Can We Shoot Them?

by The Devious Writer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Discord, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1938

Twilight decides to shoot the CMC with Rainbow Power.

It's been haunting Twilight's mind for ages. Just what would happen if they used the Elements against somepony normal? Twilight summons the Cutie Mark Crusaders to be her test subjects.

Wow, never realized I'm bad at writing Comedy. cri

Published 2015-10-20 05:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-20 20:18:42 UTC

Please?

Applejack rushed in to the throne room with Apple Bloom in tow. Twilight sighed in relief; they were all here now. Applejack took her seat, still panting, and Apple Bloom stood beside her, awed by the interior of the castle.

“We all came as fast we could, so who’s rump do we need to kick?” Rainbow Dash looked pumped, ready to spring into action. The other ponies around seemed to take the situation more seriously. Discord stood beside Fluttershy, boredom plastered onto his face.

Wait, when did she say this was urgent?

“I… never said you all needed to be here right now, you know…”

“Oh, come on!” Twilight coughed as the gathered ponies groaned in response. Discord chuckled, appearing beside her.

“Well, princess, excuse us if we interpreted your ‘EXTREMELY IMPORTANT’ notice to mean ‘gather immediately’. I was in the middle of a wedding, you know. That old buzzard was so disappointed when I had to go.” Twilight coughed again, deciding to ignore him.

“So, I called you all here today because I was bored.” A chorus of “Huh?” rang through the room. “I had this hypothesis on the workings on the Elements of Harmony ever since we first defeated Discord.” Said draconequus perked up in interest.

“I initially thought that the Elements accepted only ponies they approved of, so that their magic could not be used by misguided individuals. But it was after we froze Discord that I realized that if the Elements could choose the ponies who wielded their power, then surely, they could also choose not to harm individuals who aren’t causing trouble, right?” The ponies seemed to consider this.

“Why exactly am I here?” Discord looked unamused, a flat expression on his face.

“Well… I just thought you’d know whether I’m right or not. You did seem to know a lot about how to disable the Elements, as well as the Tree. You also helped me figure out how to open the chest.” Twilight smiled at him, who simply rolled his eyes.

“That’s an interesting theory, Twilight, but why are we all here? I’m sure the other princesses would be much more qualified individuals to discuss the workings of the Elements.” Rarity seemed perplexed at the choice. Twilight rubbed her hooves nervously.

“Well, ever since I first thought about it, I’ve wanted to test the theory out. But if I was wrong, then we’d have had a lot of explaining to Celestia as to why we shot some innocent pony with the Elements. But then Celestia taught us the releasing spell for Discord, so we could have tested it then. It completely slipped my mind because I was on edge with Discord being newly reformed, and soon after, I became a princess and we had to put the Elements back in the Tree.” The others nodded in understanding.

“So, now that we have Rainbow Power, which basically works just like the Elements did, you wanna blast someone to see if they work, right?” Pinkie Pie seemed excited at the idea. Perhaps she wanted to transform again, if just for the sake of it.

“Oh… no you won’t. I am not going to be a test subject for your little experiment, Twilight.” Discord crossed his arms, disapproval clear on his face. Twilight shook her head.

“Well, Discord… I’m not really sure if you’d be the best subject, given your track record. Not to mention, you used to call yourself the Spirit of Disharmony. I was thinking we shoot the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

“What?!” Rainbow Dash flew up to Twilight, glaring at her. “There’s no way I’m going to risk harming them just because you’re curious!” Rarity and Applejack also stood up, positioning themselves in front of their sisters.

“That’s another thing I wanted to ask you, Discord. Did it hurt when the Elements turned you to stone?” Discord raised a brow at the question, then scoffed.

“It hurt my feelings, Twilight.”

“I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too!”

…

“No, it didn’t hurt.” Twilight rolled her eyes, then looked to the other ponies. It was Fluttershy who objected.

“But, Discord… When we used the Elements on you, you started screaming! Are you sure?” Discord mumbled.

“Yes, I’m quite sure.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Then why were you screaming?”

“No reason.”

“Discord…”

“I was… sc…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.

“I was scared.”

“What?”

“I was scared! Are you happy?”

…

“See? Nothing to worry about. Doesn’t hurt, and if anything does actually happen, we can just reverse it. Please~?” Twilight felt anticipation crawling through her. She needed to know!

“Ah think that’s up to them to decide!” Applejack pointed at the Crusaders, who glanced at each other. Rarity and Rainbow Dash agreed. The Crusaders jumped onto the Cutie Map, whispering to each other.

“We’ll do it!” The Crusaders chorused happily. “Cutie Mark Crusaders Target Practice!” Twilight stood up, excited. The others followed suit, and Discord stepped back, curiosity written across his face. Twilight called for the power of the tree, and soon enough, a Rainbow emerged from the walls of the castle, shooting through her being. She felt the power of harmony wash through her until it became a part of her.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Rainbow said. Looking down at the Crusaders, they were struck with awe, admiring the ponies floating in the air. With a thought, they shot their power at the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who braced themselves. Instantly, they disappeared, and the ponies floated back down to the ground. Twilight felt a bit of disappointment at the Tree.

“So, I guess the Tree trusts us enough to make these decisions.” Twilight muttered. The others nodded, and Discord rushed up to them nervously.

“Did you girls actually tell your Rainbow Power what you wanted to do to the fillies?” His nervousness was contagious.

