My little human, my little human - a homie story with repercussions

by OmenCall

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 3041

Lyra enjoys this show. Indeed she does. Bon Bon is sceptical. Things take a turn for the extravagant.

Bon Bon is completely out of ideas on how to get Lyra to stop watching that ridiculous foal's show, "My little human". Lyra has been acting even stranger ever since she outed herself as a "homie", though in hindsight a lot of things make sense now. Bon Bon is thoroughly frustrated.

Until one day she decides to finally give in to Lyra's begging and consistant pestering and actually give the show a try. It results in a letter written to the producer, a certain "Gluey McGuffin", who then invites the two of them to the production studios in... Canterlot Castle?

Rtaed Teen for Language.

Published 2015-10-09 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-09 22:30:01 UTC

The start of something... disturbingly wonderful?

"My little human, my little human, la la la la laaaa," slurred the television from the other room. Bon Bon groaned in frustration as she got up from the couch and headed over to where the TV was. Lyra was sitting in an armchair, humming along to the tune. The pose she had assumed looked very unnatural and actually quite painful to Bon Bon's eyes.

Of course Lyra wore her now trademark black pants and white shirt. She had not stopped wearing clothes ever since her quote unquote "confession". She had walked straight up to Bon Bon, who, at the time, had been trying out a new recipe for a cheese cake, and had said, "Bon Bon, I need to tell you something."

Expecting the usual nonsense from her roommate, Bon Bon had cocked her head with a sigh. "Go on, I'm listening."

"I am... a homie."

"... Sorry, a what?"

Bon Bon tried her best to blot out the sound of the most childish opening to a foal's TV-show she had ever heard and slammed the door shut. Ever since that confession Lyra had been even more unbearable. She just refused to listen to reason! It was a foal's TV-show, for Celestia's sake! Yet Lyra - and apparently half a million other grown ponies - watched it on a regular basis! They had even earned themselves the name homies, because merging human, a mythological creature, and pony, a supposedly sentient and sane race of very real beings, made sooo much sense.

Bon Bon went back to the couch, ignoring the wilting potted plants in the corner. Her arguments with Lyra had caused quite the disturbance in their daily lives. Subsequently, their home had suffered a bit. Dired up plants, dust everywhere, and a few broken tables.

Bon Bon shook her head in frustration one more time. This was soooo stupid! Why was Lyra being so unreasonable? Well, her being Lyra, that was kind of a given, but still! Didn't she see how disturbing that was?

"No, I'm not watching that."

"But Bon Bon..."

Bon Bon crossed her arms sternly. "It is bad enough that you watch a show intended for little fillies, but you won't indoctrinate me with it as well!"

Lyra groaned. "Come on, Bon! Maybe you'd like it if you actually gave it a try! I mean, the season two premiere is airing in ten minutes! It's now or never!"

"Never sounds GREAT!" Bon Bon yelled. She then sighed and put a hoof to her forehead. "So... How long are these episodes?"

Lyra, who had faceplanted on the table in irritation, perked back up. "Just 'bout twenty minutes. Why?"

Bon Bon sighed again. She had a feeling she was going to regret this. "Okay. Twenty minutes of my life that will forever be lost. Fine." She took a deep breath and straightened herself. "If I watch this episode and still don't like the show, will you stop pestering me about it?"

"Really? You're really gonna give it a try? Oh, Bon Bon..." Lyra actually wiped a tear from her eye.

The other pony groaned. "Come on, let's get this over with..." She trotted into the room with the TV - formerly their livingroom, but ever since it became the site of periodic appearances of popcorn bags and soda along with the chanting of little girls, she hadn't considered it that anymore. As ever, Lyra had already redied everything, from snacks to beverages.

One problem though. There wasn't another couch, since Bon Bon had moved the other, and she really didn't look forward to dragging it into the room and back out after twenty minutes. Stiring uncomfortably she turned to Lyra who looked at her expectantly.

"There's only the one armchair," Bon Bon said with a shrug.

