The Thirteenth Changeling Invasion
Deep underground, in the one of the most remote parts of the Badlands, a Changeling drone has just delivered a report to his queen.
As Queen Chrysalis quickly scans the contents of the missive, her eyes alight with sinister glee.
“Excellent. All is proceeding as planned. Princess Cadence and Shining Armor are on their way to Yakyakistan to attend a goodwill summit that doesn't exist. Meanwhile Twilight Sparkle has succumbed to a particularly virulent form of the flu virus, which will keep her incapacitated for at least five days, which is more than enough time for us to conquer Canterlot. Mwhahahah-”
“But my Queen...” the drone says, cutting her off in mid cackle.
“What IS it Twenty-four? I've been plotting this moment for months, so why are you interrupting me while I am enjoying the fruits of my labor?” Chrysalis says dangerously.
“Well, it's just… well... wouldn’t it have been just as easy to poison Twilight Sparkle instead of just making her sick? I mean, then you would be rid of her for good.”
“Fool!” Chrysalis explodes. “Twilight Sparkle is the princess of FRIENDSHIP. Once we have conquered Equestria, she will be a valuable tool in harvesting the love and adoration of the pony nation.”
“Um, but do you really think Twilight Sparkle can be bent to your will?” Drone Twenty-one pipes up.
“Of course she can! She'll do exactly as I say, unless she wants to see her precious ponies start to lose their heads! And yes, I mean that literally.” Chrysalis adds, before either of the two drones can reply.
“Um, your highness,” Twenty-four interrupts once more.
“Oh by the Sky Stallion, what NOW Twenty-four?”
“Um, aren't you forgetting about Princess Celestia?” he says.
“Yeah, and what about Princess Luna?” Drone Twenty-one adds.
“Hahahaaa! Those two? I easily overcame Princess Celestia the last time we met. And as for Princess Luna, Celestia has already banished her to the moon once, she is obviously the weaker of the two sisters. They pose no threat to me!”
Drones Twenty-one and Twenty-four share a glance. If it were put into words that glance would read 'This is NOT going to end well'.
“Now go!” Chrysalis, commands. “Mobilize the hives, and tell them to prepare for an an assault on Canterlot at dawn.”
“Um, which hives your Majesty?” Twenty-one asks.
“All of them Twenty-one, all of them! We will blanket the skies with our armies, and by this time tomorrow all of Equestria will know of it's one true monarch! MWAHAHAHAAA!”
Meanwhile, unnoticed by the Queen, or her minions, a small purple dragon in a flimsy plastic changeling mask has begun to edge his way toward the entrance, being mindful to avoid knocking off his duct taped changeling wings on the craggy surface of the cave walls.
Once outside, he quickly removed the brush he had piled up to conceal the gondola of his spy balloon, and climbing aboard, he freed several sandbags until he was airborne.
“Balloon don't fail me now!” he whispered aloud. “I have to let Twilight know what's going on as fast as possible.” He said, as the balloon bobbed and wafted on the breeze, as it slowly began to make it's way in the general direction of Appleloosa.
Fortunately this didn't concern him, as he couldn't quite remember which way Ponyville was, due to spending several of the previous days wandering around in the desert in a plastic mask, looking for the changelings hive.
He did briefly consider sending a message to Princess Celestia as well, but given how easily she had been beaten by Chrysalis the last time, he decided that it would only cause her, and the rest of Canterlot, to panic. No, better to let Twilight deal with this. She was after all, best pony… well, aside from Rarity…
“Oh Rarity,” Spike said, pulling out the locket he kept hidden from everypony else.
Inside was his best picture of his darling Rarity. You couldn't even see the curtains in this one, and she was actually facing in the camera's direction. All of Spike's practice had really been paying off…
Spike sat down inside the gondola, which made no difference whatsoever to his navigational prowess, due to the fact that he couldn't see over the edge anyway. He stared lovingly at the candid photo of his cross-species crush, and let idle fantasies of himself returning as a hero who had risked his life to stave off the changeling invasion.
“This time she'll HAVE to go out with me,” he said confidently, as his balloon rose up into the clouds, and suddenly acquired a very lost and confused Derpy “Muffins” Hooves.
The following day Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were having breakfast together. Breakfast and supper were the only two times, aside for social gatherings, that the two got to spend any real time together, so, as always, they were catching each other up on the gossip of the previous day.
“And then Applebloom said,” Celestia continued, as she read from Twilight's most recent letter. “Is this what you meant by a dangling participle Miss Cheerilee?' And then Miss Cheerilee said, 'Applebloom, this is biology class. That is a uvula.' And then Applebloom said, 'Gosh Miss Cheerilee, I don't think my family wants me to take THAT class until I'm older.”
