Chapters I could hear the constant groans of pain and woe from the outside. I don't know how long it's been since I was put here, but if the chatter of the guards is reliable, then I've been here for five thousand years or more. I shivered as an icy draft washed over my rotted flesh. Whatever magic kept me looking like a corpse was likely connected to the same Bonfire that was keeping me alive. Coldwrought chains bound me and I was suspended in the air, my feet not even close to touching the cracked stone floor of my prison.
The flames of the Bonfire before me moved in unnatural ways, and did not crackle. Nay, they instead hummed quietly, a mere hint at the power of which they held. The flames gyred about a large, simple sword that was unceremoniously stabbed into the ground centuries ago. The heat had twisted the monument and scorched the hilt, but the blade had weathered it for centuries, and will most likely continue to do so for many more to come. Despite being numb, I could still feel the warmth and comfort radiating from the flames of the Bonfire. Even so, I still felt empty inside. The friends that I had hoped would come for me are no doubt long dead.
Well, aside from two of them, but I doubt they even remember me now.
It's been so long since I've seen the faces of any save those of my tormentors. A feral growl rumbled from my decrepit throat, unused for anything other than screams of pain inflicted by my captors. Those damned Minotaurs. I always knew that I would be sought after for my unique properties as an immortal, my agelessness and Undeath in particular. But I never thought I would be so easily tricked. I still don't know exactly what they used on me, only that it was a sedative. There would be hell to pay when I got out.
The smooth, featureless stone walls were nearly spotless. Then, there were the floors, caked with centuries worth of dried blood. My blood, to be exact. They never bothered cleaning it up, probably because they liked to see the remnants of their work.
I was torn from my interior ramblings as exclamations of surprise and the sounds of fighting drifted in from the outside. Two meaty thuds, then silence. The door to my chamber began to open slowly, as if the intruder were attempting to not wake me with the creak of the rusted iron. I stared in confusion as the intruder was revealed to be a Thestral mare, judging by the slim build and softer eyes. My heart soared as I noticed her ornate, platinum blue barding, marking the mare as of dear Luna's Night Guard. Standing next to her was a pegasus stallion, who bore the shining gold of Celestia's Day Guard.
Neither wore helmets, allowing me to see their manes. The mare’s catalina mane was unkempt, and there was a fiery spark of boredom in her amber eyes. Her compatriot was the standard alabaster of High-Caste guardsponies, and his mane was a carefully groomed blonde that was a fair bit longer than regulations, I’m sure. Their armors were well decorated, and if I remembered correctly, the pips at their collars indicated that they were both leftenants, though I could be wrong. After all, the Royal Guard had only just been established a short while before I was captured.
"Oh gross! I know they said he might look bad, but this? This is just terrible. He's literally a corpse!" said the mare.
"Midnight! Show some respect!" chided the stallion.
“Midnight” looked between myself and her partner, mouth curled in horror. "Just look at him! His skin is rotting and he has no fur whatsoever! It's disgusting!"
"That's no reason to be disrespectful! Now apologize!" said the stallion with a stomp of his hoof.
Her ears turned down in shame. "Fine, alright! Geez..." The mare turned back to me, taking a step forward, "Sorry for being disrespectful. I was just...surprised, by your appearance.”
I chuckled, though it may have sounded not unlike the rasp of a rusted knife ‘cross a whetstone. The stallion approached me and slid a pebble of Bloodstone into the shackles’ hinges. With a whisper of will, he caused the mineral to combust with an acrid stench, the red smoke cascading from the sources around the room. With a mighty crack, the first chain gave, my left arm falling limp at my side, the thorns inside the manacles tearing at my wrists as the next chain dragged me across the room before it, too, gave with a shock, causing me to fall to the floor with a thud. I groaned as feeling returned to my limbs, the near-black blood of the Undead oozing from beneath the irons. Slowly, I picked myself up off the ground and began stretching and popping my joints. The ponies winced every time I popped a joint, but eventually I was done. I turned to my two saviours.
"Hhhhh...Haayhh...Hhhhaaayyhh....eyyyyeee...Hhhhhaaaaaghhhhh...." I coughed and clasped a hand to my face. My throat had tightened with ageing, the voice box shriveled and withered from raw pain. I held up a bony finger and walked over to the Bonfire, focusing on the flames before reaching into them and pulling out my Item Box. The ponies watched raptly, their attention consumed by the flames, likely wondering how the Box had been unscathed by the fire. It was a small, simple wooden box with neither decoration nor carving, though it was carved out of mahogany and coated with a simple, yet effective, finish. I thanked the stars that my captors knew only how to make Bonfires, and not operate them. I flipped up the lid and proffered my hand, scrounging around for the object I needed.
“Ahah!” I rasped out, my prize grasped firmly in my palm. It was an ancient black Sprite, so old as to have become imbued with an Ember. That Ember had grown, rootlike about the Humanity, wrapping it in brittle, earthen fibres. I examined the Effigy closely, searching for any imperfections, only to find none. The epicentre from whence the Ember grew swirled in a manner similar to that of the Dark Sign. Orange crackles sputtered forth from the black spot, the arcs of fire racing along the Ember’s twining fibre before they dissipated.
I raised the Effigy almost religiously before crushing it in an iron grip. The Ember broke around the Humanity, a crimson glow rising briefly from my hand before it, too, crumbled the Humanity into naught but dust. With a sound of shattering glass, the now destroyed Effigy released all of its power, the Dark Soulfire coursing into my chest, the Dark Sign located just over my heart. Fire raced through my veins as flesh reknit and bones thickened and grew back into my once impressive stature.
I put the box down and stood up to my full height and stretched again, admiring my now restored body. Then I shivered as I felt a metal clad hoof stroke my abdomen. I looked down to see the mare, Midnight, staring directly at my stomach area, running a cold metal clad hoof over it. I cleared my throat to gain her attention. She immediately backed up and smiled nervously, allowing me to see her fangs.
“What art thou doing?” I raised an accusatory eyebrow.
She jerked her hoof off, her cheeks glowing bright red beneath her fur. She mumbled out an apology as she hurried away, her comrade smirking at her. “Shut up,” she muttered, glaring at the ground between her hooves. I rolled my eyes before running a hand through my long hair, feeling the extensive silky strands part as my fingers passed them by. I picked the Box back up and once again scrounged around for the items I desired.
Out first came a simple set of cloth pants, padded with leather where armour would then be placed. On those very spots, I withdrew some simple greaves, slipping my feet into the sabatons before securing the armor I had obtained from the Knight of the Looking Glass. A rather opulent, yet still simple, woolen blouse was next to be donned, the fabric stretching as I pulled it over my head. A long white surcoat went over the blouse, the trail reaching down to mid calf. Then it was a quick matter in donning the cuirass and its plackart piece.
I pulled on two goussets for each arm, attaching their straps to the softpoints of my blouse. A pair of rerebracers were next, the righthand one having a golden brassard, and each were strapped to my arms at the same softpoint as the goussets. Two couters, one per arm, were slipped on next, a pair of hooks on the inside of both for holding themselves to the chainmail without any need for straps, the vambracers from the Knightships of Heide only serving to pin the couters in place. The gauntlets themselves were rather innovative, being attached to the vambrace via ballpoints, removing the risk of a sword chopping off the hand entirely, as opposed to merely numbing the appendage. Of course, that did make it rather difficult to clean, as they were quite secure in their holdings.
A sword belt was the next piece of my ensemble to go on, the tassets and faulds of the belt giving some additional protection to my hips. Lastly, but not at all least, was the hood of the Dragon Sage, the bone-white ghillie cascading as the way of hair as it covered both the chain coif and pixane. I stood up again, testing the armour while loosening tight areas, and tightening loose ones. From the Box I drew my short blade, the crossguard extending a few centimetres onto the blade, with a stylized sun motif on the pommel. It slid perfectly into its scabbard with a click.
The massive, blue, luminescent greatsword that I had confiscated from the Writhing Ruin was something the ponies had gaped at when I pulled it from the Box, having to pull the blade out diagonally due to the large crossguard. The blade was long as I was tall, and rather unwieldy, but I managed. It was as powerful as it was impressive in size, and the hilt protruded over my right shoulder, one hand of the blade sticking out as well. The war axe of the Gyrm Warriors was equally massive, and its haft reached out past my left shoulder as the head rested in the middle of my back.
A crossbow I had retrieved from the Sanctum of Drangleic was specially modified, after a few years of tinkering, to be collapsible, the shortened length fitting snuggly on my right hip. My kite shield, a charred grey colouration staining the ornate carvings of its face with a vertical bar reinforcing its length, went on my back, and the Idol's Chime was placed right behind my sword. I then grabbed seven rings in addition to my Wedding Band; one in the shape of a flower and studded in green gemstones, a golden ring with a large amethyst as the crown, a blue metal ring with a stylized white dragon as its face, another gold ring with four gems of different colors, a steel band with a tower shield decorum, a ring with eight “blades” circling it, and a black band shaped much like the one with the dragon, but with a knightly helm painted on it in its stead.
Finished, I placed the Box back into the Bonfire and turned back to my two companions, whose mouths were agape. "Yes? Is there something thou wish to say?" I asked. Needless to say, they obliged in the way natural to ponykind.
"How can you carry such large weapons? How did that box come out of the fire without burning? Why are you wearing so many rings? And how can you see out of that mask?" Midnight asked.
"I am rather curious as well,” the stallion, whose name I had yet to learn, agreed.
"Mine strength is greater than most alive, my body’s capacity being upwards of a metric tonne, or two, in a benching press. The fire is not like most fires, as it is a Soul Flame. I wear eight rings, as I hath eight digits ‘pon which they fit, and this masque of mine is of an enchanted sort, allowing me to see onwards as if it were a window of clearest glass," I answered with the practice of centuries behind my words.
"Yeah right! Nopony can bench that many pounds except for the Princesses!" Blossom declared.
"I couldst give thee a demonstration later, if thou so wish." I offered.
"Sure, if only so I can see you fail miserably!" said Blossom.
My shoulders quivered with a quiet chuckle, "Thou shalt see soon enough."
The stallion turned to look at me from his place at the door. "Sir, we should probably hurry and get out of here before the guards discover us."
"Verily,” I nodded, ghillie strands swaying lightly. “But first, wouldst thou spare but a moment?" I strolled over to the doors, peeking out before slinking through, my armor ghostly silent. Kneeling beside the two unconscious children of Minos, I firmly grasped the horns of the inert bull.
"Um, Sir? What are you doing?"
"Just,” I breathed, my Undead heart racing, “fulfilling a promise to mineself." I tugged lightly at one horn, a miniscule crack appearing at the base, virtually invisible. Then, with almost no effort, the curving spike snapped off like a dead branch from a tree. The Minotaur woke from the sound, still groggy as he tried to orient himself. I flipped the broken prong in the air, catching it with the jagged end emerging underhanded.
With all of my might, I pushed down and forward. The shocked screams elicited were wholly worth it. Of course, one would be expected to scream when something entered where the Sun refused to shine, for it was quite the foul place.
Blossom tried and failed to contain herself, a guffaw erupting from her snout. "I c-can't...believe...you, you actually...bucking...did that!” Soon, she found herself at Humor’s Knell, her air stolen by Laughter.
"Sir, don't you think that was a bit uncalled for?" asked the stallion, seemingly unsettled.
"Leftenant, I have been waiting centuries to do that. I waiver thou not deprive me of mine fun or there wilt be consequences. Am I clear?" I said as I crouched to be eye level with him.
He held my gaze for a while before finally giving up with a sigh. "Crystal, sir."
"Good,” I patted his cheek. “Now, I cannot for the life of me remember the layout of this building, so if thou wouldst be so kind as to lead the way out?"
"Yes, sir"
Thus, we crept out of that accursed room, allowing me to get a glimpse of the unfortunate souls that had been left to rot here, most of which were unicorns. In fact, it looked like some already had rotted. And knowing the children of Minos, they would not likely get rid of the bodies until they had been paraded around first; there were even a number of skeletons. I had never really understood Minos and his fascination with death. “Glory” and “Honor” I could understand, but this? This was barbaric.
As we snuck down the hallway, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor sods I had seen in the cells. They looked battered and bruised, and their holdings had a fair amount of blood on most surfaces, nearly moreso than my own. When we walked by, few even bothered to look up. Those that did held no hope in their eyes, barely a thread of sanity. Only despair. I'm fairly certain most of them were wrongfully placed here for a simple mistake, or mayhaps no other reason, save the Minotaurs’ own brutality. How despicable.
Finally, we reached the hallway's end where the path split in two. The left path continued in a straight line, whereas the right path veered off to the north, a smattering of cell doors lining the walls of the former, torchlight glinting off of their rusted features.
“From whence had thou cometh, leftenant? Surely, thou must remember thine own exeunt plan, hm?” I turned my hooded gaze towards the pair behind me.
"We take a left here, then a right and then continue straight ahead," answered the stallion. I nodded and we continued. We passed even more cells, and I could scarcely believe the number of unfortunate souls we passed before we arrived at another fork. Taking a right, we continued walking for some time, cell doors passing by.
"What is thy name, leftenant? I wouldst like to know the name of he who freed me," I queried, curious.
"Cloud Skipper, Sir," answered the stallion.
"A most fitting name. Thou art lucky to have it. Cherish that name, leftenant, for one day, it may be all thou hast."
"I'm not sure I understand, Sir."
"As you would do well not to. Else I fear the world shalt not survive."
"Sir?"
"Ignore mine rambling. Let us forget and continue." Skipper seemed confused.
"As you wish, Sir." he said finally. We continued on our way in relative silence after that. Then, we finally reached the end of the hallway. Standing before us were simple double doors made of what appeared to be steel. Thankfully there was no lock, which only further showed the ineptitude of the children of Minos. I pushed the doors open with ease, and we walked out into a dark, eerily quiet room. I could not make out any details thanks to the the dim lighting.
Then, all at once, I heard torches blaze to life, as if by magic. I shut my eyes momentarily from the brightness, before I heard the sound of weapons being drawn from their scabbards. Immediately, I opened my eyes again, and growled at the sight of dozens of Minotaurs in full-plate armor with axes, maces, and great swords held within their grasp.
"Well...shit," Blossom said eloquently. Shit indeed.
I growled as I watched the Minotaurs slowly advance. I had no other choice but to fight, but there were too many enemies for me to take on, even with the help of my two saviours. Then a doll made out of several pieces of scrap appeared in midair, and instinctively I snatch it before it falls. As I touch it, I hear the youthful voice of a little girl.
"My name is Theresa and this is my uncle Charlie. We are a gatherer and a protector, lost in a strange world and we're willing to fight alongside of you, if you wish only for the ones you love to stay safe, if you need to take back what was once yours, if you merely need a friend, then call on us. After all, good girls gather and daddies protect. " Followed by a somewhat quiet roar.
Having little time to ponder the idea of a little girl and her uncle being strong enough to help, I decided to hell with it and spoke back.
"I know not if thou could offer any real assistance, but I am out of options. I summon thee in my time of need!" I said to the doll, hoping whomever made it could hear my call. Thankfully it seemed they could, as a portal opened up on the wall betwixt me and my foes.
It resembled a huge heavy door, easily eight feet tall and half as wide. It had a etching of a eight eye helmet that looked as if it was built for a spider, with a red sign under the odd etching with the words AIRLOCK ACTIVE on it. With a silent gasp, the door opened and out stepped a seven foot tall behemoth on two legs, a pair of drills hanging off of it's hips and a single, yellow glowing plate of glass in the center of a metal helmet. A pair of large metal boots gave the possibly armoured cyclops an extra couple of inches as it slowly panned its narrow view from me to my attackers. After a moment, I noticed it kept moving it's hand, as if to wake it up.
Third PoV
After her uncle left, Theresa felt the pulling sensation increase tenfold. Before following her uncle, Theresa gave the wounded princess the two finger salute and let the forces of the void do their thing. After a moment of confusing colours, she found herself in the airlock that big daddies would use, looking at her uncle in front of her.
Mister Cee on the other hand was looking at the scene in front of him, a human, or at least humanoid, wearing fancy but very functional armour, with his face hidden behind the hood of a ghillie suit. Two guards, a Nocturn as his Equestria called them and a pegasus, a mare and stallion respectively, stood next to him, weapons at the ready. Looking left and right, Mister Cee started running scenarios, some good, some bad and some more gore filled than others. Flicking through his Plasmids, Mister Cee decided that if the backup felt like needing backup, than that's what backup should do, get more backup.
Lifting both of his hands, Mister Cee brought forth twin glowing green orbs and pressed them together, pouring more and more Anam into it to achieve his goal, soon he had a soccer ball sized green orb that he threw to his left, splashing it into the center of the Minotaur's ranks to the group's right. Within seconds the once orderly lines gave way to the purest kind of chaos available; friendly fire.
Alvis looked on in astonishment as the Minotaurs fought their own, before grinning like a madman underneath his mask and taking out his Moonlight Greatsword.
