The Unlikely Trinity

“I wonder how long it will take for them to either kill each other or tire out,” Lucas wondered as he stared at battle. Yubel and the Umbra Queen were facing off and Yubel was doing the most damage out of the two.

“You are buying me a beer after this,” Styx stated bluntly.

“How about a bet then?” Lucas asked, “If the Umbra Queen retreats you are buying the beer. If she doesn't then I will buy the beer.”

“Deal,” Styx agreed.

Yubel eyes glowed as small comets started to rain down on the Umbra. The Umbra Queen formed up a barrier around the Umbra to stop the attack, “Enough! My Children we are not up to facing them, move back!” She let out a glow as a wall of crystals blocked Yubel as the Umbra turned and raced far and up north. Yubel looked at herself and punched the Crystal breaking it in rage.

“OH! IS THE UMBRA A WEAK LITTLE BITCH?!” Lucas screamed through a megaphone he stole from Pinkie Pie.

“That's not nice! You could have asked for it nicely,” Pinkie Pie pouted.

Yubel roared out in anger and turned to the group. “Mom are you alright?” Chrysalis asked.

Yubel gave a simple word. “Burn!” She let out dark magic fire balls close to them.

“No, no. No not now!” Chrysalis said, “Why now!?”

“Hey Pinkie Pie?” Lucas asked calmly.

“Yes Lucas?” She answered back in an equally calm voice.

“Do you have a sleep dart big enough for her? It is a blowdart emergency.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened and her tail twitched as a giant blow gun fell out of her mane randomly. Lucas picked it up and aimed it at Yubel's butt, “It's time for bed!” He yelled in a fucked up nurse voice. He fired and an impossibly large dart struck Yubel in the ass.

Yubel froze and stared at him with glazed eyes. In flames Yubel shrunk back down to normal. She shook her head slowly getting the effects off, “I should eat you,” She said, wobbling a bit. Chrysalis caught her as she almost fell over, “Ladybug let's get out of here.” Yubel said half conscious.

"Hey Yubel, it looks like we both need anger management classes." Lucas said sadly.

Yubel glared at him. “No just you.”

Lucas's tone changed completely, “Denial gets those that suffer under it nowhere,” He said cheerfully.

No one seemed to agree with him. “So, will they be back?” Sunset asked.

“Most likely,” Yubel answered.

“We really need to create countermeasures as well as ascertain ourselves of their actual capabilities. We cannot fight them without knowing the facts,” Lucas said in the tone an instructor would use.

“Well one they are immune to dying because of physical attacks, however they have a glaring weakness, The Crystal Heart creates a counter to their powers being fuelled by positive emotions,” Yubel started.

“So only pure positive emotions would work? We cannot invoke this… blegh, positive emotions in others and expect it to stop them?”

“They are born of Negative emotions, besides it worked once before against them,” Yubel answered.

“I still can't believe this world has to be so fantastical,” Lucas said as he looked at the still muttering Styx who did not look happy about buying beers.

“If that doesn’t work we could always get Discord to fight her,” Yubel said sarcastically.

“Because that's always a good exit strategy,” Lucas snarked.

“What about the Love Alicorn?” Chrysalis asked, “Shouldn’t she be able to counter them?”

“I don't know, why don't you ask her aunts, who happen to be standing right there not looking happy about being excluded from the conversation,” Styx pointed out.

“Well, that's going to need some ice,” Lucas implied.

Chrysalis looked at the two and then her mother, “In hindsight I didn’t think this through,” She said.

“It's okay, just look at Styx. Most of the time he is too busy stealing and getting drunk to use his brain anyway,” Styx flipped Lucas off.

“At least my life is good! You're all just a bunch of whining bitches!” Styx tossed a bottle at the pavement, shattering it before walking away.

The conversation soon continued. “Where is Cadance?” Celestia asked.

“The girl with the name that means ‘My love Cadence’ right? Hell if I know,” Sunset stared at Lucas in bewilderment.

“What?” She just shook her head.

