Say "I Am Wonderful"

by Darkevony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 3704

Just say it

"If what you’ve lost cannot be found.
And the weight of the world weighs you down.
No longer with the will to fly.
You stop to let it pass you by.
Don’t stop to let it pass you by.
You’ve gotta look yourself in the eye." - 'Wonderful'- By Gary Go.

Just say it.

Published 2012-05-31 15:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-31 15:34:02 UTC

Because You Truly Are

Disclaimer: The song or lyrics used in the description/ story does not belong to me. No Copyright infringements intended. Also, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is not mine either.

Inspired by a great song. "Wonderful" By Gary Go. English isn't my native language, but I have been working on it for quite a while now faithfully. Please brush the grammatical mistakes aside and take consideration of the story itself :) I'm not great with dialogue either, but that's okay too, its all the way towards the end anyways.

Say "I Am Wonderful"

It had been only a few days since Twilight had gotten in an another ordeal with her friends. As much as she didn't want to admit it, their relationship as friends was flawed. Very much so. Her internal conflict starts much earlier on. Since the start of their friendship, since the start of any friendship with anyone, including her own family. Deep inside her, no matter how much she tried to hide it, there was an empty void. A life time of written pages told stories and kept her company, but they were empty words, none meant for her, and that left a grim loneliness inside her. Plus the few entities that surrounded her. Ones that she hadn't yet grown to completely trust, no matter how many instances they have gone through together.

Everything seemed so... flawed... Twilight hated this feeling. She has had them before, on rare occasions. Like the time she first entered Ponyville. She was flustered with the idea of needing to make friends on the request of Princess Celestia. Hard as it was to say it, now she doubted the Princess more than anything.

Where was she even to begin in thinking of all of this? Why did she even want to think about it? There was probably other things to do. And it was just that. She had just walked away from a fight with her friends. One than began from a simple comment that she brought up. A question more like. An ember that grew to a forest fire, and now the singes of its rage burned Twilight.

Because of the fight, there was little she could do. Her mind was fogged up with concerns, provoked thoughts, and empty feelings. She could not stare at a word in her book without harsh feelings flooding her judgement and throwing it half way across her room. She didn't feel like herself anymore... so many confusing thoughts that need organizing and fixing... but how could she?

The person you were has died.

Twilight was in an emotional crisis. She sighed and rested her head on her pillow, looking out to the graceful moon. Luna's gift... For what Twilight had said and done, she no longer believed she was worthy to be able to sit under its beauty. Yet, there still lay so much doubt in her heart. She did not know Princess Celestia's tragic past when she first began to adore her, to admire her, to try so hard to follow footsteps. Try hard as she did, in her young age, she could never reach her elder's magic capabilities. She would study for hours, reading books of magic. Stayed up late reading, practicing, and above all, hoping.

Her brother, Shining armor was there for her. It would keep her from her studies, and she was glad for it. During the day, it was hard to study at all. She had Cadence to play with too. Thinking of this, Twilight's heart hurt. It clenched at the sudden memory. It wasn't a physical pain... She missed those old times, where she still had so much to learn, so much to hope for, so many things that began to unravel.

Still, she could not dismiss the cold days at Magic Kindergarten. She never had friends, mostly because the others would tease her and bully her. She wasn't one to hold grudges, but she wasn't one either to forgive and forget. It was the reason she never made friends at all. She was afraid of such a crowd haunting her again. It scared her.

You’ve lost the sparkle in your eyes.

After her brother left, and Cadence had to go away, she spent the rest of her time studying at Canterlot University for Gifted Unicorns when she was admitted thanks to her parents. Her parents were... distant too. They did their best to help her succeed and accomplish what she had set out to do, but they hardly spoke to her much. At least in her late years.

Spike was given to her as a baby to take care of. She learnt to be motherly as well, but even as she did, there still left a large void in her heart. It gave her joy to see the small baby dragon burp and laugh when she'd take care of him. It was happy times, and up to that moment, she was content with everything in her life. There was still so much to learn, subjects that she would only read on books, ones that she wished to avoid... like friendship...

Then came the day Princess Celestia asked her to make some friends.

You fell for life - into its traps.

