No More Ponies

by Roxy Shot

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Soarin, Rainbow Dash, Granny Smith, Romance, Princess Luna, Fluttershy, Original Character, Trixie, Spike, Big Macintosh, Random, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Doctor Whooves, Spitfire, Cheerilee
Length: 15001

Ponies will fall, and a new mare will rise.

All that's standing from Rainbow Dash and the top of the United Equestrian Assassins Association are Equestria's 10 best killers. But with her beam katana and the help of the mysterious vixen Fluttershy, she's out to carve a path of destruction and claim her title. (A No More Heroes and My Little Pony crossover fic)

Published 2011-12-28 01:04:51 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-03 14:44:57 UTC

Death Mare

I know a lot of readers out there don’t have much patience. Least that’s what Soarin, the dude at the video store said. So I'm at the register, then I realize I got no bits. I was seriously broke. Why? Cuz I met this smokin' hot chick last night at the Death-Match bar. Man, she smelled good! So being the mare I am, I bought her a drink. Anyhoo, I decide to get a job. The gig: assassinate the Drifter. So I went where I was supposed to and waited for the mare to show up. And there she was. This pony. Well dressed, cool. Couldn't tell if she was "the shit"...or just plain ol' shit. Yeah, so she's stylin', fast, aggressive and packin' heat. Bada Bing! Or at least it was supposed to be... Til she showed up. Her name: Fluttershy. An agent with this whatchamacallit Association.

"Congratulations. You are certified as the 11th-best hit pony. How about getting rid of the ten killers above you and aim for the top? I mean... If you're not busy or anything."

I wanna be number one. How's that? Short and simple enough for you? It's gonna be a long, hard road. But who knows? Could kick ass... Could be dangerous. Could totally suck. Whaddaya say, brony? Join me. Let's see how far we can take this. And for you there holding the mouse right now... Just scroll down. Let the bloodshed begin.

* * * * * * *

I pull the handle, Schpeltiger accelerates. Most ponies wonder why I ride a motorcycle when I'm a pegasus. Maybe it's because it makes me more of a bad ass, maybe I just like it, maybe some ponies should just shut their mouths.

Up ahead is a giant mansion. I'll have one someday. It'll make this place look like a dump. I crash through the front gate and leap off my bike. I soar through the air and spot two dumbfounded guards. With a redirection of my wings, I dive down, becoming a rainbow colored blur and swing my beam katana. Blood Berry doesn't disappoint. Some users hold their katanas in their mouths, others use a strap to keep it on a hoof. I strap mine to my hoof. The feeling of cutting and swinging with a hoof feels much better to me than turning my head. It's also easier to make fun of these idiots with my mouth free.

"Buckhead!" I yell as Blood Berry cleaves right through the two guards' necks. There is another one standing by the door. I slowly trot up to him and point my katana to his neck.

"Yo. Help a pony out here. Where's this Colgate chick?" I ask. The guard just stammers in fright. I think he might have even pissed his pants a little.

"Bad answer," I reply to the brain dead idiot. My blade cleaves in a horizontal slash, through him and the door behind, leaving them both in two halves. The bottom of the door hangs by a single hinge and a strong buck from my back leg sends it flying into the first room of the mansion.

"It's game time!" I yell to nobody in particular and enter.

The inside was nice. Red carpets run along the floor and up the stairs, the walls are ivory white, and a fancy looking chandelier hangs from the ceiling. It was nice. I'll have one too. All I have to do is kill the ten above me and all this can be mine. I'll dine in style, hot mares knocking on my door every two hours, loyal stallions at my beck and call. It's Paradise.

This is what I thought of while cutting through hordes of guards. Well, more like fillies with swords. They could barely do much more than call me names like "Rainbow bitch" or "Multi-colored whore". Whatever. All I can think of is how nice this place is, and how it'll all soon be mine.

So I'm running down a long hallway and my phone starts to ring. I return Blood Berry to its holster and press on a little device attached to my ear. A blue tooth Soarin' called it.

"Hey Rainbow Dash? Your fight begins just up ahead. Win, and you will be tenth. Lose, and hell awaits. Are you up to this? Need a bathroom break? Whatever you need to do, do it now. Your opponent, some call her the 'Divine Brush'. She is good. But I know you can take her. You are the pony! Eye of the Manticore! She only has those pearly whites because she uses bleach strips! Take it to the red zone! Assassin's way at full throttle! Unleash your power! Show no mercy! Bring me Colgate's head! Enter when you are prepared to fight. I believe in you and your loyalty. Now off to the Garden of Madness...," Fluttershy's voice rang.

Damn she got me pumped! I'm was seriously ready to kick some ass! Red zone, full throttle, no mercy. Now that's my kind of mare. I don't know what any of that loyalty or Garden of Madness stuff means, but damn did it make me feel good!

I push the device again and it goes silent. I see a door ahead of me. The door to my Paradise. I nudge the door with my muzzle and it opens slowly, letting the sunlight peek through. I am outside again. I can spot three pools right away and a beautiful view of the ocean. Steps lead down to the three pools and white wooden beach chairs are lined up and facing the ocean. I hear a voice.

"Quite beautiful, wouldn't you say?" A feminine voice sounds. I take a few steps down the stairs, towards the voice.

"Paid for with the lives of many. When you have the strength to take life and always remember to brush your teeth... That is true wealth," It sounds to my left. I see the top of a pony's head a few rows in front of me, sitting in a chair.

"I am free from plaque. So long as I have my fortune of tooth brushes. I need nothing more. Please, leave me be," she says.

I stop beside the unicorn and get a good look at her. Her fur is a very close color to mine, a little darker. Her mane is the two tones of light and dark blue. She is wearing a red bath robe and a glass of red wine levitates beside her. I assume this is Colgate.

"You're the one leaving chump. I'm gonna kill you in ten seconds flat," I reply. I come all this way and this mare expects me to just leave if she asks? Yeah right.

"You don't get it, do you?" Colgate asks.

"Hey, you know what Paradise is, right?" I ask in return, not bothering to answer her question.

"Everypony brushing their teeth in perfect harmony," she answers. I blink a few times. Well, that's not really what I expected. Just how dense was this assassin anyway? I sigh and gesture to the surrounding area.

"This is Paradise -- the place where dreams are fulfilled. I'm going to kill you, and all the others. Then, all of this will be mine. The fame, the glory. All of it," I clarify.

"This is no Paradise," Colgate chuckles.

"Oh really? Then what is it?" I ask. Colgate then stands up and lets the bath robe fall off. She has a cutie mark of an hourglass and a giant, light blue tooth brush about the same size as her body hangs from her side.

"You have no idea, do you? Arrogant, crude little mares like you come around from time to time. Always wanting to be number one. Never slowing down to enjoy the joys of a nice brushing," she replies with a hint of malice. She begins to walk up the steps. Her tooth brush levitates from her side and the head begins to glow red. I can feel the heat emit from the brush from where I stand.

"Listen well. Proper dental hygiene keeps teeth healthy so they function properly," she tells me as I start to ascend with her.

"You can take that to your grave, chump," I reply and draw my beam katana.

We reach a level area and stare each other down for a few seconds. She leaps towards me. Too easy. With a flick of my hoof, my katana slices in an upward arc, but Colgate expects this and jumps back. It was a bluff. She then rushes forward again. Her brush curves to her body as she unleashes a fury of slashes. I feel heat on my face as her brush parts the air between us. I never imagined something as bulky as a giant tooth brush could be swung around so easily, but this is magic, I'm already at a disadvantage.

She starts to swing the brush in upward slashes, alternating the brush on either side of her body. I wait for the right moment and take a step forward, bringing my blade into contact with hers. I break her stance, but she whips around and brings her brush in a horizontal cut. I throw all of my weight to the left and dodge her brush by a hair. Using the momentum from shifting my weight, I bring my blade from the earth to the sky in one large arc. I cleave up Colgate's back, leaving a light gash from her hip to her shoulder. If it phased her, she didn't show it. A true assassin.

Then something strange happens. I ready my katana to strike. Two other Colgates step out from behind the first. What the hay? I take a step back, but before I can pause to think about the situation, two of the Colgates rush towards me. The first swings her oversized brush at me. I block it with my beam katana, locking us into place. The second comes from behind. I let the first Colgate's brush overpower my blade, pushing me towards the ground. I lift my back hooves from the ground and let my back be pressed against the ground. I then kick one of my back hooves into the Colgate's stomach and flip her in a complete half circle. She slams into the second Colgate behind me and they collapse to the ground.

