Chapters Portals and Ponies and Maps, Oh My!!
Azeroth. A world torn by war for centuries. Home to neverending conflict and strife. Except for a few weeks out of the year when the fair comes to town. Then everybody is all buddy-buddy. This world has seen many adventures, some ended in triumph, others in the deaths of great heroes. Some even had a unique form of ending, where nobody is really sure how to categorize it. Like what happened to Frodo and Sam- what? That was Middle Earth? Oh... right. *Ahem*, like what happened to the Arbiter of The Covenant, a warrior who- really? Can't use that one either? Okay... Scott Pilgrim? Leon and Yuffi? Fox McCloud? Sonic? Well then who the hell CAN I use? Hmm... alright, I guess it'll have to do. Like the hero known only as Jake from State Farm, who was constantly questioned by the wives of men as to his garments. I'm sorry, I... I can't do this part. Let's just skip ahead a bit.
.... No, not there
Hm... a... giant moth? What?
Okay, who wrote this? Frank! Frank you moron... get your shit together! No, the squirel exploding was funny, but we're trying to be proffessional here. Geez... people around here.
Sorry about that. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Introducing the heroines of our tale. No Frank, heroine as in female hero, not the drug. Idiot.
Our heroines, known as Twilight Sparkle, the element of Magic and Princess of Friendship. Seriously? Okay, whatever. Leader of the... Mane 6? What, is this from like, some kid's show or something? Oh... nevermind then. Leader of the Mane Six, consisting of Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, Fluttershy, Element of kindness, Pinkie Pie, Element of Laughter, Applejack, Element of Honesty, and Rarity, Element of Generosity. Together, the six elements lived in Harmony, until the Fire Nation attacked. Nope, can't use that either, okay. Anyways, our story begins with these 6 mares. Oh, did I mention they're ponies? No? Well they're ponies. Deal with it.
Our setting is the town of Ponyville. How original. The time is midday, clear skies, 75 degrees farenheit with a southeasterly... Frank! Nobody cares about the wind! This isn't a damn weather forecast. Anyways, our heroines are gathered in Princess Twilight's magical crystal palace of friendship, huddled around the magical map of friendship, in the magical throne room of friendship. What were they doing you ask? Arguing.
"Ah'm tellin ya Twi, this darn thing is broken," exclaimed Applejack.
"It does seem rather odd that it would tell us to go somewhere that... well, quite frankly darling, it doesn't exist." Rarity, agreeing with Applejack, and everypony else for that matter, spoke rather pointedly. Nods of approval were had around the map, from all save Twilight.
"But girls, it's never led us astray before! Why should it be any different now? Just because we don't know where this is, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Besides, there's even more than one problem! See?" Her words rang true, as there were in fact 7 flashing lights on the map. There were four main continents, one in the north, one in the south, and one each at the East and West. There was at least one light per continent, with the eastern one having two extra, and a light directly in the center of the map. This one appeared to be a whirlpool of some kind. A very, very massive whirlpool.
"Hey, I don't know about you, but I don't think there's a friendship problem in a WHIRLPOOL Twilight!" Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty. Also a bit of a loudmouth. Plus, she's fast. And I'm not talking about her flying, if you know what I mean. You can't see it, but I'm winking at you. I know you can see it Frank. Yes, it WAS a dirty joke. Good boy... good boy Frank! Who wants a treat? Who wants one?? You? You want a treat? Too bad! No treats for you!
"Aw, c'mon Dashie! Don't be so negative! The whirlpool sounds like a lot of fun!" Pinkie Pie, able to see the posotive side of anything. You got the plague? She can see the posotive side. Leprosy? Yep. she'll see the posotive there too. You just died? HAH! No problem. She'll give you a posotive side so good, it'll make you wish you'd died sooner!
"Oh... um...I don't think so Pinkie. The whirlpool sounds... really scary. Spinning you and spinning you and.... eep!" And that one is Fluttershy. She's pretty much the opposite of Pinkie. But she's super nice. And she likes animals. I think she might be a hippie or something. Anyways, moving on.
"Look girls, I know this doesn't really look..."
"Reasonable?"
"Possible?"
"Awesome enough?"
"Fun?"
"Safe?"
"No... it doesn't look like this is a problem we normally deal with... but we have to. The map says so."
"Alrigh' Twi. So let's jus' say we DO decide to go on this here mission. How do we get from here," AJ points around them, "To there," pointing at the map.
"I... I don't know. Maybe the map will-" Suddenly, a bright flash lights up the whole- GAH! My eyes! Good grief that was bright! Holy smokes... ahhh.... the hell was that? Huh?
"Huh?" ..... oh right. All the Girls stare at the newly appeared... portal... thing. It sits at the door end of the throne room, blocking the exit. Beyond the portal, or rather, through it, a large, white city could be seen. Bustling with people, gryphons, and a bunch of weird mounts that take way too much time and effort to aquire. This, was the city of Stormwind. Unfourtunately, this is not where the portal will take them. They don't know that, because they can't hover their mouse over it to check. They just have to walk through. But, the portal will take them to Northshire Abbey. No, I'll describe it when they get there. Hush, you're missing dialogue.
"-epping through random portals that appeared out of nowhere. Who know's where that leads?"
"But Tiiiiiiliiiight!" Pinkie got down on her knees, begging her friend/leader/boss/owner to let her play with the magical portal.
"I said no Pinkie. Look, I'm not letting anypony near that thing until I know where it goes." Hey, you guys remember that flash from about a minute and a half ago? Put your sunglasses on, because here comes a bigger one.