She refused the idea, but tried when Spike convinced her. The strange outburst from Pinkie Pie dismissed any idea of making friends. Coming from Canterlot, Twilight began to panic, having more important matters on her hooves and everyone, even the Princess, dismissing her claims like if it was nothing. Or so thought Twilight.

When she and her friends defeated Nightmare moon, they learned more of the secrets that held Princess Celestia, how she had set it up for them to be able to release Luna from her once eternal damnation with the power of friendship, a concept that Twilight once despised. Twilight didn't think anything of it then.

Now you wanna bridge the gaps

Now you want that person back.

It wasn't onto a week later were she is sent the tickets to the Gala and that a feud between the friends begins to form that she finally begins to see things in a different way. She was happy, being with friends. Knowing what real friends were like, but after those events, it left her wondering. If they were the Elements of Harmony, and they fit best friends perfectly, after all they were able to defeat Nightmare Moon through the Elements, weren't best friends supposed be perfect? Or at least they?

That might seem a little arrogant, coming from her at the time. Seeing as how she only read it out of books. But more and more time passed by and more and more time they would run into fights as well as joys that would make Twilight wonder why they would fight at all? They fought for the silliest and stupidest of things. Was that the natural order of things? She studied and studied, more on these personal matters. Time passed, and she spent her time trying to fulfill Princess Celestia's wish, for her to learn about the magic of friendship.

All was peaceful once again, with her meddling in studies over everything, mostly for friendship. Then came Discord. The Spirit of Chaos. When Discord was able to steal the Elements of Harmony so easily, Twilight began to doubt the Princess' prowess and greatness. The idol, the ruler, protector, the entity of harmony itself among the land of Equestria was helpless against this foe. She gulped down her doubt as it was left to her and her friends to combat this new evil... or old evil, familiar to Princess Celestia.

Then things fell. Discord succeeded. The element of loyalty had betrayed them, the element of honesty had lied to them, the element of laughter sneered curses at them, the element of kindness turned on them, the element of generosity stole from them, from Twilight... their friendship...

When Discord succeeded in defeating Twilight too, it wasn't through hypnosis. Her grief was real. It burned more brightly than it did the first time they had fought for silly tickets, or thought that our friends shunned us when they weren't actually doing it on purpose, or wanted to be better than the other, disliked each other's differences... or felt like you didn't belong...

And all your ammunition’s gone

Run out of fuel to carry on

You don’t know what you wanna do

Cause what you want does not want you

If what you want does not want you

And you’ve got no pull to pull you through

All the mean time, Princess Celestia had been returning all of the letters sent to Twilight. All the lessons she had learned of how well of friends that her own friends could be. How trusting and loyal that they all were. This cleared Twilight of any doubt of who the other five ponies could possibly be that fit the elements of harmony. They were her best friends. Her emotional trance was broken and patched up and she was able to defeat Discord once and for all with the help of her real friends, the real Elements of Harmony.

This left Twilight scarred. A great emotional stress began to build in her, even after the battle, she felt... doubt. In everything around her. Once more, Twilight was able to dismiss all the problems and focus on the future ahead. It was at this point that she had already learned all there was to magic using. All depended on her will to use it. Now however... there were doubts in her mind. Was magic something she truly wanted to do? She loved it all the same but it was something that didn't excite her anymore. They were but mere tricks... What was it that was still left for her to do?

As the time coursed, all seem great. She spent her time seeing the flaws in her friends and the problems that would arise and quickly subside as they would help one another fix them. It wasn't until she had missed her first friendship report that was (In Twilight's mind) due every week. It was were it all truly began...

Under extreme emotional stress, wanting to be able to still please the Princess as much as she could and scared that she could be sent back to Magic Kindergarten, Twilight had lost her mind. When her friends dismissed the problem like if it was just casual and dumb concern of Twilight's, they refused to help. With no other option left, and her judgement completely clouded, she set out to cause a friendship problem that she could fix. When her methods became out of hand, the problem was completely ended when the Princess arrived, clearing the magic spell she had placed on the doll.

If what you’ve lost cannot be found

And the weight of the world weighs you down

No longer with the will to fly

Princess Celestia seemed to have understood Twilight's resolution and problems and consoled her that it was not important that Twilight sent a friendship report every week. It was then that her 'friends' figured out it was actually important form the beginning, and learned to not doubt a friend's concern.

