN BRONYCON. TO RETURN SHORTLY.
By Ink Heart, Celebrity Correspondent for the Pony Times

Celestia suddenly had an idea. “I have had an idea!” she cried, joyfully.

“For once...!” joked Luna. Celestia scowled at her and continued.

“Read this. I can go to Bronycon!” Celestia chucked the paper at Luna, while she fixed the door knob with magic. Luna caught it in her mouth but immediately spat it out onto the floor in disgust. She unfolded it carefully and read.

Once she had done, she looked at Celestia, who had just finished fixing the door knob.

“You would look like an Equestria Girl, though, and real humans would send stories to their newspapers and you’d become famous with NO privacy at all!” Luna explained. Celestia groaned and mumbled something about ‘trying to look on the bright side’, but Luna ignored her.

“Are you sure you’re okay going? Alone?” a worried Luna questioned.

“I’m not alone.” a proud Celestia responded. “I think it’s time for Cadence and Twilight Sparkle to earn an ethereal wind. Don’t you?” Celestia explained and asked.

“Yeah, but…” Luna shifted, “Then I’m gonna be the only princess here while you’re gone and-”
She was cut off by Celestia, “You’re coming! Don’t think you get the castle to yourself! I don’t fall for your tricks! I’ve lived with you for almost all my life, except for…for…well…” Celestia didn’t want to mention Nightmare Moon so she changed her words before Luna realised what was going on. “Except for when I go on adventures on my own.” Celestia finished. Luna didn’t notice a thing, apart from the fact the Celestia had gone red and was sweating. She studied her sister’s face suspiciously, before deciding it was nothing.

Royal Espresso

“Well. No point in hanging round. Let’s go!” Luna exclaimed cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood. Celestia nodded, and followed Luna downstairs.

Celestia, who was in need of some royal espresso, dragged her tired body into the kitchen and over to the coffee machine. She hit the espresso button, maybe a little too hard for the machine fell over. Annoyed, she picked it up, rotated it the right way up and smashed it onto the work surface. Shards of plastic shot everywhere, and a coffee river gushed onto the floor. Luna watched, amused, as Celestia magicked the plastic into the bin. Luna peered inside and could see the shards of yesterday’s coffee machine, Wednesday’s coffee machine and now today’s coffee machine. She walked away from the bin towards the ‘Coffee Cupboard’ as Luna and Celestia called it and opened the door. It was usually full of spare coffee machines, but today it only had one in the corner. Luna reached in and brought out the coffee machine carefully. Placing it on the side in front of Celestia, she finished mopping up the coffee lake.

Celestia, grumpy, tired and frustrated, pressed the ‘Espresso Delight’ button carefully. She was being too careful and the machine didn’t register her hoof. She tried carefully again, but in the end, she lost what temper she had left and hit the button with all the force she could muster.

CRASH! A new pool of coffee appeared where Luna had just been cleaning and shards of plastic formed a mountain on the work - surface. Luna groaned and mopped up coffee lake number two. Celestia, who had no more temper to lose, hit her head, but accidentally smacked her horn. Howling in pain, she hopped around the kitchen. As she hopped around, her hair got caught on the fan, and slowly, she got tugged up into the air by her mane and was swung round and round and round the room. Luna had just dropped the plastic shards in the bin when this happened. She zapped Celestia onto the floor where she lay, as still as a pork chop.

Luna looked down at Celestia and left the castle. She walked all the way towards Bon Bon’s Café, and ordered a ‘Delight Espresso’. It was as close as she was going to get to an ‘Espresso Delight’ and she was sure Celestia wouldn’t notice. When she walked out of the café about ten minutes later (she had ordered a ‘Moonbeam Latte’ for herself), she sipped her drink.
Soon she was back in the castle kitchen. She got the espresso cup and lifted back Celestia’s head, tipped the coffee carefully into the mare’s open mouth and dialled 999.

Wrong Winds

On Sunday morning, Luna woke up to the sound of excited chatter outside in the streets. Faust had returned. Luna had only seen Faust once, but she remembered how terrible her humour was. She had pretended a pony, Princess Batterram, was real and that if Luna was related to her, Luna wouldn’t get a mane. Luna had never even heard of the pony, and when Faust had shown Luna her family tree, Batterram was apparently her great, great grandma. Only when she had asked why Celestia got a mane if she was related to Batterram did Faust reply…

“You’re too clever for your own good, Luney. I was only trying to have some fun.” Faust had replied, crocodile tears rolling down her face. At this point, Luna had lost her temper and had to get her ethereal winds another day, because apparently, “Princesses who throw tantrums are not allowed magical enchanted manes”.

Faust was a tall, white, high alicorn with huge feet, eyes and wings. She had big eyelashes and a dark red, straight mane. Her eyelashes were caked in mascara.

When Faust eventually got to the hospital, as she usually did to see the sick and injured so they could welcome her back, she saw Celestia awake in bed, bandages on her hooves, head and legs. Before she got to Celestia, however, who was at the back of the ward, she had to get through the other ponies.

“Love Letter! How did you enjoy robbing the Ponyville bank?” she asked. Everypony gasped (including Love Letter), before Faust smacked her forehead and said “Oops! Sorry, I’m thinking about Love Coin! So many ponies these days…” she then grinned and moved on. When Shea Butter, Lilac Laces, Camo Heart, Evergreen, Bowtie and Swashbuckle had had their turns, Faust finally turned towards Celestia.

“My goodness! I’ve heard about what happened! Did it hurt? What about your mane?” Faust looked very surprised.

