Results of a Royal Wager

by SmokeShadow95

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random
Length: 3006

Luna and Cadance made a bet, and they both lost. Now they must deal with the consequences of that bet. Bad jokes and a sexy cupid await

A friendly wager between two Princesses doesn't turn out the way either of them expected them to. Now, both Luna and Cadance have to deal with the fallout from that wager and the embarrassment that comes with it. Armed with jokes so bad they're good and a sexy cupid outfit these two Princesses will have one hell of a day!

A side story set in the OC, Oh Crap universe. The story doesn't need to be read to enjoy this one

Also, cover art not my own. Found it on the interwebs

Published 2015-10-12 13:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-12 13:10:01 UTC

Joke = Laugh

Luna stood in front of her tall standing mirror. She sighed heavily. The time had come, finally. She stood there and stared at her reflection for a few more moments. She still couldn't believe that this had really come to pass. Again she sighed. This was not going to be a fun day. And as she sighed the doors to her chambers burst open as her sister entered, seemingly having a most excellent day.

“Come now, Luna. The time has come,” Celestia stated as she walked in. Her words fells short, however, as her eyes fell upon her dear sister. Celestia barely held it in for the next few seconds before bursting out in a fit of laughter that was certain to draw ire from the nobility later, after Luna's own actions of course.

“Please, dear sister, stop that,” Luna said, “This day is going to be bad enough as it it.”

Celestia only stopped laughing due to her biological need of breath and the act of breathing. She heaved in a couple big gulps of air and looked back up at Luna. Atop her her her mane had been converted into a multicolored afro of many colors the likes of which would make Rainbow Dash's mane seem bland. On her hooves she wore shoes many sizes too big for her. It only made Celestia wonder as to how she was keeping them on. Maybe magic? Over her body she wore a loose shirt and pants with suspenders keeping everything together and held up. And yet, everything was so loose it just made Celestia laugh even more. And then there was the big, red nose.

“I am sorry, sister,” Celestia said as she rolled over with another fit giggle fit overtaking her.

“I am quite disliking you at the moment,” Luna said as she stepped over her flailing sister to leave her room.

Luna had to use ever ounce of courage she could muster up to walk out of the castle looking the way she did. She knew what happened every time she passed a pony. It didn't matter who it was, from the kitchen staff to the royal guards to the janitor ponies. They looked at her, dropped whatever they had in their hooves and stared. At least they waited until they believed her out of earshot to start laughing. Luna sighed once again as she finally got to the ground level of the castle.

There, one of her most trusted personal thestral guards was waiting for her. He barely spoke to anyone, even herself. He didn't really socialize much and had no family as far as she knew. He was the perfect pony for this job.

“Do you have it?”

He nodded slightly and moved away. He walked over to a small crate and levitated an item out of it. He used his magic to quickly place it before the Princess and watch her mount it. Much to his surprise the Princess he served so loyally didn't fall to her embarrassment. He held in his look of shock as he stared at her.

“Believe it or not, I've ridden one of these before,” She said as she saw him staring. “I'm actually quite good at it.” And with that, the unicycle riding clown princess was off.

“Hey, you there!”

Several ponies turned their heads. Who was talking and where was it coming from? The heads turned and looked to try and find the source of this voice. After a moment they all went back to what they were doing, most of which was just standing around.

“Hey, all you ponies!”

Again, all the heads turned and looked. Only, this time they saw something. And they couldn't believe their eyes. It was a unicycle. And on top of this unicycle was a Princess. IT was Princess Luna. And she was dressed as a clown. She rode up to them with skill and precision and saw as they stared up at her.

“Princess Luna?” One of them ventured to ask.

“What does thee call a small door?” She replied.

“What?”

“What does thee call a small door?” Luna repeated.

The ponies all looked at one another. Not a one of them had a clue as to what was going on. They murmured amongst themselves for a few moments before turning back to Luna. At that point they all collectively shrugged.

“A-door-able,” Luna said before quickly zooming away on her one wheel.

“I don't believe it,” A pony said from the crowd, “With everything that's going on, she's doing ride by jokes. And they aren't even good jokes.”

Luna sped away from that first group of ponies as fast as she could. The big shoes she wore made it a bit hard for her to handle the unicycle. She eventually tossed them aside and sped off even faster. Her heart was pounding and she came to a stop in the shadow of a tall tree away from prying eyes.

Well that was. . . exhilarating! Luna thought with a small giggle. She smiled and giggled some more. After that, she pedaled off and towards her next unsuspecting victims. Maybe today won't be as bad as I thought.

“Princess Luna,” Donut Joe muttered in a stunned tone as she rolled up to his shop with several ponies waiting to enter for the day. He was just opening when she came up and stopped. He wasn't the only one who was stunned at the sight of her. All of the ponies could do nothing but stare.

