Life in the Fast Lane

by averageamazingme

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 51168

Now that Life has a family of his own, he has everything he never thought he deserved...and a lot more to lose. Can this new bond last in the face of adversity?

After a whirlwind tour and a speed-run wedding, Life is looking for the brakes before things really hit the skids. His family ties are put to the test as Life faces challenges he never thought he'd see, let alone live through. Can he make it out unscathed? Or will he lose something along the way?

Previous completed stories in this series include Isn't She Lovely? and Life Could Be A Dream. Life Could Be A Dream is strongly recommended, although not required.

Published 2015-10-20 05:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-25 01:37:17 UTC

Family Tradition

“Dad,” Bruiser called from behind me. I turned around from the shelf of cookbooks I’d been examining. This second-hoof store definitely had some good finds, especially given it’s tucked away spot in Appleloosa. By the binding on the book Bru clutched to his chest, I could see he’d found a diamond of his own.

“What’d you find?” I asked.

Bru leaned back on his haunches to gesture with his free hoof. “Please don’t make a big deal about it, I know it’s kinda dumb, but my old dam used to read stories to me and I was just thinking you might like to…” He waved his free hoof around in frustration, his words suddenly failing him.

Recognizing the expression, I piped up. “May I see the book?” I asked with a smile.

Biting his lower lip, he looked away as he turned it around to display the front cover. It was hardbound, wrapped in black velvet with silver embossed designs and patterns around the edge. The title looked like mother of pearl inlay and it spelled out ‘Starprancers’ across the middle. I reached out to examine it closer, but Bru held tight to it. “Bru, I asked…”

“You can see it. With your eyes.” I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Very well. How much is it?” Bru turned it around and held it up so I could examine the tag. The price was steep, especially as it was used. Then again, given the clearly hoof-made design and exceptional quality, I could understand the cost. “I don’t know. That’s fairly expensive and you did just get a whole lot of gifts from a lot of ponies.”

“Not like this.” He was right, but the tone rankled me.

I’d have to tell him no eventually, I just wasn’t used to it yet. “Bruiser, that didn’t sound very nice.”

His eyes widened. “I-I didn’t mean… It just came out wrong, sir.” His gaze hit the floor and I felt like a complete heel. I took a deep breath; Bru wasn’t doing this on purpose. It would be a horrible cycle if I reacted badly every time he called me ‘sir.’

“Please don’t call me sir, Bruiser. I’m not mad; I’m not judging you. Every now and then even a good parent with a good foal needs to say no. I love you, Bruiser, but I’m not about to spoil you.” I held out my hoof for a hug, but Bruiser turned away.

“I’ll just go put this ba—ack!” I’m not entirely sure how he managed it, but Bru tripped over his own hooves. The book went up and Bruiser knocked into a bookshelf, sending it into a perilous teeter. Quickly, I reached out with my magic, grabbing the book and steadying the shelf.

“Are you okay?” I asked as Bru got to his hooves shakily. Curious, I drew the Starprancer book towards me to examine it. Bru looked around, then spotted the book in my magical glow as I opened it to the title page.

“No!” He cried out, before getting a hold of himself and realizing it was too late. I’d seen it. Small wonder he’d been keen on getting this book. Written on the Belonging To line was a name. "I'm sorry, please! I'm sorry!"

"Bru, get ahold of yourself!" I hissed quietly. This whole episode was starting to get incredibly embarrassing. I hoped that other ponies would see I wasn't hurting or yelling at him.

“’Tannin.’ This book belonged to your old family?” Face red with shame, he nodded. Breathe, Ly, I reminded myself, talk to him. "I don't understand. Why do you want a book your old family owned?"

Silent tears started down his cheeks. I moved to wipe at them, but he backed away instinctively, flinching into a smaller stance. I put my hoof back down and looked around. This couldn't look good. Luckily, nopony was around. "Bru, I'm not going to hurt you. Calm down, love."

He drew his hat down to cover his face. "Y-you're mad at me."

I wasn't, although I was irritated at being told how I was feeling. No, that wouldn't do. Breathe and speak calmly. "Bru, I just want to understand. I promise I'm not mad at you. If you could tell me why--"

"Why I'd want something to remind me of my family? It's the only good thing anypony did for me for years! A-and now it's here! They got rid of it just like they got rid of me. At least this book still has their name; I don't have anything of them. I came from them; if they were good even a little then I have some good in me." The speech was raw and emotional. I'd never guessed that Bru internalized this whole situation to such a degree.

"So you want a reminder that they weren't all bad? Because then you'll know that you're not all bad?" My heart sank as he nodded. I stepped closer to him again, only to have him bump back into the bookshelf. I caught a falling statuette in my magic and placed it back on the shelf without looking at it.

"I don't think you need a book for that; I know you're better than them, in spite of everything they did to you. You are a good colt, Bruiser. I didn't know how much this book would mean to you. If it will make you feel better, then, this once, I'll make an exception. Here." I levitated the book over to him.

We paid for our books. I tried hard not to cringe at the total. Open said I made a lot of money on the tour, but I'd never discussed it and living in Canterlot could be very expensive. Div's commission likely wasn't large given his rank, but with the both of us, maybe it wouldn't be as hard as when we lived alone. I had to get used to thinking of our lives as something we shared completely. If I didn't do it now when things were going well, how would I handle it if something went wrong.

Bru interrupted my thoughts. "Dad, back there in the store, you kept a shelf from falling over and caught a book at the same time. And you caught that little statue and put it back without looking at it."

I nodded. "I was more concerned with you, but yeah. I did."

"How?" He asked.

The gears in my head stopped working. What did he mean, how? How would I even explain magic to him? Would he grasp the concepts or would it take some coaching? "I'm a unicorn, Div, I just--"

"I've known a few unicorns. None of them could do that all at once." He said.

I sighed. I hated telling ponies this, but it would come up eventually. "I went to the School for Gifted Unicorns. My specialties include several writing spells, as well as levitation and tethering.”

“Levitation and what?” He asked, confused.

“Tethering." I repeated. "It's like using a magical rope. I can tie myself to nearly anything and I can tie nearly anything to something else. It takes a lot of concentration, but I'm a pro at that.”

Bruiser looked excited. “How much can you lift? Have you ever tied yourself to a roof and jumped off? Would tickling break your concentration? Does it hurt you if a magic rope breaks? Have you ever run out of Magic? Why does your horn glow with that color when you do a spell? What does casting a spell feel like? How—“

I'd long been buried under the onslaught of queries. This was going to be a long day. At least we had a train ride home tonight. I picked up my pace, if I hurried maybe I could pawn Bru off on Div and get some quiet for a bit.

Bridge Over Troubled Water Part 1

As our train left Appleloosa, I looked over the Starprancer book with Bruiser. The tale was charming; it told about a race of space ponies with otherworldly manes and coats who galloped the cosmos maintaining the suns. They flew on trails of stardust and were often mistaken for comets, it was said. The illustrations were breathtaking. The overall story was a bit light, it followed one of the Starprancers from foalhood to adulthood as it journeyed the universe.

After we finished, mom and dad came by to take Bru to the dining car for dessert, giving Div and I some quiet time.

Well, somewhat quiet.

As I cleaned myself off in the little bathroom, I felt a strange sensation. I’d gotten used to being on a train after six months of traveling, but this stop felt much more abrupt.

"Why did we stop?" I asked, looking over at Div in alarm.

He shrugged. "Dunno. It felt like we hit something while we were slowing down." We went to the window. The weather had turned to rain as we left Appleloosa, now it was coming down in buckets. Div turned to me. "I think we're on the bridge over the gorge."

Butterflies flitted around in my stomach. Div must've seen the expression on my face. "Don't worry, it'd take more than a little rain..."

I put both forehooves over his mouth. "Shh! Don't even say it. Don't put that energy out in the universe." I felt his big smile under my hooves.

Div backed up to get away from my hooves. "I'll go see the conductor and get an idea of when we'll start moving again."

I nodded, leaning in to give him a peck on the cheek before he could leave. He blushed slightly, but smiled as he walked quickly out of our compartment.

Dad walked in after Div left with mom and Bru in tow. Nopony looked particularly happy and I started to wonder if Bruiser did something when dad spoke up.

"Life, your mother and Bru wanted some company while I speak to the conductor. The weather is getting quite out of hoof and I'm concerned about this bridge." Dad announced.

I looked up in alarm, the butterflies flitting about again. “Why?”

“This country is usually very dry. Dirt that has too long been baked by the sun doesn’t absorb water as easily, leading to a lot of runoff. A sudden downpour like this could give us a mudslide on either end or even weaken the supports below, if the river is as affected as the ground.” Dad explained, his voice even.

“You think the bridge is that unstable?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Even a stable bridge wouldn’t be able to survive every weather condition. This is why weather management is so important. I don’t know if this storm got away from the weather ponies or if it was poorly planned, but it’s much more than the land can handle.”

Lovely turned to her husband and poked his shoulder. "I told you to keep that to yourself until you'd spoken to the conductor, you panic-causing pony!"

Second just shrugged. "I'm just stating my opinion. I could be wrong." He looked as if he doubted that. I had no reason to doubt him either, he was an architect, after all.

"Yes, but unlike you, I know how to bring up a subject without making ponies worry." She stated sourly.

He sighed. "You're right dear." Turning back to me. "It's probably nothing. We'll likely be moving again soon enough."

"There's just one issue and then we'll be on our way. Life, would you mind levitating my armor on. I want to take care of this quickly." Div said as he entered.

I went for his armor case. "You're going to explain this as I do."

"Not a lot of time, Life." He argued.

I snorted. "Wasn't asking a question, Sogni." I popped the latches on the case and brought out his hoof-guards.

"Fine. The train slowed down because there was...an animal on the tracks. It hit the animal, but at a low speed. We think it's just dazed, but either way, it's still on the track. I'm going out to move it off so we can continue." He explained shortly, avoiding eye contact as I adjusted the straps on his breastplate.

I wasn't about to fall for it. "In full armor. In the middle of a torrential rainstorm. What aren't you telling me." I asked as I held his helmet above his head.

He looked up and sighed as he realized I wasn't about to give it to him without the full truth. He looked me squarely in the eye. "The train hit a manticore."

I let the helmet down, none too gently and walked to the door. "I'm going to help you then." I announced.

I felt a tug on my tail before I could exit the compartment. Turning around, Div spat out my tail. "No, you're not."

To most ponies, the sight of one of Princess Luna's guard in full armor might be considered imposing if not outright frightening. To me, I could only see my husband. "I know I'm not a guard, Div. I don't plan on laying a hoof on the thing. I'll explain as we go." I turned back, taking care to lift my tail so Div couldn't hold me up.

I heard him lunge after me, to no avail. I'd put on a burst of speed to compensate. "We don't have time to argue about it in the compartment."

Div caught up to me, but didn’t move to stop me. "Explain, then."

"I'll levitate the manticore off of the tracks." I said.

"Can you do that?" He asked.

With a smirk, I lit my horn and lifted him off the floor, keeping him in pace with me as I trotted. "You know how good my levitation is." I let him down slowly, letting him get his feet underneath him as I did so he could stay abreast with me.

"Fine. I'll let you on one condition. You do it from the engineer's room at the front of the train. I'll be on the ground to make sure the manticore doesn't attack us if it wakes up." I wasn't exactly thrilled with having him in harm's way.

"How far from the engine is the manticore?" I asked.

"Worried you won't be able to lift it?" He challenged. I was, but if I had any doubts, he'd just send me back to the compartment.

"Just trying to prepare myself, Div. How far?"

"Twenty feet." He replied.

I fell silent. Pushing aside the nagging doubts, I had to concentrate if this was to work. At that distance, I could probably manage only a few feet off of the ground and would have to move the manticore more quickly. I'd likely have a small headache afterwards, but I could do this. Besides, I had to keep Div away from danger. I'd accepted that he might get hurt when I decided to marry him, but he didn't have to get hurt if I could do something about it.

"Can you do it?" He asked again.

"Absolutely."

"We could get another unicorn to join you." He offered, giving me a good compromise, unfortunately, time was of the essence.

"We're already short on time. If it is only dazed, it could wake up at any moment and attack the train. Without the engine, we'd be stuck on this bridge. You heard dad, the longer we’re on the bridge, the more that could go wrong.”

We arrived at the front engine and Div explained our plan to the engineer. I readied myself with some mental exercises and a breathing discipline I’d learned years ago at the school in Canterlot. The engineer stepped aside to give me a better view of the scene before us. Div patted my shoulder and left out the side door to ready himself by the train just in case.

I looked out through the curtains of water. A black lump lay on the tracks not too far away, silhouetted by the train’s headlamps. I closed my eyes and reached out to it mentally. As my magical glow engulfed it, I could ‘feel’ it breathing. It landed on its side when after it struck the train, lying perpendicular on the track. Aside from a bump on its head and some rib bruising, it didn’t seem to be bleeding. Tough creature. Thankfully, it wasn’t awake.

Opening my eyes, I kept my magic wrapped around it. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled as I lifted it magically. The manticore rose slowly, but I’d anticipated that. I kept my breathing measured, careful to keep it steady.

I spoke to the engineer. “Get ready to move us forward as soon as Div is back on board.” He nodded and placed a hoof on a lever.

I turned back to the manticore and began moving it away from the track. Its head pointed west, so I moved it that way towards a clearing on the side of the rail line. Progress was slow again; if I wasn’t trying to keep it asleep I could’ve just thrown it. Knowing it was still alive, I couldn’t bring myself to harm it any further. Now just its tail hovered over the train track.

That’s when things got out of hoof.

In my defense, the storm hadn’t been much of a thunderstorm. It mostly just rained. The first sign of lightning was as sudden as it was unfortunately timed. A flash struck a tree not ten feet away from the manticore, blinding me. My concentration half blown, the resulting thunder blast put a dent in my careful control. As I’d been focused on the tail a scant second ago, I’d managed to keep a magical hold on that. The top half, however, hit the ground. Between the loud crash of thunder and the sudden impact with the ground, the manticore woke up. Suffice it to say, it wasn’t pleased.

Div jumped in front of the train and drew his sword. Between that, the train headlamps and my current hold on his tail, the manticore couldn’t help but to notice the train.

Thinking fast, I drove the tail into the ground with as much force as I could muster. The poisonous tip buried itself fairly deep. A roar erupted from the creature as I leaned out to shout at Div. “Get back inside!”

He backed towards the train, but the manticore freed itself. I erected a shield between the manticore and Div. That accomplished, I looked at the engineer. “Can you back the train up?”

“Not quickly.”

“Then get it started. If we can back up enough, we can bottleneck the manticore on the bridge.” He turned to the controls to back the train up. I turned back to Div. “Div, in the train, now! We’re backing up!”

He shook his head. “Keep the shield up, we can’t outpace it going backwards. I’ll stay in front until we get back across the bridge.”

We started backing up. The manticore stubbornly pursued us. It struck my shield with its tail and claws a few times, but my shield held up. The rain never let up and my dad’s concerns rang in my head with every foot of slow progress. We got word from the rear that we’d made it to the other side just as the manticore turned around. With a final slash of its tail, it slumped away angrily. Div looked up at me and we both sighed in relief.

Before we could react, the manticore came back charging at full tilt. It slammed into my shield, breaking though. Thankfully, the shield slowed its charge enough for Div to recover and get his sword up to defend. He parried the tail and ducked under a claw swipe. My heart leapt to my throat as it made to bite his head off but he rolled back and kicked under its chin with a rear hoof. He rolled back to his feet and slashed at its shoulder, slicing through its hide. It roared in pain and backed up. I caught the next tail sting attempt in my magic and started to form a tether. Tying the tail to the track, I worked on its front paws then neck and rear paws. Finally, I had the manticore tied to the track. Div ran to catch up with us and jumped in. He slid a bit on the floor, his hooves slick with grime and rain.

“Good! How long can you hold that?” He asked, panting from exertion.

“As long as it’s in viewing range. Our rear is on the ground now. We should be off the bridge soon.”

“Good, because believe it or not, I think it’s getting worse out there.”

“Oh good.” I said, fighting butterflies again. The train stopped; the engine fell silent.

“Well that’s perfect.” The engineer announced.

Dad burst into the engine room, his coat wet. “Thank Celestia you made it this far, you have to get this train off the bridge now!”

We turned to the engineer. He shook his head. “We’ve lost pressure in the boiler. I’m sure we have a valve failure.”

“I am an architect from Canterlot. This storm is about to wash the bridge out from underneath us. I surveyed the bridge magically while you took care of the manticore. We have minutes at best.

“This train is going nowhere under its own power. We'll need to pull it. I'll tell the conductor and staff to evacuate all passengers as a precaution while the pulling team gets ready.”

The engineer rounded up a few sturdy looking ponies and left Div and I in the engine room. “Life, we have to…”

“Um, I’m still holding a manticore at bay here.” I reminded him. Div turned to look at the creature tied to the tracks.

“I’ll take care of it.” He said, pulling out his sword. With a mental flick, I shoved it back in its sheath. Div looked at me.

“We’re not killing it.”

“What do you suggest we do? We have to evacuate and it will attack if you just let it go.”

“I won’t let it go until we've evacuated and pulled the train back.”

“You heard your father. This bridge could go at any minute! We have to evacuate and that manticore has to die.”

“Don’t you dare kill that manticore. It’s just a beast, it doesn’t understand what happened.”

“Life Story, you are not staying on this train.” This time it was Dad.

“Sorry, dad, I have to.”

“It’s conscious now, so just blast it back to the other side of the bridge.” He said.

“A throw that far could kill it!” I exclaimed.

“Just let go of my sword and you won’t have to kill it.” Div offered.

“Nopony is killing that manticore!” I yelled.

There was a tug and the train started to move back again. The pulling team must've started. “There, see? We’ll just have the pulling team pull us back and I’ll let it go. If it comes after us again, then you can kill it, Div.” I said, trying to compromise.

A split second after I finished, we slowed to a stop. “Are we there already?” I asked, ready to release the manticore.

“I don’t think so.” Dad said.

“What in the hay happened?” Div wondered.

The engineer came back in. “The tow lines snapped. All four of them.”

“How? Aren’t they made to pull trains?” I asked.

“They are. The one I looked at wasn’t all stressed. It looked like it had been cut in places to weaken it.”

“Sabotage? Who--?” Dad started.

“Genuíne.” Div whispered low enough only I could hear it.

Bridge Over Troubled Water Part 2

My ears flattened against my skull. The very idea that my husband might have brought the ire of a seriously unscrupulous pony down on us made my blood boil. That this was also the same unscrupulous pony who nearly derailed my writing career with a fake bribery attempt sent me into a rage I’d only experienced once before.

With a calm that frightened even myself, I spoke. “Dad, evacuate and keep an eye on the bridge. If there’s a problem, signal us.” Dad must’ve caught the look on my face because he was gone after a short hug.

I turned to the rail engineer with whom we’d been working. “Engineer, decouple the engine. I’m going to send the manticore off the other end of the bridge.”

“I have a name.” He muttered as he exited the engine room.

“Div, we're going to talk.” I said, not bothering to turn to look at him. "Genuíne nearly destroyed my career. You're a royal guard, my husband, and you have a child. If you brought her wrath down on us, there's no telling what she'll do or how far she'll go to destroy us. I need to know what happened between you and her while I was gone."

Div stood next to me and looked ahead. “I don’t know if this is the best time to talk.”

“Don’t try and change the subject. We are talking about Genuíne Article. She tried to blackmail me with a phony bribe after I wrote an article for her. Now you’ve obviously gotten a lot more involved, especially if she’s trying to kill us.” Div didn’t look at me at all during my entire rant, instead maintaining focus in front of him.

“Div, are you even listening?” I started, but he held up a hoof. "This is important!"

He turned my head without taking his eyes off of what was in front of us. The manticore's tail, left hind leg and right forepaw had gotten free. “Oh. Well, that’ll make things easier. I have to retie it to the engine anyway. Might as well take care of this now, but don't think you're off the hook, bub.” With that, I walked back out in front of the train, Div trailing after.

The manticore roared at me as I drew near. Seizing it in my magic, I spoke slowly and calmly. “I’m not here to hurt you. You’ve been hurt. I’m going to heal that shoulder and send you on your way. It’s not your fault; you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Life what are you doing?” Div hissed as I got close enough to touch my horn to the manticore’s shoulder. I didn’t answer as I focused on knitting together muscle and skin. It wasn’t deep; manticore’s were very tough creatures. The creature’s growling ceased as it realized I was helping it. As I stepped away, the beast regarded me with less hostility. I'd have to remember to thank Crimson Cross for the healing lessons.

“If it was up to me, I’d let you go now. My husband, on the other hoof, isn’t thrilled with you still. So, I’m going to send you down the line, a bit. You’ll be the first manticore to travel by train.”  It didn't seem as excited about the prospect, but aside from a bit of wiggling, it didn't outright attack me. Seemed to be more confused than anything else.

I loosened the remaining tethers and drew it close to the grill of the engine. Then I retied it to the engine, taking care to make sure it would be safe until it was far away from us. It looked less than thrilled, but had stopped roaring. Maybe I earned a small measure of trust.

The engineer called from the train. “The engine is decoupled.”

Div sidled up beside me. “What do you have planned?”

“I’ll show you.” I said.

Re-entering the engine, I stopped to dry off. The weather had become truly spectacular. The rain hadn’t let up and now high winds buffeted us at irregular intervals.

I formed a glowing circle on the rear of the engine. On the outer edge I marked some runes and sealed over that with another circle. Adding some finishing touches and double checking my work, I leaned back satisfied. “You learn a few tricks at the SGU. This particular circle amplifies the force exerted on an object without destroying it. Helpful not only for sending water balloons flying with minimal effort, but also for our purpose here. One kick and this engine should go down the line like an arrow from a bow. Div, if you would do the honors?”

I stepped aside as Div took his position. He lined up his rear hooves and gave the magical circle a might buck. The engine and its unwilling passenger went off like a bolt. The manticore would be far away by the time it could safely disembark.

I turned to the others and smiled. “Simple as pie, right?”

A flash of light soared above us, exploding into a shower of silvery sparks. Dad’s signal. “I think it’s high time we get off this bridge.” The engineer turned and started galloping through the empty train. I followed and Div brought up the rear.

I could feel the train shaking under hoof. There were five carriages; three passenger cars, the dining car, and the luggage in the caboose. We made it halfway through the last passenger car when the floor shuddered violently beneath us.

“Hurry!” I yelled, unnecessarily. The engineer put on an extra burst of speed and we kept up. I glanced behind me to make sure Div was there. He didn’t even look particularly perturbed, though his expression was serious.

“Eyes forward, Life!” He called out. I turned back around and galloped for all I was worth.

When we made it nearly out of the dining car, the floor dropped out from underneath us. As we struggled back to our hooves, the floor took on a distressing uphill angle. The bridge was collapsing underneath us!

“Move! Keep moving!” Div yelled.

The engineer cleared the dining car in record time. I stood, but my front right ankle protested. Taking a few test steps, I gritted my teeth and pushed through the pain. It felt sprained, but we were nearly there.

Div pulled abreast of me and caught my grimace and limp. “Lean on me, Life. We’re going to make it.”

I barely registered the sensation of the train moving underneath us. The brakes protested, but their fight would be in vain. We had to get off the train to survive. The luggage car looked mostly empty, giving us room to pass through to the rear door. I blasted the rear rail inelegantly and we jumped off the end. Div and I panted as I looked behind us.

The train picked up speed behind us and I got a glimpse of the trouble we were still in. Dad's magical glow held the bridge together where we stood, but a hundred feet behind us, the bridge had collapsed. The track slanted downwards towards the collapsed section.

“Life, Div, hurry! I can’t hold this!” Dad’s voice called out over the storm. Div and I stumbled, the bridge shaking despite dad’s best efforts. I looked up, dad stood at the edge of the bridge, mom beside him lending him her magical strength. They both looked near-spent, the weight of the bridge and train must've worn them down. Open had her hooves full keeping Bruiser from running onto the bridge.

“Div! Dad! Hurry!” Bruiser cried out.

The shaking was incredible, the winds threatening to blow the bridge apart beneath us if it didn’t blow us off first. Rain had slicked the metal rails, making putting one hoof in front of the other difficult. Mom dropped in exhaustion, her horn glow winking out. There was still fifty feet of bridge to go, the uphill battle as difficult as it was nerve wracking.

“Life, we’ve got to…” Div started, then the glow illuminating and supporting the bridge went out. Dad must have collapsed as well. It was hard to see now with the glow gone. The shaking intensified and the floor dropped again. We were going to go with the bridge!

Thinking quickly, I tethered Div and I together and then the both of us to the bridge supports that remained on the side of the gorge. As the bridge collapsed under us, we started swinging towards the gorge wall. It was sheer luck that the collapsing bridge missed striking us as we fell. Div turned us so he took the brunt of the impact against the wall of the gorge. His armor could only protect him so well; I was certain I heard a sickening pop.

Div went limp beside me. Taking his head in my hooves, I could see that he’d passed out. I shook him to no avail. “Div, dammit, look at me! Div, wake up! Div!” Striking the side of his helmet, I finally got a response.

“Remind me to never travel by train again.” Div muttered in my ear.

I laughed nervously, trying not to think of the seemingly endless space below us. Screwing my eyes shut, I fought to rein in my breathing. Div rubbed my back, with detachment I noticed his hoof was bare. His hoof-guard must’ve fallen off.

“Div, I can’t hold us like this.” I admitted finally.

“Just breathe Ly, I’m sure we can think of a way out of this.” He said, pressing his forehead against mine.

“Div, we’ve got to be fifty feet from the top. I’ve used up so much magic I can barely think straight. And, I don’t know if you noticed, but there weren’t a lot of other passengers near the cliff edge.” We sank a few inches as I spoke.

“Don’t give up on me, Life. We have a son to raise. Fight!” Urgently, he pressed his lips to my forehead.

“Div, I-I love you.” My tone gave me away. Div’s eyes focused on mine.

“Life, we are going to make it. Both of us!” His eyes flashed with worry.

We sank lower. “I can’t hold us here much longer.”

“Let me go!” He cried. “Save yourself, Ly.”

“No! How could you even think I’d do that?” I argued.

The rain made it hard to tell, but his voice held the edge of tears. “Life, I can’t live without you. Please hold on.”

For the third time, we sank. Now we had to be at least a few feet lower than where we started. “Div, I can’t. I’m losing my hold as we speak.”

“Let me get out of this armor then!” He said, shucking off his remaining hoof-guards and tossing his helmet. The storm covered the noise of them falling. He tried wrestling with his breastplate, but we sank again.

“Don’t have the time, love. I’m sorry.” Inhaling, I made up my mind.

He stopped fussing with his armor and looked me in the eye. My expression didn’t seem to encourage him. “Don’t you apologize, Life, you just hold on.”

“Someone has to survive, Div. Our families can’t lose both of us.” I reasoned, turning us so that my back was against the sheer cliff.

His voice grew panicked. “I can’t lose you!”

Looking up into the sky, I sent a wish up that this would work. I had to save him. “I love you.” I reminded him.

He locked his lips on mine and clutched me close in his forehooves. A tear slid down my cheek as I gripped him in my magic. He tried to hold onto me, but my magical will overpowered his physical ability. Severing the magical tether holding him to me, I crafted the increased force glyph on the cliff behind me to propel us up in an arc with the tether I still held on the bridge support. Pushing away from the wall,  I ignored his pleas and threw him magically, sending him flying to solid ground. As he disappeared from sight, I lost my hold on the support and fell.

Here Without You

My body hit the ground, sending sickening shockwaves of pain through the totality of my existence. As I gasped, it was hard to pinpoint one source. Struggling to breathe, I felt a set of hooves on me trying to pry something off of my chest. A glow filled my view and suddenly I could draw breath.

Rolling to my side, I tried to get my bearings. Open Schedule stood next to me, her expression equal parts concern and relief, along with something I couldn’t place. Was she crying? It was raining too hard to really tell. Why…?

And then it struck me with more intensity than if I’d been shot from a cannon.

“Life!” I gasped, my throat raw and raspy. Getting to my hooves was impossible, the second I tried, my left rear leg buckled instantly. I crawled to the edge of the gorge before to sets of hooves stopped me. My head hung over the side.

“Life!” I screamed into the empty abyss. My only answer, a clap of thunder in the distance. My love, my Life, was nowhere to be seen.

As hooves pulled me back from the brink, I mercifully blacked out.

***

“Good. You’re awake.” A familiarly low voice said next to me. Cracking open an eye, Sgt. Mountain Stone stood at my bedside.

“Where am I?” I asked.

“In a tent near the gorge. You’ve been out nearly all day. The bridge collapse was last night.”

My stomach turned as I remembered last night. “Life?”

“No signs of him, yet.” He placed a hoof pre-emptively on my shoulder to keep me down. “I have local search ponies, rail employees, and our own guard. It’s a ragtag bunch, but your husband’s friend Open has been keeping us organized.”

“Bruiser?” I asked, trying to keep my thoughts away from the pain.

Sergeant Stone sat back. “The Story’s are watching him. Everypony is helping as best they can.”

“I need to get up. I have to find him.”

Stone protested. “You dislocated a rear leg, bruised more than a few ribs, and have been unconscious for nearly a day.”

“Sir, with all due respect—“

“With consideration for your career, I’m going to—“

“The hell with my career, my husband--!”

“Reality is, Guardspony, there is nothing you can do, nothing you could’ve done, that would change what happened to Life Story. If he’s alive, we’ll find him. If he’s not, we’ll find him. Your responsibility is to get better quickly and comfort his family while you do. Then you can join us.”

“You’re not going to cut me out?”

“Div, if I put myself in your hooves, I would search for Life whether my sergeant approved or not. So I can’t expect you to abide a direct order to stay out. But, I can have you declared physically incapable and a danger to yourself if you try to get involved before you’re ready. Consider this a compromise. Get better first, take care of the family, join us when you can.”

He turned to leave, but stopped at the tent-flap. “Sogni, you'll need to prepare yourself just in case he…didn’t make it.”

