The covers of the bed were particularly embracing this afternoon as Twilight first stirred from slumber, having splurged in an extended study session which lasted through the entirety of the night before and ended in the hours of late dawn. Other monarchs might indulge in rich delicacies, the finest ale and wine, or dragons' hoards worth of gold, but late night research was Twilight's indulgence and it had been denied her for far too long.
This was an inevitable occurrence whenever Twilight was in Canterlot. The Grand Equestrian Library, the Royal Archives, the Princesses' personal libraries: all these were to Twilight's hunger for knowledge as a bottle of grog might be to a hopeless alcoholic. Yes this was her indulgence, nay, her vice, and she was now painfully feeling its 'hangover'.
She groaned and stirred in the extra sized bed in which she slept. The thing about 'breaking dawn' studying is that your normal sleep cycle is essentially defecated on before it is thrown out the window, leaving it quite angry and demanding recompense when you finally let it back in so you can fall asleep. Yes, Twilight was barely able to count the one, two... no four hours that had passed on the room's knightly grandfather clock since she had finally gone to sleep. Her head ached, her body hurt, and she needed a shower to, among other things, wake up.
She stirred again and lethargically tried to roll to the closest side of this gargantuan bed before she was grabbed around the torso and felt a muzzle press into the crook between her wings sighing, “Mmfff.”
Yes. The bed was particularly embracing this afternoon.
She laughed as the muzzle nibbled at her feathers and gently tickled them with its tongue, “Ack, Luna! I need to get up.”
Luna murmured out a small laugh as she ignored Twilight's request and continued to preen her wings.
“Luna.”
“What?” She asked innocently, “Am I not being rough enough?”
“No, last night was enough, but I need to get cleaned up.”
“Ah, but I am helping. Your wings are quite the mess.”
Yes, they were quite the mess, being disheveled and unkempt from a rambunctious morning's tussling and general experimentation. They were a new part of Twilight's anatomy, but even had she been born a Pegasus, what she did with them earlier would have still felt uncanny – but still good, mind you.
“We know you aren't really helping,” Twilight admonished playfully. “Besides, after where they've been, do you want to really clean them with your mouth?”
Twilight felt Luna stop nibbling at her feathers. “I do think a shower for both of us is in order.”
“Exactly, and brush your teeth while you are at it. I can smell your breath all the way from here.”
“I believe that smell to be your own breath, Twilight.” Hearing this, Twilight unsurreptitiously licked her leg sniffed her saliva.
“Fine,” she groused. “But you have to clean up too.” Slowly, Luna uncoiled her legs from Twilight's torso and let the younger alicorn slide out of bed before climbing out as well.
The two shared a shower in Luna's spacious bath chambers, but at Twilight's insistence, they both should thoroughly brush their teeth before kissing again, to which Luna agreed. With minimal horseplay, the two cleaned themselves and Twilight downed a gallon of mouthwash like it was fruit punch.
“Ah, I see you found my bottle of mint-rum.” Luna commented casually as Twilight swished a mouthful of the liquid around.
“You mean mouth wash?” Twilight asked.
“I do suppose you can refer to it as such,” Luna said. “But I find its kick appealing and much more like the old rum I enjoyed lifetimes ago.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I'm not actually drinking it, you know. You don't actually drink this, right? ”
“Why not?”
Looking blankly at the alicorn of the moon, Twilight shook her head. “Never mind.” She was still bleary headed from lack of sleep and did not feel like explaining that mouthwash was poisonous. Not like it mattered anyway, alicorns are immune to minor things like that and one could even chug a quart of used motor oil and be completely fine, minus the very interesting bowel movement the next time she used the restroom.
If she were not in Canterlot on official business, Twilight would crawl back under the covers and sleep, but there simply was not time for that and she must attend duties she had. Diplomats from the small peacock dynasty of Shíyīng Shān are extending their formal greetings to the her, the newest princess, and she likewise must show that she deserves the position of authority given to her in a ritualistic recitation of every great deed she has accomplished to date.
As if that were not enough, she then must help Princess Celestia mitigate a dispute between a worker's union in northern Manehattan and the affiliated industries, tend to the evening court which she typically holds in Ponyville to address various political and social issues which crops up day to day lastly and, after that, scale the perilous summit of Mount Paperwork. The last bit, as listed on one of her checklists for the day, was labeled as “Implement the Implementation of the Implicates of Implied Implantation.” Naturally, that particular list was handed to her by a particularly sleezy bureaucrat. “Proof that the government was involved,” Twilight mused about the name. “You just can't make up something like that.”
Somewhere, Twilight supposed she had just insulted Celestia and Luna, but since mincing words like that was the sort of thing she normally would do without realizing, she supposed she was incriminating herself as well. But there was no time for such frivolous insults of minor deities! No, there was time only for politics.
Some would think that being beaten, flogged, then dragged across a room whose floor is sandpaper sprinkled with salt would be one of the worst imaginable experiences one could imagine. Those people of course have never been involved in politics when things go disastrously wrong, which is to say you had a normal day. The meeting with the emissaries from Shíyīng Shān began according to plan, with the exchanging of gifts and overly complicated ritualistic greetings. Twilight introduced herself and even maintained a strikingly regal appearance despite her somewhat utilitarian nature as she recited every time she had saved Equestria or defeated some big monster or saved a bag of kittens.
Then came the mention of Tirek and the assimilation of the other three alicorns' power. It seems in the traditional Peacock language of Kia, there is no real word for 'magic' and the word 'transfer' has the exact same connotation as 'depose'. So when Twilight said, “I was transferred the princess's magic so to hide it from Tirek,” the emissary's translator said in Kia “I deposed the princesses of their power and hid.” To this, the Emperor interrupted violently, promising retribution against Twilight's crimes against the fair nation of Equestria, and stormed out with his envoy following. The translator realized his mistake and eventually explained to the Emperor what he actually meant, but the damage was done.
The other events, the union meeting and evening court, ended with the union leaving Manehattan and a pegasus in the hospital after he crashed through a stained glass window and landed atop an old lady who then beat the tar out of him for 'trying to steal her bonnet'. At least the paperwork was so tedious and obscurely worded that by the end of it even Twilight wanted to dig her eyes out with her quill. But, at last the day ended.
Twilight was telekinetically carrying behind herself the nine-hundred and seventy four page stack of Implementation of the Implicates of Implied Implantation and was walking though the hallways of Canterlot castle to deliver it to Celestia's personal chambers when the sun slipped below the horizon.
She sighed inwardly and slumped ever so slightly. The setting of the sun was symbolic of many things, but in this case, it was symbolic of Celestia in her room for the rest of the night. Meaning, Celestia will see her walk in to deliver the papers, ask her to sit down and talk, and ask how her day outside of politics had been. With the memory of Luna fresh in her mind, things would be... awkward at best, and at worst, Celestia in her infinite perceptiveness would find out about the relationship.
It wasn't as if she had grown accustomed to hiding the two month long relationship from Celestia, but never had Twilight been with Celestia so soon after the act of copulation. With the memory of the copulation so fresh on her mind, it felt like it was rolling around in the front of her mind like loose marbles, (or two alicorns under bed sheets) and all it would take for Celestia to notice it would be to look at Twilight's nervous face.
“No,” Twilight corrected herself. “She won't find out. I just don't need to think about Luna or the mornings or the really strange... nope not thinking about it. Wiping that from my mind.” It was the only way Twilight knew she could hide something from Celestia without even giving a hint of what was going on.
A quick spell later, then Twilight suddenly stopped, unsure about what she was doing. It was strange, like she had just jumped forward in time. She knew where she was, these hallways were her home as much as her parents' house, but why was she there? She felt the papers in her magical grasp, then remembered that she was taking them to Celestia's chambers.
So she trotted down the hallway, trying to remember what she was thinking about before she remembered one of the many times she had forgotten something while heading to Celestia's chambers. It was last year and Pinkie Pie wanted to plan a surprise 'Congratulations on passing Sanitation and Sewage Bill No. 1034.A.45, Princess Celestia!' party. Obviously, Pinkie Pie let it slip to Twilight that she was throwing the party, and Twilight is notoriously bad at keeping secrets.
Ever see Applejack lie? Ever see Twilight calmly keep a secret from a person when said person is in the room?... or city, or on the same planet? Exactly. Twilight is a nervous wreck normally, but there is this certain 'terrified socially inept person' look that she gets in her eyes when she tries to not let a secret slip. The only way she can hide it is to magically forget the matter altogether.
Twilight stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh shoot, oh shoot.” Her mind scrambled as she realized she had done something that she wanted to keep from the Princess.
She halfhazardly dropped the papers on the ground and paced back and forth. “Forget it Twilight. Just let it slide. You don't know what it is, just let it slide.” A strand of her mane sprung out of place like a broken string on a guitar and an eye twitched. “I don't know what I did! OH Celestia! What did I do?”
Mostly ignorant of the guards and secretaries walking these corridors which now stopped and were watching her with rapt horror, Twilight began pacing more frantically and talked aloud to herself. “This is bad. This is real bad. Oh no no no nonononono.” Her pacing ended up taking her to a maid who had stopped to see the spectacle. Twilight frenzily reached out and grabbed her, shaking her in the process. “Do you REALIZE HOW BAD THIS IS!?!”
The maid timidly shook her head and squeaked, “Bad?”
“No!” Twilight yelled, shaking the maid again. “This is really really bad bad. I mean, I could have broken her favorite teacup, or knocked over the bookcases in the library like dominoes, or, or.. Oh Celestia! I could have killed the Emperor!” she shook the maid more violently, “Do you realized what that would do? That would start a war with the Peacocks, and I would lose my position as the Princess of friendship, and I would end up homeless and have to sleep in the streets in little huts of dirt because no one would would let me take the cardboard boxes from their trash to use as my home and I would have to make money for food by letting ponies take pictures of me and autographing them as 'Twilight Sparkle, Princess of political assassinations!'” Another strand of hair popped from her neatly maintained hair and she dropped the maid who hit the ground like a sack of flour, gasping for air.
“Alright Twilight, calm down. Let's just do a little memory reversal spell to see that what I did so I can come clean to Princess Celestia. There. No biggie.” A pop and whiff of ozone later, and Twilight remembered what she had forgotten. With it, came a pre-recorded message to help spurr the synapses.
“Hey me, it's me. If you are hearing this, then the spell expired and everything is fine... or you immediately realized you cast this on yourself and reversed it, but I know you wouldn't do that. Just so you know I had sex with Luna and I really don't want Celestia to find out for some very obvious reasons. Anyway... If you still have to see Celestia, then please, PLEASE wipe this from your memory again.”
“Oh nonononononon this is bad bad bad bad bad-” She paced back and forth so quickly that she was almost running. “I can't tell Princess Celestia that. Nope.” The memories were flooding back quite visibly as they re-ingrained themselves into her mind. Pretty early on in her 'encounter' with Luna, Twilight had cast a sex-change spell on herself so she was a stallion. Then Luna was the stallion. Then they both were the stallion- “Nope.” Twilight interrupted the rewind. “Forgetting that right now.” She picked the papers back up and started walking down the hallway to Celestia's chambers.
A quick spell later, then Twilight suddenly stopped, unsure about what she was doing. It was strange, like she had just jumped forward in time. She knew where she was, these hallways were her home as much as her parents' house, but why was she there? She felt the papers in her magical grasp, then remembered that she was taking them to Celestia's chambers. And then she remembered what it means when she finds herself having forgotten something while on the way to Celestia's chambers.
“This is bad. This is real bad. Oh no no no nonononono.” The poor maid had just gotten up and was nursing a bruised rib when Twilight, freaking out again, frenzily reached out and grabbed her, shaking her in the process. “Do you REALIZE HOW BAD THIS IS!?!”
“Really really bad bad?” The maid groaned, winded and in incredible pain from the alicorn's crushing grip.
“Yes!” Twilight yelled, shaking the made again. “This is really really bad bad! I mean, I could have-” Twilight carried on exactly as she had done before and ended up undoing the spell only to wind up redoing it again.
Again, the maid tried to stand in a futile attempt to flee before she was snatched up by Twilight who frenzily reached out and grabbed her, shaking her in the process. “Do you REALIZE HOW BAD THIS IS!?!”
The maid groaned as her eyes rolled up in her head.
“Yes its Grrraaghff! Wait! No!” Twilight dropped the maid and looked down her, now a feeble husk dragging herself across the polished marble to get away from Twilight. “Oh Celestia! How many times have I done this?” She sharply turned and picked up the papers and with a steely resolve, steadied herself, “Okay. Undoing the spell. No more of this. I am just going to teleport in there, trow the papers down on her desk, and get out before she even knows what happened. Piece of cake.” Another sniff of ozone later, and Twilight had her full memories back. The sex-change memory was no less traumatic as it was the previous two times she re-remembered it.
