Chapters A funeral, a wedding and a long train ride
I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I had not gotten my Cutie Mark. If none of us had. Would we have ever left home? Left each other? Or were we always fated to one day part ways? I just wish I knew the answers to some of these questions at least. But that’s why I’m back here, isn’t it? That’s why I’m here, on the train back to Ponyville. It’s strange to think about it really, having lived for almost a century and having left Ponyville when I was nineteen, I still call it my home. I suppose when you move around as much as I did in my life, you never really get the time to be attached to any one place in particular, so I guess Ponyville remained ‘Home’ by default. Either that, or Ponyville was the only place where I never lived because of business. Ponyville was the only place where I had friends rather than colleagues and chores rather than work and memories instead of memos. Regrettably, of those three all that remains is the memories.
So much has changed in Equestria since I headed out on my own to start my own clothing line. I know it’s a little cliché, but as I look out of the window at all of the towns and cities I can’t help but think of how this was all fields when I was growing up. Now the once bright and promising Equestrian skyline is a jagged mess of skyscrapers and tower blocks. I don’t really mind this modernisation - it’s just another sign of the times - but I would be lying if I said that I don’t miss the lush green fields where I used to run and the vast rolling hills of the Equestrian countryside that I rolled down as a little filly.
I smile at the thought and reposition the bright red bow on top of my head. It isn’t the bow I used to wear though. That thing died many many years ago. But it is the best imitation I could find, and being the owner of the largest fashion business in Equestria meant that I could find a damn good copy. Thinking back, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t wear a bow in my hair. I guess being an earth pony it sort of made me seem special, a bit like my sister's hat almost.
My sister.
How long has it been since I last spoke with Applejack? Or Big Macintosh? Or Granny Smith? How many opportunities did I forgo in my life? It’s pointless worrying about it now though. At my age you tend to try and avoid thinking about what-ifs and maybes. That doesn't stop me doing it though. Thankfully, I didn’t miss the ends of their stories.
Celestia wanted a way of commemorating their memories after all they had done for Equestria, so she had a new mausoleum built annexed by that of her own family. The magnificent tomb, crafted expertly by the best crafts-ponies in Canterlot is what is commonly known as the Royal Tomb of Equestrian Fallen Heroes. I remember it being quite a mouthful to say when it was first declared by her Highness Princess Celestia, but more than that it was a piece of artwork. The outside of the mausoleum depicted scenes from the lives of Applejack and her friends, like the time they defeated Discord, or when they saved Cadence and Shining Armour, or when they defeated Nightmare Moon, Rainbow Dash joining the Wonderbolts, Applejack becoming Mayor of Ponyville and various other things like that. Up until their dying days new scenes were being carved into the stonework until there was not a single area of blank stone.
Celestia really did want to give them the greatest possible honour, a royal Canterlot funeral when the time came for each of them.
Luckily, I was in Canterlot for Applejack and Big Mac’s funeral. Granny Smith had died the year before I finished high school, so she was laid to rest in Ponyville Cemetery. I feel glad that I was able to bid my family farewell properly. As I remember it, Applejack went quietly in her sleep just like Mom and Dad. But Big Mac was walking through town one day and suffered a heart attack. When you get to my age, little details about the past tend to be lost forever, but there are certain things that one remembers as clearly as though they had happened within hours of the recollection. For instance, I cannot remember at all where I was when I was told that my brother and sister were dead. I cannot remember what dress I was wearing and I can’t even remember who told me, but I remember my first reaction being disbelief. I remember distinctly believing that whoever it was must be wrong. Applejack was just too strong to die in so calm a way, and Big Mac had too much love in his heart to make a heart attack possible. When eventually I did accept the news that my family was dead, I remember thinking that I should be grateful that in both cases it was swift. I hope when my end comes, as I expect it shall soon, it is as swift as theirs.
They were buried at the same time, next to Shining Armour, Rarity and Fluttershy. The service was simple for a Canterlot affair, but everypony came. Or at least, everypony who was still around did. My brother and sister had affected so many ponies lives that it was unsurprising how many people had arrived to send them off. But the one pony whom I do remember feeling very sorry for was Rainbow Dash. She was inconsolable. When she had married my sister, everypony had been so happy for them and I don’t think I had ever seen Applejack happier than on that day. Rainbow Dash just couldn’t imagine life without Applejack and since she had been forced into it she simply couldn’t cope. I don’t think anyone was surprised when she died shortly afterwards, but by then I was half way to Fillydelphia, so I was unable to attend.
But without a doubt the thing I was most glad of at my siblings’ funeral was the chance I got to catch up with my fellow Crusaders once again. We hadn’t really been the Cutie Mark Crusaders for years, not since we were sixteen. Sweetie Bell was the first to get hers, but I think by then we all knew that her Cutie Mark would have something to do with a career in singing. In fact, I think by then we all knew what are Cutie Marks were probably going to be, we just wanted an excuse to hang out together. You’d never believe that I haven’t seen them in more than forty years.
Well, I couldn’t wait to congratulate Sweetie Bell on becoming the first ‘Voice of Equestria.’ She was even bigger than Sapphire Shores by the time she was twenty-five and by the age of thirty had become the best-selling artist in Equestria, selling out concert venues and selling millions of albums. It wasn’t too surprising when I learned that she had married Buck Dharma, the big shot movie producer. Even back then most celebrity marriages ended in disaster, but Sweetie Bell was different. There was no way that she was leaving Buck and he never gave her reason to. Looking back, I’m glad everything seemed to work out so well for her. She was married for a few years on the day of the funeral, and I was quite surprised to learn that she had a child.
There we were, the three of us discussing good times with Applejack and enquiring as to how we were all doing, congratulating each other on various accolades that we had achieved: Sweetie Bell having won so many awards and Scootaloo being crowned best ballroom dancer in Equestria for the third year in a row, when a small filly trotted over to Sweetie Bell. As I recall, I had to do a double take when I saw her. The foal looked exactly like Sweetie Bell had looked back when we first started the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“Mommy, that colt over there called me a blank-flank.”
Sweetie Bell nuzzled her daughter lightly.
“Don’t mind him. Remember, I was a blank-flank until I was in high school, so you don’t need to worry my darling.”
I remember the mixture of emotions that I felt at that moment: betrayal, hurt, confusion. Why hadn’t she told me that she had a foal? Why didn’t she tell me when she was pregnant? The thought occurs to me now that perhaps at that time I was no longer on her list of contacts. I wasn’t important enough in her life for me to be somepony that she told things like that to. I suppose, eleven years apart will put a strain on even the strongest of friendships.
“Oh, girls! I hope you have children of your own one day. Without Secret Treasure, my life simply would not be complete.”
Scootaloo nodded, but said that she was still waiting for the right colt to come and sweep her off her hooves. The fact was that her Mr Right was there for her in the form of her dance partner. She married him the very next year, but I can’t even remember his name. I never met him. I never saw any of them after that in fact. Thinking about it, I never should have lost touch with the Crusaders, and after the funeral I should have recognised that they really were the only family I had left. But being relatively young and very foolish I managed to convince myself that once I had made a bigger name for myself I would meet up with them again, retire and we could just go back to the way things were.
When my Cutie Mark appeared I was taken almost completely by surprise. My skill with a sewing machine couldn’t be doubted, but I had just put that ability down to spending years of living on a farm where clothes were often so patched up there was nothing left of the original before we bought something new. But clearly my special talent was to be a fashion designer.
When I first got my Cutie Mark at seventeen, I begged Rarity for an apprenticeship so that I could learn the finer tricks of the trade. Given that my special talent was fashion, I wanted to learn from an expert, and there was only one fashion designer of any real credit in Ponyville and that was Rarity. Of course, after a little bit of persuasion, she agreed.
There is only one thing that I did in my life after high school that I can take any measure of pride in and that was my sister’s wedding dress. It was the last thing I ever did in Ponyville, and I have regretted almost every action I have taken in my life since then, but of that dress I can be proud. To this day I still consider it my best work. I knew that both Applejack and Rainbow Dash hated formal attire, so I did what I could to make Applejack’s dress the perfect mix of elegance and casual. The idea came to me in a flash of inspiration: Make a summer dress.
The dress itself was smaller than the traditional concept of a wedding gown, but done in a sweet yellow tone that betrayed my sister’s true tenderness. The tassels down the flank whispered in the wind and of course, the whole ensemble worked perfectly with her hat.
On the day itself, Applejack was radiant. She had chosen me to be her Mare of Honour and I stood beside her on the altar with Celestia smiling down on all of us. Rainbow Dash walked into the town hall through the front door and for the first time I could see what a wonderful job Rarity had done. The dress was sleek and streamlined as per Rainbow Dash’s instructions, but it was delicate enough to show her hidden femininity. The crystal blue silk seemed to shine with its own brilliance and the lace at the hem of the dress danced like soft clouds drifting in a lazy sky.
The service itself was rather short, but it was very beautiful and very moving to witness. When I gave my sister the rings, I knew that I never wanted that day to end.
“I, Princess Celestia, declare this union to be complete and legal in the eyes of Equestria and in those of its Princess. You may now kiss the bride.”
Applejack hesitated slightly, so Rainbow Dash took the initiative. Their kiss was soft, not too long, but the passion and love in it made everypony concerned that the place was about to burst into flame. I had never seen Applejack as happy as she did right at that moment. Truth be told, part of me is glad that I left when I did, so that I could always remember Applejack, beaming in her newlywed bliss.
But I made the mistake of leaving too soon. Fancy Pants had been invited to the wedding by Rarity so that she could showcase my talents. I think she only meant for me to take his name and number so that I could get a job with him when I was ready. My problem has always been impatience and when Fancy Pants offered me the chance to work with him as a full time designer, I leapt at the opportunity. I should have said no, or at least spoken to my friends and family about it. But I didn’t and I left that night for Canterlot.
And here I am, sitting in the incredibly impressive first class carriage of this train, heading back to Ponyville for the first time in seventy years.
A break away from Free and Fancy
Canterlot is in view now, and I almost can’t bear to even look at it. That’s where everything started to go wrong. Fancy Pants had hired me as a designer for his fashion line, Fancy and Free, but because of my youth and because I was so new to the company my ideas were often shunted by my co-workers. But every so often, one of my designs would find its way into the next collection. I was the only pony who actually sat down at a sewing machine and prototyped my designs, and that’s what gave me an edge in the competition. My designs wouldn’t go to Fancy Pants unless they were absolutely perfect.
There was one model in particular who I really liked due to her willingness to help me test the fit of my designs. Her name was Grace and like me she was just starting out in the fashion industry. I can still remember being stunned into silence by how beautiful she looked when we first met. She was taller than your average pony, but in all honesty most Canterlot unicorns were very tall. She had a dark pink coat, so dark that it was almost purple but it was a soft shade and completely non aggressive. Her mane was a waterfall of gold, falling down just past her right shoulder. Her piercing blue eyes seemed to suggest that she had the ability to stare deep into one’s soul. But in spite of that, everything about Grace was perfectly disarming. It simply was not possible to be in a bad mood around her.