*FLASH*
"Gah!" All the girls screamed in fright, not expecting another flash so soon. Once they cleared their heads, they saw none other than the Tyra- I mean their benevolent and caring ruler, Princess Celestia. Um.. ehehehe *ahem* *cough* New Lunar republic *cough*. I'm sorry, did you say something?
"My Little Ponies! I sensed a magical diturbance, and came as swiftly as I could! What has happened?" She looked upon her sla- subjects, a caring gaze at their seemed distress. Truthfully, they were all still reeling from the flash. (AHHHHHHH~ savior of the universe!) Twilight, being the unstoppable boss that she is, was the first to recover.
"Princess! Thank You that you're here. A portal just appeared in my castle! I don't know where it goes, or where it came from. It might have something to do with the Magical Friendship Map of Friendship though."
"The... what?" Twilight pointed behind her mast- mentor, showing her the magical map that took up nearly half of the room. Celestia, having never even heard of this map, was confused to say the least. "I... I don't... when did that even GET there?"
"A few months ago. It shows us friendship problems across Equestria, and we go and fix them. Pretty neat, huh?"
"A giant, magical map showed up in the middle of your throne room, showed you a place in Equestria, and you just... went? Without questioning it?" Twilight blinked at her mentor's statement.
"I... guess so. Yeah. Anyways, there's a problem. It's giving us seven new problems, and not a single one is in Equestria. Look." Celestia walked over to the map, peering over the features. Her eye's widened, she knew this place! Well, the east and west halves anyway.
"This is the world of Azeroth. I knew it well, a very long time ago. Before Luna's banishment, there was a bridge between our world and theirs. Hmm.... so many memories. I wonder how that stud, Prince Arthas Menethil is doing. Me and him go way back." Celestia broke out into giggles, but like... husky, horny giggles. It was... weird.
"Uh... princess? Ah hate t' interupt, but we still have a might' problem here."
"Ah, yes. Of course. One moment." Celestia disappeared with a flash (still bright!), and reappeared a few moments later with another. She passed Twilight an envelope with her magic. "Here. Go through that portal, find Prince Arthas, and give this to him. Give it to him alone, do you understand?"
"I do, but what's in it?" Twilight held the envelope up to the light. There wasn't a letter inside, just a single, square piece of... something. it seemed to be a photograph.
"Nevermind that. Just make sure he get's it. Now, I suggest you all go and pack, the journey ahead of you will be long, tiresome, and some of you may even die-"
"WHAT!?" they all exclaimed in unison.
"-but rest assured, I have the utmost faith you will be victorious in battle."
"Um... Celestia? What was that about dying, darling?"
"No time! GO!" And just like that, their overlor- Princess had vanished.
"Well," Twilight began. "We are so fu-"
SCENE
Author's Note
Alright, I know what all of my stalkers are thinking: Duv, wtf bro? Where's dragon cleansing? What is this nonsense? And why do I have a raging erection?! All in due time, my friends. All in due time. Now, I plan to have the next part of dragon ccleansing out by Tuesday. The 6th, in case this takes a while to go through. If it's already past then, this is up, and Dragon Cleansing has not been updated, well then it's because writer's block is a female dog. Take care! And expect more of this because shit's funny yo.
Welcome once again gentlemen; ladies... mmmm. Nice. We left off with our heroines preparing to enter a portal the terrible and harsh world of Azeroth. A war torn, hostile world filled with death, suffering, and all of that other stuff I mentioned last time. As I'm sure you've deduced by now, they wind up in Elwynn Forrest. Specifically, the Northshire Abbey, which is currently under attack by Blackrock orcs, who aren't really doing much except burning some lady's vineyard. No wine? Eh, who really cares anyway? Seriously though, it was kind of a dick move, so the Stormwind Guard is kind of pissed.
Now, this wouldn't be a cliche 'Ponies wind up in some video game' story, if upon arrival, they didn't, for whatever reason, turn into humans, or whatever the dominant, undeniable 'protagonist' of the world is. If that universe has none, take Mass Effect for example, they merely stay ponies. In World of Warcraft however, well, Alliance is good, Horde is bad, Burning Legion is REALLY bad, and the Scourge just like floaty things and ice. And raising their slain enemies as undead soldiers for their own army. That's kind of significant too. oh, and everybody hates Deathwing, and everybody loves those panda dudes. seriously, their just so fluffy. I want one. Like, in real life. Anyways, the humans are the psudo 'leaders' of the Alliance, so the ponies turn into humans. It makes sense if you don't think about it. Why didn't i just make them all a different race/ because they have different starting areas, and I'm lazy. Deal with it. Now, who's ready for some plot and dialoge? No Frank, plot as in storyline, not pony flank.
"Uh, Twilight? Are you sure about this? i mean, I know celestia said to and all, but... this doesn't seem all that awesome." Rainbow Dash, usually one to charge into every problem, obstacle, or just regular situation headfirst, was showing surprising reluctancy to explore an entirely new planet.
"Rainbow Dash has a point darling. This seems rather dangerous." Rarity, depite agreeing with Rainbow, had already packed three suitcases the size of a Smart Car, two duffels, and an overnight bag. If she had item names, they would be labeled as 'Royal Satchel', 'Netherweave Bag', and 'Backpack', respectively. She should couple that with Bagnon. Bagnon is great. Creator of Bagnon, on the off chance you read this: THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ABSOLUTE HERO. Moving on.
"Aw, c'mon fillies! This sounds like tons of FUN!" well, we knew Pinkie Pie was going to be on board. Hell, for all we know, she's already BEEN to azeroth. I have! I've got a level 100 Prot Pally! What the... nevermind. It's Pinkie. And the Brain! Ahahah! Nice.
