Bigger Macintosh

Part 3: Greatness

Big Mac found himself standing in an utterly alien wasteland. The air was thick and dry, and the blue, ravaged soil felt dead beneath his hooves. The cloudy sky was green with forks of lightning lancing off into the horizon. A large, red sun hung fat and low in the sky, and there were sickly lakes of yellow far off in the distance.

Big Mac felt a chill. “Whoa, nelly…”

He was standing amidst the ruins of a destroyed city. The buildings looked to have once been bulbous, pod-like structures, but they’d all either been ripped open, collapsed, or were laying on the ground in pieces. Some of them might have once even been taller than him, although at two hundred and forty feet tall, it was hard to get a scale of things.

He was able to see the skeletons, though.

And were there ever a lot of them. Most had rotted away or had been ravaged by time, but from what he could tell, they seemed to have been some kind of spider race. Skulls with far too many eye sockets stared off into eternity, with dual-segmented torsos and multi-jointed limbs broken and strewn everywhere across the streets. Everywhere the ground was cracked and fissured, with dark, yawning pits that ended only in blackness. The cruel, howling wind was the only sound in his ears, and there was a sense of wrongness that pervaded his entire being.

Big Mac shifted his enormous hooves. He could still feel a connection to the land, but it wasn’t giving him any feedback. It was silent. And with the air, his surroundings, and everything about the place, he could immediately discern one thing.

“This world’s dead,” he muttered.

And standing on its uneven feet only a scant few hundred feet away, was what Big Mac suspected had killed it.

The stone creature beat its scythe-like arms together with a click-click-click! It took a few steps forward towards Big Mac, sizing up its new foe.

Big Mac gave a perfunctory glance back at the glowing portal, then spat on the ground and glowered at the abomination.

“Definitely nope.”

There was a brief standstill. The two of them stared each other down, neither willing to make the first move. Big Mac tensed his body in waiting. He was a little bit bigger than the thing, and with the odds like this he was confident he could take it.

But it seemed fate had it out for him, for in the exact instant he thought that, the creature’s body glowed with violet light and grew, rumbling and drawing more energy into itself.

Big Mac’s jaw fell. “Aw, hell.”

The thing had to be over seven hundred feet tall now, and it resembled a foul walking mountain with clawed whips. It now menacingly loomed over him, its arms poised and ready to strike.

Big Mac glared at the monster. “Gonna play that way, huh? Well, fine! I can—AHHHHHH!”

The monster straight up punted him like a hoofball. He was sent flying through the debris of the city, his giant red body smashing through building after building with an earsplitting din. He sailed for over a thousand yards before tumbling into the dirt, the cracking and crunching of the ruined structures the only sounds he could hear.

Big Mac let out an annoyed snort. With a set of tremendous THUDS, he clambered back to his hooves and stomped on the ground, his blows leaving behind craters over thirty feet deep. He hadn’t been hurt by the strike, but he’d sure as hell felt it. The wellspring of energy within him was giving him all the protection and power he needed, but he wasn’t sure how long it would last.

“AS I WAS SAYIN’,” Big Mac spat in a vicious snarl, his body flashing like an iridescent prism. “Gonna play that way, huh sugarcube? Well, guess what? I CAN DO THAT, TOO!”

Thump-thump!

With a mighty flare of power, Big Mac’s body shot upward, growing larger, and larger by the second. A river of electricity was flowing through his veins, suffusing him with more strength, more energy, and more fury. The ground seemed to fall away from him, his stance widening as his body thickened and broadened. He broke five hundred feet and kept right on going than reached seven hundred and met the monster’s eyes with a sneer. Then he tapped deep into the power, and his tremendous form SURGED upward, shattering one thousand feet and climbing to fourteen hundred feet tall!

Big Mac was left with the mother of all adrenaline rushes. The ruined city seemed like a foal’s playset now, and the low-hanging clouds seemed no farther away than the rafters of his barn. The obsidian golem didn’t seem deterred, however, and was approaching him with surprising speed. It’s scythe-like arms were waving menacingly, and the clicking noise it kept making so loud he could hear it over everything else.

Big Mac lowered his head and scraped at the ground. The action demolished an entire city block, but he didn’t care. He could revel in the power trip later. Right now, he had asses to whoop.

Click-click-click! The creature closed the remaining gap and swung at Big Mac, its scythe like arm whipping up and aiming for his neck.

Big Mac ducked and responded with a wicked right hook.