As two guards quickly scooped up the poor maid (who by the way suffered two broken ribs, a whiplash, and a concussion) there was a buildup of magical energy and Twilight was gone in a bolt of light.
She reappeared at Celestia's desk.
“Ah Twilight. Good to see you.”
It was like Celestia had been sitting there, vacantly staring at her desk for the past ten minutes as if she were expecting the improbable circumstance of Twilight suddenly teleporting there, because the Regent of the Sun was looking directly at her the instant she re-emerged.
“Wah!” Twilight startled, rearing back, and the foot thick stack of papers instantly was vaporized in a surge of magic.
Stoically, Celestia smiled, “What a wonderful idea, Twilight. I had thought of doing the exact same thing to that bill, but I didn't have the nerve to do it. You are making a fine Princess.”
“Oh, of course Celestia.” Twilight grinned sheepishly at the comment. “I am a super princess. Nothing bad ever happens when I am around. I could never do anything that might upset you.” Twilight even threw in her most enthusiastic 'go get em champ' jerk of the arm on top of her clearly fake and cheesy smile, but for some reason, it did not work and Celestia immediately saw through the charade.
“Is something bothering you Twilight?”
For a moment, Twilight's body went cold but a voice, that of Rainbow Dash, said arrogantly in her head, “Cool it kiddo. You're smart and all, but you're as bad a liar as AJ. Let me do the talking.”
Rarity chimed in. “Yes dear. It is quite becoming for you to be honest, but sometimes a little 'white lie' is necessary for a lady of our stature. You lean back and let us handle this.”
Twilight always relied on the lessons of virtue her friends had taught her. Now was the time to apply the lessons of vice.
Twilight drooped. “Of course something's bothering me,” Twilight replied. “I nearly started a war with the peacocks, our industry is crippled because I couldn't get the labor unions to back down with their crazy demands, and I just vaporized my last three hours of work. Speaking of, how did you know I was going to be teleporting in like that?”
Celestia chuckled. “Like I said Twilight, I believe that last one was a good thing. I don't think the petitioner will be willing to write up another copy of that, especially after their printing plates got re-etched to print a newspaper article on overly complicated bills.”
“What? You weren't planning on doing...? Were you?” One should note the A-Grade political deflection of 'telling something shocking that you were going to tell anyway' Celestia used to circumnavigate the teleportation question.
“Of course not. Why would you think I was planning on 'accidentally' letting that bill be picked up by the custodial service?”
“I-uh-well... Never mind.” Twilight avoided.
“But as for the other things.” Celestia continued, “Such is politics, and you had nothing to do with the outcome. Besides, the peacocks are always showy about things. Last time this happened, the Emperor was insulted that calling his feathers “resplendent and beautiful” was not enough. And if we go to war, all we need do is throw mud at them and their soldiers will flee to keep their feathers clean.”
“Huh,” Twilight said quite flatly. “Wait are you being serious about that last part, because knowing Rarity and her hatred for dirt, that could actually be true.”
This elicited a full, hearty laugh from Celestia, which is quite a rare thing to hear. “Ah,” she wiped a cheerful tear from her eye with a handkercheif in her magical grip, “I honestly don't know.”
Looking away from Twilight, Celestia motioned with her head at a tea kettle. “I made some tea, hoping you would come by about this time.”
And there was the line Twilight did not want to hear.
She nearly said “It's been a long day, I think I need to go to bed.” But obviously that would draw questions, and she had been extraordinarily lucky up to that point in hiding her relationship with Luna. As much as she was loath to draw out any kind of interaction, the moment did not provide a good escape point.
Instead, Twilight said, “I would like a good cup of tea.” and walked over Celestia's septuaXL-Mega Alicorn sized pillow™. The elder alicorn smiled warmly and made room for Twilight when it really wasn't necessary because of the incredible largess of the pillow which was probably stuffed with a whole flock of geese. Literally, a whole flock, goose and all.
The pillow was lavishly soft as Twilight lay down and let her weight sink into it, but was not as soft as the downy underside of the wing which draped over her. Celestia leaned into Twilight and tenderly rubbed the younger alicorn's shoulder with her wing as she poured the two of them some tea. There was a gentle light which traced across the room, much like a sunray making its path over the course of a day but condensed into the span of a few seconds. Then, next to a Twilight was a small white Alicorn about her size with a flowing, but non-ethereal cherry mane.
“I've been looking forward to this for a long time now.” Celestia said, her voice radiating a life full youth as if she were in her twenties again. She leaned in and muzzled Twilight, who reciprocated and muzzled back.
This felt wrong, but so right. Just earlier, she was with Luna, showing intimate affection in the most personal (and sometimes disturbing) of ways. And now – here with Celestia. The whole 'here' part always felt right. But who she had been with - the 'then' part – always felt wrong.
Twilight knew that this couldn't last, things were precarious as they were, but how could she break this to either of them? She decided this wasn't the time and pushed the thoughts from her mind, instead, muzzling Tia again. They relished eachother's contact for it was the most close two can emotionally experience. What was between them needed no physical acts to express, though those did, at the right times, make things all that much better.
They were the closest of friends, more than even seen by those around them, and the bond between them is, in part, best explained through the recollection of a conversation they exchanged shortly after Twilight's ascension to alicornhood.
“Twilight, there is something I would like to talk about with you.” Celestia, standing on the observation deck outside her chambers, said to the newly coronated alicorn.
“Of course, Pri- I mean Celestia. Sorry,” Twilight apologized. “Force of habit.”
Celestia smiled and looked out at the sun which was low on the horizon and ready to be lowered. “I understand. Actually, I suppose that leads into what I was wanting to talk about.”
“And what is that?” Twilight questioned, walking up to Celestia's side.
“I have been, through your life, a mentor, a teacher, and I have always addressed you as my most faithful student. We have spent more time together than many ponies. Indeed, outside of my cabinet and others I work with, I spend almost as much time with you as I do with Luna. Before her return, before I sent you to Ponyville, we spent even more time together than that.” Celestia paused and smiled, “I spent a long time helping raise Cadence after she learned the true depths of love and ascended to alicornhood when her parents sacrificed themselves to save her, and she has her own special place in my heart, but I can firmly say that she is more like a niece to me than anything else.” Looking away from the setting sun, Celestia turned to Twilight and met her eyes, “As I have watched you grow into the vibrant young mare you are today, I have guided you, pushed you in the right directions, but ultimately it was you who made the choices to be who you are now. I knew in many ways that I wasn't needed, and that if I had never stepped and taken you under my wing, you would still have become everything you are today... though I think it would have taken you a little bit longer to get your nose out of the books.”
Twilight laughed. “I was pretty bad a couple years ago. I wish I had as much faith in myself as you do.”
Celestia laughed and looked back across Equestria at her setting sun. “Yes, you were a bit of recluse, but in many ways that was my own fault.”
“How so?”
“In the thousand years since I had been forced to banish Luna, ponies I could count as my friends, true friends, were few and far between. Maybe one or two every fifty years if I was lucky, though it was normal for centuries to go by and for me to not be blessed with someone I could call a friend. But then you came along. It is funny how it all started. When I first saw the raw power you wielded, I then at that very moment realized that you were the Element of Magic and subsequently realized that it might indeed be possible to find the other elements and defeat Nightmare moon. Taking you in was a calculated decision, but once I began to get to know you, I realized how special you truly were. As you aged into your teenage years and began to truly understand the world, I knew then and there you were more than a pupil or student. You were my friend – something I had not had in over two hundred years. And for a time, I fear I hoarded you like a dragon hoards its treasure... and I eventually came to see how that hurt you.”
She paused for a long time without saying anything, bitterly upset in her own, stoic way that only those closest to her could catch. But the state broke and she looked glowingly to Twilight. “You reminded me of the magic of friendship, which I had forgotten so, so long ago, and you taught me so much more than I once thought I knew. So then I realized it was time to let you go so you could teach yourself what you taught me.”
Twilight was dumbstruck by Celestia's confession, and the emotion was quite clear on her face. “Celestia. I didn't know you were so lonely before me.”
“I was. For a short time, I thought I had found a friend in Sunset Shimmer, who I still love, but her betrayal cut me to the quick. And yes, that is something that can still happen to me, though I have learned to not show it.” For the first time, her face furrowed and she sighed deeply, showing true, deep emotion, “I became bitter to the point of cynicism, and I know not what would have happened to me had you not come along. This is why I say, from the deepest part of my being, Twilight, you are my closest, dearest friend. And I hope, on some level, you can count me as a close friend too.”
Twilight smiled and immediately hugged her. “Celestia. I could never say that I am a closer friend with, say, Applejack than Fluttershy, or that I am closer to Rarity than Rainbow Dash. I could never pick a favorite of any of them. But you. You are not just a close friend, you are my best friend, which is something that will never change. And trust me, I'm kind of The expert on this sort of thing.”
Celestia chuckled warmly and the two, in the others' embrace, watched as Celestia lowered the sun.
Starting several days later, a certain strawberry maned pegesus with an affinity for books would drop by Twilight's library during off hours after sunset once or twice every few weeks, only to grow slightly in stature and gain a horn once inside where no one but Spike was present to see the transformation.
As it was, Celestia from then on preferred her diminutive form while around Twilight, choosing to let her body rest in a state very closely resembling that she was given at birth instead of magically augmenting her size and mane with the alicorn magic granted by the sun. Together, as the closest of friends, Celestia and Twilight would simply spend time talking and enjoying each others' presence. Celestia even experienced her first 'slumber party' at Twilight's instance when she learned Celestia as a young non-alicorn was born far before the invention of slumber parties. Twilight went so far as to pull out the book 'Slumber 101', though this time more as a tongue-in-cheek poke saying 'All my friends have to suffer through this.'
Then one day, after an all night study session spanning a list of topics capable of numbing the most stern academic's mind, they in a sleep deprived delerium got a little closer than they should have. Which that leads back to Twilight and 'Tia' on her septuaXL-Mega Alicorn sized pillow™ which was really too big for both of them anyway.
Twilight watched as Tia levitated the sugar bowl and daintily measured out a humble measure of sugar into her tea, which she repeated an obscene number of times until she nearly emptied the bowl. At one point, Twilight nearly suggested 'Why don't you just save yourself the time and pour the entire sugarbowl in one go?' But Tia's answer the last two times was 'Why, I don't want to get too much sugar of course,'
Instead, as Twilight measured out a meager half teaspoon of sugar, she slighted, “Thanks for leaving me some.”
“Always for you.” Tia replied with a wink, taking a sip of sugar which she had flavored with tea and setting her cup aside.
Twilight pulled the cup up to her mouth and closed her eyes to savor the exquisite flavor of the chai tea when suddenly she squealed and jumped up in the air. When she landed, Tia was positively rolling in laughter.
“That's not funny.” Twilight snapped, her nose raw from a bit of tea having been snorted into her sinus cavities by the surprise. Tia continued to laugh proving that it was, in fact, extremely funny, though she might think otherwise if she knew her sister had been tickling that same spot only a few hours earlier. If Twilight didn't know better, she would think they were exchanging notes on some of these things to mess with her, but of course she did in fact know better.
However, this was one thing Twilight could gain from this whole mess she was in – the alicorn sisters were disturbingly alike in some of their quirks. When Twilight and Luna first began to get physical very shortly after Twilight's ascension to alicornhood, the first place Luna went after was the crook between her wings. Then, a few weeks later, when her relationship with Tia made a turn towards the physical as well, she too immediately went after the crook between the wings like just now, likewise nearly giving Twilight a heart attack then too.
Twilight regained as much of her composure as she could manage, primply fluffing her wings and flicking her frazzled mane back into place. “If I had known you would start doing things like that, maybe I wouldn't have caved in when you deliriously started hitting on me.”
“You didn't get angry when I tickled you when you were younger. Come to think of it, that reminds me of Luna in some ways. She became quite sour and pouty much like you when I surprised her from behind last week.”
On multiple levels, Twilight was absolutely mortified by Tia's words which she knew had been crafted to make her blush. The hinted reference of her childhood was a cruel strike, but Tia had gotten an extraordinarily lucky (and low) hit with the reference to Luna, to which Twilight's heart fluttered and she buried her head under her hooves and wings to hide her blush.
“Yes. You would know about surprising Luna from behind, wouldn't you?” These words, Twilight addressed to herself but in her tumultuous state blurted out by accident. The instant she said those words, she realized her mistake and her body tensed with horror. She expected Tia to prod the subject with genuine curiosity until Twilight realized how perfectly suited her accidental reply was to be a 'Back at cha' kind of burn.
