Twilight Through Time (and Space!)

by Peroth E

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 8388

Twilight and Spike get hired to protect the multiverse. Crossover insues.

Peroth: Could I eMail you something? I wrote a part of a story. The idea came to me in a dream and it seems interesting but I get the feeling it might be a bit… out there.

Friend: Most of what you write is 'out there'.

Peroth: Growing Pains deals with expanding the world beyond Equestria. This one involves Dumbledore and an eldritch abomination beyond comprehension trying to convince Twilight to join a multi-dimensional protection agency.

Friend: …

Peroth: When I mean "out-there", I mean "OUT-THERE".

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-31 01:54:02 UTC

Job Proposition

“I can’t tell if your age has finally caught up with you, or if this is the best idea ever.”

“Oh, it may be a little bit of A and a little bit of B, my friend. With a little bit of C mixed in.” The old wizard wiggled his wand as he walked into the room, silencing charms, locking spells, muffling curses, and ignorance hexes filling his old room until he was absolutely sure there was no way anybody nor anything other than himself and his companion would know what was going on.

“My god!” One of the old headmaster’s leaned forward in their painting, trying to get a better look before a black cloud completely covered the walls of the room. “Could it be? Dumbledore my old boy, let me get a good-” silence.

The once-elderly wizard calmly slid his wand into his robes and scratched at his brown beard as the tall figure by his side awkwardly trundled over to the fireplace behind the desk. From the sleeve of his brown trench coat, a three-part tentacle slid out of it to pick up a neat little three-legged brass stand off the mantle, a sphere held in-between the legs with a forth of its top missing to show the hollow inside, which was full of a silvery powder.

“Will there be enough, Uric?” Dumbledore called as he eyed himself in a mirror, and flicked his wand about his eyebrow to remove some of the bushiness. He was no longer the old codger he was when he was put in the grave, so there was no excuse for bushy eyebrows. Least of all pointy ones, he wanted to make a good impression on the young woman he was about to meet after all.

“Plenty!” The tentacle holding the stand upturned the stand on the desk, pouring out the whole container of powder. Though Dumbledore could not see his companion’s face, behind the brown bowler and trench coat, he could almost feel the pride leaking off of him.

“… We don’t need to be making messes, Uric.” The wizard came close and took a handful of the powder, calmly draining it from one closed fist into the other’s open palm, watching it with a nostalgic twinkle in his eye before dropping it all into the whole pile.

“Maybe I’ll be cleaner for you silly humans if you can explain why we’re going to go hire a pony.” The big, obscured figure scoffed. It knelt before the mantle of the fireplace, its tentacles uncurling from the sleeves once more to wiggle and flicker unnaturally, reminding Dumbledore of a pair of fish desperately trying to get back into the water, before a bright flame flared up in the fireplace. “Hah! Apprentice my slimy glubnock! That was easy!”

“Don’t get too overconfident.” Dumbledore inspected the flames for a few seconds before picking up a handful of the powder on the desk. He leaned down, by the flames, and tossed the powder into the fire, which turned a bright green, ready to transport. Before he climbed in, though, he pulled his wand out and slowly lifted the rest of the powder with a Leviosa charm to be put back into its container. “As for why a pony? The Light Prognosticus had a great number of good things to say about this young mare. The White believes she will become a valuable asset to our organization.”

“And she’s, what? Twelve?” Uric questioned as the trench coat shrunk and contorted until he was only three feet tall, ten slimy feelers extending out from the bottom of his coat to help him climb onto the mantle.

“Sixteen. About the right age.” Dumbledore thoughtfully stroked his short brown beard once more, eyes closed in thought.

“Thinking about the boy again, sir?” Uric questioned lightly.

Dumbledore merely chuckled, while he himself climbed onto the mantle by Uric’s side. “You know me too well.” He reached forward, touched the flame, and nodded. “Now remember, speak outloud and try not to flub up your p’s. Enunciate as hard as you can.”

“Okay.” The squat, trench-coated thing slid into the fireplace and sat for a only a moment. “P-Pu-Pony-Puonyville Library, Equestria!” He growled, snarled, and moaned at the same time, before he disappeared in the flames with a brief spin.

“… Close enough.” Dumbledore stepped into the flames, flicked his wand to undo his spell work, and called out: “Ponyville Library, Equestria!”

And with that, the fire petered out, and the old wizard was gone.

“I can’t believe that such a little dragon can make such a big mess.” Twilight had to hold back a giggle as she pulled the blanket up Spike’s body. For his part, the little dragon stayed silent. Not a lot to say when you were asleep though. “All in all though, good job. Bake sale was a success.” Twilight nodded to herself as she stood up straight and stretched.

Ponyville was quiet tonight. It was relaxing, with only a few cicadas playing their song in the distance, with all of Ponyville slipping into bed, Twilight felt like she was alone. Not that that was a bad thing. Since starting her life in Ponyville, it was hard to go more than two hours without being interrupted by somepony. She adored her friends and her town, but there were some times when she just wanted to be left alone and curl up with a good book for hours on end.

She walked downstairs, a candle floating just in front of her so she could watch the steps and followed it to the fireplace. She hadn’t had a good enough reason to light the fire since winter, but tonight seemed like the perfect opportunity. She was still good and awake from today’s events and she wanted to read by more than candlelight, and what was more comforting than a good old fireplace?

