The One Who Cuts Santa's Beard

by Lonarion

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Adagio Dazzle, Slice of Life, Sonata Dusk, Aria Blaze
Length: 3282

Aria goes on a beard-cutting rampage against every Santa Claus she can find. Adagio and Sonata must stop her before the police do.

Ever since she was banished by Star Swirl the Bearded, Aria Blaze has harbored an irrational hatred for long, white beards. This has always made the Christmas season difficult to bear, due to all the Santa Claus imagery.

So when Adagio hears about a mysterious vandal who cut the beards of several Santa Clauses in town, she can't help but suspect Aria. With the help of Sonata, Adagio tries to stop Aria before the police do.

Published 2015-12-22 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-22 01:40:01 UTC

The Mysterious Santa Hater

“Adagio, lookie!”

Adagio only wanted to watch the news, but the red and white plush toy that got shoved in front of her face was making it difficult. She sighed. The Christmas season always made Sonata more excited than usual, and Adagio’s attempts to calm her down had proved futile. Experience told her feigning interest was the best option.

“What is that? Santa Claus?”

Sonata nodded, grinning. “Yep! Do you think it looks like the real one?”

Adagio considered replying that there was no “real” Santa, but she, and especially Aria, had already tried countless times before. For some reason, Sonata had never believed them.

“Yes, it does. But don’t hold it in front of the TV.” Adagio pushed the doll aside.

While the newscast reported a car accident in the city center, Sonata made her toy sit against the television base, which was, along with the screen, adorned with a multicolored light bulb garland.

“Can I put it here to decorate?”

Adagio shivered at the thought and immediately shook her head.

“Oh no, what a bad idea. You know how Aria feels about Santa Claus. Besides, I’m quite sure this room looks Christmassy enough.” She waved an arm around the living room. Sonata had covered every wall and most of the furniture with wreaths, baubles, and other Christmas decorations. “Where does that doll come from anyway? Did you buy it?”

“I made it!” Sonata replied with a huge smile.

Adagio blinked. That was definitely not the answer she expected.

“You did? I never knew you could sew.”

Sonata hid her hands behind her back. “Well, I had to learn, so I could make myself a big yellow siren plushie to sleep with, because they don’t sell any in stores…”

“Wait.” Adagio took a second to process this, and frowned. “You’re saying you sleep with a siren – a yellow siren plush toy?”

“But you no longer let me sleep in your bed when there’s thunder or when I have a nightmare!”

Feeling a headache coming, Adagio massaged her temples.

“Of course I don’t,” she replied, trying to control her voice. “You’re almost two thousand now! I shouldn’t have to –”

“Look, it’s Santa!” Sonata pointed at the television, seemingly forgetting the rest of the conversation.

The screen showed a man dressed up as Santa Claus. Half of his beard had been cut off; Sonata gasped. A journalist standing next to him spoke to the camera.

“I am here at Canterlot Central Mall with Job Jumper, who works as Santa Claus –”

“Oh my gosh!” Sonata screamed. “He’s an impostor!”

“Hush!”

Job Jumper began, “You see, I was just doing my job chatting with the kids and taking pictures with them, when suddenly this guy came out of nowhere… I think it was a guy; I couldn’t see his face. Well, he took out a big pair of scissors, grabbed my fake beard and cut it like that before I could do anything. Then he ran away without a word. It all happened so fast; I didn’t even have the time to react…”

The journalist continued, “According to the police, at least three other Santas have been similarly assaulted today and yesterday. The suspect has been caught on the Mall’s security cameras…”

The television displayed the black and white photo of a hooded teenager running through a mall hallway, scissors in hand. Adagio’s jaw dropped. Even though the culprit’s face was concealed, she had a strong suspicion about their identity. She let herself lean back against the sofa.

“What a meanie!” Sonata said, cuddling her doll. “Who could hate Santa Claus like that?”

“I believe it’s Aria.”

“Huh?” Sonata tilted her head. “Are you sure? Anyone could have been wearing that hoodie.”

“I admit I don’t have evidence,” Adagio explained, “but as you know, Aria never liked Santa Claus. She’s always had a problem with long beards.”

“But she never cut Santa’s beard before!”

Adagio pondered for a few seconds. Certainly, Aria had never acted like that during the previous Christmas seasons – as far as Adagio knew, at least – but a major change had happened since then.