Peeping between feathers, Twilight saw Tia, with a blush and forcibly distant expression, take a sip of tea flavored sugar. Unhiding herself, Twilight realized she had won this round, but dreadfully knew to expect retribution.
In that matter, the two sisters were alike also. Having pushed passed the facades they put on to maintain their demi-god status, Twilight was quite shocked to find that the two were bigger pranksters than Pinkie and Rainbow put together. Usually reserved for the nobles and other thorn in the flanks, their love for messing with others extends to the ones closest to them.
Besides wonderfully explaining the century long streak of outright bizarre happenings at the Grand Galloping Galla, it also incurs a certain degree of hazard when being a close friend to either of them. To be a lover, though, means every day must be taken for fear of some trap or good natured scheme working against you.
Yet in implimentaiton, the two alicorns differ. Luna, as in all things, is master of 'over the top over the top-ness'. Her flavor of comedy is that of slapstick, eyepokes, and jumpscares. As an example, she had a pie no less than five hundred gallons in volume dropped upon a group of unsuspecting and extremely whiny nobles who insisted they have their family line recorded in the stars. As for Twilight's encounters with her pranks, they were many to speak of but the most memorable and downright infuriating was when Luna had lead her into a small chamber in the old castle in the everfree forest. When the magic resistant stone doors slid shut, Luna was cackling loudly on the other side and Twilight found herself in the chamber of an enormous crossbow. A ear splitting KSHUNK later, and Twilight found herself screaming madly as she was propelled distantly upward into the sky at nigh supersonic speeds.
Tia, though, was so far less direct and so greatly drawn out in her pranks as to make the casual observer think she had no sense of humor whatsoever. Nay, in every way she is worse than Luna. One might mention around Tia something annoys them and then years later find a mountain or park or school named quite peculiarly after that annoying thing mentioned. Mount 'Mouthopenchewing' is one such example. Or, she might purposefully write a clause or entire bill with such absurdly circular logic as to thoroughly disprove its existence and for that exact reason spontaneously burst into flames when read, which is something that can actually happen in a realm filled with magic. Though Twilight was yet to feel the wrath of Tia's pranks, she knew in twenty years time, she should begin to become quite fearful for her dignity.
As it was though, the two lay next to eachother for some time again and watched the stars through a window. Twilight smiled, enjoying Tia's physical contact with her and pulled her tea up to take another sip. With the cup to her lips, she snorted quite deeply and felt at least a full mouthful of tea come out her nose.
“STOP!” She yelled, sounding much more whiny than she would have liked, then she squeeled again as Celestia bore down into the crook between her wings with even greater vigor. “STOP! OH CELESTIA STOP!” She yelled again, this time unable to keep the laughs from completely ruining any authority her voice might have held. Silently, she prayed the guards outside had tight lips and that Luna would not hear stories of loud thumping and demands of 'stopping'.
Twilight had no choice. She had to do something. For a brief moment, her horn glowed, then in a flash of light, Tia was gone. It took Twilight a moment to compose herself, then another to fathom the depths of the atrocity she had just committed.
Years ago, she gave Tia a pillow she embroidered as a gift. Tia thanked the then adolescent Twilight and then used the pillow that night. In the morning, she awoke to find herself severely inflamed and bright pink in color. As it turns out, Tia is allergic to the certain line of swan down that was in the pillow, and had quite the severe reaction. Certainly, you can imagine the awestruck bewilderment of the maids and other attendants when they walked into Tia's chambers to find her bright pink in color and using a multitude of toilet bowl brushes held in her magic to scratch her entire body. From then on, Tia became mildly allergic to any type of swan down and what Twilight had done was teleport her to a swan down factory nearby. That alone would have been bad enough had she not also imbued about two hundred metric tons worth of the feathers with a spell to make them all chase after Tia to tickle her relentlessly.
In the back of her mind, she realized that she had just majorly escalated a prank war she didn't want to fight in the first place, but she was perfectly content with the way things had played out and was happy to have the upper hand against Tia for once, even if that did mean soul crushing retaliation sometime in the coming millennium.
For a short time, Twilight had the chance to drink her tea and plan exactly how she was to react when Tia returned. Carefully, she folded her legs under herself and adjusted her hair to be perfect in every regard. Next, she poured herself another cup of tea from the pot which she reheated using her magic and emptied Tia's cup out the window, putting both on their saucers in front of the large pillow on which she rested. She then cast a motion and illusion spell on her mane and tail to make it sparkle with swirls of magical light as it billowed like Tia's in a windless wind. Finally, Twilight adjusted herself to lay ever so slightly on her side with her legs pulled under her and her wings held tight to her sides.
She closed her eyes, put on a deeply compassionate and wise expression, and waited. Five minutes later, she heard the heavy landing of four hooves on the porch outside.
“Ah, Tia.” Twilight said, feigning surprise like Tia has done nearly every time Twilight has ever entered her room. “Good to see you. I was hoping you might have time to share some tea with me before I retired to bed. Shall I pour you a cup?” Tia glared ever so slightly at Twilight as she walked over to her reading desk. Twilight smiled warmly and poured a cup for Tia. As Tia produced a quill and furiously scribbled on a scroll, Twilight purposely clanked the teaspoon in the sugarbowl to make a show of putting sugar in her tea.
Even after Tia finished the letter and walked over to her, Twilight continued to put sugar into the tea until the bowl was empty, to which she upturned what little remained into the tea. She then looked to Tia and keenly noted the bright streaks of florescent pink which striped her entire body, but somehow kept herself from breaking out into an all out guffaw.
Instead, giving a slight smile, she remembering a conversation about alicorn magic they had had the day after Twilight ascended and took her mentor's place in the conversation, “Now Tia, you have been gifted your entire life with incredible magical talent-” Twilight furrowed her brow for a moment as her attention was taken away by the empty sugar bowl, then teleported in an entire barrel of sugar, which she then, daintily using the teaspon, began to put into her tea. “You have been gifted with incredible magical talent, but Alicorn magic is different than anything you have ever experienced before. It is more powerful than unicorn magic, and far more versatile as well, though you will have noticed that your unicorn magic is more powerful as well.” Twilight, mimicking Tia on that day, pulled the teacup up to her mouth and sipped, promptly breaking the imitation and spitting out the sugary slurry. “How do you Drink This?!?”
Tia shook her head at Twilight and turned her attention to the scroll which vanished in a flash of golden sunlight. Twilight, in her body language, asked what the letter was and Tia stated, “I am simply ensuring we will not be disturbed tonight. It after all has been a very long day and I would like the chance to relax.”
Twilight's blood turned to ice at the last word which she clearly understood to have so many more connotations than 'relaxing'. Even were she not having this crisis with Luna, Twilight would questionably want to make love tonight knowing the “I'm going to get you back” mood Tia was clearly in. As it was, she really, really needed to take a step back and figure out how she was going to say to both of them 'I've been sleeping with your sister'.
In fact, every fiber in Twillight's mind did not want to do this right now. She wanted to say 'no, I don't feel like it tonight' but Twilight could come up with nothing to say as Tia moved in next to her and spread her wing over her back. Twilight reciprocated when she knew she shouldn't, but what choice did she have? There was no way she could easily weasel out of this predicament because Tia knew she knew this was going to be rough sex night. Any attempt to back out would be unrelentingly poked fun of in such a completely indirect and unknowingly obscure way that Twilight knew she would drive herself crazy trying to figure out how she was being poked at when absolutely nothing happened.
So, instead of saying, “I'm not freakishly turned on by political processes like you are and just want to go to bed,” when Tia leaned in to kiss her, Twilight decided to go along for the ride and enjoy it, so she kissed back.
Twilight sank deeply into the pristine alabaster clouds and sunned herself in the golden rays of the sun. Something she had enjoyed ever since becoming an alicorn was walking on clouds, for they were the softest and most exquisite places to sleep. Unlike pillows, they were always cool where you lay, yet they insulated too, as so to keep the sleeper warm from the cold winds which often blew at high altitudes. If the sunlight was too intense, then the sleeper can burrow down into the misty coolness of the cloud and refresh themselves in its embrace while still enjoying the uplifting rays of the sun.
Surrounding Twilight was a vast plane of clouds and an endless blue sky in all directions above and below. There was no ground here where Twilight rolled lazily on the silky cloud and muzzled its perfectly delightful texture with the side of her face. The clouds themselves were bathed in a magenta light cast by the sun which hung at the horizon. Looking at the sun, if felt to Twilight as if she could reach out and embrace it and hold its warmth to her chest, so she did. Like her old Smartypants doll, she held it at her heart and wrapped herself around it, and it embraced her back and warmed her spirit. Slowly drifting off to slumber she released the sun and it slowly released her as well and it drifted back to the horizon.
As Twilight slowly began to drift away, there was a sudden awareness which struck her mind and a very particular tingle in the tip of her skull which meant only one thing. She opened her eyes and pushed herself up.
“Hello Twilight.” Luna, with her midnight cerulean eyes smiled warmly at Twilight whose butt was ungracefully sinking into the cloud.
“Oh, hello.” She replied, nearly sinking all the way through the cloud as she fully gained her sense of bearings. Suddenly, she was next to Luna standing upright on the cloud.
Luna looked around the world they were in and appeared a little upset. Quite flatly, she observed, “This looks like sister's handiwork.”
For yet another time, Twilight's blood froze - this time as she realized this was a dream about Tia-No! She wasn't going to be calling Celestia that while Luna was around. This was a dream about Celestia, not Tia.
Everything about it was Celestia, the clouds shaded brilliantly with magenta, orange and pink, the warm sun in the sky, the silky clouds which felt and smelled of her mane. This was for a good reason too; Twilight was currently in bed with Celestia and could even in the dream feel the warmth of Celestia's wing over her right side.
And then there stood Luna, in her dream, conceptually only inches away from her sister. It made Twilight's skin crawl, but she was gifted no time to even try to put the feeling aside because she had to explain the dream to Luna. “Oh this?” Twilight nervously asked, “I guess it kind of does, but I've been around her my whole life. Things kind of rub off on me.” She grinned a little too widely, then, given Luna's evaluating silence, Twilight continued awkwardly. “You remember teaching me to lucid dream?”
Luna nodded, “Yes.”
“Well, I've been practicing, and every time I dream, I come here and build this world. I patterned it after the real one because that is familiar and comfortable, and what better way to build something than after the one who controls it? Besides, look at this.” Twilight motioned to the sky and in an instant, the world tilted on its axis and suddenly the sun faded away and the stars and moon popped into existence. Twilight dispelled the colors patterned after Celestia's mane which had never been a part of her intentional creation and slathered out shades of dark blue and purple onto some of the clouds. Others, including the one on which they stood, became like tears in the night's sky, each containing their own stars and galaxies which shimmered brilliantly. In the sky, from horizon to horizon, hung a galaxy whose stars visibly orbited about the bright milky center, completing paths in mere minutes that in real life would take millions of years.
Luna looked with awe at her surroundings and at the heavily detailed constellations which swirled in long bending paths across the sky like vines stretching across old mason. “Twilight, I am flattered by this which you created. Is this how you see the night's sky?”
Twilight smiled and truthfully replied, “Yes. This is how I see it. I wanted to work on it more before I showed it to you but... I guess I have a bit of a weak spot for you.”
Luna, whose jaw was quite nearly slack, looked around her with amazement and then suddenly bolted to Twilight and embraced her tightly. “Twilight, this is the most wonderful thing I have seen in a long, long time. If I had one like you those many years ago when I felt alone and rejected, then I may have never turned into Nightmare Moon.” Though Twilight could not see Luna's face because of the bear-hug she was giving, she could tell that this normally arcane and distant alicorn was misting up on her. On another note, even in this dreamscape, Luna's hugs were absolutely crushing. “Oh thank you, thank you Twilight for this masterpiece.” Luna threw the slightly smaller alicorn over her shoulder and hugged her, only to do the same over her other shoulder and repeat. By the time she was released from the vice-glomp, Twilight was well near gasping for air.
“Gah,” she huffed, “No... no problem... There is just so much more I want to do, I wish I could have shown you then. I feel kind of bad about doing it now.”
“Oh, think no such thing Twilight, but I appreciate the value of keeping your work to yourself until it is nigh finished. Speaking of, I have much unfinished from yesterday, and much more to repay you, so come! Let us retreat to my bedchambers!” With the blink of an eye, they were suddenly both in a room, lavishly furnished with gold and sapphire drapings, furnishings, and rugs. It was similar in many ways to Luna's bedchambers in Canterlot, but yet somehow even more lavish and over the top than the real thing which already exceeded Twilight's tastes of aesthetics.
