Artemis Fowl and the Equine Dominion

by ProtheanBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Crossover, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 3613

After one of Artemis' schemes go wrong, he and his posse are flung into Equestria.

Artemis Fowl the Second. Middle School Student. Eccentric Billionaire Mastermind. Well, that's what he was a year ago. After the disappearance of his father when his yacht was destroyed while shipping hundreds of thousands of cans of cola to Russia, and the loss of a considerable chunk of his family fortune, he has been hunting for a way to gain his wealth back. And his search has lead him to a world of peace, harmony, and magic. And he has plans for it. With his butler, Butler, and Butler's sister Juliet, he delves into the world where his honor, family, and most importantly, fortune, can be restored.

This is a "what if" scenario if Artemis Fowl decided to seek fortune in Equestria instead of with the People. Sincere thanks to jasontaylorblogs for proofreading and providing feedback, as well as Eoin Colfer for creating this wonderful series.

I don't own MLP, or the Artemis Fowl series, though I do own a few cucumbers.

Published 2012-06-08 12:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-03 05:07:30 UTC

Prologue

Sorry for any inaccuracies with the Artemis Fowl canon, but I haven't read them in a while. And I'm not willing to reread all of them right this second just for your sake. But I'll probably reread it anyways soon.

Artemis Fowl II. Twelve year-old, straight A student, and criminal mastermind. I would say he has the swagger of an impeccable billionaire, but he no longer held that title. For nearly a year ago, the gaunt preteen's father decided to take advantage of the growing post-Soviet Russia economy. So his namesake took his bodyguard and 250,000 cans of cola into the Kola Bay, intending on selling it to the average post-Soviet citizen. What happened, however, wasn't exactly as planned.

The Russian Mafia didn't take kindly to a foreigner edging in on their business, and the bombing of the Fowl Star solved that particular issue. The supposed death of Artemis Fowl I sent his wife into spiraling insanity, and his son into denial. And the splurging of millions on expeditions to the Arctic in search of his father combined with the loss of millions of dollars of cola deprived the Fowl family of their honor and more importantly, billionaire status. Artemis II was not pleased with that, and after giving up on the expeditions and a temporary lull in his activities, he had a stroke of genius. Why not search for fortune with something completely untapped, never before touched by man? So he began investigating the histories of dozens of cultures, searching for lost treasures, myths of grandiose and luxury waiting on the bottom of the sea.

And he found an eventual trend. For every civilization had some link to things described as 'Fairies' or the 'People'. But after six consecutive failures to track his goal, he gave up. But a hidden message in a Nordic tome left a vague hint towards some kind of Equine creature, a diminutive variety, a pastel-colored conglomeration of sentient ponies with pure, untapped magical energy inside them. And he had found a way to retrieve it. After throwing nearly half his family's dwindling fortune to research, he had created a watch-type device, capable of rending reality itself.

The principle on which it worked was relatively simple. Artemis had combined varying amounts of hyper-dense elements with each other, and crafted an infinitesimal chamber with them. He then proceeded to hack a weather satellite, and divert its path into the orbit of a drone Artemis had put into the atmosphere. He simply attached a remote airlock, and contained a portion of vacuum within it. The weather satellite was then guided down onto the grounds of Fowl Manor, the chamber retrieved, and integrated with the watch's mechanism. The addition of a Pico-Hadron Collider within the vacuum completed the device. A simple combination of pressed buttons transformed the digital watch into a controlled black hole spawner.

And though it was an utter pain to calibrate it correctly, Artemis had coordinated the wormhole's energy and radiation to send an area around it into what he believed to be the location of his goal. And he was now ready for the first test with a living organism. A simple black market transaction and he was in the possession of a perfectly healthy, untampered lab rat. He affixed the generator to the rat, and set a timer on the wormhole, a short minute long duration test. He knew the watch would return on its own from a prior experiment, but he was unsure of the results of sending a living creature with it. He prepared the airlock chamber in his laboratory, and engaged the device, the rat disappearing in a vat of pure darkness, an extremely controlled black hole, singularity, wormhole, whatever you would prefer to call it. Just as instantaneously as it appeared, the wormhole disappeared. Artemis glared down at his Rolex, and began counting off a minute.

Fluttershy's Lament

A powder-white rabbit bounded through the open door, nearly colliding with his caretaker. He tugged on her coat repeatedly, an embodiment of the definition of insanity.

"Not now, Angel. I almost have your salad. You can stop fussing now, okay?" The long-maned, pale yellow pegasus said, carefully balancing the plump cherry on the mound of various greens. Angel continued tugging, and pointed outside with his free hand. Fluttershy carefully placed the bowl on the floor, and turned to Angel.