"Look girls, I know you're aprehensive-"
"Apre-what now?" Dumb mud pony... sorry. Silly earth pony.
"Nervous. look, we need to do this! The map comands it!" Sounds kind of... Imperialistic if you ask me. Whatever, not my call.
"The Conch has spoken!"
"Pinkie Pie, what in tarnation are you talking about? There ain't no conch here. Look, if'n we're gonna do this, we need to do it fast, and as a team. So... y'all ready?"
"Look AJ, this is a bad idea! I can feel it in my gut!" Rainbow floated a few feet over the ground, hooves crossed in front of her chest.
"Wassa matter RD? You ain't... chicken, is ya?" Oh yeah AJ, that'll work.
"What?! Chicken?! No way! And I'll prove it to you!" Just then, in Rainbow Dash fashion, she charged into the portal. "Let's do this, RAAAAINNNBOOOOOWWWW DAAAAAAAASH!!!!" A flash, and she was gone. Not a smart move really, but there it is.
"Oh my Celestia she just ran in. Quick girls! Go go go! Stick to the plan!" Twilight went in next after Rainbow, then Aj, Rarity, and Pinkie.
"Oh my.... um.... ohhhhh, shoot." Atta girl Fluttershy. In you go. Don't worry, Frank gave you an easy role. just... everyone's lives will depend on you being good at your job. really just AJ's, but that's assuming she can hold aggro, which means RD is gonna have to be careful being up in the fights like she is. And once Rarity hits level 10....
__________
Marshal McBride had seen a lot of shit in his life. And i mean, a LOT of shit. Hell, he thought a worg fu- *ahem* MOUNTING one of the Abbey's cats, rutting it senseless, and upon reaching its limit, literally exploding the cat with the force of its release, was the craziest thing he was ever going to see in his life. Well, he was right, because that shit was weird. Still, six women coming out of a portal that had shown up a few minutes ago, for no reason at all, was a pretty close second. Still, they looked like new recruits. Sort of anyway.
One of them, tanner than the others with blonde hair, was wearing the typical gear of a paladin fresh out of training. The other melee was a slightly less tan one with... rainbow hair? The hell? She was a warrior it seemed. There were four ranged that accompanied them. A wizard, a hunter, a priest, and a warlock. A warlock who was drop dead gorgeous. Like damn. She was, at least a 2,000 out of 10. It's a good thing he had armor plating on over his pants. The wizard wasn't too bad either, she seemed to really like purple and variants of, because her hair was puple with two pink streaks, and even her eyes were purple. Must be a mage thing. The priest was pretty typical. Small, pale, slightly pink hair and pretty blue eyes. The hunter... pink. Like, Darkmoon Fair cotton candy pink. And was that a crocolisk? Without teeth? That seemed useless. Still, fresh meat was fresh meat. Time to put them to work.
"Alright ladies, my name is Marshal McBride. I'm in charge of operation here in Northshire Abbey, and-" He was interupted by a scream from the warlock.
"What is this thing!?" She was standing on a fence ponst, a terrified look on her face as she stared at her imp minion. Mcbride scanned it, reading it's name to be Opal. Weird name for an imp. come to think of it, he hadn't scanned the group itself.
Mage: Twilight Sparkle
What an odd group. Back to the isse at hand however: The warlock afraid of her own imp. Why did he always get the idiots?
"Ma'am, that's your imp minion, Opal. Every warlock gets one. Surely you remember learning to summon it?"
"What!? Warlock!? What in Celestia's name is a warlock??" McBride quirked an eyebrow.
"Rarity! Calm down! i'm sure this is all just a product of going through the portal. It seems we've successfully made it to Azeroth."
"Right you are mage. This is Azeroth, Northshire Abbey, Elwyyn Forrest, Eastern Kingdoms. Welcome back to reality." Yep, they're all idiots.
"Right, of course. Sir, my name is Twilight Sparkle. These are my friends-"
"Skip that. I alredy know who you are. I can see your names above your heads." He pointed, to emphasize his point.
"Gah! This is new... I'll have to study this. Anyways, sir... uh Marshal McBride, me and my friends aren't from around here-"
"No shit."
"- and we need to get to these locations," she hands him a mapwith the points shown on the big map marked with 'X's, "to solve friendship problems. Also, do you know where we might be able to find a pony... er, MAN by the name of 'Prince Arthas'? We have a letter for him." McBride looks over the map, then back to the group. The mage is obviously in charge, the paladin is swinging her hammer around, and the warrior is doing the same with her sword. Neither one has a lick of experience. The hunter is playing with her crocolisk, riding it around, shooting arrows off into the distance at nothing, the priest is... gone. Oh, wait, that bush over there has eyes. Found her. The warlock is still on the fence post.
"..."
"Um... Marshal?" Twilight waved a hand in front of McBride's face. "Helloooo."
"Heh... hehe... Hahaha... Aha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!! WOW! You... you're serious aren't you? Wait, let me laugh harder: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" McBride felt like his sides were going to explode. These women were completely clueless.
"Hey McBride!" He looked up, the hunter in front of him.
"Um, hahah- ye- haha- yeah hunter? Pfft, what... what is it? Hehe."
"Silly Marshal! It's me! Icritmypants!" McBride's stance instantly changed. His arm going up in salute.
"Oh, um... Sorry Ma'am. I wasn't aware you rolled a hunter. I'll just let you handle your friends. Here's your quests from the area. Just do them in succession. You know the drill."
"Sure thing McBride! How's the family?"
"Good, the family's good Ma'am. Take care!" He gave another salute as pinkie turned and went back to her friends.
