Snobby Snit could not get a moment's peace. For the past hour and a half of the train ride, the young mare he had the misfortune of sharing a compartment with had babbled incessantly. Not to him mind you, if she had, he would have at least been able to tell her to kindly shut up. Rather, the clearly unbalanced green unicorn had seen fit to talk to the red bowler hat on top of her head the entire way.
Worse yet, she acted as if it understood her, pausing for a response, nodding and occasionally letting loose a very unladylike snorting giggle which Snit assumed was her feeble attempt at laughing. The only saving grace of the whole ordeal was the proper Canterlot accent with which she spoke. However, at this point, even that had become too much to bare.
With a snort of derision, Snit took the book he had been trying to read, marked his place with a piece of paper from the pocket of his coat, slammed the book shut, and trotted into the hallway, nose in the air, in search of the conductor.
After searching for far too long, he found the conductor checking on the passengers in coach.
"Pardon me," Snit said, "I'm Snobby Snit and I have a problem."
He paused to let the gravity of who the other stallion was speaking to sink in. All he received was a polite smile in response.
"Of course, Mr. Snit. What can I do to help?" the conductor asked.
Snit frowned at the conductor's total lack of a reaction to who he was, but continued nonetheless.
"Since I boarded this train an hour and a half ago at the station in Fillydelphia, I have been riding in compartment 2B where I..."
"You've been riding in 2B? In the same compartment as Miss Doublemint?" the conductor's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, "What's she like?"
"Is that the name of that unfortunate pony?" Snit said with a sneer.
The conductor frowned at Snit's response, "I definitely wouldn't call her unfortunate. You mean that you really haven't heard of her Mr. Snit?"
"No, I can't say that I have," Snit said, voice dripping with disdain, "Who, pray tell, is this...Doublemint?"
"Why, she's only the best private investigator Equestria has ever produced! She's solved hundreds of cases all over the continent, and rumor has it that Princess Celestia herself has asked for her help on more than one occasion."
Snit looked down his nose at the conductor, "If she really is so clever, why does she talk to her bowler as if it can understand her? I'd say that's more a marking of a loon than a proper pony."
The other stallion simply smiled and shrugged, "That's just her way. She's always talked to her hat, especially when she's working on a case. And... it seems to work for her."
Snobby Snit simply harrumphed in response.
"But pardon my manners Mr. Snit. You had a concern. What can I help you with?"
Snit seemed to remember why he was there, "Yes, like I was saying I would like for you to remove this Doublemint from my compart..."
"Excuse me, are you the conductor?"
Snit shuttered when he heard an all too familiar voice behind him. He turned and saw the obnoxious green mare standing there, smiling.
"Oh, hello! You're not the conductor! You're my compart-mate aren't you?" Doublemint giggled at what she obviously thought was a clever turn of phrase.
"It was too a good one!" she hissed to her hat.
"Yes, Miss Doublemint, correct?"
"Correctomundo! And you are Mister...Snoot."
"That's Snit."
"Right, right..." At this point, the green mare seemed to lose interest in the stallion and started to look around him. "Have you seen the conductor?"
"I'm right here Miss Doublemint!" The conductor waved, and then pushed his way past an incredulous Snit, "What can I do for you?"
"Ah yes. Would you kindly retrieve the train security?"
The conductor looked concerned, but signaled security. "What's wrong Miss Doublemint? Has there been a murder?"
Doublemint waved her hoof, "No, no. Nothing of the sort. Just a little money laundering. And please, call me Minnie."
"Money laundering? Who?" the conductor asked as security arrived.
"Why, Mr. Snoot here," Doublemint said matter-of-factly.
"THAT'S SN-wait, what? You're accusing me of money laundering? Th-That's preposterous!" Snit responded, his voice shaking slightly.
"Unfortunately Mister Snoot, it's not. I have reason to believe that you and possibly others in your business are using said business as a front to launder fake bits into the system."
Snit glared at her, "You couldn't possibly have any proof of these outrageous accusations."
"Not to be rude, Mr. Snoot, but I just told you that I did. First, I noticed that the card you used to mark your place in your book was the business card of one Cartoli Stronghoof, a known member of the mafia and money launderer..."
"So what?" Snit interrupted, "I'm a business pony! I get handed a lot of business cards! That isn't any proof of your accusations!"
"Mr. Snoot, were you raised in a kennel? I wasn't finished speaking. Mind your manners!"
"Mind my manners? You're telling me to mind my manners? Why...why I never!" Snit sputtered.
Doublemint frowned, "There you go again! So rude! Hush up and let me talk!"