She set some wood inside from the tiny stockpile nearby and used a lighter spell to get the flames going. She turned her head away to pick up a nearby book, one she had been going through this morning before she was dragged off to help cook.

“Ah, Artisans of Equestria.” She sighed as she floated the book to the couch and opened it to its bookmark. She skipped off to the kitchen to make some cocoa, then came back, ready for a night of relaxation and reading.

She settled in on the couch, set up the music in the corner, then lowered her head to the book for a good read. An almost thrilling sensation of familiarity ran up her spine as she realized, as alone as she was, she could probably finish this book by sunrise! That never happened anymore! As much as she adored all of her friends, she couldn’t deny how much she missed her old hobbies.

She snickered a little as she imagined how each of them would react to finding out her ideal place in life was right here with a book that never ended. It was a pity there were no stories like that, where the infinite possibilities kept it going on until the end of time. She bet somepony would write something like it. Maybe not now, maybe not a hundred years from now, but eventually…

The light around her changed from a caressing white to an almost eerie green. Twilight Sparkle squinted her eyes, then glanced to the fire. The fire, which had just been a bright reddish orange, was now a dancing neon green. Twilight’s horn flared up with light, grabbing a firepoker both defensively and to prod at the logs inside. It shifted, but the green flames only roared louder.

“Spike!?” Twilight called a little weakly as she pulled the firepoker back, holding it up as if to strike as the emerald flames grew higher and higher, almost drowning out her voice as she shouted, “SPIKE! SPIKE!” She screamed. A dark figure appeared in the flames. Tall, thin,  a flowing form with two long appendages that reached out and grabbed the sides of the fireplace with fingers to pull itself out.

Twilight stared in fascination and horror, while a certain young dragon appeared at the top of the staircase. “Ugh, Twilight? What is it…?” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his fists before staring. The green light grew brighter, and another long appendage emerged from the flames, setting itself on the floor in front of the fireplace. Twilight gave him one fearful look, and the baby dragon ran downstairs, grabbed the firepoker out of mid-air, and smacked the appendage coming out of the flames.

“Ow!”

“…” Spike froze, weapon overhead as Twilight’s jaw dropped. One of the things grabbing the side of the fireplace reached down and rubbed the spot Spike had hit, and it took them both a moment to realize that it was not some odd flowing tendril of the great beyond stepping into their living room, it was a robed leg. “… Twilight?” Spike glanced back at the unicorn. Twilight was stunned as the full figure emerged from the roaring emerald flames, allowing them to shrink back down into red.

“I must say, I was expecting some surprise but not such a vicious attack!” The huge, weird thing said with what was definitely a smile on its face. It glanced down at the jaw-dropped Spike, and reached down with one hand. Spike dropped his weapon and ran back, hiding behind Twilight as her horn began to glow, but all the figure did was pick up the firepoker and test its weight in its hands. “Ah, reminds me of my youth. Not the first time somebody has brandished one of these at me, I’m quite glad you didn’t leave a hole though!” The tall thing put the poker on the mantle and brushed off its big robes. “Now then, Uric?” He glanced around slowly, blinking his - definitely a he - big eyes slowly. “Uric!” He called out once more, then let out a sigh. “So there really is a Puonyville.”

“Puonyville?” Twilight ventured, giving the big thing the strangest look while stepped back to stand over Spike defensively.

“Yes.” The thing nodded its head and looked around for a moment. “You’ve heard of it?”

Twilight was a bit confused. She had never seen anything like this colt here. She had never seen anything close to it, not even in a storybook. On top of that, she’d never seen anything crawl out of a live fire before either. “Uh, yeah, it’s a few kilometers east of Manehatten and- wait wait wait. What is going on here!?” She demanded, stomping a hoof while staring up at the figure’s eyes seriously. “Who are you? Why did you come out of my fireplace and what are you-”

The figure had pulled out a long stick, and muttered something briefly before a ball of light flashed over her head and hit her front door. Twilight gasped, and ducked as the colt began to continue to mutter, turning slowly as bright light shot across the room repeatedly. When it was over, the thing put his wand away. “There. Now that I can be sure we’ll have our privacy, I can start answering some questions!” The colt clasped his hands together, fingers bridged while he gave a friendly smile.

“Here’s one.” Spike mumbled, pushing Twilight up, off of him so he could stretch. “What the hay are you?”

There was a tentacle coming out of the sink. It stretched and pulled, and that tentacle was now resting on the floor. With great effort, more tentacles were coming out of the sink, dragging a thin, fleshy body with it until all of the thick, ropey tentacles laid on the floor tiredly. One, though, extended up, reached into the sink, and pulled out a drooping, wet hat that it rested on its head, then a sopping wet trench coat that it curled up inside. Some tentacles went into the sleeves, the rest hid in the lower half. It checked the buttons, found none missing, and awkwardly swayed its way out of the kitchen to find a living room. There, Dumbledore was sitting on the couch, holding a photo album and showing a bright purple pony and similarly colored tiny dragon some pictures.

“- although there’s much more to the story of human history than what I can show you out of here.” The wizard smiled as Twilight and Spike stared over the photos with great interest, pausing at each one before Dumbledore turned his head to look at Uric. “Ah, there you are!”