"Pinkie, how'd you do that? And who in the world is Icritmypants?" Twilight was once again dumbfounded by Pinkie. There was no end to her enigma.
"Let's just say she's an old friend. Now c'mon girls! We've got quests to do!"
"But Pinkie Pie! What about this little green thing?"
"That's an imp Rarity. It helps you in combat!" All the girls turned to Pinkie Pie.
"Combat?!" They all yelled in unsion, red letters popping up in the chat box of everyone from Redridge to Stormwind. Stupid spammers.
Author's Note
Yep, I'm still doing this! And it still makes no sense! Woohoo! I regret nothing! So, what do you guys think about my class choices for them. I mean, Flutters and Twi are retty obvious. I was thinking rogue for Pinkie, but they're way too complicated, and i've never gotten one past level 8 or 9. I dunno, never liked 'em. Hunters are fun though, and the idea of gummy being a crocolisk was too good to pass up. Still, give me your thoughts.
-Duvagr007
Questing, questing, and more questing.
We return yet again to our heroine's ~~tail~~ tale. We left off with Twilight and her friends spamming the chat with yelling nonsense. I do believe Pinkie Pie seems to know what's going on, and will likely end up taking the reigns of the group. actually, since this is my thing, that's what I'm doing. Not so much because it makes sense, but because that would be completely hilarious. So, Pinkie is now group ringleader. Pink pony, take it away, and show your friends the ropes.
"Yes Sir Mister Narrator Sir! Alright ponies, listen up!" Pinkie now had an old WW2 army helmet upon her head, and a riding crop in her hooves. No, not like that. Sick freaks.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just showing you and the other girls what's what Twilight, don't worry. I'm just acting."
"Right... well, I guess go ahead."
"Thanks! Okay! Now then, you should all see a few things in your HUD. these are all very important, so listen close. At the bottom, you have your exp bar, your spells and abilities, and your nav tools. I'll explain those in a bit. In the top left, you will see your portrait, which shows health, and your resource. The resource varies based on the class, as AJ, Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy, all have mana. This is what let's you cast spells like Holy Strike, Frostfire Bolt, Shadow Bolt, and Smite, respectively. No mana, means no pew pew. I use focus, and RD uses rage. Hers builds with time.
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!"
"Furthermore, if your health drops to zero, you die. Don't worry too much about dying though, because you can just respawn. After your ghost runs back to your body that is. In about twenty levels though, AJ, Fluttershy, and Rarity to an extent will be able to ressurect poeple! Cool huh?"
"Pinkie, darling, while this is all... fascinating, why are you telling us all of this? it's not like we'll be fighting anypony... will we?"
"Glad you asked Rares! the answer is yes, we will be fighting, and killing, a LOT of things. Don't worry though, technically speaking none of it is real, and they can all respawn too. It's really more fun than anything." Fluttershy fainted.
"Now hold on just a minute. Pinkie, you can't actually be expectin' us tuh fight. Ah mean, we don't know the first thing about it! Plus, we're s'posed tuh be all about friendship. Y'know, teachin' others there's a better way than fight'n?" Applejack had put her hammer on the ground, and was refusing to even look at it.
"Good point AJ! We DON'T know how to fight! But, that's the best part, because in here, you don't have to! Just swing your weapon, and use your abilities as often as you can! It's a button masher, with next to no skill required unless you play PVP, which I don't, because it's hard, and people are mean. So, I just do PVE!"
"Pinkie Pie, what in the hay are you talking about?" Rainbow dash was honestly not paying much attention, and was instead swinging her sword at one of the training dummies nearby.
"Don't worry Dashie! It's all super easy! C'mon girls, let's get our first quest, it'll all come with time. Yo Marshall!"
"Hm?" Marshal McBride looked up from his scroll to see what Pinkie needed.
"Quest number 1 please, for all of us!"
"Sure thing Ma'am, 6 quest number 1's, coming up. Alright, you all have to kill eight of those worg things over there. If they run out, just wait, more will come."
"Wahh! Where did this come from?!" rarity seemed to be trying to run away from... something.
"That's the quest window silly! Just accet it, and we can all get to leveling! Oh, i almost forgot. Hit accept on this one too!" Another window appeared on the HUDs of Pinkie's friends, this one smaller and in the center of the screen. It read 'Pinkamena has invited you to join a group.' Pinkamena? Why not Pinkie? That one was already taken. Ah. I hate it when that happens. Really glad that I managed to grab the name 'Getcriton' before it was taken. I'm quite proud of that one. Oh, Pinkie like. I'll friend you! Hmm... player not found. What server is it on? Kilrogg. Oh, that's my main's server. I'll get it later. Alrighty, I'm looking forward to it. We can rip Naxramas a new one later. Back to the story. So, killing Worgs.
"Alright! Woohoo! Pinkie, this is so awesome! Hyah!" Another heroic strike from Rainbow scored her a third kill. pinkie was on 7, and the rest of the girls... Well, they weren't doing so well.
"Pinkie, how to I target them again?" Twilight had figured out how to cast her spell, but every time she went to do it, she got an message saying she had no target.
"Just look at them and blink darling, it's working for me. Although... shadowbolt? It sounds so icky. Pinkie, do I have anything else?" Rarity's imp stared at her in disbelief. This is absurd. How did I, the great Reginald Dale, end up the minion of the realm's stupidest warlock? What? We have normal names you know, they just get messed up in translation. Uh... sure. Whatever you say bud. I'm sure the name 'Butkist' is a misstranslated Reginald Dale. Shut up.
So, let's see how our heroines are doing on their quest. Hm, Pinkie and Dash are done, Aj needs one more, Twilight is on two, Raity is still hoping she has another spell, and Fluttershy is still passed out. Alright, about how I expected. pinkie, you shold probably wake up Fluttershy.