The irony of this last line so flabbergasted Snit that he found himself unable to form a single word. He simply stammered and stuttered, trying desperately to figure out where everything turned upside down.
"That's better. As I was saying, mister conductor, as Mr. Snoot took the business card from Stronghoof out of his pocket, I noticed a piece of rock fall out of his pocket and into the seat next to him. My suspicions having been raised, I soon found myself examining the rock, and discovered that it was a bit of phalocifite, a mineral almost exclusively used to make counterfeit bits."
Doublemint then walked over to Snit, and used her magic to lift up one of the lapels of his jacket.
"What? The other one? Oh, sorry!" Doublemint mumbled.
She then placed the lapel back, gently straightened it, smiled apologetically at Snit, then lifted the other and presented it to the conductor.
"Do you see the gold splotch on his otherwise spotless lapel? I believe that if we were able to test it, we'd find that it is the same kind of dye mixed into a batch of melted phalocifite to give the counterfeit bits their golden color. Also, Mr. Snoot's luggage made a loud jingling sound as he entered our compartment. I think that if the authorities at the next station checked his luggage, they would find a rather large batch of counterfeit bits in his bag."
"I don't have to stand for this! If your security lays one hoof on me, I'll sue this train company for every penny it's worth!"
The conductor stood and considered for a while, then seemed to make a decision.
He sighed and said, "I think you do have to stand for this Mr. Snit. I may regret this later, but I trust Miss Doubl- I mean Miss Minnie's judgement. I'm going to have to confine you to your compartment until we reach Port Alas. We'll remove your baggage so that you won't tamper with any potential evidence. As long as Miss Minnie doesn't mind changing cars."
"Not at all," Doublemint said with a smile.
As the security ponies surrounded Snit, he was visibly seething.
"Look at the bright side Mr. Snit," the conductor said as they started to take Snit away, "you get the compartment to yourself, just like you wanted."
Snit simply scowled in response as he was escorted down the hallway.
"We were supposed to be going on vacation Bry!" Doublemint said looking up at her hat as she stepped out of the Port Alas Police Department.
"What? were we supposed to let a criminal go free just because we were 'on vacation'?" a tiny, buzzing voice from under the hat whispered into her ear, "and how many times do I have to tell you, my name is not 'Bry' it's Bright Eyes!"
"No, I suppose not," Doublemint replied, ignoring his jab at her pet name for him.
She continued with an audible pout in her voice, "But since they did find counterfeit bits in Mr. Snoot's bag, we're stuck here until the investigation is complete. Worst of all, we aren't even getting paid for solving this case!"
Doublemint heard a tiny sigh emanate from her friend, "Look, this place isn't so bad. It's right next to the ocean. You like the ocean, right? I'm sure we can find something to do while we're here."
"I know, but I was so looking forward to lying back on a hammock with my hoof hanging off, dragging in the golden sand of the beaches of Clove Island. Not to mention the fact that I've heard that no one there has ever seen a parasprite before since it's too far out into the ocean for them to fly. You would have been able to roam free! This place just seems..." she trailed off as she took in the overcast sky and her overall bleak surroundings, "dreary."
Another sigh, "You're right, but let's make the most of it shall we? I think that this place looks...fun. We'll enjoy our time here, just you wait and see!"
Doublemint giggled, "You know, for someone who insists on being 'realistic at all times' you sure are trying hard to be optimistic for me. Thanks Bry."
"I am not," he said with a blush of embarrassment, "and stop calling me 'Bry'!"
Author's Note
Special thanks to my friends:
Moro, an amazing help to my writing and an even better friend!
And
Papermoonwolf who came up with the concept of Port Alas, and helped with other aspects of the creative process.
On Collisions and Camaraderie
"Well, what shall we do today?" Doublemint asked her traveling companion as she trotted down the street.
They had checked in to one of the local hotels and in the privacy of their room, she had let Bright Eyes out from under her hat.
The blue parasprite had stretched, flown around a bit, and then settled down on one of the beds. The two of them had then spent the better part of four hours playing chess and lounging about with Bright Eyes reading, and Doublemint knitting, reading, and occasionally using her magic to levitate a new book over to Bright Eyes as he finished them. Now, the two of them were out for a stroll, Bright Eyes back under Doublemint's magical one-way bowler hat. Designed by a friend who was talented in the ways of magic, the inside of the hat functioned much like the reverse side of a one-way mirror, so that the blue parasprite could travel without being spotted, and still have the ability to see clearly in every direction.
"I don't care Minnie. You know I was perfectly happy in the room with my books," the parasprite answered, "So what we do today is completely up to you."
