Scattered brown leaves twirled through the air on a brisk breeze, carried aloft in an effortless dance across Applejack's field of vision. The trees around her were not bare, not yet, but their leaves were one by one beginning to change colour. Inevitably they would release from their lifelong grip to tumble along with the wind until reaching a final resting place among the multitude of vibrantly-coloured heaps interspersed among the orchard.
The last harvest had taken place a few weeks ago, and the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres were utterly silent and empty, save for the rustling of fallen leaves and the heavy breaths of a lone orange figure. Applejack sat in a slump against a tree atop a hill. The entire orchard stretched out before her in a sea of yellow, orange, and red. Another chilly breeze brushed across the top of the lonely hill, tossing her mane and casting a few more leaves from the lone tree into the sky.
Applejack exhaled a long breath into the breeze until her lungs were empty. Her half-lidded eyes gazed out over the tops of countless trees towards the western horizon. The sun hovered just above the treetops there, and if Applejack squinted hard enough she almost felt she could stare directly into its great orange face, only for her eyes to water and force her to turn away blinking.
The setting sun's dull light painted the lower half of the sky with broad strokes until it nearly matched the colouration of the leaves below it. Through Applejack's watery eyes, the line between earth and sky blurred until all was a great colourful haze centered around a massive yellow glow.
Even in her hazy and indistinct vision, Applejack spotted a speck moving steadily towards her through the vibrant orange and yellow canvas. She blinked several times to clear her vision, the trees and the sunset separated themselves from one another, and Applejack squinted to make out the form of a pegasus pony flitting over the orchard in her general direction.
It was only a few moments before the vague shape of a pony solidified into Fluttershy, who hovered to a stop and landed ever so gently in the grass halfway up the hill. Fluttershy was sporting a picnic basket and a small smile as she slowly trotted uphill towards Applejack's position. The sun cast her long shadow all the way up the hill and framed her approaching figure in a dull glow. Her face was partially hidden behind her long pink mane, but she was still able to offer Applejack a nod and another small smile before sitting down next to the farmer.
The two were silent for several moments. Fluttershy seemed content to gaze across the treetops and admire the brilliant sunset, while Applejack barely even seemed to acknowledge the other pony's presence. Applejack's eyes remained half-closed and unfocused, and she breathed slowly and deeply without even glancing Fluttershy's way.
After this had gone on for a bit, Fluttershy finally sighed and turned to face Applejack. "We haven't seen you very much lately, you know," she quietly offered.
Applejack's ear flicked, but that was her only response.
Fluttershy attempted to smile, but it turned out a crooked. "I... I brought something to eat. I know you're p-probably hungry, so... um..." She used her wings to gently place the basket on the ground. "Do you mind?"
Applejack blinked, and when her eyes reopened she seemed to fully realize Fluttershy's presence for the first time. She glanced blearily at Fluttershy, then down the the picnic basket in the grass. Her stomach released a growl and she winced before nodding.
Fluttershy's next smile was totally genuine. "Oh... Oh, good! Here, let me just..." She opened the basket and began to unpack its contents. First she laid out the red and white checkered blanket. Several muffins, as well as cupcakes, were placed delicately down. A pitcher of lemonade followed, and then a platter of various sandwiches. Finally, a plate of apple dumplings completed the spread.
Fluttershy daintily picked up a muffin and began to munch on it. Applejack stared in silence for a few moments, then dug into a daisy sandwich. Fluttershy had been right, Applejack was hungry. Still, she found after only a couple bites that something felt wrong. She couldn't focus on the delicious food without something stirring in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't eat another bite without her eyes beginning to well up. With a prolonged sigh, Applejack placed down her unfinished sandwich and clenched her eyes tight.
Fluttershy saw, and swallowed the last bite of her muffin before offering a sad smile. She watched in silence as Applejack's breaths grew slower, heavier. She observed without comment as Applejack's shoulders began to shake. After a minute or two of choked breaths, Applejack finally brought herself under control. She sniffled, wiped her muzzle, and sat up straight.
Applejack stared through teary eyes at Fluttershy's sympathetic look, but it only made her feel worse. She tore her gaze away from her friend's and returned to staring out over the treetops at the brightly painted sky beyond.
All the while, Fluttershy didn't say a thing. After a moment, she scooted closer and draped her wing across Applejack's shoulders. Applejack leaned into her until Fluttershy almost felt she would be pushed off balance, but Fluttershy remained strong. They sat like that in the orange glow until Applejack finally spoke up in a voice that even Fluttershy had to strain to hear.