“I won’t give up on him.”

“I don’t expect you to. Just, remember it’s a possibility.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Thank me when we find him.”

Bruiser pushed his way past Mountain Stone. Impressive, given the sergeant’s size. Bru didn’t even come up to Stone’s chest. Once at my side, I could see the tear marks on his face. The foal seemed at a loss; as I looked into his eyes I knew he felt like I did. I lifted a forehoof and beckoned him in. The tough little guy rushed in. Gritting my teeth, I ignored my aching ribs and tried to comfort my little pony as best I could.

“Sorry, sergeant, he got away from me.” Open apologized from the tent flap.

“It’s alright, I’ll leave him in your care, Ms. Schedule.” Sgt. Stone saluted and walked out.

“Bru, you need to ease up on his ribs.” Open said softly. I mouthed a silent ‘thank you' as Bruiser lifted his weight off of my chest. I still held him with one hoof over his neck.

Looking over the foal, he appeared to be as well taken care of as could be expected. Only the slump of his shoulders, the heaviness of each hoof fall, and the tears that threatened to fall every time he looked up gave away that this kid was not alright. “Bruiser, they’re going to find him.”

“Life.” He said, rearing back to look at me. His brow furrowed, lips a tight line as he stared into my eyes. The vehemence caught me off guard.

“What?” I asked.

“Everypony has been callin' him ‘Him’ so don’t you do it too. Say his name.”

I smiled and tilted his hat back to see his face clearly in the light. “They’ll find Life. The fall wasn’t as far as it looked in the dark, the river was swollen from rainwater and, most importantly of all, I have a feeling.” I said, feeling more confidant as I spoke.

Gently, Bru nuzzled into my chest. “I do too.”

***

I woke up that night, discomforted. My hooves shook as I stood, my left rear hip protesting slightly. Our healer, Golden Touch, had done a remarkable job. Not exactly painless, but much better than if I’d had to relocate my hip myself. Passing Bruiser’s cot, I took a moment to smile. He clutched his hat and the Starprancers book Life bought. Carefully, I shuffled to the tent flap and out.

That night was brilliantly clear. Moonlight illuminated the camp in a clear, pale glow. Technically, I was supposed to be asleep and staying off of my hooves. But I was a runner; I always had too much energy.

Staring up at the sky, I took a moment to appreciate Princess Luna’s work. Between the courier job and guard school, there hadn’t been a lot of time for stargazing. Suddenly, a flash appeared and streaked across the sky towards the south. I marveled at how long it lasted before remembering the old ponies tale about wishing on a shooting star. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I wish for my husband's safety. Above all else, let him be alright. I formed an image of him in my head, smiling and vibrant; it brought me to tears. As I opened my eyes, I could’ve sworn the shooting star grew brighter for a moment before it disappeared. That couldn’t be right. There had to be more than one shooting star. Perhaps my tears made another star seem to shoot.

Shaking my head, I returned to the tent and my cot. Tossing and turning, I was suddenly uncomfortable. Something kept me up. I felt disoriented for a moment. Inhaling, I realized I’d stopped breathing at some point. Luckily, nopony was around to notice; Bru still slept on his cot. Warmth spread through me, in spite of the night air.

***

I wasn’t in armor, but I was part of the search. Magical healing had done a lot, but I still walked with stiffness, not that  I’d let it get in my way. South of the bridge, the river flowed on toward the desert. My search party made camp on the edge of the San Palamino. Our group consisted of Sgt Stone, Golden Touch, Astral Bolt, Mixer, Second Story, and Bruiser.

“Astral, give me a flyover. Keep an eye out for tricky terrain and unwanted visitors. Golden and Mixer, begin the search pattern on the river. Mr. Story and Bruiser, if you will unload the boat, Div will assist you in making camp here.”

“Sir, Sgt. Stone, sir.” I stood as straight as a rod.

Stone turned from his search map to glance at me. “Guardspony, you are to be assisting your relatives with camp. We have a long stretch to search both up and down river. I also need us to be able to break camp quickly should the need arise. You have the relevant training in organizing civilians; use it.”

“Sir,--“

“Whether you join the sweep is up to my discretion. I’m warning you now, Sogni, I brought you in on this to keep you from running off on your own. Your physical condition is not up to par and any involvement on your part would slow down our efforts. Do not, under any circumstances, involve yourself without my direct order. Is that clear, Guardspony?”

“Abundantly, sir.”

He snorted. “Good. Dismissed.”

As they unloaded the boat, I spoke with my father-in-law and adopted son. “I’m under direct orders. Stone'll keep me out as long as he thinks I’m a burden.”

“I know you’d rather not hear it, but he has a point.” Second said.

I did my best not to glare. “At any rate, you two aren’t guards. He can’t command you in the same way he does me.”

“I’m not sure I like where this is going.” Second stated.

“Easy, Grandpa. This isn’t about us. We’re here to find dad.” Bruiser said quietly.

“Great. A day away from my wife and I’m part of a conspiracy.” Second said flatly, casting his eyes upward.

“We’re a conditional conspiracy. If Stone keeps us off the search, we make our move. Second, see if you can gain access to the search patterns of the air and land crews and then look for any holes in them.”

“What do you want me to do?” Bruiser whispered. I turned to the pile of equipment and extracted cooking utensils.

Turning them over to Bru, I answered. “Better get started with lunch. We have appearances to maintain.” Bru looked less than thrilled, but he couldn’t fault my logic.

The first day passed torturously slow. Watching the moon rise, my heart ached. My hooves felt empty. I needed to hold him, had to hear his voice.

Just Around The Riverbend

By mid-morning of the third day of searching, I wanted to scream. To begin, Stone insisted on keeping me engaged in trivial things. Then he sent Second and Bru off to meet a messenger from the other two search parties upriver. Aside from some morning stiffness, my hip felt loads better. If my commanding officer continued this, what was I going to do?

When my relatives returned midafternoon, we had the camp to ourselves.

“Sogni, couldn’t we just have a word with Sgt Stone?” Second asked.

“He’s your boss, dad.” Bruiser reminded me ever so helpfully.

“Exactly. Which means I’m stuck here until he decides I can go.” Exhaling, I looked at Second. “What was the message about?”

Second shifted uneasily on his hooves. “I don’t think I should tell you, but I guess you’ll find out eventually. The team upriver have come up empty hooved. Before you ask, I looked over their search patterns. I’m not sure who the expert is, but they did their job well. If there was anything to find, they would have found it. Which means Life has to be somewhere down here.”

I nodded. “Thanks Second. Well, with the searchers upstream, we should…”

“Div.” Second cut me off. “They’re not coming.”

I’m sure my expression must have been terrible, because both Second and Bru backed up a step. Fighting for calm, I spoke quietly. “What?”

“Sgt. Stone ordered a few upstream searchers back to Canterlot. The rest of them are staying to guard the repair team until they’re relieved. A third of the PLHG is still off on assignment with Princess Luna and the other third are taking some sort of classes, so it’s just your unit, the rescue team ponies and the repair team. The sergeant hasn’t decided whether the rest will come down when their relief arrives. We might get another pegasus and a unicorn. There was some resistance, but Stone was adamant. He believes they’re too exhausted, the water levels upstream haven’t gone down as quickly as expected. Engineers think that there’s damage to the dam upstream. Those searchers have had a very rough time.” He explained quickly.

I wasn't satisfied. “But some of them wanted to join us. Stone should have…” I closed my eyes and turned away. A wave of nausea overcame me.

“Dad, are you okay.” Bru asked, his voice at me side. Opening my eyes, I threw a forehoof around his neck.

With more confidence than I really felt, I smiled. “I’ll be okay. We just need to find him. Before Stone decides to send anypony else home.”

***

Bru turned to me, our hooves deep in the sink washing the night's dishes. “Dad, go take a walk.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“You’ve been washing the same plate for the last ten minutes. Go take a breather, pops.” I kissed the top of his hat and bumped his shoulder gently.

“I'll pop you, mister.” I called over my shoulder as I dried my forelimbs.

“Yeah, yeah.” Bruiser muttered as I exited. I was going to have to get him for that.

I wandered around camp, not bothering to pay attention to where I was going. Everything seemed quiet. Everypony must be exhausted, I reasoned. In the quiet, I heard my name.

I turned and realized I was next to the sergeant’s tent.

“Yes, young Bruiser and Div are washing dishes.” Mixer said evenly.

“Good.” Mountain Stone replied.

“Sarge, it’s not like Div would eavesdrop.” Golden Touch piped up. I felt decidedly uneasy and started to walk away. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“I have a feeling I'll regret this, but go ahead.” He grumbled.

“It is my medical opinion that Div’s physical condition is sufficient for involvement in the search efforts.” I stopped and turned back to listen in. Surely Stone had to listen to her, we were short hoofed as it was.

“He is involved.” Stone challenged. I resisted snorting by the narrowest of margins.

“You know what I mean.” She responded.

“What would you do if I kept you out of the search for your special somepony?” Stone asked.

“If you kept me from searching for my husband, I'd kick your rump.” She responded without missing a beat.

“I’d almost prefer that. At least then I’d know what Div was thinking.” Stone grumbled.

“Why not let him in, boss?” Astral questioned Stone.

“Why don’t you tell everyone what you found today?” Stone answered, ignoring the question.

Astral sounded nervous. “A few miles South, along both sides of the river, are a series of caves. Most of them are very small and filled with water. They extend along the riverbanks for a few miles. There are a few that have this odd glittering sand nearby, but I can’t make hooves or tails of it.”

“Strange, any magic traces?” Golden asked.

“I wasn’t able to get Mixer out there before nightfall.” Astral answered. “We’ll head over there in the morning.”

“With so many caves, how can we search them all?” Mixer asked.

Mountain Stone sighed. “You see my issue? How can I expect Div to be rational? What could I say to keep him from overexertion?” I heard a chair creak in protest, presumably as Stone sat down heavily. “I’ll send for Gear Grinder and Battle Ready in the morning. They'll be able to join us before nightfall tomorrow.”

“Not to put too fine a point on it, sir, but we’re running out of time. The rescue ponies have already recommended we change this to a recovery mission. And we'll have to relieve Princess Luna’s current unit in just over a week.” Mixer said rationally. “So, perhaps if we kept Div at your side, we could…”

Stone cut him off. “Thank you for the recommendations, everypony. I will take it under advisement. Get some rest, that’s an order.”

As the sounds of tired ponies getting up reached my ears, I realized I’d be in serious trouble for spying on them. Quietly, I made a beeline around the rear of the tents and out into the desert. Looking around for some pretense, I gathered some driftwood for the fire. When I was satisfied, I headed back to camp.

“Div, have you seen Bruiser?” Second asked as I dropped my load of firewood.

“He told me to get some air while he finished the dishes. Why?”

“I can’t find him. I’ll go check the tent and campfire area again. You go see if he went to... relieve himself.” I rolled my eyes at Second’s squeamishness. Like finding a pony in the commode would be that terrible.

But Bru wasn’t at the latrine.

Meeting back up with Second, I was alarmed to hear he’d come up without bumping into the colt. “We have to tell Stone.” Second decided.

“You do that, I’m going to go down the riverbank and see if he decided to take matters into his own hooves.” I said.

Just then, Mixer and Astral Bolt walked by, looking around for something.

Astral saw us and I cursed under my breath. “Hey, have you seen a map lying around?"

We shook our heads and Astral turned to Mixer. "I must have dropped the one with the glitter caves when I left the sergeant’s tent. I was sure I put it right at the top of my bag so...”

“What's wrong diVolare?” Mixer asked, cutting off Astral.

“Bruiser’s missing. I went to go get some wood and nopony's seen him since.” I answered.

“You don’t think he found the map and went to find those caves, do you?” Astral asked Mixer, alarmed.

“Only one way to find out. Do you remember where they were?” I asked.

“’Course! I mapped ‘em myself!” He said with a grin.

“You’re not thinking of disobeying the sergeant, are you Div?” Mixer asked, concerned.

“I’m not haring off to go find my husband, so no, I’m not disobeying anypony.” I answered, nonchalantly.

“I suppose, but somepony should tell Stone…” He replied.

I nodded. “Okay, you and Second go tell Stone, Astral and I will head to the glitter caves and see if Bru headed there.”

“You think you can keep up with a pegasus?” Astral asked.

I smiled. “With one hoof tied behind my back!”

We parted ways, I galloped down to the river. It felt remarkably good to have the wind in my mane again. Concentrating, I thanked Luna it was a full moon tonight. The river was dark, but the sandy banks shone with reflected moonlight. Astral led the way easily, not that there was a chance of me losing him. All I needed him for was to know when to stop and which side the glitter caves were on.

I Need A Hero

"Bruiser!" I called out into the night air. The colt was away from the search party camp and likely downstream. The moonlight cast a pale luminescence across the landscape and gave me a clear silhouette to follow Astral Bolt. Keeping up with a pegasus was my entire life as a courier pony and I wasn't about to lose this one now.

My hooves flew over the dirt and stones of the San Palamino riverbank. Just being able to run was sheer bliss for me after being cooped up with injuries from the bridge collapse. Unfortunately, the ease of travel also meant my mind was free to reflect on everything that happened since then. How Life had sounded, how his lips had felt as he kissed me just before launching me to safety as he fell. The pained looks of his parents as they tried their hardest to keep up morale while taking care of our son. Hopelessness took hold of me as I struggled against duty and love; I'd had to follow orders to not look for my husband while I recuperated.

With a will, I shoved all of that aside. It had been days of searching and even with us in the prime area, our only lead had been several miles of caves along the river. An unusual glittering powder found among those caves inspired this latest runaway, the second one Bruiser'd made in his short life.

Shaking my head to clear it once more, I took in what scenery I could. The land on either side of the river was flat. Sand, dirt, gravel, and scrubby brush greeted my eyes as I continued onward. I put an extra burst on as the land started going hilly.

Astral swooped low overhead. “Nearly there, Div! You're doing better than I expected.”

“Thanks.” I said, only now aware of how short my breath was. “I think.”

“It was bound to happen eventually, Div.” Astral chuckled as he pulled upward once more.

“Oh wow.” I said in wonder as I looked around at the ‘glitter.’ It looked like sand, but it glowed in a multitude of hues. If somepony dropped concentrated rainbow at the beach, it would be a lot like this.

“What do you make of this?” I asked Astral as he landed beside me. I sifted some off the edge of my hoof.

“Honestly? It could be anything, from some kind of glowing bacteria to some kind of magical accident. Mixer might know a bit more about this than me.” Astral admitted.

“It's not concentrated rainbow?” I asked.

Astral shook his head. “No, that has a very distinct smell and taste.”

“You tasted this?”

“N-no.” He said suspiciously.

“Sure you didn’t faceplant into the dirt around here?”

“Hey look, who’s that?” Astral pointed to a dark figure exiting a river cave on the other bank.

“Bruiser!” I called, running to the river’s edge.

Sure enough, it was him. He waded out of the partially submerged cave holding something in his mouth.

“What have you…” I cut myself off as the object came into the light. It was purple, metallic and very familiar. “My helmet?”

Bruiser swam across to us and deposited my helmet at my hooves. “He’s gotta be around here, Dad.” Bru unwrapped a soaked cloth on his forehoof and spread it out on the ground. It was Life’s button-up white shirt.

I pulled the soaking wet colt up against my chest. In spite of the heat of the day, the nights were very chilly. Bruiser shook slightly in my grasp.

“Crap, I didn’t think to grab any emergency supplies.” I said, wishing I had a blanket to dry off my son.

“Need to…find him.” Bru got out around his chattering teeth.

“Not as important as getting you warm. Astral?” I looked over at my squad-mate's wings.

“Whatever you need, Div.”

“Can you do that pegasus thing with your wing?” I asked awkwardly.

“’That pegasus thing?’” I looked down at Bruiser. “Oh. Oh! Oh yeah, no prob. Just tuck him in right next to me.”

Astral tucked his legs underneath him and spread a wing up invitingly. I set Bruiser down next alongside Astral and the tough guardpony tucked Bru under his wing like a mama hen. If it hadn’t been for Bruiser’s condition, I might have laughed.

Astral must have caught the look on my face, because his eyes narrowed. “Do I even want to know what you’re thinking?”

I was interrupted by Second’s voice. “They’re over here!” Second appeared a moment later, along with Golden Touch and Sgt. Stone.

“Oh great. Now this can be officially embarrassing.” Astral deadpanned.

I rolled my eyes and turned to Bravo Squad’s medic. “Golden! Bru’s here, but he’s chilled himself half to death in the river.”

“We need to get him dry and warm…oh that’s precious.” Golden said as she caught sight of Astral and Bru.

“Mention this to anypony, Goldie, and I’ll make sure you pay for it.” Astral said half-jokingly.

“Just lift the wing tough guy. I’ll get him dry and then we’ll get to alternative warming techniques. Although I must say the mama bird look is good on you.” Astral groaned, but lifted his wing. Golden began the drying spell.

Then an odd sound of something rasping against stone crackled below us. Curious, I looked towards the riverbank. A giant scorpion, easily the size of three ponies, emerged from a cave underneath our hooves.

“Sarge!” I called out as the scorpion turned around towards us.

“Sweet Celestia! Golden, Astral, protect Second and Bruiser! Second, stay clear, this is our fight! Div, hit and switch!” Mountain barked out orders with remarkable calm.

“Sir, I don’t have my service weapon.” I admitted as we stood side by side.

“Remind me to reprimand you for that later. Use your hooves and watch that tail. Stay by me.” Stone unsheathed his sword. The weapon was easily larger than most Royal Guard service weapons. Given Stone’s size, that wasn’t all that surprising.

No, surprising was how easily he swung the sword to block a tail strike I barely had time to see. Together, we pressed forward. I ducked under a pincer and landed a flurry of forehoof strikes at the scorpion’s face. Bounding away, I avoided another pincer attempt as Stone blocked a barrage of tail attacks.

I turned around to use my hind legs for a solid buck, catching a glimpse of Golden’s shield spell. In the glow of the shield, I could see the worry on Second’s face. Pushing that aside, I looked behind me and bucked for all I was worth. The scorpion backed up towards the river, stunned. Stone flipped around for a buck of his own. Out of desperation, the scorpion flailed its tail. Vaulting over the sergeant’s back, I kicked the side of the stinger away before the blow could land. Mountain lined his buck up and struck, knocking the scorpion out cold into the river.

“Yes!” I said, excitedly. My heart beat in my ears for a moment until I heard a familiar sound.

“Div.” Mountain called. I rushed to his side on the riverbank. He faced a cave, where the sound of another scorpion scuttling up towards us came from.

“Sir, how many scorpions do you suppose are in there.” I asked, my mouth dry.

“I don’t intend to find out. Retreat!” He called out, pushing me up the bank.

We cleared the embankment and galloped to Astral, Golden and Second. Stone ordered Bru onto his back and then we took off. The sharp clack of pincers sounded behind us. I looked behind us to see three more of those overgrown desert death machines headed our way.

We were halfway to camp when Second tripped on something went rolling. Stopping to help him, I turned and saw the scorpion’s practically on top of us. I wasn’t sure exactly what we’d done to aggravate the monsters, but these big bugs weren’t giving up.

“Second, we have to go!” I cried in his ear.

“Might have a problem, then.” He groaned as he stood on three hooves, favoring his front left leg.

“Well, that’s just…” Just then, two dark shapes emerged from the brush beside us. I almost kicked one in sheer reflex before I realized it was pony shaped.

Two hooded figures stood between us and the scorpions. The first, larger than the second, called out in a clear tenor. “A shield will only delay them and we are strong enough to take them on, even two-on-three.”

“I’ll raise the shield, you heal the older one and then we’ll make a run for it.” The second one replied in a raspy voice.

“I’ll be quick.” The first one galloped to us and took hold of Second’s bad leg before we could react. Second flinched, but whether it was from the pain or from the mysterious figure lowering his hood, I couldn’t say. By the antlers, I’d guess our quiet ally was a deer.

“Lucky for you, my friend, I just so happen to have the means for a splint and some numbing gel. It won’t be a permanent fix, but it should get us clear of here and back to your healer.” I looked up from the deer’s ministrations and over at his partner. A pale green glow separated us from the scorpions. His partner was a unicorn?

“Hey, if of life you keep a care, shake off slumber and beware!” The deer chastised me, poking a cloven hoof at my head. “I could use an extra hoof here to hold this together while I tie it up.”

We worked quickly, so by the time the unicorn dropped the shield, we were already underway again. The unicorn brought up the rear. When we made it to the camp, the scorpions were hot on our tails.

Sgt Stone, Mixer, Golden, and Astral trotted out holding burning torches. The big bugs balked at the flames. Mixer lifted a flask to his lips and then blew fire right at the desert dwellers, driving the creatures away in fear, pincers clacking.

Second dropped to his belly as soon as he got near the campfire. “Medic!” He called weakly. Golden hurried over to take stock of his injury.

On the other hoof, Sgt Stone was taking stick of our new friends. The deer seemed to be saying something animatedly. I drew near, my eyes glued to the one with his head still covered.

“Hey, thanks for the cover. We all made it back thanks to you two.” I said, extending a hoof to the hooded one.

Throwing back his hood, Life took my hoof and gave it a shake. “No problem, hubby.” His voice was raspy and raw, but there was no mistaking the red coat, the black muzzle, the green eyes and that irresistible smile.

“Ly,” I croaked out, eyes filling with tears as I pulled him into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re safe. We were all so worried about you.”

“Ease up there, Div.” Life responded. “It would take more than that to get rid of me.”

Horse With No Name

Celestia...Div...I hope...good...my parents.

My thoughts swirled around.

My father stood over me, his gaze as stern as I'd ever feared. I felt about the smallest I'd ever been and cringed, waiting the harsh words that were sure to flow out. Instead, the colors of his coat and mane faded to gray, shriveled and fell away to reveal the skeleton beneath. The horrid grin of my father's skull sent shivers down my spine and I heard screams. Then I realized those screams were my own. I threw my hooves over my eyes.

That hellish nightmare melted away around me and I opened my eyes to see Div. My wonderful husband stood in full armor, spear at his side. He turned to see me and smiled. His helmet was off in a second and he charged at me, laughing. My limbs flew over the ground between us and we collided in a tangle of limbs, his armor having disappeared. In the rush of touch, I found myself on the ground, pinned by Div's forehooves as he stood over me. He leaned in for the kiss and I closed my eyes and waited...

I couldn't get my thoughts to settle. My body felt positively broiled as well as beaten to a pulp. The worst pain was in my throat; from the bile in my mouth I'm sure I'd thrown up. At some point, I was aware that I was in a cave of some sort, but the light at the entrance was too bright. Hours might have passed.

The next thing I knew, a soft light blue glow enveloped me.

"Quite a state you're gotten yourself into. This won't be as easy a wish to grant as I thought." The voice was on the higher end of the male spectrum. Through my fevered haze (which coincidentally included smiling singing flowers and a skeleton in armor) I caught sight of a softly glowing pony. He stood taller than most ponies, his light-gray coat and sky blue mane practically...sparkled. "When you wish upon a shooting star...ta-da!" The world started to turn black around the edges and I heard the voice speak again before blacking out. "Honestly, I travel all over the galaxy and decide to do a little favor and do I get thanked for it?"

***

I think I was awake, but my eyes stayed shut. Even the soft blue glow was too much too handle.

"You're breathing's changed, so maybe you can hear me?" It was the voice from before. "I think it only fair to impart some wisdom. Things are not as they seem. Beware the smiling face..." Sleep overtook me before I could hear more.

***

My flesh was chilled, but I woke up to a curious face leaning over me. The blanket spread out over me was warm, if a bit scratchy. I suppose I had this face to thank for the blanket. Trying to move my head resulted in an explosion of pain. I wheezed and for the first time became aware of the scorching ruin that was my throat. I screwed my eyes shut as my throat attempted to unstick itself.

"I wouldn't move around too much if I were you, my little pony." The odd accent was hard to place, but by the voice, I was probably dealing with a male. My attention returned to the pon—no, he wasn't a pony. He had antlers that seemed to fork out instead of branching like the ones in story books. His coat blended into the dusty grayish brown of our surroundings. He wiggled his rather large floppy ears and retrieved a canteen. His posterior was white, his tail ropey and tipped with black. "Here, have some water."

I drank, with some help from the—deer? That seemed most likely, even with the differences.

"I'm sure you have plenty of questions. I have some as well. That'll have to wait until your voice heals. Yes, I know how your throat hurts. While I mix up something to soothe the ache, I'll tell you how I came to find you."

The light of the dawn shimmered off of a rare sight in the San Palamino. As a desert mule deer, Ludic initially dismissed such a sight as a mirage. He broke camp lazily, taking time to ensure that his fire was well out. Walking the path parallel to the wash, Ludic gave the air a sniff. Unless his senses were lying, there was definitely water in the wash. Increasing his pace, the mule deer drew near to a place where the wash wasn't blocked by tall shrubs to confirm the presence of that most precious of resources.

"What..." I intended to ask what this deer was doing, as the images of his story appeared in my head. Instead, I croaked painfully, unable to recognize my own voice at first.

"Didn’t anyone tell you it's rude to interrupt a storyteller?" The deer chided. "Besides, your voice is likely wrecked from all the water and bile you've thrown up. Also, you might have screamed yourself hoarse. Heh, horse. Anyway, it’s been a devil of a time having you keep things down long enough to do you any good. Now, where was I?"

Any faun would know not to drink here where the water is mostly silt and debris. An experienced desert resident like Ludic wouldn't be that hasty unless in dire straits. Instead, the hardened veteran turned upstream and headed for the best source of water he could find. This took him to the caves known for large scorpions, but in the heat of the day it was highly unlikely that these beasts would leave their homes. The trip had taken the better part of two days, but the best water was always preferable.

Then Ludic caught sight of something he'd never seen in the desert. As he leaned down to drink from the stream, a rainbow play of colors skittered about the surface of the water. Looking up to the other bank, he saw its source; a depression in the ground filled with a softly glowing glittery sand. And in the middle of all of that, a pony.

"Nursing you to health wasn’t as hard as I thought. I did have to watch out for your horn, which kept discharging at odd moments. I figure that was how you ended up in a bed of glitter. No accounting for taste, but then again you were pretty far out of it." He finished off as the story melted away.

I opened my mouth, but a bottle interrupted me. The deer — Ludic, if his story was anything to go by — held it for me and, with a grimace, I drank the solution inside. In spite of the taste, it did reduce the burning in my throat.

"About six more of those and you can speak. Not well, you're singing days might be behind you, but at least you'll be able to tell me your name." I opened my mouth to try again, but his hoof closed it again. "Trust me, you'll only make yourself worse by using your voice before you're ready. So, for now, I'll be going through this desert with you, my little pony without a name. Hm. Without A Name. WAN. How's that? You mind if I call you Wan?"

I narrowed my eyes, but his hoof was still on my chin. I shook my head.

"You don’t mind? Great, Wan. Let's get going. The sooner we test those black-pointed legs of yours, the better." I sighed, more than a little annoyed by the misinterpretation. Then again, he had asked me if I minded. I'd have to watch out for that in the future.

As it turned out, my legs worked as well as they ever did. Ludic's cave was south of where he'd found me. It was along the path of the river, so Ludic assured me that we'd have rescuers coming our way soon. I, on the other hoof, couldn’t help but worry that nopony would be coming. The odds of my survival were so miniscule that even my family would count me out.

With a pang, I thought about Sogni. Could Div give up on me? He had our son to look after. My parents were better now more than ever but they were getting to old to raise a foal. Then there was his career in the Royal Guard. He'd buried his distaste for pegasus ponies just to make something of himself. Would he give up that purpose on the slim hope of finding me?

"Whatever you're thinking about, stop." Ludic ordered. With a will, I calmed my breathing. "If nopony comes looking for you, I'll take you upstream myself. There's a town so small it's not on any map, but you should be able to get work back to...wherever it is you call home. I just have to gather a few supplies for the both of us. Give it a day, then we make our way up to civilization.

The day passed torturously slowly. Ludic marked my unease with a knowing glance a few times, but said nothing more on the subject. What he did talk about was survival tips for traveling in the desert. From the plethora of information he provided, I gathered he really was every bit the veteran desert-dweller. After starting a fire to his satisfaction, we took a break in survival lessons.

"You'll be happy to know that I've spotted a fire off in the distance. By my estimates, they're not far from where I found you." I smiled. I should've known my family wouldn't count me out. I could hardly wait to see their reactions when we met again. "Now, we really need to head that way. I have everything we'd need. Don't forget to take dose number six, though, there's a good lad." He passed the last bottle of medicine over to me. Not being able to talk, ask questions, or even share my name was really a pain.

"Now, Wan, I know you've been dying to tell me, so let's have it. What's your name?" Ludic asked, ropey tail swishing excitedly.

"After all this..." I started, surprised to still have such a gravelly quality to my voice. "I think I'll owe my husband just a bit. Life. Life diVolare."

"Well, Life, it's been a pleasure. Let's get you back to your husband." With a start, I realized Ludic couldn't have known about my family situation. As he casually threw a hooded cloak and a set of saddlebags over my back, I was even more pleased to know him. He'd saved my life and accepted who I was without even blinking an eye.

"Sounds good." I replied.

***

"Um, Ludic." I began, looking over at the alarmingly large scorpions crawling out of their den.

"Yes, Life?" He answered quietly. The tension was thick enough to swim through.

"You never mentioned giant scorpions when you described this area." I said calmly.

"Well, I did, actually, in that story I shared with you mentally." He reminded me.

"How did I gloss over that?" I wondered aloud as a scorpion turned on the mixed group of family and Royal Guards.

"To be fair, you'd been through quite a lot." Div and Mountain Stone held their own against the giant creature. When it landed on its back in the river, I nearly cheered. Then I saw more scorpions.

"Oh, they're gonna need help." I said as the scorpions turned on the group of ponies before us.

As the ponies retreated, Ludic stood up. "Well, nothing for it, I guess. Let's get a move on!"