“Well…” Celestia started, remembering her first experience with Faust…

She had pretended a pony, Princess Batterram, was real and that if Celestia was related to her, Celestia wouldn’t get a mane. Celestia had never even heard of the pony, and when Faust had shown Celestia her family tree, Batterram was apparently her great, great grandma. Only when she had asked why Faust’s horn had glowed when Batterram appeared on the family tree if she didn’t magic her there did Faust reply.

“You’re too clever for your own good, Celly. I was only trying to have some fun.” Faust had replied, crocodile tears rolling down her face. At this point, Celestia had lost her temper and had to get her ethereal winds another day, because apparently, “Princesses who throw tantrums are not allowed magical enchanted manes”.

“Well. Could I get an ethereal wind? It seems to have blown away.” Celestia hopefully asked.

Faust replied, “It goes away every three years so I can check whether you are still being a good princess.”

Confused, Celestia asked, “How come I haven’t lost it before? I have been a princess for ages!”

At this, Faust smiled. “Because it only disappears if I can remember you. I forgot all about the Itsy Bitsy Lickle Sunny Pwincessy. Oops.” Faust smirked down at Celestia.

“YOU!” Celestia shouted, but a zap from Faust silenced her.

“It’s okay. I’ll give you your wind back as you have stayed being a good princess.” Faust smiled, for once a genuine smile, and cast a spell on Celestia. Celestia, however, did not feel the magic engulf her and warm her up like when she got her first wind all those years ago.

When she looked at her tail, it had turned brown and soggy.

“Coffee wind?!” Shrieked Celestia.

“All the rage.” Faust grinned, but closed her eyes and cast another spell at Celestia.

This time, she felt the magic engulf her body, twisting around her, like vines, but more magical and less dangerous. When Celestia looked behind her, her white coat was blowing in a strong gale.

“That’s not how you do it, Fausty Wowsty! You’re meant to enchant my mane and tail.” Celestia said, smirking.

“FAUST!” cried Faust. “Anyway, Cello Bello,” Celestia frowned, “You never said where to apply it!”

“Yeah, well, I’d like it on my mane and tail, please.” Celestia said curtly.

“Fine. I’ll do that, then.” Faust smirked. It seemed to be her main expression.

“Okay. Do that then.”

“I will.”

“Are you actually gonna do it?” Celestia asked, faintly annoyed.

“Yes.”

“You can start…” Celestia told the smirking pony. Her anger was building up.

“I know.” Faust was being difficult on purpose, and she was enjoying it, though she actually had to give Celestia her mane winds. Closing her eyes, holding her breath, she concentrated on creating a wind, an ethereal wind. As she let her breath go, she watched as a shimmering, rainbow, ghost-like wind floated towards Celestia and whipped around her body, before reaching the mane and tail. Celestia watched as her tail was raised into the air and began to be blown around gently, in a forever breeze.

“Beauti-” Celestia began, but quickly changed. She didn’t want Faust to get any satisfaction.

“Nice. Thanks. At least I can leave this place, now. Seeya…in three years!!” With that, Celestia flapped her wings and flew out of the hospital door, chucking her bandages behind her.

Queen in the Royal Horse-pital!

Celestia was in hospital, and Luna had the palace to herself, as Cadence was on a trip with Shining Armour to Canterlot.

Clip Clop Clip Clop! The news pony was here. Luna walked to the door and picked up the newspaper and read:

QUEEN IN THE ROYAL HORSE-PITAL!
By Ink Heart, Celebrity Correspondent for the Pony Times.

‘Really?’ thought Luna. Ink Heart’s humour was terrible. She continued reading:

The Queen of the Sun, Queen Celestia, is in hospital after a kitchen coffee catastrophe! She got her hair caught in the fan, broke two coffee machines and finally, she hit her hoof on her horn! Princess Luna, once the terrible Nightmare Moon, showed her kindness by waking up Celestia after she fainted with the espresso Celestia originally desired.

Luna scowled when she read the sentence about Nightmare Moon. Would the Pony Times ever let her forget her past? She scanned the front page for anything interesting. A small box labelled:

FAUST TO COME BACK SUNDAY, CONFIRMS SPOKESPONY!

caught her eye. She squinted at the miniature box and read:

A spokespony for Miss Lauren Faust also known as Great Quill is coming home this Sunday (Tomorrow)! Ponies will be delighted, including Queen Celestia of the Sun who needs a new ethereal wind for her mane.

Luna beamed. Now Celestia would have her mane ‘fixed’, and Twilight and Cadence could get ethereal winds for their manes!

Royal Espresso (Take 2)

The next day…

Celestia, who was in need of some royal espresso, dragged her tired body into the kitchen and over to the coffee machine. She hit the espresso button, maybe a little too hard for the machine fell over.

You can guess the rest…

Later she was back in hospital.

Then finally she left.

Celestia, who was in need of some royal espresso, dragged her tired body into the kitchen and over to the coffee machine. She hit the espresso button, maybe a little too hard for the machine fell over.

The cycle continued, until one day…

Celestia, who was in need of some royal espresso, dragged her tired body into the kitchen and over to the coffee machine. She hit the espresso button, maybe a little too hard for the machine fell over.

Luna grabbed the machine, put it the correct way up and held her sister tightly.

“A cycles spell. Faust’s work.” Luna quickly undid Faust’s ‘cycle spell’, and Celestia shivered.

“Whew…I could MURDER Faust!” Celestia screamed, tearing at her hair. Unfortunately, Luna hadn’t deleted the spell entirely, and Celestia hit her horn.

“Oops!” giggled Luna, undoing the rest of the spell. Celestia looked at her sister.

“Thanks, Luna. Maybe it’s your turn to have some royal espresso.” Celestia laughed, and Luna joined in.
They lived almost happily ever after (Every three years they had to put up with Faust until Luna deleted part of Faust’s memory. After that they lived happily ever after!).