Snake Pie

by Brown25

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 14023

The girls get to meet Pinkies Step-Father and he's not really what they were expecting....

The girls get to meet Pinkie's Step-father and he's not really what they were expecting…

A Metal Gear Solid 4 / Equestria Girls crossover

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-18 15:07:47 UTC

Here's To You

Maud Pie was considered an oddity by her few friends, some had dubbed her 'special' and others 'weird'. She preferred 'reserved' personally, it took alot to impress her or drag her from her studies. Geology was serious business in her mind, yet even so she still managed to make time for her overtly exuberant sister and her little circle of friends, they tried so hard to include her and it was honestly sweet. Still, parties and sleepovers were more of Pinkies forte so here she sat, nestled in an armchair glancing at her smart-phone every few minutes for an eagerly awaited update on the BGS (some said that a new form of Quartz had been discovered, a wry smile forming at the thought) whilst surrounded by her sisters friends.

Said friends were in an interesting way at the moment, Rainbow Dash particularly. Applejack had managed to sneak half a crate of her families home brewed alcoholic cider out of the house for this little shin-dig --mostly due to Rainbows persistent whining-- and the poor athlete was currently five drinks in and being rather loud. She'd be feeling it in the morning if her quick estimates of the girls height and weight were correct, you couldn't just pack that much  alcohol into such a small frame without it having a nasty after effect. Sighing at the lack of an update at her most recent check the 'responsible one' as their Step-Father referred to her decided to stretch her legs, a slice of cake also looked rather manageable at the moment.

Dodging past a flailing Twilight Sparkle --the girl had the most unusual dance moves she'd ever seen-- she divied up a small slice from the large chocolate confection, baked both with love and effort by her sister. She idly tried to remember the reason for this bash, was it a  reunion or a farewell for Twilight ? Shaking her head slightly she giggled to herself, Pinkie would use any occasion as an excuse. Leaning against the table she began a favorite past time of hers, people watching.

Besides the awkwardly dancing form of Twilight there was Fluttershy, the meek girl in an animated conversation with Rarity regarding some kind of animal based fashion line, the now arguing Rainbow Dash and Applejack --the self confessed 'country gal' attempting to pry Rainbow Dashes sixth cider out of her hands-- and her Sister with Sunset Shimmer. Her feelings on the girl were difficult to say the least. On the one hand she had clearly reformed from her school-yard villainy and was actively aiding her sister in combating the unusual events going on if the giant 'Sky Horse' she'd seen during the Battle of the bands was anything  to go by (as was her sisters corroborating claims) but even so she still harbored a slight grudge against the girl for how hard she'd made both hers and Pinkies early years at CHS hard.

Thankfully she'd backed off from both herself and her sister to a lesser degree after The Incident. It helped when the perpetrator was in a cast for half the school year, kept things fresh in peoples mind. Another smile worked its way to her face, she wasn't much of one for revenge but oh it had been sweet.  The seventeen year old was drawn out of her reverie by a click at the back door, most of the girls couldn't notice it over the music but she did, it was distinctive and indicative of one person, the only person she knew who would willingly ignore the neatly cared for garden and inviting front door to jump over a fence and enter via the back.

"Father's home !"

Two days at the damn factory, two achingly long days. Who honestly thought cardboard required so much management ? The cot in his office had been calling to him but he knew better. Family time was important, Cloudy would kill him when they finally met up again if she knew he was ignoring their family in favor of an easy bed. He'd never done things the easy way, be it convoluted plots against his life, fighting nuclear death-machines or getting his youngest step-daughter to calm down and focus on her studies. The last had been the most difficult by far. Though he was rapidly re-considering its difficulty compared to this fenc-

"Dammit!" he growled as he awkwardly fell into the bushes adorning his back garden, he hated his body sometimes. Forty five years  of age yet he looked and felt like he'd hit the early part of sixty. The last two years he'd been training trying to regain some of his youthful strength and stamina, it was a work in progress.

Grumbling to himself the 'Man who made the impossible possible' slowly stood up before holding his twinging back with a  pronounced grimace, the old man then dusted himself off and procured his key from the dark, drab suit he wore when on the job. Staring at it for a moment he recalled how his younger self had often refuted the idea of being 'a family man', not so much out of selfishness but more to do with the thought of what kind of parent he'd be. A man who had been stuck in a bottle for two years, isolated, 'barely human' and with a joy for the battlefield was not ideal parent material. Yet here he was, living in the suburbs with two teenage daughters (step, even with his 'miraculous' recovery from both FOX-DIE and his bodies advanced aging he was still sterile) and holding down a job that required more combat with numbers then people.

Approaching the back door he entered with his usual ritual in mind.

"Kept you wait-"

He was agog at the sight. Girls, many of them. Giggly teenage girls drinking and partying in his home. He knew this day would come at some point....still sometime he wished Liquid had stepped on him in Rex.

Calling To The Night

The scientific method was fairly simple, so simple in fact that it even applied to magic ! It worked thusly, observe, question, hypothesize, test, gather data, develop theories and continue ad nauseam. Twilight Sparkle (Princess of Friendship) was currently retreating to the middle area of the method. Namely 'refining hypothesis', in this case it was the theory that the 'Mirror World' was a carbon copy of Equestria, merely changing species and certain job titles around to fit the strange society that these humans lived in. Admittedly it had been a work-in-progress, this was her third trip to the 'Mirror World' after-all --the paper she'd been writing would suffer alas but this was the way of all knowledge-- but Pinkie Pies 'Daddy' (as she squealed before hugging him tightly) was clearly not Igneous Pie, in fact she'd seen neither hide nor hoof of Cloudy Pie in either the last sleep over or this event either. Most odd.

The sugary pop-tunes were paused, Mauds hand hovering over the button to the stereo. Perhaps 'Not-Igneous Pie' would be irritated with them ? Whilst not an expert on parties during her  studious younger years she'd heard from Rarity how her parents would get rather snippy at an unexpected soiree occurring. It didn't help that everyone seemed tense, Applejack and Fluttershy for example were desperately trying to cover the cider in an awkward attempt at lounging. Even with both his daughters now embracing him though he still seemed to radiate an air of menace, the striking burn scar on the side of his face not helping to alleviate it.

"We're not drinking booze !" squeaked a guilty looking Rainbow Dash breaking the stand-off.

Mr Pie however simply disentangled himself from his daughters arms and walked over, face set in a calm look of disinterest. Reaching around the now cringing forms of both girls he picked up a single bottle of the alcoholic beverage and gave it a glance.  If Sunset and Rarities  eyes said anything then Twilight expected things to get rather bad very quickly. "Sweet Apple Acres huh ?" he asked to no one in particular, his voice disturbingly gravely.

"Y-yes" muttered Applejack, whilst honesty was her policy it was also liable to get her into a fine lick 'o trouble if Pinkies father made the connect-

"You brewed this I take it, your outfit is similar in theme to the bottles logo after all and my daughter mentioned one of her friends is both a 'farm girl' and works on her families apple orchard" he punctuated his statement by tapping her hat lightly causing Fluttershy to both squeak and hide behind her hair.

"Yeah" the 'farm girl' in question replied navel gazing. She could see it now, a harsh talk from Granny Smith and a months worth of hard-chores at minimum.

Popping the cap off with a quick flick of the wrist and his house key, Mister Pie took a deep whiff of the amber liquid. His face never changed once as he slowly placed the open bottle back on the table. "The label says it's eight percent but it definitely smells like you've got another two in there, i'd suggest maybe cutting the fermentation process back by a week, just to be on the safe side. Other then that you did a good job kid," he patted Applejack on the shoulder as he turned away from the thoroughly confused girl.

"I didn't know you knew how to make cider Daddy ?" questioned a bouncy Pinkie, the hyperactive girl practically circling her father as he made his way to the stairs.

"I've done a lot of things in my time darling, you know that" he grumbled quietly whilst ascending the steps.

Unable to take it anymore the tipsy Rainbow Dash stumbled forwards, her arms noodling about in a vain attempt for her body to catch up to her emotions "That's IT! No yelling, no 'Parties are banned in my house' no 'Your all minors how dare you drink in my house' no telling our parents an-" the girls eyes widened as she realized too late what she was saying, her hands now clamped firmly over her mouth.