“There who is?” Twilight lifted her head and stared at the even taller figure that chose to obscure itself in big clothing. “… Don’t tell me that’s another human!” She squeaked as Uric swayed closer.

“Not even close. Hey Dumbly, did you know there’s actually a Pur-Pour-Puonyville?” The hatted thing asked as it swayed by the fire. Spike and Twilight stared in horror as long tentacles emerged from its raised sleeves, and the fire slowly extended from the fireplace to gather around it, drying off its clothing without burning it.

“I figured that when I arrived and you remained mysteriously absent. How was it?” Dumbledore stood up, tugging at his robes to flatten them while cleaning off the water stains on the floor.

“Can’t say. Terrified screams, awful fiesta music, some blurvkrok threw orange juice at me and missed.” Uric straightened his coat and shuddered to get it all back into place, making Twilight nearly faint as dozens of tentacles wiggled out from the thing’s outfit. “Better greeting than most. I may go visit.” One could almost see his mischievous grin. Well, if he had a mouth.

“Sounds like we may have to send Agents K and J for a memory rearrangement. Ah, well, Twilight, Spike, meet my partner, Uric.” Dumbledore stood aside, allowing the horrified pony and dragon stare as the humongous coat bowed to them.

“My full name is Stedzz’Ur’Icnabokc, Lord of Dark Waters and Eater of Sailors. I’m an Apprentice to Dumbledore.” It stood up straight and, abandoning mimicking human movement, slithered over to the couch to sit. Twilight and Spike chose a different chair to sit in, while Dumbledore sat by his partner.

“Uric and I have been tasked to come find you, Twilight Sparkle, because we believe your significant power can be put to good use not just for your homeland Equestria, but for the entirety of the multiverse.” The brown-haired wizard smiled gently as he bridged his fingers while Uric nodded.

“Hold on.” Twilight stood, straightened, and sat down with Spike behind her front legs to shield him just in case. “First thing’s first: I don’t want to hear about this multiverse stuff, or what you think I can do until you tell me where you’re from. You told me you’re from Earth, but what about him?” Twilight pointed to Uric. “Nothing like him was in any of the pictures you showed me.”

“Ah.” Dumbledore nodded his head. “That is because he is from a world with a name more incomprehensible than a four-year-old’s ramblings. On our respective worlds, we were slain, but brought back by a being known as The White, an omniscient creature dedicated to the preservation of the multiverse, the timeline, and all the beings in each. We are part of a super-organization that has been around since the beginning of, oh, I don’t know, three-thousand BC?”

“What?” Twilight stared at him, while Uric began to glow underneath his trench coat.

“Before Equestria was ruled by the Princesses, before your ancestors were driven out of their homeland by the Windigos.” He recited, still glowing. “It is a little difficult to explain to a creature that does not have a comprehension of more than three dimensions like yourself, but look at it like this.”

Uric slid out of his coat from the bottom and stood up on several tentacles. His head was just a lumpy sphere of flesh and pitch-black eyeballs, with multiple tentacles growing out of it. Then he began to grow, until his head was the size of Twilight herself, with tentacles extending off of him in many directions, with many smaller ones growing off the larger ones.

“… I think I’m going to be sick.” Spike wheezed as he tried to hide behind Twilight’s foreleg. Twilight silently agreed with Spike, but still stared until Uric was done… shifting.

“Imagine I, my head right here,” Uric wiggled his lumpy head, making Twilight gag, “is the core of the multiverse. It’s not exactly a correct description, but it’s essentially ‘the center’ of infinity. Our organization is set up there, where we monitor all the other universes.” He wiggled his tentacles. “Each of these universes has several diverse mini-universes, mostly dealing with the split in timelines, where one decision can create an equal, opposite universe depending on the magnitude of the decision where the opposite choice was made.” The tinier tentacles coming off the bigger ones wiggled.

“… Okay.” Twilight stared as Uric blinked at her with one-thousand and seventy-two eyes curiously. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“…” Uric hummed a little in thought, and it took Twilight a moment to realize she heard him in her head, not with her ears. “Okay. You remember this morning when Pinkie Pie gave you the choice of making Raspberry Muffins or Blueberry Muffins?”

Twilight’s jaw dropped, but she nodded.

“Okay. Now you chose blueberry because you remembered you looked at a poll on Sunday in the Equestria Daily at eleven thirty-eight AM while eating a daffodil sandwich at Magnet’s Deli saying that seven out of ten ponies prefer blueberry to raspberry.” Twilight’s head slowly turned until she was staring at him almost horizontally. “Even though you yourself prefer raspberry.”

“… Uh-huh…” Twilight was at a loss for words.

“Okay then! Well, such a minor decision would have no baring even if you chose raspberry, because only twenty-eight ponies in Ponyville hate the taste of raspberry, and only half of them would have attended the bake sale. Pinkie Pie and Applejack would have still made a healthy profit, making only four fewer bits overall, and nothing would change other than Applebloom not getting a new tube of toothpaste until Wednesday when Applejack came back to Ponyville with more bits for shopping. Thus, the universe would not have split off into a different direction, so a new universe would not have been dreamed up solely because of that one decision.” By Uric’s side, Dumbledore nodded at the description.

Both Twilight and Spike were utterly speechless. Spike had even emerged from between Twilight’s legs.

