Pinkie Pie Gets Pregnant

by LovingTolerance

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance
Length: 12621

Pinkie announces that she is pregnant, but won't reveal the father for some reason.

The only question is, "who done it?"

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-15 00:09:53 UTC

Party of One More

“Where in the world is Pinkie?” Rarity wondered aloud.

The five friends stood awkwardly in the party pony’s room.

“This ain’t like her,” Applejack remarked. “I wouldn’t spect her ta be late, and for her own party no less.”

The room was well prepared for the party. A massive cake, which seemed to be more frosting than anything else, tantalized the ponies mercilessly. Colorful streamers draped the walls, polka dot party hats sat neatly on the table ready to be worn by eager ponies, and Pinkie’s favorite party record rested on the gramophone, ready to fill the room with raucous music. Yet there was only silence.

“I would feel bad if I started having fun without her,” Fluttershy whispered as she gently batted a derelict balloon away.

Rainbow Dash, who did not seem as perturbed by Pinkie’s absence as her friends, stole a chair away from the table and leaned it precariously against a wall. She flopping onto it and took out the latest Daring Do novella. She smirked, appearing to have opened on a page with an especially amusing passage. More time ticked away in awkward silence before Dash eventually flipped to the next page.

There was a loud bang as Pinkie burst in, flinging the door open with such force that it shook the entire room. The shock knocked Dash from her chair, causing her to tumble haphazardly to the floor.

The pink pony charged into the middle of her friends, ignoring all conventions pertaining to social space. “Guess what girls! Something really amazing has happened. I’m pregnant!” she exclaimed, practically squealing with delight.

Everpony looked astonished. Rarity reared up with a hoof to her forehead and fainted onto Pinkie’s bed. Twilight cocked her head to one side. Fluttershy merely blinked in surprise. An expression somewhere between confusion and mirth crossed Applejack’s face. Dash however, mostly appeared annoyed at being knocked to the ground and losing her place in the book.

“Well, uh, I reckon congratulations are in order then?” Applejack asked, looking around at her friends expectantly.

“Oh, um, good job,” Fluttershy squeaked.

“So is that what this party is about?” Twilight asked, finally managing to recover her wits.

“No this party was actually planned in advance,” she replied happily. “I just found out about the little bundle of joy in my tummy. That’s why I’m late. I took the pregnancy test and passed. I couldn’t believe it at first, but Dr. Whooves confirmed it… Now let’s get this party started!” she exclaimed, zipping over to the gramophone and blasting the room with music by P!nk, a famous Equestrian pop star.

The music screeched to a halt as Rarity hastily batted the needle off its groove. The noise had snapped her back to consciousness. She peered at the pink pony with clear concern on her face. “Pinkie dear, as difficult and unusual as this situation might be, you should know that you can always talk with us about anything.”

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t going to not talk about it. I just wanted to party at the same time! Partying makes everything better. Hey that’s a good one! Maybe I should make it my official motto. I could put it next to my signature when I do paperwork and stuff. 'Pinkamena Diane Pie, Partying makes Everything Better.' That's got a ring to it."

Twilight used her magic to start the song over, simultaneously adjusting the volume to a decibel which was not guaranteed to draw the Cakes’ wrath. “This is really big news, Pinkie. We’ve naturally got a few questions. Let's talk about this. We can always dance later.”

“Okie dokie!”

The friends gathered around the table in great anticipation, but Pinkie refused to begin the conversation before first putting them each in party hats matching their manes. This done, she stepped up to the table and took a deep breath.

“Alright, you’re all my bestest friends and I trust you all very much, so you have to promise me you won’t tell anypony a word, or even a fragment of a word, of what I’m about to tell you.”

“We promise,” they all murmured, some nodding their heads. Fluttershy tried to do the Pinkie Pie Swear, but botched it by sticking her hoof in her eye too forcefully.

“I’m pregnant,” she announced, as if it was a momentous revelation.

There was silence at the table aside from the music.

“We already knew that much,” Applejack replied in an annoyed tone. “Ya told us that when ya came in.”

Pinkie giggled. “Oh right, silly me.”

Fluttershy began to ask a question but trailed off in embarrassment.

“Oh, don’t be nervous,” Pinkie encouraged her. “I always like it when you talk. You don’t talk very much and that makes it extra special when you do!”

The little pegasus hesitated a few seconds more before finding the courage to speak. “How does it feel to be pregnant?” she asked timidly, only looking up to make eye contact with Pinkie for a moment. “Can you feel the little baby inside of you?”

“No it’s still too early for that, but I’m so excited about when that’s going to happen. It's going to be so special.”

“So, uh, how long have you been pregnant?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Pinkie flashed a broad smile at her before answering the question. “It all happened about a month ago, if I remember correctly... which I do, because I have a great memory!”

“Might I inquire as to who the father is?” Rarity asked.

“There is no father. This is a prophecy baby,” Pinkie announced proudly.

Twilight frowned skeptically. “A prophecy baby? Really?”

“Really, really.”

“What prophecy?”

“Uh, the really important one,” she stammered, producing the most badly executed poker face in the history of Equestria.

“I can spot a lie when I see one… and that’s one of ‘em,” declared Applejack.

“Okay, it’s not actually an important prophecy. It’s one of the less important ones,” Pinkie backtracked embarrassingly.

Dash looked up from a plate of cake she had served herself. “Of course there’s a father. Pinkie is just too embarrassed to tell you who it is,” she said, cake crumbs falling from her mouth as she talked.

Rarity was astounded. “Rainbow Dash, you mean to tell me that you already knew?”

“Well, who is the real father?” Twilight asked, as everypony turned their attention to the cyan pegasus.

“It’s—”

Pinkie interrupted the pegasus before she could say another word. “Rainbow Dash, you Pinkie promised not to tell,” she pleaded.

“I wasn’t going to tell them. I was trying to say ‘it’s none of their business.’ What kind of loyal friend would I be if I broke a Pinkie promise?”

Pinkie’s eyes lit up. “A bad one.”

“Uh yeah, so that’s why I didn’t tell.”

“Ya can’t just tell us about this pregnancy and not spill all the beans,” Applejack protested.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable about it,” Fluttershy offered.

“Oh for heaven’s sake, what’s so special about Rainbow Dash that she gets to know and we don’t?” Rarity complained.

“Well she would know. She was there,” Pinkie said, licking a mouthful of frosting from of a piece of cake.

“What?” Rarity gasped, clearly scandalized at this casual revelation.

Dash slid a serving of cake across the table to Rarity. “Okay, I wasn’t there for the, uh… you know, but I do know who the father is and I’m not telling, because I’m a loyal friend and I keep my promises.”

“I would think that as a ‘loyal friend’ you would tell us all who it was, since we’re all your friends too,” Rarity reasoned, staring Dash in the eye expectantly.

“Aw, why do you have to make this so complicated? Pinkie is just embarrassed about who the father is and, to be honest, I am too. Let’s just leave it at that okay.”

Pinkie served slices of cake for the rest of the ponies. Nopony could quite identify the flavor, but it seemed something like cherries baked with a lot of butter. It also had a zesty “south of the border” type of aftertaste.

“We’re eventually going to meet him though right?” Twilight asked as she finished her slice.

“Yep” Pinkie said as she finished gulping down her fourth piece from the pile on her plate.

“If we’re going to meet him you might as well tell us now,” Twilight suggested. “If not, can we at least have a hint?” she asked hopefully.

“Nope, no can do, Twilight,” Pinkie said stubbornly as she eyed her cake slices, deciding which one to attack next.

Applejack eyed the party pony quizzically. “Ya know, you’re not usually the sort o’ pony ta get embarrassed about stuff, even somethin’ like this. How gosh awful bad could it be?”

Pinkie looked back at Applejack and grinned sheepishly. She giggled self-consciously and tried to collect herself so that she could answer her friend’s question. “Okay, let me put it this way. On a scale from violet to red, violet being the least embarrassing and red being the most embarrassing, this one is definitely a big red.”

Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack exchanged glances.

“Macintosh?” Applejack asked.

