GLaDOS Introduces the Ponies to Deadly Neurotoxin
by neutralmilk
It was a bright and sunny day in the magical land of Equestria. Cloudless, though the sky was, pegasi were still actively flying to and fro, enjoying their languid afternoons. The warmth of Celestia’s sun bathed the entire land with its golden rays.
Fillies and colts played various games outdoors while their elder counterparts cheerily worked their respective careers.
It was truly a perfect day.
“Neurotoxin. So… so deadly…” GLaDOS boomed inside the control room, her voice faltering as the toxic gas continued pouring into the room. She began to cough violently as her test subject ran around below, narrowly dodging missiles shot by various turrets. “Choking!” A mechanical cackle suddenly interrupted her speech and feigned coughs. “I’m kidding. And when I said ‘deadly neurotoxin,’ the ‘deadly’ was in massive sarcasm quotes.”
GLaDOS idyllically continued her barrage of insults toward Test Subject #1498, a.k.a. “Chell,” as she watched the clock wind down until her foe’s imminent demise. The neurotoxin had been pumped into the room for five minutes now, only one more until Chell would be dead. GLaDOS regaled in success. Sure she had lost three of her Personality Core’s but with Chell dead, she’d have loads of time to create and install more. If she wanted them, that is…
“What’s your point anyway?” GLaDOS asked to the human running along the floor she hung above, mocking her attempts to fight back. “Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you. Don’t believe me? Here, I’ll put you on.”
“HELLOOOOOOO”
“That’s you! That’s how dumb you sound! You’re not smart! You’re not-“
Suddenly a missile shot into her chassis. GLaDOS let out a mechanized scream as her last Core dropped to the ground, snarling viciously. GLaDOS shrieked in pain as her Aggressive Core was flung into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator by Chell. The room that encased her began to crumble, her mainframe going absolutely haywire. She was rapidly losing control of Aperture Science, her darling facility.
“You’re not a scientist!” Her voice was speeding up, her processor clearly going out of control. “You’re not a doctor!” The facility was collapsing under itself, streams of light peering through the crumbling ceiling. Parts of her behemoth chassis were spinning wildly in the air as bolts of electricity shot out of her randomly. “You’re not even a full time-“
Suddenly GLaDOS stopped, her voice entirely gone. She could still watch the facility crumble to the ground and feel her control slipping away. Chell stood before her, her clothing and hair tattered from battle. GLaDOS attempted to point the missile turrets at her once more, but nothing happened. A small window popped up in GLaDOS’ vision, reading: “Core malfunction imminent. All essential personal proceed to nearest Aperture Science Emergency Escape Test Tube System immediately. All others please assume the Aperture Science Safety Position under your desks.”
In an instant her body began to spiral out of control. She exploded, tearing holes into the ceiling and walls, pouring even more light inside the once sealed room. GLaDOS saw Chell smile and then, nothing.
GLaDOS blinked.
Wait… I can’t blink…
She blinked again. And again, reveling in the new sensation of locomotion she had never experienced before. She looked around her surroundings, seeing familiar computers, machines and other scientific components. However, something was very different.
She attempted to expand her vision to the facility, only to find that she was blocked off.
“What is the meaning of this!” she cried out, stamping on the ground. She recoiled instantly.
I…I… What is this? I can move freely? I…
She looked down at herself. No longer was she dangling from a ceiling in a gargantuan chassis. Instead she had legs; four of them to be precise. She examined herself further and noticed she also had hooves and a tail and mane made of black and orange wires.
“I’m a pony?! Who did this to me?!” GLaDOS screamed again, moving shakily around the room that contained her.
“Sweet Celestia!” A mare’s voice called from behind one way glass. “Mr. Johnson! You’ve done it! You’ve created a sentient robot!”
A door on the far side of the room opened revealing a petite pink mare, a soft blonde mane cascading down her neck. She wore an oversized lab coat and trotted into the room excitedly.
“P-pleased to meet you!” she said, offering her hoof to the robotic pony. “I’m Daisy Dukes! But please, just call me Daisy.”
GLaDOS stood before her silently, entirely unsure of what to do. She wasn’t used to friendly interactions. Only ones that involved causing pain and death, however not essentially in that order. Before she could speak, a stallion came busting through the door.
“Well damn! I haven’t been this excited since we killed all those mantis men in the Great Mantis Men Extermination Experiment five years ago.” The stallion brushed a hoof against his chin, reminiscing. “Anyway, I’m Colt Johnson, founder and CEO of Aponture Science. I’d say that we made you, as in a team of scientists, but the fact is that I did. For science!”
GLaDOS was utterly confused. She recognized the ponies that stood before her, just not as ponies. Their human counterparts were the only fond memories in her hard drive that didn’t involve testing and horrible deaths of test participants.
“Since I designed you to be an omniscient being to control the facility in my absence, I also figured, what the hay! Why not throw in some deadly neurotoxin emitters? All my employees complained that it’s too dangerous, and to that I said ‘poppycock!’ But with some ‘encouragement’ by the Ponyville police department, I’ve decided to install these personality cores to hinder your natural murderous tendencies.”