“What do you mean? We directed the magic at them and let it do its thing!” Pinkie said. Discord slapped his forehead with his lion’s paw.

“You don’t just let Harmony do whatever it wants! Even I don’t let chaos do what it wants! You all clearly wanted me in stone when you hit me, and you wanted Tirek locked in Tartarus, so that’s exactly what you got. Do you even know what you did to those three?” The ponies looked to each other nervously, before Twilight shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter. We’ll just use the releasing spell on them. and they’ll be back in a snap!” Discord shook his head.

“Do you even know what to shoot the spell at?”

…

“Twilight, you better think of an answer real soon, or you’ll find yourself a unicorn again overnight.” Rainbow growled. Twilight glanced nervously at her friends.

All their manes were really long. Rarity had two tails. Their hooves looked like they were painted by foals. Why were they so ugly?

Focus! She wracked her brain for answers. Surely, the Rainbow Power would release them on their command… Wait, that actually made sense!

“Duh, girls! Discord said it! The Rainbow Power does whatever we want it to do. We just get it to bring those three back, or reverse our latest actions, and the CMC will be back without a scratch!” The others seemed to accept the answer, and called the power immediately.

Author's Note

Should I just remove the Comedy tag?

In Which I Realize Something Funny has to Happen in a Comedy

The fillies shuddered as the rainbow formed a cyclone around them, twisting and turning. It was closing in.

“Maybe this was a bad idea!” Sweetie Belle screamed, looking up. There was seemingly no end, they were now surrounded in rainbows.

“I’ve a feeling we’re not in Equestria anymore…” Apple Bloom stuttered, holding on to her bow, which blew in an invisible wind. Suddenly, the world flashed white. They shut their eyes from the light, only to find complete darkness

“We must be over the rainbow…” Scootaloo muttered, trying to feel for something solid. They struggled around, before a bright light glowed in the distance.

“Do you three understand why you are here today?” The voice was enchanting, like a melody sung by Harmony itself. Yet it almost seemed to be trying to instill fear among them. Wasn’t really working that well.

“Uh… We didn’t do anything wrong, we swear!” Sweetie Belle shouted out, causing a ripple through the light.

“Please don’t shout. I was having a wonderful nap when Twilight and friends awakened me. Harmony gets headaches too, you ponies should know. You’ve met Discord. Practically a tumor, he is… But, I digress. I must ask you again, do you understand the reason you’ve been sent here by the bearers of Harmony today?” The fillies didn’t respond, and the voice sighed. “Cause I sure as Hel don’t.”

…

“Who’s Hel?” The light seemed to consider this question.

“Er, not who, but where. Do you ponies have Hades? The Dark Realm? Tartarus? It’s so hard to keep track of these names. Ponies should really learn to stay consistent. It’s much easier on Yggdrasil.”

“It’s Tartarus. Who’s Yggdrasil?”

“If it’s Tartarus, then I mean by the Tree of Harmony. Now, fillies, are you sure you don’t know why you’re here?” The fillies looked to each other, trying to recall.

“Er, haven’t we always been here?”

“Where is here, anyway?”

“How bout’ them apples?”

“Oh, this would be my fault. Please excuse my rudeness.” The scenery abruptly changed, and the fillies stood in front of the Tree of Harmony. The fillies blinked, shaking their heads.

“Twilight wanted to know what would happen if she blasted regular ponies with Harmony.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“She said she was curious since she fought Discord.”

“That’s irresponsible.”

“She said she knew how to reverse it!”

“I AM NOT A TOY!” The Tree glowed, and the fillies suddenly returned to the darkness.

…

“What were we just doing?”

“Who are you?”

“I really like your mane!”

“What’s a mane?”

“P- ponies? Please, help me! Get me out of here!” The voice came from right in front of them. Apple Bloom reached out with a hoof, colliding with something solid. They squinted, making out a silhouette of a pony.

“I was wrong! I’ll never hurt anypony again! Just please! Please let me out!” The figure’s horn lit up, a pathetic source of light in the darkness she camouflaged in so well.

“Hey Scoots, that’s Nightmare Moon, right?” Suddenly, a rainbow shot forth from an unseen horizon, grabbing the three fillies.

“What’s going on?!”

“The ponies want you three back.” Nightmare Moon gasped, and jumped up to grab Apple Bloom’s hoof.

“Take me with you! You can’t leave me here! I’ve changed! I’ll never hurt Equestria again!” The Rainbow seemed angry at this, and twisted, severing Nightmare’s hoof. She screamed in agony, falling off the rainbow. Scootaloo batted away the severed hoof, watching as Nightmare fell, seemingly without end, and screaming in agony.

“Darnit, Scoots, I wanted to see if her hoof woulda came with us!”

Rising once again, the Power shot out, and the Crusaders reappeared on the table. Twilight sighed in relief.

“Harmony’s scary…” Sweetie Belle gasped out, shuddering. The Crusaders jumped to their sisters, crying into their chests.

“You know, I do believe there are quite a bit of ponies who could use some more harmony in their lives.”

“I’ll make a list.”

“Can we go to Tartarus and just keep shooting Tirek?”

“Sure, Pinkie.”

"I really wanted that hoof..."

Author's Note

lol i dunno I should stick to ripping people off i seem to be gud at dat
still not funny gg m9