We cut off along the riverbank. We forded the river where it bent around and made a beeline through the brush to avoid the longer way around. When we neared the path again, I saw my father and Div. Dad looked in rough shape, favoring a forelimb. Ludic and I jumped over a hedge and onto the path between them and the oncoming scorpions.

"A shield will only delay them and we are strong enough to take them on, even two-on-three." Ludic called out. Thinking of the reinforcements behind us, I had other plans.

"I'll raise the shield, you heal the older one and then we'll make a run for it." I replied.

Thankfully, Ludic went along with my plan. "I'll be quick."

Under my hood, my horn lit up and my magic split up the path and a large portion of the surrounding area. The creatures actually attacked the shield rather than go around. Nopony could say these things were intelligent. After the manticore, I was really starting to get tired of things with stinging tails.

Looking back, I saw Ludic and the other two starting up the path. I'm sure they would have signaled me eventually, but I took the cue anyway. Holding on just a moment longer to give myself a better head-start, I dropped the shield.

We hit the camp with the overgrown scorpions behind us. Thankfully, our reinforcements had a plan. The Royal Guards swung flaming torches at the creatures, one even breathing flame at them. I'd have to ask where he picked up that particular talent.

With the bugs driven away and my father on the ground being attended to by Golden Touch, I turned to face Sgt. Stone. He and Ludic seemed to be getting along already. Ludic had his hood down and was carrying on a rather one-sided conversation.

"And I'll tell you, dragging a pony on a makeshift stretcher for a day or so really takes it out of even the most hardened desert dweller." They turned to me as I approached.

Sgt. Stone held out a hoof, smiling. I returned his hoof-shake, glad to see him again. "Div wouldn't have forgiven us if we'd given up on you."

"Add him to the list of ponies I owe a lot to." I said. If Stone was surprised by my new voice, he didn't show it.

Div walked up. I turned to face him, realizing that in this light, he couldn't see under my hood. Oh, this is too good, I thought.

"Hey, thanks for the cover. We all made it back thanks to you too." Belatedly, I realized he had his hoof out towards me. Throwing back my hood, I took his hoof and shook it casually.

A smiled at him. "No problem, hubby." My smile widened as he took all of me in. As he pulled me into a hug, I saw the tears glimmering in his eyes. I knew I really needed to make things up to him.

***

Our actions with the manticore and the bridge collapse earned us a bit of notoriety, a small fortune in bits as a settlement, and lifetime rail passes. Even so, we'd decided on taking a horse-drawn carriage back to Canterlot. It would be a while before I could trust taking a train again. Or a bridge, for that matter.

On the final stop before Canterlot, we had a great view of the city on the mountain. In the waning sunlight, she looked beautiful. But, in the back of my mind, I knew dark things lurked there waiting for us. I couldn't let my family stand in the crossfire. It was time to take the fight to Genuine. There was just something I needed to know.

I shooed Bruiser towards the carriage and turned to Div. "We've been avoiding this subject for too long, Div. Now we're nearly home and that...mare is there too."

Div shrugged and looked towards Canterlot. "She couldn't possibly have set a manticore against a train, sabotaged the engine, the pull ropes and the bridge. Not to mention getting the weather ponies to send a downpour down the wrong river at the wrong time. Too much could've gone wrong. It would've been easier to send a hitpony."

I kept the growl out of my voice through sheer force of will. Div had to take this seriously! "Against a royal guard and a unicorn? I know I don't toot my own horn, so to speak, but I graduated from the most prestigious magical academy in Equestria. I'm no pushover. And, as the recent expedition has proved, I am incredibly hard to kill."

"Yeah you are." Div smiled, leaning in for a kiss. I let him, but got back to the business at hoof quickly.

"Genuine Article?" I reminded him.

"I took care of her." He had that same look of guilt that he did when we were colts. I wasn't falling for it.

I snorted. "So you think."

"So I know." Div snorted in reply. "We've been through a lot together, Life. And if 'the recent expedition has proved' anything it is that we are strong together."

"We're up against one of the most influential mares I've ever met. She's already made it clear she won't fight fair. I need to know what happened while I was gone, Sogni. Not just to satisfy my own curiosity. This isn't some whim. This is our family. You, me, Bruiser, our parents. Who's going to get hurt next? It won't take her long to realize we're back. Then it'll be back to ruining our lives. We have more to lose, now." I reminded him.

His gaze flicked to me and back again. If anything, his guilt-ridden look only got worse. This was bad.

At last, he spoke. "Do you remember what she told you about getting her cutie mark?"

I turned him around, shocked. "Tell me you didn't..."

He looked down in shame. "I had to get her to leave you alone. I had to make sure you could come back home. That you could have your life back. That I could have my Life back, too."

I turned back towards Canterlot. The spires and flags shining in the distance now stood to remind me of the danger that lay ahead of us. Softly, I whispered. "Oh, Div."

Got To Be Real

Several Years Ago

"Raconteur, you gon' have lotta trouble on your hooves if'n you leave here like this. It just kharma, beb. The energy you put out in the universe come back at you like ripples in a pool." Part of me believed her words and was scared. The other part of me wanted nothing more to do with the superstition and small thinking that seemingly kept every pony around here frozen in place.

"They's never gon' let me leave, no matter what." I replied. "How can I live my life like that?"

My sister shook her head. "Always been different, chere."

I nodded. "Don't help I'm only half blood from an old relationship. If we had the same mama, I'd prob'ly stay."

Beignet shifted on her hooves. It wasn't brought up much how I was born to daddy's other mare. Usually it was to remind me of my daddy's kindness for taking me in when she left me on the doorstep with nothing but a name and a note. She took off and nopony'd seen her since. "Don'chu bring dat up now. You's my blood, Rac. Always gon' be."

We embraced. Her forelimbs around me had to be the best thing I'd ever had in Neigh Orleans. And here I was, giving that up for the chance at a better life in a bigger city. "Take care of everypony, now I'm gone."

Beignet nodded. "You take care of yourself. Be sure to write and tell me when you find your cutie mark!"

Reminded of my blank flank, I made sure the cloak covered me. I slipped out into the early morning. Celestia hadn't raised the sun yet. It was colder than ice, but I trotted along as free as a bird for the first time in my life.

Canterlot was amazing. The ponies of the city, though, were not. Without my mark, it was nearly impossible to get real work of any kind. At nights, I danced at a sleazy bar on the outskirts. That's when I took the name Genuine. I didn't pick up the last name until I married. When the bar failed to pay me, I caved and took a position as a waitress at a family-owned restaurant in the Bitalian section of the city. The irony wasn't lost on me, having fled Neigh Orleans to get away from working in my family's restaurant only to find myself working in another.

I memorized orders, preferring to use my notepad to practice writing. That notepad became my escape from reality.

One of Delmaneco's regular customers was a journalism student by the name of Deadline. His friends called him Hardy. By 'his friends' I mean the random assortment of ponies he came in with. The only constant was a black stallion whose name I never really caught. The guy was so silent, he was practically Hardy's shadow.

As a prank one night, Hardy stole my notepad. I didn't notice until I went for a break. When I finally tracked it down to him, I was furious. He'd read the entire thing. I thanked Celestia only the silent stallion was there. If Hardy had read it aloud to a table full of his usual riffraff, I'd've thrown myself off the cliff.

As he returned it, he told me I should be in school. I told him off about the theft and left it at that. He kept pestering me after that. Every time he ate at the restaurant (which was a lot for a student) he brought up my going to school. I finally confessed to not having a cutie mark and for the first time since meeting him, he got serious. He insisted on it, even offered to help my apply for scholarships and grants to cover tuition. When he brought the forms one night, I reluctantly took them.

Patrimonio Delmaneco, father of the current owner of Delmaneco's, ran the restaurant at the time and called me into the office.

"If it is legal trouble, I could make the little ragazzo disappear, mi cavallina." He began.

I snorted. "No, Patri, he brought me forms to fill out for school."

Patri clapped his hooves. "Ah! At last something has caught your attention. I was beginning to wonder when your waitressing cutie mark would show up."

"Patri. I have a problem." I said, shifting my hooves.

"Si? Tell me. I make your problem go away." He commanded, kindly.

"I...have to put my legal name. And birthplace. And I don't have any documents." After a moment, I added. "And my family wouldn't give me the time of day. Not that I want to bring them into this."

"Ah! I thought you said you had a problem!" He exclaimed, standing. "You're in Little Bitaly. I can have you any name you wish. Well, except maybe Princess Celestia, ha! Leave it to me."

He was as good as his word. By the next day he had all the identification I'd ever need, in the name Genuine. No second names are fairly common, so it was even easier. As I went to sign my name, he stopped me.

"The only payment I want is your story. I don't believe I've ever heard it, mi cavallina. Please." His smile was so infectious.

I told him everything. My old name, my family, their restaurant, and all the problems. At the end, he sat back, satisfied. I signed my documents and turned to leave.

"Ah! Congratulations! Looks like you don't have to go to school to find all of the answers. You have one already!" I turned to look at him in confusion. He pointed at my flank. My cutie mark was there! An x and a line filled in with my Genuine signature on an open book. The signature's in gold, black x-line, white pages. Came in quite useful when I worked at the auction house. Ponies tend to trust an explanation of a cutie mark. I tell them it's because I can detect a fake, but the only reason I can tell is training. Oh, and I guess because I'm a fake, too. Takes one to know one.

***

"She's going to find out about us eventually. Deadline's managed to keep a lid on it, but the papers are going to run something small about my survival. They covered the collapse, now they have to let everypony know that the 'hero' survived." I shook my head. "Pain in the rear reporters."

Div laughed. "Aren't you a reporter?"

Scrunching my nose, I corrected him. "Biographer. Fashion and art columnist. I write for magazines, not newspapers."

Div shrugged. "I don't see much of a difference."

Staring at him balefully, I got up to check on the kettle. "Back to Genuine..."

Div followed, albeit reluctantly. "I don’t see why you have to confront her."

Taking the mugs down magically, I kept my gaze on Div. "If I raise a big enough stink at her place of business, it'll look real suspicious if I suddenly disappear."

"Grandpa needs to tag out." Dad said, tiredly. Bru hung around the stallion's neck, hanging sideways on his adopted grandfather. The kettle whistled behind me.

Div cast his eyes upward and turned to dad and Bruiser. "Bruiser. Get off your grandfather." Div said, crossing over to coerce Bru off of my father.

As Bru disappeared back into the other room, Bruiser happily astride his back, dad threw himself onto the couch. With a tray of tea following me, I took up a seat across from him. He looked at me with one eye. "Foals were not this hard to deal with the first time around."

"If I ever jumped on you, I would've gotten a very stern lecture...from Silver." I said plainly.

He winced. "I'm trying, Life."

I waved a hoof. "No, sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

The silence was horrifyingly awkward for a minute. I gestured to the tray invitingly and took up a mug of my own. Div's cutie mark was painted on the side, but in a style reminiscent of stained glass. I was suddenly very interested if there was a mug with my cutie mark in the house and where this one came from. Although, it might've been interesting because of the quiet in my old home.

Shoving aside the awkwardness, I hazarded a try at conversation. "So...Deadline used to date Genuine Article." I said.

He lifted his head up to regard me fully. "How do you know..." I shook my head, not ready to admit to one of my biggest failures in front of my father. "Well, yes. Although, at the time, Hardy dated several mares. Bit of a party animal. If I recall correctly, things got briefly serious before she realized he wasn't exclusively hers. Not that he ever let any of his mares on. I think Gen was just blindly smitten." Dad's magic took a mug of tea up to his lips.

"She'd just come to Canterlot." I interjected as he drank. "He could have been her first."

Dad choked on his tea. While he tried to compose himself, I corrected myself. "I mean, her first stallionfriend. I really don't want to think about my boss that way."

Gently, he set his mug down. "That's okay. I have to remind myself you're not a little colt anymore." My dad's eyes grew wide. "I take it somepony had The Talk with you, right?"

I felt my face go slack. My brain ceased functioning. A little numb, I nodded.

"Not Silver, I hope?" My dad asked, smiling.

I shook my head.

"Your mother?" He continued.

My brain hiccoughed. "Mama Pro." My hooves went over my mouth.

"Progetta diVolare? As in, one of the mothers of Sogni?" He asked, eyebrows raised. I nodded again. "I wouldn't have taken her to know much about stallions...sexually." This was mortifying. I suddenly wished I'd taken a course on teleportation. My dad peered at me curiously. "Are you normally this red? I mean, you're always red--"

"Genuine Article." I gasped as my brain finally starting working.

"Right! Well, he may have been her first...coltfriend. I'd like to think that he did right by her and left her...as virtuous as he found her. Or, at the very least, he made sure to make it clear what his intentions were. Given how his later marriage worked out, well, let's just say Hardy commits to his deadlines. And not much else." Dad finished with a shrug.

"How were things when he broke them off?" I asked.

Another wince. "Bit of a mess. She was working for Canterlot Auction House as an intern. He was a brash entertainment reporter. Their worlds collided every so often. Arguments would ensue at private events and one spectacular blow-out on the auction floor. Both were nearly fired." Then dad shrugged again. "Then, nothing. Hardy made editor and stopped going out to every event he could. Gen gave up on him and eventually got married to a book collector who frequented the auction house. Life moved on."

I doubted that. At the very least, Genuine held a grudge. But, more than that, she held a secret. A secret she once shared with me.

***

"You got lotta nerve, showin' yo face round 'ere, beb." Genuine said as I walked into her office. Her accent seemed thicker, likely due to what must be rage at me and mine. "Yo' little boo already done shown me the kinda stallion you are."

I snorted. "I never told him anything; he figured it all out on his own somehow. And that little trick with the manticore and the train shows me exactly how far you'll go to silence anyone who would speak out about you."

Her brows furrowed. "I don't know what in tartarus you--"

I cut her off. "If I go missing. If my family is harmed in any way. Know that even wiping all of us out wouldn't save you from justice, Raconteur."

Her eyes flashed in anger, her lips pressed into a thin firm line. She gritted out around her teeth. "That name's from long 'go, podna. Your beau was fool even to speak it in front of me. You don't want me angry."

I held up my chin and met her gaze. "Leave my family alone, then."

Her eyes widened. "Your family the one bringing up all this mess. You don't want a stink then don't raise one."

"Your little bribe attempt nearly cost me my livelihood, Genuine. Then sabotaging our way home? Well look who survived that!" I said, patting my chest for emphasis.

She stood up from her seat. "Now you really lost it. Don't come 'round 'ere t'rowing accusations at the wind and diggin up old bones! I didn't tell you my story so you could use it against me."

"Why did you tell me your story?" I asked, a bit sidetracked by the idea.

She looked murderous. "I told you because I thought I could trust you."

"I trusted you, and it blew up spectacularly on me! Don't act innocent! You're not the victim here." I replied. She crossed around her desk to stand facing me. We fixed each other in heated glares, neither of us backing down.

"You wanna talk innocent? How about that foal you brought home. Oh yes, I heard about that one. Some poor little painted foal just falls into your lap and you got married just to keep him. And to a Royal Guard, no less. Can't just pick up and leave as easy now, can you?"

"If you do or cause anything to be done to my foal or my husband, Genuine..."

"Where did all this backbone come from?"

The door behind me opened. Her secretary piped up. "Madam Article. Your lunch appointment is in fifteen minutes."

With a wave, Genuine shooed the secretary out. "I got business, Mr. Story. Whatever you think I did, I'll do worse if you and yours don't stay away. Now, leave." Genuine said firmly, hoof pointing at the door.

"Don't threaten my family, Genuine. I'm stronger than you think. I think the fact that I'm here, alive, should be enough to tell you that." I said as I turned around to leave.

Eerily, she let me go without another word.

I'm Coming Home

The carriage ride from my parent's place to our prospective new home was long. Considering how my parent's home was on the edge of Canterlot, that wasn't surprising. What was surprising was just how close to the palace this potential home was.

I turned to mom and spoke. "Mom, you're sure this place won't be too expensive? We're only a few streets away from--"

"Oh, believe me, you can afford this place." My mother reassured me.

I shook my head. "I don't know how you can be so certain. Yeah, the tour helped my finances a bit, but Open could only pull off so much monetary wizardry."

She smiled broadly. "Trust me. The style at the time this was built was minimalistic. The interior is rather bare bones. Nowadays, ponies want that extra bit of comfort or class. You can't afford not to be close to the palace, either, unless you went with those ghastly military homes."

I rolled my eyes. Living with an architect certainly seemed to have an effect on mom's standards. "Housing isn't that bad, mom."

"Oh, hush. Compared to your old apartment, maybe. I called this new place minimalistic, but those military shacks are practically spartan. Once you see this place, you'll never look at those hovels the same way." She insisted.

This place was certainly nothing like the Royal Guard housing. It was a simple enough brick house, albeit in a shade of blue that almost matched Div's coat. The neighborhood seemed working class, with friendly looking ponies about and a few swarms of foals enjoying the afternoon.

Mom stepped up onto the small porch, horn aglow.

"Is the landlord here?" I asked in trepidation. Mom seemed rather cavalier about entering this place.

Stepping inside, she smiled. "Yes, the landlord is in. Now come on!"

Crossing the threshold, the inside looked impeccable. Directly across from the front door, through the foyer and up a half flight of stairs, a stained-glass window took my breath away. The window depicted a beautifully crafted rose floating on waves of blue.

"Like that, eh? It's spelled. At night, it glows softly." I walked reverently to the foot of the stairs. That's when I noticed the empty shelves built into the walls on either side of it, and the window seat.

"Mom! It's a small library." I gasped. "I thought you said 'minimalistic!'"

"Oh please, it's the one real selling point. The baseboards are basic, there's nothing to these archways and there isn't a scrap of wallpaper anywhere." She said.

"It's amazing." I said, turning around. Now facing the front door, there was a bathroom on my right at the end of a small hall. On my left, I could get a glimpse into the kitchen and family room.

"On my left, there's a living room. On my right, the dining room." Mom said as she stood facing me in the foyer. I flipped the directions, and stepped forward to look into each room she indicated. "Follow me."

I complied. Mom gave me the tour. "You've seen the bathroom to the left, here at the end of that hall. The door on the left of the hall is a linen closet. On the right is a den. To our right is the great family room. Fireplace, sliding glass door out to the medium sized deck and modest backyard. The kitchen adjoins the family room, split bar complete with six stools, three on right and left sides facing the kitchen. Liquor cabinets, with locks are under each bar on the kitchen side. The one on the right is refrigerated with a cold spell that was recently re-done."

"Okay," I said, my head swimming with the details.

"Relax, we haven't even seen the entire first floor." She chided.

"I don't need to, even with what Div and I make, we can't--"

Mom continued. "Between the great family room and the dining room is a wall, right?"

"Yes, but--"

"Nope, wrong." She corrected, casting her magic on the wall. A hidden door swung open noiselessly to reveal a small cupboard and a flight of stairs. "Butler's stairs. Not that you'll have a butler; Silver wouldn't consider adding another house into his contract, although with how far apart they are I understood. Directly across is another hidden door that leads into the dining room." She opened the second hidden door to reveal the dining room.

"Oh, well. That proves how much I can't afford--"

Mom was off again, closing both hidden doors and stepping around the kitchen. She spoke as she went. "The breakfast nook gives you a great view of the backyard. Beyond the kitchen, there's this door to the pantry. Through this arch next to it, a storage area. Around the wall there's a laundry room. This small hallway leading from the left of the storage room goes into another bathroom on the right and a study straight ahead."

"Mom, I don't think you’re listening--"

"If we go up either staircase we'll get to the three bedrooms, two bathrooms, and the master bed and bathroom. Shall we?"

I stood in the arch, blocking off access. "Mom. I. Can't. Afford. This. Place. Even if I could, there are two more bedrooms than we even need! Now, let's say goodbye to the landlord and apologize for wasting their time." I turned to search for the missing landlord.

"Life Story. You will never be a waste of my time." Mom said, indignantly.

"I didn't say your time! I said the landlord's..." I trailed off as it finally dawned on me. Turning slowly, I faced my mother. Her cat-who-ate-the-canary grin reaffirmed the thought. "You're the landlord?"

"Landlady. This is the first home your father and I bought when we married. He made adjustments, like the landing library, but we felt like we needed a place away from the city noise. We kept this place, rented it out occasionally, and now we're going to sell it to you. We'll work out a payment arrangement. Canterlot's home values and property taxes are actually lower in this district than they've ever been since the changeling attack."

"This is still more house than we'll ever need." I said, not wanting to give in. But the landing library, stained glass, and the bar in the kitchen...

"You better have more grandchildren. Your grandmother might've been okay with just you, but I want to see a few more little foals. I don't care what you have to do. Well, short of foalnapping."

I grinned. I don’t know how Div would feel about that, but I could see us having more foals. "Mom, I...don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Welcome home, Life. Now do you want to go see the master bedroom. There's a balcony overlooking the front yard and a sitting room overlooking the back yard." I nodded excitedly and lead the charge up the stairs.

***

"I still can't believe you're going away so soon." I moaned for about the twentieth time.

To his credit, Div only rolled his eyes for about the fifth time. "Ly, it's what I do now. Duty calls and all that."

I pouted. "We so need to have a serious talk about our honeymoon when you get back. At this rate, we'll never take one."

He crossed to me, planting a kiss carefully on my forehead below my horn. "We will, just let the dust settle after this trip. Things have been happening awfully fast lately. It's good to slow down and enjoy life."

"Haha, you can't very well enjoy me while your off on some Celestia-forsaken diplomacy mission. Just promise me you'll be careful." I said, gazing deep into his eyes.

His eyes crinkled with his smile. "Always. Besides, I'll be with the sergeant, Princess Luna, and plenty of other house guards. We'll be flying, so I won't even have to worry about being on my hooves until we get there. And this mission is to other ponies. I just have to do the job, keep up appearances, and then I'll be back in your hooves before you know it."

I pushed against his armor-clad shoulder. With all his training, he didn't budge. "Get going, then. I have a lot to do before you get back. There's just so much to move into the new place. You're sure you only have a few things?

He shrugged. "Most of my things are over at my parent's place still. They can wait until I get back to move 'em."

I kissed him on the cheek, hoping to catch him off guard when I pushed him again. No dice. I huffed. "You did remember to say goodbye to Bru last night, right?"

He nodded. "Of course. Neither of us wanted to have you wake him up this early in the morning."

I'd been worried that he'd be a morning-foal. Ever since we got back to Canterlot, Bruiser was always the last one up. "Neither of us would really want to deal with him this early in the morning."

"I heard that." A cranky voice called from the doorway.

I levitated Div's pack onto his back as I spoke to Bru. "You're supposed to be asleep. You'll be going to school soon and I want you on a normal schedule."

"Yes, sir." I decided to forgive his sarcasm due to the hour, but we were going to have a talk about the word 'sir.'

"Well, say goodbye to Daddy Div and make it quick. He needs to get going and you need to be back in bed." I busied myself double-checking the saddlebags on Div.

"Dad?" Bruiser asked Div.

"Yeah, Bru?" He answered.

"You're gonna be safe, right?" I willed down the lump in my throat back down. Something about Bruiser's accent and his innocent voice made my heart melt.

Div shook a little bit, like he had a shiver. "As safe as I can possibly be. This is just a little trip to see some ponies that haven’t seen the princess in a long time."

Seemingly satisfied, Bruiser gave Div a hug. "Bring me back something nice."

Div laughed. "I'll see what I can do. I'm not sure if this place has any souvenir shops."

"I love you."

"I love you too, kiddo."

***

My finances had improved since staff writing for Celerity thanks to Open Schedule. With how focused I'd been on just writing the latest assignment, Open never clued me in on which magazines for which I'd written. Not all of them paid as well as my staff job, but some did pay quite a bit more. My portfolio and exposure also increased.

And yet, even with all that I made and what Div brought in, we just barely had enough to cover expenses, get Bruiser set for school, and a little left over for fun now and again. No honeymoon. I pushed the pile of paperwork over towards the middle of my 'L' shaped home desk. The study was mine, what with it's rather remote location in the house it was the closest thing to soundproof we had.

Not that I needed soundproofing today. Div was still away on that diplomatic mission. Bruiser was with Div's parents for the weekend. Work was slow at the moment; I'd already submitted my latest piece on a new art gallery owner. My reputation as a biographically minded pony was starting to catch up to me, Open actually got an offer for me to ghost-write for a former athlete yesterday. The pay wasn't great, but it was a chance to try something new.

"Figured I'd find you in here." Open said as she bounced in. "This looks a lot nicer than last time."

"Unpacked all those boxes. How do you like my little library?" I asked, indicating the shelves against the walls off to my right. Unlike the landing library, my personal study featured my own writing. Every magazine I'd written for so far stood on displays on the shelves. Even with the tour, they didn't quite fill out the space.

"Nice." She commented as she sat down in the chair on the other side of my desk.

"I guess you didn't come by to reminisce." I ventured.

"Good guess. I wanted to speak to you, pony to pony. You know, you're mother is a published author." She began.

"Yeah, at Barleyquin." I interjected.

"And in the time she's written for them, she's improved leaps and bounds. Now, L. P. Rose is a name highly regarded in romance circles." Open countered.

"What are you getting at?" I asked, not wanting to dwell on my mother's accomplishments.

"I looked up her side of the family. Measured Prose is another widely respected name in the industry."

"My uncle?"

"And your grandfather, Rhymed Prose, was a great literary teacher at the Academy for years, with no shortage of his own books."

"We don't talk about Grandpa Rhymed much." I said candidly.

"At any rate, you come from a line of authors. Do I need to bring up the Story relatives as well?"

"Not if you'd rather get to your point. So what?"

"So why not write a story?" She said finally.

"I'm just not sure about this ghostwriting business, Open."

"No, not ghostwriting. Forget that for a moment. Why not write your own stories?"

"About what?"

"I don't know! Anything! Have you seriously never considered it?"

I scratched one hoof with the other absently. "It's a lot of time to commit."

"I think it'd be well worth it."

"Look, I'm not saying I couldn't. But, if I did, I couldn't do it like my mother did. She was always so busy writing her stories, it was like she had to make an extra effort just to be my mother. I can't do that to Bruiser."

"Well, I just wanted to plant that in your brain. Who knows, maybe you'll find some inspiration if you're thinking about it. I'm just saying it'd be nice to have some books up there with your name on them." She said, pointing at my little library.

"I'll think about it. Is that all you wanted to talk about?" I asked.

"No. I...kinda got stranded in Canterlot. My train out of here had problems, so I'm stuck until after the weekend. I could stay in a hotel..." She trailed off, looking at me sidelong to watch my reaction.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you can stay here. You're in luck. My parents sent me extra beds just in case I had guests over. Pick whichever guest room you like; we have two." I waved dismissively.

"Thanks Life. I'll even treat you to breakfast."

"Open, the last time you cooked, it made me long for the days of griffon scones." I said drily. My voice was nearly as dry as the last griffon scone I had, come to think of it.

"Ha-ha. I was talking about going out. You know, this is a great area. I'd be out exploring it instead of puttering around an office like a gloomy ghoul." She said teasingly.

"Fair warning, this gloomy ghoul snores."

"Your room is on the other side of the second floor. I'll be fine." Boy, was she in for a surprise. Well, I'd warned her.

***

"Hate you." Open said as she groggily came down the stairs the next morning.

"Good morning to you too. Ready to go grab breakfast?" I asked cheerily. I wasn't normally a morning pony, but I just had to play it up for her benefit.

She eyed me through half-lidded eyes. "You snore like a minotaur."

"I warned you." I reminded her, turning towards the door.

"You might have mentioned the part where your snoring is like somepony trying to start a gigantic chainsaw. Your bedroom door was closed, mine was closed, the rooms are as far apart as possible on the second floor. Yet, in spite of that, I could hear you like you were right next to me. You didn't snore half this badly during the tour." She pouted.

I laughed. "I think it has to do with how I was always running around while on tour. Things have slowed down since we got back. Div blames the accident at the gorge, although I don't think Ludic ever mentioned it." I opened the front door by hoof. Once we were both clear, I spelled it shut and locked.

"Who knows? Maybe mule-deer are heavy sleepers." Open grouched.

I smirked. "We can cast a silencing charm on your room and mine. I'm pretty sure I don't sleep-cast, so they should hold out okay."

Open tossed her mane. "You might consider making that permanent. I can't imagine how Div and Bru have handled this so far."

It's Magic

As the green glyph disappeared on Bruiser's door, I sighed and sat on the floor. Casting four timed, permanent silencing charms was a lot more draining than I'd bargained for. Then again, my spell-casting was at an all-time minimum anyway. I hadn't done more than the occasional levitation (aside from the accident) since I'd studied at the School for Gifted Unicorns. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I nearly jumped out of my skin as mom spoke.

"Neat bit of spell-work." She said.

I whirled around. "You could warn a pony before sneaking up on them." I admonished.

She looked less than conciliatory. "What was it you said? 'Don't knock, mom. Just come in whenever you feel like stopping by!'"

"Yeah, well yell up the stairs or something. Div might not be home at the moment, but I'd hate for you to walk in on us..." I searched my brain for the right words. I'd call it...

"Having sex?" Mom offered.

"Mom!" I whined. She had a habit of saying the most embarassing things.

Mom sighed. "Honey, I've been writing love stories since before your father and I ever considered conceiving you. I assure you, your father and I had sex many times while trying for a foal. We've also had sex many times since. Married couples have sex! Hell, nowadays even unmarried unfamiliar ponies are getting together and doing the bedroom ballet!"

I put my hooves over my ears and started reciting the alphabet. When I got to 'P,' mom tapped my shoulder. Cautiously, I lifted one hoof. "P as in pen--" She started, before I shut her out again and started over, skipping the offending letter.

Before I could recite it backwards, she tugged on my foreleg. "Oh, come on! I'm your mother, and an erotic romance novelist. Do you think I've never--"

"No, but I don't feel like discussing...it...with you either." I hissed.

Shrugging, she pointed a hoof at the door. "What were you up to, anyway?"

I turned around and touched my horn to the door. The glyph I'd created lit back up. She stepped up to inspect it. "It's a silence spell. I've set it to only activate at bed-time."