“Yubel, Did you see where she went? Oh wait nevermind. What about you Twilight?” When they continued to stare at him he sighed, “Have to do everything myself,” He turned on what could be considered the same as the detective mode from Batman and thermal vision combined but with the option to use both or one.

A smashing was heard in an alley, presumably from Styx, “I can't find shit out here!”

A changeling came up to Chrysalis. The demi-demoness turned to him and he whispered into her ear, “What do you mean Sombra took her!” She yelled.

“Well there goes operation: Love Bombardment. Ah, let's see, counter-operation: Bloody Skies is a good substitute for this,” Lucas remarked before he gasped and started walking off down the street as if he just saw something important.

Yubel shook her head at her daughter, “I have no idea why you were doing this Ladybug,” Yubel turned to Celestia and Luna, “I’ll go get Cadance back if that would help.”

“I found something!” Lucas yelled from down the street, “C’mon! I need you guys over here!”

“We’ll see,” Celestia said. Yubel flew down to Lucas along with the Alicorns.

“What did you find?” Yubel asked.

“Enough traces of dark magic to make the Crystal Empire look dull,” Lucas said seriously.

“What? I don't sense anything,” Twilight said in confusion.

“Well duh, you aren't looking right,” Lucas said vaguely, “Hey Yubel, can you see it too?”

Yubel nodded, “I’m a Demoness after all seems to be leaving a trail.. looks like it's a bit older than the others.” Yubel looked down. “You think Sombra went for Cadence while we were fighting?”

“I think if the opportunity presented itself and I was Sombra… Then yes,” Lucas agreed. “I know you guys hate me but we gotta work together.”

“I don't hate you… You're just… unusual,” Sunset Shimmer said.

“Well I know Yubel does… I think,” Lucas retorted.

“No I don’t I find your really annoying.” Yubel answered.

“Oh… I thought you wanted to kill me and then laugh,” Lucas said awkwardly. An awkward silence forms at that.

Yubel stared at Lucas, “Don’t make me entertain that thought.”

“So I wasn't wrong. Oh! I picked something up and it's moving fast!” Lucas teleported away.

“We have to track where he teleported!” Twilight exclaimed to the salient Elements of Harmony. The princesses nodded and concentrated.

“He's… in the crystal caves!?” Luna announced in shock.

“Wait why would he go there?” Chrysalis asked.

Styx was heard screaming before he disappeared in a flash, presumably to the same location. The princesses and Twilight as well as the elements teleported to the caves.

The caves looked different than the ones Chrysalis took refuse in for her invasion. “Must have been the oldest of the mines, from before the heartwarming said,” Twilight said.

“So you did come after all,” Lucas said from behind them, making the princesses jump around and get in defensive stances.

“Not cool! You should have told us where you were going!” Rainbow Dash said unhappily.

“Indeed, now my lovely dress is going to get all dusty,” Rarity whined.

“Uh-huh, if you keep complaining I’ll let you find him yourselves,” Lucas said in annoyance.

“You couldn't find your mum if she was in front of you,” Styx said as he smashed another bottle on the ground.

Yubel walked up as she could feel the energy of Sombra, “He is that way,” She said as she and Chrysalis took point.

“I don't get paid enough for this,” Styx said as Lucas hefted his rifle and held it in front of him.

“Get paid for saving ponies?” Pinkie Pie asked in confusion.

“Forget it. And why do I have the feeling that we are walking into a trap?” Styx said uneasily.

“Because we probably are. I mean, it's either that or Sombra is addicted to crystals so much so that he literally cannot think of anything else,” Lucas said.

“Ah would not want to end up like that…” Applejack said sadly.

Yubel stopped and pushed them out of the way. A Crystal blasted her with dark magic which soon was destroyed. “Or because the crystals in the mine are similar to his own.”

“Well then destroy the mine. It is a mine after all. Just remove the crystals and replace it with stone. Time consuming, yes but it works. Unless you put some weapon of mass destruction or some trinket or a fucking necronomicon down,” The princesses, Twilight and Sunset froze up at that.

Yubel turned to him, “If we remove the Crystals Sombra will just remake them or replace the with his own and the only superweapon here are me and the Alicorns,” Yubel said.