“I don't know if I'm comfortable with this.” Twilight stated warily the instant her head stopped spinning from the quick change of scenery.
“What?” Luna asked, “Of course. We are dreaming, so me might make love wheresoever we please.”
“No, its not-” There was a whoosh, and they were then laying together on a cloudbank over some mountain range with no civilization in sight. “-that...”
“Oh.” Luna looked downcast for a moment before springing to another conclusion. “Oh! Perhaps you might a hotspring?” The world shifted and they were reclining in the lush and steaming crater of a geothermal vent.
“No it's-”
“Or maybe somewhere a bit brighter?” They were then on a gorgeous beach which was illuminated by a moon which stretched halfway across the sky.
“No-”
“Someplace more adventurous?” Laying on a rich velvet rug, Twilight looked around and to her horror realized they were in the middle of a crowded city street.
“OH Celestia NO!” Twilight reached out and grabbed the world, giving it a good shake and resetting it to a pure, white void in which she and Luna floated weightlessly.
Looking more than a little annoyed, Luna exhaled. “What then? I am out of ideas. And speaking of, I do not appreciate you calling out my sister's name during our intimacy.”
Twilight facehooved and tried to hide her embarrassment with her wings. “Luna, I am so sorry about that happening yesterday. It's just an expression.”
“Did I say that it did not matter it was 'just an expression'. Perhaps this time while we are in the throws of passion, I should yell out 'Oh Shining Armor! Oh Shining!', let us see how well you keep your drive after hearing that.”
Twilight groaned, “Point taken. Point taken.”
“I deeply worry why ponies' attention are fastened upon my sister during the act of coitus. Why not Cadence as she is the fertility goddess of today?”
“She's the alicorn of love, Luna, that's completely different.”
“Hmf.” Luna huffed, “I suppose I can only concede, seeing that she has not born forth a single foal after what? two and a half years time with a ravishing male in his prime? Perhaps there is something wrong with his-”
A spherical shell of silence suddenly enveloped Luna's head as she prattled a downright embarrassing statement about Twilight's brother. Then she noticed Twilight's spell around her head and popped it like a soap bubble.
“Truly, Twilight, this is my realm, so do not fool yourself into thinking you have the upper hoof with magic like you have in the physical realm. Progressively, I have sensed I am quite at the disadvantage in our acts of intimacy with your very creative spellcasting, so I think it is time I teach you a number of things now that we are together in the realm of dreams.”
“What do you meaaaaungh...” Twillight started then slurred off as Luna slowly dematerialized and Twilight's mind slipped into a half delirium of hot desire, “Oh my.” Dark streaks of blue, gold, and black swirled around Twilight's mind and she then was laying on her back in Luna's bed. Luna laid herself next to Twilight and whispered into her ear, “Now, as I said, we were not done earlier today.”
Twilight smiled dumbly as her head sunk into her pillow, letting her eyes roll back. What was she just thinking moments before? It had been important, quite pressing in fact. Whatever it was, it could wait, because she really wanted to lay back and feel what was about to happen.
Luna smiled and raised herself to stand over Twilight. She leaned down and kissed Twilight, who kissed back and then sprung out of bed squealing so loudly that Luna folded her ears back. While Luna looked on with an air of confusion as Twilight laughed uncontrollably and rolled wildly on the floor begging, “Stop it. Stop it. Please Stop!”
“Twilight,” Luna said with a raised eyebrow. “Stop what? I have not even touched you yet.”
Twilight's blood froze then was warmed into torturous mirth by the tickles; she realized the furious tickling between her wings which she was receiving was coming from Celestia who must have stirred in the middle of the night.
“Nothing.” Twilight squeakily answered between tears and tried to sit up, her legs shaking under the strain of fortifying them against the urge to try swatting Celestia who was nibbling at her back.
Twilight blinked and Luna was suddenly next to her saying, “We both were quite sensitive our first time, but this is a record even for you.” Luna grinned wickedly, “Let's see if we can keep it going.”
Suddenly, Twilight squealed again and convulsed on the floor as Luna joined in with the tickling between the wings. Twilight was absolutely mortified; both sisters were licking the exact same spot on her at the exact same time. No matter how she yelled for Luna to stop, she could only get the plea to come out sounding like she was having the most positively delightful moment in her life.
However, this moment for Twilight was in every regard positively mortifying, something which suddenly worsened when one of the mouths began working its way down her back. This was enough incentive for Twilight to regain enough control of herself for her to spring up and start running. The tickling between her wings was gone, but the wayward tickling was unfortunately Celestia's and it was steadily moving lower and lower.
“Ah, so this is what you wanted to do.” Luna, seeing Twilight running away laughing wrongly interpreted her as playing a game of 'I'll only give it if you can catch me'. Naturally, Luna sprung up and chased after Twilight who bolted through the doors of the room and knocked over a table and vase, sending the vase to the floor where it splattered like it were made of jello.
Twilight's body twitched disobediently as she half stumbled, half ran through the strangely warped and bent dream castle halls with Luna in hot pursuit behind. For a moment, she closed her eyes and tried to block out of her mind that the tickling had gotten to the base of her spine, and when she opened them again, she found Luna standing in front of her. Literally, she was standing there and the hallway was not moving while Twilight, much to her confusion, continued run at full gallop. Twilight realized the rugs underneath her were stretching and rolling like a belt on a treadmill.
“Oh Twilight, I would have expected this to have been a lot more difficult.” She then squinted her eyes mischievously, smiled, and clapped her front hooves together, “But now you are caught and it is time for my reward!”
Feeling hollow inside, Twilight tried and failed to overlook the tickling had reached the base of her tail, but such was not possible. With Celestia there, there was no way she was going to let Luna touch her, even if it meant outright turning her down.
“Luna, I'm eeek!-” Twilight squeaked as the tickling reached its destination. Shivering, she continued with as much seriousness as she could muster, “I don't feel like doing this tonight.”
“You shall not fool me with such double talk!” Luna declared playfully as she pounced on Twilight and pinned her. Luna grinned and cocked an eyebrow as her horn glowed with magic and she began to 'work her magic'.
Twilight was dying inside; this was too much and had to stop now. “Luna, stop Please!” The cold seriousness of the situation finally overpowered the reflexive laughs of the tickling and Luna suddenly became very fearful and stopped. She unpinned Twilight who tucked her tail underneath herself as she curled up and started crying.
Luna was shocked motionless for many seconds as she scrambled to try to consider what she might say to undo the harm she had just caused her beloved. “Twilight...” She, contrary to her previous overly enthusiastic mood, asked timidly, “I hurt you? Twilight I am so sorry, I didn't realize-”
“No. No...” She wiped her nose and tried to regain her composure. “You were wanting to have fun and I... Just not tonight, okay?”
“Of course Twilight...”
Many times before, Twilight had been at Luna's side as she mourned over her past mistakes made as Nightmare Moon. Likewise now, Luna had fallen into the the same slumped posture and broken expression, and Twilight knew the exact words with which Luna now tortured herself. “How can I come to terms with the suffering I caused others so long ago when I continue to hurt those who are around me?”
Without thinking, Twilight lurched forward and wrapped her front legs around Luna, kissing her squarely on the mouth and pulling back just a few inches to make deep eye contact. “Luna, I know what you are thinking, and I want to say, don't beat yourself up. I love you and know you were wanting to show your affection to me, so just don't hurt yourself like I know you are.” The gloss on Luna's eyes finally as she blinked, sending two tears rolling down her cheeks. Then Twilight's ears folded angstily back and in a much more hurt tone added, “But for now on, 'no' means 'no'. Got it?”
Luna sheepishly nodded and Twilight continued, “I'm just not in the feeling like it tonight because it's been a long day of politics and I am not freakishly turned on by diplomacy like Celestia is.”
“What!?! Why in all Wide Equestria would you even think that!?!” Luna incredulously asked.
Twilight blushed bright red, realizing she was about to show her hand and quickly joked, “Come on. Have you seen how voraciously she tears into legal contracts? The bigger they are, the better! It's the only explanation I can think of.”
Stoically, Luna blinked and then confided sternly, “Twilight, that was a revelation about my sister I wish you had never brought to my attention, for now that you mention it I cannot 'unsee' how true it is. Perhaps this explains how she has managed to get by with so few suitors.”
“There are more than you think.” Twilight mentally replied in ashamed fashion, then pushed the thought from her mind. “Yeah, that's one of the reasons I'm not really into this right now.”
“What other reasons? Might I ask.” Luna warily stated, as if she knew something Twilight didn't.
Twilight nearly seized up when she realized the other 'reasons' she was thinking of was the fact that at this very moment Celestia was licking her in a very private place, but she effectively answered the question with another lie. “Politics, politics, politics. You know how bad it is when things go well.”
“Of course.”
“Well, today, I ticked off my first foreign embassy.” Twilight cringed at the thought, “The peacocks had come bearing gifts to congratulate my coronation, I minced some words, and they left believing I had deposed you, Celestia, and Cadence. We barely avoided a war, but they still promised retribution against me. It was one of the worst days of my life – I was so humiliated... I just need some time to recuperate before I feel up to giving myself to you again.”
That very last bit of the lie was especially painful for Twilight to tell, but she had to do what she had to do.
Luna's eyes flirted away from Twilight's as she grimaced so visibly as to bear all her teeth. “Uh... Twilight... I think I should...” She trailed off.
“Should what?” Twilight prodded.
“I should go. I am so sorry.” Luna's demeanor instantly changed as if something was bothering her that she did not want to talk about.
“Don't be, sorry.” Twilight leaned in and hugged Luna again. “But I do think I need some time alone.”
Luna smiled and leaned her forehead against Twilight's, gently rubbing their horns together until they were both touching at the base – an exceptionally intimate exchange. “Thank you Twilight. I promise next time, we will take things at your pace.” She chuckled to herself, “Mostly.”
“I can't make any promises.” Twilight replied.
“Come now, Twilight.” Luna feigned being hurt, “I am the one who is supposed to be moody and aloof in our lovemaking. What am I to do if you are the one being such a curmudgeon?”
Twilight laughed but said nothing as they hugged again. Then Luna slowly melted away into the ether of dreams and faded from Twilight's consciousness.
Twilight yawned and smacked her mouth as she was pulled from sleep. It was still dark outside, and given she was up late 'spending time' with Celestia, Twilight estimated she achieved only about four hours of sleep, again. She felt oddly rested though; however, that is the norm any time Luna comes to her dreams.
“Luna.” Twillight remembered. Suddenly, the situation she was in came crashing down all around her. Only then did Twilight begin appreciate the Class A, Discord Tier lie she successfully managed to pull over both Luna and Celestia's eyes. Quite literally, she was laying in bed having intercourse with one lover, and managed to successfully have intercourse with another lover without either knowing of the other. Truly, Celestia had done well to steer her into the realm of politics, because Twilight right now was capable of making anyone believe anything.
Groaning, Twilight felt her face turn red as a sickening feeling of dirtiness crept into her. Concerning relationships and intimacy, she was trapped between an alicorn and a hard place – with the hard place being another alicorn... That does not sound right when read, so we shall not dwell on the blatantly implied and focus instead on the unashamedly blunt fact that Twilight felt like a slut of the worst kind. This was out of control, and Twilight new it, but finally she also understood she had no hopes of reeling this in without things getting messy. It was outside her field of expertise because, after all, she was the Princess of Friendship, though she was drifting unsettlingly towards becoming the Princess of Friendship With Benefits. This was a matter of the heart and so lay within Cadence's spheres of understanding.
Quietly, Twilight slipped out from under Celestia's outstretched wings and slid out of bed. Under different circumstances she would have felt guilty for leaving in the early morning, but that was crowded out by the crushing shame emanating from her aforementioned sluttiness.
Twilight tiphooved to Celestia's balcony and on the way there subconsciously tucked her tail between her legs like a dog caught chewing up a piece of furniture. Outside, she shut the doors and teleported a short distance to a private location she could spend thirty minutes channeling a spell to safely teleport her to the Crystal Empire.
The space around the aperture of Twilight's spell warped, distorting light as if it were under a tremendous looking glass until a point of deep purple light appeared at the center of the spacial rend. The point of purple expanded to several feet in diameter and shimmered for several seconds before popping, sending sparks everywhere and leaving Twilight standing flat hooved on the ground it had earlier encompassed.
She checked herself and was quite appeased at her success. “Excellent! That worked surprisingly wel-”
HRRRRGGGBBBLAAAHHH
The floor looked lovely with its new color scheme and texture, or perhaps not, as Twilight found vomit extraordinarily disgusting. She stumbled away, reminding herself to adjust the coefficients of relativistic dampening next chance she got because, as she put it, “Boy, does that spell sure throw your head for a loop.”