"Angel, what is it?" She asked, slightly annoyed, and Angel grabbed her mane, leading her through the doorway.
"What's the matter Angel?" She asked as Angel continued frantically guiding her outside. The duo descended the path from her house to a nearby stream, Angel scurried along with a look of anxiety. He stopped near a ruffled bush, and hid behind a nearby rock. "Is there something in here?" Fluttershy asked. Angel nodded furiously, and pointed at a small figure lying inside the bush.

"Oh, is it hurt? Should I go help it?" Fluttershy asked Angel. Angel shook his head, and continued cowering. "Stop being silly, Angel. Let me take a look at it." She said, and leaned down, peering at the figure. She whispered, "Hello? Are you okay?" She received a squeak, and picked up the figure with her mouth, gently laying it in the light. The sight appalled her, and she leaped back, sharing Angel's fear. A small white mouse was in front of her, shivering on the ground, a dark metal ring wrapped around it. Small black and gold tendrils spread under its fur from where the object touched it, glowing faintly with their respective colors.

Fluttershy leaned out from behind the rock, and cautiously approached the mouse. She slowly reached her hoof towards it, and made contact with the black device attached to the mouse. A burst of golden light engulfed her, and she felt it peeling away at her in a metaphysical tug of war, fighting to fling her through the dimensional void. She had no way to fight it, and helplessly watched as her surroundings faded, and everything disappeared, a black nothingness replacing it. She felt like she was watching herself, a spectator to the events unfolding before her. But as she began to calm, a burst of golden light again began spreading through the void. A stone-like surface began extending from her hooves, curling up and forming walls, and a ceiling, which were adorned with various gauges and pipes, strange glowing walls of text accompanying them...

Artemis watched in awe as not only the lab rat returned, but a ominous, pastel colored being. A long candy-pink mane swept over half of the being's snout, which in turn was coated in pale yellow fur. The rat seemed to be fused to the device, but that was no matter as of now. This tag-along had provided all the convincing he needed to use the device himself, but a necessary precaution was the examination of the creature, and the recovery and examination of the device. It's interaction with organic material was troubling, yet the fact that the pale yellow quadruped was unharmed by it generated a slew of questions. He would need more time

She began backing into a corner, her mane dangling limply over her face, hoping the gaunt figure would ignore her. To her relief, the figure backed to the opposite corner, and gently pressed a button protruding from the wall, but never averting his view from her. The mysterious biped was clad in a sleek, futuristic sport jacket, a ruffled, mostly buttoned, white cotton collared shirt. His dark brown mane was cut relatively short, a few strands of hair jutting in random directions, a tired, yet confident mask on its face. The metal section of wall behind it slid open, revealing a closet sized room behind it. The thing stepped into it, and the wall slid shut again, a whirring sound accompanying the closure of the metal panel.

Fluttershy emerged from her corner, and examined the mouse. The device was still bound to it, and as she appeoached, it pitifully squealed, begging for death. It was immobilized by the ring, and even with the health of a creature at stake, Fluttershy's fear and disorientation prevented her from assisting it. She was transfixed to the gruesome sight, the horror of the mouse's impending doom paralyzing her. She stared as the mouse stopped attempting to squirm, or scurry, and accepted its fate. She shed a silent tear.

Artemis emerged from the elevator and strolled at a brisk pace towards the security room, where Butler was monitoring the chamber. Artemis passed through the doorway, and peered over Butler's shoulder. The experiment was a success and failure. His destination's authenticity was confirmed, but there seemed to be a few kinks in the device. Butler rose from his chair, and turned towards his charge. The hulk of a man, towering over the twelve year-old mastermind before him, a seven foot tall brute, spoke.

"What do we do with it, sir?"

"What we would do with any miraculous discovery, my friend." Artemis replied, and beckoned for Butler to follow.

"Sir, what do you wish me to do with it?" Butler inquired as he paced aside Artemis, maintaining a brisk pace.

"Restrain it. If it is necessary, you may harm it." Artemis replied after a brief moment of reflection. The duo arrived at the elevator, and Butler began shifting his suit slightly, scratching his leg, and generally appearing to be lost in thought. To the above average Mercenary, Assassin, or soldier, the slight glints of steel that accompanied Butler's shifting would've alerted them to the mobile armory he carried. The Sig Sauer P226 in a shoulder holster, plethora of throwing knives in his boots, garrote in his watch, stun grenades stuffed in his various pockets, and a good old ball bearing cosh stuffed in his shirt provided ample security for his charge. But on this occasion, he had a weapon he rarely used on his person. A specialized tranquilizer dart rifle, fully automatic, and extremely accurate. He planned to please his charge.

The door slid open with a metallic hiss, and Butler stepped inside.

"I wish you luck, friend." Artemis said. Butler nodded, and pulled a throwing knife from his boot, twirling it in his gargantuan hands.