BAM!

The sound was like a thunderclap magnified a hundredfold. The city ruins around them crumbled to rubble and dust, and the creature was sent reeling by the blow, completely knocked off its charge and sent rolling into the dirt. Big Mac judged the distance it’d fallen, then took a few running steps forward and got a little payback, straight up punting the thing like a hoofball far into the distance.

KA-RUNCH!

The creature was literally sent flying. It broke the sound barrier on its ascent and sailed up and away several thousand feet. Big Mac watched the thing land roughly and tumble ass-over-teakettle with an incredible CRASH, devastating the landscape and kicking up the mother of all dust clouds. He leaned on his haunches and folded his arms with ahmph. “Get up from that, ya dragon’s ass.”

Suddenly, as if in response to that comment, a smooth, teasing male voice filled his mind.

I’d keep up the pressure, if I were you.

Big Mac jumped. He looked all around, but he couldn’t see anypony else around but him. Not even his heightened earth pony senses detected any life, but he knew he hadn’t imagined it, as the voice was still ringing in his mind.

“Who’s there?” Big Mac demanded.

What, you don’t remember me? the voice said with mock affront. Why, I never. And after all those times that we never saw or interacted with each other, you’d think you’d know my voice by heart at this point! Such a forgetful little pony you are... er, well I suppose you’re not exactly littleanymore, so I suppose you’re just forgetful.

Big Mac felt his stomach drop. The longer he listened to the voice, the more familiar it became. He now had a pretty good guess he had as to who it belonged, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Discord...”

A ringing bell sounded off in his mind.

Well done, Red! Perhaps you’re not as dull-witted as I thought. By the by, I can’t really blame you for wanting to take a small interdimensional vacation, but if you’d bothered to consult me beforeclaw, I could’ve recommended some more hospitable locales.

There was abruptly a sound of grinding, cracking, and crunching. The dust cloud rippled, and then from out of its depths, the stone golem exploded out of it, swelling rapidly larger and larger. Its waving limbs grew longer, sharper, and more wicked. Its legs became taller and stronger, to the point that each one rivalled the size of a skyscraper. Its aura grew thicker and fouler, and even from this far away Big Mac nearly retched. The creature matched his size of fourteen hundred feet, but the violet magic around it only became stronger, and it rocketed past him to fifteen hundred... then seventeen hundred... then two thousand...

Big Mac squared his jaw and cracked his neck with a loud pop. “I’m kinda busy right now, Discord.”

He set off at a full-blown gallop, intent on engaging the creature before it grew any bigger. His hoofsteps set off an earthquake, due to each one weighing thousands of tons and smashing the earth with unbelievable force. The monster noticed his advance and turned to meet him head-on.

Hmm, yes. You do seem to have your hooves full, don’t you? Though I have to admit you’re not doing half bad, collateral damage notwithstanding.

Big Mac slammed the monster with a heavy shoulder ram. It took a step back from the blow, but then re-steadied itself and sliced with its arms. White-hot pain erupted in Big Mac’s shoulders and barrel as the blows raked cruelly at his flesh. The cuts were only skin-deep thanks to earth pony fortitude, but it was enough to make him cry out in pain.

Big Mac retaliated by delivering a flurry of blows on the golem, yelling at Discord as he did. “Just tell me what ya want!”

Oh, nothing really, Discord drawled. Just spectating this little slobberknocker. Your sister summoned the cavalry when the rift showed up, and even Sunbutt and Moonbutt came to see what the fuss was about! Naturally, something important enough to grab theirattention is of interest to yours truly, so I couldn’t help but take a look-see of my own.

Big Mac felt himself being pushed back by the monster. His hooves dug over a hundred feet into the earth as he tried to stand his ground, but even still, he felt himself being overpowered.

“I could... use some help... ya know!” BIg Mac grunted.

Sorry, no can do. That thing negates the abilities of any divine creature or spirit that comes near it. The necrotic energy flat-out kills mortals, too, so your sister and friends can’t help either. All we can do is try to close the rift while I keep an eye on you.

Big Mac felt his frustration build. He pushed with all his might, but it was a futile effort.  “Fine, so I’m on my own! Do ya at least know what this thing is?!”

