But it was for Equestria Darling!

by CristalGalaxy

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Shining Armor, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 966

Don't throw your wife off a balcony. Even if the fate of Equestria depends on it.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Shining Armor here.
And today I learned that you shouldn't throw your wife off of a balcony.
It really pisses them off.

Published 2015-10-20 19:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-25 20:54:06 UTC

Run.

Run.

The sun was slowly setting outside the Crystal Castle.
Inside one of the rooms, a stallion was brushing his blue mane and tail.
Shining Armor gave himself a great big smile in the mirror and admired his freshly cleaned horn.

"I never knew that it could look so pure and white!" he said out loud, knowing he was the only one in the bathroom. "Those black crystals certainly were annoying come to think of it..."
He was exhausted for he had spent the whole day working to quickly repair the Crystal Empire with a team of ponies. And he had to admit that he has shed a few tears in front of his crystallized sister and her friends... They looked so grown up!

That's when he heard the door of his room open then close.
The white stallion stepped outside of his bathroom and turned the lights on to see his wife, Cadance, yawning in front of the entrance, before spotting him and walking towards him.

That's odd... She should still be closing up the festival to celebrate King Sombra's defeat...

Shining Armor then got an idea of what she was back for and he gave a sly smile as he approached her.
"Why hello there miss..." he murmured, getting ever so slightly closer. "You lost?"
His playful tone made clear what intentions he had in mind and Cadance gave him a strict smile that seemed forced, making the game disappear in an instant.

"Actually no," she said, her smiled still not going away. "I'm not lost. I'm your wife."

Shining's smile wavered as he squinted his eyes in shock and a nervous giggle escaped his lips. "Oookay sweetie! Have you been hit on the head or do you just not remember our little game? You know where I ask that and then you answer by 'I am sir! But my what a strong stallion you are...' and then I would get in closer..." His smiled widened as he remembered all the 'fun' times they had had with that game.

"I do recall honey!" continued Cadance, "I just wanted to make sure you had in mind that I'm your wife"

Shining Armor could feel the trap close on him and a bad feeling spread over him but he simply continued smiling there like an idiot, hoping for the best. "Y... Yes I know that! How could I forget-"

"Which means you have to treat your wife with care and attention..." she was still smiling. That usually meant you had to run.

Shining Armor wanted to curl up in a ball under the deadly and dangerous glare that was giving him the only person of who he was scared of : Angry Cadance.
And the worst in all that was that he had no idea what he had done wrong!

Uhhh... Did I have to do something important? I said goodbye to Twilight... Informed Princess Celestia of our victory, made sure every pony was okay... Shining Armor's hooves started to tap a little on the floor, sign of his frustration and nervousness.
"Did I do something-?" he finally dared to ask.

"And treating your wife with care and attention means you should try and avoid throwing them off of a balcony especially when they're so weak!" snapped Cadance.

That hit Shining Armor right in the face and he tried to regain his composure.
Oh yeah. That.
"But... But honey! It was to save Equestria! And you seemed so... so... uh... happy afterwards!"

"I had to look happy! And still, that isn't a good enough reason to throw me off a balcony!" she growled.

"I'm really sorry... I thought... It's just that... You were..." he mumbled, getting tangled up in his own words before finally opting for the safest solution. " Would you at least accept my apologies?" nervously murmured Shining Armor, feeling like a caged bird in front of a cat and not daring to look in the eyes of the mare who was towering above him.

"I won't! At least not tonight!" she frowned. "I need to think over all of this... " Her tone became a little calmer as she thought about what to do. "And I'm sleeping alone!" Cadance started to make her way to the bathroom, clearly implying their conversation was over.

"But... Where will I sleep?!" Shining Armor said, feeling pitiful.

"Anywhere! Just not in the bedroom!" was the last thing she said before closing the bathroom door.

The white stallion wanted to protest more but he gave up, remembering something that his father had said long ago :
"Well, if there's one thing you have to know before growing up and leaving the house Shining, it's that you'll never win an argument with a mare. Ever."

Shining Armor sighted.
And now to find somewhere to sleep...

The red guard squinted his eyes in the darkness, his horn only illuminating half of the empty corridors of the castle as he proceeded to doing his last round of the night.
He looked around and then frowned upon spotting a figure on one of the small seats that were standing in the corridors in case some pony wanted to sit down.

The guard came closer, and saw that it was entirely wrapped up in a red blanket.
The stallion slowly put a hoof on it and nearly fainted when the blanket moved, a head emerging from it and scaring the life out of the guard that took a few steps back, eyes widened in fear.

There, a very grumpy and gloomy looking captain of the Royal Guard was watching him with a deadly expression, back circles around his eyes.

"Don't" he said, "ask."

Author's Note

The guard never dared to look at his bed the same way after that.