Gah! Bucket please!

by StormDancer

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9306

Princess Twilight Sparkle spills some Smooze goo... Things escalate.

Sprincess Pielight Tarkle... or Princess Twilight Sparkle (once the script was wiped clean) may have collected a bit of Smooze goo after the Gala. She might have been researching it. She also possibly spilled a little while running an experiment on its properties.
There would be only two potential issues with this, highly theoretical, and by no means representative, situation: 1... it's from a highly magical, elder beast, and 2... it's immune to conventional magic.

Things could potentially escalate.

<Spike facepalms and writes a letter>
Okay. Things escalated quickly.

Published 2016-04-09 02:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-13 19:57:16 UTC

Gah!

The smell of burning socks and turpentine should never be the result of magical conductance testing.

This was a fact known to Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, books, and assorted other world-saving endeavors. That such a smell was currently filling her 'research room', since her basement lab no longer existed, was both worrisome and frustrating.

With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, she trotted back over to a glass apparatus which currently belched a thin yellow/gray smoke and covered the whole thing with a shimmering dome of lavender magic before siphoning out all the air and sealing the monstrosity in a blob of gray goo. Thus sealed, she waited a few more seconds for the goo to harden before teleporting the entire worktable out of the room and into a large dumpster some 200 feet under the Ponyville landfill... which, admittedly, consisted of little more than a few broken carts, some flowerpots, cans of drab colored paint, and an unusual number of striped socks.

Shaking her head at the loss of yet another table, she returned to her existing project and peered through an arcane lens to observe a thin green slime bubbling in an Erlenmeyer flask set above a small Bunsen burner.

The slime, predictably, bubbled as it was heated. The flask, predictably sat there. The flame, predictably, glowed with the steady supply of both gas and the surrounding air. The thermal probe stuck into the flask continued to display a slow, but steady, rise in the temperature of the slime. The flask sat there doing nothing, also predictably.

With no small amount of joy, Twilight Sparkle scribbled down her notes on the experiment, glancing through various scopes and taking readings in accordance with a rigidly controlled checklist pinned next to her notes... which even included time for suppressing fires and teleporting failed experiments should she become distracted.

As she had been.

When she had run to the kitchen for her fifteenth mug of camomile tea that evening.

Chuckling nervously at the slight discomfort she was beginning to experience, she glanced at her checklist one more time before rifling through a series of observations and darting out to use the royal little-filly's room.

Three minutes later, and floating another three mugs of tea behind her, she returned to the room feeling much relieved. With a smile, she plopped back down, pulled out her checklist, glanced over the room to note a decided lack of flames, and inhaled deeply as she turned to peer once more through the arcane lens at her sample of Smooze goo (politely and surreptitiously obtained) from the Grand Galloping Gala.... only to suddenly feel her nose burn, sinuses constrict, and eyes squint as the horrid smell of something burning forced a violent sneeze from her.

A few moments of hacking and coughing from the smell that had suddenly filled the room, and Twilight managed to regain enough breath to freeze the room, seal the table in gray goo, and teleport it to the landfill as well.

Sitting back down, she placed a hoof to her muzzle and wiped a bit of the splattered goo from her face.

"Eyuck! This stuff is STILL nasty after all these months. I can't believe the Smooze is made of this stuff... how he... she... er, it, can even move around without pseudopods, let alone while oozing this stuff, is beyond me."

Another few minutes were spent wiping down the floor and walls, replacing the air in the room with fresh air from outside, and generally cleaning up from the spontaneous ignition of the Smooze goo and her subsequent smooze-vapor related sneeze.

A small dustbin full of rags, all covered in the bile-yellow burnt slime, floated over to a magical hazard bin before being sealed in the familiar gray goo and being locked into a control cabinet.

Twilight took a minute more to look over her research room, assemble another table from the pile of boxes in the corner, and shake her head at the waste of another valuable sample. There just wasn't much Smooze goo to go around.

After Discord's little stunt, and Treehugger's 'auditory bliss', most of the Smooze goo had simply been reabsorbed by the Smooze itself. Only a few small patches of the magically resistant goop had been left behind, and most of those had been cleaned up by the castles Magical Hazards Crew. That Twilight had managed to collect any was testament to her nearly religious belief that nopony should go anywhere without scientific equipment. After all, the outside world was the best example of 'field testing' available.

Floating one last rag over and wiping a bit of smoking goop from her shoulder, Twilight frowned.

"And now that's gone too" she muttered. "And asking Discord for more is simply not an option.... way too many bad jokes and insinuations from him to be worth it."

Frowning, she turned back to her newly assembled table, floated a pile of books over, plopped down, and started in on her sixteenth mug of tea... and summoning another three for good measure.

After all, one loss shouldn't mean the end to a perfectly good evening of study. Oooo.... Burro-itos sounded like a great study aide too.

And, unbeknownst to her, a single drop of unburned ooze dripped, at that exact moment, from the ceiling and onto the tip of her horn.

-~oOo~-

Twilight Sparkle woke to the familiar sensation of a book stuck to her face.

The room was brightly lit, the nine empty mugs of tea still stacked with mathematical precision on the end of the table, and the entire plane of page 439 of Thaumaud's Reticulating Rapture Principle glued to her face via a puddle of half dried drool.

Groaning as she sat up, the book still stuck to her cheek, she blinked owlishly for a moment before grasping the book with her magic and prying, carefully, the tome from her face.

After a few moments of resistance the soft shlicking sound of half-dry drool mixed with book glue announced the end of her book-related confinement.

It was at that moment that Twilight Sparkle, Princess of a whole lot of fancy sounding things, made a discovery.

Falling asleep, after having drunk that much tea, led to a horrible bout of blushing, embarrassment, and the puddle she was apparently sitting in.

Bucket!