Grace and I became good friends relatively quickly and she offered to help me as much as she could. Every single fashion show that she did, she tried to get at least one of my designs in her set. She did everything she could to show off my designs and her hard work paid off. Fancy Pants’ business partner and lover, Fleur de Lis, absolutely loved my dresses and was able to bend Fancy’s ear to get my designs featured more and more frequently in his collections. I had taken me almost two years by this stage, but I finally made it to the position of Head Designer for Fancy Pants’ fashion empire.
It didn’t pay as much as the title might suggest. I frequently found myself staying in disgusting motels and renting equally wretched houses for most of my time away from Canterlot. Most of the places I stayed had more mice than the barn back at Sweet Apple Acres and smelled worse than that bushel of apples that Big Mac forgot to take out of the sun. The beds couldn’t have been more than slabs of wood between four posts and while the accommodation fee didn’t put too much of a dent in my wallet, I was loathe to pay anything most nights. In Canterlot I shared an apartment with Grace. Thankfully, she was from a wealthy family, so we could afford a decent apartment to live in.
Fancy Pants would tell us on a daily basis how myself and Grace were headline news and he would send us off all over Equestria, to all the major towns and cities conducting interviews and showing off my latest designs matched with Grace’s natural talent for modelling. It wasn’t until our second visit to Manehattan that I began to think that my name wasn’t big enough.
Fancy Pants had invited me, Fleur and Grace to attend fashion week with him in Manehattan. There was supposed to be an interview with all four of us so that the public could understand more easily what our industry was like and what the world of fashion really was all about through the eyes of designers and models alike. By that stage, both myself and Grace had a chieved what we believed to be some level of fame as Fancy Pants’ top designer and model, but it became clear that most of Equestria still saw us as being just his employees.
The interview had been going exactly as planned: Fancy took all of the vital questions, Fleur and Grace split the modelling questions between those that required a more experienced approach and those that needed a fresh pair of eyes and I answered every question about how honoured I was to work with somepony like Fancy Pants.
But then a reporter from the Fillydelphia Tribune threw me a question that completely shook me.
I hadn’t been planning on ever leaving Fancy Pants until then, the idea had never even occurred to me. I brushed the question off quickly so that Fancy Pants wouldn’t suspect anything and part of me even then wanted to believe that I was still happy in my position. But that interview changed the perception that I had of my job forever. It always hung in my mind, like the lyrics of a song that you desperately want to forget: Could I do it? Could I break away from Fancy Pants and actually set up my own business?
I had the money to do it, definitely and I could be certain that Grace would come with me. But could I do that to Fancy and Fleur? They had taken me and Grace completely under their wing and had given me my first major break in the world of fashion. But something happened that made my decision very easy.
I was out shopping in Canterlot with Grace, nothing particularly out of the ordinary, when a small group of fillies cantered out of the boutiques.
I hadn’t realised until that point that Fancy Pants had been taking credit for everything that I did. I was his Head Designer, but all that meant to the world was that I gave him a lot of pictures and he went off and made the dresses. Every design I had made, every prototype that I had stitched together personally, he had been taking full credit for. All of the hours of hard work and effort that I put into each and every one of my designs was directly accredited to him. When he had sent me all over Equestria for interviews and fashion shows, it wasn’t because ponies wanted to see me. He sent me to be his eyes and ears because he couldn’t be bothered to go himself. I was a glorified PA!
I felt cheated, robbed and violated. Fancy Pants had used me! I decided there and then that I was going to leave Fancy Pants for good. After all, it was my designs that were making him rich and once I started selling my designs elsewhere I would see 100% of the profit. I couldn’t hide anything from Grace, she saw my decision in my eyes as soon as I had made it and she immediately offered to go with me. The very next day, we both handed in our notice and left Fancy and Free for good.
Looking back on that day I can’t believe how childish I really was. I had entered the big grown-up world of business, but I hadn’t had the intelligence or experience to see when I was being exploited. I’m glad I left Fancy Pants, in a way at least. Had I not left him, then some of my happiest memories may not have happened. I never would have met Ray, I never would have founded Hidden Gem and I never would have become as powerful as I am. But part of me also wishes that I had stayed with Fancy Pants, in spite of everything he was doing. Had I stayed with him, I never would have pushed Ray away, nor Grace and I wouldn’t have become a vicious tyrant in the world of business. It all boils down to what if’s again, and I’m not sure what I could have done to make everything better. Perhaps I was always doomed to be this way. I hope not though.
After two weeks I had cleared out my work station, my desk and the locker in the gym of the Fancy and Free head office and headed out onto the streets of Canterlot. I was still quite young at only 25, so I had ample time to plan, prepare and build my empire. Grace had managed to convince about 30 junior models as well as a few of their more experienced companions and two junior designers. I hadn’t even considered the idea that anypony would want to leave Fancy Pants other than me and Grace, let alone tried to convince anypony to come with me. Grace truly was nothing short of incredible.
I wasn’t completely unprepared for this move though. I had managed to procure a small warehouse on the outskirts of Canterlot. It was cheap and needed a lot of renovating, but it was enough to get us started. We all knew that life would not be easy for a while, but we knew that we could pull through if we stuck together. However, the first month hit us harder than I had expected.
We didn’t even have a name for our business yet, we had huge structural problems with our warehouse and with only three designers including myself, the models were frequently left with absolutely nothing to do. I was absolutely terrified that I would lose my exclusivity deals with each of them. If that happened, then I was finished. Thinking about it, I am absolutely gobsmacked that nopony did leave me. There were three huge holes in the roof of the warehouse which not only allowed the rain to fall through them, but they were at such an angle that a lot of rain also ran along the inside of the roof to fall in seemingly random positions. It was impossible not to get wet when it rained. Furthermore, the air conditioning didn’t work, and since that first month we were together was August, that meant that the warehouse became an oven very easily. When that combined with the permanently sodden floors the humidity in our little warehouse was nigh unbearable.
That was the first time that I ever really considered going home to Ponyville. My life was what can only be described as a complete disaster, my fledgling business was failing, I was unlikely to have any employees by the end of the month and my only building constantly threatened to collapse. And I just missed my friends and family so much during those early days. Trying to secure buyers and book enough fashion shows was so similar to making the preparations for cider season back at Sweet Apple Acres. Everything had to be precise, my attitude with the store owners and event organisers, just like our quality controlling making cider. And with our very very limited resources, it brought back memories of having to battle against Flim and Flam to produce enough cider.
I wanted to go home so much. To just throw in the towel, give up on the business and go back to working the farm with Applejack and Big Mac. But I couldn’t. I had designers and models to pay as well as a few fashion shows and shop owners to negotiate with. Finally, it all paid off. We managed to secure a few stores in Canterlot who were willing to stock some of our products. My past with Fancy Pants helped me to no end and I managed to secure a further three up-market boutiques by the end of the second month. Both of my designers were working overtime, but they were just as enthusiastic as I was to get our business off the ground. Actually, remembering that just makes me feel even worse about myself now. There were ponies who had believed in me and my ideas and I let them down.
Anyway, without spending too much time in the past, by the end of the first quarter, we had made enough money to be able to upgrade from our ramshackle warehouse into a larger and far more effective warehouse. It still wasn’t spectacular, but it was 100% better than our last one. Our roof had no holes in it, the floor was clean and dry and we had enough room to work comfortably, even with the extra ten designers that I had been able to hire.
Remembering how dejected I had felt when Fancy Pants had taken credit for my designs, so I vowed to never allow myself to do that. I spoke with some of my designers as well as Grace and some of her models and together we decided on a name for our group: The Hidden Gem Company. Looking back, I can’t help but think that it must have been fated that we would choose that name. Hidden Gem was just so perfect as an homage to my mentor, Rarity. We agreed on calling ourselves a company because that meant that while I was the chairpony of the company, I wouldn’t be able to take credit for the designs that my employees presented me with.
With our initial success, Hidden Gem was able to secure more and more floor space in stores as well as attracting interest from a further fifteen stores including Thousand Down, the most exclusive boutique in Equestria. On signing that contract, every major fashion show in Equestria had to have at least one of our designs featured in their catwalk. Hidden Gem was growing incredibly quickly, and I was leading it. The biggest expansion of a business in Equestrian history and I was at the forefront of it. I thought that life could not get better.
Regrettably, I think I may have been right. While I believe that my life started to go wrong the moment I teamed up with Fancy Pants, I count the end of my initial success as the chairpony of Hidden Gem as a close runner-up.
Fancy Pants resented my growing success and power, and he did everything that he could to stop me and Grace. He seemed not to care what it was doing to his own business, he just wanted to grind us into the dust. He became a permanent obstacle in our way, trying desperately to weaken us and bring us down. He bought out our fabric suppliers so that we had to try and find other ponies to work with at higher prices, he offered his garments to the same stores as us, but of course because he was Fancy Pants he easily gained more floor space than we did. He set up rival fashion shows in the same locations as ours, just to limit the amount influence we could have.
He was trying to force us out of the market, and with his organisations reputation, he was doing a good job.
But one thing was undeniable, even Fancy Pants couldn’t disagree. Fancy Pants’ population was beginning to wane. There are many things that I have done in my life that I feel guilty for and most of them I richly deserve punishment for, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I don’t feel one shred of guilt for laughing when I learned that Fancy Pants was becoming less and less popular.
Without my designs, Fancy’s fashion line had gotten worse and worse, and fewer ponies were willing to pay the extortionate prices that his clothes came with. What really made me laugh at the time was the fact that all of those ponies who had stopped buying from Fancy Pants had started turning to Hidden Gem. I don’t know whether it was the fact that they recognised my needlework or whether we were simply the next best alternative to Fancy Pants, but I do know that we were not only the fastest growing textiles company in Equestria, but the fastest growing company in Equestria full stop.
It took us less than a year before we were a household name. As I look back on that year, just that one year, and I imagine just how bright the world seemed back then. It almost brings a tear to my eye to think about it. We were by no stretch of the imagination the largest company in the fashion industry, but we weren’t far off it.
I look out at Canterlot in the distance and I can just make out the shape of the first warehouse I worked out of, the holes in the roof causing the sunlight to look dappled, like it does under trees. I can’t believe that old rust shack is still there, still standing. I suppose, ponies might take one look at me and ask the same question. I can’t remember exactly when Hidden Gem became such a corporate juggernaut, or when I morphed into a tyrant of the board room. Not that it matters any more. The conductor calls out that the next station will be Ponyville and my heart skips a beat. It doesn’t have too many of those left I shouldn’t think, so I just sit here and wait for us to pull into the station.
