1: The Epic of Pinkamena Diane Pie
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Star Log 1: The Epic of Pinkamena Diane Pie
Begin Morning Starlog 58: This is Captain Pinkamena Diane Pie of the E.C.S. Starduster. I am currently on my voyage to the first candidate planet for Operation Repopulation: Planet Haycart 34c. So far, I have experienced no problems aboard my vessel, yet I must be cautious. Star Captain Pinkamena Diane Pie, a.k.a Pinkie Pie, signing out. End starlog.
...
I awoke to the droning hum of my life support chamber. The same hum I have experienced through training and the two months I have been aboard my vessel. I pressed a few buttons to open the chamber, and stepped out. My eyes fell upon the dull gray room that I was designated for. I then grasped my suit and entered the bathroom.
"Good morning, Pinkie. Another day, another planet to search for." I soliloquized as i put on my suit. I strapped on a pair of boots and put my arms through a pair of very high tech limb enhancers. Turning to the mirror, I let out a small smile and exited the bathroom.
"Oats, oats, oats mah goats. Eating oat cereal for breakfast!" I sang as I indulged in a delicious oat cereal. It was much easier for me to eat cereal when I finally found the gravity button. It took me days to scrub out the spoiled milk from the oxygen vents. I washed my plate and left the automated dishwasher to do the rest. The long corridor of the E.C.S. Starduster (I liked to call it the Starduster for short) stretched out in front of me as I leisurely skipped to the captain's bay. When I entered the room, it lit up in a wondrous array of futuristic colors that always seemed to amaze me. I threw myself into the captain's chair, slid off, and pulled myself back up, laughing at my little slip.
"Auriga, on." I Commanded .
"Good morning Captain Pinkie Pie. It is 7:34 a.m. Central Equestrian Time." Chimed my personal assistant: Auriga.
"Status update, please!" I asked.
"We shall arrive at Haycart 34c in 7 weeks. Our main course has been disrupted by an asteroid field. Would you like to divert course?" The metallic voice asked, as programmed.
"Hmm," I thought, considering the options, "Will we be able to go through it?" I finally responded.
"Passage is possible, yet we will lose a considerable amount of fuel." Auriga informed. After consideration, I finally decided.
"Stay on course, we will deal with it when it comes up." I commanded once more.
“Yes ma’am.” obeyed Auriga.
“What’s our ship status?” I asked.
“Uploading information on ship status.” Auriga informed me as she checked the ship, “Fuel level at 72%. The automated repair system has been put on emergency lockdown. No other problems detected.” informed Auriga.
“Why has the automated repair system shut itself down?” i asked worriedly.
“Severe damage from asteroid impact.” responded Auriga stoically.
“Why was I not alerted?” I inquired.
“I was unable to correspond the message in time, as a solar flare passed near us. My message was delayed.” Auriga informed, which didn’t do anything to ease my stress. I decided that i needed to get out there myself.
“Auriga open the docking bay and quick-sterilize the suits. I will be repairing it myself.” I told her without question.
“Yes, ma’am. Opening docking bay and sterilizing suits.” She responded. I quickly ran to my room to get my tools. I really didn’t need this today.
…
"I seriously can't believe this happened!" I complained while I snapped on my helmet. The good thing about these suits were that they were both air and skin tight, as with my boots and limb enhancers. I was basically walking into deep space with a zentai, heavy boots, and giant logs on my arms. Hooray for Equestrian technology! The chamber opened as I stepped out, carrying a set of tools. I needed to handle this myself, apparently.