"I know not what or who thou art, but it seems thou art a friend. Allow me to, as they say, 'even the playing field'," Alvis said with wicked glee. Then he held his blade with both hands and swung, releasing a wave of pure moonlight at the children of Minos, tearing through their ranks.
Midnight and Cloud glanced at each other for a moment before dashing forwards into the ranks of the Minotaurs.
"I don't know who you are, but there's no way I'm gonna be out done by you!" shouted Midnight as she tore through the ranks, slicing the weak points in their armor with her wingblades.
"For once, we can agree on something!" said Cloud, stabbing through the armor of the children of Minos with his enchanted spear, handed down since his ancestor's days. Occasionally he would also parry them, then riposte them brilliantly, impaling them and then slamming them back to the ground.
Alvis had forgone his greatsword for the hefty Gyrm Axe, easily cleaving the Minotaurs in two. A Minotaur with a greatsword came up behind him, planning to ambush him, but Alvis simply swirled around and cut him in half, rending the armor like butter.
Mister Cee simply walked towards a group to his right, five Minotaurs with a small variety of weapons. As one they charged, hoping to take the big daddy head on and overwhelm him.
Deflecting the overhead attack from a bull with a greatsword, Mister Cee rammed his right palm into his chestplate and caved it in before grabbing the bull by his horns, chuckling internally, and using him as a shield against his fellows' axes. Throwing the gasping bull to his right, he reached out his left hand and wrapped the massive glove around a cow's throat and lifted the unarmed cow and held her there while he punched her squad mate's snout in, blinding the bull.
After a few more seconds of choking her and watching the other two pull their blinded comrade back, Mister Cee reached down and slipped on his grapple drill. Bringing it up and revving it, he smiled at the panicky looks the small squad was giving him before he brought the drills RPM's to max and plunged it into her chest.
Ripping the gutted corpse from his weapon, Mister Cee gave the remains of their friend back, after her very successful diet they couldn't recognize her of course. As one they charged again but a stomp to the stone floor stunned two of them and knocked the third, broken muzzle boy, to the ground. Giving one a swift uppercut with his left and the other a backhand drill-slap from his right, Mister Cee revved his drill again before driving it through the downed bull's armour, the bulls screams were overlaid by the roar of his tormentors tool of choice.
Alvis, after giving himself some breathing room, grew a manic grin, and started spinning like a top through the unfortunate Minotaurs. His laughter could be heard even over the screams of his victims.
Then, a bull decided to get his vengeance and tried to parry the hefty axe, but his hand was instead cut in two, along with the rest of his arm. The bull screamed bloody murder before Alvis aimed the axe slightly upward and decapitated the bull.
Using the latent power within the millennia old spear, Cloud Skipper released a bolt of lightning that immediately delivered thousands of volts into the nervous system of a cow. The cow spasmed before falling back.
Midnight, not to be outdone, went into a frenzy, limbs and heads flinging everywhere as she literally tore each bull and cow limb from limb.
Turning to look at his allies, Mister Cee noted the stallion shocking and impaling his way through whoever was in front of him, beside him and in one case behind him. The mare seemed to enjoy decapitations and finding the weakest links in her opponents armour and exploiting them to a devastating effect.
The man, if his lack of boob armour was anything to go off of, well, that and his hysterical laughter as he seemed to flow from one opponent to the next flawlessly, was revelling in a manner similar to when Mister Cee and Theresa got freed, only much bloodier.
Figuring that his newfound allies could more than hold their own, Mister Cee turned back to check on Theresa and immediately noted that his Anam Plasmid was finally wearing off. Bulls and cows were shaking their heads and some were already heading towards him, and sadly for the Minotaurs, they would have to run past the airlock that still held Theresa.
"*Theresa! Hey, one of you fucks turn around!*" He roared before running full speed towards the ones that would pass the closest to the airlock. Revving his drill, he impaled it into the gut of a Minotaur that foolishly thought he could block or deflect the attack. Without slowing down, he used the dying corpse as a bull-made cowcatcher and shattered their hastily made formation.
Cloud Skipper, noticing the giant being charging through formations towards the strange sealed door, galloped over to help, smacking away any who obstructed his path. Once he finally reached the behemoth, he lunged in between his legs and impaled a bull straight through the stomach, and lifted him up off the ground before flinging the body into the next oncoming wave.
Alvis, having cleared the area around him, turned around, rushed into the enemies surrounding the door, took out his chime, then kneeled ceremoniously and spread his arms, ringing the chime at the same time which released a powerful shock wave that crumpled the armor and weapons of the Minotaurs around him, immediately killing them.
Midnight flew above the children of Minos, and, noticing the plight of the rubber and metal bound behemoth, divebombed into a formation of bulls and cows, swiftly swooping through all of them and slicing off their legs, hands, arms, and heads, effectively breaking the formation.
Lifting his hand from the horn of some unfortunate bull he impaled, Mister Cee charged his favorite Plasmid and released a swarm of angry africanized killer bees and ripped the dripping, stomach less corpse from his drill as the bees attacked a bull who was expecting nothing remotely close to fighting a creature with a hive of bees living in it's arms.
Looking around, he noticed the last of the Minotaurs quickly falling to his allie's attacks, except for one who stood back a little and glared at them. Removing his drill and letting it fall to the stone floor with a deep thud, he approached the bull, some kind of officer or high ranking sergeant. He dropped his war hammer and approached Mister Cee as the sounds of battle died down, his allies refrained from interfering.
He took up a boxing stance and Mister Cee replied with his go-to Krav Maga stance, hands at forty-five degrees with slightly opened fists with his palms facing the ground in front of him and his left side a little more forward than his right. The bull stood eye-to-eye with Mister Cee, he may have weighed in around three hundred, Mister Cee was at least a half of a ton, his armoured gauntlets protected his hands while Mister Cee's thick self healing rubber gloves did the same. He looked angry but determined, and Mister Cee looked through his red tinted porthole.
He made the first move, a quick jab to Mister Cee's gut with his right, Mister Cee let it hit and chuckled. He threw a quick combo; two jabs and a hook all directed at Mister Cee's helmet.The leviathan started chuckling harder and reeled his right hand back, a heavy and slow hit that anyone could read. The bull stubbornly tried to block it only to learn a harsh lesson; big daddies are inhumanly strong, they have to be seeing as they wear a half ton of armoured dive gear and their weapons, not to mention that their dive suit itself being between nearly an inch to two and a half inches thick provides great resistance training.
A big daddy can run as fast as an Olympic distance sprinter and for twice as long without tiring while wearing their dive suit. To a big daddy, their suit might as well be a second skin. One that doesn't feel pain.
With the power behind the hit, the bulls arms fractured and his armour crumpled. Advancing on the bull, Mister Cee caught a lazy right hook with his left and squeezed, reducing the gauntlet from a piece of protective gear into a meat grinder, a bone powder mill and a perfectly conductive material for a quick Electro Bolt. Releasing the screaming bull, Mister Cee delivered an uppercut into the bull's downturned snout and sent him flying the twenty feet up into the ceiling.
Where he stayed as Mister Cee looked down and picked up the fallen war hammer. Holding it so that the handle pointed straight up, he tossed it up and caught it in his Telekinesis Plasmid. A gentle push of the hand and the war hammer flew upwards and impaled the bull from tail to top with a little vibrating noise as the hammer found its owner's new holster.
Alvis laughed for a long while, saying, "Tis the most fun I've had in millennia!"
Midnight let out a hearty guffaw, once again finding herself at Humor's Knell. "I-I...Th-that's...exactly wh-wh-what...Alvis did a-a while ago! It-it's still...hilarious!" she said between breaths.
Cloud Skipper sighed and shook his head at his comrade's antics. "It's not that funny, honestly..."
Alvis approached the behemoth, "What dost thou call thyself? Thou wouldn't happen to be this, Charlie, wouldst thou?" he asked.
Groaning slightly and nodding, Mister Cee walked over and grabbed his drill as he headed towards the airlock, followed by him banging on it twice. As the rest of them approached, they heard a loud bang and rushed over to see a young girl with a strange contraption in her left hand that resembled an oversized syringe and a baby bottle had a bastard and gave it growth hormones. In her other hand, was a smoking gun.
"*Did you just shoot me?*" Mister Cee asked, flicking the small scraps of lead off his helmet. Giving a actual groan, he walked past her and picked up a bag with a gem stitched into it and walked back out, little girl in tow with the gun in hand.
"Aww! She's adorable!" gushed Midnight. Cloud Skipper looked like he was trying his hardest to not rush over and squeeze the girl. Alvis smiled under his mask.
"Come hither, mine friends," he said, kneeling down, chime in hand. Cloud Skipper and Midnight looked wary to do so, along with Mister Cee, as they had seen what happened last time Alvis had used his chime. "Fret not, mine friends, I wish only to help." Midnight and Cloud hesitantly gathered around Alvis, but Mister Cee and the girl didn't move. "What ever is wrong?" asked Alvis.
"*Im looking for my bees, it'll take a while for a new generation to be born if I don't find them.*" Mister Cee groaned, looking down, he noticed Theresa pointing upwards toward the impaled Minotaur chandelier.
"I think your bees found a new body to live in." She said, barely holding back her giggles, "In that bullshit."
Groaning an actual groan, they approached the others and waited for Blossom to stop laughing.
Alvis lowered his head for a moment, before raising it again and ringing his chime, causing a large, golden yellow rune with archaic letters around it to grow outwards from him, a sound like a pressurized air draining from something quickly rang in their ears, and wisps of air and light spiraled around Alvis before a short glow surrounded Blossom, Cloud, Mister Cee, and Theresa, making them feel rejuvenated, the wounds, small as they were, sealed up and new skin grew over it. Midnight and Cloud Skipper gasped as they looked at themselves in astonishment.
"Where did you learn that?" Midnight asked in astonishment.
"Oh, twas simply something I picked up on mine travels before I came to this land." Alvis answered simply.
Theresa smiled as she felt her energy return with its friends, hyperactive and fidgety, "You think you could teach him that?" She asked, jerking a thumb at Mister Cee, "He's the kinda guy who solves all of his problems with his Plasmids or his drills." Mister Cee's yellow porthole light turned in her direction as he shrugged.
"*Eh, I still got my fountain of youth Tonic, but it would be helpful for when I'm trying to heal others.*" He groaned.
Alvis thought about it for a moment. "Thou wouldst first need a scroll with the miracles workings on it, and thou wouldst also need faith in a god or gods. It cannot be faith in anything else, sadly. I hath tried that before." Alvis answered.
"So, bad time to be an atheist, huh Charlie?" Theresa smiled, Mister Cee simply shook his head and his helmet before he replied with a unintelligible to anyone else groan,
"*I'll find faith later, right now ask him what kind of miracles workings should we look for.*"
After a moment of translating, Alvis replied, "In truth, Miracles are simply tales told by the gods, passed down since the First Flame. Thou wouldst only need a scroll to learn it, as the scroll transfers the knowledge of the Miracle to thee. There are numerous Miracles, ranging from great spears of sunlight and lightning, to healing, to second chances and poison expulsion. There are even some used to protect against all manner of magic."
"Interesting, we'll keep an eye out, now then, how do we get out of here?" Theresa asked.
"We can help with that, just follow us!" said Midnight Blossom.
"*If it involves wooden stairs, I'm gonna stick my size twenty-four, lead lined boot up your plot,*" Mister Cee groaned, "*you and the architect who felt like wooden stairs was a good idea.*"
Cloud Skipper asked Theresa what Mister Cee said and received his answer, in all its brute force.
"Duly noted." said Cloud Skipper.
"Good thing it's stone stairs then." said Midnight cheekily.
Alvis' shoulders quivered with a quiet chuckle. "Thine uncle is most amusing. I do believe we shall get along swimmingly."
"Yeah, don't worry though, he's bad at swimming but great at diving." Theresa smiled as the group started following the ponies, Mister Cee merely thinking about how he can figure if pranking this princess would be okay, considering that there's one of each of their respective guard here and they seemed professional... well half of them, the other half of them was a blender with the jar part cut off and dropped into your bathtub, nasty.
"So...what are your names? Mine's Midnight, Midnight Blossom, " asked Midnight.
"*Do you want to know what the princesses named us or what we both prefer, because Feast and Beast leave a bad taste in my mouth.*" Mister Cee groaned.
Theresa quickly said, "Well, I go by my name, Theresa, but he goes by Mister Cee, it's a joke but his friends call him Charlie," successfully heading off any requests for a translation, she continued, "How about you guys?"
"Mine name is Alvis. Tis a pleasure to formally meet you." Alvis answered.
"Cloud Skipper, my friends and comrades call me Cloud, though." said Cloud Skipper.
"Ponies either call me Midnight or Blossom, and usually only my superiors call me by my full name." said Midnight, "So...how did your uncle do that magic? I've never seen anything like it."
"*Actually, I only used magic when I hypnotized the bunch at the beginning.*" He replied, waiting until after Theresa translated to continue, "*I have a hive of super aggressive killer bees living in each arm, a portion of my brain has been modified so as to allow me to use telekinesis and I can also do this."
Holding up a hand, he cycled through his elemental based Plasmids before continuing, "*I'm so far up the evolutionary ladder, I wouldn't doubt I'm miles from being human. The same thing that enables me to do that also makes me super strong, heal myself whenever I'm in water, shock or outright freeze people who attack me and makes me heal from killing people with my drills.*" After Theresa translated all of that, the groups reactions ranged from disbelief, to envy, to astonishment.
"Yeah right!" said Midnight sarcastically.
"Really?" asked Cloud Skipper.
Alvis merely grumbled to himself,saying things like, "thou art not so tough," and "I hath fought worse."
"*Do you wanna tell him I just heard that?*" Mister Cee asked Theresa.
"Hell nah." Theresa replied gaining the attention of those ahead of her.
"What?" Cloud Skipper asked.
"He asked me if it would be okay to inject you with the most painful, pleasurable drug ever that'll give you the power to break the sound barrier with a... I don't think ponies can snap their feathers, can they?" Theresa replied.
"No, why?" Cloud asked.
"Well how about letting the meanest, highly lethal killer bees live in your foreleg?" Theresa asked.
"No thank you," Cloud replied sternly.
"What about a tonic that'll make you move faster and another that'll let you shrug off hits that would floor someone else?" Theresa baited.
"That sounds interesting," said Cloud, taking the bait.
"And unlike Plasmids, Tonics keep working, there's a bunch that Charlie has, a few for his drills, several for his Plasmids, some to keep him fighting longer, heck, there's one that makes him more efficient and effective with medical kits and another can mend his bones so long as he has access to water. And unlike Plasmids, you won't get that first splice high." Theresa said, placing a little more emphasis on the last sentence.
"That is rather intriguing," said Alvis.
"That sounds awesome!" said Midnight excitedly.
"I concur," agreed Cloud.
"*What are you playing at Theresa?*" Mister Cee groaned.
"Well, they've been friendly enough, this guy seems like he gots the princesses on his side so why not give them an unnatural advantage?" Theresa replied.
"*Because my DNA probably resembles a fucking alien more than a human at this point and I don't think promoting that shit is something we should do.*" Mister Cee argued.
"Its their choice if they wanna and besides you could use the practice." Theresa answered before asking, "So, do any of you want to evolve?"
Alvis thought about it. "No thank thee, I hath too heavy a burden already." he said cryptically.
"Sure, as long as there aren't any adverse effects!" said Midnight.
"I don't see why not," said Cloud Skipper.
"These are perfectly safe in controlled doses, just like with anything else medical related, so the limit will be one for each of you, the Tonics are; Armoured Shell, which will make you tougher, Electric Flesh which will raise your resistance to electrical based attacks and raises your damage for electrical attacks, Elemental Storm which will make you release a blast of subzero temperature or a burst of lightning when you opponents hit you, Fountain of Youth will slowly heal you whenever you're in water, no matter how little the source, Medical Expert is how it sounds, Sports Boast makes you stronger and faster and Brain Boost will increase your intellect. So, what sounds like you?" Theresa finished with a smile.
"I'll go with Elemental Storm!" said Midnight.
"I'll do Armoured Shell," said Cloud Skipper.
"Okay Charlie, let's see you do it." Theresa grinned at her uncle who sighed before holding both of his hands out.
'Focus, find every loophole and close it, don't give it a chance to misinterpret or twist your desires against you' Mister Cee thought, slowly feeding more Anam towards his goal. Just as he did with the hypnotize Plasmid, he slowly allowed the energy to leave him and fuel the fire that was the spell. After a few seconds, a blinding light flashed from his hands and in them were two Tonic bottles.
"*That took a good sized chunk outta me,*" He groaned before handing the bottles over to the two ponies. "*Enjoy not having children.*"
The duo happily took the Tonics and drank them without hesitation, feeling a sensation unlike any other go through them.
"Wow, I feel...powerful!" exclaimed Midnight.
"That's some strong stuff," said Cloud Skipper
"Might I inquire as to how thou made those out of nothing?" asked Alvis, edge in his tone. That ability reminded him too much of a certain draconequus.
