The first thing that I could feel was the rumbling beneath my hooves. That and the vibrations against my muzzle and the cold of whatever I was pressed up against. I could however feel most promenantly the ache that was in my bones, though that was always there so nothing new.

I coughed, my throat feeling ragged, the burning sensation that was always there reminded me that I was still alive, still kicking for at least another miserable day on Equis. It took a few moments before I began to hear things again, the rumble of what sounded like an engine, the shaking of what could only be a train car and the odd screech of wheel on rail as it turned sharply around a bend.

I cracked an eye open and a blurry dark void opened up before me. “Maybe I am dead after all” I thought, though that would have been wishful thinking as my other eye opened and saw the reflection of a light grey unicorn with a charcoal mane and some dull orange eyes through the darkness, the reflection caused by that of a window pane that I was pressed up against.

I blinked and exhaled sharply, the condensation from my breath gathering on the window. I tried to get the sleep out of my eyes as I stared out of it, blinking and craning my neck in complete agony as I officially woke up.

My suspicions were confirmed as I looked around, at the dimly lit train car I was in on the train that was speeding through the dark night to some unknown destination.

“Buck” I cursed as I rubbed my face, my head screaming with a huge headache leering at me. “How the hay did I get on this train” I questioned initially as I tried to think back to whatever time it had been, all I could of course remember being lights, Manehatten lights and somepony, a dark stallion, pushing me forwards and onto the train, he shoved a ticket into my hoof then… I couldn’t remember I’d been so wired that it was all a blur.

I put a hoof against the window and stretched, trying to get some feeling flowing into my body. I was numb, the position I’d been sleeping in had been uncomfortable and cramped, this carriage was cold and not built to sleep in, but to sit in for small journeys.

I tried to clear my head and gain some solid thought but so far nothing was succeeding, I reached for my old and battered saddlebag but it was gone. “Figures and so is whatever scratch I should have as well and whatever else had been in there, probably nothing left to hit” I guessed, remembering that I’d finished off my last score last night.

Talking about it was always a good way to make myself feel like a scumbag, naturally I didn’t really care anymore I mean why would you care when you had some Herofin to shoot into you. I am a drug addict, a low-life and degenerate to society who means nothing but trouble and will do anything for another hit and admitting it really didn’t help.

I’d taken part in many crimes, many minor and petty but a few major as well. I have been in robberies, fights, muggings and at one point an assault with intent to do serious harm on a pony, yes that earned me a lot of bits that night, not a proud moment and I nearly went under for it for good because of it.

This was probably my punishment then, this was probably the train to tartarus and I probably had a first class ticket for all the evil I’d performed in the world.

“Where the hay am I?” I thought again as I stared out the train window. I looked for the ticket I had remembered being given but found nothing around my person. I glanced around the train car for some clues and found a clock hanging above one of the doors.

5:15 in the morning, sweet Celestia whatever train this was it was a real early train, especially for Winter time. I got up, shakily and tested my hooves on the rumbling, carpeted floor of the rather prim carriage. It was empty as I’d initially seen apart from me, either no passengers having booked a ticket or all other passengers being invisible.

My stomach gurgled suddenly and I held it painfully with a hoof. I wondered how long it had been exactly since I had last eaten, probably too long to be honest with myself and that was not a good thing, at least I was guessing a Doctor would advise against it.

Not that I had been paying much attention but I had noticed on occasion that as of recent months my weight had been dropping significantly and my ribs were beginning to show. I was really a terrible mess all over, my coat was filthy, my mane messy and uncut, so shaggy it was beginning to look like some mare’s and I couldn’t remember when I’d had a last bath.

Sweet Celestia I hated remembering, why couldn’t there just be a constant trip, an eternal plane of pleasure from which I could ride forever and ever. “In a perfect world” I sighed as I continued to crack my joints into place, slowly edging towards the door to the next train carriage, heading towards the engine, however many train carriages lay between me at it.

“Wonder if this bitch has a dining car” I thought as I passed through the rather quaintly designed door and into a carriage that was once again very empty aside from a flickering light in the centre that rattled and stuttered.

