Knight in Crimson Armor

by promethian

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Alternate Universe, Crossover
Length: 1548

I buy a slimy saddle. Now what happens? I got awesome armor and shiz, and a slimy pet that is awesome. Oh, did I mention werewolf and merman related stuff?

So I buy some stuff from the merchant, and then now I get crimtane armor and awesome superpowers, and a slimy little friend. And now the slime king, moon lord, skeletron, and others want to kill me… Fuck!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-18 02:43:30 UTC

Slimy saddle? Why is it ACTUALLY slimy?

I'm heading to a convention right now. No problem in that, right? Well, it's not right now, it's millennium in the past. I'm frozen in stone right now, my body in the state of what happens when I become enraged. Celestia actually had a reason for putting me in stone, after seeing me go enraged for a while. I guess I should recap, that fits the theme as of current.

See, I went to a convention. I dressed as what I had on my Terraria save at the moment, the Brain of Cthulhu dead and skeletron defeated, decked out in crimtane armor, shiny black (Thanks to the Dye Trader in my save) and goggles (which in my save hid a miner's hat, I didn't have enough tissue samples to build a helmet of crimtane) with a sweet winter coat colored red, crimtane sword, axe, and hammer on my back as well as the yo-yo Artery in my hands. all I needed is the slimy saddle, something I got by farming the slime king (which I am very thankful helped me in traveling to the dungeons as well as killing skeletron!) and I had no idea how I would use it, unless it functioned like power wheels or some bullshit.

But then I saw him. A man dressed as the merchant from resident evil, and had a little slime saddle plush, complete with the little slime.

"How much for the slime plush, dear sir?" I said, my face with a small grin plastered on it.

"I'd say ten bucks, because you're putting on such a brilliant costume to fit it." He said, and I handed him ten bucks, not exactly like handed it to him but my money just flew from my pocket (Not really). As I put the slime plush in my backpack (which is how I carried all those crimtane tool replicas), I noticed I was slowly turning into sand.

"Have a nice trip, sir. I hope you like this. And I sincerely hope you do not hate me for this."

I was slowly building up from a pile of sand. first my head formed simultaneously with my neck, giving me conciseness, but currently no feelings because I was missing my adrenal glands. after a minute, my chest and arms rose, giving me more mobility  and my adrenal glands back. Of which I used to proceed flipping the fuck out. However, I still could not moves my arms freely, because my hands were still part of the sand. finally my legs and hands rose from the sand, putting me into a seating position, and I was still yelling. and then of course, my feet finally came back. And I used the new mobility to, you guessed it: run the whole fucking forest. that's right, I traveled into an equestrian FOREST entering as a pile of SAND. However, once I tried to leave the forest, a pack of wolves jumped out on me.

One came from a bush to my head. It gave me a nasty scar, One I still have. The only reason I survived is because it missed. Stuck to a tree with an arrow, and I saw another human like me.

"Hey, you look like you need to survive.-"I noticed this man as the guide, from terraria. I'll use him for crafting."-in this land. I'm coming with you." I then motioned him to come along, and he did.

"Do you have anything in your backpack?" He asked me. I looked down at myself, to find I had some robes on, not armor! I slapped my face with my palm, and tried to figure out how to open my backpack, but couldn't do it.

"Pro-tip, you just need to think about opening your backpack. I'm going to cut the guide play, the merchant sent me here to help you." I instantly knew who he knew by the Merchant. I didn't hate him, or like him. Huh, I guess I'm more neutral then I thought. I pulled my inventory up, and a whole screen of miniature items were displayed to me. I then grabbed the armor, and put it over into the armor slots, putting the goggles into the vanity slot, and my miner's helmet into the armor slot (I didn't have enough tissue samples, remember?). Though now that I think about it, that probably would have been more useful than crimtane because I would be able to see in the dark. The way my armor appeared was cool looking. The material of my clothes was being replaced, and it slowly shifted to the crimtane armor, and a small piece detached off my regular clothing to make the goggles. I then inserted dye, and turned my armor quickly morphed into a  shiny black. My cape then sprouted out of my armor, my legs materialized a cloud in a bottle bottle on a quick belt, that swiftly launched out of my pants and latched on. my hands gained a diamond ring that started bulging out of the crimtane, and my shackles came from my gloves.

Then the saddle faded into existence, and a rainbow colored oval of a slimy substance. I had the slimy saddle! I got on my slime, and hopped around on it like there was no tomorrow."That's good and all, but what about a weapon?" The guide asked. I then selected the Pwnhammer, and a small cube appeared on my hand. it quickly sprouted a rod out of it, and the cube broke. a bunch of liquid metal  gushing from it and rising to the top, where it formed a cylinder of gold and metal, of a unidentifiable kind.

"Nice!" the guide said. "It's an awesome thing, isn't it, the Pwnhammer?" I replied with a quick nod. I selected the crimtane axe, and instantly the hammer turned red and black, and shifted into an axe. It was time to make a house. Uh huh, yeah girlfriend!

I wait here everyday... and don't care. But now I do, so I'm getting out.

Hello again. Do you want to know my name this time around? Brayden. Brayden Eric Cantwell. I think a group is passing by-there they are!

"Twilight, my faithful student,  listen closely. This is a friend. One neutral human, the strongest of the few of his kind. He goes by the name of Brayden, but I have called him 'crimson', a name inspired off of  his favorite material." Damn right that stuff was my favorite material! It may not be the best, but it got me going and fighting! That's the only reason why I have selected crimtane as my favorite material.

"He is a great being, it saddens me to this day that we happened to seal him away." She looked sad, right after saying that. on the verge of crying."What's wrong, princess?" Twilight asked. She was deeply concerned for her mentor. She nuzzled up against Celestia, greatly calming her. If this is how the princess felt, I was concerned too. I need to break out. But Celestia can't notice, or she'll act like I acted on day one of my time on Equestria. I hope this is past season four, because Tirek will be a bitch. Once Twilight, that cute little purple princess, offered Celestia tea and went, I tried escaping. Come on, focus on her sadness. That's what gets me out of here, royal sadness concerning me. Good thing  She didn't focus on me earlier back when I was sealed, or else Equestria might have fallen. Part of my stone entrapment faded and blew away like sand. My adrenal glands are disabled like when I entered Equestria, So I'll probably start rushing as soon as they come back.

Holy shit, there's the emotion! come on, legs hands and feet! Hands and legs are a go, and now feet!

I jumped behind a bush, and then put on shroomite armor. I started to morph my clothing then, my leggings turning grey and becoming skin-tight. My shoes turned a shade of dark blue, and my chest plate turned into a grey tight shirt, and gloves appeared. the whole thing turned into a jump suit, and my jacket turned from the purple wizard robe thing to a blue chest plate, complete with shoulder pads. a small blue  book-shaped object broke off from the chest plate, and quickly shifted on to my face. night vision goggles sprouted from the top and flew down onto my face, and all of my armor became a shiny black and shiny purple as I faded from sight. I moved from one bush to another, becoming a hard-to-see blur. I finally passed enough roads in bushes to see it. The vault Celestia had put my equipment in. sure, I had some armor, but those were attached to extremely small and hard to see safeguards just in case of emergencies, not actually what I had relied on. Celestia had purged my inventory of it's equipment with a spell when I had been in stone, pushing my things into reality and storing them in that highly guarded vault. The guards had presence detection enchantments on their armor, and they could easily take me back to the stone.

So I decided to enlist a heist job with a also immortal friend.