“Let’s go back in time a little.” Uric twisted, squirmed, and altogether looked like a disgusting mass of mating snakes until he came up looking vaguely like a black-eyed, fleshy Discord. “You remember when you nearly made the choice to leave Equestria because of Discord?” A few uncomfortable nods. “Good. What had changed that was the Princess sending you your own letters, right? Well, there is a separate universe where you chose not to reread them, and left Equestria with Spike.”

“I would never do that!” Twilight shouted suddenly, nearly knocking Spike off the chair.

“That’s correct. You would never do that.” Dumbledore finally spoke up and pat Uric’s Discorded head. “But some other Twilight, somewhere across the multiverse did. The result was…” Dumbledore pursed his lips, and gave her a sad look. “Catastrophic.”

Twilight stared at him in horror. Could that be true? Was there a whole different world where her decision had not been set in stone? Where she had turned her back on her friends, her family, and her princesses and left them to rot under Discord’s reign? No… no, she could never be that stupid or selfish! “Y-you’re lying to me.” She accused them, her eyes narrowing.

Dumbledore and Uric glanced to eachother, then to Twilight and Spike, both of whom were glaring. Uric sighed a little. “Okay okay, I guess we have to do this the hard way.” He slipped back into his coat and hat, and a long tentacle extended from his sleeve. It grew a single, sharp spike, and slashed threw the air. Twilight’s glare turned to awe again as a bright rip appeared in the middle of her living room. Uric stuck his tentacles into the rip, and opened it very slowly.

“Well come here Twilight, and take a look at what you avoided causing.” Dumbledore invited.

Twilight and Spike slowly slid off their seat to approach the growing rip, and stared inside as Uric held it open. “It won’t be pleasant, but you can take heart in knowing you made the right decision.” Uric muttered.

As Twilight approached, a tentacle swept her and Spike through, and Uric and Dumbledore followed.

“Hello~ooo everypony, and welcome to the grand opening of the Discord Laugh-a-palooza!” On the stage of Ponyville’s old theater, Discord floated up in front of a crowd of ponies, holding a pair of wooden marionette crosses.

Twilight stood up slowly. She was standing in the center aisle, feeling oddly compressed and more than a little sick from being pushed through time and space. She blinked at the stage, and gasped as she saw her old archvillian as he wiggled the controllers. At the ends of the strings, the two puppets he was controlling… “Applejack!” Twilight gasped, “Pinkie Pie!?”

Applejack winced and yelped in pain as the strings wrapped around her legs and head made her dance gaily, more than once flopping awkwardly as Discord purposely lost control. From the audience, there was a bout of forced laughter as she collided with a glaring Pinkie Pie.

“Today’s funny story is about a great and handsome Draconequus who took his land back from the tyrants who had imprisoned him. Meet stupid Princess Celestia,” he held up Applejack, wearing a golden tiara, necklace, and horseshoes, “tell me Princess Celestia, are you having fun?” He asked the gold-maned mare.

Applejack was fighting back tears from her collision with Pinkie Pie, wanting to nurse her sore jaw, “Boatloads’a fun! Most fun I’ve had ever! I never wanna be let go!” She screamed, making Twilight turn rigid at the pain in her voice, while nervous sweat poured down her orange brow.

“Good to hear it Princess Celestia! Now meet stupid Princess Luna!” Discord held up the other marionette, and Pinkie struggled valiantly as a harsh growl escaped her throat, looking more like a vicious attack-dog than the bubbly party girl Twilight knew. “What do you think Princess Luna, are we having fun?”

Pinkie swiveled her head, tossing off her silver tiara and kicking viciously. “Fun is stupid, just like you you big stupid dumb-head! Get over here so I can teach you a lesson in pain!” Pinkie kicked, swiveled, and twirled in the air on the end of her strings. Discord just smiled smugly, and flicked her, making her spin to unwind the string with a loud, scared squeal that made Twilight try to launch herself for the stage, but something grabbed her by the middle.

“Isn’t she funny, folks? Stupid Princess Luna everyone! Let’s give her a big old laugh!” Discord began to cackle, and the audience, very painfully began to laugh at Pinkie Pie. Twilight, held in mid-air by a tentacle, noticed each and every one of them bound by chains and with shock collars around their necks, including the princesses themselves, crying in the front row.

At the end of her strings, Pinkie was screaming and kicking until tears were pouring down her face as the audience and Discord laughed at her. Twilight shouted something, but Discord, the girls, the audience ignored her. She tried shouting again, but she couldn’t even understand her own words, it sounded like it just melted into the laughter of every other pony.

She stared back at Dumbledore and Uric. Dumbledore stared sadly, and nodded slowly as he went back through the portal, Uric doing the same, dragging Twilight and Spike with them.

Dumbledore reheated the cocoa with a simple tap of his wand, and held it to Twilight’s lips. The unicorn sipped, gulping loudly with each mouthful while Spike sat on her back, staring at his own claws. “I don’t understand… how could we just leave them?” Twilight whispered.

“It’s not your fault. You made the right decision when the time came. In that universe though…” Dumbledore shrugged, but Twilight gave him a very firm stare.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” She snapped, then stared back at Uric, who recoiled defensively. “How could you just show me that!? Aren’t we going to go back there and fix it!? We can’t leave them like that!”