At the age of 29 I first met Ray. Ray O’Sunshine was a designer, like me, but his passion was colts wear whereas I provided clothing exclusively for mares. I remember, we met at Manehatta fashion week, completely by chance as it would happen. We were sat next to each other and I remember exactly how he looked on that first encounter.
He was so handsome, his deep blue coat seemed to have been sewn together from satin and silk that would please even Princess Luna. His bright red mane, so bold and outstanding against the rest of his body caught everypony’s attention and was guaranteed to hold it for a while. He wore a suit, made by his own hooves and it fit him perfectly, a pure black jacket with matching waistcoat and trousers. His shirt was a dull grey, but it shimmered in the light like sunshine on a river. His piercing green eyes seemed to bore straight through you, completely missing you and going straight into your soul. He was without a doubt the most perfect stallion I think I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.
I remember my heart fluttering like a fledgling Pegasus when I first laid eyes on him, and I can only assume that every mare in the room had a similar reaction. But I maintained my composure. After all, was a professional designer, a true mare of business, not some little filly with a crush on a colt I didn’t even know. We sat together, both of us trying our utmost to maintain our highbrow attitude towards the fashion show. Even after ten years away, my accent was still incredibly thick and broad, but I felt that it identified me as a strong independent woman, rather than a scared little country foal.
“You know, I never really cared much for the formality of these events.”
His voice slid into my ears and nestled there like some tiny woodland creature. His accent was sweet and smooth, over exaggerating almost every vowel that he emitted. He was clearly from the Emerald Isle.
“Everypony here seems to think that they’re at a funeral or an opera. We all have fashion as our special talent, this is supposed to be a celebration. A coming together of like-minded ponies to share their love of fashion with each other.”
As I recall I was quite besotted with him pretty much immediately. I thank Celestia that he sat next to me that day. I felt lucky simply for having been allowed to share his presence. That is one feeling that I know never changed.
“I’m Applebloom, CEO of Hidden Gem. Pleased to meet you.”
We were packed in quite close together, so there was no room to offer my hoof for a hoof shake, but I felt that by inclining my head slightly I made our conversation private enough.
“Name’s Ray,” He replied, leaning slightly towards me. “Ray O’Sunshine, Chief of Design for Taylor Made. Pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Applebloom.”
We talked through the entire show, pausing only to compliment each others work and once or twice because a snooty unicorn in front of us turned round to shush us. Ray was always such a gentlecolt, something that I learned very quickly because he offered to take me to dinner after the show. I remember he took me to a small place called Starswirls Tavern. I’m not even sure if it still exists, it was only a very small café in the centre of Manehattan when he last took me but it ranks very highly on my list of favourite places. It was cozy and inexpensive and very quaint, but it reminded me so much of home and quite frankly I wanted a break from the fine dining expectations of ‘one of Equestrias most promising young entrepeneurs.’ It had been so long since I had just indulged in some simple home cookery and Starswirl’s was just perfect.
They served warm, spiced cider and the most delectable fig and lemongrass salad I think I have ever eaten. There was a gentle fire going in the corner giving a nice homely feel to the Tavern. Ray and I took a booth right beside it and just talked for hours. He told me that he was from Limerick, he had two brothers and a sister, he got into fashion at a very early age and that his favourite colour was yellow. I hoped silently that he couldn’t see me blush in the firelight as he said that. He also helped to found the Taylor Made company with his cousin, Brooke Taylor.
He span the conversation around and managed to get me to repeat my life story to him. I answered his questions as best I could, feeling a little bit lonely as I described Sweet Apple Acres, how the wind would whistle through the leaves in the summer and how the winter turned the orchard into a different world. I’m still ashamed to admit that when I started talking about my friends and family I did start to cry a little. But he was very kind and sweet to me and I felt safe having him there with me.
We barely spent a waking moment apart for the rest of fashion week as we became closer and closer. We were still only friends at this stage, but I doubt that either of us believed that we were actually just friends ever. I remember noticing Grace’s sly looks every now and again, but she was very good natured and was only trying to wind me up. Since Taylor Made had an office in Canterlot, Ray told me that he had managed to arrange a transfer for himself so that he could be closer to me.
There is no doubt in this swiftly aging mind of mine that Ray was the only stallion in the whole world for me. He was my first and last very special somepony, but he was perfect.
Life in Canterlot was better with Ray. He would bring me a coffee in the mornings in his way into work, every morning without fail and he always gave me a ride home every day. Having moved out of Grace’s apartment into my own house, sometimes I would invite Ray in and we wouold have an altogether more enjoyable evening. Waking up and seeing his face on the pillow next to me brought a happiness to my life that I had thought that I would never feel. We were always together at parties, conventions and shows, choosing to make our partnership public immediately. We were the hottest couple in the fashion industry.
Of course, we had our ups and downs, but no matter what problem arose we always managed to muddle through together.
And that was how my life with Ray was. For about two years we were regularly seeing each other and eventually I managed to convince Ray to move in with me full time. I loved him completely and I know that he loved me just as much. The number of times I found myself gazing at wedding dresses wondering when my turn to wear one was going to come. At 31 I was beginning to get a little bit restless and prayed that Ray would propose to me soon.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so hasty in the first place. Even at my age, patience is not a gift I have been blessed with and I fear that my actions drove Ray away. Drove everypony away. After all, there’s no one on this train sat with me, nopony who knows me. It occurs to me, sitting here, that perhaps if I were more patient then perhaps none of this would have happened. Perhaps I would be sitting in a nice little cottage in Limerick sipping a cup of tea with Ray instead of rushing back to Ponyville to say my final apologies before I leave this world. I can already feel that my time is coming to an end. I just hope that I have enough strength to finish my task.
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A Manehattan Engagement and a Sorrowful Lesson to Learn
As I remember, Ray was always a bit of a romantic, a trait not often seen in colts these days. He took me out to dinner, the theatre and for weekends away refusing to let me even pay a single bit. He was always polite and courteous to me and was ever the gentlecolt. But more than anything he seemed able to sense when things were becoming too stressful at Hidden Gem.
By the time I was 35 Hidden Gem was one of the biggest names in Equestria. Everypony knew who we were, what we did and they all probably had one of our products in their wardrobes. Of course, once your company reaches a certain level of popularity demand for your products shoots through the roof and from time to time I found myself being swamped with order forms, fashion show invitations and various other communiques. On one such day, Ray told me that he had booked a little cabin in the woods just outside of Manehattan for the weekend. No work, just pleasure. It was exactly what I needed and spending a weekend with Ray would make it all the more perfect.
I knew I could rely on Grace. I like to think that at this stage I was still relatively kind to my associates and employees. Of course I did have to make corporate decisions and there was no way that I could keep everyone in the Hidden Gem Corporation happy, but I like to think that I was fair. But I knew that Grace would be able to fill in for me for a few days so that I could go on my little holiday with Ray.
I pride myself to this day on being a respectable pony, if only in appearance. However, when Ray offered his proposition, I fear I may have replied with a touch too much enthusiasm than was becoming of me. It wasn’t as if we hadn’t been on weekends away with each other before and there were many times that we chose simply to enjoy each other’s company in the company of our hotel room, but Grace had told me that she had seen him leaving one of the nicest jewellery shops in Canterlot, with a little box.
I remember clearly my excitement at the mere prospect of getting married to Ray. Mentally, I had already started considering whom to invite, where would I get my dress from, where would we hold the reception. I knew that I had to invite everpony from Hidden Gem, Everypony important in Canterlot…no. Even now I have to stop myself from getting carried away. Ray wanted a simple wedding, nothing too flashy. A church, a priest and a small gathering of our closer friends and family.
I think it was at this point, at the ripe age of 35 that I realised just how long it had been since I had last been home. How long it had been since I saw my friends and family. I remember wondering if they would even turn up to my wedding if I had invited them, given the stranger that I had become. I’m still not completely sure that they would have. I don’t even think I could have invited them, even if I wanted to, seeing as all of them had probably moved house at least once in the 16 years I’d been away.
It occurs to me now that I know absolutely nothing of the lives of my friends. I was never made aware of the circumstances surrounding the deaths of Shining Armour, Rarity, Fluttershy; I don’t know when Twilight Sparkle moved back to Canterlot to study magic in more detail with the Princess; I don’t know when Sweetie Belle got married, or Scootaloo; I don’t know how many children they had, how many grandchildren. I can feel the tears start to roll down my face, hiding in the curves and wrinkles that my extended years on this world have left me with. Their bitter saltiness as a few drops find their way to the corner of my mouth reminds me of everyone and everything that I left behind. I’ve missed so much of Everypony’s lives.
And I’ve missed most of mine as well.
Had I married Ray, would it all have been different? Had I gone home would I have been welcomed back as their prodigal daughter? There are very few things about which I am certain, but one of the few that I am is that not marrying Ray O’Sunshine was the biggest mistake of my entire dismal existence.
I remember that weekend. Such momentous occasions do not easily escape the mind, not even one as old and frail as mine. As we rode towards Manehattan in our little coach the sun was shining brightly and I could lay my head upon Ray’s solid shoulder and relax looking out at the glory of our world. The sun shone brilliantly in the sky until we reached our little cabin, which is when the weather ponies decided that we were due a torrential downpour.
Ray and I didn’t care too much though. We hadn’t really planned on leaving our rented cabin at all except to go out to dinner. But that Saturday night Ray took me out on a whim. He lead me down the busy streets of Manehattan, the cobblestones forming small rivers as the rain continued to pour down. Holding our umbrella over my head, Ray lead me back to Starswirls Tavern, the very place where we had had our first date.
We took the same seat, in our booth right next to the fireplace and told stories about that first encounter. Ray told me how he had liked me from the second he had laid his eyes on me. He told me that he knew instantly that he wanted to get to know me better. Amazingly even after seven years he could still make me blush like a little filly. I remember his usually calm and cool expression begin to contort with worry.
He slowly reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small felt box. Ray slid his hind left hoof backwards and crouched down on his right so that his front hooves were displaying the box to me.
“Applebloom, I’ve known you for a long time now, and I love you more than I ever thought it was possible for one pony to love another. I know what I want for my life, and that is to have you beside me as my very special somepony, as my wife until the day I die. So Applebloom, “ I remember him almost choking on the words he was so nervous. “Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”
I barely let him finish before throwing myself at him and throwing my front hooves around his neck bellowing the word yes with every fibre of my being. He hugged me back, laughing in a relieved sort of way as I hugged him tightly. Everypony in the Tavern was clapping, stomping their hooves and whistling, believing that they had witnessed one of the most glorious agreements ever to be made.
That night we enjoyed each other more than we ever had before. It was as though we were beginning to experience what rue marital bliss was going to be like. Lying on the pillow, feeling the heat of Ray beside me, his scent clinging to me like a sweet embrace and I had just become engaged. I don’t think I can recall a moment when I ever felt happier.
