Have you ever bumped uglies with a Sun Goddess?

by TheOctoWriter

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Sex, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 1349

So there is this human. And he likes Celestia. He's kinda afraid of her royal status and thinks that she is out of his league. He was so wrong it hurts.

Meet Joe. No not pony joe. Human Joe! He's stuck in Equestria with no way back to Earth. After a few months of living there. He has adapted and even thrives in Equestria. Unfortunately for him, a certain solar goddess has the hots for him. And she is very persistence. So persistence that she won't take no for an answer. This will not end well for either of them.

Published 2015-10-25 03:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-25 03:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1- How I got a Sun Goddess prego.

Chapter 1- How I got a Sun Goddess prego.

Meet Joe.

He's your average human.

Except for one small problem.

He's stuck in Equestria.

If you don't like any of the four sentences above. Leave.

It will only get worse as time goes on.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Now before you cry out what a lucky bastard he is.

Joe has another problem.

This one is much bigger than that.

Celestia has the hots for him.

What's a human to do?

Do you refuse to do the deed with her?

The correct answer will always be no.

It doesn't matter what race, creed, nationality. or ethnicity you are.

Cross your sexual orientation and your religious preferences off that growing list as well.

Even the language you speak doesn't mean a grain of salt.

Wanna know why?

A goddess has asked someone to preform coitus with her.

That someone could be you.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity people.

ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY.

IT WILL NEVER EVER COME AGAIN.

ONE SHOT ONE SPAGHETTI.

Now that all that is taken care of.

Let's jump into the story.

Joe had prepared hard for this.

All the time working at the shitty McFastFoodSpace had finally paid off.

He had enough money to take Celestia out for another dinner date.

Joe had made a reservation at her favorite place The Trotting Pony.

He had a secret plan.

His plan was to end his relationship with Celestia tonight.

Joe couldn't take the stress anymore.

At first, Joe thought it would be easy dating a inter dimensional goddess.

Boy was he wrong. He was so wrong about that it was embarrassing to say to least.

Imagine dating someone powerful.

Then imagine if they were Immortal.

If you even breathed wrong, the media would be all over you like flies on a good burger.

And then there is the cost of it all.

Dating an immortal isn't cheap.

It will run your bitcoin account dry.

Even if you have a job at McFastFoodSpace to help pay for the extra expenses.

Joe had combed his hair.

Put on a bit of cologne.

And ironed his deluxe custom built Stallion's Warehouse suit.

After he made sure that he looked fantastic.

He grabbed his wallet and cell phone and headed out the door.

15 minutes later.

Joe had arrived at The Trotting Pony.

He looked around but didn't see Celestia.

So he decided to take a seat and wait for her.

He had made the right choice.

Celestia arrived a mere five minutes later.

When Joe saw her, his words came out in a stumble.

The face he made looked like a mix between a male orgasm and a dolphin wanting to play.

Celestia gave a little chuckle.

Clearly amused at the bizarre and utterly appropriate expression carved onto Joe's face.

"C... C... Cel... Celestia." Joe managed to choke out.

"Oh... I didn't overdress did I?" Celestia asked innocently.

"N.. No. You look amazing!" Joe said.

"Oh good. I was worried but lulu said this dress would be perfect."

"She... knows what she's doing." Joe said.

Then Joe did it.

The one thing you should never do on a dinner date.

He checked out the goods.

Joe couldn't believe it.

Those Tittays.

Dat Booty.

Dem child bearing hips.

And that forever flowing hair!

Joe definitely liked what he saw.

In fact, He was starting so hard and long.

That even Celestia took notice.

"Like what you see?" Celestia asked in her least motherly tone ever.

"Um... I. I wasn't staring!" Joe said with embarrassment as he quickly looked up and tried to act innocent.

"Of course you weren't." Celestia said with a giggle.

The waiter had come around to take their orders.

"What would you like to have?" The waiter said.

"I'll have the deluxe no fucking meat salad." Celestia said.

"Very good ma'am, and what about you sir?" The waiter asked Joe.

"Um..." Joe started.

He looked at the menu but all he could see was salad after salad.

Joe kept looking through the menu.

Isn't there some chicken or some form of meat? Joe thought.

Finally Joe gave up and settled for a salad.

"I'll have the Caesar Salad with extra tomatoes." Joe said.

"Excellent choice sir. Your orders will be ready in a few minutes." The waiter said.

The pony waiter left to prepare their orders.

"So... Joe, I've been wanting to ask." Celestia began.

"Yes?" Joe inquired patiently.

"If you enjoy your time in Equestria?" Celestia said.

"I love it here!" Joe said happily.

"That's good." Celestia said smiling as well.

"W..would you be willing to spent your time with me then?" Celestia asked blushing hard.

Joe face soon matched the redness of Celestia's.

Joe stared at her, trying to find any hint of lying or sarcasm.

But what he saw surprised him.

He was used to Celestia's more authoritative and professional side.

Joe was use to her power.

It was strange for him to see her in such a vulnerable and shy state.

He felt conflict inside of himself right then.

Joe now faced a difficult choice.

He could tell Celestia off and hurt her immediately.

Or he could go along with her plan and hurt her later.

Joe ordered three bottles of vodka.

"Are you sure you want that many sir?" The waiter asked.

"Just bring me the drinks.." Joe said impatiently.

Joe drank his worries away.

And made some poor life choices.

Unfortunately that turned on Celestia.

She even joined him in his drunken rampage.

"Hey waiter... I've have what's he's having." She said.

Celestia watched his drunken misadventures with shitfaced glee.

She admired his drunken bravery and stupidity.

She watched as he got in a fight with the waiter for not cooking his super fucking cheesy salad right.

Joe also threw up on a lamp post.

The cops tried to haul his drunken ass away when he started dry humping the mailboxes.

Joe just ran away happily showing his junk to 90% of Ponyville.

Celestia stole all the cakes in Equestria and egged houses with them.

She also cried a lot about how her sister doesn't love her.

Then she went back to making the sun go around in circles.

This drove Ponyville citizens crazy to say the least.

As a final act of drunken stupidity.

Celestia offered herself to every stallion passing by.

Needless to say. Their wives were not happy.

"Walk faster dear..."

"But it's the princess. And what the hay is she even doing?"

"Hey buddy, wanna buck?" Celestia slurred.

"You even think about touching her and I'm leaving you."

"Yes... dear." The stallion sighed in defeat.

Celestia dragged Joe back to her place for sexy times.

As a final act in a night filled with poor life choices.

The next morning.

Joe woke up to his first hangover.

Ughhh... My head. Joe thought.

Joe turned to his left.

He saw her but didn't want to believe it.

No, we didn't... we couldn't have. Joe thought slightly panicking.

"Morning." Celestia said as she woke up.

"Y'know I thought you couldn't bang me." Celestia said.

"I remember complaining about how it wouldn't fit." Celestia said with a laugh.

"But that was before you helped me loosen up." Celestia said.

"I..." Joe began.

Joe couldn't finish that sentence.

His brain was working at the moment.

At least it... Joe began to think.

He never got to finish that thought.

As Princess Luna burst into the room to wish her dear sister a good morning.

"Tis' a wonderful morning sist-" Luna stopped.

She stared at Celestia.

Then back at Joe.

And back at Celestia.

Then she noticed something out of the ordinary.

There were big white splotches all over the bed sheets.

Needless to say Luna promptly lost it.

"WHAT HAVE THOU DONE TO THINE SISTER HUMAN!" Luna yelled.

Joe almost lost control of all his bodily fluids.

But then he took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"We banged okay." Joe said in the most nonchalant voice.

He was sent to the moon posthaste.