Bloom ALMIGHTY

by IMNOTHERE889

Rating: teen
Tags: Apple Bloom, Comedy, Random, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 2326

Apple Bloom gets the powers of God.

Apple Bloom's life sucks. One day, by some wacko stroke of luck, she runs into the pony version of god. He givers her his God-bilities, and goes on vacay.

AB is about to have some fun.

A/N

All school kids are aged up into teenage-hood. Oh yeah, inspired by that hilarious movie, Bruce ALMIGHTY. Contains swearing.

Published 2015-10-12 18:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-12 18:50:02 UTC

An Entire Chapter of Messing With Free Will! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

"Apple Bloom! Git up, ya lazy good fer nuthin'!"

Apple Bloom groaned. Not her again. Ever since Apple Bloom had turned thirteen, she was always so bossy and rude.

"Outta bed! NAW!!"

Apple Bloom groaned again. She pushed off her warm blanket, letting the cool morning air envelope her. She slowly rose into a sitting position, and stretched. She rubbed her face with her hooves and shook her head. It's gonna be a fuckin' long day. She slowly left the slightly soft mattress that was under, and half-sleepily walked to her door, unlocked it, walked out into the hallway, walked downstairs, and went to see what her breakfast was gonna be today.

Oh, right.

Apples.

Because, duh.

An angry looking Applejack was sitting at one end of the table, mad at Bloom for taking so long to get out of bed.

"What the hay took ya so long?"

Apple Bloom groaned again.

"You don't have to censor yourself. I'm not a filly anymore. And, there are things called 'not-morning-ponies.' Guess who's one? Yours truly. So, expect me to take a while to get out of bed, your highness."

"Oh, shut the fuck up an' eat yer Apple." Bloom's stomach growled loudly. "Only one?" Applejack nodded to answer her question. Bloom groaned for the fiftieth time that morning. She slowly walked to the table and hesitantly sat down. But, just as she did....

"Who said ya could sit da'wn?"

"AJ, I'm not as chubby as I was a year ago. I'm literally withering away here," Apple Bloom said, looking down at her bony body to confirm her theory. She looked back up and saw a less than amused Applejack sitting there.

"An' ah'm Abraham Lincolt. Shut up and eat." Applejack stood up, went to the couch, and sat down. She grabbed the remote controller, and turned on the TV. She started watching a Bubble Opera. Ugh. Apple Bloom sighed and grabbed her Apple. She took a bite out of it, allowing the all-too-familiar flavor swish around her mouth as the juice squirted out of the Apple. To other ponies, the Apple would taste as colorful and flavorful as ever, being grown in one of the best orchards in all of Equestria. But, since this was pretty much the same food Bloom had every day for breakfast and dinner, the Apple was gray and flavorless. No lunch or snacks were allowed, thanks to Applejack. In fact, the reason why she had taken away lunches and snacks was so that she can prevent another pony from exploding (Apple Bloom doesn't believe that story since it was so far-fetched), but Apple Bloom believes that she only took those away and reduced her breakfasts and dinners to one or two apples (three, if AJ was feeling generous,) was so that she could sell even more and get more money. Because, all the fucking ponies these days only care about money. I mean, look at Rarity. She has a fucking mansion in Canterlot, a secret resort by a beach, a cabin on top of the mountain Canterlot is located, ugh. High class snob.

Apple Bloom swallowed her first bite quickly. She took another. Again, swallowed quickly. She kept this pattern going until none of the Apple remained. Literally. She sighed, gaining the attention of Applejack. Oh, just great. Time for labor. Applejack turned her head to Bloom, a stoic expression on her face, but it changed into a smug smile when she saw her little sister.

"Well, GIT out there. Ah'm expectin' ya tah harvest the entire field today."

Apple Bloom's jaw dropped to the floor, her eyes went wide, and her knees grew weak. "T-the entire field? How am I supposed to do that in a day!?" Applejack's face contorted into a horrifying form of glee, and her laughter enveloped the room. Her face fat was jiggling everywhere.