“Bwahahaaa!” Luna said, spraying juice across the table.
Wordlessly, her hoofmaiden, Long Suffering, began to clean up the mess her mistress had made… again.
“Oh sister, I must needs find a student of my own. Truly thy subjects in Ponyville are hilarious!” Luna said as she wiped her muzzle with a napkin before tossing it in the general direction of Long.
“Indeed sister. I've always believed it has something to do with the proximity to the Everfree Forest. It was one of the reasons I decided to send Twilight there in the first place.”
“Really?” Luna says in surprise. “I always though it was so she could set up my return from my vaca-”
Suddenly Luna was interrupted by an implosion of air, heralding the arrival of Twilight Sparkle herself.
“Twilight!” Celestia said in shock. “You look like Tartarus!”
“Thanks for that,” a bleary, tired looking Twilight Sparkle said, before collapsing onto the royal dining room floor.
“I'm NOT cleaning that up,” Long Suffering said, with a steely gaze at her mistress. One that, fortunately for her, Luna had completely missed as she rushed to the side of her friend.
“Twilight, what's happened? What's wrong?” Luna said, her voice filled with concern as she edged closer to, what she assumed, was a safe distance from the wreck of Twilight Sparkle... just in cause whatever she had was contagious…
It was.
“I'm sick,” Twilight explained. “Very, very, sick.” She said, causing both Luna and Celestia to evaporate away from her faster than water in the Badlands. “But that isn't important right now. I came here as fast as I could with an urgent warning. Now I know you will find this alarming, but don't panic Princess, even though I'm sick, I'll still find some way to protect you.” Twilight said weakly.
“Urgent warning? Protect ME? Twilight, I think you'd better explain yourself. Celestia said, pouring a cup of juice and then hoofing it to Long Suffering to give to Twilight.
Twilight rose to a sitting position, and took a long drink. Then, looking up at her mentor, she began her tale.
She told her of how a week ago, her friend Pinkie Pie's Pinkie sense had gone off. 'Ear flap, twisty tail, wobbly right knee, lazy eye (left), explosive diarrhea, lazy eye (right), three of the voices in her head singing 'Louie, Louie, jazz hooves'. Which meant Mayor Mare was planning to give herself another tax break. But then there was an extra tail twist, and that of course meant that 'the Changelings are preparing to invade Canterlot'.
So Twilight sent her baby dragon off into the Badlands all by himself, to spy on the changelings. Thus confirming the two facts that A. Twilight was in no way ready to be a parent, and B. A tactician she was most certainly NOT.
Spike had just returned late last night, his balloon being pushed in a strange left to right pattern by a grey pagasus, and had given her his report.
“So, I got here just as quickly as I could.” Twilight said, pausing to breath through her mouth. “I knew there was no way with Cadence and Shining Armor gone, that the two of you alone could defeat Chrysalis. But don't worry, once I rest for a few minutes, I'm sure I'll be strong enough to protect you… What? What's so funny?” Twilight asked, as both the other alicorns burst out into uncontrollable laughter.
“Y-you think… you think… BWAHAHAHA,” Celestia tried to say, before falling backwards off of her chair, as she desperately tried to draw breath.
“This is SERIOUS,” Twilight said, rising to her hooves. “I nearly pass out teleporting over and over again to get here in time to save you two, and all you can do is sit there laughing and spewing food everywhere?”
“It happens more often than you'd think,” Long Suffering says, as she bends to pick up several pieces of a thousand year old set of porcelain. Without further comment, she trots back to the kitchen to retrieve the kingdom size bottle of 'Wacky Glue' that she keeps under the sink.
Meanwhile, Luna finally finds her voice. “Twilight, you think, hehe, you think that WE need protection? By YOU? Seriously? I mean it's only a changeling invasion.”
“ONLY A-” Twilight begins before lowering her voice. “Don't you remember what happened last time? Chrysalis nearly conquered all of Equestria! They destroyed half of Canterlot, and beat the cake out of your sister practically effortlessly! If it wasn't for Cadence, and Shining Armor, and a little help from me and my friends, all of ponydom would have wound up as slaves, and WHY ARE YOU STILL LAUGHING?!?” She finished with a yell.
“Oh Twilight… my dear Twilight,” Luna said, tears of mirth dancing at the corners of her eyes. “Equestria was never in any REAL danger.”
“WHAT?!? What are you talking about?” Twilight asked in groggy confusion, her exertions beginning to catch up with her.
“Twilight. I don't know how else to tell you this,” Luna said, as she squatted, (still well away), before the purple alicorn. “But sweetie, it was all an act.”