"Brushie, brushie, brushie!" I hear overhead. I look up and see the third in mid air about to strike. Of course the original would want to stay behind until I was distracted. I roll to my right and smell the stench of singed hair. From the ground I jab my beam katana into Colgate's neck. This battle is mine.

The Colgate smirks however and fades from reality. It was a fake. I jump back up as quickly as I can and turn around. Only one Colgate remains and she is charging at me. I try to pull my katana up, but I am too late. Her brush makes contact with my left hoof, barely scratching it, and I feel my hoof heat up and singe. I shift my weight back to avoid another swing of her brush. My body sways to the left and right. Sparks fly as my beam katana collides with her brush.

She swings her brush down with her magic and I take a step forward. With surprise on her face and no time to react, she grabs her brush with both hooves and swings it in an upward arc. I smirk as I copy her own bluff, that's right, I simply step backwards and let her brush connect with thin air.

My turn. I swing my hoof upwards and feel the sweet sensation of cleaving through flesh and bone. My Blood Berry slices through both Colgate's arms. Her brush flies into the air and lands a few feet away from where we stand.

"Extraordinary. This is it. Take my brush, the name 'Divine Brush' is now yours," Colgate says in between heavy breaths. I tilt my head and let out a small reply. 'Divine Brush'? No way in hell.

"You're joking, right? I don't want your oversized brush and I sure as hay don't wanna be called 'Divine Brush'. I just wanna be number one," I reply.

"Then master the ways of true dental hygiene," she says. I'm starting to think she's already lost too much blood. The oxygen clearly isn't getting to her head anymore. Well, assuming it ever was in the first place anyway.

"Here's your ticket to Paradise, chump!" I yell and cut through Colgate's neck. Her head flies up into the air and lands with an audible thud. Gravity pulls her limp body to the ground and blood spills out of her stump of neck, pooling at the ground. I return Blood Berry to it's holster. I then hear a click behind me and turn around to find none other than Fluttershy. Two stallions I've never seen before stand beside her with what I can only guess are oversized vacuums. Wait... two stallions? Don't tell me she's already taken!

"Umm... Nice kill, Rainbow Dash. I didn't think you had it in you. It was kinda... Exciting. I mean... If you think so too. You are now ranked tenth," Fluttershy says, interrupting my thoughts.

"Tenth, huh? So what now? What do I get?" I ask. There had to be something more to this then just killing right?

"Umm... Well... How about some money or tooth brushes?" Fluttershy responds with a smile. I look to the side and see the two stallions cleaning up all the spilt blood. The vacuums shoot out a white and puffy foam. So they were just the clean up crew and I was still in luck.

Wait, wait. That's it? Just kill some random pony and walk away? Where is the fame? Where is the glory? I need more than this. I need to find that door to Paradise. I need to find that exit to my dreams.

Can't find the exit...

Can't find the exit...

"I'm not feeling the sense of accomplishment or fame or glory that I should here. I just gotta kill a few more ponies right?" I ask.

"Well... Umm... If you want too," Fluttershy responds.

"And you will keep your promise?"

"Oh yes! I can't think of anything the Association cannot do."

"And if I refuse?"

"Well, as the tenth ranked assassin, you are now a target for everypony else that wants it. Anytime and anywhere. Number eleven could be right around the corner, ready to put a cupcake in your eye."

Wait, what? Why wasn't I told this when I started? She knew all of this and decided not to tell me? What the hay? Now there's no way out. No exit.

"So what you're tellin' me is that I gotta continue. There's no way out. You knew this and set me up!" I shout. She recoils at my volume, but seems to recover quickly. She stares me down and stomps a hoof.

"Quit your complaining. Oh ummm... I'm sorry for shouting," she says assertively and whispers shyly all in the same breath. What a piece of work. Now a thought crosses my mind. If she was going to screw me into killing a shopping list of ponies, why not repay the favor? It's only fair right? I can play this game.

"Ok, how 'bout this. If I become number one, will you do it with me?" I ask with a smirk. She recoils again and her face turns a deep shade of red.

"I-I couldn't! Mmm... maybe...," she stutters.

"C'mon! Just once!"

Dr. Whooves

(Author's Notes: I have never watched Doctor Who. When describing his character I went by the Wiki.)

Brushie, brushie, brushie. Ya know, for the crazy foal Colgate was, she sure know how to make a good toothbrush. I spat out the toothpaste in my mouth and rinsed it out with some water. I then flashed myself a smile in the mirror, perfect pearly whites. After spending some time reflecting on the can, I went back into my room and opened my closet. I quickly found my favorite red jacket and slipped it on. Turning around, I came face to face with a Wonderbolts poster I had hung on the wall when I first started living here. Maybe become the number one assassin could get me the recognition I needed to get in. I stood up on my hind legs and put my fore hooves on the poster.
"So...awesome!"

I trotted out to the living room of my motel and let out a satisfied sigh. The room is assorted with a shelf of various action figures of past Wonderbolts and movie stars, a giant model robot stands beside the shelf, beside that is a mini fridge, my TV rests on the other side of the room with a collection of... personal videos, and a small chair sits in the center of the room.

I give my motel room one last glance before I step outside and lock the door behind me. I had planned on visiting Soarin' at a video store that he had bought with the bits he'd gotten in his career as a Wonderbolt, but for some reason there was a white limo blocking the exit of the parking lot. I gritted my teeth and started to approach the limo.

Before I could give the driver a piece of my mind, the door opened and a familiar buttercup hoof gestured me inside. I hopped in immediately and glanced over Fluttershy. Yep, still a bombshell.

"The next fight is ready. His name is Dr. Whooves," Fluttershy said as I continued to look her over.

"A doctor huh? What's he gonna do, load me down with bills?" I chuckled.

"More like a detective. A mysterious and unscrupulous detective with many rumors about him. Some say he can change his appearance at will, others say he can travel through time. He's a trained assassin, and he's worked for some infamous underground figures. He's good," Fluttershy explained as my eyes ran up her legs. I tilted my head to the side for a better view and was rewarded with a hoof to my head. Ok, so maybe I deserved that, but it's not like I wouldn't get the full view sooner or later. I rubbed the top of my head with a hoof and felt a small bump starting to form. Fluttershy's face showed a hint of red and she was clearly frustrated.

"You're not going to stand a chance against him. You might as well go home and sleep it off," she said and crossed her forelegs.

"C'mon, don't be like that. I'm sorry alright?" I responded and gave a small pout.

"Oh, fine. You just need to transfer 150,000 bits and -" she started before I interrupted her.

"What!? 150,000 bits? Are you serious?" I retorted.

"Yes, that covers your entry fee, my costs... What? Don't tell me you expected this was all some free ride?" she smirked. Now something here just didn't make sense. I got to kill the first mare and that Colgate mare without a fee. Now I have to pay to kill somepony? Shouldn't this be the other way around?

"OK. Gotcha. Good thing Colgate was so loaded," I laughed.

"Y-you stole from her!?" Fluttershy exclaimed with a look of disbelief on her face.

"Hey! You said 'how about some money or brushes' when I won remember? So I took both. Mare makes a damn good brush by the way," I said as I flashed my pearly whites at her. Fluttershy just rolled her eyes and the next thing I knew, I was laid out on the sidewalk. She bucked me out of the limo.

"Hey! Your treat all of your 'clients' like that!?" I shouted, but it was too late. The limo was already out of earshot. Well good. I like them feisty. After dusting myself off, I made my way to the ATM and transferred the bits. After being robbed of my bits, I trotted across the street to one of my favorite stores in Stallin' Destroy, Soarin' Rentals.

"Hey, Hey! Rainbow," I was greeted by the one and only Soarin', retiree of the Wonderbolts. He used his career bits to start up a video shop and 'live out a chill life' as he put it. Now I use the word retired very lightly, it's not like Soarin' was some old geezer waiting for death to snuff him out. Not at all, he was still pretty young and still smokin' hot.

"So Soarin', got anything new?" I asked and leaned over the counter, giving him my best bedroom eyes. I found out fast that Soarin' liked to mingle with the fillies, meaning it wasn't that hard to get myself a discount with just a glance.

"Sure do," he chimed. "Manehatten pie fest '11 and Fistful of Pie."

He slapped two DVDs on the counter and smiled happily. I just rolled my eyes and tapped the counter with my hoof. A few moments later and he started chuckling to himself and pulled a third DVD out and slid it to me. The box was covered with three white X's on it, not that's more like it.

"Put it on my tab," I said as I exited the store.