The OCD part of her screamed to go back and meticulously clean up every last drop of vomit with the strongest solvents known to ponykind, but the 'I don't want to die from two angry demigods' part of her won the battle and she ignored the puke and focused on the more pressing matter of getting advice.
Standing there, she new exactly where she was: the grand ballroom chambers typically reserved for celebrations. The location was several stories underneath the throne room, and another story underneath Cadence (and Shining Armor's) bed chambers. As pressing as the matter at hoof was, Twilight was not sure how she was going barge in on them in the off chance that she would end up seeing them doing... stuff. That was the last thing she needed to see, especially that relating to her brother. Twilight shivered. Those were bad thoughts and she even couldn't bring herself to think about Shining armor in that way.
Worse yet, would be if Cadence were alone, seeing that Twilight apparently has something for alicorns. The last thing she wanted was to get a four of a kind for doing all four known alicorns in existence. And yes, that included herself.
Twilight Sparkle, composer of over one hundred unique spells and over fifty derivatives, unofficial arch mage of Equestria, has improvised eight different spells for self pleasure, though she would never, ever, ever admit to such a thing, (and certainly not write them down for the posterity of future generations). Before she was in a physical relationship she rationalized using them as 'we all have needs that we need to fulfill' sort of thing. What hope did she have when it was awkward when she tried to talk to a stalion? or when she couldn't even look them in the eye for weeks at a time due to excessive masturbation?
It was as Twilight was contemplating this particularly awkward part of her past that she pushed open a door and Deus Ex Cadence.
“Oh... hello?” Twilight stammered and blushed as she tried to pull her mind off her shameful memories and think of something much more uplifting like a basket of puppies.
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!”
Those were two words Twilight years ago had learned to fear when uttered with such authoritative wrath. Even today as one of the most powerful creatures alive, she respected the authority behind them. She sat down, put on her most obedient face, and had a flashback about being sent to her room.
“You have been very busy, haven't you?” Cadence accused with a knowing tone.
“Oh, uh... yeah. I've been-” Twilight stopped herself. She might be able to lie to Luna, maybe even to Celestia on her best of days. But never, ever, ever could she ever lie to firstly, her mother, and then secondly to Cadence and get away with it. Resigned, she sighed. “There's no way out of this, is there? Wait! How do you know. O gosh o gosh o gosh.” Twilight jumped up and promptly began freaking out. “Ohhh, you read about it in the newspapers. Oh gosh, oh gosh.”
Cadence sat down and watched Twilight with a raised eyebrow and an annoyed expression showing how many thousands of times she's sat through one of Twilight's freak-outs.
“Oh gosh oh gosh. That would be a scandal, and that's the sort of thing Rarity reads about. Oh gosh, oh gosh! I don't want Rarity reading about my sex life in the tabloids!”
“Twilight.” Cadence cool said.
“And then she'll tell my friends about it, and my parents will find out.”
“Twiiii-light.” Cadence waved her hoof in front of Twilight's face as she frantically paced back and forth.
“Oh ohgoshohgosh, then they'll all disown me and ponies will become dissalusioned in their government because they know everything that happened between their leaders. LITERALLY EVERYTHING BECAUSE THERE WILL BE TAPES!”
Cadence was losing her patience and resorted to yelling, “Twilight!”
“Oh goshohgoshohgoshohgosh, then they'll rise up against the government and overthrow Celestia and Luna and-” Cadence plucked one of the out of place hairs in Twilight's mane. “OW!”
“Twilight.” Cadence finally got her attention and demonstratively went through the motions of the little calming exercise she had long ago taught Twilight. She saw this and understood what Cadence was telling her, so she did the same. It took her doing the exercise several times before her nerves would let her speak rationally again. “Sorry.”
“Mmhm” Cadence agreed halfheartedly.
“How did you know?”
Rolling her eyes, Cadence replied, “Really Twilight. Do you think Celestia or Luna would know if something were wrong with the Sun, Moon or Stars if that were the case? I am the Princess of Love. I can feel when something isn't right with a pony near me. And let me tell you, I woke up in a cold sweat the moment you stepped hoof into the castle.”
“Oh, right,” Twilight cringed. “So it's that bad?”
“That doesn't even say the half of it. But we cannot speak of such things here. The servants are especially bad here because the Court of Love deals with some what some consider especially gossip worthy news.” Cadence scowled and looked past Twilight, “Seriously Chalice. It's like you aren't even trying today.”
Cadence's horn glowed and immediately, there was a high pitched squeal as a maid was pulled from seemingly nowhere and dangled upside down by her leg. At that same moment, no fewer than six servants dressed in their uniforms scattered from their hiding spots like rats and scampered through doors leading to other rooms.
“Eheheh...” The maid giggled nervously. “Eh, bad habit?”
Rolling her eyes again, Cadence dropped Chalice from about two feet up, where she landed painfully on her head and immediately turned tail and skedaddled down a corridor.
“Yeah...” Twilight began. “I think it can wait a minute.”
A few minutes later, the two were sitting in a small guest bedroom on the same level, and Twilight enchanted it with a sound proof ward once they were sure it was clear.
In some other cultures, to say you were afraid of a Pretty Pink Pony Princess is synonymous with announcing you are a complete idiot. That is not so here, because Twilight had every right to be terrified of Cadence who looked quite pissed. “Twilight, I am very angry at you.” Were the first words from Cadence's mouth, and she looked ready to knock down a wall by punching it - which is something she could easily do.
“I know. I know. I'm not too happy about what I've done either. No matter what I do, I am going to hurt both of them, and I am going to have to tell one of them that I can't be with her anymore.”
“This is not right for more reasons than you give it credit. You shouldn't be with another mare in the first place, and you should know that. I thought of all ponies you would be the last one I would ever say this to.”
Cadence's accusation stung Twilight, partly because it was true. Twilight was well aware of the conventions of society and had never even questioned them before. She had heard gossip concerning others who had tastes for the same sex, but never met anyone who was outright forward about their preferences. To be upfront about that sort of thing was a quick path to humilation and embarrassment. But, in fact, she herself didn't even 'get her fancy' on with other mares: Celestia and Luna were the exceptions because of who they were, not their sex. Twilight when she was younger dreamed of her prince charming coming to sweep her off her hooves, but was turned off by the idea since the only image she could summon to mind was that of her brother because he perfectly fit the stereotype. Needless to say, she quickly started to find other ideals far more attractive, but what they held in common was that they were all male.
“I know, Cadence. But... I am so close to Celestia and Luna. When they offered themselves, how could I say no?”
“You shouldn't feel forced to have intercourse, Twilight.”
“Oh, no!” Twilight leaned forward in the chair she was in, “No they would never force me. When I say I couldn't turn them down, I mean that I didn't want to.”
“Even when you knew you would be cheating on the other?”
“It's not like that!” Twilight adamantly defended.
“Then what is it like? Tell me what has been going on between you and them. As your friend, I would honestly like to know.” Cadence, laying on a large pillow asking probing questions, reminded Twilight of Celestia in many ways. Normally, Twilight would have been impressed by Cadence's maturity, but tonight the similarities just disgusted her.
“I thought you knew all about what I've been doing.” Twilight said with a spit of venom.
“No. I know that you have been doing something with Celestia and Luna, but that is the extent of my knowledge.” Cadence frowned slightly, “But I keep getting this strange feeling you three have been at if at the same time, which disturbs me...”
“No, we haven't been... I mean its been at different times,” Twilight remembered that wasn't true. “Okay, so this morning it was at the same time, but neither of them knew that the other was there.”
Cadence's eyebrows shot up and her face fell into a grave look, “How did you even do that?” She frowned and rubbed her temples, “I must say Twilight, even after spending years settling matters of the heart for thousands of ponies, this is a first.”
“Ehh, yeah...” Twilight nervously rubbed the back of her neck, “I was in bed with Celestia and Luna came in a dream wanting to engage with me. There was no way in Tartarus I was saying yes, but Luna is a bit overbearing and she thought I was playing hard to get up until after she had... eh, yeah.” Twilight blushed.
“I see.” Cadence replied flatly, hinting disappointment, then sighed, “I really think you need to tell me how this all started and get me caught up on everything that has happened.”
Twilight sighed. “Okay. It's... it's a long story...”
When Twilight did not continue, Cadence prodded, “Yes, but that's what I'm here for.”
Groaning and rubbing her blushing face, Twlight squirmed, “This is so embarrassing. It... It all started a few months before I was coronated, I guess.
“I came to Canterlot to read through the archives because I needed a few references to finish a spell. It took a bit of searching because the topic was obscure, so I ended up going into one of the old sections of the archives and ended up browsing through them. There were many things there other than spells, but I was still surprised to see Luna there, especially in the middle of the day when she typically would be sleeping.
“She was very melancholy, even more so than usual, so I sat next to her and asked if everything was okay. Of course she said she was fine, but I eventually got her to tell me that she was depressed and was missing the thousand years she spent banished on the moon. She had many tomes of history books on the table next to her and had accumulated more knowledge on the subject of history than even I had ever learned. Though she wouldn't show it, I could tell that she was on the verge of tears of loneliness and was trying to distract herself.” Twilight gave a dejected laugh. “I've been in that place many times, so I kind of know what to look for.”
“I know Twilight.” Cadence acknowledged, “I remember many times when you brought home a stack of books and spending all night reading them because time the other foals were having a party or other get-together. There were a couple of times I heard you crying in your room, and I would fine you sprawled out with books all around you crying your eyes out.”
“And you would come over and sit next to me, give me a little hug, and tell me that you were my friend and so long as somepony has at least one friend, they should never feel lonely.” Twilight reminisced, “Cadence, I've never said this, but those were the most uplifting moments of my life when you were a friend and I thought I had none. And I was thinking of then when I saw Luna, and I could only see myself and... I felt her pain. I mean, I really felt it, and it was overwhelming. I knew that I had to do everything in my power to make her feel better. So, I asked her if she would be okay with me studying with her, and she said it would be fine. We read together for a while, and I made it a point to get her talking about what she was reading so we could have a conversation. Then we slowly drifted from topic to topic until she was about ready to pass out from exhaustion that evening. So she said she needed rest and said goodbye for the day.
“A couple days later, I found her in my library right after sunrise. She said she was curious about what books on the ancient Equestian codes of honor I might have. I fetched a few, but I knew she was there for company, so I cleared my schedule for the day and spent more time talking with her. About noon she reached her limit of exhaustion, thanked me for lending her the books, and left.
“This continued off and on for several months, and I noticed that we started getting closer. By two month's worth of these visits, we had moved from sitting across the table from each other to laying on the couch together with her wing draped over me. We both simply enjoying the comfort of the other's presence. We started doing other things, going out to breakfast, playing games together, things like that. Heh, I even worked out a disguise spell specifically made for alicorns so we could be in public without anyone noticing.
“Everything was platonic until a week after my coronation as a princess. We were in her chambers talking about stallions, though I had little experience on the subject I could offer. Then out of the blue she mentioned that in days before her and her sister's rule in the military it was not uncommon for members of the military to have intercourse with their comrades in all combinations of female and male parings. It produced unity in the ranks, she said. She told me she, of course, never engaged in such empty play and would never endorse it, but she said their was something beautiful about the sharing of common trials which brings two individuals closer together. She then leaned in and kissed me on the mouth, and bade me good night.
“I may be oblivious of these things at times, but I am not thick. I realized she was coming onto me and I expected to be shocked and even a bit revolted. But as I looked back into her eyes and felt her lips on mine, that wasn't what happened at all. It felt like the temperature in the room went up twenty degrees and I suddenly was really ho-” The words died on Twilight's lips as she looked at Cadence. Cadence, mind you, who had raised her when she was a foal and changed her dirty diapers. “Eh.. I was suddenly really... uh... you know... but I cordially said goodbye to Luna and left as if it didn't happen.
“All that week, that was the only thing I could think about... Did I do the right thing? Should I have said something to her about it? Why did I suddenly feel so attracted to her? Her? Another mare? I never even felt the desire to turn my head at a another mare, and still don't, except for her and then later her sister. Oh goodness, that sounds so bad.”
Twilight blushed and hid her face in pure shame for nearly a minute before she could continue. “Anyway, when a week passed and I had not so much as heard from her, I realized I must have hurt her so I sought her out and found her in her chambers reading by the early morning sun's light. She was sad again, I could see it in her eyes and hear it in the distance of her voice as she began apologizing. She said 'I am sorry that I am so different and my ways so foreign in time like they are. I got caught in my emotions and said something I knew I should not have, and I am sorry for the confusion it must have caused.'