I have never ever believed my life to be perfect and in more recent years have believed it to be quite the opposite, but in my estimation that night was the closest I ever got. I wanted that moment, that feeling of security and absolute love to last for ever. The taste of his kiss still lingered on my lips and as I dreamt that night I could see images of our wedding, our children, our grandchildren and us, slowly growing older but always together and always happy.
But there is one thing that I have learned in this cruel dark life that I have led. It is a lesson that took me the better part of a century to learn, but it is one that I shall take to my grave. Whenever I have something or somepony good in my life, I always find a way to ruin it. My engagement was no exception.
It Does not do to Dwell on Dreams
I may have been one of the most successful mares in Equestria and I may also have been 35 years old, but at heart I was little more than a filly. The prospect of getting married still made my head spin and in fact it still does sometimes. I don’t think you can ever truly appreciate the pure excitement at the prospect of sharing your life with another pony until you experience it for yourself. But in no uncertain terms, my upcoming wedding was the only thing that occupied my mind for weeks.
I would constantly find myself sitting in my office daydreaming about how I would look in my gown, what music I would have playing and all sorts of wedding related themes when I would suddenly realise that I still had work to do. Hidden Gem may not have noticed anything as a company, but I know that for about two months my own personal efficiency severely decreased. I didn’t care though. I still don’t. If there is ever a time that a girl can let herself get carried away it is her wedding and for me that included everything that led up to it.
Grace wouldn’t talk about anything else. It still makes me laugh when I think about how excited she was too. You’d think that it was her getting married in place of me sometimes. I knew that I wanted her as my Mare of Honour without a doubt. She had been with me since the start of Hidden Gem and she was my closest friend. She would wander around with me, looking at wedding dresses and complimenting me whenever she saw one that she liked. Whenever we weren’t choosing my gown Grace’s attentions were permanently fixed on the rock on my hoof. Ray O’Sunshine was not a poor stallion by any stretch of the imagination, so when he splashed out he really was able to afford something quite spectacular. My ring was 14 karat gold band with a relatively large Amethyst stone in the top of it. It sat surprisingly heavily on my hoof, but it was a weight that I was glad to bear. It felt somehow more natural for me.
Ray and I had decided on a date for our wedding: 15th April, a pretty spring wedding in the gardens of Charlesfort in the Emerald Isle, near Ray’s home. Having visited there a few times with Ray I knew just how beautiful it was and so I had no problem with getting married there. It was to be a sweet, intimate and private affair only inviting close friends and family. I couldn’t wait to see it, all of the blossoms in the trees around us in bloom, permeating the air with their swirling dance in the wind as the petals fell, carpeting the ground in a natural white and purple.
After looking at almost half of the dress makers in Canterlot, I finally settled on one dress. It was a pure white gown with a respectably long train but nothing too ridiculous. The gown was studded with small white gems towards the hem, but other than that it was a plain white dress. A translucent veil encrusted with little pearls matched the dress absolutely perfectly and it fit so well on my head that I simply had to have it. The dress was not as decorative as would normally be expected in a celebrity wedding, but there was finery in the stitching and I couldn’t help but think that the dress would serve as a metaphor for our life together: Simple yet comfortable.
By this time both myself and Ray had built substantial empires with our businesses. Hidden Gem had grown so much that Fancy Pants no longer had the power to do anything to us. His attempts at boycotting us had failed, so he simply admitted defeat and cease all involvement with us. Thanks to our joint net worth money was not really a problem for us. We just liked the idea of having something to fall back on if ever the need arose.
The months went by far too quickly and I remember watching the winter melt into spring before my very eyes. I barely had time to collect my thoughts before the venue was booked, the priest had been contacted and had agreed to perform the service, caterers had been organised and Ray had bought his suit. I was nervous, far too nervous for it to be healthy, but I was also excited. I couldn’t wait for myself and Ray to be joined as husband and wife.
There comes a point in the life in every bride-to-be’s life where she begins thinking of herself as married and practices doing everything that married mares do. I started writing my name as Applebloom O’Sunshine and I couldn’t help squealing in excitement every time I saw my name attached to his surname. It made everything so much more real and I loved it.
Until, that is, I had the nightmare.
Normally I slept soundly with Ray beside me, and I knew that there was never anything to fear. But that night remains in my mind, haunting me in both my waking and sleeping hours. I normally forget dreams within an hour of having woken up, but this one was so vivid that it has stayed with me for almost four decades. I still remember it, clearly as though it were an actual event in my life.
…
I was looking out at the Hidden Gem main office from my C.E.O’s office. A work related dream never usually affected me, but this time my building was in complete ruin. The beautiful mahogany desks where my main accountants worked were falling apart and covered in dust, the designers and dress makers had left and Grace had vanished along with all of the models. A light flickered on and off in the corner, illuminating the disrepair that my empire had fallen into. All around me lay the rubble of my baby, my child that I had created and that I had brought into this world. The Hidden Gem company was dead and all that remained was me, alone in a ruined office block staring out at the shattered remains of what had once been the biggest company in Equestria.
Well, I was almost alone. There, in the centre of the room, lying on a pile of broken rocks and papers was Ray. He was older, but not actually old yet. He appeared to have aged about ten years. He turned to face me, smiling sweetly as he always did. But this smile was different this time. This time there was a hollowness in his eyes, a darkness and a sorrow that I had never seen in him before. He was dressed in the same suit he had chosen for our wedding, but the brilliant beetle black coat was torn and dusty. The trousers had more holes in them than the broken building around us and he looked withered. He was little more than the shell of a stallion, a broken remnant of the once great pony. He beckoned for me to come to him and lie beside him.
“Well,” he said to me, half chuckling but all the while speaking in a more mournful tone than suited his voice. “At least we still have each other.”
It was then that I understood what had happened. Our businesses had failed, we were destroyed financially and penniless. Ray was lying on the bed of rubble because that was the only bed we had left to share. I didn’t want that life for Ray, I loved him too much to let that happen.
I understand now how absurd I was being, how I put too much thought into that dream, but I would swear that that dream had been a premonition of the future. I know now that that outcome was impossible because both of our businesses were too big to ever be effectively challenged. But that did not change the fact that I believed that the dream had shown me what future Ray and I would have had if we had chosen to get married that year.
…
I spoke with him about it in the morning and he was unsurprisingly good natured about it. He was a bit upset that we were going to have to postpone the wedding, but he knew that it wouldn’t be forever. And it was never meant to be forever. Ray was always really good about things like that, he always wanted me to feel comfortable about everything that we did, so as much as we both wanted to get married, he agreed to postpone.
At this point, I wish I could say that I had no idea why Ray and I never did get married. I wish I could blame him, or his family, or some other outside factor. But I can’t do any of those things. I can’t lie about my past. I can’t justify why I behaved the way I did and I don’t doubt that I should have done things differently and perhaps we were just fated not to be together. But one thing I cannot do is blame Ray for any of this. My conscience won’t let me. Because I do know why we never married, I do know why he left me. And I do know that it was all entirely my fault.
Heil, Mein Fuhrer Applebloom
My dream had terrified me to my core. It didn’t matter how big our empires were now, we weren’t quite untouchable. In fact, both of us were relatively new in the business, taking on companies that had been in operation for decades, sometimes centuries. Families had run the fashion industry for generations, and our fledgling empires, while impressive, had none of the history supporting it that some of the other companies did. Our businesses could be toppled by a strong enough rival, and given Hidden Gems rise to power against Free and Fancy I knew from experience that it was entirely possible.
If we were defeated in a corporate battle, then the horrible scenario that had invaded my unconscious mind would come to fruition. There was no way in Equestria that I was going to let that happen. I needed to find a way of making Hidden Gem the largest company in the fashion industry, an empire so vast that it was completely and utterly indestructible. However, achieving this in my lifetime would be a challenge of herculean proportions. I didn’t know how exactly I would do it at first, but then I remembered the three letters that prefixed my name. Three letters that afforded me absolute power over Hidden Gem: CEO.
It was very easy to rationalise to myself that my plan was totally necessary. Looking back, I think perhaps it was too easy for me to make my decision. It should at least have posed some kind of ethical dilemma for me, but it didn’t. My heart had completely hardened. I was not the mother of my employees, it was not my job to look after them. In fact, it was their job to accomplish the tasks I set them within my specified deadlines and to my level of expectations. Anypony who failed to comply with these terms was a liability, deadweight and like a paralysed limb had to be removed for the good of the rest of the company.
My purification of the company started with my designers. Since it was their creativity upon which Hidden Gem thrived, I needed them to be always at their best. Anypony who failed to impress me had no place in my organisation. My aim was to create a perfect company, a titan of an organisation that was completely invincible, so any designs that fell short of perfection was penalised. I implemented a three strikes system: Anypony who failed to impress me three times was immediately fired.
I accepted no design that was anything shy of perfect and I eliminated almost 30% of all of my designers, but I did improve the company’s productivity. The designers began to fear me, they knew that I controlled their futures and they knew that anything that I deemed to be not good enough would secure them instant unemployment.
Before long I had begun to purge the company of my worthless models. As with my designers, I demanded nothing less than perfection from my models. Every photo shoot had to yield a perfect photograph and anypony who failed to do so was let go. I couldn’t believe how relaxed I had been about my company up until this point. As I cut the waste from my workforce, I forced everypony else to work twice as hard to make sure that they would be able to wake up the next morning and still have a job.
Finally I turned my attentions towards my dress makers. With them I needed to improve the rate of production. I didn’t particularly care about my dress makers. As long as they were working fast enough, I let them stay. But like before, anypony who failed to meet their quota more than three times had their employment terminated.
The productivity of the Hidden Gem corporation increased almost tenfold, but it did come at a price. About 20% of Hidden Gem’s employees were fired, but it was an incentive to everypony else to work that much harder. Anyone who wanted to remain in my employ had to prove to me that they were worthy of my time and effort.
I think I was too preoccupied at the time to really notice, but Grace stopped meeting me. Normally we would head out for coffee on a Tuesday for lunch or go out for dinner after work, just to chat. That all stopped. What’s more, she became more curt and more polite around me, losing our jovial friendly banter during conversations. Slowly, we began to drift apart. But I didn’t notice. I never noticed. Not until too late.
I knew that my new employment policy was highly effective, simply by the facts and figures that I was bombarded with on a daily basis. By the end of my initial purge of Hidden Gem, our output had risen by more than ten times what it had been the year before, and our profits went through the roof.
But we weren’t happy.
Hidden Gem become a corporation, a monster in the world of business, crushing its rivals and improving itself time and time again. But it was no longer the family that it had once been. But what’s even worse, is that in hindsight I realise that I just didn’t care. I would like to be able to say that I was blind to what I was doing to all of the hard working ponies in my business, or that I didn’t know what I was doing. But I would be lying. I knew exactly how many lives I was destroying and it was all for completely selfish reasons.