"Sure thing, come back soon babe," I heard over my shoulder as I left.
* * *

Back I my motel, it had become a habit to check my answering machine as soon as I got home, sure enough the red light was blinking. I hit the machine with my hoof and it crackled to life.

"The next fight is ready Rainbow. Dr. Whooves will wait for you at Destroy Stadium," Fluttershy's voice sounded. The stadium, huh? Not a bad place for a fight to the death. I moved to my bed and slid out the dresser underneath. I secured my katana strap to my hoof and hung Blood Berry from my jacket.

I exited my room and found my tortoise sitting on my small futon and looking up at me with a worried expression. I trotted over to him and ran a hoof over his shell before giving him a pat on the head.

"Don't give that look Tank, I'll be back soon alright?" I said with a smile. Tank slowly smiled back and let out a groan. I chuckled to myself and exited my motel. Whistling a familiar tune to myself, I trotted down the steps and swung my hind leg over Schpeltiger. I twisted the keys and gave the throttle a sharp pull. Schpeltiger with a loud roar and I speed out of the parking lot.

The streets of Stallin Destroy could be hard to navigate for an outsider, but to a seasoned vet like myself it was fillies play. I weaved through cars and used alleyways as shortcuts as I sped through the streets. Destroy Stadium wasn't too far away from the motel, so it didn't take to long for me to reach the place. I took a look around the parking lot and not a single vehicle was in sight, there goes my hopes for an audience.

Inside, I found guards with the same mediocre skills as Colgate's guards. This time they wore hoofball uniforms instead of suits. I challenged to a hoofball game though. Some stallion thought he was hot stuff and launched a ball he set on fire at me. He made a pretty funny face when I smacked it back at him with Blood Berry. After the fillies had been put to bed, I heard my bluetooth ring.

"Rainbow? It's Fluttershy again. I just wanted to let you know that the fight will begin as soon as you step onto the field. Win, and you will move up to number nine. Lose, well, you really shouldn't think like that now should you? Trust your loyalty... And head for the Garden of Madness."

I'm beginning to notice she's a lot calmer over the phone than in pony, and what was up with that pep talk? Where was the red zone? The eye of the tiger? What a cop out. Whatever, I turned my headset off and approached the double doors that led to the field. Before I opened the doors however, I stopped. Was that a voice? Was that... Singing? I pushed open the doors and stepped outside.

The stadium was huge. Sure it looked big from the outside and even from the seats, but you really had to be on the field for it to hit you. The first stars of the night sky were just starting to peak from the cosmos and the sun gave its farewell for the day. Tall and powerful stadium lights kept the field lit and the darkness at bay. A lone stallion stood on the pitcher's mound. His fur was a light brown from what I could see and his mane was a darker tone of brown. As I got closer I could pick out his cutie mark to be and hourglass, the same as that Colgate mare.
When the Wind Blows, a Virgin Filly Comes Sing A Song.

Such a Pretty Melody Never Heard Before.

No More Lullabies.

The Virgin just as the Night.

Maybe I felt sorry for the old stallion, maybe I actually enjoyed it. I can't say for sure, but I found myself stopping my hoofs for the pony.

"Thank you, thank you. Very generous of you."

"Nice set of pipes you got there old stallion," I responded.

"It has always been my dream to preform and a gentlecolt from the Association told me I had just that chance tonight. How could one refuse?" he stated as he gestured to the stadium around us. Wait, how did he get the Association get the bits for this?

"One of my associates called the other day and I met my past incarnation's partner's granddaughter. We dined at a fancy restaurant... One of those in Canterlot that are impossible to get a reservation for," he continued.

"Who got you the reservation then?" I asked.

"The Association of course," he responded, confirming my suspicions.

"How was the food? Good I hope?" I asked.

"Unfortunately, the atmosphere was less that desired. The granddaughter couldn't bring herself to strike up a conversation. She didn't know me and I didn't know her. Everyone I knew in my past life had been taken by time. The food you ask? Tasted like blood...," he answered sourly.

"You like blood don't you, old stallion?" I questioned.

"Sadly, I can't disagree. I found this monster inside me after each incarnation. You're like me, are you not?" He questioned back.

"You got that right, now how about we get started?" I taunted.

"Don't die too quickly now. I want to savor this." He rose to my taunted and held up a golden gun strapped to his hoof.

"This is the feeling I've been looking for. My paradise. Nothing's more awesome," I said mostly to myself. I took a batting stance on home plate and got ready to play some ball. I heard the doctor mumble something to himself before he squeezed the trigger. I felt my blade contact with his bullet, but I didn't expect the explosion that sent me recoiling backwards. I slammed into the dense padding and left a crater in the material.

It was on now. I pulled myself out of the padding and shook my head a few times. Damn, wasn't gonna make that mistake again. Before I could take my first step forward however, the doctor released a torrent of bullets in my direction. I instantly rolled to my left and tore at the ground with my hooves as I ran in an arc to get closer. The old stallion took a moment to catch on, but he aimed his gun ahead of my path and sent off a round. I had been expecting this though and rolled back the opposite way.

He then twirled his gun around his hoof and raised his arm in the air, I waited for him to fire, not making any sudden movements. In the corner of my eye, I notice the glint of metal. He had another gun in his other hoof. I crack split the air and I let my body drop and hit the ground. I felt a burning in my left shoulder and held back a sharp cry that threatened to escape my lips. Instead I turned that cry into a growl and charged forward. Bullets tore at the ground below me, but I was too fast. I flung my body left and right, clung to the ground and launched myself into the air as I dodged the relentless onslaught of gunpowder and steel.

I quickly closed the distance between the old stallion and myself. I let Blood Berry cut through the air and caught the doctor's left hoof in my blade before he could jump backwards. Blood Berry's beam left the doctor's hoof scorched and blackened. The doctor then used his other gun to force me back.

We gave each other the same death glare and slowly hilted both of our weapons. If he wanted a Mexicolt standoff, then he would get a Mexicolt standoff. Little did he know that I was the fastest in Equestria, and I planned to prove it.

"Don't overestimate yourself," he mocked.

"Playtime is over," I retorted.

Seconds stretched for what seemed like hours. Our eyes were locked together, our bodies were tense and ready to strike. A bead of sweat ran down my face. The doctor let out a slow breath. The pain in my shoulder throbbed, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. The hum of stage lights sounded in the background and their light illuminated the two of us. Right now, we were warriors without and audience. We didn't need any reason to battle except for that fact that there were still two bodies standing.

Then he made a move. His hoof gave the slightest twitch and I raised my katana. His gun lifted and lined up with my head, but he was too slow. Blood Berry flickered to live and I felt the carving of flesh at the end of my hoof. An arch of blood was spilt on the ground in my slash and the doctor took to his knees.

I slowly turned around and picked up the fallen microphone. The doctor clutched his chest as his life spilt and pooled at the ground below him. I held the microphone closer to his mouth and let him speak his last words.

"In my next life, I know I'll make some true friends and never be alone again. Wait for me, my friends...," He whispered into the microphone before collapsing. I then lifted the microphone to my own lips.

"There are plenty of ponies down it hell. Make all the friends you want down there," I said, giving closure to the battle, but something was still missing. The fight was everything I could have wanted, but now. Something felt incomplete. Like I was still missing a vital part of myself.

"G-good job Rainbow Dash. You're number nine now," I heard a timid voice sound from behind me. I turned around to find Fluttershy holding a megaphone with the two clean up stallions behind her.

"Not even a challenge," I said and headed towards the exit.

"What's wrong? You won, shouldn't you be happier?" Fluttershy asked, sounding almost motherly.

"Just call me when the next one is ready," I answered.

Destroy Mare

"Congratulations, Ms. Dash. Your registration for the 8th UEAA rank is now complete. If you wish to continue your climb to number one, please transfer the bits into the designated account. Have a nice day."

Of course, they need more of my bits. I can see this becoming a reoccurring theme. Well, at least I don't have to spend bits on food anytime soon. I trotted to my mini fridge and took out a bright green granny smith apple and sunk my teeth into its flesh. Mmmm, juicy.

I then trotted back to my room and stole a glance at the calendar hanging up in the corner. A red circle was drawn around today's date and I almost let the apple I was holding fall out of my mouth. Oh yeah, today is going to be a good day. I quickly got dressed in my coolest attire, grabbed a sack full of bits, and hit the streets of Stallin' Destroy. I trotted giddily to my destination and threw open the doors.

"Good morning and welcome to Spitfire's Gym," the one and only caption of the wonderbolts greeted me. She sat on a black couch and her attention was focused on some paperwork on her desk, so I trotted closer and tried not to squeak in excitement. The greeting room of Spitfire's gym was decorated with black furniture that surrounded a glass table. On the walls hung traditional Neighponese artwork and a few pulp magazines were placed on the glass table. After a few moments of silence, she looked up at me and a knowing grin spread across her face.