"Yes, I believe your father did something similar the day you came back and stayed with us." She commented.

"You guys could hear me snoring?" I asked, ears pinned back.

She waved a hoof. "Your father could. I'm apparently a very heavy sleeper. Honestly, it wasn't that much of an issue. Second is a lot more experienced in silencing charms than I thought. This though," She said, indicating my spellcraft. "This is a lot more intricate than his glyph. This is permanent?"

"It can be negated, but it's meant to last. I'll probably end up recasting this in a year or so." I answered.

"Impressive. I guess you did learn a lot more than just writing spells." She nudged my shoulder with hers. "Now, shall we go see about some tea?"

I nodded. "Let's. I need something to perk me up after casting all morning?"

She smiled. "Well, I'm surprised it only took you all morning considering how this turned out."

I lit my horn and the other three doors lit up. "No, it took all morning to do just these doors."

Her eyes widened as she looked up and down the hall. "You're making me tired just thinking about doing all that at once!"

***

“This place is amazing.” Div said as he stepped into our bedroom. “I can’t believe your parents kept it all this time.”

“It’s a little empty, still. Mom and dad held on to some furniture, thankfully. We’ll just have to find things for the den, living room, and maybe a few things for my office and the family room.”

Div set his duffle down on the bed and turned back to me. “I missed you.” He said as he held my cheek with one hoof.

“Of course you did.” I said, laughing. “How was it?”

“Pretty dark. I’m not sure exactly how much I can say, so please don’t spread this around.”

“Don’t worry. I’m far more interested in having you home than anything else.” I leaned in to give him a kiss.

“What’d ya bring me?” Bruiser chirped from the doorway. Div snorted in my ear.

Turning back to his bag, he pulled out a bundle of clothing. Given that he never wore anything usually, I had a good guess where this was going. Bruiser, on the other hoof, was wholly unprepared. Div threw it at Bru's forehooves.

“Mind taking my gambesons down to the laundry?” I had to cover my mouth to keep from smiling. Bru had to cover his nose to keep the smell out.

“Oh, that reeks!” Bruiser said, backing away from the bag.

“That’s the smell of standing guard over royalty. Well, that and letting it simmer in my bag on the trip back.” Div replied.

Grabbing the bag magically, I took it over to the laundry chute in our bathroom. “Very funny, Div. Now be nice.”

Div sighed and went back to his bag. “I carved this while I was off-duty. I haven’t gotten a chance to get some cord to finish it into a necklace. However, one of the local guards happened to know a way to stain the wood in luminescent moss. So, this glows in the dark and gathers light during the day.” He held up the bit of wood in one hoof. It was a crescent moon with swirling patterns carved into it.

“Wow, you made that?” Bru asked. Div nodded.

“I didn’t realize you’d gotten so good.” I remarked. It’d been a long time since I’d seen him whittle.

“I’ve been practicing. This is the best I’ve done so far.” He admitted.

"Well, we should go out and get something to put that on." I announced. "Anything else we should do while we're out?"

Div nodded. "I've heard about a store from one of the other guards. Supposedly, they sell board games and such. I think it's called The Crystal Delicacy."

I tilted my head. "Huh, sounds more like a fine dining place. Either way, it's worth a look. Do you know where it is?"

Bruiser turned to exit the bedroom, but I caught him in my magic. "Are you forgetting something, Bru?"

He turned around, or rather, I turned him around. "Oh, yeah! Thanks, dad!" He said to Div. I let him go and he bounded out the door.

Div and I looked at each other. "We might need to cool it on the gifts for a while. He used to fall all over himself just to thank us." I observed.

Div nodded. "Agreed."

***

The Crystal Delicacy wasn't terribly far at all. The shop took up the floor of a three storied building. Presumably, living quarters for the proprietor were above on the remaining two floors. It definitely had games. Boxes of all sizes, sorts, and shapes filled many shelves. Bruiser headed off to some brightly-colored boxes, Div followed him to make sure he behaved. My head turned and what I saw drew me in almost magnetically.

It seemed the Crystal Delicacy also specialized in another area: crystal sculptures. All sorts of creatures sat on velveteen display shelves in glass cases. The piece that drew my attention was a finely-detailed rose-quartz figure of a rearing Princess Cadence. From its place at the center of the circular display table, the piece commanded attention and admiration. Her wings spread wide, her man and tail flowing in an invisible wind, it was perfection and mastery all wrapped up into one amazing piece.

"She is for sale, you know." A voice said behind me.

I turned to face a yellow crystal pony. For a second, I thought it was a large sculpture and I looked around for the pony who'd spoken to me. Then, he blinked and smiled.

"Oh! Sorry, I'm not used to seeing..." I stopped myself. Was it racist to say something like that about Crystal ponies?

"No offence taken. We're a bit of a rare sight still." He assured me.

I exhaled. "I was just admiring this." I said, gesturing at the table. "Well, all of it is wonderful. I can't imagine how much time and energy went into it all."

"More than you'd think. Less than you'd expect. I've been doing this for, well, over a thousand years is technically correct." He said, smiling.

I laughed a bit, then stopped myself. I'd really have to get used to talking to a crystal pony without worrying about offending them.

"See anything you'd like to purchase? If you'd like to take a closer look at anything, you absolutely can." He offered.

I considered my options. The Cadence sculpture had to be out of my price range, but there were other, smaller odds and ends. Then I spotted it. A Princess Luna's House Guard in amethyst. It was even an earth pony like Div. "That one. The guard."

He smiled. "Good choice."

As the sculptor escorted me up to the counter, a ruby mare greeted him. "Loun! There you are. I'd thought you'd gone upstairs to skip off the rest of the day."

He chuckled. "You usually beat me to it, Ruby."

In retaliation, she kissed him right in front of me. He went red immediately. "Honey." He protested feebly.

She, apparently, wasn't having it. Pecking him again, she swatted his flank as she crossed to pass me. "Even good stallions need a spanking every now and again."

"Bad fillies need one every night." He jabbed back, his blush deepened as he realized I was still there. I tried to cover my mirth with both hooves.

She turned around, giving a swish of her tail that wasn't exactly called for in my face. "Well, if you're offering, sweetie, you're welcome to try. Just remember, I can only get so much redder. You, on the other hoof..." She trailed off meaningfully. I hadn't thought it possible, but his blush actually got redder again.

She turned back to me and waggled her eyebrows. "Stallions, you should be thankful you don't--"

"Oh, he does." Div said as he sidled up next to me.

"Ooh! What a perfectly good waste of two handsome stallions." Ruby said bluntly. "Don't take that the wrong way, now. There are quite a few games we have here that would be perfect for two gentlecolts to play...while the colt's asleep." She indicated a doorway with a red curtain and 'Adults Only' posted above it.

Div smiled. I was starting to feel a bit like poor Loun. "Maybe next time." Div teased, kissing me behind the ear. I squirmed and tapped him on the shoulder with my hoof.

"Just keep us in mind. You won't regret it!" She said casually, as if discussing a favorite restaurant instead of saucy board games. With that, Ruby disappeared around the corner, tail swishing.

Div and I met Bruiser at the counter. We paid for a few family games and my figurine. When Div noticed it, he smiled wider.

"This way I have something to look at while you're away." I said as Loun bagged the games and carefully wrapped the little House Guard.

"You sure we shouldn't go take a peek in the backroom? Maybe then you could have such a good time you wouldn't need any reminders." He teased. I covered Bruiser's ears. The colt looked up at me and rolled his eyes.

"Not in front of the colt, you dolt." I whispered harshly.

***

I woke up to a nose poking my neck. With a jolt, I realized it wasn't Div, who's nose was currently nuzzled in my hair. "Bru?"

"I-I'm sorry. When I couldn't hear you, I got really worried." He said. I cracked open an eye and saw him standing in his blue striped pajamas. He rubbed one forehoof against his other forelimb and looked away from me.

My brain began to unfog and I realized how cold it was in here. Well, outside of my blanket, and the warm stallion pressed against my back. "Oh, do you need another blanket?"

"No, I just couldn't hear you." He repeated. Finally, it clicked. The silencing spell I'd placed kept him from hearing me. I could've kicked myself for not explaining it to him.

I made to get out of bed, but Div's hooves tightened around me. He muttered sleepily into my hair, but I could tell he wasn't likely aware of what he was doing. I tapped his hooves to get his attention, but he just tightened his grip again. Sighing, I used my magic to loosen his grip and slide out of bed. Before I let him go I shoved my pillow into my place. Div's hooves wrapped around the pillow and he sighed contentedly. Rolling my eyes, I pushed Bru back out into the hallway gently.

Touching my horn to his door, I showed him the glyph. "It's a silencing spell to keep the noise of me snoring out of your room. Open stayed over last weekend and had a terrible night, so I figured I'd set this up so you could sleep easy."

"That's the problem." He said simply.

I scrambled my brain, but came up empty. "What's the problem?"

"I can't hear you." He repeated.

"Yeah, that's because of the spell." I explained.

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "I want to be able to hear you. I don't feel safe if I can't hear you. Even if you're snoring."

"Oh. Sorry, I guess I just assumed that since Open had a rough night, I must be doing the same to you. Div doesn't notice. He's a really heavy sleeper."

"Can you take the spell off?" He asked.

I winced. It had been over an hour's worth of work setting the spell on his door alone. "Are you sure? It was a lot of work..."

"Aren't you supposed to ask somepony before you cast a spell for them?" He pouted.

"Okay, we're going to discuss this. One, you are my foal, so if it's in your best interest, I will cast a spell if I have to. Two, this is my house. I pay the mortgage here, kiddo, so I'll make modifications to it that I feel are necessary. Now, I won't do it all the time. I thought this was fairly harmless, but I do feel bad for not telling you so that we could've had this talk at a more reasonable hour. So, a little less pouting will do." I resigned myself to uncasting this spell. At least it would take less time to take it down than it did to set it up.

I lit the glyph again. Tapping my horn against part of the circle, the glowing energy peeled away from the door where I'd touched it. With a thought, I drew the magic back into my horn. Letting the energy go willy nilly could make it harder to set a spell next time. The glow of the glyph weakened and eventually the glyph deteriorated.

"There." I announced. "Now give me a hug and go back to bed. I'll take the spell off my door and then try and get some sleep myself."

He cringed. "Yes, sir." He stepped up, but his body language was like he expected to get hurt.

"Stop." I said tiredly. "You don't have to hug me if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know I'm not mad at you."

"You sounded mad." He said quietly.

"I'm just tired, Bruiser. I'm sorry that I wasn't careful with my tone."

He burst into tears and buried himself in my side. I patted his back and mane until his sobs slowed down. We ended up sitting on the floor. Thankfully, the hall was carpeted. I'd have to talk to somepony about setting a few warming spells. I would do it, but without an expert things had a tendency to burst into flames.

"I hate being a crybaby." He muttered into my side.

"You're not a crybaby, Bruiser. You've been through a lot more than anypony else I know. Honestly, I don't know how you deal with everything so well."

"But, I keep calling you sir, just like him. Sometimes it feels like I'm back there." I brushed through his hair again and thought about it.

"Would you like to talk to somepony about it?"

"Like who?" He asked.

"Like...Whindy. A pony who knows about colts who think they're crybabies. Somepony who's good at listening and can help you remember how good you are. I think you should."

"I'm talking to you." He pointed out.

"Yeah, but I'm new to parenting, Bru. I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to remind you that you're not back in Appleloosa." I admitted.

He looked up at me. "You think this special pony could help?"

"I do. But only if you want to. If you don't, well, I can go pick up a few books and maybe find another way." I looked back down and kissed his forehead. "Let me know tomorrow, love. I'll love you and help you as much as I can either way."

We both got to our hooves. Bruiser walked back into his room. He turned around in the doorway and gestured me closer. I leaned my head down and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Good night, daddy."

I smiled and hugged him around his neck. "Night, Bru. Love you."

As his door closed, I looked back at my own. With a sigh, I went to dispel the glyph and try to sleep. By the time I got to bed again, I had to magically free my pillow and force my way back into Div's embrace. My thoughts kept me up until Div lipped at my ear. Sighing, I leaned into him and decided to leave all the thinking to future me. It was tomorrow me's problem.

Child of Mine Part 1

The sword came crashing down against mine with alarming speed. I barely had time to reinforce my magic to handle the force of the blow. I shot magical bursts of force at his hooves to back the attacker up. Unfortunately, I couldn't generate much force this way. Not only was I more interested in holding my own sword aloft to parry any parting blows this foe could swing but I wasn't good at purely magical attacks.

My magical bolts struck empty space. Instead of backing up, my opponent leapt over them to swing at my head. It was a daring move and one I hadn't anticipated. Dropping to my barrel, his sword sailed overhead. Dropping my own weapon, I pulled his sword magically in the direction of the swing. It flew out of his mouth. He landed on the ground just to my right and I rolled to get away. Before I could get up, he aimed a series of bucks, forcing me to roll to avoid them. I hit the wood of the deck as he prepared a finishing blow. As his hooves went up, I rolled underneath him and stood, my horn aimed at his chest.

He kicked his hind legs against the deck and rolled forward. My horn met empty air. I reared, unleashing a flurry of blows at my foe as he stood up. He reared as well, countering my hoofstrikes with his own. Knocking my hooves away, he seized the opening and shouldered into my chest with enough force to knock me onto my back. As the wind flew out of me, I felt him pin me to the ground by the shoulders.

"Say it." Div said, his voice practically bursting with jubilation. It wasn't fair; even against a unicorn, he was trained to fight. I was an SGU nerd.

"Never." I said bravely as I struggled against his hooves. He didn't budge.

Div kissed me below my ear. I wriggled again but it was for naught. "Say it."

"No!" I said, stubbornly.

"Say it or I tickle you." His hooves slid over my ribcage and my body seized up in tension.

I pinned my ears back and looked at him with eyes wide. "Mercy!"

His will was strong. "Say it, Life." He insisted.

"Fine! Earth ponies rule..." I trailed off, muttering the rest unintelligibly.

He jiggled his hooves, eliciting a very un-stallionly squeak out of me. "Say all of it, Life."

Eyes clouded in tears of mirth, I gave in. "Ah, ah! Agh. Earth ponies rule; unicorns drool."

Finally, he let me up. "That's right! Now as the winner, I think I'm entitled to some breakfast. And take off the shirt."

I hesitated, looking around us in case other neighbors were out and about. Div snorted. "May I remind you that outside of my armor, I rarely wear anything. Not to mention your shirt's all sweaty, dirty, and grass-stained now."

"Fine." I took it in my magic and pulled it off. He stepped into my space again and I froze. His chest brushed against mine and a shiver ran through me. This kind of coat to coat contact was usually reserved for a more private setting. His breath teased around my ear as he nuzzled my cheek.

I tapped his shoulder insistently. "We're in our backyard, Div. Not the bedroom."

He stepped back a bit and leaned in to kiss me. Thinking quickly, I took my shirt and threw it in his face.

"Blech. My mouth was open!" He protested.

I sniffed. "Well, good." I turned to head inside, tail swishing.

He avoided the assault. "Just because you had to eat some humble pie doesn't mean I need a bitter taste in my mouth." Div said with a chortle.

As I opened the door with my magic, I shrugged. "Yeah, yeah. You want a real mouthful of bitter, just watch me make breakfast."

He sighed as we walked in. "Oh, please tell me you're not trying one of your mother's recipes again."

I shivered. "No, no. Nopony deserves that kind of punishment."

Div showered and gathered his work things while I put breakfast together. If he ran a bit behind, we'd eat up in our bedroom's sitting room or the balcony. As it happened this morning, he was done just as I finished plating up our meal. Moving over to the large windows at the rear of the house, we sat down at our breakfast nook and enjoyed the food. I hadn't really appreciated how much my trim runner could eat and even then I suspected he snuck a second breakfast at some place between home and the castle grounds.

I looked him over as he brushed crumbs off of his dress uniform. He'd signed up for some classes and, rather than bring up the honeymoon we never got to go on, I'd shrugged and put together a saving plan for a bigger vacation the next time we'd get a chance to make good on our plans. With a goodbye kiss at the door, Div was off to learn how to be a better guardspony.

I walked back into the kitchen and looked out the window, sighing in contentment at the tranquil morning.

As if silence was absolutely not allowed in our home, Bruiser came down the steps with all the grace and lightness of a herd of stampeding elephants. It reminded me to talk to dad about reinforcing the staircase, just to be safe. Still yawning, the colt sat himself down at the counter facing the kitchen.

"Good morning to you too, bright-eyes." I said sweetly.

With a sheepish grin, Bru replied. "I ain't bright-eyed nor bushy-tailed until I have breakfast."

"Yes, yes. I got your breakfast right here." I said, miming a slow motion punch to his nose. As I did, I contorted my face into a parody of rage. Bru snorted, and merely bumped hooves with me.

Turning around, I grabbed a bowl and started filling it with the oatmeal ready-made on the stove. "We have grapes, apples and bananas, too. Orange juice is in the pitcher next to you, help yourself." I levitated a glass over next to the pitcher. "Just cinnamon and a little honey, right?"

His mouth full of something, Bru gurgled out a response. Casting a look over my shoulder, he already had a half-eaten banana in one hoof and a glass of orange juice in the other. Blushing, he chewed and swallowed the rest of what was in his mouth and took a sip of juice. "Yes, please." He said finally.

"That's better. I much prefer hearing your voice clearly." I glanced over at the parenting book I'd dug out of our luggage. I'd forgotten I had it; though to be fair, I'd gotten it at the second-hoof store in Appleloosa before the accident. Positive reinforcement was an oft-repeated ideal from what I'd read. "You can take your time."

Returning to the counter with two bowls of oatmeal and silverware, I sat next to Bru and we dug in.

After we finished, I turned my stool to face him. "We should talk about last night."

Occupying himself with the orange juice, Bru didn't turn to face me. "Do we have to?"

I smiled sympathetically. "We do. I can't say you'll feel better right away, but I can say that it won't get better if we don't start somewhere."

Bruiser looked down into his glass. "I'm pretty messed up. It could take a long time. That's not fair to you or Div."

I sighed and laid a hoof on his shoulder. "We won't leave you. I know it's hard to believe, but I'll show you how much Div and I are committed to keeping you in our family. If you need somepony to talk to, I'll make sure you get what you need."

Bruiser downed the orange juice and turned to me. "I need somepony to talk to. It's not that I can't talk to you or Div, but..." He trailed off, his words failing him.

I nodded. "I understand. If you're worried about how we'll react, or if you'll offend us, then having another pony you can talk to is important."

He hugged me, nearly falling off his stool. I grabbed him magically and returned the embrace. "Thanks for understanding, dad."

A slip of paper wrapped in my mother's magic zipped across the family room and went straight for my head. I managed to stave of its rather kamikaze antics by catching it in my own magical glow. With a lopsided grin, I looked at Bruiser. "Looks like my parents are here."

***

"He looks happy enough." Dad said as we sat in the breakfast nook. From the windows, we watched mom and Bruiser play.

"Looks can be deceiving." I said.

He eyed me sidelong. "You've got a point. So, what are you going to do?"

I shrugged. "Div's a royal guard. I'll head down to the guard complex and see about getting Bruiser signed up--"

Dad faced me fully. "Life. I know you and Bruiser are of...limited means but--"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He meant well. "We're not that bad off, dad. But going through the royal guard--"

"I know a pony. Went to school with him, actually." He said suddenly.

I stopped and considered it. "Dad, I don't want to have to use your contacts if I can do something on my own."

"I appreciate that, Life. But, in this case, I think Bruiser deserves the best care and I wouldn't be able to call myself a good grandfather if I didn't help." I smiled. This was the sweetest he'd ever been around me.

I looked away, unsure. He was making such an effort, could I really just blow him off? "I don't know, dad. Money doesn't always get you the best of everything."

Dad sighed. "You're pretty wise. Tell you what, go for one appointment and if it doesn't work out, you can always go to the guard."

That seemed like a compromise I could live with. "Fair enough. When can we see this friend of yours?"

***

Dr. Ascription's office was in the decidedly wealthier part of Canterlot. The waiting room was all done in dark wood and recessed lighting. It created a casual yet professional appearance that bordered on stereotypical. Then again, some stereotypes had a purpose. After a short wait, I was ushered in while Bruiser remained in the waiting room. I thought that odd, considering this wasn't about me. Or, at least, it shouldn't have been. "Mr. Story, I have a few...concerns."

Willing down the feeling of unease, I shrugged. "Let's hear 'em."

He leaned back in his chair and steepled his hooves. "Well, I hope you'll excuse me, but I couldn't help but recall from the papers that you were involved in an accident at Galloping Gorge. You were missing for a few days?"

I didn't see what this had to do with anything, but I went along. "Well, yeah. I was alright though. Made it back safe and sounder than I had any right to be, given the situation."

He eyed me seriously. "Have you spoken with somepony about this?"

I shrugged. "No, I mean, why?"

He waved a hoof. "Pardon the assumption, but it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that you'd have a few emotional issues after an event like that."

I shrugged again, shifting in the cushiony chair. "It happened. I lived. I came home and picked up where I left off. I've got everything going well for me. I have a beautiful new home, a loving husband, and a good career."

He looked down at his notebook. "And a son with emotional issues."

I frowned. "Bruiser is an amazing colt. Better than I was at his age and with a lot more to complain about than I ever had. I love him. He could never be a burden to me."

He looked over the bridge of his eyeglasses. "And your spouse..."

"My husband." I corrected.

He waved a hoof again. "My apologies. Your...husband feels the same way?"

I was less than thrilled with his hesitation to use the word 'husband.' "Of course."

"You answered that pretty quickly." He observed.

"I have no doubt." I said, beginning to feel like I was the one under examination. This was not how I pictured this would go.

"When you were missing, what was your spouse focused on the most?" He asked.

I raked my brain. What was going on? "Finding me, I suppose." I said, after some confusion.

"Not taking care of Bruiser?" He said, looking down to make a note.

I lifted my chin. "Hey, he wanted to make sure I at least got a proper burial. He knew it would be important to Bruiser and my parents."

"It's my advice that I see all of you. We can work around schedules..." He drifted off, looking through a few papers on his desk.

That seemed just a touch odd. He hadn't even seen Bruiser yet. "Why see all of us?"

He looked up as if he hadn't expected any questions. "I want to get as clear a picture of the colt's home life as possible. Sometimes foals aren't always reliable sources of information."

I worked my jaw and then spoke. "Bruiser wouldn't lie. He's here because he wants help."

He waved dismissively with a hoof. "I didn't say he would. Like I said, I just need as clear a picture of his home life with two stallions to see..."

No way I could let that go. "What does him living with two stallions have to do with anything?"

He didn't look up. "Please don't take offense. It's just that the bulk of research into subjects like this show that the best, most ideal situation for any foal to grow up in is in a traditional home. While I understand that you two love him just like any other parent, your kind of home situation can lead to unintended consequences as the colt has no maternal bond with which to interact. Such a situation can lead to confusion and result in inappropriate behaviors."

Furrowing my eyebrows, I protested his assumption. "You haven't even spoken to him yet."

He looked up blandly. "One does not go into any situation unprepared. Speaking of which, if you have access, I would like the contact information for Bruiser's biological parents so--"

"No." I said, decisively.

His gaze focused on me. "Excuse me?"

"You will not be speaking to...those ponies."

He tilted his head and leaned forward. "Try to be rational, Mr. Story, I--"

I cut him off. This was completely rational. "Nothing good could come from them having any contact with him. Not after what they've done."

He set both hooves down on his desk. "Ponies make mistakes, Mr. Story. If there is any chance to salvage the relationship, if even only in an advisory capacity, I'd recommend--"

I stood. "I recommend you stay away from me and my family."

He crossed his forelimbs. "There's no need to get defensive, Mr. Story."

I snorted. "You call my family un-ideal. You want me to get Bruiser back into contact with the emotionally abusive ponies who threw him out in the first place and--"

His eyebrows rose. "Ah! Well, then. If they've broken off relations with him, it would indeed be difficult to re-establish any connection. More's the pity really. Was he showing signs of instability in that home as well?"

'Showing signs of instability?' Oh for the love of Celestia! How could he act like he knew Bru without even talking to the foal. This had to be the most biased piece of pony flesh I'd ever met in Canterlot. I managed my coldest tone. "Thank you for your time. We're done speaking."

This riled him. Dr. Ascription stood. "Mr. Story! You have been the most uncooperative pony I've had to deal with!"

"And you've insulted my family too many times to count!" I shot back.

He snorted. "If we're being honest, Mr. Story, I'm taking this case on because your father is an important friend of mine. You could try being a little more respectful. It's obvious that if your family was the ideal situation for this colt you wouldn't be here."

I stepped up to his desk and pointed in his face. "Well, how's this then? You can respectfully go to tartarus and take your crackpot, outdated notions of ideal families with you."

***

"I'm sorry. I had no idea." Dad said as I walked back downstairs. Bruiser hadn't really spoken to me after the visit to the psychologist. He went to bed as soon as dad came in.

I patted his shoulder. "It's fine, dad. It wasn't your fault."

"I hope Bruiser will forgive me as easily." He said, looking upstairs. "Still. It shouldn't've happened. I haven't heard such biased thinking in many years." He sat back and sighed. "'Ideal families,' huh? I know we weren't one for you." He walked to the couch in the family room and sat, dejectedly.

I walked into the family room. "Dad, no, you and mom--"

He looked up at me. "Life. Don't try and save my reputation now. I put business ahead of family long ago."

I sighed uneasily and sat next to him. "You weren't the Tannins, though."

He smiled ruefully. "Yeah, guess they weren't exactly ideal either. This notion that foals can only grow up one perfect way is completely antithetical to the one uniting principle of ponies: we're all different. No two ponies learn things in exactly the same way. Ponies witnessing the same event will remember it differently. So why would having the same 'nuclear family' solve all the mental and emotional ills of our society? It's completely reductive; it's like trying to solve a myriad of problems with one answer when there are too many variables."

I shrugged. Hard to argue with that. He stood and shook himself. "Well, hopefully the royal guard has more...open minded ponies at their disposal. I need to go through my friends and figure out which ones are really worth keeping around after all. I'm truly sorry, Life, I didn't mean to put you through any of that."

I stood and hugged him. It was a little awkward still, but I put all of my feeling into it. "I know, dad. It's okay. You were just trying to help and you couldn't've expected this to happen."

Child of Mine Part 2

So. Much. Paperwork.

I sat in the waiting room of the Royal Guard's counseling services office, practically knee deep in paperwork. At least I could say I was sitting; the last few days were mostly marked with running around Canterlot getting everything together so I could start doing this paperwork. There had to be some kind of help for a non-Guard like me to navigate through this, although I had no idea who to ask. Then again, maybe it was just me; maybe other ponies didn't need help filling this out and I was just being a worrier.

Ugh! I ran my hooves through my hair. Luckily, Bruiser was entertaining himself with a few puzzles nearby. Normally, he didn't have patience, but he was more subdued than usual. I prayed that the visit to dad's former friend and biased psychologist wasn't to blame for his behavior. Sighing, I looked back down at the mountain of forms and information packets. I just had to get through all this bureaucracy and Bruiser would get the help he needed.

As I went to put pen to paper once more, I heard my name. "Life?"

I looked up at a familiar pegasus. "Velocity?" One of the best flyers in the north, Velocity Windwing had been recovering from a serious wing injury when I met her atop one of the skyscrapers in Whinnyapolis.

"Dad?" Bruiser asked as he came over, eying Velocity with uncertainty

"So this is your son?" She asked. Had she stayed for the reception? I couldn't remember speaking to her afterwards.

I gathered my scattered brain and decided to go with formality. "Let's start over. Velocity Windwing, this is my son, Bruiser. Bru, this is a friend I made on my trip, Velocity. She was at the wedding, but I don't think I ever got to introduce you two."

"Pleased to meet you." Bruiser said stiffly.

"Pleasure's all mine." Velocity said with a smile, unaffected by Bruiser's mannerisms. "Are you here to see a counselor?"

Bruiser's eyes narrowed and his ears flattened against his head. "That's..."

"Right!" I said, interrupting what was sure to be an impolite response. I'd have to remember to question Bruiser about this later. "Yes and I have all this paperwork to go through..."

"Maybe I can be of help there." She said, clearing a space on the couch near me. Bruiser bristled, gritting his teeth. Before I could cut him off, he turned tail and returned to his side of the table. I caught him glaring at Velocity every once in a while. "Let's see. A family psychologist? So it's just behavioral and not health-related?"

"So far as I know." Did waking up on the wrong side of the bed count as health-related. With the daggers he was staring into Velocity; I had to wonder what had gotten into the colt.

Oblivious, she shuffled through the pile to familiarize herself. There was a method to my mess and she caught on quick. "All right, then you'll probably also want somepony with a bit of experience with adoptions."

"Where do you find that?" I asked, surprised.

"In here." She said, tapping her head. "I've been here since about a month after I met you. You are reading my letters?"

"Yeah, you've been a little light on details. So this is the job you found in Canterlot? The one that keeps you so busy you can't make time to see me?" I pouted playfully. Bruiser clicked a puzzle piece into place loudly.

She looked away. "Yeah. Not everypony is as lucky as Amore."

My smile fell. "Velocity, I..."

She shook her head. "No, I'm okay. Really. Well, I'm seeing somepony about it as well. But I'm working on it."

"Somepony here?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. My mother is a city guard here."

"Good for you!" I said sincerely.

Her smile widened. "Thanks. But we were talking about you!" She flipped over a few papers and pulled out a few things. "Well, I've heard good things about a few of these psychs, but when it comes to adoptive families, Dr. Clarity is as good as her name. Limbic Clarity, right here." She said, pointing to a name in one of the pamphlets. I made a mark next to the name. "She's fairly new, so she should have some openings. I'd hurry though, she's had quite a reputation. Apparently, she was on some sort of writing trip before this, so she's gotten popular."

Did I remember a psychologist on the writing trip? It was possible there was one. I hadn't made many friends on the trip outside of Open and Cross.