Many many things had happened to Princess Twilight Sparkle since she had been sent to Ponyville 5 years ago. She had discovered the Elements of Harmony, she had teamed up with a group of five strangers and defeated the evil sister of Princess Celestia, she had restored said sister to her former (non-evil) self, defeated the eldrich spirit of Chaos, beaten back swarms of monsters, seen things that cannot be unseen, and even closed the gates of Tartarus after returning Cerberus there with the use of a squeaky ball conveniently hidden in a tree trunk in case of ball emergencies.

She may have also become a princess in the process.

That being said, she was no stranger to embarrassing situations, having been the source of no small number of blunders over the years.

And all of that failed to compare to the realization that with all her accomplishments, all her knowledge, and all her magic, she had failed to remember the basic concept of cause and effect.

With a groan, she stood from her seat, trying her best to ignore the sound of wet fur shlicking off polished wood, and turned to clean up her mess. The chair was a complete loss: no amount of polish would ever remove the bleaching of ... that... once it had sat for so many hours. The floor could be handled. The desk, well, technically drool could damage the finish, but with her habit of falling asleep, she wagered the prospective life of the desk over the likelihood of anypony seeing it before she would have to dispose of it anyway. After a moment, the assorted books were floated out of the room, save the damp-paged book turned pillow, and the desk received a nice new flash polish, courtesy of the Princess' magic.

A few more moments were spent teleporting another experiment into the vault under the dump before she turned to the source of her embarrassment with a flush cheeked scowl.

The chair.

It had taken some three minutes and forty-seven seconds to appropriately clean, sterilize, and ultimately dispose of said chair. Despite it having been enchanted and magically reinforced, apparently the result of too many cups of extremely concentrated tea being filtered through the Element of Magic's own kidneys was beyond simple protection spells. The amount of frustration she had found in teleporting the warded piece of furniture was only exceeded by the realization that upon her third attempt, the wards had simply given out, resulting in the smouldering wreck that she had finally disposed of.

Evidence of her embarrassing evening gone, she had turned to go wash up when she noticed the whiff of fresh air, and only then realized that the stink of the burnt smooze goo had never left the room.

With a growl that threatened to become habitual, she stomped out of the lab with a softly glowing magical field around her... in case Spike had returned unexpectedly.

That, and she didn't want to have to clean her entire castle on her way to the shower. A brisk walk and a careful check of the main hall assured her that Spike was indeed still out, and thankfully unaware of her little accident. No amount of excuses or explanations would have deterred her number one assistant from asking the obvious questions. And no amount of mental manipulation would be capable of erasing those memories from his young mind. A dragon, after all, would live for centuries, and she had no intention of letting a story like that be something others would find out about in the years to come.

Spike was a good dragon, but he was still a baby dragon and prone to slips of the tongue.

Regardless, with his absence, Twilight drew some slight amount of comfort as she hurried to her bathroom, slammed the door, and turned on the hot water.

As she waited for the water to heat up, she quickly brushed the tangles from her mane before turning to look at herself in the mirror.

'Yep' she thought to herself, 'looks like I fell asleep on a book again.' With a roll of her eyes, she turned from the mirror, and beheld her blissfully steamy shower before hopping past the raised stonework and onto the pristine tiles of the room sized stall.

The sooner she could get clean, the sooner she could feel clean. And the sooner she could remove all evidence of the night, the sooner she could get back to work..... and try to bury all the embarrassment that went with those memories.

The shower had taken longer than she had expected.

Not only had the smear of drool and book glue on her cheek proven remarkably difficult to wash off, but no matter how hard she had scrubbed, she couldn't quite seem to get the feeling of filth from her hindquarters. After fifteen minutes of brushing and scrubbing, she realized that the clingy cloying feeling of being dirty was most likely psychological and had resolved to a nice shampoo and conditioning wash rather than risk scrubbing her hide 'clean' of her coat.

Personal hygiene or not, going out with a patchy coat would not only raise a few eyebrows, but all the wrong kinds of questions.

Besides, Rarity's weekly spa invitation was only 3 days away and if she wasn't feeling normal by then, the spa ponies would likely have just the right additive for her bath to ease her worries away.

The smell of burnt Smooze goo though, ~that~ was something she was finding remarkably difficult to get rid of once she had noticed it.

At first, it hadn't been so bad, but once the third rinse had taken the suds from her coat, she had started to wonder if the Smooze's natural magical resistance somehow also included an aversion to floral scents.

That curiosity aside, after her forty eight minute shower, she had quickly dried herself, brushed out her mane and tail, and tossed her towel into the drying cabinet when she blinked at the gurgling sound of her stomach.

Ah.... the late night burro-itos.

Mental note to self, eating burro-itos late at night, while chugging tea and performing gratuitous amounts of science, could lead to discomfort and bloating.

Wonderful. As if the morning hadn't been unpleasant enough.

With another roll of her eyes, she checked herself over in the mirror one last time.

If nothing else, at least the excessive amount of conditioner had left her mane, tail, and coat with a glossy, almost wet, sheen.

She giggled softly, Rarity would kill for this look.

With one last check to make sure the shower was properly drained, Twilight trotted out of the bathroom and back to her lab, hearing the front door close just as she returned to her newly polished desk.

Just as she had pulled out a new book and began taking notes on the table of contents, the muffled shout of her assistant reached her ears.

"EEEeeeeew! What is this stuff on the bathroom floor!?!?!?"

And with a pop and a flash of light, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of a lot of things, gained a new, self imposed title: Lord High Queen of Embarrassing Excuses and Attempts of Justify 'Stuff' as Spilled Tile Polish.

Which probably would have worked... if Spike hadn't seen the toilet paper stuck to her hoof.

Please!

Getting through the day had been entirely too much trouble.

