Letters R through D

Arrived Sunday at noon by dragon fire, sealed with Twilight's Royal Seal:

Dear Celestia,

I would like to apologize in advance. I hadn't thought much of Rainbow Dash pouring over a thesaurus in the library until she broke into a giggling fit on our trip out. When I asked her about it, she came clean and told me what she'd done. Please disregard the letter you are about to receive in regards to my current and future sexual health and please don't be mad at her. She promises it was meant in good fun, but sometimes Rainbow doesn't really know her boundaries. I'm infuriated and planning on giving her a stern lesson on what's appropriate material concerning a prank. She really crossed the line this time. Luckily, Spike is with us so you didn't have to spend a week worrying about me while we were camping. No Spike, I'm not going to tell you what was in the letter. And don't write that part!

Your faithful friend,

Twilight Sparkle

Arrived Sunday in the afternoon by post, stamped from Ponyville:

Dear Princess Celestia,

You don't personally know me, but I have a grievance to air with you. You see, your student has made unsatisfactory progress with her studies. I will be rectifying that problem immediately. She has been slow to move to expand her study of friendship beyond the simple and limited scope of platonic love. While I don't expect to teach her Eros or anything of the sort, she will be quite trained in the tools she will need to expand the breadth of her affections. Whether she wants to learn or not.

I have many tools to help with this task. The necessary magic inhibitors, miles of rope, the latest toys from the capitol, and ancient devices from the darker days of history. That little metal pair of underwear with the clever clockwork mechanism is quite fascinating, although cruel. While the name of the device is lost to history, I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. And lets not forget my specially trained menagerie. A manticore can be taught many tricks, and timberwolves really do have the most magnificent wood around.

I'll let you know how many times she calls out for you with a tally, one for anguish and one for... well, lets call it gratitude. While I do expect her to speak your name at the start, I am taking over her studies for now. She will learn my name quite well, and I will be sure she vocalizes it with exactly the right inflection. Such things are important.

I know you've been a bit prudish with her studies. Not, of course, over any personal limitations, I'm well aware of your lack of limits, but perhaps out of respect for her well being. I am not limited by any such reservations. My sole concern about her will be simply her life. I will not allow her to expire. She is near immortal now, and any damage done, psychological or physical, shall heal in time. I plan to take advantage of that.

She will learn to be creative with the limited tools I will leave at her disposal. When she may be used to two or four of some appendage or organ, she shall learn to get by for a while with three or perhaps none of something. Of course, that's dependent on how receptive she is to my training. I'm sure after her first few bouts of disobedience she will quickly realize the inevitability of my orders. And once her mind is trained to accept these new limits of acceptable behavior, her body will learn as well. I do expect her limits, mentally and physically, to be expanded quite astoundingly.

Eternally Grateful,

A concerned citizen in Ponyville