“Good job keeping the secret, Pinkie,” Dash said sarcastically, looking up from her Daring Do book, which she had apparently retrieved and resumed reading.

“What’s so embarrassing about that?” Rarity asked. “I mean, I’m sure we’ve all fantasized about it ourselves. Somepony correct me if I'm wrong.”

Applejack glared at her venomously.

“Oh, well, except for you of course,” Rarity corrected herself.

Fluttershy also seemed upset, but her glare was directed at Pinkie. The pink pony failed to notice this and continued gobbling up her cake.

After they finished their desserts, the party fell apart rather quickly. The friends all provided excuses to head home early.

Fluttershy had grown angrier and angrier until she seemed absolutely livid. When asked however, she blamed it on a stomach ache and excused herself, flying out of the window instead of taking the door. Rainbow Dash pursued her, saying something to the effect that she wanted to make sure Fluttershy made it home safe, since flying with a stomach ache could be dangerous.

Twilight commented that she had completely forgotten about Owloysius and needed to feed him. Rarity offered to help Twilight with the chore. This tenuous excuse drew a suspicious look from Pinkie. Luckily, after they congratulated her on the party and pregnancy, the unicorns managed to bid her farewell without being forced to justify their excuses more rigorously.

Though she looked antsy, Applejack was the last of Pinkie’s friends to leave. “Well, seein’ as how everypony else skedaddled, I might as well make for home myself. I’ve got some mighty important business ta attend to.”

“See you later,” Pinkie waved pleasantly after her as she trotted out of the room.

As the farm pony’s hoofsteps faded from earshot, Pinkie let out sigh of relief. She trotted over and fed Gummy the last slice of cake. “Well, that went a lot better than I expected,” she informed the little alligator. “I was afraid they’d be upset with me and make me cry. I’m glad I have such supportive and understanding friends,” she walked over to the window and gazed up at the stars. A small tear of thankfulness crept down one of her pink cheeks. The moon rose in the new night sky, its light causing the tear to sparkle softly.

Confrontation

Big Mac awoke with a jolt as his door burst open. The light flicked on. He accidently sent Smarty Pants flying as he kicked the ragdoll off the end of his bed board in his scramble to discover what was happening. Twilight and Rarity stood over him. They seemed out of breath and, for some reason, were wearing polka dot party hats.

The stallion rubbed his eyes. “Uh, is this some sort o’ crazy fantasy come true?” he asked, in a deeply tired and disoriented voice.

“Nope,” Twilight replied tersely.

“We are here to ask you question,” Rarity announced.

Big Mac sat up with a yawn and retrieved his work harness from his bedside table. “Ask away, I guess,” he mumbled as he put on the harness.

Applejack tumbled into the room with Apple Bloom tailing close behind. The orange mare was covered in sweat and seemed to be even more winded than her friends.

Rarity looked Big Mac in the eye. “Did you sleep—” she cut herself short, regarding Apple Bloom's presence.

“Ee-yup. That’s what I was doin’ before y’all busted in here.”

“What’s going on?” Apple Bloom asked, looking concerned. “Is Macintosh okay?”

“Ee-yup.”

Applejack gently gathered up the little filly and slung her over her back, carrying her from the room. “Nothing’s goin’ on. We just felt like talkin’ with Macintosh, that’s all. You should get ta bed.”

Apple Bloom appeared unconvinced, but climbed down from her sister’s back and trotted into her bedroom obediently.

“Goodnight Sis,” she said pleasantly as she shut her door. Once she heard Applejack trot back into Big Mac’s room, she put her ear up to the wall in an attempt to discern what the adults were discussing.

Applejack kicked Big Mac’s door shut and nodded to her impatient unicorn friends.

The stallion appeared nervous now that he was slightly more awake.

Twilight cleared her throat before she spoke. “Macintosh, did you, uh, sleep with Pinkie Pie?”

“Nn-nope.”

***

Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight sat around the Apple family kitchen table later that night. They had considered every stallion they knew in Ponyville, but this was somewhat futile. Pinkie knew so many more stallions than they did. She knew every pony, donkey, mule, and dragon in Ponyville for that matter. They could not even rule out stallions who were deemed well beneath Pinkie’s league, since that might be the source of her embarrassment.

“It coulda been some out-of-towner,” suggested Applejack. “Pinkie welcomes most everypony who comes here, so there’s plenty o’ possibility there.”

“I still don’t see why we cleared Big Mac simply because he denied our allegations,” Rarity complained.

Applejack squinted at her wearily. “Look Sugarcube, Macintosh ain't no liar. Now that I think about it, we were bein’ awful rude ta wake him up like that. If he really had gotten Pinkie pregnant he would marry her straight away and ya can bet your apples he’d tell me about a thing like that.”

“Maybe she hasn’t told him yet,” Twilight offered.

“No, no, he’d still tell me if he slept with one of my friends. I won’t hear nothin’ more against my brother.”

“Alright, what about your cousin Braeburn then?” Rarity suggested. “He was here a few weeks ago.”

Applejack chuckled. “Braeburn doesn’t swing that way.”

Rarity appeared rather disappointed to hear this. There was then a silence that would have been awkward save for the fact that they were all deeply tired.

“Oh who am I kiddin’?” Applejack muttered as if to herself. “Pinkie about spelled it out for us. She as much as said it was Big Macintosh. I just can’t admit that he might do somethin' like that.”

“It’s not that difficult to imagine,” Rarity said defensively. “Pinkie is prettier than you give her credit for.”

"That ain't what I meant."

“Wait a second,” Twilight said, raising her hoof as if she wanted to be called upon to answer a question in class. “Pinkie did spell out who it was, but I don’t think she intended to. This whole Big Mac thing is just a big red herring.”

“Uh, Twilight, he’s a pony, not a fish,” Applejack corrected.

“'Red herring' is just a term from literature. It means ‘a distraction.’”

“Those fancy-schmancy professors have ta make everythin’ more complicated than it is, now don’t they.”

“No, it’s very important to coin and define literary terms—”

“Ladies, I feel we are digressing,” Rarity interrupted.

“Okay Twilight, you were sayin’ it ain't Big Macintosh?”

Twilight gathered her thoughts and presented them. “Pinkie said that on a scale of embarrassment from violet to red, red being the most embarrassing, that it was a big red.”

Applejack yawned and blinked sleepily. “Well, that still sounds an awful lot like my big brother.”

“No, it sounds a lot like Rainbow Dash. The rainbow starts with violet and ends with red.”

“Or does it start with red and end with violet?” Rarity speculated.

“For our purposes, that doesn’t really matter. Think about it though, why else would Pinkie use such an idiosyncratic metaphor to describe her embarrassment? It was a subconscious slip up!”

“I’m 'bout ta have a subconscious slip up o’ my own,” Applejack mumbled as she nodded off. She rested her head on the tabletop and began to snore softly. “N-n-neigh, n-n-neigh.”

Rarity pounded upon the table with her hoof, waking the orange mare and causing her to bite her tongue. “Pay attention Applejack. Twilight just figured out that it’s Rainbow Dash.”

Applejack gave her the stink eye. “Maybe y’all need ta wake yourself up. I think you’re forgettin’ Rainbow Dash’s gender.”

Rarity’s face fell. “Oh right.”

The triumphant expression on Twilight’s face faded as well. “Wow, I’m too tired. I’ve practically lost my mind,” she peered up at an old clock on the wall and blinked at the lateness of the hour.

The friends agreed to call it a night. Applejack offered to let them sleep on the couch in the living room, but Rarity muttered something about this being “uncouth.” Twilight gazed wistfully upon the old yet possibly comfortable sofa. Rarity, however, refused to venture back to her boutique alone at such a dark hour.

After she and Twilight waved goodbye to Applejack, Rarity turned to the other unicorn. “We simply must get to the bottom of all this.” Twilight nodded in agreement as she lit the dark path ahead of them with a soft violet glow from her horn.

***

A few hours prior, two pegasi flew at a frenetic pace, racing low over the rooftops of Ponyville. The last rays of sunlight glimmered in the distance and faded into darkness as Rainbow Dash pulled even with Fluttershy.

“Wow, you’re a really fast flier when you want to be,” she called over the sound of the air rushing past them.

