Scootaloo and the Kung Fu Bro

by TheOctoWriter

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Scootaloo, Sex, Random, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Lyra, Romance
Length: 1743

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Equestria had a Asian Human? A humorous take on the human in equestria genre. Short Story.

Dave was a ordinary dude just trying to get through college. Until that fateful Monday that send him to another dimension. Will Dave be able to get home? Can Lyra keep her grubby hooves off of Dave? Will Based Scootaloo become friends with this strange person? All these questions and more will be answered... eventually.

Published 2015-10-17 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-17 22:30:01 UTC

Chapter 2- Scootaloo Meets the Kung Fu Bro

The first thing Dave heard was birds.

"Fuck these birds, am I right?" Dave said nonchalantly.

Then Dave started to realize how fucked he was.

"WHAT THE HELL?" He said as he saw a group of birds fly by.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Dave yelled.

This guy yelled so loud he fucking scared all the animals in the Everfree... not cool bro.

Then Dave saw something that made him question how many bath salts someone slipped into his nachos last night. He saw a little orange horse with wings.

No way in hell... is that Scootaloo? Dave wondered.

The pegasus turned around and faced him.

It looked really pissed off.

The pegasus said "CALM YOUR ASS DOWN NIGGA! YOU BE SCARING THE ANIMALS!" This caused Dave to yell back even louder. "YOU'RE NOT REAL! FUCK THIS SHIT!"

Dave run away from Scootaloo. After Dave was sure he lost sight of her, he sit down next to a tree and rested.

"Ey homie. I'm sorry for making you trip like dat."

The orange pegasus said as it flew to where Dave was.

Dave stood up and prepared to run but the little orange pegasus cut him off.

"Wait homie, I just wanna know what you is."

Dave nervously replied" I- I'm a human."

"I'm Scootaloo, what bout' you?"

"I'm Dave." Dave replied back in a more confident tone.

"What's are those little stubby things you got?"

"These are hands."

"What bout' that shit that is con-nected to it?"

"They're my arms."

Scootaloo asked another question.

"Eyy' homie, what's dat you got down there?"

"Oh... those are my feet."

"Fo' sho." Scootaloo said with a big smile.

"Why are you so cool with all this?" Dave asked in confusion.

"Nigga... we got big ass dragons and green cockroaches trying to fuck with our shit."

"This ain't nuthing homie."

Dave wondered why the fuck this world was so crazy.

This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Dave thought.

"So... what do you wanna do now?" Dave asked Scootaloo.

"Let's get some nachos and fuck some shit up!" Scootaloo said.

So Dave and Scootaloo went to Scootaloo's house and there were actually nachos there.

"Uhhh... How did you even make the nachos... more importantly how the fuckballs do you know what nachos are?!" Dave asked in morbid confusion.

"Homie, I got a guide."

Scootaloo pulls out How to make nachos for dumb little horses

"Okay, so while we're waiting... wanna play a board game?"

"Nigga... did you just ask the Based pony if she wanted to play a game?"

"Yeah... So wanna play?"

"Fuck yeah! All day every day!"

Dave lost to Scootaloo a lot in Scrabble.

"How the ballsack did you get so good at this?!"

"Nigga please... I made this shit." Scootaloo said confidently.

"Really?" Dave asked with curiosity. "Fuck no! I'm a little orange horse."

"No hands either homie."

After about five games of Scrabble, the nachos were done.

"Aight, let's eat!"

Scootaloo and Dave proceeded to inhale the nachos as fast as they could.

" Dam, Scootaloo you're one good cook!"

"Hell yeah I am! I'm BASED my nigga!"

Scootaloo proceeded to fuck up all of Equestria with Dave as her crazy Kung Fu Ass kicking side kick.

Unfortunately... They managed to wake up two very important individuals in Canterlot.

"Lulu... I sense a disturbance in the horse..."

"Fuck your shit hermana! I'm going back to playing GCA 5!"

Luna then gave Celestia the hoof and went back to room to play some more GCA 5 online. Celestia sighed and facehoofed

"I fucking hate Mondays..." She say with a defeated look on her face.

Then all of Equestria was fucked because of these four idiots. Was it fate that these four would fuck shit up? Who gives a pony's ass... Let's all get some nachos from Based Scootaloo.

Chapter 1- The Beginning of Insanity.

Dave Wang couldn't believe it. He had just binge watched all 5 seasons of MLP. He decided to check it out because some of his friends had't

stopped talking about it. What he didn't expect was to become hooked on it. After watching all 5 seasons, he started to read mlp fan-fiction.

Soon he started posting some mlp fan-fics of his own after class. Then watching fan-animations, and even making some animations too.

After a few weeks Dave started hearing the voices of the characters in his head. It drove him nearly insane. Luckily despite this minor

setback, he still managed to barely continue his normal life, until one particular Monday when suddenly the world he knew was gone.

Dave woke up, dazed and groggy.

What the hell happened last night?

He said as he rubbed his aching head.

Was I drugged? Dave wondered.

Then Dave looked around and what he saw both terrified and excited him.

"No way." Dave said in awe.

" That's Impossible."

"... I'm in the Everfree Forest." Dave said as he swallowed nervously.

Chapter 3- Epilogue.

