Rainbow Dash Seduces a Watermelon

by Weezil_Brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Romance, Comedy
Length: 3908

Rainbow Dash falls in love with a watermelon, hilarity ensues.

Rainbow Dash basically falls in love with a watermelon, that's about it. But it is incredibly funny if you care to read.

This is a parody on how Rainbow Dash is the center of every shipping chart, and she's been paired with everything but the kitchen sink (and even NOW has been paired with a kitchen sink), and I decided, "Why the hay not?"

If the definition of clop is the typing of sex or genitalia, then this is NOT clop. However, she does have some PG-14-rated fun with that watermelon.

Published 2012-06-01 01:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-01 01:24:01 UTC

Beginning AND End

Rainbow Dash Seduces a Watermelon

“One minute, I’ll be right there!” Twilight called from inside. Rainbow nodded to herself and waited patiently outside, which was strangely out-of-character for her. Then again, having a get-together with Twilight every week for a book club was also very out-of-character.

The door opened, and Twilight smiled through the doorway. “Hello again, Rainbow Dash! Here for book club?”

Dash cocked an eyebrow. “No, I’m here for the Wonderbolts convention,” she said sarcastically. “Of course I am, Twilight.”

Ignoring the sarcasm, Twilight motioned for Rainbow Dash to come inside, and she obeyed. Inside, there were three other ponies; two mares and a stallion. She recognized the mares as Berry Punch and Roseluck. The colt, however, was new.

She took a seat in the ring of ponies, and Twilight stood in the middle. “Hello again, everypony! I’d like to welcome our newest member, Cloud Cover.” The mares in the circle all clapped their hooves softly. “He said that he’s around the same chapter as the rest of us, so there should be no problems integrating him.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes lit up. “Whoa, Twilight! You just met him!” What kind of book club was this?

Twilight buried her face in her hoof. “Integrate means to adapt, Rainbow Dash.”

Dash smiled sheepishly. “Oh.”

Twilight took a seat at the circle, and pulled out a thick book, as did everypony else. “Alright, let’s discuss how Crow Caller is battling his psychosis in chapter ten…”

***

“Thanks for coming!” Twilight called out to the last guest as she departed. The sky was turning a slight pink as dusk began to settle. Rainbow Dash and Twilight were all alone, save for a disgruntled Spike cleaning up plates and glasses half-full of tea.

“So,” Twilight began, “how are you enjoying the book, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash shook her head wildly. “I guess it’s pretty cool, but I still would’ve chosen a better name; I mean, ‘Crow that is Life’s Bane?’ What does that even mean?”

“It means several things,” Twilight explained. “The Crow is often affiliated with hard times or death in old pony mythology, and emulates Crow Caller’s predicament as becoming the Grim Reaper. Both the Crow and Death are considered life’s bane.”

“Okay,” Rainbow Dash said, nodding. “But I still have one question; what the hay does ‘Bane’ mean?”

“Kind of like enemy,” Twilight said. “Or maybe nemesis. Like, your bane would be slow. Get it now?”

Rainbow Dash rubbed her stomach and nodded. “Yeah, but it’

s hard thinking when I’m hungry. Let’s face it; tea and crackers just don’t cut it with me.”

Twilight giggled. “Well, I just bought some exotic fruits the other day, would you like one?”

Dash nodded. “What are they?”

Twilight disappeared into another room, but she still heard her voice. “They’re called Watermelons. They’re big green fruit with red insides. They’re supposed to be really sweet, but I haven’t had one yet.”

Twilight then emerged from the room with two halves of a bowling ball. But wait, it wasn’t a bowling ball, it was…

Dash’s eyes went wide. “Whoa,” she said quietly.

“I know,” Twilight said. “They’re huge! We’re gonna have to split one, is that okay with you?”

Dash nodded, never taking her eyes off of the right half. It was a vibrant grassy green, with stripes of lighter green ever so slightly painting the sides. The inside was a succulent red, with small black seeds ringing around it. Just the tiniest drop of juice was dripping down the sides. Rainbow Dash noticed that she was salivating excessively, and she licked her lips. She could smell it across the room; it smelled absolutely titillating, tantalizing, tasty…

“Uh, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash snapped out of her trance, and shook her head. “Yeah, what is it Twilight?”