“I was going to say 'It is fine, Luna, sometimes we say and do things we don't intend, especially when we are very tired.' But, I didn't. Seeing her there, radiant and beautiful as always, it again felt like the temperature rose twenty degrees and my heart raced. I know what I should have done, but I kissed her while the apology was still leaving her lips. Then... then I said... 'I've been thinking about what you said all week, and I think it is crazy... but I can't get it out of my mind because I think I would like it.'
“Then we... well, you know... and... it was fantastic. Since then we've been doing it as often as we can get together, which amounts to once or twice a week.”
Cadence let out a long, contemplative breath as she closed her eyes. A few seconds passed with her like this, then she spoke without opening her eyes. “Twilight, I understand your position and can empathize with the temptation you feel around certain others. After all, there were a multitude of times when my eye caught Shining's and we both saw what we were wanting. Those times are very difficult, and there were several instances where we nearly faltered. But I can promise you we did not consummate our relationship until after our wedding, and we did that for a reason.
“Just as Celestia and Luna are attenuated to the Sun and Moon and other celestial bodies, I can sense the nature of Love. It's something that comes from our alicorn magic and therefore is a part of our very souls. If you were to see the Sun rise twice, then never skirt across the horizon as it moved to set in the north, wouldn't you say that something wasn't quite right?
Twilight nodded.
“Issues of love are the same in many respects, even if they are not directly evident. If Shining Armor and I had had intercourse before our wedding, or if, Celestia forbid, either of us were to be unfaithful to the other, that would have been against the order of love, and it would have a profound impact on our lives. Just think if the Moon were to raise in the south. What would the effects be on the tides? When Celestia was teaching me about matters of alicornhood, she told me that the moon being out of it's natural path would be disastrous. The tides would be violent, and there would even be earthquakes because the pull of the moon's magic lifts the ground as much as a foot when it is overhead and it would be pulling in the wrong direction should it rise incorrectly.
“Matters of love are much more focused on the individual, just as matters of friendship are. They aren't normally going to destroy an empire or generally be noticeable when looked at from the scale of a town or city, though in your circumstances there might be an exception to that rule. The point is, though, that there are impacts for the good and for the bad which are played out in your life depending on who you claim as a lover and how you go about doing it.” Cadence as an afterthought added, “And don't forget, love exists in many more forms that the that which ends in intimacy. So often, ponies think physical intimacy is the ultimate end of love, while in truth intimacy is what lies at the end of only one branch of the tree of love. You can love someone even more than your 'lover', and that is normal. But when the physical expression of sex begins to bleed into other relationships, like those you have with Celestia and Luna, then that shows there is a problem.”
Remaining silent for a while, Twilight tapped the ends of her hooves together contemplatively. When Cadence realized Twilight's silence was growing worried in nature, she smiled faintly and said, “Twilight, I might not be happy about what is going on, but nothing is going to change between us.”
Sheepishly, Twilight grinned and some of the tension melted away. After a few more moments of avoiding eye contact, she asked, “What should I do?”
“Why don't you finish telling me about the situation you are in. How did Celestia become involved?”
“Well...” Twilight started, “That happened the days following my coronation.” Twilight then proceeded to tell Cadence about the day after her coronation when Celestia made known to Twilight her loneliness and how much she meant to her. Twilight told Cadence of the long nights they spent together reading, talking, exploring. “In many ways.” Twilight informed, “Celestia and Luna are very similar once they open up to you. They like the same foods, the same jokes, the same activities. There were times we went exploring the Everfree forest for the sheer thrill of it.
“Luna said it reminded her of days of old as she hunted down monsters, Celestia said it was an excellent break from the drudgery of politics. But I think the true, deeper reason they liked it is that in many ways they are the same pony. Now that I look back at it, I see my relationship with Celestia developed in much the same way as with Luna. For all the castle staff and other ponies in Canterlot, Celestia had been alone for the majority of Luna's thousand year banishment. With Luna having returned, the companionship pricked Celestia's scarred heart and the callouses of all that loneliness began to fall away. I've always been an open book for her to read, but a few months ago, she finally began to open up to me. I saw behind the mask that she puts on for the whole world, and I saw my own struggles and loneliness. Then, Cadence, you wouldn't believe it.” Twilight said juicily, knowing aside from Luna, Cadence was the only other soul alive who might know of Celestia's diminutive form.
“I wouldn't believe what?”
“Whenever we were alone together, she started using her smaller form with the strawberry mane.”
“What?” Cadence gasped, “Twilight, she raised me, and I can count maybe four times I saw her like that, and only for the briefest moments at that. I never learned much from her about it, but I could tell, I could sense, that each time she had taken that shape she was crying over Luna.”
Twilight nodded knowingly. “She told me that what we see of her, her grand scale, her flowing mane, is a facade she put on long ago after she banished Luna. She has worn it for so long that she had forgotten many times what she was like before. When she shows herself in her smaller form, you are seeing her with every barrier removed-” Twilight suddenly stopped. “I don't think this is for me to tell. Celestia needs to be the one who says these things.”
“I understand.”
“But you can see how close we had become?”
Cadence nodded. “I consider her my second mother, and I can see that you are as close if not closer to her than I am.”
“Well, with that in mind, I guess I should continue where we uhh...” Twilight looked at Cadence and still could not push past the memories of her being her foalsitter.
“Please do continue.”
“Yeah.... well.. um the things that led up to the first time we had se... ugh.” Twilight blushed and covered her face, “I'm sorry, I just keep looking at you and remember that you helped raise me and changed my diapers and... stuff. I feel like I am admitting this to my mom.”
“But then you had sex with someone you consider a mother figure? It seems a little hypocritical.” Cadence said completely flatly.
“No! It is Not Like That!” Twilight's face turned crimson, “So this is how I die. On my tombstone it will say 'Twilight Sparkle – Princess of Friendship With Benefits – Died on August 17th from acute case of embarrassment.”
As Twilight slowly died, Cadence raised an eyebrow. “You do realize you are going to need to tell your parents about this. Preferably before they find out about it in the tabloids.”
Yup. Twilight was going to die a slow, agonized death of shame. Maybe if she continued hiding her face under the pillows, it would act as a salve on her mortified horror. “I'm counting on this not breaking the news.”
“Don't place any money on that wager. These sorts of things always get out to the public.”
Twilight pushed her head farther into the cushions of the couch. It was a few minutes before she could show her face again to Cadence to keep talking. “It was a month ago. Celestia... Tia, as she asked me to call her, was with me in the library in Ponyville. We had spent the entire night reading a book together and talking about it. I don't know what time it was, but it must have been past four in the morning when I heard Celestia yawn next to me, and she laid her head down across my back. I gently stroked her mane with my magic and she said to me, 'It has been centuries since I have been this close to anybody.' I told her that 'I have a hard time thinking of anyone else that I'm as close to as you', which mind you was the truth because I really didn't want to think about Luna at that moment. Anyway, I asked her who the last pony was, and she told me outright his name was Pointed Compass, a cartographer and geometer that had become one of her advisors. They had known each other for decades and had slowly drifted together.
“Cadence,” Twilight exclaimed, “They were lovers.”
“Really?” she was quite surprised, “You got her to tell you about a past lover? My Word! I've been trying for years to get her to open up to me about them, because I can tell that they still pain her to think about.”
“I know. I was completely floored when she mentioned him. She talked about him for over an hour, and it all was so romantic. They had fallen in love, gotten married and had the grandest wedding, but never had any foals. Celestia told me that she sorely missed those days when she had someone to love like that.
“Then, she gently began preening my feathers. I didn't really know what to do. Was this a platonic moment? Or was this the start of something else? I mean, she had just been talking about past lovers, so it should have been clear, but this is Celestia we are talking about. Until that moment, I really didn't even think she had libido, and if she did, then it would be bottled up and tucked away like all her other emotions.
“So I turned my head to look at her, and she looked at me, and... there was this connection. I knew in that moment what she wanted, and my body was screaming at me, telling me I wanted it too. But I had Luna to think about. What was happening was so wrong, I couldn't, I wouldn't, let myself be unfaithful to Luna. The words 'I am in a relationship with Luna' nearly got out of my mouth... But how could I turn Celestia down? She is my closest friend, and she had just opened up to me more than she had to anyone else in centuries.
“So, when she saw my trepidation and began to say, 'I am sorry, this is wrong', I kissed her and... things happened... and it was more amazing than I could have ever imagined.”
Twilight shivered and began to look visibly ill, “When I woke up, though, I felt like the most deplorable, sleazy wretch in the world. I had just betrayed both their trust and set a massive dividing block between them. It's not Fair!” Twilight exclaimed, “A thousand years, Celestia waited for Luna's return, and then her best friend does... does what I did. What if what I've done causes them to start hating each other?!?”
Tears were starting to well up in Twilight's eyes and she started to sob. “I'm so afraid if I tell them, they will start fighting over me and one of them will end up banished again, or worse...” Twilight broke into an all out bawl and Cadence quickly came to her side.
“Easy Twilight. Easy. I know things are not going to be pretty when this all shows its head, but I can promise you that nothing bad will happen to any of you.” Cadence pulled Twilight's chin up and forced her to make eye contact, “You hear me?”
Twilight nodded and continued crying.
Cadence sighed and hugged Twilight, “These sorts of affairs are always so messy, that's one of the many reasons marriage is so important.” She felt Twilight nod in agreement, “But obviously that wasn't a choice in your case. though that still doesn't mean what you did was right.”
It was the better part of a half hour before Twilight began to regain her composure, in which time Shining Armor had poked his head into the room wondering where his wife had gone, only to be shooed away and told he will find out what has happened when Twilight feels like talking about it to him. Red eyes, a sniffley nose, and and half a box of tissues later, Twilight had mostly dried herself of tears but still felt miserable. “What should I do Cadence?”
“I will be direct with this, Twilight.” Cadence said in a cool demeanor, “You need to tell them both about what has been going on and then break off the physical relationship with them. Forgoing what I hold to be the natural state of physically intimate love, you cannot have a romantic relationship with either of them because that would be showing favoritism. What good it might do the one would be more than lost in the damage and pain caused to the other. And certainly you see why you can't keep things the way they are now.”
Twilight literally felt as if she had been eviscerated and then stabbed in the chest, but Cadence's words made such perfect sense that she could only take them in like a dog that had been kicked. She couldn't make eye contact with Cadence for the longest of time as she looked away with her ears laid back, lower lip quivering, and eyes filled with despair.
Cadence had seen that broken look of a hurt heart on many ponies before, but never had she expected to see it on Twilight which made her hurt all the more for her friend. “Twilight, I am so sorry for you. If you want to know, what is happening right now is the reason I am so adamant about adhering to marriage. I've so often had my heart broken be the repercussions I see others face when they have, with best intents, done some things which they shouldn't have.”
Saying nothing, Twilight sat with eyes downcast as her mind futility scrambled to come up with a solution, as if it could in these few minutes she could managed to invent something she had failed imagining given a month. In her mind though, Twilight knew she was smart. In fact, she wasn't just smart, she was Twilight Sparkle: the pony who always has a plan. If she just thought hard enough she would come up with something to fix this.
The solution did not come though, because no matter what, she was going to have to give up at least one of them. She wouldn't let herself continue to be what she had become: there was no way she would ever sleep with them both again.
“Remember Twilight,” Cadence, knowing the struggle happening in her heart said as gently as she could. “You can't show favoritism now that you have gotten so close to both of them because that will only hurt the other and drive a wedge between them.”
“But I just can't let go of them!” Twilight mentally screamed at Cadence, but held her tongue knowing that there was no way she could rationally defend her stance. For another fifteen minutes, there was more silence as Twilight wrestled with the decision she had. Eventually, she couldn't think any longer. “Cadence, how do I let go?”
“By reminding yourself that you can't keep holding on. Twilight,” Suddenly, the warmth drained from Cadence's voice and she was deadly serious again, “Do you think you can keep this hidden forever? Don't you think that eventually, Celestia or Luna will tell the other about this? I know you know them better than I do, so ask yourself this question. Wouldn't it hurt both of them far more to find out from each other what has been going on than if you were to tell them?”
“Yes.” Twilight's voice was weak and drained of all emotion.
“Then find them, take them aside individually and tell them what you have been doing. Do not tell them at the same time, and I would recommend you tell Luna first because in a way, you have betrayed her worse because you took on Celestia as a lover after you had already been having intercourse with her. Make it clear to her that Celestia had no inclination that the two of you had been exchanging intercourse, and give her time to cool her temper before you speak to Celestia, because I know Luna is much more driven by her emotions than her sister. Then, you need to privately tell Celestia what has been going on, and do so in the same way you did with Luna. In both cases be gentle but do not neglect honesty and directness, and tell them your reasoning, because I can tell that you deeply love them both and, though mistaken in your actions, you meant well.