After it happened, it got Twilight thinking. Why would they be having any serious problems like these? Weren't they knowledgeable through their time of being friends to know that she was having serious problems? It hurt Twilight to think this, but this concern only grew, and she drowned and drank her sorrows away with stories. Books were all that were left to assure Twilight of this world.

The final act. The final straw. The events of last night, of the past week, the heartbreaks, the mistrust... all of it...

The wedding for Cadence and her own brother. Her initial reaction to not knowing of her brother's wedding until the letter arrived... the fact her brother hadn't visited her in person... No matter for what extent of an excuse, he could have found a way to visit, to say something... Were they that distant already? Did she even know her own brother anymore? She could have forgiven him for the events that later took place.

Cadence seemed a little off, and wasn't her usual self. She was mean, nothing like her past self. They used to be great friends, and now she seemed distant. Twilight found that it was the fake Cadence, a changeling, Queen Chrysalis and did what she could to warn everyone by refusing to oblige to the wedding rituals at the mock wedding.

All it got Twilight was mistrust. They didn't believe her, shunned her once again... Even the Princess... Everything, to the last bit of every detail she had known of her friends and the Princess completely shattered.

You stop to let it pass you by

Don’t stop to let it pass you by

You’ve gotta look yourself in the eye

But how could she? When everything she loved and looked up to, her faith her hope and love all died that very instant. Confused an enraged, against Chrysalis for doing such a thing, she attacked the real Cadence and nearly went so far as to smite her out of pure rage. It turned out it was the real Cadence and with old loyalty and friendship of two great friends, they were able to pull everyone out of the Illusion and stop the Changeling invasion.

Her brother was manipulated by Chrysalis, but that was no excuse. He hadn't written or visited once since her time in Ponyville, and that had been a long time. It hadn't been long since the changeling queen began to manipulate him, so he could have at least told him that he had feelings for Cadence much earlier on and told her of plans for a wedding. It was what hurt her most.

Even after all the events, the apologies... Twilight didn't know if she had it in herself to forgive them. This was much worse than anything she could have ever faced in Magic Kindergarten. All the bullies and sneers given to her were ants in comparison.

She kept her feelings subsided until after the wedding, once Cadence and Shining Armor left on the carriage to their honeymoon. Then she opened her mouth, and let her feelings out.

She began asking why hadn't they trusted her more. After all she had gone through, how could her own friends be so negligent of her distresses. Hadn't they learned the first time? Why would they do something like that? They argued back and forth, with Twilight blighting them with truth, one that she would not let them escape from, no matter how good of friends. She said things. Things worse than what Fluttershy could have ever said when she was furiously assertive.

Things she wished she could take back. She could see the tears forming on each one of her friends' eyes as she yelled. Twilight did not cry, her distress was too much. How could they have not known? That her feelings were true? That they shattered her to pieces. How could they? She stomped her hoof hard and left. She took the midnight train alone, leaving Spike behind too. He would make his way back with the others, she didn't worry for him. She just wanted no one by her side at that time. Twilight did not cry, she had no feelings anymore for any of it. She felt betrayed, beyond imagination. Into the darkest hour of any night.

And that was the story. That was all the thoughts she had left in her. From beginning to end. Betrayal... being hurt... all of it.

Being the scholar that she was, she would review all her thoughts again, to find any sort of sense in it all, to try to find a way to forgive them. Yet, the tears that began to swell her eyes and drop endlessly into the empty page of her dairy, distracting her from the thoughts. She pushed it away, not wanting to soil any of the writings in there, no matter how much she never wanted to review them again, since it held all the good times she had with her friends.

A hoof placed itself on her cheek, and wiped the pouring tears, making them come to a stop. Twilight was already done by this point. She had no feelings left in her. She wasn't surprised of who this stranger could be or why had this stranger even appeared, it was of no importance anymore. She hopelessly looked up to view Princess Celestia standing before her. Still, Twilight lay unmoved. Even she had crossed her, and even the words that Celestia had given her after the defeat of Chrysalis wasn't enough to forgive her.