Fluttershy glanced over at her friend miserably, taking no measures to slow her breakneck pace. Tears blew off of her cheeks as she raced toward her cottage near the edge of town. She landed terribly on the doorstep, her little body crumpling into a heap of agony. Dash landed lightly beside her.

“Are you okay? I thought you might have broken your neck crashing into the ground like that.”

Fluttershy looked up, still unable to contain her sobs. “It’s worse than that, Rainbow Dash! My heart is broken!”

The cyan pegasus carried her friend into the cottage and set her on the sofa before disappearing from view to rummage around in a closet, hastily tossing out towels, romance novels, and sacks of animal feed.

“What are you doing?” Fluttershy cried. “Don’t I have it bad enough already without you wrecking my home?”

“I’m getting you something to stay warm and comfortable while I get a fire going,” Dash replied as she returned to drape a woolly red blanket over her. For some reason this did little to comfort the heartbroken pony.

Dash set about haphazardly tossing paper and kindling into the hearth. She had never started a fire before, not having a fireplace in her cloud house. She was simply accustomed to the colder temperatures in the sky. “What’s going on, Fluttershy? It’s not so bad that Pinkie is pregnant. These things happen. You’ve got to forgive her.”

“Oh, it’s not that,” she said resentfully, wiping a tear from her cheek.

Dash struck a match and lit the fireplace. The paper burned bright for a moment, crumpled up, and went out. The rainbow pegasus stood up, thought for a moment and then facedhooved. “How could I be so idiotic?”

Fluttershy’s anger ebbed perceptibly. “Oh, don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s a trick to starting fires.”

“No, it’s not that,” Dash replied, approaching and seating herself on a stool near Fluttershy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had a crush on Big Mac. That's why you're mad right? You thought he was with Pinkie and had gotten her pregnant?”

Her friend’s face immediately went from one of distress to one of embarrassment. She blushed a shade of crimson deeper than the blanket wrapped around her.

With her suspicion confirmed, Dash spoke gently to reassure her friend. “Big Mac isn’t the father. The father is, well, somepony else.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief. “That means there’s still a chance.”

“So hey, how long have you been into AJ’s brother?” Dash asked, her face breaking into a curious grin.

Fluttershy sighed sadly. “It feels like it’s been a long time now. It all started when I noticed Apple Bloom and her friends trying to set him up on a date with Cheerilee. I saw how shy and nervous and innocent he was. I’ve been dreaming about him ever since that day. He seems so sweet,” her voice became more cheerful and animated as she spoke of him.

“Maybe I could help you,” Dash offered.

***

“It is now time for brunch, your majesty,” came a gentle yet authoritative stallion’s voice.

Princess Celestia opened her eyes gently, concluding her morning nap. She nodded graciously to Shining Armor.

“Your sister Luna awaits, my princess.”

“Thank you, Shining Armor Sparkle,” the monarch spoke in a voice flowing with dignified joy. Calling him by his full name clearly annoyed him, but she smiled at how he attempted to conceal his annoyance.

“Right this way, your grace,” he said, leading her to a dimly lit dinning hall.

“Honestly Shining, you do not have to guide me to my brunch. I have been around long enough to know my way in this palace.”

“As you wish, my lady,” he bowed and took up a position guarding the dinning hall entrance.

Luna sat at the opposite side of a small table, chewing a large mouthful of back licorice. “You have received sundry articles of correspondence, your majestic lady grace,” she announced.

“Might we risk a little more light?” Celestia inquired, surveying the dimly lit room. Most of the sunlight was blocked out by tightly closed draw blinds.

“Light is indubitably overrated,” Luna declared, taking a bite from a large bar of ultra dark chocolate.

The Princess of the Sun smiled as she seated herself and began eating cereal from a bowl her servants had prepared. She ate with a magically suspended spoon while effortlessly rotating hundreds of letters overhead.

There was significantly more mail than she typically received. An accident caused by a hapless grey pegasus had set the postal service into crisis mode the previous week. They were only now catching up.

“Boring... boring... boring..." an additional letter materialized in a blaze of green fire. "Oh, here's a letter from my star student,” Celestia said happily.

“That is most unfortunate,” Luna remarked.

“Why so?”

“Pinkie Pie’s letters reign superior. Her egregious grammar errors and excessive use of exclamation points amuses us.”

“Oh give Twilight a chance. Her letters may not be as funny, but they are often very heartwarming. Would you like me to read the letter to you?”

“We shall decline said offer,” Luna replied, dishing large piles of caviar onto to her plate.

Celestia chewed on a rather large mouthful of cereal while she magically removed the seal and unfolded the parchment to read Twilight’s letter. Surprisingly, it was not in Spike's handwriting. Upon scanning the first line of the parchment, she spat her cereal in every direction.

“Very well, now we must hear it,” Luna said, sounding suddenly intrigued as she picked soggy bits of cereal from her caviar.

“Dear Princess Celestia, my friend Pinkie Pie is pregnant and won’t tell me who the father is. What should I do?”

Luna’s face broke into a mischievous grin as she nodded to her sister. “We informed you that Pinkie is most entertaining.”

The princess did not laugh at this. “This is serious, Luna. If there is a friendship problem between the elements Equestria may be in more danger than we know.”

“What would you have us do? It is our opinion that the security situation exceeds all adequate levels. At the very least, Cadance and Shining Armor represent a powerful enough force to keep this city safe. We know you had your confidence shaken when the changeling queen humiliated you in battle, yet if you had simply employed the wisdom to wake us before challenging her, we would have made short work of her and her wretched minions.”

Celestia magically folded the letter into a little origami pony and teleported it to where she kept Twilight’s other letters. “I suppose I don’t always have to meddle. Let us keep an eye on this situation though.” She summoned a sheet of parchment along with a quill and spoke aloud as she penned her reply. “My most faithful student, I would like to congratulate Pinkie on bringing new life into this world. You all must be very excited.”

Seduction

Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack huddled together in the library, whispering conspiratorially. It was the following afternoon and they had agreed to discuss the previous night’s revelations, or lack thereof. Each had waited impatiently to be done with the day’s work before rushing off to convene in the library, ignoring whatever other chores they could even tenuously justify putting off.

Spike emerged from the kitchen, carrying a silver platter brimming with fancy cupcakes. He had started baking them the very moment Twilight mentioned Rarity would be visiting. The rich frosting atop the treats practically sparkled, boasting artful spirals of purple and white. Spike stopped beside the mares and regarded them suspiciously. “You guys aren’t whispering about me are you?”

“Not even close,” Applejack laughed as she helped herself to one of the cupcakes.

The little dragon seemed a bit disappointed.

“We’re talkin’ about somethin’ real important, but we can’t tell ya about it.”

Twilight frowned at the country mare. “Choose your words more carefully. Now he’s really going to want to know what it is.”

“Yeah, what’s going on? I promise I won’t tell.”

“Won’t tell what?” Pinkie asked as she peered around the side of the front door. She trotted into the library with the usual skip in her step. Her friends fell silent and glanced around awkwardly. Applejack scrunched her nose as if she was holding back at saying something.

The pink pony stepped up on the center table and gazed down upon them with an amused expression upon her face. “You’re still trying to figure out what stallion it is aren’t you?”

“Is it Big Mac?” Spike asked, unsure of what he was guessing at.

“I hope you’re not mad,” Twilight said sheepishly.

“Mad? I only get mad when things upset me. I can’t be mad at you guys for at least trying. You’ll probably never, ever, ever, ever guess who it is though,” she said with a mischievous smile.

“Caramel?” Spike hazarded another guess.

“Keep trying,” Pinkie giggled as she hopped off the table and waved goodbye to her friends. She began humming an extemporaneous tune to herself as she shut the door behind her.

As the sound of her humming faded, Twilight exchanged glances with the other two mares. “That was really random. I thought that she’d at least want to borrow a book or hang out with us.”

“I know why she was here,” Spike said, looking down at the empty platter in despair. “Did you get a chance to eat a cupcake, Rarity?”

“Um, I suppose not, but thank you anyway Spike-ee-wai-kee. You’re always so thoughtful.”