Not only had the smell of burnt Smooze lingered far too long but a seemingly never ending string of frustrations had made themselves known. None of her experiments had actually produced any significant results. She'd found out that her supply of 'emergency quills' had run out over the weekend and she'd had to resort to plucking one of her own feathers. Applejack had come over to visit, only to be called away on some 'apple related emergency'...whatever that was.... probably a farmer thing. And most frustrating of the batch was that Spike had continued to check on her throughout the entire time.

Yes, it was endearing at first, the little guy just poking his head in and checking to see if she needed anything for lunch, sweeping a bit, and even coming over to give her a hug, but when he strolled in with a thermometer and said he was just 'trying to calibrate' it using an average alicorn thermal reading, she'd finally realized that he was up to something.

They'd discussed alicorn biology just last Thursday.

The minutes that had followed had been both embarrassing and humbling as she'd had to explain the 'spilled tile polish' as the result of entirely too many cups of coffee, tea, and falling asleep in a chilly room. Yes, she'd dodged the worst of it, explaining she had gone to clean up and just forgotten to clean up the spilled 'tile polish,' but even so, She had had to say it in the first place.

And she did not like lying to her friends... or number one assistant for that matter.

But there was simply no way she was going to say that she'd made a mess, then accidentally did so again while distracted in the shower.

None.

But, all of that was behind her now.

With a weary sigh and a furtive smile, Twilight Sparkle climbed into bed, pulling the covers over herself, and did her level best to forget the whole day.

"Luna, please don't want to discuss the days events over tea while I sleep...." she muttered as she closed her eyes.

-~oOo~-

Twilight woke to the slight chill of a night breeze coming through her window.

The room was dark, her bed warm, but once awoken Twilight, like many other ponies, simply could not just drift back off to sleep. It was something deeply rooted in their biology, something almost primal, that would niggle and linger long after whatever it was that had originally woken them.

Twilight sighed. Perhaps it was the result of a herd instinct from pre-Celestial times... a survival mechanism to alert the herd to the threat of a potential predator. Maybe it was a warning that something was coming. Maybe it was even some kind of proto-evolutionary extra sensory perception that would herald the next great leap in pony civilization.

Or maybe it was just really really hard to find that one comfortable spot on the bed or find the cool side of the pillow without moving.

Whatever the case, Twilight knew that she wouldn't be getting back to sleep without doing something to get her mind off of getting back to sleep... or theorizing about why she needed to get her mind off of sleep to actually get there.

With a grunt, she flipped the blankets off and slid out of bed. Even with the slight breeze, the room felt a little stuffy. Maybe opening another window and getting a drink of water would clear the air and settle her enough to get back to sleep.

If not, there was always the fine collection of 'finely crafted literature for the single mare' that Rarity was always 'accidentally' leaving when she visited. Twilight smirked at the thought. For all that Rarity tried to present as fashionable and high society, deep down, where it really counted, she was just like the common pony after all.

No taste in literature.

Yawning, Twilight wandered across her room, reached up a hoof and blindly fumbled with the window latch before wandering to the adjoining restroom and turning on the tap for a cup of water. It really was feeling a little chillier than she expected with the window, and bed was sounding more and more enticing by the moment.

Fine sheets with thick blankets... drawn up nice and even, right to her shoulders where she could curl them over just so and snuggle into her pillow...

Absolutely perfect...

And as she trotted back across the dark room, she felt her skin turn cold as she stepped into something wet and runny across the floor.

No possible way. Absolutely not. She'd been awake and aware the entire time this time.

Gingerly pulling her hoof back to the wet squelch of the slick substance, she cast a spell to light the room, fully expecting to find a slug or something that had climbed through the window while she slept.

What she didn't expect was for the entire room to take on a steady pinkish glow with shadows cast at all the wrong angles.

Blinking, she glanced around, momentarily confused and wondering what would be reflecting her horn's light in that manner until she noticed a series of dark patches scattered across her floor. Carefully leaning down to inspect one, Twilight suddenly came to two very distressing conclusions...

One, it appeared that someone had broken into her castle with very muddy hooves, and Two, that it wasn't her horn that was glowing.

The first was, appropriately forgotten as the panic of the Second brought up Twilight's 'Reserved for Moments Where I Can't Think of Something Fast Enough' reaction...

Namely, she screamed "SPIIIIIIIKE!" and scrambled backwards until she found herself pressed into a corner and trying not to hyperventilate.

-~oOo~-

Spike's arrival had been swift.
He'd managed to cover the 80 feet between his room and hers in a matter of seconds. He'd managed to pry open the heavy crystal door in moments. He'd even managed to find and light a lantern in the time between opening the door and stepping through it (Twilight was still uncertain of how he did that, but after meeting Pinkie Pie, she had given up on explaining every helpful little thing).

He was not, however, very quick to approach when he saw Twilight Sparkle, alicorn princess of Equestria, jammed up in a corner and glowing like a lavender lightning bug.

"Twilight? What's.... You're.... I mean.... are you okay?" the young dragon asked carefully, eyeing his mother/sister/friend gently.

"Spike. Don't come any closer. I don't know what's wrong, but my magic's gone all crazy!" Twilight's voice inched slowly higher as she continued to jitter and push herself backwards into the corner.

"Um... Twilight..."

"I'm serious Spike! This could be bad! I might have horn rot or thaumatic tearing. It could even be a mage phage!"

Spike, seeing Twilight freaking out, did what he normally did... calmly inject reason with the subtly of Rainbow Dash entering a library.

"Twilight. Calm down. You probably just cast a light spell in your sleep again. Like you did when you were younger."

"NO I DIDN'T! And that was just that one time -"

"Over thirty at last count..."

"- ... Fine! But it was only because it was dark and I needed a nightlight and that was YEARS ago! BUT I was AWAKE tonight!"

"and...?"

"And? AND? And my HORN ISN'T GLOWING! IT'S ALL OF ME! THAT'S NOT NORMAL!" Twilight shouted.