"I... I don't know what I'm feeling." Her shoulders shuddered and shook, but Fluttershy's wing only held tighter. "I should be s-sad. I sh-should be cryin', but... I ain't. It don't feel real. I just, I feel..."
"Empty," Fluttershy finished for her. "I know how you feel, Applejack."
Applejack turned to stare at Fluttershy with wide eyes. Fluttershy gazed back quietly through blurry vision and offered a gentle smile.
"It's hard," Fluttershy murmured. "I know exactly how hard it is. You're... e-expecting it, someday, but when it actually h-happens, you still aren't ready. You want to feel your heart break, because this feeling of emptiness doesn't do it justice." She sniffled. "You can still cry, Applejack—trust me, you'll feel a little better when you do—but don't feel like you aren't hurting enough."
Applejack choked. "B-But... what if I'm not? Maybe I should hurt more. It ain't fair that I should be okay, 'specially not this soon!"
"Hmmhmmhmm," Fluttershy chuckled through closed lips. "Applejack, I can tell you right now that you're not 'okay'."
Applejack flinched and stared towards the ground as her shoulders began to shake once more. She opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a choked gasp before she snapped it shut again.
Fluttershy turned to squint out over the treetops. She watched the countless individual leaves flitter through the breeze in swirling and twirling patterns. With a sigh, she turned back to gaze at Applejack, and when she did she bore a distant frown.
"Applejack, my grandparents died when I was still a filly."
Applejack's shuddering instantly stopped. She snapped her vision up to stare at Fluttershy, but found the other mare's eyes closed in deep reminiscence.
"I still remember them clearly, even their faces and voices. They didn't live nearby, but we wrote each other whenever we could, and my family used to visit them all the time." She paused to take a deep breath. "My grandmother passed away a few years before my grandfather, but even though he was heartbroken he kept on living. We kept visiting, even though his health was... declining. He would smile and laugh just like he always used to, but I never understood how.
"I think he noticed my confusion, because one day he opened up to me about it." Fluttershy's cheeks took on a rosy tone a soft smile grew beneath her still closed eyes. "He told me that he was sad. He missed my grandmother every day. But at the same time... that didn't diminish the good things in the world. He still loved his grandchildren, he still took us to our favourite diner, and he still joked and laughed with us. Even though something tragic had happened, he always remembered that good things still exist, and he always reminded himself of how great an experience is when it happens."
Applejack could only stare in silence. Her mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound came out. After a moment, Fluttershy spoke up again.
"I, uhm, had a hard time b-believing him for a while. Then, a couple years later, when... wh-when he passed away, there was a cotton candy machine at his funeral! Apparently he'd ordered it in his will." Her smile became a grin, though her eyes remained closed. "I remember that I saw that cotton candy, hmm, and I couldn't help but giggle... and then I cried." Finally, she opened her eyes, and they were filled with tears, though her grin never faltered. "There's nothing wrong with experiencing sadness... and continuing to experience enjoyment too. Of course I feel sad when I remember them... but I can still feel happy at the same time. If you try not to, all you'll feel is... empty."
A chill wind breezed across the hilltop, carrying with it several dancing orange leaves. Applejack followed the leaves with her eyes, out and up and over the orchard. She looked out at the sunset, and for the first time that evening she realized that it truly was beautiful. Her eyes opened up wide, absorbing the great glowing wonderment that was laid out before her on nature's canvas. And then, after a few moments, tears began to run down her cheeks. Her shoulders shuddered and shook, and her chest heaved in great sobs. Fluttershy leaned in and wrapped both wings around her friend, and the pair sat like that for several minutes until Applejack's tears slowed to a stop.
When Applejack finally stopped crying, she looked up as if her eyes had only just opened. She smiled, a true and genuine smile, at her friend, and Fluttershy smiled back.
"I know things seem bad, but there are good things in this world, Applejack," Fluttershy spoke softly. "Remember that."
Applejack smirked. She reached down and picked up a still-warm apple dumpling from the plate. As the edge of the sun tossed its final few rays over the horizon, casting the pair of ponies in long shadows and dull red colours, Applejack took a great big bite of the fresh dumpling, and she smiled.
It was the most delicious thing she'd ever tasted.
Author's Note
Edwin "Ed" Ellis
1921 - 2015