***

With my parents colt-sitting again, Amore and Progetta kindly took Div and I out to dinner. We were picked up in a nice covered drawn carriage. The vehicle was lit on the inside, so conversation was nice and easy. We even left the covers over the window. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was in a great mood.

Then I realized exactly at which restaurant we'd arrived.

Delmaneco's

Of all the restaurants, in all of Canterlot, in all of Equestria, we ended up at the multi-generational traditional Bitalian eatery. Div looked at me, concern apparent in his eyes.

"I think we should g--" He began.

"No, it's okay." I said, cutting him off. "Besides, I have someone to introduce you two to." I let my expression draw up into what I hoped was a passable smile. The odds of Genuine Article being here at this exact moment were slim. Besides, Delmaneco would love to meet Amore and Progetta. He'd probably keep Genuine from making a scene. Probably.

"Welcome!" Delmaneco said as he made a mark in his booking schedule at the host podium. When he looked up, his eyebrows shot higher than a Wonderbolt.

"Mia Celestia!" Huh. I guess generations of living in Canterlot had an effect on the Bitalian stallion's phraseology. Slowly, he stepped around the podium and let out a string of Bitalian that I couldn't follow.

Amore and Progetta's ears perked towards the restaurateur. Amore answered in another string of Bitalian. Progetta looked at Div and I and pushed on Amore's shoulder. Mama Pro regarded the other two and spoke in a familiar, lightly rebuking tone. Amore looked unfazed, although it was rare that Mama Pro's lectures had any effect on Amore, no matter the language. Delmaneco glanced at me and hesitated. The gears in his head seemed to freeze, but he recovered quickly and looked genuinely pleased.

"Ah! Not as nicely dressed as the last time, Signore Story."

Div piped up. "Signore diVolare." He corrected.

He looked at the two of us and hesitated again. "Signora Progettazione, I take it this is your bambino?"

"Just as if he were my own blood." She answered, throwing a hoof around Div's shoulder. "Don't let his preference deceive you, he and his sposo have already made us grandmothers!"

His head inclined to us. "Congratulazioni! You will be my special guests tonight!"

As he lead us to our table, I was fairly sure a lone mare sat at Genuine's usual table. I avoided looking twice. I really didn't want to know if she was actually here or not. Our meal was incredible, although I felt like somepony was watching us.

***

Dr. Clarity eyed me over the rim of her glasses. "Blot Inkwell, huh?"

I squirmed a bit under the scrutiny. "It was a pen-name."

Pushing her glasses back up, she continued. "And your cutie mark?"

"Part of the cover. It was a spell." I explained.

She smiled. "Well, it's nice to meet you again, Mr. Story, and nice to meet your son."

I really shouldn't need a reminder that he was there. I gave a start and introduced them properly. "Bruiser, this is Dr. Clarity."

Reaching a hoof over her desk, Bruiser spoke. "A pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

Shaking his hoof, Dr. Clarity gestured for him to sit down. "Thank you. It's a pleasure to meet you as well."

Bruiser looked at me, then back at Dr. Clarity. "He can go, right?"

Dr. Clarity nodded. "It's up to you, Bruiser."

Bruiser looked back at me and gave me a hug. "I'll go. I'll be in the waiting room. Have a good talk."

***

"Velocity, we have to stop meeting like this." I said jokingly as the pegasus came into view.

She smirked. "Is that an invitation to dinn—oh, wait. You're married, you little punk."

I held up my forehooves. "Hey, I can have friends! Just because I don't have a lot of them and actually married my best friend doesn't mean I can't make new ones."

She shrugged. "Fair enough. Friends, then. Lunch, tomorrow. My treat."

"Sounds good." I said.

At the end of his appointment, Bruiser was all smiles. What's more, the smile was an honest to goodness real smile. Clarity gave me a sheet of exercises that Bruiser was to do regularly to even out his temper and emotions. We spoke for a bit and then went home. My attention rested solely on Bruiser's smiling face. It was such a silly little thing, but it meant the world to me.

I felt like the happiest parent in all Canterlot.

One Fine Day

Opening my front door, I saw perhaps the last pony in Equestria I ever wanted to see at my doorstep. "Genuine." I said as evenly as possible.

"Life." She replied.

We stared each other down. Irritated, I spoke first. "Why are you here...at my home?"

"We need to talk." She said. Those four words were never anything good.

I inhaled slowly. "Then talk."

She looked around. "Out here on the front porch? Call me an old-fashioned southerner, but you could invite me in."

I could also tell her to go to Tartarus. "I made it clear to you to stay away from me and my family. So talk."

She shook her head. "I admire the hell out of a stallion with some backbone. But now's not the time. It's probably not safe for me to be seen around you. For your sake, if nothing else. So let's take this inside."

I held the door for her and gestured her in. "Fine."

She stood in my foyer and took in the view. "You gotta nice place, mon ami."

I gestured to the dining room table. She took a seat left of the head of the table. "I'm not your friend."

"You should be." She said as she settled herself down. "Our interview all those months ago had an unforeseen consequence."

I sat at the head of the table. "What are you talking about?"

"It's taken me a while to see it too. I shouldn't have been so naïve. I trusted you a little too well. Maybe it was the food or the conversation, but I felt fine confiding my darkest secrets to you. I-I told some friends about our interview and my uncharacteristic lack of discretion. They figured you'd used some sort of magic to get out my whole life's story." She smiled for a moment, but sobered when she looked at me.

My patience wore thin. "I wouldn't have done that. And I couldn't have done that. I don't have the ability to magically influence other ponies' thoughts."

She nodded. "I know, but my friends weren't convinced. I didn't think they'd harm you, I still don't, but you have to understand how good of a friend these ponies are to me."

I glared at her. "What are you talking about?"

She took a breath to steady herself. "I didn't send you the copy of the Principia in order to pay you for a good review. Another pony paid me to send it to you." After her proclamation, she looked at me to gauge my reaction.

If it was true, it was baffling. "Who?"

She looked down. "Before I tell you, I need you to know that they would never hurt anyone. So, if you still think someone tried to kill you, I'm positive it isn't them."

This meant literally nothing to me, but she already thought I'd told her secret once. What was to stop me from lying to her? Well, besides the fact that I am generally not a liar. "Who was it, Genuine?"

She looked into my eyes. "Promise me you won't go after them about the accident at the gorge." She insisted.

I shook my head. "I don't owe you anything, Genuine. If what you say is true, then these ponies were probably setting you up with that book as much as they were setting me up."

Her mouth opened, but she was temporarily at a loss. "They wouldn't do that! This is all just a big misunderstanding." Her tone wasn't as sure as she seemed to imply.

I resisted rolling my eyes narrowly. "An angered manticore winds up attacking the train that's bringing me, my husband, foal, and parents home. A rogue storm washes out the bridge the train is stuck on at just the right moment. These aren't accidents. There's nothing to misunderstand."

She tapped the table with one hoof. "How could anypony know that you'd still be on the train when the bridge collapsed? That rogue storm also did heavy damage to the dam upstream, miles away from that bridge."

I wasn't about to give in. "Nopony would have evacuated that train if my dad hadn't checked the bridge. There could have been many more lives at stake. What better way to hide one murder than by making it look like an accident that killed everypony aboard?"

She leaned back. "So why target you? Isn't it a little presumptuous to assume that, out of all the ponies on that train, they were after just you and your family?"

I hadn't heard the door open, but I looked over to see Div standing in the archway from the foyer to the dining room. "What is she doing here?"

Genuine sighed. "Oh great, the guard."

Ignoring her, I clued Div in. "Genuine says that she didn't give me the book; someone else paid her to send it to me."

"Who?" Div asked.

She looked at him remorsefully. "You have to promise me you won't go after them."

He snorted rudely. "No deal. You're hanging on a thread already. We let ponies know that you let forgeries through the auction house and your reputation is shattered."

She snorted back. "Go ahead. I've already sold the business off."

"You sold the book shop?" I asked, a bit stunned by the off-hoofed way she said it.

Her eyes held a touch of remorse, but her face remained resolute. "I've held onto it for too long. My husband passed away years ago. I need to move on."

"You leaving town?" Div asked as he sat at the end of the table.

She regarded him with amazing aloofness. "Not that it's your business but no. I have a few matters to take care of and some decisions to make before I can move on fully."

Div tapped a hoof on the table. "That's great. Back to the pony who sent Life the book."

"No promise, no name."

I snorted. "You can walk right back out, then. I won't play any games with you, Genuine."

She stood. Div and I did the same. "Fine. We'll go back to staying out of each other's way."

I nodded. "Fine. Have a good day."

Div saw her out and slammed the door behind her.

His face slowly drained away the anger as he spoke. "I can't believe you let her leave with that question hanging over us." Div stated.

I shrugged. "We'll figure it out. It's somepony close to her."

He nodded. "Yeah, she was awfully insistent on not giving away the name."

I waved a hoof. "Whatever. She'll be leaving the city. Here's hoping this is the last we'll see of her."

***

The marketplace nearest to us was...let's say too pricey. Fortunately, there was one closer to the Royal Guard complex that understood the needs of young families. Unfortunately, my parents were visiting my uncle (mom's brother) out of town. That left me with Bruiser, who'd lately been on a question kick the likes of which I'd only heard of in parental horror stories.

"Okay, so how can you do all the magic you do?" Bruiser asked.

As this was the first time I'd gone to the market by myself, I was just a little lost. Of course, having a distraction didn't help. "Um, I'm a unicorn."

"Yeah, I know, but not every unicorn can levitate, cast silence spells, writing spells, heal..." He trailed off, looking longingly over at a toy shop we passed. Wait, toy shop? Was there supposed to be one around here?

Sensing the dangerous allure of toys, I kept his attention on me. "Well, you're right. I'm maybe a little better at all sorts of magic. But I'm only above average in a few categories."

"Why?" If I had a bit for every time he used that one word, I'd start my own printing company.

I shrugged. "I have a feeling not even Celestia knows why some ponies can do more magic than others. Mom used to joke that it was because I was good at whatever I needed to be for life."

"Are you?" He asked earnestly.

I snorted. "Not everything. I can't use strong attack magic and my shields are about average normally. I'm not good at complicated magic like teleportation." Was there a spell that let you know if you were going the right way? I looked at the unfamiliar cross-street and made a guess.

Halfway down the next block, I decided I'd definitely gone the wrong way. Maybe if I made a turn here, I could cut back across the district. "Dad?"

I looked back at him. A slight breeze blew by. "Yeah?"

"Are we lost?" He asked, glancing around.

I looked around at the dead-end empty alley I'd led us into. "Uh, yeah."

He sighed. "Maybe we should..."

"Well, looks like somepony made a wrong turn." A voice said from a nearby alcove.

"Uh, yeah, actually. I don’t suppose you..." The figure stepped out in front of us. A familiar night black pegasus pony smirked at us, his eyes settling on Bruiser with a predatory gleam.

Glancing at Bru, I could see the shock on his face. I made the mental connection. This was the pony who’d forced Bruiser to steal for him in Manehatten.

“Vinny. Vindictive Bucker.”

Vinny smiled. "One encounter and you remember me like that? I think I'm a little honored."

"What do you want?" I said, stepping in front of Bruiser.

"That colt owes me. And since you laid your filthy earth pony hooves on me last time we met, I think I'll take a pound of flesh outta your hide too."

"Dad!" I looked behind us at the entrance to the alley. Two more brutish ponies blocked our escape. Both were earth pony stallions with enough muscle on them to put a healthy amount of fear into my veins.

I looked back at Vinny and his mocking smile. I had to get Bruiser out and then knock that smile off his face. "Oh, did you think I'd come alone? All the way from Manehatten? I may be violent, but I'm not stupid."

He continued as both he and the henchponies slowly walked towards us. "We've been keeping tabs on you since you survived that little...accident at Galloping Gorge. No, don't look at me that way. We didn't plan that, but whoever did was a freaking genius. Too bad it didn't work. Well, too bad for you. Falling off a bridge is a lot less painful than what we're going to do to you."

Summoning a bubble force field, I expanded it out, shoving the two henchponies into the wall. "Bruiser, run!" To his credit, the colt listened to me and shot off like an arrow.

The henchponies tried taking off after Bru, but I tethered their hind legs to each other. They stumbled and fell. I heard a rush of wings behind me and ducked. Vinny flew over my head, a small black club in his mouth.

“Go track down that colt!” Vinny growled at the two muscle-bound ponies.

“This magic's in the way.” One said, dangling a tangled hoof.

Vinny looked back at me. “Guess I’ll have to break somepony’s concentration, and a few bones just for good measure.

***

Going on beat patrols wasn't exactly common for some sergeants, but I swore that I, City Guard Sgt. Paisley Ember, would not be a desk-sergeant. Besides, the rookie I'd been saddled with, Jelly Jogger, needed all the help he could get. The dark magenta stallion made an odd sight with his bubblegum pink cropped mane and tail.  He wasn't a bad recruit, he just lacked a certain amount of sense. When he wasn't sneaking his favorite treat (stereotypical jelly filled powdered donuts), he had a splendid knack for missing the point.

We turned the corner on Market Street and Wagon Road when a two tone spotted colt bowled me over like a set of ten pins. This, of course, amused the rookie to no end. As I tried to stand without hurting the little hat-wearing wrecking ball, the colt's eyes caught sight of my City Guard armor and he started speaking faster than I could catch.

Finally on all fours again, I straightened myself and glared at the still-guffawing rookie guard. I felt the colt seize my hoof and tug. He was strong, but I was less than cooperative.

“Hold up, little guy. Let’s have you explain that again, but slower and in plain Equestrian.”

The colt sighed in frustration. “No time!” He shouted. Turning to Jelly, he slapped the smile right off of the stunned Guard’s face and then turned tail and ran.

Jelly was after him, shouting for him to stop, before I could react. After my momentary shock wore off, I took to the air. I just hoped I’d get to the colt before Jelly could. I was sure he wouldn’t hurt the colt, but he’d likely scare the hell out of him.

Turned out neither of us got to him first. The colt had to be part rabbit, dodging other ponies and slipping under carts and tables. Jelly had a decidedly less lucky streak; I made a mental note to go back and apologize to the bistro, flower stand and newspony.

The less said about the poor cabbage seller, the better. That was going to be a costly reimbursement. Well, costly for Jelly.

By the time the colt slipped into an alley, Jelly looked like an oddly decorated paper mache pony. As I swooped down, I saw three ponies fighting a fourth pony. None of them looked too good. I dropped two with well-timed kicks as I landed. The fourth pony buckled, the third assailant delivered a clubbing blow before I could reach him. As I dropped the third pony with a surprise attack, I wondered what the hay Jelly had gotten into.

Looking back, I saw him holding down the colt. Well trying to, at least. The guy was struggling for all he was worth. I put it together pretty quick that pony number four, a blood dun unicorn stallion, was the colt’s dad.

“Jogger, let the colt up and get me some Emergency Medical ponies.”

Jelly hadn't heard me, his focus on wrestling the squirming bundle of fur and insults. “...resisting…stop resis…”

“JOGGER!” I yelled, getting the rookie’s attention this time. “Big picture. Get some EMP's and restrain these three ponies ASAP!”

Glancing around, he let go of the colt and saluted. “Uh, yes Sarge.”

“Daddy.” Now free, the colt rushed to his father's side. “Is he going to be okay?”

I wasn't a trained medical pony, but first aid would only be an improvement at this point. “Give me some space, kid. He’ll be fine as soon as we get him some help.”

Beautiful

When I opened my eyes, I realized slowly I wasn’t at home. For one, the bed was nowhere near as comfortable or roomy as mine and Div wasn’t wrapped around me. The room was white, the sheets were scratchy and I could see my pulse beeping along on a screen nearby.

Great. The hospital.

I took a deep breath, held it, then let it out. A few more times and I started scrambling my brains. How did I end up here?

I shifted, and that’s when I felt something on top of my lower legs. Inclining my head slowly, I could make out the top of Bruiser’s hat.

That’s when things clicked into place! The alley. Vinny. Getting Bru out of there and holding off the three until they overpowered me.

I let my head fall back against the pillows. Sighing, I realized it could be worse. At least Div wasn’t…

As if alerted by my thoughts, I heard his voice. “Ly.” He stood at my bedside, having moved out of the shadows in a corner of the room.

He whispered in the darkened room. Even so, he sounded hoarse and tired. “You woke up. That’s good. How’re you feeling?”

Taking stock of my sore spots, I answered. “Head feels like garbage. Hurts to breathe. I’m sore in places I didn’t know could get sore.”

“I’m going to go let the staff know you’re awake. They’ll want to talk to you and make sure you're all there up there.” He said, tapping his head as he left.

There was a rush of activity as the medical ponies looked me over. Questions answered, tests passed, and plenty of poking. Bruiser was moved and then returned after they looked over my legs again. In less time than I thought, but longer than I wanted, we were alone again.

From his chair next to me, Div looked down at the end of the bed. “You’re lucky Bruiser was able to find help so soon.” He said finally, breaking the silence that fell after the nurses left.

A thought occurred. “Has he been here the whole time?”

“Do you even need to ask? Before you say anything, he’s eaten pretty well. Paisley went above and beyond for us.” That wasn't a familiar name.

Slightly worried I might have forgotten somepony important, I asked, “Paisley?”

Div caught my expression. “Oh! She's a city guard. Bruiser led a pair of City Guards straight to you. They saw you take the hit and Paisley took them down.”

“You weakened em up for me.” A pegasus mare said from the doorway. “Ey, Jelly, get your rear over here.” Her accent was fairly strong, but I couldn’t place it.

As she came in, a unicorn stallion poked his head around the doorway. “It’s after visiting hours!” He hissed. “He probably needs his rest.”

“He’s been out for days. That’s enough beauty rest to even make you look presentable.” Her accent was like Open’s Equish accent but a bit more rugged and slightly nasal. She looked back at me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner, mate. They did quite a number on ya. Those shrimps are frying down at the jail right now. From what the little ‘un said, they’d meant serious harm. We'll come back tomorrow and get your statement. Right now, just relax as much as you can. We've posted a guard outside your door just to be safe. No telling if those blokes were the only thugs after you.”

“Thanks for making it when you did.” I replied.

She nodded and nudged the stallion at her side. He sighed and looked at me. "Sir, I owe you and the colt an apology."

"Let's explain it first. It's kind of funny, really." She relayed their encounter with my son. The stallion, apparently named Jelly Jogger, looked painfully embarrassed. Hard to tell which part embarrassed him the most, getting slapped, the collateral damage of the chase, or trying to restrain Bru when I was being attacked just a few feet away. I could see the humor, though.

"Sorry Bruiser made things difficult. He's never really had to cope with a situation like this. I hope there's never a next time, but I'll talk to him about proper ways to deal with important, time-sensitive information." Jelly seemed more at ease. Paisley couldn't keep the smile off her face. Apparently, she saw the humor too.

Paisley made their goodbyes and they exited, her partner not far behind her.

“I like her.” Bruiser’s voice came from down by my rear legs. He sounded sleepy still, but I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, and you need to thank her for convincing her partner to not press charges.” Div said with a grin.

I furrowed my brows. “Did I hear that right?”

“Bruiser slapped a cop.” Div reminded me, his grin widening.

Bruiser stirred at my feet. “Only because it was important and they didn’t listen the first time.”

“At least you didn’t hit Paisley.” Div said. “That Hosstralian would’ve had you in a flash.”

“Wrong to hit mares.” Bru said as he burrowed himself into my legs. They were a bit stiff, but they didn’t hurt like my front did.

"Wrong to hit, period." I sighed and squeezed him gently. He wrapped his hooves around one leg and settled.

“Hosstralian?” I asked.

Div nodded. “Yup, Paisley’s from Brismane, Hosstralia. Flew quite a ways for a young filly and became a City Guard a few years later.”

I smirked. “Should I be jealous?”

He rolled his eyes. “Ha! As if. You know you’re the only mare for me.”

I glared. “Oh bite me.”

He looked decidedly unrepentant. “Don’t tempt me.”

I sighed. “I’m in a hospital bed with my foal wrapped around my leg. Cool it, lover colt.”

He kissed my forehead. “I’m just really glad you're awake.”

"Sorry I scared you both again." I said seriously, my eyes misting over.

"Don't start or I'll cry too." Div said, looking down.

Bruiser wiggled. "Too much talking. Didn't know I'd miss your snoring."

***

The morning came quickly. Time flew by as doctors poked and prodded and asked silly questions all over again until they were satisfied. By the end of the day, I was at home with my ribs bandaged and a prescription for ice packs and plenty of rest.

“Achoo-owww!” I sneezed. Given my busted barrel, sneezing was a literal pain in my sides.

“Ooh, that must’ve hurt.” Div observed.

I sat on the edge of the bed with a grimace. “Yeah. Yeah it did.”

“Well, don’t do that.” He said cheekily.

I hated how immune he was to my glare. Although, I glared anyway. “Not intentional.”

"Dr. Clarity is coming by today." He reminded me as I gingerly stretched out on our bed. Bruiser's psychologist visited while I was still out and graciously offered to make a home visit to speak with us and Bruiser. Div had tentatively agreed and I insisted on it last night. I'd been attacked by a pony Bruiser knew. I wanted to make it clear it wasn't the foal's fault.

Div smiled softly as I sighed in relief. "I'll take care of lunch, so just relax while I get things together."

The tranquility was broken moments later as I heard a fluttering of wings at my window. Sitting up, I ignored my body's protests as I heard hoofsteps approaching the door out to the front balcony. I charged my horn and ran through a list of potential spells as the door opened.

The light from outside was brighter than I anticipated and I jumped off the bed. My attack spell went off feebly, not even making a mark on the wall five feet to the left of my intended target. In response, the pegasus reared back in surprise, wings spread. As I charged my horn for a second attempt, the pegasus hit the floor.

"Mercy! Surrender!" Velocity called out, fore-hooves covering her head.

I stood shakily, the sudden movement from the bed aggravated every sore spot I had. Sitting rather abruptly on the edge, I sighed.

"Get up Velocity. Haven't you ever heard of this new fad going around? It's called knocking at the front door."

"Sorry, I flew over here from the hospital when I heard you'd come home. I'm not used to doing that anymore, so I nearly overshot your house altogether. I thought about gliding down to the front door but figured that'd be too weird after landing here."

"Well that's still—wait. You flew?" I asked, excitedly. "You flew all the way from the hospital?"

"Yeah, and I don't mind telling you that I am one sore pegasus. I haven't flown that far since the accident." She said with a smile. I heard a set of hooves charging up the stairs.

Mildly concerned, I got up and stood between the door and Velocity. "That's great! I'm so happy for you!" I said cheerfully.

The door burst open. Div stood, ready to attack as he took stock of the room.

Getting his attention, I explained. "Div, you remember my friend from Whinnyapolis. Velocity, this is Div."

"Where did she--"

"The balcony. You know how pegasus ponies are, they can't resist an entrance from the top."

From behind him, Bruiser piped up. "What's she doing here?"

"Bruiser, be nice. She just wanted to drop in and see how I'm doing."

Cutting the foal off before he could make any more observations, Div hurried him down the hallway. "Well, we better go see about setting another place for lunch. Ly, Dr. Clarity will be here in just a bit, so get ready--"

"Yeah, maybe Dr. Clarity will use the front door." Bruiser said snarkily as I shut the door.

"Sorry about that." I said apologetically.

She shook her head. "No, I should be apologizing. I just wasn't thinking. After I heard about what happened I wanted to know everything but I didn't want to bother your family in such a difficult time. But then you left the hospital so quickly I hadn't even heard you'd woken up by the time—wait." She cut herself off abruptly and pointed to the door. "Did he say he's setting another place?"

"We'd love to have you over for lunch. I think I owe you one, anyway. I missed our last lunch date."

"Oh, no, you're fine. You don't have to—well, I mean, if you really—But you had a good reason, so I should probably..." She trailed off and turned toward the balcony.

"I insist."

***

"Thank you for coming over, Dr. Clarity." I heard Div say as I gingerly descended the stairs. Velocity practically hovered, one hoof outstretched in case I missed a step. That wasn't necessary, but I wanted her to feel like she was helping.

As we hit the ground floor, I caught Bruiser peeking around the family room, his face going from excitement to irritation.

"All right, ladies and Life, you go find a seat at the table and Bruiser and I will bring in what we made."  Div announced.

Dr. Clarity sampled the air and smiled. "Whatever it is, it smells delicious. Thank you immensely for having me over."

I led the way into the dining room and sat at the head. I indicated the chair to the right for Dr. Clarity and Velocity took her seat. I noticed that she'd taken Bruiser's usual spot. "Velocity, I'd hate to do this, but that's Bruiser's spot. If you wouldn't mind sitting next to Dr. Clarity." I said smoothly. She blushed, but got up with a laugh.

Div and Bruiser brought in a vegetable stir fry with rice and, my favorite, fruit salad. As the two earth ponies set out the food, our guests made remarks. I found it hard to follow any thread of conversation. My head felt fuzzy.

Div bumped my shoulder with a smile and things snapped back into focus. I smiled and shook my head. Looking around to see if anyone had noticed, I saw Bruiser pick up a feather on his chair. He frowned at it, then looked over to Velocity with a glare.

I snorted in spite of myself. I'd have to write myself a note so I'd remember to ask Bruiser what his problem with Velocity was.

Div tapped my shoulder lightly. I'd been zoning out again and the contact took me by surprise. "What?" I asked.

"I asked if you wanted some fruit salad. Are you alright? You seemed a little zoned out."

I waved a hoof. "I'm fine, just wool-gathering."

Everypony turned their attention to the food, which is when I realized everypony had food on their plates. I hadn't even noticed Bruiser serving himself. In fact, he'd even dropped some between his plate and the serving tray...

"Life?" Div said exaggeratedly. "Equestria to Life!"

"Huh? What?" I asked.

"Are you going to eat or stare around like a zompony with your fork halfway?" He asked. His tone was light but his face showed the beginnings of concern.

"Perhaps you're just a bit overtaxed, Life." Dr. Clarity suggested. "You've been through an awful lot. We should've given you a bit more time at home to recover."

"I'm fine." I insisted.

"Life, there's no shame in needing some more time to recoup." Dr. Clarity countered. "Especially when it comes to head injuries."

"Yeah, she's right, Life." Velocity agreed. "You see it a lot as a flyer. Sometimes a bonk on the head leads to some...erratic behavior. A little rest can mean a world of difference. I wouldn't want to see one of my friends go down like that."

The fuzziness returned as everyone looked at me. In the fog, I caught Velocity's gaze. Her eyes...seemed odd. Like they were glowing. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. The haze passed.

"Life, maybe you should go back to bed. You're not looking good, buddy." Div said, pushing his chair back to stand up.

A thought occurred. "Velocity. Where did we meet?"

Taken aback, Velocity stammered. "Uh, ah. Um, Whinnyapolis, of course. I was a flyer there until my injury."

"No, where in Whinnyapolis?" I pressed on.

"Life, what is going on?" Div asked quietly.

"Why is it important where we met? We've been friends ever since." Velocity seemed uneasy, but it would have been the easiest thing to mention the skyscraper or the party without mentioning why she was there.

I pointed a hoof. "That's not Velocity."

Div snorted. "Of course it is. What, do you think a changeling just waltzed on in?"

"How did you know where we lived? I've never talked about that with you." I asked.

"Life, you've gone paranoid." Velocity said, standing up. "Dr. Clarity, you're a psychiatrist, why don't you..."

A-ha! "She's not a psychiatrist. Velocity knows that." The room went dead quiet. Velocity took a few steps toward the door. I cast the locking spell and keyed it to me only.

"There's a difference between a psychologist like me and a psychiatrist." Dr. Clarity said quietly, with a slight hint of annoyance, as if she'd had to make the distinction often.

Bruiser nodded. "When Velocity helped dad pick out Dr. Clarity, she told him that the doctor was a psychologist."

"Has everypony gone mad? I'm Velocity!" She insisted. Her eyes glowed again and everypony winced. I shielded myself and Div just in time, but couldn't protect Bruiser and Dr. Clarity as not-Velocity's magic pushed against my shield.

"Life, what's going on?" Div asked, eyes brimming with concern as Bru and Clarity slumped over in their chairs.

I inhaled sharply as the magic doubled in intensity. "It's not Velocity. She's gotta be a unicorn."

"Can you fight her?" He asked, hooves tapping alternately on the floor as he stood.

"Maintaining the shield is hard enough. If I let it go carelessly, you'd be knocked like a bowling pin."

He stomped a hoof. "Then blow your shield carefully. Can you fight her if you're not holding the shield?"

Not-Velocity grinned widely as she stepped closer to us. Her magic pressed against my shield with growing strain. "I'm not letting her hurt you like she did Bru. I have to protect you..."

Div whispered harshly in my ear. "They just seem knocked out. She needs to knock all of us out if she's going to mess with our heads. We can't let her win. If you go down, we're all screwed."

Tears fell down my cheeks, whether from the thought of my loved ones being attacked in my own home or from the strain of holding the shield, I couldn't say. "Get ready." I said tensely.

Div picked up a knife from the table. Not-Velocity missed the small gesture as her eyes locked with mine. With more effort than I should have used, I let the energy in my own shield deteriorate. At the right moment, I broke the spell, unleashing the energy towards my assailant. The shield energy knocked her back a step, but her glowing eyes shone with power and victory.

Her spell wore off, revealing the unicorn underneath in a flash of green. This pony was unfamiliar, with a bright green coat and eyes. Her straw-colored mane fell down one side of her face while her matching tail swished in excitement.

Div jumped onto the table and threw the knife he'd taken as he ran to attack. Green eyes widened in surprise as she barely deflected his knife in a flash of verdant magic. I charged my horn as he jumped off the end of the table in a flying body drop. Her magic caught him, although she struggled under his weight. With an effort that cost her precious moments, she threw him sidelong into the wall. He slid down, the combined forces of the throw and her magic knocked him out as well.