Doublemint became contemplative, "Hmmm... Let's see...we could go down to the docks and see if they have any fresh kelp for sale. I've always wanted to try the stuff."
"That sounds fine to m-"
"Oooo! Or, we could go see if the shops in the square have any cute souvenirs for sale. That could be fun!"
"Alright, let's g-"
"We could also go see if the town has a zoo! Or an aquarium! Or..."
"Is that? Minnie! Minnie, look out!"
Doublemint was so excited, so lost in her train of thought that she did not pay the slightest bit of attention to where she was going, and she ended up running smack into a passerby.
"Oof!" Doublemint grunted, "I'm terribly sorry! I didn't see you there. Are you alright?"
As she extended a hoof to the mare reeling on the ground in front of her, Minnie observed her familiar features for the first time.
The unicorn had creamy wheat hair with a short but cute dark brown mane. Her tail was equally short and styled, indicative of a profession which required equal parts fashion and functionality. A familiar cutie mark in the shape of a badge decorated her flank.
"Penny?"
Penny Loafer had been Doublemint's closest friend for almost as long as she could remember. In fact, for a long time, Penny had been her only friend.
Ever since she was a little filly, Doublemint had been a bit of an oddball. Where most fillies had played on the swings and braided each other's hair, Doublemint had been content to watch ants and chase after butterflies. While others were enjoying games of tag, Doublemint had observed wasp nests as closely as she would dare. Needless to say, these actions quickly led to her being labeled as a "weirdo", and relentless cruelty had followed. Doublemint didn't mind the names she was called, but some of her fellow students would throw rocks at wasp nests to agitate them when she was closeby, and when the teacher wasn't looking, they would take her magnifying glass away from her and use it to fry innocent little ants while pinning her down and forcing her to watch. It became routine for her to come home with mud and worms caked into her hair from students throwing mud balls at her as she got onto the bus. It was for this reason she had originally started to wear hats. She had reasoned that if the hat was covering her head, there would be that much less of her mane which she would have to wash when she got home. Needless to say, school had been a place of never-ending torment for her.
Until one day, Penny moved to town.
Even back then, Penny had an unwavering sense of justice. On her first day at Canterlot Academy for Fillies and Gentlecolts, Penny drove the bullies off by giving them a taste of their own medicine. Anything they threw at Doublemint, Penny caught and redirected back at them with her magic. The bullies had run off caked in mud and crying for their mommies. Ever since then, Penny and Doublemint had been inseparable. Even when they had gone into different universities--Penny to study Criminal Justice and Doublemint to study Entomology--they had written each other regularly, and had done their best to visit one another as often as they could. After university, however, Penny had found work as a detective in Canterlot proper, and Doublemint acquired a professorship at the University of Hoofston. As their career paths had placed them even further apart geographically, they had not been able to communicate with each other, except for the occasional letter and rare trip to visit each other on vacation. It had been Doublemint's hope that when she had left the University of Hoofston and became Bright Eyes' assistant, she would get to see her friend more often. Unfortunately, while they had worked on cases together occasionly, it was not nearly as often as she would have liked. In fact, it had been a really long time since they had seen each other last.
And now, here she was, sprawled out and reeling on the ground in front of her.
Penny shook her head and squinted at Doublemint. "Yes? I'm sorry, but who are you? I seem to have misplaced my glasses. I'm blind as a bat without them."
"Minnie...look to your left."
Doublemint looked as instructed, and found the glasses crushed on the pavement. She grimaced at the sight.
"I believe that I've found them," she said, lifting the mangled frames with her magic.
"Really? Wonderful! Thank you so much!"
Penny stood up, dusted herself off, and received the frames. She then tried placing them on her face without success.
"Oh shoot! Not again!" Penny groaned. "This is my fifth pair this year!"
"Only your fifth pair? Wow! You're on pace to set a new record, eh Loaf?"
"Loaf? No one calls me that except-" A look of mild confusion and annoyance gave way to one of shock and disbelief. "No way! Minnie?"
Minnie let out a girlish squeal of excitement and ran over to her friend the biggest hug she could muster.
"What in Equestria are you doing here? I know that you said you were going on holiday in your last letter, but I wouldn't exactly call Port Alas a prime vacation spot." Penny said, wiping away tears of joy.
"Well, we were on our way to Clove Island, when a small money laundering incident popped up on the train, and now we're kind of stick here until the investigation is complete," Doublemint sighed in frustration.
"Now you're solving counterfeit cases on the trains?" Penny shook her head, "You know, I knew back when we worked on our little cases as kids that you could be a great detective, but this is almost beyond belief."