Dave was happy. He had finally adapted to living among the ponies after a year in Ponyville. However, something was still missing. It ate away at him. Then one day when the ponies were getting ready for the Summer Sun Celebration, it hit him hard. He had forgotten to apologize for almost destroying Equestria. He boarded the train to Canterlot. After arriving at the castle doors, the guards stopped him.

"Halt!" One of the guards said.

"Whoa dude, chill. I'm just here to apologize to the princesses."

"Alright human, but I'll be watching you very closely." The guard said in a seductive tone.

"Um... I don't swing that way bro." Dave said as he went into the castle.

After finding the throne room doors, Dave paused.

"Ok, just gonna apologize and get out. It'll be easy. I mean how hard can apologizing to Royalty be?"

Dave opened the door.

"Hello Princess Celestia."

"Oh... it's you."

"Well come in I suppose..." Celestia said with a sarcastic tone.

"Thanks... um about what happened..." Dave began.

"I'M SORRY ABOUT ALMOST DESTROYING EQUESTRIA. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" Dave yelled.

"IT'S OKAY, I NEEDED TO GET OFF MY FLANK AND DO SOMETHING ANYWAY!" Celestia yelled back.

"Wait.. what?" Dave said.

"Heh heh. Nothing..." Celestia said with a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

"Dave, there is something I'm curious about."

"Yes Princess, what is it?"

"I'm curious if you find me attractive..." Celestia whispered nervously.

"Wait what?!" Dave said in confusion.

"I SAID I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANNA BONE!" Celestia yelled in frustration.

"WHOA PRINCESS, SLOW YOUR ROLL!" Dave replied.

"WHY NOT?! DO YOU THINK I'M UGLY?!! THAT'S IT... ISN'T IT?!" Celestia said between loud obnoxious sobbing.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY!" Dave yelled trying to calm Celestia down.

"Oh..." Celestia said surprised.

"Forgive me Dave. That was unprofessional." Celestia said sadly.

"It's okay princess... it's not that I don't find you attractive..."

"You really mean that?!" Celestia looked up at him with hope.

"Wow... I... Thank you Dave." Celestia said with a smile.

"No stallion has ever looked at me this way."

"They're too afraid."

"Not this one." Dave said with a laugh.

But then...

"So Dave, wanna bone now?" Celestia asked meekly.

"You mean right now? As in this room?"

"Yeeees...." Celestia said slowly, her face as red as a tomato.

"Ok..." Dave said, blushing from embarrassment as well.

And then they boned.

The End.

Bonus- Lyra meets the Kung Fu Bro.

Dave run as fast as he could from the mint green unicorn... Unfortunately he wasn't fast enough.

Dave wondered what went wrong.

Flashback- Five minutes ago

Dave was strolling along Ponyville's roads, enjoying the sunshine and peace and quiet

Suddenly... a lighting fast green blur crashed into him.

A mint green unicorn with a lyre for a cutie mark reveal herself.

"Owww!" Lyra said as she picked herself up.

Dave stood up and brushed himself off.

"Are you okay miss?" Dave asked with concern.

"Ah... yes I'll be-" Lyra cut herself off.

"Um... miss?" Dave asked nervously.

"DEAR SWEET CELESTIA! A HUMAN!" Lyra said excitedly.

"Um yeah. I'm a human who are-" Dave said a little creeped out

"I'm Lyra! It's nice to meet you!" Lyra said a little too loudly.

"Oh... Lyra. That's a lovely-"

"Are those hands?!"

"Yes they-"

Lyra didn't even wait for him to finish his reply. She started to rub them against her face.

"Whoa girl... Slow your roll." Dave said as he tried to pry his hands loose from Lyra's hooves.

"No... They're all mine." Lyra said in a creepy voice.

"Okay, goodbye crazy mare..." Dave said as he pushed her away and made a run for it.

"Ahh!" Dave yelled as he was tackled to the ground by the creepy unicorn.

"I've finally got you my pretty." Lyra said in a crazed tone.

"No please... Don't." Dave said preparing for the worst.

Then Lyra started playing with his hands again

"Mmmm. Yes. Give it to me." Lyra said in a semi orgasmic voice.

"Please let go." Dave said in a scared tone as he struggled to escape her grasp.

"Fine."

"I'm in the mood for something a little hotter." Lyra said with a perverted smile on her face.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Dave screamed as Lyra begun to yank off his zipper with her teeth.

Lyra wasn't dealing with any old smuck though. She was trying to get some Kung Fu Bro D.

And Kung Fu Bro already got a mare.

Sucks to be Lyra.

Dave pushed Lyra off his Wang and unleashed a flurry of punches at the crazed human lover.

Lyra got hit in the face at least five times... but she still kept going.

Dave realized his awesome punches weren't phasing her in the slightest and decide to make a run for it.

He was so scared of Lyra. He didn't even bother with getting his pants back.

Dave ran all the way to the Ponyville Train Station and then brought a ticket.

He booked it to Canterlot like a angry jackrabbit on a monday.

When he got to Canterlot, he told the whole story to Celestia.

Celestia just laughed and said "So... you didn't give her the D?"

Dave started shaking her "You're suppose to take this seriously! I almost got raped by a pony!"

Celestia just laughed even harder and brushed it off as Lyra being Lyra.

Too bad for Dave. He was not amused.