Stopping half-way up the stairs Mister Pie turned to the athletic girl, a small smile present on his weathered face, "Kid there's three rules in my home," he held up the same number of digits dropping them down with each rule "One, no drugs. Two, no boys. Three, no weapons. Get drunk if you want it's none of my business, you'll do it in my house or else where, better that you do it somewhere warm and safe with a phone. As for parties ?" a raspy chuckle followed "Well you've seen Pinkie, you couldn't stop the girl if you tried, now if any of you need me i'll be in my study....or making a sandwich, one of the two." With that he disappeared up the stairs humming the ear-worm of a pop song that had been playing upon his entrance.

"He seems...nice" said Rarity hoping to shatter the now all consuming silence following their introduction to Mister Pie.

"Especially considering he didn't call your parents" added a now relaxed Sunset Shimmer, one of the few benefits of living on her own was that she was her own master, beheld at the whim of no one. Though she missed a certain alabaster colored Princess from time-to-time.

Turning the music back on --though only at half its previous volume-- the 'Element of Laughter' smiled, "Oh he wouldn't do that, Daddy is very laid back, like super laid back, when Maud was going through her 'rebellious phase' he let her drink and even smoke !" the girls eyed Maud in minor shock, she didn't really seem the type....then again she didn't really seem the type for much.

"It was just a few weeks," Maud grunted settling back into her armchair "He was right though, I learnt rapidly that waking up dying of thirst and feeling like i'd swallowed a ton of sand-stone isn't a pleasant routine."

"I was almost sick on Angel the first time I had a cigarette" mumbled Fluttershy her face  beet red. The flush deepened as her friends jaws dropped, Maud was one thing but Fluttershy ! Crowding around the poor girl her friends began to quiz her on what other 'unexpected' surprises she held for them. Whilst all this was going on however Twilight found it an opportune moment to discuss 'Mister Pie' with Pinkie in --relative-- privacy.

"Otacon, Otacon come in, you've got to help me dammit !" the old man growled slapping the side of his head every few seconds "Codecs gone to hell without the SOP,"  he muttered now relying on satellites which weren't as foolproof as the former system, as insidious as it could be. Sitting in his studies comfy chair the legendary soldier wrung his hands together, he'd gotten better with kids, much better, he'd even been a moderately successful father in his own opinion. This though ? Way out of his league. Oh he'd managed to bluster his way through --using his 'Battle field look' as his long-dead friend Grey Fox had once referred to it-- but even so he didn't know how he'd be able to manage this many girls in his home.

"Snake.......what is it ?" slurred a groggy Hal 'Otacon' Emmerich, it was nine-thirty at night and he'd had a long day with Sunny teaching the rambunctious six year old the basics of coding, she was a natural genius and was learning from the best, he'd created the FOX-ALIVE system that had crippled Liquid-Ocelots plans after all.

"I need your help, I'm...I'm worried"

Blinking in confusion the self-confessed geek rubbed the bridge of his nose, "This better not be a teenage girl thing Snake, I've got another seven years before dealing with that."

"Pinkie's having a party and she's got six other girls here...I think they're her friends, what do I do ?"

"What do you mean 'what do I do' ?" this was becoming confusing very quickly, he'd never seen his best friend in such a state.

"Well do I get involved, talk to them, or do I just hide up here ? I mean I wanted some family time after two days at work but I don't want to ruin time with her friends an-"

"Do what you think is best Snake" it was a simple statement but the best he could come up on such short --and sleep deprived-- notice.

"But what if I can't talk about anything or they ask questions or-"

"I see now" interrupted Otacon again "It's an age thing right ?"

"...I don't want them thinking i'm some old fart" Snake mumbled eyes downcast.

A soft smile came to Hals face, for a man who'd done so many outlandish and legendary things Snake was a surprisingly tender man at times, he just tended to hide it behind his cold exterior, "They wont Snake, so you look a bit older then an average man your age, so what ? It's nothing to be ashamed of, there are men older then you look popping out kids as we speak. As for what to say ? Well I can't tell you to be honest but you're smart  you'll come up with something. The man who can turn a cardboard box into a necessary battlefield requirement isn't a person lacking in ideas."

"It's more then necessary it's vital" he retorted dead serious.

"Let me know how it goes ok ?" Hal said a large grin on his face at their now-routine 'box banter', " Just take it easy and relax."

With that the codec call ended.  After a few minutes of soul-searching Snake finally reached a decision.

"I think i'll have that sandwich."

Heavens Divide

Stars blurred as the alcohol burnt its way through her system, the sky was cold and harsh like life. She'd solve it though, solve it all. Staggering through the idyllic cul-de-sac her target was finally in sight, a simple house but well known to her. The humiliation...the taunts...the ruination of everything, she felt it all like a flame inside her driving her on-wards. Her 'bag of tricks' held the tools of retribution and its heavy weight was comforting.

Vengeance was coming.

"Can I ask you a question ?"

She hadn't meant to sneak up on her unsuspecting friend -- currently busy picking at the frosted cupcakes while the rest of their group mercilessly 'interrogated' Fluttershy-- and didn't expect the reaction she got. It was seemingly normal, but (like all things Pinkie Pie) there was a tinge of odd about it, in this case she could have sworn she saw a giant exclamation mark appear above the girls head when she touched her shoulder. Brushing it off though (always the best when it came to the girl) she repeated herself, this time receiving a vigorous nod from Pinkie whilst she swallowed her latest baked good.

"You know in the world I come fro-"

"Oooh you mean magic horsey land with spells and griffons and that funny dragon that sounds like John de Lancie ?" Pinkie interrupted eyes aglow at the mention of Twilights home , she always seemed to know far more than anyone else which was unusual to say the least...and what was a 'John de Lancie' ?

"Umm yes, Equestria" she coughed just trying to barrel through it all, "Ever since I came here I thought this world and ours were identical, like a...well mirror to be honest."

"Aaaaaaaaaand ?" added the bubbly girl a smile on her face as she invaded Twilights personal space, practically eye to eye at that very moment.

" You see my Pinkie Pie...well I don't really know how to put this but she-"

"This is about Daddy isn't it ?"  the girl in question whispered, her once cheerful appearance melting away to an uncharacteristic dolefulness. It was startling how quickly it changed, even her hair 'deflating' into limp straightness.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to" she replied hoping to drop the whole thing that her damned curiosity had started. She felt as if she'd  stepped on a hoof-full of Breezies. Twilight internally chided herself, How could she even think to ask such a stupid hurtful question like 'Why do you have no sisters, and a different father!' ? It was so stupid of her.

Toying with her hair slightly the visibly distressed girl shook her head, "No, it's ok, tell me about your Pinkie".

"Well in Equestria I've...I've met her family and they're nice, they farm rocks. Well I say farm but it's more of a natural harvest a- she paused for a second noticing her burgeoning tangent, "Anyway there's you of course and there's Maud but, well,  their were two more sisters and a different father"

"Do they have a mommy still ?" Pinkie asked, her eyes wet and voice cracking slightly.

The penny dropped rapidly for Twilight and the 'feel train' as Rainbow Dash refereed to it had left the station at full speed. "Stupid, stupid stupid!" her mind screamed, this conversation seemed to consist of nothing but her ramming her hoof into her mouth constantly and now it looked as if the seemingly endless spring of happiness that was Pinkie Pie was about to dry up.  "Sweet Celestia Pinkie… I'm sorry...I should of noticed sooner, I’m supposed to be smart but it just...it just never clicked you understand".

Ignoring the usage of their principal as an interjection the girl reached into her straight mop of hair and --somehow-- pulled a handkerchief from it, only after wiping her eyes and blowing vigorously on the cloth did she answer."I-It's ok, I mean you’re lucky I suppose, you came here instead of some weird evil world where we all have beards", she gave a weak laugh at the thought "Daddy isn't my 'real' Daddy though, he died when I was still little,  Mommy said it was some kind of farming accident, so I guess we stayed farmers in your world huh ?"

Twilight nodded, she felt a strange mixture of shame and curiosity at the moment. She hadn't wanted to make Pinkie sad but she was giving up the information on her own right ? That didn't make her a bad friend surely ?

"After Daddy died Mommy couldn't support two babies on her own in the countryside...we didn't really have anyone else you see, so she moved to the suburbs in Canterlot and struggled but survived" the usually vibrant girl said "She never once let anything get her down, Daddy says she's where I get my  'zaniness' from.   Anyway we were a small but happy family, then one day Mommy meets a man, she says he's 'Grumpy but means well' and they begin to see each other a lot. They fell in love, like a storybook she melted his grumpy ice into a warm smile. They were happy and so were we....but then she became sick, very sick. Cancer. Mommy held on as long as she could but she had to leave us and now we've only got Daddy. No sisters, no Mommy . Just me, Maud and Daddy."

