Pokehidden was falling asleep in his chair. The blue light from his computer flashed in his wavering eyes. The time old motto of “Pony porn” had betrayed him. Now the man was left in terrible stupor of tiredness after a long night of work on version 5. His eyes finally started to close.
“HAY POKE!”
Poke opened his eyes abruptly. He stared around his darkened apartment with only the blue computer screen for a light source. His pained eyes caught sight of a digital clock. 2:30 A.M. the little mechanical killjoy declared. Poke yawned. I gotta get more sleep, he thought. The man tried to get up from his chair when he heard it again.
“HAY I’M TALKING TO YOU!”
Poke looked over to his computer, his pants almost wetting from fear. A blue vortex had opened in his faithful PC screen. From this portal of sorts extended a hand, no wait it wasn’t a hand. It was a hoof!
Poke sat mouth agape as a familiar purple face began to emerge from his screen. Within seconds the human was staring directly into the eyes of Twilight Sparkle.
“I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU FOR AGES,” shouted the normally calm pony. The faithful mare had been replaced by a fuming pony with a seriously butt-hurt scowl. Poke rubbed his eyes, but she was still there. Twilight was standing on his desk through a portal from his computer. The Flash pro tried to remember if he had gotten high at any point during in the night. He stroked his manly stubble before coming to the dismal conclusion that he hadn’t been high in weeks. This can’t be real, he thought as the pony glared at him in the dark room. Twilight took another step forward as the rest of her body left the computer. She stared Poke right the eye. “YOU’VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO MISTER!”
Poke recoiled into his seat. “HOW ARE YOU HERE?!” He yelled as loudly as he could without waking his nextdoor neighbor. Poke stamped the table.
“I’M THE ONE HERE TO ASK THE QUESTIONS BUDDY!” Twilight screamed as she shoved Poke against the chair. The human started to sweat. This has gotta be dream, he thought. That was when Poke remembered the most important aspect of a dream. You don’t feel pain. Now while Twilight had the man pinned to his chair, Twilight made the maddened realization. Holy crap, Pinkie Pie is real!
“WAIT IS RAINBOW DASH REAL TOO?!” Poke shouted. Twilight growled at him.
“YOU’VE GOT NO RIGHT TO BE ASKING THAT PAL!” She screamed back.
“IS PINKIE REAL?!” Poke fan-boy squealed. “WHAT ABOUT RARITY? OH GOD I’VE GOT SO MANY QUESTIONS?!”
Twilight shoved her hoof in his mouth. Poke stared at the pony in confusion and a slight bit of disillusion. Twilight’s hoof didn’t taste like anything at all. “Well I’ve only got one question for you,” Twilight said gaining a composure never before seen. “WHY DID YOU PUT THAT GAME ON THE INTERNET?!”
“WHAT GAME?!” Poke shouted as Twilight removed her hoof.
“DON’T PLAY DUMB WITH ME BUDDY!” Twilight fumed. “IT'S BANNED FROM EQUESTRIA DAILY!”
“Oh, that game,” Poke calmly answered. Suddenly the human had an epiphany Twilight was really pissed. A genius observation, he thought. He once had a dream of what Twilight would say to him as he drew the graphics, but he never thought it would come true! Now as the pony snarled at him from his computer desk Poke also realized that Twilight probably didn’t take too kindly to being able to have sex with in the game. A bookworm maybe, but a pornstar no.
Twilight got up in Poke’s face. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD MY LIFE HAS BEEN AFTER THAT FU&KING GAME WAS POSTED!?” Twilight screamed at the awestruck human.
“I take it, you didn’t like the game that much,” Poke responded in poorly timed attempt at trolling.
Twilight glared even harder at the human. “YOU BET YOU’RE ASS I DIDN’T LIKE THAT OUT-OF-CHARACTER SHIT!” Twilight growled. Poke tried to analyze the situation. Twilight was on his desk shoving him into his chair while giving him an epic stare down. If that didn’t sound like drugs he didn’t know what did. Twilight noticed the confused look in his face and she backed off of him. “After that story was posted, Equestria was destroyed!” Twilight said in now sad voice.
The sentiments were lost on Poke who saw the opportunity to gain once in a lifetime knowledge. “THERE’S INTERNET IN EQUESTRIA?” Poke begged.
