Too Far Back

by A Random Guy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1416

Pinkie can't keep the secret in any longer. If she does, time and space will twist into a big dumb knot!

Pinkie can't keep the secret in any longer. If she does, time and space will twist into a big dumb knot!

Written for the EQD writing prompt for "The One Where Pinkie Knows".

Pinkie Pie accidentally tells one pony the secret too early. Now she has to do everything in her power to prevent the news from spreading far enough that it reaches her friends.

Interpreted loosely, of course.

Published 2015-10-21 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-21 20:30:01 UTC

Way Too Far

Making friends, how was that supposed to save Equestria? Princes Celestia gave Twilight the important task of checking on the Summer Solstice Celebration preparations in Ponyville… and to make friends. Twilight discussed it with Spike on the chariot ride over, and even with the dragons’ perspective she failed to see how making friend would help her out. At least Spike thought it wasn’t a bad idea.

“Maybe the ponies in Ponyville have interesting things to talk about,” Spike said right after they got off the chariot.

Only if they know how to stop Nightmare Moon, Twilight though. Get the preparations done, stop Nightmare Moon, and prove that she was right about the tyrant’s return, that’s all she was here to do.

“Come on Twilight.” Spike pointed at a pink pony walking towards them. “Just try.”

Twilight sighed as the pink pony came closer. Sure, why not. We only have a tyrant alicorn coming back from the moon. “Um, hello.”

The pink pony looked at her, then let out a loud gasp and jumped several feet into the air.

Twilight gave Spike a confused look. “Is that supposed to--ACK!”

When the pink pony came back down, she wrapped Twilight in a tight hug, squealing right into her ear. “Shining Armor is having a baby!”

“What?!” Twilight wheezed through the hug. “Shining? Baby? Ack, too tight, let me go.”

“Oopsie, forgot my own strength.” The pink pony let go, dropping Twilight onto the ground. A large smile covered her face as she jumped around the downed unicorn. “Isn’t this exciting? It’s so exciting! Shining Armor is having a baby! Your brother’s so lucky! He’s going to be a daddy! And you, you’re going to be an auntie!”

“Auntie?”

“I’ll need to get on those parties ASAP! First we have the announcement party to tell all of Equestria about the kid. Then I’ll need to organize a baby shower. Quills and Sofas should have a spare shower bed lying around. Do you know how tough it is to find a plumber here in Ponyville? They’re always out fighting aliens, not building showers. After the shower, I’ll need to throw a mini-cake party whenever Cadence has those pregnancy cravings. That’s going to need a lot of flower.”

“Could you slow down”--

“For the ‘Mommy going into labor’ party, I’ll need to stash some supplies all over Equestria, since I don’t know when the kid will want to pop out. Then finally, the baby’s going to need a ‘Welcome to Life’ party. It’ll be her or his first birthday, but not a one year old birthday, a zero year old since she or he will have just popped out of the womb! It’s going to be so great!”

“Uh, great…” Twilight lay back on the ground, covered by a pink mare standing over her with a crazed smile. Forget Nightmare Moon, this was the real menace to society. “How do you know my brother? And when was he having a baby?”

The pink pony rubbed her chin in thought. “Oh, I think I’ll meet him when the pony-bug things attack his wedding, and he’ll have the kid, mmm, about three years after.”

“Wedding?! Who’s he married to?”

“Nopony silly, at least not yet. He’s probably doing some naughty things to his future wife as we speak,.”

“What wife?”

“Cadance.”

“Cadance? Why would she-- Oh.” Her mouth hung slightly open. Now she knew why her big brother got all red and hot around her old foalsitter. How did she miss that? “They’re having a kid?”

“They will, not yet, they have to get married first. It’s so exciting! I wanted to tell you the big news before it happens! Can I be the godmother?”

“Position’s filled!” The pink pony’s voice yelled out, except the pink pony didn’t move her mouth. It came from somewhere else. Before the pink pony standing above Twilight said anything, a pink blur tacked and knocked her away. “But if you wait, you can sign up when the lovely couple asks. Trust me, you’ll be a shoe-in!”

