The Changelings Encounter Bug Spray

by BillyColt

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random
Length: 2131

Well, what do you think?

My submission for the /mlp/ friendoff, based on this picture by TGGeko.

Published 2012-05-31 07:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-31 07:54:01 UTC

The Changelings Encounter Bug Spray

The Changelings Encounter Bug Spray
by BillyColt
for TGGekko as part of the 4chan /mlp/ friendoff

Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings.

Supervising the hive was a time-consuming task. Since their defeat in Canterlot, it was up to Queen Chrysalis to ensure her hive’s well-being. The dark, damp caves were an ideal place to raise a colony. Safe, out of sight, and sufficiently creepy for insects of their caliber.

She looked over the younger changelings – they weren’t yet old enough to alter their appearance beyond things like simple camouflage. But they’d grow. All they needed was love.

“Mommy!” they shouted as they saw her approach. She smiled. Oh, she might not be able to feed on Shining Armor’s love, but the affection her subjects held for their queen... not exactly nourishing, but pleasant.

She looked over the massive network of caverns, connected by tunnels, walkways, dotted with combs of the changelings’ own making.

Oh, life would be difficult, but they would survive. In any case, she had gotten enough love during the invasion to feed what remained of her army for the time being.

Truth be told, she missed Canterlot. That wedding had been a dream come true. No, she did not love Shining Armor, but his love, and the total utter devotion that a pony had for her, for once in her life, was something she would always cherish.

This story is not about that at all.

“A few miles away, there is a town. They will be undergoing their Maying celebrations soon. That will be a perfect time to strike and recover from our loss.”

“Maying?” asked one of her changeling minions.

“A celebration of the month of May,” explained Chrysalis. “The joys of spring, when the air is thick with love. Sometimes you can feed just by breathing in the air around them.” She closed her eyes, trying to recall the last time she’d tasted it.

Still, she couldn’t spend the entire time in her reverie. She had to check on the eggs. Admittedly, there weren’t very many. It would be hard to feed her subjects, and on top of that she simply hadn’t had a lot of time for egg-laying. She did have a few, simply so that she could stay productive.

In addition, there were a fair few larvae, tiny and helpless in their little chemical cradles. They had to be fed pure, distilled love honey if they were going to grow. She looked over at one of the caretaker changelings.

“Aww, aren’t the little babies adorable?” asked Chrysalis. “Be sure to sing them a lullaby.”

“Yes, mommy,” said the caretaker, bowing.

Chrysalis continued on her rounds. Next was a meeting with the scouts. They met in a circle in one of the chambers off to the side of the hive. Most of them were tired, but one of them was bouncing up and down like an excited little puppy.

“Good news, I take it?” she asked.

“Yes!” said the happy little changeling. “There’s a dance going on in a neighboring town! All the young ponies are going to be asking each other out!”

“Mmm...” said Chrysalis. “Young, innocent love. I do so love dances... good work. Make sure you relay that to the gatherers.”

“Yes I will!” said the scout.

“The rest of you are dismissed!”

The scouts all filed out of the room, most of them on foot. The successful one spread out his wings and literally walked on the air.

Queen Chrysalis stood there for a few minutes, proud of her subjects and looking forward to a wonderful recovery. Then she heard a scream.

“What was that?” she asked. The scream echoed through the cavern, but she was a changeling queen. She knew the tunnels by heart, by instinct. She knew where her subjects were.

For a normal pony (well, any pony that wasn’t a pegasus, anyway), the caverns would be severely confining. At times Chrysalis found it fun to tunnel a loop that required wings to escape, and then watch as the earth pony tried to navigate the endless dead-end maze. But Chrysalis didn’t have that problem.

She spread her wings and flew off into the caves, seeking out the source of panic with no difficulty whatsoever. She made a beeline (changelingline? Whatever) for the scream, followed by two loyal minions.

The scream had originated near the bottom of the cavern, and when the queen landed she saw one changeling writhing on the cold, stone floor, its little hooves covering its face.

“What is this?” asked Chrysalis.

“Mommy, mommy…” moaned the changeling. “It hurts.”

“There, there…” said the queen, moving towards the poor thing. She helped the changeling to its feet, though it still covered its face. “Come now, show mommy where it hurts.”

The changeling shivered as it slowly lowered its hoof. The queen drew back in alarm as she saw that the changeling’s face was red as though it had been scalded.

“What did this?” she demanded to know. The changeling feebly pointed down the caves.

“I… I don’t know,” said the changeling. “But it went that way.”

“Well, don’t worry. I will put a stop to this. They won’t harm my brood!” she declared. “You two,” she said to the two changelings that had accompanied to. “See that this one is cleaned and tended to. And then make sure it gets back to work.” She looked down the caves.

“Yes, Mommy,” said one of them.

“Of course, Mommy,” said the other. The two flew back up with the wounded one, leaving Queen Chrysalis alone.

“I have my own work to do,” said she, “and it isn’t making little changeling babies!”

She marched down the caverns, into the dark. This far down was not part of her hive. But still, she thought she was entitled to some payback. Nothing hurts her babies and gets away with it, she resolved.

She marched down the paths, her crooked horn lit and ready to strike at the foe. But she could not find it. Still, she persisted, reasoning that it must be somewhere down the dark and twisty pathways.

