Milkshakes and Dragons

by sockpuppetcow

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 933

Spike drinks a bunch of milkshakes causing draconic intoxication.

Twilight has had a busy day, and it seems the last few minutes of it will be a bit more inebriated than she was expecting.
There's not actually any alcohol involved here, just... well, you'll see.
Thanks to dzamie for proofreading.

Published 2015-10-22 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-22 16:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

I hope he hasn't gotten into too much trouble. Twilight Sparkle thought to herself as she navigated towards Sugarcube Corner, the familiar streets of Ponyville lit by the moon. Spike had asked to stay there today while Twilight was busy with her various "royal errands". She wasn't even sure what the purpose of those errands were. Why did Princess Cadance need me to personally hoof-deliver a Discord-shaped lamp anyway?
As Twilight neared the bake shop, she could hear the sound of Spike's voice. "H-h-hey Pickle P-- I mean, Pinkie Pie.. I bet I could fyy flashter than Rainbow Cr-- Dash."
"Ha! In your dreams!", exclaimed the familiar voice of their cyan friend.
"No no no I can DO thish! Watch!" He said confidently.

Oh no, Twilight couldn't help but think, this can't be good.. She sped up to a full run towards Sugarcube Corner, and her suspicions were confirmed as she caught a quick glance through the window. Spike was standing on a table, flapping his arms. Rainbow Dash was floating nearby, laughing at the odd behavior of her inebriated dragon friend.

Before Twilight could do anything to stop him, Spike was already airborne, and-- THUD. Spike let out a moan as Rainbow Dash fell out of the air, her laughter increasing. Pinkie Pie, behind the counter, fell into hysterics at the scene before her. Twilight, though, was concerned for her number one assistant.

"Spike!" she exclaimed as she burst through the doors.
"Thaaaatsh meee~!" the dragon said from the floor, raising a claw and letting out a small chuckle.
"What has gotten into you, Spike?!" she nearly shouted at him, "You could have hurt yourself!"
"A whooooole lotta milkshakes," Spike explained. Or, well, he thought he explained.
Twilight blinked a few times, attempting to process what he just said. "Milkshakes," she finally said, nonplussed.
"Eeeeyup. Milkshakes," Spike repeated.

Twilight looked around at the other two ponies in the room for an explanation. She got an answer from Pinkie Pie, after the party pony's giggling subsided.
"Don't you know, silly filly? Milkshakes have an intoxicating effect on reptilian creatures!" she 'explained'.
"Hee heeeee! 'Reptitlan'! Oooh.. Got any books I can swallow?" Spike said, still on the floor.
"That doesn't make any sense," Twilight replied, as she watched Spike... doing whatever it was he was doing down there.
"When a dragon drinks a milkshake, the temperature and pleasure centers of their brains kind of go 'BOOM' and then they go a little bit crazy! See?", she explained, looking down at Spike.
Spike had begun slowly singing a mostly incoherent song of some kind, something about cotton candy? Twilight wasn't sure.
Pinkie Pie continued, "He probably won't remember any of this in the morning."
"So he's pretty much drunk." Rainbow inserted.
Twilight just stared into space, wondering when she would wake up.
Pinkie interrupted her staring, "You're not dreeaamiing!"
"How did you know I was thinki-- oh nevermind. And just to be clear, there's no alcohol in these milkshakes, right?"
"That's right!"

Twilight levitated the now unconscious dragon onto her back, and headed for the door. "I'm going to take him to bed, uh... see you tomorrow?"
"Okie dokie Loki!" Pinkie said, waving to her purple friend.
Twilight looked over at Rainbow, now once again floating in the air. "Bye Rainbow." she said as she turned and began a brisk trot towards her castle. Any reply was drowned out by the sound of her hooves on the ground. By this time, Luna had moved the moon past its highest point in the sky. She wondered if she should've actually said "tomorrow", since it was technically past midnight. Is this really the time for internal semantics arguments?

When she arrived home and entered the light of her castle, she realized Spike was quite dirty. She didn't want to risk waking the little guy, so she just laid him down in his bed. She then pulled a blanket over him; they could handle cleaning up later.
It was at this point that Twilight realized just how tired she was, and went to bed herself.

********

The next morning, Twilight woke up and went to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Shortly after, Spike arrived there as well.
"Morning Twi, nice bed mane," he greeted her as he let out a yawn. "Say... Do you have any idea why I'm covered in... chocolate ice cream?"
As Twilight remembered the events of the previous night, she elected to reply, "Just remind me not to leave you alone all day with Pinkie Pie." She wasn't nearly caffeinated enough for that conversation yet.
"Um... Okay then. Hey do you think that could have anything to do with the pain in my head?" he asked.
She sighed then, taking on a slightly bothered tone, answered with "You have a hangover, or concussion, or both. It kind of depends I guess."
Spike wasn't sure what either of those things were, so he kind of shrugged it off, it couldn't have been too serious, Twilight didn't seem worried. "Oh by the way, Twilight, you've got a letter from Canterlot." He gave her a scroll.
She unfurled it with her magic and read aloud: "Dear Princess Twilight, I do appreciate whatever gesture you may be attempting to convey, though I do not quite understand the significance of approximately 7.29 used glasses being sent to Canterlot Palace by way of dragonfire. Best regards, Princess Luna."
Twilight could do little more than facehoof at the words on the paper, How do you even send twenty-nine hundredths of a glass anyway?! "Spike... I need coffee."