"Technically, your horn is part of you-"

"SPIKE!"

"Well, I'm just saying."

"Spiiiike."

"Fiiiine. But look Twilight, just calm down. I'm sure it's just something simple like a cold or something... I mean, you weren't feeling too well yesterday and it could just be -"

"I was feeling Fine Spike," she said coldly.

"Yeeeeeah.... but you don't look fine Twilight. I'm pretty sure you're sick."

Twilight blinked. What did he mean by that? She was GLOWING not sick! That didn't make any sense.

"Spike, my magic's acting crazy, I'm glowing, and yes, there was that .... unpleasantness yesterday, but I'm not sick."

"Twilight, I know you're freaking out right now-"

"Completely reasonable response..." Twilight interjected.

"fine... 'reasonable response'-ing right now, but you're covered in sweat, your mane's not even sticking out, and it looks like you've got a fever with how pink you're looking." He squinted, "buuuuut, that might just be the glow."

Twilight blinked slowly.

She was glowing. Her entire body was glowing. Tentatively, she licked her lips as she focused upon the window across the room and tried to close it with her magic.

Predictably, the pinkish glow surrounded the pane before the window swiftly shut itself. Twilight focused upon the lanterns in various sconces around the room, lighting the place with clean blue/white light.

Spike was still standing there, watching her, but the moment seemed destined to stretch as long as possible.

Slowly, Spike walked out of the room and returned with a mop, bucket, apron, and a pair of large rubber gloves.

"I'm not going to ask Twilight," Spike said quietly as he began to slop the mop across the floor, Twilight slowly easing away from the wall.

"I'm not going to ask anything at all," Spike continued as he finished mopping the floor some minutes later.

Spike finally paused in his cleaning, looking at the damp sheets of the bed and the tangled, soaking, blanket that was bunched up on the floor.

Twilight blushed furiously, "Spike it's not-"

"I'm not going to ask, Twilight," he stated firmly, before nodding and tugging the gloves on tighter and approaching the wet fabrics.

Spike turned his head and picked up the blankets with just the tips of his gloved claws.

"IT'S JUST SWEAT!" Twilight nearly yelled.

Spike simply piled them all up and blew fire until they had turned to ash.

"Spike!"

"I didn't see anything, and those blankets must have been lost when Tirek attacked."

"But it's only swea-" Twilight whined.

"Tirek," Spike deadpanned.

Cleanup, aisle...

Waking up on top of a sheet of 'waterproof' bedding was not one of Twilight's highlights.

Waking up to the blankets sticking to her, as if she had been dipped in honey, was even worse.

With a muttering growl that was most certainly her stomach and not an overly frustrated collection of nearly arcane sounds that would have banished the offending blanket to the surface of the sun, she slid off her bed and tromped towards her bathroom.

It was about forty seconds later when her sluggishly waking mind took note of the blanket dragging on the floor behind her, collecting everything it touched its sticky surface to.

"I'm going to fix this," she said with a roll of her eyes as she floated her toothbrush up and began her morning routine.

Only to growl again and turn away, the toothbrush stuck firmly to her teeth.

-~oOo~-

Hours and hours slipped away, a slight puddle growing around her bottom as she cycled her third chair into the fireplace. There was no way she was going to let a little thing like magic resistant goo stop her from doing her duty as one of Equestria's Princesses. There had to be a spell, a treatment, or a cure for the eldrich goop. She simply couldn't believe that the Smooze, a creature from Equestria's distant past, that had ravaged the planet and covered nearly the entire population in its corrupting slime, had never been seen as enough of a threat as to merit study or remedy.

Even a brand of soap would have been helpful, but noooooo. Equestrians were, apparently, as accustomed to bizarre monster attacks as they were to not documenting their day to day lives.

Twilight frowned at that. Maybe a strongly worded letter to the school board would bring about a era of diary/journal writing which would enlighten future generations.

Or, she considered, maybe they could hire a royal archivist to organize and catalog all of the mishaps that seemed to befall them on a weekly basis. It would certainly be more informative than that trashy romance series Rarity kept suggesting.

Frowning as she noticed the tabletop seeming to grow nearer to her muzzle, Twilight slid the rest of the way to the floor, kicked out a back leg and knocked chair number four into the fireplace before dragging in number five.

-~oOo~-

Spike frowned at the severely reduced number of spare chairs in the, aptly named, spare chair closet. Twilight's rambuncious friend, Rainbow Dash, had a habit of accidentally destroying furniture in her landings, and one of Twilight's first royal expenditures had been the acquisition of a contract to supply her castle with a monthly order of chairs, tables, and window panes to reduce the frustration of continuously lugging the things from various shops.

And while the process seemed to work, the fact that Rainbow Dash had just smashed a chair in her attempt at another 'awesome landing' while coming over to invite Twilight to lunch had left Spike with a chair short in the main hall.

Promising to let Twilight know, he'd gone off to fetch a replacement chair and come across the situation before him.

Namely, a closet, specifically set aside for chairs, with a decidedly chair-less condition.

-~oOo~-

Twilight was ecstatic.

It had taken a lot of work, a lot of time, and a lot of chairs, but she had managed to finally pull off a magic-resistant-resistant spell to protect her books.

Clapping her hooves together in excitement, she nearly squealed with joy until the wet slopping sound of her celebration snapped her forcefully back to the real problem at hoof.

Sniffing away her displeasure at the reminder, her body lit up as a series of pinkish glows slid across the books around her, the table, the chair, and finally the floor, before fading from sight.

She leaned over the edge of the table, gently tapping a hoof against the leg and watched with a growing sense of accomplishment as the thin layer of goop she seemed to be constantly oozing simply deformed and pulled away from the table, leaving it untouched.

Nodding, she smiled.