"*You wanna tell them?*" Charlie asked Theresa, keeping a corner of his porthole on Alvis while looking at Theresa.
"Well, it was going to come out eventually," Theresa mumbled, "Do you know what this needle is for? Or what we are for that matter?" She asked Alvis.
"I am afraid not." Alvis replied.
Taking a deep breath, Theresa started off by explaining how they ended up in Equestria, than telling him how they no longer had their memories, told him what Little Sisters and Big Daddies were, told him how they were imprisoned in stone and were 'reassembled' by Discord, told him of their escape from Canterlot, leaving out everything that happened in the castle, meeting up with Discord to have him explain some more about their situation and how they had a chance to cure themselves, how Charlie just saved Equestria from a eight foot tall rapist gorilla and his gimp turtle friend and how Celestia drained most of Charlie's power after the fight, putting it into some gem and how his summons was the only thing that kept him from being drained completely. Of course, Theresa also kept the part involving her shooting the princess's leg from her retelling.
"-basically, I drink pony blood and purify the magic in it, it becomes unaligned magic and can do almost anything but it'll always try to stab you in the back. We just learned how we had a chance to fix ourselves and Celestia took it from us, I won't say she was being a bitch or anything, she was doing the right thing but that right there, that was having our hopes raised only to be crushed mere hours later." Theresa sighed as she turned away, Charlie gently stroking her back with one hand, and trying to decide which plasmid would work best if it came to that.
"I can scarcely believe my Tia would do something so horrid to thee, but if thy behavior is any indication, then thou art not lying." Alvis walked up to Mister Cee, looked at Theresa, and told them, "If ever thou require my aid, or need a home, do not be hesitate to call upon me. And mayhaps, at some point I may come to thine world, and promptly teach Tia to, as they say, 'not judge a book by it's cover.' Now, if ever thou wish for my aid with any matter, or simply need to return here to rest, simply create a bonfire with a soul. Any will do." Alvis said warmly.
"Did you just miss the fact that they said they're from another world ?" said Midnight.
"Nay. Especially since I myself am not originally of this world." Alvis replied.
"Wait, what!? I thought you were just from some distant land or something!" Midnight exclaimed. Alvis shook his head. "How did you get here then?"
"I...can't quite remember. Forgive me, millennia of torture tends to take a toll on the mind," Alvis replied.
"...Actually," Theresa said, a slight smile on her face, reaching into her bag-o-blood and other assorted objects, "This stuff, this might help you out with that." She pulled out the one Tonic Mister Cee didn't ingest, Brain Boast. Holding it out to Alvis, she continued, "If you ever want to try and remember one day, drink this."
Alvis shook his head sadly. "Tis not just from torture, tis from an insurmountable curse, one that is traceable to the soul. Thus, there is no cure. Thankfully, all I need to do is concentrate on remembering. Even if they would still be jumbled, they are the best I can manage." Alvis replied.
Nodding her head, Theresa smiled, "Okay then, all for getting out of this place say aye." A chorus of ayes answered her as the group continued on their way. After a few minutes, Theresa asked, "So, how do we catch a soul?"
"The most common route for mortals is to use a crystal, but if thou wouldst like, I can offer thee some, as I gained quite a number from those damned children of Minos." Alvis offered. "Keep in mind that all living beings hath souls, not just sentient life."
"So you better kill as humanly as possible, Charlie." Theresa said in a mock stern tone.
"*Yeah, same rules from hunting go to ghostbucking.*" He replied, a smile hidden under his helmet.
"That was, just... no. Plain out no." Theresa said through her hand, before turning to Alvis.
"Now, what do you wish to use? A crystal, or one of the many souls I hath gathered?" Alvis asked.
"I'm already a gatherer, so how do I trap souls in a fire?" Theresa asked, "Put up a sign that says 'free afterlife' over a fireplace?" She only partially joked.
Alvis chuckled. "Nay, young one, thou simply places the soul in the fire. Once thou hast done so, thou shalt notice the flames change from chaotic, to purposeful and hypnotic. To capture a soul, at least for mortals, one must hold a crystal or vessel out before the victim dies, and the crystal shall do the rest." He explained.
"Hmm, sounds simple enough," Theresa nodded as they walked, continuing a few moments later, "We still need to have you make a token though, you should pick something that is a good representation of yourself, something important."
Alvis shook his head. "The Undead treasure nothing else save for their memories, their sanity, and that which they hath lost. Nay, all thou shalt need to reach me or for me to reach thee, is a Bonfire. I can already travel between realms, I see no need to make a , 'token' as you say. Especially since the only defining trait of an Undead is their Dark Sign, and that is a curse I would not wish upon any." Alvis said grimly.
"If that is how you wish... Oh, I should tell you about Lumen, Lord Reference, DK and GB." Theresa smiled as she talked about meeting the daughter of Discord, Lord Reference and his constant jokes, she got a disgusted expression when she told Alvis about Donkey Kong, his plans for multiverse conquest and his gimp suit wearing friend/lover.
Charlie just thought about what he must've worn to be displaced as Donkey Kong... and immediately stopped that train of thought, blew up the bridge it was heading towards, put a gap in the boiler and took a hacksaw to the couplings of every single car. Followed by blowing it up with a tactical mental nuke... which was followed by salting the mental earth and dropping several thousand gallons of brain bleach from a forest fire fighter plane.
The group finally arrived at the doors leading to the outside of the prison. They were impressively large, a full three feet taller than Mister Cee, and though they weren't decorated, they seemed to radiate an aura of wariness. Alvis opened the doors with minimal effort, and Midnight and Cloud led the group towards a landing strip just on the other side of the prison. On it was an airship with metal plating along it's bow and hull, propellers and engines at the back of it. A large group of Day Guard and Night Guard were keeping watch on and around it, and quite a few dead Minotaurs lay on the ground around the landing strip, arrows and crossbow bolts in their heads or chests. Flags flying the Equestrian colors flapped in the wind from their perch on the sides of ship.
Growling, Mister Cee pointed at the way they were supposed to board... a wooden gangway with steps nailed to it. "*So, which one of you lied to me about stairs?*" He groaned.
Each pony promptly gained a look that could only be described as 'oh shit ' while receiving a glare that seemed to penetrate the inch thick, orange tinted glass before quickly galloping aboard the ship, saying "Woop woop woop woop!" as they went.
"Just take your armour off, it won't kill you." Theresa said, "You're super strong, extremely well armed and unless they're already bragging about their Tonics then you'll still have the unknown factor in your favor. What reason could keeping that thing on possibly serve?"
"*I don't need to eat, sleep, shit or even breathe the air outside for up to three hours, that's what. Besides... I'm kinda scared of how fucked up I'll look like. Alvis is Undead, he wears his shit because he wants to but I'd rather not find out if I can lose to a ghoul in a beauty pageant.*" Mister Cee replied.
"Well regardless of how butt ugly you are, you still need to get on the blimp. No, that ain't it." Theresa mumbled the last sentence.
"*Zepher?*" Mister Cee supplied.
"Nope, not important right now, what is important is you taking that armour off before I go find out if we can hang you from the bottom of the ship." Theresa shook her head before glaring at the emotionless porthole light.
"*You're bluffing.*" Mister Cee countered.
"You taught me to never bluff." Theresa smiled at Mister Cee as she continued, "So, what's it gonna be, first class, or undercarriage?"
"*...If they drop me, I will haunt you.*"
"And I'll get Alvis to perform an exorcism on your ghost butt." She smirked before turning to Alvis and asking, "Can you or anyone you know perform an exorcism?"
"Verily!" said Alvis, playing along and taking out his Gyrm Axe.
"*...Then I'll enjoy it while it lasts.*"
"Oh come on, for me, please." Theresa asked with her cutest face she had on full display. Which received a gloved hand that covered it up, thus breaking the spell. Once the hand was removed, she continued, "Come on, you wanted to be a pilot and now you're scared of flying!"
"*I don't think wanting to fly military fighter jets and not wanting to ride an aerial wooden death trap while wearing a thousand pounds of armoured dive suit can be compared.*"
"Says Mister 'someday I'll climb into one of those metal coffins and fly as fast as I please, fighting for my life over some village no one has ever heard of'. Come on, don't you want to fly one time in your life?"
"*...Fine...*" Mister Cee said softly, dropping his drills to the ground and walking away to take his armour off behind a small watch tower.
"Thank you! Come on Alvis, let him do this on his own." Theresa said as she grabbed her bag, "Hey, two of you sky sailors, grab those drills back there for me please."
Alvis chuckled as him and Theresa boarded the ship. A stallion with a scar over his eye, with white fur, hazel eyes, a graying blue mane and tail, and a captain's uniform approached them.
"So, you're the famous Alvis, eh? Who's this little one?" the stallion asked.
"I'm Theresa, Mister Alvis needed a little help back in there and we talked afterwards." Theresa softly said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I see. Bit surprising that the mighty Alvis needed help, but I suppose even heroes need it from time to time. Name's Storm Breaker, by the way." said the stallion.
"It's nice to meet you, my uncle should be here in a moment," Theresa gave a shy smile before she continued, "he may not be in the best of moods though."
"*Where are the two lucky bastards, I got a size ten Jordan for each of them!*" A loud groan filled the air, more natural than Mister Cee's normal, metallic sounding groans. Turning around, Theresa, Storm Breaker, Alvis and the crew took in the sight of an unarmoured big daddy.
Charlie stood a solid six feet tall, pale skin and short brown hair with a plain, white tee shirt, a faded but comfortable pair of blue jeans and a pair of grey Jordans on his feet, but what drew their attention the most was the surgical scar that stretched from jugular to jugular, his burned, frost bitten and deadly insect infested hands and his pale, glowing yellow eyes which matched Theresa's own. That and the massive amount of dried blood on his face.
"Well...Tis much better than I thought he would look. Thine uncle should be grateful his body dost not rot like mine." said Alvis.
"*Maybe, but I would still like to wash this blood off, where's the washroom on this thing?*" Charlie groaned, followed by Theresa translating for him.
Storm Breaker pointed towards a door standing right in front of Mister Cee. "Right there, bigfella," he said, unfazed by the sight of Mister Cee out of his armour.
"Thou seems eerily calm, for one who hath just allowed what tis essentially an alien on thine ship." Alvis noted.
"With all due respect Sir, after being briefed on what you look like and what you can do, things just don't surprise me anymore." replied Storm Breaker.
"*A fellow shrug-shit-offian, I think this guy and I will get along just fine. Thanks.*" Mister Cee groaned as he headed towards the door. After he disappeared into the ship's bowels, Theresa walked over to get some ponies to grab his armour, tightening her grip on her bag-O-blood and hypo needle.
"So, Mr. Alvis, excited to see your wives again?" Storm Breaker queried.
"Thou hast no idea. Once I see them, I shall embrace them as warmly as possible for an Undead, and..." Alvis stopped himself short as he realized young ones were present. He coughed awkwardly. "Ahem, yes, well...Needless to say, yes. I am excited." he replied, thankful he was wearing a mask.
Storm Breaker laughed. "As you well should be! It's not every day you get a chance to do that with the finest mares in Equestria!" Storm Breaker said.
Theresa merely smiled as she connected the dots, having overheard enough to put the facts together, 'Wives, millennia and finest mares in the whole country, there's only two certain ponies that could possibly be married to him. Now, should I tell him I had The Talk at the age of eight from my uncle as well as meeting the thousand years later descendent of the act that made The Talk necessary?' She pondered. After a few seconds she dismissed the thought. After all, it was embarrassing back then, and it's embarrassing now.
After she said this, Mister Cee came back from the washroom without the aged blood covering his face, a small smile on it in the bloods place, "*No visible tumors! No black lines overlaid on my veins! The only real thing that's bothering me is my hands looking like a scene from Bee Movie.*"
Looking over at the side of the ship, he noticed that there were almost a half of a dozen pegasi trying to lift his armour, the boots and gloves all still attached as the twin air tanks and the helmet laid next to the dead Minotaur he used as a wagon. A few shocked cries of alarm as the nearly seven hundred pounds of armour floated up on its own and glided towards the ship's deck.
"Where should we put his suit?" Theresa asked as it floated a few feet off of the deck.
"In the cargo bay, just downstairs. You there!" Storm Breaker said, pointing to a random Night Guard, "Show this girl and her uncle where to put that armour!" The guard saluted and motioned for Mister Cee and Theresa to follow him.
Thanking him, Charlie and Theresa followed the bat pony through a door as the six pegasi started grabbing his stuff, two fifty pound drills, one two hundred pound air tank that was bigger than them and the massive helmet that could be used as a hiding place for a young filly with room to spare.
As they were walking towards the cargo hold, the empty shell of a big daddy suit occasionally having to be folded in on itself to get through the corners, Theresa started a conversation with the Night Guard while Charlie kept an eye out for Cloud and Midnight. 'Size tens will still work,' he considered, 'but I would hate to get them covered in shit and blood, I ruined enough good shoes just helping Ryder clean deer.'
Theresa was trying to breach the topic of whether or not the pony leading them was a fellow blood drinker like her Equestria had, she knew that making assumptions would be foolish. "So, are those fangs for show? I've never seen a bat pony before." She asked, putting on her curious face.
"Well, nowadays they kinda are. We don't use em like we used to, at least not as often. We mostly use em to suck out the juices from a fruit. But in the olden days, we used em to drain the magic from unicorns." the guard informed.
'So are they fruity bat ponies, or batty fruit ponies... okay, that may have been a bit too low even by my standards. The gay community and the insane community are, thankfully, separated entities.' Charlie thought, smiling slightly until he realized that others could now see him.
A rustling near a pile of crates caught the group's attention. Sticking out of either side were two familiar tails, one blue, one blonde. The group stared for a moment.
"Are bat ponies here resistant to lightning?" Theresa quietly asked their guide.
"As much as any other Pegasus or pony." the stallion answered.
Chuckling, Charlie switched both of his hands to Electro Bolt and quickly jumped the short distance to the top of their hiding place. Upon landing on top of the crates, he looked down at the confused and worried expressions, "*My Jordans are better clean anyway.*" Followed by unleashing enough electricity into them both to overcompensate for their magical resistance to lightning.
"Yeah," Theresa started, over the sounds of the jumbled screams of the two guards, "Electric Flesh lets him zap ponies like they never had any resistance in the first place."
Jumping down, Charlie dusted his hands off as he approached the group, "*That was... shockingly fun.*"
"Nope, not worth a damn." Theresa replied, "Still terrible."
The stallion peeked over the top of the pile of crates, seeing the two lieutenants splayed out on the floor with their manes, fur, and tails sticking up on end and releasing small bolts of electricity every now and then. The guard immediately reminded himself to never get on the bad side of the behemoth of a being and his niece. After that, he showed them a good spot to place the bits of armour.
After they'd stored Charlie's armour and drills somewhere they wouldn't fall through the floor, and Midnight and Cloud stopped sparking like a pair of tesla coils, the group headed back topside, gently swaying back and forth as the airship flew its course. When they reached the deck, they came upon Alvis sitting alone on the deck crossed legged, seemingly meditating. Everypony around him was trying to be quiet so as not to disturb him.
Charlie went to the stern of the ship to smoke a cigarette, smiling at the nearly full pack surviving and started amusing himself with turning the clouds into chaos clouds, cotton candy with chocolate rain being his go to, while Theresa went to inquire how long they would be flying. After a quite few hours of flying, they began to approach Canterlot.
Alvis opened his eyes for once during the trip, although none could tell, and gazed upon the majesty of the, to him, new capital. It was even more beautiful than he had hoped, with it's tall, marble and gold spires, paved cobblestone streets, mansions, and abundance of ponies, he almost shed a tear. Then he realised how eerily close it was to another, much more dark and foreboding castle city. They hadn't done it...had they? Alvis hoped not, but perhaps he should ask them when he sees them.
Finally, the ship landed on the strip near the castle, and standing there, waiting, were the Princesses themselves. Alvis smiled widely under his mask, and waved as he fought the urge to rush over to them and squeeze them. Luna, however, had no such restraint, and sped off towards Alvis like a bullet. Literally. She slammed into the unfortunate man, bruising his ribs and knocking them both off of the airship. Luna was blubbering like a foal, spouting things like, "I thought thou was gone!" and "I am never letting thee out of mine sight!" Celestia calmly walked over, but Alvis could see the slight trembling and misty eyes she bore.
"Take that Hood off. Now. I want to see your face." she said, her voice holding a slight quiver to it. Alvis did as she asked and removed the Hood. Celestia let her tears fall freely, before she giggled. "I can't believe you still have that ridiculous hair style...but I wouldn't change it for the world." she said wistfully. Alvis smiled as the sunlight shone down on his pristine pale face, his light blue hair in a mullet cascading down the back of his head, a scraggly beard of the same color tickling Luna's ears. He motioned for Celestia to come over to him. She did so without hesitation, and he pulled her in for a tight, loving hug.
"How I hath missed thee..." he said softly.