My glyph hovered in the air between us as she turned her attention back to me. Eyes widening again, she turned tail as I spat a cherry pit through the force-acceleration glyph. I'd augmented the spell with a homing charm and the pit curved through the air to follow her as she rushed toward the window. She didn't make her target. The pit struck the back of her head and she went tumbling hooves over head. She landed in the foyer, knocked out cold.

***

"I gotta say, I think we owe you one." Paisley said idly as she sidled over to me. My front yard seemed like a hive of activity as City Guards, inspectors, jailors and EMP's came and went.

I smirked, my forehooves holding one of Div's. The EMP working on him assured me that everypony would be fine. Bruiser and Dr. Clarity were off to one side of the yard holding bags of ice against aching heads as their EMP's finished up. Bruiser insisted I go see to Div. My husband hadn't moved an inch since taking the blow to make that distraction.

"I'd just as soon call it even. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't want to make run-ins with the City Guard a regular thing." Paisley snorted, then sobered up as Jelly Jogger made his way over.

"It's confirmed. She's Masquerade." Jelly announced.

Paisley's eyebrows rose. "THE Masquerade? Once-broke-into-the-Royal-Palace Masquerade?" He nodded stoically.

She turned back to me. "What kind of enemies have you made?"

I shrugged. "I have no clue."

"Masquerade is a highly paid mercenary. She's not above taking some less-than-legal contracts. She's not a killer, but we've had thefts, assaults, and more where our only clues was her M.O. In addition to using appearance altering spells of the highest caliber, she can mess with a pony's mind. Her signature is a sleep spell mixed with a memory eraser spell.

Memory eraser spell? Div stirred next to me and I looked down, unease deep in my gut."

"Life?" Div asked.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank Celestia, Div."

Bruiser bounded over and wrapped his forehooves around Div. "Dad!"

"Dad?" Div asked, confused.

Oh, looks like I was relieved too soon.

***

Div's parents practically insisted on watching Bruiser so that Div and I could reconnect. He'd regained a lot of his memory, especially as far as work with Princess Luna's House Guard. Occasionally, we'd still find gaps. I tried not to blurt every answer out; the medical ponies insisted that he would eventually regain it all on his own and helping him would make the process longer.

"It's Hearts and Hooves Day." I said as he woke up next to me.

"Sorry. I don't know if I had anything planned." He said with a small blush.

I smiled and snuggled up against him. He was still a bit timid as far as contact went; he'd had trouble remembering what I liked versus what he liked. Giving him his space hadn't quite worked out for either of us, so he decided that I should take the lead as far as contact and he'd play catch-up. "Don't worry, love. We have the whole day to ourselves. We'll start off with breakfast at one of the best bakeries in Canterlot. Then we'll have lunch at your favorite fruit café. Finally, we'll do dinner at Clydesdale House's restaurant."

He laughed. "Well, that's our food covered. What about entertainment?"

I proceeded to show him exactly the kind of entertainment I'd imagined for the morning. Div was so entertained that he gave in to his own desires and entertained me as well.

***

"I can't help but feel I know a place with bigger cinnamon rolls." Div said, a look of confusion on his face as we sat together at Sunridge Sweets.

"We don't usually do breakfast outside of the house, but I'm not in the mood to do dishes today." I said as I sized up the chocolate éclair I'd ordered. It wasn't the biggest, in fact Div's homemade cannoli was bigger, but I was sure it would hit the spot just fine. Chocolate for breakfast was just one of the many benefits to being an adult. "I don't know where you'd get a bigger cinnamon roll. Unless you've been sneaking around behind my back." I joked.

He smiled, then replied with mock-seriousness. "You're the biggest cinnamon roll, and the only one for me." Leaning over, he surprised me with a kiss. It was made all the more sweet (not just by the fact that he hadn't wiped off his mouth after biting into his roll) by the fact that he initiated this one.

As he pulled away, he smiled again. "I just remembered something."

My heart fluttered in my chest. I couldn't mask my excitement. "What is it?" I asked eagerly.

"I'm hopelessly in love with you." He said as he leaned in to kiss me again.

I couldn't keep the heat from my face as he sat back again. "You're a dork." I muttered.

He laughed, holding his hoof against my cheek. My blush deepened and I was sure he could tell by now. "You know you love it."

Home Again

Luna's night sky still reigned as I got up from our bed. I wrapped myself in my robe to stay warm outside of Div's embrace. I turned back to gaze at him as he nuzzled against the pillow I'd set in my place. The corners of my mouth curled up; even though he was a Royal Guard, my husband was still adorable.

Slipping silently into our bathroom, I started the water for a shower. The warming charm on the showerhead took its sweet time to kick in. Sighing, I resolved to add that to the list of minor fixes around the house. Testing the water with one foreleg, I shed my robe and stepped into place.

Toying with the stream settings, I exhaled softly in relief as the night's sweat ran off under the stream of refreshingly hot water. Emptying my mind, I relaxed into the shower. It was a simple joy, but after going through so much, just being able to stand on my own hooves and let my cares go down the drain meant everything. The only thing that could make it any better...

...Arrived as soon as he crossed my mind. I felt the air shift as Div entered the bathroom. A soft rustle told me he discarded his own robe as well. Thanking Celestia for the roomy shower stall, I tried to maintain my cool as Div stepped in to join me. My tail gave me away, swishing with excitement at the feel of his side against mine.

I looked at him and nuzzled under his chin, careful to keep my horn angled away from his face. In return, he took hold of the shampoo we shared while I searched for a replacement for my regular brand. I let the annoyance of discontinued shampoo roll off me as easily as the suds that Div rubbed on us both.

With Div's schedule, this was a familiar morning ritual. The level of comfort was so great at this point in the morning that we scarcely said a word until we went downstairs for breakfast. Today was no different; no words needed. Div sat in front of me and massaged my scalp in his hooves; it was more comfortable than it sounds. I closed my eyes as he directed the spray over my mane, washing out the two-in-one that he used. I'd smell like Div today, but I wasn't about to complain.

Our little necessities taken care of (as well as a bit of nuzzling and kisses), Div shut off the water and I retrieved our towels from the rack with my magic. Taking turns, we dried each other off. I loved the feel of the plush towel on my coat almost as I loved any excuse to touch Div all over. Laughter bubbled up out of us, me especially as Div knew just how ticklish I could be. Were it not for work, we could have spent the whole day like this. Alas, we were responsible adults. Our playtime would have to be slipped into the small cracks in our schedules.

After breakfast, Div insisted on seeing me out to the cab that morning. He’d also insisted on the cab in the first place. After two attacks in less than a week, I wasn’t about to argue. The ride was uneventful, thankfully. When I stepped out in front of the City Guard station, I was hyper aware of my surroundings. Luckily, I’d picked Jelly out within seconds.

He looked bored. Idly, I wondered how long Paisley made him wait. Evidently, it was long enough for him to fail to notice me. I walked up and tapped him on the shoulder.

He jumped. “Oh, Mr. Story.” The city guard brushed his front down as he looked around. “Um, allow me to escort you to Sgt. Ember.”

“Thank you.” I said as we walked up the stairs and through the lobby.

“Thanks for meeting with us.” Sgt. Ember said as we walked up.

I nodded. “I’m here for answers, not just to answer questions.”

Paisley mirrored my nod, her lips pressed into a line. “I’ll try my best, but there are some details I won’t be able to share.”

I shrugged. “Fair enough.”

“My office is just this way. If you’ll follow me.”

Her office was small. Well, the boxes and piles of paperwork might have made the space feel smaller than it really was. Paisley cleared a seat in front of her small desk and picked her way through the labyrinth of boxes on the floor.

“Please excuse the mess. I've organized a lot of the chaos; I have a system. It doesn’t look pretty but I always get my paperwork in on time.” I heard a snort from outside. Paisley sighed and jumped back over the boxes to the doorway.

“You got something to say, Jogger?” She asked testily.

“No ma'am, just reading the funnies.” He lied.

She reached for something out of the doorway and returned with a box of donuts. Batting away Jelly's hoof with a wing, she looked at me.

“Can I offer you anything to drink?” She asked as she offered me a donut.

“Water will be fine.” I said as I took a look inside the box. At least half of the dozen looked to be jelly filled with powdered sugar. Go figure. I selected a cinnamon sugar dusted filled donut that turned out to be apple pie filled.

Leaning back to give the addict back his box of jelly donuts, Paisley barked. “JJ!”

“On it.” He said and headed down the hall.

Picking her way back across the room, Paisley spoke around the donut in her mouth. “Let me start and we’ll see how many of your questions I can answer afterwards.”

I shrugged and swallowed my bite. “I’m an open book.”

"Glad to hear it. Okay. Let's just jump right into it. Do you have any negative relationships?"

"Like enemies?" I asked.

She snorted. "Not everything is like the cop movies. So?"

I sighed. "Genuine Article. We had a disagreement a few months ago. My boss and I thought she was trying to either blackmail or ruin me."

She sat back and regarded me seriously. "Ooph. What's the story there?"

I gave her the short version. "She sent a rare book to me after I submitted an article about her antique bookstore."

“Negative review?” She guessed.

I shook my head. “It was positive.”

She frowned. “Then why try to blackmail or ruin you?”

I shrugged. “My boss thought she might be doing it to get back at him. Their relationship didn’t end well.”

“Seems petty.” Paisley said as she made a note on a sheet in front of her.

“She's since said that somepony paid her to send the book to me.” I offered, hoping she wouldn't dig too deeply there. Part of me trusted Genuine on this.

Paisley looked up. “She say who?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Best I can figure is it’s somepony close to her.”

She nodded. “Makes sense.”

I figured I'd put a bit more out there for this investigation. “She’s sold the bookstore and is moving out of Canterlot soon.”

“Is she? Well, we might see if she’ll stick around a little while as we investigate.” Paisley finished her notes. “Anypony else?”

“Just whoever Genuine’s friend is. Oh, and I guess Vindictive, but he didn't strike me as the type to organize and lead a group that could operate without him.”

“Not a lot to go on.” She said as she looked down at her notes.

“What have you learned so far?” I hazarded.

Paisley bit her lip. “Without getting into specifics, we think the two attacks are probably unrelated.”

"Just my luck, I guess." I sighed.

"Or lack thereof." She observed. Fair point.

"Any of my attackers said anything?" I asked.

She looked at me for a moment. "That's a broad question. The best I can say is that they haven't been cooperative. We've learned a few things in spite of that and what we've learned lead us to classifying these two incidents as separate."

"That's more work for you." I pointed out.

She snorted. "Don't I know it?"

"Any recommendations for me?" I asked.

She folded her forehooves on her desk. "You're the only witness we have to pin down Masquerade for a long time. Somepony had to send her after you in the first place and they know where you live. I'd recommend moving out if you can or looking into protection spells. Are you any good with long-term shielding?"

"I'm not."

"Then you might consider bringing in a security company." She said.

I exhaled. That could be pricey. "How am I supposed to afford this? My husband is a Royal Guard and I'm a writer."

Pulling out a few forms from a drawer, she organized her desktop. "Considering your importance to this case, we might be able to set you up with a protection program that should defray most if not all of the costs. I'll have it cleared before lunch and I'll visit you on my beat." She directed me to sign at a few places and fill in some information.

"Anything else I should know?" I asked.

She answered while I continued to fill out the paperwork. "Try not to be alone if at all possible. Bring in your family if you can. If your enemy can afford to send Masquerade, there's no telling who might break your door down next. We've already gotten approval to increase patrols in your area. I'm overseeing that personally and I'll be around. Most of all try to stay positive. I know that's difficult given the circumstances..."

I nodded. "I have a foal to take care of. You can bet I'll try my best to keep up everypony's spirits."

The forms completed, Paisley stood. "Would you like Jelly to escort you home?"

I followed suit. "I have a few errands to run. If I'm going to be home-bound for the foreseeable future, I need to pick up a few things."

"Understandable. I'm sure he'd be happy to take you around town."

***

"Foalsitting." I hadn't been able to make out many words Jelly muttered under his breath, but I did hear that one. Our carriage ride together wasn't friendly, although Jelly maintained an air of professionalism...mostly.

"Could be worse. You could be directing traffic." I quipped.

His face turned red. "I'm sorry."

"I know this isn't exactly exciting." I said sincerely.

He lifted his chin. "Excitement's not usually a good thing. Too many reports afterwards."

I smiled. "I just have to stop by the Crystal Delicacy shop and then find some mane, coat, and tail care products." I thought for a moment. The curse of imports; I'd been using a Bitalian brand since I'd moved out of my parent's place and the shop no longer stocked them. "You wouldn't happen to know a good shop for that? My normal place stopped carrying my usual products."

"Ask the driver." He said as the carriage came to a halt in front of Ruby's shop.

A trifle miffed, I followed Jogger out of the carriage and turned to the driver. "Do you happen to know a good place for hair care products?"

The driver nodded as I passed over the bits for the ride. "It's a favorite place of most mares I know, but they have stallion products as well. Owner's a bit...eccentric, but his products are affordable and, if my wife is to be believed, heavenly." He rattled off the address..

I smiled, making a mental note. "Thank you. Do you have another fare? I shouldn't be too long, but I can call another driver..."

"I can wait, sir. No charge." He said casually.

My smile widened. "You're very kind. Thank you."

As the doorbell tinkled overhead, I could practically feel Ruby's gaze on us before I saw her. A sultry smile formed on her face and she came around the counter to greet us. Jelly was blissfully unaware, the poor guy. "Well, Mr. Story it is a pleasure to see you again!"

I grinned; I hadn't expected her to remember my name. "Good to see you, too."

"But this is a new face. Have you tired of that blue Earth pony already? He wasn't too bad on the eyes; just a little on the lightweight side. This strapping stallion is more my speed. Big and burly. And not too shy to eat, by the look of him!" For a married mare, Ruby sure had her hooves all over Jogger. I resisted the urge to snicker.

Jelly looked off-balance as Ruby sized him up. "Um, actually, I'm just Mr. Story's escort..."

Ruby gasped theatrically and stared at me wide-eyed. "Life, you've surprised me! Buying an escort when you have a husband and foal at home!" She wiggled her ears and eyebrows. "Then again, even new marriages need a bit of spice now and then? Does the hubby know? Do you share with him?"

I couldn't resist laughing, Jogger's face was priceless. "Jelly Jogger, this is Ruby Moon, the owner. Ruby, this is Jelly, a city guard and my protective escort for the day."

“A Guard?” Her posture straightened and she looked at Jelly with a much harder expression. “Stand like you’ve got a pair, guardpony!” She barked.

Surprised, Jelly jumped into proper posture and stared straight ahead. His familiar blush stole across his muzzle as he realized he just followed orders from a civilian.

“Look alive, you soft-bellied city stalker! You’re protecting one of my new favorite customers and I expect nothing but the best from Canterlot’s finest. Do you understand me?”

“Ma'am, yes ma’am!” Jelly sounded off.

“Well, you aren’t half bad. Nothing like the Royal Guards I once commanded, but not bad. You just might be worth a damn in a year or two.” She grinned and turned towards the counter.

"Ruby, you wouldn't happen to have some suggestions on family games? I've got a foal to entertain and I think a larger rotation would keep him out of my mane."

"Suggestions? We do have quite a few popular titles. There are the expandable card games, a few problem-solving mystery games and the like. As far as my personal recommendation?" She raised her eyebrows, inviting me to ask.

I decided to humor her. "What would you recommend personally?"

She looked serious. Beckoning us to follow, she pointed out things as she went. "First, get a few of these building sets that require a lot of focus. Second, take a domino set and have him mix it with the builders to maximize his attention. Third!" With the two of us off-balance, she pushed me into Jelly Jogger and we went through a doorway into a smaller side room. By the incredible amount of red, I knew exactly where we were.

Ruby confirmed it. "Pick out a nice game for you and your husband. Oh, and any other stallion or mare if that works for you. By the time you've gotten halfway through, you won't want to just play around anymore." She laughed as I rolled my eyes. "Just because you have a foal, that's no reason to neglect playtime with the grown-ups."

As I got up and sorted the boxes back into a stack, a title on a lower shelf caught my eye. Jelly was distracted; the poor stallion ended up next to a few sizable...prop games and was fighting to retain a shred of dignity without looking at anything on the shelves. Surreptitiously, I grabbed the game and added it to the pile without Jelly noticing. Picking up the stack in my magic, I turned to Ruby.

"These will do, Ruby. Thanks for your recommendations." I said politely.

Ruby grinned practically from ear to ear. I'm sure she caught my little addition. She'd have to ring it all up anyway, but she kept it mostly professional. "I'm sure they will do very nicely."

My purchases bagged and paid for (and Jelly still none the wiser about the racy game), we made our escape while saying our goodbyes. I was certain Jelly would never set hoof in that store again, but it was worth it for the entertainment alone.

***

Splish Splash

With the cabby waiting again, I made for the Filly and Phial. Jelly seemed hesitant to join me. After the number Ruby did on him, I couldn’t exactly blame him.

“I'll stand guard out here. It's just a frilly soap store, so there can't be much danger." He asserted.

I shrugged. He'd entertained me enough in the Crystal Delicacy, I guess it was fair enough that he sit – or stand – this one out. "Shouldn't take me long."

He grunted noncommittally.

I turned to the shop and tilted my head. Phial and Filly...Alchemist Supply? Maybe the driver misremembered. I shrugged to nopony in particular and pushed open one of the double doors. stepped through into the unknown.

I can’t understate the virtual assault of smells that greeted me upon entering. This olfactory onslaught actually made me a touch light-headed. It was a surprise; I wasn’t usually sensitive to strong odors. Uselessly, I waved a hoof in an attempt to ward off the scents.

“Here, this should help.” A voice said at my side. Its owner dabbed some sort of goo on my snout. My head cleared and I wasn't overwhelmed by smell anymore.

"Thank you." I said, relieved.

"No problem. You looked like you were having a pretty strong reaction."

I wiggled my nose. "Yeah, I don't usually have a problem with smells."

"Made some new batches and the ventilation hasn't kept up. Might be a problem with it. I'm not allowed to touch it anymore after what happened last time."

I had to ask. "What happened last time?"

"I should preface this by saying that the mare's wig survived." I stared blankly. "Oh, and the mare too." He added.

I blinked a few times. "Uh, I heard you sell shampoos and such?"

"This is the place! I'm Runic Phial, at your service. Welcome to my store!"

"Oh! It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Life Story."

"Shampoos, eh? Buying a gift for a special mare?"

"No, this is for me."

"Ah. Any particular scent?"

"I'd been using a Bitalian shampoo, but it's been discontinued."

"I don't think I've ever made garlic or spaghetti scented shampoo before, but I can give it a try if you'd like."

I laughed. "No, I don't think that's what I'm after. What do stallions like?"

"I don't get a lot of stallions, but, as a stallion I suppose I could offer a bit of insight.” Runic said with a smile. “Although, you’re a stallion too.” He pointed out.

“True. I’ll give the shelves a look and then ask for your opinion.”

“Sounds like a plan. Happy hunting.”

Hunting was an apt description. Div and I shared similar tastes. Even our ice cream tastes were alike; he loved peppermint fudge as much as I did chocolate mint. Yes, there’s a difference. When it came to our shampoo’s, things became more complicated.

I’d picked up the Bitalian soaps in an effort to be like Div. The difference is Div used much more to clean his white mane and tail. This meant he had to use a less expensive brand. It also meant that every fabric that came into contact with his mane and tail ended up smelling like his products. I personally didn’t mind that as I loved having a reminder of him, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to try having the stronger smell directly on me.

The floral scents proved to be too much to handle. I was left with a wide range of what I consider ‘food scents.' The single scents seemed a little plain. But the combinations weren’t to my liking, either. Unless…

“Runic. You mentioned you made batches here. Would you consider a special order?”

“Personalized products? I wouldn’t like to make a habit of it...” He hemmed.

“I promise not to tell anypony. On my honor as a writer. And I’d pay you for your time.”

“What mix are you looking for?”

I weighed the options. “Cinnamon, Apple, and Honey.”

“I don’t have that yet?” He asked.

I shook my head. “I see ‘Cinnamon & Apple' and ‘Apple & Honey' but not all three.”

“Well, if you wouldn’t mind lending a hoof, I think that combination would make a good addition to the line.” Runic offered.

“Sounds like a deal.”

“Let’s head into the back.” He said, flipping his googles down over his eyes.

I followed the gray pegasus through the door behind the counter. The door closed behind me, leaving us in darkness. Blinking uselessly, I felt around for a light switch. "Mr. Phial?" I asked.

"Oh, please just call me Runic." His voice came from the other side of the room.

"Well, uh, Runic. Is there a light switch in here?"

"Naturally."

I waited for him to continue. Instead, I heard noises from his direction. Glass clinking, cardboard flapping. "Okay. So where is it? I can't see anything."

"You can't? Oh!" I heard a soft thud. "Sorry! I forgot to mention the goggles by the counter. Great eye protection and you can see in the dark. Here, I'll get the light." A small crash immediately followed. "Oh, that's where I put it."

Giving the wall another sweep, I hit the light. Runic was in the middle of the room, cleaning yellowish goo off of his hoof. Looking around, I saw rocks. Lots of rocks.

"Is this Las Pegasus sandstone?" I asked, peering at a reddish smooth block.

Runic looked up and I waved a hoof at the hunk of stone. "Yes, actually."

"And you have a great stash of obsidian. I've only seen it in its raw form a hoof-full of times."

"Y-you like rocks?"

I shrugged. "I'm no expert. But I've picked up a little random knowledge in my travels around the country. I went to a party and ended up spending much of the night listening to a geologist talk about Chert. It's a tough sedimentary rock that is ideal ground for fossils. He seemed a bit excited to find a thick deposit in the Everfree, which would indicate that it was once under water. Or so he theorized. Of course, that only barely scratches the surface of what makes it such an interesting mineral. There's historical use and practical applications and the wide varieties of chert. Sorry if I'm droning, I think I might've picked up a lot of his excitement. A lot of ponies just seem to think of rocks as just..."

"...rocks." Runic said. I nearly jumped; he'd moved at some point and now sat in front of me with a peculiar look on his face.

I smiled. "Yeah." I swished my tail, which caught on the light switch.

The light went out. "Oh, I'll get it." I turned and swept a hoof at the wall.

"Watch out!" Runic warned.

It was too late. I'd gone too fast and missed the switch. Instead, I knocked over a glass bottle, getting myself splashed when it hit the ground and broke.

Runic went for the light and I looked down at the blue liquid on my hoof and shirt. "Sorry, Runic."

He waved a hoof. "No worries. Well, unless it starts burning."

I looked at him to see if he was joking. He seemed serious. "Should I be concerned?"

He looked down at the glass that used to be a bottle. "Can't make out the label. Seems to have smeared the ink." Runic looked up at me. "You feel okay?"

"Just feel like a total rat for making a mess on your floor." I said. "I'll get a broom and dust-pan."

After the rocks and splashing, I gave Runic a hoof making my shampoo and conditioner. The mixing process apparently involved a small explosion that rattled me, but Runic seemed to take it in stride. His explanation largely went over my head as, after getting over the initial shock, I made sure I was in one piece. He made a small batch of only about six bottles, but I bought the first run. It was more than I probably should've spent, but I would be homebound for a while. Taking my haul in my magic, I ignored Jelly's look and loaded up the cab.

***

I Think I Smell A Rat

"AAAAH!"

Div's yell woke me up, but what actually got my attention is that I was flying. I soared over our sitting area on a collision-course towards the window. Bracing myself for the inevitable crash, I instead smacked the glass pane and slid down.

What in all tartarus?

Bruiser rushed into the room and to Div's side. "Dad, what's wrong?"

"There's a rat!" Div answered. "It was in bed with me!"

"Eww. Where is it?" Bruiser asked, looking around uneasily.

"I flicked the sheet and it went across the room." Div said.

I rolled my eyes. All this over a rat? And did he have to throw me out of bed just so he could kick the rat out too? At the most, he should have woken me up and had me grab it with my magic. We were going to have to have a talk about...

"There it is, by the window!" Div shouted, pointing in my direction.

Had the rat been on me? Panicked, I looked around to see where it landed. Suddenly, I was engulfed in white.

"Got it!" Bruiser announced.

"Is a pillowcase really going to hold it?" Div asked.

"Is it really necessary to trap me too?" I asked.

"Where's daddy? He could grab it in his magic or maybe knock it out." Bru suggested.

Where's daddy? Was this some silly game to them? "Very funny, Bruiser, now let me out of the pillowcase and then..."

"It's squeaking an awful lot." Bruiser said.

"Yeah, 'squeaking,' real funny. Now, let me..."

"Life's probably downstairs getting breakfast ready. I don't hear him in the bathroom."

"Div, don't encourage him!" I said, irritated. I made to take the pillowcase off of my head. Except, the pillowcase wasn't around my head. Somehow, I'd been completely wrapped up. This had to be a bedsheet, which was really irritating, because these sheets were a total pain to wash./

"Let. Me. Out." I growled.

"Ooh, it sounds angry." Bruiser remarked.

"You're darn right I'm angry, young stallion. Sogni, this joke is going a little too far..."

"Take it into the bathroom. We can keep it trapped in the shower." Div ordered.

"Sogni diVolare! I swear if you take my sheet into the bathroom, I am going to..." I felt the sheet being lifted, with me inside. They'd formed a bag around me and in spite of my thrashing around, I couldn't work a hoof free.

Suddenly, light and the sensation of falling again. They'd unceremoniously dumped me into the shower area. "Div, I'm going to..." My threat stopped in my throat. I looked up.

And I looked up some more.

Craning my neck, I looked up even more.

"Oh, Luna, mother of the night!" I exclaimed.

Bruiser poked his head around the glass door. "It's just sitting there. I think we dazed it."

"Bruiser, it's me." I said feebly, looking down at my hoof—no, paw.

Four paws in total. I was also now in the possession of a round, pointed snout with many whiskers. Not to mention my long, ropy, bald tail. I felt my beads around my neck and tail still, and unless I was mistaken, I even had a white shirt on.

I walked over—well, waddled over. Sitting up on my hind legs I pointed to my shirt and necklace.

"Huh, it's the same color as daddy. I think it's even wearing..." Bruiser trailed off and withdrew his head. A rush of whispers flew through the air, although I couldn't make them out.

Div's head poked around the door. "Life?"

I nodded my head.

"How did you—how did this...happen?"

I shrugged my little ratty shoulders.

"Try and say something." He instructed.

I thought for a second. "Your father was a flea-bitten, gelded, thrice-cursed, no good, dirty, rotten, pig-stealing, great-great garbage eater."

"I don't know what you said, but that didn't sound flattering." Div said, eyes narrowing on me.

"Great, this is beautiful." I moaned. Well, it sounded like moaning to me. I hadn't a clue how I sounded to them.

"Come here, daddy." Bruiser said, extending a hoof. Climbing up the tree-trunk-like forelimb, I made my way to his shoulder and hugged his neck. My paws didn't even reach halfway around.

Bruiser brought me over to the sink and I got a good look at my rat self. My mane was about the same, black with a shock of white. There was still black around my muzzle, or whatever rats called it. The whiskers were new. My body fur was more of a mix; I had red on my underbelly and forepaws and black on my back and around one eye. Perhaps most surprising was the fact that my bead necklace and tail ornament and my white button up shirt had scaled down with me.

"I'm going to kill Runic Phial." I said softly.

"It'll be okay, Ly. We'll talk to Ember and Jogger and figure out what happened." Div petted me carefully. I resisted the urge to bite him; it wasn't his fault, after all. "Bru, carefully take your father downstairs. I'll send a message to the City Guard and then we'll have breakfast."

Clinging to the paint pony's fur, Bruiser tried to take it easy as I rode his back downstairs. I let out an undignified squeak as he rounded the landing corner a bit too quickly. My rear legs swept sideways and I nearly lost my grip. My scolding tone must have translated, because Bruiser apologized and waited for me to get settled again before continuing.

Bruiser let me climb down to the countertop and took a seat on one of the stools. "Can you still use your magic?"

I gave it a shot, but couldn't feel any connection to my power. The lack of a horn didn't help. I shook my head.

Div came in and walked right by us. I stood on my hind legs to get a better view. He pulled out a cookie sheet and a bag of flour. I thought it was a rather odd time for baking.

"Um, dad? Are you gonna bake something?" Bruiser asked. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought it was odd.

He set the sheet down in front of me and poured some flour into it. "No, we're going to try getting your dad to talk to us."

"But he's a rat." Bru pointed out.

"And he can write." Div clarified.

"Oh!" I said, no doubt making the rodent equivalent of a eureka moment.

Div smoothed the flour into a thin layer. "Okay, Life. Let's just test this out. Your rat form might make this a little difficult for you. Not to mention you usually don't write by hoof. So take your time and see what you can do."

It was every bit as difficult as Div imagined. Leaning over the cookie sheet only afforded me a small amount of space to work with. Giving up, I stepped onto the tray to make another attempt. After a few tries getting my paws to do what I wanted, I got into the hang of it. Then I turned and accidentally wiped out my work with my tail.

I slapped my little ratty forehead with one little ratty paw.

"It's okay, Life. You got this. Just mind your tail." Div said encouragingly.

After another bout with the writing method, I carefully walked backwards off the cookie sheet and let them inspect my work.

Div looked over at me. "'I'm a victim of circumstance?' Really? You've been transformed into a rat and your first message to us is a quote from Curly from the Three Stallions?"

I shrugged. Stepping back onto the sheet, I wrote, 'I love you.'

Sighing, Div rested his head on a hoof. "I love you too."

***

"So, yesterday you went to the Crystal Delicacy and then you went into the Phial and Filly by yourself." Ember said, pausing to glare at Jelly Jogger. "And you helped Runic Phial make some shampoo? That's it?"

'Broke a bottle of blue stuff.' I wrote.

"Blue stuff? Can you be more specific?" Div asked.

'Label smeared.' I answered.

Well, it seems like the only way to solve this is to go back and have Runic figure out what the blue stuff was.

"I'll carry dad." Bruiser offered cheerily.