“This is our first Christmas since the Battle of the Bands. I guess the loss of our powers has taken its toll on her after all.”

Sonata looked up pensively. Before Adagio could decide the next course of action, the entrance door clicked open, and Aria stepped into the apartment. Adagio immediately stood up.

“Aria, where have you been?”

“Just getting some fresh air, why?” Aria’s gaze fell on the Santa plush toy Sonata was holding. She clenched her fists. “What is that?”

Sonata wrapped her arms around the toy. “Huh, it’s a plushie I made…”

In a flash, Aria shoved a hand in the pocket of her hoodie and pulled out a pair of scissors.

“Get that thing out of my sight, or else…”

“I knew it.” Adagio held an arm defensively in front of Sonata while keeping her gaze on Aria. “You’re the one behind the beard-cutting spree!”

Aria’s eyes opened wide for a second, then she scowled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Adagio had even less doubt about Aria’s guilt. She had to intervene. The last thing she needed was one of her companions having problems with the authorities. In the past, it wouldn’t have mattered, but now that their mind-controlling singing magic had vanished, they no longer had an easy way of getting out of trouble.

“Aria, your exploits made the news,” she said with a stern voice. “The police are after you. You have to stop before –”

“Didn’t you hear me? I haven’t done anything. So unless you can prove your accusation, leave me alone.”

Aria stormed into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Her stubbornness didn’t surprise Adagio, who had no intention of dropping the matter.

“You really think she did it?” Sonata asked.

“I’m almost positive, but if she won’t confess, we’ll need proof…” She lowered her voice so that Aria couldn’t hear. “We need to catch her in the act. Let’s follow her the next time she leaves the house.”

“Ooh! Sounds fun!”

The cold wind made Adagio wish she had stayed at home, but at least it gave her and Sonata an excuse to wear their hoods without looking suspicious. It had taken a full day of waiting before Aria left the apartment again, claiming she was just going out for a walk. The two other sirens went after her while staying at a cautious distance.

After a ten-minute stroll, the three girls were walking down a busy street. Adagio picked up the pace, slaloming between the passersby to prevent them from obstructing her view. Fortunately, Aria’s purple pigtails were quite noticeable among the crowd.

Something red caught Adagio’s eye. Further ahead, a man dressed as Santa Claus stood in front of a store, ringing a bell. Adagio felt a shiver down her spine, certain that Aria would attack the man at any moment. Her gaze went back and forth between the two.

Aria stared at the man for several seconds as she advanced, then she quickly turned her head in the other direction and walked past him. Adagio let out a breath, though she had an intuition that it wasn’t over yet.

“She didn’t cut his beard,” Sonata said. “Maybe she’s not the mysterious Santa hater!”

“Lower your voice.” Adagio cast a few glances around; thankfully, no one seemed to pay attention to them. “I’m not fully convinced. Let’s keep following her.”

As they reached Santa, Sonata waved to him. He waved back, shouting, “Merry Christmas!”

Sonata leaned towards Adagio and whispered, “Do you think he’s the real Santa Claus?”

Adagio gritted her teeth as she considered her answer. Since Aria was her main concern, she deemed this moment inappropriate to insult Sonata, tempting as it was. Keeping her gaze forward, she simply replied, “No, I don’t think he’s the real Santa Claus.”

Aria stopped in front of a café, pushed the door and entered. Adagio accelerated until she reached the shop. Doing her best to stay hidden behind the wall, she peeked through the window. Aria was sitting at the counter, drinking a soda.

As something poked her shoulder, Adagio turned around, facing Sonata who fidgeted on her feet.

“Can I get a hot chocolate?”

“No!” She grabbed Sonata by her sweatshirt. “We can’t let Aria see us. We have to wait until she leaves.”

“But it’s so not fair! She’s having a drink inside while we –”

“Shut up.” Adagio pushed Sonata away from the window while she kept spying.

A few minutes later, Aria stood up and walked to the door.

“She’s coming!” Adagio dragged Sonata down the street, hoping Aria would head home, in the other direction.

The two sirens pressed themselves against the building adjacent to the café. Aria came out, but she had pulled her hood over her head, hiding her hair and face. This was a bad omen for Adagio, who suspected Aria was plotting something wrong.

As she had hoped, Aria walked up the street. After waiting a dozen seconds for her to get ahead, Adagio resumed her stalking, motioning for Sonata to follow.