Well, how was that? Constructive Criticism is appreciated, and please up/down vote fairly.

A Petty Quarrel

The pegasus wallowed in the laboratory even with the lack of the observing monsters. She was immobilized by the mouse writhing in pain on the table in front of her, the animal's midsection pulsating ever more violently. It was like watching somepony having a seizure, unable to help, and completely aware of its suffering. And Fluttershy's connection with animals was intensifying the misery she felt at her cowardice. It continued spasming, vaguely aware of its situation. Fluttershy had felt this way only once before, when she thought she had killed Princess Celestia's beloved pet. She could just... explode. A burst of years of pent up rage, suffering, mistreatment, directed at whoever was unfortunate enough to trigger it.

Butler absentmindedly tapped his heel against the ground as the elevator made its gradual descent. He ran a hand over his suit, seemingly tidying it, but to the trained eye, he was taking account of each potentially lethal weapon shoved in every nook of his suit. The doors slid open, revealing the creature in the exact same position as before, frozen by terror. Its eyes were glued to the lab rat, whom was spasming on the ground. Butler approached the creature, and casually kicked the soon-to-be dead rat across the room, directly into the creature.

Fluttershy squealed in utter terror as the mouse smashed into her face, the swollen abdomen of the creature bursting on impact, splattering a mixture of blood and bile over her snout. The monster that had done that to the poor little thing, and to her, deserved... something worse than she could inflict. But this released her pent-up rage. She leaped at the towering beast before her, and shouted.

"YOU DO NOT. HURT. HELPLESS. ANIMALS!" The pale-yellow creature before Butler shouted, and darted into the closing elevator. He couldn't let it get upstairs, it was potentially dangerous. Butler sprinted after it, but it had unfurled a pair of seemingly weak looking wings, and was flying towards the elevator at a speed it shouldn't have been able to attain. In a single fluid motion, Butler rolled forward, retrieving a throwing knife from his boot, and flinging it directly at the fleeing creature. It sliced through the air, closing on its target. The knife made contact with its tail, nearly impaling in the fleeing creature, when it ground to a halt, miraculously wedged in the elevator doors. The elevator began its ascent, the knife creating a flurry of sparks as it was pushed from the breach.

Artemis absentmindedly tapped his foot as the elevator ascended, expecting a triumphant Butler dragging the creature's hopefully living body behind him. What emerged was not what he expected. The creature flew out of the elevator, and smashed into Artemis. The creature paused momentarily and looked around. It dashed up the stairs, and entered the master bedroom. Artemis pulled himself from the ground, and took account of what had happened. The one perk of being hit head on by the creature was that he got a slightly more detailed view of it. It appeared Equine in appearance, maybe three feet tall at the shoulders. It was a pale-yellow with a light pink... mane? Artemis decided to think of it as a pony, given its size and general body structure. He shifted his attention to himself, and brought a hand to his chest, prodding the area of impact. It was definitely bruised, maybe a fractured rib or two.

He then realized a far more important thought. The creature had retreated into his psychotic mother's bedroom. He pulled himself upright, and darted up the stairs, grabbing a decorative sword from a suit of armor along the stairway. He yanked the oaken double doors open, revealing the creature, once again shivering in a corner, along with a very surprised Juliet.

"Arty, would you mind closing the door behind you?" Angeline Fowl asked, unaware of the being in her bedroom corner. She probably thought it was a hallucination of some sort. Juliet, however, approached Artemis.

"What is... that?" She asked him, a tray of cucumber slices still firmly in her grip.

"Transdimensional visitor. I'll explain later, but I first need to subdue it. It attacked me, and I am unaware of what it did to your brother, seeing as how it escaped him in the lab." He said, and raised the blade awkwardly, charging at the creature. He was entirely prepared to kill it, seeing as how it had assaulted him. The blade began its downward arc, and would've contacted the cowardly creature before him had Juliet not grabbed the collar of his suit and dragged him backwards.

"Juliet, unhand me! What are you doing!?" He shouted, as he struggled to escape her considerably stronger grip.

"Look at it, it's harmless! I don't know what it did to you, but it isn't even standing! It's just curled up in a corner!" She replied, and shoved him back.

"Unhand my son, please. I won't hesitate to hire a new maid." His mother said, still oblivious in her bed, as Butler dashed into the room, firearm drawn.

"Juliet! What are you doing! You're interfering with Artemis' experiment!" He shouted at his sister.

"I'm trying to stop him from murdering a defenseless creature! Look at it!" She replied, and stood in front of the creature. They siblings continued bickering, unaware that the creature was now running out of the room.

"Butler! It's escaping!" Artemis said, his voice barely penetrating the argument. The duo continued quarreling, unaware of all events unfurling around them.