Looking down from the still airborne airship as it slowly was brought to a dock that resembled scaffolding, Charlie and Theresa smiled at the sight below them. After a moment, Charlie excused himself to go get his armour, volunteering a few helpful guards with the help of his Hypnotize plasmid. Of course by this time every pony on the ship knew a new rule, if the thing with glowing eyes points at you with one hand and has his other coated in ice, fire, lightning or is holding a coloured orb, you shouldn't try and find a way to anger it. About five minutes later, Theresa and Charlie walked down the gangway, his dive suit floating in the air next to his air tanks while several bat ponies and pegasi carried the rest.
After they reached the ground, Charlie and Theresa walked around the airship and stood a respectful distance away as Alvis and the Princesses revelled in each other's warmth. Sadly, it was cut short when Celestia remembered others were present.
"Come, my love, we have much catching up to do." she said as she wiped her tears. Alvis nodded, and motioned for Theresa and Charlie to follow them. Luna and Celestia stayed right by Alvis' side, afraid to leave him. They walked into the castle, through numerous corridors and twists and turns, before finally coming upon Celestia's private study. The guards opened the doors, and they all walked in.
A table and cushions were arranged in the center of the room, a rug with Celestia's Cutie Mark on it in the center, a desk with an ink and quill on it along with stacks of papers. A fireplace sat in the other side of the room across from the desk. Alvis, Luna, and Celestia took seats together, whilst Mister Cee and Theresa sat across from them.
"So, I assume you two are friends of my dear Alvis, correct?" Celestia queried Mister Cee and Theresa.
"*Friends would be a strong word, but not inappropriate, he heard us out when he had no obligations to do so.*" Charlie groaned, "*He looked past our differences with only the minimal of suspicion. Though I could call that foolhardy, I can also call it tolerant and trustworthy.*"
"What he said, he greeted us as equals and was willing to overlook things about us that we couldn't change even if we wanted to, at the moment at least," Theresa smiled, "He asked for aid and my uncle here gave it, we asked for friendship and your husband here gave it with only the fair and understandable desire to know more about us."
"I see. If I may be so bold, what exactly is your story?" Celestia asked. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I can understand if it's painful."
"It is, but it will hurt no less than if we kept it to ourselves, we were normal human beings once, till we went to a convention in costumes and bought some things from a rather polite merchant. We were sent to an alternate Equestria, same as yours other than neither of you being married to Alvis here, we showed up a thousand and five years before Luna returns from the moon and gets purged of Nightmare Moon. Back then, we were brainwashed, we lost our memories and became mindless monsters, Charlie would kill any pony that attacked us and I would use my needle to drink the blood of dead ponies. That went on for three months before you two used the Elements of Harmony to turn us to stone,"
"A thousand and five years later, we broke out, with our memories and personalities restored by none other than Discord himself, I don't know if ours is like yours, but ours had morals, he didn't affect schools or hospitals, hasn't ever been the cause behind a single death, even indirectly, and didn't let us just go insane over the memories of what we did while we weren't in control. We left Canterlot, got to Ponyville, learned that I couldn't contain all of the magic I had consumed and Charlie took it for me, after that we watched Discord get defeated by the Elements of Harmony and were about to leave until our Celestia accidentally summoned a wannabe Multiverse conqueror and Charlie stomped him back into his Equestria and our Celestia took a lot of his unaligned magic, placed it into an enchanted amulet but we were summoned before she could take it all."
"Charlie helped fight some Minotaurs, we talked on our way out of that prison and came here with him." Theresa finished, Charlie simply keeping his glowing yellow eyes on the alternate version of his Princesses, he knew they weren't the same, but wasn't willing to be caught unprepared.
"That's quite a tale. But what is this, 'Nightmare Moon', thou speak of?" asked Luna.
"Hmm, do you have any students Celestia? Mare or stallion, unicorn or otherwise." Theresa asked.
"I did. A mare, unicorn, or rather, alicorn, now. She's done many great things, and I'm proud of her." Celestia answered. "Why do you ask?"
"Does she still live in Golden Oaks library?" Theresa responded.
"No, she has her own castle now. If I remember correctly, she just finished deciding what to do with Starlight Glimmer." Celestia replied.
"To answer your earlier question, I'm trying to find where, and when, you guys are in relation to us. You see, in our Equestria, a thousand years ago Luna succumbed to an evil entity by the name of Nightmare, Luna believed everypony was ignoring her and, while under the influence of the Nightmare, tried to bring about eternal night. Our Celestia banished Luna and the Nightmare within to the moon until a thousand years later, our version of your student made some friends and purged the Nightmare from Luna with the elements of harmony, thus assuming the roles of protectors of Equestria. I assume your world is the exception to the rule where most Equestrias have what is known as, to our world, the solar slash lunar war as well as the events that followed. I also wanted to know if your Discord was 'rehabilitated'." Theresa explained, finishing with a pair of air quotes.
"Well that's...I honestly don't know what to say. My Luna, being corrupted for something so petty? It sounds rather far fetched, to be honest. As for Discord, he was reformed long before that when my dear Alvis threatened to kill him and absorb his soul. He was quite docile after that." Celestia explained.
"Oh! We should summon him! It would be hilarious!" Luna suggested.
"I don't know, Lulu...last time we pranked him with Alvis he wouldn't come out of his dimension for days." Celestia said.
"I hath been meaning to 'talk' with him again." said Alvis, his tone dangerous yet not without a hint of playfulness in it.
"Back to the matter at hoof," Celestia changed the subject, "You said you and Alvis talked? Did he do what I think he did?" Celestia asked.
"*I have no idea what you were expecting, but if it involved shoving something up a Minotaur's ass, then I think he did. Also, my fatality came across as little more than a pimped out version of what he did.*" Charlie groaned, calmly waiting for Theresa to translate for him.
Celestia sighed. "I had nearly forgotten how...creative, my husband can be when it comes to punishment."
"Oh darling, you still have it!" Luna exclaimed.
Alvis chuckled before turning to his beloved Tia, "I forgot to mention, Tia, that I offered them a place of respite here, if they wished. Could we possibly make a home for them? Or give them a room here? It would need a bonfire nearby, so they might be able to travel from their realm to here." Alvis said.
"I see no reason why we can't. Especially for two who have helped my love escape." she turned to Theresa and Charlie. "Would you be okay with that?"
"A house would be wasted on us, a simple room would do just fine for while we stay here. If I'm correct, than time would flow differently for us, it might be a week in our Equestria but easily be a decade here, or vice versa," Theresa replied, "for now, simply having a place to lay our heads and eat a quiet meal in peace would be plenty, especially as to the fact that we won't know where or when we'll show up when we go back." Pausing for a moment to listen to her Uncle, Theresa translated his desires, "A medical check-up to see if anything is missing from Charlie would be most appreciated."
"Alright then, it's settled! I'll tell the staff to prepare a room for you, and we'll find a place to make a bonfire so you can come and go as you please. Now, on to other matters. As a token of my appreciation, I shall grant your uncle the title of Duke, and we can introduce you to the country next week when we announce my husband's return. And I won't take no for an answer."
"*Uh... One version wants to get us stoned, the other gives me a title... Fuck. Thank you but while I know better than to attempt to argue with you, I also know nothing of being a duke.*" Charlie groaned, Theresa leaving out the first part when she translated for him.
Adding her two cents, Theresa added, "While my uncle isn't a freely trusting, rose tinted glasses wearing kind of person, I'm sure he can also see the benefits of such a position."
"*You're right, I can sting Blueblood twice now. I got, hiiiigh hopes, to unleash my kiiiiller bees, on a unsuspecting prick.*" Charlie groaned in a sing song tone. When the others asked what he said, Theresa replied with a smile,
"How much do either of you care for Prince Blueblood?"
"Blueblood? As in the stallion I trained all those millennia ago?" Alvis asked, looking surprised.
"His descendant, dear. To answer your question, we sent him to Alvis' home using a bonfire after he insulted one of the Elements of Harmony at the Gala. We have yet to check up on him, but we made sure he was protected, at least somewhat. It was my hope that the despair and danger filled Drangleic would teach him a thing or two. I still love him like my own, of course." Celestia replied.
"*Damn, I was hoping to to sic my bees on another version of him. Oh well any other pricks I can fuck with? If not than I'll just go eat something and see if I can get this Discord's attention.*" Charlie groaned.
"Is there anything else you'd wish to know?" Theresa asked, "Anything at all."
"Wouldst thou be opposed to the idea of helping me bring back the descendant of Blueblood? I wish to see how he is faring, and what he is like." Alvis asked.
"Are you sure dear? I know how much you loathe that world." said Celestia.
"I am." Alvis said, steel in his voice. He turned back to Charlie and Theresa. "So?"
"*I'd do it on my own, I'm not called a Protector for nothing. Whatever this Drangleic place is, I can probably just bulldoze through whatever problem gets in my way, if that fails I still have my Plasmids.*" Charlie groaned as Theresa translated for him.
"Thou should not underestimate Drangleic, tis more dangerous than thou believes." Alvis warned.
"Indeed, we hath been there before. Tis no laughing matter, that cursed land." Luna added. Celestia nodded.
"Everything there has the power to take souls and shape them into powerful items and tools of destruction. There, even gods are not safe." Celestia warned.
Chuckling, Charlie replied, "*Obviously you know nothing about Protectors, I'm literally built to crush anyone or anything in my path. After all, I held you two off with just my strength and my two drills, now I'm tougher, faster and overall more powerful than ever before. Bring 'em, it won't be the first time I was ever outmatched and it certainly won't be the last.*" Charlie claimed, "*I literally had nothing but my strength when I showed up, now I have my Tonics, Plasmids and willpower to back it up.*"
After translating, Theresa added, "I don't know if he can or can't, but I guarantee you'll never meet someone so stubborn and determined as him. He'll drag your Blueblood back kicking and screaming with several battalions of the fiercest creatures that any mortal or immortal mind can create on their tails."
Alvis sighed and shook his head, smiling. "As thou wishest. However, I will be coming, just in case. I hath the most knowledge of that land and it's inhabitants. Thou wilt need a guide."
"We're coming too, dear. We're not leaving you again." Celestia declared. Luna nodded. Alvis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was silent for a few moments.
Finally, he answered, "So be it. We shall leave on the morrow, for now, we should all rest."
"Fair enough, I'm gonna go eat some dinner and pass out, do you guys have a chef for when the Griffons ambassadors come?" Theresa asked.
"We do. I'll have them deliver a meal to your room. And as for your uncle, I'll call up the Castle Medical team and ask them to do a check up on your uncle. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to have some...quality time, together." Celestia said with a wolfish grin directed at Alvis, who smiled wide. Luna gained a hungry look in her eye as well as she wrapped a wing around Alvis. And with that, Celestia teleported the three away, leaving Mister Cee and Theresa alone in the study.
"Well, the guards outside, unless they bailed, should still have your dive suit ready to move. Let's go." Theresa said as she got up. Charlie simply wondered how Cloud and Midnight were enjoying their new abilities.
In a guard house by the front gates, Midnight was flirting with a fellow Night Guard and decided to bump her flank into his. What she didn't know was that small action was enough to set off her body's new ability and when she looked over, she was met with a miniature glacier covering her hopeful bed warmer's body. Only his eyes seemed unstuck as they locked on with hers.
Cloud was out patrolling the grounds when, unbeknownst to him, a vase was on a crash course with his head. But when it finally reached him, he felt nothing as it shattered into numerous pieces. He looked up to see a maid yelling. "Sorry!" He yelled back and told her it was alright, but inside he was ecstatic. He didn't have any cuts or even a bruise from that vase!
The next morning was filled with several ponies and displaced who were celebrating internally, Charlie found out he lacked any tumors or other signs of grievance DNA corruption, but about half of his intestines were removed. The doctor thought Theresa was pregnant and didn't believe her when she said she had a special sea slug living in her stomach, he left without a word after he performed another spell to see for himself, Theresa and Charlie had steak for dinner, imported and cooked by a very skilled Griffon who was in the employment of the Princesses.
Midnight spent the night with a fellow guard after he defrosted from his ice prison and Cloud Skipper walked into a brick wall when one of his subordinates asked him a question, no bloody nose or even a notice of what he did until the young recruit asked him if he was okay.
But the happiest of all was Celestia, Luna and Alvis who, after a night of fun and cuddling, seemed to glow with happiness. The three didn't leave the bedroom until well into the afternoon, Celestia forgoing her duties for once in favor of cuddling with her returned lover. But eventually, they had to get up, and they did so reluctantly, even though they remained by one another's side throughout their time eating and walking around.
Alvis went about finding a good place to make a bonfire, and in time, he found one. It was a secluded area of the hedge maze in the Royal Gardens, with plenty of space to move around in. After Day Court ended and Luna skipped Night Court, the group gathered around the bonfire, Alvis wearing different armor he had grabbed from his Item Box which consisted of a fancy yet very functional helmet, metal gauntlets used by ancient and feared warriors, leggings that looked eerily human, and a flashy leather tunic with chain mail underneath and blue embroidered cloth on top, one arm covered by plate armor of bradden steel and the other chain mail.
Charlie, once again wearing his alpha modal big daddy armour, having spent more than a hour gutting the life support systems and rebuilding certain parts so that his Tonic delivery system now connected to a tube that ended in his helmet allowing him to drink instead of having the beverage delivered straight to his stomach, was internally shrugging at the change of armour. After all, his one reinforced dive suit has stood up to everything life has thrown at him so far, what would a different dive suit do for him. Thankfully, the suit sealed itself back up when he turned the emergency exit valve clockwise.
"Art we ready?" Alvis asked. A chorus of nods was what he got in reply. "Good. Now hold on to me, and each other, and focus on the flames, I will do the rest." The party did so, and Alvis kneeled down and touched the flames, a wave of ash and smoke erupted from the bonfire, and they were gone.
Theresa watched alongside of Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom as the party vanished, the two being 'volunteered' by Charlie for her escorts while the others were off in the land of Drangleic.
Third Person PoV
A cloud of ash and smoke erupted from the bonfire in Majula, heralding the arrival of four beings, three of which were familiar to the land. Celestia and Luna summoned their age old battle gear. Celestia's consisting of a morning star and a short sword, along with heavy duty brass like armor Alvis had gifted her, one used by the Primal Knights of Drangleic Castle. Luna was using the transparent, imperfect interplanar katana and bone fist Alvis had given her, and a customized set of Raime's Armor, also from Alvis.
Around them lay a decrepit, and very small village on a hill with dead grass, mud, and jagged rocks. Behind the bonfire was a monument to the war with the Giants, and to the right lay a crumbling, cobblestone house with one room, full of blacksmithing tools, a torn canopy stretching outwards from the front door with a crumbling cobblestone wall in front of it.
To the left was a sheer cliff with a man made brick tunnel leading elsewhere, another large, crumbling cobblestone wall, an archway to the north connected to it. To the northeast were three crumbling cobblestone buildings, two of them with two stories and one which looked to have a single room. In the middle of all the buildings was a great, gaping pit, slimy with mold and mildew. To the right of the buildings was another man made tunnel. It was morning, as always, in Majula.
Mister Cee reached over and grabbed a valve on the back of his helmet, giving it a quick ninety degree turn, he shut it and repeated the action to a similar valve on the opposite side. "*I got three hours of air, so let's find that little punk quickly, this place smells worse than that time I left a deer in my cooler over the weekend with no ice.*"
Walking towards the blacksmith's shop, Mister Cee took notice of the woman in a black dress with brown hair and a long ass ponytail, calmly sitting on a rock in front of the shop examining what he guessed to be an ankle bone. She perked up once she heard the heavy footfalls of Mister Cee's armoured dive suit.
"Oh, hello there. Who are you?" she asked.
"*I could say the Easter bunny, but I doubt my friends would get that joke even if they could understand me.*" He replied, his deep, metallic groan echoing slightly.
"Are you alright? You don't sound too good." she asked, unperturbed by his groans thanks to having seen hundreds of groaning Hollows before along with countless beasts. Looking around, Mister Cee waved Alvis over to talk to the suspected witch doctor or some other bad juju shaman. Alvis and his wives walked over. The woman brightened at the sight of Alvis, Celestia and Luna. "Oh! It's you two! And if it isn't Alvis! How are you?"
"We art faring well, Chloanne. Have thee of chance seen another pony pass through?" Alvis asked.
"That's good! And I have in fact seen one pass through with Benhart. He practically dragged the poor sod to the tunnel to the north. Said something about, 'a man's journey'." Chloanne replied. "So who is this? A new companion?"
"You could say that." Celestia answered. "His name is Charlie, though he also goes by Mister Cee."
"I see. Is he...alright? I don't think I've ever heard someone groan like that." Chloanne asked, concerned. "He's not touched in the head, is he?"