Aria slid a hand in her right pocket – the same pocket from which she had produced scissors on the previous day. Adagio started sweating. It felt like the air had become colder. The man in a Santa Claus costume was still ringing his bell, while Aria kept looking forward. She seemed to slow down as she reached the man’s level.

She suddenly grabbed his beard with her left hand, and brandished a pair of scissors in her right; he screamed as she cut the synthetic beard in half. Sonata screamed as well. Aria pushed the man back, leaving the severed beard behind, and fled towards their home, forcing her way through the passersby.

Sonata immediately gave chase.

“Aria! Stop!”

Adagio ran after them, though no one else moved.

“Sonata, we don’t need to chase her! We know where she lives!”

Sonata either didn’t hear or didn’t care.

They entered a narrow, less frequented alley. Aria suddenly stopped and looked to her right. A Santa Claus plush toy was attached to the ground-floor window of a nearby building. She froze for a second then rushed towards it, but just before she could reach it, Sonata leapt on her and struggled to restrain her.

“Leave that poor plushie alone!”

“Mind you own busi–”

The sound of a whistle interrupted them, and all three girls turned to face the way they had come from. A policeman stood in the alley, glaring at them.

“Halt! You’re under arrest!”

Adagio bolted in the opposite direction.

“Run!”

Chased by the policeman, the three sirens crossed a couple streets, with Aria leading the way and Sonata trailing her. Adagio noticed a trash bin ahead. Once it was in range, she grabbed it and made it fall across the street, then resumed her escape without looking back, only hearing a crash followed by cries of pain.

She knew he would resume the pursuit shortly. Her throat burned and her legs ached; she wouldn’t be able to continue for long. Her companions probably felt the same, as after a turn, they entered a grocery store to where Adagio followed them. They retreated away from the glass door and removed their hoods, hoping it would make them unrecognizable, while trying their best to look like ordinary customers, despite their heavy panting.

Huddled in the back of the store, they waited for a while; Adagio couldn’t say how long for sure. People came and went, but the sirens never saw the policeman again. Adagio eventually decided that they were safe, and it was time to go home; but first, she slapped Aria atop the head.

Adagio held Sonata’s Santa doll in front of Aria, who had been forcibly brought back home and made to sit on the sofa.

“Now, look at this. How do you feel?”

“I want to rip his beard apart.” Aria shoved her right hand in her pocket and shook it as if searching for something, but Adagio had confiscated her weapon.

“Aria, you have to try to control your anger. I don’t want you to go on a beard-cutting rampage again.”

“I can’t!”

Sonata jumped out of nowhere next to Aria, grabbing her shoulders and staring with a serious expression that didn’t suit her.

“Aria, please tell me you haven’t cut the beard of the real Santa Claus.”

Aria groaned before replying, “I’m pretty sure I’ve never cut the beard of the real Santa Claus.”

“Phew!” Sonata released her and sat down, wiping her forehead.

Adagio cleared her throat. “Anyway, we have to find a solution. Can you explain what your exact problem is with beards?”

Aria punched the sofa, while still glaring at the plush toy like she was about to strangle it. “Don’t you know that already? They remind me of the unicorn.”

“What?” Sonata said. “But Santa isn’t an evil banishing unicorn wizard!”

“Yes, but it’s the long white beard… Every time I see it, I see him. In every Santa Claus, I see the unicorn’s face.” Aria wrapped her arms around her torso. “I see him laughing at me, banishing me… It’s driving me crazy. But if I cut the beard, he goes away. I have to…”

She tried to grab the plush toy, but Adagio moved it out of reach. “This is more serious than I thought.”

“I don’t remember the unicorn laughing at us,” Sonata said.

“Who cares? Point is, he’s haunting me.” Aria crossed her arms. “It’s because of him that we’re stuck in this awful world and in these weak bodies. Until I can get back at him for what he did to us, I’ll never get rid of his image.”

Adagio softened her voice. “I believe I understand what you’re going through, but even if we could go home, the wizard is probably long dead by now. You must –”

“I have an idea!” Sonata shouted. “I’ll be right back!” She ran to her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

Silence fell. After a few seconds, Aria said what Adagio was thinking, “I’m worried now.”