Lyra took a look at her wristwatch. "Well, too late to move the couch back in. It's already starting. We can just share the armchair, right?" She flashed Bon Bon a quick smile, flicking her tail as she shoved past the other mare and made herself comfortable on said chair. Which - of course - meant that she assumed that ridiculous pose.

Bon Bon put another hoof to her face, maybe the twelveth today. "What are you doing?" she asked, her voice straining to even formulate words.

"This is how humans sit!"

"It's utterly ridiculous!"

"Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it!" Lyra patted the empty space next to her. "Come on!"

With another sigh Bon Bon hopped onto the armchair. And when Lyra cocked an eyebrow at her, she even mimicked her pose. Of course, with no popcorn bag to cling to, she had her forehooves tucked awkwardly to her chest. She felt unnaturally exposed.

Lyra switched the TV on. "Oh, it's just starting!" she exclaimed, snuggling closer against her roommate's side.

"Yeah... Great..." Bon Bon wished she hadn't said anything. She had thought that enduring twenty minutes of this to finally get some peace and quiet would have been worth it. Looking at the flashy colourful animation now, she wasn't so sure anymore.

Alright, it wasn't that she didn't like it or found something wrong with it. In fact the animation in itself seemed quite solid, even though the weird faces and limbs of the humans needed some getting used to, and the voiceacting was good as well. It just wasn't her cup of tea.

Bon Bon sighed as she let her gaze drift about in the room. Not even two minutes in and she was already bored by the three classmates arguing over their teacher's exposition of sculptures. She noticed Lyra scooping up some popcorn with her hoves and shuffing it into her mouth. "Lyra!" she said scoldingly. "You're a unicorn! Use your magic!"

Lyra just shook her head. "No way. That's how humans do it. They don't have any magic."

"What?" No magic? Oh sweet Celestia, this was going to be even more painful than she thought. The candymaker mare's gaze drifted towards the open door. She could see the table on wich her book rested. "The Immortal Game"... Quite a piece of dark fantasy, but she loved it. Maybe she could...

Suddenly, there was an evil menacing laugh emminating from the TV. Bon Bon's head darted back around to watch as cracks raced up a stone statue, to the sound of the laugh and a thumping heartbeat.

"What are we watching now?" she asked in surprise. Had Lyra seen reason?

The lime green unicorn just giggled and rolled her brilliant amber eyes. "Still the same show, you silly filly!"

"What?" Bon Bon gazed at the TV again as the girly opening song played. Those few seconds of the show she had actively witnessed had given her goosebumps!

"They're introducing a new villain, John the Lancer, a spearwielding spectral warrior symbolizing mischief and misfortune!" Lyra explained excitedly. "It was about time, oh my gosh I'm so excited!"

The girly opening song ended. Bon Bon remained where she was, not taking her eyes off the TV.

After well over thirty minutes had passed, Bon Bon finally managed to formulate the question that had been burning on the tip of her tongue for well over twenty minutes. "How is that considered a kid's show? I mean, that just now was pretty dark!"

Lyra chuckled nervously while offering Bon Bon some more popcorn. "Yeah, well... I will admit it was intended for little kids, but you can't really tell looking at some of these episodes... It does involve some elements of our mythology though, like the Elements of Harmony! Look there!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" John the Lancer cried out as he was engulfed by a bright rainbow tornado, turning his skin back into stone. He remained frozen in place, his formerly blood-red spear raised for a strike, but with terror on his face.

Then there was the aftermath where Lord Q - apparently voiced by the same pony who did John the Lancer, but in a much more regal tone - thanked the six heroes who had used the Elements of Harmony to defeat their foe. He then held a pretty gripping speech about responsability and the magic of friendship. As he said, "Friendships are best Ships." The ending credits played and not a pony in the room minded the girly song anymore.

Granted, there were only two ponies in the room, and one had been a long time fan of the show. Still, you get the point.

Bon Bon sank back in the armchair. "Wow."

Lyra giggled and nudged her shoulder. "Pretty sweet, right?"

"I'll say. That was actually... kind of cool. So when's the next episode?"