"*Did, did this bitch just call me retarded? Well let's see what you're like after a morales scientist cuts up your throat, stuff you full of more drugs than aliens that worship Charlie Sheen, hypnotize your ass and shove the remains into a gigantic, armoured dive suit. Honestly, I think aliens would be nicer than what those pricks in Rapture did to people, and me by association... At least, I don't think I went through that... I'll ask Discord. Long story much shortened you old bat, I'm cursing you out and you don't even know it.*" After his rather long groan in reply, he raised both of his hands and flipped her off before walking a few feet away, lest she really was a voo-doo witch.
Celestia sighed. "I grow tired of not being able to understand you, Charlie. One moment." Celestia's horn glowed, and so did Charlie, before it subsided. "There, now try talking."
"HelLO? Dah FucK? Why is MY VoiCe JuMpINg and DroPPinG in VolUme? Also, Did DAt BitCH jusT caLL me RetARded?" He asked, a slightly deep voice offsetted by it's volume changes. His porthole light changing to a light, yellowish orange.
Celestia tried to hold back a giggle, whilst Chloanne gasped. "How dare you!? I'll have you know I am a very reputable woman!" she raised her head in an imperious manner and crossed her arms.
"I suppose that means something was done to your vocal chords, Charlie. The...sporadic, change of volume usually only happens to those with significant speech impediments." Celestia failed to hold in her giggles. "Though I must admit it is most amusing." Alvis was shaking with silent mirth, along with Luna.
"I'Ve SeEN moRe RePutAble CaMP FoLloWers LadY. WhAt diD yoU tHInk The SCar on mY NeCK waS For? AnD diD TheREsa sKIm oVEr a PArtinG GifT OUr dIScoRd GaVe Me?" Charlie replied to the upset women and the rulers who were barely holding themselves up.
"Well, I never! I can hardly believe such refined people as Alvis and his wives are friends with such a brute as you! You'll get no services from me!" Chloanne replied with a huff.
"I don't think she did." Celestia responded, having calmed herself. "And calm down, Chloanne."
Chuckling, Charlie raised a single hand and snapped his fingers. "*Revenge is like chocolate milk, it's better served cold, but can still be satisfying when it's dished out hot.*" He groaned, with that, everyone looked at him funnily until he pointed up... at a pink, cotton candy cloud. Which immediately started raining sour chocolate milk onto all of them. Charlie, being in a dive suit with the windows up, didn't mind a bit.
Celestia frowned, along with Luna, whilst Chloanne just gaped at the pink cloud raining sour chocolate milk on her and the rest of the group.
"So you have Discord's powers. How...interesting." Celestia said.
"I might have forgotten to mention that to thee, dear." Alvis added.
"Art thou alright, Chloanne?" Luna asked.
"What...? How...? What sorcery is this?" she asked to no one in particular, amazed at the feat of chaos magic.
After Charlie calmed down enough to talk again, having doubled over at the sight of everyone's expression, he said, "CHaos MaGIc, i Ain'T gOTTa exPlAIn SHIT! IT's prEttY mUCh lImiTEd to fOOdstuFFs, caNDy or musIC, I'm LiMitEd to TwenTY-fiVe PerCEnt, thIRty nOW thAT I pRANKed yoU CeLEStia, of DiscORD's pOWer. Oh and I lEft a trAIL of Pink ClOUds on OUr way to CanTERlot."
"Oh no...looking up at the sky is going to give me such a headache now..." Celestia said with a sigh and a facehoof.
"Oh lighten up, my radiant sun, twas only in jest." Alvis replied.
"Am I the only one wondering how in the world this has happened?" Chloanne asked, gesturing to the confectionery cloud. "And my dress is getting soaked and sticky."
Shrugging his shoulders, Charlie snapped his fingers again and dispelled the cloud and all evidence that it ever existed, "ChAOs, I AIn't goTTa expLAIn shIT, BEcAUse it mAKEs my hEad huRt juSt thINKing aboUt IT."
"Anyway, Chloanne, couldst thou spare a few twinkling titanite? I am willing to pay a hefty sum of souls." Alvis asked.
"Certainly! But I only have three, sadly." Chloanne replied.
"Tis all I shall need. I trust this, shall suffice?" Alvis said, offering her a pouch full of white, flame like orbs.
"These are more than enough, thank you!" she stuck her hand down her breasts and pulled out three glowing, shimmering white rocks and handed them to Alvis. Alvis took them without hesitation, to the befuddlement of his wives and Charlie.
"OKay, I've nEVer beEN marRIEd, but I'm PRetty sURe acCEPting sOMe whItE rOCks that sOmE laDy was carRYINg around StRIPper StYle isn't someTHing yoU wANt yoUR wIfe, or wiVes, to sEE, I'm jUSt gONna SaY it, tHAt jUst lOOks bAd bRo, And I've sEen BaD..." Charlie told Alvis while slowly backing away from the princesses. Celestia and Luna's eyes were twitching.
"Dear, what did we say last time we came here about accepting things from this woman?" Celestia asked, her voice rising with anger.
"Did I not say she hath no other place to put them? I thought I had made that clear." Alvis replied calmly.
"My love, we told thee countless times to not accept things from this woman." Luna said, irritated.
"What? What did I do?" Chloanne asked, confused.
"Lulu, Tia, I love thee, but thou art overreacting. This woman simply hath no other place to put her things. I waver not to question why." Alvis sighed and mumbled, "mayhaps I should not have explained human sexuality and courtship..."
Celestia gave Alvis a stern look. "We shall speak of this later." Alvis sighed in exasperation.
"Yes, dear..." he grumbled out.
"Now, dear Alvis, what ever do we need twinkling titanite for?" Luna asked.
"To reinforce Sir Charlie's armour, of course. That is, if he so wishes." Alvis replied.
"*If this place has the same morning in the east, than that must be north and- What? Oh, you guys made up. No glowing eyes? Okay*" He groaned before switching to speaking, "WHat DId i mISs wHIle I Was plaNNing my eScaPe rOuTe?" He asked after turning around and noticing everyone look at him.
"My husband was wondering if you would like to have your armour further reinforced. Knowing this land, it would be best if you take the offer." Celestia explained.
"SOuNds gOOd, I cOuLd alWaYs uSe bEtTer aRmOur, thIS isN't goNNa douBle my suIt's weiGHt is iT? BeCauSe at hALf a Ton, I Can sTiLl MoVe aRouNd seMi noRmaLLy." He replied, "BesIdEs, I gaVe tWo of yOur guARds a tOnic apIEce, and All thEY haVe to Do is baBySit, i JusT havE to HeLp You guYs FiNd SomE PriCk, seEMs liKe a fAIr eNoUgh tRAde."
"Nay, Sir Charlie, a blacksmith merely etches the titanite onto the piece of equipment. It would barely add any weight at all." Alvis answered.
"THen leT's go Get a taTToo." He replied, "BUt this tIme, thINgs are goNNa be diFFerEnt, i'LL be sOBer and bOrEd inStEad of dRunk and exCiTed. Oh, and it won't be somEThing racISt eiTher. UnlEsS I can gEt a coPy of my taTTOo on my aRmOur, tHen it's raCiSt."
"I do not know what this, 'tattoo', thou speak of, is. But it sounds troublesome." Alvis replied.
"YeAh, thINK a bastArd loVe chiLd of an iNk Pen and a nEEdle, than geTTing StABBed by sOmEone uNtil A niCe piCtUre foRms. miNe is of a hOrSe my moTHer hAd as a chIld, the hORse's naMe was prEtty rAcist thOugh, So I coVerEd that paRt up."Charlie shrugged at their expressions, "It's not someTHing I waNt to tAlk aBout tOO muCH."
Alvis nodded and they walked towards the blacksmith's shop, where they could clearly hear the sound of a hammer on an anvil. When they got inside, they saw a stocky and stout man wearing a faded blacksmith's apron and gloves, his skin rotting away and his eyes pits. On his bald head was a strange circlet with a gem set in it. He had a magnificent braided beard of dark brown hair.
"Fere Lenigrast! Couldst thou spare a moment?" Alvis asked.
"What do you want!? Can't you see I'm busy!?" yelled the old blacksmith, stopping his work to speak.
Charlie simply groaned, "*Whatever you dwarf sized ghoul, us smoothskins just want an armour tattoo.*" Looking around his shop, he took in the impressive amount of blacksmithing tools and the few intricately decorated weapons. "You Seem tO hAVe quITe the sKILl wIth yOur woRk, miNd heLPing sOme pEoPle out?" He asked.
"Fine, fine. Just give me your equipment and the orestone and I'll get to work." Lenigrast complied grumpily. Alvis handed Lenigrast the titanite and everyone looked to Charlie.
"I'll jUst sit dOWn over hEre uNtil yOu nEEd me, tHis sUIt is FuCking HeaVy." He told them before walking over to a corner with the least amount of stuff.
"Um...Charlie, you're the only one here who can have their equipment improved. So...if you could..." Celestia said, making a 'come on' gesture with her hoof.
"Hurry up!" Lenigrast urged.
"WEll eXCusE me fOr thiNkIng you nEeDed to prEpAre the tiTan-soMeThing fIRst." Charlie grumbled, the effect lost due to his shifting volume. With a unseen roll of his eyes, even if his helmet was off, they probably wouldn't have notice anyway, he walked over to the angry zombie dwarf blacksmith.
"You'll have to take that armour off for me to get any work done. And I'll need you all to leave so I can work in peace. I don't need some flirtatious vagabonds breathing down my neck while I work." Lenigrast said, tapping his foot impatiently.
Groaning, Charlie reached behind his head and twisted the emergency valve. His helmet hissed as the suit's air pressure equalled the outside and he reached up to take it off. Holding onto the helmet with one hand, he pulled the air tanks off and settled both of them down somewhere with some space. Removing his drills, they followed the rest before he reached up with both of his hands, he removed the valve and pulled the collar apart followed by him pulling the suit down around himself. After screwing the valve back in, he wouldn't be happy if he lost it, he stretched as the comforting restriction on his movement crumpled onto the floor.
"WhERe do yoU wANt this? THe sUit alONe wEiGhs arOuNd seVen HunDred pouNds, so I doUbt yOu'Re goNNa wAnt to mOve it youRSelf." He asked as he took out a cigarette from his pack.
Lenigrast laughed. "Seven hundred pounds is nothing around here, boy! Why, most Undead can lift three times that or even ten times that! Myself being the former! Just leave it there and I'll get to it." he replied.
Charlie's glowing yellow eyes widened, "*Fuck, these guys can make brutes feel inadequate.*" He groaned, "Damn. WEll, pLEase take gOOd cARe of it, tHat sUit hAs kEPt me aLIVe for thREe moNThs stRAiGht, I wOuLd hAte to See it get tuRNed frOm a towERIng VisAGe of RaPtUre inGeNuity and cRuelTy and tUrNed into sOme rhinEsTone coVEred, beDaZzled inSult to my MANlineSs."
"Oh, don't be such a child! Besides, I strive to make sure each piece I work on stays as pristine as ever! Now get out! I have work to do!" Lenigrast said as he shooed them away. "Go wander around like you vagabonds always do!" With that, they were all pushed outside the iron barred door as it shut behind them.
"Twas good to see thee again, fere Lenigrast!" Alvis shouted through the window, before ducking as a hammer nearly hit his head. Alvis chuckled at that. "He's actually quite the caring man once thou gets to know him." Alvis assured.
Charlie just lit his cigarette with his flaming finger and took a deep drag before asking, "wHaT nOw?"
"We wait. Should only take...half an hour." Celestia answered.
"WeLl, no OFfenSe TiA, but I'M goNNa tRy anD fiX My vOice."
Meanwhile, back at Canterlot, Theresa and her temporary guards were walking around the city. Every now and then a mare, with the occasional stallion, would come up and ask if they could hug her. Most of them received a quick hug and a few were quickly shoved off. One even had to be dragged away by the local guard after he started yelling at her because of her denial.
"Freak, something just ain't right with some people, you know... that 'do not approach under any circumstances' kind of feeling." She explained to Cloud Skipper and Midnight Blossom.
"I hear ya, girl! This one time, I got hit on by some stallion in a bar, and was so pushy I had to give the old one two!" Midnight said with a nod of understanding. Cloud Skipper facehoofed.
"Who says that anymore..." he mumbled with a groan.
Theresa just smiled as they walked down the street. The little girl drew eyes from everypony, whether it was because of her or her mixed guards wasn't something she was considering. What she was considering, was where she could find something specific. Upon turning a corner, she lit up.
"Come on, let's get some donuts!" She said with a happy grin. Skipping down the street, she opened the door and walked in. The scent of delicious pastries and fresh coffee filled the small cafe and brought an even wider grin to her face. After the group sat down at the counter, a stallion walked over and smiled.
"Well, nice to meet you, the name's-" he started.
"Donut Joe." Theresa interrupted, "I've heard great things about you sir, could you bring me a small hot chocolate and a Bavarian creme filled donut please." She excitedly asked with an adorable smile on her face.
Donut Joe smiled after a moment, before nodding and writing the order down on his note pad. He turned to the other two.
"What about you two?" he asked.
"I'll have five chocolate filled croissants, with some black coffee, please." Midnight answered.
"I'll have a flat white with a dozen glazed donuts, please." Cloud Skipper replied. Donut Joe nodded and wrote the orders down before smiling.
"I'll have your orders ready in a bit!" Joe said before walking off to fill the orders.
With a quick thank you, Theresa looked around and smiled. After a moment, she started snapping her fingers, slowly at first before picking up speed. After a few seconds, she started slapping her hands together while keeping her eyes on the wall in front of her. She switched directions and speeds seamlessly, the noise filling the silence as she kept a high tempo. After a little bit, Donut Joe came back with their orders and she stopped to take a drink of her beverage.
Midnight dug into her food like a pig, eating the croissants whole and finishing her drink in record time. Cloud gave her a deadpan look.
"What?" she asked obliviously.
"Could you at least try to act civilized? You are in the presence of a child, you can endeavor to act like a mature adult for once." Cloud Skipper scolded.
"This again? I'll act the way I want, when I want. I'm a grown mare!" Midnight retorted.
"Then act like it for once. Honestly, you're such a pig." Cloud Skipper shot back.
"What did you say!?" Midnight exclaimed.
"You heard me." Cloud Skipper replied calmly, giving her a condescending look. The two glared at each other, and it seemed like sparks were flying.
Theresa winked at the confused stallion in front of her before turning around and loudly asking, "Could everypony turn around, we got a lover's spat going on. They might start fighting or simply skip the foreplay and mount each other on the counter so if everypony can please give them a little privacy, I'm sure they'll thank you." With that done, she turned around and smirked at the two bright red faces of her escorts.
"That was mean, kid." Midnight responded, before mumbling, "Besides, it was just a one time thing..."
Cloud Skipper quickly regained his composure, and with an awkward cough, said, "My apologies, Miss Theresa, we got carried away. It won't happen again."
Theresa giggled, "I don't know what's funnier, someone who's probably a twentieth of my age calling me kid, the fact that you two have bumped uglies, or your faces when I tell you I've seen at least a dozen couples fucking not ten feet away." Theresa grabbed onto her stool as everypony stared at her. "And the first time it happened, I had to get The Talk from my uncle, do you know how messed up that was?"
"Wow...I can't even imagine something like that happening to me. I mean, sure, my mother was a whorse, but that just takes the cake." Midnight replied.
"To think that your innocence was ruined at such a young age...I can't begin to think of how awkward that must have been. I'm sorry." Cloud Skipper said. "And we did not, 'bump uglies'."
Calming herself, Theresa grabbed her drink and took a sip before replying, "Okay, you two made the six hooved beast. And yeah, it was awkward. Especially considering we didn't even notice until they were almost done." At her companions confused expressions, she continued. "Look, it was barely a week after getting our memories back, I pretty much spent a decade crying about what I did and saw and Charlie... He just kept himself together until I pulled myself back together. You don't know crazy till you spend a thousand years holding off two people's insanity while your only help is the literal god of crazy. I'm surprised I remembered it when I finally did stop crying."
"Wow...I...I'm sorry..." Cloud apologized.
"Yeah...nopony should have to go through that." Midnight added.
"Thanks, but I got over it about eight hundred years ago. Heh, you know what's funny? When Discord unlocked our memories, it was like we had photographic memories. I remember everything from around my third birthday before Charlie moved in with us, to what colour dress my first teacher wore on the first day of school. But that's not what I was talking about... My uncle has killed at least four hundred Ponies, Griffins, Minotaurs, you name it, he probably killed it. But out of all of those he killed, only one was he ever directly responsible for. And he wasn't even a big daddy back then."
Taking a deep breath, Theresa downed the cold remains of her drink, "It took more than seven hundred years before I got his history out of him. Back home, he lived in a different state and was on the wrong side of the law. Basically, his job was to carry a backpack full of illegal drugs or dirty money."
"He worked for some bunch of mexicans, a cartel, if he fucked up, they'd go and kill his whole family... He got cornered one day, shot some punk who thought he could rob him, dropped off his bag and fled the state. Never told my mom and dad why he agreed to move down to Texas, they just thought he was unemployed and lazy. After two years, he was back in another city, thankfully on the right side of the law. Every now and then I'd go over and stay the night, he's a great man, with a dark past... If there is a threat, he'll kill it. He doesn't need to be super strong, he's already a bulldozer." Turning away from her empty cup, she took in her companions faces.
