Random Order

by Random Order

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Adventure
Length: 1696

I've lost myself, with no easy way out.

Something happened to me. Something happened to me, and I have no idea what. It's effects are glaringly obvious, however: I have no name, no memories of my past, and no home.

At least Celestia seems to know who I am, but that brings up another problem.

Whatever did this to me doesn't want me to know myself, because every time she tries to tell me who I am, I black out from excruciating migraines.

So much for getting help.

Yes, this is a shameless self-insert because [spoiler]I'm a masochistic bastard.[/spoiler]

Tags will be adjusted as more is written.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-19 00:17:31 UTC

Prologue

What am I seeing? Is it the past? The future? A hallucination?

Am I dead? Asleep? In a coma? A trance?

These scenes in my eyes…are they reality, or a figment of my imagination?

There’s a flash of blue, and white, and a sense of virtigo, as if I’m free-falling through the air, my wings unresponsive….

Wait, wings? Am I an angel, cast down from Heaven?

Who am I? What am I?

What happened to me?

I hit the ground, the breath knocked out of my lungs….

The scene shifts. I’m in a classroom, sitting at my desk. A teacher writes on the blackboard. I’m taking notes, when suddenly, I black out….

Another scene cuts in. I’m walking along the hallway, until my knees buckle, and then I’m on the floor, my body twitching uncontrollably….

I’m on a gurney, rolling along a sterile white hallway. I can hear voices all around me, but I can’t make out any words. My face is covered in blood, my body numb and unresponsive….

How much is real? What should I believe?

Why can’t I remember? Is there anything to remember?

A foul stench fills my nostrils, causing me to gag. I feel something wet slide across my face, and I raise an arm to push it away.

Almost immediately, I get the feeling that something’s off, but I ignore it until I make contact with a soft, fuzzy object, which I assume belongs to a dog.

My eyes flutter open. Yup, definitely still alive. And judging from the pounding in my head, I was almost certainly unconscious.

It takes me a moment to realise that what I just pushed away is definitely not a dog.

"Ahh! Get away from me!" I shout at the bear in front of me, scrambling away on my back. "I’m not food!"

The bear seems to look at me with a puzzled expression, but I figure I’m just imagining things – at least until I realise I'm now a pale grayish-blue horse.

"What the – ?" I find myself whispering.

Keeping my eyes on the bear, I roll myself onto my stomach, and push myself up onto my legs. I shake the dirt out of my mane, then examine my body for injuries.

What I find instead is a pair of wings attached to my back.

"Okay, what and where the hell am I?" I look around, taking notice of my surroundings for the first time.

Trees that way. Trees over there. Trees to my right, trees to my left. Oh, look, more trees behind me.

Great. I’m in the middle of a freaking forest.

I turn my attention back towards the bear, who seems to be looking at me expectantly.

"Alright, what’s up with this? You are a bear, for crying out loud! Where I’m from, you’d be ripping my flesh off right now. Why are you just sitting there?"

It snorts, then plops onto the ground, as if offering me a ride.

"Um, thanks, I guess?" I mutter, climbing onto its back – though I have no idea why.

It stands back up on all four paws, then it carries me off in what can only be described as a jog.

I drift in and out of sleep as we travel, until we at long last leave the forest behind us.

We continue onward as the sun sinks below the horizon. Several minutes pass before we reach our apparent destination: a cottage that resembles a short, wide oak tree. A stream runs out in front of it, with a small bridge arching over it. The lights are on in a couple of the windows, and from the looks of it, there are a lot of animals inside, enough that I find myself wondering how they all fit.

My ursine companion kneels down, my signal to dismount; then it nudges me towards the door with its nose. Feeling somewhat apprehensive, I walk slowly up to the door, and knock once, quietly enough that even I barely hear it.

Much to my astonishment, the door opens slightly anyway, and a soft, feminine voice whispers to me.

"Um, h – hello?"

Something deep in the recesses of my mind stirs at the sound of her voice.

A memory, perhaps? "Uh, hey. Do you know where I am?"

"Oh, my goodness! Are you lost?"

She opens the door all the way, and I finally get my first real glimpse of her. She’s a canary-yellow equine with silky pink hair and blue-green eyes.

Why does she seem so familiar?

I scratch my head. "Well, I just came out of a forest, with some help from a bear, so… yeah?" I say awkwardly.

She gasps. "You mean the Everfree Forest‽"

Why does that name sound so familiar?

"Um, sorry, what was that?" The mare tilts her head at me.

Whoops. Must’ve accidently said that aloud.