I massaged my brow and kept moving as the train went around another corner, my balance slightly off though that was probably as much the after effects of last night as it was the train carriage. “Mornings are never good but when it’s still black and morning you know that the universe is out to get you.”

I passed through this carriage and the next that was in a similar state, all clean and empty, nopony in sight, no ticket collector, no late night/morning travellers going to wherever I was heading, probably tartarus but there goes that wishful thinking again, how terrible I am.

“You could be dreaming?” I asked myself but I shook my head “Nah, never been this real man, I mean that’s the whole point, it’s not supposed to be real it’s supposed to be fantasy, fiction.” I agreed madly with myself and carried on into what appeared to be a mail car, packages of all sizes, mail and tons and tons of books lining the isle before me.

There was once more nopony in sight, not even a mail pony but thankfully, after poking around I saw that there was a clipboard with the transport manifest attached to the wall, detailing where the train was heading and what it was carrying. I tore the clipboard off the wall the my hooves, my magic having not worked for many months now and looked for a hint of where I was going.

I saw ticks for where the train had gone, I got Vanhoover to Canterlot to Manehatten to Baltimare with the final destination being… I dropped the board and almost fell over, stumbling back into a mail bag with my face etched in sheer horror.

“No! Not after all these years I can’t IT CAN”T!” I cried aloud as the manifest stared up at me from the vibrating wooden floor like a death sentence. “I can’t be going back to Ponyville!” I screamed internally with worry, clutching my chest in shock, I hadn’t thought of it in years, I had all but buried it along with everything else in my life so how the buck… what was going on!?

“Right let me off now, this can’t be real!” I cried and hammered against the carriage as if that would do something, as if the fairy of the trains would come and wave her sparkly wand and *poof* I’d be back in my slum and there’d also be a years supply of Expectancy in front of me to swallow in a night.

“Buck” I cursed as I picked up the manifest and read it, read it twice and then thrice and then again for good measure, my black fetlocks obscuring the text the third time round but then I already knew what was happening here, I was an addict, not an idiot and this was some twisted act of fate and I was involved somehow.

“This is bullshit!” I yelled and smashed the manifest against a large crate, snapping the clipboard in two and sending splinters from the crate into my fore-leg. “Daaaahhh!!” I cried and collapsed on a mail parcel, some blood running down my leg and soaking my fur as I tried to concentrate and think of what the hay I was going to do.

“Okay… so I’m on my way to my childhood home, no money and no relief or way to facilitate it, I need to somehow blag my way back onto a train to Manehatten, yeah or maybe I can steal somepony’s saddlebag and find some bits there, simple as that and I’ll be home in no time” I thought to myself as I cradled my already clotting leg and pulled some of the more larger splinters out with my free hoof.

I looked out the nearby window and saw it was cold but the day was approaching, the dark black was becoming a dark blue and soon the dark blue would become a dull grey and soon after it would all turn into a murky white and after go back to black as it always did at wintertime.

“Get on the train back no matter what and get home” I said over and over again in my mind, standing up and wincing as I put pressure on my now injured leg. “Celestia I need a smoke or something” I said as I went back to the nearest carriage and sat down, watching as the rural countryside passed me by and looking upon it with a sad frown, my reflection frowning at me.

“Of all the places” I cursed but then as far gone as I was to my situation I was not far gone enough to wonder “Will somepony recognise me? I mean have I changed that much?” though that was an easy question in itself, I looked once more at my coat, my mane and I knew, although I couldn’t see them that my teeth were nicely stained black and yellow.

“7-8 years? How time flies, last I remember hearing this place had become famous or something, something to do with Elements of Harmony” I thought, though what that meant exactly was beyond my understanding as I never kept up on news, I had better things to do with my life than read the trash churned out by the media everyday.

I sat impatiently and drummed a hoof against the board, I wasn’t truly down yet I could still feel it there in the back of my mind, the dregs of the Herofin were still riding high on the outskirts of my brain but they’d be gone soon and I really wanted to be back in Manehatten in time to acquire some more.

The sky brightened and the countryside became more controlled over the next hour as we passed the odd hut and house and occasionally when we turned I caught glimpse of Canterlot, a few hours away in the distance. If I couldn’t get Manehatten I could try there, I heard that rich ponies there practically gave away gems to beggars. I just hoped there’d be some suppliers around I could give said gems to and that no nosy Royal Guards poked around town.

