By Process of Elimination

by Tumbleweed

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Romance, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2748

Twilight tries to unlock the secrets of the Cutie Map. Fluttershy helps.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash got to go to the Griffin Kingdom.

Rarity and Applejack got to go to Manehattan.

Stuck in Ponyville without any magical Friendship Quests to go on, Twilight can do little but try to unlock the secrets of the Cutie Map herself. Fluttershy tries to help.

It doesn't go well.

(Set in the same vague continuity as the rest of my fanfics- in particular, this takes place some time after I Am Trying to Break Your Heart)

Published 2015-10-23 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-23 02:00:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Twilight Sparkle should have been happy.

Should. Heck of a word, there.

She had everything a pony could want. More than she could've even imagined as a little filly. She was a Princess. She had a castle. A castle with a well stocked library, no less. And on top of that, friends! The best friends a pony could have. Friends so good that she was the Offical Equestrian Princess of Friendship. Which was magic. That made her technically the Princess of Magic, which sounded a little more impressive. Not that she was one to dwell on titles. Her friends just called her Twilight (or various derivations therof), and that was fine with her.

At least, when they were around.

Twilight leaned forward, planting her hooves on the magic table at the center of her magic castle's central hall (which was probably also magic). A little trio of diamonds and a little trio of apples were projected in the air, side by side, hovering over the model of a Manehattan hotel. Rarity and Applejack were no doubt having all kinds of fun and learning all kinds of important things as they were off together on an Important Friendship Mission in Equestria's cultural and educational hub.

Without her.

“Hmph.” Twilight slumped back into her chair. She immediately regretted it, as she felt her regal wings push awkwardly against the back of her throne. As fun as flying could be, having a new pair of appendages still took her off guard. Twilight took solace in knowing there wasn't anypony around to see her twist herself awkwardly in her chair, trying to get comfortable. Twilight had a hard enough time trying to coordinate just four limbs, sometimes, and with the addition of the wings …

“It helps if you sit at a little bit of an angle, sometimes?” Fluttershy peeked from behind the high back of her cutie-marked chair. “You know, for your wings.”

“Ah!” Twilight Sparkle started at the unexpected voice. “How long have you been there?”

“Um. I dunno. Fifteen minutes, maybe? I was afraid it'd be impolite if I looked at the clock. You were so quiet and thoughtful when I got here, I didn't want to interrupt, and so I just, um … watched. You're not mad or anything, are you?”

“What? Of course not.” Twilight smiled, and miraculously managed to step off of her throne without falling on her face. “It's always good to see you, Fluttershy. Really, this is kind of the perfect time. Ever since Rarity and Applejack went to Manehattan, I've been going a little stir crazy.”

“They're in Manehattan? I didn't know they were planning a trip.”

“It was kind of a sudden thing,” Twilight said.

“It should be very romantic, just the two of them,” said Fluttershy.

“Yes, just the two of them.” Twilight grumbled, only to have the realization hit her as soon as she said the words aloud. “Wait, did you just say romantic?”

“I know, Manehattan's really busy, and loud, and crowded, but Rarity always knows how to find the best restaurants and parks and other nice things. Applejack might not like all of it but I'm sure she'll just be glad to spend some alone time with Rarity.”

“Hold on.” Gears in Twilight's head began to turn. “Are you saying that Rarity and Applejack are … “

“You didn't know?”

“You did?”

“Um, yes?”

“Oh.” Twilight sat back on her haunches. She looked at the two flashing cutie marks on her magic table. Already, errant implications and hypotheses began to run through her brain like so much lightning: unpredictable, but occasionally brilliant. “How come nobody told me?”

“You didn't ask?” Fluttershy said.

“Point. So … how long have they been, you know, together?”

“Um. Officially? Or not? 'cause it's kind of complicated. There was a whole thing where Rarity tried to break up with Applejack but it didn't really work and Rainbow Dash made me wear a fake moustache and then it turns out that Rarity and Applejack like dating after all.”

“What.”

“It's Rainbow Dash's fault.”

“That explains a lot. But without going into the details, how long would you say they've been a couple? Uh, officially.”

“A couple months, I think? I don't really keep track.”

“Well, good for them. I'm happy they're happy.” Twilight's eyes flicked to the model again. “Pretty convenient, though, with the both of them getting pulled off on a Friendship Mission together.” Twilight trailed off, and squinted at the table some more.

“You're not, um, mad, are you?” Fluttershy murmured. “I mean, uh, I thought you knew about those two already. It was … kind of obvious, you know?”

“I'm not mad. Just frustrated. I've been trying to figure this magic out for weeks, and now you've added an unexpected variable to what's already an unpredictable situation.” Twilight rubbed at her chin, eyes once again drawn to the two cutie marks on the table's display. What time was it in Manehattan? Were Rarity and Applejack asleep at the hotel? Or were they … Twilight felt herself blush before she could finish the thought. “This might explain a lot, though.” She said.

“Explain what?” Fluttershy said.