"Oh, Dash. Here for 'THAT'?" she asked.

"O-oh yeah!" I replied happily. If I could see my own face right now it would probably be beat red with a goofy grin. Not that I cared, this was bucking Spitfire. I had memorized her schedule as a wonderbolt. As the caption, she got a few days out of every month to take off and relax. During this time, she would usually come to her gym and check out how things were going. The gym opened about a year ago and I'm proud to say that I was one of its first members.

She then led me to the gym and I placed my jacket on an empty coat hanger. Like most gyms, Spitfire's was decked out with the latest workout equipment, only better because it was Spitfire's bucking gym. Lat pull down, hind leg extension, should press, and many other machines were lined up on one wall, while dumbbells and a bench pressing station were set up along another wall. In the opposite corner was a boxing ring where I had fond memories of knocking out stallions twice my size.

"Alright, take the thirty fives," she said as we approached the dumbbells. I nodded to her and strapped the weights on my hooves. She watched my form and breathing closely as I alternated lifting with each hoof. After five sets of ten she seemed satisfied and took the weights from me and put them back.

"Next is the bench press, let's see what ya got filly," she taunted.

"You got it!" I smiled and lay down on the plush padding of the bench pressing station. I tilted my head to the side and watched Spitfire's sleek and toned form as she grabbed a heavy weight and slid in on the bar. I had to turn to hide a blush as she turned around to grab another, giving me a nice view of her rump.

"You can start anytime you're ready," Spitfire giggled above me. Apparently I had spaced off.

"O-of course!" I responded meekly. I took in a deep breath and lifted the bar up. Spitfire made sure to be generous with the weight this time I noticed as I almost dropped the bar on myself. Spitfire took immediate notice as my spotter and leaned over me to grab the bar and helped me steady it. In this position her chest was pushed dangerously close to my face. At this distance I could stick my tongue out and... No! Focus Dash, focus!

I shook my head from side to side and Spitfire let go of the bar when she was sure I had control of it. I released my breath as I pushed the bar up and took in breath as I brought the bar back down. That was one out of the way.

"C'mon Dash! Don't let that bar get the best of you, show it who’s boss," Spitfire cheered. My face flushed and the bar shot up again. Through Spitfire's cheering and my own determination, I managed to lift the bar eight more times, making it ten in total.

"Wing press, let's go," Spitfire announced. My face dropped, she knew what was going to happen as much as I did. The machine was made to strengthen a pegasi's wing muscles. A pegasus would climb in the middle and spread their wings, placing them on two pads. The pads were connected to weights that a pagasus would lift when they pushed the pads down with their wings.

"Spitfire, you know I can't d-," I started before she interrupted me.

"Hop in, c'mon," she said. I hopped into the machine with a heavy sigh. Spitfire adjusted the weights and I pressed down with my wings. No problem. Then she added more. I pressed down again, but with noticeable trouble this time. She added even more. I managed to get the pads halfway down, but remained stuck. I let out a weak gasp and the weights fell.

"How long now Dash?" she asked.

"Two years and four months since I've flown," I answered, looking away and hiding my face in shame.

"Have you remembered anything yet?" she asked it a worried tone. It was always the same questions, like she was trying to be a psychologist or something. Not that I minded, I needed somepony to talk to so why not my idol? I had told Spitfire everything.

"I met a filly the other day, pale yellow coat, red mane. She lived on a farm out in Ponyville. I felt like I knew her, but that's it. I couldn't remember her name, what connection she had to me, or anything else," I answered.

"That's good Dash. That may seem like a small step, but a small step is always the start," Spitfire said. I noticed her face lighten up and I returned a weak smile.

"Thanks, Spitfire. I've got to go run some errands, see you next week?" I asked.

"Of course, then maybe we can get to some of 'THAT'," she answered with a devious smile.

* * *

I quickly made my payment to the UEAA and returned home. As soon as I got inside, my Bluetooth rang.

"R-rainbow Dash? C-can you hear me?" Fluttershy yelled frantically. I could hear several explosions in the background. It sounded like she was fighting a war.

"I can't talk right now, I'm sending you some information over pegasi mail. Gotta go!" she squeaked.

"Fluttershy!? What's wrong? Hey!" I shouted into the phone, but it was too late. The only response I got was a dial tone. I sighed and plopped down in my red recliner. Sending the info through the mail? Great, that could take days. I heard a groan come from the front door and turned to see Tank lean his head down and scoop an envelope up in his mouth. He then slowly brought it over to me and I gave him a smile and a pat on the head.

Dear Rainbow,

The next ranker is

one dangerous mare

But there's no

going home now.

You've set foot

on the path of

a real pony.

No amount of

cupcakes can wash

that choice away.

Now, hurry to the

bus station, get on a

bus, and find

her... Waiting.

Put your life on

the line!

Now that's a strange way to write a letter. Also in the envelope I found a bus ticket to Ponyville. At least the UEAA decided to pay for my road trip this time. I went to my room and took Tsubaki out of my bed's drawer and hooked it to my jacket. With the ticket and Tsubaki in my possession, I headed to the bus station.

* * *

That path the bus took was the same that I had been through a few days before. I got a nice nap before the bus came to a complete stop and I stepped off. In front of me was the strangest building I had ever seen. It looked like a giant gingerbread house. The place was a light yellow with pink windows and a brown roof. White icing looking material decorated the roof and the top floor looked like a freshly baked cupcake. Before I could enter however, my Bluetooth began to ring.

"Hey Dash? Your next ranked battle is at Sugar Cube Corner. Win, and you'll be seventh. Lose, and you fall further down the rabbit hole. Some ponies say that Bon Bon's Sweet Shop is better. That Bon Bon has better cake and treats. But ignore idiots like that! Don't rule out Sugar Cube Corner before you even try the first cupcake! Don't believe me? You really are hopeless. I am one hundred and twenty percent certain you are going to die. All you can do is trust your Loyalty... And head for the Garden of Madness."

Well that was different. I can't really tell if she's rooting for me or not. Whatever, I don't need her. I approached the door and kicked it in, it's go time. I wish now that I had not rushed in because I almost lost the contents of my stomach. The room was covered in blood. I staggered and had to hold a hoof to my nose to block out the horrible stench. My mind could not register the simplest of details about the inside of the shop; all I could focus on was the blood.

"Oh... It's you. Here I thought you were going to show up. I don't see why you've come back now. Do you think I'm going to forgive you? You've been gone for almost three years Dash, you're dead to me," a harsh sounding voice emitted to my left. I turned to find a dark pink mare with and even darker shade of mane and tail. Her hair was strait and clung to the curves of her body. A scowl was plastered on her face as she glared at me with dull blue eyes. Something about this mare unnerved me. This scene felt way too familiar, but when have I been in this situation before?

"You? You're ranked?" I simply asked.

"No. Well, yeah, I guess I am," she answered.

"THAT makes sense."

"Forget it then. We've got a job to do, right? I need some time to get ready though, could your turn around? I need some privacy."

"Hey, don't mind me. Pretend like I'm not here."

"Just for a second. That's not too much to ask is it?"

"All right...," I said and turned around. Something in my gut told me not to, but I agreed anyway. Then something caught my attention. I heard a high pitched noise, like a buzzing, emit through the air. I focused on the window of the front door and an eerie yellow light reflected off of it. My eyes widened in realization and I shifted just in time. Two yellow beams of light shot through the air where my head just was and hit the front door.

"Oh, shoot," a bubbly voice behind me sounded. I turned around and my jaw dropped. Before me stood a completely different mare. Gone was the hateful looking and dull pink mare. What replaced her was a bright pink mare with a look of complete joy and a goofy smile stretched across her face. Her mane was now lighter and bounced with unkempt curls. What was even stranger was her new get up. She was dressed in some kind of blue and pink supercolt outfit. Now she looked familiar, but just like with the other filly, I couldn't place her name.

"That was close. For a second there I forgot you were a killer," I spoke and activated Tsubaki.

"Sorry Dashie, I haven't seen you in forever. I guess I just got a little excited," the mare giggled. Dashie, Dashie, why do I remember that? Somepony always called me that, what was her name?

"Can't let my guard down now, I've got to stay on my toes," I pep talked myself. I then took off in a gallop towards the mare, ready to strike. As I got close enough to strike, the mare held a hoof up.

"Wait wait wait! Why do we have to do this Dashie? You should just hang out with me like old times!" the mare explained.

