I... Am... PINKSUIT!

by MidnightChaos

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 959

A Displaced crackfic in which the Displaced messes with the ponies of Equestria.

MUA HA HA! I AM THE PINKSUIT, MASTER OF TROLLS!

I am Pinksuit, once human, now pink-humanesque blob running around messing with ponies for the hell of it. Hey, I'm here, might as well make some use of my Pinkie Pie-like reality messing up abilities.

[An Original Displaced Crackfic]

Published 2015-10-19 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-19 03:40:01 UTC

MUA HA HA!

A figure walked up to the camera, holding up a sign, adorned in a full pink-body suit. He waved his hand at the sign in his hands, posing.

Greetings Readers! I am the Pinksuit, master of trolls. And, this, is me annihilating the fourth wall. Have fun with that. On to what I must do now. TROLLOLOLOLO! The figure ran off, waving his arms in ways physically impossible to most people. It took a few moments, but he arrived at Canterlot castle, shocking the hell out of the guards as he flailed his arms and went into the castle.

"Sir," asked one of the younger guards, gaping at the disappearing figure, "What was that?"

"I..." the captain was stumped, "I have no idea."

"Should we follow it?" the young pony asked.

"..." the captain left the question unanswered as the pink thing disappeared into two large doors. In the meantime Celestia and Luna were listening to a noble when the pink blob flew into the room, a guitar riff echoing as he air-guitared his way into the room, sliding past the nobles in line.

"What is this?" The noble asked, his face full of confusion. The pinksuit pulled out a sign and started dancing.

I am the Pinksuit!

"The what?" The noble looked stumped as the figure posed, attempting to look as fabulous as possible.

And, woooooooo, am I fabulous!

The Pinksuit flicked his non-existent hair back, crawling towards the noble, body distorted, and a hissing noise coming from where his mouth ought to be. Celestia and Luna looked at each other, mouths moving like suffocating fish. The noble's face went to one of fear, "Um... What do I do?"

The pinksuit leapt through the air, twirling as he did so, and landed to moon-walk on the noble's back. Discord appeared next to the figure and began to dance. "Now watch me whip, now watch me nay-nay." The pinksuit stopped and twisted only his head to look at Discord, speaking for once.

"Don't do that," it said, only for Discord to frown and walk away dejectedly. The suit scoffed and began climbing off the noble, twisting his body in ways not even Pinkie could do as Celestia's face went to a frown.

"I'm not sure how to respond here," she said, only for the pinksuit to slide up to her and hiss before sliding over to Luna, purring and nuzzling up against her. Luna shivered.

"Ce-cely do something," she said, "This thing is freaking me out."

Celestia's horn glowed and she was now wearing her armor. The pinksuit gasped extremely loudly before sliding over to Celestia, lifting up her hoof, eliciting yet another gasp, and a very loud song playing in the background.

"WHAT ARE THOSE?" The pinksuit began spasming as Celestia also shivered. She began scribbling something down as the pinksuit began spasming and teleporting across the room at random.

Dear Twilgiht,

HALP,

Sincerely,

Celestia

The pinksuit's antics kept on for a minute before Twilight appeared with a flash and looking at Celestia and Luna who were clutching each other in fear. "What's wrong Princess-" Twilight stopped as the pinksuit had taken out a fork and dipped it into her coat, coming back with a small patch of lavender and the figure put the fork to where its mouth should be, the patch disappeared and the figure rubbed its stomach.

Mmmmm. Tastes like grapes!

Twilight took a minute to register the sign in front of her. "What!?"

Grapes. You taste of them.

"I am lavender, not purple, so why ought I taste of grapes?" Twilight asked the figure who shrugged and disappeared, appearing on the wall behind Celestia and Luna. It dipped the forks into their coats.

Blueberry and Bubblegum. Peppermint bubblegum.

Twilight, despite having dealt with Pinkie, couldn't help but freeze, her brain shutting down and attempting to process what exactly was happening. The pinksuit slid over to Twilight, a maniacal cackle coming from nowhere as it picked her up and sat her on the wall, placing a saddle and reigns on her. A few minutes of waiting later, as Celestia and Luna watched the figure idly begin playing rock paper scissors with himself, groaning here and there, and finally Twilight's brain rebooted.

"What?!" She yelled, only to realize that she was on the wall with the figure on her back holding the reigns.

GIDDY YAP LITTLE PONY! The figure was now wearing a cowboy hat, pink of course, and kicking Twilight's sides, causing her run around the wall before finally knocking herself up. Somehow. The figure jumped off her and moonwalked out of the room, running for the square and flicking around like a Slinky.

As ponies gaped, the pinksuit landed on the fountain. The water in the fountain turned pink and the figure held up a sign.

TRAP DANCE!

Music began playing, the figure glitching all around the square, and ponies screaming in terror. The pinksuit finally disappeared along with the music, appearing outside the Crystal Empire in front of Sombra, who was the original reason Celestia had called upon Twilight. The pinksuit donned a pink fedora, and threw a sign at Sombra.

How about... A DANCE BATTLE?

Sombra raised an eyebrow. "YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME?"

The pinksuit nodded, to which Sombra growled, "Then let's dance."

Sombra had been defeated, in just a few minutes by the pinksuit troll who received a reward from a confused Cadence and Shining Armor. He began bowing over and over as Twilight and her friends ran in.

"Sorry I'm..." Twilight stopped, her and friends gaping at the Pinksuit who bowed and disappeared, Pinkie clapping.

"Twily," Shining Armor started, looking at his sister in pure shock, "Who was that?"

Twilight shivered, "That was... the Pinksuit."