Palms Are Sweaty, Knees Weak, Arms Spaghetti
Video that this story is based on:
Today was a special day in Ponyville; the time was late, around 10 to 12 PM, as a special DJ Pon-3 concert was to be hosted tonight. Everypony who was anypony was there. (including the main 6, look at that!) Though for the residents of Ponyville would be in for a surprise of unexpected pasta proportions, those of spaghetti proportions.
“Announcing: DJ Pon-3!”
The crowd cheers and yells as the curtains open with Vinyl Scratch standing on stage behind a turntable with a dual speaker system, Vinyl places a hoof on the table. But before she is able to begin a voice comes through the speakers, interrupting her and the audience.
“Look, if you had, one shot. Or one spaghetti, to seize every spaghetti you ever wanted in one moment. Would you capture it, or just let it slip?”
Everypony went silent as a man walked out on stage, this man looked exactly like Eminem wearing a beanie, T-shirt, and sweatpants with a derp look on his face and a microphone in his hand with spaghetti spilling from his pockets. Though he looked exactly like Marshal Mathers, he was not, so let’s just call him ‘Not Eminem’
Not Eminem held the microphone up to his mouth as he began rapping “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms spaghetti. There’s vomit on his spaghetti already: mom’s spaghetti. He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm spaghetti. To drop spaghetti, but he keeps on spaghetti”
Not Eminem continued to rap as everypony’s ears began to bleed profusely, everypony in the crowd were covering their ears with their hooves in hope that this would protect them from the pasta themed rhymes.
“WHAT’S GOING ON?” Yells Rainbow Dash.
“WHAT?” Replies Applejack.
Twilight quickly casts a noise canceling bubble around her friends as fast as she could.
“Is everypony alright?” Asks Twilight as they all try and recover from the tortellini-esque assault.
“Um… Where’s Rarity?” asks Fluttershy.
The ponies all take a quick look around in an effort to find their lost friend.
“Found her!” shouts Pinkie Pie as she point her hoof at a pony just outside the bubble. Rarity’s ears were covered in blood, her eyes were wide open, foam was collecting outside her mouth, and she was convulsing on the floor.
“Rarity!” Yells Twilight.
“No!” Yells Rainbow Dash as she holds Twilight back. “It’s too late for her!”
*Crack*
Just then, a large crack forms across the bubble.
Twilight gulps. “That can’t be good!”
More and more cracks appear over the bubble as lyrics begin to slowly fill the bubble until it bursts.
“You only get one Spaghetti, do not miss your chance to blow. This spaghetti comes once in a lifetime yo”
The five ponies quickly cover their ears as the bubble bursts letting in all the spaghetti rhymes.
“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Yells Pinkie as she spontaneously explodes spreading blood, guts, confetti, and balloons everywhere.
The rest of the ponies scream in terror afraid that they’ll succumb to the lyrics and explode as well.
Suddenly the music cuts out as Not Eminem concludes “Mom’s spaghetti can do anything man...”
“Thank Celestia!” Says Twilight as all the ponies in the crowd stagger to stand back up. “What was that all…”
Twilight was then interrupted by a new beat being played through the speakers, she looked on stage just to see Vinyl Scratch trying to turn the speakers off, even go so far as unplugging and bucking them. But it seemed like nothing would turn them off.
Not Eminem holds the microphone back up to his mouth as he begins to rap; “Ya’ll act like you’ve never seen a spaghetti before, jaws all on the vomit like mom and spaghetti just burst through the door and started whooping her spaghetti worse than before...”
The crowd quickly covers their ears again.
“Aaaaargh! It’s worse than the last one!”
Rainbow Dash quickly flies up into the air. “Don’t worry gals, I got this!” She shoots off at Not Eminem like a bullet before bouncing off an invisible spaghetti force field just inches away from Not Eminem. “Gah! What the?”
“He’s using some sort of force field” Twilight stated kinda obviously. “I’m going to try a spell to dissipate the force field”
Twilight shoots a spell from her horn striking the spaghetti force field, though instead of destroying the protective shield the spaghetti force field absorbs the blast and fires back an even larger spell strait at Applejack.
“What the hay!?” says Applejack moments before the spell struck her head causing it to implode.
“Eeeeeeeeeep!” Screams Fluttershy as she runs away upon seeing the head of one of her dear friends collapse in on itself.
“Fluttershy wait!” yells Rainbow Dash to no avail “Argh! Well Twilight, looks like it’s up to us to stop em’!”
Rainbow Dash shoots up into the air.
“Rainbow Dash!” yells Twilight.
“Yeah?”
“Do a sonic rainboom, if you do it close enough to the stage you might be able to destroy the speakers”
“Will do!”
Rainbow flies up into the air as fast as she can before turning around and blasting towards the ground causing a sonic rainboom right next to the stage, the speakers then rattled and shook before exploding into pieces.
The crowd staggers back up cheering for Rainbow Dash. “Rain-bow Dash! Rain-bow Dash!” chants the crowd.
Twilight jumps up on stage and looks at Not Eminem strait in the eye. “Now! On behalf of the ponies in Ponyville. I order you to leave and never return, or else!” she says as she points her horn at Not Eminem in a menacing way.
Not Eminem slowly drops the microphone before pulling out a pair of sunglasses and slowly putting them on.
“Well” says Twilight. “Aren’t you going to…”
Suddenly Not Eminem’s voice begins to boom across the stage as if the speakers had never been destroyed “I’m beginning to feel like a spaghetti god, spaghetti god”
“Oh no!” Twilight quickly jumps to the ground covering her ears, the crowd begins to scream as everypony's ears begin to bleed profusely with Rainbow Dash being knocked straight out of the air.
“Twilight…” stutters Rainbow Dash. “Twilight… Make it stop!”
Not Eminem slowly floats in the air as he begins to rap spaghetti rhymes at an almost unbelievable speed as the screams in the audience slowly died down until nothing but the sound of Not Eminem rapping was the only thing that could be heard.
“Why be a spaghetti, when you could be a mom?...” finished Not Eminem’s rap.
Twilight slowly looked up just to see everypony in the audience shaking in fear. She slowly stands up looking back at Not Eminem. “Why?... Why do you do this”
Not Eminem glances back at Twilight. “Don’t be upsetti, have some spaghetti”
The stage suddenly explodes as a wave of spaghetti shoots out covering the crowd, town, then the whole nation of Equestria in a wave of spaghetti.
Never forgetti, mom’s spaghetti.
Author's Note
I know it's garbage, I wrote it within a couple hours while giving zero f**ks all the way through.