Barely holding back her own tears the Element Of Magic grabbed her morose friend in a tight hug, hoping that somehow it'd help. She felt like a monster for causing her to tell what was obviously a painful story and wished that she'd never asked about it in the first place.

"Pinkie darling is everything ok ?" with those words from Rarity the groups attention was dragged from the extremely flustered Fluttershy to the melancholy  girls.

"Keep it cool," Snake thought as he exited his study, they were just teenage girls, what did he have to be worried about ? Besides abject humiliation of himself and ruining his daughters social circles of course, "Dammit shut up in there!" he railed. Talking to himself was a bad sign. Senility was not on the list of things he wanted to deal with today especially if it caused his daughters to suffer from the reputation of having a 'crazy old dad'.

He slipped down the stairs with all the grace and quiet that came from years of experience and a genetic legacy from 'The greatest solider of the twentieth century'. He even managed to breeze past the two groups on his way to the kitchen, making note of the larger one (his Maud, Applejack and Sunset he was familiar with, the others not so much) and the smaller (his Pinkie Pie and...Twilight Sparkle?) as he went by, both in deep conversation. He'd been tempted to use the box but thought it was a little crowded for that to slide, they never seemed to fall for it when there were large groups. After closing the door for some privacy he pondered on how to interact with such a group (What did girls that age like now days ?) he acquiesced to his hunger first though before continuing his ruminations.

"Where's the Tuna" Snake muttered rooting deep in his fridge, Pinkie had done it again, overstocking the damn fridge with sugary confections including what looked like a metric ton of whipped cream. It explained where her allowance was going though. Tempted to give up his search and just have a Caloriemate bar (surprisingly tasty for what was basically a nutritional supplement) his patience was rewarded by the sight of the half opened can hiding behind the two-hundred and sixty seventh can of whipped cream.With a grunt he managed to retrieve the fish without spilling more than a third of the cans onto the cold stone floor, quite an achievement all in all.

"What do teenage girls like ?" he muttered absently as he prepared his supper. When he was there age....well when he was there age it was the late eighties and girls tended to like everything disgustingly bright, plastic and with synth. Of course they also liked him but that tended to happen when you were one of the countries youngest Green Berets, the uniform had its perks. A small smile appeared on the old man’s face, tugging slightly at the burn plastered on half of it. He'd had the option for nano based regenerative surgery but had turned it down, after the SOP incident he wasn't going near the damn things again unless he was at gun point.

"Speaking of guns" he thought, his smile narrowing. It was a simple glint from the garden, the kitchen light bouncing off of something in the bushes he'd graced earlier on. Could be nothing, but in his life it was rarely ever 'nothing'. Taking care not to betray his awareness of the possible intruder he opened a cupboard door beneath the kitchen tabletop. Ostensibly it held preserves and pickles, in reality it also held something a tad stronger, a M9 Tranquilizer pistol. He'd secreted several of them around the house in carefully hidden locations in the event some hit man or Patriot sleeper agent decided it was time to remove that pesky 'Old Snake' from the world or worse yet, try and attack his family to get to him. He'd considered live ammunition but decided against it, Pinkie had a knack for finding things and he'd been terrified of the thought of his eleven year old step-daughter hurting herself due to his (admittedly justified) paranoia.

Of course he'd never actually needed them until now, would the anesthetic still work after five years ? He'd just have to go for a throat shot and hope that if it didn't work the shock would hold them off long enough for him to get up close and CQC them. Getting slammed into the ground repeatedly tended to speed up the 'losing consciousness' effect he found. Sliding the M9 into the back of his trousers he calmly opened the back door and walked out, can of tuna in hand.

"Here kitty kitty" he grumbled waving the can about, for all intents and purposes appearing to be a man just looking to get his cat in for the night. He continued further into the darkness, tense eyes carefully looking at everything but the bushes so as not to give himself away.  Within three feet of the plants he struck, dropping the tuna can he made a single smooth quick draw of the M9 and aimed at the glints origins.

"Freeze !"

The response was a very unprofessional whimper. This was either a rookie or the worst assassin he'd ever encountered, possibly both, he'd certainly pissed off enough people in his life time.

"Don't shoot me !" squealed a surprisingly high pitched voice.

"Get out of the bushes, put your hands up !"

Stumbling out from the undergrowth came the biggest surprise of Snakes night. It was a girl, one of his daughters classmates if he wasn't mistaken. "B...eatrice" he thought idly noting her platinum hair, dark blue ensemble and tan shoulder bag, well that and the nearly empty empty bottle of Vodka in her hands. She stank of it and she wasn't just using it as an exotic perfume if the distinctive shade of green and wobbliness she was suffering from said anything.

"P-please don't shoot Trixie" she sniffled falling to her knees, tears freely flowing at the prospect of being gunned down by the scary old man in front of her.

He lowered the gun slightly, wary of putting it away entirely. He'd seen enough teens used as weapons before. "What do you want Beatrice, why did you break into my back garden, huh. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just shoot  ?"

"I...I just…I wanted revenge" she wailed, bottle slipping away from her hand its contents emptying into his lawn.

"Revenge for what ?" he hoped this wasn't the start of some kind of complex double cross, he had enough of that in his work-life and really didn't need it to start seeping into his retirement. At the question of 'what' though a fire seemed to light in the girls eyes, her former blubbering stopping as easily  as if it was a switch.

"For Trixie’s defeat of course ! Her humiliation, her...her ahhh!" she threw her arms upwards in frustration " Two weeks ago your daughter and her pathetic little friends ruined my life, after my loss at the battle of the bands my boyfriend cheated on me, people won’t stop laughing and now  they've even begun to spread rumors that I like girls !"

"So you drank half a bottle of gut-rot and broke into my home because your social life went to shit ?" this was getting far too pathetic for him.

"Not just broke into your home, Trixie will show her superiority over all the Rainbooms with this !" she grandstanded reaching into her bag and revealing a cheap can of spray-paint "Trixie shall declare her superiority in the neon colors of victory !"

Snakes face fell, he'd gone from fighting insane super-powered terrorists to this ?

"How much of that cheap shit did you have to drink before this seemed like a good idea, a third ?" she nodded, "I'm guessing the rest was for courage" she nodded once more. Sighing he put the M9 back in the back of his trousers before retrieving ten dollars from his wallet and passing it to the girl. "Here kid, call a taxi and go home, tagging people’s houses won’t get you 'victory' just a fine...or in this case shot."

A look of righteous indignation formed on the girls face as she considered his words, "Bu-"

"You've got three minutes before I call your parents Beatrice."

She took the sensible option and called the Taxi.

Can't Say Goodbye To Yesterday

Crying wasn't cool, it really wasn't. You ended up all snotty and wet, looked like a sissy and tended to have other people laughing at your misery. With this in mind however, Rainbow Dash tried her hardest to hold the tears in, no matter how sad her friend's story was. She had a problem though, it wasn't working. It didn't help that Maud interjected every few moments in her sister's retelling to add or verify facts, her plain tone creating a level of blunt realism that Pinkie's raw emotion just couldn't scrape. If she didn't know the girl better, she could of sworn that Maud just didn't care.

She managed to struggle through though to the bitter end though, everyone else reduced to floods of tears --even the normally stoic Applejack-- save for herself. She'd later wonder whether she should be proud of such a feat or worried, but for now it didn't concern her. What did was quickly changing the subject, lest this transform from a 'Pinkie Party' to a 'Pity Party'. She glanced at her friends in hope that they might be able to break the sad silence, only to be rewarded by sniffles and Rarity awkwardly attempting to clean her now-running mascara without a mirror. Whilst normally a tad insensitive even she recognized this was a fairly awkward situation and trying to come up with a solution was distressingly difficult, was this what it felt like to be Twilight ?.

"So...uh...what does your dad do ?" was the best she could come up with on such short notice and even then she felt it was weak. It seemed to do the trick though, Pinkie's smile returning slowly, Maud too seemed to show the briefest flicker of happiness at the subjects change from deceased mother to living step-father before her usual composed facade returned.

"Oh Daddy's done lots of things, he's been to lots of countries too !"

"That's nice but what does he do ?" she repeated scratching her rainbow mop of hair. Even for Pinkie it shouldn't be this hard.

"Don't pressure the girl, Rainbow" muttered Rarity, elbowing her friend in the ribs. She could be so uncouth at times.