Artemis retrieved the blade from the carpet, and pursued the creature down the stairs, and into the kitchen. The creature was madly searching for an exit, and he approached it, blade held high in front of him, ready to strike.

"Please don't hurt me..." He heard. Where had it come from? The meek, almost inaudible voice sounded extremely close... had the creature just talked? It must have.

"You can talk?" Artemis said, still approaching, but lowering the blade slightly.

"Y-yes." It said, and turned to face him. He approached, it pace slowing ever so slightly, and lowered the blade entirely.

"What's your name?" He gently inquired.

"F-Flubbary.." It responded extremely quietly.

"What?" Artemis said, annoyed.

"F-Fluttershy." It forced out.

"I'm Artemis. I won't hurt you. Just come here..." He said. Fluttershy cautiously approached, head low. The time was right. Artemis swung the lowered blade upwards, and the pony-like creature spread wings and launched itself back, barely avoiding the cold steel. Its wings hit a cutting board, knocking it into the air, a mess of cucumbers and a sharp knife hurtling through the air. Artemis' eyes followed the knife, as it sailed directly towards him. He put up his forearm, and the knife sliced into it, a trail of blood flowing from the wound.

"AGH! DAMN YOU!" He shouted, and threw the knife at it. It squealed, and galloped from the room. Artemis hobbled to a first-aid cabinet, clutching his arm, and reluctantly cut his sleeve off from the elbow, revealing an incision reaching the bone. He grunted in pain, and applied a cleansing agent to the wound. The burning from the antibiotic was a sign it was working, and he tightly wove a bandage around his forearm. He flexed his fingers and rotated his wrist, relieved a nerve hadn't been severed. He turned, and marched towards the elevator, when he slipped on a puddle of juice generated by the cucumbers. To add insult to injury, his suit was now thoroughly ruined.

He cursed the fruit, and got up, when he realized something. He had a solution to the single complication from the first live test. Cucumbers contained an abundance of vitamin C, a reducing agent, meaning it doesn't attract bonding electrons. He grabbed the few intact slices, and shoved them in the food processor, pureeing them. He rolled up the sleeve on his uninjured right arm, and smothered it in the puree. He shuddered at his state of cleanliness, and ran to the elevator.

Fluttershy was nearly petrified, pure adrenaline propelling her to the basement. She darted into the fake wall again, and randomly hit one of the glowing sections of it. The front slid shut, and a peaceful hum filled the chamber. The door again opened, and she darted out revealing the basement. She turned to run back into the chamber, but it had already closed.
She approached the device, splattered with gore, and stared at it, examining its function, and how it had... killed the cute little mouse. She was shaken from her trance by a ding, and the door again slid open, Artemis emerging from it. His sleeves were either cut off or rolled up, one arm smothered in some sort of greenish glop, dripping liquid over his hand, the sword firmly gripped in it. A blood-soaked bandage engulfed the other arm.

She had to escape, and the only thing she could think of was the device. She reluctantly reached for it, hoping it wouldn't effect her like it had the mouse.

Artemis immediately dropped the sword when Fluttershy began reaching for the device. He dove forward, attempting to intercept her, and succeeded, his arm blocking her foreleg. A veil of golden light engulfed the pair, and was quickly replaced with a black void, a wooden cottage floor extending from under them, curving up to form walls and a roof, eventually. Artemis was overjoyed. It worked. And so had his theory, for the device dropped to the floor, not attached to either being's flesh. He looked around, noticing a large amount of small creatures peering at him from various nooks, and a small kitchen, a cutting board with a partially eaten cucumber on it. That explained why Fluttershy hadn't been effected earlier. Then something hit him. Literally. A mug shattered over his head, revealing a particularly pissed bunny standing in a cabinet.

Story being continued! (Not by me, though.)

Story being continued! (Not by me, though.)

Jasontaylorblogs (You know, the proofreader.) is continuing this story. Check him out, and I'll be posting a link to it when it comes out. Or watch him instead. Anyways, I have full confidence in his writing abilities, and I'll probably be consulting every once in a while. So this story has been revived, I guess.

The Final Troll-esque Update.

Jasontaylorblogs has published his version. Find it here. As of now, this story is dead. Deader than something dead.

Update Note

Sorry for the long wait, just having a massive brain fart regarding this, along with so many frigging ideas for other things I can't keep track of them. This isn't dead. I've actually been working on the next chapter for a while, I just sometimes feel like deleting what I've written and trying again so I can get it right, and I'm still working on that. Sorry if adding this as a new chapter got any of you overexcited, because I can't be sure everyone sees it if I post it in my blog or userpage. Anyhow, I normally at least have a skeleton plot for each next chapter I write, and I have it for this. I just repeatedly write around it, and if I don't like it, kill it with fire, and start again. So again, sorry for the wait, it's almost over.