“So, I held the door door open for a clown today,” Luna started.

“Who was it this time? Celestia?” A pony blurted out from amongst them.

Luna didn't even budge as she retorted, “No, but that would have been a nice jester.”

Luna rode off with many of the those very same ponies groaning. That was several moments of their lives they would never get back. Luna laughed as she rode away and entered the main part of the city. Her eyes widened as she saw all the potential spilling out into the streets before here. Canterlot was never going to be the same after that day.

“So, I swallowed some food coloring today.”

The ponies all stared up at Luna as she sat upon her unicycle. They blinked a few times but it became clear that none of them was going to answer back. That was okay, they weren't supposed to. This was just a dramatic pause.

“I dyed a little inside,” Luna said with a roaring laugh. The ponies lowered their heads and groaned.

Luna rode around Canterlot and told a few more bad jokes.

“What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?”

“NO! Not again,” A pony shouted as she began to run away in the other direction.

“An in-vest-igator,” Luna said loudly enough for her to hear it anyway.

“AAAHHHHH!!”

Luna laughed as she came upon the next group of ponies. “What does one call a fake noodle?”

They looked at each other and then back at Luna. She didn't even wait for them to respond before she blurted out, “An impasta!”

“Do you know what stealing somepony's coffee is called?”

“A mugging!”

Luna zoomed off in a flash and left all the ponies there wondering what in the world of Equestria just happened. Luna sped through the streets of Canterlot as fast as the unicycle could carry her. All the while she was laughing like a mad pony having a really good day. Only half of that applied to her. She eventually came to a stop in a small shaded corner of the city away from the eyes of the ponies. She dismounted her unicycle and leaned against the nearest tree. She giggled a bit as her thoughts drifted back to all the faces of the ponies who she told jokes too.

“My, my, my. Princess Luna. What has happened to you?”

Luna looked up to see Discord hanging down from above her.

“I know the Princessing game is a bit full right now, but this is low even for you. Are you all right?”

“NO!” Luna shouted as she sprang to her hooves. She thrust an oversized shoe at Discord and stared at him. “I am half left.”

Discord's normally cheery face was covered with his palm as he let the words sink in. He dragged his hand down his face as if that would somehow wipe away the last few seconds.

“I- I don't even know what to say about that,” He said, “I don't even know what to think.”

Luna looked at him and replied, “Well, I believe that whoever invented the knock-knock joke is well deserving of a no-bell prize.”

She held it in for as long as she could and just let Discord soak it all in. It took him a moment to get it, but when he did face met palm again. He groaned and looked down at her.

“I'm going away now, Princess. Goodbye."

Now Kiss!

“Come on. Get out here already.”

“I don't want to.”

“You lost the bet, remember? You have to.”

“Why don't you get in here and do it then?!”

Shining Armor shook his head with a laugh. He didn't even know about the bet until after his wife had lost and they were on their way home. She didn't want to tell him, but he was going to find out some way or another. She just wished he hadn't of laughed so loud when she did tell him.

“Because, dear, I wouldn't look nearly as good in that outfit.”

Cadance slowly emerged from behind the folding wall. She had spent most of the morning behind it after spending most of the night not sleeping. And yet she still looked stunning. She came out wearing something that he never thought anypony but him would ever see.

White sheer, sexy stockings on her hind legs that fit her slender frame perfectly. Glove-like white satin sleeves for her front legs, each decorated with read lace hearts. She wore a corset around her that only served to accentuate her already boundless curves. She was even wearing a small pair of glasses with red tinted heart shaped lenses. Shining Armor just stared and drooled as his wife sauntered up to him.

“Do you like what you see?” She whispered in his ear as she passed him.

He muttered incoherently for a moment as she got the toy bow and arrow set she had stashed away. It was made from red crystals and the arrows had small, sticky caps on the end of them. Purely non lethal, but meant for love. Maybe she could actually get some good done today. Then she remembered what she was actually doing.

THUD!

“Shining Armor?” Cadance turned around to see her dear husband passed out in a puddle of drool with a dorky smile on his face. His legs twitched every few seconds and Cadance just knew what he was dreaming about.

Cadance flew over the city with her bow at the ready. She scanned the streets below for her first pair of ponies. She had to get two of them with her arrows and then tell them to kiss after shooting them. That was her consequence from the bet she lost. It didn't take her long to find a couple of ponies.

These two ponies were a good pair. They looked like they needed some love between them. They were both shop owners who have been having a small love/hate relationship for years. Maybe this could help bring them both together. Cadance got there just in time, too. They were in the middle of a spat when she stopped overhead. She readied two arrows and drew the string back. The male pony was stomping away, forcing Cadance to wait on her shot. Luckily the female pony stormed after him.

