Dear diary,
I really wish I could do something right for a change. My parents are both outstanding ponies, but me? I'm... I'm not. I need to just be perfect, but I don't know how to do that. I refuse to hang out with those poor blank flanks... I actually feel sorry for them in all reality. I have my own cutie mark, but they don't. Like my mother once said: if you don't have a cutie mark, you're useless. If I hang out with blank flanks, I'll be just as useless in my mother's eyes. It really sucks cause they seem so nice. Maybe once they finally get their cutie marks, and if my mother actually approves, I can try to be friends with them... I just... I really just hope they'll want to be my friends by then.
There are plenty of ponies who pretend to like me because they don't want to get on my bad side. Truth is, I don't have a bad side, really. I can't afford to show that I really care unless they have a high standing like my parents, it would show weakness in my mother's eyes. I don't want to seem weak to her, so I show dominance whenever I can. I know it's mean, I know it's not fair to the others, but I just can't afford to let my mother down. Silver Spoon is my only real friend, and it's been that way since I we were just foals. Her parents have been good friends with my own for as long as I can remember, so that's how we met. She knows what I struggle with, which I am kind of glad for because she tries to support me whenever I end up doing something that disappoints my mother.
One other thing is that I don't even know what I'm really destined to do. My parents have high hopes that I can follow in their hoofsteps, but I've never come close. My father owns a general goods store, and I tried helping there once. I tried convincing a customer to buy a one of a kind statue that I, myself, found very pretty. In the middle of my grand sales pitch, I ended up knocking over the statue and it shattered into a billion pieces. Since it was one of a kind, daddy couldn't just get another. I've not been allowed into the store since then. When my mother found out what happened, she was furious. Turns out she had that statue custom crafted, like a lot of the expensive stuff my father sells. She hardly said anything to me for the rest of the week, and, when she did, she always referred to me as "The Disgrace". I hated that week.
You know what I really like? Flowers and beautiful gardens. Gardening is dirty work, though, and, if I am to live up to my mother's expectations, I need to keep myself pretty and clean at all times. If I ever get dirty at school or whatever, I do whatever I have to so I wouldn't suffer a long lecture about how outstanding ponies never have dirty coats. According to my mother, flowers are only good for eating. I hate eating them, though, they're so pretty. When I do eat a flower, it feels like a terrible waste of real beauty to me, but I would never admit that. I always says it tastes good to keep my mother happy.
Today was my mother's birthday, and I completely forgot. My memory isn't the best in the world, I'll admit. Heck, I actually forgot my own birthday last year. I'm going tomorrow to get my head checked out and see if there's anything that can be done about this forgetfulness from time to time. Anyway, I tried to make up for forgetting, but nothing worked. If it's not fancy or able to show off high standing to other ponies, mother doesn't think it's worth having. No last second gift could be that good, so none of my gifts were good to her. I really put my best effort into some of them, too.
I just want to do something right, I want to be perfect already so mother can finally be proud of me. How does somepony even achieve perfection? I do sometimes wonder if it's even possible. It has to be, though, because perfection is all my mother will accept. One day, and hopefully soon, I'll find a way to be perfect, and then my mother will finally accept me completely.
- The not so perfect, lonely Diamond Tiara
Diamond closed her diary and locked it as a couple tears rolled down her face. After setting the diary on her nightstand, she walked over to her bedroom window and stared off into the night. After the day's events, the poor filly was truly hurt. She was glad it was so late, it gave her the chance to cry without her mother walking in on her. She opened the window and let the cool night air wash over her as she gazed into the beauty of Princess Luna's night sky.
"That is perfection, it has to be. Princess Luna couldn't possibly make any mistakes," Diamond Tiara said to herself with a heavy sigh, "I wish I knew her secret. Maybe I can ask her tonight in my dreams... well, if she finds my dream that is".
Diamond closed her window and walked over to her closet and pulled out her favorite stuffed animal, a pink teddy bear she called Pearl. Quickly as she could, the filly walked over and climbed into her bed, ready to sleep. She hugged Pearl very tightly and, the pain in her heart finally fully surfacing, cried herself to sleep.
Gonna be honest, I used to think DT was nothing but a spoiled, bratty rich kid, but then "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" had to go and change that. When her mother got introduced, her attitude showed she only cared about having a perfect child, and wouldn't accept anything less. I felt so bad for Diamond after that, and it's the very thing that inspired this story. After all, nopony's perfect.