Twilight was forcing herself not to laugh, and was losing slightly. “What’re you thinking about?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing,” she said.

“You sure?” Twilight asked, smirking. “Because, those beg to differ.” Twilight raised a hoof to point behind her, and Dash turned her head. Her pupils shrank.

Her wings were extended fully, almost straining to be perfectly erect. Rainbow Dash blushed madly, and quickly put her wings down. What the hay just happened?

“So what’re you thinking about?” Twilight asked again. Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head, feeling her face warm up. Actually, the entire air around her was heating up fast. Twilight slowly approached Rainbow Dash, and got close to her ear. Then, ever so gently, she whispered, “I bet you’re thinking about Cloud Cover, aren’t you?”

Rainbow’s face contorted into that of anger and embarrassment, her face now completely flushed red. “You know what? I’m gonna go ahead and go home. I’ll see you later, Twilight.”

She was ready to leave when Twilight said, “Wait! Don’t forget your Watermelon!”

Rainbow Dash froze, then turned around towards the floating Watermelon. Was is just her, or was her face becoming even warmer?

“Um, thanks Twi,” she said, grasping the Watermelon in her hooves. She almost dropped it; it was heavy for a fruit! “Wow! It’s heavy!” Wow, it’s really big… wait, what?

“Yeah, I know!” Twilight said anxiously. “I can’t wait to eat this!”

With a few spare goodbyes, Rainbow Dash hovered through the door with the Watermelon in her hooves; she couldn’t carry it and walk at the same time. She decided to fly to the park, and take a nap on her favorite tree. She looked down at the fruit, and winked.

Wait, did I just wink? At a fruit?! She shook her head, almost veering her into a fruit stand. She then decided to fly higher, to avoid a crash. Suddenly, she felt something cold and wet on her hoof. She looked down again, and gasped.

There were just a few drops of watermelon juice dripping down her hoof, leaving a small, wet streak of cold, made freezing by the cool air they were rushing past. She looked in awe at her soaked hoof, at the slightly-red streaks across her fur. She shivered, suddenly short of breath.

Luckily, the park was now right below them, and her tree was in sight. She flew down, and eased herself on the tallest branch, back to the trunk, and the Watermelon between her legs. She looked down at the fruit, then at her hoof, now drenched in the Watermelons’ cold juices.

She brought her hoof to her mouth, and gently poked the wet area with her tongue. Her mouth exploded with sweetness, but also stickiness. Her body trembled, and she moaned slightly. Her eyes widened.

Did a watermelon just make me moan?!

She looked around, hoping that nopony had heard her make such an unfitting noise. There was nopony around though, and she sighed. She looked back at her hoof, realizing that she hadn’t even begun to clear the juices from it. She smiled deviously, and began lapping at the slightly-viscous fluid on her hoof.

When she was done, and the only thing she could taste was her own coat, she looked back down at the Watermelon between her legs. A thought came to her mind.

How do I even eat this?

She gently used her hoof to prod the red surface, to get a feel for its hardness. However, one hoof poke was too strong, and she felt it submerge slightly into the Watermelon, excreting even more delicious juices under her hoof. She shuddered, and her breath was becoming scarce. She poked the fruit again, and again, and again. She was panting now, and her hoof pokes were becoming faster, more forceful…

“Hey Rainbow Dash!”

Her eyes expanded, her pupils dilating to the size of tiny marbles. She looked down below to find her number one fan, Scootaloo, looking up at her in confusion.

“What’re you doing, Rainbow Dash?”

She quickly removed her hoof from the small indent in the fruit, and pointed it at Scootaloo. “Nothing! Um, what are you doing?!”

Scootaloo cocked her left eyebrow up. “Um, I was actually just coming to see you about something. Hey, what is that you’ve got there?”

Rainbow Dash looked down, then smiled. “Oh, it’s called a Watermelon! Twilight just bought a few, and gave me one. They’re really sweet.”

Scootaloo’s eyes sparkled. “Ooh, can I try?”

Rainbow Dash’s smile disappeared. She didn’t want to share him with Scootaloo, or anypony else. He was her Watermelon, and-

Did I just call him a HE?!

