Pleasant Commentator and Review Group Reviews

Twicord.

Linkedy Link: This Cruel and Random World by Bluegrass Brooke

*Note: I have read the first 4 chapters, and skimmed through some other chapters later, as well as a bit at the end.

First Impressions:

Synopsis:

Twilight could not have been more ecstatic to have a magic student of her own. Not only was Entropy kind, but he completely understood and even shared her love of learning. An entire month working alongside him was a dream come true. But when admiration turns into something else, she may be unprepared for the consequences.

Discord despises the thought of an entire month as a pony. No chaos magic, and he has to keep his true identity a secret. Stuck with the insufferable know it all Twilight Sparkle was a fate worse than death. Or was it? As time passes, the once tiresome mare had become almost pleasant to be around. Could he actually be falling for her?

Okay, so I like this.

Everything is falling into place. The art seems applicable to the synopsis, the synopsis works with the title, and the tags seem applicable. I think the only criticism I could say would be 'colour the art in', but it's still pretty good as it is.

I think we've got ourselves a good ol' fashioned targeted-fic here. The first impression is telling me this: Do you like slice of life Romance? If so, this is the fic for you. Always good to see a targeted fic that knows what it's doing.

Plot

Honestly? I don't need to explain this to you. The synopsis does it eloquently enough. Another good sign.

That's... pretty much it, too. The prologue and first chapter sets up the whole 'bet with Celestia' concept that's the reason for Discord becoming a pony in the first place. After that, it's the journey from 'Bet with Celestia' to 'Romance', with, from what I can tell, lots of little bits connecting the dots being the main meat of the fic. Quite a traditional, up-front style of storytelling, and I think it works well here.

Mechanics

Grammar:All good stuff. It was very clear, and easy to read through. A very minor spelling mistake once per couple of chapters, maybe. It's been proofread very well.

Dialogue: This is the strongpoint of the fic, and the thing it focuses most on. The interactions between Twilight and Entropy are solid, and they do convey the 'teacher-student' relationship that the fic is going for. The whole story seems to also be about the character development between the two, and I'd say from what I've read that it's orchestrated well.

(I liked the Limerick War, btw)

I'd say there are some conversations that don't seem to be necessary, but then again... this is slice of life, that's what happens. More on that where I talk about the story's pacing.

Worldbuilding: There's some hints at Discord's past, and I liked the way they were presented. Probably also why the fic is 'AU', if I would hazard a guess. The majority of the fic (at the start, anyway) seems to be based in present day, though, so it seems to be quite light on this (Note that I could be completely wrong later on).

Pacing: So, here's why I read relatively little of what I seem to be considering a pretty good fic. Well, for two reasons, actually. Firstly, the pacing is quite slow for me, but why is that?.. Well, it's because it's a romance slice-of-life fic.

And y'know what? Good for the author. If this wasn't slowly paced, then it probably wouldn't fit the genre. Romance slice of life, from my understanding, should be about slowly learning the connections and understanding the feelings of the two characters. Adding a couple elements in every now and then, see how the characters react to them. This is the feeling I get from reading the first 4 chapters, and a bit at the end.

This is done in this fic, and that's why I like it. Not that I actually like the genre myself, but because I like that the author has stuck to her guns, and targeted this fic to the right audience.

PoV: It's told from alternating viewpoints in 3rd person. Sometimes it's Twilight, other times it's Discord. You learn a lot about how they feel about one another , at first (Discord) being rather hostile, for having to spend 30 days as a pony, for instance.

Impact: At this point, I think the impact is quite clear from me. This story applies to people who like this genre, who like reading long, slowly-getting-romantic books about a tutor and a student. There aren't any bits that shout out, no cool action scenes, 'cuz guess what? That isn't what this story is about.

Conclusion

Not my cup of tea, but I'm sure there's a lot of people who like this genre.

Constructive criticisms are... at a low here. Why? I'm not very experienced in this genre. The overall mechanics are good though, so from what I can tell, it'll be worth reading if you are the target audience.

Scores:

Plot: Very clear and easy to understand. If you like it, go for it. 15/20

Mechanics: Slow, but it's slow for character development. This seems to have been fine-tuned for the fic. 17/20

Characterisation: A strongpoint of the fic. 18/20

Originality: I didn't mention this, but... I think this is pretty original! A very simple premise, which becomes a lot more as the story progresses. I'm personally a fan of those. 17/20

Impact: This is for Romance Slice-of-Life lovers. I don't really know how to rate it, as for my own bias I'd rate it poorly, and it'd be pretty high for someone else. I'll leave it for now.

Final Score: 67/80

*Recommended. It's good, but I'm too stupid to understand it*

(As a note, I think I'll try to stay away from the Slice of Lifes a bit. It's gotten hard to rate them properly, as you can tell)