The evils of Candy Crush

by Fire Zap

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life
Length: 1309

Twilight Sparkle tries to find out why Candy Crush is so additive, for science! Because reasons!

Twilight is assigned a project by Celestia to find out why Candy Crush is so additive. Or the world as they know it will end. Or... Something.

Published 2015-10-10 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-11 17:39:31 UTC

What is this maddness?!

It was a normal day in Ponyville, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the sky was a beautiful forget-me-not blue. Yep, everything was normal. Save for one, itseey, bitseey, little place.

The Golden Oaks Library.

Inside, it LOOKED normal, but it wasn't. Oh no, it was FAR from normal. VERY FAR FROM NORMAL.

Twilight Sparkle hadn't slept for two days, too busy and eager to find out how a certain android app worked. She ran back and forth, throwing calaculus papers left and right, seemingly in a hurry. "SPIKE!" She called out to her number one assistant. "WHERE IS PRINCESS CELESTIA'S LETTER?"

"ON YOUR DESK, TWILIGHT!" He yelled back. Twilight ran to her desk, threw 47 papers with complicated math equations scrawled across them on the ground, and yelled "AH-HA!" in triumpath. On the paper was a note in Princess Celestia's royal horn writing. It read:

My Dearest Twilight Sparkle
I am afraid a slight problem has accured within the castle walls.
You see, many of the high-raisers have not been able to attend to their usual businesses due to the fact than they have a seeming addiction to this game. It is called Candy Crush. This problem can not be ignored for much longer or Equestria as we know in it will fall from within.
This is why I'm writing to you, Twilight. I have every reason to believe you will be successful in this mission that I am intrusting to you. Please find out why Candy Crush is so additive and find a way to solve this problem.

Your Hopeful Ruler and Mentor,

Celestia.

Twilight threw the letter back on the desk and ran back to her test-tubes. "Various factors seem to indicate that this problem stems from an unconscious need for extra dopamine to be recepted to the brain." She wrote on her handy-dandy clipboard, checking her notes. "Alright, I have the cause of the problem, now time to make the solution!" She said, while mixing two different red potions and a nyon green potion together. It created a small purple cloud as the potions swirled and mixed together. "That's that. Alright, now for the blue and orange potions."

Meanwhile in Cantorlot...

"Luna, how are we to fix this madness?" Celestia asked her younger sister. "You said you sent a letter to Twilight Sparkle, did you not?" Luna replied, still unsure how the situation came to be, but was neverless determined to end the situation at hand.

"Tell me sister, for we are interested to know," Luna asked, wanting to know. "How long do you think this will last?"
"I have no idea, but we must hope than it will subside soon." Celestia replied, the hesitation clear in voice. "What 'tis the problem,'Tia?"
"Pinkie Pie ate all the cake, alas, there is no more to be found." Luna looked at Celestia with a "Really, REALLY?!" Face, rolling her eyes to emphasize her point on how uselessly stupid her sister's statement was.

"You realize that we have more pressing matters at hoof, do you not?"

"But I wanted cake!"

"WE DO NOT CAAAARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Um, is this a bad time, princesses?" A royal guard asked, seeing the argument between the sisters.
"No, 'tis of perfect timing, good sir." Luna replied, before her sister could. "What news do you bear?"

The Solar Guard snapped at attention. "Your Highnesses, Miss Twilight Sparkle requests an audience with you two. She says "it's" done. Permission for Miss Sparkle to enter, your Highnesses?"

Luna looked at Celestia, who nodded. "Permission granted." She replied, as evenly as possible.

The guard bowed, and walked out the door to deliver the news. As he shut the door, he could've sworn he heard Luna say "Any more complaining from you about how there is no cake left, and we shall shove a cake up were the sun DOESN'T shine, even for you 'Tia."

Twilight waited for the guard to return, anxious to show the Princesses her master-piece. Suddenly the guard returned, he cleared his throat and said,"Permission granted, Miss Sparkle."

"Thank you, good sir." Twilight replied, as she got up the see the Princesses.

Twilight walked down the hall, unsure weather or not the potion would work. She had tested it on Rainbow Dash and it work, but she was still unsure of the outcome.

"Twilight Sparkle," A motherly voice said. "So nice to see you again." "Thanks, Celestia." Twilight replied, smiling at her mentor.
"If my notes are correct, and if my testing on Rainbow Dash proved anything, this antidote should solve the problem your having."

"And if it fail to do so?" Luna asked, unsure of the "antidote."

"Hm, I didn't think about that one." Twilight said. "I guess you could just whack them on the head with whatever it is their using."

"That would be most amusing, Twilight Sparkle." Luna said. "Very well, we shall try your antidote, and then, let the whacking commence!"

"Remember Luna, you and Celestia are only to use that method if the potion fails to work."

"Yes, yes. Very well. But I still want to whack at least ONE of them."

"NO!"

"You are no fun, Twilight Sparkle." ("I agree with Princess Luna! You need to get out more Twilight!" "Huh?")

Twilight walked in silence with the two princess, wondering what she got herself into, and if it was too late to turn back now.

"We are are here." Celestia announced. "Twilight, do you still have the potion?"

"Right here, Princess." Twilight replied, still keeping her gaze on Luna to make sure she didn't try to "smart remark" her again.

Celestia opened the door, and Twilight saw one of the strangest things she had ever seen.
Inside, around fifteen to twenty-two ponys were sitting on plush cushions, their hooves seemingly glued to the phones in front of them.

"What in the name of Star-Swirl the Bearded's blue belled cloak is going on?!" Twilight yelled, completely freaked ("Don't forget werided!" "Huh? who was that?!") out by what was going on. ("So am I!" "Huh? Who's there? I'm armed!")

(Fire Zap runs into the fray with 72 overly-stuffed pillows. "Show yourself!" She yells into... Nothingness. "Silly Zappie! Over here!!!"
"WHAT?! PINKAMENA DIANE PIE, PLEASE GET OUT OF MY STORY! YOU'RE PULLING THE FOCUS AWAY FROM THE MAIN STORY LINE!!!!!"
"Okie-Dokie-lokie!" "THANK YOU!" *munch, munch, munch.* "PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

"So how do I give them the potion, Celestia?" Twilight asked. "It looks impossible to get them off the phones."

"It may seem that way, but watch." Celestia replied, levitating a box of sweets over and dumping the potion on top, in carefully measured amounts, then calling out "Medicine time!" Then, one by one, she levitated the sweets into their open hooves. Twilight, Celestia, and Luna held their breath and waited for... "Nothing?" Luna asked. "Very well then, I believe a promise WAS made..." And before Twilight nor Celestia could react, she smashed EVERY ELECTRONIC DEVICE on their heads.

"But how can this be? I doubled AND tripled checked everything! This isn't possible!" Twilight frantically shouted. "Please, Princess, don't banish me and imprison me in the place you banish me to! I'll be a better student, honest!"

"Twilight Sparkle, my most faithful student, how could you ever think I would do such a thing?" Celestia asked, slightly bemused.

"I promise! I'll give TWICE as many friendship reports! I'll... wait, what?" Twilight responded, confused.

"You heard me, Twilight." Celestia said. "I realized now that I have caused you a great amount of stress over these last few days. I think the only solution is to..."

Twilight held her breath.

"Take a day off to spend some quality time with you." Celestia finished.

"Wait, what, huh?

Author's Note

Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. here have a cliff hanger. * crowd cheers... until the wors sink in.* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!