Siri, the ponies, and I get into an Iphone fight

by Broneyofnoel

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Sex, Human, Main 6
Length: 1583

Title speak for itself

Pony by pony, I introduce them all to Siri, fillies, mares, colts, and stallions alike, nopony will be safe MWHAAHAHAHH...wait, wut?

Edited by Subtle Rampage

Published 2012-06-03 00:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-10 01:49:22 UTC

Mane 6

"Siri, I have my friend Twilight Sparkle with me today, say hello." I started.

Hello Twilight Sparkle

"Hello Siri." she stated, she looked at the mobile device, almost if she were studying it.

Wait, Master, is this the same Twilight you searched Clop pictures of?

"What?!" I yelled, "Siri, don't ever say that again."

"What is a clop picture?" Twilight asked me, I facepalmed.

Clop---Definitions---Urban Dictionary

"Siri, don't you dare!" I said to the phone, it was going through information.

Clop---To masturbate, commonly used by bronies, related to Rule 34

"What's rule 34?" Twilight asked.

I could see where this was going...and I didn't like it.

Rule 34 of the internet---if it exists, there is porn to it

"May I see an example of clop of me?" Twilight asked, putting a hoof to her chin.

Yes Miss Twilight

"Siri, NO!" I yelled.

Suck one master.

An image popped up, one of Twilight doing a solo, her face immediately went red.

"How, how did they do this, I've never even had...or...I." She was so embarrassed.

"Twilight, people drew this." I said calmly.

"Why'd you search it?" she asked, looking into my eyes, she was seeing if I was going to be honest.

"Well, I...I guess I found you attractive?" I questioned my words.

"Me?" Twilight asked, gesturing to herself.

"Yeah...I guess." I was quiet now.

A message has arrived from FapFappington, title Twilight Solo II

"May I look at this one first?" Twilight asked me, I nodded slightly.

Showing attached picture

This picture was about the same, just from a different position, this time it showed the...situation from above.

Twilight blushed harder, "Well, that's... accurate."

My eyes went wide, she turned to me, "Wanna see?"

"Yes!" I passed out............FUCK FUCKETY FUCK!

I don't actually search Clop, or clop myself, just want to put that out there!

"Siri! I would like you to meet Pinkie Pie!" I shouted at the phone, causing it to turn on.

Hello Pinkie Pie

"Hello!" she bounced and looked at the phone's log.

"Now Pinkie, be careful with the phone, don't break it." I said.

Don't be a pussy Master, be a man! Fuckin' throw me through a window Pinkie!

"Okie Dokie Lokie" Pinkie launched the phone at a wall, it left an indentation as it smacked, and then fell to a floor.

"Pink....wall, fuck, phone!" I couldn't believe it, a pony just threw my phone at a wall.

"Oops?" Pinkie's hair deflated.

"See Siri, this is why we can't have nice things dammit!"

Master, with all...you know what fuck your face!

"Bitch Siri!" I yelled, the Iphone shuddered.

Yes master

"This is Fluttershy...be nice." I said.

"Hello..." Fluttershy's voice trailed off.

Hello Fluttershy

"Siri, let Fluttershy have search control." I said, and Fluttershy looked at the phone closer.

"Siri, if you could, search flu..." her voice went quiet.

Searching Fluttercry

"Um, no, Flut..."

Searching Clutzershy

"No, it's Flutter..." her voice trailed off for a final time.

Searching Slutterfly

"Oh fuck no!" I yelled.

Searching Fuck Sluttershy

"Siri, stop!" I yelled, snatching the phone.

40,000+ images for Fuck Slutterfly

"Fluttershy, I think you should leave now." I said with a sad smile.

Rarity walked into the room, she took one look at the phone,

"Sorry Darling, you are a tool."

I didn't like the bitchy marshmallow either!" A digital tear rolled down the Iphone

Hello Miss Applejack

"Howdy..." Applejack looked at me next, "How'd it know me?"

"I don't quite know." I said, how did it know Applejack?

Oh Applejack, I have researched you, I admire your honesty. That is why I am also 100% honest

"You're never honest to me!"

Think about it master

"You're never honest to me..." I said flatly, "In fact, you're the least honest thing I know."

I know, I'm just fucking with ya, I know Applejack because of the porn.

"There's porn 'bout me?" Applejack was shocked.

Showing all 35,000 images of Applejack Porn

Applejack blushed wildly, "Ah, Ah gonna go now."

"That would probably be a good idea."

Images loaded

After Applejack left the room, I turned to Siri

"What the Blueberry fuck did you just do, I've never looked at that! Well, about Applejack!"

Your brother has

"He's only 9!"

My statement remains true

My eye twitched a few times, I left the room

Dumb Dick Lick, I looked through the porn! Siri scrolled through the porn himself.

Rainbow Dash flew into the room with me and Siri, she flapped her wings a few times and landed in front of me.

"Hey Rainbow, I was just going to get you!" I said, standing up.