She shook her head wildly, trying to think of an excuse to deny the young filly a taste of the succulent ten-pound fruit. “Um, well, see, I haven’t really tasted it yet, and I don’t know if it’s any good. If it is, then I’ll let you taste.”

Scootaloo donned a look of suspicion. “But you just said it was sweet.”

“I did?” Dash stammered, ‘Oh yeah, I did! But Twilight told me that! See, she just told me what she thought, but I never got to try it.”

Scootaloo seemed pleased with this. “Well, okay then! How is it?”

Dash leaned forward, putting her muzzle just inches above the apple of her eye. Well, the Watermelon, that is. She took a deep breath, and stuck her tongue out, dragging it along the entire diameter of the fruit slowly.

It took her everything she had not to groan in pleasure while doing so.

She pulled her head back up, and put on the most disgusted face she could. “It tastes really really bad, Scoots. You don’t want this.”

Scootaloo did the exact opposite of what she expected; she smiled. “Oh, then can I have it?”

What?

She voiced her thoughts. “That’s why I came to see you!” Scootaloo explained. “Me and the girls wanna get our Cutiemarks in shooting things out of a cannon, but we need something to shoot! So, can we use your Watermelon since it tastes like dirt?”

Her plan had backfired, and she quickly thought of another excuse. “Scootaloo, who wants shooting stuff from a cannon to be their Cutiemark?”

Scootaloo looked saddened by her words, but then perked up, even chuckled. “That IS really silly, isn’t it? Well, thanks again Dash!”

When Scootaloo left, she sighed, releasing all the bodily spasms that the Watermelon had induced, that she had suppressed. She shook violently, all of her senses tingling with pleasure, and moaned once more; this time much louder. She quickly covered her own mouth with a hoof, and looked down at the Watermelon.

Why is this happening to me? She thought to herself. …Am I attracted to a fruit?! Something spoke. She looked around, trying to find the source, before her eyes met the succulent morsel between her legs. No, did it just?

She decided that the park wasn’t a safe place to be, so she grabbed the watermelon and took off for her cloud home. The fruit excreted even more juices, and it took her all her strength not to bring her head down and lap it up like a dog.

When they arrived at the balcony leading to her bedroom, she pushed open the doors, and landed on the bad, belly-up. The watermelon rested on her abdomen, juices still dripping down the front. She tracked the drops as they slid down its sleek, smooth skin, anticipating the big moment.

When the drops hit her fur, she moaned louder than even before. Quickly, she brought the fruit up to her face, and dragged her tongue up along the path the drop had taken, going slow along its skin. She had to tip the fruit to reach the lip, and when she did, at least a fourth glass of watermelon juice spilled all over her face.

Oh sweet Celestia, I don’t care anymore! I want him now!

She rolled over on her stomach, her head just above the luscious fruit and holding it with her hooves, and gazed lovingly at it. She admired every contour of its completely-round surface, each small black dot that was his seed.

“What’s that?” she asked the watermelon. “You want me to what?” She blushed. “You’re a very dirty watermelon…”

But she would gladly comply with her lover, and leaned back on the bedframe. The watermelon was between her legs again, and she positioned a hoof over the fruit just as before, though over a new, untouched spot.

She gently pressed down on the fruit, seeping more juice from the fruit and more moaning from Rainbow Dash. She first went slow, being gentle with him, but then soon began pushing harder, and faster. Juice began squirting into the air, and Rainbow dash tilted him so that it would squirt on her. After a minute, her entire chest and abdomen were covered in his liquid gold.

“Huh?” she looked at the watermelon and smiled. “Anything for you, Mel…” She stopped hoofing the fruit, and looked down at her own juice-covered body. She brought her hooves to her underside, and began rubbing the juice into her coat, groaning as she did. “Ooh, this feels so good!”

No longer having a hoof to keep her from slipping, she began sliding off the bedframe and laid down on the bed, her legs spread and extended, her hoofs resting on her body. She began frantically licking them, trying to get every last drop of her lover’s sweet sticky fluids, when she noticed something was missing. She looked down, and saw what was wrong.

Mel wasn’t there. In his place was a small watermelon-sized hole in her bed. She facehoofed, and flew out the window.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! How could I forget he’d fall through the clouds?!