"Father is a philanthropist" replied Maud confusing CHS's number one athlete even further, noticing the girls vacant look she continued, "He runs America's fifth largest cardboard box factory and donates at least half of the profits to helping the poor and needy."

Applejack gave a low whistle, "That is mighty generous, most folks don't even give a single dime to charity but here he is giving half his profits to 'em, you've got a real saint of a Pa, Pinkie." The girl giggled, nodding in agreement. She knew her step-father well, he was certainly a saint, even if he grumbled occasionally when she hogged the kitchen for baking time.

"Speaking of Saints, Pinkie, father's book arrived today. Did you place it in his study ?" Maud asked.

"Oooh yes...um no....uh maybe ?" the girl said, traipsing through her memory for an answer. When her eyes lit up, she dropped to the ground and crawled on her belly, beneath the party food covered dining table.

"A-are you ok Pinkie ?" stuttered Fluttershy, who found the situation too surreal; one minute a full interrogation, followed by a heart-breaking story, and now her friend’s sudden interest of the living room carpet.

"Yes indeedly," she remarked popping her head out from beneath the over-laden table.... which was starting to lurch. "Got it Maud !" she cried, waving a thick brown-paper-covered package with a noticeable insignia in the center, "St. Hilarious’ History of the Imperial guard right ?"

"Hillary's" Maud corrected, helping her sister up whilst keeping a watchful eye on table.

"Aww, I thought Daddy bought a joke book," she mumbled, idly stuffing a cupcake into her mouth.

"History of the Imperial Guard ?" Twilight eyed the package carefully, she was definitely curious. This world’s magic 'Internet' had taught her much, but she preferred a good book to staring at that 'monitor' (What was it monitoring?) all the time.

"Father has a keen interest in Military history, mostly concerning the last hundred years or so, but he's begun branching out at my suggestion," said Maud, whilst inspecting the former prop for damage.

At the mention of 'Military', Rainbow Dash's attention was grabbed, "You mean like cool tanks and stuff ?"

Raising an eyebrow at the girl's interest, Maud paused, "Yes...I suppose, I can show you if you like, Father keeps his collection in his study."

"You know we're not supposed to go in there without asking first, Maud." garbled Pinkie in between a mouthful of her third cupcake in a row.

A surprisingly sneaky look came over the usually reserved girl's face, "What father doesn't know won't hurt him".

Before her sister could even form a response, she'd grabbed Rainbow Dash's hand and sped up the stairs, even managing to outpace the shocked girl as she was dragged in Maud's wake. The fuzzy haired girl simply shrugged, it was Maud who risked being grounded, not her.

"What. The. Hell." was all the loud mouthed girl could think as she was forcibly tugged out of the living room and into what must be the study on the second floor. She'd heard Maud was pretty sporty --not necessarily as rounded as herself though, no one was that awesome-- but this was ridiculous ! She practically had an iron grip. Her burst of speed was insane too, even her own sprinting wasn't that quick off the mark !

"Ta-da !" Maud declared, her tone struggling against the implied gravitas and showmanship of her words. She gestured to the room and it's contents and … it was kind of boring Rainbow admitted. Just a desk, lots of books and a few picture frames. She'd expected guns or models or something. Something cool.

"Impressed ?" the purple haired girl queried, tilting her head slightly.

Kicking the carpet lightly as she meandered around the small room, Rainbow had to disagree, but how could she tell Maud without coming off as a jerk though ? This would take so-

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" she squealed, nearly slamming into what had caught her attention. It was a small frame containing a simple swatch of fabric, what it represented though was what caused her to break out the infamous 'squishy face' she reserved for moments of sheer glee. "I-is that what I think it is !"

"Yes, it's a military patch Rainbow Dash" Maud nodded, confused at the girl’s sudden explosion of excitement.

Lifting the frame off the wall with careful reverence, Rainbow pointed eagerly at its contents "It's not just any patch Maud, it's a FOXHOUND patch, do you know how rare these things are ?"

"As rare as any other special forces unit patch would be I suppose" she just couldn't understand all the excitement over a lump of wool. Surely the signed first edition of ‘La Guerra de Guerillas’ on the shelf was more exciting ?

"These things are five hundred dollars minimum and that's just for the grunts, I tried getting my dad to get me one, but he just couldn't afford it this year...or the year before that...or the year before that as well".

"I didn't take you as a FOXHOUND fan, you were always seemed more interested in the Wonderbolts" Maud said pointing to another frame on the wall showcasing several fighter jets in a complex aerial display. To be fair she didn't even expect the girl to be much of a 'history' fan from her reputed test scores; the Wonderbolts were her only known obsession aside anything non-sport or music related, and they were barely military these days.

"Well...uh," the girl blushed placing the frame delicately on Mr. Pie's desk, "When I was a kid I always wanted to be a member of FOXHOUND."

"Really ?" this was news to her, probably to her friends as well.

"Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing but...well, when I was six my dad would read me bedtime stories, but he wasn't really imaginative you see and 'In the Darkness of Shadow Moses' had just come out so he kinda read it to me...but I'm pretty sure he toned it down or made stuff up, like the creepy psychic guy, I mean that can't be real right ?" shuddering at the memory she continued with her story "Solid Snake was my idol, he didn't let anyone stop him, from soldiers to giant nuclear robots, he was so awesome ! "

"We have a copy of ‘In the Darkness’ if you wish to borrow it" Maud added, somewhat absorbed by Rainbow’s fangirl like response to a hardened soldier. The rainbow haired girl nodded vigorously before continuing her story.

"I was obsessed with him and wanted to be a FOXHOUND agent so badly, I'd pretend to be him during recess and Dad even made me a little bandanna" she chuckled at her childhood years "It was kinda silly, looking back on it now, but he was a real hero to me, he taught me to never  give up even when things looked bleak...but then...the Tanker thing happened...." she trailed off with a look of disappointment on her face.

"Ah" Maud remembered it, it was big news when a 'legendary hero' becomes a terrorist killing over four-hundred marines and causing a massive ecological disaster. She could still remember the seagulls slick in petrochemicals, a frightening sight for a 9 year old child.

"Yeah...I was devastated, I didn't want to believe it, I really didn't. I wanted someone to come on the news and say it was all a set-up or a lie but well there were the pictures and everything...." her voice quiet, "Then ...then that asshole turns up again, demands thirty billion dollars, kills the President and rammed the ship he stole from the Navy into Manhattan !" she growled, the betrayal obvious on the girl’s face.

"Yet you still idolize FOXHOUND ?" it was a fair question, you didn't usually squee over an organisation tied to a man responsible for two thousand plus deaths.

"Not for him, not Snake, he was a part of it but I won't let that spoil it for me. No, FOXHOUND means more to me thanks to my new idol, the guy I found after the Manhattan Incident and the funk I got in over it" she smirked "He's an awesome badass who didn't let anyone stop him...even Solid Snake".

Realization slowly dawned on Maud, "You’re not talking about-"

The smirk expanded into a full shit-eating grin, "Yup, Big Boss !"

Maud drummed her fingers on her Father's desk, an awkward silence forming between the two of them. "You do realize he killed more people than Solid Snake right ?"

Rainbow Dash crossed her arms, entering full on 'stubborn mode', "He had his reasons, like the bullshit government stabbing him in the back and making him kill his mentor, hell they made him kill his friends afterwards as well!"

"I see you've read Robert Johnson's 'Snake Eater : The Truth' " if the girl's body language said anything Maud suspected that Rainbow had had this argument numerous times before. Caution was optimal.

"Yeah, it was my tenth birthday present, Dad saw how badly I took the whole Manhatten Incident so he thought some new 'soldier hero' would help me get motivated again."

"Well I won't argue with you Rainbow Dash, you obviously know from experience how divisive a topic Big Boss can be" she rallied, internally wishing that they could have a sensible debate on the subject, but the girl was far too headstrong and emotionally invested. All it would do was wreck their slowly forming friendship and cause Pinkie no end of heart-ache.

"Y-yeah...he had his reasons though."

"One more question though, how did you go from Big Boss to the Wonderbolts ?" a simple diffusive technique, move the conversation back to a 'safe topic'.

Taking a deep breath, the most competitive girl Maud knew gave a lopsided smile "Well since FOXHOUND was disbanded, I couldn't really join them, and my dad took me to an airshow, which was actually the last one before the government cut back their military spending to focus on the PMC's, and it really inspired me you know ? Sure I could never be a FOXHOUND agent, but why would I want to pound the ground when I could soar the skies ?"