Twilight pulled a notebook and a pen from an emergency drawer she'd had installed in the side of her throne, and began to scribble out frantic notes and calculations. “If Rarity and Applejack have developed a strong enough bond, their psycho-emotional wavelengths would naturally begin to align. And if they did align, even a high potency destiny entanglement could take the path of least resistance. But that doesn't explain … “ Twilight looked up from her arcane scribblings. “Fluttershy, I need to ask you something.”

“What's that?”

“Are Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie … “ Twilight trailed off.

“Are they … what?”

“A thing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know.” Twilight pushed her front hooves together. “Like that?”

“Oh.” Fluttershy said. “Oh. I, uh, I don't know?”

“Rainbow Dash doesn't tell you much about her love life? I thought you talked about everything?”

“Um, actually, she tells me way too much, I just sort of cover my ears and try not to listen.”

“Ah.” Twilight tapped her pen against her notebook, and turned to a blank page. “You're sure? Nothing at all between them?”

“I think Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie made out at a party once. Does that count?”

“Uh, maybe?”

“Why does it matter? Isn't this a little, um, personal? We should be happy for our friends, no matter who they're, um, involved with. Or not involved with. Unless, um, you're the one who wants to get, um, involved-”

“No, Fluttershy, that's not why I'm asking. I could care less about who's dating who, under normal circumstances. But right now, I need as much data as possible.” Twilight jotted down a few more magical equations, labeling variables as needed. “Here, let me explain. You see, the Friendship Table here just summoned Rarity and Applejack off to solve a Friendship Emergency. And now you've told me they're dating.”

“Mmmhm.”

“And a few weeks ago, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash went off to the Griffon Kingdom … and, well, we don't know if they're dating or not, but you can at least confirm they kissed at a party one time.”

“There was a lot of vodka.” Fluttershy said.

“Noted.” Twilight jotted 'alcohol?' in the margins of her notebook. “Now, Fluttershy, don't you see what's happening?”

“I'm sorry, I'm not as smart as you are, Twilight.”

“Don't say that! You just don't have the background in magic scholarship, that's all, Fluttershy. If we were talking about, I dunno, weasel hygiene, I'd be just as lost as you are now.”

“Oh no, you're really smart! I'm sure you'd pick up weasel hygeine in no time! The real key is to make sure they've got something to chew on to keep their little teeth nice and sharp.”

Twilight considered this, and then wrote 'weasel teeth?' in the margins of her notebook. Just to be sure. “Anyway, the important part is, four out of the six Elements of Harmony have been sent off on Friendship Missions, in … pairs. And, in at least fifty percent of these cases, we can confirm a very, um, strong emotional bond. And in the other case, well, we can't quite preclude the possibility of some kind of connection. Therefore, by process of elimination, that leaves … “ Twilight trailed off, and looked at Fluttershy for a long, long moment.

Fluttershy's eyes went wide as the realization hit her. “Us?”

“Yes.”

“As in … you and me?”

“Exactly that.”

“Oh my. Um. I'm very flattered?” Fluttershy said. “Maybe you should've said something earlier, if you really felt that way.”

Twilight paled. “Nononono. That's not what I meant!”

“You don't like me?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Yes! I mean, no! I mean, well, I never really thought of you in that context, Fluttershy. I like you, but I don't like like you. In the romantic sense.” Twilight paused, and eyed Fluttershy warily. “And you don't like me. In the romantic sense. Right?”

“Not really? It's not, um, something I ever really thought about before.”

“Whew.” Twilight wiped the flop-sweat off of her forehead. “You had me worried there, for a second. This whole line of reasoning is awkward enough-”

“But I could.” Fluttershy said. “If, um, we had to.”

“If we had to?”

“You know, like, um, what if, since you're a Princess now, what if some ancient Equestria law requires you take on a harem and since you're a Princess you can just tell anypony do absolutely anything you want?” The words spilled out in a single, hurried breath; mild asphyxiation would've been a good explanation for the suddenly red color of Fluttershy's cheeks.

Twilight stared. “What.”

“I think it's called Droit du Seigneur.”

“There's no evidence for the Droit du Seigneur ever being an actual practice, Fluttershy. It's mostly historical sensationalism made up to make the pre Three-Kingdoms Era look like a so called “dark age.” in order to make the foundations of our own society look better.” The lapse into familiar, academic pedantry calmed Twilight. “Where have you been getting ideas like that, anyway?”

“Well, um, Rarity might have accidentally dropped a few romance novels the last time she came over for tea, and they might have accidentally fallen off of the table, and then the book opened up to the part where Lord Ironhoof visited Peachy Blossom's cottage in the middle of the night, so I just happened to read just that teensy little bit. Really.”

“Really.” Twilight deadpanned.

“But, uh, all I'm saying is, you could totally Droit me if you had to. I'd understand.”

“Fluttershy!” Twilight's cheeks flushed, in both embarassment and indignant anger. “Nobody's Droit-ing anyone! That's not even a verb!”

“It could be, if you did it enough. You're a Princess. That's how it works, right?”