It wasn't perfect, but it would buy her the time she needed to fix the problem without having to resort to more extreme measures. Like (1) asking for help, (2) being embarrassed, or (3) telling Princess Celestia that she had apparently fallen asleep and had hybridized with the Smooze.

Discord would NEVER let that one go. He'd read far too much into the word 'hybridized'.

No, it was a very lucky break in finding that spell... in the cooking section of all places!

And, she thought with a grin, it might also help explain why her pancakes were never as nice as Pinkie Pie's. After all, if Pinkie were using enchanted bakeware, it would explain why they never turned black and crunchy like hers. If she ever found this enchanter, 'Nolfet', she'd have to thank him... or her... for their spell.

-~oOo~-

...yes.

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and seven friends were trotting across the town square as they made their way towards the little cafe that sometimes played host to the residents of the village. Smiles and gossip flitted unfettered between them all, a light mood saturating the group as they chatted, merely enjoying the presence of their friends.

All, except the resident alicorn princess of friendship, who wore a genuine smile with a poorly hidden twitch every now and then, her horn aglow as a small paper fan flicked constantly beside her.

"Darling, are you feeling quite well?" Rarity inquired as they took seats around a well worn, yet brightly colored, table. Let it never be said that a friend of Rarity's caliber wouldn't make allowances for the dramatic or eccentric, but the day simply wasn't ~that~ hot.

Fluttershy and Applejack both turned to Twilight; Rainbow Dash opting to flag down the waiter.

"Oh, um, just been inside so much that I guess being out here really does feel just a bit too warm at the moment," Twilight offered, "I'm perfectly nor-... er, fine. Nothing to be worried about."

And while both Rarity and Applejack raised eyebrows, Fluttershy had the politeness to simply smile and say "Oh, well, that's good to hear. I'd hate to think you were coming down with something." She smiled again before reaching over and lightly hugging Twilight. "We really did miss you, you know. It's just not the same when you're not around."

Rainbow Dash stood up on her toadstool shaped seat and waved a hoof impatiently at the waiter, completely ignoring the fact that her tail ended up flailing just as energetically across the table... much to Rarity's obvious displeasure.

"Dear! Do, PLEASE, sit down. I'm sure he'll be with us in just a moment."

Rainbow's response was to spin around before dropping back to her seat and smirking. "Yheah, yheah. They're right though, Twilight, it's not the same without your weird magic and crazy freakouts every time something wrecks the town."

Twilight's eyes shot up, a near panicked look on her face. "Wait! What?!? What happened while I was in the castle? Was anypony hurt? Why didn't you come get me?!? Is it still free? Was it Chrysalis? The Flim Flam Brothers? Did Tirek break free aga-mrpfh?"

A pink hoof muffled the princess' rambling as Pinkie Pie just grinned and shook her head. "Nope! Buuuuuut we did get to see a whole buncha' cute little animals and Fluttershy tamed a plant-bunny!"

"A Briar Rabbit," Fluttershy corrected softly.

"Yheah! One of those!"

"And we unloaded a new batch of clouds from Cloudsdale to make up for the hot spell we had last month," Rainbow Dash tossed in.

"'bout time yah slackers got around to that," smirked Applejack as the two laughed.

"Yes, well, there was that, of course," Rarity smiled as the waiter finally approached, "but really though, Twilight, it's just not the same without you here. There's something simply.... missing."

The table nodded with soft smiles as the waiter pulled out a notepad before glancing at a passing pegasus and recording their orders before trotting back inside.

"But really, Twi, what had ya so caught up that you had Spike in such a fuss? Little guy said you were holed up in the basement an' just about as frazzled as a worm on harvest day."

Twilight coughed softly before smiling and replying. "Oh, I just ran into the most interesting bit of research about the application of zap-apples towards ink making! It was amazing! Did you know that Zap-apples can be pressed to make magical ink that can both conduct electricity AND be used as a dye or colorant in foods?"

The lie was so atrociously bad that she just knew they would never believe it. Zap-apples were far too uncommon to have had any procedurally replicatable study performed upon them. And even if they ~had~ been studied, she was certain that no amount of scholarly work would have been disseminated beyond a very select group of ponies. That being said, she HAD looked into the fruit and nothing she had said was technically false in the literal sense.

Her smile was just wide enough to make her lips hurt.

"You mean ya spent a whole darn week frettin' over apples?" Applejack asked.

"And their applications as potential dyes?" Rarity added.

"So we could use them on cupcakes?!?" Pinkie nearly flung herself across the table to come nose to nose with Twilight.

"And Zap ponies as joke ink?" Rainbow Dash smirked.

"um... that seems like a very thoughtful thing to do, Twilight," Fluttershy smiled as she reached for the plate the waiter had returned with.

Twilight swallowed as she looked around the table (around Pinkie Pie's enormous smile) at all her happy friends, and nearly kicked herself for lying to them.

"Well, yheah. I just got a little caught up in things and one thing led to another," she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly but flinched as something hit the top of her nose.

Rarity looked up before her smile fell into a light scowl. "Well, that is simply atrocious. Rainbow Dash, I thought you said we were to have a lovely sunny afternoon."

"What?" Rainbow looked up, half a bite of sandwich sticking out of her mouth as she watched the pegassi crisscrossing the sky with a frown. "Hey, that's not me. I totally checked the schedule and we're not supposed to open up those clouds for another half hour at least."

"Half hour from when, ya darn featherhead?" Applejack snarked from across the table.

"Half an hour from not-my-fault-o clock!" RD threw back with a little agitation.

And while the others bickered lightheartedly, Twilight smiled as a few more drops of rain began to patter down around them, suddenly very glad that she's made sure the spell barriers wouldn't stop water or simple weather effects from being displaced. It would seem very odd if everyone else was getting wet and she remained perfectly dry.

Well, she considered, I could probably have waved it off as a spell I learned... they probably wouldn't question that too much.