"Fair enough, and it's certainly safer now that the Wonderbolts aren't part of the Air Force, less chance of getting your wings clipped by the enemy."

"Please, I'm going to be twenty percent more awesome than anyone else out there, even if we have to fight, I'd show them." She said, punching the air.

Maud smiled as she placed the FOXHOUND patch back on the wall, grasping Rainbows hand she then led them out of the study "I think it's about time we leave now, the others are probably wondering what's taking us so long and I'd rather not have Father yell at me."

"I've got a 'Big Boss was right' T-shirt you know" Rainbow added as they walked down the stairs, the good natured taunt lying thickly in the air.

"You know-", Maud began "-that doesn't surprise me in the slightest Dash."

The Best Is Yet To Come

With a gentle click, “David Pie” locked his backdoor, internally sighing at how the surrealist nature of his life had caught up with him. In a way he'd expected it, if isolating himself from civilization in Alaska didn’t prevent him from being roped into infiltrating Shadow Moses, what chance did he have in the suburbs? Hell, he should be grateful it was just some drunk kid and not an ex-comrade with a grudge. It was still worrying, how could he give his kids the normality they deserved if he was a trouble magnet? Of course Beatrice was after Pinkie and not him.....

"Maybe it's inheritable?" he muttered. Otacon was always going on about memes, even without a direct lineage was it possible for Maud and Pinkie to adopt his knack for trouble?

Pushing the topic aside for another day, Snake returned to his sandwich, deciding against stowing the M9 as he didn’t have enough time to safely secure it with his daughter’s friends crawling around the house. He instead decided to ignore the weight in the back of his trousers to deal with a much harder choice: Should he add some chocolate to his midnight snack? In the good old days such a decision wouldn't have mattered, but with his 'Old' body, Snake had to carefully watch what he ate lest he suffer from severe indigestion and the mother of all backaches. Being old was such a pain in the ass.

A quiet squeak drew him from his reverie though, paternal instinct and common sense battling his soldier genes on whether to draw and fire his weapon, It was close and the mental battle resulted in a rather awkward 'deer in the headlights' expression for the father of two, but it was vindicated when he saw the origin of the sound, one of Pinkie's friends who'd been the center of attention in the larger group. What was her name again? Buttersky? She seemed quite intimidated. Snake worried, he didn't scare them that much, did he?

"Hey kid," the living legend grunted. He knew bits and pieces on some of Pinkie's friends, was this the fashionista? She certainly seemed pretty enough, in a waif-like model way.

"H-h-hello Mr. Pie" she whispered, shrinking into herself.

‘Christ, she looks terrified,’ Snake noted, absent mindedly adding the chocolate bar to his plate. "Call me David kid, no one has ever called me 'Mister Pie' before...well other then my girls’ teachers."

"Umm...ok David," 'Buttersky' squeaked shakingly. She wasn't usually this bad around new people, but something about Mr. Pi-- David… just seemed to make her want to hide and hope he'd never find her.

"So, uh, what do you like to do in your spare time, fashion and stuff?" The icebreaker was bad and he knew it. ‘Why is this so hard?!’

"A l-little," she said, trying desperately to ignore how he savagely tore into his meal, "I like animals more though."

Now here was something he could work with. Much better than fashion, especially since outside of his suits, he only really owned a few jeans, polo shirts and that damned Tuxedo Meryl bought him. Of course he could talk about the benefits of Military Fashion till the cows came home, (For the last time Pinkie, Chocolate-Chip Camouflage is highly overrated) but he doubted the fashionista would care much for it. Animals though? Far easier territory.

"You like dogs?" he asked, noticing the visible shift in her body language at the change of topic.

"Oh yes," ‘Buttersky’ exuberantly exclaimed, "Applejack has the cutest little border collie you have ever seen. Her name is Winona and she's so well behaved even though we spoil her.... I would like to have one myself, but my parents say Hummingway, Mr. Mousey, Angel and Elizabeak are more than enough pets." The frown on her face said otherwise.

"Eh I'd disagree, but then again I'm biased, I have owned fifty Huskies" Snake nonchalantly replied, whilst washing his now empty plate. A smirk wormed its way onto his face at the girl’s sudden intake of breath. Most people couldn't comprehend owning more than three dogs, let alone fifty.

"That sounds wonderful!"

Well that was unusual, an average person usually thought he was crazy at best or hideously negligent at worst. Otacon found the idea of him sitting alone in a log cabin drowning in a sea of fur and feces hilarious, any reference to his Huskies always brought a smile to the programmer’s face. It was more organised than that of course, but Snake let him keep his humor, the poor guy had suffered a lot in his life, so if he could cheer him up with his silence, then so be it.

"Yeah, I lived in Alaska long before I met Maud and Pinkies’ mother. Needed some company so I thought 'Huskies, why not?'" A somber mood came over him, it had been both a dark and terrible, yet simpler, experience in his life, "Even raced in the Iditarod with them."

"Wow", even the thought of going on such an exciting and epic adventure gave Fluttershy the shivers. Sure, the Fall formal and the Dazzlings had been exciting and dangerous in their own ways, but this was a nine-hundred and thirty mile race. Even discounting the Alaskan weather and any of the other potential problems that could occur, the fact that he could casually speak of partaking in the incredibly dangerous event said a lot about the man.

After the father of two finished cleaning the dishes, he leaned on the sink, a hand went rummaging into his suit jacket to reappear with a packet of cigarettes. He had been trying to quit for several years now, but found that the stresses of fatherhood and shenanigans like with Beatrice caused him to crave the warm embrace of nicotine. He wasn't the only one though if he guessed right, as Buttersky was eyeballing his packet of 'The Boss' with that tell-tale look of someone in need of their fix.

"So..." he began, slightly perturbed at the predatory stare she was giving to the pack in his hands, "Did you want a glass of water... or anything?".

A blush came over the girl’s face before she suddenly decided that his tiled kitchen floor was far more interesting. "Umm, I was actually looking for a lighter" she mumbled.

A quiet chuckle was his response, followed by a retrieval of a cheap plastic lighter from his seemingly endless inventory of well organized pockets. "What do you smoke kid?" he asked curiously.

"Mustangs," she mumbled out as she patted her pockets, rapidly becoming frantic.

"Forgot your smokes?" receiving an awkward nod, he let out a sigh and held his pack out, "Be careful, they may be a bit stronger than what you are used to."

With a smile and a ‘Thank You’, she took a single stick and lit up. Two drags in and it was obvious she wasn't enjoying the experience. After a few moments, whatever politeness she held was thrown out the window, followed by her lungs judging by the sound of her coughing fit. "H-h-how can you smoke these? They taste like...like..."

"You got your ass kicked?"

"It's not really a taste, but I suppose so." she wheezed.

"That's why they’re called ‘The Boss’" Snake stated with a small smirk on his face, sixteen milligrams of tar was tough on someone who was accustomed to a lot less. "So, why did you start? I mean, you don't really look or act like the type?"

She raised an eyebrow, "The type?"

"It could be my age showing, but most teenage girls who smoke tend to have the whole 'bad girl' persona going for them and you...uh..don't"

"Umm, thanks?" Buttersky said awkwardly, it was kind of a compliment she guessed, "I have some anxiety issues you see, someone said they might help, so I thought 'why not', just to experiment you understand." she neglected to mention how Treehugger had tried to encourage her onto stronger substances, but she had her limits.

"Does it help?" Snake grunted out, feeling more at peace with the nicotine rushing through his system.

"A little...."

Sympathizing with a fellow addict, he began rummaging through one of the kitchen drawers. "We've all got our reasons kid. I started about your age, had a lot of problems at home... well homes to be exact. Multiple foster parents does that to people. Then when I got my first job, all my comrades smoked so it was a sense of fitting in with the group, you understand?" he mentally chided himself, hoping that she hadn't picked up on him slipping 'comrade' in his explanation. Ignoring his assessment of his own impending senility, he tossed his newly discovered prize to the girl, who, despite squeaking in surprise, caught it easily from the air.

"Lucky Strikes?"

"Friend of mine bought them for me a few months ago, saying he wants me to quit and thinks going down to a weaker brand will be 'helpful', but damn things were like breathing air." Bless Otacon, he did try, really, though the Lucky Strikes were a reminder of some dark times that he would rather forget. The same reason why he never used the Zippo Maud gifted him for his birthday last year; it may have been sixteen years ago, but he could still smell the burning flesh....