Everything I was doing was for my wedding, so that one day it could actually happen. But no matter how much work I did within Hidden Gem, nor how many ponies I let go, nor how hard I tried it simply wasn’t enough. I needed more security. I needed more power. But I had no idea how to get that power, until I took a walk through Canterlot.
I was shopping, alone this time, picking out a dress to wear to the gala. I knew I was only going to wear one of my own again, but it did the company good to have me seen in public showing some sort of support for my competitors. It was then that the idea hit me. As a concept it was almost revolutionary, but it would be a sure fire way to secure my position and to also gain even more strength in the corporate world. I realised that Hidden Gem needed to have its own stores.
Up until that point I had thought it sufficient to simply stock our merchandise in high end boutiques and stores, but I realised that if Hidden Gem had its own official stores, with only Hidden Gem products being sold then we could increase our profits by millions. It would provide more than just security, it would make Hidden Gem the most powerful and influential business in Equestria if it succeeded.
There was only one problem. There was a very limited supply of empty shops and stores in Equestria, so finding enough of them in viable locations would prove difficult. It took me less time than I would like to admit to come up with a solution to this problem. We were going to buy out other smaller companies and take their floor-space.
It was a simple, brutal and altogether brilliant plan. While there may not have been many vacant stores, there were hundreds of small businesses in every major city in Equestria from Manehattan in the far West to Stalliongrad in the East, from Canterlot in the South to Fillydelphia in the North. And Hidden Gem was more than strong enough to remove at least a few of those businesses from the equation.
We began in Canterlot, purely because it was the capitol and had the greatest potential. If we succeeded there, then we could move on and take over any other city in Equestria. I began approaching business owners myself and offering them what I considered to be pennies for their businesses. While it was almost nothing to me, it was more than enough to see those business owners living comfortably for at least the next decade. It isn’t really a surprise that so many of them took me up on my offer.
But there were many who resisted. One thing about me that never changed and probably still hasn’t is my inability to take no as an answer and my utter desire to never lose. Those who refused to take my money were ground into the dust by the might of Hidden Gem. We…no…I destroyed the dreams and aspirations of hundreds of young business owners, but all of the time I was able to justify it to myself. After all, after a few more companies fell to our strength, I would finally have the security that I needed to marry Ray without fear of collapse.
It took me almost two years to complete my invasion of the high street, but eventually Hidden Gem had about 350 official stores and the money was rolling in. I had become the most valuable mare in Equestria after Luna, Celstia and Cadence. I was not only the most influential pony in the fashion industry, but I was a God. I had crushed all of my adversaries and I had risen to the top of the corporate food chain. I finally had exactly what I needed. I had my invincibility. I thought I had placed myself in a position where I was strong enough to do anything I wanted, starting with getting married. Sadly, I was sorely mistaken.
An opportunity arose to take up a more powerful position by moving the Hidden Gem head office to Manehattan. I can’t recall now why it made sense, all I can remember is that from a business perspective a move to Manehattan would have been the best option financially. I had hoped that Ray would go with me and that finally we could be married in the city where our relationship began. It sounded so romantic, but I had forgotten Ray’s intention to take me to the Emerald Isle for our wedding.
I called him into my office. Since we had merged our two companies, I was able to get in contact with him very easily. I noticed that something wasn’t quite right with him when he came in, but I brushed it off. I should have noticed far earlier. He had been off with me ever since I had started my purge of the company, but I had simply put it down to work related stress. He always seemed busy then.
I remember distinctly our conversation that day. As I got older, my memory did begin to fade, but there are specific events and conversations that have stayed with me even up until now. That conversation is one. I remember being excited about the new and refreshing opportunity in Manehattan, and that I hoped that he would accompany me there. I went over the details, explaining how I had managed to purchase a small cottage on the outskirts of the city and how the commute would be even less than in Canterlot. Ray listened intently, nodding when I came upon a valid point.
When I had finished my speech, I asked him for his thoughts. Was there anything that could be improved? Would he rather stay in Canterlot? I was ready for almost anything that he might say. However, he chose to tell me something that almost killed me.
“Sounds good,” he said, somewhat flippantly. “Everything seems viable and you are right, the scenery in that area is particularly stunning. Only thing is, I think I would rather go with Applebloom.”
I have suffered a lot of heart ache in my long life, but I don’t think anything ever hurt me as much as that one sentence.
“Look at yourself Applebloom!” His face was crimson with rage and pain. He loved and hated me in equal measure and I could see that it was tearing him apart, but with every word he said he shattered another piece of my heart. “Who are you now? What is this thing that you’ve become?” My soul became blacker with every syllable. This man for whom I would go to Hell and back loathed me completely.
“When we first met, you told me that Hidden Gem was your second family.” Ray stopped for a second, seemingly unable to speak. “Well, if this is how you treat your family then I don’t want anything to do with you.” Ray normally kept his emotions pretty well hidden when he was angry. I could always tell when he was upset, but he never usually gave in to his emotions. This time however, Ray completely exploded. He was white hot with rage, saliva flying out of his mouth as he spat each word at me, every syllable loaded with contempt and pain.
“How many ponies lives have you destroyed on your little crusade Applebloom? How many dreams have you crushed in your rush to get to where you are now? You told me that you wanted to wait until you had more security before we got married, and I agreed because I cared about you. I loved you Applebloom!” He took a deep breath. “Do you honestly think I care about the money? As far as I was concerned we could have had less than three bits between us, and I wouldn’t have cared. Because at least we would have had each other. With the two of us together, there was nothing that could harm us.”
He coughed a little, his throat hoarse from the screaming. I was literally terrified to be there. Ray had always been a rock for me, cool and collected when I was in a spin. To see him stood before me shaking with absolute rage was a sight I never thought I would be unlucky enough to see.
“I wouldn’t have cared. You were all that mattered to me. But not anymore. You are not the same pony I fell in love with. MY Applebloom would never even consider doing to her family what you have done to this company. She would never trample others in a rush to climb the corporate ladder.” He couldn’t even look me in the eye any more, and he delivered the rest of the speech to the floor. “You might look like her, you might sound like her and you might even share her name, but you are not Applebloom.”
He slowly made his way over to the door of the office. Placing his hoof on it and beginning to push it open, he turned slightly. His eyes were closed and the silver trails of the tears that rolled down his cheeks glistened in the light. “If she ever decides to come back, then you can come and find me. But until then, I don’t even want to see you. I can’t do this, not anymore and not with you.”
As he walked out he called out to me over his shoulder, not even stopping to turn and face me. “Keep the ring. Maybe one day it will remind you of who you really are. But until then, good afternoon Miss Applebloom.”
He wasn’t yelling anymore. He wasn’t even betraying the slightest hint of emotion. And that was the worst part. The formality of his final words to me cut through what remained of my soul like a dull knife, lacerating every fibre of my being. To him, I was now little more than a business associate. The nights we had shared, the years of our lives that we had spent together, all were gone. And he was gone. The most amazing, wonderful, beautiful and brilliant pony in the world, the only pony that I ever wanted to be with didn’t care about me anymore.
As he walked away from me, his head held up with make-shift pride I called out to him. Everypony in the building turned to look at me, but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care who saw or heard me and I didn’t care what it did to my reputation. I just knew that I couldn’t let Ray go. Everything I had done, all of my hard work had been for him. For us.
“You used other ponies for your own aims, Applebloom. And if I am your excuse, then all you have done is used me too.” He turned around one last time, both of our bodies jolting from the sobs that we refused to hold back. “When did I EVER give you the impression that this is what I wanted for us? Do you honestly believe that I could love someone as heartless as you?”
I was dumb-struck. I couldn’t physically move a muscle. I was too hurt to move. He turned and ran out of the office leaving behind only the echoes of his hooves thundering away down the hallway and a closed door.
He was really gone.
I cried at first, not moving from that spot. Everypony in the area had to work around me, but I didn’t give a damn. I blocked out the rest of the world and felt my entire universe begin to crash in around me. After a few seconds, I felt every single drop of emotion flow out of me until there was nothing left. I was completely hollow inside. I had nothing left to live for, nothing that I cared about. It feels foolish now, but I honestly believed at that moment that perhaps the only option left to me was to end it all. Without Ray O’Sunshine what did my life matter? Who was there to care about me or miss me? I lived for him! I dreamed of him! I loved him and needed him! And now he was gone.
Thankfully it didn’t take me too long to realise that suicide was not the answer I was looking for. But perhaps, everything would have been better had I simply chosen to die then. At least that way it wouldn’t hurt so much now. But I chose to throw myself vigorously into my work rather than off a building. I stopped doing anything except working eating and sleeping. I did eventually go to Manehattan and Grace did come with me, but the house I had bought would never be a home. Not without Ray. Instead, it became nothing more than a constant reminder of everything that I had given up. Of everything that I had lost.
I stayed in Manehattan for another ten years before my mind completely unravelled. I was never committed or anything as dramatic as that, but it was another decade before I stopped hurting. However, instead of giving me the freedom of having passed out of my mourning period, all it left was the mere shell of what I had once been. I had become a machine, working all day and eating when necessary but losing everything else that would let the rest of the world know that I was still alive. As far as I was concerned, without Ray I didn’t count as a pony. There was nothing about me that wasn’t totally dedicated to him, so I simply began to fade. Even today I still wish that I had actually been able to just fade away, to vanish into thin air and never be seen again. The worst time of my life had come and gone, and now all that remains is a broken, lonely old mare.
Amazing Grace and burying the Gem
Grace had married a while before I started to go mad with power. At the age of 27 she walked down the aisle and I remember how happy I felt for her on that day. The sun was incredibly bright as memory serves, Celestia must have been putting some extra effort into the day. She got married in the great gardens of Canterlot Palace, amid the blooming flowers of the summer. Of course, I had made her dress. It was some of my best work if I do say so myself. It was a pure white gown with beautifully ornate beadwork around the breast. The train was incredibly long and her gossamer veil draped over her face gently, billowing slightly in the breeze. Not that it spent too much time covering that beautiful face of hers.
After a few years she gave birth to her first child, Thunderous Crash. I will admit I was worried about what the child would do to her figure, but her body sprang back into shape like rubber. A few years passed and I drifted further and further away from sanity nd she drifted further and further away from me. Eventually, she told me that she was pregnant with her second child, Seventh Vengeance. That was when I really began to notice the wrinkles forming on her body. It was true what all the old mares had said, motherhood ages you twice as fast. Grace was still stunning even after Seventh Vengeance was born, but her demure form had begun to truly vanish.
After ten years in Manehattan and the mother of two teenagers, Grace was no longer the drop dead gorgeous model who had left Fancy Pants to work with me. She was still a very impressive specimen, no doubt about that, and she could definitely still turn heads simply by entering a room. But as far as models went, she was no longer at the top of the food chain. She simply couldn’t compete with some of the younger mares who were coming to me for jobs and as I said before, nothing but the best would suffice in the new Hidden Gem. I made the decision to fire Grace surprisingly quickly.