Twilight smiled softly as she took a bite of her daisy sandwich while she watched her friends tease and squabble good naturedly. It really was nice to be out again, to be able to spend time with her friends.

And this sandwich was excellent. So good, in fact, that she was finished before she realized it.

"And ~I'm~ sayin' yer a no-good airhead when it comes to buckin' apples!"

"And I'm saying you couldn't buck a cloud if you tried!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack were nose to nose, glaring daggers at one another when the clouds above finally stopped drizzling and opened up, dousing the two in a torrent of water that had RD's mane looking like spilled paint and AJ's hat almost as soggy as a cake Pinkie had forgotten to bake before serving.

Twilight munched on a second sandwich quietly, her fan long since reduced to a feebly flapping wad of paper as she frowned at the clouds above. It wasn't that she was against the rain... it was calming and cool and brought much needed water to the town, but it wasn't terribly good for a gathering outdoors. Besides, she was beginning to get that uncomfortable feeling again.

Darn burroitos! Why hadn't she learned her lesson last time. Twilight frowned again, which Rarity seemed to notice.

For her own part, Rarity, looked Twilight over for a moment before turning her attention to the two bickering friends from under an umbrella held aloft in her magic. And as nice as it was to have their friends all together again, with the rain, she had finally had enough. "Dears. As much as I'd simply love to stay out here and risk ruining my mane, I am strongly suggesting... in no uncertain terms... that we go inside."

Fluttershy, predictably, nodded, her mane a sopping sleek smear of pink. And while AJ and RD frowned at the storm, Pinkie Pie had begun to prance around in the puddles.

Twilight shifted in her seat, uncomfortable in the downpour, despite enjoying just being with her friends. "Girls, I'm with Rarity on this. We can still catch up inside... but, it is getting unpleasant out here.

And before much else was said, the friends all crowded into the cafe, the waiter offering each a towel.

Spike, rolled his eyes, holding a small umbrella over himself as he munched on his last fistfull of hay fries, before glancing around and stealing the remains of Applejack and Rainbow Dash's chips... and running inside as the rain continued to pour.

Tea?

Inside the cafe, six ponies and a small dragon crowded around a table, merrily chatting and catching up, when the waiter brought over their third kettle of tea. Fluttershy quietly held her cup forward as AJ smirked and waved it off. Rainbow smirked and 'misplaced' her cup for the forth time, while Rarity politely exchanged her mostly full cup for a warmer one. Pinkie giggled and ordered her 3rd milkshake as Twilight eagerly held her cup to be refilled... again.

Rarity watched, quietly, until the waiter wandered off again, before quietly clearing her throat.

"Twilight."

"Mmm?" the alicorn looked up at her friend from over the rim of her teacup.

"Not to be insensitive, Darling, but... have you been taking care of yourself over the last week?" Rarity politely let her eyes slip around the room, admiring the.... rustic... decor of the clearly not trendy enough cafe, despite the quality of their food.

"Um, yes? I mean, it's not like I was running laps or anything, but it's not like I was just laying in bed either." Twilight lowered her cup and floated the kettle over to refill her tea as she tried to piece together where her friend was going with the question.

"It's just that, well, and don't take this the wrong way, but... you seem to have put on a tiny bit of weight since we saw you last." Rarity's lips drew to a thin line, trying desperately not to sound condescending or as if she were judging her friend.

Rainbow Dash, however, had no such tact. "Seriously?" And in a flash, she was around the table, softly poking Twilight in the side. "Whoa! Twilight, what'd you do? Like, eat nothing but cake?" She grinned as she hopped back a step, right as Twilight batted where she had been poking her from. "I know you're a princess and all, but cake's a sometimes food."

Pinkie Pie gasped! "IT IS NOT! Cake is one of the most bestestest things EVER made! It's got flour and water and milk and eggs and nuts and berries and sugar and the distilled essence of all things yummy! Cake is the one food you should be able to have at any meal of the day!" She had bounced over to stand between Twilight and Rainbow by that point and was staring at the pegasus hard.

"Yheah, Pinks, cake's great and all, but jeeze! Look at Twilight, it's like she's gotten all squishy!" Rainbow grinned as she started in like she would with Applejack.

Twilight sat agast, the teacup frozen at her lips as she heard her friend taunting her. At the moment, it wasn't a good natured jab to her, the focus had shifted entirely too quickly and without her own retaliation it seemed all too familiar to the kinds of cruel taunts fillies and colts used on the schoolyard.

Idly, she noticed that while she hadn't swallowed the mouthful of tea, her tongue was now dry.

Pinkie, meanwhile had rolled her eyes and thrown her forelegs out. "That's not nice Rainbow! Even if she is a liiiiitle more soft than she normally is, there's nothing wrong with that." Pinkie grinned wide as she pointed to herself. "I'm a little soft too, and that just makes me more huggable and lovable! You should be cheering her up, not making fun of her!"

Rarity chimed in over a soft sip of her own tea, "Pinkie, we're not trying to make fun of her... well, I'm not at least..." Rainbow shot her a frown, "but I am a bit concerned Twilight. It's not like you to simply disappear for days on end and come back... well... like this."

Rarity gently placed one of her immaculately tended hooves to Twilight's side and pressed gently, a dimple forming in the soft layer that the lights of the cafe must have revealed to her.

Fluttershy lowered her gaze and quietly took another almond cookie from the tray they had been sharing, electing to remain silent as her friends suddenly seemed to be involved in a conversation she was not comfortable with.

"Hey! Not you too Rarity!" Pinkie spun in place, somehow avoiding the table as she prodded Rarity in the shoulder. "Not after you ate ALL the chocolate mint fudge butterscotch toffee butter brickle ice-cream when your puppet box thing didn't work!" Rarity craned her neck back with a nervous glance around, clearly wanting no one else to know of her moment of weakness... especially since she maintained a stash of such snacks in her boutique for those moments when inspiration failed to strike.