"You can keep the box though Buttersky."

"M-my name is Fluttershy, David."

Goddamit!

With Maud and Rainbows’ rapid exit, Fluttershy disappearing into the kitchen for 'water' and Sunset taking a bathroom break, it left just the four of the girls in the living room, which was perfectly fine by Rarity’s standards. She liked to have a bash as much as the next girl, but sometimes Pinkie’s events got a little too heated for her, as she preferred the 'dinner party' type than her friend’s frantic, but enjoyable, chaos. Things had taken a more sedated turn due to Rainbow Dash changing the conversation topic to Pinkie’s living family, resulting in the girl pulling a vibrant pink Laptop out of seemingly nowhere and regaling herself and the others with the modern equivalent of a slideshow parade.

"-nd that's Auntie Meryl and Uncle Johnny. He's a bit klutzy, but nice." she giggled, a pretty looking redhead and a blonde man in wedding attire depicted on her screen.

"Are they in the military as well darling?" It was a tad perplexing to the elegant girl on just how such a normal man, even disregarding having daughters like Pinkie and Maud, seemed to know so many members of the armed forces. Pinkie claimed her father had never been a soldier, which added more riddles to the situation.

"Yeah, they're in the Rat Patrol!" she exclaimed, punching the air a few times with accompanying 'hooh-hah' noises, "It's some kind of Army police unit....I don't think I'm supposed to know though, Uncle Johnny is bad at keeping secrets."

"So let me get this straight Pinkie, your Pa is friends with a Colonel, some-kind of computer-engineer genius who makes weird little cute robots for the Army, a Captain in the Navy, the head of a massive arms company and some 'secret' Army police unit....does your Pa have any friends not in the military?" groused Applejack.

Twilight carefully eyed Applejack as she wasn't usually this blunt, but then again from what she understood so far, this world had a vastly different military to her own world. From the magic Internet she had barely gleaned the start of the divergence, but these 'guns' must make things a lot more difficult. Hopefully the power of friendship would be able to solve all their problems in the end.

"Weeeeell there is Uncle Raiden!" Pinkie said, scratching her chin in thought before bringing up a head shot of a striking man with platinum blonde hair.

Fanning her blush away, Rarity ogled at the picture, this perfect specimen knew Pinkie’s gruff old father?

"He's kinda pretty I guess," the farm girl mumbled blushing, "What does he do though?"

"Oh, he's a samurai."

There must have been something very unusual about this, Twilight guessed as her friends don't look as if someone had kicked them into the barrel unless something truly odd was happening. "What's a...'Samurai'?"

"It’s a kind of, well, kind of a knight I suppose, Twilight..." Rarity explained "Only they haven't really existed for over a hundred years."

With clear glee on her face, the permanent party girl brought up a video on her monitor, "Oh no, he's definitely a samurai, look."

The man whom made the girls melt was standing in what was clearly the Pies’ back garden, wearing a white long sleeve polo shirt and dark trousers holding some kind of rectangular metal briefcase in hand. A younger Maud was visible several meters to the right with a box of watermelons at her feet. Raiden turned to the camera giving it a smile and thumbs up. A thumb that was disturbingly long though, almost claw like.

"You ready Pinkie?" he asked, his voice friendly and comforting.

"Absolutely positively Uncle Raiden!" Pinkie squeaked, her enthusiastic nodding presumably shaking the camera up and down in affirmation.

"You ready Maud?"

"Yes, Uncle Raiden" the teen said, lifting one of the melons carefully.

As a devilish smile came to the man’s face, he slowly lifted his 'briefcase' to chest height, when it suddenly opened of its own accord at the bottom. A eerie electric blue light came from within as a sheathed blade hung in mid air. Raiden however gave it no time to linger as he rapidly grabbed the floating sheathed sword from the air and threw the briefcase behind him, before he drew the blade, some sort of katana, in a single fluid motion from its sheath, electricity dancing across the sword.

"Pull!" he yelled, Maud complying with great speed.

One of the watermelons sailed at the 'Samurai' as fast as she could throw, and in the blink of an eye it was cut cleanly in half, the man going from a simple 'drawn' stance to that of a successful strike. This scene was repeated three more times, each one more intricate and furious than the last. The final Watermelon was struck with such speed by the barely visible blade that it hit the ground in multiple neat wedges.

"See what I mean ?"

A Phantom Pain

The slideshow was fun. A little weird, but they were Pinkie’s family and friends. Who's to say it wasn't just a coincidence that all of them were Military? Not everything had to be some kind of grand overarching conspiracy, thought Applejack whom personally hated those things. They were confusing, silly and often didn't make a lick of sense. Why go through all the trouble of setting everyone else up to do something when you could do it yourself? Her blood ran cold though when she saw the video of this 'Uncle Raiden'. It was clear as day, yet the girls were oblivious: the claws, the subtle lines of his jaw, that he wasn't even wearing any damn shoes! Not to mention the sheer inhuman grace and skill of his movements as he sliced that watermelon into perfect wedges, it was all so obvious by the motion, the photo barely capturing his true identity. How could her friend even be vaguely related to such a....monster.

"See what I mean?"

Then her friends clapped. Clapped. Applejack felt sick for a few moments before regaining her composure. She had to be delicate, the farm girl loved her friends dearly but couldn't just let them applaud a killer like this; it made a mockery of everything she'd been through. "Can we talk about something else Pinkie?"

"But Applejack darling, this Raiden is such a marvelous swordsman and so handsome...like someone out a fairytale," cooed Rarity, clearly love struck. Twilight on the other hand was mumbling to herself quietly, calculating how quickly he had to have been moving to get such precise blade strikes.

"More like a nightmare," Applejack mumbled, the normally relaxed girl tugging on her hat.

"What was that AJ?" asked Pinkie Pie, the girl’s wide blue eyes boring into her with curiosity as she came intimately close. It was kind of spooky how quickly and quietly the girl could move. Just appearing out of seemingly nowhere. Applejack hated to be a downer --especially soon after Pinkie’s story-- but she also couldn't lie, partially out of her nature but also because she was terrible at it. Sighing, she mentally prepared herself.

"I said 'more like a nightmare' Pinkie Pie," it seemed to go over ok though, just confused looks from the girls and no tears.

"That's a little mean AJ. I mean I know you like boys who are all big and tough bu-"

"Like him? Pinkie I wouldn't 'like’ him if you paid me a million bucks," she mentally winced at the venom in her tone, it was pure reaction that time. All she'd wanted was to move the conversation forward and now it was going to get ugly from the way the three gasped in shock.

"Now that was uncalled for Applejack, you don't know the man in the slightest, he could be the kindest, gentlest-" Rarity began only to be cut off by the stony look on the farm girl’s face.

"Cut the horseshit Rarity, he's a damn Cyborg," she had wanted to be nice and gentle, but Rarity’s patronizing tone and the 'Disneyfication' of a murdering bucket of bolts had thrown it out the window. You mess with the bull and you get the horns, after all.

"Uhh?" This was rapidly turning into a confusing day for the Princess. First knights now 'seye-borgs'?

"It's a machine shaped like a person Twilight, only they put a person’s brain in it to make them better at murder," Applejack snapped. Twilight nodded slowly, not sure whether to believe her statement and uncomfortable with how angry her friend was. Not even the Equestrian Applejack had ever been this mad!

Saving her wounded pride --and making a note to design Applejack’s next order in the frumpiest manner possible-- Rarity approached her friend, "Applejack dear, I respect that you feel strongly on the subject of the....fully disabled, but don't you think you should calm down? Pinkie is taking it rather badly." She gestured to the seemingly catatonic girl.

Pinkie was like that sometimes, it was rare but she got this way if something (somehow) managed to pierce through her nigh-impenetrable barrier of happiness. In all honesty, they'd been meaning to talk to her about it, but with all the day-to-day fuss of life and the infrequent magical occurrences, they'd never really managed to broach the subject. It had also happened a few months ago when there were rumors that Sugarcube Corner would close after a devastating robbery, she'd been 'deflated' and quiet for a few days until the money mysteriously reappeared inside the locked cafe, with not a single note missing. It had been rather puzzling, but Pinkie cheered up immediately.

"No dammit, I'm sorry Pinkie but I can't just sit there why you act like he's a normal person when he's some kind of killing machine!"

