Poor Reflections

Felicity lay awake in her bed as dawn slowly brightened the curtains over her window. She stared at the ceiling, hands folded over her stomach. She tried to not dwell on the previous night, and failed miserably.

The nightmares hadn’t been as bad as usual. This time, she was simply trapped in an endless grey forest. The dirt of the forest floor had been a darker grey than the mist that had risen from it, and the pale trees had been stripped of their leaves. The mist had clung to her clothes and hair, chilling her to the bone. All she could remember feeling was a desperate need to get home. She had wandered aimlessly for what seemed like hours, calling out for anyone to help her find her way.

No one had replied.

No, definitely not so bad, she thought as a single tear traced a path down her motionless face. She made no move to wipe it away.

When the sun was well and truly up Felicity’s alarm sounded, signalling her to start going through the daily motions. She sat up and ran a hand across her cheek to remove what little moisture remained, then tried to let the soft piano tones and mellow tribal drum beat wash away the night’s melancholy.

She cast her gaze around her room in an effort to ground herself. Her computer softly whirred on her desk, a mildly comforting background white noise. A pair of tall bookshelves stood next to it, filled with art books, graphic novels, and fantasy literature. A smaller set of shelves held her camera and miscellaneous camera equipment. Her bass guitar sat in the corner. A simple end table with a slender lamp sat next to her bed. These things were comfortable, familiar to her.

Plastered across all four walls were maps of lands both foreign and fictitious, and filling in the gaps between them were a hundred photographs of abandoned places, ruined castles, overgrown train stations, and flooded factories. Very little of the original yellow wallpaper showed through.

Felicity’s eyes landed on a picture of an abandoned forest railroad, completely overtaken by lush green foliage. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine standing on that railroad, in a forest full of life instead of death. She tried to feel the warm afternoon breeze as it blew through the gently swaying trees, to hear the endless susurrus of leaves on all sides. She felt the worn grain of the wooden rail ties under her bare feet, smelled the damp earth and fresh, clean air, with the vaguest undercurrent of rust.

She stood there on that wayward forest path, carved a century past by men who ultimately failed to tame the nature surrounding them. The music played, and for the span of a minute, Felicity was at peace, her nightmares forgotten.

The song ended, and silence brought Felicity back to reality, such as it was. She took a deep breath, then slowly got out of bed and softly padded from her room into the kitchen.

Her mother was already sitting at the kitchen table, slicing a banana into a bowl of oatmeal. “Morning, sleepyhead,” she sang cheerfully. “Did you get a good night’s sleep?”

Not for a long while now, Mom. “Mm-hmm,” Felicity lied with a nod. She moved to the cabinet to make her usual mug of Earl Grey.

A pause, then her mother asked, "Are you going to be okay for dinner tonight? I’ve got a fundraiser meeting that will likely go late.”

“That’s fine, I’ll probably make some soup or something.” The electric kettle dinged, and she carefully poured the scalding water over her tea bag.

“Really? I figured you’d want to splurge a little, what with today being the first day of school and all.”

Felicity winced as her heart rate accelerated; it was different when someone else mentioned the impending school day. “No, I’d like to keep saving money for a rainy day. You never know when my car’s going to need something else replaced.”

“Tch. You are way too responsible for your age,” her mother remarked around a mouthful of oatmeal as she leveled her spoon at her.

“I was raised too well,” Felicity replied primly.

Her mother made a face at her, and they shared a giggle as Felicity sat down and grabbed a banana for herself. They enjoyed their breakfast together in a comfortable silence.

As Felicity drained the last of her tea she looked over at the clock on the stove. “Well, I’d better get ready for school.”

Her mother looked at her watch. “So soon? I thought you didn’t have to be there until eight.”

“I don’t, but I wanted to watch the swallows one last time before…” She trailed off with a sigh.

Her mother gave her a sympathetic look. “I understand, honey. You go on ahead, I’ll see you when I get back from the meeting tonight, okay?”

Felicity nodded. “See you then. Love you, Mom.” She leaned over and gave her mom a kiss on the forehead, then went to her room and changed into a long brown skirt and a yellow blouse. She considered which pair of shoes to wear, then decided to postpone the decision and ducked into the bathroom across the hall.