Midnight was on the verge of tears, as well as Cloud Skipper, but he held them back fairly well. Then, without warning, Midnight pounced on Theresa, squeezing her and blubbering like a foal.
"You know Miss, I may be just a guard, but I am always here for you if you need. Always." Cloud Skipper said softly.
Giving a grateful smile, "Thank you, but as I've said, all of that happened a thousand and some odd years ago. It took a while, but we had plenty of time to get over it." She replied, pulling herself from Midnight's death grip, she asked if everyone was done.
They nodded, but just as they paid the bill and were about to leave, Theresa felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see a gray unicorn stallion with a brown mane done up in a mohawk and short tail, along with mutton chops, aviator glasses, and a strange shirt with metal plates in the place of areas where his abs would be, smiling at her.
"Yes, can I help you sir?" Theresa asked with her hands behind her back.
"No, but maybe I can help you." he answered, his Swedish accent very obvious. He summoned a business card with the name, 'Powerful Ruler' on it, stating that he was the lead Singer of a band called Sabaton. "I would like to write a song about your uncle and his life. But you don't have to answer right now if you don't want to, but if you ever wanna talk, just look for the address on the card and find me. Ciao!" he said as he walked out the door without another word.
"That was... unexpected."Theresa stated, "Hmm, a song about a drug runner killing someone, at least it's not about some dumb drug dealer and his list of problems." Shrugging, Theresa handed the card to Midnight and they all walked outside.
Midnight looked giddy as a schoolgirl when Theresa handed her the card, squealing like a fangirl over it. Cloud turned to her.
"What's your deal?" he asked.
"Do you know who that was!? That was the lead singer of Sabaton, the best band, ever! I love their songs! And all them are so hot!" Midnight was practically drooling as she thought of her and the lead singer together.
"I didn't know mutton chops could be hot." Theresa smiled as they walked down the street, "So what are they? Rock, metal, punk?" Theresa asked.
"Metal! They sing about past wars and battles, but nobody knows the battles they sing about. Still, they're really good!" Midnight answered.
"Really?" Theresa giggled, "Girl, my uncle comes from a navy family. His dad was a medevac pilot for one of the most deadliest conflicts my country ever entered. His uncle fought for some pointless hill in the same jungle war, their uncle was killed by friendly fire when he was operating as a forward spotter for the ships that were half a mile out to sea. The Robertson clan can trace their family all the way back to ancient Greece simply by the blood trails they left over half of the planet." Theresa claimed, "Trust me, there's more than enough material in a half hour conversation with him for a album and a half."
"Well, I mean, the battles they sing about never even happened, at least, not in Equus. When someone asked about where they got their songs, they said they bought a journal at some auctions that was from the Everfree Castle." Midnight explained.
"I wonder... I'll have to ask Alvis, but do any of the songs mention noises like my gun made the first time you saw me?" Theresa asked as they stopped to look at a antique store.
"Yeah! How did you know?" Midnight asked.
"Everfree castle, which has stood for who knows how long, had a journal discussing wars that don't sound anything like what Equestria has been through in over a thousand years, on our side at least, Alvis is married to the princesses and has lost his memories, which he was aware of and would likely write down as many as he could, he's not from around here... Honestly, the pieces fit perfectly." Theresa finished with a small smile as the two guards stared at her, "What, do you think Charlie would be the kind to leave me as an uneducated eight year old?" She asked.
"...Why didn't I think of that?" Midnight asked no one in particular.
"Because you're intellect has always been lacking." Cloud snarked.
"Screw you!" Midnight retorted.
"No thanks." Cloud replied.
"What's wrong, you didn't enjoy your time on the dark side?" Theresa asked, an innocent expression on her face, "Because I've always heard that once you cum to the dark side, you're strapped in for the ride."
Midnight groaned, whilst Cloud sported a heavy blush.
"That was uncalled for!" he shouted, his voice cracking with embarrassment.
"Maybe, but totally hilarious reactions all around, am I right ponies of Canterlot?" She yelled as a assortment of cheer, whistles and stomps answered her. The two guards turned around and stared at the solid wall of ponies that were laughing at their embarrassment.
The duo groaned and pushed their way through the crowd, covering their embarrassed faces. Then, the group came upon a hospital, Canterlot General Hospital, to be exact.
"You know what they say about Karma, well... if you guys know what Karma is." Theresa said as she looked at the banner hanging over the door that informed her of the annual blood drive being today. Walking past her escorts, she walked inside and met a familiar face. "Scruffy?
Turning to regard the girl behind him, "I don't think we've met, but that's me. Scruffy, the janitor." He replied with a grunt after his introduction.
"Scruffy! We need a cleanup in room 203!" yelled a doctor from down the hall.
Giving a grunt, Scruffy turned around and headed towards the doctor. After a few moments, a familiar pegasus walked around the corner.
"Clean Sweep?" Theresa asked.
"Yes, do I or my husband know you?" She replied.
"Husband? You mean Scruffy?"
"Yep, been married happily for four years now, ever since the Gala when Blueblood was sent somewhere." Clean sweep answered, "Now, do we know you?"
"Uh, no. Just thought your husband was quite the conservationist." Theresa replied, a small smile on her face. "Do you mind leading me to whoever's in charge of the blood drive? I'd like to see if I can help."
"Oh? Uh... okay. But I don't know how you can help." Clean Sweep answered nervously.
"I think we can work something out." Theresa answered cryptically.
The four walked through the hospital until they came upon a room with a line of ponies waiting for their turn to give blood. Inside were some nurses and a few doctors, made obvious by their uniforms. There was one nurse Theresa vaguely recognized, a white earth pony mare with a short pink mane and tail. Though why she was here instead of Ponyville was a mystery.
After the mare lead them up to the nurse, she was called to clean up some spill. "Excuse me, but are you in charge of the blood drive?" Theresa asked, "Because I'd like to talk to you a bit."
Turning away from her paperwork, she cast a critical eye over Theresa and her escorts. "I'm sorry, but the hospital is no place for children to play. I'll find somepony to escort you out."
"Lady, I'm over a thousand years old and suffer from a disease that requires me to drink blood. I don't think you can call me a child no more than I can call you a foal." Theresa replied quietly so that nopony else could hear her. "Now, I would like to help you, so that you can help me."
A few minutes in her office later, Theresa and the now named Nurse Redheart came to an agreement. It involved a roll of stickers, free hugs and one out of every fifteen donations. A few minutes later, Theresa finished hugging another pony who came out with a red raindrop shaped sticker that informed the world that the bearer of said sticker donated blood. Word spread quickly throughout Canterlot and Canterlot General Hospital had never had a more successful blood drive.
Back in Drangleic, Lenigrast had finally finished with Charlie's armor, and to his relief and joy, it was not bedazzled. Charlie had gained another little picture on his glove, this one of a human throat with a line across it, while he was busy fixing his voice, and while they were waiting, Alvis explained that titanite was the material said to be used to forge the weapons of the gods and that it formed to the wishes of a skilled blacksmith. Once Charlie was back in his dive suit, they left the shop and went on their way through the tunnel to the north, which opened up into a strange, very overgrown and ruined coliseum, where half of it was long gone while the other half surrounded them on the right.
After getting out of the tunnel, they made it to a small pathway leading to what looked like very old ruins, what with a bridge above their heads and a strange circular room with a three inch thick steel door reinforced with Geisteel blocking off the path ahead. The brick room was musty with age and dust. Thankfully, there was a handle Alvis said would open the door, but he said to be ready to fight when the door opened.
"What should we be expecting?" asked Celestia as Alvis approached the handle, ready to pull.
"Poisonous creatures, a reptile that canst petrify thee, and overall grotesque beings." Alvis answered simply.
"I'll take care of range combat, my Plasmids should be able to keep them from getting too close without a few burns to show for it." Charlie supplied, "What'll you guys be doing?"
"Fere Charlie, range wilt not help thee here, this shall be solely close combat. Did thou think thou couldst get any good shots in such close quarters as this?" Alvis replied.
"Fair enough, I'll go with shield drill and my fire and forget Plasmids then. Ready?" Charlie replied while equipping his shield drill on his right arm, the other being placed on his left hip.
The others nodded, Celestia and Luna going back to back, and Alvis pulled the switch. Immediately, seven grotesque humanoid creatures with sacks hanging from their stomachs and drooping slightly below their crotches jumped down from above, whilst two more appeared from doors on the sides of the room.
Three were wielding maces made of bones, a poisonous liquid slathered onto the crude weapons. As the door opened, it revealed a reptile with large, fake, bloodshot eyes with much smaller eyes below the first two large ones.
The reptile rushed towards Alvis and pounced on him, but Alvis rolled out of the way. The grotesque humanoids surrounded the diarchs and Charlie, two of the mace wielding ones preparing to strike the rulers, but the two diarchs parried them with practiced ease, and immediately riposted, Celestia slamming her morning star into the stunned creature's head whilst Luna stabbed the other in its bulbous belly.
One of the mace wielding ones charged Charlie, along with two unarmed ones. As it swung it's dripping weapon at Charlie, it found that it apparently lacked the necessary guts to complete said action. Charlie raised his left hand and flicked his wrist while snapping. The aberration on his drill mushroomed from the forces pushing into its chest cavity, splattering it's toxic poison over it's fellows.
Rearing back his recently unoccupied drill, Charlie delivered an cross to one of the thing's face and knocked it to the ground. The other got close enough to claw at Charlie's arm and received a heavy, ring covered glove back hand slap. With the one from earlier trying to get back up, Charlie performed a drill slam into the creature's head and felt a sharp pain in his ribs, followed by a blast of subzero air being sent at the other. A quick swing of his drill later and the small area where the fight took place was covered in a noxious blood, gore and poison slushie. Half off to all displaced, of course.
Turning around, Charlie wondered why he seemed to get a weaker version of the princesses. Contributing it to him having a child with him, he silently thanked his lucky stars for not having to deal with war ready, combat capable princesses.
Alvis dodged another pounce from the reptile, before taking out his Sun Sword and slicing one of it's large eyeballs off. In retaliation, the reptile reared back, the sack by it's throat expanding, before releasing a pale yellow mist towards Alvis. Alvis rolled out of the way once more, and watched as one of the humanoids was turned to stone.
Celestia sliced the head off of an unarmed humanoid with her shortsword, before cracking open the skull of another with her morning star.
Luna, having noticed that all of the humanoids were now slain, turned to help Alvis. Leaping towards the reptile, she smashed it's other eye with her Bone Fist, or as she called it, Bone Hoof, and then sliced open it's scalp with her katana.
"Lulu! I almost had it!" Alvis whined.
Luna smirked and winked flirtatiously. "Thou shall have to do better next time, my love!" she said playfully.
Alvis whined a little more before Celestia cut in, "Dear, we don't have time to worry about who killed what, we have to save our adopted nephew!" Alvis sighed and pouted under his helm, crossing his arms.
"Fine..." he replied grumpily.
Charlie wiped the gunk off of his drill and armour before walking towards Alvis, "That was a blast. What's next? A dragon? A flesh golem?"
"Nay, but many dragons canst be found elsewhere. They art dearth in nearly every land, but some canst be found hither and thither. And I have not heard tell of any 'flesh' golems, as thou say." Alvis explained.
"We have only seen a little of this land. We have not seen this path before, but I am sure Alvis will lead us through just fine." Celestia said.
"Indeed! I eagerly await our next bout!" Luna chimed in.
"Okay. Well, think of a golem, but made with necromancy and body parts instead of clay and a scroll. Personally, I thought that kinda thing would exist here what with all the 'undead' business." Charlie replied, "Lead the way, before I get bored and practice using Anam again. Which would be bad."
Alvis nodded, and the group walked through the doorway and into the next room, which was still circular like the last room, but had stone stairs leading upwards and out of the building.
'I really need to find religion, if only to thank someone for small favours' Charlie thought while looking at the stairs. After climbing up the stairs they walked through a winding path between rocks and hills, before coming upon a dead forest. After killing two more humanoids that were feeding on a decaying corpse, the group made it to a ruined, overgrown, crumbling stone courtyard filled with six more humanoids, two of them wielding maces or clubs made of bone and slathered with poison.
After swiftly killing them the group passed through what might have once been a hallway and into a decrepit stone tower that acted as a crossroad. A bonfire lay in the middle of the floor, two statues next to it, one of them crumbled and the other intact. Two stone stairways curved upwards to the next floor, where three paths lay. One to the east, one to the west, and one to the north. After climbing up the steps and just getting off the stone pathway to the east, Alvis spoke up.
"This is where we must be most careful, for there art countless invisible Undead here, waiting within the fog and hiding behind the trunks of trees." Alvis informed.
"*Goody, it's the Chameleon mission from Resistance 2 all over again.*" Charlie groaned. Raising his left hand, Charlie released a swarm of killer bees that swarmed around him. After his safety net was circling, he switched to his incinerate Plasmid. "If you see a shimmer, swing first, poke corpses later. I'll set them on fire when I can to help keep track of them."
The others nodded, and so they stepped into the aptly named 'Shaded Woods'. Countless trees and fog surrounded them, making navigation difficult. Too difficult for Alvis, in fact, as they eventually got lost. And just as they stopped so Alvis could get a good idea of where they were, they heard the sounds of crossbows being fired. Alvis instinctively rolled out of the way, but the others were not so lucky. Celestia and Luna were hit in their uncovered wings, and they cried out in pain, gold ichor dripping from the wounds. Charlie roared in rage as he released his bees, their ultraviolet sight giving them a better chance at finding his foes.
Alvis, furious at someone harming his wives, rushed into what he assumed were the ranks of the enemy, chime at the ready, only to be hit with what felt like a boot to the head. Thankfully his helmet softened the blow very well, but he was still pushed back by the force. After recovering, Alvis growled. As far as he could tell, they were surrounded, and by the sound of the footsteps crunching the leaves below, they were closing in.
"It's times like this that reminds me; hey, some bitches can't help but be bitches, ya' know?" Charlie asked.
The sound of leaves crunching underfoot grew louder and louder as the invisible Undead drew closer. Pulling one of the arrows from his dive suit and throwing it to the ground, Charlie growled as he lifted his left hand. The invisible attackers tensed, the sound of weapons repositioning and steps being taken painting a mural in his mind, with a little focus, he poured the Anam into his Plasmid. The Undead attackers rushed him as he slammed his clenched fist into the ground and released the spell.
Giant stalagmites of ice erupted from the earth, impaling the closest of the attackers and freezing any that touched them in a violent explosion of ice. Standing up, he watched as the last few who were still invisible attempt to leap over the deadly spears only to be tripped up by the angry swarm of killer bees and frozen instantly.
Alvis started to chuckle, slowly at first, then it grew louder and louder. He got up, gripped his chime, and approached some of the dead bodies. Kneeling down, a black mist like aura surrounded him before being sucked into the bodies, and Alvis immediately got up and started kicking the bodies in the direction he thought the attackers were. Screams of pain and explosions of black fire sounded from the directions the bodies were kicked, and all the while Alvis was cackling.
"Alvis!" Celestia called. "Calm down! Please!"
Alvis stopped abruptly. Before turning to face his wife. "Why should I? These fiends, these insects deserve no better!" he growled.
"Alvis, my love, please, just calm down! You promised me you would never resort to hexes!" Celestia pleaded. Alvis growled for a moment longer before huffing and crossing his arms, then taking out his Moonlight Greatsword.
"As thou wish, Tia." he replied, slight anger still in his tone. Then, he swung the sword downwards, splitting a tree in half and killing another target.
Celestia and Luna's horns glowed brighter as they cast healing spells on themselves to stop the bleeding. They knew their wings would heal in a few days. Then, the sister's ears twitched as they heard a twig snap behind them, and they rounded on the foe, Luna slashing open it's stomach, whilst Celestia bashed its head in.
Charlie turned from the corpse to the sisters and Alvis, "You two take mind taking point, me and Alvis are going to trail a few yards back. I want to talk to him a little, alone." He told them.
The sisters nodded and started walking, trying to find any way out of the cursed forest. Alvis walked over to Charlie with a sigh. "What is it, Fere Charlie?" he asked.
Taking a deep breath, Charlie reached up and turned the valve on his helmet. Once his face was unobstructed, he turned to the Undead, "I know absolutely nothing about marriage or the sacred vows involved, but one thing I do know, is cruelty. I've seen men place bets on which dog would win a fight to the death, I've seen my mother high on one of, if not the most self destructive drug ever devised in the entire Multiverse and I've once ended the life of a mare right in front of her only child. I won't try telling you not to rejoice in the slaughter, I won't even tell you what's fucked up or what's fair in a fight to the death. What I will tell you, is be careful... because I know those two love you, and they didn't wait who knows how long simply to get some twisted and warped version of the man they fell in love with." With his speech done, he reattached his helmet and chuckled, "Although I'm also going to tell you that I lost an entire hive of bees because of your little episode."