Spike snatched the silver platter and dashed back to the kitchen. “Never fear, I can make more,” he yelled.

Rarity began pacing the room with an air of annoyance. “Pinkie is really having fun with this, isn’t she now? I almost wish I was pregnant so I could be special.”

“We’re all special,” Twililght said cheerfully.

“Yes, well, there are different heights of specialness to be attained.”

Twilight levitated her detective’s hat onto her head. “Let’s look for clues. A logical evaluation of the facts should produce answers,” she said confidently as she strapped a satchel full of investigation tools over her back.

Applejack snickered. “What’re ya gonna do with the magnifying glass? I don’t think we’re gonna need ta burn any ants.”

“You are taking this all rather lightly,” Rarity said contemptuously as she and Applejack followed the detective unicorn out of the library and into the sunlight.

“Well, I’m just glad it’s not my brother. I’m mighty curious about who it really is tough. Unfortunately Rainbow Dash is our best guess so far and that don’t make no kind o' sense.”

***

The Cutie Mark Crusaders sat by Ponyville River throwing stones to see how many times they could skip them across the surface. Apple Bloom was stealing the show.

“Okay, okay, we get it. You really are the greatest athlete in all of Equestria,” Scootaloo conceded.

Apple Bloom was not afforded to opportunity to celebrate this achievement. At that moment, she and her friends simultaneously noticed something that made them jump.

“There she is!” yelled Scootaloo, gesturing wildly at a pink pony with a tangled poof of a mane. She was skipping across the bridge nearby.

“Ta-da!” Pinkie exclaimed as she jumping up in front of them, leaving it to the imagination how she had traversed the distance to get to them. This was met with an unexpected silence from the little fillies. They merely glanced back and forth to each other, not having a coherent strategy to execute. “How you are?” Pinkie asked cheerfully.

“Uh, good,” Sweetie Belle stammered.

“Okie dokie,” Pinkie turned to go, waving and smiling brilliantly.

“Wait! Don’t leave,” Scootaloo protested. “We were wondering something. It’s kind of silly, but—”

Apple Bloom cut her off thoughtlessly. “I heard Twilight ask Big Mac if you and him had ever slept together! It seemed like a big deal for some reason, because—” she stopped when she noticed how mortified Pinkie had suddenly become.

“Are you alright?” Sweetie Belle asked fearfully.

Pinkie recovered from her momentary shock. “No, I never slept with him,” she said with a matter-of-fact smile.

Apple Bloom looked relieved. “Oh okay, that’s what he said too.”

“Well, I’ll see you around, girls,” Pinkie began to trot away particularly quickly.

“Hey, before you go, congratulations on the baby,” Scootaloo called after her.

Pinkie was immediately back in their faces. Before they knew it, she had whisked them under the bridge and was looking around desperately as if they were being chased by something dangerous.

“How do you know about that?” she whispered hoarsely.

“Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight were talkin’ about it in the kitchen last night for hours,” Apple Bloom whispered back.

“We’ve been waiting to congratulate you all day,” Sweetie Belle added.

“How many ponies have you told about this?” Pinkie asked, glancing quickly between them as if they might scamper away and reveal her secret to the entire world.

“We ain’t told nopony yet,” Apple Bloom whispered.

“Who’s the dad?” Scootaloo asked, forgetting to whisper. “Did you get married without us noticing? You seem to be able to do things really fast, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Pinkie considered for a moment. “I’ll tell you who he is, but you have to Pinkie swear not to tell anypony in the world, especially not your sisters. Also, if I tell you about this, you will no longer be the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Who would we be then?” Apple Bloom asked with a puzzled expression.

“You will be the Cutie Mark Crusader Secret Keepers.”

“Why would you tell us and not tell your best friends?” Sweetie Belle inquired skeptically.

“It’s really complicated,” Pinkie said with her usual humor returning to her voice. “But it’s such a burning secret that I just have to tell somepony.”

***

Twilight kept getting questions and comments about her detective hat, so she tucked it away in her satchel to better focus on ascertaining the truth about Pinkie’s lover. Applejack and Rarity had split off so they could make better time questioning key citizens of Ponyville. They were gleaning as much information as they could about Pinkie’s whereabouts and behavior during the past few weeks. Everypony had seen her, but the anecdotes they described all sounded fairly typical: random songs, yelling, running, playing games that were designed to entertain ponies half her age, binge eating, and, of course, lots of smiling.

Twilight had just concluded a conversation with the mayor detailing how Pinkie had unintentionally derailed a city council meeting, when Applejack and Rarity came galloping and sprinting towards her, their faces bright with excitement. They did not speak, but only beckoned Twilight to follow, leading her to a secluded grove in the city park.

“We just spoke with Mr. Cake,” Rarity informed her, catching her breath.

“He told us that, ‘bout a month ago, he saw Pinkie sneak outta the shop at night and meet up with Rainbow Dash behind a cart. He said they giggled for a while and came out lookin’ all too pleased with themselves... Well, if that doesn’t just top it.”

Twilight giggled in spite of herself. “That’s some pretty juicy information. How did you get Mr. Cake to tell you about it?”

“We had ta give him a reason ta talk,” Applejack said, standing on her hind legs and throwing a few mean punches at the air.

“Actually we pestered him about it relentlessly until we extracted the full story,” Rarity interjected haughtily, putting her nose in the air.

The purple unicorn considered the situation carefully. “Okay, perhaps there’s something going on between Dash and Pinkie, but that still doesn’t explain how she got pregnant!”

“Is there any spell that can change the sex of a pony?” Applejack asked, looking to her unicorn friends.

“Well, uh, I actually spent a lot of today doing research to see if there was a gender changing spell,” Twilight admitted.

“And?” Rarity prompted.

“It turns out there is, but I’m probably the only unicorn in this area capable of casting it.”

“Then I suppose it’s technic'lly possible Rainbow Dash is the dad,” Applejack reasoned.

“There is only one way to find out,” Rarity declared.

Applejack thought for a moment. “Ask her?”

“No, she already refuses to reveal any information about the situation." Rarity replied. "She’ll simply fly away if we confront her.”

“Not if I bite her tail she won’t.”

“Does her tail taste as good as it looks like it does?” Twilight asked.

“Nah, it’s actually a bit coarse.”

“Ahem. Aren’t you interested in hearing my plan to discover if Rainbow Dash is attracted to Pinkie?” Rarity asked.

She whispered the details to her friends. They were surprised at first, but agreed that it was worth a shot. Twilight, however, made certain to warn Rarity that the plan could easily go terribly amiss.

***

The next day, Rainbow Dash cleaned her cloud house frantically. Her friends had never shown much interest in visiting her in her home, but earlier that day, out of the blue, Rarity had requested a visit. Dash opened a hole in the cloud floor to peer down at the ground below. This time Rarity was actually waiting there. She was fashionably late, but this had only given Dash more time to tidy up the place.

Dash swooped down and landed beside the unicorn. “If you wanted my opinion on your new fashion designs why in the name of Celestia aren't we doing it in your boutique?” she asked, not quite concealing her annoyance.

Rarity licked her lower lip momentarily while eyeing the pegasus. “Oh, I don’t know really. I suppose I merely desired someplace more... private.”

“Alright,” Dash shrugged. “Let’s get this over with. You should know that I’m about the last pony on earth to give you useful fashion advice. I might be some help if we were talking sunglasses, but dresses?”

She did not wait for a response from the unicorn before hoisting her into the air and rocketing towards the house. Rarity weighed very little even with her satchels, which were supposedly full of clothing. Her body snuggled warmly in Dash’s embrace as they flew to the house. Rarity cast a cloud walking spell over herself as Dash set her down at the doorstep. The magic sparkled across her immaculately clean white coat.

Dash showed her into the still shamefully messy little house. Badly aligned posters of the Wonderbolts littered the walls. Daring Do books cluttered the floor while what clothes she had, mostly dresses Rarity had provided, were strewn about in crumpled heaps. Dirty dishes were also lying in almost every conceivable place. “Uh, it’s not exactly up to your standards, I guess,” Dash muttered, blushing slightly.