“I'd rather not go down in the history books as Princess Twilight Sparkle the Droit-er. It's crass, and, even worse, it's grammatically incorrect!”

“Oh, okay. I understand. History books are really important.”

“Thank you, Fluttershy. I try not to let this 'Princess' thing go to my head, but there are certain responsibilities I have to keep in mind.”

“So we just won't tell anyone.”

“What.”

“I'm really good at keeping secrets,” said Fluttershy, “the real key is to just not say anything at all. It's really easy for me, 'cause I like being quiet.”

“Fluttershy, I have a copy of Celestia's Charter hanging up in my bedroom. I'm still pretty sure I can recite most of it by heart. There is absolutely nothing in there about harems, or concubines, or anything salacious.”

“Oh, okay.” Fluttershy said, “I was just, um, trying to help. You know, 'cause you were kind of sad that you didn't get to go to the Griffin Kingdom, and now you don't get to go to Manehattan. I, um, I don't mind staying in Ponyville, but since it's really important to you, I just wanted to help. I'm sure something magic will happen pretty soon and then you can go off on a fun adventure.”

“Thank you, Fluttershy. I'm really just thinking aloud right now. I really don't have enough data to draw any firm conclusions at all. Really, the best thing to do would be to wait. I'm sure we'll both get sent off on an important Friendship Quest in no time at all.”

Fluttershy and Twilight stared at the table for a long time.

Nothing happened.

“On the other hoof,” Twilight said, “it would be terribly irresponsible if we didn't account for every possibility.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy gave a little tremor of anticipation, and bit at her lower lip. “Please, be gentle? I've never been Droit-ed before.”

“That's not even a- nevermind.” Twilight rubbed at her face with one hoof. “Whatever we do, Fluttershy, we're going to do it scientifically.”

“Okay. Whatever you like. Does that mean, um, you wear the lab coat, or should I?”

“That's not what I-”

“So both, then. Wow, Twilight, you're into some freaky stuff.”

“No labcoats!” Twilight huffed. “What I meant was, we're just going to start with the minimum connection in order to activate the table's magic. You said that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash kissed at a party once, so that should be enough of a connection. Worked for them, right?”

“I guess so? You're the one who knows about magic.”

“Not enough, apparently.” Twilight stood up, and trotted over to Fluttershy. She put her hooves on her friend's shoulders, and looked into her eyes. Twilight felt her heart start beating faster, in response to her nervousness. “So, Fluttershy, are you ready?”

Fluttershy nodded.

Nose to nose, the two of them stared at each other for a long time.

Fluttershy broke the silence first. “So, um, are you gonna … “

“Oh, um, right. Yes. Sorry, I just don't have much experience with this kind of thing.” Twilight blushed. “But yeah, it's fine, all I need to do is kiss you. Just like in the movies, right? Just close your eyes, move in, and- ow!”

As Twilight had leaned closer, she'd misjudged her angle of approach, and so wound up butting her nose against Fluttershy's forehead.

“I'm sorry!” Fluttershy squeaked. “I didn't mean to--”

Twilight rubbed her nose with one hoof, and waved Fluttershy off with the other. “No no, it's alright. So, uh, eyes open, then. And if you can tilt your head that way, and I'll turn my head this way … “ things went much better the second time, and Twilight's lips met Fluttershy's in a brief, polite smooch.

“There!” Twilight said, and immediately scooted backwards. “There we go! Now we've fufilled the Magical Friendship Table's arbitrary requirements, so now we get to go off on an enlightening journey together!”

“Are you sure?”

“Not really?”

“Well, um,” Fluttershy looked down at her hooves, hiding behind the pink curtain of her hair. “Because, I was just thinking, maybe we just need to be a little more thorough?”

“Thorough? What do you mean?”

“Let me show you.”

“Show me wha- ah!” Twilight sputtered as Fluttershy pounced upon her like some sort of impossibly adorable forest predator. The two went down in a tangle of limbs and wings, and Fluttershy soon mashed her lips against Twilight's, doing her awkward best to taste what Twilight had for breakfast that morning (an alfafa bagel, for the record).

Despite the awkwardness, Twilight realized it wasn't an entirely unpleasant experience. She relaxed, and ran her hooves down Fluttershy's sides, feeling her friend's racing heartbeat. She was lucky, Twilight realized, to have a friend who would go so far for the sake of Friendship. Twilight shivered slightly, and began to push back--

And that's when Spike walked in.

“Hey Twilight, have you seen my-- whoa!” The diminutive dragon stopped in his clawed tracks, and stared at the two ponies entwined together. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, until his brain could reboot and start speaking properly again. “I should go.”

“Wait!” Twilight sputtered, and sat up, hair mussed. “It's not what it looks like!”

“I should go.” Spike said, and turned around on a heel. “I'm going. Like I should.”

“It's for the good of all Equestria!”

“Not listening! La la la la!” Spike disappeared around a corner.

Mortified, Twilight stared at the empty hallway.

“Well, um, it could've been worse?” Fluttershy said, quieter than usual.

“How?”

“We could've been Droit-ing.”