“I do love them,” Twilight quietly murmured. “But how do I go back to not having...” She trailed off.
“Perhaps one of the hardest lessons of love is that only in one case should you find yourself having sex, and you know which case I am talking about. When you jumped from one branch to another on the tree of love, it caused complications which will be hard to fix. But if you do the right thing, then with time, the wounds will heal and the pain will not hurt as much.”
Cadence smiled warmly. “I think I have said everything I need to about this. I know you are a good mare and that you will make the right decision, so come on. Let's put this behind us for the moment and get some breakfast.”
Thought Twilight knew she didn't deserve such friendship and was even a little repulsed by the thought of being touched at the moment, Cadence hugged her as they started out the door to the room. Though she was loath to admit it, the hug did make her feel a little bit better.
“Just a little more physical affection and I will have a four-of-a-kind.” And in Equestrian poker, nothing can beat having four princesses in your hoof (or better yet your hoof in four princesses). Twilight groaned and even managed a sickened chuckle at the thought, then pondered where she had gone wrong in life to cause such thoughts.
“What is it?” Cadence asked, looking back at Twilight who had flushed red in the cheeks.
Before she even realized what she was saying, Twilight answered, “I just realized I'm one goofup away from having a four of a kind.” She immediately grabbed her mouth with her front hooves as if doing so would make the words unheard.
“What are you-” Cadence questioned then realized the meaning. “TWILIGHT!”
The weight of the situation Twilight was in finally had become too much to handle, so it broke, and a loud snort came from her nose as she trembled with laughter. Every bone in her body was numb to shame, so she took delight in the relief brought by falling to the floor and rolling around laughing as Cadence huffed with annoyance.
“Fine.” Cadence grouched, “You win.” Twilight continued roaring with laughing as a wicked grin slathered itself on Cadence's face, “You, Me. My bedroom. Now!” Her voice dropped into a seductive purr, “Shining Armor watches.”
Mouth agape, eyes shooting wide open in mortified terror, Twilight's laughing hitched and she started coughing violently. Eventually, when the shock subsided, she, resignation in her posture, stood and growled, “That was not funny.”
“Really?” Cadence shot Twilight an innocent look, “I thought it was hilarious.”
Twilight groaned and they reached the kitchen before she finally conceded, “Alright. Fine. It was actually a pretty good comeback.”
The kitchen staff were already up and preparing the morning meal for the royals and other servants, so it was not long before Twilight and Cadence were served a delectable course of eggs, biscuits and jelly with greasy fried haycon for breakfast in a private dining hall where they could talk unmolested by the eavesdropping staffers. For some time, they conversed about small things until, out of the blue, Twilight said, “Luna thinks you are a fertility goddess.”
Cadence bristled slightly at the question, but did not show the level of discomfort Twilight had expected the question to arouse. In reply, Cadence rolled her eyes and said, “I am not a fertility 'goddess'. I can assure you that. Like I said, sex is at the end of only one of the many branches on the tree of love, so it is within my domain. But to claim that is all I have dominion over is quite insulting and cheapens the idea of Love.
“For example. I love my husband, I love my parents, my parents loved me, I love my friends, I love the ponies of the Crystal Empire, and I hope they love me. Each use of the word has a different meaning despite the exact same use of the word in each case. Do I love anyone else the way I love Shining Armor? No. I think that is a fault with our language, and I strongly believe you would not be in the situation you are in right now if we used different words for different cases. As it is, I think the use of the same word obfuscates our view on things and blurs the distinction of the branches on the metaphorical tree.”
Thoughtfully chewing her food, Twilight noted Cadence's response was wonderfully deep and insightful, which was terribly annoying considering she brought the subject up solely to try to make her friend uncomfortable as payback for when she earlier had suggested Shining Armor watch them.
Yes, it was a meaningful response she would take to heart, but Twilight still had another attempt left. “I guess that brings up my next question. Why haven't you and Shining Armor had a foal yet?”
When Cadence's fork dropped from her magical grip and clattered to the plate, Twilight realized she had hit her mark. “Bingo.”
“Well, eh...” Cadence nervously twitched her wings and rubbed the back of her neck with a front hoof. “You see Twilight...” Suddenly, there was that sadistic smile on her face again. “You see, Shining Armor and I have used that shield spell of his for other purposes. His special talent is protection, after all.”
“Oh Celestia no.” Twilight grimaced as a blush flushed upon her face. Suddenly, she realized she probably would want to find an expletive other than 'Oh Celestia' to use when something happens, because that phrase now had entirely new connotations. Maybe her own name would be a good replacement; after all, she is an alicorn and her name has accompanied a lot of bad things that have been happening recently.
Cadence smiled as Twilight recovered, “Truthfully, it's complicated. There is this whole stigma of me being 'a fertility goddess', so Shining and I decided it would be best to wait several years, maybe even a decade before having a foal just to disprove that notion. Also...” she trailed off and sighed. “What would our children be? Even Celestia and Luna do not know if alicorns breed other alicorns. What if our children are alicorns and have all the power of such? Even if we could be sure our children used that power responsibly, then what about our grandchildren or our great grandchildren? In a couple hundred years, there would be tens of thousands of alicorns, and with that amount of magic, even if only one in a thousand were to abuse that power, then that could come out to be dozens of alicorns spreading harm and destruction.” Cadence shivered, “I just can't imagine something like that coming from my own womb, and when I asked Celestia for advice, she said that she shares my fears and that is why, among other reasons, she never has tried to conceive.”
Twillight suddenly felt cold with the realization because she had never considered that aspect of her ascension. It was natural that she wanted foals some time in her life, but had never given it much thought because she had never found that certain special somepony... at least, one that was male without the help of a transformation spell. And for the record, those under the effects of the spell are unable to father or mother children for the duration of the transformation, even if the right fluids are made.
Twilight shivered – stallion her and stallion Luna was a memory that would just not die, though she did really like it when Luna was the male...
Cadence twitched like she had been poked. “I just got the strangest feeling from you.”
“Hmm?” Twilight asked, frantically pushing the memory away from her thoughts.
“I guess it was nothing.” Cadence replied after a moment of watchfulness and continued on her previous topic. “But concerning foals, I decided not to fret too much about it. I have time to think about it, and I do like the idea of adoption. I think it would send a good message to the rest of the world that the Princess of Love and her husband could love another pony's child as their own.”
“It would.” Twilight agreed.
The two finished their meal in silence and when it was time for Cadence to begin attending her duties, she asked the staffers to take the plates away and offered Twilight a train ride back to Canterlot.
“It isn't a problem.” Twilight replied. “I've always been good at teleporting.”
“Well, okay.” Cadence reluctantly said.
“Oh, but you might want to have the maids clean up a spot in the ballroom I teleported into. Things got a little rough in transit and my stomach didn't like it.”
Cadence wearily shook her head. “I am sure they have already found it. But now Twilight.” Cadence was suddenly very stern, “I want you to remember what we talked about. You need to tell them.”
Twilight meekly nodded.
“And I mean it. That's why you have three days to tell them before I come and tell them myself.”
The suddenness of the ultimatum shocked Twilight into silence for a few moments before she finally strangled out a faint “Okay.” at levels so inaudible even Fluttershy would strain to achieve them.
“Also, send me a letter letting me know when you broke the news. I want to have a long discussion with Luna and Celestia. Especially Celestia for putting her student in such a position as she has.” As soon as the hardness in her voice came, it was replaced with affection and she hugged Twilight, “I am sorry this has happened to you and I normally I would say I love you,” she laughed warmly. “But since you're having a bit of a problem with the whole 'I Love You' thing, I will just say that I will be by your side always.”
“Thank you.” Twilight's throat was still tight with a mire of emotions, strangling the strength from her words. “Will...” She coughed and cleared her throat. “Will it be okay if I stay here for about half an hour? It takes a long time to construct this long range teleportation spell I'll be using.”
“Of course. I'll make sure you aren't disturbed,” Cadence was about to open the door when she paused and looked back, “And Twilight, please visit more often. It is always so wonderful spending time with you.”
“If Luna and Celestia don't kill me, sure,” she sheepishly joked, then turned to weaving her spell. As laylines of arcane structuring for the spell began to wind their way through the space inside the dining room, Cadence exited and closed the door behind her.
With all the supernatural showmanship expected with high level dimentional magic, the lightshow of the farcasting spell shimmered as the space Twilight occupied was bent and torn from its natural anchors and hurtled hundreds of miles into Canterlot castle. She casually stepped from the shimmering of the popped bubble of space as if it were just an elevator, quite pleased with the fix she had integrated into the spell to address the whole vomiting 'glitch'. It wasn't a masterfully solved tenth order differential equation to fill the spot of a crudely made approximation for the perceived viscosity of seven dimensional space, it wasn't a streamlined arcane transduction matrix designed to augment the elegant yet overly complex energy distribution system in the spell, it wasn't even a re-derivation of the relativistic spatial positioning coefficient. No, Twilight's solution was so simple that it takes no upper level understanding of loop quantum gravity to comprehend.
Her solution to compensate for the vomiting problem, in fact, was a potted plant .2173 meters away from her new position and 4.3276 liters in holding capacity. As she calculated, she had exactly 6.524 seconds before the magic backlash struck the extra-sensory organs in her brain and instantly overwhelmed her, leaving her plenty of time to hug the pot for dear life as and prepare herself to vomit up her intestines.
HRRRRGGGBBBLAAAHHH!!!
Twilight wiped her muzzle with a foreleg,“That wasn't so ba-”
HRRRRGGGBBBLAAAHHH!!!
Six more vomits later and five pained minutes of begging an unnamed deity to go ahead and just kill her already, Twilight stood up and decided to annotate the spell describing that using it multiple times causes the nausea to scale exponentially.
The breakfast earlier seemed kind of moot now, but Twilight pushed the thought aside and decided she needed to go talk to Celestia, if for nothing else to cover her ever so supple and perfect ass for slipping away in the middle of the night.
This early in the day, Celestia would be holding a short morning court for the denizens of Equestria before turning to more internal matters of politics, so Twilight briskly trotted to the courtroom (because, by her sweet rumpus, she was not teleporting any time soon after losing her spleen and half a kidney into that potted plant.)
When she neared the towering double doors of the Sisters' throne room, Twilight was a little worried that they were sealed and that there were several guards outside its doors. Usually, given the time of day, there is a single file line scores of ponies long; instead, that many ponies milled somewhat dumbstruck around in the hallway like they had just been corralled out of the court.
“What is going on?” Twilight questioned the guards as she neared them.
“A bit of a major fallout between Celestia and Luna,” one replied.
Twilight felt her woozy stomach go hollow. “About what?”
“Celestia accused Luna of tricking you, then forced everyone out. It happened just a few moments ago,” he replied.
Twilight went pale. So then they found out... Celestia must have awakened without her by her side, then went to ask Luna where she had gone. Twilight swallowed hard, knowing she needed to go in there and sooth things out, but she had intended to take advantage of all three days that Cadence had given her in order to find the exact right moment and way to break the news to them. But now, she was throwing herself into a fire, perhaps quite literally as Celestia sometimes blazes like a pheonix when provoked. Where do you think the term Solar Flare comes from? It only so happens the physical sun does the same thing. In the same way, Coronal Mass Ejection refers to her centennial menstral period and it just so happens that the same term applies to when the Sun throws off hundreds of millions of tons of plasma and other hazardous material.
When Twilight finally ventured a peep into the throne room, she could see Celestia's mane was billowing like she were in a tornado, but she wasn't so much as smoldering... yet. That seems safe enough.
“WE HAD NAUGHT THE INTENTION IN OUR HEART TO DO HER HARM. IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE WE HAD FOUND A FRIEND IN HER!” Luna on the other hoof... If Twilight were to look back, she wondered if she would see the guards' ears bleeding. Certainly, though, it was clear she had lapsed back into her old accent and tendency to use the Royal Canterlot Voice.
“It is Not the intention which holds precedence here!” Celestia spat more venomously than Twilight had ever her before, “It is what happened, and I cannot believe what you did to her!”
She slipped through the door quickly and sealed it with a soundproofing spell and hesitated a step towards the quarreling sisters. “Celestia, Luna?”
“YOU SPEAK AS IF SHE HAS BEEN DEVISTATED BY IT? BUT SHE IS STRONG AND, YEA, THE BETTER FOR IT, EVEN DESPITE MINE ROUGHNESS!”