“Getting ahead of myself” I sighed as I tapped my hooves over and over as finally I felt a deceleration in the train’s speed and grinned in pleasure. “Finally I can get off this mad ride” was all I could think as I opened a window, the cold and chilling air really hitting be harder than any cup of hot coffee in the morning as I leant out and saw the approaching town of Ponyville in all it’s stupidity.

It was charming, quaint and impractical, just like I unfortunately remembered it, with it’s houses that matched perfectly and it’s many quaint businesses all designed so beautifully by hoof. Not like the cold and callous regularity of Manehatten’s tall sky rises and apartment blocks that simply served the purpose of housing and offices.

The train slowed right down and steam swirled everywhere as we pulled into the tiny station where the first signs of life stood. The life being 2 mailponys and a stationmaster with a whistle and cap were waiting to unload and catalogue everything from the mail car most likely, this wasn’t much of a passenger train, well there seeming to be only a single pony on it.

The train ground to a screeching stop and I covered my ears in pain, my headache having arrived and not being able to take such a high pitched wail this early along with all the other stress that I was getting for the troubles of somepony who had loaded my carcass on here without my consent.

I resolved that it didn’t matter anyway and when the whistle was blown I was up and across to the exit, unbolting the door and practically kicking it open, I needed to get out and back to civilisation, away from this place and the memories, the faust awful memories that haunted me so.

It was cold, naturally and everypony was wearing a scarf or something for that extra bit of warmth, me naturally stepping out into the cold surprised the ponies on hoof who were waiting patiently for the train driver and engineer to step out but they didn’t bother me and instead left me to my business. My image probably didn’t help at all in them making that decision.

I trotted briskly and a little apprehensively towards the nearest timetable for the day, the ticket office was naturally closed for now but there was a train going to Manehatten at… 2:30. I cursed some foul words and spat on the ground, that was over 6 hours from now and the likelihood of me stowing away on a train at that time would be neigh on impossible in the busiest part of the day.

All other journeys seemed to go from Canterlot at about the same times and I wasn’t even sure what would happen to me if I got on the train to anywhere else, would likely get jailed forced into some fascist program of rehabilitation if I went to Canterlot and I didn’t even know the other cities on the list.

“30 bits” I murmured as I stared at the prices and tried not to shiver so much. “30 bits to get out of these sticks and back to civilisation, great” I grunted as I began to formulate how to come about with the money with the conclusion of course ending up in mugging.

I hated it, hated the thought of ruining somepony’s day… well probably more than that by stealing there hard earned bits but I was desperate here and it was not exactly like I had standards or anything at this point.

It was a decision I could have made with a heavier heart but my heart shrivelled up long ago so I decided that it was high time to stop shivering at this dead station and go and find a dark alleyway to skulk in and wait for a victim.

When I say it like that it makes me sound even more sick but yeah, victim is generally the word and yes they are usually always a mare. I mean stallions can carry bits as well but they are far more tough and likely to fight back whereas a mare is no challenge at all. She’ll kick and she’ll scream and she’ll cry but you can make off with her saddlebags pretty easily and generally there’s always something good in them.

I itched my fore-leg where I’d usually place the needles, I didn’t usually hit at this time of the morning, usually I slept later in my squat with the other junkies and lowlifes but I supposed the thought about not getting high tonight sent me into somewhat of a panic, be it a deluded and depraved one.

Celestia I made myself sick but then who was I to judge? I was nopony and that was what suited me fine, all I needed in life was a hit and this little adventure was getting in the way of that, be it that it was my hometown or not I didn’t give a damn!

So I tried not to take in the sights, there were one or two new stores and a lot more houses since my last visit 8 years ago but then it had been 8 years and Ponyville was an attractive locale. I remembered playing my the stream and the bridge with my…

“Stop remembering you stupid asshole and focus on your task” I scolded myself, taking a moment to shake my head of memory and find that alleyway. Memories only hurt and I didn’t want that, I didn’t want any of that.