She saw him plummeting down towards the earth, and doubled her speed. “I’m coming, Mel!”

She sped like a bullet to save her lover. He was a mere two-dozen feet from the ground when she caught him, and she gently glided back down to the earth. When her hooves touched down, she hugged the Watermelon tightly.

“Oh, I’m so glad that you’re alright!” she said, tears in her eyes. “I promise to never do that to you again!” She looked down at the fruit, and met her lips with it. She kissed the fruit with immense passion, more than she thought she’d ever have with anypony.

After a few seconds, she opened her mouth during the kiss, and let her tongue explore his decadent surface. She felt one of the grooves that her hoofing made, and she lifted her head slightly, whispering, “Do you want it?”

In silent approval, she lowered her head back down, and began licking the rim of the groove with her tongue, going ever so slowly so as to savor his flavor. Soon, she stopped teasing him, and stuck her tongue straight down into the hole, jutting it in and out. She moaned through the melon, closing her eyes to absorb every last pleasurable moment. She lowered to her knees, and eventually fell flat on her belly, never once taking her mouth off of her lover, or her tongue out of his hole.

As she burrowed deeper into the fruit, more juices began secreting, to which she simply lapped up and swallowed. Suddenly, she felt something hard in the groove. She maneuvered her tongue so as to break it free, and then lifted her head to see. In the hole was a small black seed.

“What’s that?” she asked Mel. “You want me to swallow it?” she smiled deviously. “I’ll do better than that.”

She sat back up, and began hoofing the fruit again, this time much more vigorously, skipping the gentleness as before. She was ravenously hungry for him, and she wouldn’t stop until both he and she were satisfied.

She hoofed in many different spots, creating more and more dents in the fruit. “Yeah, you like that don’t you? You’re a real dirty, filthy melon.” And in those grooves were more black seeds. When she thought she had found enough, she began attacking each of the holes hungrily. She noticed that her wings were completely erect, and it gave her an idea.

She picked up the melon, and poured its juices all down her back. The moment the liquid hit the back of her neck, she cried out incredibly loud. She poured it all over her, from her hair to her flank, she was soaked in his sweet stickiness. She gasped for breath, letting her tongue hang out of her mouth in a relaxed, blissful smile.

“Huh?” she put her ear to the melon. “Oh, that’s really kinky.”

She hoofed at the melon more, until there was a small puddle of his fluids, and she soaked her hooves in it. Then, she went to work doing as he said.

First, she covered her face in him, getting behind her ears and all around her neck. Then, she proceeded to coat her wings in the sticky substance, being sure to make sexy noises for him. Then, she put her hooves on either side of her flank, and began rubbing the already-wet cutiemarks with the juice. This elicited a loud yelp from Rainbow Dash, who did not expect such a feeling.

When she finished, she was officially coated head to hoof in her lover. And now she was going to do something she’d been wanting to do for a while. She laid back down in the grass, ignoring the various clumps of filth that stuck to her sticky coat; what she was going to do something far dirtier.

“I want you in my mouth!” she moaned as she took a bite out of Mel. She felt him inside of her, and shuddered in pure glee. He tasted incredible!

She slowly chewed on the piece of him in her mouth, savoring each and every drop of his fluids. Eventually, she found something hard, and recognized it as a seed. She looked down at Mel, and stuck her tongue out, the seed on the tip.

“I’m gonna swallow your seed, Mel,” she said seductively, “and I’m gonna enjoy every second of it.”

“Rainbow Dash?!”

Time froze for her in that exact moment, the seed just halfway down her throat. She choked on the small round pellet, eventually swallowing it, and she looked up at the source of the voice.

All five of her friends stared in awe at the pegasus drenched in watermelon juice and standing seductively over a watermelon. Boy, what a sight she must’ve been. She quickly stood tall, and tried to look casual. “Oh, hey girls! I was just, um uh, you know, enjoying that watermelon!”

Twilight didn’t smile. Instead, she cocked her head to the side. “Yes, you certainly were.”

She slumped her shoulders, and looked down at her love, then back up. “You know what? Fine, I give up! You wanna know?” She took a deep breath, “I’m in love with him!”