“Unfortunately,” Dumbledore took her chin, and guided her gaze back to his, “we have no choice. We have to maintain the balance of the universe, and that sometimes means keeping the bad things as they are. The White typically does not let us dwell on those universes and sends something like Uric to handle it, since Uric lacks empathy.”

“I eat people!” Uric exclaimed proudly, making Twilight and Spike recoil.

“We, however, things like you and I, that understand pain and sadness, and have our moral compasses adjusted to be heroic rather than villainous, are sent to make the appropriately good decisions. Such as, if I was sent earlier, I would have kept the timelines merged by having the other Twilight make the right choice. But right now, I cannot go back and fix that unless ordered to. It is difficult, true, but I have spread more peace and happiness throughout the universe under The White’s orders than Hastur has spread madness and paranoia.” Dumbledore calmly clasped his hands and leaned forward towards Twilight. “We are not trying to do bad things. We are trying to make sure that universes don’t collapse.”

Twilight stared down at her hooves. She hated that thought. The idea that balance meant keeping that other universe, that balance meant sending something without any remorse to uphold that balance, but in a way it made sense… maybe… “What would happen if that other universe collapsed?” Twilight asked, with a softened stare.

“Then that would mean the timeline had not properly splintered, or an outside influence had ruined its natural evolution.” Uric mentioned from the couch with a wiggle of his tentacle. “Cracks would begin to form here. Minor stuff at first, but as the years went on, reality would melt down and this place with turn to multiverse mush. Said mush would then slip into the next universe, break it down, and melt into the next one, until it was eating up entire branches of universes and only spreading further. There are some, what, few trillions of us working to keep the universes from doing that?”

Dumbledore shrugged. “It is natural for things to decay overtime, and for entire worlds, even universes to collapse, but only under the right circumstances will it do it alone. The White is simply averting the corrosion process of the multiverse to keep not just itself alive, but the rest of us as well. Our very souls are at stake here, our old worlds, universes, friends, family, and their descendants rely on us without knowing it to keep their futures bright.”

Twilight sat still on her seat, Spike looking more and more confused as he tried to process the loads of info. In a way… no, no! It still made so little sense, yet it did. She had seen that other universe with her own two eyes, so they couldn’t be lying to her. She just couldn’t imagine the whole multiverse and all this stuff… then again, ponies weren’t meant to comprehend more than what was in their own homeland. Maybe… maybe it did make sense to something bigger than she was. “So… if I said yes, what would my role be?”

“You mean what would our role be?” Spike grunted with his little arms crossed. Everyone in the room stared at him.

“I’m sorry little one, but this is a job for Twilight and Twilight alone.” Dumbledore nodded briefly, but Spike shook his head.

“Look, I’ve been around her for all my life, I know her better than you think you do! If she’s going in on this, so am I, otherwise,” he widened his eyes and gave Dumbledore a sniffling look, “who’ll take care of me when she’s gone?”

Dumbledore and Twilight both blinked at him while Uric laughed. The elderly wizard shook his head, then rubbed his chin. “I… suppose an exception can be made.”

“On the condition that he acts like a good boy and does whatever I say.” Twilight grumbled, but smiled down at her charge. Spike just leaned back and looked proud of himself.

“Very well then. Your role as a watcher of the multiverse is simple: somebody will be sent to deliver you orders. These orders will include a way to get to the universe that needs your help, as well as all the information you will ever need on the place and its inhabitants. As a watcher, you will be granted a good number of powers that, under no circumstance, are allowed to be abused. Ever.” Dumbledore let Twilight and Spike nod rapidly before going on. “You will be shown and taught the powers on your first mission - typically an easy one - by a trainer. As for the rules…”

“Oh boy.” Spike rolled his eyes, but Twilight shushed him.

“As directed by The White: your own special abilities are allowed. Your magic, for instance, is your choice to use alongside your watcher abilities. You have been specifically selected because of your strong heart, your strong mind, and your strong abilities, not to mention that, no offense, you can disappear for a few hours and nobody will melt down without you.”

“Second, nobody is allowed to know outside the Watcher Organization. All of your friends, your family, and the Princesses themselves must remain in the dark unless in dire circumstances as detailed by The White. Make up a hobby, or a job if you have to to do your duties.”

“Third, your watcher powers are to never be abused for your own amusement or gain while on a mission. They cannot be used in your own universe unless allowed by The White. The sole exception is if you are masquerading as a higher entity coming to thrust your mission in the right direction via deus ex machina and need to prove to them that you are above and beyond their sorry mortal comprehension. This is typically frowned upon, as this normally ends with you being the centerpiece of a religion.”

“Forth, do not short-change your duties. Your mission must be seen to its complete fruition, and no amount ‘eh, it’ll work’s will keep that universe from degrading.”

“Fifth, all the food in the fridges of the break rooms are to be labeled by its owner. Anybody caught stealing, labeling, or switching out food that is not theirs will be assigned to D-Class duties in the SCP-Foundation until one month has passed or death, where they will then be resurrected and given several obnoxious missions in a row.”

Twilight and Spike stared, while Dumbledore went on.

“Sixth, do not anger Bruce Banner. You will not like him when he is angry.”

“Uh…” Twilight and Spike snuck glances to eachother.