Pfft. Who do you take me for, an amateur? One can’t very well appreciate a truly appreciate a fight like this without knowing about both of the contenders. That “thing,” as you so eloquently put, is called the Yigrox. It’s known by a few other names—Eater of Worlds, Consumer of Souls, Crusher of Gods, yadda, yadda, yadda. It’s a nasty leftover creation of the gal who used to rule this place. Didn’t think you could make an undead construct, but somehow she managed. Ironically, the Yigrox was what wound up killing her along with everyone else! Funny how life works sometimes, isn’t it?

Big Mac was rapidly losing ground. The creature had realized how tough his hide was, and had now wrapped its arms around him instead to squeeze his ribcage.

“Not… helpin’!” he gasped.

Oh, right. Well anyhoo, as for stopping it… I doubt that you can. The Yigrox is supposedly indestructible, so you’ll understand that I didn’t place my bets on you. It destroyed all life on that planet and then wandered around for a few centuries before going into standby mode. Not sure what woke it up, but I’m thinking the best you can do is stall it while Sunbutt and company close the rift. Once that’s done, you’ll need to get far enough away from it so I can teleport you out of there.

Mac’s pride rankled at that. He knew it wasn’t the same, but a part of him couldn’t help but whisper that he’d just be playing second fiddle if he did that.

“Eenope!” Big Mac said with glinting eyes. “If this thing got through to Equestria once, it’ll find a way to do it again! It’s too dangerous for that, I’m not gonna let let this thing go on a rampage! So indestructible or not, I’m takin’ it out right here, right… NOW!”

Thump-thump!

New strength poured into Big Mac. His scarlet body glowed with otherworldly might as he began to grow once more, breaking free of the Yigrox’s grip with a roar. He grabbed one of its arms in his teeth, used the thing’s momentum to drag it forward, then leapt to the side and smashed it in the back with a haymaker.

WHAM!

Discord sighed in his mind. Stubborn as your sister, I see. Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. More of a spectacle for me, I suppose.

The Yigrox crashed to the ground, its arms and legs wildly waving about. Big Mac took Discord’s earlier advice and kept up his assault, pouncing on top of it and punching it again and again and again. The air became thick with flying chunks of ebony rock, Big Mac’s strikes becoming heavier and more damaging as he grew.

He matched the Yigrox’s size again in seconds, but the power kept flowing into him like a river, more intense than ever. It made him feel giddy and warm, powerful and in control. It was the best feeling he’d ever experienced in his entire life, and if he wasn’t already yelling out of rage, he probably still would be out of pleasure.

Big Mac grew to a half mile in height and kept right on going. A single one of his hooves could’ve crushed Ponyville in a single step, and his eyes were bigger then the rift he’d used to get here. He was literally beating the Yigrox into the ground now, drilling both of them deeper and deeper as time went on.

Quite the interesting power you have there, Discord remarked mildly. Never quite seen anything quite like it before. Almost reminds me of Tirek, except you don’t seem to be siphoning magic from anything. It seems more like you’re just tapping into the latent energy within your soul.  Ironic that you’ve kept this little talent of yours a secret for so long, eh? And here I thought your family was all about honesty.

“RAAAAAGH!” A spiderweb of fissures was forming all around Big Mac and the Yigrox, spreading out farther and farther into the horizon. Big Mac didn’t notice at all. All he could see was red, and his mind was solely focused on obliterating his foe. The clouds parted away from his form as he broke a mile in size, and the crater was becoming so deep that waves of heat were emanating from the cracks.

The Yigrox, meanwhile, didn’t seem to be phased much by the beating. It was trying to throw Mac off, but right now it was pinned beneath his titanic weight. It struggled and kicked for a while, but upon feeling the heat coming from the ground, something within the creature seemed to change. Its clicking took on a fever-pitch and began thrashing wildly, drawing the heat into itself and moving faster for it. It began to swell, slow at first, but then larger and larger as the seconds passed. It healed the chips and cracks in its hide and then some, filling up the crater Big Mac had made all the while.

CLICK-CLICK-CLICK!The Yigrox’s chittering could just be heard under Big Mac’s tumultuous strikes. It gave a mighty heave, trying to get itself free. No such luck. It grew another thousand feet or so and heaved again, this time throwing Big Mac off balance. It was almost twice his size now, and it was then that BIg Mac realized something was up.

Uh, Red? Discord said. You might wanna—

SWISH!

Big Mac just barely managed to duck a swipe aimed at his neck. He reared and jumped away in time to dodge a second swing, then moved back to a safe distance as the alien crust crumbled beneath his every step. The Yigrox emerged from the crater huger than ever, bathed in lava and dark magic.