"Applejack would've loved to do this. But apparently I have to do this all by myself." I grumbled to myself. The chamber opened and I was sucked outside into the empty vacuum of space. Briefly checking my oxygen chord, I drifted over to the A.R.S, south of the ship. The E.C.S. (Equestrian Continental Ship, as I have mentioned earlier. Maybe not) is a large, silver and white, pill-shaped starship with a ring encircling it, which contains the ship's thrusters. The A.R.S. was located on the pill-shaped body (the atrium) and was approximately twenty feet away. I started to swim to my destination, which wasn't very easy to do. Imagine swimming in the vacuum of space like swimming in nothing. I was lucky my boots had thrusters to do most of the work for me. As the A.R.S. became ever so close to me, I noticed something far in the distance. It was bright, but fading, and was coming closer and closer. My thrusters stopped working, and I realized what that light was. A solar flare! It must've come from the nearby star, Opreis 12. I had to get back to the ship. If that catches me outside, I'll get burned into a crisp, and the ship won't fair well either. I swam for my life back to the ship. The ever-warping solar flare racing at unimaginable speeds. I already felt a wave of heat attack me from behind. As I neared the door, another wave came at me, which pushed me a few feet past the docking bay. The solar flare appeared to come even faster. I managed to swim into the door. I closed the door, checked if oxygen was present in the room for me to take my helmet off (it was), and raced towards the captain's bay as fast as I possibly could. Sometimes, running wasn't very advantageous for a bipedal, humanoid being such as myself. If I were only a cheetah, or a horse, or a pony! I already have a tail! Gosh darn it Pinkie, this was no time for daydreaming. I raced into the captain's bay, almost slipping on the stairs to the lower levels.
"Auriga on!" I shouted
"Hello Captain Pinkie Pie. It is 7:5-"
"Initiate Emergency Protocol 18a." I demanded.
"Initiating Emergency Protocol 18a: Solar flare attack. All systems shut down. Emergency power has been activated." And with that, the lights shut off and a red light turned on throughout the ship. I grabbed the wheel and launched my ship to the left. Evading the solar flare diagonally will decrease damage to the ship, but that doesn't mean there won't be any damage. The ship rushed forward as the impending flare came upon me like something out of a horror movie. We barely escaped when the solar flare brushed near the ship and shut down the gravity. Every non-stationary object began to float around the ship like in sci-fi movies. Great.
"Auriga, terminate Emergency Protocol 18a and switch to autopilot. I'm going to turn off the gravity and get back to the A.R.S." I informed the automated system.
"Yes ma'am." And immediately, the power came back, yet the gravity remained to be fixed.
...
"OUCH!" I screamed as I was shocked by some wires. Maybe using my bare hands to fix the wires instead of my limb enhancers wasn't the best idea. The gravity put itself into lockdown (I swear, the designer had a fetish for lockdowns) when the flare grazed us. I snapped on my limb enhancers and started working. For all of those whom don't know, my limb enhancers are two cylindrical shaped devices tipped with a hemisphere that cover my forearm, adorned with my cutie mark of three balloons. They are supposed to be used to control Starduster when I'm not on board or in near proximity. The hemisphere at the tip is magnetic and is supposed to replicate fingers. They're pretty useful; they even mimic touch, and they can be used as energy cannons when I'm in danger, and they're pink! Though, I don't really enjoy wearing them, they're a bit heavy. After ten minutes, I finally got through the lock down and turned on the gravity, resulting in a crash from throughout the spaceship.
"I'll...clean that up later." I mumbled to myself. I grabbed my tools and stepped into the docking bay once more to deal with the A.R.S. The designer also seemed to have messed up when he/she put such an important part of the ship outside. I sighed and opened the hatch, letting myself be sucked out by the vacuum of space.
Once again, I steadily drifted towards the A.R.S. After a minute or two (thank you thrusters) I made it to the A.R.S. It was a large panel in the side of the ship that was the size if a bus seat, labeled, you guessed it, A.R.S. As expected, it was damaged. I pressed a few buttons on my enhancer screen and the panel, if not without a struggle, opened begrudgingly. The circuitry was mangled, so I grabbed my tools and got to work. In the past, using a blowtorch in space was not very effective, so they invented a flameless blow torch. They called it the fusion lamp. It was an interchangeable metallic tip that would fuse any object that came in contact with it. Luckily, I have one. The task of repairing the A.R.S. was proving to be difficult, as the mess of wires made it hard to keep track of what needed to be fixed. I made good progress when my helmet alerted me that my oxygen was low, so I decided that I would finish this later. I closed the panel and flew back to the ship.