“Seventh, tampering with beings beyond mere mortal comprehension that makes most gods quiver in fear, or doing anything at all with their idols or worshippers without the consent of The White is strictly forbidden. This goes double for multi-dimensional beings such as the Elder Gods, Zalgo, and Barney the Purple Dinosaur. Failure to follow this rule will result in immediate expulsion from the Watcher Organization, followed quickly by death.”

Both Twilight and Spike recoiled in fear.

“Oh don’t worry, very few people have been reprimanded in that manner.” Dumbledore smiled reassuringly. “It’s very difficult to avoid multi-dimensional beings in general. Just try not to fall to their temptations or let them swallow the sun.”

“Right…” Twilight whimpered.

Several hours of information had passed. Twilight and Spike were still reeling from the sheer amount of it, but Dumbledore finally seemed to be taking things to a close. “- and finally, you will be given a device that will allow you to contact mission control for anything you might need, be it information, back-up, or a friendly chat during a particularly frustrating mission.”

“O… kay… sounds… cool…” Twilight managed to mumble between yawning and processing everything at once. Maybe this was too much for a puny mortal like her. Maybe this Dumbledore fellow was, like, more than a human wizard. Maybe he was a Super Wizard.

“Excellent! Your first mission, then, will be delivered tomorrow night. Simply lock your doors and windows and be ready for anything, as we all have different ways of traveling the multiverse. Best of luck Twilight Sparkle and Spike, I hope to see you out on the field.” Dumbledore gave them both a broad smile, then walked to Uric and shook him awake.

The multi-tentacled thing quivered, sat up, and with a groan, slashed open a portal. The two waved their goodbyes, leaving Twilight and Spike alone when the portal closed.

Twilight and Spike sat in silence, staring at the spot they had just been. Not a drop of water, a lick of green fire, or a piece of clothing left behind to indicate they had been there. Spike finally broke the ice. “So, was any of that real?”

“… I have no idea.”

Breakfast

Dear Princess Celestia,

Last Night I was given an interesting new job as a global courier for Equestria Daily. There will be nights and even days where I am not completely available, and possibly even too busy-

“Weeeeeeee!” Spike floated by, flapping his arms as he sailed through the air in front of Twilight. Twilight went back to her letter.

-to write. I don’t know how long my assignments will take so I am merely informing you that I may be busy from anywhere to a few hours to possibly days. I know you wanted me to take an interest in making friends, and having done that I believe it is time for me to take an even greater interest in my future by getting my first job! My time at the library has been quiet and fulfilling, but it doesn’t earn me very many bits and it isn’t exactly a model representation of what I should expect as I grow older and seek out an occupation that compliments my abilities-

“Oh no! Twilight!” Twilight looked up from her letter as a small purple missile smacked into her side.

“Oof!” She extended a hoof to steady herself, and Spike floated upwards in a daze. Twilight grabbed him by the tail with her teeth and turned him so they could meet eye-to-eye. “Spike, I know this is fun and all but we aren’t supposed to use our powers. Can you please calm down and try and resist using them?” Twilight all but begged. What a mockery that would be, getting the single most important job in the entire multiverse only to have it stripped away before her first mission because what amounted to her kid couldn’t contain himself.

“C’mon Twilight, there’s nopony here!” Spike sat in mid-air, arms crossed while he looked around. “Besides, don’t you think we’ll be more useful if we know how to use them?”

Twilight snorted in annoyance, and used her magic to force the pouting dragon onto his feet on the floor. “I think they’ll be suspicious and angry if they find out we know more about our powers than what they’ve taught us- know more about our powers than what they’ve taught us- know more about our powers than what they’ve taught us- STOP THAT!” she nearly bowled Spike over with a light kick. “We’re definitely not abusing that one!”

Spike was laughing on the ground, holding his stomach as Twilight rolled her eyes. “You should have seen the look on your face! It’s like record scratching but funnier!”

Twilight turned and sat on the dragon’s stomach, making the little lizard squirm and complain. “Now where were we? Ah yes.”

- so I have gotten a new job that will earn me more than my fair keep of bits and show me what to expect and be expected of when I get a real job.

I would hate to inconvenience you in any way in trying to contact me, so I will be taking Spike with me to see the world, so hopefully your letters will reach me through him. Much of what I will be doing is classified for whatever reason, but what I can relate I most certainly will, and I will send you lessons I learn as I pick them up as I always have.

You don’t have to worry about me and my friends as I intend to spend my hours out of work with them as I normally do. If anything, I feel this will only strengthen our bond as I finally have a way to relate to Applejack and Rarity about the daily rigors of a job.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle

“There, all finished.” Twilight stood up, getting off of Spike and curling the letter up in a scroll and fitting a small band around it. “Here you are Spike.” She floated it down to her little dragon, but Spike defiantly crossed his arms and glared. “… Spike, send the letter.”

“Not until you apologize!” He harrumphed, turning his head away. Twilight rolled her eyes, and gently leaned down.

“Spike?” She called softly. The dragon flicked his eyes towards her. “I know I’m rough sometimes…” She trailed off, and waited until his head turned to face her before she pressed down on his belly with one hoof, making him burp out a green flame that incinerated the letter, sending it off to the Princess. “But I only do it because you’re a stubborn little punk! Now get up, I’m meeting Fluttershy for breakfast and I want this place looking proper for our mentor when he shows up, so no sass.”