“How big can this thing get?!” Mac said. The molten rock has seemed to energize the construct, and now it was moving twice as fast with even deadlier intent.

It’s a essentially murderous mobile mountain that converts all forms of mass into negative energy and then absorbs it for fuel, Discord informed him.The Yigrox draws its power from the planet, and it doesn’t really have a limit to how much mass it can absorb. That’s one of the reasons you can’t really beat it, see. Smack it around all you like; it’ll just regenerate and come at you bigger and stronger than ever.

The Yigrox skittered back and forth on either side of Big Mac, trying to get in his blind spot. He didn’t let it. He crouched low and kept facing it, watching its every move like a hawk.

“So what you’re sayin’ is that I’m basically fightin’ this here entire planet,” Big Mac said.

Something like that. Not really fair, is it?

Big Mac picked up a city-sized chunk of rock and threw it at the Yigrox, beaning it right where its head would’ve been. “I learned life ain’t fair a long time ago. S’not exactly a new feelin’ to me.”

The Yigrox didn’t seem to be phased much by the rock, but it did hesitate just a tiny, tiny bit. That was all the opening Big Mac needed, and he sprang forth to grapple the Yigrox from behind. It waved its claws about, trying to get at Mac, but it couldn’t reach no mattered how hard it tried.

“Upsy-daisy!” Big Mac pulled with all his might, but the Yigrox was now too heavy to lift. It seemed to sense what he was trying to do and stepped on one of his hooves, causing him to howl in pain, but he didn’t let go.

If you’re trying to break its connection to the ground, I’m afraid that won’t work, Discord said. It’s got quite the range on that ability. Like I said before, you’re probably better off just distracting it for now instead of trying to do it in. Right now you’re just making it angrier.

“Eenope!” Big Mac tried again to lift the Yigrox, but again he couldn’t budge it. He was over a mile tall and several hundred million tons in weight, and still he had nothing on this thing. He needed more. He needed to be more. He wouldn’t let this thing get free or threaten anypony else, no matter what he had to do.

THUMP-THUMP!

The power within him sensed his resolve and flared to life, sending a pulse through him that was the mightiest yet. Big Mac began to grow again, and when he tried to lift the Yigrox a third time, he was almost able to do it. He tightened his rapidly-strengthening grip and tried again, this time actually getting it a few hundred feet off the ground. The planet beneath them groaned and rumbled under the increasing weight, and more and more fissures appeared around them.

Well now, Discord said, a bit of surprise creeping into his voice. Look at you.

A mile and a half tall.  Not nearly enough. The Yigrox still had a lead on him.

Three miles. He was larger combatant once more, but only just. He knew he needed to increase his lead.

Six miles. Still shy of what he wanted, but it was a start.

“ERRRGGGH!” With a herculean heave, Big Mac lifted the Yigrox off the ground and raised it over his head. Then, in a move nopony anticipated, he kept going and suplexed the creature, driving it claws-first into the planet.

KA-RUNCH!

The planet’s crust shuddered from the impact. Shockwaves and dust clouds spread to the entire hemisphere, plunging the entire surface into darkness. The Yigrox became firmly wedged in the collapsing rock, wiggling and squirming like a worm on a hook. Great plumes of lava began shooting out from the fissures, punching holes in the clouds and sending tons of ash into the atmosphere.

Big Mac narrowly avoided a lava geyser and rolled back onto his hooves, the ground crumbling and breaking as if he were on thin ice. He couldn’t see where he was stepping because of the clouds, and suddenly he was quite worried about his footing.

“Discord,” Big Mac said. “Ya said this thing killed everythin’ on the planet, right? Did you mean ‘everything’ everything?”

Everything down to the bacterial level, Discord confirmed. Not even the plant life was spared. Good thing, too, because if anything hadsurvived, it’d be good as dead now thanks to that little move of yours. Speaking of which, don’t you ponies need that oxygen stuff, too? How are you managing without it?

Mac blinked. Come to think of it, he didn’t feel much of a need to breathe, and the cold of the upper-troposphere wasn’t bothering him. Neither was the lava, really. He could feel the temperature, sure, but it wasn’t impeding him in any way.

That realization gave him an idea.

“Apple family secret,” Big Mac replied.

Discord snorted. My front-right paw.

“No, it’s true!” Big Mac said solemnly. “I swear it on my horn.”

