Trees Have Ears

“This is the pits, Gummy,” moaned Pinkie Pie as she trundled the Cakes’ delivery cart over the dirt path that led to Sweet Apple Acres. “Secrets schmeekrets. Oh, how I wish I’d never read Cadence and Shining Armor’s cake order!” She sighed.

The alligator, perched atop Pinkie’s mane, remained motionless.

“You’re absolutely right, Gummy! I can’t give in now! Shining Armor and Cadence are banking on this baby to be a surprise! I can’t ruin it for them! I won’t ruin it for them! Oh, please, please, please don’t let me be the one to ruin it for them...”

The orchard loomed closer as she broke into a brisk trot, anxious to be done quickly, wanting to spend as little time as possible in an area that potentially promised an encounter with another pony.

“Ooh, and this whole ‘backup delivery pony’ thing isn’t making it any easier,” she lamented. “I swear, if I bump into anypony else I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown.”

Gummy, again, said nothing.

The pink party mare passed through the open gate and without any further ado detached the harness from around her torso, streaked over to the back of the cart, and pulled out the packages that the Apples had ordered. She whizzed over to the open barn and dropped them onto the ground beside a pair of muddy straw bales, then dashed back to the cart.

“Only three more deliveries to go, Gummy,” she said to the alligator, who had somehow managed to cling on to the mare’s mane. “Three more, and then I can lock myself in the cellar... But still... I just – I just don’t know if I can make it.”

Pinkie scrabbled for the harness, re-attached it, and turned to leave, biting her lip in dismay. “It’s no use, Gummy, it’s no use! I’ve got to tell somepony! I’ve just got to!”

Gummy blinked, his eyelids closing as slowly as falling feathers.

“You’re right, Gummy, you’re right. But I can’t say! I can’t! I – I...” She paused. Then, with a shout of delight, she exclaimed, “I’VE GOT IT!”

She leapt into the air, as high as she could with the cart’s harness strapped around her, and whooped as though she’d won a marathon. “You’re a genius, Gummy!”

“I won’t tell anypony the secret!” Pinkie skipped over to the nearest apple tree, the cart’s wheels squeaking merrily. “Psst,” she hissed. “Psssssssssssssssssst!”

She gave the tree a little nudge and, with her hoof, tried to beckon it in to a conspiratorial distance. “Hey,” she breathed. “Heyyy! Guess what?”

The tree, like her pet alligator, said and did nothing.

“Shining Armor... and Princess Cadence –” she began, sweat dribbling down her forehead, every muscle tense as she prepared for the glorious release, “– are... are having... they’re having a baby!” she ended up near-shouting, and with another great whoop, Pinkie lifted herself out of the harness and flew at the apple tree, embracing it with all four of her limbs before sliding down to the base, giggling madly.

“I told somepony! I told somepony! Except I didn’t! I didn’t say! But I did! Oh Gummy, you’re a genius!”

She leapt to her hooves and bounced in circles round the cart. “Why didn’t I think of doing this before? Why didn’t I –?”

THUNK!

Pinkie stopped abruptly, her eyes going wide, the unmistakeable thud of apples being bucked still fresh in her ears. She crept forward in terrible anticipation and took a peek past the tree she had spoken the secret to.

Big Macintosh, his heavy hooves clunking into an apple tree, not three strides from where Pinkie had just... had just...

Pinkie fell backwards onto her flank, her mouth hanging open in horror, her forehooves lolling helplessly by her side. “Big Macintosh! He – he heard me! He must have! Gummy, what have I done?”

She staggered over to the cart and slumped against it, aghast. “I – I... I told somepony! I’ve ruined the surprise! I’ve – I’ve...”

She remembered Rarity’s words for the second time that day. The pony who ruins a surprise for somepony else has to live with that guilt... forever!

“G-Gummy... I’m guilty! I’m guilty, Gummy! Will Shining Armor ever forgive me? Will Princess Cadence lock me away in a Crystal Dungeon?! Ooooh, a Crystal Dungeon... That might not even be that bad –”

The harsh THUNK of another tree being bucked brought the horror flowing through her once again. She thumped her head with a hoof, sweating horribly.

“It’s – it’s not too bad though, is it? B-Big Mac might not even have... might not even have heard me... Oh, but I know he did. I know he did! What should I do? What should I do?!”

THUNK!

“C’mon, Pinkie! This is no time for games! You’ve gotta pony up and go and ask him! Ask him if he heard anything!”

THUNK!

“B-but... if he says yes, then what? What am I supposed to do then?”

THUNK!

“Ooooooh, Gummy, I’m guilty! I told! I TOLD! This is terrible! I can’t let anypony else know! Big Mac! He’ll tell! He’ll tell Applejack! And Applejack will tell Twilight, and then Twilight will tell everypony, and then the ENTIRE surprise will be ruined, and I’ll have to live with the guilt... f-forever!”

THUNK!

“Hmm... Well, not if I can help it! Big Mac won’t be able to tell anypony because if nopony is able to find him, then nopony else will be able to find out!”

A smile broke over her face as the stallion continued with his chores.