Eventually, things were starting to get tiresome. She’d taken several pathways, scoured every nook and cranny so far, and absolutely nothing had come up. Just a few cave animals that obviously could not have hurt her changeling brood. After all, the animals did keep their distance from them. After all, the changelings had fangs. Who’s going to mess with a thing that has fangs?

She sat down, rubbing her chin and wondering if she just reasonably assume that the foe had fled. No sense crying over spilled milk. Or spilled changeling tears. She knew of some other creatures that fed on tears. She hated them. Miserable little monsters, they were. Completely undignified and just plain sadistic. Often they didn’t even bother with subterfuge and just stole presents from children.

That’s just cold-blooded, she always thought about them.

Her thoughts were interrupted, however, when she heard another distressingly similar scream. She shot up.

“I’ve been a fool!” she declared. “I left the hive unattended! And the guards are incompetent!”

She ran back, retracing her steps as best she could, but she was so far away by now that the screams kept continuing, and then she heard more and more screams. The queen spread her wings, and despite the fact that they were full of holes, she sped through the air, back to the rest of her hive.

When she finally reached the outskirts of the hive, she began to panic. She couldn’t see any of her subjects anywhere. But she could still smell them out. Most of them seemed to have congregated in one small corner of the caves. She took a turn down the path, following her senses. Soon enough she could hear the moans. Turning one corner, she saw a couple of changelings cowering on the ground against the walls.

“You!” she commanded, approaching one of them. “Are you alright?”

“I...I...” the changeling said. “I’m hurt and I’m scared!” The changeling had red marks, like burns, all over its body. Chrysalis looked further and saw more changelings, all of them hurt. “It came... it came out of nowhere,” the changeling said.

“What about everyone else?” asked the Queen. Then a horrifying thought occurred to her. “And the larvae?”

“The larvae are safe, mommy...” the changeling nodded.

“I hope so for this thing’s sake.” The Queen continued her way down the path, to the cavern’s main chamber. There was the rest of her hive, all of them cowering against the walls, all away from the center. In the middle of the chamber, dead center, was a tiny red metal cylinder, standing upright.

“What...” said the Queen. “What is this?” She approached the can. “Some kind of soda?” She leaned down. “With... a nozzle?” Looking closely, there was writing on the can. Squinting, she read, “Bug... B Gone?”

Tssssss!

“ARGH!” The Queen roared, rearing her head back up. The can had sprayed her with a harsh, stinging liquid, right in the face. In spite of the excruciating pain, she opened her eyes (she was a queen, not a prissy princess) and glared at the can. Her horn glowed, and she shot a bolt of green magic right at it. However, the can jumped right out of the way, leaving the magic to blast a small crater in the ground.

The changelings around watched in terror and awe as the can floated before the queen. The two circled each other, locked in the confrontation.

“You have committed a grave offense for harming my children,” she warned. “However, as I am merciful, I will give you this one chance to simply leave.”

The can paused, a mere foot away from Queen Chrysalis’s face. Then it sprayed again. She braced, able to endure the pain for the sake of her subjects. “Stop that.”

The can merely sprayed again, but this time she let out a bolt of magic. Unfortunately, the can was a deft dodger, and quickly zipped out of the room.

“AFTER IT!” she ordered to the few guard changelings who had not already fallen before its noxious fumes.

They buzzed off in the direction that the can had gone. The can had gotten a head start, but the changelings were fast. The Queen’s eyes narrowed in triumphant glee. She knew where the can was going. Soon the can would be cornered.

Sure enough, when Chrysalis and her three guards caught up, they were at a dead end, a small circular room. The can turned around. It wavered in the air, bobbing back and forth and up and down, as though trying to find an escape, a way through the changelings that had pursued it.

“You are trapped!” gloated the queen, summoning green fire around the exit. “Now you will be punished!”

The guards lunged at the can. The can put up a valiant struggle, spraying its venom at the guards, who reeled back, cursing the sting. But the guards were made of sturdier stuff than the workers and tried to attack the can. The can was as agile as ever, effortlessly weaving, leaving them to be struck by their own attacks.

The guards reeled away, their bodies covered in stinging welts. The can floated triumphantly, though it seemed to be sagging ever so slightly. Its spray nozzle turned to the Queen, who had been standing there the entire time.

“Very well,” she said. “I will deal with you myself.”

Her horn glowed, and she vanished in a flash of emerald fire. The can turned, looking for her. Suddenly, there was another flash of green flames, and the queen appeared direction behind the can. She grabbed it in her mouth, holding from the bottom. The can desperately sprayed and sprayed, spinning the nozzle around, but it couldn’t hit the queen. She held it at an angle, preventing the poison from landing on her carapace, or skin, or whatever the changeling queen has covering her, it went into the empty air. To avoid the potentially expanding cloud of toxins, Chrysalis stepped away. Soon it was spraying less and less, and then it sputtered, and then it stopped.

All was silent in the room. Chrysalis took another step back. She paused for a while, before opening her mouth. The can fell to the ground, hitting the stone floor with a pathetic clang. It was dead. She smirked in her triumph, before raising a hoof and smashing it. She looked over to her wounded guards.

“Is it...” asked one of them. “Is it gone, mommy?”

“Yes,” she said, all gone. She waved her horn, wiping away the poison remains of the battle. “Now, let’s go back. We can’t let this ruin our Maying plans.”