Well, darling?
Twilight Sparkle dropped her teacup, catching it with her magic just before it hit the table.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she hurriedly placed the cup down on the table. She removed a few napkins from the silver dispenser in the center of the table, using them to mop up the tea she'd spilled. “What was that?”
Rarity lowered her own teacup while arching an exquisitely-sculpted eyebrow at her friend. “Did you need me to repeat the question, or to clarify it?”
“Um. Clarify, I guess?”
Rarity smiled. “Very well, then. If I happened to tell you that I have a changeling in the basement of my boutique, how would you feel about that, and what would you do?"
“I… I don’t…” Twilight shook her head. “Why do you have a changeling in your basement?”
“I said ‘if’, darling,” Rarity clarified. She took another dainty sip of her tea before returning it to the saucer with a clink. “I never said that I do have a changeling in my basement.”
"So, why would you even ask me that?"
Rarity offered up a small shrug. "Perhaps I simply thought the question would lead to an interesting conversation.”
“Oh. I see.” Twilight leaned back, rubbing her chin with a hoof as she considered the question. “So, this is a hypothetical situation?” At Rarity’s nod, she continued. “Well, I guess I would first need to know why you would keep a changeling locked up in your basement.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Rarity asked. “And I never said it was locked up, dear.”
“It’s not locked up?!” Twilight bolted halfway out of her seat. “You mean it could be loose in Ponyville?”
Piercing blue eyes rolled at her. “Don’t be ridiculous, darling. Now, do sit down. You’re causing a scene.”
Twilight slowly sank back into her chair. Whispered voices from behind her made her ears flick and prompted her to look around. A blush heated her face as she realized that she was now the topic of several sotto voce conversations around the cafe.
“Okay,” Twilight said after taking a calming breath. “Okay. So, this changeling—”
“Hypothetical changeling, Twilight.”
“—hypothetical changeling, fine. It’s just hanging out in your basement of its own free will?”
“Hypothetically, yes.”
Twilight studied her friend’s face, which, except for a tiny smirk, was schooled to perfect stillness. That smirk, though… There was something about that smirk that was causing the back of Twilight's neck to itch.
“Okay. So, why?”
“Twilight. Darling. Best of my bestest of friends,” Rarity replied, her voice smooth and expansive. “You’re asking me a question without answering mine, first.” Another sip of tea. “It’s unexpectedly rude of you.”
Twilight glared at her across the fancy white table. “No, no, no. You don’t get to get around me with that. I did answer, remember? I answered by stating that I would need more information in order to give a clear reply as to what my response would be.” Twilight tapped a hoof on the tabletop, staring into Rarity’s eyes as she did so. “So, why would you have a changeling—”
“Hyp—”
“—hypothetical changeling, fine! Why would you have one in your basement?”
“Hmm…” Rarity stared off into space while she pondered. “I can think of ever so many uses for a shapeshifter in my line of business. So much better than a mannequin for fitting various sizes and comparing fabric colors to coat colors, yes?”
Twilight’s muzzle twisted into a frown. “Okay, I suppose that makes sense.”
“Not to mention the various other uses for such a creature, of course.”
Twilight gaped at her friend in horror. That statement, and the tone it had been delivered in, had implied things. “You don’t mean that you would…” she trailed off, shooting glances over each shoulder to make sure nopony was listening in. She continued in a whisper. “You mean, doing naughty things with it?”
“Twilight!” Rarity gasped, bringing a hoof up to her chest. “The very idea!” She frowned, then. “And we’re still talking about a hypothetical changeling, remember?” Rarity let out a harrumph and brushed her mane back over her shoulder haughtily. “Honestly, why would you even think such a thing?”
“You implied it!”
“I most certainly did not!” Rarity countered. “You assumed it!” She scowled like a thunderstorm. “Why would your mind leap to such a conclusion in the first place?”
“I don’t know!” Twilight replied, which was a complete and total lie. She'd seen the books Rarity kept on the shelf in her bedroom. She sighed and let her head sink to the tabletop. “I’m so confused. Do you have a changeling in your basement or not?”
“Well—”
“Don’t say ‘hypothetically’,” Twilight growled, glaring up at her friend.