Big Mac gave a grunt as he hammered his hooves against the trunk of yet another tree.

THUNK!

The apples fell neatly into their baskets, and he allowed himself the shortest of breaks before moving on to the next tree. With Applejack busy in town, Big Mac had been left alone to do all the chores. Whistling tunelessly, he hoisted the apple baskets onto his back and made to walk over to the next tree that needed bucking, only his legs caught on something, and he stumbled over onto the ground with a squawk, apples rolling everywhere.

“GOTCHA!” came a triumphant cackle from nearby.

Before Big Mac could make any attempt at picking himself up, a pink blur flashed before his eyes, this way and that, behind him, in front of him, over him. He shook his head, trying to clear away the imprint that the bright streak of pink had left on his eyes, but realised he could barely move his neck. Blinking, he noticed the ropes around his legs, torso, chest and head. He’d been trussed up – and good.

“So! So! You think you can eavesdrop and get away with it, Big Mac?” came the voice again, and a pink pony leapt towards where he lay, avoiding the string stretched tightly between two trees. The string that he had tripped over, he realised.

“Pinkie?”

“Don’t take that tone with me! I’m onto you!” Pinkie narrowed her eyes and glared down at the stallion. “So. Sooo... Heard any interesting news lately, Big Mac? Any gossip? Anything you shouldn’t have?”

Completely bemused, the stallion remained silent.

“That’s how you want to play it, huh?” said Pinkie, cracking a dangerous smile.

There was a pause, then –

“CONFESS!” shrieked Pinkie, causing a nearby bird to fall out of the air, mid-flight.

“Uh...”

“CONFESS! You heard me telling a tree the secret, didn’t you? You know that Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are going to have a baby!”

“Um...”

“Don’t give me that, Big Mac! Confess! I know that you heard me say it, and you know I know that you know the secret! Don’t think for one moment that I’m gonna let you tell Applejack! Nopony’s going to tell anypony else the secret! Nopony will know that there ever was a secret! And I can tell you now that nopony else will ever find out Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are going to have a baby until the two of them say it for themselves! EVER!”

“Um, Pinkie...” Big Mac nodded his head as best he could towards something in the trees behind her.

“What?” She turned, and her knees gave way when she spotted what the stallion was trying to point to.

“Lyra...” she breathed. She saw the mint-coated mare gulp and speed up as she trotted away from the orchard. “She heard,” whispered Pinkie, eyes going wide again, wider than dinner plates. “She must have! Now another pony knows! Oh, what have I done?!” And without a moment’s hesitation, she cantered away, leaving Big Mac tied up on the ground, blinking after her in utter bewilderment.

“WhathaveIdonewhathaveIdonewhathaveIdone?!” Pinkie galloped away from Sweet Apple Acres as fast as her hooves would carry her, breath catching in her throat as she sped after Lyra. What a mistake it had been for her to have told a tree. That tree had quickly become Big Mac, and now Lyra, too, knew the secret! It was a catastrophe!

And Lyra is such a gossip thought Pinkie. Now that she knows, all of Ponyville will know in no time unless I stop her!

She stampeded into town. Hopefully it’s not too late. Hopefully I can – Then Pinkie spotted her. She was sitting quietly on a well-worn park bench, staring into space.

“Lyra! Lyra! Lyraaa!” shouted Pinkie, careering towards the bench on which Lyra was sat.

Lyra looked up and gulped when she saw who was charging at her, somewhat alarmed. “Y-yes, Pinkie?”

“Lyra!” wheezed Pinkie. “Just a sec...” She gasped for breath, staggering nearer to the bench and casting herself onto it.

“What can I do for you, Pinkie?” asked the mint-coated mare innocently.

“Lyra,” began Pinkie, her voice urgent. “About what I said... at Sweet Apple Acres...” She peered around the town square and leaned in to whisper into Lyra’s ear.

“About what I said to Big Mac... about the baby...”

“Oh. That. Right, heh.” She gave an uncomfortable chuckle. “I was hoping to buy some apples from the orchard, but I, uh – heh – I guess I chose a bad time.”

“Lyra...” Pinkie’s voice dropped to the quietest of whispers, and she drew her head in close – very, very close. “There’s no need for things to get out of hand here. We can come to some... arrangement...”

Lyra flinched slightly as Pinkie poked her in the side with a hoof. Looking down, she noticed that the hoof was holding out a pouch. A jingling pouchful of bits.

“Umm... Pinkie?”

“Yes, Lyra?” The pouch jingled louder as Pinkie shook it a touch more vigorously.

“What are you doing?”

Pinkie ignored her. “Okay, so here’s the deal. You take the bits; you keep your mouth zipped, understand? You take the money, and nopony needs to find out anything – anything! – about the baby, okay?”

“Pinkie, why are you talking like that?”

“... Never mind why. Just take the money.”

“I don’t want the bits, Pinkie. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anypony else!”

“... You promise?”

“I promise!”

“Pinkie promise?”

“I Pinkie promise!”

Pinkie gave a long sigh of relief. “You don’t know how glad I am to –”

“I, uh, might have accidentally told somepony already, though...”