The disadvantage of my size made even normal things incredibly daunting. As we got seated in the carriage, I worked my way up Bruiser's neck and hid under his hat. Even the few feet off the ground on Bruiser's back was starting to get to me. Better to just not see anything. Besides, inside the hat was nice and cozy.

I woke up when Bruiser stood up. I'm sure seeing two city guards, a royal guard and a colt with a cowcolt hat on made for a strange sight anyplace. In the Phial and Filly, it must have been downright bizarre.

Through the hat, I could hear Ember's voice. "Mr. Phial, we have something you need to see."

Bruiser tilted his head and took his hat off. I ended up in the hat on the counter. Looking up at the now massive pegasus, I waved.

Runic waved back, confused but intrigued. "Is this a test subject?"

Div let out a hollow laugh. "Funny, really. Yes, but at the same time a huge, resounding no."

Ember took over again. "It's more of an involuntary situation. You remember a stallion, roughly this coloring, came in yesterday and got a custom shampoo order?"

"Sounds familiar. Hm. I think so. Why?"

"That's him." Bruiser said, pointing at me.

"That's who?" Runic asked, confused.

"The rat." Jelly said.

"It's a very nice looking rat." Runic said, still unclear on the situation.

"He's my dad." Bruiser said.

"You're dad's a rat?" Runic asked.

"He is now." Bruiser replied.

"What was he before?" Runic asked, the reality starting to sink in, by the look on his face.

"He was a stallion. Unicorn. Blood dun with black point and muzzle. White and black mane. Black tail. Green eyes. Bought a case of apple, cinnamon and honey shampoo." Div said flatly.

Runic finally caught on. "Oh! Yes. I do remember that stallion now. His knowledge on rocks was a little rudimentary but his enthusiasm was certainly more than the average pon—wait." Runic stopped to look at me. "That's him?" He asked, pointing.

"Yes." Bruiser, Div, Ember and Jelly all said at once.

"Oh." Runic said, looking at me with newfound curiousity. "And this happened, how?"

Ember sighed. "We were hoping you could tell us. Mr. Story said that he accidentally broke a bottle of 'blue stuff.' We think whatever was in that bottle made him...a rat."

"Can he talk?" Runic asked, then looked at me. "Sorry, can you talk?"

I shook my head.

Runic tapped his chin. "You can understand us though?"

I nodded.

"Can you cast magic?"

Another head-shake.

"Well, as I remember it the label was damaged. But, I should have an inventory list. Each set of shelves has its own list. With a little process of elimination, we should find out what it is."

***

"Poison joke." Runic declared finally, waving the list.

"Poison? Is he going to be okay?" Div asked, worried.

"Well, since he's still alive and kicking. Or scratching, as it were." Runic said jokingly. The joke was met with stony stares. Runic coughed into a hoof. "Yes, I'd say he's going to be fine. As it so happens, Twilight Sparkle insisted that any poison joke sold outside of Ponyville has to come with the recipe for the antidote. It's fascinating, really. Apparently, it was developed by a zebra and..."

Runic cut himself off, noting the impatient looks he was getting. "And I have it right over here."

***

"I don't know, I think I kinda liked you as a rat." Div said jokingly on the way home.

I glared at him. Like always, he was unaffected. "You were quieter." He said cheekily.

"I regret not biting you." I said stiffly.

"You could bite me now." Div said, offering a forelimb.

"Div, not in front of the kid. And the cops." I said, pointing to the three other ponies who were busy looking at anything but us.

"Just a nibble?" Div asked, practically shoving his hoof in my face.

I acted on instinct.

"Okay, too hard. Too hard!"

"AAAAH!"

You Light Up My Life

Amazing how fast three weeks can pass. Even couped up, the time flew by. I kept myself entertained with a few articles for Open. When work called for it, I could leave to interview or do what I needed to. The security presence was comforting at times, stifling at others, but nopony seemed to mind. My court appearances were negligible thanks to my written testimony and by the end of the month, I looked to be in the clear.

Of all the visitors I'd had, the last one I expected to see at this time of night was Hard Deadline. "It’s good to see you again, sir." I said, ushering him into the bar area between kitchen and living room.

"I'm glad you're alright. Open kept me up to date on the craziness since you got married."

"It's been a struggle. How have you been?" I asked, pulling out a pitcher of water.

"That's what I came to tell you. I think it's best if you hear it from me." His tone melted the smile off my face. "I sold Celerity."

Passing him his cup, I came around and sat on a stool. "What does that mean?"

He took a sip and answered. "I'm getting out of publishing. Celerity was supposed to be my retirement. Equestria Monthly bought me out and will add the facility to their printing line. I negotiated a severance for all of the staff members. It should be enough to hold you over until you get your feet under you."

Looking down at my countertop, I replied. "Thanks for telling me this. I know I haven't done much for the magazine since I got back, but this is still..." I drifted off, uncertain of how much face I'd lose. This was one of my parent's friends, after all.

"It's emotional. I know." He patted my shoulder. "I have a job for you, but it's a different part of publishing."

"Oh?" I said, looking up at him.

"Jaune Colteau is a Prench film-maker. He seems convinced on making talking pictures into an art form. Personally, I don't see it. Ponies much prefer seeing actors first-hoof. But, he came over with a substantial amount of funding to start a studio in Canterlot."

"Where do I come in?" I asked.

"He wants a full-court spread, multi-media marketing campaign. Including a biographical novel to debut around the same time as his first film hits theaters.

"And..." I asked, rotating a hoof to signal him to continue.

He smiled. "I'll spell it out for you. I gave your portfolio over to Colteau's PR team. They want you." Deadline said proudly.

My eyebrows rose. "But, I've never written a novel, let alone a biography."

"There's not a lot to it and Open will be with you the whole way. Think it over, see if it isn't right for you and she'll be by tomorrow for your answer. The sooner the better, though. This opportunity won't last long."

It took a moment more for me to process this. Looking up, I masked my inner turmoil and smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Deadline. I appreciate everything you've done for me."

He nodded. "On a personal note, I have to apologize to you. When I found out about Genuine getting to you...well. I overreacted. Things didn't end well between us and I'm afraid I went to the worst-case scenario. That wasn't fair to you."

I shook my head. "It's okay. The trip worked out well. I learned a lot, found a son and got married."

"Yeah," Div said as he came in. "We probably would've pussyfooted around each other for Celestia only knows how long instead of getting together like we did. Thanks, Hardy." Div patted Deadline's shoulder.

"Well, I can't help but feel a little heel-ish, but if things worked out, that's great."

"Will you join us for dinner?" Div asked.

Deadline stood. "Sorry, I'll take a rain-check though. There's a lot more to do, paperwork-wise." He nodded to us both. "Life, Div, I wish nothing but the best for you."

"Us too, for you." I answered. Div showed him to the door as I lowered my head into my hooves.

"I heard most of that, but how are you doing?" Div asked as he rubbed a hoof on my shoulders.

"I'm basically unemployed, Div." I answered.

"It'll turn out. You have that biography offer. The worst that could happen is...well, I'm sure you've already come up with a worst case scenario."

"I've come up with three."

Div sighed. "Not surprised."

I shook my head. "What am I going to do?" I asked rhetorically.

Div took it upon himself to answer. "We aren't going to worry about it. Stressing out is only going to make you miserable and that's not what you need to concentrate on now. See the positives in the situation and take advantage of them."

"That's not easy for me." I admitted.

"That's why you have me." He said as he smiled. Leaning in, he kissed my forehead. "We've been together for how long and we've been through much worse than a little unemployment."

He had a point.

***

Jaune Colteau was quite unlike any other pony I'd met. He was so good at nearly everything! Painter, poet, playwright, director and more. The pony was less a pony and more a force of nature. I'm sure that first week in his studio, I had stars in my eyes.

It was one of the principle actors who finally pulled me aside. Jaune Mareais was a handsome blonde maned, white-coated earth pony stallion. From what I understood, he came with Colteau to help him with his project in Canterlot.

His accent was subtle, but his words were not. "I 'ate to break it to you, but despite what 'e might 'ave you believe, Colteau is just as much a pony as you and I. Believe me, I understand the effect 'e 'as on a stallion, but I think perhaps you want to worship a more godly deity. That one." He indicated Colteau across the room. "Is a real devil. Particularly, 'ow you say...in the bag?"

A passing lighting pony snorted. "He means, 'in the sack.'"

"My thanks, Lazuli." Mareais said with a wave. She waved dismissively back, focusing on a tree of lights. "So, less with the 'ero worship and more with getting to see the pony inside, eh?"

I nodded. "Thanks, Jaune. You're right, of course."

"Of course." He nodded. Turning to yell across the room, he addressed Colteau. "Did you 'ear that, Mr. Frivolous? The writer says I'm right!"

Jaune Colteau rolled his eyes. "Right about what?"

"It doesn't matter. 'e barely knows me, but even 'e can see I'm right!" Mareais retorted.

"Monsieur Mareais, you may get as many of these Canterlotians to agree with you as you wish, but you will be as close to being right as you ever are. Which is, not at all!" Colteau retorted, emphasizing the last three words.

Mareais shook his head, laughing. Turning back to me, he wiped an eye. "You see? Just like I told you!"

I couldn't help laughing myself. Jaune Colteau noticed this and strode purposefully across the room to my side. Tugging on my hoof, he led me away from Mareais. "You must be careful with whom you associate, Monsieur Story. Someponies have nothing between their ears but a silver tongue and a small mind."

Maturely, Mareais pulled an eyelid and stuck out his tongue as Colteau turned around.

***

Back at home and I took a break from my notes on Colteau. Stretching, I looked down at the contract for the biography and flipped through it idly. It was a good deal, made better by Open's negotiations. The deadline was tight, but doable. The hardest part was getting the stallion in question to hold still long enough to interview. Forces of nature, even in pony form, were hard to predict.

I looked over my financial statements for this month, deciding to try and tease some money out of the budget to get one of Loun's figurines from the Crystal Delicacy. Instead, I came up with much more interesting numbers. Downright positive numbers. I checked through our bills and expenses. Then I checked again.

Div came in as I made to run it a third time. "I have some news." He said, tiredly.

"I have really good news!" I responded.

"Oh? Maybe I should go first." He started.

In my excitement, I spilled it out anyway. "I think we have enough to go on a honeymoon!"

He blinked, then sat in one of my office chairs. "Yep. I should've gone first. Luna's House Guard is going on another diplomatic trip."

I deflated a little. "How soon?"

"Real soon." He answered, stretching his forelimbs.

"Well, thanks for the notice." I said, leaning back in my chair.

"Blame Mountain Stone. He thought he told everypony. Somehow, he missed me."

I rolled my eyes. "Not like you haven't had a lot going on lately."

"Yeah, the home life has quieted down a lot though. Thanks for that, by the way."

I crossed my forelimbs. "Yeah, glad I could avoid going to the hospital or getting turned into a pest."

"Aw, you'll always be my pest, dear." He said as he rested his head on his hooves.

I tapped the desk. "Ha."

He cracked open an eye. "You're really mad about this?"

I looked away. "No. I should expect this by now. Why should there be any shot at us having a honeymoon anyway. We're an old married couple with a foal."

"How about a compromise. Short term solution, really." He offered.

"What?"

"We have a date night before the trip. Then, when I get back, we'll move Cloudsdale and Canterlot if we have to, but we'll take that honeymoon." He stood up and came around my desk to wrap me in his hooves.

"You swear?" I asked, trying not to cry.

"Every damn day." He answered, eliciting a chuckle out of me.

"Watch your damn mouth." I warned him.

He chuckled this time. "You kiss your husband with that mouth?

"You wanna find out?"

Por Una Cabeza

"Div, we're going to be late!" I called up the stairs. "Don't they teach you anything about punctuality in the military?"

"Ha." My husband replied. I was beginning to regret installing a full length mirror in the upstairs hall. "I can put on armor half-asleep. A three-piece suit with all the works takes finesse and care."

"Well, finesse your way downstairs so I can take care of the works as we walk." It was silly to stand around and wait when I could magic up the details in the carriage. "The reservation is less than half an hour away and we'll be at least that long by cab." I yelled, grateful that I'd seen to taking Bruiser over to my parent's house early.

Tapping a hoof on the banister impatiently, I debated charging upstairs and bringing him down magically. I was just about to do so when I heard hoofsteps on the stairs. "You're such a clotheshorse sometimes. Which is funny, considering how you don't usually wear clothes--"

As he rounded the landing, the words stopped themselves in my throat. The white suit matched his mane perfectly and his light blue coat popped in the light. His every step exuded confidence and poise. The suit fit him closely, yet comfortably; the tailoring brought attention to his slim physique and powerful legs. His tail swished, the only clue I had to his excitement as he waited for my approval.

This was Sogni diVolare, my dream come true. He descended the stairs like an angelic pony would descend from the heavens. Well, a maddening angel maybe, especially with his trademark grin and wicked sense of humor. "You went with the silver suit, eh?"

I resisted smoothing my front down as I felt his gaze on my apparel. His mother, the designer Progetta diVolare, was in the habit of gifting us suits when the mood struck her. Her uncanny ability to measure ponies at a glance never failed and she surprised us more often than not. "Doesn't it look okay?" I asked, a bit nervous. I'd been unsure of the suit as it looked a bit flashy, but I put extra effort to tame my mane and tail. Runic's shampoos had done wonders on my mane.

His hoof caressed my face. "You look wonderful, Ly. Like a prince in a fairy tale."

I shook my head. "You're my prince."

He rolled his eyes. "The reservation?"

"I have no reservations saying that, as cheesy as it sounded." I admitted.

He tapped my forehead. "No, Life, at the restaurant?" He reminded me.

I facehoofed. We didn't have time for daydreaming! "Oh right."

Some wish-granting force got us to Del Posto Cavallino with five minutes to spare. The Maitre'D showed us to a table close to the kitchen, but out of the way enough to be comfortable. Service was relaxed, but attentive. The lighting and atmosphere was decidedly romantic and casual. We were probably a little overdressed, but this night wasn't about watching other ponies.

Tonight, there was only one pony I had to worry about.

"I have to ask, are you going to be safe on this diplomatic mission?" The question burned in my mind. I'd read of a mission to one of the Griffon nations that ended in a deadly confrontation a few months ago. Back then it hadn't meant much to me other than outrage that anygriff would try to harm Princess Luna. Now, it brought home the dangers of a loved one in service.

"As safe as I would be anyplace else." Div answered, none-too-comfortingly. "The ponies we deal with are peaceful and have a strong connection with Princess Luna. I don't think there'll be any trouble, but I have to be prepared if there is."

I sighed. "You won't do anything especially bone-headed, will you?"

"You know me." Div said with a smile.

I nodded. "That's why I asked."

"Oh, ha-ha." He deadpanned. "I should be more worried about you. Out of the two of us, you seem to get yourself into more trouble than your average Royal Guard."

I opened my mouth to protest, but then realized he had a point. "Ugh, that's it. I'm staying home and going to Colteau's studio and that's it until you get back."

Div laughed. His laughter was easily in my top ten favorite things in the world. "There's a dance floor." He pointed out.

I looked over to see a few couples dancing to a sweet waltz. The musicians were good, especially the cellist. "We've already ordered, so I think we can squeeze in a dance."

Div laughed as we stood. "Feel free to squeeze more than that, if the mood strikes you."

I blushed. "Ugh, you and public displays of affection."

"Affection, arousal, whatever inspires you." He said as we stepped on the dance floor. Div went over to make a request of the band and returned to me as the last notes of the waltz dissipated.

When the new song started, I rolled my eyes. A very familiar tango began and Div and I reared on our hind legs to dance it together. "Really? Por Una Cabeza?" I said, smiling. We'd learned a few classical dances together. There was a more spirited tango, yet Div usually insisted on this one.

As the piano joined in with great aplomb, we demonstrated the best tango on the floor. "Remember when we first danced together, that time neither of us got a date?"

I smiled. "I seem to recall you being a bit more upset about that prospect at the time."

"I was worried. Worried you'd reject me and leave me on the dance floor." He admitted.

I shook my head as he dipped me. "Well, your worries were unfounded." The music softened and we drew close together.

"Try to remember that next time you're worried and I'm not around." He quipped directly into my ear. "That dance meant more to me than you probably realized."

With a glance, I noticed the other dancers clearing the floor. So many eyes were on us. But the stallion I loved had me in his hooves. My breath hitched a bit as I looked into his captivating amber eyes. The only eyes in the room that mattered.

It never ceased to amaze me how long we'd both been attracted to each other. "Even back then? When I was a little emotional storm?"

"Back then. Now. Always." He replied. The music picked back up again and so did the passion in our dance. My hooves traced down his sides and back up again. He dipped and lifted me. Our hooves interlaced, intertwined and then just as suddenly, we pulled away only to rejoin again with a twirl. At the end, we executed a series of spins and lifts and finished with our bodies pressed together. We held the pose, the angle at which he'd dipped and yet remained with me was a bit more severe than I'd anticipated. He planted a small kiss on my neck and slowly righted us.

The world returned around us, with our audience applauding us. A few even let out a few cheers, though they were polite enough considering the venue. Div pointed out our waiter to me and I realized how hungry I was now, especially with such a workout. Walking side by side we returned to our table and thanked our waiter.

As our waiter left, a unicorn mare came to our table excitedly. "Signores. Forgive my interruption, but I must commend you on your dance. It was quite beautiful to see two stallions with such equal passion." Her accent was slightly Bitalian, although enriched by her alto tones. "My name is Carina Locale and this is my restaurant."

"It is a pleasure to meet you." Div said warmly.

She waved a hoof. "The pleasure is all mine. Consider your drinks and dessert on the house. If you find yourselves able to stand after your meal, we'd be honored if you have another dance in you."

We laughed. "We'll see, Signora Locale. Considering what I know of Bitalian restaurants, that may be easier said than done!"

She set her hoof on Div's shoulder and laughed with us. "You have that right! Enjoy your meal."

"Thank you!" I replied as she left.

"Anytime, mio cavallino." She replied as she retreated.

I took a sip of water to freshen my throat and looked across the table at my husband. "This might be my new favorite restaurant." I admitted.

"Remember that when we do our budget. I'm sure anyplace that serves eight course meals is bound to be quite an expenditure."

"Worth it." I said, taking a bite of the salad. Closing my eyes to savor the taste, I swallowed and took another drink. "Well worth it."

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

"Dad, the fridge is hot." Bruiser announced as I made my sleepy way downstairs.

Inspecting the offending appliance, I groaned. "Sure is. Blowing hot air instead of cold. Just great. I just bought these groceries, too." Slamming the door a little harder than intended, I winced and turned to face Bru.

"So...breakfast?" He asked, drumming his hooves on the counter.

I rolled my eyes. "We'll grab something on the way. Get ready quickly, or we'll be late."

Bruiser's idea of quickly had me hurrying the rascal through his room, the bathroom, and out the door. Resigning myself to getting him to school late, we stopped by the only restaurant open this early between home and school, Stallbucks. My eye twitched at the line from the counter to the door. One tea and several breakfast items later, I signed Bruiser in late and waved the colt goodbye until the afternoon.

I trotted down to the heating, ventilation, and air condition spell repair shop. Fixing the job myself required a lot of effort I just didn't have the time to put in. Even an experienced HVAC unicorn could goof up and start a fire. Or an indoor snowstorm. Neither of which would be covered by my insurance if I did it myself.

"Welcome to Cool it or Heat it Spell Repair! How can we assist you?" The receptionist asked brightly.

"I have a fridge blowing hot air." I replied.

She giggled. "That's kind of the opposite of what it should do."

I smiled to cover the internal groaning. "Exactly. So, I need a repair pony as soon as possible."

"Oh! Of course! Have you been with us before?" She asked, rummaging through her papers.

"No, first time."

"I just need you to fill out these forms." She handed me a clipboard with at least three forms together. "If you want a pony to come by today it'll be just a skosh extra. Pricing is covered on the back of the second form. Just check the express box for service today."

Making my way to the seating area, I turned the second form over and scanned down to the express box. Wincing, I tallied up the total and shook my head. Why was it always the honeymoon fund? Grimacing, I checked off the box and went back to fill out everything. The paperwork finished, I returned to the receptionist.

"Everything filled out? I'll just go over your forms and give you a service time estimate." She waved back to the seating area. "This'll take just a bit."

"Thank you." I replied politely, squashing the rude retort to her abrupt dismissal. She nodded at the seating area and I retreated. With a smirk, I spotted am old Celerity magazine on the coffee table and picked it up. I was just finishing an article Stylo wrote about a Prench Quarter bistro when the receptionist stood.

"Loaf Stray?" I heard her call finally. My tele-writing wasn't that bad. She must've just glanced at the form.

I stood and crossed back. "Actually, it's Life Story."

"My mistake. We have you scheduled for this time here." She said, handing me a piece of paper with some details on it. "You're HVAC pony is listed by name and picture on that sheet and will be at your residence within a reasonable amount of time from the one listed there. If he doesn't show..."

"What are the odds on that?"

"Oh, well very rare. Our repair ponies are unionized though, so they can only work a certain number of hours before their prices increase. At that point, it's cheaper just to refund you the difference between express and deluxe fees and have him come to you first thing in the morning. You'll receive a courier-carried message by tonight if that occurs. Again, it only happens rarely and shouldn't be a problem with this pony at that time."

"Thank you, again."

"You're welcome, Mr. Story. Have a wonderful day." She said cheerily.

***

I was not having a wonderful day.

I had the run of the house and it was all I could do to stay on top of the cleaning. I'd managed to do most of the simple chores by spell without too much trouble. The broom nearly caused a problem when it started going haywire, but I resisted the urge to take an axe to it and canceled the spell. It was now cleaning the dining room, but the thing seemed to be taking its sweet time.

Throwing everything out of the fridge would likely have been much worse without the ability to levitate multiple objects at once. Even so, it was a smelly affair that had me gagging more than once. I suspected a few things were bad before the hot air problem and they definitely weren't improved by the fridge spell going haywire. Taking out the trash, I went upstairs to catch a shower and a second to relax. Things seemed to be going by at a much quicker pace today.

I turned the faucet on and was richly rewarded for all my hard work by a sudden blast of cold water. Gasping, I quickly turned it off and fumbled for a towel. I misjudged the distance, overextended and tripped over the edge of the tub. From cold water to cold tile, it was hard to tell which was worse.

Righting myself, I took a second to groan internally before heading back downstairs to check on the hot water heater. It too was run by the same set of spells as the refrigerator, so I hoped the spell repair pony could fix that too.

The stack of board games from the last trip to the Crystal Delicacy still sat in a bag on the table in the den. I found places for the things Ruby helped pick out. At the bottom of the pile sat the special game I bought. My face felt hot as I looked around to make sure I was alone. I had to find a better place for this before I forgot it again!

My first thought was the closet I shared with Div. Opening the door killed that idea. "How does a pony who wears basically nothing outside of work have so much stuff!" Hats in boxes, suits hanging up, padded gambesons to wear under his armor, and a frightening amount of scarves. Sighing, I closed that closet.

I didn't want it in any of the public spaces and hiding it in the staircase was sure to end badly for somepony. The hall closet upstairs was out as well. This left my study and the guest rooms. Given that I'd have to put this exceedingly risque game on a shelf if I went with the study, I decided on a guest room closet.

That embarrassing task taken care of, I went downstairs to my study. The first few chapters of the Colteau biography needed another edit before I showed them to the stallion himself.

Colteau and Mareais had a very interesting relationship, not unlike the one between myself and Div. I suspected that might be another reason for their move to Equestria. I wrote and rewrote, applying my white-out spell more times than I cared to admit by the time the clock tolled the afternoon hour. Looking up, I was astonished at how much time had passed.

I set down my quill, massaging my forehead. Taking a break, I piled my notes up and stood. Striding over to the window-seat, I selected one of my favorite novels when the door-bell rang.

Looking at the clock, I face-hoofed. The heating and cooling spell pony was right on time. Rushing out of my office, I ran through the laundry room, kitchen and the dining room to get to the foyer. Stopping just short of the door, I took a second to catch my breath and opened it. I looked out into the seemingly empty porch before looking down. It was Bruiser.

"I forgot my key." He explained.

I sighed, smiling. "Well, come on in and get out your school-work."

"I don't know if I have school-work." Bruiser started, eying the stairs.

"Well, go in the living room and we'll just look over your planner and see." I said, wondering what he was trying to get out of doing.

Before I could step away, another knock at the door. I nearly jumped in surprise, which amused Bruiser. I scowled and motioned towards the living room. Still laughing, he headed in the right direction.

This time, it was the heating/cooling pony. He was a deep blue unicorn with silver hair framing a very young face. I wondered exactly how old this pony was as I showed him in.

"I'm Life, the pile of brown fur over there is my son, Bruiser. Let me show you to the kitchen." I offered.

"Sounds good. Like your paper says, I'm Average Pferdenheit. What it doesn't tell you is that my family has been in the HVAC biz for several generations, dating back to our ancestor, Anders Pferdenheit."

"As in the Pferdenheit unit of temperature measurement?" I asked, amazed.

"Eeyup. Coltsius is a bad word in my family. Who bases temperatures on water?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Doesn't matter to me how you measure it as long as it keeps the food cold." I replied as we walked to the kitchen.

After a cursory examination and a routine spell check, Zero turned to me. "Where is your home spell crystal?"

"In the laundry room. Here, I'll show you to it."

After several more examination spells, Zero came back and sighed. "You have a pretty big problem. Somehow, the whole HVAC matrix of your spell shifted. Has your shower been acting up lately?"

"I just thought it was running low on hot water by the time I got to it."

"Nope. Your spell matrix is heating your fridge and cooling your water. I'm sure there are probably a few hot and cold areas you might not have even noticed. This is going to be a bit bigger than what your estimate was, sorry to say."

"You can still fix it?" I asked.

"That I can. I won't have my family name tarnished by a little messed up matrix. I just need you and your colt out of the house, in case there are any...problems."

"What kind of problems?"

"I won't say there is a zero chance, but there is a small chance for fire. Or snow. I've seen both at the same time, actually, but that was a much worse case. This should be extensive, but we caught it pretty quickly before there could be any permanent damage."

"Permanent damage not caused by fixing the problem, at least."

"Right. Safer for everypony this way. You're not far from a fire house and Canterlot has great rogue spell containment teams. So, should anything go awry, your home insurance and my company's insurance should cover it."

"Bruiser, we're going to the grandparents."

"Which ones?"

"Does it matter?"

"Nana Pro keeps looking at me."

"That's how she measures ponies. Speaking of her, we'll need to see her again. You're growing, I think."

***

"You didn't bring your backpack?"

"You didn’t remind me?"

"How old are you? I shouldn't have to remind you!"

"I don't have homework. I think."

I sighed. "I would have liked to check your planner anyway. Well, too late now, we're almost there."

As we walked up to the door, my parents were coming out.

"Oh! Life, I didn't know you and the sweetest colt in Canterlot were coming!" Mom exclaimed as she hugged us both. She leaned back to look at Bruiser. "I do think somepony is getting a little too tall. Don't you know you're supposed to be my little grandfoal forever?"

I laughed. "Oh, you know how much kids listen to their elders."

"Don't remind me." Lovely replied with a smirk.

"Too bad we have flower moths." Dad said as he joined us.

"Flower moths?" Bruiser asked.

"Somepony," here he inclined his head toward his wife, "got us a shipment of seeds for the solarium. Imported. From Ponyma. I guess customs wasn't very careful about checking the crate because it wasn't in the house for more than a day before we were overrun."

Mom smiled. "They really are quite lovely to look at when they're full-grown. They come in all colors and look just like flowers!"

"Which is great, except they cocoon on the ceiling and their larvae get everywhere. And I do mean, everywhere!" Dad interjected.

"Where are you guys staying while they deflower the house?" I asked innocently.

Mom snorted. Dad just shook his head. When I realized what I just said, I rolled my eyes. "I didn't mean it like that!"

"I don't get it." Bruiser said, looking from adult to adult.

"When your older, dear." Mom said, patting his shoulder.

"To be honest, we were going to come invite ourselves over." Dad admitted. "Assuming you wouldn't mind having your folks over at your home?"

"Of course not!" They frowned. "I mean, I wouldn't mind!" I clarified.

"Oh." They said in unison.

"Except I have an HVAC spell pony over at my place fixing the whole matrix so we're really not..."

"You left a repair pony alone in your house?" Dad asked sharply.

"He said there was a risk of fire." I said.

"Or snow." Bruiser interjected.

"Well, let's just go see how he's doing. What company did you use?" Dad asked.

"Cool It or Heat It." I replied.

He sighed. "Oh, well. I know the pony that owns the business. Good guy. Comes from a long family of HVAC unicorns."

"Pferdenheit?" I asked.

Dad smiled. "That's the one! I think his son is just a touch younger than you."

"I think his son is the one at my house!" I exclaimed.

Dad raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Well, we can take our time to get over there, then. Pferdenheits are good ponies."

Zero did amazing work. The HVAC pony was done and had an updated bill by the time we got there. As I walked Zero out, dad got the bill and was reading it over by the time I got back.

"Good work, but sweet Luna, the prices are just a tad high. I'll take care of this."

"No, dad, you don't have to do that!" I argued.

"Yes, I do! I forgot the crystal I got was only supposed to be temporary. I think that was, what? Five years ago?" He turned to mom.

She nodded. "On a six month crystal, too. Not bad."

***

After finally getting Bruiser to his homework and lending a hoof with fractions, the colt was finally in bed. Going around the house, I checked the HVAC work and was pleasantly surprised by the consistent results.

Back upstairs, I went to go check on mom and dad and wish them a good night. Opening the door, I looked around and then down. My parents were seated on the floor. Mom looked like she'd just pulled the sheets around her and dad lifted a leg to block something from view. Between them sat...

The boardgame I'd gotten at the Ruby Delicacy. In the adult game section.

My voice was a little higher than normal. "Just wanted to check on you and make sure you were set for the night. There are more blankets in the closet."

Mom smiled kindly. "We know, dear. We found this underneath the blankets."

"Oh. Right." My brain stalled. The discomfort was thick enough to skate on.