"Why? Because this is a contest and I don't know you," I denied her.

"Well okey dokey lokey," she sang and held out her hoof.

"What? A hoof shake?" I asked.

"Sure! We're both friends, right? At least for now, silly. I just wanna make sure we have fun!" she exclaimed. I shook my head and let out a deep sigh. I took her hoof in mine and shook it.

"Fine," I answered. As we shook hooves I noticed the side of her mouth tremble until she was wearing a mischievous smile.

"Destroy Spark...," she whispered. The next thing I felt was buzzing pain coursing through my body. I then felt my body fall flat against the ground and shake as pain continued to surge through me.

"This is great Dashie! Just like old times! I can't believe you fell for the oldest prank in the book! You really crack me up Dashie! I'm laughing so hard I just might explode, maybe even explode twice! Oh Celestia! Wow, what a doozy. Aww, c'mon Dashie, you can't go to sleep yet. Don't worry, I'll wake you up!" I heard a muffled voice ring in my ears. The next thing I knew, I was floating in midair and the high pitched buzzing returned with the sting of pain.

"Now this is a party."

I then heard a low pitched ringing and an explosive force slammed into my body, flinging me across the room and knocking me into a wall. I hit the floor with an audible thud and slowly forced myself to my hooves.

"That was quite the dirty prank, but you've got some good moves. If challenge had a taste, you'd be quite delicious," I complimented the mare.

"You're as good as dead, Dashie," the mare replied in a serious tone and pointed a hoof at me.

I gritted my teeth and charged at the cotton candy mare. Tsubaki tore through the air, cutting the distance between us. As Tsubaki was about to hit it's mark, the mare hovered backwards. It wasn't a hop, skip, or jump. Her body seemed to just hover backwards, leaving me off guard. I struck again and again, trying to sever the mare's head from her shoulders, but she easily dodged my attacks. I charged again and noticed her right hoof beginning to glow red.

"Destroy Pound!" the mare exclaimed and buried her hoof into the ground. I hurled my body to the left just in time and was glad I did. A termer shook the entire building and a crater the size of my body was left in the ground. The mare just giggled to herself and went on the offensive.

"Destroy Cannon! Destroy beam! Destroooooy Spark!" she laughed as she launched attack after attack. I rolled out of the way of an orb of blue energy, blocked the two yellow beams that shot out of the sides of her mask, and managed to dodge the 'Destroy Spark' this time. I used my rolling momentum to swing Tsubaki at the mare and was rewarded with a satisfying sizzle of something electronic.

"Hey! That wasn't nice," the mare pouted. Smoke emitted from the device on her left hoof and I laughed at her. No more Destroy Pound now.

"Stop laughing at me!" she yelled and took to the air. The shop's ceiling wasn't too high, but the pink mare was still out of my reach. She then shot another Destroy Cannon at me and I rolled to the left, she anticipated this however and sent another in my direction. Before I could recover from my roll, a blue orb slammed into my side and sent me sliding across the floor. With my vision pointed towards the ceiling, I noticed something strange with the room. Tables, chairs, cupcakes, and pies were floating in the air. I focused my attention on the floating objects as the bouncy mare lost herself in a giggling fit and noticed the glint of a thin string. That was the secret.

"Ha, ha, ha," I mocked at the mare and blew raspberries at her. I then turned around and smacked my flank, adding insult to injury.

"Stop it!" the pink pony screamed and charged at me in a supercolt flying pose. I timed my jump perfectly and severed the string holding the mare up with Tsubaki. The mare's momentum carried her across the floor and she slammed face first into a wall. I laughed my flank off as she pushed herself to her hooves. I noticed a trickle of blood running from her nose and suppressed a cackle.

"Now I'm really angry...," the mare growled at me. She then reared up on her two back legs and revealed a white metal device in the shape of an 'X' on her crotch. Ew. The cross started to glow and I got the feeling that I needed to do some running, and fast.

"Destroy Buster!" the mare shouted. A wide, dark blue beam of energy tore across the room and missed me by a hair. My body moved, faster than I knew possible. I weaved around tables, jumped over chairs, and rolled over desks. I flung my body towards the mare as her attack ended and slid between her legs. Once behind her I thrust Tsubaki behind me and through the mare's back.

"N-n-no...," the mare began to cry.

"Don't cry like that. You're a killer, right?"

"D-Dashie...," the mare began to shake as sobs started to rack her body.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I... I lo..."

"I can't hear you."

"I... still love you..."

"...what?"

"I-I'm sorry... Dashie."

"Pinkie... Pie?" I asked myself as visions invaded my mind. The two of us pranking other ponies. Eating treats in this very building. Stuck in a desert, captured by buffalos. Her surprise birthday party. I did not recall loving her, but I knew this mare was imprortant to me.

Pinkie started to go limp as I held her up with my beam katana. Her hair went back to its straightened and darkened look and her ears were folded back against her head. I pulled Tsubaki out of her and she stumbled a few feet forward. She hugged her chest and spat out a glob a blood as more leaked from the hole in her back.

"Y-you're mine," Pinkie growled and turned to face me with a knife in hoof. I found myself frozen in place, still dealing with the flood of visions and emotions. A hot and burning sensation pulled me back to reality and I clutched my shoulder. Blood gushed from new gash in my shoulder and Pinkie licked her blade.

"I remember you now, Pinkie Pie. D-don't do this," I plead.

"No, no you don't. All you remember is a name. Nothing more, nothing less," she spat and closed in on me. She lifted the knife high in the air. I closed my eyes and gripped Tsubaki. The sickening sound of flesh and bone being severed echoed through the building. I opened my eyes and found Pinkie Pie in two pieces in front of me, cut vertically in two perfect halves.

"Rainbow Dash, I'm starting to think that you are for real. You are now seventh in rank," a familiar voice sounded from behind me. I turned to find Fluttershy and the two unnamed cleanup stallions.

"Yeah," I managed to choke out. A nagging sensation in the back of my mind told me I knew this buttercup mare, but I still could not place her.

"What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost," she cooed. I can't trust her. The look she gave that filly from the last fight, Fluttershy was silencing her. Play it off.

"It's nothing, don't worry 'bout it. Just worry about looking your best when I hit number one."

"No need. I want you to see me for the mare I really am."

"Serious? Damn."

Miss Cheerilee

Buzz, buzz, buzz. Shut up. Buzz, buzz, and buzz! Shut the buck up. Buzz? In my half unconscious state I swung my hoof at the root of the annoying noise and a loud crash smashing sound out through my room. I threw off my blanket and hopped out of bed. A quick glance at my bedside table revealed a crushed alarm clock. The thing was completely pulverized with pieces of plastic and glass decorating my floor. Whatever, I'll clean it up later.

I made my way to the bathroom and took a long look at myself in the mirror. My face was a reflection of the restless night I just woke up from. Every hour it seemed I would awake in a cold sweat to the replaying visions of the mare Pinkie Pie. Each dream would end in her death by my hooves. My ears flickered to the sound of my phone ringing, but I ignored it, letting the answering machine pick up.

"Congratulations, Ms. Dash. Your registration for the seventh UEAA rank is now complete. As always, we have faxed you some information about the rankings in case you wish to continue your ascent. Please trasfer the money into the designated account as soon as possible. Thank you and have a nice day."

Always so polite, always so happy. Pretty ironic for an association built around the death of other ponies. I pushed myself away from the mirror and trotted back to my room. Another match? Why not. I could go for some killing right now. I threw on my red jacket and stormed out of the apartment.

Once outside I trotted heavily to the atm and practically shoved my bits down it's throat. Just give my somepony to kill. Give me somepony to work out my anger. Give me somepony who will put up a real challenge.

Back at my apartment I found Tank up on my bedside table right before he pressed down on the answering machine with his leg.

"Rainbow? Hello? I'm at the beach, are you coming? You don't have to if you want too or anything..." Fluttershy meekly sounded. The beach? Screw that. Relax is the last thing I needed right now.

I bent down to retrieve Tsubaki from under my bed when my hoof bumped against a silver bowl. Tank's food bowl. I glanced back up to my bed and Tank gave me a slow smile. That's right, of course he would be hungry. The only thing I could remember from last night was storming into my room with a bottle of half drunken Jimmy Buck and collapsing on my bed. I never took the time to feed my pet, my closest friend in Equestria.

"I'm sorry bud. Let's get you something to eat," I sighed and mentally kicked myself. In the kitchen I pulled out a bag of store bought tortoise feed when a better thought came to mind. I moved back to the living room and opened my mini fridge. I took a few pieces of green leaf lettuce, sliced a small tomato, and threw some grapes in his bowl.