Alvis sighed. "I...I know. Tis hard to not lash out when they are injured. I hath waited five thousand years to see them again, I can not bear to see them slain before me, not when I hath waited such an eternity. To see them injured...it just..." Alvis couldn't bring himself to finish.
"I know that feeling, that unquenchable desire to massacre anyone who fucks with your loved ones... I've ripped apart families man, all to keep a single little girl safe. And you know what's the scariest part... I know that I would do it all again, with or without my humanity. I know that I would rip a guard or a mercenary or a assassin or even another Displaced in half, if only to preserve the only family I have left in my life. I just would hate to see or hear how your overprotective nature was the thing to bring the most pain to your family." Charlie and Alvis continued after the Princesses while Charlie was busy talking. Alvis sighed and hung his head.
"I understand, fere Charlie. I wilt endeavor to make sure it doth not happen again." Alvis replied.
"Don't promise me that shit." Charlie told him to his surprise, "Wrath is not some mere candle to be snuffed, it is an eternal flame, but one that only needs the slightest addition of fuel to burst into an unstoppable force, the best you can do is ensure that you control when the time comes, that it's the time to trade your morals for those you love. I know that your wives aren't some weaklings, they could easily take my versions on with little to no trouble. But if the day comes that requires a monster to preserve those you love, then call upon that inner fire, as long as you don't let it come out whenever it wants, then I know for a fact that you three will stay happy and strong. A great man once said that the things that heal us can also kill us, make sure that it's only healing you, and not poisoning you" Charlie told him as they caught up to Celestia and Luna, prematurely ending their conversation and leaving Alvis to think over what Charlie told him.
Celestia and Luna looked on worriedly as they watched their husband trudge along. They knew this land brought out the worst in him, but it was his idea to come in the first place. With a glance at one another, they decided to talk about it when they got back.
Alvis took point again, and eventually the group made it to a path that lead to some very worn stairs. After climbing them and shuffling into the doorway of a building so old that it's original architecture and etchings had worn away and moss had grown on the now smooth surface, they climbed up a ramp which led to a long, crumbling hallway with another ramp leading upwards, a bonfire behind it. To one side behind the ramp was a dead tree trunk that Alvis explained he had pushed to create a shortcut to the bonfire during his time in Drangleic before he left for Equus.
Just as the Princesses and Charlie were about to go forward past the crumbled floor at the end of the hall, Alvis stopped them.
"Listen, my friends, and look up." Alvis urged, pointing to the crumbling ceiling where a clay pot as tall as Alvis sat, a face etched onto it. Faint laughter that sounded like fairies emanated from it.
Shrugging, Charlie turned from the urn and asked, "Trap?" Alvis nodded.
"Aye, those pots will curse thee and steal thine life force if thou art within at least fifteen paces of them." Alvis explained. "There are countless of these pots scattered around this area. Tread carefully, and break them when thou spots them."
After they had got enough distance, Charlie used his grapple drill to smash the urn. Although he was disappointed at the sound of it smashing; having expected angry screeching or demonic cursing. "What a rip, where's the demonic tongue lashing, where's the cliche movie scream?" He asked.
"Thou wish for demons? Those were purged from this world eons ago, back in the time of the Great White Being and the First Dead One." Alvis explained.
"More like expecting something less... anticlimactic. Creepy laughter should always have a follow up, I just wasn't expecting a plain crashing noise." Charlie answered as they looked back at the destroyed urn. Celestia and Luna giggled whilst Alvis shook his with mirth.
"Charlie, you are such a... what's the word?" Celestia began.
"Muscle head? Macho stallion?" Luna supplied.
"Yes, that. You remind me of Rainbow Dash, only more vulgar. Not that it isn't refreshing, hearing somepony, or rather, someone, speak their thoughts." Celestia commented.
"You no even know it." Charlie replied as the group continued on. "I always believed that only cowards are more afraid of what will happen if they spoke their mind, while courageous men are the ones who fear not speaking their mind more."
"Mayhaps, but courage is a fickle thing to define in simple words." Alvis added. "Not that I do not find the statement true."
"Yes, well, should we not continue? We must not tally, our nephew's life is on the line." Luna urged.
"That's new for you, Luna. I've never known you to care much for Blueblood." Celestia replied.
"I don't, really, I simply wish to fight more. This land may be dangerous, but that tis why I like it. If only for the challenge it presents me. However slight that is." Luna retorted.
"You could bind your wings and make it fair, you could also take on as many as you want while Celestia and I hang back and place bets." Charlie smirked, "Because you know that Alvis would hate to see you fight alone, among other things I'm sure." He wagged his eyebrows before remembering his helmet and sighed. Luna and Alvis blushed, though Alvis' was hidden behind his thick helmet.
"A-anyway, shall we not continue?" Luna urged, trying to change the subject and avert attention. Alvis coughed awkwardly.
"Y-yes, well, before we do so, thou shouldst know that these enemies wilt not stop for any injury, fatal or no. But, they art...somewhat slow." Alvis explained.
"Cool, so what are we talking about, slow like a brick on an incline or glacier slow?" Charlie asked while scanning for enemies.
"Slightly faster than the brick. They art simply sluggish, at least whilst running or walking." Alvis informed.
Bringing both of his drills up, Charlie revved them, "So is a Bouncer, doesn't mean I want to be in front of one when it gets moving. So what are these things we'll be killing next?" He asked.
"Supposedly, they art human, but they abhor their looks, and strive to cover it up with any means available. They art known as the Lion Clan. None know much about them, aside from what a few hath seen." Alvis informed.
"So they're body dysmorphic disorder suffering pricks who hate on others like us because of our good looks. Okay, so we're beating up fifteen year old emo girls... I'm surprisingly cool with that." Charlie chuckled at the thought of being attacked by little white girls with too many things to smile about compared to any child in Africa. And razors. Lots of razors that none of them can explain why they have them. Celestia and Luna giggled whilst Alvis stared at Charlie confusedly.
"...Anyway, let us continue." And so they jumped down off of the crumbling floor and walked out of the doorway and up a small incline. Immediately the group noticed a number of tall, extremely hairy, robe wearing, grey men with braided beards, wooden tower shields with markings on them, and simple double edged battle axes. Circlets lay upon their hairy heads, keeping their hair over their faces. Four of them noticed the group right away and charged, axes at the ready.
Charlie lifted his drills up and charged towards the closest one, shattering his wooden shield and bowling over the rest. As he drove the hairy axe wielding maniac into the ground, Celestia, Alvis and Luna immediately jumped on the opportunity to kill the prone men.
Alvis jumped on top of one and slammed his Gyrm Axe into it, splitting it in two. Luna stabbed one in the gut, but to her surprise, the fiend simply grabbed the sword and pulled it deeper into itself, snarling all the way. As a response, Luna twisted it, and with a shout and a burst of Alicorn strength, pulled her blade upwards and sliced the being in half. Celestia simply cracked the skull of the one she stood on with her morning star.
The sound of battle drew seven more of the hairy men from around the area. Three charged Charlie and were surprised when their axes only left dents in the giant's armour, although one did rip the side of his rubber suit.
Growling, Charlie delivered a backhand with his right drill and flung his drills to the ground. Summoning twin green orbs, he threw them into the one's he didn't pimp slap and growled, "*Rip each other apart, starting with that one.*" Two axes slammed into the third attackers chest and immediately chopped into the foe's vital organs. Once they had rended him in two, the hypnotized hairy men started attacking each other, until both of them struck fatal blows and collapsed. "Damn, should have sicced them on the others. Oh well." Charlie said as he turned around.
Alvis had danced around one of the hairy individuals, kicked him to his knees, and then raised his axe and split him in half.
Luna tried to parry a strike from her opponent with her Bone Fist, but only succeeded in cutting her hoof, showing that the brutes had more strength than even an Alicorn such as she.
Celestia, noting her sister's injury, stabbed her adversary with her shortsword, and in a feat of raw power, hoisted the heavy man and threw him towards Luna's opponent, hoping to at least distract him. To her relief, it did, if but for a moment.
Luna, taking her chance, jumped up and sliced the brute's head clean off before landing on the prone enemy that was thrown with enough force to shatter bones. Despite this, the brutish man pushed through the pain like it was nothing and threw Luna towards her sister, just like he had been thrown.
Alvis, once again infuriated, took out his Greatsword and swung downwards towards the man, releasing a wave of moonlight that cut him in half.
Pushing the torn edges of his suit back together, Charlie watched as his dive suit sealed automatically. Shaking his head, He walked over to the others and nodded towards the obstacle on their path.
The last hairy man, enraged by his brethren being slain, charged towards Charlie while he was off guard and jumped on him, trying to slice open his head but only succeeding in leaving dents in the helm.
Enraged by the ringing in his ears, Charlie lit his hands on fire and fueled the Plasmid some Anam. As the flames flowed up his hands, they soon covered the big daddy. The flames danced upon him and his unwanted passenger, once the burned man starting screaming, Charlie jumped up and slammed his foe under his bulk. Rolling off, Charlie proceeded to curb stomp the significantly less hairy man, soon joined by Alvis.
The man, despite his wounds, still managed to push the two off him and knock them on their asses, and then shakily stood up and charged Charlie, his axe, having fallen out of his hands, was left alone as he punched Charlie with considerably surprising strength despite his fatal wounds, managing to crack the glass in the helmet.
Grabbing onto the man's beard, Charlie snapped his fingers and used his Sonic Boom Plasmid to rip the man's beard off as he flew into the wall opposite... where he was immediately beheaded by Celestia's shortsword.
Celestia, panting, asked, "Do you really think that it was a good idea to curb stomp something with that kind of resilience?" she asked.
Alvis and Charlie looked at each other for a moment, before Alvis answered, "Probably not. But it felt good."
Celestia groaned whilst Luna giggled after having sealed up her cut with a spell.
"It's a traditional method of informing some lowlife that he is lower than your boots, by introducing him to the bottom of you and your homies' boots. What I want to know is, can one of you fix this crack and how do you know what a curb stomp is?" Charlie asked while gesturing to his helmet.
After catching her breath, Celestia replied, "Yes, and I've heard of Alvis calling it that when he was younger and we were just wed." She turned to Alvis. "Speaking of my love, I still don't understand how you changed your speech so quickly and why."
After drinking from a green flask that seemed to hold liquid fire, Alvis responded, "I always adored thine and Lulu's speech patterns, and decided to adopt them. After some time and learning from a tutor, it stuck."
"Well that explains it." She trotted up to Charlie, her horn aglow, before the cracks and dents on his armor were simply gone. "There you go, Charlie, good as new."
"Thanks. Now then, anymore of these fubar furry freaks?" He asked as they prepared to continue. Which meant he grabbed his drills and picked up a couple of battle axes.
"Nay, fere Charlie. We art safe." Alvis answered.
Nodding, Charlie threw one of the axes at the wall, easily burying it to the axes shaft. Chuckling, he held on to the other one as the group continued.
Theresa, Cloud and Midnight's PoV
Leaning her head against the window, Theresa smiled at the trees and fields that were passed by the Friendship Express. Every now and then, she would reach into her Bag-O-Blood and smile again. The once quarter filled bag now filled to capacity with the random assortment of Tokens, blood packs half of her needle sticking out with a few spare magazines for her auto pistol. The gun in question was in the same place it was yesterday, tucked in under the bow of her dress and hidden under a folded piece of fabric.
'All in all, I wouldn't say worth a thousand years of pain, fear and loss, but that's not something I can change... yet. Someday, we'll be able to do this in our own Equestria, Charlie just has to earn our Celestia's trust. Without opening himself to another one of those gem attacks, what the fuck did she do?' Theresa pondered and wondered as the train kept moving. When she asked her escorts who was raising the sun that morning, they told her Twilight and Cadance. Since no one from Texas gives two shits about cold weather, that only really left her with one option for entertainment today.
As the conductor announced their arrival at Ponyville, the three got off of the train and looked around.
"So, remind me why you wanted to come here again?" Midnight asked.
"The last time I was here, the whole town was upside down and as chaotic as Discord's sock drawer. Followed by a little disagreement between my uncle and two eight foot tall sexual perverts that kinda demanded the eyes of everyone who saw them and our summons kinda dragged us out before we saw much. Also, there's that, that wasn't there in our world." Theresa replied, pointing a finger at the tree castle that was at least a plus twenty to conversation starter.
"I...see. Sorry I asked." Midnight replied.
"So in your world, Miss Sparkle is still a unicorn?" Cloud asked, remembering what Theresa told them before hoof a day and a half ago.
"Yep, you know how hard it's going to be not telling her cryptic hints? I see a sponsorship from Red Bull in your future. Yo Sparkle, do you have a thousand and one ways to preen? No? You should really get it, it's a really useful book. Charlie and I will be at her ascension and yell our disapproval while not telling her why we disapprove." Theresa laughed as she pictured the expressions of everypony back in her Equestria. Cloud and Midnight laughed, before Midnight paused.
"Wait, what's Red Bull? And why would one sponsor her?" She asked confused. Cloud nodded.
"What she said." Cloud added.
"According to my dad, the best chaser ever invented for a night when you wanna get loud and drunk. Their motto is 'Red Bull gives you wings'." Theresa answered while stifling her laughter.
"Ohhhh." Midnight and Cloud said in unison. Midnight thought about it for a moment.
"Is that a metaphor?" Midnight asked.
"Yeah, it just makes you hyper, no insta promotion." Theresa replied, trying and failing to think of something odder than liquid wings.
"Cool. So, what are we doing?" Midnight queried.
"Eh, get drinks and snacks, mess with the element bearers and get away innocently by using my acting skills." Theresa answered as if it was the most obvious of answers ever. Cloud sighed.
"I'm getting a headache just thinking about it..." he groaned.
"Oh lighten up, Cloud, it's just a bit of fun!" said Midnight. Cloud simply grumbled.
"Yeah, convincing them I'm a mostly harmless child with a blood abnormality that requires me to have several bags of blood ready for transfusion at a moment's notice will be fun." Theresa smiled as she rubbed her hands together, "Let's also leave out the part about my 'Big Daddy' being a walking, non-talking killing machine."
Cloud heaved a sigh whilst Midnight giggled. And so, they walked off the train station and headed into town. As they walked, they passed by numerous ponies, some Theresa recognized, some she didn't. One in particular, an umber stallion with a dark brown mane and green tie, smiled knowingly as he watched the trio walk by. Then, a pink blur zoomed through the streets before stopping just in front of Theresa.
"Ohmygoshit'salittlefillywaitfilliesdon'tlooklikethatsowhatissheisitevenashewaitdoyoulikecakeIlovecake!" spat out the pink, fluffy, bouncy abomination in front of them, whom Theresa recognized as Pinkie Pie.
'I didn't understand anything before the word cake. Oh well, let there be innocence' Theresa timidly smiled as she looked over the excitable mare, her guards possibly still attempting to decipher her rapid fire question and exclamation. "Y-yes, I like cake. But, I didn't understand what you said before that." Theresa muttered while trying to avoid looking at the mare in front of her, that and petting her.
"Oh! Sorry, I tend to talk really fast! Or at least that's what everypony tells me! So, what kind of cake do you like, uh...sorry, who and what are you?" Pinkie asked.
"It's fine, my name is Theresa, and I'm a, or I was... yeah. I am a Gatherer, also known as a Little Sister. I used to be human, all Gatherers used to be human, but now I'm special. I may be the only Gatherer in this world, but I still got my Protector, or Big Daddy if you like." Theresa answered, shifting her grip on her bag.
"Well where is your Protector? I need to throw them a party!" Pinkie asked.
"He and his new friend, Mister Alvis, went with the Princesses to get someone named... Blue Balls I think. I don't know when he'll be back but he convinced these two to keep me safe." Theresa replied with a wave towards her escorts.
Pinkie snorted at the words, 'Blue Balls', before saying, "Y-you shouldn't call ponies names! I-it's not nice!" she said between giggles.
"Sorry, um, what was his name then? Uh..." Looking down at her bag her eyes lit up. "Blood, that was his name, Blueblood." She smiled at her bag of hints before frowning and looking confused, "What does that mean, Blue Balls?"
"I don't think you're old enough to know yet! And why would the Princesses want to bring back that old meany pants?" Pinkie questioned.
Theresa thought over 'acting her age' and throwing a fit at being denied the knowledge of the elders verses answering her question. "I don't know why they would want him back, but it gives my Protector a chance to stretch his limbs-"
'Hairy motherfucker, I'm gonna stomp you so hard, they'll confuse you for a diamond!' *Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!*
"-and I'm sure that whatever their reasons, they'll succeed. Oh! I forgot the cakes, I prefer Saint Patrick's Day cakes, they're usually vanilla with green icing." Theresa answered her as she looked around at the peaceful village.
"Saint Patrick's Day?" Pinkie queried.