“There’s no reason to be ashamed, dear. We all do things that are a bit… dirty, from time to time,” she leaned up on a dresser to gaze at her reflection in a mirror mounted above it. Dash cocked her head to one side, noticing Rarity wiggle her hindquarters a bit as she gazed upon herself in the mirror. Rarity spied her friend's reaction in the reflection.

“Rainbow Dash, be a dear and help me put these stockings on,” she said, removing her satchels and drawing out some silk leggings with flowery frills.”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” Dash picked up the garments with her hooves and began clumsily working a stocking up one of Rarity’s hind legs.

“Use your teeth,” she whispered gently.

Dash found this actually made the task far more difficult and significantly more awkward, but Rarity seemed to be enjoying herself for some reason. Once it was accomplished, she turned around as gracefully as she could without tripping over clutter and sauntered over to Dash’s bed. She nestled on the sheets and smiled at her pegasus friend.

“So, what do you think?” she asked in a sultry voice, batting her eyelashes. She poked the tip of her tongue between her teeth and eyed Dash lustily.

“Okay, now I see what’s going on here,” Dash said as she approached the bed with a knowing smile. “You’ve got a huge crush on some stallion and you’re practicing your flirting. You should have just told me that's what you were doing, 'cause, I'm not gonna lie, this was getting pretty freaking awkward.”

Rarity got up huffily and bonked Dash on the head with a silky hoof. “No you oaf! I’m trying to seduce you!”

Dash threw herself on the floor laughing. “That’s priceless!” She was laughing so hard she was crying. Rarity stood over her with a less than amused expression upon her face, but after a few moments of watching Dash helplessly flopping about on the floor, unable to stop repeatedly cracking up, she smiled and could not help but begin laughing too.

Once they had both finally caught their breath, Dash looked up and met eyes with Rarity. “You know, just because I yell a lot and don’t comb my hair very much doesn’t mean I’m like that. It’s funny to know you are though. I can’t wait to tell the others. They’re gonna have a field day with this one!”

Rarity pleaded desperately. “Rainbow Dash, please don’t be cruel.”

“What? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Who wouldn’t want to get with a toned work of art like myself?” She stood up and brushed some old bits of uneaten cereal from her hair. They had gotten in her mane while she was laughing and rolling around on the dirty floor.

“I’m not attracted to you Rainbow Dash, nor to any mare for that matter. I am without a doubt the straightest one of our group of friends... No offense.”

“Then what was the point of this?”

“I wanted to see if you were into, well… you know.”

“You could have just asked.”

Rarity hung her head. “That’s the same thing Applejack said.”

Dash blinked. “Applejack knew you were doing this? What on earth stopped her from telling you that this was a bad idea?”

“Alright, I’ll be completely honest with you. Twilight knew about this too. We all came up with this scheme together because we wanted to know if it was possible that you and Pinkie were an item and if the baby was somehow yours.”

“Wait, that’s what all this is about? Huh, I never thought I’d have to explain how these things worked to anypony, least of all you Rarity, but you see, uh, it takes a stallion and a mare to create a baby because—”

“Just stop.” Rarity put a hoof to her forehead in exasperation. “I know how these things work. Let’s just say that our speculation about Pinkie’s baby has taken us to some very dark places.”

Dash sat down in her favorite reclining chair and was silent for a time. Rarity removed her stockings and put them away. As she finished, Dash elected to speak up. “Don’t worry about it so much. The dad is somepony crazy, just like Pinkie. He’s pretty amazing really. He just can’t be here right now... You looked nice in those socks though. You should find some stallion who likes putting them on you with his teeth,” she winked at Rarity.

The unicorn sighed but smiled back at her friend gratefully. All in all, it had not gone as badly as it conceivably could have.

Assumption

“Your move,” Applejack mumbled as Twilight stared off into space. The unicorn returned her gaze to the chessboard. At any other time, this might have been an intensely calculated battle of wits. Twilight had appeared increasingly troubled since Rarity had embarked upon her mission. She inched a pawn forward hesitantly as if doubtful of its prospects.

Spike walked by and pointed out the move Applejack needed to make for a checkmate. He set down another tray of Rarity-themed cupcakes. “Don’t eat them all before Rarity gets here. She never ended up getting any last time... Hey, what are you both so worried about?”

“Oh, nothin’ in partic’lar,” replied Applejack, trying and failing to sound convincing.

At that moment, Rarity threw the door open and galloped into the room. A strange jumble of emotions played on her face. It was clear that she had been through some sort of ordeal.

“So?” Twilight asked expectantly.

“I’m sorry Spike, but could you excuse us?” Rarity asked hastily.

“But I made you cupcakes again,” he protested.

Applejack peeled the wrapper from a cupcake before taking a satisfying bite. “Aw, let him stay. He’s old enough to hear.”

“Perhaps you do not realize how much more embarrassing this whole situation is for me than it is for you.”

The little dragon gave a gentlemanly bow. “No problem, Rarity. If you want your privacy, I’d be glad to go out and catch some sunshine,” he exited the library.

“Isn’t he just darling?” Rarity cooed as she took a seat at the chess table.

“What about Rainbow Dash? Was she 'just darling’ too?” Applejack asked, elbowing Rarity playfully.

“Ow! And no, despite my best efforts, which were considerable, Rainbow Dash is surprisingly straight.”

Twilight facehooved. “How could we have been so obtuse? It was obvious that this was a bad idea. We’re really letting this search for the father get to our heads.”

Rarity brightened up at this. “I do have some good news about that. Rainbow told me that the father is somepony crazy like Pinkie and that there was some reason why he could not be here.”

“Why would she tell you that?” Twilight questioned. “I thought she 'Pinkie promised' not to tell us anything about it.”

The white unicorn began idly rearranging some of the chess pieces while she thought. “I suspect she was feeling rather sorry for me after mocking me so dreadfully for my attempt to seduce her.”

“I reckon it wasn’t a total waste then. Ya really took one for the team, Rarity,” Applejack said, giving her friend an encouraging thump on the back. “I’ll do the seducin’ next time it comes up.”

Rarity suddenly stopped playing with the chess pieces. “You weren’t in the middle of a game were you?”

“No, AJ just beat me,” Twilight laughed.

Applejack stood up and began pacing the floor. “We sure do have our work cut out for us. How in tarnation are we s’posed ta think of a pony as crazy as Pinkie?”

A knock sounded at the library door. “Hey, it’s me. Can I come in?” came Spike’s voice. Twilight opened the door for him, but was surprised at who she saw before her. Spike was accompanied by the three fillies who immediately scampered into the room. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle went to greet their sisters. Scootaloo entertained herself by running around the room in circles, knocking over a few potted plants.

“Are you okay, Rarity?” Sweetie Belle asked, concern showing in her eyes.

“Why of course I'm okay. What would give you an idea to the contrary?”

“We were trying to find you because Rainbow Dash said that you were acting really weird earlier.”

“Well that is true,” she said with a coy smile. “Wait a second, why was Rainbow Dash out and about? By all rights she should have continued cleaning that messy house of hers after I left... Did you see where she was going?”

“She said she was lookin’ for Pinkie Pie,” Apple Bloom piped up. “We told her that the last we saw o’ Pinkie was when we were congratulatin’ her on bein’ pregnant.”

Everypony in the room was immediately staring at the little filly.

“Well, so much for the Cutie Mark Crusader Secret Keepers,” Scootaloo said exasperated, stepping next to Apple Bloom and eyeing her sternly.

“Oh shoot, did I just say that?” Apple Bloom bashed her forehead on the table surface as if to physically punish herself for her careless slip of the tongue. The chess pieces scattered and rolled on the floor.

Spike looked around annoyed. “Okay, the game is up. Now you have to tell me what's going on.”

“Pinkie got pregnant, but won’t tell us who the father is,” Twilight explained.

“We know who the father is.” Sweetie Belle said with a smile.

“Ugh! Whatever happened to secret keeping?” Scootaloo complained.

“I’m not gonna tell them who it is. That’s technically the only thing we promised not to say,” Sweetie Belle replied.

“Well then Apple Bloom here will tell us.” Applejack declared, mussing her little sister’s hair.