Adagio shook her head. “Forget about her. As I was saying, you must get rid of your anger, and learn to look at this doll without wanting to attack it. You may think it’s impossible…”

“It is!”

“… but this is the only solution. Let go of your hatred. Or at least, learn not to take it on innocent people. I still remember the time you assaulted that old man a couple centuries ago. Thankfully, we had our jewels back then. Nowadays…” She sighed. “If you get loose again and get caught, there’s not much I will be able to do to help.”

Aria looked at the ground. “I tried. Really, I tried. All these years. But I can’t take it anymore. Now that we lost our powers…”

Sonata rushed out of her bedroom and towards the kitchen. “Don’t mind me!” She grabbed a bottle of ketchup from the fridge, a bottle of water from the pantry, and a butcher knife from a drawer before running back to her room.

“I’m really worried now.”

Adagio just stared at the door behind which Sonata had disappeared, wondering what was going on inside. Taking advantage of her absence of mind, Aria snatched the Santa doll out of her hands and tugged at its beard.

“Hey!”

Adagio wrestled to get the toy back, and after a moment and a knee strike, managed to do so. She smacked Aria on the head with her prize.

“I said you must learn to control your anger! You’re not even trying!”

“I already told you I tried! Did you even listen?” Aria rubbed her bruised ribs. “This is pointless. You have no idea what I’m feeling. What don’t you just give me my scissors back?”

“Not a chance.”

“Then at least keep that doll out of my view.” Aria grabbed the remote control and turned the television on.

“Aria! We’re having a serious discussion here.”

“Discussion’s over. You can tell me to stop being angry as much as you want, but that’s not going to change a thing.”

Adagio lowered her shoulders. If Aria refused to make an effort, there wasn’t much she could do. She walked to the computer. Maybe she could find a solution on the Internet? Turning back to Aria, she said, “At least, this time, don’t break the TV if Santa appears on the screen.”

“I’ll try.”

Sonata burst out of her room. “Lookie what I made!”

The other two sirens turned away from their respective screens and towards her. She was proudly holding a blue and white plush toy. Adagio stood up and approached it. On closer inspection, it was shaped like an Equestrian pony. A white unicorn with a long, white beard, wearing a blue pointy hat and a blue cape… Though it had been hastily sewed – some parts even had been stapled together – it was instantly recognizable.

Aria jumped to her feet, fists clenched, growling as her face turned red. She seemed about to assault the toy, or Sonata.

“Why… did you make… that?”

Adagio placed herself between the other sirens to prevent escalation.

“I thought it would make you feel better,” Sonata replied.

“What, you think I should just cut its beard and it’s going to fix everything?”

“Oh no, not just that.”

Sonata held out both the toy and the knife to Aria, who stared back and forth between the two items.

For a few seconds, no one moved or said anything. Then Aria, with a roar that made Adagio jump, grabbed both items, squashed the plush toy against the sofa and stabbed it repeatedly. The blade pierced a balloon filled with diluted ketchup which had been hidden inside the pony; red liquid sprayed around the room and on Aria, who didn’t flinch. She kept wrecking the toy, and the sofa cushion under it, while screaming and growling. Finally, she grabbed what remained of its head between her teeth and ripped it apart from the body.

Adagio watched in silence, staying immobile even though she felt like running away, while Sonata had a large grin plastered on her face.

Aria dropped the head. She stopped moving and breathed heavily. Her right hand still grasped the knife, which was stuck in the sofa. Pieces of red-dyed rubber, cloth and stuffing surrounded her. No one who hadn’t witnessed the scene would have been able to guess that these were the remains of a pony plush toy.

“Feel better?” Sonata asked.

“Yes… I think.”

Sonata’s idea had been crazy, but Adagio couldn’t ignore that it may have worked. She fetched the Santa doll and held it in front of Aria, though at a safe distance.

“Do you still want to cut its beard?”

Aria looked at the doll for a moment before replying, “No, I’m fine.” She sat down on an unscathed part of the sofa.

“Well done, Sonata. It seems you managed to heal her somehow.”

Sonata laughed. “That was fun! We should totally do that again. But I wanna be the one with the knife next time.”

“We should do that every year,” Aria added. “Like a Christmas tradition of our own.”

They both laughed, and Adagio smiled. As if an early Christmas miracle had happened, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, they were all happy, together.

Then she asked what they were probably all thinking.

“Who’s going to clean this mess?”