"Why is it that you cry, my dear Twilight?" The Princess asked her, careful of her words.

"I just... I don't know what to think anymore. Everything that has happened just leaves me more empty inside..." Twilight said in between hiccups.

The Princess laid down next to her and hugged her, wanting only to comfort her broken student. "Oh Twilight. You must understand, your friends didn't mean to be so distrusting. I know they are hurting right now too, for having caused you such grief. But you must understand, nopony is perfect. We could not see through the deception. No pony has ever been perfect. Not even me."

Twilight wiped away her tears, unsure of what to think. "It just hurt so much when no one even believed me... I..."

"Twilight, I am truly sorry for not entrusting on you either. I could not see through Chrysalis' deception. I, myself, was a fool. I could apologize until the end of time, but only you have the power to forgive. And now I ask you to forgive your friends, to forgive me."

Her words were true. Twilight could sense it in her. Almost like a Pinkie sense. Something inside told her that Celestia was speaking the honest truth. "I do... I do..." Twilight cried the rest of her tears away on Celestia's mane in her embrace. It was that moment when the door began to knock.

"It seems I'm not the only one here to apologize. I must return to my duties for what is still left of the day. Goodbye Twilight." The Princess disappeared into a golden light.

"Thank you..." With that, Twilight rushed down stairs, brushing the rest of the tears away from her eyes, preparing to meet her friends. She hesitated at the door... how could she face them? After being so... cruel... She had forgiven them... but she hadn't forgiven herself...

Twilight opened the door, and sure enough, her friends were standing before her. Saddened expressions on their faces.

Fluttershy was the first to hug her as she opened the door. Apologizing and crying for everything. Strangely, Rainbow Dash joined in on the hug, her too crying and apologizing, and the rest followed the trend one by one, all of them crying and begging for forgiveness.

"Girls, girls." They all stopped talking. "I forgive you all... Its just..."

"That is super duper wonderful. We were all so worried that you were never going to forgive us. We're so sorry Twilight. Pinkie Pie would have kept talking if it wasn't for the still saddened look on Twilight's face. "Whats wrong...?"

"I shouldn't have said what I said. It isn't you all who are supposed to be apologizing, its me. You could forgive me, but nothing can justify what I did and said. I'm sorry... I'm an awful friend..."

Applejack placed both her hooves to the side of her cheeks and brought her eyes to face everyone. "It wasn't your fault, Twi. Besides, no matter what ya do or say, we'll always be best of friends."

"It doesn't change that I'm an awfu-"

"You're a wonderful friend Twilight. Your the best we can all ask for. Please don't consider yourself any less."

Twilight kept silent for a while.

"Say it Twi. Say 'I Am Wonderful'."

"I... can't..." Her emotions were still deeply lashed on.

"Say it. Please... for us. Say 'I Am Wonderful'."

"I... I.... I Am Wonderful."

A Few Words
These are technically Author's Notes. But listen me out please!! The story itself is more than 2k words. Thats for the Mods.

I made this for many reasons.

My main reason being that this was supposed to be dedicated to a Youtuber (who you guys might know) that goes by the name SuperMarioGalaxy13. If you don't know him, its okay. He went through serious emotional issues lately and he quit making pony videos because of it and doesn't want to be brought to them again because they remind him of these events.. I wanted to make this because if there was an off chance that he could read it, maybe this would remind him why he got into the show in the first place and also remind him he is wonderful *wink*. I don't want to force it on him either.

All I want to say is that, I know how it feels to lose someone you dearly loved, and that's why I am dedicating this to him.

I only wish this would become featured, or at least known well enough for him to find it somehow. Though that seems unlikely. I do not read fics and I did not copy it out of anyone. Though it maybe cliche as it is and short at that matter, I wanted to give my respects.

I am aware that there is a similar fic, but I have not read it and I have not claimed anything from it. This is a recap of the entire show to connect as deeply as possible to Mr. Galaxy. Thank you.

I wanted everyone to say "I Am Wonderful." Because you all are.
The Community is wonderful, I could write an entire book of how awesome you guys have been.

Thank some older friends here that have been loyal to me, although distant now, great friends if I were to call upon them. Specifically Demetrius and Dr. Hooves, :)

Thank you all.