Doublemint blushed in embarrassment, "We didn't solve the entire case, we simply found a stallion with counterfeit bits on the train. There's still a lot to investigate before the case is closed."
"Sure, Minnie." Penny said, playfully rolling her eyes, "That still doesn't change the fact that as a private investigator, you've closed a boatload of cases. In fact, it won't be too long before you've all but caught up to me, and I've been working at solving cases since I graduated from the academy."
"That's not true!" Doublemint said, rising to the defense of her friend.
"It is too and you know it," Penny said, chuckling, "but don't worry, you've still got a long way to go, and I have no intention of making it easy for you. My pride as a CPD detective is at stake."
"Right," said Doublemint, a timid smile gracing her lips.
"Speaking of detective work," Penny said, with a sly grin, "You've said 'we' multiple times now. Who are you here with?"
Doublemint froze. In her excitement at seeing Penny, she had forgotten that she had not told Penny about Bright Eyes yet. She could feel the blue parasprite freeze in fear under her hat.
"Great, Minnie," Bright Eyes hissed into her ear, "Think of something, quick!"
It really bothered Doublemint that she was unable to tell her closest friend about Bright Eyes. After all, meeting and beginning to work with him were the two most exhilarating experiences of her life. Unfortunately, due to reasons he had yet to tell Doublemint, Bright Eyes was extremely slow to trust anypony and Doublemint had yet to convince him that Penny was trustworthy. It pained her to keep something so important from her closest friend, but she respected Bright Eyes' stand on the matter.
"You're hesitating. That must mean that it's not a relative or a friend. You're far too unabashed these days to hesitate in telling me something as trivial as that" Penny said. Her eyes were shining with a ferocious intensity, a knowing grin dancing on her lips. "Are you here with a special somepony? Spill it!"
"Erm... No I'm not here with anypony..." Doublemint replied, her mind reaching desperately for a reasonable excuse.
Penny frowned, "Then why..."
"Princess Day!" Minnie exclaimed, "I...erm...We just thought that in honor of Princess Day the royal 'We' would be appropriate."
Doublemint heard Bright Eyes emit a small groan underneath her hat.
"Princess Day was a month and a half ago," Penny replied, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"I'm practicing! I...We want to be ready for next year's celebration! You never can start practicing too soon!"
She smiled nervously as sweat dribbled down the back of her neck. In her mind's eye, she could see Bright Eyes, slapping his forehead in exasperation at the incredibly lame excuse she had given.
Penny scrutinized Doublemint closely for what seemed like an eternity, until Doublemint was convinced that Penny had delved deep into the depths of her psyche, and was now drawing out the truth unwillingly to the surface. Penny knew she was lying. She had to! What would she do if Penny called her bluff? Doublemint braced herself.
Suddenly, Penny burst into laughter.
"Only you, Minnie." Penny said as her laughter subsided. "Only you would think of doing something like that at this time of year."
Doublemint felt herself relax, and heard Bright Eyes sigh in relief.
She smiled, "You know me...erm...Us! Always thinking outside the box!"
"Yes you do." Penny said, returning the smile.
"So, I've told you why I'm here. What are you doing in Port Alas? You didn't mention anything about making the trip in your letter." Doublemint asked.
Penny nodded, "Yeah, it was sort of a last minute trip. My cousin, Oxford, who I haven't seen in a really long time is working a security detail near the local fair. So since Port Alas isn't that far from Canterlot, I decided to take off some time so I could come see him."
"Oxford's here? At a fair?" Doublemint felt her face flush. Oxford had visited Penny on more than one occasion while they had been growing up, and in the process, Doublemint had grown quite fond of him.
"That's right," Penny said, "You had quite a little crush on him when we were fillies, didn't you?"
Doublemint felt her face turn a deep crimson, "D-don't be stupid! I didn't fancy him! We were friends, that's all! Besides, he barely knew I existed back then, and that was such a long time ago, I'm not even sure he even remembers me. He probably already has a special somepony! There's no way I would stand a cha-"
"Woah, slow down girl! I just said that you had a crush on him when we were fillies, I didn't say anything about now." Penny interjected, taken aback. "Wow, you still have a thing for him, don't you?"
Doublemint's eyes grew wide as she realized what had just come pouring out of her mouth.
She then collapsed to the ground and covered her face with her hooves. "You can just bury me here if you'd like. I'll even dig the hole for you if you just find me a shovel."
"I'll pass," Penny laughed, "I have something much better in mind. Let's go to the fair, shall we?"
Author's Note
There's a ton of planning that goes into writing a mystery. I've gained a whole new respect for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie.
Thank you for reading Bright Eyes and Doublemint!