Everypony looked taken aback. “What?!” Rarity exclaimed. “Rainbow, dear, you cannot be in love with a fruit! Now, I can understand really liking a fruit, and perhaps even to the extent that you have been. But in love with one?”

She shook her head. “Look, you girls may just see a fruit, but I see much more than that. To me, Mel’s a watermelon. He’s a water-“

“Hold up just a second,” Applejack interrupted. “Ya named him ‘Mel’?”

She ignored her. “He’s a watermelon with a great personality, and a beautiful body, and-“

“A watermelon,” Fluttershy said plainly. Even she wasn’t impressed.

“Yes,” she said agitated. “And he loves me, and I love him. And if you girls can’t accept that, then I’m not inviting you to the wedding!” She then looked down at Mel, and got on one knee. “I know it’s the guy that’s supposed to do this, but I just can’t wait. Mel, will you marry me?”

There was a moment of silence, the others watching their watermelon-soaked friend as she proposed to a fruit. Then, Rainbow lit up with glee.

“He said yes!”

“Woo hoo!” Everypony turned to see Pinkie Pie jumping up and down from behind the others. She jumped into the circle her friends had made around Rainbow Dash and hugged her, despite being covered in clumps of dirt and sticky as cotton candy. “Congratulations, Dashie!”

After she broke off her hug, Rainbow Dash was in tears again. “Thanks, Pinkie. You can be the mare of honor.” Pinkie’s eyes lit up, and she turned towards the others. “You can all be briddesmares too, if you can accept us.”

Finally, Twilight spoke up. “What the hay? I’m all for it.”

“I think it’s kind of sweet,” Fluttershy said, laughing at her own pun.

“In a way,” Applejack stated, “it’s kinda like mah uncle Fritter marryin an apple tree. They were real happy together, had a bunch a lil’ baby apples.”

They all looked at Rarity, who sighed. “If it makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

They all then went in for a group hug, save for Rarity who looked appalled. When asked why she refrained, she said, “Well, have you forgotten what she had just been partaking in with a watermelon? She’s drenched and sticky!”

“Oh come on, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash said, holding Mel in her front hooves. The group hug ended then, and she looked down lovingly at him. “This is the best day of my-“

Boom! One second she was ogling her lover, and in the next, a huge explosion covers everypony in juice. She opens her eyes to see everypony –and the surrounding area– covered in watermelon juice, and pieces of red fruit. Her jaw hung open at the few remains of Mel in her hoof; just a piece of rind.

“NO!” she called out as loud as she could.

“Hey!” she looked over to see Scootaloo covered in pieces of watermelon, licking her own hoof. “You said that watermelon tasted horrible, but it’s not!”

“Stop licking my fiancé!” Rainbow Dash demanded.

“What?” Scootaloo looked puzzled.

“What have you done?!” Rainbow questioned.

Scootaloo was brushing parts of Mel off her coat. “Well, when you said that shooting stuff from a cannon was lame, I thought; why not get shot from a cannon instead?”

Rainbow Dash fell to her knees, clutching at the last piece of Mel left in her hooves. Twilight put a hoof on her shoulder. “He was a good watermelon, Dashie.”

She sniffled. “I loved him so much.”

Scootaloo scratched her head. “Am I missing something here?”

***

“Man, Scoot’s a genius!” Applebloom said.

“Do you think Pinkie’ll want her party cannon back?” Sweetie asked her.

She shook her head. “Not if we bring it right back. Look at Scootaloo go!” They both looked up to watch Scootaloo fly through the air, coming down to the ground. Then, Applebloom had a thought. “Hey, do ya think we should’ve given her somethin besides just a helmet?”

“Nah,” Sweetie said. “What could possibly go wrong?”

Appleblooms’ pupils shrank at the sight of the big red cloud that erupted where Scootaloo landed. “Um, maybe that?”

Sweetie looked, and her eyes went wide as well. “M-maybe she’s alright?” They heard a lamenting call echo through the air from where Scootaloo landed, and Applebloom bolted. “Hey!” she called, her voice cracking. “Where are you going?”

“Ah was never here!” Applebloom called back. “Ah was decoratin the clubhouse all day!”

“But what about the cannon?” she asked.

“Just leave it!”

Sweetie looked back at the cannon, and then ran after Applebloom. “Hey, wait for me!”