“A-an act?” Twilight said, looking toward her mentor, who although still unable to speak from laughter, was still able to nod in agreement.
“Yes dear, of course it was an act.” Luna confirmed. “We knew Chrysalis had replaced Cadence well before you showed up. And her unique magical signature as an alicorn was practically a beacon to where the real Cadence was being held. I myself went down there disguised as a changeling to make sure she wasn't being abused. As a matter of fact I do believe I still have the plastic mask that I used somewhere in my room.” Luna says proudly. “Truly I am a master of disguise, as they had no idea I had infiltrated their ranks. Why, there was even one drone, I think his name was Twenty-one, who was flirting with me very earnestly. Oh, I do hope I get to see him again when the invasion begins! I need to go find my mask!” She says, beginning to rise.
“Wait, wait wait,” Twilight says, gesturing weakly. “You mean to say, you both knew all the time? But she beat Celestia, and you… you were nowhere to be seen.”
“Beat my sister? Twilight, don't be ridiculous. No changeling queen, or army has EVER beaten my sister, although every hundred years or so a queen rises up to try. Today will be the thirteenth changeling invasion in my lifetime, and never once has Celestia actually LOST a battle. Twilight… she threw the fight.” Luna says, a serious expression finally appearing on her face.
“Say what now?” Twilight asks, coming out of her stupor momentarily.
“Stay with me now. She… threw… the… fight...” Luna replied, enunciating slowly. “Honestly Twilight, you really thought the most powerful alicorn on the planet could be defeated by what is, essentially, a big bug hopped up on emotions? And that I would just HAPPEN to be conveniently absent on the day of my niece’s wedding?”
“B-but then, where were you?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, I holed up in the kitchen with Long Suffering, and had her ply me with some of my sister's cakes. Severed her right really. I mean originally Celestia had it planned that I would fight and lose to Chrysalis too… {Hrmf}, as if!” Luna says with a derisive flip of her mane.
“But why? Why would you two do this?” Twilight asks uncomprehendingly.
“Because,” Celestia says, finally regaining control of herself. “I wanted to see how you would handle the situation. I took myself out of the equation when I sided with your friends in disbelieving you. That left you on your own. I was keeping an eye on you the entire time, ready to step in if I had to, but, as I expected, it wasn't necessary. You and your family handled things just fine. Not only did you justify all the faith I had in you, but Luna ended up owing me fifty bits! And that bought quite a lot of cake, let me tell you!” Celestia said with a trollish grin.
Twilight gathered herself, getting ready to speak once more, but she was preempted by a booming voice from outside.
“COWER IN FEAR CITIZENS OF CANTERLOT! I, QUEEN CHYRSALIS HAVE COME TO USHER IN A NEW ERA! THE TIME OF THE CHANGELINGS HAS COME AT LAST… um, AGAIN!”
Outside, the sky had darkened, as the light of the sun was blotted out by a near endless number of changelings. Every news crew, ponaudio station DJ, and reporter were out in the streets, rapidly broadcasting what was happening to every receiver in Equestria. Many of them assumed it was to be the last report they ever made, as even more changelings continued pouring in to fill the sky.
Around the world, every pony, yak, dromedary, and sentient being with the ability to do so, were listening or watching silently, as they bore witness to the assault on Canterlot.
Twilight made to step toward the balcony, intent on facing Chrysalis, but was halted by a gentle hoof on her shoulder.
“Come with me, my faithful student,” Celestia said, before teleporting them both to the balcony of the tallest spire of the castle.
“Okay, now you wait here, I'll just be a minute,” Celestia says warmly, before teleporting away.
Far above the changeling horde, Celestia reappeared in the cloudless sky. Cracking her neck from side to side and shaking her mane, she gazed downward, and smiled wickedly.
Her horn lit up with power, and she sang a little song to herself as she set to work. “Sun, sun, shining in the sky, slay my en-e-mies...”
Suddenly hundreds, if not thousands, of bolts of white hot solar energy shot forth from the sun, carving through the changeling ranks as if they were tissue. Vast patches of the morning sky were cleared in an instant as the ponies below, as well as all those watching across the globe, bore witness to Celestia's golden wrath. Within a matter of moments, nothing at all remained to ever indicate that an invasion had taken place, for as the last changeling was destroyed, Celestia had flapped her wings, causing the falling ashes of the changeling horde to quickly be dispersed on the solar winds.
Then, Celestia, still shining with solar power, descended to the tower below.
Later it was said that as she touched down, the sound of the entire pony race falling to it's knees could be heard all the way to Yakyakistan.
“Twilight dear,” Celestia said, not unkindly, as she alighted before her former student, “if you leave your mouth open like that, you are bound to catch flies.”