"Here you go pal, you deserved it," I said and placed the bowl on the floor. Tank perked up at my voice and carefully hopped off of the futon. I petted his shell as he ate and leaned back against the futon. I waited patiently until he finished eating and pulled myself up from the floor.

"I guess I should go see Fluttershy at the beach, huh?" I asked aloud. Tank gave a soft groan and slowly nodded up and down. I retrieved Tsubaki from my room and locked my motel. I then eagerly trotted down the steps and threw my leg over Schpeltiger. I pulled hard on the throttle and burned out in the parking lot before speeding out into town.

* * *

"Rub some oil on me, will you?" Fluttershy spoke as I approached. On the way here I had planned to give her a piece of my mind, but now... Damn. The buttercup mare was reclined in a beach chair, wearing a thing blue bikini and bottom. The set seemed a little too tight as it wrapped around her curves.

"M-me? You serious?" my voice cracked as Fluttershy folded her fore legs behind her head.

"What?" she asked, "Is there a problem?"

"No... Thought you'd never ask," I replied and knelt beside her. I picked up a small bottle of coat oil beside her and squeezed a generous amount on my hoof. I then began to work the oil into her pale yellow coat.

"Your next opponent is here on this beach. That's why I asked you to join me," Fluttershy explained as I continued my work. My hooves traveled all over her lower leg, rubbing and massaging the slick oil into her smooth coat.

"Just up ahead, huh? So I'm supposed to fight on the beach?" I asked and worked my way down her leg. I stole a glance of her face, just curious to see her expression. Her lips quivered in pleasure and I heard a faint purring emit from her throat.

"That's right. Nnnn, feels good. What other hidden talents do you have, Dash?" she purred. Oh damn, oh damn. With new found confidence I moved further up her leg and almost reached her bikini bottom before she quickly recoiled.

"Go any higher and I will kill you myself! Number one first, remember? Now to get 'em!" she scolded.

"Yes, your highness," I shot up and gave a salute.

* * *

I walked up the beach in the direction Fluttershy pointed out to me. The clear ocean waves crashed gently against the shore and the gentle sound of the ocean's breath filled my ears. It was... Relaxing. My senses flickered to life as the sound of rushing sand took over. My eyes shot open and before me stood three unicorn stallions. They were dressed in a strange cameo like fabric and held small guns with their magic. I causally upholstered Tsubaki from my jacket and strapped it to my hoof. I held Tsubaki out in front of me and the blade illumined with a blue light.

"Let's get this dyke bitch!" one of the nameless stallions shouted. The other two followed the first one's lead and pointed their guns in my direction. Yeah, right. I rolled my eyes as three shots rang out and took off in a mad dash towards my opponents. My blade became a blue blur of crimson death and I cleaved through the first stallion, spilling his guts on the tan sand. My back hoof instantly struck out and slammed into the second stallion's jaw, knocking him to the ground. The third one unleashed a barrage of hot lead in my direction, but I had already vanished. The sand loosened up the usual traction I had to deal with when on solid ground, making it easy for me to slide around. I used this to my advantage and swung my body around the third stallion and cut him in two horizontal pieces.

I then slowly trotted back to the second stallion as he began to regain consciousness. He stumbled over his hooves trying to run and strung together an incoherent slur of apologies and started to beg for his life. I stepped on his throat with my left foreleg and plunged Tsubaki into his stomach. Similar to the way I killed her. Pinkie Pie. The rage I had previously sealed away returned in and instant.

Five more stallions emerged from the sand and I kicked off into a mad dash. I made quick work of the first two, striking before they could raise their weapons. I flipped over the third's back, using his head as a spring board and cleaved him into with the momentum of my flip. Gunfire rang out through the air as the remaining two stallions fired at me. I became a rainbow colored blue, zigzagging through the sand and closing the distance between myself and my opponents. The two tried to run and make up the distance I had closed. Bad choice. I cut the stallion to my left in three pieces and charged at the one on the right. I flung Tsubaki into the air and jumped at the colt. I wrapped my hind legs around his neck and tightened my grip. My body swung around his and I flipped his body over mine, driving him face first in the sand. Tsubaki came back from orbit and slipped seamlessly back on my hoof.

"Buck you!" I roared and tore through the stallion with Tsubaki. A frying electrical sound caught my ear and I notice a barbwire fence lose its electrical charge. I made my way to the fence and cut through it after a few strikes. I decided to enter the next area when I heard and electronic beep as I took my first step. A loud explosion filled my ears and my body sailed through the air before gravity decided to slam me back to Earth. Nice trick. I pulled myself up from the ground and caught a glance of two pegasi stallions with beam katanas of their own laughing their flanks off at my little incident.

I let out a yell as I charged at the two and readied Tsubaki. I cut through the air, but these stallions were fast and experienced. The first rolled to the right and the second clashed blades with me. As I was locked with the second, the first recovered and went to the offensive. I was forced to back off and parry the first while the second pressed forward. The three of us started a dance of death. Striking, blocking, and dodging, the first screw up of any of us with result in instant death.

The first suddenly bursts into flight while I locked blades with the second again. The first then began to dive towards me, leaving me mere seconds to react. I dropped the pressure on my blade and slid under the second's legs. The first changed course as I planned, but since it was a last second change, he couldn't turn quick enough to fly past me and slash. Instead he was going to run into me. As he came dangerously close, I hopped a short distance in the air and came down on the pegasus's back, crushing his wings with my hind legs. The second whipped around to face me, but was too late. As the sound of crunching bone sounded through the air, I swung Tsubaki low to the ground as the second stallion reared up to attack and severed his hind legs from his body. The first stallion screamed in pain as I gave his back an extra stomp and I quickly ended the suffering of the second stallion. I then returned my attention to the first stallion and gripped his two wings in my hooves. The sickening sound of ripping flesh filled the air as I tore his wings from his body. I could feel a wide smirk stretch across my face and a familiar darkness wrapped itself around my chest.

I then heard another frying electrical sound and locked my eyes on another barbwire fence. I slowly approached the fence and tore though it with Tsubaki. Concentrating on the darkness in my chest, I stepped forward without thinking and was launched into the air again by the fiery explosion of another land mine. I pulled myself up with a curse and held a hoof to my head until my blurred vision returned to normal.

A helicopter overhead dropped three unicorn stallions to the ground, but this time they were holding submachine guns in their magical grasp. I took off in a dash to the left, but quickly found out that a sub machine gun was much faster than a standard handgun. Bullets tore at the sand and I was forced to play the defensive and block the oncoming barrage with Tsubaki. As I readied myself to sprint off again, another clip of bullets fired at me. The three stallions were timing their shots to hold me in place. As soon as one's clip ran dry, another could take his place. I was trapped under gunfire. After a few moments of blocking the tell-tale beeping of Tsubaki told me I was low on energy.

I gritted my teeth and raised Tsubaki again to block, but as the stallion's clip ran out, so did Tsubaki's energy. The three unicorn stallions took notice and fired all at once. I tore at the sand with my hooved, running as fast as I could. The sound of bullets whizzing past my head filled my ears and I could feel the pain of lead tearing through my skin. The three stallions ran out of bullets at the same time, but I was still breathing. Once they reloaded, I was done. Finished.

This cannot end here. I will not let that happen. The familiar darkness plunged itself into my heart. And this time, I let it in.

"Blueberry cheese brownie," I mouthed and opened my eyes. My entire body surged with energy and Tsubaki was back at full power. The three stallions raised their fully loaded submachine guns and I swung Tsubaki. A condensed orb of green energy shot out from Tsubaki and slammed into on of the three stallions, killing him before he hit the ground. The other two began firing in fear and I sent wave after wave of green orbs after them as they ran. The other two stallions fell quickly and I sent an orb crashing into the barbwire fence and getting rid of it in one swing. My senses returned to me as I approached the fence and I stopped in mid step, remembering about the land mines this time. I glanced down at my hoof and realized that I was just about to be blown sky high again. I sighed in relief and stepped over the mine. Beep!

"You have got to be fu-," I started before I was blown sky bucking high... Again. Then my Bluetooth decided it was the perfect time to start ringing in my ear. I finished my curse face down in the sand and pushed the button on my Bluetooth.