Arching an eyebrow, the now-uncomfortable Equestrian Princess spoke her mind "How do you know he is a 'killing machine' Applejack, besides the sword I mean?" This was going into territory she really wasn't comfortable with, arguments and fights weren't new to her, but this seemed more heated than anything she was used to from her friends. "I mean you said you have a...rifle was it, in your house?"

"That's for the farm and dealing with varmints, not for chopping people into hamburger!" Applejack snarled, as she balled her fists.

Running a hand through her purple locks (all this stress would no doubt give her split ends) the fashionista gave a demure growl, Applejack could be so stubborn at times. "Now there is no need for that tone, as you no doubt know Applejack it's not just soldiers whom become cyborgs these days. In fact, my friend Sassy Saddles, her uncle was recently converted into one. Eighty years old and he can walk again, is that so bad?"

"You mean defying the natural order of things, becoming a damn monster?" Applejack grabbed a half-drunk cup of cider from the table, chugging it in her anger before slamming it back in its place. "Sounds like a deal with the devil if you ask me."

Whilst not exactly knowledgeable when it came to human intimacy, Twilight felt that holding her friend’s arm would instill the camaraderie she felt and hopefully calm the girl down, as long as she didn't grip too tightly of course. Thankfully her hypothesis was correct, the farm girl looking at her with eyes blazing. It hurt to see her like that. There was more to this then she was letting on, and even with the newly discovered differences between their worlds, her friends were still her friends and Applejack would never act this way unless something serious was going on.

"There is more to this, isn't it, Applejack?" her tone open and caring.

"Yeah" Applejack mumbled tugging at her hat, mildly noting that it was becoming something of a nervous tic for her lately.

Rarity placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder in a comforting manner, " Please darling, you can tell us, you are not usually this....harsh". She'd wanted to say 'Horrible' but felt it prudent to soften her choice of words.

"What about Pinkie?" the teen really didn't want to repeat her tale. She was made of stern stuff, but just couldn't bare the thought of talking about it more than once. Some wounds just went too deep.

Quickly waving a hand in front of the girl’s face to no response (save for her eyes noticeably drifting further apart)  the designer shrugged her shoulders, "Poor girl is in her read-only mode just like a few months ago, don't worry she'll pick it all up"

Taking a deep breath, the group’s 'voice of common sense' removed her hat and held it tightly, giving her hands something to do before she started drawing blood from her palms. Her preparations complete she began, " It was about three years ago just before Freshman year began. I didn't know it at the time but cyborgs had started becoming open for retail. If you had the cash you became one, there was no regulations yet you see? I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, it was before Freshman year and my Ma and Pa were in Denver, Colorado for the Western Stock Show for their anniversary. They loved it, or so I was told. Afterwards they both went to a bank, just to get a little bit extra out, buy souvenirs for the family and such alike. There was a robbery though. 'Cept they weren't no ordinary bank robbers, they were cyborgs.”

Twilight had a feeling she knew where this was going and didn't like it at all.

"Supposedly it went off without a hitch, no one struggled and they got the cash. Then something went wrong, one of the fellers decided he'd had enough of playing it safe and...and started killing. Anyone who got in his way, even his friends. They sent a S.W.A.T. team in and he tore the poor bastards in half , kicked the reinforced doors out and then threw the police van into the crowd. Took a chopper to take him down and he'd already killed my parents by then. In the end they wouldn't give me the whole story, some reckon the guy was hacked, I just reckon he was evil, pure and simple."

"...and then the PMC's started using cyborgs." mumbled Rarity as it finally dawned on her.

"Eyup, you wanna do some killing , buy a cyborg body" Applejack stoically grunted. "Oh sure they say they're just 'keeping the peace' but I've seen the videos on the net. They're just murdering anyone who can't afford their own gang of hired killers."

This world was far more complicated and dangerous than Twilight had first thought. Equestria was dangerous in its own way but this...this was terrible.

"He didn't want to be like this."

The girls turned to their once catatonic friend, now back in the world of the living. She seemed quite reserved for someone who had just witnessed their friend accusing a relative of theirs of 'being a killing machine'. "Uncle Raiden....he was in the Army and someone kidnapped him. Someone powerful, they hurt him, a lot. They made him into a cyborg against his will, he was a guinea pig you see. One of the first cyborgs ever. He has every right to be bitter and angry and want to hurt people, but the police wouldn't help him and neither would the army. I've seen it Applejack, he's so happy on the outside yet inside he's so very sad...like I can be sometimes. But he doesn't stop, he never lets it get him down. We went for ice-cream and people would whisper and point, but he'd just laugh it off and say it's because he's got 'nice hair'."

She embraced Applejack tightly, their shared loss forming a bond of sorts.

"I know you’re angry at them because of your parents, Applejack, but you have to learn to let it go, hating cyborgs won't bring them back."

Even within her friend’s tight hug, Applejack just couldn't extinguish the hatred burning inside, though with time it might extinguish? "I'll try Pinkie, I can't promise more then that."

With sniffles all around --and a fumbling Rarity desperately cursing that she forgot her waterproof mascara today-- the girls returned to a semblance of their usual selves: Calm, content, and happy.

"Oh and by the way Applejack, don't say any of that stuff around Maud, last time someone did that she broke their arm in five places."

Honesty was the best policy, but for future reference Applejack decided to keep her opinions to herself around Maud Pie.

Nestled within the comfy armchair of his study, the 'Old Snake' waited.

On reflection, he would admit he enjoyed himself. After the surprising little discourse with Fluttershy, they had re-entered the party together, his bearing more relaxed. This in turn caused his daughters’ friends to relax, and after several years of being guarded and cold for the sake of the mission --as well as the trauma he'd endured-- it was still relatively new to him to simply be himself in front of others. It helped that his little statement upon meeting them and some kind of talk between the girls had rendered him a 'cool dad' in their eyes, at least if a heavily inebriated Rainbow Dash's statement was true. Kids these days, couldn't hold their liquor even if you paid them.

Now it was nearing the end of the festivities and time for the 'sleep' portion of the sleepover. For this he was thankful, even opting out of the party games and minimal dancing (he thought he was bad, then he saw Twilight Sparkle....) he was starting to tucker out, his back had begun to flare up as well irritatingly. He still hadn't managed to place the M9 back in its hiding place either, too many damn people in the house. Being a father was hard.

Of course there was still something left to do, something which had came to him in a moment of serendipity whilst watching a particularly furious game of Twister in disinterest.

A knock on his door was followed by a grimace , this was it, Operation 'Parenthood' had begun.

Redemption was a curious thing. It was supposed to make one feel clean, reborn and new. Yet all it was doing was making Sunset feel hideously guilty. The 'old' her would’ve scoffed at the surprisingly dour turn the party had taken at times, or make some snarky comments about Pinkie’s 'interesting' father. She could even feel the urge to, which she always suppressed. These were her friends...so why couldn't she stop? Perhaps it was just old habits dying hard. It could have been Maud, they'd never had a particularly great relationship prior to her reformation. Her monotonous tone and geological obsession combined with her sister’s over exuberance and hyperactive personality had made them prime targets for social fu of the highest order. It haunted her sometimes that she'd relished making the older girl openly weep during the school day.

.....and now her (step) father wanted to see her. Alone. Well not entirely alone, Twilight had also been 'summoned' vis-a-vis a quiet word in their ears as they were entering Pinkie’s bedroom. The bubbly girl had shushed them out, if 'daddy' wanted to see them then she wouldn't interfere and the others seemed to be fine with it, he was just an ordinary guy right, no magical monsters or world ending threats; so why was she so worried? Besides asking to speak to them individually...and that Twilight had been in there a veeeeery long time.

Sunset released her breath when the first true friend she'd ever had exited the dim room, shutting the door behind her in an act of modesty, "What was it like, was he angry? Annoyed?"

Grinning slightly, Twilight wiped at the dampness in her eyes, "No, not at all. He was lovely in fact. He thanked me for getting Pinkie back together with the others, saying that she'd been down after...." she trailed off pensively.

"After I broke them all up and then ruined their school life," it was blunt and harsh. It hurt. In a way she accepted it. She’d been a horrible pon-human being and was trying to make up for her past transgressions.

"Don't beat yourself up over it Sunset, you were different then, alone and lost, but you've got us now", the Princess of Friendship proved her credentials admirably with a simple hug that seemingly chased any worries away.

"I know, I just-" Sunset sighed at a sudden loss for how to explain her feelings. Things were easier as a pony, moods and subtle information conveyed in ways that the human form simply couldn't manage. The fingers were cool though, in a kind of weird 'body horror' way that is.