“Sass? You want sass!?” He wrung his hands at her when he sat up. “I’ll sass you like no tomorrow for that! There will be so much sass you’ll be walking in it, eating it, and bathing in it! I won’t forget this! Just wait until-”

Twilight sighed heavily and walked out the door.

Fluttershy continued her routine of looking positively adorable in a floppy-brimmed sunhat while sipping at a cherry-lemonade on the porch of a fancy salad restaurant. It had been her choice this week for breakfast and she thought she’d play it safe and choose one of Twilight’s favorites.

She was a little early, but she hoped that was okay. She’d hate to make Twilight feel late just for being so early, especially when Twilight was so prompt. It would be inconsiderate to undermine Twilight’s feelings just because she felt hungry!

Though, not all ponies were so courteous when their stomachs were rumbling.

“Hey Fluttershy!” Fluttershy looked up and lifted the brim of her hat to see a rainbow-colored streak arcing towards her, slowing its descent as Fluttershy quickly pulled the table to the side and set a chair cushion on the ground right as her best friend crashed into the ground. “Ouch! Thanks for that!” Rainbow Dash sat up, no worse for the ware than she had been seconds ago.

“Oh, it’s no problem Rainbow Dash. I’m just glad they have these cushions.” Fluttershy smiled sincerely as she picked up the little savior of the hour and set it back on the chair it belonged on, then pushed the table back into place when Dash floated into the seat.

“Yeah, saved me a headache or two! So watcha up to Fluttershy? Aren’t you usually at home feeding the Wabberjockey?” She asked, nicking a straw from a passing waiter to share Fluttershy’s drink. The two sipped for a moment, and Fluttershy shrugged.

“He’s on vacation today so he doesn’t need appeasement, but I was stockpiling pop-tarts for his return before I left. A-anyways, Twilight and I are meeting for breakfast here. I got here a little early is all.” Fluttershy looked off in the distance, spotting a familiar unicorn making her way to the restaurant. “Oh, there she is.”

“Sounds like a plan! I think I’ll join you guys.” Rainbow Dash lounged back in her chair and stuck a forearm out when a suited colt passed by. “Hey garcon, bring me a basket of those fancy breadsticks and some butter! Not that store-brand kind, I want the good stuff!” She ordered casually. The heavily mustachioed colt gave her a huffy look and stormed off, mumbling about pushy customers.

“Aren’t you busy this morning? You said today was going to be a cloudy day, and you were going to be cleaning them out all morning…” Fluttershy reminded her gently.

“Psh!” Rainbow Dash was the perfect picture of a pony who just didn’t give a crap. “You say that like it’ll be hard! I’ll get some breakfast, kick it into overdrive, do a little mopping up, whish bang boom, skies are clear and lunch is served!”

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” Twilight greeted when she walked up, and the rainbow-maned mare was quick to her hooves. “Good morning Fluttershy. Good pick!”

“Thank you very much, and a hearty good morning to you too!” Fluttershy smiled gently and pulled out a scrapbook.

“Great ta see ya Twi! I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” The blue pegasus asked as Fluttershy opened the scrapbook in front of them both. Dash took a look, and saw it was a picture of a mouse with a painfully twisted ankle. She winced, and glanced away immediately. She wasn’t squeamish but she was sympathetic.

“Oh no, not at all! Twilight’s been going through medical books for me so I can help this poor mouse with his leg.” Fluttershy nodded while Twilight took a good, long look at the pictures.

“He’s healing up nicely. You can probably switch him to small bandages and a cold compress when the pain flares up. Good work Fluttershy. And again, excellent choice.” Twilight turned her head away from the book to follow a waiter walking by with a very exotic fruit salad that made her coat hairs stand on end.

“I wasn’t in the mood for waffles again today, so I thought a salad would be nice.”

“I don’t need a salad.” Dash nodded, leaning back again when the scrapbook was put away. “Basket of bread and some good butter and I’ll be set for the rest of the day!”

“You always were really simple to cook for.” Twilight noted with amusement. “Not that that’s a bad thing.” She added.

“Simple tastes for the world’s fastest flier! When I get rich and famous as a Wonderbolt, I’m not gonna need that fancy frou-frou hors d’oeurves and cordon bleu mademoiselle type stuff! But hay, I’ll treat you guys to it if you want.” She sat up, all smiles as Twilight and Fluttershy giggled.

“Sounds great Dash. Waiter!” Twilight flagged a passing colt down and ordered. Fluttershy also gave her order, and despite what she’d said earlier, Rainbow Dash opted for a side salad to go with her bread.

The conversation kept on until the food was delivered. The girls happily ate their salads (and bread), keeping them too occupied to talk. It wasn’t until the three had finished and Dash was idly munching on the last of her breadsticks did she start up another, “So, what are you guys gonna be up to today? ‘Cause I have a clear schedule after I give you clear skies. Ooh, I should write that one down…”

“After I tend to my animal friends I should be open. I was thinking about visiting Applejack about her leftover apple seeds though.” Fluttershy nodded, then went back to sipping her drink.

“Oh! Cool, we can probably get her to come to the lake with us! Today’s looking hot and the perfect cure for that is water volleyball!” Dash imitated spiking a ball, and ended up tossing her bread out into the yard.