"Well, it's no trouble to have ya come over to the fields if you'd like to work a bit off Twilight," Applejack smiled. "Way as I see it, what you do in your own time's yer own business. An' if you're worried about it, we're always happy to have ya over to lend a hoof or just chat while we work." She chuckled. "Celestia knows we don't eat those little fluff things 'et Rarity likes... Real meals for Real work at home. Big Mac'll put away half a cart'o apples on a hard day and I can pull a bushel or two myself." With a firm nod, Applejack smirked as she whipped her gaze to Rainbow Dash, "And THAT one, she'll down a bushell and a half while nappin', and don't let her tell ya otherwise."

Rainbow's face turned beet red. "I-I do not!"

"Ya do too and you know it. I've had to lug your sorry butt off the ground more times than you'd like when you conked out in the branches. I know how much you weigh."

"I BURN IT OFF BEING AWESOME!"

"Sure you do, but when you're nappin', you ain't awesome enough to weigh any less ya pig." Applejack's grin was enough to be made into legends... and enough that Rainbow Dash suddenly couldn't just suffer the humiliation any further.

With a barking laugh, she flipped into the air and grabbed her sides before drifting down and pounding Twilight on the back, "I'm just teasing you Twilight. It's cool. You're cool. We're cool."

Unfortunately for Twilight, she had realized what was happening and had tuned out the conversation around her.

Smooze goo apparently absorbed liquids.
Smooze goo hybrids apparently absorbed liquids quickly as well.
She was, currently, such a hybrid, masquerading as herself, by laminating her body in semi-permiable magical membranes.
Membranes which let water and other liquids in (a wet coat in the rain is important for image... to say nothing of being able to eat and drink).
Membranes which did not let liquids, such as the ooze she was constantly exuding, out.
Membranes which had been slowly stretching as she absorbed her morning shower, a rain storm, and several pots of tea.
Membranes which, under the unexpectedly strong thwaps of one Rainbow Dash, had just failed...

and covered everything in a nine foot radius in a thick layer of thin, clingy, ooze.

Twilight's face was glowing red in embarrassment.

"OH ICK! YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK! EeeeeeEEEeeeeeeeW!" Rarity exclaimed.

The rest of them shocked into stunned silence, except for a deadpan Spike who simply lowered his umbrella and asked, "couldn't find a cure?"

When Twilight continued to remain frozen, her entire body glowing bright red, Spike rolled his eyes, pulled out a scroll, and sent it on it's way.

Twilight! In public, no less.

Sitting in her sun room, Twilight Sparkle poured over yet another tome of forgotten lore. Three small hourglasses slowly drained of their sand as she turned a forth over and took a small sip of tea from a very small tea set on a stand nearby.

Outside, the birds sang and the soft murmur of the village wafted in on the gentle morning breeze.

The smell of Sugar Cube Corner's bread ovens caught the Princess' attention, but she glanced back at the stack of books around her.

So much to learn and such a wonderful day for reading... maybe later she'd visit Pinkie and the others. Right now it was time for science!

And a checklist.

And through it all, Twilight blushed.

Spike and Twilight sat alongside Fluttershy and Applejack, listening as Rainbow Dash regaled them with with an action packed play by play of her latest stunt. Somehow, she had managed to use a lake to rebound after a dive and increase her speed into near rainboom velocities, all while trailing smoke flares. The effect was, apparently, AWESOME, since the pegasus' speed was enough to drag the smoke trails up along with her, resulting in a vertical column of exploding smoke which she could buck to flash lightning just at the point before she lost momentum.

Twilight took a bite of her sandwich, nodding politely while she internally tried to work out the math of such an acceleration as well as the magic required to activate a lightning strike from dry, uncharged, smoke rather than a storm cloud.

Applejack called her a liar and threw her hat at her friend. Rainbow laughed. Fluttershy smiled. Spike reached for another nacho.

And Twilight blushed.

Spike continued scribbling as Twilight dictated the results of her examination of the magical composition of parasprite wings.

Four pages on the chemical structure, 3 on the thaumatic resonance, 6 on the micro-mechanical variance between different zones on the wings, and an additional 2 pages on the theoretical application towards assisted flight for Earth Ponies.

Spike had long since tuned out listening and was blindly copying sounds into shapes that would later be decipherable by those who could follow what was being said.

And through it all, Twilight's face remained a deep, deep red.

After a long day of saving Equestria from rampaging briar-rabbits, upset about the use of walnut shells as gardening supplies, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, was taking the last, long, steps towards the blissful bastion of rest that was her bed when Spike stepped out and stopped her with a gentle hand to her leg.

"Sorry Twilight, you know I have to do this," he said with a soft voice, waiting for her dejected nod before trotting over to the bedside and pulling a box out from underneath.

With little in the way of fanfare, he deftly popped the top open and pulled out a shimmery ice-colored wad before kicking the box back under the bed and unfolding a large plastic sheet. Hopping up, he drug the sheet across the mattress before hopping back over and running across, dragging the edge back over and folding the top half back down.

With a comforting pat on her side, he quietly walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

In the dark, Twilight heard the soft quack of a rubber squeaky toy as the room was quickly bathed in the pink red glow of her full body blush.

Laying in her plastic covered, waterproof, bed, Discord sprawled with a rose clenched in his jaws. One eyebrow raised and a dirty grin plastered across his face, he beckoned her forward with an eagle claw.

Blushing even more brightly, Twilight begrudgingly walked forward, each step feeling more like a walk to the gallows than the meter long trip to her bed.

"On come now Twilight, it's not that bad! I'm reformed!" A tiny set of Tirek's appeared upon his mismatched horns, working together to hold up a flickering halo made of collectible glow-in-the-dark toys. "And besides, there's no helping it. The only cure for a case of the Smoozy-Oozies is to squeeze all the Smooze goo out of you."