Rarity pursed her lips. “Hm. Very well. In that case, yes. Yes, I do in fact have a changeling in the basement of the Carousel Boutique.”
Silence stretched between the two mares, broken only when Rarity calmly took another sip of her tea.
“Okay.” Twilight said eventually. “Why?”
Rarity arched an eyebrow at her. Again. “Fashion, darling. I do believe I just explained that, yes?”
Twilight huffed and lifted her chin up off of the table. “You said there was another reason.”
“Well…” Rarity blushed and looked away. “There are certain things a changeling can do…”
Twilight shot an accusing hoof at her friend. “You said it wasn’t anything naughty!”
“Of course it isn’t!” Rarity replied, scandalized. “Get your mind out of the gutter, or we shan’t continue this conversation!”
“Sorry, sorry.” Twilight rubbed her temple with a hoof. “Ugh, I’m getting a headache.”
“That would be your own fault, dear.”
Twilight’s answering glare indicated that she could think of at least one other pony to share the blame. “Right. So, what are these other ‘certain things’ it does?”
“Well, my first thought was to see… oh, my, this is a little embarrassing to admit,” Rarity said with a delicate blush. “I wanted to see what I would look like with different manestyles.”
Twilight, who hadn’t changed her own manestyle significantly in almost two decades, bit back her first scathing reply. “You’re keeping a dangerous creature in your basement in order to fit dresses as a living mannequin and to test out different hairdos,” was the reply she went with instead, opting for a flat delivery to convey her feelings on the matter.
“Oh, it's not dangerous, darling.” Rarity grinned, a little wickedly. “And, no, the changeling has many other uses.”
“I’m really trying to avoid making another incorrect assumption." Twilight said stonily. "You’re not making it easy.”
Rarity glared at her for a moment. “I’ll have you know that a changeling is a terrific time saver.”
“How so?”
“Why, allowing me to be in two places at once, of course!”
“Wait,” Twilight held up a hoof as she processed that. “Wait, just wait. You let it out? As in, out and about around Ponyville?”
“Of course! It always returns when it’s hungry.”
“And you’re feeding it,” Twilight replied flatly. “Of course you are.”
“Well, I am the one keeping it,” Rarity replied, her voice far too reasonable for Twilight’s tastes. “It’s only fair that I feed it as well.”
“So, how do you feed it love? Have it change into a copy of yourself and then stare at it adoringly?”
Rarity blinked, eyes widening as she drew her head back. Twilight immediately wished for the words back, wondering if she’d gone too far. Her friend’s laughter a moment later set her mind at ease.
“You know, that’s not a bad idea. I’m afraid I'd run the risk of overfeeding it, though. I did that once with a goldfish, and the results weren't pretty.”
Twilight let out a relieved chuckle of her own.
“No,” Rarity continued. “I simply have a tendency to feel great affection for anything that helps to alleviate the stress of impending deadlines, while still allowing me to meet all of my social obligations.”
Twilight nodded, seeing the sensible side of the situation. Then she stopped nodding as the horrifyingly irrational side of it returned to focus. “What you're saying is that you're sending a changeling, a dangerous creature of largely unknown capabilities and temperament, out into Ponyville. It then interacts with ponies while pretending to be you, exposing them to a potential danger of which they're not aware. And you do all of this just so you can stay at home and work on some dresses?”
“Well, it is my livelihood, dear,” Rarity replied with a self-satisfied nod. “And it saves me ever so much time. The fact that I’ve also been able to miss out on several rather dreary social engagements without any loss of face is a definite bonus, as well.”
Thoughts of borrowing Rarity’s changeling in order to skip out on the now-mandatory Ponyville budget meetings danced briefly through Princess Twilight’s head. A memory surfaced, and she frowned. “Wait a minute. I thought you were a little off at Pinkie’s last party!”
“Oh, no, darling.” Rarity assured her. “I would never miss a Pinkie party! That was still me, I was just extremely tired.”
“Ah.” Twilight frowned, another thought occurring to her. “Rarity?”
“Yes, darling?”
“Having tea with a friend wouldn’t count as a ‘dreary social engagement’, would it?”
Rarity’s mischievous smile as she sipped her tea wasn't at all reassuring.
Author's Note
Total "darling" count: 8
Yup, it's a Rarity story.