“Hey! Where do you think your goaaAAAAHHHHH!”

Both ponies yelped as the sudden impact of a small pointed objected hitting them in the rear end. Both of them looked back at their butts and were very confused.

“Now kiss!”

Both ponies jumped as Cadance's voice startled them. They looked up just to see her glide down to the ground in front of them.

“What?”

“You know,” Cadance said, “Kiss.”

“Wha? Why would we do that?” The male said as he yanked the arrow out of his ass.

“Because,” Cadance stated, “I am the Princess of Love and I am telling you to kiss.”

Both of the ponies quickly traded a peck on the cheek. It wasn't much but it was definitely something. Cadance knew there was a spark there somewhere. It just had to be brought up and given some fuel. Hopefully this would help dig that up.

“Thank you,” Cadance said as she flew off, “Have a nice day.”

Cadance flew away from those two feeling like she had actually accomplished something. She smiled at the thought of those two finally making up. And it wasn't only the thought of all the less paperwork she would have to deal with. She flew over the city once again and scanned it for another couple of ponies. Instead of a couple she found two couples.

“Ooh,” She said to herself. “Bonus points!”

Cadance darted down to get closer to them. These four were in a busier part of town than the last two so she would have to be more careful with her shots. She glided through the air as she came up to them. Some of the ponies were already making remarks about her, but she couldn't let that stop her. She glided to a stop and hovered there as she lined up all her shots.

Four targets. Two stallions out in front, leading the four of them. Good. Bigger targets out front made it easier for her to hit. The two mares took up the back. They were chatting up a storm about something or another. She didn't care what. The only thing that mattered was that they hadn't seen her yet. And then the first two arrows were away.

The two stallions screamed in shock as their rears were hit with an arrow from the Princess of Love. The two mares screamed at an even higher pitch as their own rears were hit by a couple more arrows. By the time all the screaming was done they were all looking up at her. Cadance looked down upon them with a smile.

“Now kiss,” She said with a bit of a sultry tone.

The four of them looked on in silence. At first they were kind of annoyed, but now they were just . . . unsure. They all looked at one another and awkwardly did nothing. Cadance watched this with dwindling patience. She could tell there was love between these four. So why weren't they just kissing already?

“Just kiss already,” Cadance said after a few moments of the most awkward silence.

The four of them looked at one another and then they kissed. Cadance watched the whole thing unfold, but not in the way she had expected. She watched as both the stallions came up to one another and both the mares came up to each other. Cadance's eyes widened as she realized what was happening. As they all kissed, deeply and passionately, she could do nothing but watch.

“Okay,” Cadance said after a moment, “Thank you.”

Cadance was slowly coming to realize that many of her subjects were quite diverse when it came to kissing ponies, and the ponies they chose to kiss. And the next pair she found only further showed her that fact.

The next two ponies she found weren't even close to each other. She almost missed them, but there was that one thing about that. She couldn't explain it. It was just a feeling, and she knew she had to trust it. It lead her to a pony, a young mare, following a young stallion around. She must have followed him down a dozen streets and still she didn't even come close approaching him.

“Hmm. Perhaps she is afraid to approach him,” Cadance said. “I shall remedy that.”

Cadance flew on down to the young stallion and just stared at him for a moment. She used her wing to nudge him around and lead him down the way he came. He takes a few steps down that way and when he looks back she is gone. He looks back the way he came and finds himself face to face with the young mare. When the arrow hit him he was already screaming.

“Now kiss!” Cadance said from above.

“NOO!!!!!!”

Cadance watched as the entire demeanor of the seemingly timid young mare changed. Her timid smile widened to something some might call creepy. Her eyes pierced into him as if gazing into his very soul and she stared at him. She lunged at him like a hungry predator would pounced on prey.

“Why Princess? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!” The young stallion screamed as he ran away as fast his little legs could carry him.

“Where are you going?” The young mare shouted as she chased after him. “The Princess said it was okay. I wanna kiss you!”

Cadance watched them for a few moments until they were out of sight. “Ah, young love.”

Cadance returned later that night. She had an eventful day full of many ponies. She flew back up to the balcony and walked into the bedroom. Shining Armor was waiting for her.

“So, how was your day,” He asked somewhat mockingly.

“I learned a lot about ponies today.” Cadance said.

“Anything good,” Shining asked.

“I wouldn't say good, exactly,” Cadance replied, “Just interesting.”

Cadance gave him a quick recap of her day. Shining listened intently and nodded along with her words. Cadance started to realize that he wasn't listening.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, Dear,” Shining said, “But I have to know, how long you plan on staying in that outfit.”