You’re an earth pony.

“Damn straight.” Big Mac concentrated and opened himself more to the mysterious energy inside him. “And earth ponies ain’t much for askin’ questions, now are they? They’re known for gettin’ things done, so unless I suddenly get wings or one o’them fancy bone spikes, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do!”

Big Mac’s body shimmered like a prism. The power responded to his call, and the clouds parted away once more from his ascending form. He grew ever upward, surpassing the troposphere and entering the warmer air of the troposphere. He doubled in size in mere seconds to stand at over twelve miles tall, and after one particularly colossal surge, the crust finally gave way to his weight and plunged him into the lava.

SPLOOSH!

Big Mac abruptly found himself swimming in a warm, soupy gunk. It was deep and difficult to move in, but otherwise it wasn’t so bad. Kinda felt like he was in a hot tub, really. If he wasn’t fighting for his life against a colossal death machine, he might’ve actually enjoyed it.

Speaking of which…

CLICK-CLICK-CLICK

The lava suddenly began to drain away. Big Mac yelped as he abruptly found himself in a hellish whirlpool, all of which being sucked towards the Yigrox. Its terrifying body was bathed in black fel flames, its mile-long claws were covered in cruel hooks, and the sound it was making sounded like the shrieks of the damned.

Big Mac grit his teeth. “And just when I thought this thing couldn’t get any uglier.”

Pffft. You think that’s ugly? You should see the Garglschnorfs of Teralsi IV during mating season. One glance and your eyes’ll melt clean out your sockets.

Big Mac thought about trying to swim against the current, but then reconsidered. He was building up some good momentum from being in the maelstrom, and momentum was good. He treaded lava and stared the growing Yigrox down, watching as it went from an unholy abomination to a terrifying effigy of the apocalypse.

“That’s right,” Big Mac muttered. “Eat up, ya pebblehead. I’ll give ya somethin’ to chew on…”

The Yigrox was swiftly becoming a monolith compared to him. At one hundred miles tall it dwarfed him in all aspects, and it was swiftly growing  more as it hungrily devoured the essence of the planet. Big Mac could feel its necrotic energies reaching out to him now, eager to leech away his soul and leave him nothing but a husk. Its defiling touch made him sick to his stomach, but he didn’t even flinch.

Big Mac closed his eyes and focused. He didn’t know what this power was, how it worked, or why he’d been chosen to wield it. He didn’t know if what he planned was going to work, and he was very aware that he might die. But he tended not to dwell on the what-if’s. All he cared about was what was in front of him, and how was going to deal with it.

And when one looked at things that way, things tend to become real easy.

The Yigrox reached for Big Mac with its enormous unholy claws…

SWISH!

Only to miss as he whirled around, took aim, and bucked the Yigrox with blinding speed.

BA-WHOOM!

A wave of shimmering earth pony magic erupted from Big Mac’s hooves. It struck the Yigrox and completely enveloped it, knocking it back with sheer force. The monster twitched and stuttered back and forth, its siphoning disrupted from the sudden blast of alien magic that shorted out its own.

BIg Mac grinned. “Suck on THAT!” He felt a giddy elation spreading through him, amplified all the strength coursing through him. His body began to shine brightly, and his eyes turned a pure white. “So ya munch on the planet to heal yourself, eh? Nice trick. GUESS I’LL HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT ALONG WITH YA!”

Red, I don’t think—

But it was too late. The energy within Big Mac was answering his call, making his body rumble and shiver in preparation.

THUMP-THUMP!

He couldn't help but laugh madly as he felt the first tendrils of power seeping in, adding more to his already towering form. His body became a landscape unto itself as he grew bigger and bigger, adding mile after mile to his height and millions of tons to his weight. The muscles of his chest and legs were widening, bristling with untold, unspent power, and it was just begging to be unleashed. He resisted the urge for now, though, because he still needed more. He still needed so much more...

And more he got. When Big Mac matched the Yigrox’s fifty mile height, he grabbed it and struck it with gargantuan headbutt.

WHAM!

The Yigrox fell flailing back into the lava with a mammoth splash. Country-sized globs of lava flew so far into the air that they cooled and sailed into the atmosphere, bursting into flames once more and falling back down as meteors. Big Mac put a growing hoof on the Yigrox and pressed it down, cackling like a fiend as he pushed it further down into the planet’s core.

“Take it,” he hissed in a deep, echoing voice. “Take it all...”