"That's cool! What did you want me to see?" she asked, looking up at me.

"I wanted you to see something called Siri." I said, and I pulled out the phone.

"Siri?" Rainbow questioned.

Yes?

"Whoa! That thing just talked to me." she pointed a hoof to the phone.

"It's supposed to, you can ask it anything, it can find pictures, information, even videos!" I said.

"That's So Awesome!"

Thank You Ms. Dash

"Well Dashie, what do you want it to find?"

"Um, find me...Wonderbolts tickets!"

Searching Wonderbolts tickets===Next show at Cloudsdale Stadium, 50 bits box seats, purchase now?

Rainbow's jaw dropped, and then she did the one thing that could break me,

She gave puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, Yes Siri, purchase three tickets."

"Three?" Rainbow questioned.

"One for you, one for me, and one for Twi."

Rainbow blushed, "How'd you find out?"

"Twilight told me."

Purchasing tickets

"Yeah, I love her, she awesome, and sexy too."

Searching Sexy Twi

"Oh shitfuck.." I breathed.

An image popped up, this was one of Twilight and Rainbow making out, Rainbow's wings shot out from their tucked position. She had the biggest wingboner in all of Equestria.

"How'd people get that!" Rainbow yelled.

"People drew this." I said, "And, they've drawn more."

"Really, like of what?"

"Anything, anypony and anypony, even of ponies and discord."

"Like, anypony with me?"

"Yep, even Fluttershy and Pinkie."

"But, i never had, the..waah?"

"Want me to show you?"

"Yes."

Finding all the fucked up porno pictures of Rainbow Dash.

CMC

“Siri! Get your raggedy ass up! Wake up shittard” I yelled as I covered AppleBloom’s ears.

What?

I uncovered AppleBloom’s ears, and she spoke up.

“Hello mister.” AppleBloom said.

Hello AppleBloom

“Now AppleBloom, ask it anything.” I said, letting AppleBloom approach the ihome.

Like my blue chrome?

“Show me a....banana.”

So you’re an mmmmmmm bitch that likes mmmmmmmm bananas?

Princess Trollestia poked her head from behind the door for a brief second.

“Both of you, knock it off!” I yelled, stopping AppleBloom from going totally Apeshit, and preventing Trollestia from sending us all to the moon.

Trollestia went back behind the door, then turned into Mollestia.

Banana images being shown

“Now ah want you to eat it!” she said excitedly.

“AppleBloom, it is a...” I was cut off by Siri

I am a fucking iPhone

“He doesn’t eat food.” I said very bluntly.

“So how’s he alive?” she asked, I fucking facepalmed.

“He’s not alive!” I yelled, What didn’t this filly understand?!?!

“He’s.....he’s...dead!” AppleBloom ran out of the room screaming.

What was that, I don’t even....

“Honestly Siri, I wouldn’t even worry about it, she probably just ran into traffic.” I said, I heard a vehicle swerve, a horn honk, and a crashing noise outside.

Sweetie Belle trotted in behind me, she looked around the room, nothing but a table with an iHome on it.

“Siri, please awake.” I said, Siri didn’t say a word.

"Siri, i will castrate your digital balls if you don't get the," I covered Sweetie Belle's ears as I continued, "fuck," I uncovered them, "out of your slumber."

Yes master

“This is Sweetie Belle.” I gestured to her.

“Hi!” Sweetie Belle’s voice shrieked.

The dictionary?

“Wha?” Sweetie Belle asked, I nodded behind her.

Well hello Sweetie Belle, what would you like to know

“Why do you call me a dictionary?”

My master told me to

Sweetie Belle looked at me in a sinister way, I felt a little scared for a moment, but then she turned back around.

“As cliche as it may sound, Dictionary.com.” Sweetie Belle said.

“You’re kidding me, right?” I asked, she put a hoof in the air, which assume that means she’s flipping me off.

Finding Dictionary.com

“Now find the word Dutch Oven, I heard Applejack say it the other day.” Sweetie Belle said.

My face went red.

Dutch Oven---the act of farting in someone’s sleeping bag and entrapping them inside

Sweetie Belle ran out of the room.

“Why’d you tell her?” I yelled at Siri.

She asked for one, and for two, just to piss you off

“Siri, this is Scootaloo!”

Hello Scootaloo

“Hi!” Scootaloo walked over to the iHome.

“Ask it anything.” WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS SAY THAT?

“Okay, describe me!”

You’re a dodo

“Why does everypony say that, what is a dodo anyway?” Scootaloo asked.

Dildo---definition

“Siri, you finish that sentence, I will arrest you and you will be ass-fucked in prison for ten years and if the case is dropped because my arrest is too violent, I will personally hire men to ass-fuck you for the next ten years.” I said, I glared at the phone.

Nevermind

“Awww...” Scootaloo said.

“C’mon, you’re going home Scootaloo, who are your parents anyway?” I asked Scootaloo as we left the room.

That guy is such a dick

THE END!