“Water polo.” Twilight corrected automatically.

“Whatever!” Dash slurped at the end of her straw and then glanced to Twilight. “So what about you?”

“Oh, me?” Twilight glanced up. Between all the talk, she’d nearly forgotten the plans for the night. Yes, that’s right, idle conversation had completely distracted her from saving the multiverse. Wow, it sounded a loss less stellar when she realized it was a job, not some super heroic duty. “I’m, well… I’m going to be busy this afternoon, nothing too big.”

“Hey, if it’s not too big, then blow it off for a night and come join us! We could use a decent server on our team!” Dash, once again, mimed spiking the ball, and ended up throwing her straw over by her lost bread. “I need to stop that.”

“Why not get Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked. She wasn’t exactly sure how to break she had a new job to them.

“Well, if we get Rarity to join us then Rarity will always get Pinkie Pie to join her team so she can be the closest to the net, and if we can’t and it’s the five of us then I’ll need you on my team to serve, since Pinkie always picks to serve on Applejack’s team if it’s two-on-two so Fluttershy can referee, and one-on-one is just plain boring! We might as well just splash around and play catch.” Dash copied a splashing motion, and ended up shoving the lemonade off the porch, right by her bread and straw. “Sorry Fluttershy.” She smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, it’s okay. I was getting full anyways.” Fluttershy nodded.

“Well, I sort of can’t skip out…” Twilight rubbed the back of her neck and tried to smile apologetically. “I-… I sorta… I sorta got a new job, see?”

“Oh!” Dash bobbed her head. “Well that’s cool.” Twilight let out a long, low sigh of relief as Fluttershy looked on curiously. “So what do ya do?” Oh shoot. Right. What she did.

“Ah, well, see, I, uh, it’s not a glamorous job, per se, but it’s a job none-the-less! See, I’m going to be a global courier for Equestria Daily and-”

“Awesome!” Dash leapt out of her seat and smiled hugely, surprising both Twilight and Fluttershy into taking a scootch back. “That’s great news!” She was almost buzzing her wings with happiness.

“It… it is?” Twilight’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Rainbow Dash, the coolest of cool ponies, thought being a newspaper delivery mare was great news? It boggled her mind.

“Heck yes!” Dash nodded her head in front of Twilight’s face. “I’ve been looking for a new job for months ever since they started hiring more Pegasi! Now that I’ve got a best friend in a job I’d be a pro at, I’ve got a definite in!”

Twilight stared at her with worry. This was unexpected. Very unexpected. Okay, she could talk her way out of this, she just hoped she didn’t disappoint Rainbow Dash in the process. “W-well, it’s not exactly an easy job. It’d be tougher and longer than your weather-pony duties-”

“And that means better pay for me! And besides, I’m the fastest pony in the world! What’s a delivery job to a pro like me?” Dash thumped her own chest. “I’ll fly around the world at super-sonic speeds-” she extended a hoof, pretending to fly, accidentally shoving a waiter over the patio’s guardrail. “- dropping off newspapers and wowing foreign ponies with my skills!”

“Whose bread is this!?”

“I might even bring you along Twilight! We could double-team this!” Rainbow Dash grinned and nudged her friend.

“W-well…” Twilight gulped loudly. “I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. They require specialists, and as a unicorn-”

“Oh it’s just a little travel and dropping off papers! It’ll be as easy as one, two, three!” Dash extended her wings and nodded.

Okay. Point taken. But no! “But I can teleport, and they’re really looking for somepony to communicate with the locals to make sure-”

“Right! We’ll double-team it! I fly in, deliver the papers, you talk to the pony in charge, we’ll kick so much newspaper-delivering flank it won’t even be funny!” Dash started shadow-boxing the air, and Fluttershy was quick to move the table out of the way while the rest of the patrons ducked.

“Well…” Twilight glanced down at the table. Valid points, all of them… “I just got hired though, and my first delivery is tonight.” She chanced, and Dash nodded. “Since I’m so new, they probably won’t take my word too seriously until they see how seriously I’m taking my job. So…”

“Oh yeah! Well no problem, give it a month and they’ll be totally unprepared at how awesome you are at your job, then slip them my name! They’ll have to take you seriously when you outdo every other pony working for them in your first month!” Dash’s proud smile went from ear to ear, and Twilight was actually blushing from how much faith the pegasus had in her skills.

“Dash, I…” She smiled genuinely, “Thank you. I’m really relieved you think I’ll do great. I’ll… I’ll definitely try. Thanks.”

“No prob Twi.” Dash sat back coolly and held her foreleg out to another passing waiter. “Madam, another cherry lemonade for me and my amigos!”

“… It’s amiga’s.” The waitress growled and went to the back.

“I’m very happy for you Twilight, I hope you have fun with your new job. I’m sure with your dedication and talents, you’ll blow them out of the water! You’ll have to tell us about the interesting things you see around the world.” Fluttershy beamed. Though Twilight had no doubt she was most interested in what sort of animals she’d see, she couldn’t help but smile and nod.

“Of course I will Fluttershy.”

I've decided I'm going to keep a few chapters nice and bite-sized. A little slice-of-life to keep the action broken up. Besides, I don't need to overwhelm myself with any monstrously huge chapters...