"Hey, Flutters, get up silly goose! We've got Worgs to slay!" Fluttershy slowly rose up.
"Huh? Wah... Pinkie? What are Worgs?" Pinkie scratched her chin, trying to think of how to best describe a Worg.
"Hmm... like a rabid, furry Timberwolf, that want's to hurt your friends!"
"Oh my! I... i need to help those poor wittle doggies. Where are they?" Pinkie pointed, and Fluttershy ran over to the nearby field.
"How do I help them? Treats? No... let's see, big dogs, mean, feral, want to hurt ponies. Hmm....."
"try using your spell Flutters! Smite them!"
"Smite? Um... okay. I guess you know how things work here Pinkie. Okay, here goes." *whiiiiiir* *FWISH* *yelp* "Oh no! I hurt him! I'm so sorry little- gyah!" The Worg tackled fluttershy, and began to 'bite' her. "Help me!!!" *fwip* An arrow embedded itself in the Worgs head, spraying blood on Fluttershy's face, and killing the beast. It fell off of Fluttershy, but that was the least of her problems now. "......"
"Flutters? Are you okay? That mean Worg didn't hurt you did it?" Fluttershy stood, and found the next Worg she could. She stared at it, the gears in her head whirring. Finally, a loud clang was heard as one of the gears shattered, and the whole machine came to a halt.
"Hmhmhm. Hehehe... ahahaha.. HAHAHAHAHAH!! DIE!!!!!" Fluttershy then spent her entire mana reserve in one go, killing all eight Worgs needed at once. Fluttershy turned, showing her blood splattered face to Pinkie. "This is fun! What do i get to kill next?!" Pinkie backed away slowly.
"Shadow Priest it is then." She laughed nervously as Twilight finished off her last Worg. Now all that was left was-
"Ugh! There's no other spells! Fine, I guess I'll use this 'shadow-bolt'." Rarity cast her shadowbolt spell, getting a crit with her first blow and one-shotting the Worg. "Whahahahaa! Oh my stars!"
"Wow Rarity, that was a lucky hit!"
"Not that! That was beatiful! Oh, a bit dismal for sure, but still, quite a lovely looking spell don't you think?"
"Um... sure. I guess so. Well, we're waiting on you to finish so we can move on."
"Of course darling, just a moment." Initiate montage! Epic music! Questing! Goldshire questing! Super swaggin gear! Stormwind! Boom! Level 20! Mounts and stuff! Woohoo! Oh crap not Duskwood. Everybody HATES Duskwood.
Author's Note
Aight yo! New chapter and stuff. So, here's their specs:
Fluttershy- Shadowpriest
Thought Flutters was gonna be heals huh? Guess again suckers!
"Alright girls, before we move into Duskwood, there's something I forgot about. Skills."
"You mean like the talent specs? I thought we already did that Pinkie, what gives?" Rainbow dash was really starting to get the hang of the whole 'MMO' thing. It was pretty fun. All the others were doing pretty good as well. AJ still refused to attack things, but party EXP and healing kept her at the same level as her friends. Twilight was having loads of fun with blink, since it was the closest thing to a teleport she had. Raity's voidwalker, Kal'Thur, provided a nice backup tank in case Rainbow got swamped. Gummy, Pinkie's pet crocolisk... well, let's just say he had teeth, unlike his namesake. Fluttershy... yeah, she's legitimately terrifying at this point. When she hit's level 80... dear light. Anyhow, returning to their conversation.
"No Dashie, I mean craftsman skills. Blacksmithing, alchemy, things like that. Now, we need to go back to Goldshire unfourtunately. Everypony, mount up!" Six mounts poofed into existence, though they weren't horses. Pinkie used her pull in a guild with her main to grab them all some mechanostriders, since those are just machines. Anything else might get... weird. So, off they rode to Goldshire atop their mechanical chicken things, prepared to grab their trade skills. Our heroines would soon discover a whole new world of grinding, spending countless hours hunting down resources so they can craft them into a bunch of things they likely will never use, except flying carpets, those select guns that engineers can make, a few epic pieces of gear, and bags. Sweet Celestia the bags. Ohhhh yeahhh. Mm!!Super sexy bags with enough space to store themselves. Don't ask, I don't know either. Oh! And stat gems. Can't forget those. And armor kits, I guess... but nobody really uses those as far as i know. hey, don't look at me like that. I've got one level 90, and he's not even in a guild. Or... not a big one. Look, it's just me, some of my alts, and a few people I know in real life. Don't hate. We've got a guild bank and one character in each profession. It's a good system. Loads of people do it, and besides, I- what? Oh, right. i guess you really don't care huh? Moving on!
"Alright Pinkie, what are these professions? How exactly do they work?" Twilight, ever inquisative, looked over to her pink friend as they rode- er, strode, rather, towards Goldshire.
"Glad you asked Twilight! So, there are two different kinds of profefssion... well, three really, but let's just stick with the two for now. There's gathering, and crafting professions. These all go hoof- hand in hand, and help each other, and in turn you. Gathering professions include herbalism, skinning, and mining. Now, these all have companion production professions. These are blacksmithing, alchemy, jewel crafting, leatherworking, inscription, enchanting, tailoring, and engineering. Mining pairs with jewel crafting, blacksmithing, and engineering. Skinning with leatherworking, and tailoring on occassion. And herbalism with alchemy and inscription. Enchanting is a standalone, where it gathers it's own materials, or 'mats' with DE, disenchanting. There's also the basic professions, cooking, fishing, first aid, and archaeology. nobody really pays much attention to archaeology. Or at least, I don't. The third profession type is a little wonky. There's riding, which you all know about, and there's lockpicking and runeforging. Lockpinking is a rouge only skill, and runeforging is a Death Knight only skill." Fluttershy's ears perked up.