“No I won’t!”

Applejack glanced about the now considerably more crowded library room and settled on the platter of delicious cupcakes. She picked one up and offered it. “I’ll give ya this here gour-mett cupcake if ya tell us.”

Apple Bloom refused the bribe. “It’s pronounced ‘gourmet.’”

“How would ya know a thing like that?”

“I remember it from when I had the fancy talk cutie mark, back when I had the Cutie Pox.”

Applejack was yet to be deterred in her efforts. “I’ll do all o’ your homework for a week.”

“You’re hardly better at my homework than I am. Besides, I’m not supposed to break promises. I told Pinkie I wouldn’t tell anypony about this and if I tell y’all about it that’ll make me a big liar.”

Applejack sighed. “Sorry little sis. It’s just that Twilight, Rarity, and me have been tryin’ real hard ta figure this out for a couple o’ days. You should keep your promise ta Pinkie. I’m proud o’ ya for not givin’ in to my shenanigans.”

“Not so fast,” Rarity interjected. “I’ve been through too much trouble to go for months not knowing. One of you little fillies is going to tell us who it is.”

“Or what? You won’t let us have cupcakes?” Scootaloo asked tauntingly as she snatched one of them from the platter and swallowed it whole.

A grim expression crossed Rarity’s face. “I’ll whine at you until you tell me. You don’t want that do you?”

Scootaloo’s eyes went wide. Something seemed to be amiss with her. She did not respond, but stood there making an odd motion with her head.

“Uh, Scootaloo? Are you okay?” Twilight asked, approaching with concern.

Applejack snatched the little pegasus up and squeezed her in such a way that she spat out a cupcake wrapper she had been choking on. “Careful what kinda fibers ya eat,” the orange mare said gently as she set Scootaloo down.

“Wow, you just saved my life,” she gasped, peering up at Applejack thankfully.

Rarity put her nose in the air. “This changes nothing. I’m still going to throw a fit if one of you little fillies doesn’t come forward with the information we need.”

Scootaloo hesitated, still catching her breath. “Alright, alright, I’ll give you a hint, but I’m not telling who it is, because I’ve heard really, really bad things happen to you if you break a 'Pinkie promise,'” she said, taking a deep breath. “The dad lives in Canterlot.”

“Scootaloo! You’re giving too much away,” Sweetie Belle complained.

“Oh and you haven’t? I was the one who wanted to keep the secret. Besides, they’ll still never guess who it is just with what we’ve said. It’s just too weird.”

“Let’s get outta here before we totally break our promise ta Pinkie,” Apple Bloom suggested. “We can still be the Cutie Mark Crusader Partial Secret Keepers.”

Sweetie Belle shook her head and sighed. “That just doesn’t have the same ring to it. I guess keeping secrets probably isn’t our special talent either.”

“Come on Crusaders, we’ve still got time to earn our cutie marks today,” Scootaloo said optimistically as she dashed over to the door and opened it for her friends as they trotted off.

“Thank you for aiding us in our search, we won’t ask you about it anymore,” Rarity called after them sweetly.

“See you later, big sister,” Sweetie Belle called as she and her friends waved goodbye. They scampered out of sight, forgetting to close the library door.

Rarity turned to Spike with a devious look on her face. “Follow them, infiltrate the group, and see if they let any more information slip. With them knowing who the father is, it’s only a matter of time before we catch up.”

Spike gave a salute and ran out the open door to pursue the fillies, also forgetting to close the door.

An aura of violet magic enveloped the door, closing it automatically. Twilight turned to her friends. “Girls I think we’re taking this too far. Do we really need Spike to stalk your sisters?”

“Aw, what’s the worst that could happen?” asked Applejack. “Maybe he’ll end up bein’ friends with ‘em. The little guy seems kind of lonely. He could do with the social time.”

Rarity drew close to her friends and began whispering. “Actually, my intention was simply to remove Spike from our presence. I believe I know who the father is, though you won’t like the answer.”

“How gosh awful bad could it be if it’s not Rainbow Dash or my brother?”

“It’s Discord,” Rarity whispered, giving a small shutter.

Twilight raised an eyebrows in disbelief. “That seems pretty out there, Rarity.”

“No, consider this; he lives in Canterlot, if you can call that living. The crusader secret keepers, such as they were, said we’d never guess because the answer was too bizarre. Dash also told me something along the same lines. Furthermore, if Discord is indeed the father, that would more than explain Pinkie’s hesitation to tell us.”

“But she’d tell little fillies about that?” Twilight asked dubiously.

Applejack adjusted her hat and scratched her chin in thought. “What if that’s her way o’ tellin’ us who it is without havin’ ta do it herself. She couldn’t really spect that the fillies ta keep a big ol' secret like that could she?”

“Perhaps, but if Discord isn’t stone anymore wouldn’t the whole world be swimming in chaos?” Twilight asked, while she picked up chess pieces from the floor.

Rarity finally took a bite from one of Spike’s cupcakes. She savored the rich sweetness a few moments before answering. “He might be attempting a more subtle scheme this time. After all, just jumping out in everypony’s face and strutting around like he ruled the world did not exactly pan out for him last time.”

Applejack disposed of the cupcake wrapper Scootaloo had coughed up. When she turned back to her friends, she stomped her hoof on the floor to gain their attention. “I’ve had it with all this here scheming, sneaking around, and doin’ all matter of dishonest things. I say we just go and talk ta Pinkie about this. She must want to tell us pretty badly. If there is some problem revolvin’ around the dad, we’ve gotta help her with it.”

***

When Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight, arrived at Sugarcube Corner, they were surprised to see the rest of their friends huddled around a table near the back of the main room. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie were sitting side-by-side across a table from Fluttershy. She sat blushing and smiling sweetly as she whispered with them.

“They’ll tell Fluttershy, but not us?” Rarity complained under her breath.

"You're making too many assumptions," Twilight said quietly.

“Oh hey girls!” Pinkie snatched her friends and set them around the table with Dash and Fluttershy. “We were just coming up with a brilliant scheme to help Fluttershy get a date with Big Mac! You guys should help us. This is going to be so much fun. Isn’t it sweet that Fluttershy has a crush? Isn’t it? Isn’t it? Isn’t? I’m so excited I could sing a song about it!”

“Not so fast there,” Applejack said through gritted teeth as she bit Pinkie’s tail to prevent her from jumping up to begin the song.

“We wanted to ask you if Discord is the dad,” Twilight said as Pinkie sat down.

The pink pony laughed at this. “Where do you come up with this stuff? Discord is a total meanie. The only good thing he ever did was give us a bunch of cotton candy and chocolate rain.”

Rarity looked into Pinkie’s eyes urgently. “If there is a problem we want very much to help you.”

“Ya don’t have ta be embarrassed about your actions, Pinkie. We’ve been trying so hard to find out who the father is, but frankly I’d rather give up and let ya keep your secret if ya’d prefer it that way. We’re still mighty curious ta be sure, but, at the end o’ the day, we’d just like ta be there for ya. This whole thing is really turnin’ inta a wild goose chase.”

Fluttershy frowned at this metaphor. “That sounds kind of mean,” she said quietly.

Pinkie smiled sheepishly at her friends. “It’s good you’re not mad at me. Maybe I’m being a meanie to not tell you.”

Fluttershy put her hoof across the table to place it over Pinkie’s. She stared into her eyes understandingly. “You’re not being mean. It’s very hard to admit something you’re embarrassed about. I might never have admitted that I like Big Mac, but Rainbow Dash figured it out.”

"I figured it out because I'm really smart," Dash bragged.

Revelation

About a week later, the friends exited the train and trotted into Canterlot Station. Big Mac walked beside Fluttershy, apparently oblivious to how frequently she was stealing awkward glances at him. The mares had given him a laundry list of spurious reasons why he needed to accompany them to Canterlot. At long last he had relented. Pinkie had still not come clean about the father of her baby, but had agreed to accompany the group while they searched for the answer.

Rainbow Dash waited until Big Mac was looking away. Seeing her opportunity, she shoved Fluttershy so that she fell against the red stallion. He glanced down at her and smiled as he helped her right herself. “Uh, watch your step there, Fluttershy.”