"Hello Captain Pinkie Pie. It is 9:47 a.m. Central Equestrian Time."
"Hey Auriga. I fixed the A.R.S. a bit, so you should be able to do the rest yourself." I told Auriga
"Yes ma'am. Establishing connection to A.R.S. Connection established. Now auto repairing the A.R.S." Auriga confirmed, maintaining her monotonous voice.
"And I'll guess that I'll clean up a bit." I told myself. I took off my helmet and enhancers and I grabbed a box from the closet near the kitchen. I pushed a button and the large, coffee table-sized boxed slid open, revealing a goldmine of various cleaning supplies. What, did you expect the ship to do everything itself? Okay, we aren't that advanced. I checked each room for fallen things. Too many rooms were ridden with once-floating objects, except my room and operation repopulation, so I got to work. After an hour or so, I managed to clean the entire ship.
"The A.R.S has been fully repaired, Captain Pinkie Pie." Auriga informed me.
"Good. Now I can just relax." I signed, walking to the dull, yet calming gray of my room.
…
“About time, Rarity! Do you always have to take so long?” complained Rainbow Dash from the hotel room.
“Just because we are going on a space expedition does not mean I can't be fabulous while we're up there.” responded Rarity with a swish of her hair.
“Y'all shouldn't be tryin’ tah look fabulous.” Applejack added whilst she entered the room. “This is uh very serious mission tah save, not just Equestria, but the entire planet.”
“Okay everypony, let's go.” Twilight called as she entered the room. Fluttershy and I were in the hallway. Me with very puffy hair, something that I have forgotten I used to have. We all had the same attire on. Skin tight suits with heavy boots and limb enhancers bearing our cutie marks. We left the hotel and flew a plane towards the launch site. We would take a rocket towards a large space shuttle which would travel towards the designated planets. I was very excited, yet had a clinging guilt as I realized that only 50,000 of the 2,000,000 creatures of our planet would survive the coming doom. I edited that thought from my head and joined my friends.
…
“GAAHH!” I gasped as I awoke from my slumber. I always hated that dream. I exited from my life support chamber and walked to the captain's bay. I entered the room, and it lit up as it usually does.
“Hello Captain Pinkie Pie. It is 1:18 C.E.T.” chimed Auriga.
“Hey Auriga. Ship status?” I asked.
“Fuel level at 71%. No other problems detected.” informed Auriga.
“ Good, good. Did we happen to enter a wormhole when I was asleep and now we're at Haycart 34c?” I asked hopefully.
“No ma'am. We are still 7 weeks from Haycart 34c.” answered Auriga. It amazes me how intelligent she is.
“Ah poo.” I swore dejectedly, “This is gonna take forever. Hey Auriga, how do you keep track of the time if we're in space?” I asked out of curiosity.
“My clock has a set cycle.” She responded.
“Oh.” I spoke. I had nothing to do. I always hated these awkward moments. I wish the universe could just give me something to do. I decided to check the files on the computer. Nothing. Great.
“Planet Stirrup 18a is approaching. Would you like to divert course?” beamed Auriga out of nowhere.
“Can you get me some information about the planet?” I inquired.
“Stirrup 18a is a class K planet with a dia-”
“Any information about atmosphere? Is it suitable for life?” I interrupted.
“This planet contains a high amount of chlorine in its atmosphere. Therefore, it is not suitable for Equestrian life.” responded Auriga.
“Mmm,” I grunted, “Fine. Divert course. Stay outside of the gravitational field.” I ordered. We sped forward and talked around the planet for a few minutes. After ten minutes, I noticed that we were still circling the planet.
“Auriga, why are we still here?” I questioned.
“Power level low. Require solar recharge.” she answered.