"Death Knight?" She spoke with a voice that you would expect to hear form some sort of ghost. Like there was seven of her. I guess being a shadowpriest does that. "Hmhmhmm, that sounds like fun. How do I get to be one of those? Can I change?"
"Sorry flutters, you can't change your class. And you can't even select Death Knight until you have a character at level 55. But yeah, they're pretty OP. Of course, so are warlocks and Paladins... at least, if you select a Prot pally. Stupid broken OP class. I swear, you can't kill them!"
"Focus Pinkie. What do the different professions do?" Rarity was the one asking questions now.
"Oh, right." Pinkie cleared her throat and went on to explain all of the critical aspects of each profession. What? I'm sure as hell not gonna do it, that would be this entire chapter, and it would bore you all to death. Besides, I'm gonna assume you all have played WoW before, so it's unnecessary. If you haven't played, then infer. Anyways, Pinkie is just about done, so let's get back to the important stuff, yeah? "...so we should each pick a profession that no one else has. I'll pick up... Mining and blacksmithing. Rares?"
"Oh, I suppose tailoring, but I'm not sure what to take for the second one."
"You could go jewel crafting, since you like shiny thins so much. Plus, I already have mining, so I can just give you any jems I don't need."
"Ah! An excellent idea Pinkie Pie. Jewel crafting it is! How about you Twilight?"
"Oh, I'm gonna do enchanting and inscription. Those seem to be the one's that would suit me best. How about you AJ? Got anything yet?"
"Eyup, I'm gonna do this herbalism and alchemy thing. Mah sis likes to tinker with her potions in the barn, and she's taught me a few things. Fluttershy? RD? What've y'all got?"
"I think I'll do skinning and leatherworking. I'll keep you stocked with any specific things you need Rarity."
"Sounds good Fluttershy, but you do know what skinning is, right dear?"
"Oh trust me, I know. I do know animals after all, it's only.. logical."
"Alright then, that just leaves me! So, I'll be an engineer, and a miner as well. Anything Pinkie misses, I'll pick it up. Sound good?"
"Sounds awesome Dashie! Let's go get our skills everyone!" And so our intrepid heroines went off to start their new skills, and spent he remainder of their day grinding out skill points until they had caught up with their levels. By that point, night had fallen, and it was time to settle in and sleep. Duskwood would have to wait. Hehe.. wood would. I'm such a child. Ahem, anyways, let's see what our friends thaught of their first day of skill grinding.
"Jeeze Pinkie, my back hurts from all that mining, and why do I need all of this stuff just to make a stupid bit of dynamite? This is crazy!"
"And why in the world is it so dang hard just to find flowers? I never in mah life thought I'd have trouble gathering plants."
"This is gonna take a while at this level, isn't it? Enemies almost never drop any special loot. We should go do one of those dungeons you talked about Pinkie, I need to level my disenchanting if I'm gonna level my enchanting, and with Applejack having trouble finding plants, insription will...." She goes on like that for another two or three minutes, so I'll spare you the details. But she mentions something about logistics, setting farming patterns, and some other stuff that we all do anyways, so it's fine.
"I quite enjoy my professions. Can we go kill a couple more boars? I'm almost at 50." Fluttershy went ignored for the time being, as now it was Rarity's turn to complain. And we all know how that goes.
"Ugh! This is just absurd Pinkie Pie! I can't express my creative genius, and not to mention I'm almost out of money from having to buy so many materials! And I can't even make anything useful yet. Oh why did I have to pick the ugliest professions! Ohhoho woe is meee!!!" At least there's, no wait, never mind. There's the crying couch. Sheesh... what a drama queen.
"Don't worry girls! It all becomes more useful as time goes on. Dash will even be able to make one of the game's coolest flying mounts, Rarity too. So just tough it out for a bit, once we all hit level 40 or so, everything starts to really have a purpose. For the time being though, let's just settle in for the night. We start Duskwood in the morning." So ended day one of the ponies journey in the world of Azeroth, a day of firsts all around, with many more to come. Even their very next day would not go quite as planned, as the king had heard of these strange newcomers, and he was anxious to meet them. A dark cloud loomed over the valley that night however, and even the king's plans can go awry. You all know where this is going, too. The only place the Horde seem to raid is where our friends have laid down for the night.
"FOR THE HORDE!"
*Panicked Screaming*
A bright sun rose over the Elwynn forest, birds chirping and a light breeze rustling leaves. Zoom in a bit and we come to the small rest stop of Goldshire. Sort of like a medieval 7/11, or Jets. Two large groups were heading in it's direction, one from the Capitol city of Stormwind. This procession consisted of several (~50) guards, with King Varian Wrynn at the head. The sunlight that managed to reach them reflected off of their armor, giving the mass of soldiers the appearance of a gleaming sea. Unfortunately for them, they'd chosen to go with their ceremonial armor, not really expecting much in the way of conflict this deep in Alliance territory. They rode to meet our heroines, who should be waking up right about...