The Yigrox apparently had no issue with this, as the whirlpool around them began to swirl faster and faster. The splinters of lightning were now bursting around them instead of above them, and the air now filled with cacophonous bursts of thunder. Big Mac could feel the Yigrox swelling beneath him as it drew in the outer core of the planet and sucked away all aspects of the crust. Cities, forests, lakes, and whole continents were ground to dust as they were drawn into the vortex, all to fuel the malevolent force that was his foe.

But Big Mac was growing, too. Fifty miles became the size of his hooves alone as he continued to ascend, the power within him flaring out in incredible surges that felt accelerated his growth to greater heights. He burst out of the mesosphere and into the thermosphere, his form expanding far beyond any and all expectations. He had to keep ahead of the Yigrox, and the Yigrox was absorbing quadrillions of tons of mass. Explosions went off around and below them from the planet’s death throes, but neither of them paid the light show any heed. They only had eyes for each other, the momentary standoff lasting only while they continued to ascend.

Hmph, Discord muttered in his ear.Maybe I should’ve bet on you, after all.

Big Mac was now a titan. The light of the planet faded away as he rocketed up into space, and he was left with a sense of weightlessness as the planet’s core fell into the Yigrox. They were both thousands of miles tall now, and the Yigrox was truly a monstrosity. Its clicking sounds were now soundless in the vacuum of space, but Big Mac could still hear the gibbering echoing  in his ears, taunting and gnawing at his thoughts.

The Yigrox propelled itself forward with a burst of magic and lunged at Mac, its necrotic energies eagerly reaching out for him. He raised his hoof and first a burst of his own magic directly in its face, in response, blasting it with the raw essence of life.

VWUMMMMM

The amplified earth pony magic burst out in an emerald beam that fully enveloped the Yigrox. Its silhouette could still be seen, through the onslaught, and it remained stubborn as it tried its hardest to absorb the incredible amount of life energy. The dreadful spellwork within it churned and chugged like a furnace, but eventually, gradually, it began to crack and creak under the strain.

Big Mac narrowed his glowing eyes. “Not enough, eh? How about some more?!”

His entire body flashed brighter than the sun. He doubled the ray’s power with a soundless cry, also doubling in size as a result. The moon shifted its trajectory to begin orbiting around him as he grew, reaching the ten thousand mile mark and still growing bigger.

Cracks were beginning to show in the Yigrox’s planet-sized body. Flakes were breaking away to evaporate in the beam, and its claws were on the verge of snapping off. Still it tried to convert and process Big Mac’s beam into fuel, but there was just too much to keep up.

The energy within Big Mac’s soul was like an endless wellspring. It fed him more and more power, and he used it all with a single-minded purpose. He grew and grew and grew, and the beam of energy grew wider and more intense along with him. He didn’t care what happened to him anymore. He didn’t care if some lifeless rock got destroyed, either. All that mattered was his home, and he wasn’t gonna let the Yigrox anywhere near it.

“JUST DIE, YA VARMINT!”

Finally, with a mute scream, the Yigrox’s core overloaded and burst like an overfilled balloon. Big Mac’s beam fully enveloped the construct’s tainted mass like a cleansing flame, and it disintegrated into ash that faded away into the endless expanse.

Big Mac lowered his hoof and cut off the ray. He stared at the space where the Yigrox had been, searching for any remaining remnant that could somehow regenerate and start again. He saw none. He floated alone in the void of space in silence then for a time, a shining gigantic pony almost three times the size of his home planet.

‘Varmint?!’ Discord said. Seriously, Red? That’s the best you could think of?!

Big Mac rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

Discord’s voice was filled with mirth. I mean, come on! You get the chance to be a big bad-flank hero, and the best one-liner you can come up with is ‘Just die, varmint?!’ Bahahahahahaha!

Big Mac felt his cheeks flush. “Hey, it’s not like I was prepared or nothin’! I’ve been just makin’ things up as I go!”

Discord’s laughter died down a bit. Oh, I’m going to remember that one for a while. You save Equestria from certain doom in an amazing, grandiose display, and at the end you deliver the most hickish line possible. My ribs hurt from laughing…

Big Mac sighed. “Are ya done? I’m kinda just floatin’ here at the moment. Can ya bring me back to Equestria now? Or at least close by so the Princesses can help?”

There was a momentary pause.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Big Mac folded his arms in a slight pout. It sounded like he might be waiting a while.