“Is there any land on that planet?” I asked while messing with the computer. Starduster uses both fuel and solar energy. If one runs out, the other will activate to do its job. Although, Starduster uses solar power to navigate. This entire ship is so convenient.
“Docking on this planet is possible. Would you like to land?” she asked, awaiting my command.
“If your solar power needs to recharge, then yes.” I answered. We immediately flew toward a part of the planet facing the sun. The large ring around our ship shifted onto a horizontal position. Landing pads appeared from the bottom of the ship, and we slowly descended onto the planet. Once we landed, I strapped on my suit and stepped out onto the docking bay. The bay opened, and a wave of air flushed on my suit. My helmet began feeding me oxygen as the chlorine air entered the docking bay. The entire planet smelled like the pool.
…
“Are you ready now?” I messaged Auriga on my enhancers.
“I apologize, but Starduster is not ready for takeoff. Power at 72%” Auriga apologized. I was getting frustrated. We were on this planet for 3 hours. So far, this planet doesn't have any intelligent life that I know of (hope that it’ll stay that way.) I didn't need any more surprises. I noticed that inane beeping on my limb enhancers. I've been ignoring it for a while, yet this seemed important.
“Caution,” I read, “large extraterrestrial object coming towards Stirrup 18a. Impact DEVASTATING? LEAVE PLANET IMMEDIATELY!? AURIGA, WHY WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THIS SOONER?” I screamed.
“I have alerted you 3 hours and 28 minutes ago.” She stoically snapped.
“I'm starting to think that you're more of a burden than a pleasure.” I commented.
“I apologize if I'm not ‘raising the roof’ and, like, ‘Keeping the party popping.’ That's you. That's what you sound like.” she responded.
“Touché.” I groaned, “Now, can you at least fly us to the nearest planet?”
“Unfortunately, no. I do have a contingency plan for such a situation.” she reassured.
“Preparing emergency protocol 67f.” And with that, Starduster’s plasma cannon exited through a panel in the ship and erupted three shots of high-powered plasma at the object. Within a minute or two, the object exploded three times and shrapnel came down on the planet like rain. I ran to Starduster and the shield appeared out of the rings. The meteor (or comet) debris came crashing on the shield. Today was definitely frustrating
…
“Why is life so hard?” I pondered to myself.
“I do not know how to meet that command.” Auriga admittedly stated.
“I don't either.” I agreed. Auriga was full of helpful (yet sometimes unannounced) surprised. She helped me through my times of PTSD when I saw my planet become...yah know, that's not important right now. Auriga is equipped with trauma medication and books on how to deal with PTSD. She really knows how to get me through hard times. Don't know what I'd do without her. Probably float forever in the unnerving emptiness of space. Granted, I'm not completely cured, but that doesn't mean she doesn't help.
“Auriga, what's with all the surprises lately?” I asked.
“All my commands and information are within my manual. Have you not read it?” She asked back.
“I feel asleep at page 66,” I mumbled, “but that's not important.”
“I believe reading my manual to understand all of functions is very important, Captain Pinkie Pie.” she snipped.
“Why do you have an attitude? You're a robot!” I shouted
“Rarity requested a, how she puts it, ‘sass feature’ on my mainframe.” she stated.
“Is there a way to turn it off?” I asked hopefully.
“Feature is currently not accessible.” she answered.
“Yeah, that's it, I'm reading your manual.” I groaned from the inconvenience of my day. I've seemed to been doing that a lot, despite the fact that I've been up here for only two months. Life feels less like a never-ending party and more like the party is over and you're the only one cleaning up.
…
Begin Night Starlog 58: This is Captain Pinkamena Diane Pie of the E.C.S Starduster. So far, I have encountered repair problems with the A.R.S. Further investigation will continue tomorrow. I will also have to check for EM radiation damage during the solar flare encounter. This day had been...something else, and I'm really exhausted. I think I'll end it hear. Captain Pinkie Pie, signing out. End starlog
Author's Note
Well, this is the first chapter! Nothing much but, it's gonna get there. Hope you like!