"Nothing. What did you say this place was?"

"Well, actually, I didn’t say… but you’re in Ponyville."

Suddenly, it clicks.

I’m in Equestria.

Now the question is: what happened to me?

1.0

"So, what’s your name again?"

"Fluttershy. And you are?"

I frown. "That’s the thing. I… don’t remember."

"Oh. Well, if you’d like, I could take you over to my friend Twilight’s house in the morning. She has a memory-restoration spell that might help you remember your past."

I shrug. "Might as well start somewhere."

After a moment of silence, I force myself to ask a question. "Hay, um, you mind if I spend the night here?"

She starts, apparently unexpecting me to say anything. "Oh, um, sure, I guess."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Thanks. You mind if I take the couch?"

"Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in the guest bedroom?"

"I’m sure, Fluttershy." I stifle a yawn. "Speaking of which, I think I’ll turn in now."

"Oh, well, goodnight, then."

"Night," I say, climbing onto the couch.

I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the cushion.

Sunlight streams in through the window, and for a moment, I wonder where I am.

I groggily rub my eyes, and I’m instantly reminded that my hands are now hooves.

I push myself up into a sitting position, and for a moment, I simply sit there, waiting for my brain to boot up.

"Oh, um, morning?"

Startled, I jump a couple of feet off the couch. "Hay, what was that for‽" I say in mock-consternation.

"Oops, sorry," Fluttershy apologises through light giggles.

Once I regain control of myself, I ask, "So, you got any plans for today?"

"Um, well, actually, since you are new here, my friend Pinkie Pie probably already knows about you. In fact, I think she’s already pla – "

Suddenly, a pink mare with a fluffy pink mane pops out from the ceiling in front of me, startling me for the second time in five minutes.

"Aha! I knew there was a new pony here! I could sense it!" She cranes her neck at me, so that her head is now upright, though her body is still on the ceiling. "Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie, Premier Party Pony of Ponyville! What’s your name?"

"About that… I think I’m supposed to see somepony called Twilight? I sorta lost my memories…"

How do I already know local terminology? Why am I even asking that?

"Oh, you mean Princess Twilight‽ She’s a good friend of ours! You should totally meet her sometime!" Pinkie exclaims happily.

"Could I have breakfast first? I mean, I just woke up."

Pinkie giggles. "Oh, don’t worry about that, silly! I brought you something to eat, cuz I thought you might be hungry!" she says, taking a cupcake out of her mane.

“Heh, thanks.” I start to wolf it down, but the moment the taste hits my tongue, I freeze. I feel my eyes widen as I moan in sheer delight. The cake itself is fluffy, sweet, and flavourful, completely unlike anything I remember; and the frosting is even lighter, full of a richness that even puts cream cheese to shame.

The combination is so delicious, I can't help but savour every second of it – which is a rare occurance with me, I realise.

Several minutes pass before I finally notice it’s completely gone, and then only because I accidently bite my hoof, so great’s my desire for just one… more… bite.

I look at Pinkie with pleading eyes, begging for more – the experience has left me completely at a loss for words.

Pinkie giggles again. "You really liked that, didn’t you?"

I nod my head vigourously.

"Well, why not come over to Ponyville? I work at a whole bakery there! You should meet my employers!"

"Well, actually, I kinda want to see Twilight first, if you don’t mind."

"Okie-dokie-lokie! Come by later! I have a surprise for you!" She slips back into… whatever dimensional void she came out of.

I mentally shrug the encounter off. Something in the back of my mind, possibly a long-lost instict, tells me it’s better not to dwell on it.

A sudden impulse hits me. "Hay, I’m going out. Wanna come with?"

"Oh, well, um, I’m actually kinda busy today, so…." She shrugs apologetically.

I wave a hoof dismissively. "Meh, don’t worry 'bout it. See ya later?"

"Um, sure… I guess."

I approach the door, only to realise I have no idea how the hay I’m supposed to open the flipping thing. "Um, Fluttershy? How do I open this?"

"Oh! I didn't realise you weren’t used to hooves. Here, let me get that for you." She sidles up to my side, and deftly opens the door with a single hoof. "There you go, miss."

I freeze. "Uh, did you just call me miss?"

She gives me a sheepish look. "Oh, um, I’m sorry. Are you married?"

"What? No! Do I look like a mare to you?" It comes out perhaps a little harsher than I intended.

"Well, um, actually… you are a mare," she squeaks.

I stare at her in disbelief for a moment, then rush into the bathroom and gaze into the mirror hanging above the sink.

"Oh… my… flipping… pistachios…."