Pinkie hummed loudly and ran ahead of her friends as they made their way up to the palace. Passersby gave her judgmental glances, but she seemed untroubled. A few stray clouds darkened the path ahead, but Dash sailed up over the city and cleared them away. As they ascended the steps to the palace, Twilight nodded to Fluttershy, indicating that it was time to put the next leg of their plan in motion. The yellow pegasus gulped nervously and promptly tripped on one of the steps.

“Um, oh no, whatever shall I do? I’ve stubbed my hoof,” she said pitifully.

Applejack nudged her brother. “Macintosh, be a gentlecolt and carry Fluttershy will ya.”

“Clearly she is in no state to walk,” Rarity said overdramatically.

Big Mac seemed a bit confused as to what all of the fuss was about, but obediently knelt down so Fluttershy could climb onto his back.

***

Princess Celestia was gently napping upon her throne. Something brushed past her face which caused her to blink. It was a letter written in familiar yet rather hurried and sloppy handwriting. The princess read it aloud to Shining Armor’s annoyance.

“Dear Princess Celestia, I just found out Discord is the father of Pinkie's baby. I don't think Twilight and her friends know this yet, but they are coming to visit you, so you can tell them when they show up. Oh, and since this is a letter to you… today I learned that you can still be friends with ponies who are bit younger than you are. I’m hanging out with Twilight’s friends’ sisters and they’re actually pretty fun. —Spike the Dragon.”

“May I have permission to speak freely?” Shining Armor asked.

“There's no time!” Celestia said hurriedly, disappearing in a flash of radiant light.

A moment later, a guard entered the far end of hall. He halted mid-stride and looked around nonplussed.

“Can I help you, Starlit?” Shining Armor inquired.

“Your sister and her friends are here to visit the princess. I was merely surprised to not find her here.”

Celestia flashed back into view atop her throne. She appeared relieved. “Show them in,” she ordered, nodding to Starlit.

Pinkie ran ahead of her friends as they entered the throne room. She jumped and sailed through the air toward the princess, but found herself trapped in place by a magical pink bubble. Pink light glowed from Shining Armor's horn. Celestia smiled at her adroit guard. “That’s quite alright, Shining. I do not think that Pinkie means to harm me.” He nodded, positioning the bubble in front of the princess. As bubble vanished, Pinkie immediately slid beside the alicorn and began whispering in her ear.

“What’s going on?” Twilight asked, approaching her brother.

He glanced up at the two conspirators and gave a slight shrug. Pinkie and Celestia continued whispering together for a few moments while the others looked on in bewilderment. The monarch apparently found whatever Pinkie was sharing to be of a surprising yet clearly amusing nature.

“I can certainly provide you with tickets to today’s Wonderbolts show, but you must promise me one thing in return,” Celestia replied to Pinkie, speaking loudly enough for the rest of the ponies to hear.

Rainbow Dash gaped with excitement.

The princess whispered something in Pinkie’s ear and both their expressions grew more serious.

“Okay, I promise,” Pinkie said, giving a little bow before the princess. Her friends also bowed, having forgotten to do so upon their arrival. Fluttershy hung onto Big Mac’s work harness so she would not tumble from his back as he leaned.

The princess laughed charmingly. “There’s no need for such formalities. I am glad to see you all in Canterlot again. Let us hope that you do not cause as much mayhem as you have in the past. Here are some tickets to the Wonderbolts show. Go out and have some fun.”

“Thank you princess," said Twilight as she and her friends collected the tickets which had appeared floating in front of them. "We also have something very important to ask you about though.”

“That will have to wait until later,” said replied. “Shining Armor, be so kind as to show our dear friends to the door.”

The look of concern did not fade from Twilight’s face, but she and the others followed her brother obediently.

“Oh and one final thing before you go,” the princess called after them. “Stay out of the royal garden.”

***

“Oh, but I really wanted to see the garden. Why can’t we go in?” Fluttershy asked, looking down at Pinkie from her perch on Big Mac’s back.

“They must be doing maintenance or something,” she said with a grin.

“They seem ta be lettin’ everypony else in,” Applejack observed as a large tour group entered the garden grounds nearby.

“Would you mind filling us in on what exactly was said between you and the princes back in the throne room?” Twilight asked Pinkie.

“You were there. What’s to know?” she giggled.

Rainbow Dash shook her head with annoyance. “Even I don’t know what’s going on at this point.”

Rarity smiled deviously. “I have an idea. The princess said to stay out of the garden, but what if we don’t actually go in? Rainbow, just fly over the top and tell us if you can see Discord there or not.”

“I told you it isn’t Discord,” Pinkie said as she skipped around, throwing her Wonderbolts ticket in the air and catching it before it could flutter to the ground.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “No offense Pinkie, but with everything that’s been going on, it’s hard to trust anything you say anymore. Did you tell Princess Celestia who it is too?”

The pink pony stopped and smiled at Twilight. “I certainly did!”

Dash shot into the air and gilded out across the garden grounds before circling back at a much increased pace.

“Discord isn’t there! He’s gone from his stand!”

***

“Princess Celestia! Discord is missing and is probably on the loose somewhere!” Twilight rushed into the throne room, again setting the guards ill at ease.

“I explicitly told you not to go into the garden, Twilight Sparkle,” she replied with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“But there were plenty of other ponies there.”

“Do not worry yourself, my little pony. I verified that Discord’s statute is still safely locked in my dungeon. I would not make the mistake of leaving him in the garden again. Any group of arguing fillies could inadvertently release him upon the world that way.”

“Is Discord the father of Pinkie’s baby?”

“Of course not. That would be impossible for many reasons. Go to the Wonderbolts show. I would be very disappointed if you did not discover all you wanted to know there.”

“Sorry, princess,” Twilight said sheepishly. “I should have trusted you.”

“That’s quite alright, Twilight Sparkle,” she said with a coy smirk. “Shining Armor, please re-escort your sister from the throne room.”

“I think you’re really pushing it, Twily,” he muttered as he walked her to the other end of the hall.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered back. She walked beside him in silence for a few moments, but then smiled up at her brother. “It’s good to see you again though. I was hoping we’d get a moment to talk while I'm here in Canterlot. How are things going with you and Cadance?”

“All is well aside from the long hours I’m working right now. Cadance and I are discussing what's next for us. If we have a foal of our own I hope it doesn’t turn out to be as much of a mess as it’s turning out for Pinkie.”

“That would be kind of hard to imagine,” Twilight giggled.

Shining Armor broke into a bright smile as he saw his sister off. He watched her trot away from him, out into the sunlight.

Her friends galloped up the palace steps towards her. Fluttershy clung to Big Mac’s harness as he made his clambering ascent. Rainbow Dash raced ahead and reached Twilight before the others.

“How did you get here before us?” the rainbow pegasus asked. “We thought you had disappeared along with Pinkie.”

“I teleported ahead to warn the princess, but I haven’t seen Pinkie.”

“We’d better look for her then,” Applejack panted as she caught up.

Twilight waited for a moment so the rest of her friends could gather around. “Princess Celestia told me that it isn't Discord, because his statue has been locked in the dungeon the whole time. She also said everything would make sense if we went to the Wonderbolts show. Let’s see if Pinkie is there. She was the one who wanted to go for some weird reason.”

“It's not weird to want to see the Wonderbolts, they're totally freaking awesome!” Dash took out her ticket and gazed upon it dreamily. Her eyes went wide as she noticed something printed on the paper. “Very Important Pony? Wow, these are even better than I thought they were!”

***

The friends made their way into the bustling VIP room at Canterlot Cloud Stadium. They noticed Pinkie talking enthusiastically with Soarin’. He was in the process of suiting up to begin the show, but appeared to be greatly interested in whatever she was saying.

“There they are right now!” Pinkie exclaimed, waving to her friends as they approached.

Soarin’ looked them over quickly and nodded to Pinkie.

Pinkie gleamed with happy anticipation, as if she was about to tell the punchline of a joke. “Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, I need to talk to you secretly,” she took them aside and began whispering urgently to them.