“OF COURSE THERE’S INTERNET!” Twilight yelled.
Poke rubbed his stubble again. “But we’ve never seen any of you on computers?!” He shot back.
“Well duh! Would that make for an interesting show!” Twilight shouted. “Ponies on computers all day! Does that sound fun?!”
Poke’s shit was flipped. “YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SHOW?!” He screamed.
Twilight rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Geez dude,” she said bothered. “And here I thought this would be an epic showdown, but instead… ugh. Yes Hasbro pays to put up cameras in Equestria.” Poke’s eyes widened. “BUT THEY DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SOME SICK FUCK ON THE INTERNET HAVING A NONEXISTENT CHARACTER FUCK EVERYPONY!”
Poke attempted to defend himself. “Whoa whoa whoa,” he cut in. “There’s way weirder stuff out there than BFED! I mean have you ever heard of Cupca-”
“PINKIE PIE KILLING HER FRIEND WAS BAD ENOUGH!” Twilight interrupted. “BUT YOU TOOK IT WAAAAAYYYY TOO FAR AMIGO!”
Poke was a mix of scared, awed and strangely aroused. “HOW BAD CAN IT BE?!” He yelled. “IT WAS JUST AN IDEA THAT WENT THROUGH MY HEAD!”
Twilight closed her eyes as if she were about to worry. “Equestria was destroyed and Celestia's reason was because of your 'game'. My show on TV and horses were banned, since nopony can stand to look at them much less take pleasure in them!”
“YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW THAT IF IT EXISTS, THERE'S PORN OF IT! NO EXCEPTIONS!” Poke countered trying to call bullsh*t.
“SO MARIO HAS PORN!?” Twilight screamed back. “SONIC HAS PORN TOO!?” She began to weep as those words came out. “Even METAL GEAR has porn?!”
Poke was hurt, but also was still a troll at heart. “At least we still have LPS right?” Poke’s troll logic was lost on Twilight who continued to fire her death glare.
“And the worst part is,” Twilight said wiping her tears away. “Every MLP merchandise, even the best ones, were BANNED from shelves in stores.” Poke felt his Rule 34 loving heart rip into two. Still how could he know his fic would cause Twilight so much trouble? His only goal was to join the Rule 34 phenomenon safely, but ending Equestria, that was going too far.
“Well what do you want me to do?” Poke asked pensively. “I can’t remove it! It’ll be updated and have more videos from other LPers!”
Twilight refocused. “I know that!” She answered. “What I want is an apology.”
“Seriously?” Poke responded.
“IT’S THE LEAST YOU COULD DO!” Twilight screamed. The pair suddenly heard pounding from the ceiling. Looks like they finally woke up Poke’s neighbor.
“Fine fine,” Grimm sighed. “Twilight, I’m sorry Cupcakes caused you and every brony to suffer. I just… I just couldn’t help myself.”
Twilight stared at Grimm and for the first time all night she smiled. “Apology accepted! Hahahaha!” The purple pony finally warped back into the computer.
Suddenly Poke heard a loud noise. He opened his eyes and looked up. Twilight was on the ceiling wielding a katana! Poke shat himself. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” He shouted.
“YOU REALLY THOUGHT ALL I WANTED WAS A FUCKING APOLOGY?!” Twilight screamed as she jumped from the ceiling.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Grimm woke up after 1 hour of inactivity. He looked around his somewhat blood-filled apartment. The purple pony was nowhere to be found. The man ran over to his computer screen to find no portal or hair from Twilight. Grimm let out a huge sigh of relief. “Man that was fucking horrifying,” he said taking a seat at his desk. That was when Poke noticed a file on his desktop he’d never seen before. The file was marked READ THIS NOW. Poke scrolled over and clicked on the file. A Word document popped up on the screen.
Dear Poke,
Since you ruined my life, I took something from you. NEVER FUCK WITH TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
Not Sincerely, Twilight
Grimm wondered what the hell Twilight could’ve taken. He ran over to his bathroom. Within moments Poke knew what Twilight had stolen and he was rather pissed about it.
“I DON’T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!” Poke screamed into the mirror. “THAT BITCH TOOK MY FUCKING PENIS!”
THE END