Looking back, I find it hard to believe that I could have been quite so cruel and heartless to Grace, even in the state I was in. But then again, maybe it isn’t such a surprise. Without Ray in my life to give me direction, I had basically become a machine. Emotional ties to the ponies I worked with held no meaning to me anymore.
When I called her into my office, I didn’t try to sugar coat my decision. Grace was a fully grown mare, she didn’t need me to be flowery about it or beat about the bush. I told Grace that she was simply surplus to requirement and it was suggested that she retire. The look on her face is a picture that shall forever remain etched in my memory. A bleak reminder of all of the heartache that I caused. Her elegant features became a contorted mess of emotion: sadness, confusion, anger, but most of all disappointment.
I did try and convince her that it was for the best. She had been one of my best and most loyal employees and even in my heartless condition I didn’t want to leave her without a leg to stand on.
She couldn’t believe what I was saying, that much is clear now. And sitting here on this train, I can’t believe it either. As I travel through the valleys of my mind and uncover these darkest of my memories, I want to believe that I am remembering parts of an old story that Applejack would read to me. The Applebloom in my memories is so different to the Applebloom that I am. But It is true, I did do all of those things and every memory is one of mine.
“My God, Applebloom.” Grace was spitting with rage. She was normally perfectly poised and delicate, a model even off the catwalk. Whilst she was very passionate as a mare, she never really let her emotions get the better of her. “You’ve finally done it. You finally became Fancy Pants.”
I should have hated that remark, but when you’re dead inside it is hard to feel any emotion. I had broken away from Fancy Pants because he was an evil, manipulative pony who used others to get ahead in life. Of course, now I was exactly the same as him. I had come that which I loathed the most and it was costing me everything that I loved.
“You can’t help yourself can you? Climbing over other ponies to make yourself more powerful, more important! How many friends have you got left Applebloom? You can’t have that many, especially since you keep using them until they are of no further use to you, then you just dump us by the wayside.” Tears were flowing out of her eyes in a torrential downpour of pleading rage and sorrow. My own cheeks remained dry of tears. “Don’t forget that I came with you! I left a promising career with Fancy and Free all because I believed in you Applebloom. Every decision you have made I have supported completely. You want to know why? Because I believed in you! Tell me, do you remember Tulisa?” I shook my head. “Oh? What about Glimmer?” Again, I shook my head. “Really? What about Hilda? Ryan? Chastity? June? Or any of the other designers and models who left Fancy Pants to help you?” I didn’t recognise a single one of the names.
“Hm, I didn’t thinki you’d remember them, because you fired them all when you started your little tirade. They gave up strong positions with Fancy Pants to work for you. They put their futures and lives on the line for you, Applebloom! And you repaid them with a pink slip!” Grace stopped speaking momentarily. She was shaking violently with her sobs and the pure emotion coursing through her veins. Her voice became more quiet, and the tone dropped to an almost imperceptible growl. “And now you’re doing the same to me. I helped you build this company Applebloom, from the ground up. My blood sweat and tears have gone into making this company what it is today. So goodbye Applebloom. Don’t even think about coming to look for me, even if you change your mind. I never want to see you again.”
Before she left Hidden Gem for good, she turned and whispered something to me. What she said chills my blood everytime I think of it.
“You’re dead to me.”
And with that she left. She went quietly, I couldn’t even hear her hoofbeats as she walked down the corridor away from my office. I never did go looking for her, not for more than forty years. She left hidden Gem when I was 45 years old. It wouldn’t be until I was 90 that I would see her again.
The train is less than ten minutes away from Ponyville now and as I look back over the 45 years of my life that passed after Grace was gone it dawns on me that I have difficulty separating one day from another. It shocks me to see how alike all of my days were. It seems that after Grace was gone, she took with her the last drops of spontaneity and variation in my life. For almost half a century I worked like a machine, changing almost nothing about my daily routine. I no longer had Ray to work for,so my goal in life became turning Hidden Gem into the biggest company in all of Equestria. I did eventually get there, but I needed to secire my position at the top. By the time I had finished, I was worth more that Princess Luna and Princess Cadance combined. The only pony in existence that had more wealth than me was Princess Celestia, but there was hardly anything in it.
After 45 years, I stopped building my empire. There was nothing left to build on. I breathed a sigh of relief and I remember quite clearly that the first emotion that came to my body was a sense of accomplishment. Nopony had ever attempted something as titanic as this, let alone succeeded. That feeling, however, quickly gave way to despair. I had become the most powerful pony in Equestria (with the exception of Celestia), but what did that matter now?I had no one to celebrate with, no one to share my good fortune. Applejack, Big Mac, Granny Smith,Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Grace and Ray were all gone. I had lost everyone.
No…I hadn’t lost them. I had driven them away.
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw the old, withered and haggard face glaring back at me and I wondered exactly who I was looking at. When did I become this monster? What happened to the pony I had once been? Where did she go? That was the day that I chose to leave Hidden Gem for good. I had my lawyers come in and draft up my Last Will and Testament until I was happy with it and left my office one last time.
It took me exactly one month to find where Grace and Ray were living and I set off to find them. I had so many apologies to make and I knew that I didn’t have a lot of time to make them, so I packed a bag and hopped on the first train to Manehattan to find Grace.
First Stop: I'm sorry Grace
Grace had stopped modelling after I let her go and had turned her hand to acting. She had done things like adverts and commercials before, but after I fired her she went into the movie industry. From what I have heard she was very very good, but I never took the time to go to the movies to see her. I don’t doubt that she was a shining star, that girl could do just about anything she wanted, if she applied herself.
When I arrived in Manehattan I had very little trouble locating her house. After all, despite the size of the city, there is a finite number of places that would suit the lavish styles of a billionaire former model like Grace. There, on Orange Blossom Road stood her house. No, house is the wrong word. Mansion equally lacks the power to describe the glorious architectural masterpiece that she lived in.
The tall wrought iron gates stood proudly in the midday sun, their hinges squeaking slightly as the gentle breeze bid them to drift lazily. The impressive garden leading up to her front door was covered in all manner of beautiful flower, from roses to lilies, marigolds to tulips. Despite the bite in the autumn air, the plants of her garden seemed to believe it was still spring. Birds flitted from tree to tree in a beautiful kaleidoscope of natural beauty, their shrill voices echoing to each other like lovers calling from a mountainside. I turned to face the Manehattan skyline and saw the towering behemoths of the office blocks in the city, climbing so high as to almost pierce the sun. I could not help but stop and stare at the breath taking spectacle before me. The view was simply magical and I was spellbound.
A cobbled path wound its way through the garden, leading past a delicate Japanese water feature that trickled softly like a mellow song. Eventually, the path brought me to a huge white arch, crafted out of pure white marble. The polished surface glistened like the home of some Goddess and there buried in the precious stone wall, was a huge set of oak doors. The brass handles were polished and buffed to the degree where they resembled fine gold, the twisting metal resembling a million dragons in mid-flight. Dangling from the centre of each door was a heavy brass knocker, in the shape of a pony’s face. They weren’t scary or creepy, more they looked determined, as though those ponies were going to defend this home. If they were truly going to defend it, then I shouldn’t even be allowed this close.
Too ashamed and afraid to knock, I stepped back away from the house. Taking the time to glance up at it, I allowed myself to take in the details of the palace that Grace called home. Much like the arch over her door, the whole building was made of solid white marble. Little flecks of crystal glinted in the sunlight casting a stained glass like pattern on the garden surrounding me. The whole effect gave me a feeling of pure peace. There were huge windows, several metres high and decorated absolutely beautifully with some of the most impressive stained glass that Manehattan had to offer. The whole mansion seemed to buzz with an unnatural elegance, much like the mare that owned it.
Steeling myself, I gathered the courage to once again step up to the door. Breathing deeply I raised a hoof. Quivering, I tapped the door with far more force than I had previously thought I could. Given the grand appearance of the mansion I had assumed that Grace would have had a maid or a butler who would attend to things like answering the door for her. Despite being officially retired, Grace was always a busy woman. However, she came to the door herself.
Grace was my junior by about five years in reality, but anyone standing there could have been forgiven for believing that the difference may in fact be closer to fifty years. Thinking about it, it occurs to me that Grace may in fact be immortal, or at least related to the princesses in some way. She looked unnaturally young for a mare of her age. In fact, she hadn’t aged a day since I last saw her. A happy yet inquisitive look appeared on her face as it soon became clear that she didn’t recognise me in my haggard and decrepit form.
“He-Hello Grace.” I could barely get the words out of my mouth. I was both overjoyed to see her once again and to see her looking so well, but I was also wracked with guilt about what I did to her. Slowly, her happy expression faded as my voice assaulted her ears once again. It was obvious that she recognised me then as the corners of her mouth drooped down. Her ears flicked up almost in fear and her eyes widened, almost unable to comprehend that it was in fact me.
I thought that she would slam the door in my face and I wouldn’t have blamed her at all. Had I been in her position, I probably would have done just that. But I had forgotten one thing about Grace, and that thing was how kind and loving she was. Instead of treating me with disdain, her mouth spread into a brilliantly huge smile, her dazzling white teeth partially blinding me as she wrapped her front hooves around my aged neck. I was too shocked to move. I had been expecting a somewhat colder reception from my former best friend, but she cordially invited me in to her home and stated that it had been much too long since we had last spoken. Grace was many things, but resentful was not one of them.
I couldn’t believe just how kind Grace was being to me, especially after everything I did to her. I almost destroyed her completely and I was totally insensitive. I couldn’t keep control of all of my emotions and I broke down on her floor in floods of tears begging her for forgiveness. Grace simply laid a hoof on my shoulder and told me to stop being so ridiculous and that she had never been one to hold a grudge.
We talked for hours, just like in the old days. Grace told me how she almost came to see me hundreds of times, but decided against it. She thought I wasn’t ready and perhaps she was right, but I wish now that she had come to find me earlier. We talked about everything, and we talked about nothing. Grace’s son, Seventh Vengeance had apparently won Battle of the Bands with his group Radiant Eclipse and her other son had made a huge splash in the world of acting with his first major blockbuster due to come out in the spring. She asked me about my life and I told her no word of a lie. My life was empty, totally devoid of happiness.
I began crying again as I told her the story of my life after she left, about the monotony of day to day life, about how I had withered away and died on the inside and rotted down to the mere shell of the mare I had once been. I could boast about the size of Hidden Gem, but there was nothing to boast about. It was a corporate giant and a gold mine for me, but it wasn’t the company that I had envisaged all those years ago when I had broken away from Free and Fancy. Hidden Gem was no longer my child, it was little more than a pastime now.