“Oh please help me.” Twilight blushed and wanted to crawl into a hole some place, still knowing all too well Luna was right in acknowledging she was too rough at times.
“She is so young and You have much experience with this!” Celestia huffed indignantly, “To think you preyed upon her like this right after we welcomed her into our midst as another princess!”
“DO NOT SPEAK OF ME CONCERNING YOUNG! I KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN PLANNING EVER SINCE SHE WAS A FILLY! YOU WHO SPEAK OF FAIRNESS? HOW FAIR ARE THE MANY THINGS YOU HAVE SET IN MOTION TO BRING ABOUT DESIRED MOMENTS IN HER FUTURE!?! ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS SUBJECT TO THE IGNORANCE OF CHILDREN!”
“Please kill me now.” Twilight, normally purple, was to the point of becoming scarlet the whole body over. If she had ever questioned the possibility of a full body blush, she now knew it to be fully real as she realized Luna was implying Celestia had literally raised her to become the perfect sex toy.
“I mean, she is a bit manipulative... but only when she is doing something for the good.” And what could be better than being entranced into a perfect relationship where both parties love each other deeply because of the time one party has invested in the relationship? “No, not thinking that.” Though, did she really think Celestia was blind to how close they were getting before they first were physical? “Of course not, but I am sure she didn't expect to get that close.” Or would she?
Having reached such a point that her thoughts and arguments were becoming indistinguishable from the narrator's own words, Twilight subconsciously realized she was becoming a bit too much like Pinkie Pie and needed to drop the line of thought, lest she risk losing what little of her sanity remained.
She should be ashamed of herself for thinking such a terrible thing about Celestia – she would never, ever, Ever do manipulate her into a carnal relation-
“I set those events in motion knowing that when they came to fruition, Twilight would be an adult and capable of handling them as such!”
-ship
Twilight's jaw dropped. Did Celestia honestly just admit to... It was Unthinkable! It just wasn't possible! Yet Twilight just could not shake the reality that had just been thrown upon her. This had to be some misunderstanding, there was no way that Celestia would do that.
Yet, in her mind's eye, she could see herself as a little filly walking along side her most beloved mentor and teacher. “Now run along Twilight. You are much too good a student to be late.” Celestia in her mind says. She, the eager little filly scampers off with glee to her classes as Celestia watches from behind, licking her lips as her eyes fall to the little filly's tail.
“Pervert!” Twilight was outraged, “Disgusting, Revolting, Pedophilly!” There just was no way in Tartarus Celestia was that kind of deprived creature-
“SO YOU ADMIT THINESELF TO BE GUILTY AS YOU ACCUSE I TO BE IN THIS MATTER?”
“I admit no such thing.” Celestia rebutted, sending a spark of reaffirming pride through Twilight's heart before she said, “I admit to manipulating events in my favor, but the guilt is your own!”
Ah, so that's what it's like to have your spine torn out, snapped in half, and then shoved back into your body. That was the realization Twilight was struck by when her teacher blatantly admitted to her worst fears. It was absolutely heartbreaking in every imaginable way to have one who to which you have given your everything to admit to blatantly pulling the strings of your life to make you fall in love with her. Nay, to force you to fall in love with her.
Twilight's legs gave out from underneath her and she fell to her haunches as tears began to well up in her eyes. She couldn't believe this revelation; there was no way she could ever speak to Celestia, her closest friend, after this. At least she still had Luna.
` “GUILT? HAH!” Luna laughed, “UNLIKE YOU, WHERE THE PLOTTING AND GUIDING NEVER ENDS, FOR ME, IT TWAS' JUST A FITFUL FLING OF FUN WHICH HAD A END IN MIND. IT HAPPENS, THEN IT IS OVER, AND BOTH PARTIES WALK AWAY HAPPY WITH THE FUN THEY HAD!”
“Youplannedtowhatanow?” If Twilight's jaw were to drop open any farther, it would unhinge like that of a snake's and fall to the floor. Surely Luna was not implying their relationship was just an extended one night stand? No. Not. Possible. Twilight knew Luna. There was no way-
“Oh Luna, that is your style isn't it? You have not the intelligence or drive to keep it up but for the shortest of times, so you don't even try.”
“I SEE A FUN POSSIBLITY AND TAKE IT. AT LEAST I AM NOT OLD AND DUSTY INSIDE BY THE TIME I FINALLY HAVE HAD MY FUN.”
“Did Luna just... No. It. Is. NOT. Possible.” Twilight had barely made a few steps away from the door before the argument had stopped her, and now she was frantically leaving because this was far too much for her to handle. To think that both her lovers were taking advantage of her in such disgusting ways.
She wasn't quite sure how long she had been sitting there, nor did she even remember leaving the throne room, but Twilight suddenly found herself sitting with her back to the immense double doors. Grinding her teeth and crying, Twilight was repeating the words, “It just can't be” over and over in her head like a mantra. Dimly, as her tears fell to the ground from her drooped head and pooled between her front legs, she began to become aware of scores of curious stares boring into her.
“Court is adjourned.” Her voice feebly uttered through grit teeth. The supplicants stood there dumbly like an army of manikins, uttering not a single word as they all stared glassily at her.
“I SAID COURT IS ADJOURNED!!!” Several veins bulged from Twilight's head and neck as she yelled quite violently at the crowd. It may have been the eardrum rupturing Royal Canterlot Voice she had just used, or it may have been the fact that she had begun to smolder, but something about her very not happy demeanor caused the supplicants to scatter like mice when an owl flies overhead. Even the guards fled.
Twilight had picked up many things from Celestia in her life, and the tendency to spontaneously erupt into flames was one of them. So Twilight sat there stewing in anger, smoke beginning to rise off her mane as her body temperature began to rise. Her very emotional core had been kicked in the stomach and then brutally stomped to death by an angry mob when it fell to the ground. But now that she had caught herself and her head was no longer reeling, Twilight began to fully understand some of the things Celestia had said to her two months before.
“...once I began to get to know you, I realized how special you truly were.”
“As you aged into your teenage years and began to truly understand the world, I knew then and there you were more than a pupil or student.”
“And for a time, I fear I hoarded you like a dragon hoards its treasure...”
All those things were things Celestia had confided in her, and suddenly Twilight saw all the warning signs. Those long nights where she stayed at the castle sleeping in the most lavish rooms imaginable when she had her own bed back home. All the books she ever wanted – she even lived in a library in Ponyville for several years, something Celestia had arranged. Celestia was ingratiating herself with her, and Twilight had been blind to it until now like Luna had said. How many more things were there that Celestia had done or planned to do to manipulate her? Luna and her casual relationship was bad enough, but this level of manipulation was the kind of thing which breaks a pony's soul.
Every single thing that she had experienced was WRONG. Her closest friend had played her like a puppet, and Luna, equally as close, had planned on disposing of her when she had had her fun.
The smolders on Twilight's mane began to flicker into little flames. “What right did they have to do this to me!?!” Her legs were trembling with anger as she screamed in her mind, “I will NOT BE USED LIKE THIS!”
Twilight is not the most stable of ponies – not by a long shot. She her entire life has coped with an undiagnosed case of 'bat crap crazy under stress', and the breach of her control showed at her worst moments. But this moment was by orders of magnitude the Worst moment of Twilight's life.
Suddenly, a distant but steely expression occupied Twilight's face as sparks began to fly off her coat and her mane rolled into a mighty orange inferno. She stood, the tiled marble blackened under her body where she sat, and turned to the doors.
Like the mighty rumble of a volcano, her wings erupted into fire and her feathers transformed into cones of deep blue like those of a cutter's torch. She reached out to open the thick wooden doors with an alabaster white hoof; however, the three inch thick slabs of oak combusted and shrunk away as she touched them. Twilight walked through the hole her body burned as her horn began to bubble with depraved green and black energy.
Celestia had abused her with her infinite patience and foresight, Luna had abused her with her frivolous whimsy and funseeking. Now it was Twilight's turn to abuse them back with what she was best at – magic.
The alicorn sisters had nary a chance to see their imminent doom step forth from the doors before a wretched ball of tar like magic struck them and exploded.
Twilight in her life had done many things she had regretted: she regretted falling away from her parents, she regretted her extreme solitude earlier in life, she regretted the entire incident with her smartypants doll and the Want it – Need It spell. But now, there was nothing that had ever caused her more regret than waking up in bed between the two alicorns with her loins raw to the point of nearly bleeding.
The two were sleeping soundly beside her; she had made certain of that, and for the moment, they seemed peaceful and content. Come their waking, peace and content will be long removed from their minds; again, she had made quite certain of that.
The spell she had cast in the throneroom had been intended to be a love spell, and Twilight could remember her thoughts perfectly as she channeled every ounce of emotion into it, “If you will not Love Me, I shall make you love me Instead!!!” As she channeled the spell, her emotions influenced it, and since she had been drained of everything except anger and hatred, the influence was not good. The love spell degraded into a lust spell which splashed over back onto Twilight with catastrophic effects.
Let us say an alicorn threesome is curious, to put it cleanly. With their magic and incredible stamina, there is little they cannot do without stop for many hours, and the more mundane things can last for days. Had it lasted for days? Twilight wasn't really sure, though judging by how every inch of her burned, and how her sensitive regions were severely chafed, she could believe it.
At some point, the spell she had cast began to wear off on her, because she suddenly had a moment of alacrity where she realized, “What in Tartarus am I doing?”
To which, Luna and Celestia replied silkily. “Us.”
The spell took hold again, and she and Celestia and Luna had quite the tumultuous time experimenting with every configuration possible. Quite literally, meaning today there actually was something new under the Sun – that something being Luna as they 'kept it in the family' while dispensing it quite freely to Twilight as well.
Things happened which Twilight would care to never think of again, and hours later they all fell asleep, finally giving into exhaustion. Then, Twilight awoke to Luna stroking her mane.
“Good waking, sleepyhead. Are you ready for more?”
“Ugh... maybe.” Twilight at that point was so tired as to completely not care about the raging demands of her libido, “maybe...” she started dozing off.
Luna crawled seductively on top of her and nipped her on the tip of the ear. “OW!” Twilight squeaked.
“Not so loud.” Luna, her bedroom eyes inches away from Twilight's, “Don't wake sister, I want you to myself.” They kissed and when Luna pulled away, she continued silkily, “Now, let's see how angry we can make her when she realizes she missed the fun. Oh, this will be as much fun as the peacocks.”
“Peacocks? I don't remember getting that kinky.” Twilight asked, “What are you talking about?”
“Why, the prank of course! Tia and I were talking about it when you barged in and brought us this Wonderful time. Which I must thank you for, I must say I never considered trying it with her befo-”
Luna suddenly slumped and collapsed atop Twilight like a ragdoll.
“Oh Crap!”
Twilight pushed Luna off of her and looked at her and Celestia to make sure the sleep spell worked.
“Oh CRAP!” She cursed aloud, suddenly sober of the lust spell's hold. Which then brings us back to Twilight's greatest regret which has already been mentioned.
Laying on her back in bed, she was paralyzed, not with fear or weariness, but with resignation. “They were arguing about pranks.” And she, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Freak-outs and Paranoia, let her guilty conscience trick her into creating the incest orgy of all incest orgies.
“They were arguing about Pranks!” She repeated in her head, realizing she was wrong! Wrong! Wrong! on every possible thing that mattered. Luna, Queen of Slapstick, always has short sighted ends in mind, then the fun happens and it is over. Celestia plots and broods the most effective tricks imaginable so that the target is ensnared completely by them, even if it is forty years later. Concerning relationships, for Luna, this was no frivolous fling; for Celestia, there were no pedophilly intents (most likely).
And for Twilight, there was no possible escape from this. Sure she could wipe their memories, sure, she could let the sleep spell last several more hours so she could teleport her sweet little patooty the Tartarus out of Equestria, but to what end? A few handful of moments was all it took for her to make these two sisters do things that two sisters (or any other individuals for that matter) should never do to each other.
As it was, the sleep spell had five or ten more minutes before it wore off, and she used this time to break the lust spell which still had been affecting the two sisters. Then she stood, quivered, and tucked her smelly and disgusting tail between her legs and walked stiffly over to Celestia's writing desk.
As a note, Celestia most likely is going to want some new sheets... and pillows... and maybe a new bed... Heck, she just needs to incinerate the entire room because Luna had a little too much fun with that sex change spell. And with alicorn stamina and all... you get the idea.
Soullessly, Twilight plopped her raw rumpus down onto the hard wooden chair and pulled out a quill and a piece of paper on which she scrawled in large, frantic letters,
Cadence!
HELP!!!!!!!