“Nice to meet you all,” Soarin’ said, putting on his flight goggles. “I hope you enjoy the show. I’m going to throw in a couple surprises.”

Applejack glanced over at Pinkie and back to Soarin’. “Okay now, this is gonna sound pretty outta the blue and probably a bit embarrassing, we're kinda at the end of our rope here, but did ya ever happen ta sleep with Pinkie Pie?”

Soarin’ considered the question. “I might have."

"Might have?" There was a faint hint of disgust in Rairty's voice.

"How long ago would it have been?” Soarin' asked, eating an Iron Will energy bar as he talked.

“Approximately a month ago,” Twilight answered.

The stallion took out a notebook, mumbling to himself as he began flipping through its pages. “Hmm, about a month ago you say… Octavia, Photo Finish, Fleur de Lis, that DJ pony...” He snapped the notebook shut. “Nah, I didn’t see her in there. Is she pregnant or something?”

“Yeah, and it’s causin’ us all a fair bit o’ consternation,” Applejack informed him.

“She seems nice, but I don’t know if she’s ready for a thing like that,” he said as some of his managers busily ushered him from the room.

***

The ponies went to find seats. Big Mac looked tense and nervous in such a crowded and noisy place.

“Where is Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked, pausing to scan the bustling stadium for the familiar rainbow mane. “I could have sworn I saw her ten seconds ago."

"Don't worry about that silly pegasus. She went to take care of something important," Pinkie informed her.

Applejack held onto her hat to keep it from flying off in a gust of wind that whipped through the stadium. "Where do y'all wanna sit?"

“Oh, um, we need to be at the very, very top,” Fluttershy said nervously, gesturing to some empty spaces far above them.

"Yessiree! That's exactly what we should do," Pinkie added, winking at Fluttershy.

The other friends looked amongst each other suspiciously, but followed the light yellow pegasus and bouncing pink pony the top of the stadium. The show had already begun by the time they reached their places. Most of them opted to sit a few seats below the top row since there was no backing, but Fluttershy insisted that she and Big Mac sit in the seats with the highest view.

Rarity peered back at the two of them. “That seems rather dangerous,” she called above the noise of the crowd. “You know the top section is probably only intended for pegasi who can catch themselves if they fall off the back. You might be blown off if the wind picks up.”

Big Mac hazarded a glance off the back of the stands and gulped nervously when he saw how far the fall would be. At that moment, Soarin’ blasted past them as part of one of his opening maneuvers. The rush of air caused Fluttershy to tilt dangerously backwards, however Big Mac managed to snatch her from the brink before she would have fallen. This went unnoticed by their friends, who were then facing the show. Big Mac looked terrified. He picked Fluttershy up and sat her down one seat lower before carefully climbing down to join her.

A troubled look set in on Fluttershy’s face. She squirmed a bit in her seat and began blushing deeply. After a few moments she worked up the nerve to lean over and speak quietly to the red stallion. “I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was really scared too, but it was Pinkie’s idea. She had Soarin’ do that on purpose. Rainbow Dash was waiting below to save me if you didn’t manage to catch me. I know I’m a pegasus, but I’m not a very good flier and I might not have caught myself if I fell like that. It was a terrible, awful, horrible idea. I’m really sorry. It’s just that all of my friends are trying to push us together.”

Big Mac nodded knowingly. He leaned in closer so he could speak quietly. His voice was deep and low. “I thought something odd was goin’ on here... Well uh...do you...uh...you know...do you like me?”

“Oh yes, I have for a long time now. It’s very hard for me, because I’m really shy. I’ve wanted to talk with you so much, but I just hadn't found the courage."

“I can’t say as I’ve seen you much aside from today, but you seem really nice. I’m not much for talkin’ myself, so I don’t really know what to say, but, uh, I think you’re very pretty.”

Pinkie looked back to see them whispering together. “Oh, aren’t you two just adorable together!” she said, jumping up and showering them with a bucket full of confetti.

***

Later that evening, the ponies rode home together on the Friendship Express. Fluttershy nestled up against Big Mac in a corner of the party's passenger booth, one of his hooves rested comfortably over her shoulders.

Twilight glanced over at Pinkie and met eyes with her. “Wait a second, the princess said all would be revealed at the airshow, but we didn’t learn anything. Are you ever going to tell us?”

Pinkie laughed. “Oh silly me, I was so busy getting Fluttershy and Mac to fall in love that I completely forgot about my promise to the princess. Okay, I’ll tell you the truth.”

“Well, it’s about time,” Applejack said with relief.

“You might not like the truth though,” Pinkie warned. “The truth can be a treacherous, terrible, and terrifying thing.”

“There’s no time to get philosophical or alliterative about this. Tell us who the father is,” Twilight demanded.

“Okay, okay. I'm not actually pregnant. I just made the whole thing up for fun!”

There was a long silence in the booth as the ponies stared a Pinkie in disillusionment.

“Why in tarnation would ya do that?” Applejack asked incredulously.

Dash set aside a sports magazine and stared down at the floor shamefacedly. “It was my idea too. We were trying to think up a great prank one night and we got a little carried away. We were going to take it even farther. Pinkie was going to eat a lot to look more pregnant, but the prank was already causing so many problems we started worrying that maybe we were being jerks. We were talking about giving up and telling you all sooner, but we had more false leads planned.”

“Oh that’s just awful of you,” Rarity scolded them.

Fluttershy sniffled as if she might start crying.

“We’re really, really, really sorry!” Pinkie stammered desperately, looking around at her friends’ annoyed faces.

“It was really kind of funny though,” Dash added sheepishly.

Twilight closed her eyes and shook her head. “What am I supposed to tell the princess? ‘Dear Princess Celestia, this week I learned that there is no ethical boundary my friends won’t cross in order to pull off a prank.’”

Pinkie hung her head as her eyes welled with tears. “You’re right, Twilight. I can understand if you don’t want to be friends with me or Rainbow Dash anymore. This is probably the worst thing we’ve ever done.”

Applejack put her hoof over Pinkie’s shoulder to comfort her. “But ya didn’t mean to hurt nopony at all. Perhaps it was pushin’ things a mite too far, but I ain’t mad. I’m sure we’ll all be able ta look back on this and laugh.”

Pinkie wiped her tears away and gave Applejack grateful little hug.

Twilight’s frown softened and faded to a smile. “You know what, Pinkie, other than a bit of embarrassment and stress, you and Dash didn’t really hurt any of us with your prank. We actually had fun trying to figure it out. We thought we’d be able to outsmart you and discover who it was, but you really had us all fooled. I don't see why we wouldn't forgive you for this.”

“I just hope you do not attempt anything nearly so dreadful in the future,” Rarity added. “Some of you do not know the half of what this prank drove me to do.”

Dash laughed at this, but did not elaborate on why she found the comment amusing.

Twilight thought for a moment. “I think a lot more good came out of this whole disaster than anypony would have expected. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie had some fun and we managed to help Fluttershy and Macintosh get together.” Fluttershy blushed at this but looked back at her friends gratefully as she snuggled against her stallion. Big Mac looked equally embarrassed, though clearly happy to find himself in this unlikely situation.

Pinkie sat thoughtfully for a moment. "I also learned that you'd all still be supportive if I actually did get pregnant. I felt really grateful that you took the news so well."

Applejack chuckled. “And let’s not forget that we got ta learn somethin’ about RD that I know we musta all been wonderin’. Plus Rarity got the chance to hone her seducin’ skills.”

“Huh?” Pinkie looked puzzled. She turned to Rarity. “Who were you trying to seduce?” There was an awkward silence in the booth. The white unicorn blushed deeply but did not reply. Pinkie looked around at her other friends. “Seriously girls, who does Rarity have a crush on? I've gotta know!”

Twilight smirked. “Ah, now the horseshoe is on the other hoof. How does it feel to be left out of the information loop?”

Pinkie frowned for a second but then broke into a bright smile. “It’s not so bad. You just watch. I’ll figure out exactly who it is… Let’s see, Rarity, you’ve got a passion for fashion, so I'm gonna say it’s some stallion who’s at least pretty well groomed. Hmm…”

“Keep trying,” Dash giggled.