"Next week. Saturday same time."

"I see." Bon Bon looked at Lyra sheepishly. "Say... you do have all of season one on DVD, right?"

Lyra's smile spread even wider. "I'm gonna go get some more popcorn! I think we'll be here a while!"

Bon Bon felt a slight tingling as Lyra's flank brushed along hers. She leaned back, pressing her shoulders into the armchair. "Oh dear... Does that make me a... homie?"

Somewhere in the void space that had been up for rent until a few months back, a bodyless figure reached out for the floating mailbox with barely a thought. It paused when it felt quite the astonishing amount of letters, and it would have probably squealed, had it posessed a body.

Pondering that circumstance for a second, the bodyless being decided to rectify the situation. With a bright flash a tall figure appeared in front of the upside down floating mailbox. "Oh, goody! It looks like all my new friends have finally written me!" Giggling, Discord decided to throw them all out except for Fluttershy's letter. Or maybe, he should send replies, after all, he was supposed to be reformed. No matter, he started skimming the letters for names.

"Huh. That's odd. I don't know any of these ponies." He rubbed his chin with a claw and teleported himself into his home and onto one of the two couches, his long body wriggling and curling idly. The sound of somepony taking a shower drifted through the house, as he turned his attention once again to the letters, turning one of them in his claw. "Let's see here. From Lyra Heartstrings. That name is strangely familiar..." He ripped the letter open with one claw and pulled it out to read. "Dear Mr. McGuffin... greetings and salutations and hallo and so on... blah blah blah.... When is John the Lancer coming back?" He scratched the back of his head, creating a sound like chalk on a classroom board.

As he skimmed the next few letters he noticed a surprising simmilarity. What was going on? some sort of practical joke?

The sound of running water died down and was replaced by the sound of hooves on the upper floor. "Ah, that was quite refreshing," a femminine voice said as its owner neared the top of the stairs. "Thank you for letting me use your bathroom, Discord. It is the one thing we actually lack in Canterlot." Princess Luna walked down the windy stairs and threw herslef onto the other couch, turning on the TV by flipping the remote in her magic. She pulled the pink bathrobe around her a bit tighter. "No peeking, Discord," she warned absent mindedly.

"Yes, yes, you're welcome..." Discord softly mumbled, not even noticing what she had just said, while reading through another letter. "Say, Luna, have you ever heard of something called... "my little human"?" His mouth twisted in distaste at the very sound of the title.

Luna put a hoof to her chin, then answered, "I believe my sister spoke to the creator of all things about something of the sort... Didn't you do a few voice recordings for it at Tia's behest?"

"I did?" He looked at her wryly. "When?"

"Roughly three moons ago, if memory serves."

"Huh. I don't remember any of that! Uh, Luna, I don't want to seem rude, but do you think you're going to be alright here on your own for a while? I think Celestia needs to see this." He got up even as he spoke. Well, technically he teleported himself into an upright position. Who in their right mind had time for getting up by conventional muscle movement?

"I'll be fine," Luna said, quickly zapping to another channel as "Equestria Girls" played in the advertisement. "Just don't tell my sister where I ran off to."

"Of course." With another push of intention Discord flung himself through space, right in between Princess Celestia and a white alicorn with a frazzled red mane and a Cutie Mark symbolized by a quill and ink on her flank. "Sunbutt, we need to talk."

"Oh, hello Discord. I didn't expect you to visit me today." If Celestia was taken aback, she didn't show it.

"Hey, Discord my pal, how've you beeeeeen?" the other alicorn asked with a wide grin, trying to hug him. Discord quickly disconnected his lower and upper body to escape the crushing hug.

"Hello, author of all things. I would ask you how you've been but it seems rather rude regarding your current state. So, Celestia, what is this "my little human" nonsense?" He idly tapped his cloven hoof on the table, sending a stack of paper flying as a swarm of paper planes. It started curving around inside the white tiled room, narrowly missing Faust's muzzle and dodging Celestia's obnoxiously large mane. Seriously, how did anypony see anything when standing behind her? Of course Discord didn't mind the view, but not just anypony could get away with staring at Celestia's... plot? Was that what it was called?