Twilight sat up, brushing the dirt out of her mane. “What is going…” She paused when she looked at the scene before her.

Two pink ponies, one laying on the ground, the other standing above her with a baseball bat in her teeth. The baseball pony spat out the bat and waved at the unicorn. “Hi Twilight! It’s me from the future! You’re not supposed to know any of this yet, so I’m here to fix it.”

“Future, what?” What the heck was this? Did Nightmare Moon get out early? Was she playing tricks on her? Did she send the pink pony back from the future to stop her from foiling her plans? That’s it, she must have done something right, and now the villain was using time travel to stop her from doing the right thing. “Oh no, this is going to be one of those time paradox problems, isn’t it? I’m going to be stuck in an infinite time loop!”

“I hope not,” the baseball pink pony said, “Otherwise, what I’m doing is going to be pointless. Like this bat. It’s blunt, it doesn’t have a point, doesn’t pierce skin, only leaves you with a concussion.”

“Is that a threat? It is, isn’t it! Nightmare Moon did send you!”

“Nah, just doing this on my own. Sorry Twilight, you’ll need to stop buy the clinic after this.”

“Hah, I knew it! Nightmare”- *clonk*

Spike jumped up into action, or at least tried. “Twilight!” *clonk* “Ow!”

“Oopsie, I forgot. Dragons have tough scales. I’ll try harder.” *CLONK*

Future Pinkie Pie watched her friends topped over, hefting the baseball bat over her shoulder. Lucky for her friends, they didn’t fall on their fresh new bumps on their heads. That would’ve made them worse than they needed to be.

Present Pinkie Pie stood still, mouth agape. “Why’d you do that?! I was going to throw her a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party! Now I have to wait for her to wake up.”

“No need to wait,” Future Pinkie said, smiling at her present self. “After I knock you out, you’ll wake up the same time as Twilight and you’ll continue on as if nothing happened.”

“Oh, okay.” Present Pinkie nodded in agreement, but then her eyebrows shot up as she eyed the bat. “Wait a minute, why knock me out? And Twilight and the dragon too?”

Future Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Because you ruined the surprise silly, duh. You’ll ruin it for Twilight and she won’t act surprise when her brother tells her the surprise.”

“That was a surprise?”

“Yep. I got so excited about the baby in the future that I sent the message back through time and space to you. But somehow you didn’t get the message that Twilight wasn’t supposed to know about the surprise. Now I’m here to change that.”

“I see.” Present Pinkie looked down at the unconscious unicorn. Twilight mumbled something incoherent in her sleep, presumably something about books. She definitely won’t remember the surprise now. “Don’t want to ruin a surprise.” She held out her head and braced herself for impact. “Alright, hit me with your best shot!”

“That’s the spirit.” Future Pinkie wound up the bat, prepping herself for a homerun. “I knew you’d understand.”

Right as the bat swung, Present Pinkie’s eyes went wide. She jumped out of the way, the bat swooshing by where her head was. “Wait, how will I remember to come back to the past to make me forget about the surprise if I’m going to forget I spoiled the surprise in the first place?”

“You’re such a worry wort,” Future Pinkie said, giggling and hefting the bat onto her shoulder. “A decade or so from now, you’ll hit your head trying to grab the cookie jar, go into a coma for a few hours, and then remember this all happened. It happened to me ten minutes ago.”

“And the time travel?”

“Don’t think about it.” *clonk*

The bat struck, sending Present Pinkie toppling down to the ground. Future Pinkie nodded in satisfaction, bouncing the bat in her hoof. Her present self will get up, along with Twilight and Spike, forget about the whole thing, and move on with the rest of the adventure. Mission accomplished!

“Great, now how am I going to get back to the future?”

Um, didn’t think about that… Wait it out? Eh, I have things to do. You’re on your own.