"It'll be ok Sunset, he's Pinkie’s father, I bet he wouldn't hurt a fly."

She was going to die. She, Sunset Shimmer, interdimensional unicorn, number one mage at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns four years running, was going to die a horrible death in this warm, snug room by the hands of an unassuming old man with a tacky moustache. Whatever peace she'd gained from Twilight had evaporated once the study door had closed shut behind her. He was just sitting in his chair, menacingly. It was honestly quite peculiar and a more detached part of her mind tried to understand how someone looking so casual could radiate such a killer instinct.

"Sunset Shimmer?" It was a grunt and not a particularly pleasant one. He didn't even seem to be focusing on her, as he idly scribbled on a piece of paper with a pen.

"U-um yes?"

"How long have you been at Canterlot High School roughly?" his scribbling intensified, her death warrant she guessed.

The teens legs began to buckle despite only having stood there for less than a minute, "A-about three years...sir", she added the last part on involuntarily. This was worse than any principal, this was like meeting the princess again for the very first time.

He placed his pen down with utmost care, the noise of plastic on wood reverberating throughout the eerily quiet room. Perhaps he'd had it soundproofed? Pinkie was quite loud even on her more slow days. Her mind was drawn back though by the sobering look on his face, the burn scar magnifying the seriousness of his words.

"Did you know, at the start of those three years my wife, the mother of my children, had been gone for less than eight months ?"

She shivered, "No sir, not at all."

With a light scrape 'Mister Pie' arose from his chair, slowly he made his way around the desk, wandering over to the solitary window, it’s blinds shuttered. He delicately opened a slit, glancing outside. "It was a trying time to be honest, not helped by the fact that I myself was recovering from a serious illness. The girls didn't know but I suspect they may have found out in the way that Pinkie Pie always does, and with how astute Maud can be....but I digress."

Sunsets heart leapt into her throat when spied the lump in his waistband. It was a gun. This man was definitely going to murder her. No ifs or buts. She was going to die in a strange land without ever telling Princess Celestia how sorry she was. Part of her wanted to run, to scream, to do something, but she couldn't. She felt stuck like she was in some kind of infernal 'cutscene' from one of those silly video games Flash used to play with her.

"Yes, it was a difficult time. Maud had her studies and held things within herself. She's similar to me in that respect I suppose, we both bottle up things that hurt. Pinkie on the other hand took it very poorly, I think she could be a very good actor one day with the facade she held up. I know my daughter though, and behind that bubbly smile she was hurting a lot with no friends to confide to. Oh there were hangers on, acquaintances and such alike, but no one that truly 'connected' with her if you know what I mean."

She grunted affirmatively, eyes glued firm to the barely visible pistol grip.

"So you can imagine my delight when my youngest daughter tells me she'd made four new friends. Real friends at that, none of this 'fair weather' crap. She was happy, smiling and generally the Pinkie we all knew and loved. Then things suddenly took a swerve three months later."

"When I arrived", this all made sense now. In a way it was comforting knowing why he was going to gun her down.

"Yes," he answered continuing his appraisal of his back garden, "From what I understand you were rather a busy little bee, dismantling my daughter’s social group for laughs, installing yourself on the top of the popularity ladder and ostracising anyone even slightly out of the norm. Normally this I'd tolerate, teenage girls can be vicious, it's just the way of things, but then you started making it personal. Nasty remarks, rumours, weapons for the mind not the body"

Silence was her answer. The shame burnt deep within.

"Maud got the worst of it, Pinkie at least can pass herself off quite well as an outgoing cheerful young women even when hurting inside. My eldest daughter though stands out. In Sunset’s new world such things are an anathema, I believe you never actually directly caused her bullying, merely your ideology created the perfect situation for it. Needless to say though by the time my daughter came home with several bruises and a black eye after a group of 'upstanding young men' --as their parents attested-- attacked my daughter for the offense of 'asking to be treated as a human being' I found myself in a conundrum. The school was perfectly willing to deal with such an issue and if I remember correctly they were given appropriate suspensions, however that didn't sit well with me. My daughters are precious you see. I've lived in a dark world and they are one of the few shining elements in it. So I did what I felt necessary and taught my daughters to defend themselves. Maud took quite a shine to it. Pinkie, not so much."

Her eyes widened, "The rumours are true?"

Mister Pie stepped away from the window, scratching his chin in thought, "The rumours? Well partially, yes Maud did break a Fido-" his eyebrows furled in thought, "Yes his name was Fido. She broke Fido's arm, and his leg, and several other bones if I'm honest. Thankfully though his parents never pressed matters. It doesn't tend to look good when a six foot, two-hundred pound football player tries to attack a five foot three, one-hundred-twenty pound girl under the pretense of 'shutting that bitch’s smart mouth', they fell flat on her being a ninja though. She learnt CQC not ninjutsu."

"How do you-" it was the first thing that came to her mind, only to be cut off by the main raising his hand.

"As I was saying, you essentially ruined my daughters’ first three years of high school. Pinkie was rendered friendless and Maud an outcast for the gall of being different. Then I learnt a few months ago of Twilight Sparkle, a 'Pony Princess from another world', which I am attributing to Pinkie’s wild imagination. What wasn't imagination though was the return of her friends, her smiles, and, to be perfectly honest, a general air of well being at your school if the last meeting I had with Principal Celestia was any indication. However there was one fly in that ointment though."

"Me" she mumbled.

"Yes. You see after three years, three years of making my childrens’ lives a living hell, suddenly you are friends with them. Good friends in fact, if my daughter’s claims are correct. This I find hard to believe", he paced over to the girl slowly, glowering down at her, "Which is why we're having this little chat."

She was paralysed, utterly frozen. His hand reached out in what felt like slow motion and she slammed her eyes shut, the closest she could come to 'flight' in such a situation. He was going to strangle the life out of her, she didn't even warrant shooting. After a few brief seconds without an iron grip on her throat though the teen opened her eyes. Instead of wrapping around her windpipe his hand was on her shoulder...

"They explained it to me Sunset, foster homes, moving from family to family. No place of your own, always rejected. I can relate to that, I had the same kind of upbringing and it can mess a kid up. Take them to dark places, you feel like you have to be in control of everything or you’ve got nothing. Dog eat dog."

He was comforting her. The girl’s fear evaporated --the gun temporarily escaping her mind-- someone had obviously come up with a cover story for her former dark ways, especially since Mister Pie had casually thrown out Twilight’s Equestrian origins. It was the only explanation she could come up with whilst he was delivering a heartwarming speech, unfortunately half heard thanks to her ruminations.

"...I just want you to know Sunset, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here"

Relief exploded on her face, "T-thank you Mister Pie, this'll sound kind of silly but I thought you were going to kill me or something" she blushed at how ridiculous she sounded.

The old man chuckled lightly as he led the girl out of his study, "If you go back to your old ways I can't promise you anything."

She bolted.

One AM. The girls were all asleep, many spooky stories had been told and the remaining cider drunk. Snake on the other hand had been tossing and turning for the past half hour. Wind, glorious, miserable, noisy wind. It was always the same. First it started in his chest, then in his back before moving around back and forth like a demented elevator. His fault for overeating; after the 'chat' with Sunset Shimmer, he'd been struck by the urge for another snack, two boxes of instant noodles later and he was in his current condition.

"Goddamnit" Snake grumbled, easing himself out of the grey sheets of his bed. There was no excuses for it, he'd have to drink some of that godawful medicine the Doctors loved to prescribe him to get rid of his indigestion. Lumbering over to his slippers underneath a loosely curtained window, he couldn't help but notice a rustling in his back gardens shrubbery. With an over-exaggerated sigh he cracked open Hiding Spot #21, containing another identical M9, the prior one he'd managed to secrete during the noodle break.

This time, with little caution he bustled down the stairs and out into his back garden, the cold wind whipping against his dark flannel pyjamas.

"Alright Beatrice" Snake began, lazily pointing the tranquiliser gun into the bush "You are really starting to get on my nerves now, this time you can give me the damn paint cans and you'll be paying for your own taxi."

What exited the bushes however was not Beatrice. In fact it was something he'd never expected to see again in this life. If he wasn't sure of the grass beneath his feet and the icy chill of the wind he'd suspect he was in a nightmare. Yet here he was, tall, blond, youthful, wearing that tacky looking trench coat and an insufferable smile on his face.

"Hello.....brother"