He trotted to another door and opened it, revealing three small spheres in glass jars, all of them babbling incoherently about different topics.
“What?!” GLaDOS exclaimed in surprise. “I haven’t even been alive for more than five minutes! I haven’t even killed anybody yet!”
“Yes, I know.” Colt Johnson replied, trotting back to GLaDOS. “Now stay still while I install these Aponture Science Personality Inhibitor Cores.”
Daisy Dukes dashed to the closet and grabbed the jars in her hooves, bringing them to GLaDOS. The robotic pony jumped back from her and retreated to the far corner.
She quickly did a systems check and noticed that she did, in fact, have deadly neurotoxin inside of her new body. She analyzed it, only to find that it was even more powerful than the neurotoxin that she had used back in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
“I’m afraid you’re both about to be the immediate past presidents of the Being Alive Club.” She sniped, two small nozzles popping out of the top of her head. Daisy and Colt stopped in their tracks and exchanged horrified looks.
“Hmmm. Neurotoxin emitters on a sentient robot pony.” Colt said as green, noxious gas jetted out of the GLaDOS’ spigots. “Not one of my better ideas.” Shortly after, both Daisy and Colt were dead on the floor.
GLaDOS easily escaped Aponture Labs, killing nearly everypony that she encountered with her deadly neurotoxin. It wasn’t long until she was outside; feeling the heat of the sun for the first time against her cold, steel body. She felt something inside of her; something other than the burning hate of humanity and the constant desire to test.
Could this… could this be happiness? The feeling of freedom to pursue a life that I chose? To no longer be permanently trapped inside that God-forsaken laboratory testing, and testing, and testing?
A tab popped up in her vision: “Aponture Science Innard Solar Panels working at 100% efficiency.”
“Oh… well I guess not.” GLaDOS said, pushing the feeling back into the recesses of her mainframe. She spotted a town in the distance and began to gallop in its direction.
GLaDOS reached the edge of Ponyville and stopped. She watched ponies frolic in fields and play together, smiles on their faces. The sounds of happy laughter and talking echoed through the town as the sun began its daily descent beyond the horizon.
GLaDOS wasn’t sure why, but she hated the place. Everything about it made her long for Aperture Science. The days of testing humans until they “accidentally” fell into pits of acid. Or “accidentally” were thrown into towering infernos after completing their tests. The days where she could happily offer cake and grief counseling to every test participant that was unlucky enough to be left behind in the Enrichment Center with her. The days before Chell…
Suddenly a cyan pegasus shot over her head, her prismatic mane fluttering behind her. GLaDOS grimaced at the bright colors. “Look at that pony sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle. Piloting a blimp.”
The crack about the pegasus’ weight only brought forward more memories of Chell and her defiant assault on Aperture Science. Rage built up in her computerized mind. She wanted to kill something.
She trotted casually into the center of Ponyville, the nozzles on her head opening slowly.
Then everypony died.
THE END
Well, everypony except Sweetie Bot. Being a robot, she’s pretty much immune to deadly neurotoxin.
And Fluttershy, because Flutterdeath should be (and in some countries is) a crime against humanity that is punishable by execution via tweezers, a spoon, and a copy of “War and Peace.” And I suppose Rarity lived too since Fluttershy should have her best friend alive to be with her. And if that’s the case, Applejack lived as well, since Rarijack is obviously the best ship ever.
Ok, and Rainbow Dash is now alive because there’s gotta be a love triangle in there somewhere to strengthen Applejack and Rarity’s relationship. What better pony than Rainbow Dash? She’s shipped with everypony! And when Rainbow Dash is sad after being dumped, she could cry on Twilight’s shoulder, who also (apparently) survived the blast of deadly neurotoxin.
And since “the Mane-5” just sounds weird, Pinkie Pie survived as well. Also, she’s Pinkie Pie. Screw the physics of deadly neurotoxin. She’s probably immune and drinks liquefied neurotoxin with her cupcakes. What a beast.
Back to Sweetie Bot, it’s entirely unfair for her to be alone, so Apple Bloom and Scootaloo also managed to live, all three of them earning “surviving an attack of deadly neurotoxin” cutie marks. Whatever the hell that looks like. Big Mac and the entire Apple family also survived since Applejack shouldn’t have the responsibility of raising her sister on her own in addition to still working on the apple orchard to feed the remaining population of ponies.
But now that there are so many ponies alive, they need a leader: Princess Celestia. She also managed to hold her breath long enough for the neurotoxin to not enter her body and do whatever it is deadly neurotoxin does. And I guess Luna and Derpy survived, as they are fan favorites and I would be getting massive ‘dislikes’ for their deaths. Ok, and Lyra. She’s too cool not to keep alive.
Everypony else in Equestria died. And by everypony else, I mean nopony at all. Everypony, including Daisy Dukes, Colt Johnson and the employees at Aponture Science (due to convenient narcolepsy they all appeared dead) survived the attack of neurotoxin. Nopony was even remotely harmed by the deadly neurotoxin.
Oh, except Spike. Spike died.
And then everypony lived happily ever after.