Finally, dad piped up. "Good night, son."

"Right!" I said, turning around, my face burning. "Good night!"

Locking the door behind me, I made a hasty retreat back to my room. Locking my door behind me, I was determined to never speak of this to anypony, ever. Celestia willing, my parents never would either. One could hope.

Somewhere Only We Know

I opened the door, preparing to scold Bruiser for forgetting his key again, but it was Paisley Ember and Jelly Jogger instead. It had been some time since I'd seen them, given how the trial against Masquerade went smoothly. Their sudden appearance at my doorstep had me resigned to another day of waiting around a courthouse. With a sigh, I ushered them into the family room.

"Good to see you both, how can I help you?" I began.

The pair exchanged a look and then Paisley turned to me. "Mr. Story, we're here about a missing pony case. It's a mare you're familiar with, Genuine Article."

My eyebrows shot up. "Genuine is missing?"

Jelly nodded. "Her assistant said she hasn't shown up or made any contact in the last five days."

"She mentioned she was moving, when I saw her last." I said.

"Mr. Story, I'm going to need to know as much as possible about your last conversation." Paisley said, retrieving a pen and notepad.

"Well, I remember arguing with her about letting her in. I relented and we sat in the dining room. She mentioned that somepony paid her to send the book to me, but she wouldn't say who. I figured she was either full of it or personally involved with whoever paid for the book." Jelly and Paisley exchanged another look. "What's going on?" I asked.

Paisley sighed. "We've not been entirely honest with you. While we do patrol occasionally, we've also been assigned to the organized crime squad."

I tilted my head. "There's organized crime in Canterlot. That always seemed more like a Las Pegasus problem."

"It's mostly small, there are only a few families involved and they limit their illegal activities to keep out of sight. A lot of the trouble began with the influx of wealthy Bitalian families a few years ago. You might even know the names, given your husband's adoptive family." Paisley said.

"Progetta's family are all fashion designers, not some sort of mafia." I protested.

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant families like the Delmaneco's." Paisley clarified.

I leaned back against my chair. "Delmaneco? As in, Erede Delmaneco?"

"His father, Patrimonio, was implicated in a few business deals of questionable legality. Intimidation to keep competitors away from his area, both on a restaurant and organized crime level."

I looked down at my hooves. Biting my lip, I wondered what this would mean for Genuine. She'd definitely tried warning me about the dangers I'd face for even being seen with her. Then there was Vinny and Masquerade after that.

"Mr. Story. If there is anything you haven't told us, please let us know. Genuine's life might be at stake." Jelly prompted.

I looked back up into the combined weight of their stares. Genuine would never forgive me, but maybe she'd be alive to hate me. "Genuine Article is not her real name. She was born in Neigh Orleans to a restaurant-owning family. Her real name is Raconteur."

"When did she change her name?" Paisley asked.

"Shortly after she moved to Canterlot. It was her...stage name."

"I appreciate the extra knowledge, but how does this help our case?" Jelly asked.

I looked at him directly. "She went to school here with a fake name. How do you think she came by the means to change her identity without a trace?"

Paisley's eyes lit up instantly. "Delmaneco."

I nodded. "She worked as a waitress for Delmaneco's. Patri helped her change her identity. Now it's his son in charge of the family business. Both family businesses, I'd assume."

"It's speculation, but given his connections, he might have contacted Vinny and brought him and his goons into the city. He also would have the means to hire Masquerade." I said.

I heard the front door open and close, immediately followed by the sound of a heavy duffel bag hitting the floor. Div walked in, still clad in his PLHG armor. "Life, who attacked you this time?"

I rolled my eyes. "For once, nopony. Genuine's gone missing."

He snorted with contempt, then looked at our guests. Swallowing whatever he was about to say, Div's face colored a bit as he nodded. "Oh. I see."

"You wouldn't happen to know anything else about Genuine?" Jelly asked.

Div laughed. "Thankfully, no. I've been on a diplomatic mission with Princess Luna's House Guards for the last week."

"Where did you go?" Paisley asked.

"I'm afraid that's need-to-know. Feel free to ask my lieutenant. You can't miss him; he's the one who looks like he has no sense of humor."

Paisley laughed. "I've seen Lieutenant Knight once. He doesn't look like he has a sense of humor."

Div's ears flattened against his head. "Looks can be deceiving. Anyway, if you're looking for Genuine, good luck. If she doesn't want to be found, she probably won't be."

Paisley and Jelly stood. "We're more worried for her safety, given the nature of her former employer." Paisley commented.

"She finally get busted for the stuff she pulled at the auction house?" Div guessed.

"Auction house?" Jelly asked.

I nodded, thankful for Div for the reminder. "She worked for an auction house in Canterlot as an appraiser. A few high-priced fakes were certified by her to help a friend. Probably Delmaneco."

"Delmaneco?" Div asked.

"It seems the restaurant isn't the only business that family is in." I said, quirking a brow meaningfully.

Div's eyes widened as it dawned on him. "They're a crime family?"

I tapped my nose. Div whistled lowly.

"If you remember anything else, please let us know. We've got a good basis here to ask some more questions of Vinny and Masquerade. They might finally cough up the name of their employer." Paisley said with a smile.

"I hope you find Genuine." I said as I escorted them out. After exchanging goodbyes, I closed the door and turned back to Div, who'd gotten halfway out of his armor. With a snort, I ignited my horn and helped him out of the rest of it before setting it aside on the stand in the living room.

Div sat at the bar area of the kitchen and looked at me with his head propped up on one hoof. Ignoring him, I turned to check the fridge and see if the vegetables I'd gotten earlier were still fresh enough to eat. When I turned back with broccoli and cheese, Div raised his eyebrows.

"What?" I asked, annoyed.

Div crossed his forelimbs and locked his eyes on mine. "Don't blame yourself for her disappearing. It could very well be that she left without a trace to throw off the Delmaneco's as much as anything else."

"She tried to warn us, Div. Now we could very well be the targets of a killer mafia family." I pointed out.

Div shrugged. "We've survived it so far."

"Yeah, after nearly being killed by a manticore, taking a big fall during a bridge collapse, getting attacked by Manehatten thugs, and getting attacked here at home by a contracted assassin." I declared, setting the ingredients done none too gently.

"We'll get through this, Life. We always do." Div said casually.

"Except when we almost don't. I've been to the hospital enough. I don't want to see my family get hurt." My eyes misted over as I looked down at the abused broccoli.

Stepping around the counter, Div embraced me. "You know what would make you feel better? I have some leave time coming and, last time I checked, we still had quite a good amount tucked away..." He trailed off teasingly.

I wiped my eyes with a hoof. "Are you thinking about a honeymoon?"

"Whenever you want to go, love. Wherever you want to go." He said, smiling.

"Where are we going?" Bruiser asked. I hadn't even heard the normally loud foal come in.

"Your father and I are going to take a honeymoon trip, finally." I announced.

Bruiser made a sour face. "You mean you're going on some huggy-kissy vacation? Blech."

"I'll remember that when you get married, my little stallion." Div teased, poking Bruiser's nose.

Pushing Div's hoof away, Bruiser looked at me. "So, what are you gonna do with me?"

I looked at Div. His mischievous grin set off my own. Looking back at Bruiser, I took on a bored expression and sniffed. "Hm, I don't know. Think we should pack him up in a bag and take him with us?"

Div's grin widened as Bruiser shot a glare at us. "There's an idea! Let's see if he fits in your big suitcase from your writing trip." Bruiser didn't stand a chance as Div darted around the island on one side and I came around the other way. Between us, we managed to grab hold of the colt with a fair amount of tickling. Bruiser squirmed and laughed as I settled him on Div's back with my magic and we trotted upstairs.

"Dad! Your magic is tickling me still!" Bruiser said through peals of laughter as we entered the master bedroom.

Retrieving my suitcase, I turned up the tickling. Bruiser's gales of giggles intensified and we actually wiggled off of Div's back. Thankfully, he landed on our bed. I set the suitcase next to him and jumped on the bed. Div joined me on the other side. As we raised our hooves to pounce on the foal once again, we were caught.

Mom and Dad stood in the doorway, wearing the two biggest grins I'd ever seen. Their horns glowed with magic as they pushed Div and I back to a seated position against the headboard. "Now, what do we have here?" Mom asked. Her light gold magic held me immobile.

"Looks like two overgrown colts were giving our grandson a hard time." Dad answered, his silvery glow concentrated around Div.

Suddenly free, Bruiser looked from my parents back to us. When his eyes met mine, I knew our trouble had only started. "Mom, we were just playing."

"Yeah, dad." Div whined, playing the part of the colt caught red-hoofed. "We weren't really going to lock him in the suitcase."

"Suitcase!" Lovely Story said in mock indignation. "You were going to put Bruiser in a suitcase?"

"No!" We protested together.

"Yes they were!" Bruiser replied, his grin growing by the minute.

"Mom, dad, let us explain--" I was cut off by a powerful tickling sensation. By the tumult on the bed next to me, dad had done the same to Div.

"Mom!" I protested through fits of laughter. They let up on us, but held us still. As we wheezed to a

"Get 'em Bru!" Dad ordered. Bruiser immediately had a forehoof in our ribs, tickling us with great gusto.

I Only Have Eyes For You

His expression neutral, Colteau motioned me to sit next to him. The chair beside his director's chair had an ever-rotating roster of ponies depending on what Colteau meant to accomplish. Apparently, what he wanted had to do with my work on his biography. "Mr. Story. You have made your inquiries about my foalhood and my early influences but have not but barely raised an eye to see my work in all your time here."

I shrugged. "I don't really know that much about film, I must confess."

"Yet you agreed to biography a film-maker? Then again, I suppose film directors aren't as common around Equestria." Jaune shrugged and shook his head. I knew that one of his aims for the biography and media campaign was to highlight what film could do in our country.

"My thought was that being here would help me get a better understanding. So far, the process just seems to elude me." I admitted, cringing inwardly. None of this was making me sound good.

Jaune shook his head. "Merely standing in the presence of something does not give you all the knowledge. You have to open your eyes, raise your head, and most importantly, ask questions."

"Haven't I asked you questions?" I asked.

Jaune's eyes flashed, but he otherwise remained the same. "See! You are starting off on the right hoof already. Oui, mon ami, I want you to ask me about my work. My passion."

"I see." I was definitely on the spot. I thanked Celestia for the experience with interviewing ponies over the writing trip. "I guess I should start by asking about your film. I've heard a little about it just from being around. It's based on a foal's tale, Bridle and the Beast?"

He nodded. "Correct. La Bride et la Bête."

I nodded in turn and added, "Originally written by Jaune-Marie Laprance de Beaumont."

His nodding ceased. "Wrong. The tale was originally written by Gabride-Suzette Barbot de Villeneighve."

I frowned. "But..."

"Non, mon ami. Jaune-Marie abridged Gabride's original tale into the form we most commonly use today, but the oldest variation is still Gabride's." He said with a grin.

I shrugged. "Well, these are originally Prench foal's tales, so I'll defer to your experience here. How do you decide on elements to incorporate into the film?"

"I pull from my experience and the influence of mythology." Jaune said. "If we are to to take the Bridle and Beast story to just its archetypes, it is really a tale as old as time itself. The bare story has so many interpretations based on what the author, or poet, or film-maker is trying to convey."

I made note of his remarks and continued. "What influences have you incorporated into your own interpretation?"

"Have you ever heard the tale of Orponeus? Specifically, his visit to the underworld?" Jaune asked.

"Uh-oh. Looks like our lunch will be a little longer today." Jaune Marais commented as he looked over at us. He was dressed in his period costume of a tunic undershirt and pants with high boots on his rear hooves. "Do us all a favor. Don't ask him about mirrors. We want to finish this movie while we're still young."

"Hush! The stallion is asking the good questions now." Turning to me, he looked down. "I do hope you have enough ink."

Looking at the bottle nearby, I levitated my bag and withdrew my first back-up. "Ready when you are."

***

"Have you picked out a honeymoon yet?" Div asked as we sat at the kitchen bar at home. To be fair, I'd had brochures and pamphlets strewn haphazardly across the bar for the better part of two days.

I ruffled my mane and looked over at him. "You're sure you don't have any preference. Any at all?"

Without even looking, Div picked up a travel advertisement and threw it at me. The paper caught the wind and landed a few inches away from me, but I had the suspicion he'd aimed it at my head. "There, let's go there."

I glanced down at the document and sighed. "We don't have time to cruise the Mediterreineighan."

Div drew his shoulders up and asked, "Then why is it in the pile of travel crap?"

"You picked it out of the ones I've already decided against. There are three piles." I said, indicating the general area of each pile. "Over there is out. There is maybe. And right by me are the strongest competitors."

Gazing over the informal mess, Div shook his head. "They all look like the same pile. Maybe you should stack them?"

I sighed in exasperation. "But then I wouldn't be able to see them all!"

"Okay, how about I take the ones over here that are out and throw them away?" Div asked, starting to draw the out pile together.

"Hey! Wait! There's a few in there from the maybe pile! Oh, and I wanted to keep the Neigh Delhi pamphlet. Ooh, and the Saint Maretin cruise package."

"Why are you keeping ones you've decided against?" Div asked, incredulous.

Holding the brochures against my chest, I gave him my best big-eyed look. "I'm thinking about maybe developing a few ideas into fiction stories. And some of the pictures are stunning." Pulling open the Neigh Delhi one, I pointed a few things out. "Look, this picture of Lotus Temple is pretty good. They say creatures of all types are welcome there to pray and meditate. Oh, and there's a bit in here about Akshardame. It doesn't have quite the same history as most places in Neigh Delhi, but the level of work and the sheer scope of the place is amazing!"

"So, why did you kick this one out?" Div asked.

I sighed. "Well, traffic is a lot worse. It's like an hour long wagon ride to get anywhere. And there's a surprising amount of poverty. Not to mention they speak a different language, so we'd have to have a translator. But, believe it or not, the country's mostly run by cows."

Div cocked his head. "Really?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "It kind of explains their traffic problems, if you think about it."

"Life." Div said, meaningfully. "Pick something out or I'll just keep grabbing ones at random until you're buried in brochures."

"I'm already buried in brochures!" I said, sweeping my hooves out and knocking a few out of the pile near me and onto the floor.

Div rolled his eyes, but thankfully didn't move to help me. I quickly swept up the travel ads, making sure to keep the Eminence Enterprizes brochure out of his line of sight. It wouldn't likely be our honeymoon, as the Harmony's first voyage was still a long time away. However, the maiden voyage did start on Div's birthday and among the many stops were the major pegasus cities. I tucked it into a drawer with brochures for Appleloosa and Dodge City on top.

Pulling my second ace out, I held up an alarmingly shiny destination leaflet. "What do you think?"

"I'm sure it's..." Div started before turning to look at me. His voice trailed off. "The Crystal Empire?"

"It's someplace I haven't been. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see Vanhoover and Baltimare and all those places again, but this could be something we discover together." I said, opening up the trifold and laying it out.

"I heard the lieutenant took his new bride there." Div remarked as we looked it over.

I snorted and punched him playfully. "See? And they got married after we did! If I didn't know better I'd say you were delaying."

Div snorted. "I don't have the lieutenant's pay grade. And he doesn't have a foal. Or a spouse who took on a project that requires them to be attached to some Prench stallion."

I threw a hoof over his shoulders. "Oh, come on, don't tell me you're jealous of Jaune Colteau?"

He shrugged me off. "More like I've heard the reputation of a certain Jaune Mareais."

Setting the hoof down on the counter, I gazed upwards. "A reputation that is certainly undeserved. He's as dedicated to Colteau as any pair of lovers I've seen."

"You honestly have no attraction to either of those Prench unicorns?" Div asked.

I bit my lip. Where was this coming from? I wondered. "I only have eyes for you, my love. Are you alright?"

"I-I just haven't been sleeping well. This shift's been a little rougher. Oh, before I forget, there's a Nightmare Night party at the castle. The House Guards are taking shifts, but I've got the first two hours. After that, we can party!"

"I think Colteau is taking that day off anyway. Bruiser's going trick or treating with the grandparents. All four of them."

"He's going to end up sweating sugar for a week, isn't he?" Div asked, smiling.

I shrugged. "Probably. He's going as a boxer. Mama Pro's already finished his costume. Maybe we can talk her into making us something?"

Div laughed. "If she hasn't already. We should head over there soon, actually. I need her to do something simple so I can switch out of my armor and into the costume without taking an eternity."

***

"So, with me working for part of the night we were hoping to pick your brain about a good costume. Something simple." Div said as we stood in Progetta's shop. Designs of Love was a comfortable place, helped in no small part by how many foalhood memories I possessed of the place.

"Simple? Easy to put on? Why even ask me to make you anything, mio cavallino? Just take an old sheet and go as a ghost!" Mama Pro said, waving a hoof in mock anger. To be fair, it looked real enough to the untrained eye. One had to know Mama Pro for a little while to get used to her sense of humor.

"You are a costume designer!" Div protested. "I thought you would know--"

"I was a flight-suit designer!" Progetta corrected, poking his nose. "I made suits for the most beautiful flyers around the world."

Amore piped up from the store room. "Yeah you did!"

Not even turning, Progetta yelled back. "Nopony was talking to you, Amore!" Sighing, she looked at me. "You wanna match with Mr. Keep-it-simple over here?"

Schooling my features to hide my amusement, I nodded. "I thought it would be nice, yes."

"Bah!" Progetta said, continuing her theatrics as she eyed us both. "My life's talent and they want me to work some miracle."

"Progetta! Be nice to the boys and just give them the togas already." Ma Amore called out from the back room.

Progetta snorted defiantly. "You want to ruin my surprises, Amore? You finicky flyer; you can keep that big mouth shut or I'll just have to show you where to put it!"

Div grimaced. I lost it. "Mama!" Div whined, ears down.

"Oh, don't you start with the 'Mama!' Do you know how many diapers I changed, only to have you soil them as soon as I could put them on! I will speak to my wife in my shop as I please!" She said loudly as she walked around the counter to retrieve two white bundles.

"Are we really going as ghosts?" I asked innocently.

Progetta fixed a glare on me that I hadn't seen since the last time a customer had insulted her. "N-not that there's anything wrong with that! I'm sure you make lovely ghost costumes, um..." I trailed off as her glare turned into a frown.

"Togas! Ancient Roaman togas! With beautiful borders, embroidered like even the wealthiest emperor never saw. You even have tunics to go with them." Her expression softened now that she'd had her fun. "Now, is my little pugile excited for his first Nightmare Night with his grandparents?"

"He really loves the costume you made for him. He's been practicing standing on his hind legs and throwing punches." Div said, grinning.

"Almost as good as Div." I remarked. "Maybe he'll follow in your hoof-steps and be a guard?"

"Maybe he'll follow in your hoof-steps and be a wife?" Div teased.

I poked my tongue against the inside of my cheek and nodded my head. "Oh, you think that's cute, do you?"

"Stallions! If you're going to get rowdy get out of my shop! Don't forget your costumes and don't worry about thanking me. It's not like I put any effort into this, I just breathe out these creations." Mama Pro said, waving a hoof.

Amore stuck her head out from the back room. "Progettazione! You want me to knock some sense into our little colts?"

Div and I rushed over to Mama Pro and hugged her, nearly picking her up off the floor between us. Together we chimed. "Thank you, mama!"

Don't Look Back

The glass doors to the backyard framed the training scene perfectly. He wasn't wearing his pugilist costume, but Bruiser was going at the punching bag with gusto. Through some stroke of genius, Div bought a bag for home training and got Bruiser involved. I watched foal and guardspony as Div coached him over proper form and technique. What started out as a costume idea really sparked something in Bruiser. Whether it was an outlet for his frustrations or just another fascination he'd grow out of, time would tell. For now, I was just grateful that he did his homework.

As they came inside, Bruiser bounded up to me and hugged me. "Well, somepony's in a good mood. Should I be suspicious? Div didn't promise you an extra dessert or anything?"

Div and Bru laughed. "No, dad. I'm just really glad to have you guys as my parents."

"Okay, now I'm really suspicious. What did you promise him?" I asked, looking over at Div.

Div shook his head, still laughing. "He's just in a good mood, dear."

I eyed them both, looking for any sign of some shared secret. There weren't any obvious tells, but I wasn't about to let it go. "I'm watching you two." I said, pointing from my eyes to both of them.

Wrapping my forehooves around my little colt, I sighed. "But for now, I'll take the hug and the love. What do my boys want for dinner?"

That was it. Bru and Div exchanged looks, neither one of them even bothering to attempt to hide their cooperation. Bruiser turned his eyes back on me and they were as wide as a begging puppy. "Well, since you asked..."

"I knew it." I said, feeling vindicated. "All right, where?"

Piper Pony's Pizza was a family restaurant. Well, more of a kid's restaurant, what with their wide selection of arcade games. Electricity spawned a new beast and that beast ensnared the hearts of the younger generation. Arcade basketball, skee ball, whac-a-dog, and more blinked and flashed their lights enticingly.

Div ran around the place, his energy a match for the little two-toned earth pony foal speedster.  I waited for our order number at a booth comfortably away from all the lights and noise. It was kind of amazing to watch, really. After working like he did, Div still had so much energy. It probably helped that the earth pony kept in shape.

Looking down at myself, I realized I was getting a little too much more-so in my torso. Scowling, I schooled my thoughts away from the negative and started mentally listing how I could work out. Ponies just didn't stay slim forever, I knew, but I'd been lucky to have good metabolism so far. If that slowed down, I needed to increase my workout.

Our number lit up on the board and I trotted down to pick up our vegetable-lover's pizza and garlic parmesan breadsticks. Catching sight of my two stallions, I lit up my horn. Div got my signal and bent over to tell Bruiser. The colt was staring intently into the depths of a claw machine, focusing on getting some prize. The red unicorn staff member at the pick up counter floated our food over to me and I took hold with my own magic.

In the end, we all met up at our booth at the same time. Bruiser's luck was good; he'd come away with a stuffed blue turtle plush. Setting his prize next to his plate, Bruiser eyed the food eagerly as I served it out magically.

Just as Bruiser reached towards his slice, Div cleared his throat. Something passed between them and Bruiser looked over at me. "Thank-you-so-much-for-letting-us-come-here-now-can-we-eat?" The words came out in a single stream and Div placed a hoof to his forehead.

I laughed. "You're welcome. And yes."

Practically bouncing in his seat, Bruiser took an enthusiastic bite. The drink server came by with our pitcher of fizzy drink and I served that out as well. Bruiser swallowed after a lot of chewing and gulped in a breath of air. I rolled my eyes. "Smaller bites, you over-eager beaver."

"Yes, dad." Bruiser said, reaching for his glass. I pulled that away and gestured toward my napkin.

Taking the hint, Bru wiped the sauce from his muzzle and I returned the glass to its place.

"Mind your manners, Bruiser." Div chided. Turning to me, Div smiled. "You've got to try this air hockey game."

"Air hockey?" I asked. "Is the puck a balloon or something?"

"No, dad, it's a table game with a really flat puck and two hoof-guard-looking things." Bru replied, around a mouthful.

"You know, when we met, a certain somepony was so polite that he asked before leaving the table." I recalled. Bru blushed and swallowed. "I guess Cross was right; I'm a bad influence on you."

"Sorry, dad. I really want to play with you though. And then maybe you and daddy Div can play against each other. That would be really fun to watch! But you can't cheat and use your magic!" Bruiser said the last line with mock sternness.

I ignited my horn and focused the light around my head into a golden halo. Putting my hooves together, I gave my best impersonation of an angel. Bruiser laughed as he drank and shot his drink out of his nose. Spluttering, Div handed him some extra napkins and helped the colt clean up.

"Oh, my nose burns now!" He complained.

"Take it easy on the food, kiddo. It'll still be here when you're ready for the next slice. Unless your father eats it all." I said, looking at Div as he started on his second slice.

Div shrugged. "Just working my energy up so I can properly trounce you at air-hockey."

"In your dreams, maybe." I replied.

Div poked my nose. "You didn't even know what air hockey was until just now."

"I don't need previous experience with the game. Any game you play, I can beat you hooves down." I bragged.

"You can only have one hoof down." Bruiser interjected.

"I could beat you with my hoof tied behind my back." Div said.

"Again, only one hoof's allowed." Bruiser reminded us.

"Oh, sounds like somepony is feeling pretty confident." I remarked. "Just how confident are you, Mr. Fumblehooves?"

"Confident enough that I'd agree to do the dishes for a month if I don't beat you!" He said carelessly.

"Oh-ho! Well, I think that's well worth the endeavor." I remarked. Dinner passed in relative silence, Div and I taking turns bumping shoulders and sending menacing looks to each other. Bruiser was itching to get going, but managed not to make any more slip-ups manners-wise for the rest of the meal.

As we made our way to the air-hockey table, two fillies were just walking away. The timing was perfect. I stood on the red side and acclimated myself to the hoof-guard puck striker. Our playing field was an eight foot long rectangular table with bumpers around the edge to keep the puck in. Div's goal was straight across from my own. Underneath my hoof, the table hummed to life, sending air across the surface. Div set the puck down and it drifted slightly. Looking up at me, Div flashed a grin.

"You need to play the kid first before you're ready for me." Div taunted. Bruiser excitedly took his place and the game was on. The point was simple enough. The first player to seven won, unless you ran out of time. As I worked out the best defense, I let Bruiser make some good goals and scored a few of my own when the colt knocked the puck into his own goal accidentally. By the end, I pretty much had the game well in hoof. I let Bruiser win, but made it look competitive. Five to seven was our final score.

Div swapped with Bru and the table came to life again. "You ready to lose again, Story?" Div challenged.

"Just don't cry too much when you're cleaning the dishes, love." I replied.

With that, the game was on! The puck darted more quickly than I anticipated. Within two return strikes, the puck darted in from the side and through my defense. Retrieving the disc from the puck-return, I set the striker on top and locked eyes with Div.

"Score one for me, honey." He said, his smile as irritating as it was handsome.

"Don't expect me to keep going easy on you." I replied, striking the puck directly down the table towards his goal. Div reacted just barely in time and sent the puck bouncing off of the sides and my striker without much I could do to stop or strike it. This pattern continued, Div alternating the sides he attacked me from until I was able to strike back. It struck against the short end on Div's side and bounced off the back of Div's striker before going in.

From there, the game intensified. The puck was sent flying a few more times as we traded goals. As I picked up the puck, I noticed the score stood at six to six. Bruiser noticed it too. "Last point wins, the game only goes by time or if somepony reaches seven goals."

Smiling, I shot the puck into a direct attack, expecting Div to strike back. When he failed and my shot scored, I looked up at him in surprise. Did he just let me win? I wondered. Looking at his face, I noticed something had grabbed his attention. Following his gaze, I turned around to see Erede DelManeco.

Div walked around the table to stand in front of Bruiser as I took in the sight of the DelManeco clan leader. A filly, roughly Bruiser's age, stood at the orange pegasus' side. Her coat was a lighter orange with brown freckles and her brown mane tied back in twin braids.

"Well, if it isn't Life and Sogni. What a pleasant surprise to see you! You haven't been by my restaurant in some time, but let me thank you again for introducing me to the DiVolare's. Let me introduce you to my daughter, Marrone DelManeco. Marrone, this is Mr. Story and Mr. DiVolare. Forgive me, but I am not familiar with your foal."

My mind stuck. There was no way I wanted to introduce Bruiser to a mafia boss like DelManeco. The foal wormed his way between Div and I and introduced himself. "I'm Bruiser. My friends call me Bru." He said, removing his hat and bowing slightly to Marrone.

"What a charming little cowcolt." Erede said.

"Papa, we still have to place our order." Marrone reminded her father. Her eyes didn't move away from Bruiser, but she seemed to be blushing at him. "It was nice to meet you, signori and you as well, Bru."

"Nice to meet you too." Bruiser said politely. Sure, now he remembers his manners. I thought. Out loud, I said. "It's time to go."

"Aw, already" Bru started to complain.

"Bruiser, now is not a good time. I'll make it up to you later." Div promised. We gathered our leftovers and Bru's turtle and left without bumping into the DelManeco's again.

***

"Monsieur Story?" Jaune Mareais said, tapping my shoulder to get my attention.

I looked up from my notes and caught Mareais' look of concern. "I'm sorry, Jaune. Did you say something?"

"I just asked if you were coming to lunch with the rest of the cast and crew. Are you alright?" He asked.

"Just...woolgathering I guess. Sorry." I turned away to stow my inks and when I turned back, Mareais was closer to me. "Um, something I can do for you, Jaune?"

He nodded intently. "Colteau says something often. Eyes reveal the truth. They are reflections of our hearts. Your eyes did not look unfocused, mon ami. Rather, your eyes were quite the opposite."

I exhaled slowly. "Have you ever felt like you'd been pulled into a dance with a devil?"

Jaune nodded. "I see him every day." He looked over at Colteau, who was busying himself with one of the camera operators.

"Well, my devil wants to destroy everything I've put together. My family, my career, my life." I trailed off, worried about getting another pony involved.

To his credit, Mareais didn't press for my information. He merely nodded. "Don't let your devil's win. You are a surprisingly strong pony, Life. Certainly stronger than you give yourself credit. If anypony can overcome the devil, why couldn't it be you? You'll protect what you love. Even death itself can't end that force. I'm sure I don't need to call Monsieur Director over to have him regale you with the tale of Orponeus. Again."

"Yeah, well, Orponeus failed." I pointed out.

Jaune paused a moment before replying. "Yeah, okay. Bad example. Perhaps the ponies of myth aren't the best source for inspiration here. Much of those stories ends poorly."

"I get what you mean, though. I would go to Tartarus and back for my loved ones. Unlike Orponeus, maybe I need to have faith that they are right behind me."

Casting a forelimb around me, Jaune chuckled. "There you go! See, you writers can puzzle out a good ending given enough time."

Beauty and the Beast Part 1

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Beauty and the Beast Part 2

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Beauty and the Beast Part 3

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Beauty and the Beast: Finale

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Can't Get You Outta My Head

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