"Rainbow Dash, hello? The secret beach is up ahead... Then it's ranking match time. Win, and you'll be number six. Lose, and your new motel with be in the flaming tombs of hell. You know, you've been acting weird lately. Well, more than your usual dose of stupidness. You think being ranked seventh is tough? Yeah, right. Watching your meteoric rise of stupidity is truly painful to observe. That careless attitude of yo-"

I turned my Bluetooth off. Buck her, I don't have to listen to that. I tore the Bluetooth off my head and slung it as hard as I could at the ocean. Yeah, buck you Fluttershy. I made my way up some stairs and then down some more stairs to a secluded beach. The area was smaller, tall cliffs formed a half circle around the beach and the other half was cut off by ocean. Something was different about this side of the beach. The waves seems more gentle, the breeze was softer. It was... Tranquil.

As I trotted across the sand, another figure with a shovel made its way towards me from the other side of the beach. The mare had a rich magenta coat and two toned pink hair. Her eyes were a striking green color, but was even more striking was her body. Not only was she a bombshell, but her left hind leg was metal. She wore a cameo green bikini, damn. Can't say I recognized her though, good.

"Do you like fighting?" The mare asked.

"Yup."

"Do you like killing?"

"Live for it."

"Do you like fear?"

"Can't say... Never felt it."

"Do you accept death?"

"Death? Never crossed my mind."

"Death is the only truth. You are still a mere student."

"That's not a good thing, you know...," I rolled my eyes, “Seeking meaning in everything. Especially killing. That's a bad habit among hot mares these days."

"Come closer and you will understand everything."

"I'm ready. Anywhere, anytime!" I exclaimed and activated Tsubaki.

"Just your ordinary assassin... Such a disappointment," the mare sighed. What was with this mare? She's stranger than that Colgate chick.

"Are you in the mood yet? Normal assassins don't shoot the hay like this. They see their target... And kill them!" I shouted and charged forward. I could feel my own blood lust coursing through me as I closed the distance between us. I lifted my blade to rend flesh from bone when the ground gave way. I gave a small gasp as I fell strait down. I lifted myself up and found myself in a dug out hole. That explains the shovel.

"Let's see you get out of this little predicament," the mare's voice sounded from above
.

"No prob. You'll see," I retorted.

"Uh-huh," she rolled her eyes. Click. What was that? A round green grenade bounced off my chest and... Grenad- Boom! My ears wouldn't stop ringing and I had to hold my hooves to my head to get the world to stop spinning. Click, click, click. You have got to be fu-

"Oh crap!" I exclaimed. Three grenades. I leapt to my feet and spread my wings. C'mon, fly. Fly. Fly! Ka-boom! I was launched into the air in a fiery explosion. A second and third explosion was soon to follow, throwing me higher into the air. Now or never. I spread my wing to their full span and attempted to glide to the ground. My approach was a little fast and I landed with an audible thud. Sexy attire, hidden trap pits, and grenades. I'll admit, I was impressed.

"Nice trap. Maybe I can steal a kiss before I steal your life," I complement.

"We'll see about that," she smirks. I charge towards the magenta mare, but she keeps the calm and uninterested look on her face. She drops a land mine by her feet. So she's the one who set those up, now it's personal. I continue my charge and get into striking distance when she swiftly slams her shovel into the mine and rides it's explosion into the air. I recoil from the explosion and notice the glint of metal through the sand cloud. I lifted Tsubaki and blocked a ninja looking throwing knife from embedding itself in my throat.

After the sand cloud cleared, I found the mare standing quite a distance away from me. She gave a wink and turned her back to me. I began my charge when a number of missiles erupted from the ground. I spat a quick curse and threw myself to the right. A few missiles hit the ground where I had just dove from, but one managed to stray from the path. I held my hooves in a defensive position when the missile hit and sent me spiraling into the sand.

"Aww... poor little student," I heard the mare coo. Click. A grenade landed mere inches from my face. I scrambled to my hooves with a yelp and jumped back. The magenta mare cackled to herself as the grenade just sat idle in the sand. A dud? No, another trick.

"Seriously?" I growled and charged again. I jumped at the bomb crazed mare and let out a surprised gasp when I failed to land on solid ground. I landed in the pit with an audible thud and let out an annoyed groan. Click. Just how many of those does she have? Really. I frantically climbed out of the pit moments before the explosion went off and engulfed the pit with searing flames.

I found the mare standing on an over sized rock and holding on to even more, you guessed it, grenades. She gave a wave before tossing a hoof full of grenades in my direction and launching more missiles at me. I quickly took to the defensive and started weaving through explosion after explosion. I could feel the scorching heat of each explosion on my face as I ran. I kept my eyes locked on the magenta mare as she hopped off the rock and closed in for an attack.

She wore the same smug expression as I quickly approached, but this time I flared my wing, bringing my body to a dead stop and swiped at the ground with Tsubaki. As I expected, the thin layer of sand covering another pit fall vanished. The mare's smile suddenly dropped when I found out her secret and I swung Tsubaki at her.

I quickly found that close quarters combat was not this mare's strong point and pushed my attack. I drove her to the middle of the beach when she attempted to strike me with her shovel. I easily dodged her attack and cleaved through her metal hind leg. The mare gave a frightened yelp and collapsed to the ground.

I held out Tsubaki, ready to end the fight. My mind urged me to strike the mare down, but my body would not budge. Kill her. Just kill her. I'm not sure what possessed me, but I lowered Tsubaki.

"What's wrong? You can't kill a mare? Pathetic. If you can't kill a mare, you are less than one of my students," she said as she forced herself to her remaining hooves.

"It's ok. I have a thing for pathetic mares like you. I can accept defeat if it comes from your hand," she whispered into my ear as I just sat and listened.

"I will let you in on a secret... Assassins must die when they lose. Open your eyes and never look back. Promise... Never forget me," she stated. Forget her?

"Huh?" I questioned.

"Thank you. The moment you hesitated...," the mare started as she lifted a grenade to her mouth, “I felt your embrace."

"Hold on!" I exclaimed as she pulled the pin out. She couldn't be serious.

"Teachers like to fantasize too, you know," she giggled and bit down on the grenade.

"Wait! Number Six! Don't!" My voice cracked as I screamed. I tried to smack the explosive out of her mouth, but I was too late. The explosion shook me to the bones, but the aftermath left me horrified to the core. Before me stood the headless body of assassin number six. Blood erupted in a shower from her neck, staining the sand a crimson red.

It made sense now. As an assassin, you follow a code. Just like in the old Neighponese animes, it was a code of honor. Letting a defeated assassin live was the greatest way to bring shame. How could I have been so blind, so naive?

"Forgive me... Number six. I never meant to shame you," I spoke and put a fore hoof around her lifeless body.

"Not a very smooth victory there, Dash. But a win is a win. That's all that matters now. I hate to award you this, but you are now sixth in rank," a familiar voice sounded behind me. If was Fluttershy, again. I couldn't tell if she was actually sincere or if she was just faking it, but I didn't care.

"What was her name?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"You're right. But I owe her at least that."

"Miss Cheerilee. Teacher or-"

"No... Just her name."

I carried the body of Miss Cheerilee over to one of her pits, the first one I had fallen into.

"I'm sorry, Cheerilee. I was late in saying this... But I love your soul. Rest in peace," I spoke and let her body drop into the pit.

Apple Bloom

The sun was bright. I lifted the blanket over my head and closed my eyes. Then my alarm clock decided that it was the perfect time to ring. With a grunt I tossed the blanket off myself and slam a hoof down on the buzzing machine. I gave a loud yawn and lifted myself out of bed. Tank gave a yawn to match mine and I gave him a few pats on the head. I then headed to the bathroom to take care of my morning routine. Brush teeth, reflect on the can, and get dressed.

While I was getting ready, Tank slowly walked over to the answering machine and put his foot down on it.

"Congratulations, Miss Dash. Your registration for the ninth UEAA rank is now complete," A voice sounded that didn't belong to Fluttershy.

"We have faxed you some information about the ranks and encourage you to continue the fight. There will however, be a small fee to continue the fight. Thank you and have a nice day."

More fees? It felt like a rip-off, but thanks to Colgate and now Doctor what's-his-face, I had plenty of bits to spare. Wasting no time, I collected my keys off the bedside shelf and headed out to town.

My first stop was to see an old friend. She had a shop that was only a block from my motel, so I left Schpeltiger in the parking lot. My friend was a witch doctor who had taken an interest in tinkering with small machines. With her native gypsy magic or whatever, and her newly found love for machines, she could make the best beam katanas in Equestria.

I entered the junk yard and pushed open the door to her shop. The door easily gave and slammed open making me jump a few feet in the air.

"Rainbow Dash, why must you always enter so brash?" A voice sounded to my left. I turned to find just the zebra I was looking for.