"Well, ya will jus' have tah wait fer a miracle, hyeehyee!" Applejack had grown so rude ever since Bloom had turned thirteen. Wait, I have already said that. She had changed a lot over the years, too. Thirteen was the proper age a member of the Apple family should start working. So, Applejack stepped out of line and made Apple Bloom do her work for her. The days turned into months, and the months turned into years, and Apple Bloom was now doing all work on the farm. Since Applejack had stopped working, she had gotten lazy, and gained body weight. A lot Of Body weight. Her plot was what many stallions would want in mares like Sweetie Belle or Diamond Tiara. Her face had gotten unbelievably chubby, her ears looked like tiny little things sticking out of her head, she had a double chin, and was quickly making her way into a third. The rest of her body was flabby with many cellulites, the area around her hooves was so chubby that the flab was encasing her hooves. Oh, and now she seemed like a mix of discorded Fluttershy, Rainbow, Rarity, and herself. It was sad, really, seeing what was once a hardworking pony turned into... A horrifying monster of flab.

Bloom, on the other hoof, became so thin that her ribcage showed, she literally had an Adam's apple, her cheekbones poked out of her face, and her plot was so bony she could kill a pony if they tried to do it with her. Her hair was cut super short in a very messy way, and she was very shaky due to the lack of muscle she had. How old was Apple Bloom now? She was nineteen. She had pretty much given up any hope of things looking up five years ago.

Apple Bloom sighed again and walked outside, head held low. Applejack turned back to her TV and went back to watching her fucking stupid show.

T H R E E H O U R S L A T E R

Apple Bloom has had enough. She went into town after harvesting about one thousand, three hundred and thirty seven trees, but she still had sixty nine thousand and forty two to harvest. So, she went into town for a break. She knew Applejack wouldn't be in town, since AJ would never leave the house these days on any circumstances, so she didn't worry. She went to her own special alleyway, an alley where she would always contemplate her existence. Look, a rat... Even a rat lives a better life than she is living right now. Heck, anypony would be living a better life than her. She sighed, and a tear rolled down her cheek , and landed right in a muddy puddle.

"Look, SS! It's the slave!" Apple Bloom groaned, again. Not those two...

"Yeah, DT! She even looks like one!" Laughter. High class laughter.

Apple Bloom didn't dare look at her two sworn enemies. Sure, she made friends with them a long time ago, but they quickly reverted back to their old bitchy selves. She whispered, "at least I help ponies."

"More like used to! Ever since you became thirteen, your cutie mark became worthless!" They laughed again. Apple Bloom looked down to her flank and looked at her cutie mark she had so rightfully deserved that one faithful day. It was no different than the other two CMC's, the only difference was the symbol in the middle (an apple.... Duh). But, she got locked away from the world, unable to help tell the meaning of one's cutie mark to them.

"What the fuck do you two want?" She said, looking up and glaring at them.

"You ready, SS?"

"Let's do it, DT."

The two ponies ran up to Bloom and started beating her up. Not much more can be said. After the battle, Apple Bloom had lost a bunch of teeth. Aaaaaand she lost her breakfast. Great. So, what did she do? She ran off. Ran into the Everfree Forest. No hope of finding Zecora, she died years ago. But, she just ran. Didn't even care where she was going. Bloom found herself at the palace of the two sisters. She didn't care. She kept on running. She soon collapsed, her bony legs could no longer support the rest of her body, and her lungs were on fire.

"I," breath, "should," breath, "just," breath, "give," breath, "up."

She sat there for a few minutes, letting the energy go back into her legs and her lungs getting filled.

"It's been a long time since you've had fun, hasn't it?"

Apple Bloom stopped her heavy breathing. She was surprised to hear another voice. She looked backwards to see an upside-down stallion looking at her. Wait... The stallion was only upside-down because of the angle she was looking at him from. Apple Blom quickly rolled onto her belly and got to her hooves to get a better look at the stallion. He had a dark coat, a dark mane with a lot of spots with grey and white, as well as a beard. He was wearing a white tux. He was neither unicorn or Pegasus, not an Alicorn, just a simple earth pony.