Celestia smiled curteously. "Discord, could you please turn our script back to normal? Lauren and I were just about done plotting out the Season Five Finale!"

"Oh, what is it this time?" the draconequus sneered. "Attack of the flying castle, like the last draft? Sheesh, Laputa, much?"

Celestia blinked in confusion. "No, actually we brought Starlight Glimmer back..."

"Oh, the one villain that made even Sombra look good? If she's gonna spout something about equality or taking revenge, I'm gonna puke!"

Celestia cocked an eyebrow in a very twilightesque expression, then looked back at Faust. "Maybe we should go over the script one more time..."

"Oh, and while we're on the subject of the Season Five Finale," Discord interrupted, sipping tea from a mug he had just called into existence, "am I going to be involved? Because I'd really like to know what I'm going to do beforehand this time around. Letting Tirek steal all my magic was a low blow, even for you, Sunbutt!"

"Uh... I didn't think you'd want to be in it," Celestia said in an apologetic tone.

Surprise, sur-feathering-prise. "What about Luna, the one underrated character who is loved and cherished in equal measure to myself?" He went for another sip from his tea, but accidentally sucked in the cup instead. As soon as it was gone the brownish liquid dirpped upwards and sploshed onto the ceiling.

"Well, we didn't think her fighting Starlight Glimmer would be fair, since we needed Starlight to win, so either we would have to make Starlight massively overpowered, or Luna incredibly weak."

"Just like you were when Chrissy attacked?" the spirt of chaos inquired with a mocking grin.

Celestia sighed in irritation. "Yes. Just like that."

"Seriously, what were you thinking? You stepped up and I thought, 'oh, that's it! Now Celestia's gonna mop the floor with you! Um... Or... maybe she'll just trip and faceplant and stay down.' Honestly, that was disappointing!"

"First of all," Celestia said through gritted teeth, "I did not faceplant! And secondly, we provided the perfect explenation for my weakness, being that Chrissalys had gained too much power - "

" - from sleeping with Twilight Sparkle's big brother, I know," Discord completed the sentence with slumped shoulders. "Yeah, if you do that to Luna she won't be the only one who's going to throw a fit."

"Speaking of," Celestia started, trying to change the subject, "have you seen Luna? We had a little fight and I really wouldn't want the world ending before the Season Six Finale."

"Nope. Haven't seen her." Discord crossed his arms behind his back and raised his chin up in a haughty expression.

"Oh. Well, I'm sure she'll come around eventually. The fans probably do want to see her again, but she's just too popular... That reminds me..." Celestia craned her neck to look past Discord and at her mentor and creator, Lauren Faust, the author of all things pony related. "Did you get my e-mail regarding Vinyl Scratch's eyes?"

"Sure did," Lauren said, the grin fading from her muzzle as she nodded. "Talked to Mr. Wong about it. He said his team had intended to make her eyes red, but the colour correction program all the episodes run through before being aired changed it back. I sent you a link where he explains it explicitly."

"That's too bad..."

Discord, suddenly remembering why he was here, cleared his throat. "As touching as this is, I need to ask you something, Sunbutt. What is this... "my little human" stuff about? And who in the blazes is John the Lancer?"

"Oh, that," Celestia said, waving her hoof dismissively. "It's a show for little fillies. John the Lancer is a new villain that appeared with the season two premiere, which aired yesterday. We had you do the voiceacting for him and another character. Lauren thought it might serve to make the younger members of our illustrious society like you a little better."

Discord pulled a letter out of thin air and skimmed over it, holding it in his hands. "So this is... about a kid's show."

"It is." Celestia gently flicked her wings. she didn't see where this was going.

Discord conjured up even more letters, reading through them one after another, taking his sweet time. Finally, he looked up from the letters and directly at her. He seemed serious. "You know, Celestia, there might be something seriously wrong with your little ponies. Because," he lifted the letters and turned them for her to read, "these aren't kids writing."