I Can Make Your Deepest Desires Come True
“W-what!?” Fluttershy stammered, her cheeks quickly turning a lovely shade of crimson.
Across from her sat Discord, nursing his cup of Tuesday tea. As Fluttershy’s teapot spontaneously sprouted legs and went to refill the draconequus’ cup of its own volition, Discord merely smirked. “I SAID, I can make your deepest desires come true.”
Fluttershy pulled an impressive imitation of a fish as her mouth opened and shut wordlessly as she tried to process what she was hearing. “O-oh, um, I’m not sure, um, it’s just, I don’t know-“
Discord stretched an arm out and around Fluttershy’s shoulder and pulled her close. “Oh, don’t be so modest, my dear Fluttershy. Pinkie told me ALL about your fantasies, and I do believe I can help you out!”
The mention of her SLIGHTLY less chaotic friend only served to unnerve Fluttershy even more than she already was. “Pinkie told you…”
“Yes!” Discord exclaimed. “You see, the other day I popped by Sugarcube Corner for a quick snack – nothing there is quite as lovely as your tea, mind you, but it makes for a decent pick-me-up. Anywho, I ended up conversing with Pinkie for a while, one thing led to another, and at some point our pink friend regaled me with a tale in which you confessed to her your great desire to be a tree!”
If Fluttershy hadn’t been confused before, she certainly was now. She could vaguely remember mentioning that she would like to be a tree in response to Pinkie’s usual antics, though she had meant it as a joke. And that had been quite some time ago regardless…
Before the pegasus could completely gather her thoughts, Discord drew himself up into a dramatic pose, a spotlight shining behind him from what appeared to be the potted plant from the hallway upstairs.
“And I, Discord, would be more than willing to help my dearest friend in her dilemma! To not let her dreams be dreams! Fluttershy, my fine friend, you shall be the finest flora to ever flourish in Equestria!”
Throughout their time together, Fluttershy had come to learn that when Discord got into one of his ‘helpful’ moods, it became somewhat difficult to dissuade him. Her best bet now to defuse the situation was to politely refuse and calmly and logically explain to Discord why his help – while appreciated – was unneeded. Though, honestly, it was still debatable how well that would work. After all, ‘Discord’ and ‘logic’ didn’t exactly mix well. They often merely resulted in headaches and the occasional explosion or twelve.
Fluttershy, after taking a deep breathe to collect herself, began her defense. “While I’ve no doubt you could make me into a wonderful tree, Discord, I’m afraid I have to decline. There’s so much I have to do.”
Discord merely smiled amicably. “Oh, but the change wouldn’t be permanent, my dear! Why, I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I couldn’t enjoy our weekly tea together. You could simply give it a trial run for a week and go from there!”
It seemed Discord was intent on ‘helping’. Fluttershy sighed inwardly, though she kept a smile on her face. “Oh, but I couldn’t simply disappear for a week. There’s so much I have to do around the cottage, what with taking care of all of my animal friends. Then there’s my spa appointment with Rarity later this week. And what about my other friends? They’d be so worried…”
At this Discord merely scoffed, waving his claw in a dismissive gesture. “Don’t worry your pretty little head off about all that, dearie. Ol’ Dissy has everything planned out!” With a snap of his claw, a low-cut maid outfit appeared on the draconequus, replete with a feather duster clenched in his paw. “I’ve seen you do your thing often enough to know what to do. And should I need a helping paw, I need merely ask our little friend Dem- I mean, Angel Bunny, for help. Isn’t that right, little buddy?” Angel merely glared back at the embodiment of chaos that was currently occupying HIS couch cushion.
Discord turned his attention back to Fluttershy. “And as for your friends, I’ll simply explain the situation to them, they’ll understand. After all, what kind of friend would keep you away from your dreams, hm? Besides, you’ve been working yourself hard for a while now. You deserve a small vacation, my dear.”
Fluttershy didn’t even bother trying to hide her exasperation this time as she sighed loudly… for her, at least. Honestly, at this point she was running out of excuses to convince Discord. Though he was right on one thing: she HAD been working rather hard lately. She searched her mind for any ideas she could use to change Discord’s mind.
“Um… but…” She finally blurted out the best excuse she could come up with. “What if something happened to me while I was a tree? What if I got struck by lightning? O-or another tree did, and it started a fire?”