It took about 20 minutes to decide on a spot, just outside of town hall there was the library, now a burnt out husk, guessed there was a fire or something but it didn’t really matter to me. I chose a spot between two houses, what I would do was wait until some loaded, lone mare strolled around and then I would jump her, knock whatever she had if anything away from her with a well timed slap and then bolt to the station. I’d use whatever money she had to get out of this dump and if there was anything left I’d sell it and extend my tab with my dealer when I got back to Manehatten.

The plan was all thought and and set and so now I had the largest problem to deal with and I couldn’t help but grit my teeth at it. There was nopony out yet and it was bloody freezing! Literally there were icicles on the trashcans and the roofs of houses and there I was with no winter ware.

So I waited, coming down fairly fast in temperature and what little buzz I had, itching the part of my leg where I stuck the needles, the part where some of my fur had begun to fall out and freezing my tail off, teeth chattering all stealthy like as the sun rose into the sky, not helping to warm me up in any way.

One or two ponies passed by in winter clothes, some were stallions and others were mares but the majority had nothing with them of any value and those that had looked too big to take down by myself in my state.

It was 3 hours before anything actually happened and I was beginning to get super pissed off so it only added to my wish to do something. This lavender unicorn mare was crossing the snowy streets, all alone and laden with two saddlebags that looked really heavy on her.

She had a dark bluish, purplish mane with a stripe of pink down it, wrapped beneath a nice woollen hat and her cutie mark appeared to be a star, an astronomer? I could only speculate but I wasn’t hear to dream up about who she was.

“Well this is it” I thought as I rubbed my hooves together and got ready to commit the heinous act of mugging. Had I had my mind I would have stalled it at the least and called it off at the best but I didn’t. My mind was cold and crazed and I needed to get back, to get home to my city of fallen stars like me and this was the only way, at least in my minds eye, begging around here although probably would yield some results would just… well it would just feel awkward if somepony recognised me.

“Better a hit and run then” I figured, so I without further ado charged at this mare with all the pathetic strength in my body, screaming insults and demanding her bags and trying to look as threatening as I could.

A fairly pointless to begin with it would seem as without getting with 5 metres of her I saw her turn, felt her magic, her magenta colour magics wrap around my being and lift me high into the air. She brought me back down to Equestria with tremendous force where I slammed into the ground painfully, gasping as the wind was knocked out of me and scrunching my face in pain.

“Bitch” I wheezed as I rolled onto my side and clasped my stomach, all thoughts of robbing and mugging now now gone as I tried to get up, failing as my body was too weak and injured to care about what happened to me now.

She strode over to me and I looked up, my face all contorted and confused as a pair of wings sprung from the wraps in her coat and she frowned at me. “An Alicorn Princess, inconceivable I must still be high” I thought as she bore down upon me with her gaze, probably preparing to off me.

“Just bucking do it for all I care, just kill me” I began to wail in a true pathetic, junkie dramatic way as the mare simply stared at me, mouth agape and eyes trying to process what the hay was going on, or more than likely how to make me really suffer for trying to assault her royalness.

I crawled slowly away from her, intent on not getting sent to the moon today but found that my body really was letting me down at the minute. I guessed the past year of hard drugs, alcohol and rough sleeping with little to eat was finally showing in me as I panted and began to feel all fuzzy in my head, like a natural kind of mild high.

“Silly that’s just you passing out” part of my brain was so kind to inform me and I couldn’t help but agree. I had remembered passing out plenty of times but this was probably the first time from sheer lack of… well the energy to go on really. I mean I’d already lost the will so the energy really wasn’t that big a blow, I just… hoped that this time I wouldn’t wake up.

I smiled in mild happiness as I felt my body go limp in the warm snow. Well it was cold to most but right now to me it burned like a thousand suns. The mare above me began to speak but I didn’t hear her, didn’t want to hear her, she deserved to beat me up, who was I to take her belongings anyway?

I resigned myself to my fate and waited for the darkness to transform into light. Actually who cared really I could live with this, I had been living with this for over a year now, I was already well and truly, dead inside and I didn't care.

Author's Note

It's been a while since I've done anything but I was getting a bit bored I guess so I'm back.