*yawn* Rainbow Dash sat up in bed, stretching her arms. She groggily stood, and shuffled her way around the UI, attempting to open her bags and equip her armor. She looked around at her friends, who were at varying stages of doing the same thing. Fluttershy was actually still corporeal. (For those that don't know what that means: use google. Seriously, I'm not just gonna spell it out for you... well, i guess I technically DID spell it out. It's right there: c-o-r-p-o-r-e-a-l. There you go. That's how you spell it. But what it MEANS, look it up. Don't be lazy. Sheesh. Or just use context clues.) [Disclaimer: Comments made by the author are in no way meant to put down or insult the reader. They are merely for comedic purposes, and should not be taken (too) seriously]
Suddenly, a large, blue, tailed fellow popped into existence in the room. His armor was very dark, eyes glowing blue. He had a presence of death about him, massive horns protruding from his plate helm. A Draenei. Death knight. Newly blooded from the looks of him. Yep, still level 58. He looked around the room, all the half naked women staring blankly at him, save the huntress. She merely continued with her routine. Fluttershy gazed upon his form, instantly awestruck. She beheld his mighty sword, slung across his back, swirling with energy. Who was this... man seemed like too much of an understatement. Demi-god felt more appropriate. She stood, and activated her shadow form, walking lightly towards him.
"Hello there," she spoke, tracing a finger down his chest. "Who might you be?"
The Death Knight looked down on her, a smile just visible under his helm. "Greetings," he spoke, ice in his voice. "I am called Chiknbiscut, Bringer of Frost and Pain. You may call me Biscut. And who are you my dear?" He placed his massive hand under her chin, lifting her head slightly. Fluttershy grinned mischievously, wrapping her arm around his back. The other girls simply stared in bewilderment.
"I'm Fluttershy, but you can call me whatever you want." She began to lean forward, but a massive horn blew outside, signaling the arrival of the king and his troop. Damn, thought Biscut. Cockblocked. And by the King no less. Wait, the King! Biscut ran outside, anxious to complete his quest.
"May we meet again dear Fluttershy. Sooner rather than later, fate permitting." And with that, he was gone.
Rainbow looked to the door, then back to Fluttershy. Then back to the door, now Fluttershy was floating. Not figuratively either. Her pure lust learned her levitate some 10 levels early. That would probably come in handy.
"So... Pinkie," Twilight spoke up, breaking the silence. "What's up with the horn?"
"Honestly Twilight, I have no idea. Maybe it's some new event?"
"Attention Goldshire, I, King Anduin Wrynn, am seeking six women who have recently joined our ranks. I believe they are staying here in the Inn. If you can hear me in there, I should very much like to speak with you!" The girls all looked at one another. The King was just outside, and he was looking for them. This couldn't have been more perfect. They could finally complete step one of their mission: Give the king Celestia's envelope. They still had no idea what it contained however. They were honestly rather anxious to find out.
"Alright girls," spoke Twilight, ever the leader, despite Pinkie's new role as 'leader'. "Best not keep His Majesty King Wrynn waiting. Off we go!" And with that, they all filed outside. They stood face to face with the King and his band of merry men, a Death Knight noticeable in the forge across the street. Several other players were bustling about, dueling one another, dancing on fences, playing with toys... the typical Goldshire shenanigans. Most of them were level 110 too. only a few others in the area were actually at level. Heck, even our heroines were a bit high up, sitting pretty at 24 or so. Twilight and Pinkie both approached the King, but they all bowed gracefully. Except Fluttershy. She bows to nobody. Unless Biscut wanted her to. The king was the first to speak.
......
Ahem. The KING was the FIRST to SPEAK.
"Greetings ladies. Are you the six that I seek? The ones from..." he leaned in a bit, so only they could hear him. "Equestria?"
"That we are Your Highness. We have a message for you, from our Princess." Varian's face noticeably brightened at the mention of Celestia (this was the only Princess he knew of), and motioned for Twilight to hand him the letter. Twilight reached into her inventory and produced the envelope in question. She handed it to the King, who immediately opened it, to see what it may contain. As his face beheld the contents, it began to turn a rather striking shade of red. For the envelope contained not a letter, but a simple photograph. A photograph of the Princess doing some very... unladylike things. The guard closest to him looked over, and excused himself from the formation. The king flipped it over, being careful to hide the picture itself from the women in front of him, and read what was written on the back. A simple message reading as follows:
"Take good care of them, and I'll come visit.
-Tia"
(There was also a little heart drawn, but due to the limitations of this website, I'm unable to convey this to you save through this sentence here. just take my word for it.)
The King cleared his throat rather obviously, and placed the photograph into a purse slung at this side.
What? No, it's not a 'satchel' its a purse. I don't give a damn what you think. I say it's a purse, I'm the one writing this cancerous bullshit, so it's a damn purse. Shut your trap. Sheesh... let's see, what's going on?
"-for bringing this important missive to me. Now then, as your princess requested of me I shall help guide you on your journey in our lands. First things first, we should get you on your way to-" a deep horn sounded in the distance, off in the direction of Redridge Mountains. "Oh no... Blackrock. To arms men! You six, with me!" The King galloped off towards Stormwind, mane six in tow for a round of 'Hide the Trouser Snake' in the Keep.
Wait wait wait, is this right? Lemme check my notes... wake up, Chicknbiscut *muttering to himself*.... lewd photo.... *more muttering*... skipped THAT. Too much for the teen rating. Ah! Here we go. See, I thought that was wrong.
The King galloped off at the head of the troop column, mane six in tow and ready to do battle with the Blackrock Orcs that had invaded Ellwyn forest. As it is late, and I am tired, I won't go into details on the battle. But let's just say Fluttershy had WAY too much fun until Chiknbiscut went and got his dumb ass killed, most of the soldiers died because of a lack of preparedness, and the Blackrock Orcs got shit on. HARD. Also the King was stabbed or some bullshit but he's fine. And honestly so is everybody else because death bears no weight in this stupid universe. Like, boo-friggen-hoo a ton of people died. Just resurrect the poor sods and move on. It takes like, thirty seconds. And there's enough priests alone to have fifty in every major alliance station. Not to mention paladins, druids, shamans, and death knights. Hell, even engineers have those stupid defibrillator swiss-army knife things. Oh, monks! Them too, they can res people I think. Still feel like I'm forgetting one but who cares. My point still stands.