"Yeah, it's this day where you have to wear green, and grown-ups play games and drink a lot of beer. My dad had this game, where for every piece of green on you, someone gets to do one of three things to you. He called it Pinch, Punch or Plaster and he always won. No matter anyone's choice or how many people played, even that time Charlie covered him in green confetti." Theresa smiled at a few memories, some involving a dozen people in an ad hoc riot on the acre behind her house.
"Sounds like it was super fun! Anyway, I gotta go, but I'll see ya later!" And with that, Pinkie zoomed off once more.
"Well...that was something." Cloud said lamely.
"You can say that again." added Midnight.
Theresa giggled as she looked around, trying to find something fun to do and finding a sleepy little village that had the strangest of occurrences. "Well, she was just being her normal, sugar powered self. At least, I think that's her normal. I only waved to her once before we got here. What seems like fun to you guys?" She asked as she looked at her two escorts. Midnight grinned devilishly.
"I can think of a few things..." she said sultrily. "But I doubt you would be interested." Cloud groaned.
"Is sex all you think about?" he asked.
"No, sometimes I think about food." Midnight replied. Cloud sighed in exasperation.
"Yeah well if you decide to mix the two then I'm going to put a hole in your wing." Theresa added as she linked her hands behind her back. "So do you want something to eat or is this all for the innuendos?"
"Didn't you eat on the train? And by extension, us?" Cloud asked.
"Heh, me and Charlie have high metabolisms, plus I have to drink blood to appease a little parasite in my stomach. That little thing in me is the reason I'm hard to injure permanently, my body uses its resources faster than it should to fuel my advanced healing speed. Not to mention the fact it gave me luminescent eyes and keeps Charlie pair bonded to me." Theresa replied before turning towards the castle and heading in it's direction.
"That reminds me. You kinda washed over that parasite thing last time you explained things, and you said something about what would happen if you two were separated. It's been two and a half days and nothing has happened to you yet. Why is that?" Midnight asked.
"Well if a Big Daddy was to get killed, that would be an automatic death to the Little Sister, you can guess the reason why that would be an unhappy ending. But if a pair bonded Big Daddy was to lose his Little Sister, then he'll experience severe paranoia, increased anger and reduced lucidity. This will only get worse over time as the Alpha starts losing body functions but is delayed and slowed by a multitude of factors. Adam, the genetic modifying substance created by Adam slugs, the same parasite in my stomach, keeps the body functioning for as long as possible while deteriorating all of its extremities. While on the inside, extreme guilt and grief tear the Big Daddy's mind apart from the lost of its daughter. The result is a creature of pure anguish and hatred that has mutated so much, that it's dive suit is torn open by massive tumors. I think if you imagine one of my arms turning into a pale grey, bulbous tentacle, you could get an idea of what that would look like. Or he could be lucky and die immediately." Theresa calmly stated before shaking her head to dispel a mild headache and observing her escorts' reactions.
"Yeesh, remind me not to ask next time. Hard to believe you two have to deal with something so bad." Midnight replied.
"My offer still stands, Miss Theresa." Cloud said.
"Thanks, now who wants to make a nerd flip her lid?" Theresa asked.
"I'm not sure guys, should we really be messing with a Princess who is also the Element of Magic?" Cloud said, trying to dissuade the others.
"Charlie is gonna be announced as a duke, whatever that entails, has crazy shit she can't expect and can kick his way through the thickest wall in her palace." Theresa replied confidently. "Besides, she's the princess of friendship, how unfriendly can she be?"
"I still don't think this is a good idea." Cloud retorted. Midnight shrugged.
"Wouldn't be the first time I've gotten in trouble with my superiors. Besides, it does sound like fun." Midnight said.
"Alright, fine. But don't say I didn't tell you so." Cloud conceded.
And so the trio made it to the giant, crystalline tree castle. After Theresa used the knocker, they waited for a few moments until the muffled sound of someone running towards them reached their ears. "Hold on, I'm coming!" A familiar voice called as the door opened to reveal Spike the Dragon. "How can I help you?"
"Hi, I'd like an audience with Twilight please." Theresa informed him. He looked puzzled for a moment before sighing.
"Alright, follow me." he said, motioning for them to follow. After some time, he said, "Ya know, you're the first noble I've seen to call her by her name instead of her title. Or are you an ambassador? I've never seen your kind around before."
Theresa giggled before sighing, "Noble? I've been here for less than three days and people are confusing me for something monstrous. No, though I guess you could say I'm an ambassador, I guess I even represent the Princesses of my version of Equestria. I'm a Gatherer and my Protector is supposed to become a Duke or something. Heh, and I've met you before, not even three days ago you were hiding in Golden Oaks in a kitchen cabinet from my Protector. Did ya get all that?" Theresa asked while watching Spike. Spike looked baffled before laughing. He wiped a tear away as he collected himself.
"Sorry, sorry, that's just the best joke I've heard in awhile. Nice one!" he complimented.
"Thanks, anyway, my daddy is off helping the Princesses with something. We're from the underwater city-state of Rapture, a city so beautiful that anyone who dares to attacks us stop and stare in awe before being wiped out by our state of the art defenses. I'm here to ask miss Twilight if she would like to have Rapture and Equestria being allies, maybe even let her see the power of my home. Hopefully she will accept, our scientists and doctors have been making great leaps recently, my daddy and I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for the two most recent advances." Theresa smiled as they were lead deeper and deeper into the castle.
Spike forced a smile before opening two double doors and revealing a line of nobles outside the Friendship Council room. They paid little mind to Theresa as she took her spot in line, Spike telling her she would be called in soon and to wait in line. Hours passed, and eventually she was finally called in. The guards, in their light purple armor, opened the doors and let her in.
Twilight sat on her throne looking bored before she noticed Theresa walking in. The other thrones had been moved for now along with the table.
"Presenting Ambassador Theresa of the City of Rapture!" Spike announced.
"You may speak," said Twilight.
"Miss Sparkle, I hail from the city beneath the waves. We aren't afraid of meeting the other races who live upon the land or even under it, we fear what others will think of our customs and laws. We have everything in Rapture that any scientist or doctor could want and although we have foregone the use of magic, we have found ways to strengthen the weakest pony, grant a non unicorn the power of telekinesis, and heal the deadliest of wounds and illnesses. All of this has been achieved thanks to the diligent work of Gatherers and Protectors, my daddy and I are no longer able to be called human anymore due to what has been done to us even if it saved our lives. My query for you is thus; can Equestria be allies with a city-state whose very motto is no gods, no royales, only Rapture. A city where none need fear any societies' morality or social requirements." Theresa finished her speech and waited. Twilight sputtered for a moment. Then another. And another.
Before settling on, "What!?"
"Do you have a question Miss Sparkle? I may not look it, but I am over a thousand years old and quite knowledgeable." Theresa asked with a confused expression.
"No gods!? No royales!? How do you manage yourselves!? Who is in charge!? I-I-I-!" Twilight's eyes rolled back and she flopped down on her throne.
"I'm sorry, we'll have to continue this later when the Princess is awake. Please come back later." Spike said as he tried his best to wake Twilight and act professional.
"It is understandable, if you could, please tell her that Rapture is a beautiful city that runs on a capitalist system, who ever can make the most interesting thing to sell gets to be in charge for three months, followed by highest profit to unit cost ratio and so on and so forth. If she's still interested in answering the question later, she might catch us at Miss Rarity's boutique. Good day Spike." With that, they were escorted out of the council room and past the remainder of annoyed nobles. After the castle doors shut, Theresa looked to her escorts before she fell to her knees laughing. Midnight started laughing as well, whilst Cloud just sighed.
"I cannot believe you just did that." he said, shaking his head in disapproval.
"I can't believe she overlooked all of the science and medical achievements, not to mention my age or lack of magic, just to overheat on a minor thing like not having a royal family or something." Theresa stopped laughing for a moment as she thought of something. "Hey, did I just knock an alicorn out with just my words?!"
"Oh by Luna's teats you did!" exclaimed Midnight with more laughter.
The two continued to laugh and laugh before a familiar lavender Princess landed in front of them, a saddlebag strapped to her full of ink bottles, paper, and quills.
"Found you! Now, could you please elaborate on your city's scientific findings?" she asked, her mane frayed and her eyes sparkling.
'I may have stopped my Twilight from having a mental breakdown, only to be the cause of another.' Theresa thought while putting her hands behind her back and smiling. "Now Miss Twilight, I was never lost, so you couldn't have found me. Also, could you be more specific please? Do you wish to hear of our technology that allows us to call the sea floor home, our advances in genetic mapping, as well as genetic splicing and illness prevention or maybe learn about surface-shy creatures such as the giant squids and Adam slugs that call Rapture theirs as much as any of us?"
Twilight drooled and gained a crooked smile. "All of it!" she demanded.
Theresa sighed, "I will gleefully answer any and all questions you have after you've answered my earlier question. Can Equestria be friends with a city-state that has no restrictions upon any and all research as well as our very motto being an insult to the alicorn race." She countered, a trace of unhappiness clearly visible as she attempted to appear apologetic to her desires. That snapped the Alicorn out of her trance for a moment.
"Well, I...I think we can certainly try. As long as we can come to an agreement, I'm sure we can or I'm not the Princess of Friendship!" Twilight declared proudly.
Theresa replied with a warm smile, "That is quite heartening to hear Miss Twilight. But you should know several things first, my eyes aren't supposed to glow like this, my skin should be a tan colour, not pale white and I have a unnatural healing rate. I also have my pet Adam slug straight from the depths of the sea with me right now, should you wish to learn more about him or her. I have yet to determine his or her gender sadly but that is a minor thing compared to other attributes."
"Fascinating! May I see it?" Twilight asked.
"I think if you used a ultrasound spell than you can find him." Theresa replied while acting as innocent as a sinner in a church. "I always keep him close to my heart but Adam slugs are rather... unique, in their living arrangements." Slowly, it dawned on Twilight what Theresa was talking about.
"Y-you mean? On a child!?" Twilight exclaimed. "That's horrible! How can anypony do that to a sweet little filly like you!?" Twilight's eyes shined with fury and disgust.
Theresa frowned as she stood her ground, her chin barely slightly higher than the tip of Twilight's horn. "If I may be so bold, you should really listen harder. For one, I am one thousand and thirteen years old and I am not a filly, child, kid or freshwater fish nor am I a normal human anymore. I am a Gatherer and damn proud of it. Two, no restrictions on any and all research, Rapture has the leading edge in technology, medicine and genealogy because in Rapture, the doctors and scientists have no fear of social morality. The only true restrictions would be the researcher's funds, the ability to get test subjects or how much Adam a Gatherer is willing sell to the researchers."
Capitalizing on the young princess' silent state, Theresa continued, "Three, the worse thing I have to deal with when it comes to my Adam slug is his diet and his waste. Both of which are extremely unique and abnormal but I didn't chose the Gatherer's life, my Adam slug chose me. I don't want your pity, Rapture can stand against your wrath and nobody likes being told what they can or can't learn about. Good day Miss Sparkle, if you should have any more questions or desires that I can sate, than feel free to find me." With that, Theresa calmly stepped around the stunned pony, for to a denizen of the deep, a winged unicorn was just a winged unicorn, special until the moment you finish unraveling it's DNA like a ball of yarn.
As they all walked past Twilight, and eventually were out of earshot, Midnight and Theresa laughed uproariously. Cloud glowered at the two.
"Do you realize what will happen when she snaps out of it? She's going to have us arrested!" Cloud snapped.
"Oh lighten up! I'm sure we'll be just fine!" Midnight assured.
"Stop in the name of the Princess!" shouted a stallion of the Twilight Guard, galloping towards the three.
"I told you!" said Cloud. Theresa turned towards the purple clad guard and frowned, if her expression was to be described in as few words as possible, those words would be annoyance, impatience and generally displeased with whoever decided to order her.
"I shall do no such thing. I am the ambassador of the city of Rapture, on international diplomatic business. You are a guard for the youngest princess while I am one of the few non dragon creatures whose lifespan is not a mere blink of the eye when compared to the Celestial Sisters. I am under escort by one of each of their lieutenants and am currently awaiting for my Protector to finish his business with them so we may continue on my mission. I have diplomatic immunity and you have orders, which one do you think will stand in a court of law?" Theresa asked the guard, who promptly stopped mid stride with a dumbfounded look on his face.
"I...um...diplomatic immunity?" he answered lamely.
"Yes, incase your drill sergeant didn't beat it into your head when he had the chance, that means untouchable by punishment to be determined by the ambassador's homeland. Rapture may not have the sky or miles of land to live on, but what it does have is a very strict penal code, more so when it involves Gatherers such as myself. That will only add to your punishment should you try anything. Now, was there something you needed?" Theresa smiled warmly as she said the last part, her glowing eyes only adding to the unusual factor.
"N-no, ma'am! Good day ma'am!" the stallion saluted and then ran off with his tail between his legs. Cloud and Midnight stood there, dumbfounded, jaws agape. Then, Midnight burst into laughter.
"I can't believe that went so well..." Cloud said in astonishment.
"D-did you...see...the look...on his face!?" Midnight said between breaths.
"Priceless!" Theresa laughed as they continued through town. After a while, they approached Carousel Boutique. "Aren't Carousels a bit morbid for a race of ponies? I've had a phobia about them when I was normal. I thought that the horses were alive, were impaled by some evil monster, spun around and used as entertainment. I always thought that one of them would turn around and bite me." Theresa informed them, looking over at her escorts, she noticed their faces turn from puzzlement, to disgust and horror.
"Oh Luna, I never thought of it like that before!" Midnight said as she gagged. Cloud looked disturbed.
"That...I can't believe I didn't notice that before..." he said. After the two recovered, they all walked in. A half hour later, two guard ponies and one little sister were chased out of the boutique by a furious unicorn.
"Out! Get out and never return!" The marshmallow mare yelled as she flung a tattered child's dress at them. "Never bring such a beautiful dress to my shop in such a state again, let alone the descriptions of what your kind does to style in spite of wearing clothes all of the time!"
After she slammed the door, possibly heading to get some aspirin, Theresa looked over her new dress before smiling. "I can't believe she simply shrugged off the fact that excessive Splicing gives them tumors and hideous features but a little conversation about their clothes and she loses it."
"My thoughts exactly. Guess she just really dislikes bad fashion sense." Midnight commented.
"I suppose so." added Cloud. After pranking a few more ponies around town, the three found an inn, paid for a room, and slept the night away.
After fighting their way through some of the carved stone caves of the Doors of Pharros, the group found themselves in a large room with a stout man with a very long, Ginger, scraggly beard that stretched out from under his helmet and over his plate-mail armor. He was drinking from an enchanted mug that kept refilling. Around the room were pillars with carvings like those you would find in a Mayan temple, and numerous stone statues that looked like woman wearing robes. The man perked up once he noticed the four.
"What...You...want?" he asked before taking a swig of his drink.
"Hello, Gavlan! I simply wish to sell thee some items." Alvis replied.
"Gavlan wheel, Gavlan deal." Gavlan replied.
"Hey man, I didn't know Stealers Wheels was a thing here." Charlie supplied, spinning his bloody axe, he continued, "Then again, Alvis is living the song Stuck in the Middle with You."
"Is that supposed to mean what I think it's supposed to mean?" Celestial asked Charlie, fire in her eyes.
"Some what, it's about a guy with a bunch of jokers and clowns for friends. You two seem pretty fun and laid back." He replied while taking a few steps back. Celestia stared him down for a moment longer before smiling innocently.
"Thank you." she said, an underlying tone in her voice that said 'say something stupid like that again, and you're dead'. Whilst everyone was distracted, Alvis had finished his trade with Gavlan and noticed his wife acting rather hostile towards Charlie.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked.
"Nah, we good. I was just telling Celestia about some of the music I used to listen to back when." Charlie replied cheerfully as he focused on thinking happy, non violent thoughts. His porthole light turned green as he reminisced, 'Winning a hand of blackjack during my first time in a casino, showing a stupid country boy how to drink Everclear, busty brunette women with long legs, rubbing on their zzz.' Alvis looked at the two for a moment before shrugging.
After some time, the group made it out of the cave and arrived in a ruined adobe indoor courtyard with a crumbling and dry stone fountain with pots scattered around.
Charlie hefted his pilfered axe, as he looked around, a familiar feeling overran him. A feeling he had gotten used to in the middle of the night while he was hunting-
Taking one more look around, he growled as he opened the vents on his helmet. "Hogs." He spat, "The filthy things stink!"
"Hogs? Please tell me we aren't about to kill pigs." Celestial bemoaned.
"We art not about to kill pigs." Alvis assured.
"Oh thank Faust," Celestia said with relief.
"We art about to kill boars." Alvis explained. Celestia gave him a deadpan look. "What? Thou asked." Celestia sighed in exasperation.
"What shouldst we be expecting?" Luna asked.
"Peasants that can curse thee with their weapons. They art not very strong, but their weapons can easily puncture weaker armor." Alvis informed. "Art thou ready?" Everyone nodded and walked out of the building.
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