Grace shared my pain. Despite having been removed from Hidden Gem’s employee list, Grace had always had a keen interest in the welfare of the business. It was as much her baby as mine, so she lamented the loss of it too. As the evening wore on, Grace suggested that perhaps it would be a wise idea to get the wine out. I was an emotional wreck and I thought that a night of drowning my sorrows was exactly what I needed. We opened the first bottle and had drained it within ten minutes. Thanks to Grace’s vast wealth, she had been able to acquire a large amount of wine, so the bottle was replaced swiftly.
As the level of alcohol in both of our bloodstreams increased, the conversation turned to men. Grace explained how she had almost gotten divorced about twice, but how with a bit of counselling (followed by a swift conception) her marriage had stood the test of time. Unlike most other celebrity couples, when things got tough for Grace and Scribble Dibble they did their best to fix the problem rather than scrap the whole relationship.
And then I thought of Ray. I was unbelievably upset, emotionally unstable and had consumed enough alcohol to knock out a dragon, the last thing I wanted to do was to think about Ray O’Sunshine. But there was no one else that I could think about. When Grace asked me to tell tales about the men in my life, I simply couldn’t. There had only ever been one man in my life, only one who I ever let close to me. Every memory I had with Ray came flooding back to me and I felt a new wave of guilt and shame washed over me. I treated him like a tool and I deserved everything that happened to me. Grace was the first person to hear me say that I missed Ray.
I remember that it shocked me when I realised that Grace was the only person that I had ever told all of these stories to, that Grace was the only pony in all of Equestria whom I felt that I could trust enough with my heart and everything inside it. I had handed my soul to Grace, and she had not betrayed me. Like I had betrayed her. Even now as I sit in this train carriage remembering her words of forgiveness, I can’t shake the shame and guilt of everything that I have done in my life.
As we sat on the couch together, the pile of empty wine bottles being matched only by the pile of tissues that I had to keep using to dry my eyes I laid my head on her chest. I was substantially smaller than Grace, so she was able wrap a hoof around me as a snuggled in close to her, giving my body over to everything that it wanted to do. I needed to release my anger, my sadness. Every emotion that I had refused to feel for the last forty years came pouring out of me all at once. And all Grace could do was to hold me, like a mother would hold her child and to stroke my mane and to whisper in my ear that everything would be alright.
I don’t recall when I fell asleep, but I awoke the next morning with Grace still holding me. I must have cried well into the night because the blanket that had been brought down for us was sodden with tears. Grace had woken up before me, but she had stayed completely motionless so as to let me sleep. My head was pounding and I felt physically sick, but since I hadn’t eaten anything in over 24 hours, there was nothing in my stomach to come up. Grace smiled at me and trotted into the kitchen. She brought back a glass of a light green liquid and handed it to me. It tasted foul, but it cured my hangover almost immediately. I have no idea what it was, but it must have been expensive for it to work so quickly.
After a leisurely breakfast, Grace led me down to the railway station. I still had two more stops to make on my journey and Grace wanted to see me off, so that at least this time we would part on far more friendly terms. She told me to write to her and to come back to visit anytime I wanted. I told her that I would, but secretly I knew that it was probable that I wouldn’t live long enough to come back again. But I didn’t mind. I could have one final memory of Grace, as she and I once were, friends. As the train slowly pulled out from the station, I smiled and waved out of the window at my dear friend Grace and hoped that one day we would meet again, in this life or the next. Before long, the train was in the open countryside, flying past the rolling hills and green fields of the Emerald Isle as the train sped towards Ray’s home in Limmerick.
Second stop: No more Sunshine
As the train pulled into the station in Limmerick, it dawned on me that I had never actually come to see Ray’s home. This was my very first time in the Emerald Isle and I couldn’t help but smile at the prospect that I would be able to see Ray again. In spite of how terrible I felt, I knew that Ray would be willing to talk to me at least. It may have taken fifty years, but his Applebloom was finally back, and she was coming to see him again.
Ray had always been popular all over Equestria, but in the Emerald Isle he had achieved an almost deistic status. Limmerick in particular was proud of Ray and he had managed to get himself elected mayor at least three times. That really was Ray summed up in one neat package, he would do everything in his power to make life better for the people in Limmerick and he even donated a huge portion of his company’s worth to build an orphanage and a hospital. I recall wondering what he had ever seen in me, if he was so perfect and I was simply the opposite.
Slowly, I walked through the streets looking around for Ray. I felt it impertinent to try and find him at the Town Hall, so I allowed myself to wander around until about six o’clock. However, once I deemed it acceptable to find his house, I went to the nearest police pony and asked him where I could find Ray. At first the stallion didn’t realise who I was talking about (probably because he had always heard Ray being referred to as Mayor O’Sunshine), but once the penny dropped he instructed me to head to the nearest graveyard, that he was probably there.
My heart shattered in an instant. He couldn’t be dead, that wasn’t possible. Someone so good as him should never die, the world needed more people like him. I ran as swiftly as my aged aching limbs would allow me towards the graveyard. The tall Iron Gate creaked mournfully in the wind. Storm clouds were rolling in from the horizon and a soft growl of thunder rang out in the distance. The world turned a dull grey hue as I walked through the forest of tomb stones. The stones were arranged in neat and tidy rows, like streets in a city. Numb with shock I kept walking, keeping a watchful eye out for the one name that I dreaded to see more than any other.
I had believed myself to be alone in the graveyard, but after a few minutes of aimless wandering I saw another pony. He wore a long beige coat and I could barely make out the deep blue tint on his muzzle. Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew his coat out behind him like a cape and now he was very clearly visible.
My heart skipped a beat.
His fur had lost some of its louster, and he had clearly lived a long life, but it was definitely him laying a fresh rose on a large headstone. The silver mound matched the colour that his mane had turned in his years of life and it took me a moment or two to build up the courage to speak at all.
“Hello Ray.”
The old stallion stood bolt upright. He hadn’t expected anyone else to be here with him obviously, and he certainly had not expected me to be there. Slowly, he turned around and I could see the full effects of the years on his once proud and strong face. Wrinkles now adorned the cheeks that I had once kissed, deep valleys had formed on his forehead, forcing his eye-brows permanently down. But in spite of all of that, he was still the most beautiful creature in all of Equestria.
“A-Applebloom?”
He recognised me, that much was certain. Whether or not he wanted to see me was an entirely different question. I nodded slowly, refusing to let my gaze leave the grass at my hooves. I couldn’t bring myself to look directly at him anymore
“Well, it took you long enough to come back.” There was a broad smile on his face as I looked up, somewhat confused by his seemingly jovial expression. Suddenly, the clouds released a torrent of freezing water down on top of us. I was soaked to the bone in seconds, but Ray ran over and threw his coat over me. “Come on, let’s get you out of this rain. There’s a café just down the road.”
Ray led me to a booth on the far side of the café and we sat down by a window. The rain pelted the side of the building like a volley of arrows, but I felt safe once again with Ray beside me. He bought us both a mug of hot cider and I asked him whose grave he was visiting. He shut his eyes and I caught a glimpse of what might have been shame on his face.
“Her name was Hilary.” He spoke softly, his voice catching in his throat only once. I needed no further explanation. I won’t lie, I was very hurt by the prospect of Ray having met someone else. Part of me wished that Ray had been as hung up on me as I had been on him. But that wasn’t fair. Just because I hadn’t moved on didn’t mean that Ray couldn’t. And more than anything I was glad that somepony had been able to make Ray happy when I no longer could. That was all that mattered.
“She worked at a restaurant that I used to frequent. One night she came over to me on her break and sat down beside me. We talked for a while and before too long we officially started seeing each other.” Noting the somewhat downcast look on my face Ray widened his eyes in the realisation of what he was saying to me. “No, no Applebloom. I didn’t mean it like that at all. This was at least two years after I left you, it wasn’t as immediate as you might have thought. Sorry for not making that clearer.”
I told Ray that he was being ridiculous and that he didn’t have to apologise for anything at all. Everything that had happened was entirely my fault and I had to let him know how sorry I was. I asked him to continue his story, and after a little bit of persuasion he acquiesced.
“Well, about three years after that she managed to convince me to propose to her. We had many happy years together and had three beautiful children together. My eldest, Dusk Star is away at University in Canterlot right now, but Applebloom is still in Limmerick.”
I thought that my ears had deceived me. Ray had named his daughter after me, even after everything that I had put him through. I couldn’t believe it, he remembered me that fondly that he actually chose to leave my name attached to his child.
“Believe me, Applebloom, it took a fair bit of convincing to get Hilary to agree to that one, but I managed to convince her.” His head drooped slightly and a tear formed in the corner of his eye. “Hilary died, shortly after the birth of our third child, Rex. But we both agreed that it had been a fantastic adventure and I was glad that I had been privileged enough to be a part of it.” After taking a moment to dry his eyes, he turned his gaze to me, friendly and jovial once again. “So Applebloom, did anypony ever get lucky enough to tie you down?”
I looked straight into the clear green crystals of his eyes, feeling myself being drawn in deeper and deeper to the heart of the stallion who I had loved all those years ago. It took me a moment to gather my will to speak and I knew I couldn’t lie to him.
“No,” the whisper barely escaped my lips I spoke so softly. “No, there was only you Ray. There was only ever you for me. No one else even came close to you.” I watched the pain spread across Rays face. I never intended to upset him, but he deserved to know that I never did forget him, I never did get over him. When he left, my life ended.
He sighed once and looked straight at me. He firmly placed his hoof on mine and held it like he had so long ago. “I’m so sorry Applebloom. I really did mean for you to have a good life. I wanted nothing but the very best for you.”
I smiled at him as sweetly as I could. It had taken me sixty years, but this was the first time that I had ever been able to make Ray O’Sunshine blush. We talked well into the night, about everything that we remembered. That conversation was the first time I think I ever used the phrase “the good old days,” and funnily enough every single one of them involved Ray. We sat and laughed like two teenagers once again.
As the moon began to sink once again and the catering staff became more and more fidgety, we decided that it would be a good idea to take our leave. We paid for our drinks and left.
Walking along by a park, I huddled in close to Ray as I had once so very long ago. I half expected him to move away from me, or to explain that it was inappropriate for me to make such advances on him, but he simply held me close. I shut my eyes and let myself feel young again, a bright strong young mare, ready to take on the world with a brave and brilliant stallion beside me supporting me all the way. The illusion faded quickly, but it still felt nice to imagine what we could have been.
As we walked, we drew nearer and nearer to the train station. Both of us knew that I was not going to be able to stay for long, but Ray wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. The station came into sight and as we stood by the gate my legs refused to take another step forward. I was finally with Ray again, we were finally together and could live out the rest of our lives as a couple. But that would be too selfish of me. I had my chance with Ray, and I sacrificed it for a bag of gold.