Discord actually seemed to ponder this for all of about a second before his eyes lit up… literally, as small lightbulbs appeared in them. “You needn’t worry about that, Fluttershy, ol’ pal. I know EXACTLY where you can go and be PERFECTLY safe!” He quickly grabbed the pegasus and brought her into a full-body hug, causing a squeaking noise to sound through the cottage. After putting her back down, Discord smiled. “Don’t worry my dear, I’ll hold down the fort here; you just have fun!”
“Wait! Discord, don’t do anything – “ An echo of the word ‘rash’ could be heard as Fluttershy disappeared at the snap of a claw.
Discord chuckled. “She’ll thank me later.” With his work done, he plopped down and sprawled out on the sofa… much to the annoyance of Angel Bunny.
With a puff of magic, a tree that hadn’t been there previously suddenly came into existence. Like the seemingly endless sea of trees around it, it was a healthy young apple tree. Its vibrant green leaves shimmered in the sunlight, not a single scar marred its bark, and succulent red fruit hung from every limb, weighing them down with their burden.
Fluttertree could only vaguely ponder the changes that had overcome her body; trees weren’t particularly well-known for their power of thought, after all. However, she – or rather IT now – could feel a sense of calm permeate its branches in the cool afternoon breeze.
In the distance, an orange figure could be made out approaching the grove of trees in which Fluttertree grew. (How a tree could be aware of its surroundings remains a mystery to this day, though one can only assume Discord played a role in it.) As the figure approached, more details could be made out; a blonde mane and tail, a stetson perched atop its head, and a wagon filled with empty buckets being pulled behind. It was none other than Applejack, Fluttertree’s good friend and one of the primary caretakers of her arboreal companions.
As she reached the trees around where the former pegasus rested, Applejack began removing the buckets from her wagon and placing them under their branches. She worked with the efficiency of a mare who had done so a countless number of times, and within only a minute or so, the wagon was empty.
Casually, the farm mare approached the first tree, turned around, and gave it a strong buck with practiced ease, sending its fruit cascading into the buckets below. Applejack proceeded to give the tree several more kicks until its branches were fully free of its burden of ripened apples.
As the process continued with each tree in line, Fluttertree began to feel a vague sense of an emotion it hadn’t yet felt in the few minutes it had been in existence, yet seemed oddly familiar – fear. It had no doubt that its time would soon come; the buckets below brooked no argument of that. Would it hurt? Or would it even feel anything at all?
As Applejack approached its trunk and turned around, Fluttertree braced itself for the coming pain. What happened next, however, was absolutely nothing Fluttertree could have prepared itself for –.
Pleasure. Fluttertree could only moan internally as an intense wave of euphoria, the likes of which it had never felt before, wracked its whole being as hoof met bark. Again and again, the orange mare pounded her hooves into the tree’s sensitive bark, sending ripples of pleasure through its trunk, from the top of its crown down to the tips of its roots. Time seemed to slow to a crawl between each strike, apples dripping into the mare’s eagerly awaiting buckets below.
After nearly of minute that seemed to stretch into hours, Fluttertree could take no more. With a scream of carnal pleasure in its wooden mind, its succulent fruit came gushing from its branches, filling their targets to the brim before spilling out around them.
As it basked in the afterglow, Fluttertree felt a vague sense of sadness – and a bit of jealousy – as Applejack merely moved on to the next tree in line, before all semblance of thought left it.
Once the week was up, the tree disappeared in a similar manner to how it first arrived. A moment after, Fluttershy reappeared in her cottage, once more a pegasus. Discord greeted his friend with an enthusiastic hug and a smile.
“Welcome home, my dear! Did you have a good time? How was the tree life?”
Fluttershy could only blush heavily as the memories of what had occurred rushed into her once more fully-functioning brain. “It was… nice.” After a moment’s hesitation, the demure mare spoke up once more. “Could I… possibly do that again sometime?”
Author's Note
So... this is a thing I did...
I'm honestly not sure whether or not this is stupid humor or just stupid. But my muse wouldn't stop bugging me until I had finished writing this. Seriously, muse? It's been nearly three years since you come up with a story idea, and THIS is what you give me?
Please leave your comments and/or complaints below to let me know what you think of this.