“W-What?”

Lyra grinned sheepishly. “Bon-Bon was sitting here just a minute ago and I had to tell somepony, so...”

“YOU DID WHAT?! YOU TOLD?!”

“Sorry, P—”

Pinkie sprang from the bench and sped away, grinding her teeth in frustration.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, BON BON!”

Bon Bon stopped in her tracks and turned to see a dishevelled Pinkie Pie dragging her dusty hooves across the ground towards her, her mouth the thinnest of lines.

“Oh, hey there, Pinkie!” Bon Bon trotted over to her, beaming. “Have you heard the happy news?”

“The news? The news?!”

“Shining Armor and Princess Cadence are having a –”

“I KNOW WHAT THEY’RE HAVING!” cried the party mare.

Bon Bon blinked. “Uh, are you feeling alright, Pinkie? You look a little... strange.”

Pinkie’s eye twitched, and she slowly advanced towards Bon Bon, the latter’s smile slipping by the second.

“Right,” growled Pinkie. “Right! Here’s how this is going to work, ‘Bon Bon’. You’re not going to tell anypony. Not anypony. Not a word. Not even a hint... about any baby... Princess Cadence and Shining Armor may... or may not... be having. Got it?”

“But –”

“Not a word!”

Bon Bon shifted guiltily on the spot. “Well, I’m sorry Pinkie, but I’ve already told Blossomforth.”

Pinkie’s face sagged. “Y-you... y-you...”

“A-and Flitter, Cloudchaser, Thunderlane and Cloud Kicker. They were all having a practice fly when I saw them, and... well, you know the rest.”

Pinkie answered in a voice of strained calm. “Where are they now?”

“W-well... they said they were going to ask Rainbow Dash to come and join them.”

Pinkie slumped to the floor like a rag doll. “They’re going to tell Rainbow, aren’t they?”

“Pinkie!” exclaimed Bon Bon, rushing over to her. “Are you –?”

“I’m fine!” snapped Pinkie, regaining control of herself. “Just... stay here. Don’t tell anypony else.”

“I’m really s—”

Pinkie shot off in a flash.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe what I’ve done...” Pinkie hauled herself as quickly as she could to the castle, hoping, praying that the group of pegasi hadn’t checked there yet. What if they ran into Rainbow Dash on the way? she thought. What if they’ve already told her? What if she’s already told Twilight?

Every hoofstep was a spear-thrust in her side, the combination of fatigue and stress producing irritating pains. Her head was aching; her hooves were burning from running about. She whimpered as she hobbled to the castle, hoping against hope that nopony else had been told.

“Pinkie!” A mellow voice called from somewhere above. “Hey! Pinkie!”

Flitter was flying low above the ground, Cloudchaser, Thunderlane, Blossomforth and Cloud Kicker all just behind her. Pinkie saw Big Macintosh cantering along beneath them and gulped. It looked as though he had found a way out of the ropes she had left him in.

“Pinkie!” Flitter came down to land beside her, smiling.

Pinkie braced herself for the worst. “Let me guess: you told somepony else the secret, didn’t you? You told somepony else that Cadence and Shining Armor are going to have a baby.” Pinkie sighed and fell to the floor, utterly defeated. She had failed to keep the secret. She had failed Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. She had failed herself.

“Actually... no.”

Pinkie looked up.

“Big Mac here.” Flitter pointed to the stallion, who smiled widely at Pinkie without any bitterness. “Well, we ran into him just a couple of moments ago. I mean, yeah, we told him the news, but then he told us something too. That it was a secret. That it was your secret, and that it’d gotten out by mistake. Well, when we heard that, we knew that we shouldn’t be telling anypony else. And so we aren’t going to.”

There was a round of assent from the rest of the group, and they all smiled at Pinkie.

“S-so that’s it?” asked Pinkie, hardly daring to believe it. “The secret’s safe? Nopony else is going to know about it until they have to?”

They all nodded.

Pinkie flopped backwards to lie on the ground and closed her eyes, a sigh of deepest relief issuing out from mouth. It was going to be okay. Her friends weren’t going to find out. A pity that the surprise had been ruined for the ponies who had been told, but the breakout had been contained. The damage that had been done would be the only damage. She could relax now, or at least after she had apologised to Big Mac for her forceful prevention methods.

She picked herself off the floor and cleared her throat. “Sorry, Big Mac, for –”

“Pinkie,” he said, cutting across her. “It’s fine.” He smiled and, with a nod to Flitter and the other pegasi, trotted off.

The other ponies all smiled at Pinkie and took to the sky, nodding their farewells. She lazily waved a hoof in their direction, then fell backwards onto the ground again with another deep sigh of satisfaction.

“Phew,” she said quietly to herself, a smile spreading over her face. It was all going to be –

“Pinkie! Pinkie!” The cries reached Pinkie’s ears in an instant. She raised her head a centimetre off the floor and found herself blinking up at the mint-green coat of Lyra Heartstrings.

Lyra winced as she ground to a halt in front of her, and she toed the ground with a hoof. “I might have told just a few others too...”