“Then why did you freeze up when I mentioned the book of death?” Lucas said as he pointed an accusing finger at them.

Yubel rolled her eyes, “Let’s focus on the task at hand please.”

“Ok! But if I find a random necronomicon or something it is finders keepers. I don't give a shit what you say. You treat your stuff like shit and you lose it,” Lucas said angrily.

“Alright fine.” Yubel said. As the room got darker Celestia shown out her magic creating a magic light ball for them.

“So you are here?” Sombra voice could be heard.

“Oh, it's you, the portable icepick lobotomy,” Lucas sneered. Everypony winced at that image.

“Can you not say that ever again,” Yubel said flatly.

“Well it is true. He sounds like he had one performed on him,” Lucas said with a bellowing laugh that echoed all across the caves, “He could be a voice actor for those cliche villains in Disney,” At this point, he was choking on laughter, “Ah. Yeah, by the way do you have any random ‘evil’ books that happen to be lying around here for inexplicable reasons?”

“No.”

“That means yes,” Lucas retorted.

“I'm pretty sure that means no,” Twilight said, her her hair frazzled and her eye twitching.

Enough of this foolishness!” Sombra screamed as Crystals shot out attempting to separate the group. In the end they were with the ponies in one cavern, Yubel, Styx and Lucas in another, and Chrysalis right in front of Sombra.

“Much better… ahhh,” Chrysalis had black flames in her hands as she attacked Sombra.

“You forgot about me!” The demi-demoness screamed.

“Yes. Because it is really fucking easy to forget about you,” Styx said sarcastically.

“Ouch,” Lucas said with a wince.

Yubel hit them both in the back of their heads, “That’s my Daughter you're talking about!”

“I didn’t say anything. Styx did. If you had actually listened to everything you would have known that,” Lucas retorted as he backflipped over one of Yubel’s blasts.

Yubel rolled her eyes, “You were thinking it.”

Chrysalis laughed at Sombra knocking them both down a pit, “Oh joy,” Celestia said with sarcasm at this.

“No. I wasn’t thinking about it. I’m not the one with the why-boner,” Lucas said as he pointed at Styx who turned around and covered himself.

Yubel had caught Chrysalis out from the corner of her eyes, “NO!” She punched the crystals apart in front of her.

“How did she do that?” Celestia asked, she remembered how hard these crystals were.

“Well it is pretty obvious. She went Darth Vader on it,” Everyone stared at Lucas in confusion.

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Lucas facepalmed, “Let me put it simply for you. She went dark lord I’m going to kill you on the crystals.”

Styx stared at Sombra and Chrysalis as his jaw dropped, “Wait what?” The duo were somehow still fighting perfectly coordinated as they continued falling down the pit.

Yubel broke through the many crystals to the pit and jumped right in. Another group of Crystals were seen forming and breaking the black ones. Cadance was seen walking out tired having broken free when Sombra didn’t see. “Finally I’m free.”

Lucas walked up to Cadence and hung his head and tried to say something that was unlike him, “I’m s-s… I am… What I’m trying to say is… I’m sorry for torturing you.” Cadence and Chrysalis sensed the sincerity but Chrysalis was busy fighting still, “I was…” Lucas didn’t finish that statement as he didn’t know what to say.

Celestia gave Lucas a glare. “You tortured my Daughter?”

“I was on drugs. Plus you aren’t the one who has to try resisting getting drunk and angry when you have a fucking Goblin thief that loves to do exactly that around you,” Lucas retorted as he walked up to Styx and punched him the face, making him fall flat on his ass.

Yubel soon came flying up with a blink look on her face. “I… I have no words.” She started.

Lucas walked towards where she flew from and looked down, “Jeez! At least get a closed for lunch sign!” He said as he backed away from the sight.

“I’m afraid to ask but what’s going on?”Sunset asked.

“Um… Hate sex?” Lucas said hesitantly. Everyone except Yubel stared at him incredulously before walking towards the edge to see what was really happening. More than half of them gained blushes and Rarity and Fluttershy fainted.