Discord patted the squeaky covers for just a moment as the rose leapt from his mouth and turned into a sponge.

Tiredly, Twilight Sparkle climbed into bed, turning her back to Discord as she lit up even brighter.

"There there, Princess. Was that so bad?" He crooned. "Oh well, either way, it's time for your nightly cuddles!"

Discord reached out, grabbed Twilight, and squeezed her to his chest, eliciting an even brighter embarrassed blush from the glowing, oozy, alicorn, before smirking and having the floating sponge wick away a thin layer of glowing goop.

"And just think, Twilight, we can do this for as long as it takes to get you all cleaned up!" His head snaked around to come nose to nose with her. "I'm guessing that'll only be a few months." He grinned, "Two years, tops!"

Twilight remained quiet despite the giggling of the Spirit of Chaos, and sighed - At least she wouldn't have to ask for any more samples.

At 2:38 am, Carrot Top muttered darkly as she stomped across her room.

"I don't care how much beta carotene I have, THAT is NOT my eyes playing tricks on me. That castle is glowing!"

And with that, she slammed her bedroom window and pulled the shades before stomping back to bed. "Blasted alicorns and their sky-glowy-magic."

...(sigh)...

Smiling contentedly, Twilight Sparkle looked over herself in the mirror.

It had taken a few days of research, a few hours of study, and almost twenty minutes of practice with minor alterations, but the spell was finished.

With a nod, her body lit up, bringing a slight frown back to her lips, before a series of light pink ripples shimmered over her coat, mane and tail. The soft tinkling of the spell faded as the faint glow of her magic slowly dimmed until only her horn remained alight.

She tilted her head one way and another, carefully checking over her reflection for mistakes in the thaumatic field before nodding firmly again with a smile.

"Finally!" she said, " And now that that's taken care of, let's see what we can do about my manestyle."

A number of brushes and combs floated up around her head, trying to fitfully tease the glossy straight form into something a little closer to her normal cut.

-~oOo~-

She trotted around the castle's library, kitchen, and halls, a small cloud of objects floating beside and around her. A chair was schooched in here, a drape pulled free of a tangle there, a veritable swarm of tiny feather dusters and dust cloths darting about and ushering out the dustbunnies, lions, tigers, and bears that had taken up residence in her week long hiatus from tending to the castle.

Sure, Spike was a wonderful assistant, and a godsend when it came to keeping things in order, but he was just a baby dragon after all... and her castle had clearly missed her glowing magic touch.

And everywhere she went, positively everywhere, a dim pink glow softly crept over the surfaces of things, carefully sealing them away from the clingy magic touch of Smooze goo.

Twilight finally reached the map room, the enormous crystal edifice that housed seven thrones (one spike sized), the roots of her old library suspended above as a chandelier, and the large crystal table that even now began to softly shimmer as she approached.

Heaving a breath at having used so much magic to try and return the castle to a 'presentable' state, Twilight idly cast her sealing spell a few more times, coating the table and thrones, before easing into her own throne with a weary, but accomplished smile.

"And now that that's taken care of, let's see if there's anything that needs the princess of friendship's services."

Smiling, she lit her horn again and... with an even greater smile, she realized it was only her horn... waited for the table to manifest the map of Equestria before her.

Griffonstone looks peaceful, check.
Ghastly Gorge looks ghastly, but also peaceful, check.
Tall Tail? Same as always, check.

Twilight continued checking off towns and locations, slowly picking through a mental checklist before eventually drawing back in towards Canterlot and Ponyville... the two being fairly close on the map, where she stopped to look over the floating cluster of cutie marks hovering just above her own little castle.

She was just about to sound the alarm when a loud thump announced the arrival of Rainbow Dash upon the, decidedly more durable, crystal of her window.

Moments later, the great crystal doors opened with a worried looking Applejack charging in followed by a bouncing Pinkie, a concerned Fluttershy, and a few moments later Rarity, sporting nothing less than a towel wrapped around her mane in a stylish (albeit obviously improvised) turban.

"Girls?" Twilight asked as she looked out across her friends, "what's going on?"

Applejack glanced around before leveling her gaze at Twilight, "Um.... not rightly sure Sugar. I came a'runnin' when my cutie mark started goin' off... guess I figured you'd know what was happenin'... what with the map and yer magic an' all."

Twilight blinked before looking at the map again.

"Uh... No idea, the map just lit up a second ago. And everyone's supposed to be here, " she tapped the little illusionary version of her own castle with a hoof, "apparently."

Rarity raised a carefully stenciled eyebrow before glancing at the map. "Well, Darling, I don't mean to sound rude, but perhaps the week long shut-in requires a bit more.... shall we say..."

Pinkie Pie's giggle-snort drew everypony's attention.

"What is it Pinkie Dear?" Rarity inquired.

Pinkie continued to giggle as she fell over backwards and began rolling on the floor, much to the confusion of everyone present.

"Pinkie?" prompted Twilight with a raised brow.

"You need a PARTY!" the pink mare suddenly exclaimed, a small explosion of confetti and streamers flying everywhere... only to flitter over a few surfaces.

Twilight swallowed involuntarily, but was thankful that nopony else seemed to notice the minute bits of paper deflecting off the countless magical barriers littering the hall.

"That sounds..." Applejack began.

"Like an excellent idea," Rarity finished with a firm nod and a smile. Turning to face Twilight again, "You certainly do need to get out and do something Twilight, you've been holed up in here for the last week. Let's all go down to the cafe and have a pleasant little lunch and you can tell us all about what you've been up to."

There were agreements all around before everyponies attention shifted to the opening doors again.

A disheveled Rainbow Dash staggered in and looked around. "I came as fast as I could. What're we up against now?"