"Who the heck are you?" Apple Bloom questioned, tilting her head slightly at the stallion.

"My little pony, I am God," the stallion answered.

"Nah, you must be joking!" Apple Bloom put her hooves behind her back, "how many hooves?"

Two," she lowered one. "One," she lowered both. "Zero," she lifted up both, but lowered one before 'God' could answer. "Two."

"Hahaaa!" Apple Bloom yelled out, pulling her hoof from behind her back. But, instead of her leg having one hoof, it had two. She screamed, shook her leg, and ran away screaming.

"That pony does not know what she has in store for her..."

F I V E M I N U T E S L A T E R

Apple Bloom collapsed again. Again, her weak legs could no longer support her. Again, she needed air. Again, she lay there, taking in gulps of air, and letting the feeling get back into her legs. After she managed to recuperate, she realized something.

"Water.... I need water..."

Her prayers were soon answered. A giant ball of water appeared in the air, and landed right on Bloom. When the water was no longer surrounding her, she took in more deep breaths of air. "What... The.... Fuck." She looked around herself at the water around her.

"That wasn't enough. If only there was a river nearby..." She said, not questioning the random ball of water that came out of nowhere. Then, she appeared right on top of a river. But, she did not fall in. Instead, she was hovering above the water.

"Okay, I'm getting freaked out. What the fuck is going on? Oh well..."

She lowered her head and started to drink. The glorious water going down her throat seemed to push new life into Apple Bloom, as if it were a special river, only to be used by royals. The water was crystal clear, too. The water was so amazing that Apple Bloom felt refreshed, invigorated. She felt like she could run a marathon when she lifted her head after her long drink. Wait, maybe she already did that.... She definately ran more at once than I could do in a minute, that's for sure. I would pass out before then. Anyway, enough about unfit old me, and more about withering Apple Bloom. Well, I guess she isn't withering away any-'M GETTING OFF TRACK! AAHHHH!

"You ran away before I was able to explain."

Apple Bloom turned around towards the familiar voice. There she saw God, a smug smile on his face. He too was floating above the water.

"What did you do to me?" Apple Bloom questioned, "I feel like I can do anything."

"Correction, you can do anything."

"Wah-huh?" She was so confused right now.

"I gave you my God powers. Run along now, I'm going on vacation." The God pony's clothes changed to the clothes of a typical tourist: sunglasses, big hat, shirt with flowers on it, camera, all that good stuff. "Cheers!" The stallion walked off, soon fading away.

"Dafuq just happened?" Apple Bloom asked out loud. Then, something in her head clicked. She started smiling. Her smile grew bigger and bigger. It grew bigger, enough to threaten breaking her face. Her mischievous smile meant business. First off, she gave herself her old manestyle. Oh, how she missed her mane. She gave herself some muscle, getting rid of the bone, and made sure that she was full. She smiled again.

"Time to go fuck some shit up."

T E N M I N U T E S L A T E R

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were playing a game of tag with Apple Bloom and the other crusaders. Applejack and Big Mac was out in the field harvesting apples. Everything was the way it should be.

"Apple Bloom, do I seem younger to you?"

Well, almost.

Granny Smith walked up to Bloom with a curious face. Her skin was no longer wrinkled, she could move without hurting herself, her hair wasn't grey, and she wasn't dead. Bloom smiled and said, "You look as young as the sunrise!" The sun had just come up a few minutes ago...

"Awww, thank ya, dear..."

Apple Bloom smiled. She floated up the sky. She looked around the rest of Equestria. She blew everything up, except for Canterlot, the Everfree Forest, and Ponyville. Oh yeah, Zecora was alive now, too.

M E A N W H I L E...

God was currently in Hawhinny. He was looking at a globe, shaking his head in disappointment.

"I could've sworn that that was Scootaloo..."

Author's Note

If you managed to get to the end of this poorly attempted story, I congratulate you! Be sure to give mfeedback!