Like hell I'm rambling. And even if I am I really don't care. This is for me to vent, I don't care if this trash get's a thousand downvotes. I'm gonna keep writing this shit because I think it's funny. Everyone else's opinion be damned. If they like it then cool, if not then more power to them. I seek validation on the stories I take seriously. This is not one of those stories. Anyways, let's see what they're- HOLY FUCKING SHIT that is NOT okay! Turn it off, turn it o-
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
And don't you EVER pull that shit in a 'T' rated story again, you got that Pinkie Pie?
"Sorry Mr. Narrator... I guess I got a little tipsy and the next thing I knew me and those guards were-" Stop talking!
We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you a Winter Veil chapter. Yes I know we just had a massive battle and it was completely glossed over because I'm lazy, but I don't really care. What IS important is that Santa Clause is comin to town, and he knows if you've been bad or good. Fucking stalker. I mean, why in the world would the symbol of hope and joy for the winter season also be some creepy pervert who watches little kids while they sleep? Who thought that was a good idea? Anyways, I'm getting off track. Our band of intrepid ponies turned human is currently chilling out inside Stormwind Keep, making small talk with king Varian Wrynn.
"So the missive wasn't actually meant for me then?" The king took a sip from a mug of Dwarven ale the size of a small child.
"It would seem so your highness. When Celestia said it was for somepony... er, somebody of royal blood, I just sort of forgot to remember the name. So, where can we find this 'Prince Arthas'?" Twilight, and her friends, were seated on a mound of pillows, drinking varying degrees of beverages. Twilight and Rarity had tea, Applejack... you know what? Who cares what they were drinking? Let's just move on.
"Hm, well that's actually a funny story. Prince Arthas is... technically dead. Though not in a traditional sense. His mind has been taken over by dark magic, and he has become known as The Lich King. He commands an army of the undead in Northrend. We keep killing him, but thanks to the rules of our world he keeps coming back. Just like every other problem we have."He took another long drink from his mug, belching slightly.
"We know a thing or two about problems coming back. Luckily we have a work around, and it's worked for us so far." The king raised an eyebrow. "We reform the evils we come across, and set them on a path for good." Varian's other eybrow rose up to match its counterpart.
"No shit. Well, you're welcome to try. It's not like you could make it any worse. Though you might want to get a bit stronger before you brave the frozen north. Where should you be now... probably Stranglethorn. You're a ways off, but you might be able to speed up the process a bit by running dungeons." Twilight's ears perked up at that.
"Dungeons? What are-"
"OH! I got this Varian. Twilight, dungeons are really hard fights that are meant for groups to complete, but with a lot of risk comes a lot of reward. A bunch of experience, money, and loot can all be found at the end of a good dungeon. Also there's bragging rights." The pink haired woman let loose a beaming smile.
"Well that sounds neat. Where can we find them?" Varian spoke up again.
"There's actually one here in Stormwind. The stockades. It's a bunch of criminals on death row anyways, so we let adventurers like yourselves in there from time to time to clear them out. However, before we get to that, you should rest yourselves. It's the feast of Winter Veil after all."
"The what now?"
"Big party really, we do it every year. Lots of food and drink, women dress in skimpy, fuzzy clothes. Free gifts, and it's one of the few times out of the year where everybody isn't trying to kill each other. You should really partake. Last year the jewelcrafters got together with the royal bakery and made a really kick ass cake. You couldn't eat it though, what with all the sapphires." Pinkie laughed.
"Oh please, you can totally make an edible cake with gems in it. You just have to feed it to a dragon." Her comment went completely ignored.
"We will be glad to partake in your festivities. Thank you very much your Highness." The king held up a hand in protest.
"Please, Varian is fine. You are honored guests, and I will have you address me as an equal. Now go, enjoy the party. Just don't drink anything served by a dwarf. Or a gnome for that matter." The heroines nodded, and went on their way to enjoy the feast of Winter Veil.
Despite the king's warnings, both Rainbow Dash and Applejack drank Dwarven ale, and would later be found passed out and half naked in a pile of hay in Old Town. Fluttershy drank it too, but for some reason it had absolutely no effect on her. Don't ask me why, because I don't have a clue. I'm just the narrator I can't be expected to know everything. Your fly is down by the way. Alright now how many of you actually checked? And don't you lie to me. Anyways, she found Biscuit and they ran off to the inn. Twilight just kept cataloging all the foods and their origins. Rarity kept criticizing all the decorations, and Pinkie just ate everything. Literally everything. They ran out of food. She was actually kicked out of the city where she passed out on the grass, belly full to bursting. A couple of gnomes tried to pull some mischief, but gummy saw to it that it didn't happen.
All in all it could have been a lot worse, so we're gonna count this one as a win. Sure they weren't doing anything related to their mission, but dammit they were having fun. Far be it for me to say that fun isn't important too. Y'know what? If you're reading this, then have a little fun tomorrow. Go for a walk, play with your kids/friends, get a drink if you're of legal age, don't do drugs. Or don't. Be miserable for all I care. You'll just die at 65 with a shit load of stress and regret. Whatever. Hey, you know what? This sentence was just here to get the word count to exactly nine-hundred ninety-nine. Because fuck you, that's why.
Author's Note
I make no apologies. All continuity errors are not intentional, but I honestly don't care. This is meant to be madness dammit, and madness it shall be.