She did a double take at her reflection in the mirror – the dark bags under her dull turquoise eyes were as pronounced as they’d ever been. I don’t know how it is Mom doesn’t see these. With a sigh, she quickly washed her face and toweled it dry, then opened up her makeup kit and started to cover the dark circles.

Once her face had been addressed she ran a brush through her waist-length hair, dyed raven-black. A single long forelock was dyed a soft pink, a concession on her part last October to appease her mother on two fronts; to assuage her fears that she was going through a “Goth” phase, and to help support her charity efforts during Breast Cancer Awareness Month. [She looked herself over; her clothes suited her tall, willowy frame, and with the addition of the makeup, she could almost be mistaken for a whole human being.

With a self-deprecating snort, she headed back across the hall into her room, and had just slid on one of her shoes when suddenly–

–a horrific explosion from outside rattled the windows of the apartment building; she could even feel it reverberate through the floor.

Felicity jumped with a shriek. She flew to her window and tore open the curtains. She scanned the horizon for any signs of fire, or any other sign of catastrophe for that matter. She saw something a moment later – to the south, a shimmering column that was quickly dissipating, and what looked like – was that a rainbow? She stared in awe as whatever it was faded to nothing, and uninterrupted blue shone across the post-dawn sky once more.

“Felicity? Are you okay?”

Felicity started, then quickly rushed over and opened the door. Her mother sat there in her wheelchair, eyes wide. “Yeah, Mom, I’m fine, are you okay?”

“Thank goodness, yes, I’m fine. What the hell was that all about, I wonder?”

“I don’t know. I thought I saw something near Beacon Hill Park, but it faded away pretty quickly. It didn’t look like an explosion or anything like that, though.”

“Hoo, boy. Well, something to keep an eye on in the news, I guess.”

They shared a nervous laugh. They stood in the hall for a moment or two, then Felicity said, “Well, I guess I better get going. Who knows what traffic is going to be like after that.”

“Good point. I’m gonna go take a shower, so have a good first day at school, sweetie. Be careful out there.” Felicity bent down to give her mom a hug and a kiss goodbye. She left their basement apartment and hurried up the ramp to the parking lot.

Felicity climbed into her ancient Honda Civic and set her backpack on the passenger seat. In truth, she wasn’t really concerned with getting to school – she had plenty of time for that, even with traffic. She just wanted to have extra time to spend with her tiny feathered friends.

A dozen blocks away from the high school, Felicity pulled over to the side of the road. Just ahead the road split a small detention basin, maybe a hundred by two hundred feet in size. Felicity was drawn to the basins because even in the middle of town, surrounded by concrete and strip malls, life found a way to flourish.

Ordinarily the ponds would be dry as a bone, since the city was decidedly within the rain shadow of the mountains to the west. Weirdly, though, the past few years had seen an unprecedented amount of rainfall – enough to cause serious floods when it first began. In fact, this past spring had seen two solid months where it had rained every single day. Because of this, the detention basins had been flooded with water all summer, and all manner of fascinating flora had sprung up within them. A lush, self-contained ecosystem of reeds and cattails had exploded up from the ground, and with the water came a plethora of insects, much to the dismay of the people who had to work nearby.

However, what was bad for the humans proved incredibly beneficial for a colony of swallows.

Easily two dozen small birds spent the entirety of the morning every day hunting bugs in spectacular fashion, constantly cutting across the road from one pond to the other, swooping and diving for prey. They effortlessly knifed through the air, stooping into the reeds only to bounce back up again and wheel about for another pass.

Felicity killed the engine as she watched the swallows dart about. She was fascinated by their endless aerial ballet, and she allowed herself to be mesmerized by their dance.

I wish I could do that, she thought as she stared out her windshield at the acrobatic display. Just soar through the air like it was second nature, just fly away from all the troubles and worries and fears. I’d live a simple life of hunting and flying all day. She allowed herself a sad smile. Of course, I’m afraid of heights, too, so maybe not.

Time passed, and an alarm on her phone signaled it was time for her to actually head to school. She started her car with a sigh; she knew that it was unlikely that she would be able to revisit the site before the city mowed the vegetation under later that week.

She pulled back on to the road, and to her surprise a swallow flew in front of her car as it trundled along, almost as though it was pacing her. She pulled up to the highway intersection and grinned as the little daredevil soared up and dove back toward the basins. She offered a small salute to her temporary air guard, and continued on to school when the light turned green, her spirits vastly higher than they had been.