"Yeah, sorry about that Zecora. Tell me next time you use a whole can of WD-40 on a single door would you?" I joked. The inside of the place, I'll admit, it still looked weird even after seeing it more than once. The walls were covered with masks, tools, shelves that held strange mixtures in glass containers, and tribal markings. On the floor were old looking rugs, a saw table, toolboxes, giant pots for cooking potions, and various other tools scattered around.

"It's been a while so I thought I'd see what you were up to, " I said. Zecora gave me a deadpanned expression.

"And... See if you had any new items," I smiled and rubbed the back of my head.

"In fact I do, and I suppose you want to try it out too," she replied as she dug through a cabinet. After a few moments she emerged with the hilt of a beam katana in her mouth and tossed it over to me. I caught it in my hooves and attached it to my hoof strap. At first I noticed that the handle was smaller and white, rather than black. I then powered it up and it shone with a bright blue light. The beam wasn't as thick as my Blood Berry, but I could feel a stronger heat emit from it when I held my other hoof closer to it.

"No guide bar?" I questioned.

"No need, this is just a prototype, but it is much more stable that your Blood Berry. I call it Tsubaki," Zecora explained.

"That didn't rhyme," I pointed out with a smirk.

"Keep asking for trouble, and the cost will be double" she retorted.

"Alright, alright," I backed off and paid her the bits. "I'll see you later."

"Otaku," I heard as I left.

Back on the streets I headed to the ATM and made my payment. Having no more errands to run for the day, I headed back to my motel, eager to try out Tsubaki.

I greeted Tank on my way in as he chilled in his favorite spot on the futon. I was about to check the answering machine when my bluetooth rang.

"Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy's voice sounded in my ear.

"Yeah?" I responded. There's no way she could be calling about the next fight right? I made the payment not five minutes ago.

"The next fight is ready." I didn't know how she could have got the payment already, but I didn't argue. Maybe they had a room full of ponies just waiting all day for payments.

"Alright who- Wait a minute. Why are you telling me this over the phone?" I asked.

"... Well, I umm... Don't know what to wear to the UEAA party tonight. There's going to be a lot of important ponies there today. I'm getting fitted right now and- EEEP!" she ended with a squeak. D'awwww. I could have sworn I heard a familiar "Sorry, darling" in the background, but decided not to ask.

"Fine, whatever, who do I fight?" I asked with a groan.

"She is waiting for you at Sweet Apple Acres," Fluttershy responded.

"What? That's all the way in another county," I said. Looks like Schpeltiger and I were in for one hell of a road trip.

"Oh stop your complaining. Hurry up and go kill more ponies like you always do," she snapped back.

"Damn, alright. Bye," I responded. I heard the sound of blowing raspberries and then the line went dead.

* * *

The ride out to the country was a quiet one. I hardly saw any other vehicles on the trip and I had to stop once for gas. The buildings and houses changed to bushes and trees and I got farther from the city. By the time I had reached the place, the sun was on the horizon and the sky was painted with rich yellows and vibrant oranges.

I parked Schpeltiger by an old looking farm house and gave the wooden door a knock. A few minutes and knocks later, still no answer. My gaze shifted to the many apple trees that decorated the land and out of the corner of my eye I spotted a figure pulling a cart in the distance. Then my bluetooth rang.

"Have you arrived yet Rainbow? The fight starts as soon as you enter the orchard. Win, and you'll rise to eight in rank. Lose, and you drop deeper into hell. I don't think you'll survive this fight, but you can try if you want to. You rock, woo hoo. Trust your Loyalty, and head for the Garden of Madness."

I trotted closer to the figure and it turned out to be a pale yellow filly with a rose colored mane. She had striking amber eyes and on her flank was a cutie mark of a shining red apple with three apple blossoms surrounding it. The filly looked to be around fourteen or fifteen and seemed strangely familiar.

"Yo," I called out as I approached to announce my presence. The filly stopped her pulling and gave me a look over, but didn't make eye contact.

"Y'all here fer the fight?" she asked in a thick accent. I know I've heard that voice before, but I couldn't put my hoof on it.

"That's right, how 'bout it?" I asked in return.

"All right. Let me pull this in the barn and we can rumble there," she answered. As we walked I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Not in the romantic way, but I knew her from somewhere and I couldn't stop thinking about it

"Would y'all stop gawking at me like that?" she asked. I felt my face instantly heat up as I fumbled for an excuse.

"Pfff, don't flatter yourself filly," I answered. Lame I know, shut it.

Once in the barn she pulled her cart full of apples to a large pile of the same and went over to an old looking chest while I looked over the inside of the barn. The place was weathered and worn. There were cracks in the walls, entire planks missing in some places and the golden sunlight penetrated through the cracks and left the barn in an eerie light.

The filly returned with a katana in her mouth. Now that was unexpected. A farmer holding a Neighponese katana, and a nice one at that. I let out a sigh, if I could get over a witch doctor with a love for mechanics, I could deal with a samurai farmer.

"Y'all really don't 'member me at all, do ya?" she asked. This was the part where I should have answered yes and asked how I knew her. This was where I should have cooled down and trusted my head. To hell with that, I had an image to hold up.

"What is this, some drama movie? I remember that I came here to kick your flank and take your title, foal," I responded and pointed Tsubaki at her. The mare just flared her nostrils and cut through the air with her katana. Not one moment later an arch of red light rushed past me and cleaved a curved hole in the wall behind me. Play it off, play it off.

"Nice to see you've got some tricks filly, do try to keep up now," I taunted and rushed towards her.

The pale yellow filly met me half way and our weapons clashed in mid swing. Again and again we clashed blades, sending out bright orange sparks that blended into the dim twilight hue that coated the barn. She then jumped at me and used my head as a spring board to launch herself over me. I quickly dived out of the way as she brought her blade down and cut through the floorboard beneath her.

"Don't buckaf wiff meh, Dasssh," she spoke through her teeth while pointing the shimmering blade at me. She then ducked down and charged.

Something deep in my gut told me not to block or clash blades with her, so I rolled out of the way. I was lucky to have trusted my gut because not a moment after she cut through the air, a support beam was cleanly sliced in half. Just how the hay does a farm pony get to be so skilled with a sword?

"Gentoken," the filly said to herself. I was about to ask what that meant, but was cut off before I could even speak. The filly slammed into me and instantly vanished. I felt a burning sensation to my left. I turned to face the pain and saw a glimpse of the filly before she vanished again. All I could feel was the burning sensation of pain inflicted to my body as the filly teleported around me and cut into me with her katana. I felt my body lifted from the ground as she continued her attack and in one more slash, my body was flung backward against a hard wall.

"Come on Dash, remember me. Remember your friends, I know you can," the filly's voice rang in my ears. Then something awoke within me. Something dark and powerful. I pushed myself to my hooves and spat out a glob of blood from my mouth. Then I muttered four words.

"Strawberry on the Shortcake," I said and the world seemed to stop. The filly charged at me again, but it felt like she was going in slow motion. I side stepped her attacks and even advanced to where my snout was mere inches from hers. I didn't have to raise my beam katana to block, I just kept my body moving as her katana met thin air. With one fluid motion I flung Tsubaki in an upward arc and severed the filly's hoof. She stumbled back and screamed in pain.

"D-damn it Dash!" she yelled and came up for kick. I caught her in mid spin and slammed her into the cold, wooden ground. I then turned my back to her and started to trot away. As far as I was concerned, this was over.

"G-git back here! It's me, Apple B-," she paused. I turned back around to see what the problem was and found the filly's eyes wide open in shock. It looked as if she was paralyzed on the spot. I followed her gaze and found Fluttershy standing in the doorway to the barn. She was staring intently at the filly. If looks could kill, Fluttershy would be a god.

"Another victory, Rainbow Dash. You are now ranked eighth," Fluttershy spoke softly and turned to me, the death glare gone. Just what was the look? Did Fluttershy and this filly have a connection? What was the filly's name? Apple Blue? Apple Baker? Apple Blossom? It was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't place my hoof on it.

"What now? You gonna kill her?" I asked. For some reason or another, I knew this filly. I don't know how, but if she died now I would never find out.

"No, she's still a filly. But the rules of conduct have to be followed," Fluttershy explained. The two big cleanup stallions then chose it was safe to walk past Fluttershy and I.

"Then let her live," I stated.

"Why, you want to do it with her now instead of me?" she asked. Sex with a filly?

"Hell no."

"What then? What will you do if she comes back for revenge?"

"Good. She'll grow up and get stronger. That's when I'll kill her."

"You are sick."

"So are you."