The train pulled into the station and the conductor called out for all passengers to board. Ray walked me to the platform and helped me put my bag on the train. Before I could get on myself, Ray grabbed me by the shoulder. He turned me around and kissed me. I couldn’t remember the feel of Rays kiss, but once our lips met all of the reasons why I had ever loved him in the first place came back to me. I moved in close to him, relishing in the passion of our last kiss before parting ways one final time.
I took my seat on the train and before it pulled away I leaned out of the window. “Well, Ray, I’m so glad that I got the chance to see you again. But I think we both know that our adventure would have been one for the history books.”
Ray chuckled softly and glanced at the sky with an exasperated look on his face. “I bet it would. But hey, who knows, maybe we’ll get our chance again in another life eh Applebloom?”
“I look forward to it.” I smiled for the last time at Ray O’Sunshine and as the train pulled away I cried out to him. “Live well, Ray O’Sunshine, you deserve it!” He shouted something back at me, but the trains whistle blew and I couldn’t hear it. Within a few seconds the town of Limmerick was vanishing into the distance. I took my seat, rolled up the window and sat there on the train, tears welling up in my eyes. Only one stop left on my farewell tour, I thought, as the train sped through the night towards Ponyville. I still had one more apology to make and I prayed that I had the strength to make this final journey.
And here I am, sitting in the first class carriage of the train from Limmerick to Ponyville heading back to a home that probably won’t even remember my name. I hope that Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are there, I need to be with them again. The train pulls into the station and I leave my bag on the train. I won’t need it anymore and it will just weigh me down. This is the final stop that I have to make. I just pray that I can make it to them in time.
As the train draws nearer to Ponyville, I realise for the first time just how much the world has actually changed. Sky scrapers and high rises have shot up everywhere, obscuring the once beautiful view of the Everfree Forest. The train pulls into a very modern looking railway station, not wooden like the old one but entirely metal, glass and plastic. My hooves clank on the floor as I walk and there is a strange coldness to the place that is completely different to what I would expect from Ponyville.
I walk out of the railway station and witness first-hand the effects of modernisation on my old home. The streets are lined with huge buildings, and I recognise logos everywhere from my connections in Hidden Gem. The sight of a Hidden Gem store sends a shiver down my spine and I’m almost physically sick there on the pavement. Whose life did I ruin to put that there? Was it someone I knew? I shake my head and try not to think about it.
Up ahead there is a bizarre looking wall, stretching for miles in both directions. It seems very out of place because it is made of brick and is radiating with the warmth of the home that I remember. While it doesn’t fit in with the surroundings, it is the only thing that seems to suit my memories of Ponyville. A large red and white sign has been nailed to the wall: “Ponyville Old Town, Heritage Site.” I glance to my left and notice a small gate with a turnstile. I feel a sudden rush of hope that perhaps something does remain of my old home.
The other side of the wall causes floods of memories to return to me. Nothing here has changed at all, it’s the same Ponyville that I left when I was nineteen. Rarity’s Carousel Boutique still stands proudly, albeit the paint is beginning to flake off the walls. The Town Hall still has a few scorch marks from where Derpy tried to ‘help’ Rainbow Dash and the leaves from Twilight’s library reach into the sky like an outstretched hoof towards God. Sugarcube Corner is full of boisterous life and jovial ponies enjoying their cakes, pastries and treats. Everywhere looks exactly the same and I long to wander these streets for an hour or so, just taking in the essence of Ponyville again. But I can’t. None of these places are the reason why I’m here and I still have a job to do.
There are still ways in which I can surprise myself it seems. My hooves, despite not having felt the ground here for ninety years, still remember the way back home. Applejack always did say that even a rolling tumbleweed always finds its way home again in the end. As walk I can’t escape the feeling that the road seems longer than before, but I suppose that is down to my age more than anything else. Everything seems so hard for me these days.
Eventually though, it all comes into view once again. I’m standing on top of a small hill overlooking the vast army of trees that makes up the Sweet Apple Acres Orchard and the whole farm is laid out before me. The barn is in a terrible state of disrepair and is losing its paint very quickly, and the orchards have become overgrown and unkempt. But this is home. This is definitely home.
I walk slowly down the hill, mostly to avoid causing myself an injury that would prevent me from completing my mission but also because I feel that perhaps I no longer belong here. Ninety years ago I turned my back on this place and never returned, so perhaps I was no longer welcome here. The gate has completely fallen down and there are fragments of the sign that proudly marked the entrance to our land scattered all over the place. Big Mac’s cart lies in the dirt, one of its wheels has fallen off and is lying beside it waiting for the weather to destroy it once and for all. The whole place looks so sad, it is clear that no one has lived here for years. I suppose, once Applejack and Big Mac passed away there was no one left except me. I can’t bear to think that a house that holds so many happy memories for me should stand empty, devoid of love and attention. But there is nothing I can do now.
Pushing gently on the front door I enter my old house. The whole place is covered in a thick layer of dust, but I recognise every inch of the front room. Granny Smith’s rocking chair sits motionless in the corner and the photographs on the walls have faded into brown and yellow blobs in dusty cracked frames. In the kitchen, one of the doors on the cupboards has fallen off and lies on the ground. On the countertop sit the jars that should have been filled with Zap Apple Jam years ago, but the rainbow coloured fruit has already rotted away in the corner to non-existence. Coming back into the living room I turn my attention to the staircase in the corner. As I step on one I hear it creak loudly, but after a few seconds I determine it to be steady enough to stand on. Slowly and very carefully, I climb the stairs to the first floor.
I manage to get to my bedroom, but once I’m there I can’t hold back the tears at all. I fall backwards and sit on the floor and cry. They kept it the same. Nothing in my old bedroom has changed or been moved or anything. The thought occurs to me that perhaps my family kept my room the same just in case I ever decided to come back. They kept it the same just on the off chance that I might one day come back. They were waiting for me, both of them, until the day they died. And I never once came home for them. They were waiting for me for years and I didn’t have the decency to come back and see them once!
Wiping some of the tears from my face I trot over to the bed. I peel back the dust covered duvet and lie down, feeling the softness of the underused mattress beneath me. The bed is too small, and some of the springs in the mattress are broken, but I don’t care. For me, this bed is the safest place right now and as the sun starts to set I begin crying again. I cry for the friends that I gave up, I cry for the family that died waiting for me to just come home to see them, I cry for Ray and the cruelty I treated him with and I cry for all of the ponies whose lives I ruined in my race for power. A million faces flood my mind and each one of them is somepony who I personally hurt. I slide down deeper under the covers, resting my head on the dusty pillow and wept myself to sleep, praying that my dreams would be filled with a love that I could have had.
I wake up and half expect to hear Applejack calling me down to breakfast from the kitchen. A phantom smell enters my nose of my sisters brilliant apple pie, but my mind realises that the scent is a fake almost immediately. As I open my eyes I remember where I am again, and who I am, and I remember that there is no one downstairs. There never will be. Looking out the window I learn that I have slept well into the afternoon as it looks like the sun will be setting in just a few hours. I brush the dust off of my body and head towards the door. I still have my last apology to make.
I shut the door behind me leaving the bed unmade. It’s my wordless thank you to the family who kept it ready for me for ninety years. I climb down the stairs and after a final look at my house, I step out into the orchard. I head towards the West Field, there’s something there that I have to see one more time and hopefully there are some ponies there that I need to see urgently too.
The day ages quickly and it is almost nightfall before I arrive at my destination. But I am glad to see that this too remains. The Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse still hugs the tree like an old lover. Memories return to me of that day a century ago that Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and I first inherited this place. We spent the entire day just fixing it up, painting it, buffing and refurbishing it and generally just making the whole place look good. Every spare hour that the three of us had as fillies was spent in that clubhouse.
I try to climb the walkway, but it creaks under my weight and I swiftly stop. I’m not as light as I once was it appears and I fear that if I were to try and go inside my clubhouse I may never come out again. Instead I content myself with just staring at it for a while. After a few minutes of gazing at the old tree house, reliving simpler days, I decide to try and see what is behind the tree.
And there they are.
I barely notice them at first because of the failing light, but then I register them properly and smile at them. I lie down on the grass beside them and after a few moments of just enjoying their company I begin my story. I tell them everything, how I started out well, broke away from Fancy Pants, started my own business, met a handsome young stallion and how I totally ruined my life after that. I choke on my words as I talk them through how I pushed Grace and Ray away, about how I destroyed hundreds of ponies lives and livelihoods all for my own selfish reasons. I tell them how sorry I am that I abandoned them and ignored them for so long and how I wish that we could just go back to being the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle lie there in silence, not saying a word to me at all. But I’m not surprised. I stare at the two headstones, one for Scootaloo and one for Sweetie Belle and smile at the thought of them choosing to rest here for eternity. Obviously they never forgot this place. This clubhouse was our favourite place to be as fillies, so it makes sense that they would have wanted to rest here. I lie down beside them, telling them stories and reminiscing about the old days and how I wish that I could have done better.
The night wears on and I can hear the larks begin to sing. The world is peaceful and beautiful in the steadily lightening morning. The larks continue their dawn chorus as I hear her voice from behind me.
“Come on Applebloom, we haven’t got all day.”
Play this for the next section
I turn around and there she is. Scootaloo! But she isn’t like me, old and grey and haggard, weary of life. She’s nothing but a little filly again, a small orange ball of excitement and feathers just like when I first met her. Her flank is blank again and her crazy purple mess of a mane bounces as she trots past me. Behind her stands Sweetie Belle, small and white with her curly mane partially covering her unicorn horn. Both fillies smile at me expectantly as Sweetie Belle bounds over to stand beside Scootaloo.
They forgave me, after all these years. They are offering me the chance to be with them again. The dawn is breaking behind them, flooding the orchard with its pure and brilliant light when a new filly joins them. She is dainty, absolutely tiny and a huge red bow ties her long red hair back from her face. The light from the sunrise is almost blinding me as I watch the new filly run and join the others. The younger version of me runs and jumps and plays with her fellow crusaders again, and I smile as I let my eyes close.
I try to reopen my eyes, but my eye lids are too heavy. I can feel everything winding down and I realise what’s happening to me. My body becomes heavier, more difficult to move. I lie on the grass and feel everything start to stop. I’m not scared of dying now. I’ve said everything that I need to say and all my past sins have been forgiven. I can still hear my friends and I playing in the bright sunlight. I begin to drift into unconsciousness, an unearthly peace spreading throughout my mind and body. As the final shred of consciousness leaves my body for good I can hear the distant sound of the three fillies shouting “Cutie Mark Crusaders YAY!” I want to join in, but I can’t move my mouth anymore. I’m no longer in my body and before I fade from this world entirely a final thought crosses my mind. Ray O’Sunshine has managed to make my final moments in this realm all the better.
“We can have our adventure in another life eh Ray? I’m already looking forward to it.”
End.
